#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.

[slaaverin]

To me Jungkook is a little bit the epitome of what BTS represent. Basically they are people for me "that are good at being human". I know it may sound weird like that.

But sometimes in life you see people that are obviously struggling with certain aspects of the human experience (with their bodies or socially or mentally ect.)

Jungkook for me has it all, he has a natural authenticity (Not afraid to he himself, express his opinions, be quiet or loud or funny when he wants to). He has also an open and gentle heart that shines and that gives a beautiful sense of purity. Which is a rare thing to observe. (It means he's not only a human, he is a human with an already evolved consciousness). He's also very creative, driven, combative when challenges arises, he pushes himself to be the best in everything he does. It's a also a rare quality and it's something that can only be developped over many lifetimes.

He's confident and shows an ease being himself under the spotlight. (Which not many people are able to do, if this much fame happened to us many of us would go completely insane). So it shows a very good mental stability (he even says he doesn't think too much) and to achieve a mental stability like this oh man the soul needs to WORK. And not a little bit I swear.

When the mental is under huge pressure like this, to keep it stable you need a certain amount of inner power and level of consciousness and once again that develops through maaaany lifetimes.

You can also see how good he is at being human with his bodily mastery.

Really, nobody who is a human for the first time can control their body like he does.

And he is not only perfectly under control of his body, he even PROJECT ENERGY out into the world.

The "power" we feel from him moving is actual energy he projects out.

That energy is received by the collective and that is why many people are drawned to him, it's like moths to a flame.

You know what it takes to do this?????

It's a lot. A lot of work.

So yeah, he's not simply a talented human, he actually mastered the human experience, through lifetimes of hard work on himself, and whatever he shows up to be in this lifetime, it's only the example of someone who did.

People can feel this intuitively. First they think wow how can he be so good? So kind, so pure? So talented? So exceptional? Well, there's a reason. He wasn't born like this just by random chance.

He should inspire people because he is a bit of a lightpost for people to follow. It gives people motivation to become better in general.

He's also a stamp that says "here's what you can expect when you evolve your consciousness": you shine bright, with a pure heart, a complete mastery of your body and mind, and you actually can change the world with your skills (whatever they are since it's different from person to person).

BTS is special in that way. But Jungkook even more so. He's the pillar of everything. It's earthy and rooted and stable. (People like stability.)

He has also a good balance of feminine/masculine energy which reminds people of their own true essence. Balance of both polarity is only achieved through evolution of consciousness, people have both polarities but usually one polarity is dominant over the other, and it takes work and evolution and integration to have them both balanced like he does. So of course people are fascinated bcs secretly every soul wants that here. We all crave for union and Jungkook is a reminder of that state. It's the name of the game.

So to see someone who have achieved this, it is quite astonishing and inspiring! It makes people go "this is great, why everybody isn't like that, I want more people like that" yes because people SHOULD AND WILL be all like this eventually. It only takes a loooot of time and inner work.

Anyway, overall Jungkook is a well-rounded beautiful person that shows a great level of enlightenment so no wonder people are attracted to that...that's literally the direction we are all taking...

But he must have gone through some shit (more than we can even imagine) to reach that point. So really, he deserves all the applauses 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

i always explained jungkook’s popularity not by him being the youngest or very buff solely but through the fact that he is much more comfortable and involved with his bodily existence than the majority of us and its (sadly) rare or surprising that a high-pressure famous person thinks and acts like that too, which is how - besides being a very gifted singer and dancer - jungkook tends to fascinate and positively inspire people a lot

[venusiinfurss]

i truly think sunny is going to end with either macdennis kiss or macdennis full penetration (no in-between) and then dennis has an existential crisis walks outside gets hit by a car and dies. cut to black end of series

[anonymous-dentist]

Just wanted to send you an ask of me interpreting what you mean and see if I'm right or wrong Ros is nice in that she's usually friendly with others, but she's not especially kind because she lacks to hold compassion for others, often time when she's done something wrong (killing new players) or they have done something wrong to her no matter the reasoning (Krow having to kill Aimsey because of her faction's kill quest). While, Lukey is especially kind because he does hold compassion for others even if he barely knows them or despite the wrongs they may have done to them - Him with Pili 2, feeling bad for Aimsey when he barely knew them at the time, getting Ros her stuff back for her. He's not especially nice though - he riles up a person when he knows their buttons to push because he finds it fun, he tried to act friendly with Sneeg in hopes that it will deter him from murdering him, etc.

That’s exactly it!

trRos is one of the nicest people on the server, everyone will tell you that. But she’s also famous for her general lack of compassion and her inability to look past faction boundaries. She has a real black-and-white morality: she does good things, the Kingdom does good things, if you disagree, you’re wrong. She’s helpful, and, if you say she isn’t , she might as well just fucking die

That’s why the big argument with trAimsey happened the other week: Ros was extremely nice in trying to help clear the skulk and corruption out of people’s houses, and she was nice in giving Aimsey one of her lives. But, as Aimsey pointed out, Ros really only did any of that to make herself feel useful. She didn’t listen to anyone telling her that she was doing something wrong, she stalked Aimsey after they asked her to back off and give them some space, she got offended when Aimsey said that they didn’t need her help.

Ros’ whole thing is making herself feel better by being useful. But when does the act of helping someone cross over into something less nice and more… idk, self-centered? She’s selfishly selfless: every nice thing she does is done to make herself feel better about herself.

And then with trLukey, he’s an absolute bastard. He makes games out of pressing people’s buttons: just look at how he talks with trZam as a great example of that. He really is trOwen’s successor on the Green Team, he loves seeing how people work, it’s the scientist in him. And, to do that, he has to make them angry. He even spent a solid hour or so more or less bullying trPangi (while drunk) just to see what Pangi’s mindset is like.

But he also acknowledges his role as Green’s sacrificial lamb. Unlike Ros, he actually likes living, thanks, but he’s willing to give a life up to keep his faction safe. That’s because he knows they’ll do the same for him. That sort of reciprocated kindness is why, despite having so many people who don’t like him, he has more that do.

Lukey is a pacifist. He sees beyond faction boundaries. He’ll let himself get bullied, and he’ll treat everyone who wrongs him with the respect he thinks they deserve. He respects the hell out of trSneeg and trFoolish despite Yellow’s actions towards him, he even respects Ros in a weird way.

He goes out of his way, almost, to connect with people. He’s one of the only people that treats trAce with any sort of respect. He listens, and he’ll give advice, and he’ll let himself get put down for the sake of the game. The game’s rules? Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

The reason why Lucas the Scientist died in the end wasn’t because of the illegal research, it was because he did the illegal research for the sake of a better world. Lukey lost his memories, his freedom, and his sense of self all because he wanted to help people.

[evelegy]

No one ever talks about how lonely of an experience Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is...

If you engage in video game media at all you might have a favorite gaming content creator or streamer, and they might have done their own little Oblivion playthrough to celebrate the remake's launch. How many of those playthroughs take the game seriously and how many people are making monstrous looking characters that stretch the limit of the character creator and then doing goofy stuff with the game's logic system and murdering NPCs?

I remember in 2005 I saved up money to get an Xbox 360 specifically to play Oblivion. I was so enchanted by the immersive world it tried to create and took it 100% seriously. It was a truly formative experience on what a video game could be and I was engaged by the narrative and mechanics and sense of adventure and discovery. I don't see anyone engaging with the game that way anymore.

The only way it seems Oblivion can be engaged with in twenty years later is in bad faith. It's a Ripley's Believe it or Not! museum of meme soil, weird bugs, and unexpected interactions of pathfinding, game logic, and exploits. All of these quirks operate in stark dissonance to the elaborate world the game creates and how seriously it takes it's story. The stark contrast that results from the atmosphere and narrative intersecting with random and chaotic events created by either the player or game itself creates a palpable sense of camp that has no equal. Given how much of the unintended immersion breaks are unchanged in the remake, it could be argued that Bethesda believes the camp is a core element of the experience, and they may not even be wrong to believe so.

What makes Oblivion a game worth preserving and showcasing to future generations? It doesn't have the tight gameplay of Mario 64. It doesn't have the mechanical depth of Dark Souls. It doesn't have the narrative choices and consequences of rpgs like Knights of the Old Republic. Oblivion does not succeed in, well, anything really. It's a collection of attempts to reach for the moon, but in all of them is a mocking failure by missing the mark. It succeeded in its time by demonstrating it's bag of tricks to an audience who did not know any better. It's world seemed endless, it's real time NPC movements felt like a decent simulacra of reality, and it's graphics showed off the power of a new generation of gaming. All of those things were easily surpassed in the span of several years, so now all that's left is the jank.

I can recommend Okami to people 20+ years after the fact because there are things it does unlike any game before and since and still feels great to play. I can recommend Monster Hunter Generations still in a post World/Rise/Wilds era because off the incredible depth of content it offers, visual style, and unique mechanics that didn't make the jump to fifth gen MH. Most of all I can recommend a game like the Mass Effect Trilogy or Dragon Age despite their age because of the *party members*.

Dragon Age: Origins is a fucking rough game to play in 2025. It's aged poorly in almost every respect, except for one. It's well written cast of party members and companions allow a proper lens for the character to get invested in the world around them because the people they care about are invested in it. They make the game worth playing and worth taking seriously because now you have a personal stake in the narrative's outcome. This type of game was perhaps perfected in 2023 with the release of Baldur's Gate 3. BG3 just throws you into the Dungeons and Dragons universe devoid of any bottom prep or even a lore codex and yet you still have these core companions to forge a bridge from the player to the universe. You want to smooch these characters. You don't want them to be sad. The venues to make them not sad exist in the world and require the player to understand that world and so the player becomes invested.

Oblivion has no such mechanisms. Your character forges no relationships. No companions. NPC's a vacuous mathematical masks you can kill or torment at your pleasure. You can force them to like you by playing an arbitrary speech minigame or get them to tell you anything by just bribing them with money. No matter what crime you commit, you can serve jail time or pay a fine and the world and people just continue on like nothing at all happened. It's all ignored. The land of Cyrodil is just a playground of paper dolls for the omnipotent player to stomp about inside of until they get bored. And so that's how players seem to engage with it now. Playing Oblivion for me in 2025 has certainly tickled my nostalgia at times but it is just such an unfulfilling experience because I care more about the formative time in my life when I played the game than I do care about the game itself.

[cultkinkcoven]

@zaizai-11037 Decided to make a whole post about this because I realized I actually have A LOT to say about this. Hope that’s okay lol

Ok, the first thing is that Lord Lucifer is not a human. You don’t feel jealous when you see the sun shining on someone else’s face because you too can go out and stand in the sunlight. You don’t get jealous that someone across the planet is seeing the moon, because you know you will see her in a few hours. Lucifer is not a man, he is a spirit that can be embodied. He is in the artist’s pen and the poet’s tongue, he is the raven caw and the howling wind. I try not to anthropomorphize him *too much*, because he is not a human. He’s not an invisible man. He is everywhere at once, and I know that he’s still with me even when I can’t see him. He’s still with me when he’s with everyone else.

The other thing is knowing that he’s still speaking to me through his interactions with others. That’s why I love reading other people’s experiences so much, I learn more about him through them. And sometimes those posts inspire me to approach him with new questions. I feel a kinship with others who know him like this, I’m excited and relieved to know I’m not the only one. My immediate response is usually awe rather than jealousy.

And lastly, my Lucifer is mine. Every relationship every person has with him is unique. Lucifer may have many lovers but none of them are the same. I don’t yearn to experience what others are experiencing, I’m busy having my own experiences. It’s nice to witness them experiencing something similar to me, we can relate to each other. But no one else is ever going to be what I am to him, and the same applies to everyone he has ever had a relationship with. My Lucifer talks to me and manifests to me differently than he does to anyone else, even if he uses a few of the same tricks.

I was going to end this post here, but I think that would be a bit dishonest. To be completely real, I DO get a little bit jealous sometimes lol. It’s one of those things that is illogical and unavoidable sometimes, feeling that way isn’t wrong, especially when it is uncontrollable. Such is the way of the human heart. I saw a post from an amazing artist who painted a beautiful piece for him and their caption said something like “I want to be his personal painter” and I was like !!IM! His personal painter!!!

It’s silly lol, and it’s fun to laugh about it. Having jealousy isn’t really the issue, the actions one takes afterwards however may be.

The thing that has always made it easier for me has been Lucifer’s reaction himself. I know he’s just happy to have two painters. He seems to find it endearing when I find myself in these little ruts. My eagerness to please him, to compensate for my slight jealousy, only means I’ll be more vigorous in my devotion. And in some weird way, his teasing makes everything feel less serious.

“Oh, are you working hard for me, my boy?”

“That seemed to strike a nerve, are you going to make me a painting too now?“

He has a sense of pride knowing that I do get jealous, that I do want to be favoured. And I gain fulfillment from my increased efforts.

and i don’t even know if I should say this, but the realest answer of them all is sometimes I do get jealous and I just act like a brat. That’s it. He’s extremely in tune with my mood and he notices the slightest hint of attitude- and then he’s immediately present.

“what’s your problem?”

“who are you looking at like that?”

sometimes the only good answer is to just ask for attention, and Lucifer luckily is usually very willing to give it. He has never turned away from me when I needed him, even when all I needed was validation. He is never too far away and he will always come when I call. He’s very good at easing my obsessive mind.

So the tldr is: asides from the whole not a human being thing, Lord Lucifer is really good at keeping his hoes in check

So happy that Lord Lucifer has other followers … cause on the days I don’t have the time or energy to be at my altar or offer him something, I’m so so relieved to see posts from other Luciferians talking about what they did with him that day. It’s like, oh, thank Gods, there are others leaving him sweet treats and writing him poems and showering him in praises today. He still has the support of his cult behind him even when I’m away, he’s not alone. And seeing other people’s experiences just makes me even more excited to reunite with him. I love seeing his little quirks appear in other people’s conversations with him.

something something spiritual polyamory? ?Rejoicing in the shared love of a God is so magical …

[fruchtfliege]

WIP Wednesday 🫡

Tagged by @hemlocksandfoxgloves @thiamsalpha @axxxx13 and @diaphanous-anchor ☺️☺️ thank youuuu

“You’re going down!” Liam screams, trying to push Mason with his shoulder while still keeping his eyes firmly on the screen.

“Aw, do you really think you’ve got a chance?” Mason pushes him back even harder. 

“You’re going down, your family is going down, your whole town is going down!” Liam laughs maniacally, feeling the euphoria of his soon-to-be victory. He’s been eating shit all night, Mason beating him no matter what character or battle arena he picked for the fight and he’s done losing! He even harassed Mason to stay past his week curfew and it’s for the sole purpose of at least beating his ass once! And it’s finally within his reach!

Just as he's about to give the final hit, finally ending the reign of tyranny that Mason has been holding over his head for months, just as his thumb is about to press the metaphorical trigger and murder Mason’s streak in cold blood, his ears pick up a familiar sound in the distance. Turning his head, Liam focuses on it for a moment and, yeah, it’s definitely Theo's car. Liam checks his phone but there’s nothing. No notification, no missed calls. Weird. Theo usually asks him before dropping by. 

“Ah-ha! You thought you could kill me!? Me!? I'm the grandmaster of video games, Liam! Not even your heightened senses can help you now!”  

From the corner of his eye, Liam spots his character – Link – being absolutely obliterated by Peach’s final smash. Nothing he could’ve done about it, he doesn't even have the controller in his hands anymore. 

Mason's chuckle stops as soon as Liam is on his feet, opening his window. He does a double take, surprised to see that his best friend has already moved on from the legendary beating. 

“What are you doing?” Liam whisper-screams out the window. 

“Who is doing what?” Mason gets on his feet too but Liam is completely blocking the view with the top half of his body outside and his ass sticking out in his bedroom. Mason groans and still tries to make himself a small place above him to check what’s going on. 

“Wait, why are you leaving?” Liam tries again. “I can obviously see you, asshole, come back here!”

Mason understands the second he sees Theo hesitating by the side of Liam’s house, not saying anything, that he should probably leave. It’s late and Theo is glancing their way like he wants to stay but there's something bugging him. Mason can take a hint!

“Hey, so I’m gonna go,” Mason says quickly, trying to put Theo out of his misery. “I’ll see you at-”

“What? No! I still didn’t beat you, you can’t leave,” Liam cuts him off almost rudely but it only makes Mason laugh.

“That’s never gonna happen,” Mason says under his breath before he gives an innocent look at Liam like he hasn’t said anything at all. He quickly changes the subject before Liam starts talking nonsense and says that he’ll win the next game or something. “No, I get it, you two need some time alone. I don't mind.” 

Still mostly outside of the window, Liam hits the back of his head as tries to get back in with lightning speed and his high-pitched “what!?” dies into a moan of pain.

NPT: @thiamsxbitch @ksbbb @honestlydarkprincess @aristarr @akirasstories @attempted--eloquence @awinnn23 @ashyjingles @genetic-hellhound @opheliathiams @johnsotherbastard @valkyrievoid-15 @slimeyslimeyballsack @morganasmissus @haven-of-dusk @lovelylittlegrim @okay-but-could-we-not @el-viruss ❤️☺️

[sometimesoliloquy]

In 6x06, June seems indifferent to Nick. She doesn't act with him like the loving woman she was with him until now. It's very disappointing. And where did this idea of ​​going to Paris come from? Even in 4x09, they were talking about Hawaii. I'm still Team Nick!

Me too!! Always🖤

So I rewatched last night and while there were some tonal things that seemed a bit off, I really don't agree that June seems indifferent to Nick in the episode as we whole. 

Looking at it scene by scene, first we have them in Lawrence's basement when he brings her the letters--she's anxiously awaiting him, when she sees him she does a quick little "love blink" and her eyes are soft. She thanks him with warmth. She senses something off in his demeanor and says "you ok?" but he says "yeah" so she lets it go. She goes quickly into business mode (let's get out of here,"I'll tell you in the car") which I think it understandable given the dangerous situation—I mean sure, 4x03 June said fuck it and ran back out on that bridge to make out with him, full handcuffed and with guardians in plain view, but she did probably think she'd never see him again at that point—and interestingly I think Nick would generally be the one in this situation saying "ok we gotta go". But here he's lingering, he grabs her hand and she so she becomes curious, wary (what's going on?). Then he's (taking an adorably roundabout way of lol) asking her to stay the night with him. I feel like I see some excitement on her face at the prospect but she's still thrown off base by how he's acting and it's still all wrapped up in confusion (what is he really saying/asking) so she asks again what's wrong and similar to in 2x06 he can't express his own worry for himself verbally so he initiates physical contact for reassurance instead. I think she's startled at first and scared because she knows him and now she knows there's something wrong if he's seeking out this comfort from her. She does embrace him fully and close her eyes for a moment, melting into the hug. Here he tells her "sometimes I think you're the only good thing in my life" and she continues looking concerned for him.

Now, I wish I knew what they talked about in the car on the way to his house in NB (I'm not sure how long of a drive that is??). She obviously filled him in on why she's there and the Mayday plan but I have to think that they didn't talk about why Nick's being so weird Nick's current problems. I would think the drive would be long enough to get into it; who knows maybe June prodded again and Nick deflected again, maybe he just wanted to get to the house so he could actually show her the plan he'd been working on for them (to run away together) and didn't want to get into all of it until then.

Then of course there's the scene at the end of the episode in Serena's house (where BTW they're just hanging out in front of the window in plain view of the street with the curtains wide open?? OK 😅). She's anxiously awaiting him again, and again immediately clocks something off about his demeanor—he seems harried, manic almost. She's still looking at him with softness and concern. Then she's incredulous, smiling (go with you where??), looking deep into his eyes. She's overcome with emotion: marveling, excited and happy in a way we only see with Nick. I see a look of total love on her face when he says "come with me, June" and the she's kissing him (again, window wiiiide open, guys). Then of course it's all downhill from there. But her expression in the final moments, that's anything but a look of indifference, that's pure and utter devastation.

Not sure if you're also including the s1 flashback scene in this interpretation but (while I have some complicated thoughts about this I'm still parsing out) this seemed like a believable cute post coital pillow talk scene She's not at the utterly-in-love phase yet but she definitely seems fully smitten and there's an overall feeling of warmth and affection.

To go back to the first scene in the basement for a minute, while I didn't interpret this as June being cold or indifferent, I DO think it's really important context for the episode—and probably next episode(s) to come—to note that she does seem somewhat distracted, maybe too absorbed in worries and thoughts of her own to really fully clock that there's something really big going on under the surface with Nick, or at least to really push on the topic. And sadly, with some notable exceptions ("What about you" in 2x06 comes to mind as an example), this has kind of been the repeating theme of their dynamic across the seasons. Somewhat understandable while June was in Gilead and in the more vulnerable position like 98% of the time. But now she's out, she's free. She could be living safely and quietly in Alaska if she wanted. She's still got problems and there's danger (again, the latter mainly as a necessary result of her own choices) but the dynamic has shifted and Nick's really the one in the more precarious position.

But she's not really saying "what about you" anymore, she's caught up in her own shit. She asks "what's wrong" but doesn't dig deeper when he deflects. She's worried in the moment (when she hears the gunshots in 6x03 and “what are you going to do about those guards?") but then goes into "Nick will handle it" mode and seems to largely forget about it. We don't see her having deeper or lasting concerns about Nick's safety and mental state; she doesn't appear to really think about the dangerous position he's in because of all he's doing to help her, not to mention the emotional toll, and realize that he might need some help, or at the very least some moral support. And this is important to note because I think this is very much going to play into the fallout of Nick giving up the Mayday Jezebels plan. I think she's probably gonna have an emotional gut reaction and not think about what possible underlying factors could have caused Nick to do it. She's probably going to stay in this self-righteous, self-absorbed bubble of hurt and anger for at least an episode or two. And then I have to hope that she'll have a moment of self-reflection, have to take a step back from herself and realize that Nick's not fucking superman, he's human. And she hasn't really been treating him as such lately, and it's really unfair. IDK maybe this is what you're picking up on as indifference so yeah, I definitely get that.

As for the Paris reference--on the one hand, it seemed to come completely out of nowhere, and on the other hand (for me at least) was actually a fully well-timed "ding ding ding" moment because of my recent fascination with the comparison to Casablanca and examining all the parallels there seem to be here (and now I have another to add to the list). Paris is notably where the two main characters in Casablanca met and fell in love, and it's a continuing theme throughout the movie. I feel like it can't be a coincidence that they bring it up now, but I guess we'll see where they go with that. I'm still dreaming of an eventual Hawaiian beachside happy ending on these two (doesn't hurt to have a backup plan, though I guess😉). Anyway, sorry for the really long reply!

[runningincircl3s]

Sinematic

Vinny Mauro x Reader

Chapter 11

chapter warnings: oh... there's smut... (nsfw mdni!!) (also reminder i can't proof read my own smut because it feels weird idk why lmao)

i'm still having new ideas for this story and changing things up all over the place, so i'm hoping this is okay cos there wasn't actually supposed to be smut until a later chapter but i kinda thought it would work at the end of this hehe :)

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

You barely slept. 

All you could think about all night was how his hands felt, how warm his mouth was, how he touched you. But what played on your mind the most, was the words he whispered, the quiet confessions it felt like you weren’t supposed to hear. 

You played it over and over in your mind, trying to make it make sense, but it didn’t. He touched you and kissed you like he wanted you, like he felt the same as you, but then he pulled back as if he realised what he was doing was wrong, like he didn’t really want it. 

But you didn’t know Vin was also lying awake, also staring at the ceiling all night. 

His mind wouldn’t switch off. He felt like he did something wrong, you never gave him permission to touch you the way he did, but you didn’t push him away either. He knew if you weren’t comfortable, you would’ve said something, but that wasn’t the point. He fucked up, and he needed to apologise. As much as he wished it could be more, he didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had barely managed to salvage. 

But then he thought about the way you kissed him back, how right it felt, how you slid your hands behind his neck, fingers running through his hair. 

Eventually, you both fell asleep, with the thought of each other on your minds. 

The next morning, you woke up pretty early. You didn’t bother to make your bed or open the blinds, but made your way downstairs in hopes to make breakfast and get out of the way before Vin wakes up. Your hair was a mess from tossing and turning all night, it had been hot so you slept in a tiny pair of sleep shorts and a tank top with no bra, so you prayed you’d avoid him. You just wanted to make some toast and a coffee and be on your way.

But just as you reach the bottom of the stairs, you can hear him already. 

You walk in to see him getting a glass of water. Shirtless. Damp curls. Clearly fresh out the shower. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard your footsteps. 

“Morning.” He says all too casually, as if he didn’t have his hands and mouth all over you last night. 

“Morning.” You put on a smile, reaching for the bread. 

“You making breakfast?”

“Just some toast.” You answer with a shrug. 

“Can you make me some too?” He asks like he always does. Like it meant nothing last night. Like he wasn’t messing with your sanity. 

You force a small nod, biting your cheek to keep yourself from blurting out what the hell were you playing at last night? Instead, you take out four slices of bread and pop them into the toaster. 

You stand in silence for a moment, he was occupied with something on his phone, and your mind was still in overdrive, wondering why the fuck you chose to move in with him. 

Eventually, you pass him his breakfast, but you don’t sit with him. You pick up your plate and turn. 

“I’m gonna eat in my room.” 

He pauses mid bite. 

“Why?”

“I just… Have a lot to do.” 

“Okay,” he doesn’t question it, “Don’t forget AJ and Emil are coming over later, there’s a new game out that we want to play so I’m downloading it right now.” 

“Cool.” You say, “I’ll uh… Make sure I’m out of the way.” 

His head jerks up. 

“Why?” He asks, almost sounding hurt, “I wanted you to hang out with us, why would you hide away?”

You press your lips together, your heart thudding loud in your ears. Before you can find a reason that sounds believable, he sets down his toast.

“Is this about last night?”

His voice is lower now, more careful. Like he’s scared of your answer.

“I’m sorry,” he continues. “I thought… I thought if you didn’t want it, you’d say something. I didn’t mean to cross a line. I didn’t even ask before I touched you, and- fuck.” He rubs a hand over his face. “I fucked up.”

You felt your heart sink.

That’s not what happened. Not even close. But before you can say anything, he speaks again.

“I know you just want to be friends. So do I. I swear. It’s just… sometimes I…”

“You what?”

He hesitates for a moment, but falters, shakes his head and sighs.

“Forget it,” he mutters. “Your toast’s gonna get cold.”

…

You spent the majority of the day in your bedroom, more confused than ever. Did he regret what he did last night? You should’ve told him you wanted it, you wanted more, but the words wouldn’t come out. 

You lied back on your bed, the small TV in the corner of the room playing a show you put on for background noise as you scrolled on your phone. 

Then Angela’s name popped up on your phone. 

Angel💗: HE DID WHAT?????

You forgot you texted her in a panic last night after everything happened. You had guessed she had now only just woken up, and only moments later she started to call. 

“Hi.” You smiled as you answered the phone. 

“What the fuck is he playing at? Girl, I told you not to move in with him-“

“Look, it was just…” You didn’t know how to finish that. 

“Talk me through it. Tell me exactly what happened. Don’t spare the details!” 

You sighed, hesitating for a moment before nodding- though she couldn’t see it. 

“I went out last night with Ciaran. When I came home he was waiting up for me, we talked for a bit, then I went to bed. I couldn’t reach the zipper on my top so the only option was to ask him for help, when I knocked on his door I heard these sounds… Like he was…”

“Jacking off?” 

“Ang!” 

You both laughed, but then when it died down, you sighed. 

“Anyways, I knocked again and he stopped, he opened the door and then… he helped me. And I don’t know why but I told him I kissed Ciaran, I told him I didn’t feel anything, and then he kissed me. It got pretty heated, his hands and mouth moved lower and-”

“He played with your tits?”

“Angela!” You groaned, feeling your cheeks heat up, remembering exactly how it felt. 

“So… If you didn’t feel anything with Ciaran, how did it feel with Vin?”

“I don’t know. I wish I could say I didn’t feel anything, but that’s a lie. It just felt so right, I didn’t want to stop.”

“So… You still want him?”

“I don’t think I ever stopped. It’s taken me a while to realise what I want, and it is him, Ang.” 

Knock knock

“Uh, y/n? The guys are here.” Vin’s voice called from the other side of your bedroom door. 

“Two seconds!” You called back, apologising to Ang, saying that you have to go. 

“Just tell him the truth, let him know how you feel before it’s too late.” 

You end the call and get up from your bed, opening the door and seeing Vin stood at the other side, an unsure look on his face.

You follow him down the stairs and greet the guys.

…

“So, is y/n joining us?” AJ asked, sighing as he collapsed onto the couch. 

Vinny nodded, looking over at the stairs as if you’d just appear. 

“I’ll uh, go and tell her you’re here.” 

“Is everything okay, man?” Emil asked, “You’ve been a little off since we got here.” 

“Yeah,” Vin said, too quickly for it to sound believable, “I’m just under a lot of stress right now, with the tour coming up soon...” 

“Fuck, yeah that’s next month.” Emil groaned, “Is y/n coming with us?”

“Why would she?” Vin asked. 

“C’mon, man. The two of you, it’s obvious.”

“She’s seeing someone, actually. This guy called Ciaran.”

“What?!” Emil gasped, and Vin nodded, not saying another word before turning to the stairs, making his way up to your room. 

He could hear the muffled sound of talking, he assumed it was coming from your TV at first, but as he got closer he recognised your voice. 

“It’s taken me a while to realise what I want, and it is him, Ang.”

Vin felt his whole body freeze, his heart stopping momentarily in his chest. 

You were talking about Ciaran. You had to be talking about Ciaran. 

Still, he knocked on your door. 

Knock knock knock.

“Uh, y/n? The guys are here.”

…

You’d be lying if you said the game wasn’t fun. For hours, the four of you switched between the two controls, each having a go.  It almost felt normal. Easy. Like you and Vin were really just friends. Like last night never happened.

But every time your knees bumped, or he leaned across you for the controls, that tension came creeping back. You knew he felt it too, in the way his laugh always faltered a second too late when your skin touched, and how his face went red. 

It was around eight when the storm started. A distant rumble at first, soft enough to ignore. But by the time the rain began pelting the windows and the thunder came, even AJ flinched.

“Well, I guess that’s our cue.” He said, pushing himself off the couch.

“Yeah,” Emil added, eyeing the windows. “Before we get stuck here or something. That wind is crazy.”

You got up to walk them out, thanking them for coming, doing your best not to watch Vin out of the corner of your eye, the way he lingered behind you, the way he scratched the back of his neck like he had more to say but didn’t know how to say it.

The door slammed shut behind them with a gust of wind, rattling the whole house.

Then the lights flickered.

Then everything went black.

“Oh, shit.” Vin muttered from beside you.

You reached out instinctively, grabbing his arm in the dark as another clap of thunder echoed in the sky. 

“Power’s out.” He confirmed, already moving to check the switches. You could barely see a thing, only catching outlines and shadows whenever lightning flashed outside the window.

“Is it just us?” You asked, voice a little shaky as you followed him.

“No idea. Could be the whole block.” He paused. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” You said, sounding very convincing.

“C’mon, I’ve got a flashlight in the kitchen somewhere.”

“Which way is the kitchen?” You asked, since you were in pitch black darkness. Not a single light anywhere to be seen, and you had both left your phones by the couch. 

“Uh… This way?”

“Which way?” 

He reaches out, his hand brushing your arm as he tries to reach for your hand to guide you along with him. You finally found his hand, and he squeezed it lightly. 

“Okay, kitchen’s this way… I think.”

“I’m placing bets right now that we end up falling into the basement.”

“Hmm, yeah I’ll take that bet.”

He led the way, confidently for about three seconds before he rammed his shin into something solid.

“Shit!” he hissed, hopping in place. “Okay there’s a chair there.”

You tried not to laugh. 

“You good?”

“No.”

As you crept behind him, he muttered warnings. 

“Watch out, I just stubbed my toe on the box there.”

You carefully followed as he guided you around it.

“Wow. Chivalry’s not dead.”

“I suffer so you don’t have to.” He smirked, though it was too dark for you to see. 

After a few more bruises and one dramatic bump into the doorframe, Vin finally declared his victory with a quack. 

“What the hell was th-”

“Got it!” He announced, flicking on a tiny flashlight.

It was shaped like a rubber duck.

You stared at its dim, yellow glow. 

“No way.”

“What? It works.”

“It’s a duck.”

“And it quacks.” He added proudly, squeezing it.

Quack.

You were pretty sure you’d never laugh harder in your life.

“Why do you even have this?”

“I bought it at a gas station, thought it looked kinda cool.”

“Of course you did.”

Still giggling, you followed him back to the living room, where the flashlight cast a weird, dim yellow light across the walls. 

You both collapsed down onto the couch, and sighed. 

“So… now what?” You asked.

He looked around, then down at the duck in his hand before placing it on the table.

“Dunno.”

You both sat in silence for a moment, staring at the rubber duck light now proudly perched on the coffee table, glowing pathetically. 

“I feel like we’re about to tell ghost stories.” You said, tucking your legs under yourself.

Vin leaned back, arms folded behind his head. 

“You ever heard Rick talk about this place is haunted? I’m a pro at ghost stories.”

You snorted. 

“Yeah I’ve heard, is Sally still around?”

“Nah, I think I’ve scared her off now.”

The room fell quiet again, besides the occasional thunder rumbling outside. You rubbed your arms, trying to fight off the chill seeping into your skin now that you weren’t moving.

Vin glanced at you, noticed the way your shoulders curled in. 

“You cold?”

“No, I’m okay.” You lied, though your teeth nearly betrayed you.

Without another word, he shifted closer and threw an arm around your shoulders. His body was so warm, annoyingly so. He had always been a human furnace. 

You leaned into him without thinking. It just felt… nice.

Then you remembered your phone. You reached out blindly, thinking your arm stretched over Vin’s lap, hand skimming over something…

Something that most definitely was not your phone.

It was warm. Firm. And you felt it twitch under your touch. 

Vin inhaled sharply through his teeth.

“Oh my god,” you blurted, yanking your hand back like it was on fire, leaning away from Vin as far as possible. “I thought that was- shit… I was just looking for my phone!”

He blinked, then looked down, then back up at you. Slowly, a grin crept across his face.

“If your phone’s that big, I have a lot of questions.”

“Vinny!” You groaned, wanting the couch to swallow you whole. 

“Look, I’m not saying I minded-”

“Vin!”

He held up his hands in surrender, still smirking. 

“Okay, okay! It was an accident!”

You groaned, dragging your hands over your face.

“Can we just forget this ever happened?”

Vinny snorted. 

“You touched my dick.”

“Yeah, and you touched my tits last night, so… I guess now we’re even.”

The words slipped out too easily, and you instantly regretted them. The air shifted. His expression changed.

“That wasn’t an accident,” he said, his voice lower now. “And I apologised.”

You turned toward him slowly, your breath catching when you saw the look on his face. Serious. Not teasing. Not smug.

“...And I never said I didn’t like it, Vin.” You admitted.

That surprised him. His brows lifted just a little, then his eyes searched yours like he was making sure he heard you right.

You hesitated, then added.

“I didn’t pull away because I didn’t want you to stop.”

The silence stretched between yiu, the only sound the storm outside and the occasional stupid soft quack from the duck light every few minutes.

Vinny shifted a little.

“Really?” He asked.

You nodded, heart thudding as you moved a little closer and leaned in, close enough to feel his breath.

"I liked it... It felt good..." You said, your voice hardly above a whisper.

Your hand found his thigh, fingertips just resting there, maybe a little too high to just be casual. You glanced up at him again, testing the waters.

“Friends can… make each other feel good, right?”

Vin blinked, but his lips curled at the edges. 

“Yeah. For sure.”

He scratched the back of his neck like he was pretending to think it through… classic stalling.

“Also,” he added, too casually for the words that were about to follow, “Friends can totally have sex to keep warm. Like, scientifically speaking. It’s basic survival.”

“Oh, for sure, I like your thinking.” You grinned. “I mean, body heat is important. You wouldn’t want me to die or anything.”

“Definitely not. That would make me a really bad friend.”

He was leaning in now, his arm slowly sliding behind you again, hand resting at your lower back.

“I’d… just be doing my part.” He said, his voice a little rougher now.

“Yeah?” You whispered.

“Yeah.”

You didn’t move right away. Neither of you did.

It was that limbo, the moment before everything tipped over and became too much to turn back. It gave you both time to pull away if you wanted, before a line got crossed you couldn’t uncross.

Your nose bumped his, your fingers dragging slightly higher up his leg, and suddenly his hand was on your jaw, pulling you into him like he’d finally made up his mind.

The kiss was slow, and hot, like he was savouring the feeling. Your lips moved with purpose this time, nothing hesitant or clumsy. It was soft and rough all at once.

You slid your body into his lap effortlessly, like you belonged there, your cold fingers slid under his shirt as he groaned quietly into your mouth.

“Still cold?” He murmured against your lips.

You nodded, breathless. 

“Freezing.”

“Guess we just have to keep going, then.”

His warm arms wrapped around you, thumb rubbing over your spine as he kissed you. You straddled him, thighs on either side of his, your chest against his, your breath catching when you felt how hard he already was beneath you.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about last night,” you admitted quietly, your voice shaky. “The way you touched me.”

His hand slid under your shirt, warm against your bare skin. 

“Yeah? You liked that?”

You nodded, a little breathless. 

“Uh-huh. A lot.”

Vinny tilted his head, eyes locked on yours. 

“Yeah?” His palm smoothed up your ribs, not quite touching your breasts yet, but close enough to make your whole body ache. “What did you like the most?”

You squirmed in his lap. 

“Your hands. Your mouth. The way you took your time.”

“I was trying to behave,” he said, voice dark. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to do it again.”

"You can do it whenever you want."

His hands moved higher, sliding under your bra now, thumbing over your nipples until they were hard, stiff and sensitive. You let out a soft moan, your back arching into him.

Vinny leaned in, kissing down your neck, slow and deliberate. 

“Still cold?”

You nodded your head.

"Guess I gotta try harder then."

He peeled your shirt off, and then lost his own, eyes never leaving yours as tugged your bra down a little until your breasts spilled free. His hands cupped you, thumbs flicking over your nipples, and then his mouth was there again, hot, wet, slow, licking and sucking until your legs started to tremble.

You ground against him without meaning to, seeking friction, gasping when you felt his cock pressing through his sweats against your core.

“God, Vin…”

“You like that?” He murmured against your skin.

You nodded, your fingers tangling into his hair as he dragged his mouth back up your chest, kissing your throat, your jaw, your lips again. His hands never stopped moving, roaming your back, your waist, slipping down to your hips and beneath the waistband of your shorts.

“Can I?”

“Please.” You nodded frantically. 

He slid his hand between your legs, and you sucked in a breath when his fingers brushed your soaked panties.

“Fuck,” he muttered, voice nearly wrecked. “You’re so wet already.”

“Touch me, please, Vin.” You begged, your hips shifting instinctively.

He did, slow, teasing strokes over your panties that made your thighs tremble. Then he slipped them to the side, finally sliding two fingers along your folds, groaning at the feeling.

“Jesus… I forgot how good you feel… How warm and soft…” His voice trailed off as his lips found your jaw. 

You moaned as he rubbed small, tight circles over your clit, his mouth never far from your skin, kissing your chest, your shoulder, your throat, letting you fall apart slowly.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “Just like that. Let me take care of you… Let me warm you up.”

You whimpered when he slid a finger inside you, curling it just right, adding another when you bucked against him. You were panting now, dizzy with it, holding onto him like you were afraid he’d disappear.

He kissed you again, slow but needy, and whispered.

“Can I taste you?”

You blinked at him, dazed. 

“W-What?”

“Wanna go down on you again.” His voice was hoarse. “Please.”

You nodded, speechless, and he lifted you gently off his lap, laying you back against the couch. He pulled your shorts and panties down in one smooth motion, settling between your thighs like it was his favourite place.

Because it once was. 

He looked up at you once more, with a smirk, before he leaned in. 

“You just tell me when you’re warm enough...”

Then his mouth was on you, hot, wet and perfect. His tongue flicked over your clit, slow at first, then rougher, enjoying the sounds that spilled from your mouth.

You cried out, legs trembling, hand flying to his hair. 

“F-Fuck, Vinny-”

He groaned against you, like your moans were turning him on even more. And they were, he was grinding against the couch, so hard it hurt, desperate to be inside you.

When your thighs began to tremble, when your breath started to stutter, he slid back up your body and kissed you deep, tasting yourself on his tongue.

“You’re shaking,” he murmured, cock pressed hard against your thigh through his pants. “Still cold?”

You laughed breathlessly. 

“No.”

“Good.” He kissed you again, deeper and slower as he slid his sweats down just enough, angling his hips between yours. “But it’d be a shame to stop now.” 

“Don’t you dare stop-”

“Shh, I got you. I’m not stopping.” 

Vinny lined himself up, his breath shaky, eyes locked on yours like he was waiting for any reason to stop. You didn’t give him one. You wrapped your legs around his waist, nodded once, and whispered, 

“Please.”

That was all he needed.

He pushed in slow, his eyes fluttering shut as he sank into you.

“Fuck.” He breathed, forehead resting against yours.

You gasped, nails digging into his back, your body stretching to take him. It hurt in the best way, too long, too much, and not enough all at once.

“God,” you whimpered, your voice breaking. “It’s been a while… forgot how big you are.”

He groaned, hips stilling as he sat with his cock nestled deep, buried to the hilt insde you.  

“And you’re so fucking tight...”

He kissed you again, and then started to move. Slow at first, dragging his hips back before driving into you with a roll of his body that made your eyes roll back.

You clung to him, every thrust sending a jolt of pleasure straight through your spine.

“Vin... Oh my god-”

“You’re so perfect,” he groaned, kissing down your neck as he fucked you harder. “I missed this. Missed you.”

He sat up slightly, one hand gripping your thigh, the other sliding under your ass to pull you deeper onto him with every thrust. The sound of skin slapping filled the room, soft and obscene in the dim duck light.

The couch squeaked beneath you, cushions giving with each hard snap of his hips.

He was relentless now, and fucking you like he meant it, like he had something to prove. But it wasn’t just rough. It was real, like this wasn't just having sex to warm up.

Your bodies moved in sync, hips meeting over and over, your moans tangled with his breathless groans.

“Feel so good,” he panted. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep looking at me like that.”

You whimpered, one hand sliding between your bodies to touch yourself. 

“I’m so close, Vin. Don’t stop.”

“Yeah? Gonna cum for me?”

You nodded frantically, body tightening. 

“Y-yeah...”

He caught your hand, brushing your fingers away and replacing them with his own. His thumb circled your clit perfectly, his rhythm never faltering.

“Cum for me, baby. I wanna feel you cum around me again.”

That did it.

Your body arched, muscles clenching as the orgasm washed over you. You cried out his name, voice cracking as you pulsed around him.

“F-fuck- you feel so good when you cum- holy shit...”

You shattered around him, gasping his name like a prayer. Your body arched beneath him, muscles clenching so tight it made his rhythm falter.

But he didn’t stop just yet.

Vinny watched you with something close to awe, still buried deep, still throbbing hard. Your body trembled under his, legs shaking.

“You okay?” He whispered, brushing sweat-slick hair from your face.

You nodded weakly, but your voice cracked. 

“Yeah…”

He gently kissed your cheek. 

“You’re doing so good.”

And then he moved again.

You whined, the motion making your body jolt. 

“Vinny!”

“Shh, I got you,” he murmured, pulling out only to sit back against the cushions and tug you into his lap. “Come here, baby. Just wanna feel you like this.”

He helped you straddle him, his hands steady on your waist as he guided you back down onto his cock.

You whimpered, almost crying at the way he filled you again. 

“Oh my god-”

“I know, I know,” he cooed, one hand smoothing down your back. “You’re so sensitive, huh? But you’re taking me so well.”

His lips grazed your collarbone as he rocked up into you, slow and deep at first, knowing how overstimulated you'd feel, then harder.

The couch creaked again, the stupid duck light casting just enough glow for you to see the way his jaw clenched, the way his eyes stayed glued to yours.

“Look at you,” he breathed. “Fucked out and so pretty. You’re mine like this, you know that? Can't have anyone else seeing you like this... Just me.”

You knew it was just the lust speaking, the heat of the moment- or so you thought.

Your nails dug into his shoulders as he thrust up, harder now, relentless. As his thumb stroked your swollen clit again, the overstimulation burned, but felt so good at the same time. Every stroke hit that perfect spot, drawing helpless little gasps from you.

“Can’t,” you choked. “It’s too much...”

“You can,” he said gently, holding your hips in place as he fucked up into you. “You’re doing so good for me. Just one more. You can give me one more, yeah?”

Your head dropped to his shoulder, body trembling as he pounded into you. And all the while, his voice stayed soft and sweet, sinful praise against your ear.

“Love how you feel around me… warm and wet and perfect...”

Your body tensed again, an uncontrollable stroke of heat and pleasure exploding in your core and taking over your body. You sobbed against his neck as the second orgasm made you see stars, your voice breaking on his name.

He groaned, hands squeezing around you tight enough to bruise as he chased his own release, driving up into you a few more times before he finally came with a deep, breathless curse, spilling into you again as he held you tight to his chest.

Then neither of you moved.

You just stayed pressed against him, panting, shaking, both of you coated in sweat and his cock still deep inside you.

And then, from somewhere on the floor, the duck quacked again.

...

You didn’t move for a long time. At least half an hour must've passed, but you were scared that once this moment was over, it would never happen again, or you'd be too awkward around each other.

Just lay there draped across Vinny’s chest, sticky with sweat, your breathing gradually slowing as his fingers traced slow, lazy circles on your back.

“Are you alive?” He murmured into your hair.

You let out a weak noise.

“Barely.”

He chuckled, low and satisfied.

“You were amazing.”

“You did all the work.”

“I guess.” He tilted his head to press a kiss to your temple.

You smiled against his shoulder, feeling the way his arm tightened around you waist, like he wasn't ready to let you go. For a moment, it felt like you could say something real, that you should say something honest and scary, like I missed this, or you know you mean more to me than just a friend.

But neither of you did.

Because you were silly, and you were stupid, and maybe this was just easier.

"I could sleep here." You mumbled, feeling how his fingers drifted up into your hair, scratching lightly at your scalp until you melted into him like putty.

“You are sleeping here.”

“Okay. Cool.”

You let your eyes fall shut, a happy, content sigh falling from your lips as you pressed a kiss to Vin's shoulder once more. You could feel yourself on the brink of sleep, and then...

Click.

The lamps around the room flickered to life. The TV rebooted. The fridge whirred back to life in the kitchen.

You both flinched at the sudden brightness.

“…Well, shit.” Vinny muttered.

You blinked at him, then at the barely glowing duck light on the floor.

"I mean, he served us well." You said, feeling Vin chuckle beneath you.

And then it quacked again, as if to say thank you.

You looked back up at Vin, with nothing but pure love in your eyes, and this time, when he leaned in to kiss you, soft and slow and smiling, you let him.

Maybe you’d talk about it tomorrow. Maybe not.

But right now, wrapped in his arms, your skin on his, you didn’t really care.

----------------------------

LATE POST AGAIN I'M SORRY!!! i hope it was worth it though ;)

@collapsedglasshouses @miss570 @dominuslunae @sunshine-lvrr @death-ofpeace-ofmind @blade-dressed-in-red @amelia-acero @kait16xo @oobleoob @pipidoll @justdamnpeachy @bluehairpunklol @renegadebirch @devilsfuckingdance @darkwhisperswolf

IF I'VE FORGOTTEN YOU FROM THE TAGLIST PLEASE LET ME KNOW MY MEMORY IS AWFUL

[gunilslaugh]

Chapter 3: Complication Of Feelings

Part of my To All The Boys I've Loved Before Series

WC:~1.5k

You seriously couldn’t understand it. Why would Jooyeon lie about you dating Jiseok?

“I’m not sure,” Gunil replied. He pauses and looks down at his hands that he had folded on the table. It looked like he was debating something. 

“What is it?” you questioned.

“I-” A small laugh leaving him interrupts his sentence. “I don’t really know why I’m thinking about saying this or not, but I actually had a small crush on you back then in high school,” he revealed. 

“You did?” A feeling of melancholy washes over you. 

“Yeah I did.” A small smile tugged on his lips, but his eyes gave you a bittersweet look. “Then Jooyeon told me that you were dating Jiseok. I admit that I did initially think that that was weird because you never mentioned dating him, but I can’t remember if it was the same day he told me or a few days later. I saw you with Jiseok while you were waiting for your brother. Jiseok had one arm up, leaning against the wall beside your head. Like half-way caging you. He was showing you a video on his phone. You seemed really comfortable with him. After that I thought what Jooyeon said was true.” he explained. 

It takes you a bit to try and process what he just told you. Your first crush, the one you like to call your first love, did actually like you back. On top of that Jooyeon lied to him about you dating Jiseok.(The reason why he did that is still unknown.) Because of Jiseok’s flirting nature and you being nonchalant to it, Gunil mistook Jooyeon’s lie for the truth.

“I should have pushed Jooyeon out of the window instead of trying to jump out of it,” you say, catching Gunil off guard. 

“I’m sorry what? You what?” Gunil looked at you with a mix of shock and confusion.

“It’s fine, Jiseok wouldn’t let me,” you tell him. Though your statement only makes Gunil grow more confused. 

“You were with both Jooyeon and Jiseok? I didn’t know you guys all hung out together,” he said. 

“Oh, we don’t. It’s just those stupid letters have really complicated things,” you told. 

“Excuse me if this is just me jumping to conclusions, but does that mean they both got one too?” he checked. 

“Yep.” You nod. “Two people who past me never would have imagined falling for, yet somehow, I did,” you state. 

“I mean I believed that you were dating Jiseok back in high school, so that’s not all that surprising, but Jooyeon. That one does surprise me. You two couldn’t have one conversation without fighting,” he remarks. 

“Oh I know.” You think back on how you and Jooyeon used to be. “Last year we got lost in the woods together and everything changed, but at the same time not much actually changed,” you say. 

“Say more,” he urged you to keep going. 

“Well if I tell you about how I developed a crush on Jooyeon I actually need to start with me liking Jiseok,” you tell him.

“What kind of tangled web is this?” Gunil laughs. 

“Tell me about it,” you with an exaggerated sigh. “Long story short. I only went on the trip in the woods to avoid seeing Jiseok, who I realized that I liked after doing- Actually while doing a photoshoot with. Then somehow after getting lost in the woods with Jooyeon for a few hours realized that maybe all our fighting was for nothing. That love and hate really are two sides of the same coin,” you sum up. 

“That sounds like quite the complication of feelings,” Gunil notes. 

“It is, was?” You're not sure which one. Things are definitely still complicated, but you’re not sure if it’s because of those old, or maybe not so old, feelings. “The main thing I’m really confused about right now though is why Jooyeon would lie to you about me dating Jiseok,” you changed the topic. 

“Only he knows the answer to that. You’ll have to talk to him about it,” he says. At the mention of talking to Jooyeon you feel the sense of panic start to build. As much as you wanted to know why he lied you still don’t think you’re ready to fully face him. 

“You don’t want to?” Gunil picks up on your shift in mood. 

“It’s weird. I feel really comfortable talking to you right now, but earlier when Jiseok and Jooyeon wanted to talk to me, I was so freaked out and panicky. Felt like I had to get away,” you disclosed. 

“What makes me different from them?” he questioned. Deep down you knew why. Because you were completely over Gunil, however the same couldn’t be said for Jiseok or Jooyeon. No matter how much you pushed down and ignored those feelings. No matter how much you tried to get back to how things used to be. They were never going to because feelings change things. Your heart still yearned for either of them. Writing down your feelings in a love letter didn’t make them go away. Shutting the letters away in your closet only mirrored how you shut the feelings away in your heart. 

“I’m over you…but not them.” You're forced to face the truth. You like Jiseok and you also like Jooyeon. Your admittance makes you feel just like you did a bit over a year ago. Like you're stuck in some kind of love maze. Not knowing how to navigate your way out or who will be the one at the end of it. 

“You know I actually know someone who liked two people at once,” Gunil states. 

“Really? What did they do?” you asked. 

“If you want to know you can talk to him about it yourself. You know him too or knew him at least,” he tells you. You start to feel confused. Who was Gunil talking about?

“Who is it?” you inquired. 

“Kim Jungsu.” 

“You know Jungsu! How? I mean we all went to the same high school, but you didn’t know him then right?” your question flowed. 

“We met in our first year of college. Funny enough we had both recently broken up with our girlfriends. We ended up bonding over it. Then one day I was trying to find a picture to show him and he saw the picture we took in physics when we did the lab on Newton’s Laws. That’s how we found out we were both old friends of yours,” he told you. 

“What game is life playing? Making my first love and first heartbreak friends,” you remark. 

“Since you mention that. If you feel comfortable, I think that you should talk to Jungsu. Not just about your Jiseok, Jooyeon thing, but since he received the letter I can tell that he wants to talk to you about it. I think he knows that you didn’t intend for them to get sent, so he’s gonna act like he never received it,” Gunil informed you. 

“He’s still sweet like that,” you say, remembering how much of a kind soul Jungsu was. 

“Yeah, he is and I really think that you should talk to him,” he insisted. Talking to Jungsu definitely didn’t sound like a bad thing. In fact you think it would be nice to hear his voice again, to see him again after all these years. 

“I think I will. It would be nice to see him again,” you said. Gunil smiles. With that yours and Gunil’s little reunion comes to end, but before you say goodbye you can’t help but ask one last question. 

“Gunil, if Jooyeon didn’t lie about me dating Jiseok do you think we could have been a thing?” you ask. 

“Will my answer make you push Jooyeon out of a window?” he asked humorously, resulting in you breaking out into laughter. 

“The thought may cross my mind,” you replied back with the same humorous tone. “But no. I just would like to know,” you tell him, tone becoming more serious.

“Then yeah we probably would have. I liked you and you liked me, so it sounds like pretty good odds.” It feels like his answer heals a part of your younger self. The younger you who felt like you missed out on Gunil because you were too cowardly to confess in time. 

“Thank you,” you say to him as you’re about to part ways.

“For what?” he asked. 

“For being my first love,” you say with a lighthearted chuckle. 

“Thank you too,” he said.

“For what?” you questioned. 

“For writing me that letter.” He smiled warmly at you. For once you don’t completely despise writing those letters. 

The two of you go your separate ways. Gunil looks back at you, watching as you make your way down the pavement. “Thank you for being my first love too.” You don’t hear it, you're too far away, but Gunil feels a sense of peace in saying the words. 

Rounding the corner you pull out your phone. You go to his social media and hit to send him a message. “Can I borrow your chemistry notes?” you type. It was an old excuse you used just so you could talk to Jungsu. You hit send and let out a small breath. 

Kim Jungsu: Sure :) Where should we meet?

<- Prev Next ->

taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143 @seungseung-minmin @junhanism @bee-the-loser

[mercars-musings]

Rate Your OC Traits

Tysm for the tag @redheadsramblings & @sunny374940! I so appreciate the amount of times youse both give me opportunities to yap about my boy hehe

Tis Az Mercar again! <3

Compassion: 7/10 — He DEFINITELY leads with compassion more often than not but tbh it TRULY depends who you are. Another random person? Sure, he'll try compassion. Someone he dislikes like a Magister, a Venatori, Solas, or another prick who would rather get their own while others suffer? Yeah fuck you, swift kick to the face if you don't get out his way. ~ Bitterness: 5/10 — Depends when you catch him, this bitch has so much trauma and is filled with a quietly bubbling rage just under the surface, but is also AMAZING at compartmentalising and bottling his feelings up. :') ~

Happiness: pre-veilguard 5/10— Work was his entire life, he barely went out and only ever did hook ups. He did NOT want to deal with romance ever again and genuinely never saw himself with a future past probably dying to stop some asshole magisters.

Happiness: post-veilguard 8/10 — He's got a wonderful husband, a surprise skeleton son and finally got the Dock Town Doggo thats always barking to come live with him. He's still traumatized and is dealing with a lot BUT he finally sees a future where he's happy and with those he loves. ~

Chivalry: 3/10 — Ehhhh, he does do romantic stuff don't get me wrong, but if he's ever being "chivalirous" it's most likely in a silly teasing way to make Em smile! ~

Pride: 5/10 — It's kind of a middle ground. He's proud of what he's accomplished as a Shadow Dragon & he's proud that he was able to stop the Elven Gods & keep {most of} his loved ones alive. But deep down he's still the weird kid that was severely bullied & had the only person who was ever proud of him killed before he could ever figure out how to be proud of himself. That shit kind of fucks up your self worth. ~

Honesty: 7/10 — So, yes & no. He will be truthful to a point. He never lies to Em or his close friends on anything important. BUT he will lie about how he's feeling to avoid an awkward situation or to keep people from worrying about him. He will also lie to assholes & omit certain info to non family / friends on missions if it gets him what he needs / opens the right doors bc well duh. ~

Bravery: 8/10 — He's a proper chicken shit at heart but he WILL do what is right & will do it with a brave face while he's internally SCREAMING in a panic lmfao. ~

Recklessness: 7/10 — He DOES prefer to think things true but sometimes his moral compass is a liiiiittle too strong and prompts him to act first, do damage control later. There is a reason the Shadows sent him to work with Varric for a while after all! ~

Ambition: 4/10 — He doesn't really care for titles or anything of the sort. He just wants to help people and fuck over as many magisters and Venatori he can along the way lmao. If a title helps him do that though, he may consider trying to achieve it! ~

Loyalty: 10/10 — Look this bitch commits HARD okay? He spent so long without a support system that he just didn't care for long but NOW? Now, he has something. He has a family in the Veilguard, Siblings in Taash & Davrin, a Partner in Emmrich & a son in Manfred & daughter in Hissera. He's had a taste of what he's always been after, finally and by the Gods he will die for it & to keep them safe if he has to. ~

Love: 10/10 — As someone who tried so desperately to shut that part of himself off for a long time... his hopeless romantic ass & his desire for family has kind of come back in full force and he will do anything for his loved ones. ~

Sense of family: pre-veilguard 3/10 — Desperate for one but with a mum who never wanted kids and a dad who loved him but was away from home constantly. He never really felt it in a meaningful way. Sense of family: post-veilguard 9/10 — He still has his scars and MANY hang ups around the topic of family. But, he definitely understands a lot more now and absolutely loves the little family he found / made. ~

Attractiveness: 10/10 — I personally think this dude is pretty as fuck. Is his appearance a self insert of how I want to look in the DA universe? Yes, which I think explains my answer bc I WANT TO LOOK PRETTY lmfao. If you ask him he'd just shrug, Emmrich agrees with me though, he's hot and pretty af. ~

Agility: 7/10 — He's agile enough. He's a mage and does close quarter combat and is great at it. But also don't ask him to do anything toooo physically demanding in his off time, his bones hurt lmfao. ~

Sex drive: 8/10 — Pretty healthy amount tbh. He really likes sex, ESPECIALLY with Emmrich. But also sometimes would just rather cuddle with his necromancer and read. :3 ~

No Pressure Taggies! : @thedissonantverses ; @andthekitchensinkao3 ; @ofcrowsanddragons ; @caughtnyact ; @hyperions-light & literally anyone else who sees this and wants in! <3

[shuggyjiggy]

Why I don't think Selwyn Kane has PBD (No shade, i enjoyed this list)

BPD symptoms Selwyn doesn't show in the book:

-Ongoing feelings of emptiness.

→simply never mentioned

-Inappropriate, strong anger, such as losing your temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting.

→ does he lose his temper? Yes. Is it ever inappropriate? No, he always had very good reasons when looking back. Is he sarcastic, bitter and does he physically fight? Yes, but one is his job, and the other could be accounted to his personality and how he grew up with Nick & his dad.

-Threats of suicide or self-injury, often in response to fears of separation or rejection.

→ Never mentioned in the book.

-Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, dangerous driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating, drug misuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.

→ Never mentioned in the book.

-Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality. These periods can last from a few minutes to a few hours. (AKA psychosis)

→ People like to describe the pre-graveyard era as paranoia because he thought bree was a demon but he had real reasons to suspect her of it. Feels that she resisted the oath, keeps popping up around the order even though he keeps wiping her memory, coerced 'the scion of arthur' to come back to the order... It makes sense. No unfounded paranoia or psychosis there.

Now onto OP's message :)

- The fear of abandonment (FOA)

→ Kids with divorced parents often have this fear, and it's not hard to imagine Selwyn has this when his mother 'died', and his 'father' started drinking, and assumingly neglected him. Neglect alone leads to the fear of abandonment, but then you have the whole Nick & order situation that isn't exactly loving, thus resulting in a boy with FOA, more likely because of this instead of caused by a BPD.

- unstable self image

→ This is likely due to all the reasons you listed, demonia, merlin, crossroads child, Nick, etc. Which is my point. Those events likely caused this unstable self image (mostly the demonia struggle and what the order does with it), not a BPD.

-Emotional instability

-Intense, unstable relationships

→ This is very true! But can his emotional instability really be accounted to a BPD, or more to a descent, a dis-illusion of the order, and the loss of Nicholas, his charge, his purpose in life, and all the delicious running and trauma and never feeling safe. So generally the tense conditions. Because I think it can be caused by these circumstances. And you mentioned something important: his want for control. Given his past, it's understandable wanting some form of control. People with ED's usually develop these ED's because there is something in their life that they CANNOT control, but they CAN control their food intake. Just as Selwyn cannot control what is happening, including his descent, he might be searching for control. And at the end you mention that he has some anger issues- yes he does. Most likely relating back to the childhood of course.

-Impulsive or self-destructive behaviors

→ almost all that you summed up is a direct result of if not plot. It wouldn't change were he to have BPD or not. But he does idolize the order, and then that all crashes. But we can point that to... Literally being taught to idolize the order. About Nick, so, he developed a crush, then Nick came to defy the order and 'leave' sel, make sel look paranoid by hinting at him having started his descent, not defending him against his father, etc. It's not that weird of a change of feelings, really. And I would like to talk about how he idolizes and then devalues people, because i personally don't see that. If anything, it's more likely a defense mechanism because if you think about it all people he cared for left him (apart from William, but he didn't care for him on the same level as his parents or Nick I imagine).

→ Most examples here are an (assumed) consequence of his descent. The tree throwing is his way of managing his anger issues, instead of punching people (thank you Selwyn 🙏). Nick does call Sel impulsive. How much of that refers to his demonia? How much is a result of his other issues? How much is simply his personality/nurture? I don't think Selwyn is shown as excessively impulsive in a way that it could be a symptom.

And one last thing, Selwyn is never portrayed with depressive or manic episodes, the main thing of bipolar disorder (when unmanaged).

And yes. He does need therapy and we do love him 💜💜

Hear me out - Selwyn Kane with BPD.

Hey. It's me again. And what if I told you I don't just think Selwyn Kane has audhd. What would you do? And what if I told you, that I projected so heavily onto him I have a goshdarn list. Again. Explanation:

Fear of abandonment - YES. He hints at being an abandoned child, literally saying it when he tells Bree about his father. In addition, you cannot tell me that the Order didn't raise him to fear a life without them. His mother died, His father (cough cough) is an alcoholic, and all he has is the order. They provide him structure and support and a will and a reason and you can bet they have held that over his head ever since they got thier hands on them.

Unstable Self-image - Mhm. Even before he does, he is fighting a constant battle of what he is and who he is destined to become. A Merlin, quite possibly the only Merlin in the southern chapter, in a human world. He doesn't fit in with the demons either. He is literally a crossroads child. I have made a completely different post about how he is isolated, but that's for another day. When Nick left, what did you think happened. Going through the shock of who was supposed to be your constant, who you were supposed to watch and protect your whole life, leaving the institution that cared for you, that you are so loyal to doesn't just happen. You don't just move on. Who even is Selwyn without him, without the order. And when he is turning, he's fighting an internal battle. Which one is the true him - his humanity or demonia? They are both him, both aspects, but that's not what he is taught and coerced into believing. There is no way this man has a stable self-image.

Emotional Instability - Gurl. Read the book. His outbursts, his mood switches, his annoyance and stubbornness and arrogance, his everything. At the very least, we can see that he is emotionally violent. He is constantly trying to grasp some concept of control, and because of that, his mood is subject to any little push. Remember that scene where Selwyn blows up at Bree about her having no loyalty? What about that random fight with a stranger because they wanted to leave early so he wanted to skip the line? That boy has some anger issues.

Intense, Unstable Relationships - His mother died....but they didn't really. His father - who was already an alcoholic - isn't even his father. His actual father is the literal king of demons and he framed him. The order, which he gave is everything and more too, is an institution hunting him and everything he loves and holds dear. He is raised to protect Nick, gets a crush on him, leaves, comes back, and Selwyn is in denial. He goes from hating Bree and literally hunting her to kissing and worshipping her, and that is arguably the most stable relationship he has, other than William. And we love him and William's friendship for that, because holy shit. Need I say more. In fact, his idea thing with the Order is very telling. I would dare call it splitting. (I am very much daring to call it splitting)He IDOLIZES them. He thinks they are this amazing institution, and he is proud to be serving them. Until he very much isn't, until he very much wants to burn it to the ground. But hey, who wouldn't want to? So let's talk about Nick. He literally says that he fell in love with an idolized version of him, and I don't doubt it. He then goes from that idolization to saying (cough cough, fucking homosexual), he hates him, actually opposing him and going against his wishes. Maybe that isn't enough, so let's look at how, as he idolizes others, he devalues them too. Talking down to concerns, generally being obnoxious, hunting Bree (although he did think she was a brothel so eh). Christening everyone against the order. Even after he realizes the order's flaws, he has been brainwashed into believing they still hold truth, especially when it comes to his own descent.

Impulsive or Self-destructive behaviors - mhm... Bro throws trees. I'm almost tempted to leave it at that. Even Nick calls him impulsive, and with good reason. He literally says that Sel would've already pulled out the shard of the crown that was in Nick's heart by the time they reached the conversation Bree And Nick were having. Speaking of , he is told "Don't touch that you'll die" And he goes "What if I don't?" And touches the crown anyway. What about that doesn't scream lack of self-preservation.  He rushes into battle and danger, especially when Nick is involved. He acts aggressively, picks fights, pushes away people... etc etc.

He needs therapy. We love him for that though.

[skunkes]

doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long

[lazylittledragon]

i think thats supposed to be about sex things but Not One Of Those, this is the fourth, fifth? couple youve given a lil baby and i think you maybe love lil babys

i too, give the Characters lil babys, because i love them

as well as the myriad of Situations it puts the blorbos in

fourth or fifth publicly/in recent memory, i've been doing it for Years in art i haven't posted akfdhdjhd

i do just really love putting them in Situations you're right

[formulanni]

Genuinely Williams switching Logan out for Franco feels personal and petty. I haven’t been following f2 super closely this year but from what I’ve seen Franco is just.. fine? I mean, he’s good, but he’s not Kimi or Paul. To replace Logan at this point would only make sense if they swapped him for someone with loads more experience, someone more likely to score points. At this point they’re swapping him for someone who’s probably gonna have his same level of performance, if not worse. It just feels almost petty? It’s like a weirdly personal move and it just makes me think about all of the reports of JV’s alleged mistreatment and silent treatment towards Logan.

[quadrantadvisor]

Alright new Jason Todd headcanons in a dpxdc setting:

Danny is a "liminal" ghost, rather than a "half" ghost. He's alive and dead at the same time. (He's like Jesus Christ (in the church denomination I grew up in), fully ghost and fully human.) Danny, in human form, can go through a ghost shield, because he IS a living human.

Jason, however, is a reanimated corpse. He isn't a ghost, wouldn't have a ghost core, etc, he has a normal human system that runs ON ectoplasm. Jason CANNOT go through a ghost shield, because he is always an ectoplasmic entity. Danny can go through the Fenton Ghost Catcher and be split into a ghost and a human; if Jason went through the ghost catcher, he would straight up die.

(For my purposes I'm gonna say that Jason became an ectoplasmic entity upon his resurrection, but wasn't very stable. Dunking in the Lazarus pit stabilized his system but also poisoned his ectoplasm.)

I do think that Jason could learn certain ghost abilities if he learned to harness his ectoplasm, especially if they detoxed him off the Lazarus waters. He's probably already enhancing his stealth and strength in ways he hasn't really noticed. I think he's held back by the amount of physical matter he's lugging around, so maybe he couldn't fly, but I'm imagining temporary invisibility, or intagibility of like, a limb at a time. Maybe he can't walk through walls, but in a fight he can dodge by instinctively making the targeted part of his body intangible.

[bunnyboy-juice]

i may not be into fauxcest but i am absolutely a friend of the family