#if a car drives by I get embarrassed
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Normal things that shouldn’t feel embarrassing but do:
Walking out to my mailbox to get my mail
#if a car drives by I get embarrassed#but I also have social anxiety so maybe it’s just that#do others feel this or am I just mentally ill#or both#not bnha
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i think everybody should think about how much of a privilege driving is before they judge people who don’t drive for being immature or whatever. like do you not realize that not everyone had a high school with driver’s ed or parents/older relatives who could teach them, not everyone had time to learn when they were younger, not everyone can afford a car and car insurance and any repairs that a car might need, not everyone lives in a place that is drivable anyway, and not everyone has good vision or a healthy enough brain and/or body to drive. and nobody needs to explain to you why they don’t drive! all you need to know is that the can’t, don’t want to, or it doesn’t make sense for them at this current time in their lives. fuck off!!!!! the response to inadequate public transportation isn’t that everyone should drive instead!!!!!! also everybody complains about bad drivers but people are incentivized to drive regardless of their actual driving ability because it’s shameful not to drive even if it’s a personal choice. and like maybe some people are just not self aware about their own driving abilities but some people just don’t understand that they are in control of a large machine that is dangerous if they don’t operate it properly and they have to be more responsible for the people they’re putting at risk because they don’t care enough to pay attention or follow the rules of the road or keep their tempers under control while they’re behind the wheel. anyway not everyone can or should drive, that’s all
#apropos of nothing i just was thinking about how judgmental my ex and her friends were in college that i didn’t drive#and i was not as bothered by that as i should’ve been lol#because i was low key deeply embarrassed about it so i thought it was kind of fair that they were being dicks about it#it was mostly this one guy. i tried to explain my reasoning but he just didn’t get it and kept pushing that it was dumb not to drive#and like. yeah sometimes it can be limiting but for most of my day to day life it’s not a problem at all#having a car would be a bigger problem to figure out rn#anyway now i think he should just go to hell#he was kind of judgmental a lot actually and had a pretty big ego imo with no reason to be that self centered#my ex was kind of egotistical too but at least she was an extremely interesting and bright individual#it was grating that she thought she was the most interesting person in the room all the time but she actually was lol#anyway. whatever this isn’t about her it’s about ME and not driving#it’s not gonna happen until i have enough money for a car and time to learn how to drive#and probably not until i actually get assessed (+ treated if diagnosed) for adhd bc my biggest fear is being a distracted driver#if anyone has a problem with that they can suck my dick#anyway. anyway.#that’s all i guess#i fucking hate drivers rn the drivers in my city are nuts
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honestly saejima brings such a perfect balance to the 3jima dynamic its incredible that daigo and majima survived as long as they did without him
#Sorry i started thinking about them driving. because like obviously saejima is the most responsible driver here#majima for sure gets crazy bad road rage and also I just dont think. he would be a safe or responsible driver. Just in general#and honestly theres a very significant chance daigo has never gotten his license just because hes never needed to. being a rich kid and all#but even if he did i know majima would backseat drive him like CRAZY and itd make him SO MAD#and so like obviously saejima is the designated driver in a situation where it was just the three of them.#additionally i think majima would be at least Less likely to backseat drive him. but if he really pissed saejima off that bad#theyd pull off to the side of the road and beat the snot out of each other over it. and then get back in the car and continue driving#but if it was daigo getting backseat driven i think he wouldnt want to pull off and have a fist fight over it#partially because thats Well really stupid and embarrassing but also because hes going to lose#so hed just get really irritated and distracted and then theyd start arguing and hed crash into something.#so basically what im getting at. Is i dont know how they survived without saejima. I really dont.#jimas
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& band au perri doesn't listen to music. goodnight!
#you hear this from a colleague before getting in the ute and you think what‚ perri the savage is a fucking podcast guy? audiobooks? huh?#& then the trip is 45 minutes of dead silence. you move to hit the power button for the radio but he fixes you with a look in the rearview#and you decide to keep your hands to yourself for the rest of the drive#idk what trevanion listens to. maybe mr springsteen im given to understand hes very popular. in a way that makes sense 4 trev#wtf would i know though. every album i own seems to be from 2006#isaboe. used ipod with one song downloaded (sway by bic runga). 11003 plays. she could dl other stuff ig but why would u need to#probably he does listen to audiobooks though. only when he's alone in the car. or at home#i dont know anymore guys im losing it for real. 15 days left i just have to get through it and then all my posts will be coherent character#studies somehow#it's so embarrassing when i get an idea stuck in my head but can't put it to words in a decent manner. half the tags on froiautism are just#these but beaten with a hammer to make them fit the post. like the isfinn yeah dialogue. it was bad but i needed to get it out#unfortunately we're still in the first half of the month so i can't exorcise this stuff in the traditional manner yet. meaning you get post#such as this one. jesus christ i need to LOG OFF ‼‼
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poor time of year to be realizing that i'm genuinely afraid of storms. is this coincidentally bad timing or am i becoming unable to avoid this because of the number of storms lately? difficult to determine. either way i'm annoyed.
#N posts stuff#i actually think the intensity might be relatively new? i have never liked storms very much despite a concentrated effort to Try#back in college but i don't think i would get This frightened.#but this past year has seen a lot of No Visibility driving through storms and also witnessing flooding bad enough to drown out#a car (driver was fine but the car floating in the water sticks with me unfortunately)#so my ability to drive calmly through rain at all is been pretty diminished.#i've been trying to determine if this is more or less embarrassing than my longer standing fear of umbrellas and not coming#to a conclusion. the umbrellas was easier bc i'm not necessarily afraid of Seeing them but am afraid of like. holding them.#idk. don't ask#but storms are like quintessential Little Kid fear so this one suddenly intensifying is not a thing i'm a fan of#<- almost had a panic attack / meltdown at work due to threat of maybe having to drive home through storm on friday :/#and it's supposed to storm all fucking week now. ://///
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im actually really glad cyber trucks are in fortnite because it lets me experience blowing them up
#fortnite#genuinely whenever i see a cybertruck in game my first instinct is to start shooting at it#my friend had to get away from a fight he was losing so he jumped in the nearest car which was a cyber truck#and the entire time he was driving away he was like#oh my god people are gonna think i bought the cybertruck this is so embarrassing fuck
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Held my classmate’s hand today and he kissed me!
#well. perhaps more accurate to say. he held my hand and kissed me. but he asked for permission for both. and that made me happy.#I’ve been having the cognitive dissonance where I felt so…ill? over the thought of kissing or holding hands and him thinking me gross.#I’ve genuinely been sick to my stomach with anxiety while together even though I’m having fun and feel safe. the thought of trying to#initiate anything frightened me. and it created this block too where even though we are dating I didn’t feel like he was my boyfriend or#partner. even though he’s called me his girlfriend and has spoken about us living together and more. but I just kept thinking. I can’t even#do this simply thing. I can’t ask to hold his hand#how could he like me after that. well. today I had pretty well and truly decided k would try my damnedest to work through it and be#intimate in some way because I knew we were going to a bar to drink and I needed Dutch courage. I drank. I became more confident. I leaned#in real close and we rubbed arms and I made strong eye contact and…I realized I needed to sober up to drive home. so I kinda pulled back.#and thought that was that. he kept drinking and indeed drank more than he intended. nothing insane but more inebriated than I’ve ever seen.#so on the drive home we’re chatting and he’s a little flirty and im embarrassed. and he holds out his hand to allow me to hold his. so i do#and I get flustered and embarrassed and he tells me how to hold hands and lets me just hold his hand on the drive home and I enjoy it and#he brushes the inside of my arm. we get a late dinner and he sobers up a bit. and he holds my hand some more. and we get to his house and#I get out of the car to hug him goodbye and he asks if I want anything more and I say yes. so he kisses my check. and he asks if I want#anything more. and I say yes. so he kisses my lips. I tell him I don’t know how to kiss and he says that’s okay. very chaste. low pressure.#encouraging. I almost felt like crying in a good way. and it turned me on like crazy. like. I’ve never had this reaction to anybody. ever.#I was stunned. and embarrassed.
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I made it from Michigan to Kentucky before realizing that I left my computer monitor and headset behind 😩
#moving day#i also had to stop like six hours into my 10 hour drive because i didn't sleep last night#don't... not sleep(?) and drive?#sleep deprived driving is drunk driving?#also when i went to get my rental car this morning the lady was like “go to row y and just pick any standard suv”#why do i have to choose???#also how am i supposed to know what counts as a standard size suv?#i called my stepmom and told her the car names#ended up with a jeep Cherokee#but like what if i have picked a luxary or a mid size on accident??#how embarrassing would it be to get to the gate with the wrong car#no thank you#please do not give me the freedom of choice
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went skating and ending up in a ditch eating grass 👍👍
#just me hi#i always flop the second time i try a hill i fvsh#i'm still getting used to skating again cuz it's been like. forever so#/so i was turning after i'd gone down the hill#and i knew there was gravel at the end of the drive bc i had almost eaten asphalt earlier too (lmao)#so i was too spooked to turn too tightly and then before i knew it i saw the muddy ditch in front of me and the thought process went thus:#not turning fast enough- nudge- nudge- not turning fast enough- okay funk me- and then i just accepted my fate 6 whole seconds before i eve#hit the grass hfvhs#though i Did time it well enough so only my skates ended up in the mud and my face ended up in the dry dry grass#and then i roll up to our car wondering why i wasn't getting scolded for not turning fast enough (very helpful..) and it turns out#Nobody Saw Anything#my glorious face-plant. all for naught#sure it was a little embarrassing but nobody even saw it. smh#i Do bounce back fast though so maybe they thought i was playing in the grass or something hvfhsf#i got grass on. everything again hfsbhd#//well. with all this i am now sneepy#i'm going to. play a game now#'why don't you draw' i am. sneepy#also the Game is in my brain now so hfhs :3#wwehheeow bYe
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i uh. scratched my car pretty bad lol
#liveblogging life#the parking lot for my new apartment has a VERY narrow entrance#and uh turning into it is a little tricky???? idk why since i managed it fine so far#but today i think i turned a LITTLE too closely and ended sliding along the pole right by the entrance#and now i've got these long scratches down my back right door whoops#like. they're pretty noticable.#no damage and i didn't dent anything i think???#so im like. well i wasn't planning to resell the car anyway so i honestly dont really care that much#but on the other hand it's kind of embarrassing to have evidence of my shitty driving on display like that lol#and my dad's going to be soooo upset about it way more than i am lmao#i dont really want to spend a ton of money getting it fixed but they're definitely deep enough they'll need a repaint#i ordered some paint touch up & maybe i can just like... sort of help it so it's not quick immediately obvious???#idk man it's a bummer but im also kind of like /shrug about it too you know? im more surprised it took me this long to ding it lmao#actually i think i might have dented my car a lil bit bc the bottom right panel is like. slightly loose now#idk idk i dont really have the money to spare to get it fixed if it's going to be expensive so im kind of handwaving it right now tbh
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Reading a paper from 2023 that cites the success of Waymo self-driving cars and thinking about the article from 2024 that *I* cited about the two Waymo cars that hit the same truck minutes apart
#please feel free to ignore this#Jake meets world#The paper also includes a quote from the guy who founded Google's self-driving car department saying#'Yeah the tech needs another 30+ years to fully develop'#Get that shit off the street then! Hello???#The article also brings up an interesting point about how social using the road is which is so true#I don't drive but as a pedestrian I'm constantly checking to see if like drivers see and acknowledge me before stepping into the street#*The paper brings up an interesting point#The news article is just about the embarrassing Waymo incident and the failure of Cruise#Also cited that news article about the time San Franciscans celebrating Lunar New Year set that Waymo car on fire#Never forget our troops 🫡 (the people in San Fran who blew up the robotaxi)
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The epics highs and lows of summer job hunting
#former manager said she can't guarantee i get my job back so fair enough#i've applied for 13 jobs and counting#2 rejections 2 interview invitations one of which was revoked once i told them i'm a student#i'm really hoping the 2nd invitation doesn't get revoked#but at least i'm getting invitations#still#i actually applied for my old job again so if i don't get that it'll be embarrassing#i would prefer something with more hours/better pay though but i'll obviously take what i can get#if i had my own car my options would be much wider but i've had to limit myself to a 10 mile search cus i doubt my parents would drive#further than that#anyways i should get a time for my not-revoked interview by the end of the week pls send good vibes that they'll agree to do it over phone#and also that they'll be fine with me only being there for the summer#ellis exclaims
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me, whining to my friend over text about how i can't get a single driving instructor to take me on because i am a grown woman who works full time and gets ghosted as soon as i mention that i can only do evenings and weekends bc they'd all rather teach 17-year-olds who want lessons during the day: >:(
also me, walking into the coffee shop and immediately seeing a man who has "x driving school, ask me about driving lessons" plastered all over the back of his jacket: huh
#seems like a sign to me#i did not in fact ask him but i did go on their website and fill in the form. it said “flexible lesson times to suit your schedule.”#so we'll see#worth mentioning i HATE driving.#im gay AND autistic so the odds are stacked against me#i haven't driven a car since 2017 and i'd happily never do so again#in fact for many years i insisted i never WOULD do so again#as with most things im purely doing it for my cat as i live in fear of her needing an emergency vet and me being unable to get her there#im not looking forward to trying again. i failed my test 6 times. it's just embarrassing#i fear if i fail again i'll have to consider taking lessons in an automatic to see if i can pass that way...#imagine the humiliation though :/
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for the ask meme: u are! 🤔 half of online and half of cool dice,,
online: 2/3!!! good opinions (hellz yeah) n not running out of fucks to give :) does walking on grass count as touching it by proxy
nerd: !!! :) unfortunately i have mega boring socks (10 pairs of the same black ankle socks in bulk, 6 pairs of wool gray socks in bulk also) but! glad i radiate 'cool sock' energy 😌 my special interest is cars!!i just love cars so so much, i love recognizing cars on the road by their window frames and headlights and tail-lights and shape...im not that good at it but when i get it right, i always do a little internal fist bump ^^
Who am I? tell me, will,
#penguin honks#kchzndrvh#kei!! thanks for the ask :)#i actually didn't realize how much i was into cars until i was chatting to my colleague abt the kind of car i'd get if it was feasible#for me#(not practical for me to get one both in terms of cost + public transit is fine for my everyday travels right now)#and after 5 mins of me rlly excited abt it he went 'ah sorry im just not a car guy'#i was a bit embarrassed after that...was trying to scrounge for conversation topics#bit awkward since he's driving the both of us for a work event and all i could think of was pointing out weird/cool/fun cars on the drive#:') ah well#ask meme
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one of coworkers wanted to give her a ride to work the same time i have my shift tomorrow but she didn’t give me her number she only told me where she lived and idk if she wants me to just like. stand in the parking lot of her apartment until she sees me
#also idk if i should force her to listen to my driving playlist and i’ve really been getting into the pillows lately but idk how she’d feel#about that#i’ve been told i’ve had the nicest and cleanest car that they’ve been in so i’m not worried about that#some people’s cars deadass look and smell like public bathrooms ☹️#it’s just that i get neverous driving around pretty girls that i don’t want to embarrass#i’m not into her or anything she’s like 27 and has a kid#she acts like a 19 year old tho#thirst.txt
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vocal tics sure are something else. like bruh please I'm trying to listen to my music in the car can you stop fucking SCREAMING
#I haven't had vocal tics that extreme in a little while#if someone else had been in the car with me I'd have asked them to drive bc my tics were making me nervous#but alas 😩 i had to get myself home#i stopped at the store and was having so many tics and god i hate hate hate having tics in public#I'm always afraid someone will see my arms jerking around like that and think I'm dangerous or something#not to mention it's just plain embarrassing
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