#social anxiety maybe

[redtail-lol]

Me having a fucking breakdown in class yesterday because my ASL teacher doesn't understand my needs and limits despite me communicating them to her and pushing me to go way beyond what I'm able to do.

I've told her I get bad physical anxiety symptoms (emotional anxiety symptoms are absent and always have been) when in certain social situations. I don't like sitting in table groups and I don't like having to do the assignments that require me to collaborate with other students. I've managed but they're really uncomfortable. Why does she expect me to be able to sit down and play board games with classmates? I don't know any of them. I know it's for practicing signing but come on. That's way beyond my limits.

Yeah so yesterday I spent my 7th period with my counselor. Who is actually really awesome btw shoutout to her for trying to find me resources for a diagnosis and to set me up a 504 plan even without one. Love that somebody believes me about what I can and can't do.

[mezimraky]

BABE WAKE UP THEY ARE GIVING THE ENDERMAN A BOYFRIEND

[nomx33]

I think it's funny how I can explain something I like in a way that probably only I can understand for minutes on end without stop without any planning

but my dumbass can't handle presenting to the class or talking to a teacher for something school related

I'll be doing something I gotta do and my dumbass channels my inner Repetitive Rex (stuttering like hell)

I'll stutter when i talk but it's nothing like the fumbles I pull in history broo

[royaltea000]

he could not control the class 😔

[welliguessimin]

Me looking at icecream that has a note of some sort saying that lactose intolerant people can eat it: It looks so tasty... I'm not lactose intolerant tho. I can't get this, this is for the lactose intolerant peeps in the world. Well I guess me buying it would increase demand for it creating a positive effect for the lactose intolerant. But what if me buying one will cause someone coming after me not getting any... I know I'm never going to meet the casheer again but what if I do and they remember me buying this and think I'm lactose intolerant and it'll devolve into a huge misunderstanding that I'm to akward to clear up. I'll just buy something else.

[tooies]

i think probably the reason i like the idea of like a girl secretly being a dragon but still trying to just have a life in society and be normal is because it's kinda a transfem narrative of the whole like everyone thinks you're a terrifying monster but you just want to be a girl. and the other reason is due to i'm otherkin

[pigeonedlilac]

don’t get your hopes up, a simple slip up

.

I may have a favorite trope and it’s definitely not both of them being flustered about what one of them did. That’s not a common theme in my art at all what are you talking about haha I don’t even draw what are you saying ur crazy

First part actually happened btw the rest is my very real-in-my-heart extrapolation ^^

.

Sorry it’s been quite a while!!! I’ve been in the process of getting a new laptop and I had some very rare commissions for irls.. but I’m glad to be back and mdyz pilled as always o7

[defire]

So I'm having a million of anxiety today and here's the result (it's always guns 🤦)

Guns

Content: gun threats, killing

Gun to whumpee's throat just close enough that their trachea presses against it when they swallow

Gun to skin but the metal is warm. Whumper had it in their waistband and now having it up to their skin, it feels almost intimate. Embarrassing.

Gun to lips. Aggressor: "Open." Victim tightens their lips shut. Aggressor: "do you want it clean, or do you want your teeth blown away too?"

Whumpee's team going down until it's just them, falling to their knees in an overwhelm of grief. Enemy leader walking toward them with a gun casually ready, and whumpee thinks they're next.

Victim already captured, walking in front of aggressor, who isn't sure they'll "behave". A gun is pressed in through victim's coat until finally victim finally feels it. They gulp and try not to look suspicious by glancing back at whumper.

Aggressor having a valuable whumpee lined up with other expendable prisoners. Walking down the line and shooting them for made-up reasons. When they get to whumpee, whumpee is trembling, trying to be "perfect", so they aren't next.

[3-aem]

thinking about touch starved touch sensitive gojo again. Absolutely desperate for even the most grazing touches from getou and yet overwhelmed by it all.

[echoes-of-courage]

👉👈 🥺 Hiiiiii I know I haven't really interacted with other links meet aus before but I really wanted to do something for @linked-maze. I'm pretty sure Artisan's design was partially influenced by their World, but aaaa all your designs are so skrunkly :))

this was labeled braid buddies in my folder

ignore the stupid dialogue, I couldn't come up with anything more coherent

[antiadvil]

hi i don't normally like to do giant appreciation posts because i'm always scared i'll accidentally leave someone out. but it's the end of the year and i appreciate a lot of people so i'll make an exception. this is all off the top of my head so there is probably a heavy recency bias and if you're not included it's not because i don't appreciate you but probably because i can't think of anything specific to thank you for :( i appreciate all of you this year has been so fun and you're all so funny and have been so kind to me and i hope we can have lots of fun together next year too. anyways. it's still december 31st here so i did NOT miss the new year's eve meetup thank you very much.

@manchestereyes thank you for seeing tit with me and returning to phanfic writing this year. the world is truly better for it

@bewareofthenewphannie for helping me with the photosensitivity document for tit even though i got a migraine anyway, that part was probably inevitable

@eveningsausage for encouraging me to recreate the october 19th selfie with my best friend (even though there was an event near the chicago apple store and there were ten million people in there so we got scared and did not do it) (the event was very loud and there were a lot of lights we were very brave about it) and also betaing the one fic i wrote this year that actually had a beta. also haircut advice which i have yet to apply in practice

@emojackolantern for liking all of my twitter posts

@jonsaremembers because i am eating a quesadilla recipe that she sent me right now (god please help me I need that cookbook nowhere near as badly as dan and phil but I do need it) (i am eating a quesadilla made with the recipe. i did not print out the actual recipe and eat the recipe)

@thighguys for leaving like ten comments on my fics in one night, which kept me fed for most of the year

@dnpbeats for writing a hoodie bow incident explainer that i linked to in a fic. i can tell when people read my fic when they like my reblog of that post and now i guess you can too

@danandfuckingjonlmao for all of the accessibility stuff!

@toomanystairs for the bracelet at tit and the offer of a bracelet at mcr next year! i'm really excited :)

@wdapteo for my header! and not my icon anymore because i changed that but they did also make me an icon!

@notsosaucystuff for being the first person i ever did matching icons with (and only person and also we are still matching) (i literally went to go check because i was like omg it would be so awkward if i said we were matching but they changed their pfp like yesterday)

@catboydan for hanging out with me look idk including this on an appreciation list kind of makes it sound like hanging out with me was just a favor and it wasn't but it was a lot of fun and i can't think of a different way to word it lmao

@shiwisins because i reread decaf coffee again today and also for a lot of their other fics but decaf coffee is the one i reread today so it's the one i am most appreciative of

@lessthanpog for also having migraines and commiserating about them, this has been a very bad year for my health (rip) and i needed all of the comisery i could get

honestly so many fic writers i have read so much good fic this year. and so many other people like even if my memory worked well it would be too many to feasibly list before midnight. if you commented on any of my fics i love you. if you left kudos i love you. if you reblogged my jokes and said they were funny i love you. if you did lots of other things i probably love you. etc.

[leneemusing]

this has less to do with rp and more to do with general online spaces, but if you find yourself in a group that keeps 'receipts', if you are surrounded by people with loads of screenshots, who lurk and keep tabs on people they don't like, who will constantly publicly mock and joke either vaguely or overtly about people they've had beef with (even people that are annoying, done weird or even problematic stuff but they keep bringing it back up) you are in a toxic environment. even if they seem to have the moral high ground, still be cautious. take it from someone who has been around the block a few times, drama follows circles like that and you'll end up anxious and always worried about ending up on their bad side. 9 times out of 10 they're making fun of everyone behind the scenes. people who have your best interest at heart will always care more about supporting you and lifting each other up than keeping track of every slight and finding excuses to be scornful.

[moodyvoid]

Normal things that shouldn’t feel embarrassing but do:

Walking out to my mailbox to get my mail

[forestgreenlesbian]

youre not allowed to b a freak loser loner anymore or at least youre not allowed to mention it lol. even like five years ago you could talk about being awkward and socially weird around meeting new people but now if you do that eveeryones like "ok edgelord you are deliberately cutting yourself off from community why are you so obsessed with being alone. you all need to go outside and make real friends you are too online." which like yes obviously but why is eveyrone acting like the only two options are you either a) have a load of friends or b) you don't want them??? it is so weird. to be seen trying & failing has become so taboo that people assume if you're alone it's because you want to be and youre trying to be cool & aloof or else you see things like small talk or reaching out to people as "emotional labour" and choose not to do them. like i am not fucking choosing not to do them i literally try to do them every day and find it very hard and then you tell me i can't even joke about that struggle or being a lonely friendless loser to maybe for one second make light of the bottomless pit of disconnect + loneliness i experience every day without someone blaming me for not putting myself out there. idk

[bookwyrminspiration]

anxiety is really simple it just means you have to face 10000 knives attack anytime you deviate even slightly from familiarity

[otomehonyaku]

hi everyone! some of you may or may not have seen my updated masterpost but I decided to go on an indefinite hiatus for this blog (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

in all honesty I have been super busy with work and also just not really motivated to translate at all recently... I know I'll come back to DL in due time (Ruki always drags me back) but I don't want to make any promises or push myself to the point that it gets tedious (╥ ω ╥) I hope for your understanding!

in the meantime, you can (very occasionally) find me on my Love and Deepspace sideblog @sylustful if that's your cup of tea. I post short Sylus fics whenever inspiration strikes ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)