#so you can find peace in your life
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“👁️👄👁️” This is so 2020 what are u 10? (Omg she’s so crazyyy i love her 😝
Do you feel good when you make fun of others because you’re so insecure about who you are as a person that you can’t stand when someone is comfortable with themselves and having fun?
I’m literally just vibing on my own blog lol
#anon#honestly atp I’m just not going to reply to you because you get some weird satisfaction from being this way#go outside and touch grass#you’re probably a child#it’s more embarrassing for you#than it is for me#I hope you get the attention you never got in your formative years#so you can find peace in your life
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everybody! quick! tell me what aro joy means to you <2
#i will go first. breaking the boundaries set in place by the systems of love and romance is so cool#and i feel like it opens up so many possibilities.#like i've said in a poem before aromanticism to me is not a lack of anything it's an opening of the world before me...#it is also! the fact that i have had to contend with the thought of a future living my life alone#and now i am not only at peace with it but so happy with the idea. so overjoyed at the thought of spending my life with myself.#self esteem and delight and choosing what you want and making a life that is really and truly your own#without society's expectations changing it and without someone else's expectations changing it#AND. being sexy as fuck. aromanticism to me#if you don't feel aro joy rn you are not allowed to bemoan the experience on this post. i care dearly for you but go find another post.#before you do that though. take a second and look through the notes... hopefully people will have put some good stuff in there...#it is hard to get to the point of aromanticism bringing you joy sometimes BUT. by fucking god you can get there.#and it is so so fantastic...#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#talking#aspec#aroace#aro positivity#aro joy#aromantic positivity
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Actually nah fuck that post. No hate to the person who wrote it, this shit *is* hard. But you WILL find people that love you. You will find people that love you in the secret third way and they will support you and they will make you feel whole. You will find your community both in fleeting connections and long lasting friendships. You will find love in so many places. Yes, the world is scary and cruel and unpredictable, and people won't always hold space for you, but there will always be people who will and there will always be people who will love you so much more than you ever thought anyone would, and they will love you on your terms.
And better yet - you can be that person for someone else. You can love your friends unapologetically, without expectation. You can support them and hold them close to your heart and tell them how much they Matter. you can do all of this for the people you love, including yourself. Being aromantic doesn't mean locking yourself away from intimacy and connection. You don't have to reluctantly accept romance to receive it. There is a place for you here - you just need to live long enough to find it.
#goddyke#ramble#aromantic#aromantism#aro#aroace#no hate to aplatonic bitches btw i fuck with you and whatever you wanna do with your life too#but this is specifically a response to someone lamenting a feeling of profound isolation#and *yes* it is *so* hard. yes it absolutely does feel like that sometimes.#but i *promise* you. it doesn't have to and it won't always.#you can fill the hole in your chest with deliberate self acceptance#and when you do. meaningful connections come so much more easily.#yes it is work and it is hard and it is scary but it is *worth* it.#make peace with yourself and who you are now. not who you want to be or a hypothetical version of yourself#but who you *are.*#understand that you are worth it *now.* that you are Allowed to Exist *Now.* as you are.#and that there are people who *WILL* love you As You Are in all the right ways.#they are out there and they are Waiting for you to find them.
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win the fight, save your life.
#octaviablakeedit#octavia blake#octaviaedit#the100edit#the 100#*#i just saw this quote and it of course SCREAMED octavia#and spawned so many thoughts about how everything octavia is#and becomes is unresolved childhood trauma (and further trauma on the ground of course)#comes from a miserable life of not being allowed to exist to suddenly being given the EARTH and devouring it grasping for strength for powe#for connection for life for everything she was denied for 17 years#and because octavia grew up in violence and death#every lesson she learned being harder and more violent by simple nature of it#and how everything octavia's ever been taught is fight and violence and demolition of weakness#slay your demons#i am not afraid (yes you are you've always have been)#and so how could she end up any other way#but finally she does confront this she finds a way to make peace with her darkness she finds peace and happiness#and that saves her life#ultimately she does choose healing in large part so she can be a healing influence in a child's life rather than a damaging one#and i love her sooo much#but beyond being meta of course.. octavia a summary literally and figuratively
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
#talkys#im gonna say some more stuff here which is i dont think its ever going to happen for me which is like#it should be fine right...i dont think im even meant to be in a relationship it sounds exhausting and like another#constant neverending performance...#but its like that one post...''im happy by myself but also where's the love of my life''#ykwim...i wish i could at least make an informed decision#but that would also be tragic as it'd require me to go thru more heartbreak so i could know for certain#is it better to do it or not do it at all...#anyway ive also been having a hard time putting this into words#but. i like my alone time! i can live with myself. + nothing will ever beat the peace and romance in my brain#but. it also feels so weird to think this way. in the sense of like. yeah. you're only thinking this way because you Have To.#because that's your reality. other ppl don't have to think this way because they are capable of finding love.#other people dont have to reaffirm themself of this in the wake of not ever being desired and valued....#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.#like of course u have to like being alone and spending time with yourself. you have no other choice lol. you lost.#and also... idk. idealized romances in my brain better than anything maybe i would like to be held just once by another living human being.#🌺
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This is long overdue, but here is the ref sheet for Klaus Lierstark! He's the main character of my personal passion project where he's a monster hunter who, due to specific circumstances, lost 10 years of his memory and is working with a demon to get them back. The two of them travel through the mortal realm and through different planes later on, solving different dilemmas and unearthing the greater plots at play in their world. they also discover more about themselves and each other along the way!
Hopefully now that i'm on summer break i can start posting more official stuff for this project of mine!! im so excited to finally have more time in my life to write more for Klaus and his world! i hope you enjoy reading thru it twirls hair stick around if you wanna see his boyfriend's demon patron's ref sheet in about a month hehe
Transcript for the written information on the sheet, expansions on said info, and closeup on details under the cut:
Klaus Lierstark (next to his basic outfit is his height: 6'6 or 200cm)
Human, White and Chinese
46 years old
Lives in the mountains as a monster hunter
10 years ago made a pact with a patron for magic
Recently lost those 10 years of memories
Made a new deal with demon patron that if Klaus acts as [the demon patron's] bodyguard, his patron will endeavour to help Klaus recover his memories
Now traverses the mortal realm with his demon patron, but starts developing feelings beyond the parameters of their agreement
✧ ABILITIES ✧
Enhanced strength and speed
Swift healing
message reception from patron (any distance and interplanar but only one way; Klaus can only receive messages from his patron, not send any)
Limited spellcasting (still in the midst of learning)
Proficiency with virtually all melee weapons
✧ LIKES ✧
Warm, thick clothing
Home cooking; doing it and eating it
Outdoor activities (eg fishing, hunting, hiking)
heavy/strong tasting food and drink
✧ DISLIKES ✧
Complex social situations (eg parties, negotiations; just any event where people's motives aren't immediately obvious and every word matters)
manipulative people/social situations (eg talking to someone who purposely misconstrues what you say to prove a point)
really humid and hot climates
Being idle in the same place/indoors for too long
✧ FUN FACTS ✧
Really high resting body temperature; feels like a furnace 90% of the time (really prone to overheating as a result, even in the mountains)
lactose intolerant
greatly enjoys romantic poetry and stories
most normal guy in the whole story (im not joking thats why hes the protagonist of the story because he's so normal)
Closeup on details:
(i will figure out how to do an image id for the ref sheets hopefully soon! theres so much text here already weeps)
#clerichs.png#did you miss me and my art teehee#ITS FINALLY DONE. THIS TOOK A MONTH BETWEEN PAPERS AND FINALS SOBS#klaus is real now..... now you can start to understand all his blorbo tags.....#hes just like me fr hes my forever babygirl#im so excited for this project omfg ive been rotating it since hs#and now i finally have the time and quality of life to create more for it#there is so much of me in this project but klaus specifically... my therapy oc its not even funny. that crook in his finger is from me.#this project is gonna be crazy and i wont even be able to share all of it... its okay yall will get tidbits ill dripfeed the lore#this is where things change and look up for me teehee i have a stockpile of content for klaus and his boyfriend#this project is so personal to me. learning to want to live again and to love life....finding your way in the world no matter where u are#hope and love and peace on the planet earf#NAYWAYS. YOU ALL WILL SEE MY INSANITY. SOON. STICK AROUND FOR THE RIDE.#my art#my artwork#original art#original character#original project#oc#oc art#oc artwork#digital art#digital drawing#character design#character art#character reference#artists on tumblr#klaus lierstark
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beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.
#i have left so many people throughout my life#and#if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no#i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could#without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of#whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no#i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone#but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done#i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme#my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them#i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me#until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me#they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them#since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself#i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself#all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need.#without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it#without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life#i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt.#but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people#i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special#i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending#I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms#an open mind and an open heart#above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul.#everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning#and it’s beautiful.#being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing#alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it#alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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-Remembers how T’Pring looked as she watched Spock & Chapel vanish into the bathroom together after seeing them kiss on the bridge (which she knew was for a mission and didn’t hold against them but perhaps she could sense something there since they do have feelings for one another), maybe attempting to calm herself and her suspicions as she’s left alone again (and later finds she’s been left out entirely this whole time) and how she doesn’t know that Spock almost told Chapel he loved her then and there, with T’Pring in the other room waiting, and how Amanda and Sevet both think she could have more confidence in herself and how T’Pring thought that she and Spock were in this together (her holding his hand, subtly letting him know to pour slower so the tea flowers would bloom correctly, a whispered ‘well done’, the ritual is over mother) and how mere hours after she expresses to Spock how she feels: Like he doesn’t trust her, like he doesn’t care to include her in his life, how she’s trying her best to show him that she will accept him wholly, how she wants to be his partner instead of an adversary or an obstacle, after all this he’s found Chapel within the hour and is kissing her.-
#I've seen people say 'it's not technically cheating because-' and once you've hit 'technically' in MY opinion it's pretty much cheating#'taking a break' isn't synonymous with being able to kiss/have sex with other people - that's something that needs to be discussed#in my opinion...BUT ALSO. Even STILL. Not even a goddamn DAY went by.#T'PRING!!!!!! SAVE MY GIRL T'PRING!!!#Can you imagine hearing your fiancee who you ostensibly like tell you (very vulnerably - especially for a Vulcan: I didn't mind this bc I#personally assume that Vulcan partners WOULD discuss and talk through feelings though probably with a different goal than humans)#that she feels hurt that you seem to not want to include her in your life and that she feels you should take a break#and then IMMEDIATELY going to find the girl you have a crush on to tell her that you and your fiancee are taking a break and that you feel#bad about it and then IMMEDIATELY after that you're KISSING her??????#didn't feel TOO bad about it then huh!#Anyway I'm not earnestly like incensed I'm tv angry on T'Pring's behalf - love the drama bc I'm experiencing SNW from a very particular POV#I will only be angry if they make T'Pring into the bad guy somehow (like if the NARRATIVE says this is correct)#also off topic but I personally think star trek has had enough 'Vulcan culture is bad and restrictive' episodes/talking points - Enough.#Find some joy and peace through connection to an alien culture PLEASE.#I get it humans are great humans are so much freer and happier than Vulcans humans rule - Enough.#-turns to camera with a smile- anywaaaay I watched the episode once and I couldn't rewatch it for this post so <3#if any of this is wrong just chalk it up to bad memory <3#snw spoilers#idk how long an ep has to be out for that to apply#also just so everyone knows - I /do/ think it's stupid that Spock forgets how to act Vulcan when he turns fully human#but I also just expected it since star trek writers LOVE bioessentialism#I have NO doubt that if Spock turned Klingon he'd suddenly start talking about honor and being rowdy despite those things being#learned and cultural v_v#I SAY ALL THIS...and I DID like the episode! I'm complicated <3#<- just likes episodes with fun hijinks as their thesis and also T'Pring is there
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sometimes being so overly sensitive makes it hard to function like how do people do it. today we drove past three dead pheasants and i'm expected to be fine about the fact that they died alone and in pain and everyone keeps driving as if they never mattered. as if they didn't live and breathe and think. ok
#how is this fine. am i insane. how is it not so devastating that it stifles you#today i learned that the life span of a wild fox is three to four years#does that not make you want to cry every time you see one in the street. knowing they will never be safe#how do you look at your cats and not feel consumed with sadness because they won't be here forever#and no matter what you do you can't ever guarantee that they will always be healthy and safe#and they don't even understand any of this because they're just babies#which should be comforting because it means they aren't aware of their own mortality#but it somehow makes it sadder. like you don't know you are the entire world to me and i will spend my life missing you#i fear i'm genuinely a bit mental#because this shit keeps me up regularly#maybe it's the ocd. or the autism. maybe i'm just weird#it does get worse when an animal dies. i guess rescuing duck + finding out he died is the reason this time#i rescue A Lot of animals so this happens to me all the time#and i don't get any better at dealing with it#i still think of the chicks + lambs + mice + chickens we couldn't save when i was a kid#and the fact that sometimes a litter of animals would be born and the universe just decided that one wasn't going to make it#and it would be lying there dying whilst its siblings got stronger and braver and ate and played#and it wouldn't know or understand that it had drawn the short straw for no reason and would never get to live#WHY is the world like this how do you make peace with that#they think duck was hit by a car. only a man made thing can do that amount of damage right#the fact he was just a little animal he was so small and delicate and then he ended up all mangled like that#it's so unfair. poor angel#ask to tag
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Back when you called us devils answering 'can a human piece of shit be redeemed?' by saying no.
- but you can't denigrate someone trying to do better
#another question is: Can victims and their persecutors have a healthy relationship?#No. But they can learn to see the other as a human being. The wrong has been done - but their interactions can improve#(those two questions and answers are not the same btw! victims have the right to never forgive their abusers!!)#(theyre a bit linked in the story - and i cant wait to find the scan for volume 5 - but the narrative never feel like its trying to excuse#yusuke and his 'gang' 's actions)#(up until what i read at least)#(i hope akari is fully happy now.. probably impossible - but i hope shes at least at peace with life)#A L S O: you cant escape your past#even if you forget about it - even if you bury it - even if you run away from it - youll have to face it eventually#youll have to face your wrongdoings#i hope the ending better feature yusuke and akari parting ways tho#he made her suffered far too damn much#and i know she forgave him - and shes the one who has the final say#but man... man...#aaaaaaaaaa yusuke is so fucked in the head#middle school yusuke.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#back when you called us devils
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Oh yeah btw maybe expect art posts to slow down and my activity on here being smaller unless i somehow wake up tomorrow feeling better out of sudden because my mental health is kicking me in the ass and im kinda busy focusing on making it through everyday atm
#imagine thinking you would have a good mental health this year and then boom . worst year of your life so far#(somehow worse than the last one)#(and the one before that)#(and the another one before that)(and the another one before that)(and the another one before that)(and the another one before that)(and th)#god can i please find some peace for once
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There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.
"You're not thinking of the ___!"
"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."
#I really really hate it. It angers me in such a specific way that just skldjf ksdl#...#vent below. idk. I'm really sorry#Mad rambles#Terfs will be like “oh think of survivors! 'MEN' can share women's spaces!” like shut the actual fuck up. SHUT UP. Shut your damn mouth#A terf is so much more dangerous than a trans person. Me. a tiny cis woman is so much more dangerous to a terf than a transperson is.#Because I will obliterate you. How dare you say you speak on MY behalf? As if I don't know what I'm fucking talking about.#as if you're “protecting me” by spewing such bullshit? by treating someone as a danger when they're not?!#Especially when they believe it's a fucking TRUMP CARD. Like mentioning it means they're right!!! when obviously they're not!!!#Or when they think the fact that I'm cis will make me agree with them! I'm cis simply because I am. I'm not better or worse because of it#being cis doesn't mean I'm fine with bullshit though!#I really hate feeling almost as if like...idk I'm “known��� for talking about this but it's just so so infuriating. people will act like they#know when they don't. Obviously every experience is different and terfs who are survivors I hope you find peace and my heart goes out to yo#but you also need to get your fucking head outta your ass. Saying such things isn't the way to heal and you're hurting others with it.#It's NOT about hating men or trans people! the “men are always violent/women are always victims” mentality needs to fuck off#as if it's just the script of life and that it's inescapable no matter what. that it's the truth even if circumstances say otherwise.#...I'm going to possibly block the epic tag for a bit. I have the name of the saga blocked but like... It's just genuinely upsetting.#my story got picked apart too on how it wasn't actually that bad. that I'm actually the fucking worst. “Men are just like that sweetie”#BULLSHIT!!! Gender doesn't dictate a person's morals. Being good and kind does. It doesn't matter what form that takes!#not even saying HE'S good and kind as he's horrible and wonderful at the same time but about this stuff? Do what you want but#I DO think you're insane if you see it as otherwise and it makes me wanna lock my door. You're not a bad person probably but also 🙃#I get that there's history but there's also the fucking TEXT.#I don't know. I'm really sorry#tw trauma#tw sa mention#I'm not necessarily against reblogging this (I don't care) but don't post with tags. please
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Sometimes I think, would it be better if Spamton died with someone he knew around. Or would he prefer to do it alone
I think Spamton dreads dying alone. If that was the case then I think he would’ve given up a long time ago. A lot of his dialogue alludes to having thoughts about wanting to end himself and projecting a lot of his self loathing on to others but I don’t think it is necessarily a desire to be dead or die alone (whether he thinks he deserves it or not) but rather more of wanting whatever torment he’s been going through to end. I mean he gets really excited at the idea of joining the fun gang, he was looking for a new beginning not a proper ending.
If Spamton could choose who he had to die around I feel like he wouldn’t want people he knew personally. There would be so much he didn’t get to say, so much the others wouldn’t have time to tell him. The Addisons and him could never have a proper reconciliation, him and Swatch could never clear up whatever went down and he can’t get any closure, never knowing if Mike was safe. Imagine trying to ease into the light when the shadows of your past are blocking it. If anything, I feel like it would create unnecessary stress for him as he would want so bad to feel like he was around people that made him feel safe in his final moments but that just isn’t true. Not to mention the others having to deal with the fact the last time they saw him it was when they abandoned him and the next being him dying of almost direct correlation to it.
However, with people Spamton doesn’t really know I feel like it’d be easier, almost peaceful for him in a way. They wouldn’t have any preconceived ideas or feelings, nothing to get off their chest to ring in his head as he goes out. It would be shallow comfort but he would find that favorable to the intimacy of someone closer that would be intertwined with turmoil. It’s the act of care from a stranger, someone oblivious to his crimes that would bring him ease in my mind, the idea that someone could and did care about him again even if they had no idea who he was in the moment. It was something he craved for years, part of a lot of his motivations and I feel like he’d be more at peace dying around someone who pities him than someone that has guilty or unfinished business with him.
TLDR; I feel like Spamton needs to not be alone physically in death but emotionally I think he would like to keep things distance. In his last moments he’d understand that he is not going to get that closure he needs and would rather face dead with dignity rather than panic at what is left unresolved.
#in my mind Spam doesn’t want to die. it it’s the case it seems the easiest way#I mean when he’s beat in the normal route it’s not disbelief or a tantrum as he hangs strung up#it’s somber acceptance and a sort of hope he can finally find peace serving a lightener#peace if not having to fight for himself and a hope for Kris to do better than him#what would he have said to the Addisons who had left him and he had pushed away#an apology without an explanation would’ve meant nothing them taking his glasses just a reminder that’s he’s gone again#and an insult that he just ended back up as an accessory to their group#swatch would pity him and hold remorse but was also linked with him being on the street what do you say in that situation#how do explain that your duty came above your personal relationship when it was part of what led to this moment#how do you tell a dying man you didn’t know what the knife would be used for as he lays bleeding out from the stab wound#if I brought Jevil into this I feel like that would somehow work as Jevil would mock him but again wish him luck as he passes into whatever#he believes heaven to be#something about spam and death has to be impersonal to me he is so aimed towards life and living#that death needs to be distant in every aspect for him to accept it#spamton#deltarune#utdr#ask#anon#undertale#spamton g spamton#death mention#suicide mention#this one was a little more serious#deltarune headcanon#deltarune analysis
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you know my dudes i don't think i'm quite sure on whether i prefer "it's not a game" or "be safe/be good" as a prelude to it's just a ride aka the rtc finale cause like. "It's not a game" fits more musically and thematically to it's just a ride and it sounds so damn good and it focuses on the kids bittersweetingly making peace with their choice to concede for Jane Doe which is VERY important to them making peace with their lives in "it's just a ride" and their character arcs in regards to how they treat Jane Doe BUT THEN AGAIN "be safe/be good" has the kids MOURNING their deaths and the lives they left behind and like,,,the idea of first mourning their own deaths before coming to peace with them via finding the fun in the rollercoaster ride that led to their deaths IS SO FUCKING HEAVY AND PROFOUND ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE KIDS LIKE HOLY FUCK THAT'S IMPACTFUL
#as u can see i am torn once again#cAN WE HAVE BOTH? CAN WE PLEASE HAVE BOTH#i can see why their director liked be safe/be good a lot because damn (also may she rest in peace)#i dunno like i am in love with the idea that to first make amends with your life and with your death you have to first MOURN your losses#like#fuck#i kinda wish rtc featured that more somewhere#but also hngggg it's not a game/it's just a ride fits so fucking well in the show though#and it's important to show that these kids have also learned to gain empathy for someone they barely know (jane doe)#to the point of voting for her to live again#so HOW DO WE SOLVE THIS HMM#anyways woo rtc brainrot#ride the cyclone#aLSO LIKE TO EXPOUND ON THE MOURNING PART - HAVING THAT PART STAY EMPHASIZES THAT THE CHOICE WAS *PAINFUL*#THE CHOICE TO VOTE JANE DOE - THOUGH MADE WILLFULLY - HAD TO BE PERSONALLY PAINFUL TO THEM#BECAUSE THAT MEANT LETTING GO OF THEIR OWN LIVES#AND YET NO MATTER HOW UNFAIR THEY FIND THEIR SITUATION TO BE (it's not fAAAAAAIR not faiiiiir)#tHEY STILL MAKE THAT CHOICE#aND THEY STAND BY IT - WHICH LEADS TO THEM COMING TO TERMS WITH THEIR LIVES AND DEATHS IN THE NEXT PART OF THE FINALE#IT'S JUST SO FUCKING GOOD GUYS
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Hikaru just does despair really well as a story. It starts at the end. You had your chance, you fucked it, it’s over. There’s no happy ending imaginable. The regret is a literal horror that haunts you. What reason could you possibly have to go on? What is the best outcome that still exists in the world? Is there any choice at all between taking the worst loss in your life or overwriting it so completely that the thing lost is no longer anything and therefore unlost? What motivation do you even have to choose?
#kelsey liveblogs manga#it’s not a new theme it just conveys it well#misery so complete that you almost root for the protagonist to lie down in the forest and stay there so he can have a little peace#actionman number 243 can say ‘I lost my wife’ but that is nothing#hikaru says ‘here is what you’ve lost. in case you forgot this is what’s missing. the worst failure of your life has incarnated.#you’re doomed to keep reaching out on instinct and find that what you’ve touched is not what you sought for. it not only is gone.#it was replaced.#you can’t even tell it was there by its absence. it’s nothing now’
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