#just feels super fucking weird
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varjopeura Ā· 2 months ago
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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dykedvonte Ā· 2 months ago
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Do you have anything you've been thinking on but just haven't made a post about it yet? Also I'm really enjoying your fic!
I have a few things but it's likely mostly headcanons that I consider somewhat disconnected from my analysis.
Curly's parents had him old, only child, died shortly after he graduated and got the pony express position. It was the last big thing they saw him do which is a reason he stayed for so long.
Doesn't admit how much their death affected him
Jimmy has a largish family. One of the cases of too many kids to keep tract of, parent never really noticed any of them nor their behaviors
Anya lived in a lot of houses growing up, regular supportive family that just struggled to support themselves.
Became a nurse largely to avoid their financial struggles but mostly because she felt too many people weren't being cared for and advocated for in the world properly
Swansea likes high top sneakers most. Likes how snug they fit and how they shield his ankles at work
Curly has a bit of a caffeine problem since he canā€™t sleep. Can occasionally be found wandering the ship at ā€œnightā€ when he had some too late or just couldnā€™t sleep.
Daisuke knows a little about a lot of things. Starts conversations with ā€œdid you knowā€ a lot but please donā€™t ask him deeper questions
Curly has known Jimmy longer but has worked with Anya and Swansea longer, met them during his middle years, met Jimmy shortly before college.
Swansea rents a house, Daisukeā€™s family lives in a big nice apartment, Curly has a condo, Anya live in a small one bedroom apartment and Jimmy has a studio.
Curly's home is very disconcerting. It's too normal to a like uncanny degree.
Anya is ambidextrous but prefers her left.
Anya and Curly are both not native English speakers so occasionally they forget words and bond over the mutual mocking they get from the rest of the crew. Daisuke knows some Japanese but is still learning, never picked it up as a kid
Only Swansea and Daisuke know how to drive, Earth in my mind is very post capitalist so only older people and like the extremely wealthy can afford cars.
It's also like walkable just due to how many businesses are in your face. Probably strict living vs shopping districts
I have more but the way that I headcanon about them is like too long.
#im still trying to figure out voiceclaims like I think Curly is the most generic lost his accent his accent like swedish or eastern european#guy cause he was raised by old immigrants and anya never had a thick accent but she talks with the cadence of one shes like slavic and east#asian to me. Swansea at most is like irish or italian but just an old white guy and Jimmy just has a bit of olivish skin like hes just whit#i think people should make them all weirder too like I think Anya loves showing the fucked up diagrams and pictures from premed and everyon#has to nod and act super supportive and not horrified cause Anya thats a guy with his leg broken in seven places it is not facinating to th#rest of the crew but she loves it cause fyi to go to med school you have to pass pre-med she has a BA if not a BS in nursing or bio atleast#Swansea randomly talks about shoe politics and its like hes talking about regular politics. Curly doesn't sleep walk but he pauses at weird#times or places and will just stand leave and not tell anyone anything cause even he forgot#Jimmy is himself ig and Daisuke always has some media drama they are too old for to get invested in and teach them about youth slang Anya#kinda gets it#also i think people make Curly and Jimmy way too old? Like In my mind Curly is sorta his late 20s- early 30s like he's in the settling#part of his life hence the fear about settling here anya is likel mid 20s to 30 cause she at least finished college we dont have the years#of how long shes been working and maybe Jimmy is just a bit older and feels weird envy about missing that introspection Curly is having.#Daisuke is like 19-22 in my mind like hes an adult but a kid by their standards#like Curly was recruited and its much easier to get younger people plus getting someone young is a good investment like they either got him#right after school and its like all he's known and it scares him#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#ask#anon
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sadisthetic Ā· 11 months ago
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BURSTšŸ’„
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randomminty Ā· 1 year ago
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Sorry for kind of insulting you through a childrenā€™s book i wrote i hope were still besties
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astracora Ā· 6 days ago
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A Mandated Holiday Break - Chapter 8
Characters: Sylus x gn!mc (poly lads)
Warnings: Sylus myth mentioned, mild hurt/comfort
Word Count: 1424
Written: 22nd December 2024
Notes: Post-relationship Sylus/MC-centric but poly LADs, with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Masterlist
Sylus enjoys a karaoke bar, especially if he's got access to you for a duet. You tease him but you'll always join him, hanging onto his arm and letting loose, and he sometimes falters over the words because he's too busy watching your face.
Still, this is good too. You've set up the game system that the doctor bought for his base, presenting it with a sigh. 'You won't know the right one.'
He'd been a little insulted, but he'd acquiesced, in the end the doctor knows gaming better than he does. It's never appealed to him, and he's never had real time to try. A sing-a-long game is loading up, yelling out 'let's sing' loudly from the speaker system.
You'd presented it to him with the doctor, beaming, "You'll like this one, I promise!"
The fish had groaned from the sofa, "Why do we all have to suffer the crow's crooning?"
As much as you've teased him for being out of tune, you've always encouraged him. He can't count how many times you've asked him to hum for you. Lay against his chest, and unable to sleep for nightmares.
The reason for the at-home karaoke session, are the cocktails that Luke has decided he wants to try making. Kieran is his primary test dummy, and if anything doesn't make him spit it straight back out. You're trying them.
It's ill advisedā€¦ Sylus knows you're not a light weight, but he does know you and the twins can get competitive. It feels like it's only moments before you start doing shots together, and if that happens he's bound to get dragged in, and as quick healing as he is, he doesn't fancy driving anyone anywhere. Nor does he want to get into a taxi with someone he doesn't trust. Not with you and the twins.
He needs you safe.
He also blames you for Lukeā€™s new hobby, youā€™d showed them some movies, made comments about how stylish a good bartender is, (He hadnā€™t filed that information away, to practice. At all.), and Luke had taken that as a challenge.
ā€œIt canā€™t be that hard.ā€
ā€œYeah! You can do it bro!ā€
Youā€™d laughed and not thought anything of it. Theyā€™d gone out, and returned withā€¦ boxes.
Then raided his alcohol supply.
Heā€™d dragged them both back by the scruff of the neck when they went for the very expensive top shelf. In no world were they mixing that withā€¦ was that moonshine? Where did they even get moonshine from?
He doesnā€™t see you drunk often, there are times youā€™re out in busy places because you feel you have to attend, and heā€™s seen you drink then to soften the anxiety and stress. You always call someone to be there then, drunk you is far more willing to rely on others. He also has seen you drink when you feel safe, has carried you on his arm more than once in those situations.
You apologise but thereā€™s no need, especially when he gets to see the embarrassed but enamoured look on your face as he holds you in one arm. Your fingers drifting over the veins in his bicep, with a look he can only describe as hungry. He flexes a little more than he needs to on those occasions.
(There was one time youā€™d made a comment about beef clod, and he had truly not known how to respond.)
He can see you getting to that point now, youā€™re trying something green that you and Kieran are sipping from the same glass with separate straws. Luke is taking his turn at the microphone, singing something about what he wants for Christmas. Sylus is unsure if the radioactive green drink is good for either of you, but you donā€™t look sick, still. Heā€™s wary, and flicks your forehead. As you put a hand to the targeted area, pulling away with an offended ā€˜Oiā€™, he grabs the glass and sips from your straw.
ā€œAww, Boss come on.ā€
Itā€™sļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ not as bad as he expected, but he canā€™t imagine drinking it for fun.
Whether his taste buds are ā€˜brokenā€™ like youā€™ve claimed before, and its somehow worse than he tastes, he still doesnā€™t feel good about putting it back in either yourā€™s or Kieranā€™s hands. So he downs it.
Wrinkling his nose and pushing the glass away.
Before you can grab another concoction, now that Luke is back and shoving something else onto his brother, (Heā€™s going to have to hide the key to the liquor cabinet he thinks, if this becomes a long standing hobby for them.), he pulls you over to the karaoke machine. ā€œItā€™s our turn kitten, Iā€™m owed a song for saving you from a terrible fate.ā€
Your tongue is out at him, but you stumble over grabbing his arm to steady yourself, and pick up the controller to find something you both know well enough to get through it with little effort.
His song repertoire has grown substantially since youā€™ve reentered his life, he feels confident that anything you sing to often he has memorised. Catalogued away to think about on nights youā€™re not here to sing for him.
When youā€™re satisfied, lining up a particular choice, you thrust the microphone into his hand, thatā€™s not currently steadying you at the waist.
You look right at him when the song starts, familiar with some things enough to sing them blindfolded, and as tipsy as you are, with your voice wavering a little, heā€™s as starstruck as he always is.
ā€œAnd Iā€™d give up forever to touch you, ā€˜Cause I know that you feel me somehow, Youā€™re the closest to heaven that Iā€™ll ever be, And I donā€™t want to go home right now.ā€
Thereā€™s moments in his life, where Sylus wonders if he blinks, will you disappear? A fragile illusion on a wishful soul. That someone, somewhere has truly seen into him and seen something worth adoring and loving. He thinks you are easy to love, there can be no doubt that you are worthy without the need to earn it.
ā€œAnd all I can taste is this moment, And all I can breathe is your life.ā€
You have reminded him, again and again that you love him, that he does not need to pay for it, or gift for it. That everything that is offered is freely given, and wholehearted. That there is nothing to earn. It is not a transaction, no relationship should be. You do not keep score, and you would rather he did not either.
ā€œAnd sooner or later itā€™s over, I just donā€™t want to miss you tonight.ā€
It still leaves him with the feeling that in seconds he could wake up, in a cold cave, surrounded by gems he no longer sees beauty in, in a world where he is nothing but broken horns and lost family.
ā€œAnd I donā€™t want the world to see me, ā€˜Cause I donā€™t think that theyā€™d understand, When everythingā€™s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.ā€
He loves you, he loves his life with you, and he is so scared-
Your hands move to his cheeks, his voice halts, wavering and pausing. Blinking at you. The microphone is out of your hands and you stretch up as tall as you can pressing a kiss to his eyelids. He almost drops his own, hand tightening on your waist. You sing just for him, lips at his cheek now, and his breath escapes in a long exhale, shaking.
You are his, you are his, you are his.
When his heart wavers, yours is there, keeping it beating, in time to a song only you can hear.
He is yours, he is yours, he is yours.
ā€œI just want you to know who I am.ā€
He lifts you into his arms, and he sings with you, game forgotten because it doesnā€™t matter. Nothing else matters. If you are happy, he is happy, and he is so very happy with you in his arms.
If he wakes up tomorrow and you are not here, he will find you anywhere. He has done it before, and he will do it for the rest of time, because you are the one who sees him.
And later, when you are laughing and stumbling through his bedroom door, trying to pull away from the uncontrolled kisses he plants on your skin, tickling you and nipping, he will swear into your skin that he will always see you too.
Whoever you choose to be.
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front-facing-pokemon Ā· 11 months ago
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anywayā€¦ and no one pays attention to the backgroundā€¦#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defenseā€š phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is differentā€š yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokĆ©mon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for theseā€š the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantumpā€š i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlcā€š every time you find a wild phantumpā€š it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#ā€œhaha i am getting a sneak peekā€ when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later onā€š after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find modelsā€š i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). nowā€š todayā€š january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)ā€š i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went backā€š ran the script on the phantump and trevenant modelsā€š and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are thereā€š and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sakeā€š the folks who come here mostly for my commentaryā€š i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange themā€š but tumblr makes that Very difficultā€š so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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thecrowsart Ā· 9 months ago
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šŸ‘ļøšŸ¦ŽšŸŽÆ
(crops under cut)
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#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol#usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking#anyway FUCK architecture#really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand#but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol#ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene#and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself#but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos?#his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer......#tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk#meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol#hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid#he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like.#it's weird for him to not be matoba#anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and#i had a specific composition in mind#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo#but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably#btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage.#and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so#i chose architecture LOL#okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair#im doing my best LOL.........but boy#OKAY im done
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thedogslegart Ā· 4 months ago
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It's been Jack thoughts for some time now....
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scoliosisgoblin Ā· 9 months ago
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Which version of Rick is your fav?
it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick
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then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick
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I love how patheticā„¢ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?
#the only reason why Evil is above C-137 and Memory is because#Memory's design is something I don't really like in the style of the show#his fanart makes him look so much cooler but in the show he just looks.. unfinished?#idk it's weird to me. I love him outside of that though#and with C-137. I'M SICK OF HIM LMAO I AM SO SORRY#there are too many fucking episodes dedicated to this man. pushing everyone else aside just to have him yap about his dead wife#I love him so much but there's only so many times we can bring Diane up and not really develop her as a character but rather to boost Rick#and the show is Rick and MORTY yet all I see is Rick šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ don't get me wrong I love this man#I just feel like we know more about Rick than the rest of the family#WHICH IS FINE IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR#and if they wanted to go in that direction so be it! it's fine!#I just feel like he needs less screen time or at least balance episodes among the family#cause even the most recent Morty episode is about Rick. it was so frustrating watching it cause it's literally MORTY'S fear hole experience#yet we're watching Morty's head canons about his grandparents#I also hate the narrative they took with Diane. only ever having Rick talk of her or others bring her up#it just doesn't make her a character but rather an extension off of Rick. that's how I'm feeling rn with the family#they're all just there to prop up Rick or something. super annoying#but that's about it. I'm not gonna continue my rant#unless you want me to?#idk if I even made sense but that's all good#rick and morty#rick and morty fandom#rick#memory rick#evil rick#C-137#Rick Sanchez
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hooved Ā· 6 months ago
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i really hate when cis men call me handsome. you do NOT fucking mean that
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dykedvonte Ā· 6 months ago
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I dislike takes that Danse would be just as conservative in modernized aus when it's clearly shown his staunch views of things come from his time in the Brotherhood and his deep-rooted desire to belong to something with a greater purpose.
Not to mention lines that show much more open-mindedness that get overlooked for his harsher sentiments when you first meet him. Like the oppurtunity to be a part of something is why Danse fell so far into Brotherhood dogma and it doesn't negate the offense things he does but I feel like it's just lazy to be like "hmmm he'd def be racist" just so it aligns to his BoS beliefs.
#like i genuinely think he would like not fall into the military if he was in modern times because of all the other things he could do#he clearly has a passion for tech and mods and likely would find himself more useful as like a mechanic like at most hes one of those range#types or something but I feel like people equate his seriousness and him being a military man to closemindedness when its like having to ge#a new view point like we really dont know what he believed in before the BoS if he believed in anything at all outside of selling scrap to#survive before basically having an army recruiter have him join one of the scariest factions like why is the BoS so fucking violent???#like the BoS operates in such a way cause there is no civilian population like everyone is something or training to be so they arent really#fighting for anything but themselves at this point which is just a feedback loop of gaining more power and is not equatable to real#military people due to the fact most of the recruits are really born and bred to be soliders while say irl you have a family and country to#fight for and return to outside the military which is def grounding as Danse wouldn't be in the army 24/7 like in canon#idk its odd to me when a character that is has fantastic racism ergo the trope of bigotry to fake races people try to translate it to real#life especially when those races have not equivalent like tell me what is the irl equal to a fucking ghoul or super mutant like????#racism is not like a funny headcanon like making him a defrosting prude or by the book is whatever but he would not be a bigot just like a#narc or some shit hed tell on me for loitering but I know hed tear apart each voting party and likely the military for being self serving#and like knows all about it and it makes him sound like a politics nut but its more annoyance like I have such strong feelings about#characters who would be marginially better if they were not victums to the military like yes I believe we can fix Danse he just needs to#be around not war/the military for like a week and see people be happy existing like he doesnt know how to do that but this is a weird take#ive seen mostly from white fans that makes me super uncomfy like ur weird#anyway still fuck the brotherhood everyone is so rude like damn i know its the east coast but can we get a little hospitality fuck you#maccready was right brotherhood of squeal more like it dont worry porky we'll get you out (danse is porky btw)#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#paladin danse
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stephantom Ā· 1 month ago
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The debilitating sacroiliac joint paint has abated but the heartburn and indigestion is back with a vengeance. The charley horses have at least been few and far between. I donā€™t even notice the TMJ anymore. Still not sleeping well. Still peeing a little bit when I sneeze or cough sometimes.
Third trimester, baby.
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whirlwindsworld Ā· 11 months ago
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I just keep seeing this image of Fabian in my head. This young man who so desperately seek affection and happily soaks up praiseā€“
Standing in a massive empty house. Wandering from room to room. Thereā€™s so many rooms. Quietly drinking his milk from a glass he hunted down. He puts himself to bed. This will be the next year of his life.
Heā€™s 18 and he just saved the world. Heā€™s 18 and he killed his father. Heā€™s 18 and heā€™s so tired. Heā€™s 18 and maybe he deserves a long proper hug from his mom. Heā€™s 18 and he needs to keep smiling as she leaves. (It barely feels like she was here.) Heā€™s 18 and heā€™s writing his name on the face of the world. Heā€™s 18 and his father would be proud of everything he had done in lieu of his summer vacation. (Itā€™s not what he was worried about.) Heā€™s 18 and heā€™s his fatherā€™s son. Heā€™s 18 and he is his own man. (He was meant to be his motherā€™s son too.)
Heā€™s 18 and of course none of it hurt. (She said she would start doing better.)
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fru1tt0ast Ā· 8 months ago
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dear followers, today i offer you old man yaoi
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tomorrow? who knows
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gaybearwedding Ā· 11 months ago
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so clark and bryce were definitely flirting with each other at every single cornhole competition they went to right
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savage-rhi Ā· 2 days ago
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šŸ˜­šŸ˜‚
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