#so. feeling weird and bad in ways that make no fucking sense

[bogboy420]

not sure i 100% agree w this post tbh but i think that's bc i hav a very different perspective on things

i do think tho that jax has a fear of being controlled and consequences but that's 1 of the things that was always p noticeable 2 me as some1 w ASPD and is 1 of the reasons i hc jax as having ASPD i don't think it comes from jax "wanting" 2 b an asshole and tbh i think this is smth a lot of ppl don't understand abt ASPD or abt when i talk abt jax and y i think he has ASPD

i think it's far more likely that jax's behaviour comes from constantly lashing out bc of being in a high control environment, like the digital circus is controlled by caine and apart from the daily adventures they don't really hav anything 2 do and caine brags abt how much control he has over their environment saying "1 of the few things i don't hav control over is ur minds" which is fucking terrifying when u think abt it and what it would b like 2 hear that after being permanently transported 2 a world that doesn't even technically exist and u can't go back, that is a terrifyingly controlled situation and it makes sense 2 me as some1 w ASPD that jax would b lashing out at the ppl around him by messing w them as a way of trying 2 regain some lvl of control of the situation he's in

it's not "his fault" he's just in a really bad situation and i think more ppl need 2 understand that the circus in tadc is not just gonna b this cozy normal 4 the characters even if they r trying 2 achieve some lvl of normality and attempting 2 achieve normality in a bad situation doesn't stop it being actively terrible and it feels unfair 2 say that some1's behaviour is their fault when they r reacting 2 a situation that would realistically b actively traumatising especially 2 some1 who has ASPD which can make u unable 2 handle the idea of some1 having control over u in any way bc of how massively unsafe it can feel

also tbh i don't think that the employee re-evaluation scene was mild?? idk it just feels weird 2 say that it's mild as like an objective thing?? like idk 2 me that scene was genuinely scary and tbh way 2 real i think every1 just kinda is gonna hav different feelings abt stuff

also tbh jax 2 me always just kinda seemed tired af? but in more of like a mania way if that makes sense?? like ep 4 we see depressed jax whereas in the previous episode we saw jax in a more manic state desperately trying 2 grasp at any semblance of control he could possibly hav over the situation while lashing out at those around him since he's pissed off and scared, he's mad abt being put in this situation and having no way out bc "this isn't fair wtf, y is it just ok 4 this fucking guy 2 do this? and y is no1 helping me when im clearly freaking out?" like from jax's perspective he was basically just having an ongoing mental breakdown and none of these ppl cared enough 2 help him but now he's expected 2 give a shit abt them which yeh that would b frustrating but it's frustrating on all ends bc the others don't seem 2 c that jax is having a mental breakdown abt his situation and think he's just being a dick but then that makes things more frustrating 4 jax bc now it's like "oh so when it's gangle crying u care abt mental health but just bc im not having a mental breakdown in the 'correct way' now im an asshole" which then leads him 2 lash out more bc he thinks their being assholes and so on, it just continues in a cycle and idk man it feels weird how much of the responsibility 4 this is usually put on the shoulders of ppl w ASPD 2 try 2 calm things down and b more civil when it's like... that's literally the thing that is super hard 4 us bc of having ASPD tho? yk?

like okay, 4 ppl who don't hav ASPD, try imaging 2 b civil w ppl that u think r being dicks 2 u 4 displaying mental health symptoms or ppl who u perceive as being controlling of u, hard 2 imagine y u would right? or how it should b ur responsibility 2 make peace w the ppl who r treating u like shit 4 being disabled and/or actively controlling u, bc like surely when they r the 1s doing that it should b on them 2 apologise and not on u 2 make nice w ppl who r actively treating u like shit

now on top of that try 2 imagine being civil in a way that is approved by normal society just in general if u had the following symptoms:

- lack of empathy, meaning that u don't automatically mirror the emotions of other ppl and can also make it hard 2 tell what emotion some1 is even feeling

- more prone 2 irritability even if u feel like ur being unreasonable

- this might just b bc i also hav dissociative stuff going on from other things but that combined w my lack of empathy i've found can result in my conversations w ppl not rly feeling "real" and it feeling not rly any different from talking 2 an npc in a video game or a chatbot ai which can make conversations difficult especially bc of the awareness of knowing im "supposed 2" c conversations w real ppl differently which can just make me more prone 2 irritability bc then it feels like every conversation has an added layer of unachievable societal expectation that just simply isn't fair 2 me due 2 it being unachievable, usually i wouldn't list this since it's likely a combined thing of cross over between my dissociation and my ASPD but from what i've seen in the show it feels very relevant 2 jax and how he interacts w ppl

- chronic boredom which can also make u hav less patience 4 conversations that r getting in the way of u having fun and can make it so that u kinda just want 2 get the conversation over w so u can go back 2 having fun or finding smth fun 2 do even if u do actually wanna help the person

- possibly gonna get shit 4 this 1 but being selfish? ik it's seen as an inherently negative quality but it's smth that ik i hav bc of my ASPD where it's just legit hard 4 me 2 think abt any1 other than myself and i often need shit explained 2 me bc of that and so it can make conversations hard especially when ppl hav this very vilified idea of selfishness that can make asking questions come off as antagonistic

now imagine having all of that shit and probably more going on constantly and then imagine having 2 try 2 make nice w a bunch of ppl u think r controlling u and being ableist 2 u abt ur symptoms and trying 2 control u 2 make u more acceptable 2 them would u actually fukin do it or would u b like "well y is it my fukin job 2 make nice w these guys when they r actively being dicks 2 me?"

so yeah idk as some1 w ASPD i think jax's behaviour makes so much more sense thru that lense than it does thru a neurotypical lense

Jax's fear of being trapped and what that might imply about his past/future

Hello 2 days ago i've developped a chronic case of Brainrotting about Jax, tragic I know.

I'm kinda basing this slightly of what Gooseworx have said in QnAs though I will not rely on it because I think purely relying on a creator's words and not the media isn't really satisfying.

The main thing that stood out to me in this episode with Jax was that he seems to fear punishement.

He seems really freaked out when Gangle proposed the idea of Cain punishing him...

And then he immediatly goes to Zooble to be like "lol you don't believe Cain actually could punish us right ?" and while he's proven right at the end of the episode, the fact that he immediatly tries to seek reassurance that he wouldn't get punished says a lot. In fact in his expressions he looks both sides while saying it almost like he seems...unsure/anxious (idk the right word).

Also when he's brought into the employee training scene. He's weirdly...afraid and shaken by it ?? (not showing the screenshot cos everyone remembers that scene).

Which like, I understand that was terrifying but it was a strangely strong reaction to something that...light ? I mean he wasn't brainwashed or anything. I might be stretching it but all of it, including the scene's purpose makes me wonder if it brought Jax bad memories of...something.

After that scene happens, he completely acts normal and stops trying to be a dick completely.

Now this isn't a convo about weither that's Jax's true self and his jerk self is a persona. People are trying way too hard to either try to make him a one dimensional asshole or secretly a good guy which like he's neither he's a bastard with layers. But that's not what this is about so ANYWAYS.

All of this made me wonder what was Jax's main Thing, more so his theme or the thing that makes him tick.

We know with Gangle it's her issue with masking (her dreams, how she feels, etc...), Ragatha being a people pleaser, Zooble's body dysmorphia, King's memories and how they link with the loss of his wife and Pomni's desire for companionship.

For Jax we actually don't really know other than...he's a dick and he's using it to cope which like....duh ?

But with this episode and also a little thing that I got from researching QnAs (because i'm normal and chill like that) made me realise what could Jax's Thing.

A Fear of Consequences and being Trapped

Now the main thing that drove this thought was me finding out Gooseworx assigning a song to Jax which is this one.

Don't fence me in, huh....

That line meaning a desire to not be restricted and not losing their freedom.

This makes me think this is probably what Jax's character is at least partially about, or more so...his biggest fear. Being restricted, reprimended or trapped.

I think in part that fear could be related to his past, which I'm gonna throw my cards here, my own personal theory is that he was stuck in juvenile detention for misbehaving as a kid. That experience traumatising him enough that he was probably similar to the Jax we've seen at the end of episode 4, just Tired.

Now does it Necessarely have to be a juvenile detention center, honestly no ? But it's the thing that makes the most sense in my head.

Either way this also explains a lot of things about his behavior in the circus.

He's now secluded in a space with absolutely 0 Consequences, the one person who can dish it out is an AI who is probably programmed to never harm humans (directly at least). He's even proven right at the end of episode 4.

I think what led to Jax's shit behavior was this realisation that this is pretty much now his Safe Heaven. In real life he can't just be who he wants to be, there's potential consequences that he's afraid of.

Now I know I'm gonna hear like "oh so you just think Jax is an asshole by nature", I don't think he is (i don't think he's ever been a nice person his life but like there's a difference here), I genuinely think he's not more so being himself rather that it's just that he's overcompensating for the lack of freedom that he's felt his entire life.

In a way it's similar to how people act on the internet.

Imagine that you were a misbehaving kid and you were reprimended HARSHLY for it, to the point where you're not really fixed per say but you're stuck being terrified of even being slightly flawed.

But now here he is, in a place where death doesn't matter, the harm he does doesn't matter and the one person who can actually hurt him just gives him weird shenanigans that give him opportunities to lash out.

However, there's a tiny little problem...

This fantasy cannot last forever forever and I'm not talking about them getting out because as far as they know it's out of the cards for them.

It's very much clear that the circus with the arrival of Pomni is becoming more tight knit and less divided, creating a more solid friendship group with the help of Pomni being an actual normal nice human person (Zooble is nice too but they're more jaded and too depressed to deal with most of everything, and Ragatha is a whole baggage).

It's becoming increasingly clear in the episodes themselves as well that, Jax can't just be an asshole anymore. Every episode since episode 1 has led to him being reprimended or him not being given what he wants. The group is becoming closer and they're sick of his bullshit.

He also probably doesn't like being alone and hated. We see him seeming sad at the talk of Kofmo's funeral before having to go back to being angry and dismissive in his facial expression.

Maybe he really did want to go to Kofmo's funeral but like would anyone actually believe he would be genuine, after being an asshole for so long would it really be worth for Jax to just break it all right there.

But it's clear he's also not really enjoying being alone.

Jax in a way is basically burrying a hole for himself. Being an asshole was his perfect dream after probably living a life of boredom and repression but now that this consequenceless existence has finally revealed itself to just be a mirage, he's now unable to access the things he really needs.

Actual friendship.

It's clear that the Digital Circus has a point of companionship being extremely important, in fact when we get mentions of Kofmo's abstracting we get also mentions about how no one really founds his jokes funny. Kinger mentioning how making someone feel alone and unwanted is the worst thing you could do to someone. Gangle is saved by Pomni and Zooble's presence.

However there's no one at fault for Jax's isolation, he only has himself to blame.

Ive got more but i'm tired so hope you guys enjoyed it.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Ivan and Luka parallels and contrast

Point four~: who they are, their personalities

These two idiots won't stop invalidating themselves for shit. It's chronically unhealthy, and it shows up in two different ways: masking and repression.

Luka was bred and raised to be without his own will and goals or to believe the goals he is forced to have are his. There is not much independence when it comes to him, yet his search for autonomy/freedom lingers on everyone he encounters.

Ivan was emotionally neglected for as long as we have known him. His relationship with Unsha is described as "business partners" (or something similar). He couldn't have been that old when he was adopted, yet it was already more formalities than care.

Luka was groomed for the segyein, while Ivan was just neglected on all ends when it came to personality and emotions. Their sense of self, their "independence" looks different than what we think of when we say those words.

Their actual personalities are hidden, yet around their person of affection they are honest in odd ways that make people dismiss them. Hyuna never took Luka seriously when he showed possessiveness of her. Till brushed Ivan off as an annoying and constant presence.

Luka takes this mask further due to his training and can control his own heartbeat. Ivan, on the other hand, is deceptive and pretends to feel a favorable way.

Many people I know just don't know who Luka and Ivan are as people (away from other people) because of the constant masking and the conflicting messages their actions show. They're repressed and stuck in their heads (like most of the cast). They have a recurring theme of both thinking how they see the world is the objective truth, and that they are not an entity unto themselves.

"I've observed much, and this must be right because I know the cause and effect" Ivan to the "this results in my comfortable worth so this must be true" Luka.

What are their true selves? The fuck if anyone knows. Vivinos admits to nobody (probably) being able to understand their hearts/emotions. And that's okay. People who don't know who they are or can't be known fully are just as deserving of love and care as someone who knows what the pieces mean. Trauma can fragment or distort a person. They're still a person. When your entire life is spent in abuse, the abuse does define you a bit. It's not a bad thing if you're still stuck in your situation or just coming out. Nobody should expect a victim to be whole while being a victim.

Ivan doesn't have self-worth because of his invalidation his upbringing and experiences with socialization gave him. Luka is self destructive because all that he has ever been told that he exists for is the stage and the audience.

At the end of it all, they've been alone and not understood or listened to by others around them. Whether called weird or laughed off, their true natures are repeatedly trampled on, even by the viewers who know them as fiction.

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

[kawa-goat]

General Thoughts on Buried Secrets (Hello Neighbor)

Not sure if I'd classify this as a rant post or not. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

If some of my points don't make sense, we can discuss it in the comments. It's 1AM by the time I'm writing this post, so forgive me if the text feels all slammered and not cohesive.

Took me a decade to finish it, but the secrets were unburied (like Jay would say).

And holy crap, I have pretty strong feelings about this book.

Okay, it's not that bad, but comparing to the previous two... it felt flat. I don't know how the explain it in more cohesive terms, but it didn't hit the same way the previous two did.

First, I like the ending. Though it ended on a pretty sad note, this is exactly what the Nicky trilogy (it feels surreal to actually type that) was leading up to.

The very prologue of Missing Pieces is a warning for Nicky to stop wandering, else he'd not make home some day. Nicky's character in general is centered around that: wandering.

"Oh, but what happened after he got kidnapped? What about Nicky's friends? How did he escape?"

Questions like this come from a misunderstanding. The books aren't meant to be your introduction to the lore. They're meant to be an additional piece of information, for those that were curious about the world of Hello Neighbor and wanted to know more about the past.

The true story is told in the games. Make no mistake—Hello Neighbor is a gaming franchise. The story originates from the games.

The ending of Buried Secrets is one-to-one with Act 1 for a reason. You're meant to read these books with the knowledge from the games. So that when you read the trilogy, you went: "Oh, so that's how it happened."

At least, this should be in theory. The sad reality is that games just fucking suck in storytelling and gameplay, to the point where the actual plot is shoved aside for other matters. That's why, in most cases for fans, the books act as an introduction to the story of the games, instead of how it should be in the other way around.

This is why Buried Secrets ends in this cliffhanger way. It's a prequel of the games, but it isn't meant to be an introduction. It's meant to be an additional explanation. You can blame the games' lack of quality for this.

Anyway, I liked the ending because it tied up Nicky's wandering arc in a pretty neat way.

... And that's it. That's literally the only thing that I like about this book. Everything else feels forced just to reach this specific ending.

I'm not sure if Carly was forced to make this a trilogy, but either way this definitely harmed the pacing and plot. Every character is written in a specific way that feels a little unrealistic based on the previous books.

See, Nicky is supposed to break into Peterson's house alone, without the help of his friends. Their method of justifying this is by having literally everyone in town suspecting that Nicky was the one behind the weird activities. No matter how illogical that seems.

My biggest complaint is Maritza.

Like, I won't lie that she isn't reasonable at first glance. Maritza is tired of fighting. She wants to move on. She thinks Nicky is changing for worse because of his obsession with the case. This is all understandable.

The problem is, instead of trying to convince him to move on, she would rather believe he did all of this to frame Peterson specifically? Despite knowing what Theodore's capable of, she'd rather believe that her closest friend would lie to everyone just to convince them of something they were already certain (that Theodore is fucking dangerous)?

I get they tried to apologize to Nicky by the end of the book, but it's too little and too late. Yeah, Peterson framed Nicky in an ill-timing, but would Nicky's only friends believe he'd actually do all of this ALONE?

It just doesn't feel natural.

The beginning and middle part of the book is literally Nicky getting kicked around like an abused puppy and being lonely again. The latter chapters, as well as Jay and Lu, kinda hard carries the entire book. Earthpro is not as interesting as it was in Waking Nightmare. And Buried Secrets tries really hard to get you to hate Trinity and Maritza with the "we are changing clubs" thing.

Overall, I wouldn't say It's a bad book, but definitely the weakest and most surreal among the three.

[lsunstreakerl]

hi! i must say i really love your fics and i’m currently re-reading the first chapters of Search History (because i can’t get enough) and i came across this bit:

   "I am so afraid of losing people I love, Max. That is why I did not approach you sooner, because I thought if I got close, if I loved you, something bad would happen to you too." He sniffs, and suddenly he really does have the waterworks going, worse than Max has ever seen from him before.

   "But then Silverstone happened and you got hurt anyways. And I realized it does not matter if I love you from close or afar, and if I am going to love you then I want to do it right. "

and i know SH deals a lot with the consequences of Silverstone ‘21 on Max’s health but i was wondering if you have any insight on Charles’ immediate or short term reaction to the event, specially given that they were not together at the time.

again, love your work! it scratched an itch i didn’t know i had regarding RB garage dynamics

The way I literally disappeared off the face of the earth sorry guys 😭 it's been a rough winter and I've been working lots of unexpected hours but I should have some stuff uploaded soon!

Silverstone '21 is kind of the tipping point for Charles in Search History. I don't write a whole lot of Charles' viewpoint or dive too deep into his character a whole lot, because I don't write him very well (thanks, anon) and I'd rather keep him somewhat as a side character than completely butcher his development. There's a bit more of him in the next chapter of Famiglia, but as far as Search History you probably still won't see a whole lot for the fic itself, but I might try to expand a bit in the rest of the series.

Charles and Max have known each other their whole lives, and Charles has been paying attention to Max for several years at this point, but kind of what I'm alluding to in the chunk you've pointed out is that Charles feels like he's cursed or bad luck to the people he loves. He's seen so much death in the sport, and in his family, and it's always people he loves, people he really cares about, so obviously he's the problem, instead of just having terrible luck, because that totally makes sense, good job Charles.

So Charles is realizing that he cares about Max, really cares, and that scares the hell out of him, so he's trying not to get too close, or get too attached, because then bad things will happen.

And then Max gets his shit rocked at Silverstone, and Charles realizes that he was doing all of this, putting in all this effort to stay away, and Max got hurt anyways, which actually helps break a little bit of that toxic thought pattern for him.

He doesn't immediately do anything dramatic or declare undying love of any of that lol, he just starts letting himself get closer. When Max wants to talk to him after a race, Charles yaps back to his hearts content. They start texting more. Charles seeks out Max to debrief sometimes, instead of Max always coming to him. They meet up in Monaco for lunch, they go on runs together, they spend more time with each other.

Charles still has a lot of anxiety surrounding Max and his eyes after he finds out, and it also creates a bit of a weird dynamic with Lewis going into them being teammates- Lewis doesn't know why Charles is sometimes nice and sometimes not, and Charles is trying to be a good friend and teammate but sometimes when he looks at Lewis all he's thinking of is Max. (This also leads into a really competitive year with Lewis and Charles. Charles is absolutely dead set on refusing Lewis his 8th, and Lewis is like "I understand competitiveness but this seems personal" and Charles is standing there lying through his teeth when he reassures Lewis it's not personal.)

Search History will have a Max and Lewis conversation about the accident. I want to make it clear that I'm not painting Lewis as a villain in this story, because sometimes shit happens, and sometimes that shit can fuck you up long term. It's exactly what it was called- an accident.

Sorry that got a bit rambling. Search History has been fighting me a bit in these last few chapters, so I keep rewriting things because I'd rather take longer and put out something I like than rush it and be unhappy about it later. I promise I'm working on it 🤍

[hoofpeet]

Going thru it in ways never before conceived ❗❗

[froggy-nebula]

honestly i just dont get why sometimes people get all weird about quadrants and insist they’re unhealthy always no matter what

like yeah im not stupid i know they CAN be fucked up and can be weird and toxic but so can any romance. human romance has been toxic and fucked up for me many times. tbh if we take a step back and just look at the basic ideas of all of them i don’t think any of those have to be evil and terrible necessarily

like oh no me and my boyfriend have a fun rivalry that we both like being in and both agreed to where we have fun competing with each other and talking shit and then make out! FUCK!!! that’s horrible i would NEVER want that! i would never be guilty of forcing my boyfriend to play tetris with me over and over and insulting him the entire time

oh no my boyfriend has anxiety and i calm him down! oh god we like cuddling and talking about feelings! we both agreed we like this relationship dynamic and feel fulfilled by it! AAA SCARY!!! GET SCARED!!!

oh no sometimes my boyfriends are both annoying and i voluntarily get between that and make people be less annoying! FUCK!!!!!!!! we are going to DIVORCE!!!

[hiemaldesirae]

The Hazbin Graduate’s Guide to Homicide (3)

HAZBIN'S MIDSEMESTER STUDENT REPORT Student: Vox Vanhal Supervising Staff: Professor Enoch Leviathan Sponsor: Not Applicable To the Board: Vox Vanhal may be one of the most brilliant students this school has seen in decades. In all my years of teaching at Hazbin, I have never met a student more insanely ready to learn and apply their skills- due in part, of course, to said student's own possible insanity. I mean this in a jovial way, of course, but I will admit that when young Vanhal's true identity was revealed to me that my first thought was along the lines of 'is this student insane?' Whether or not my student's reason should be called into question is something myself and my fellow professor Asmodeus have discussed in length, but there is one thing that we can definitively agree on: If there is any one student in this school who I would choose to place my bets on, it would be Vox Vanhal. There is nothing more to say at this time of report evaluation. Sincerely, Professor Leviathan.

May God's blessings be with you now and at the hour of our deaths, Amen.

[ 1 ] / [ 2 ] (<- read these first for context and more murder academy radiostatic content!)

Though Alastor may have thought that Vox was much more knowledgable in how Hazbin's Institution for Homicide worked, the truth was, Vox was still fully flying on the seat of his own coattails.

He had no damn clue what he was doing still, and although it'd been two weeks since he'd arrived, part of him still felt like how he did when he'd first arrived: hesitant, scared, not knowing where to go or what to do besides the want to make his boss suffer as he killed him.

That level of animosity might sound strange to anyone not a Hazbin student or alumnus, but it was perfectly normal for any student enrolled in the academy to have such feelings. After all, there was quite a rigorous process involved in the application, and for Vox, this application process (and what led to it) was perhaps more intense than most.

There had once been a time where Vox had dreamed of becoming a Hollywood starlet, one who lit up the silver screen and was blessed by hundreds of thousands of cheering, dedicated fans who would fawn over his every move and action. He'd wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps, at one point. But after taking on his first roles in Carmine Studios, the glamour of Hollywood had shattered like fine glass.

"Miss Vesper! Would you please look over here for a second?"

"Miss Vesper, when is your next movie coming out?!"

"Miss Vesper, is it true that you and your co-star on Anna Karenina, Valentino Vega had an affair-?"

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! That- fucking bastard!" Vox rushed into the privacy of his and Val's shared apartment, slamming the door behind him as he collapsed into the couch, head cradled in his hands. He couldn't even begin to start detailing the number of ways he'd wanted to fucking butcher and rip apart his boss.

Andrealphus Goetia was no stranger to the spotlight, naturally. One of Hollywood's top directors, the man had been an influential cornerstone in the history of movie-making, a real legend to light the days. But behind that picturesque platinum reputation laid a monstrous piece of shit.

It had been a complete accident that Andrealphus had found out about Vox's identity.

Vox himself hadn't even really planned out what to do about himself at that point, only that he'd known that the dresses he wore on screen were far more suited to his best friend than they were for him. Knew that the copious amounts of makeup flattened on him everyday made him feel more like a clown than a princess, that it was the most uncomfortable feeling to have to sit and play the pretty face for the audience's sake.

But he persisted, telling himself, one more year, one more year til my savings account has enough to supply Val and I with a comfortable life and we can leave.

But of course- of course Andrealphus had to ruin it for him.

The man had found out and immediately proceeded to blackmailing Vox with the information, holding things such as promotions, media gossip and rumors over his head. And now... now... Vox stared down at the script he held clutched in his hand, his knuckles turning white as he grasped it with an iron grip.

"Dieser verdammte bastard," Vox muttered under his breath.

Though he'd never loved the spotlight that came with his first taste of fame, he had loved acting. Had loved being adored for his skill, applauded for the emotions that he could evoke in crowds of people and the way he could twist people's hearts. He had wanted to be one of the best, a household name.

And now, he stared down at the script for a movie that Andrealphus knew would tank his reputation. It was absolute bullshit. The plot was held together by thin strings and a bit of glue, despite being an adaptation of one of the past decade's best selling books. Not only that, but the moment he left the safety of the apartment once more, he would also have to contend with the rumors that were steadily piling against him and dragging his loved ones and friends into it too.

All this, because Vox had refused to sleep with his shitty boss.

He could still hear the fucker's voice- come on, don't you wanna say that you got a piece of me? I'll even leave out the part about you being a transvestite, darling, just the fact that I got a piece of you is enough.

God. If only.... if only he could see that bastard's face when he crushed his fucking skull in between his hands. He wanted to see Andrealphus' stupid face contort in revulsion and terror when Vox finally did the deed, wanted to bathe in the the fotze's inbred blood. He'd do anything for the chance to just kill that piece of shit-

"Amorcito?"

Val's voice makes Vox jump on the spot, quickly shifting to hide the script from view. His friend comes around the corner, eyebrows furrowed with concern, and it's this that makes Vox break his composure, a single tear falling down his face as Val frowns, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Voxxy, amor... tell me what's wrong."

And because he can never keep his mouth shut when it comes to his best friend, Vox tells him everything. Val nods along, pauses at the right moments, all of that stuff that friends do when they're trying to let you know that they'd rip apart your shitty boss if not for the law.

But- and perhaps this is something that Vox knew deep down to be true anyway- Val was a bit different in that aspect. He'd met the man under... less than legal circumstances, after all, and he knew that Val was the heir to quite the illustrous cartel career.

So when Valentino stops him with a firm hand on the shoulder and hands him an application paper for Hazbin, telling him to think it through, Vox barely takes even a second glance at it before filling it out.

Now, two months later and sitting in the auditorium of Hazbin's famed Music Hall, Vox doesn't find himself regretting the decision. Sure, it's a bit lonely without Val's supporting presence by his side, but the students he's met so far have proved to be some of the friendliest people he's had the pleasure of knowing: ironic, considering the kind of school they're studying at. And he's even managed to make a friend! Not that bad a start, altogether.

Vox absentmindedly doodles on the edge of his notes as Professor Leviathan's soothing voice lectures them on the importance of a proper alibi. "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, but it has an airtight alibi, it is...?"

"Not a duck," the auditorium echoes back to the professor, who nods, looking satisfied with the class's response. "So, then! The first step to alibi making is...? Miss Velvette, perhaps you'd like to answer this one for us?"

The girl sitting beside Vox shoots up in her seat, looking as if she'd just fallen asleep and was awoken by the professor's question. "Uh... the..."

After a moment of silence and stuttering, Vox takes pity on the girl, sliding Velvette over a slide of paper that she squints at before reading. "Make sure you're in a different place from the crime?"

"And how would I do that?"

"I... uh. Use an accomplice...?" Velvette stutters.

Professor Leviathan shakes his head, looking disappointed. "Not quite. One thing you will have to learn at Hazbin's is that you should never rely on any other person to carry your deed out for you. No hiring accomplices- after all, paid personnel's loyalty is shaky and they have no honor code preventing them from taking you to the police- and absolutely no committing crimes as lovers, unless you can guarantee that neither of you will be snitching. Would anyone else like to take a try?"

Vox raises his hand hesitantly. "Move the crime scene or otherwise obscure the culprit?"

Professor Leviathan snaps his fingers, "Yes! Absolutely. One of the best ways to make yourself an iron clad alibi is, if the pope is shot in the church at midnight, make sure that you are seen halfway across town in the bar at midnight; so drunk that you cannot even leave until your wife comes to pick you up at two- and no one will suspect you, even if he was actually killed right outside the pub and moved to the church instead. By moving the crime scene, you can make yourself an ironclad alibi. Obscuring the identity of the perpetrator and making it someone who couldn't possibly be you also works splendidly. After all, if the police believe the murderer to be a six foot tall adult man, then the actual perpetrator, a four foot tall young woman, would be able to pass by completely unnoticed. Thank you for that input, Vox. Now, onto the actual creation of such an alibi..."

When class ends, Vox is the first to leave his seat and head for the door, intending on leaving and getting to Track with Professor Satan as quick as possible when someone stops him in his tracks with a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Hey. Vox Vanhal, right?"

"That would be me, yes," Vox turns to face the person he's talking to, only to be met with the young woman that Professor Leviathan had called out in class earlier. "You were... Velvette?"

"Yep, that's me," the chipper young woman responds. "Listen, I know you don't know me at all, but I really need to get through this school year. Like- look, okay, I'm in a little bit over my head right now. I still want to go here and do what everyone here does, of course, I'd love to just go and plunge a damn butcher's knife into my cunt of an ex-friend's neck, but... well, you saw how I did back in class- look, what I'm trying to get at is I need someone to help me. And you're like, Leviathan's star student. So- I don't care what I have to do, I'll-"

Vox holds up a hand to stop her.

"I don't need you to do anything for me, unless you've got any tips on how to kill my boss and make him suffer during it. But I'll help you with whatever you need to study during your courses. Just..." He pauses, taking a moment to think out what he's about to ask. "Could you teach me how you did your makeup on your own?"

Velvette blinks, clearly not expecting that response. She laughs, a shrill, sharp bark and grabs his hand to shake it firmly. "Yeah, 'course I can. So, do we have a deal?"

"We do," Vox smiles. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

[mellotronmkll]

Does anyone else get the thing of like you're already so obsessed with something that you're like it would probably be good if I was less obsessed with this / I need to shut up about this but at the same time you constantly find yourself thinking I have Got to get more obsessed with this. I have Got to get more obsessed

[silusvesuius]

g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen

[mcybree]

Im doing a lot of thinking abt why roleplaying feels different/less natural for me in beastlife s4 in comparison to s3, and i think it’s because there’s ways i know i should be feeling (based on the perception of my character— when i was fresh out of s2 nobody knew enough about my guy to have opinions) vs how i am feeling. I’m catching myself thinking, “it wouldn’t make sense for my character to [blank],” and it’s like�� what do i mean by that. what do i mean that this feeling im having in-session “wouldnt make sense for my character” to feel? It might be surprising to other beasts who know me for one thing and expect consistency, i guess?? but in s3 i just acted on feelings and then shit happened. what. why am i trying to enforce a character that does not exist when the strength of mcrp lies in its improvisational nature. I didn’t write this guy on purpose, why am i trying to write him now

[girderednerve]

we have been watching star wars skeleton crew (no one be mean to me) which is very bad (obviously), but sadly i cannot stop watching it because it has an old republic mint in it. a mint! where they made the money! i have been complaining for like a decade that the money in star wars makes no sense (a man might have his preoccupations, mightn't he) & finally, a show which has heard my exhortations & decided to ruin my life about it by being willfully fucking dumb

[gu6chan]

maybe its sample bias but i think it's kinda funny how most people I've seen who've played drakengard because of nier are making ending e THE endgoal and more often than not the main if not only reason they're playing the game at all and when they finally get it they're like "this is it the single most impactful, greatest moment of all gaming. im wiping tears from my eyes this is it" and then you see the drakengard fans who've played drakengard because they like drakengard and you ask them about ending e and they're like "eh. it was okay, i guess"

[varjopeura]

.

[pup-pee]

i h8 nightwing ((2016)) sm that i would reread it all over again just 2 make a list & point out all the things i dont enjoy in it

[ricoka]

sometimes I wish you could post an opinion on a fandom blog without inviting a whole witch hunt or being accused of causing drama but alas

[toytulini]

you know whats more annoying than dems calling vance and trump weird is all the condescending posts justifying it actually. like im a bit annoyed about "weird" being used this way but also like man if it fucking works i guess

but do i have to keep seeing daily posts exhaustively justifying how normie midwesterners use weird different or whatever the fuck man just shut up and call them weird then, stop justifying it to me