#and i know she forgave him - and shes the one who has the final say

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Back when you called us devils answering 'can a human piece of shit be redeemed?' by saying no.

- but you can't denigrate someone trying to do better

[imaginesmai]

Right around the corner - Azriel (5)

AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!

(1), (2), (3), (4)

Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.

Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.

No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.

You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.

It wasn’t your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.

When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didn’t say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.

“You should tell him to get in before he freezes to death” you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.

“Oh, no” Elain blushed and looked away from the window. “No. He’s just… He can wait”

“He can, but doesn’t have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished here” you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. “I’m fine, I don’t even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you can’t help me with. So, go”

Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.

And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyre’s sister and Azriel’s friend, you considered her your own friend.

So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didn’t excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.

“It’s not closing time yet” her eyes danced between the glass and you. “He was supposed to wait for me at the house”

“Guess he’s too eager to see you. He’s been dancing around the bakery for a good hour” you chuckled. “Elain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you on Monday”

“Y/N, I promise I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like it will unfreeze”

“And I promise I don’t mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Monday” you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. “Come on, go”

Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.

You didn’t have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.

It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.

You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.

Though you didn’t cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.

If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azriel’s shadows, you didn’t notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.

Elain’s name didn’t leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath.  As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasn’t in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didn’t carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.

“Hi”

His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coat’s pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.

You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadn’t expected it.

Unable to move, you only blinked.

“I saw Elain and Lucien heading out” he added, not looking away from you. “It’s a nice day outside”

Azriel hadn’t finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.

The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldn’t even tear your eyes from him.

The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didn’t wear it like you did, made break your trance.

“She’s finished for the day” you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.

“It’s a nice day, yeah” he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued “I thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. It’s cold, but we could… get coffee. Or chocolate, if you want”

Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.

“I have things to do”

You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you weren’t ready to have a conversation without getting angry.

You knew you weren’t ready to forgive him.

His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azriel’s doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.

Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.

The silence continued for a long minute. You couldn’t not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.

Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.

“You’re forgetting the yeast” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didn’t have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.

The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldn’t be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.

-

There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea – run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasn’t enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.

Velaris’ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.

You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.

After Azriel’s brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.

You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You weren’t sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.

In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.

The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasn’t helpful at all.

Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didn’t like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.

Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.

“The line is moving” she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. “If you don’t move with it, you should step out”

“Oh, no” you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. “Sorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. It’s crowded here”

“I don’t mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. I’m in a hurry”

“Me too” you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.

The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.

You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldn’t dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.

The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.

That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.

“You should really step out of the line” she repeated. “You might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurry”

“Me too. You can’t expect me to be glued to that man” you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. “He just moved”

“And you didn’t, which proves my point. Besides, it’s obvious you only have a few things. We have more”

“Which should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before you” you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t have come here today if you can’t wait in a line”

You weren’t a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasn’t an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.

But before you could argue further, something clicked in the male’s eyes, wide with recognition.

And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.

The male elbowed the woman’s side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didn’t have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.

“You’re the shadowsinger’s mate” he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.

“Oh” the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldn’t shake her off. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry” you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.

While the woman apologized, you couldn’t help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didn’t understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.

At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.

The look of pity wasn’t as bad as the confirmation.

“He rejected you, right?” it wasn’t a question, not when you didn’t answer and she continued. “We heard you’ve been mated for almost a century and he doesn’t want the bond. Is that true?”

It wasn’t true, but you didn’t have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.

People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.

Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didn’t seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.

There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.

It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azriel’s wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.

You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.

You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.

“What – what are you doing here?” you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.

“I felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious and…” he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. “I was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. I’m –”

“Don’t say you’re sorry” you interrupted him. “It’s not your fault”

Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasn’t his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.

Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldn’t help but calm down when he was close.

Azriel didn’t say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didn’t say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.

“You don’t like last minute shopping”

It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldn’t talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.

Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didn’t like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.

But he couldn’t say anything more than the obvious.

“I had to” you answered.

With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.

You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow – like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.

Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.

“I should go”

“I should go”

You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didn’t miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.

“I could walk you back” he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. “If you let me”

You didn’t answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go – him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.

Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.

Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.

“Sorry”

That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldn’t picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.

So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didn’t tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.

-

It wasn’t Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.

The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldn’t tell the flour stains apart from it.

“Just for the record, you’re kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakery” you stated, looking at her once more from the door. “You do realize that shouldn’t happen, right?”

“I’m helping a friend come out of her ghost-like season” she replied, still decorating muffins. “And you do realize that most shops close on Sunday’s, right?”

“Certainly not a bakery” you looked to the empty fountain at her right. “If we do it together, we will – “

“If you touch one single item of this bakery, I’m banning you from the kitchen for a month”

You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You weren’t an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.

But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldn’t put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.

Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.

Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.

You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.

The main square peeked through the streets. It wasn’t your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.

It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.

If, by any chance, Azriel hadn’t noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.

His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.

You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.

“Y/N”

Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.

It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.

“Are you going on a mission?” you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldn’t name.

“Just came back. I was…”

Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.

Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasn’t just fixed yet. When he didn’t answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.

He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past – when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.

Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.

“This is Madja’s house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the week” he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. “But something happened and I needed to talk to her”

“What happened?”

Azriel’s lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldn’t have doubted about it a year ago – he wouldn’t tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.

He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasn’t sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didn’t know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.

Madja, of course, had had an answer ready – an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.

“Kallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didn’t” he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. “So I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried to…”

He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didn’t tell you about it.

But that wasn’t what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldn’t possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.

Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.

“I accepted the bond” he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. “I don’t know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with – with this in my chest, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t happen sooner”

“You accepted the bond” you repeated, looking between his chest and face.

“I don’t know how, or why now. I was, thinking… And it hit me” Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about – what they had been about since that night. “I didn’t want to tell you, because, this is, you don’t have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesn’t change what I did”

Azriel hadn’t meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.

It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.

Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.

“It’s not that I didn’t want the bond before, Y/N” he continued when you didn’t say anything. “I promise you, I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know that I deserved it”

Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didn’t deserve the bond just as he didn’t deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.

As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didn’t fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.

Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.

“Say something” Azriel finally broke, almost begged. “Whatever you want. Just say something”

And you wanted to, because wasn’t that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasn’t fine, that he was broken and needed help.

What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasn’t ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didn’t know how to react.

You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.

It had.

“Az”

It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasn’t what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.

Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldn’t hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt – adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.

So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.

“That’s another reason. I didn’t want you to feel… that” Azriel retreated the bond farther. “I have so many fears and pains here that I couldn’t even imagine sharing them with you. And that – “

“You don’t have to feel ashamed” you cut him off, your voice hoarse. “I love you the same”

Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.

The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didn’t expect it.

You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.

But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasn’t as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.

“I love you” he whispered against your head, softly. “I love you”

You didn’t answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldn’t get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.

At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.

Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged.  

From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldn’t tell which one was his or yours.

“I’m sorry, darling” he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. I’m sorry”

“I forgive you. We don’t keep secrets anymore” you managed to say between kisses.

“Never” Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.”

“And we’ll talk about our emotions, and feelings. You’ll tell me about your life when I ask”

“Always”

“You won’t close off to me” you pulled his head away and made him look at you.

While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.

Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.

“I’m here, Azriel. Always. So you don’t have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. I’m here” you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. “Right around the corner”

“Right around the corner” he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.

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[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 || 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐎’𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Summary_ He pushed you away some time ago. You forgave him, but Miguel realizes intentions don’t mean much and he wants you back.

Warnings_ age gap! (I’m 20, Miguel is around 28-31, bear with me), angst, fluff.

A/N_ this is The Craving from Twenty One Pilots, I loved the new album. and imgonnagetyouback from Taygod Swift, BOTH IN MY MIGUEL PLAYLIST🩷

♪ ♫ My Miguel O’Hara playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)

_____________

Waves of silence crash all over the Spider Society. Miguel O’Hara had just told Miles Morales that he had to let his father die to protect canon. Your guts twist in an odd feeling, you feel a bad omen. The chase had been tough, your insecurity playing with your head as you knew Miles had the right to choose his destiny.

Canon had been fair with you, offering you light problems compared to others. So you wished every spider had the same destiny as yourself.

Now seeing that Miles was gone thanks to the “Go Home Machine”, you couldn’t let Gwen to follow the same path.

“Miguel… you can’t send Gwen home. She’s vital for this.” You say quickly stepping up against the man who was intimidating the sixteen-year-old girl.

“I don’t need more problems than we already have. I restate… she’s a liability” Gwen pleads you with scared eyes. You gasp, running out of options to calm the angered man.

“You gave me a second chance too, I was once a novice like her” Miguel huffs, looking at you with much impatience.

“Yes, and you learned from that, never committing an error again.” Gwen is picked and caged inside the machine, she starts panicking and you too. In an act of desperation, you grab Miguel from his forearm, making him turn to look down at you. His crimson-red eyes stare at you with such hostility that you know you have to be careful to choose the right words.

“This is not right. You are not thinking clearly. Miles and Gwen deserve better” Your gaze moves between him and Gwen, hoping Miguel would agree and let the girl stay.

“Miguel, please…”

“THIS IS ABSURD, Y/N!… CANON HAS GIFTED YOU WITH MUCH LUCK, YOU CAN’T EXPECT EVERY PERSON HERE TO RUN WITH THE SAME FATE. BE REALISTIC, RESPONSIBLE, AND INTELLIGENT FOR ONCE!” As he attacks, Gwen is gone. Another round of silence invades the place, but this is worse. Your eyes open in shock after hearing Miguel.

He can’t be fixed. He won’t change. It’s time to go and follow what you think it’s correct.

You eye Jess and Peter, they seem like they have some things to say but remain quiet.

Miguel finally looks delicately at you and notices your eyes are watering. The awkwardness is very loud, your blush letting everyone know you are embarrassed.

You won’t say anything about it. You just look back at Miguel for a second, before opening a portal in your gizmo, doing the same as Hobie Brown did; quitting.

“I really thought you would get it…” Your gizmo fell to the ground as you disappeared, the screen of it cracking and leaving Miguel a little stunned by your decision. He sighed, knowing he had screwed it, but confident that his intentions were correct.

That night, after a quick patrol, when you returned home, you took a quick shower to wash away all the pain and bitter taste of the day you had. But when you came back, there was a little present wrapped in newspaper that wasn’t from your earth. You unwrapped it, revealing a homemade gizmo. You grabbed the little note attached.

We need you

-Hobbie

You would do things right. And you didn't care if you had to fight with old friends or colleagues. Especially Miguel.

…

The seasons had changed so fast. By the time summer ended, the leaves were already drying and many people had left, by winter and the snow falling over, others came back. But you stayed the same.

You had the same suit, with upgrades and chrome instead of golden details, but it was the same. Your earth was well controlled, with no sign of the villains that used to terrorize your city. All the smiles you offered were the same. All the laughing with Peter B. Parker, Hobie, Gwen, Pavitr, and Miles was the same. Yet, something had changed between you and Miguel O’Hara.

The man knew the perspective people had of him would change after the events of last summer when he put the lives of Miles and many others at risk. He let his fears win and while he tried to protect everything, he was only pushing it towards the edge, dooming the fate of the multiverse. You were on his side at the beginning, claiming that canon was sacred and couldn’t be changed. But the image of Miles, his face full of fear and anxiety, unsure and terrified of his future. He was a kid, he had no idea of anything. He made you question if canon events could change. Either way, the kid was more than enough to draw you worried. Destiny could be wrong, so you decided to help Miles. Your decisions had consequences? Yes. The moment you left the building of the Spider Society, you started to miss everything. In your mind, you were almost assured Miguel didn’t care about you, but deep down, your heart said the opposite. Ending with a drift that seemed invisible at the beginning. But now, a year later, it was more than clear.

The change was something you could get used to. Your work remained the same, with Jess and Peter. B Parker. Your missions only turned more fun with the addition of Miles and Gwen permanently returning like you. Gatherings at Peter’s each Saturday remained the same. But all the awkwardness of the spiderverse invaded you when Miguel O’Hara came into the picture.

After all, you two had gone on a date the day before you met Gwen at her earth while capturing the Renaissance vulture. He asked you out, and you said yes. It was a lovely afternoon and he even visited your home. What started as a mentorship from him, blossomed into a friendship and then as a “almost something”. Which hurt worse.

It all started with you walking away. Briefings were cautiously heard by you, even staying after for further questions. Jess asked you to hand the mission details to everyone when Hobbie and Miles came to talk about a concert you were going to with Gwen and Margo when Miguel came and started asking about a new gizmo coming soon. Everyone noticed you grew quiet and soon after you were gone.

Then, you stopped asking to go on missions with him, Ben, and his usual party. When you were recruited, Miguel was annoyed but pleased to have you along. It happened that one day, you blew things off accidentally, making him extremely angry. Your web shooter failed and you almost missed it to save a baby. Nonetheless, you quickly were ranked higher thanks to your abilities.

All of your friends could see how your small friendship with your boss had suddenly evaporated. And Miguel couldn’t blame you. After all, he was the one yelling in your face when you argued in favor of Gwen when she was sent home. Miguel could remember he almost made you cry, leaving you completely embarrassed in front of everyone. He felt terrible seconds after you left, but he soon went to the earth of Miles with Ben and Jess. Eventually, when the man learned you were silently helping the kid and the ones who had left his side, he didn’t say anything. In the final moments, Miguel knew he had to side with the teenager and help to get rid of The Spot. And when the chaos was over, he wished he had the right to celebrate it with you.

The aftermath changed him, over the months, he even thanked you for trying to make him see the reality from the beginning, and he apologized. But that night, he understood that you had forgiven him, but remained hurt.

Either way, Miguel had to deal with the consequences of his acts and sort the way things would work for the sake of everyone’s canon. Yet, in the middle of the night, he constantly remembered you.

Out of nowhere, Miguel O’Hara was accepting that he missed you. And acknowledging that fact, only made him accept he had some feelings towards you. Which scared him for sure. But after losing his daughter, almost losing all he had built for spiders like him, after feeling so isolated, Miguel lounged to have a partner. He craved the love of someone. And had found it. He just wished he had done things differently.

Jessica knew Miguel so much that she easily solved the mystery. On a random Monday, she bombarded him with questions that soon made Miguel spit out he was attracted to you. She suggested the man slowly try to talk to you. Nothing was lost, there was hope. The woman had her theories about you never getting over that crush on Miguel. She often had caught you staring at him, staring too much for later to avoid him. Jess knew you were protecting your own heart.

“Miguel?” She asks.

So there he was, Miguel was sitting in the cafeteria, taking a big bite of his empanada de picadillo. He could taste the shredded beef, potato, carrot, jalapeños, and mushrooms freshly mixed with spices.

“Yes?…” The insides of the empanada are burning his tongue and he doesn’t mind.

“I asked if you assigned today’s missions?” He nods. With a quick glance at his surroundings, he huffs at the sight of the hamburger with the face of his mask still being served. The cafeteria is full and he hates all of the voices speaking at the same time. He has to wear sunglasses because the place is full of light, and it hurts his eyes. Why is everyone still eating a hamburger with his mask on the bun?

“Are we lunching here because perhaps you want to see when a certain female spider appears?” Miguel rolls his eyes. Some days, he loves Jess and knows about his feelings for you because she grants him free therapy. But other days, he hated it because Jess knew how to mess with him. Like now…

“Oh…Hi y/n!” Miguel looks at Jess panicked, but soon feels relived that his sunglasses are dark enough to cover his blown wide eyes. You appeared there. Upside down, of course, Miguel notices how your hair hangs freely, and he isn’t sure if it’s longer, or it’s just the gravity.

“Hey, Jess. I just came to drop this file with Miguel. Lyla said he wasn’t in his office” You say calm. He notices you have your mask on, but you’re definitely not looking at him. He takes the folder from your hand and stays there looking at you. You seem awkward but remain relaxed.

“That’s from my morning patrol, you asked for a report. I’m leaving with Hobbie and Pav now…” you add. And you can see how Jess keeps glancing back and forth between you and Miguel. Was she hiding something from you?.

“Okay… guess I’m leaving now…” you only sigh when no one answers.

“Get back safe, please,” Jess says as you are already far away from them.

“Thanks” you answer without looking back. Soon you open a portal at the entrance of the cafeteria and you’re gone. That’s when Jess comes back to her friend, side-eyeing him.

“Really? You couldn’t even say ‘thank you” or “good luck”?” Miguel sighs, dropping his empanada and relaxing his shoulders. He knew he had to say things to you to get back to normal.

“I know… I just… I don’t know how to start this” Jess smiled. In the end, even when Miguel was a 6’9 tall man with the title of founder of the Spider Society and creator of the Gizmo, he was a silent and certified emotion avoider.

“She forgave you for last summer and all. But this is now, she’s also awkward about you. She’s also unsure if you want to talk to her…” Miguel leaned closer, interested and equally anxious.

“She said that?” Jess shrugged while taking a bite of her French fries.

“It came out very vaguely. But for sure she’s also a mess for you”

“What? Did she also say that?” Jess giggles at him, only sipping from her soda.

“Maybe you could start sending flowers or letters, Romeo” Miguel huffs, wondering if his friend actually knew something or not.

Jess wanted to lock you two in a room and hopefully, when she opened the door, Spiderman 2099 would have a prospective lover.

…

With another college semester ended and a driving anxiety, summer was a relaxing time for you to spend in your room. Painting your toenails, you were singing at your CD player playing one of your favorite songs. Your family was gone, so you could be letting your feet dry walking upside down in your ceiling. Suddenly, your gizmo beeped and it was a deleted message from Miguel. You frowned and almost screamed. Probably he sent something to you by accident and then he deleted it. But you had an omen. So you called Jess, she answered with a long and mean “what?”, she must’ve been watching some movie with her husband.

“Miguel sent me a message and proceeded to delete it before I could read it?” You didn't mean to sound so fast and desperate, but you did.

“Slow down, girl. But… he deleted it?” Actually, she had been sleeping, her toddler being a little bolt that demanded a lot of her time even with her husband there.

“Exactly… Odd, Right?”

“Coming from Miguel? Sure it is. But… I think it’s time you try to talk to him too, y/n. Maybe he’s awkward about what happened last summer and doesn’t know how to approach you” Jess wants to scream that Miguel likes you too, but she can’t ruin it.

“ I feel like Miguel doesn’t even care I distanced myself from him. But when I see him, my heart starts beating so fast, and my hands sweat.” She laughs and lets out a long “eww”.

“You hide it very well. But you’re very cold, it doesn’t help. I have to admit you also might need to try….”

“Jess, I’d end up bursting out that I’m in lo-“You immediately stop, Jess lets out a surprised groan.

���MISS Y/N, YOU LOVE HIM?”

“Goodnight, Jessica” You go straight to bed, ignoring the deleted message and everything regarding Miguel.

But Jess and her questions keep popping up in your head.

Could it be possible that you were actually in love with Miguel?

…

“So my teacher said my essay was lacking everything, it was marked with red all over,” Miles says walking beside you, both of you are done for the day with the missions. You were almost infected by some poisonous lizard that was haunting earth-2407.

“Did you actually make the corrections?”

“I did-“ you side-eye him.

“Well, not all of them but-“ you two are just walking around with no destination secured. So when you two pass by the training center, Miles literally pushes you towards the stairs that lead to the balcony of said center. He gestures to you to keep hushed before turning to see the couple speaking; Miguel and Jess.

“We shouldn’t be hearing them” you remind him, not wanting to get caught, especially by Miguel.

“Jess banned me from the 10th floor because I was disturbing everyone. Gwen was with me and she received no punishment, bro” the teenager whispered. At sixteen, Miles had grown impossibly taller, almost like Peter B. Parker and Noir. Even Gwen was taller, everyone was taller. But at least you weren’t the same height as Penny or Peter Porker.

“Maybe because Jess is training her yet?”

“So? That’s nepotism” You want to laugh but he shushes you again. So you turn to see Miguel and Jess training.

The man was extremely sweating and Jess too. You never reached the same level of training simulations as them, thinking it was unnecessarily violent and fast-paced.

“Keep Gwen and Miles out of my lair. I’m tired of catching them trying to make new suits from themselves”

“They don’t even know how to work the machine, relax” the woman bites back.

“So? It’s annoying”

“It’s also annoying that I have Lego Spiderman and y/n printing random pictures at my office” The mention of your name makes you blush, remembering the print of Peter B. Parker with a big red font saying “Have you seen this man in your dreams?” It was very funny among the coworkers and every time Peter saw it, he would start complaining from all the bullying he had to endure.

“Don’t get y/n on this. I can’t even stand her now” You swear you can feel your heart shattering. Miles turns to look at you, encountering your sad expression.

“Y/n…” the boy tries to soothe you, but you just shake your head.

“I think I’m going home, Miles” you whisper to him, leaving soon after.

Your eyes water as you walk away from the training center, many fellows stare confused at your sadness. But you ignore them as you open a portal towards home.

And when you are in the safety of your earth, you are not ready to go to your pillow to cry. So you start swinging between skyscrapers and buildings just to clear off your mind.

You knew it was a mistake from the beginning to start developing feelings for Miguel O’Hara. Then he invited you to that damn date. Such a fun day till he had to yell in your face that you were privileged and shouldn’t be stupid ignorant. Now he seemed to have left the issue behind, after his apology. And you forgave him, even letting your feelings for him float around. But if he didn’t want you back at the society? Why did he call? Why did he offer the gizmo again?

He was an asshole.

Meanwhile, Miles stayed a little longer, hearing more of the conversation.

“Just tell y/n to stop using my printer” Jess pleaded.

“Nah, I won’t tell her,” Miguel says smirking. The woman training with him rolls her eyes annoyed.

“Just because she’s your impossible crush doesn’t mean she can have the privilege to print stupid things at my place” Miles gasped, thinking what Jess said was a joke.

“You can use my printer, so I don’t have to say anything to my girl,” Miguel said and Miles was officially shocked. He had to tell you everything the next day.

…

Two days later, the overheard talk is somehow forgotten. Miles tries to mention it occasionally but you brush him off. You have your head centered on Mayday, the two-year-old toddler walking beside you across the hallways of the Spider Society. Peter completely trusted you to leave his child with your babysitting.

“Where did you leave your ribbon, Mayday?” The little girl giggles. She has a dress of flowers and sneakers, making her look very adorable with her long disheveled hair.

“Don’t know” she babbles. Peter would be mad since it was the third pair being lost in the week.

Mayday clumsily waddles, giggling as you keep searching around for that ribbon. Even though the floors are mysteriously always clean and shiny, you can’t see the damn ribbon.

When you walk slightly away from the little girl to look down on a bench, you hear a little yelp from her and when you turn back, you see Mayday on the floor and then she starts crying.

“Oh fuck me…” you whisper, running to grab the kid and start calming her. You carry her in your arms as you sit on the bench.

“It’s okay, Mayday. It was only a little slip, but you are okay” She starts hearing your voice and her cries turn to sniffles, feeling protected when you hug her and gently brush her hair.

“Daddy won’t like looking at you crying. He wants to see you laughing and happy. You are fine, see?” The kid nods brushing away the tears.

“Now give me a smile. You were very brave!” mayday smiles brightly and you chuckle.

“That’s the Mayday I know!” The kid laughs at your way of entertaining her. When you turn towards the hallway to see if Peter is back, you almost drop Mayday again.

Miguel was there, looking at the interaction.

“I found the ribbon,” he says walking towards you and the girl. His expression is very neutral, and you can’t see the way Miguel’s hand is shaking slightly.

“Miguel!” Mayday greets the tall man with a smile, asking him to be in his arms. They both had grown closer. After all, Miguel had been around Mayday since she was born. You appeared when Mayday was 10 months old.

“Hey, kid” you let him take the girl, then you accept the ribbon from his free hand. You barely touch him but your lungs are dry and your stomach is a mess like a powerful tsunami. Nonetheless, your face shows the contrary.

“Thanks. Peter was growing annoyed by how many ribbons this little girl had missed.”

“I know. And you handled very well the situation back there…” he admits, recalling the little slip of Mayday. Miguel sees a little blush in your face, it lights up his hopes.

“Thanks…” you awkwardly say, standing up to try to reach the little girl.

Miguel leans slightly to let you tie the ribbon on Mayday’s hair and he’s able to smell your perfume of figs and brown sugar. He also sees the little golden seashell pendant hanging on your necklace. He smiles when he realizes you are avoiding his gaze. And when you’re done, both stare at each other, with many questions, but silence reigns. Both of your hearts racing with a tormented passion.

“Y/n… I feel like we need to talk about-“

Miguel grows quiet when Peter appears running in the middle of the hallway.

You don’t even catch what he said, you turn relieved to see Peter was back.

“Oh boy, we are late for her passport appointment. M.J.’s gonna kill me” You giggle at his drama. Miguel is still there behind you, he rolls his eyes making Mayday laugh.

“She will understand. And thanks for the ribbon, Miguel” The little girl is back in his father’s arms and you quickly start following them, too nervous to stay with Miguel alone.

The man just stays there seeing how you leave, and he sighs, taking a long breath. His intentions are not enough. His little efforts are nothing to reach you, it makes the craving he feels to be corresponded by you even bigger.

As for you, you feel a great heartache. Half of you feel very nervous, because it seems like some days Miguel wants to talk to you, and other days he wants to say he’s tired of you. What a confusing and fucked up situation.

…

He gives two steps forward, like five steps back. Miguel is standing at the entrance of the terrace in the building of the Spider Society, debating whether to go and talk to you or not. He even prepared a few things to say, hoping to not scare you away, more than you already were. While he knew he couldn’t just scream out he was in love with you, he could try to mend the breach built between you two.

It’s getting late in Earth-928, and a lot of spiders are leaving their home. It’s Saturday and a lot of them have plans with their families, partners, and friends. Miguel is set to have another lonely weekend doing some patrol. But for now, he’s still there, watching you seated on the rooftop of the building, eating some chicken and avocado tacos from the cafeteria. Miguel wants to laugh when he catches a glimpse of some avocado dropping from your taco. You set the plate aside and look down, letting out a little “yikes”, Heaven knows what or who would end up getting a piece of avocado from the sky.

He’s not ready. Miguel curses himself for being a big overthinker. He’s able to fight the most callous and evil villains from different dimensions. But he’s unable to say “Sorry, I was an asshole. Can we try it again?… Oh, and I love you”. Perhaps it was his anxiety or panic, but Miguel swears his gizmo beeped, so he walks away, going down the stairs, feeling his heartbeats returned to normality.

Each step he takes is filled with greetings, comments, warnings, notices, and more from different spiders. He sends spider plushie and Penny to work in a minor anomaly and finally, he closes the door of his office.

There’s a mess of papers around. Miguel suddenly remembers someone… Gabriella. He’s happy that his trauma is slowly fading away. He was officially healing and had accepted his daughter had also forgiven him. Miguel could rest knowing his errors were sealed.

And just as he was about to play some of the recorded memories he had, Lyla appeared.

“The whole gang is coming” she blurted out with her usual cocky smile.

“Tell them I’m busy, Lyla”

“But they’re already here” The AI had a new pair of fucsia heart sunglasses and coat. Which seemed to have made her more stubborn. Miguel sighed, turning off his monitors.

“MIGUEL!” the man heard the annoying voice of Peter B. Parker and sighed. When he turned around, he saw the whole club; Peter without Mayday, Hobie, Pav, Margo, Miles and Gwen.

“What is it now?” he looks down at them from his platform and is already irritated by their presence. Even after a year of changes, they were a group of teenagers and Peter.

“Well… uh-“ Gwen starts, but soon pushes Peter forward, encouraging him to speak up instead of her.

“Uh… Miguel, we know you hate us for wandering about your private life and we respect it. But we feel like you need to talk to y/n about her position here.” As Peter talks, he has Miguel’s whole attention.

“And why is that?” He sounds reluctant, but he grows anxious.

“She said she doesn’t feel the same as it was when she was recruited. That you confuse her with your behavior towards her” Margo answers for Peter, with a better choice of words, of course.

“As the leader of this team, we just want you to remind her that she’s welcome and that you want her here. Because you want her here, right?” Peter adds, Miguel crosses his arms.

He needs you, actually.

“I’m not sure I’m the most adequate person to tell her that,” Miguel replies.

“Oh, you have to be kidding. She heard you and Jess. At the training center…” Gwen speaks again, Miguel is shocked, even terrified of you hearing you were his girl.

“How much?” Miguel asks with that well-known tone of anger and fully intentional intimidation.

“Well…” Peter said.

“HOW MUCH?, POR DIOS!” Miguel yelled exasperated.

“She left when you said you couldn’t stand her,” Miles confirmed to him, making him sigh. Trying to get you back was only getting trickier than expected.

“Yeah… I don’t think chicks want to be neglected twice” Hobie speaks for the first time, mocking Miguel.

“Hobbie, not helping here” Margo scolds him whispering.

“At least I’m trying to pull one out” Miguel fires back making everyone bite their tongue to avoid laughing. Because Hobbie Brown didn’t have the best history search with girls.

“Hey no, stop. The point here is that you need to talk to her. I accidentally heard everything” Miles speaks up, walking forward toward Miguel.

The man only pinches the bridge of his nose, cringed that the teenager had to listen.

“I’m pretty sure she feels something too” Miguel hated that Miles had to be a wise kid, frequently reminding him of his errors and making him realize there were always other options.

“She must hate me.”

“No, y/n just needs to know how you actually feel” Gwen encouraged him, and unconsciously, Miguel was being pulled towards the exit.

“I couldn’t speak to M.J. for a very long time after we divorced. And I had nothing to lose, I just knocked on her door with some flowers. Look at us now… y/n will know too” Miguel thought Peter could be the goofiest man he ever met, but he was his friend. So maybe he could accept his advice.

“Va pues, don’t know why I’m listening to all of you” huffing, Miguel and the group were out, except for Hobbie, who stayed behind stealing things from Migue’s lair.

…

When you open your door, you gasp shocked. Miguel is there, he’s wearing a sweater that fits him a little too tight but nice, dress pants, and tied shoes. You rarely saw him without his suit. But that isn’t all, he has a pretty bouquet of lilies in his hand.

“I’m sorry.” He says and you are already making a pout.

“Miguel…”

“Let me finish, please.” He interrupts you, so you nod, stepping out of your place.

“I’ve made some mistakes, but as the son of a mother and… and-“ you start giggling and Miguel is red like a tomato.

“Let me guess… Peter gave you a speech to say to me?” Miguel tilts his head.

“Yes and… I-… mierda. See, I’m sorry, I don’t want you to leave the Spider Society. I need you. And I still feel guilty for last summer. But if you give me another chance… I swear that I will give you more than I take away” You nod, smiling. Miguel sighs relieved. To his surprise, you grabbed him by the sweater and pushed him towards you to give him a big kiss on the lips. He reciprocates immediately, smiling in between.

“I’m in love with you” he admits, his forehead kissing yours.

“I’m in love with you too, Miguel” As both of you kiss again, chants and applauses start. When you step away from Miguel, you see your friends there, passing past you and Miguel to step inside your home.

You are extremely confused.

“We were here the whole time, FYI,” Margo says as Miles, Gwen, Pav, and Noir pat your back and step inside.

“I’m so happy for you both. I can’t wait to have a double date. You two, M.J. and I” Miguel rolls his eyes at Peter.

“What did I miss?” You ask Miguel. Not that you mind that your friends literally invaded your home, but it was just weird.

“They wanted to help me”

“Aww, we have such good friends,” you say smiling.

“They’re not my friends. I just tolerate them” he is lying of course. You grab his hand, your cocky smile making him feel so happy. He’s still processing what just happened, he can’t believe he officially got you back.

“Oh shut up, of course, they are our friends”

“What about you and I?, Are we more than friends?” You blush at his questions. He grabs you by the waist to prevent you from going inside the house.

“Not so fast, bonita”

“I don’t know. But I’m eager to be your lover”

Now it was Miguel’s turn to get blushed.

_______________________________

[glorious-spoon]

a miserable pile of secrets [9-1-1 | Eddie Diaz & Hen Wilson | 1/1]

1.8K words | friendship | emotional hurt/comfort | implied/referenced cheating

a miserable pile of secrets [on AO3]

She finds Eddie up on the rooftop, which makes sense, given that Buck is currently working out his feelings on the heavy bag after Bobby finally snapped at the two of them to get their acts together unless they wanted to be benched. Chim's down in the weight room with him, which means that Hen is up here in the warm night air to talk some sense into the other half of their codependent little unit, who is currently perched on one of the folding chairs that they usually leave up here. He's as still as a statue, tense like he's afraid of what his body might do if he lets it move.

"Hey," Hen says, and he gives a jerky little nod of acknowledgement. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead."

"Thanks." She pulls out one of the other chairs and sits down. "So."

"Bobby sent you."

"I sent myself," she corrects mildly, and watches Eddie's shoulders hunch a little. "I don't think I've ever seen you and Buck fight like that."

Though the truth is, she really only caught the tail end of it. Buck's frustrated voice rising on, "Do you hear yourself? How did you think this was going to work out? Have you even thought about Chris? What, you were just going to introduce him to her like—"

"Chris? Since when is how I parent my son any of your business?"

"I don't know, Eddie, you kind of made it my business when you put me in your fucking will!"

"Yeah, well, maybe that was a mistake!"

There was ringing silence in the wake of that. Then Buck said something quieter, inaudible from where Hen and Chim were standing frozen outside the locker room door, and Eddie spat, "Go to hell. I'm done talking about this."

The door slammed open and he stormed out, only pausing for a moment when he saw the two of them standing there. It wasn't until he'd already stomped up the stairs to the loft that Buck emerged, scowling.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snapped, before either of them could speak.

That was six hours ago. Neither of them has said a single word to each other since outside of the bare minimum on calls. The tension in the back of the truck has been thick enough to cut with a knife, and none of Chim's increasingly desperate jokes has done a damn thing to lighten the mood.

Hen doesn't blame Bobby for being fed up with the pair of them. She's caught somewhere between that and worry, herself. This isn't like them. Either of them.

Eddie shrugs again, tense. "I don't really feel like talking about it."

"Mm." 

Hen kicks her legs out, relaxes into the chair and waits him out. It doesn't take long. Maybe two minutes before he lets out an angry little huff and says, "Marisol dumped me this morning."

"Oh," Hen says. That explains some of the mood, anyway. "Well, I'm sorry to—"

"I cheated on her. She found out."

She closes her mouth. For a moment she just looks at him: his tight jaw, his hands in fists on his thighs, so tense he looks like he's about to snap. Like looking through a warped mirror to a younger version of herself, and maybe that's why she manages some gentleness when she says, "That doesn't sound like you."

"Yeah. That's what Buck said. Shows what he knows."

"Why'd you do it?"

"It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I fucked up."

"If you're waiting on me to tell you otherwise, you'll be waiting a while." Eddie lets out a sharp, bitter little bark of laughter, and Hen adds. "I've been there, you know."

"Yeah. But it's not—Karen forgave you."

"Eventually, yeah. She didn't have to."

"Yeah," Eddie says, and then doesn't say anything else. 

"Is that what you and Buck were fighting about?"

He shrugs again. Like talking to a damn teenager, Hen thinks. Not Denny, with his easy sweetness, but like one of the other kids who come through their home sometimes on temporary placements: already on the defensive, claws out, ready to fight. 

"I guess," he mutters finally.

"You put him in your will?" Eddie scowls at her, and she shrugs. "Hey, if you want it to be a secret, maybe don't have your domestics at the top of your lungs in the locker room we all use."

He scoffs, clearly annoyed, but doesn't get up and storm off, so she's counting that as a win. Finally, he says, "Yeah. He's down as Chris's legal guardian if something happens to me. Since—uh, since I almost died in that well collapse a few years back."

Oh. Hen contemplates that for a moment, squares it up in her head with what she already knows about Eddie. It's not, she'll admit, completely out of left field. But still. "And you think maybe that was a mistake?"

Eddie groans, dropping his head back. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

"Maybe you should tell Buck that."

"He's pissed at me."

"Seems mutual."

"Yeah," Eddie says, wry and still kind of irritated. But then he sighs. "You ever do something where you know the whole time you're doing it that it's going to blow up in your face, and somehow that still doesn't stop you?"

"Yep," Hen says, remembering a dark little motel room and the sharp cut of Eva's smile. A whole damn pile of fuck-ups, that relationship was, and she dragged it along with her to almost ruin the best thing in her life.

"I keep thinking I see Shannon. It's like she's just around the corner, like if I turn around fast enough, she'll be there, and I'll be able to go back and make it right. But I can't."

"No. You can't."

"It's been five fucking years."

"No timeline on grief."

"I went on a date with a woman just because she looked like her." Hen raises her eyebrows at him. He slouches lower in his seat. "A couple of dates. It—didn't end well."

"Mm. You mean because she turned out to be a whole damn person who wasn't Shannon, or because your girlfriend found out?"

"Both," Eddie mutters. "Believe me, I already heard it from Buck."

"Oh, I believe it."

"But he's—" Eddie snaps his mouth shut.

"Kind of a hypocrite on this particular subject?" Hen offers.

"That's not what I was going to say. He's with Tommy now. So."

"So?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter."

Hen would dearly love to interrogate that line of thinking, but she keeps her mouth shut. For a little while, they don't speak. It's a transient kind of peace; their next call could come at any minute. But for now, the city's as quiet as it ever is, lit up and beautiful in the distance.

Eventually, Eddie shifts in his chair, straightens up like he's bracing for something, then says, abruptly, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Hen raises her eyebrows. "Go ahead."

"Have you ever been with a guy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forget it," he says quickly, hunching in on himself again. "I don't even know why I asked. You can tell me to go to hell."

She almost does tell him to go to hell. Has her mouth open and everything. But then she takes another good look at his face and lets the words dissipate. 

"No," she says finally. "Kissed a couple of boys in high school, but I pretty much always knew it wasn't for me."

"Oh." Eddie's mouth twists. He's still staring a hole in the concrete by his feet, and Hen wishes like hell that this was easier for him, that he could have stumbled into it with wide eyes and open arms without leaving a trail of wreckage in his wake. Buck managed it, but it's not like that for everyone. She knows that.

"Karen was engaged to a man, you know," she says, and she watches him still, watches him turn, finally, to look at her. 

"I didn't know that."

"It was a long time ago. College sweetheart. She called it off a week before the wedding. Broke his damn heart, from what I hear. Probably better in the long run, though, all things considered."

Eddie laughs at that, a raw, horrible little sound. "I was a bad husband to Shannon. I loved her so much, and I still could never—and I always thought that maybe, if we'd just had more time, maybe I could have gotten it right, and we could have been a family again, and it would have been okay."

"But she died."

"She asked me for a divorce."

"Oh." Hen takes a breath, lets it out. Careful, careful. "I didn't know that."

"Nobody knows that. I mean. Bobby does. But nobody else. Because she died two days later, so I never had to—to tell anyone. I never had to admit it. I could keep pretending. But it doesn't even matter, because I've also fucked up every relationship I've been in since. So it's kind of obvious where the problem is."

"Mm. You know what my mama used to say?"

Eddie cuts her a look. "What?"

"Get down from that cross, we need the wood."

When he laughs this time, it sounds a little more real. Hen nudges her knee against his, and for a minute they sit there together in silence.

"I fucked up," he says again, but it's calmer.

"Yep."

"What the hell do I say to Buck?"

Not Marisol, Hen notes. Though the truth is she's pretty sure that whole relationship was dead and gone long before whatever went down this morning. Maybe from the very beginning. Eddie's just got a bad habit of dragging those corpses around. "Sorry might be a good start."

"He's gonna ask why. I don't have a good answer. I can't—" He looks over at her, and all Hen can think is that he looks so damn young. "I can't."

"So tell him that. You know he's not gonna push it."

"Yeah, he will."

"He's worried about you."

Eddie scoffs. "Yeah."

That was, Hen surmises what the fight was about in the first place. Unstoppable force, immovable object. Sometimes she wishes she could just knock their stubborn heads together until they showed some sense.

"He loves you," she says, and Eddie flinches.

"I know that," he mutters.

Hen sighs. "Just talk to him. You don't have to tell him anything you're not ready to tell him, but just—talk to him. Okay? For all our sakes."

"Yeah, okay," Eddie says, sounding defeated. "Sorry about that."

"We'll survive," Hen says. She bumps her knee against his again, and they sit there together in silence, watching the city lights, until the bell starts going off below.

[gyuzgrl]

her //kmg// pt.2

pt 2 of 'her'- the morning after reveals much to y/n, and she makes a difficult decision- one that neither her nor Mingyu seem to escape from unscathed.

Dread, shame, confusion.

The morning after a night of love shouldn't leave one feeling this way, yet here you are, lying paralysed in bed, next to a man you can't seem to figure out.

Why did he find solace in another's bed? Why was it the same woman every time? Were his words from last night even true?

Questions haunt you, floating around inside your head like ghosts in an empty castle. When one fades, another takes it's place, poking holes in your rationality, mocking you for what you've done.

How could you give in so easily? After everything he's done, after the betrayal- how could you let him in? Vulnerable and exposed, you let him see you, hear you, touch you?

Embarrassment doesn't even begin to cover what you feel.

Your skin feels sticky and each spot he touched burns into you, like red-hot metal, sizzling tender flesh. The kisses, the grip marks, every point of contact feels wrong. Of course, last night was consensual- two grown adults made a decision to spend a night together- but you can't shake that sickly feeling taking over you; a thick, dark oil, staining your skin as you sink further and further into despair.

Turning over, you let your eyes scan over Mingyu's face- sleeping peacefully, unaware of the havoc he's caused in your mind. The gentle sighs of breath, the way his lashes tickle his skin, how his lips settle into the prettiest pout- it isn't fair. None of it is.

He doesn't get to sleep like this while your mind races at a thousand miles per second. He doesn't get to live ignorantly like this.

You won't let it happen.

You won't swallow your pride and pretend like everything's okay.

Slipping out from under the covers, you head straight for a shower. Silky, warm water embraces you, washing away the stains of yesterday, only for them to resurface and solidify the past. No matter how hard you scrub, no matter how desperately you scratch, the marks remain as they are- seething red reminders of how small you made yourself for Mingyu's affections.

Before you know it, tears begin to flow- tears of shame, of humiliation. All it took was for him to say he returned your feelings, and you forgave everything. You let him touch you mere hours after he'd laid his hands on another woman- god what has happened to you?

You step into your robe, the pearly white colour of the fabric mocking you as if to say- "you're the shell of who you once were."

Time passes as it usually does, and you find yourself at the breakfast table, staring into the distance. Your mind has finally settled to a conclusion.

This must end.

As you sit, unmoving, Mingyu begins to stir from his sleep. An arm extends itself out of habit, feeling for your body beside him, and he jolts awake when his skin comes in contact with cold, lifeless cloth.

Panic fills his nerves in the flash of a second and he scrambles out of bed, stumbling over to the hall. Clumsy, frantic feet thud along the ground and he calls out your name, voice hoarse as if holding back a sob.

"I'm here," you state, eyes still fixed at the wall.

Mingyu feels his muscles slump back into relaxation. You're still here. You didn't leave.

"I uh, I thought... Never mind, have you eaten?" he grins, eyes sparkling as he gazes at you lovingly, "I'll fix something up for us- what do you feel like eating? something soup-y? pancakes? eggs? I make really good eggs-"

"last night was a mistake."

His voice fades to a deathly still. The luster in his eyes dulls to a cold brown and he slumps down onto the chair opposite yours.

"oh." he says softly.

"I've had some time to think..."

"and?"

"I don't think we should live together. Or be together. No matter what your reasons were, Mingyu, the fact remains the same- you cheated on me. Nothing will change that, nothing will make that go away."

Mingyu leans forward, tears springing in the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry, y/n- I wish I could c-"

"I know you're sorry. Trust me, I know, Mingyu- but you've done this to yourself. You've been aware of every decision as you made it, you did what you did, knowing fully well that it was wrong. There's no forgiving that. Whatever our feelings are, it doesn't matter anymore."

His head hangs low as your words tear into him. You're right, after all. He did in fact cheat on you. It was his decision, his choice. It's unfair for you to suffer because of his mistakes.

"I'll come back for my things sometime this week." you sigh, moving from your seat, taking hold of your handbag, "Goodbye, Mingyu."

A few days have passed, and you've settled into an expensive hotel, gathering yourself together as other things call for your attention.

Formalities make divorces so much harder than they need to be...

While you sort through legal matters with your family lawyer, Mingyu finds himself falling into a dangerously dark hole. You've been gone all of three days and he's lost himself completely. He hasn't slept, hasn't gone outside, hasn't eaten- it's as if he's lost his will to live.

Your words haunt him, echoing in his head over and over. Desperately, he's tried to silence his thoughts, tried to chase away your voice, but he can't. What makes it all so much worse, is that he knows you're right.

This is all his fault, after all. He really has done this to himself, and he's hurt you too in the bargain.

It's late in the evening, the sky outside flushes dark grey clouds along, as a faint outline of the moon peeks through. Winds howl terribly all around, hinting at the storm that is to come.

The doorbell rings, echoing through the empty house, startling Mingyu out of his daze. Sloppily, he treads to the door, cracking it open to reveal an unfamiliar face.

"can I help you-?" he mutters, eyes skimming lazily over the suited man before him.

"Mister Kim Mingyu? I'm Miss Y/n's lawyer. I understand you've separated, yes?"

Just when he thought he couldn't sink lower than he already has, Mingyu feels his stomach drop as he descends into anguish.

He's smart enough to gauge what's happening. You're legitimizing the divorce- making it real in the eyes of the law.

"sir?"

A voice pulls him back to reality, and he lifts his head up, nodding as he motions for the man to come inside. Dull, confused footsteps lead into the living area and Mingyu takes a seat on the couch, beckoning your lawyer to do the same.

"There are papers you are required to sign, sir." he begins, reaching into his bag to pull out a stack of crisp white sheets, stapled perfectly.

Mingyu stares dumbly at the paper, back hunched, throat dry. He's frozen. There's not a thought in his head, not a sensation in his body.

A minute passes in silence, and he stays unmoved.

The man clears his throat, clicking his pen open before handing it to Mingyu.

"here, you can use mine," he forces an encouraging smile, feeling his heart break at Mingyu's disheveled state. Although he's been made aware of your situation, Mingyu's helpless state tugs at his heartstrings and he can't help but feel sympathetic towards the latter.

"th-thank you,"

With shaky hands, Mingyu takes hold of the pen, stopping at the blank spot resigned for his signature. An indescribable pressure weighs him down. His future, his love, his sanity all sit under the blade of this guillotine- a mere pen.

This pen might just be mightier than any sword he'll ever face.

Sensing his reluctance, the suited man places a hand on his shoulder-

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn, I know we don't know each other- but I've, uh, I've seen this before. I've handled cases like this before and all I can say to make this easier is that you're doing this for her. Not for yourself. If you truly feel guilty for the past, if you truly love her, this is the way you give her her pride back. This is how you can do what's good for her."

His words spur Mingyu into action, resonating deep within the latter's being. Letting you go is unbearable. It stings and burns and swells all at once, but if it lets you heal, if it's good for you, he'll do it in a second.

Scribbling his signature onto the bottom of the page, Mingyu hands the papers over.

"thank you," he says, genuinely this time, "is she-" he hesitates, "is she doing okay?"

The man smiles sadly, rising to his feet- "I'm afraid that's a breach of confidentiality, sir"

And just like that, he's gone, leaving Mingyu alone once again. He settles into bed, draping your blanket over himself as his mind floods over with thoughts of you.

"I hope she doesn't think I gave up on us..."

Then, like a soaring wave, it hits him. What if you think he's taking the easy way out and that his feelings aren't real? What if you expected him to throw a fit and come swoop you up from whatever hotel you're hidden away in?

"fuck-" he curses under his breath, digging around the sheets for his phone.

Mingyu types out a messy apology, pawing at his phone with thick fingers.

"I hope you don't think I'm giving up. As much as I wanted to fight for you, as much as I wanted to rip those papers to shreds, I know this is what you deserve- a shot at real love. Love that doesn't hurt you like I did. I love you so much, Y/n, but you're right, this is my mistake. You shouldn't be the one to suffer for it. I'm sorry for it all. Letting you go is the hardest thing I'll do, but it's what I deserve now. I had the world in my hands and I gave it up for nothing."

Your lip quivers as you read his words. There's a sense of defeat in his tone, as if realization has finally hit and he's understood the gravity of his actions.

Despite his acceptance of your decision, you feel a sharp pang of hurt deep inside your chest. You're doing the right thing. You're protecting yourself. You're being strong.

So, why does it hurt this bad?

Unfocused eyes begin to water, dripping salty puddles onto the screen below, and you realize you're crying.

Mingyu's words from that night play in your head, like a devastating melody, planting seeds of doubt where revenge and empowerment were beginning to grow.

You need to snap out of this.

Now.

Surely, one text message shouldn't have you forgetting all the pain he's caused. You simply cannot give in.

"It's late." you tell yourself, hoping that speaking aloud will give you some semblance of authority over your frenzied feelings, "gotta get some rest"

While you drift off to sleep, Mingyu's thoughts hone in on you, just like they have all these nights. Lying on your side of the bed, huddled in a swarm of your blanket and clothes, he does his best to pretend like you're still here.

He curses himself for that night, chastises himself for all the nights before. There really is no excuse, no explanation that could make what he did okay- he knows- which is why, he's leaving you alone. No matter how much pain he's in, no matter how many bottles he's downed, Mingyu doesn't let his toils bother you.

No drunk phone calls, no angry visits, not even a text. Not one attempt to try and beg you to change your mind.

Ironically, the respect he extends now, by leaving you alone, makes you feel worse somehow. Guilty, even.

Taking a deep inhale, Mingyu lets your fading scent flood his senses, and instantly, the memories come flooding in- how you kissed him so tenderly, how your skin tasted, how you came alive under his touch.

"fuck," he whispers, voice trembling, "if I knew that night would be the last time I could touch you-"

Oh, he'd worship you.

Mingyu pictures it- clear as day.

He would've held you tight in his arms, pressing his forehead to yours as you share one breath. He would've kissed you so deeply, making sure to commit your taste to memory, pushing further, harder, until his own mortality forced him to pull away.

When your face fell at the sight of her marks, Mingyu would've kissed your eyes and placed your hand on his heart saying- "you hear that? that's all for you, my love- no one else, just you". And if that didn't do the trick, he'd be more than willing to dig those marks out of his skin, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it bled.

Most of all, he'd savor you.

As he crawls down your body, he would kiss every inch of your skin, thanking you for letting him. No God could give him this power, no divine force could allow him to touch you- only you had that authority.

And that, makes you greater than any God he's ever prayed to.

Each kiss would be deliberate, slow. He'd close his eyes, brows set in a deep furrow as his lips take you in greedily, like Jesus' first disciple eating at the Eucharist.

Mingyu feels himself grow hard at the thought- being so close to you, kissing you, feeling you. He takes in a shaky breath to compose himself, but in vain.

It has no effect.

No number of breaths, no volume of alcohol, no hours of sleep will ever be enough to push you away.

So, he gives in.

A hand sneaks down under the blanket, beyond the waistband of Mingyu's sweatpants, ghosting over his cock. He hisses as his fingers graze the reddened tip, hips jerking up to chase that feeling.

Letting his thoughts resume, Mingyu works himself in time with his imagination.

His hands explore your skin, soothing their way down to where you need him most. You tremble under his touch, back arching when he puts his mouth to your cunt.

Eagerly, he laps at your slit, taking in your sweet-salt taste- so addictive he's sure this is all he needs now. Not food, not shelter, not money- just you.

You writhe under him, slipping your hands into his hair, tugging at his locks, and his eyes roll back. The sting of his scalp only spurs him on, and his tongue prods your clit in rapid bursts.

"Mingyu-" you choke out, his name like a plea on your lips.

He sucks harder, pushes you further, and dips his tongue inside you, nudging into your pulsating core. It takes you by surprise, and you can't help the cry that escapes you-

"Mingyu!"

As you tighten around him, Mingyu devours you from the inside out, swallowing every last drop you have to offer, coaxing as much as he can from you until you're spent.

"Mingyu," you moan, clutching his hair tighter as you feel your release mere seconds away, "Min-"

"Mingyu"

A sticky white pool of shame sits at the groove of his thumb, collecting in the dip between his fingers.

"shit."

Stupefied by disbelief, Mingyu stays deathly still. It's pathetic, honestly. He's aware of how he must look, aware of how wrong it is to use you for his own pleasure, but he just can't help himself.

He really can't.

[sofie-toffy]

Mizu Headcanons

AN: Broo ive just finished blue eye samurai and im obsessed w it..so here are some headcanons! SHE WAS SO FINE IN THE LAST SCENE BTW UGHH

(I’ll be separating it based on genre eg. angst or fluff)

Warnings: Angst, Contains mentions of death & murder, spoilers! The fluff is x reader

(if you know me irl, no you don’t)

Angst:

- Mizu often thinks about how life would be if she chose to forgave her husband and didn’t kill him

- After Ringo leaving her she feels awful for what she’s done and wishes that she could let go of her revenge path but cannot

- Once Mizu’s “mother” betrayed her and Mizu killed her, she still had the motive of killing her father, but instead of the motive to avenge her mother it was to curse the man that made her live in the first place

- She understood that she never should’ve been born in the first place and was born as monstrous, hence her obsession with revenge. But there is obviously a part of her that wants to live a peaceful life

- She normally has panic attacks but no one has ever witnessed them except Swordfather

- When she was with her husband (the night before the sparring) that was the only time she felt loved for who she was

- She wanted to show who she really was as her husband asked to, and once she did she was called “a monster” and now she’s reluctant to show anyone even half of who she really is

- She overworks herself to the point of exhaustion and most times collapses, forgetting to eat and rest

- Whenever she checks her reflection, she imagines herself with brown/black eyes

- (Canon) she wears the same clothes she wore since she was a child and stitches them whenever they tear

- because of her binder she often has trouble breathing but she’s so used to it she thinks it’s normal

- She once wanted to gouge her eyes out so she won’t witness the looks of disgust when they see her eyes

- She’s entirely convinced that there’s no way she’ll ever be truly loveable. She’s convinced she’s monstrous in every way, from the hues of her blue eyes to the violence she bears

(MY POOR BABY I LOVE HER SM I JUST WANNA SEE HER HAPPY N SATISFIED 😭😭)

Fluff/Not angst(finally)

- Love language is quality time & acts of service

- Although she’s not aware of it, she has an unconscious fixation with music. Mizu has always been drawn to musical festivals and it both calms and excites her

- If given the time, she normally asks if you want to go to festivals (her unnamingly pleading for you to agree) and her face is relaxed the whole time, her fingers intertwined with yours

- I feel her normal dates with you would be very simple. She’d enjoy just spending time with you, quietly or with small chatter

- She loves stargazing with you. My god. Laying beside each other, feeling each others warmth contrary to the harsh snow as you look at the different constellations

- Actually, you’d be looking at the constellation while she looks at you with a small smile tugging at her lips, while she adores the light in your eyes as you gaze up

- Speaking of holding hands she LOVES to hold your hand, doesn’t matter if your hand is cold or warm, it intertwines with hers perfectly

- Whenever you compliment her eyes she doesn’t believe you until you say it a thousand times

- takes a LONG time to warm up to you, but once she does it is SO worth it

- unconsciously misses your warmth, once sleeping she searches for your hand to hold or for you to hug

- speaking of hugging, i think she can be both spoons but mostly big spoon

- loves resting her head on your chest but loves wrapping her arms around you, ensuring that you are safe

AN: GUYS I NEED HER SO BAD U DONT GET IT

[thebearer]

i LOVED your making the bed series. It's so accurate and realistic to carmens character. the fact that you wrote all three parts in three days just baffles me! what do you think their relationship would be like afterwards? regarding all aspects such as conversations, arguments, sex, etc...

ahh thank you so much!! it was so fun writing it lol I had a blast even tho it was angst.

i don’t think it would be an immediate just “completely back to normal again” type thing. i mean, this was probably the biggest fight they’ll ever have and it was hurtful. he’s apologized but his words will still linger and it’s not something that can just be completely swept under the rug, but it’s also not unforgivable especially since this was carmen’s wake up call to get some help in a way. you leaving was scary but taking teddy and anchovy? terrified him.

i do think that you would forgive carmen before he forgave himself. like a few days go by, things are feeling more normal. he took off work just to be with the two of you. still on his sabbatical and really wanting to make up for it, spend time. i stand by what i said in the previous ask that he’d be just an endless cycle of anxiety, guilt, dread, self loathing.

I don’t think there’d be any arguments so to say. if there was it’s because carmen’s broken down and started talking bad about himself again, and you’re having to stop the spiral.

as far as sex… I think you’d have to initiate it (i know i said teddy was a newborn but maybe i’ll speed it a little forward where she’s at least eight or nine weeks old lol. that’s still newborn right? haha)

carmen wants to but he feels like he shouldn’t, like he doesn’t deserve it. he’s worried that you’ll think he’s just using you but he wants to but he’s not initiating. you’ll have to do that.

first time after the fight is definitely like a true, passionate, make up sex. slow and really intimate and clingy. i feel like you arrange for someone to watch teddy for the night (maybe pete and sugar since mj and maggie will not stop asking to see her and anchovy again) you surprise him when he gets off work early to an empty house and make your move. he’s definitely the one who has to be reassured but once it happens, it’s kinda like the final thing that gets you back to a place of normality. like he still feels like shit, still is trying to make it up even tho he’s been forgiven, still going to therapy, but now it’s like everything is at least back to normal. one of those nights once you start, it doesn’t stop. all night type thing just slow and making it up.

i have also seen the begging for a post fight smut and i promise I will begin working on it soon lol. a full works for all of you. maybe a second more fun smut too bc I was planning on doing a baby making one anyways lol

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Charybdis Reader

Adam has just defeated Zeus and he stands panting but alive. The first to notice something off is Brunhilde. Adam has far fewer injuries than he should actually have, almost as though someone took them upon themselves for him. Then the gauntlets crack. Charybdis appears, completely free from the curse that Zeus forced her to bear and is smiling wider than anyone would think possible for a child dying. “Thank you Papa, I don’t feel hungry anymore.” Her final words said she passes on

The reactions of the crowd, Adam, and especially the Valkyries who didn’t even know Volundr could be used like that

Especially the reactions of the gods when they learn just who that child was (Shive, Odin, Thor, and all the others but definitely the Greeks)

This is going to start off like the original one when Charybdis is partnered with Adam (because I’m kind of lazy).

-When the valkyries first found you, a small child just asking for some food, they instantly melted and took you in, assuring Scylla, who brought you to them, that they would keep you safe.

-Brunnhilde and Randgriz were furious to find out who you two were. They all knew of your ‘crime’ which they couldn’t even call a crime at this point, as you were just a child, desperate for food, and for your theft, you were cast into the ocean, trapped by Zeus.

-Scylla was the one who helped rescue you, after she took pity on you, seeing you as the thing you were, a child, trapped in the same strait she roamed after the jealous Circe transformed her into the beast she was today.

-You didn’t see her as a beast, you saw her as a friend, and the maiden who saved you, taking you to safety as she couldn’t bear to see a child in such a state.

-You had been adopted by the valkyries, becoming their youngest sister, the one they all doted on, treated you with such love and kindness and you never had to go hungry again, always making sure you had been fed.

-Your voracious appetite, which stemmed from not getting much food growing up, as your parents had both abandoned you in the sea, leaving you to perish or survive on your own, had calmed once you started to get food on a regular basis.

-You were a shy child, afraid of the gods, as they had done nothing but treat you so cruelly, never going anywhere without one of your big sisters by your side, and even then you hid behind their legs if someone approached, be it human or god.

-Hercules was distraught when he saw you with Thrud, giving you a bright smile and saying hello, as kids normally loved him, and you immediately burst into tears, apologizing loudly as you cried.

-The two tried to calm you down as you cried, Hercules confused as he had never met you before, and he froze, learning your name from Thrud, seeing that the one who had stolen his cattle during his labors, was a child, desperate for food.

-He had not known that you had been a child, the guilt eating away at him as his heart broke, as he knew that Zeus trapped you at the bottom of the sea where you had to create a whirlpool, just to try to get some food.

-He put his large hand on your head, ruffling your hair gently before he smiled softly, “It’s okay, I’m not mad. I forgive you.” You sniffled, shocked that he forgave you, and he quickly became your big brother shortly afterwards, as he wanted to make amends with you.

-The valkyries were not bothered by you bonding with Hercules, happy to see that you two were getting along, seeing that you were growing in confidence.

-When Ragnarok was announced, Brunnhilde gathered the valkyries, telling them all that they were going to help humanity by forming bonds with the human champions, to create a Holy Weapon, one that can kill the gods.

-Brunnhilde kneeled before you, after teaching you Völundr as well, and spoke, “Y/N, I will not force a child to fight, but I will ask if you want to fight against the gods.”

-The other valkyries expressed their concern over you fighting, you were strong, but you were still only a child, but you were being given the choice to fight against the gods who threw you away so cruelly so long ago.

-You swallowed, a little afraid before you asked, “Which god would I be fighting?” her smile surprised you, but also confused you just for a moment, before she answered, “Who else, the one who punished a child desperate for food, Zeus.”

-Your jaw and the jaws of the other valkyries dropped, hearing that she wanted you to fight against Zeus, to fight alongside the human warrior that she would choose to fight Zeus.

-You swallowed, a bit afraid, before you gave a tiny nod, not wanting revenge, but wanting to stop the cruel gods from hurting anyone else.

-When Adam met you, he was surprised to see a young child peeking out from behind Brunnhilde, and he instantly kneeled, smiling gently at you, “Hello little one, are you my partner?”

-You gave him a shy nod, taking his offered hand, holding onto it as he looked up at Brunnhilde who bowed her head to him, “This little one is older than she looks, just like the other valkyries. I am entrusting Charybdis to you, Adam.”

-He nodded, smiling down at you before he kneeled again, swearing that he was going to keep you safe before he opened his arms, hugging you to him and you fused with him.

-Adam walked out with a pair of matching apple red gauntlets, munching on an apple as he was introduced.

-The fight was, for the most part, one sided, Adam easily handling Zeus, punching him hard across the field with ease.

-Zeus then transformed again, morphing into his Adamas form, Adam froze, seeing memories flashing across his mind, memories that were not his own.

-Adam had to focus on dodging blows, landing his own, seeing the memories of a child, being abandoned by her parents, a child who stole a cow because she was so desperate for food and then was cast down to the bottom of the sea, forced to form a whirlpool, just to get some food.

-Adam clenched his teeth together, speaking to you, “Are these your memories?” he saw you floating beside him, hugging him around his neck, like you were scared, nodding into his shoulder.

-He punched Zeus across the field again, showing his strength as Adam put his anger into it as you faded, “Who did this to you?” your memories flashed across his mind, showing him that the one who punished you, a mere child, for trying to eat and trapping you at the bottom of the sea, was none other than Zeus.

-An almost evil aura surrounded Adam, his heart rate increasing as all he could see was red.

-As a father himself, he couldn’t even begin to imagine hurting one of his children like this, he couldn’t understand how anyone could hurt a child like this!!

-He felt you hug him again and you spoke, “Put the gauntlets together to fuse them!” he listened to you, putting his arms together and the gauntlets started to glow brightly, reforming into a different form, a re-Völundr.

-Only one of his arms was heavier as the new weapon was revealed, what looked to be a reverse drill, to describe it simply, with razors at the bottom.

-He squeezed, turning on the weapon and it began to suck in air, creating a vacuum, the razors turning like a chainsaw.

-Many gawked at the gruesome weapon, even Brunnhilde who then calmed, remembering that this is what you looked like when you were trapped at the bottom of the sea.

-Zeus was met with another harsh punch with Adam’s free hand before he tried to grab Zeus with the new weapon, to finish the job, but only managed to grab his left arm, tearing it to shreds.

-The gods were gawking, seeing the strongest of the gods being torn to shreds by a human with such a violent weapon, but it quickly sobered them up, seeing that the humans were going to fight and that they weren’t going to give up.

-When Zeus lost and was beginning to fade away, you and Adam split, and Adam kneeled next to you, hugging you as Zeus looked at you in confusion, “Who is that? That’s not a valkyrie.”

-Adam put a hand on your head, soothing you, “You probably won’t recognize her, but this is Charybdis.”

-Zeus’ eyes went wide, seeing that the one he punished so long ago or stealing a cow during Hercules’ labor, was only a child, a young child, a hungry, abandoned by her parents child.

-Adam panted softly as Zeus slowly faded away, having beaten the strongest in Valhalla, much to the shock of everyone in attendance.

-The arena was so silent, as the shock was so great nobody could utter a sound louder than breathing, eyes wide, unable to look away from what they had just witnessed.

-As Zeus faded, so did the gauntlets, breaking into pieces, much to the shock of others. Brunnhilde gasped sharply, not even realizing it until that moment, that Adam was not as injured as he should have been.

-She saw the gauntlets chipping away, slowly fading as she and the other Valkyries realized what you had done, you used your body- the gauntlets, to take the more severe damage, protecting Adam.

-They had no idea that Volundr could be used like that, not even Buddha, who was watching with wide eyes, a feeling of dread building up inside of him as he realized that this technique was causing the death of child.

-Zeus vanished first and everyone was stunned when the gauntlets on Adam’s hands started to glow brightly and the shock grew when a child appeared before him, slowly fading away as well.

-Adam was quick to realize what you had done, taking the damage to keep him safe, but it was your smile, warm and bright, like you were truly happy, that stunned him, making his throat tighten, feeling tears welling in his eyes.

-You cupped his cheeks as the crowds were quickly alight with shouting, seeing a child, and many learned who you were, Poseidon’s daughter and the fearsome beast that Zeus trapped at the bottom of the ocean as punishment for stealing a cow.

-Hades had wide eyes, turning on his brother, “What is the meaning of this Poseidon? Why is your child fighting?!” Poseidon was just as stunned, he had honestly forgotten about you, after he deemed you weak, and after learning of your punishment, he believed you deserved it. To see you so strong and yet still so young now made his heart break- he felt anguish that he had abandoned you.

-The other Greek gods weren’t much better, Hercules was fuming, glaring harshly that you had sacrificed yourself, as he knew your desire to protect others, and he knew there was nothing that could be done as he held Goll who was sobbing in his arms while Brunnhilde was on her knees, her face buried in her hands as well.

-Ares didn’t care- tears in his eyes as he shouted at Poseidon, demanding to know why your father didn’t protect you. Hermes himself was furious, trying in vain to hold Ares back, equally as mad while Aphrodite had actually stood in rage, watching you disappearing slowly, furious that Poseidon had treated you so cruelly.

-Shiva was stunned stiff, he couldn’t even react, seeing that Adam’s partner was a child, Poseidon’s child, and how cruelly him and Zeus had treated you- you were just a little girl desperate for food after being abandoned! He didn’t even know he was silently crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, not hearing the sobs of his wives who couldn’t begin to even think about treating one of their kids so cruelly.

-Odin was furious, silently staring, he was a harsh person, but to children, Odin was very gentle, and to hear of another father treating their child so cruelly, he felt sick.

-Loki was nearby, strangely silent as he was biting his bottom lip, trying to hide that he was crying himself, at least halting his sobs, but not his tears.

-You cupped Adam’s cheeks gently as he wept quickly, trying not to sob, just letting the tears flow, your smile was gentle as you spoke, “I’m okay Papa, it doesn’t hurt- and I’m not hungry anymore!”

-Your words made throats clench as he cupped your cheeks in return, smooshing your cheeks gently, making you squeak which made him smile gently, not wanting you to go but there was nothing he could do to change it. The least he could do was send you off with a smile.

-He swallowed hard, as his throat felt tight, like he couldn’t even talk before he inhaled deeply, “I’m proud of you- so proud of you.”

-Your eyes lit up, happy tears coming to your own eyes, “Really?” he chuckled softly at your elation, giving you a small nod, “I am- I couldn’t be any prouder to have a daughter like you.”

-You smiled brightly, your tears finally falling as you closed your eyes, “Bye Papa- I love you!” he embraced you, feeling you crumbling away until his arms were soon wrapped around nothing.

-Adam didn’t blame Brunnhilde, as you chose to fight, and you were able to get your own revenge, at the cost of your life and keeping him safe, and others didn’t blame the Valkyrie, as this could have been prevented if Zeus, and especially Poseidon, hadn’t been so cruel.

-Your loss lit a fire under humanity, the other warriors furious, wanting to fight and survive for you, so your sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Many gods started to argue, wanting to call of the tournament and punish those who had done such terrible things, like Poseidon.

-Hercules immediately defected to humanity, declaring his intention to fight for humanity, as did Buddha, who was planning on surprising everyone later, but decided to do it now, to make more gods side with humanity in the hopes of halting everything.

-Hercules and Adam both comforted Brunnhilde, who could do nothing to halt her tears, she knew this was a risk, but she was in anguish that you chose to protect Adam and give your life for him.

-A child should never have to make a decision like that.

-It was with their support and encouragement that Brunnhilde stood strong once again, the tournament now halted as the gods were furious and wanting to call everything off as Odin called an emergency meeting with him, Shiva, and Hades to discuss the future of Ragnarok.

[percheduphere]

CONSIDER:

The dust settles. Kang has been defeated. Loki and Mobius, their clothes covered with soot and slashed with tears, stumble toward one another, surrounded by war's wreckage.

Mobius stops a foot away from Loki, hands on his hips. They share a chuckle together. Finally, it's over. No more threats, only peace and the clean up to follow. When they quiet, Mobius looks at the ground, not quite believing this is yet another goodbye.

MOBIUS: So I guess this is it, huh? You gonna drop in on Sylvie?

LOKI: Sylvie?

MOBIUS: Yeah. I figured, y'know, you must miss her.

Loki blinks in confusion. He gathers himself and takes a step closer.

LOKI: I do, but ... not as much as I miss you.

MOBIUS: (flushing, looking away) Don't do that.

LOKI: Do what?

MOBIUS: Be nice on my account. C'mon. What're you waiting for? All this (he waves around at the fire and disaster behind them) mayhem and you're gonna stand up your girlfriend?

LOKI: Girlfriend?

MOBIUS: What are we a parrot now?

Alarmed that Mobius could think such a thing, Loki grasps both of Mobius's arms, holding him gently.

LOKI: Mobius. Mobius, listen to me. Sylvie and I, we're not together.

Mobius doesn't believe him. He laughs.

MOBIUS: Not together? Loki, you were throwing yourself all over her! And I-I get it. I mean, she's smart and strong and powerful and ...

MOBIUS: ... beautiful.

Pursing his lips, Loki cocks his head to one side and lowers his voice in worry.

LOKI: Maybe, but she isn't ... She isn't you.

MOBIUS: Me?

LOKI: Yes! Is that so hard to believe?

MOBIUS: Well, you're a god ... You're the God! And I'm just ... (he gestures vaguely up and down his own body with a disappointed sigh)

Shaking his head, Loki slides two fingers against the bottom of Mobius's chin. He tlits his head up until Mobius has no choice but to look at him, at his eyes.

LOKI: Mobius, what are you talking about? Who was it who saved me, that day I arrived at the TVA? Who listened to me? Who encouraged me? Who made me laugh, made me feel good about myself? Who forgave me when I ran away? Who helped me and got pruned for it? Who held me when I was afraid? Who walked out there, risking his own skin, on that gangway--just to bring me home? Who gave me not one or two but infinite chances? Tell me, Mobius, who was it?

Mobius doesn't know what to say. It feels arrogant to answer, foolish to presume.

Closing the distance between them, until they're chest to chest and Loki can feel Mobius's heartbeat through his ribs, Loki smiles and presses their foreheads together.

LOKI: It was you. It's always you. You're the most beautiful, stunning person I know. Will ever know. Mobius, you are wonderful.

Loki turns his head. Their noses touch, and their lips ... they brush.

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fear Of The Known

Lucifer x Fem!Angel!Reader

|Chapter Three|

Michael was starting to act like his old self again. He was leaving his home more, and even spending more time with his brothers.

Speaking of.

Y/n never thought she'd be around Michael as much as she had since that day. Dare she even say, she and him were growing fairly close. Sure, they had been friends for a long time, but it was never like this. Spending more time with each other, having long talks, and just being in each other's company.

Y/n was grateful for Michael's company more than anything. She needed someone else to mourn with, at least, that's how it was at the start. Now, she felt the need to be with him just to simply be with him.

Yes, they had truly became closer friends overtime. And Michael was just as grateful for Y/n being around. He had his brothers, he had his heavenly father, but he was glad he had someone to call friend.

Together, they would slowly move on from Lucifer. Though, they would never forget him.

They made each other happy, comforted each other during rough times. Maybe things can finally go back to the way they were.

A sudden gasp left Y/n, alerting Michael. "What is it?" He asks. Y/n blinks a few times, putting a hand to her head. "It's Lucifer..."

Or maybe not.

Michael's expression fell. "What about him?" Y/n looks to Michael, and quietly answers.

"He and Lilith will soon have a daughter."

There was a look of shock on Michael's face. "A daughter?" Y/n nods. "Charlotte Morningstar, is her name. In just two months, she will be born."

Michael furrowed his brows, he fell silent as he was thinking. After a moment he exhales. "Do you see any possible threat coming from this?" He asks. Y/n shakes her head. "No, at least, not now."

"Alright then." Michael starts. "Then we should tell the others immediately."

"Right. Sera should know what to do next." Y/n says. "Actually, Y/n." Michael sighs. "I believe we should inform father before anyone else."

Y/n froze. She had not spoken to God in person for quite some time. Not since Lucifer fell...

"You're nervous." Michael places a hand on her shoulder. "That's an understatement." Y/n sighs shakily. "Lucifer was his son...and because I chose not to speak up, he's gone."

Michael offers her a comforting smile. "Y/n. You know my father, he is one of, if not, the most forgiving being there ever was. If I, and my brothers forgave you. Then I know he has. I will stay with you while you speak with him, if that will help?"

Y/n smiles a bit. "It would. Thank you, Michael."

"Of course, Y/n. Now, let's be off." Michael says as he takes her hand in his. The two of them were teleported inside of God's palace, just outside of his throne room.

Y/n inhaled and exhaled shakily, but she became slightly less tense as she felt Michael's hand gently squeeze hers.

"Are you ready?" Asked Michael. Y/n takes one more deep breath. "I am." Michael knocks at the door, and after a moment, someone called from the other side.

"Come in."

Michael and Y/n entered the room, ahead of them stood Galim. And right next to them, was none other than God himself. He easily towers at a towering ten and a half feet tall.

Upon noticing the two, God smiled brightly. "Ah, Michael! Hello my son!" He greets with open arms. Michael smiles and approaches him, leading Y/n along.

"And Y/n, always a pleasure to see you, dear!" God nods his head to her. Y/n looked up at him and tried her best to return the smile without seeming nervous. "It's nice to see you too, your majesty." She says respectfully.

God waved his had with a scoff. "None of that royal formalities, please. We're all friends here."

"Right." Y/n cleared her throat. She nervously glanced over to Michael, who gave her an encouraging nod. "Um, I apologize for showing up unannounced. But, I have news to share of the future. It's highly important."

"Of course." God says with a grin. "It involves Lucifer, I'm afraid." Y/n says cautiously. The smile on God's face fell, he was silent for a moment. Even Galim looked shocked by the news, they glanced up at God worryingly.

"And, what of him?" He asks.

"In two months time, his wife Lilith, will give birth to a baby girl named Charlotte Morningstar." Y/n explains. "So far, I see nothing we should need to fret over. Especially not while she is an infant. I can not say anything more than that for now."

God inhales and turns away from the three. Galim and Michael both looked concern, while Y/n was on the verge of panic.

This was fine. She needed to do this. She did the right thing, telling God about this. And yet, she couldn't help but worry about what he might do next...

But she did the right thing.

She couldn't let what happened before ever happen again. She tried to protect Lucifer before, and looked where it got him. Look what's happened to Heaven's progress, and the Earth now corrupted beyond repair. All because she did not speak up.

She did the right thing.

She did.

"Thank you for telling me, Y/n." God finally spoke. Y/n nods. "Of course."

"I suppose there is nothing we can do but what and see what will become of Lucifer's daughter in the future. Speaking of..." God turns to face Y/n again. "I'm sorry to ask, but I'd like it if you would look into the future of Charlotte Morningstar from now on. And please keep me informed."

"Yes, of course." Y/n tells him.

"If that is all?" God wonders. Michael nods. "Yes. Thank you for seeing us, father." He reaches for Y/n’s hand, ready to take her home. But before he could, God spoke again.

"Before you go, Y/n, may I speak with you for a moment? Privately."

Y/n's heart stopped for a moment. But she remained calm on the outside. "Alright."

Galim starts off out of the room, they noticed Michael hesitating before slowly following after.

After they left, God sighed before slumping on his throne. He brought a hand to his head. "Well, I suppose I am happy Lucifer isn't alone down there. He's even starting a family of his own." The smallest of smiles grew on his face, a sad one however. "Looks like I'm going to be a grandpa. It's a shame I can't congratulate him personally..."

There was that guilty feeling again. "I'm...I'm sorry." Y/n starts. "I should have done more to prevent him from going to that meeting. Maybe he'd still be here, if I had."

God moved his hand onto his lap. "I don't think anyone could have prevented him from going. Not even me." He chuckles. "Lucifer was a dreamer like none other. He'd stop at nothing to accomplish what he's reaching for." There was a fond smile on God's face. "He was truly one of my greatest creations."

Y/n felt tears gathering in her eyes. "He was." She says softly.

"Y/n. Back then, was there any future you saw where Lucifer's dreams became reality?" God asks. Y/n thinks back, after a moment she answers.

"One." She starts, smiling weakly. "And he looked so happy."

God was silent, smile still on his face, but Y/n did not miss the slight tremble in his shoulders.

Or the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

Y/n did as she was told, and kept tabs on Charlotte's future. So far so good. There was nothing that Heaven should be concerned about. Speaking of Charlotte, it wasn't long after she was born that all of Heaven knew who she was.

But again, Charlotte posed no threat to them. At least, not so far.

Throughout her childhood, and even into her adulthood, Charlotte was...surprisingly nice.

Really nice. To nice.

She lived in Hell all her life, and yet, she was the sweetest demon down there. It baffled everyone in Heaven. How could a demon be nice? Not only nice. But caring, merciful, pleasant, and so on.

And all of her own choice. She was never taught to be that way, she just, is.

But what bewildered Y/n the most, was what she would learn next of Charlotte's future.

"A hotel? To rehabilitate sinners?" Sera scoffs. "This is unheard of. No demon can be redeemed."

Sera was the second person you've told about this. God already knew about Charlotte's new project and seemed...confused? He definitely was shocked, there was no doubt about that.

"Charlotte seems to be very passionate about it." Y/n starts. "She even manages to get two people on board with this project of hers. Maybe even three. One who has an immense amount of power."

"An immense amount of power, you say?" Sera hums. "Y/n. Look further, please. I need to know just what we are to expect out of that...project."

"I'll try." Y/n says before closing her eyes. So far, she saw the same future as before. Charlotte Morningstar opens a hotel to rehabilitate sinners. Two others join her. A woman and a man. Then another man, one who radiates raw demonic power.

Y/n tries to look further down the line. Two more show up, significantly weaker than the previous man. Then there is Charlotte again, she's meeting with someone.

Y/n focusing in on who she's talking to. When she realizes who it is, her eyes shoot open.

"What is it?" Asks Sera.

"Charlotte Morningstar will arrive in Heaven. Very soon."

Sera looked puzzled for a moment before her expression returned to neutral. "I see. I will bring this up with Adam personally, thank you Y/n. That will be all."

"But, don't you need to know why?" Y/n asks. "No. If I can help it, this meeting will be avoided entirely. Now, I must speak with Adam, so if you'll please..." Sera says dismissively.

Y/n was confused, but decided to take her leave anyhow. Technically, Sera and the other Seraphims had authority above her. Y/n didn't want to push her luck by disobeying, and risk upsetting the head Seraphim.

Otherwise, Y/n would have questioned Sera as to why now she didn't want to know as much as about the future as possible. Surely Charlotte Morningstar meeting with the first man would raise some questions.

So why wouldn't Sera want to know why the meeting between them was called? Sera most certainly wouldn't have called for it. None of the Archangels would have any reason to. Even God wouldn't have done something like that.

Not unless there was a reason.

Y/n could help but feel like something was off...

Tags-

@bloody-delusion-expert

[heareriissmau]

❧ ❝pseudo alliance❞

mha kacchako!smau

disclaimer: if you don't like kacchako step away. this smau is only for fun. also this is gonna be filled with a lot of curses or expletives because bakugo.

genre: comedy, romance, slow burn, crack, tooth-rotting fluff summary: After the big war of today's generation, the popularity of Class 2A skyrocketed even before their debut as Pro-Heroes. Which comes with a price. The most popular students in class are getting way too much attention to the extent of being stalked. So, the students brainstormed ideas on how put a halt on these harrassments. Or; Class 2A opts for Bakugo and Uraraka to fake date to get rid of each other's strange fans. ship: Bakugo Katsuki x Uraraka Ochako (My Hero Academia)

**paragraphs are present for this part. **

word count: 1,720

katsuki semi-slams the cluster of books on the table. not loud enough to be glared at by the librarian for the second time, but loud enough to express his vexation over his project partner's tardiness. it has been well over 5 minutes, where the hell is she?

he pushes his phone away with a grunt, opening one of the books to start studying. twenty minutes already passed. he's never one to waste time.

thinking about this had him pissed off again.

"she's in charge of collecting homework today." the two-toned boy sitting across katsuki reminded, not sparing a single glance at the latter. "just saying. in case you forgot."

katsuki huffed through his nose. "of course i knew that." he did not. he did forget, so he mentally forgave his cheeky partner for not showing up at the designated time. doesn't change the fact that ochako didn't bother give him a heads up before she left!

"guess it's fine she isn't here yet," the raven-head sitting beside shoto spoke and rested a palm over her chin, observing the blond. katsuki noticed neither of them mentioned ochako's name on purpose. kyoka continued, leaning a little closer to whisper, "not much onlookers today."

she made a good point. it's rare on occasion to see the library be not filled to the brim with curious students openly watching them like hawks. it was a curse to be popular.

"aren't you a girl, too?"

"probably not."

katsuki raised his eyebrow at kyoka for the dumb response, which the raven-head shrugged at in deadpan.

it's 'cause kyoka is taken.

guess fangirls knew to respect a relationship, even if one hasn't been established yet. this left a shudder down the blond's spine. the word 'dating' has been haunting him recently. let's think about something else.

why isn't uraraka ochako here yet?

katsuki has already had the one page he's been reading over and over memorized while waiting. he could've started by himself but she borrowed his laptop to work on her part of the report. this was getting nowhere. he checked the time on his phone. 5:45 pm.

"if you need her so bad, why don't you go look for her?"

he absolutely did not like the teasing tone underneath kyoka's voice and it didn't help that he found her smiling at him like a damn cheshire cat. she's definitely mina's friend.

the twitch on katsuki's eye was beyond his control. "she ain't lost." he checked the messages on his phone for good measure, earning a snicker from the girl.

"it seems to me you're worried about her," shoto finally spoke again while taking his time writing notes for his report. "the way your leg has been bouncing up and down under the table the last several minutes is annoying, bakugo."

katsuki didn't even realize his anxiety was showing. wait, anxiety? who's anxious?! god-

fine.

he considers ochako a friend now, maybe. a friendship orchestrated by a frog every lunch break. whatever. sure. it's harmless to admit he's worried about her whereabouts and it's not weird just because she's a girl.

girls are so fucking weird.

"she could be terrorized by that kid that likes her, for all i know," katsuki blurted out of nowhere.

"so you are worried about her?" kyoka questioned.

"whatever you wanna call it." katsuki was tired.

"how sweet. hope you get worried about me, too." katsuki considered shoving a book in shoto's mouth.

"anyway, if it helps," kyoka's earlobe jack slithers back up to its original length and twirls it around at the blond like a pointer finger casting a spell at him. "there's a familiar giggle i heard in the hallway. that should be her."

as if on reflex, katsuki stood up from his seat, catching the attention of both his classmates. he blinked.

"i'mma go piss."

"gross."

"sure. of course, you are."

he nodded at no one, "be right back," and exits the library. he paid no mind to the stares bored onto his back by those two. they already know where he's actually headed anyway.

shoving both his hands in his pockets, katsuki walked down the halls and roamed his eyes discreetly around the long corridor. also completely passed the restrooms as he did. he'll go later. from a few feet away, he finally found the very girl he's wondered where the hell has been all this time, talking with a dude.

jesus, could you tell her to get a room? katsuki rolled his eyes before turning around about to leave her there until ochako saw him. her cheery, jolly expression then immediately turned sour. she widened her eyes at him, brows furrowed, lips pursed tightly. katsuki thought she looked like she was about to let out a fat shit while the dude with her was turned away, trying to find something from his backpack.

wait.

wait.

ochako's expression now looked like she was about to cry while letting out a fat shit. he pieced it together. right in front of her was the same dude trying to get into her pants even after getting rejected over and over. from the looks of it, she could be signalling katsuki to offer her help.

now, what was he supposed to do???

he scratched his head and watched as ochako still made a crying face at him. flailing an arm to get him to come until she quickly snapped out of it, back to her fake smile when her stalker turned to her again and gave her unwanted undivided attention. katsuki was very tired.

"oi, cheeks."

he finally approached. the stalker turned to the direction of the voice and flinched at the sight of the very bakugo katsuki looming behind him. that's right, get scared. "i've been waiting for an hour for you and this is where you've been?"

that wasn't a lie. though an hour was an exaggeration, but nevertheless the sense of relief painted on ochako's face was absolutely priceless. what have they been talking about for her to react like this from getting found?

"sorry, bakugo-kun! a bunch of stuff happened so," the brunette sheepishly responded and slid away from the other kid. she stood right next to katsuki like a little cat that got sprayed with water.

she turned back to the first year, presenting her usual chirpy self, "anyway, asahi-kun! what were you saying?" as if she actually cared about what he said at this point.

the kid, apparently called asahi, had his mouth agape. his eyes shifted back-and-forth from ochako to katsuki. must have been confused by the combination. "i was about to ask if you're free to go to an exhibit with me this friday?!" the ahashi kid held out the tickets to her face.

ochako made this strange apologetic look as she said, "oh, i'm sorry. we're workin' on our assignment. i'm sure you'll find somebody else to hang out with!"

oof.

wow, she's had it, huh?

that is not something ochako would usually say.

the look of confusion rather than dejected sadness that resulted on the azashitty's face was katsuki's answer. he must've been incredibly egotistic to only be confused ochako had rejected him. "then what about another day? are you free-"

alright. katsuki got the gist of it.

"are we done here?"

his voice exploded from the patience that has been lost since he left the library, startling the kid in the process. "she said no, didn't she? the hell are you still yapping for? you really think over-insisting would get her to say yes? you made out of fucking gold or something?"

"don't be too loud, bakugo-kun."

"wh- w- what's it to you?! m- mind your own business!" he looked like he was about to pee on the spot. a wimp, after all.

"'mind my own business,' he says," katsuki scoffed, maintaining eye contact with the first year. indimidation works so why not use more of it. "what if i told you it is my business? i'm the one she's hanging out with this friday anyway." it's for their project but he can be smug about that too.

ochako badly wanted to roll her eyes to the back of her head, but she didn't. "let's just go to the library." she tried to avoid the whole debacle and go back but katsuki held her in place. he wrapped an arm around her neck.

this felt ominous.

"y- you? okay? what's that supposed to mean?" the kid seemed to be bothered at the sudden skinship. ochako and katsuki were always seen together, in the same group of friends. to add, ochako has always been the clingy type of friend. she's found to be linking arms with, holding hands with, resting her head against her closest friends from class but never with katsuki. the very dude that disliked skinship, a complete opposite of ochako.

so, what's going on right now could very well be a nightmare fuel.

ochako sighed. "well, he isn't wrong.

"we're partners fo-"

"we're dating."

there was silence.

the partners made eye contact. one just as surprised as the other. ochako stared right at him with crazy eyes. katsuki guessed she must've been losing it inside.

"WHAT?" but not as much as the kid before them.

the blond decided to stand his ground, breaking eye contact with the girl in his arm. "yeah," his voice cracked.

"uraraka-senpai!" the kid shifted his attention to the poor internally spiraling ochako. he just doesn't stop, doesn't he? "since when? why haven't you told me anything?! all this time i've just been stupidly chasing over someone that's taken?!"

ochako's eyebrows furrowed at the demand for an explanation. as well as the absurdity of this conversation. especially from a literal extra. "i think we're done here, asahi-kun. i would like for you to stop bothering me anymore, or i will actually call faculty on you."

ochako unhooked katsuki's arm dangling around her and held his hand, pulling him to the library with her. they walked silently, or not considering the incoherent shouts coming from a certain student.

just now did katsuki realize what he had done.

"holy fucking shit."

ochako stopped to give him a blank stare.

"... my bad."

"remember this is your fault."

"fine."

both students decided it was best to not proceed with their previous objective back at the library.

⸻ part 10: patience wasn't the key

prev part ✩ main post ✩ next part

heights alliance secrets:

denki cried on priv, asking kyoka to unblock him. he apologized.

kyoka was eavesdropping. shoto, too.

toru sent ochako one-word messages frantically that it amounted to over 50 messages notified on ochako's end.

katsuki was then given another reason to save ochako's number.

oh and they went to the courtyard because acads comes first. also, ochako needed some time to chill before coming back to the dorms and be met with interrogation.

reply if you wanna be in my taglist! ⚝

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

👑ATTENTION👑AEGON X AFAB READER OC (NON-WESTEROSI OC) MODERN & COLLEGE SETTING

Aegon x Reader

Tags: Fluffish, royalty, modernroyalty, theprinceandme

🔷Summary: You are studying in college and you fall for a mysterious boy named Aeg. Who hides a dark secret.

🔷Author's note: Based on the movie, the Prince and Me.

🔷Wordcount :3547

🔷Warnings: It is not a very dark or triggering fic. If you found something that upsets you, however let me know ill change the warnings

It is cold. It is so fucking cold. You keep repeating that in your head, as you cling your books to your chest, shielding them from the rain as you run over campus. Earlier today, your backpack committed the worst betrayal in history since centuries, and one of the straps ripped. So now you carry your books around. It is also a bit misty, darkish and overall not a fun time to be outside. 

You make out the sign of the building where your archeology class is taking place. You finally found it. Last year, they hosted it in the other building, much closer to your dorm. But for some reason, it now is in the new science building. You don’t know why, and you don’t have time to care. You cross the streets.

Perhaps without looking. Perhaps you look too late. Either way, a black, sleek, luxurious car with a dragon logo on the hood nearly hits you. You huff at the audacity of this asshole to drive that fast on college ground, and try to look in the car. The windows are blinded. You can’t see who is in it. They can see you however. You raise your middle finger, before you head off to class. You don’t notice the window rolling down and someone looking at you, with piercing bright blue eyes and a smirk on his lips.

–

The teacher forgave you for being late. You are a good student, and never would be late on purpose. She listened to your apologies and you explained to her the bag situation, which she understood, but also could laugh at. ‘’Why, you always have the worst of luck, don’t you?’’ she joked. Now you are reading your books, making assignments and studying an ancient old stone. 

The incident with the car has long left your mind. Your books are more interesting. Until the door of the classroom is opened and a handsome young man enters. You see him look at papers in his hand, which is likely his route and his schedule of where his classes are. He introduces himself as Aeg and to your horror he sits down right next to you, on the only free spot in class. He smells nice, like rain and aftershave. ‘’I’m Aeg.’’ He says, addressing you for the first time in your life. ‘’I’m uh, new.’’ His accent betrayed that he is from Westeros and from the Crownlands, like most students. You take one glance at him and see him looking back, your eyes meeting and your breath briefly stopped. He is gorgeous. Damn him.

‘’I can see that.’’ You reply, uninterested. You don’t need distractions. And Aeg, whoever he may be, is a distraction. You bend your head a bit further over your books, hoping to lose yourself in the magic of the Ancient Dornish statues you are studying. It does not happen, and to make things worse, Aeg is staring at you, full of interest and delight, a smirk on his lips as he studies you instead of the textbook.

‘’Don’t be like that. The teacher said I could sit with you. You are a nice girl. It’s literally what she said. I can use a friend. I’m new. I only have Cole with me.’’ He says. You sigh, and deep down you know you will regret this deeply. You know it.

‘’I am Ereys.’’ You say, ignoring the way his blue eyes keep piercing through your skin and skull. ‘’I study Archaeology. That’s what you should be doing, by the way.’’ You say. Aeg snorts, laughing loudly and draws more attention to your shared table. Embarrassed, you lower yourself a bit more, hoping to bury yourself in your books.

‘’I’m Aegon, but you can call me Aeg.’’ He says. ‘’I never studied Archaeology or history before. Perhaps you can tell me where we are with the studies, as well as tell me…’’ He smirks, looking at you a bit funnily. You raise a brow, confused.

‘’Do you have a boyfriend?’’ You don’t know where this question came from or how it is related to archelogy but you sure as hell don’t want to answer that weasel anymore.

You blow up. ‘’That’s none of your business. Go ask someone else.’’ To your horror, your voice is uncontrolled and even more eyes are glued on you and Aegon now.

He does not seem to even be slightly insulted, grinning at your rejection. ‘’Ah, come on, darling. Didn’t mean to insult you. Just a complement, sweetheart.’’ He says. His voice becomes a bit more serious and he sits up, instead of hanging in the chair. ‘’But if I truly insulted you, I apologize.’’

‘’Hmph.’’ 

The rest of the class you are both silent, save for Aegon who keeps smirking and smiling at you, clearly trying to get you to let your walls down. You won’t let it happen. 

At long last, classes end and you are released.

—--

That evening, it is your turn at the Red Dragon the local college bar to handle the crowd. Lots of students come to unwind, have a drink, a snack, and a flirt before their classes are back on in the morning. It earns decently, and your boss makes sure that everyone behaves or is kicked out of the bar. 

Two of your close friends, Jayne and Alysanna hang out near the bar, trying to get more details out of your summer. ‘’Come on! Tell me, did you at least hook up last summer?’’ Jayne asks, on her fourth martini of that night. Alysanna smacks her arm, berating her instantly, the mom friend of the group.

Bless her. ‘’Ereys is just busy. She can have any guy she wants to have. She chooses to focus on her studies.’’ Alys says, grinning. ‘’Like if she wanted, any guy would be on their knees.’’ You roll your eyes.

‘’Hear hear.’’ You comment, giving two waiting jocks with red dragon tunics both a beer and a sandwich you just made for them. They leave, and you watch them go to their friends at the table in the corner, likely returning to their games for that evening.

Jayne is not ready to let the conversation die. ‘’I mean, I saw what joined you at Archaeology class and I have to say; You have more willpower and restraint than me.’’ You frown at her words. Aeg is not a what, and how the hell did she know? She studies marine biology, which is 2 floors above you. No way she could have seen Aeg. No way unless…..

‘’Stop using that fucking app!’’ Alys grabs the phone from Jayne. ‘’It’s fucking dehumantising.’’ She has a point. Women, men, non binary, something or someone else: It does not matter, this app does not discriminate, if you’re hot, you get called a lot of things.

Jayne, however is…Jayne.‘’Nah-ah! How else am I supposed to know what hot guy is new on campus? Have you seen how massive this place is? I need the app!” You know that app. It’s created by some tech devs with a god complex and it basically tracks relation drama, hot new guys, anything you don’t want to get caught up in on campus.

You watch as Jayne takes of running in her heels, chased by Alys on her sneakers, and you are shocked to see how fast both are. Someone clears his throat and you are reminded you have a job.

‘’Two beer.’’ Oh no. You know that voice.

In front of you, is Aeg. He is wearing a dorky shirt which looks like someone with a high office job would wear. His hair is pushed back neatly and you assume he spent a few hours on it. And he smells nice. Again. Aeg seems to recognize you too, grinning and sitting down while you grab the beer from the fridge. ‘’You look damn good behind a bar.’’ He says. ‘’You seem at home here. Everywhere, really.’’

You place it in front of Aeg. ‘’That’ll be 8 coins.’’ You say. Aeg happily grins, giving you 10 coins instead of 8. He looks around him, before closing in, leaning on the bar with a drunken smirk and you know you are done for. ‘’Hey, uhm. I want to see your boobs.’’ You can’t have heard that one right.

‘’’Excuse you?’’ He is drunk but that is no excuse.

‘’It’ll be just for me.’’ He promises, in a bar, filled with people, cameras, phones, everyone. You back away, disgusted and grab the hose that is used to fill beer cups. Instead of giving him a piece of your mind, you decide that it's time for action. You press the spray button and spray Aeg in rich, brown beer, soaking his shirt. A man with dark black hair and a Dornish look jumps from his chair as if you offended him and rushes to Aeg, who is confused.

Your boss, Laenor interferes, addressing the man instead of Aeg. ‘’You. Take your friend out of my fucking bar. I heard what he said to my employee. We don’t want that kind of shit here, or anywhere. OK?’’

The man nods, and drags Aegon off away from you, and the bar. 

—

When you wake up, you have forgotten the incident with Aeg and the strange man. It is Saturday. You have no classes and you are relaxing, in bed, still snoozing peacefully….

Until someone is knocking at your door. You throw your bathrobe on, close it and open your door. You are surprised to see who’s there. He smiles at you. You try to slam the door in his face, but he sets one foot in the door. ‘’Please, let me explain.’’ He begs. ‘’I was a fucking asshole.’’

Ding ding ding! ‘’Yes. You were.’’ You try to kick him out once more. Aeg begins pouting, and you allow him in your dorm, knowing he won’t give up anyway. 

‘’I am sorry, Ereys. I got drunk real bad. I never would have said that if I was sober. But that is no excuse.’’ He looks at his shoes first, but halfway through his apology he looks at your face. ‘’Also my driver almost hit you, on the way to class.’’

You find that a bit odd. Does he have a driver? ‘’You have a driver?’’

Aeg pales. ‘’Eh, my friend, Cole. He studies here too. He dropped me off. He almost hit you though.’’ You think back of the fancy car and you know something is not adding up. Yet you accept Aegon’s apology of him and his…driver.

‘’Apology accepted.’’ You say. ‘’For one reason.’’ You add with a smirk. 

He looks a bit like a puppy that got hurt and you feel bad about making him do this. But someone has to do it. And it won’t be you for sure. ‘’Anything.’’ He begs, looking in your eyes with such sadness that can only be seen in Disney movies.

You cackle. ‘’Oh, I love it when souls say such things. Give me a moment.’’

‘’Souls?’’ Aegon mutters, as you push him out of the room so you can get dressed.

—

‘’Dragon drinks! Dragon drinks! It helps the pain and it helps you think! Dragon drinks!’’ A few moments later, you are sitting beneath a umbrella outside the Red Dragon, while Aegon is in costume, the red cursed dragon costume, advertising. 

While Aegon does your job, and he does it really well, you enjoy the water and study some books. Aegon sometimes tries to get close to you, but one glare and he knows he is pushing it. But then Aegon sees a passing crowd of students, and instead of bothering you, he tries to lure them to the bar. ‘’Roar!’’ You clutch at your heart, scared to death by his roar. ‘’You there! You all seem cool! Come here, drink, and forget school!’’ You see one girl take her phone out. Aegon beams, proud he did his job well.

Until she snaps a photo and walks away, laughing with her friends. You see Aegon’s confidence had a big hit and you feel a bit sad for the dragon. ‘’Don’t let it bother you. Just keep being you. You’re actually really good at this.’’ He isn’t.

But Aegon beams. ‘’Yeah? Oh, I don’t I have ever been…’’ He roars again, puffing his chest, and this time a few customers pass in front of the bar. Aegon roars again, dancing. You can see that he is from Westeros, indeed.

You beg the people with their eyes to please get a drink, and they do. Aegon cheers victorious as they walk in. ‘’This is actually really nice, Ereys. I don’t think I ever have done something this silly.’’ He confesses, smiling. ‘’Thank you for the opportunity.’’ 

You wave his praise away. ‘’Yeah, yeah.’’ He ignores you, focusing on a new group to lure in.

When you attend the bar later, there is a shocking surprise. You had just done your hair on a bun and put your best foot in front of the other, and mentally prepared yourself. But someone else is at the bar, wearing a black shirt, with jeans, and a namepin. He is leaning on the bar, smiling as girls crowd around him, ordering drinks just to get a talk with him. Aegon.

You march over to the girls. ‘’Hello. Aegon. This bar is for employees. You are a customer.’’ He grins, smirking at you, and checking you out at the same time. 

‘’I got a job.’’ He reveals. ‘’Say hello to your new coworker.’’ He winks. You should be happy, as you have come to like Aegon. But your heart cannot allow him too close.

You can’t work with his eyes on you. You look for Laenor and walk to him. ‘’Uhm, you gave Aegon a job?’’ You have no idea how to bring it gently, so you don’t.

Laenor laughs, nodding. ‘’Yeah, he was good in the dragon costume. He has passion and spirit, charisma and good looks. All things you need when running a bar.’’ A few girls giggle in the background and you are annoyed that you thought Aegon actually liked you. 

You don’t see that his eyes are glued on you, watching your every move, not even hearing the girls.

Laenor is not going to fire him. No way.  So you can either quit and say goodbye to your sweet cash or try to endure Aegon. You walk back to the bar and you notice that Aegon has been waiting for you. ‘’Girls. What shall it be?’’ You ask, preparing yourself for the drinks.

One girl with sunglasses inside huffs. ‘’We were in a conversation with Eggy.’’ She says, a bit whiny. ‘’Don’t you have a table to clean somewhere?’’ She asks, and her friends laugh.

You are ready to insult her back but Aegon beats you to it. ‘’Hey, that’s not cool. Ereys is right. This is a bar, not a zoo. You get drinks and pay or leave.’’ You are impressed at his maturity. 

‘’Thanks.’’ You mutter after they have left. You reach for an empty glass at the same time as Aegon and your fingers brush. 

He blushes. ‘’Anytime.’’

—-

As months pass and you and Aegon only grow closer and closer. You are unaware you are in love with him, but he knows he is love with you. You are busy cleaning tables and he cleans the glasses that were used during the shift. While he is busy, you ask him questions that he needs to know for his upcoming test. 

‘’So, Nymeria’s statues. The big ones. What year?’’ You ask, as you clean some chewing gum from a table and nearly vomit.

But Aegon has improved. A lot. ‘’39 AC.’’ He grins. ‘’Easy peasy. Now for you: What did the writer Dynmeris meant with the sentence ‘’The sun cannot find the skies if the clouds are there?’’ You will so, so, so fail that literature class. Who cares? What sun? What clouds? Huh?

Gods help you.

‘’Uhm, it’s cloudy?’’ You guess. 

Aegon nods, and you know you have answered wrong but he is too kind to say it. Defeated, you sit down on a chair, grumpy. He joins you, planting his ass on the table you just cleaned. Thank god for jeans. ‘’It can be a metaphor. For many things. For how you don’t know if you don’t try, for how you cannot achieve dreams without effort, and how you, I suppose, cannot find love if your heart isn't open for it.’’ He looks at you expectedly You nod. ‘’You see, the clouds are the obstacle, and the sky is the goal. But what is the sun? What does it represent?’’ You listen a bit longer to his explanation, and you suddenly feel a bit stuck. Maybe you are the clouds. And Aegon the sun. And you keep yourself from happiness. You have become happier and less snappy around Aegon and everyone seems to know it except you.

You love him.

‘’Aeg?’’ You whisper, your face heated so hot that it might explode. You see him nod.

‘’Yeah?’’ he asks, just as tense and smiling, despite being terrified you can tell.

‘’I uh, want you to kiss me.’’ You confess.

Aeg closes the distance between the two of you and gently caresses your face, as your lips finally lock in a soft gentle kiss. You never felt more alive, and kiss him back, touching his face and feeling his soft hair. He breaks the kiss, smiling deeply. ‘’Does this mean we’re a thing?’’

Wow, he moves fast.

‘’Uhm, it means I like you a bit more.’’ You say, keeping it casual. Aegon grins, still sitting on the table. 

‘’I suppose I’ll just have to step up my game.’’ 

You would love to see what that looks like.

—--

Months later.

Finals are here and you and Aegon are in the library. You are officially dating and have become girlfriend and boyfriend. You try to focus on your books, but your eyes keep going to Aegon, who keeps smirking at you from his book, clearly not reading a word. His hands move down your thigh, and his smirk becomes suggestive. You feel your desire grow as he leans in a bit closer and kisses your neck. You mutter something. You close your book and drag Aegon from his chair, dragging him up to the second floor of the library, where almost no one comes. Aegon catches on, smiling, deeply in love and caresses your face. ‘’I love you Ereys.’’ He mutters, and you don’t know if he says that because you are about to hook up or because he loves you. Yet you turn your mind and insecurities off, and take your shirt off. Aegon follows, kissing your lips and taking his belt off. You both are lost in the passion.

Until, a camera flash interrupts it all. You let out a shriek and Aegon acts in a split second. He pulls his shirt over your head, covering you as quickly as possible. Two cameramen have appeared. ‘’Prince Aegon! Is this what you are doing on college grounds? The people demand to know!’’ One of them shouts. You feel ill. It makes sense.

Stupid too.

Aegon does not allow you to remain there, frozen and hurt. He drags you with him, as you both run away, between large bookshelves as the obvious paparazzi chases you. ‘’Prince Aegon, over here! Who is this lady? Prince Aegon!’’ Aegon doesn’t answer them. Getting you to safety is his priority.

When you are both safe outside, it has started raining. ‘’What the fuck was that?’’ You ask, in tears. Aegon sighs. 

‘’I’m a Prince.’’ He says, and you never heard someone so upset that he is filthy rich. Cole. Cole is not his friend. He’s his bodyguard. Oh, oh you’re fucked. 

A prince. You laugh. You never mattered to him. If you did he would've been honest. ‘’A what?’’

‘’A prince. Of House Targaryen.’’ This is madness.

You shake your head, in disbelief. He reaches out to touch you, to feel your love, your warmth. ‘’Ereys-’’

‘’Get away from me! You lied to me!’’ You yell, as tears fall down your cheeks. Hurt, Aegon backs off. He lied to you. And now your chest will likely cover some Westerosi magazine somewhere. You will be mocked, ridiculed by gods, knows how many people? And your trust, the walls he brought down, they’re skyhigh, and you know you won’t ever let anyone else get a shot.

He sighs, staring at his shoes. ‘’I never meant for them to find me here. I really like you. More than I liked anyone.’’ He says as he too sniffles, crying. ‘’I never wanted that stupid crown. They keep following me, I had hoped for a fun experience, but I never expected to find you. I love you and I mean it.’’

You shake your head. ‘’I was right not to trust you. I was right.’’ You repeat as you try to keep from crying, as your heart bleeds. It bleeds out from your chest.  You take off running to your dorms and don’t look back.

a/n

i might make a part two if you guys dig it.

I got a busy mind and a lot on my hands So get out of my way And out of my hair Cause I'm going somewhere And I'm not in the mood for questions

And no I don't wanna talk I don't wanna get in too deep On whatever you think I am or do And I'm not in the mood for questions And if I was, I wouldn't let you in on the answers

Don't wanna lose my head I stand up straight I take a real deep breath I never asked for attention But now that I have your attention I will play my part I'll put on a face And with all my heart I never asked for attention But now that I have your attention I'll give you the best I can-

Attention Lyrcis what inspired the fic xD

[wonder-mei]

Not mine to have (Honkai : Star Rail’s Boothill)

Reminder : I do not write accurately to the lore of the world I am writing. I write whenever there’s an idea

P.S: This is kinda rush and clunky but hey this is my comeback!

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

The moon is brighter than the nights before. The moonlit the people of sleepless city but that does not bother the lovely loving small family living in a small apartment.

“Hey, why are you still awake?” Boothill eyes her sitting in a chair beside the window under the moonlight he drops his heavy on the floor and walks to sit in front of her “Something happened?”

She smiles looking down at him. His metallic hands lay on her lap. “Nothing is wrong. The moon is so bright today” She returns her gaze to the moon but Boothill keeps his eyes on her

“Yes it is”

She looks at Boothill who still stares at her. She chuckles and runs her thumbs on his knuckles. Everyone says his hands are cold but to her, they are warm like how humans should be. An insecurity of his ever since he came back to her life after years disappearing without a goodbye but she makes sure he is more human than anyone she ever met.

Her eyes shift back into his eyes showing adoration and love. She bites her lips from trembling, she looks away once again feeling the guilt she always feels “Why are you not mad at me?”

That question again. She always asks this for hundreds and thousands of times but Boothill will always smiles at her “Not a single thing in this world can make me hate you”

And the answer always makes her tears up. Boothill holds her face, his thumbs wipes the tears and caresses her cheeks. His eyes softened as more tears kept flowing “You should be with someone better. Should have left right after you know the truth”

Boothill doesn’t say anything. He smiles watching her cry again for something that has been resolved for years but he knows the guilt in her still stays in her “You asked me to wait but i didn’t”

“But you actually did” 

Few days before his disappearance, Boothill went to her home late at midnight telling her the stories he encountered that day; chasing people and being chased. He laughs at the danger he consistently got into. Then out of nowhere, before he jumped out the window he asked “Wait for me,okay?”

She didn’t know what he meant at that moment. She thought he was talking about not to sleep before his casual visits every night. She eventually knows the meaning of it. He left. 

Since that day, from day and night she always listens to the radio and watches the news to find any information about him. Just a glimpse of him is enough to aid her sorrowness but he is difficult to catch or take a photo of. She tried to forget him after a year of his disappearance. She tries the hardest she can but her heart craves for his presence. 

After 5 years, he finally came back. She ignored him at first but his attempt to pledge for forgiveness makes her heart ache. Even though she forgave him, she kept something from him. Boothill didn’t force to tell the truth instantly. He remained calm and waited for her to tell when she wanted to. One day, the truth was revealed. The reason why she persisted with him coming to her new home. She has a daughter. 

His life went downhill right after the words coming out from her mouth ‘She’s my daughter’. Once again, he disappeared but it didn’t take him long finding his way back to her. He was being selfish. He had abandoned her in a time where she needed him and yet she forgave him. That was just how pure and loving she was towards him.

“I may not be her biological father. But Sunny certainly came from my heart”

Sunny is his most precious treasure in this whole universe, no one can deny his love towards that toddler is pure. He went miles away just to get the finest clothing for her and the mother. He works from dusk until midnight just for them. Boothill comforts her, forgetting how tiring the day was towards him. She sleeps before him. He stays awake making sure those two are safe and comfy inside their house. 

The next day and the day after that, she did not ask the question but soon,will when she feels sad which Boothill will answer it nevertheless. 

“Papa look. Birdie” Sunny happily points at the birds flying above them

“Yes,Sunny. Birds” Boothill repeats her words holding her tight in his embrace and his other hand squeezes the mother’s hand not letting go in this crowded place. The city is having a small festival. Stalls are everywhere promoting their businesses and small fairs in the middle of the city. 

The small family have their fun together in the festival. Playing the fairs and buying any foods that peak their interest but something is bothering Boothill. He has been feeling someone is watching them. He doesn’t mention this to her, not wanting to end their fun.

Boothill and her sit on a bench near the playground where Sunny happily plays with random kids around her age. She leans on him. She can feel his tenseness “What’s wrong?”

His eyes wanders everywhere looking for something “I feel like we are being followed”

“What?” She straightens her back and looks around too “Who?”

Unexpectedly, Boothill stands up turning around ready to punch someone that was approaching them “Woah woah. Calm down. I’m not here to cause any trouble”. That voice is too familiar to her. The man she was with for a night at her sorrowness after a year Boothill disappeared which resulted in the birth of Sunny.

“You… what are you doing here?”

Gallagher puts his hands in his pockets. He looked at Boothill then at her “My bar opened a stall for this small festival”. His eyes shift to the playground. He immediately recognize which is his

“Don’t even think about it” Boothill blocks his view and hides her behind him 

Gallagher sighs “Look. I’m not here to take her away nor-” he looks Boothill straight in his eyes “-taking them away from you,Galaxy Ranger”

“Then what?” The gruff tone of Boothill worries her. She holds his hand calling his name softly

Gallagher takes a glance at their intertwined hands and looks away “Children aren't my thing. I’m not mad at you for keeping this from me. But you know, you gotta see them some time right?” he continues, “Trust me. I am not taking her away” 

There is no denying Gallagher has rights to see his own child. He was not a bad man. They conceive just from one night and that night was the first and last they see each other. “How can we trust you?”

The bartender takes out a small pouch from his back pocket and toss it to Boothill “Take that as the delayed child support”.The pouch is heavy with coins

“You really shouldn’t have done this,Gallagher… It’s also my fault for not telling you” she takes the pouch to give him back but he raise his hand stopping her to do so

“Please take it” he looks at Sunny chasing some other kids “She's a very healthy kid. 4 right?”. He eyes her for confirmation. He’s right. 

“She won’t be looking like that if it was me. She has one good hella of a dad,ya know?” As Gallagher watches Sunny running around, there’s a hint of regret. He knew being a father does not fit him but seeing his daughter now; healthy and happy makes him smile “Can i meet her?”

Boothill and her look at each other. They can’t keep Sunny away from him “Of course. Sunny loves to meet new people” she replied

Gallagher smiles “Sunny…” he then starts walking towards Sunny still running around the playground. Gallagher catches her in time when she trips “You gotta be careful,sports” He chuckles as he balances Sunny on her foot. Gallagher can see his features in her face that makes his heart warm.

“And what’s your name?”

“Sunny!”

“Sunny is a cute name” 

The child smiles wider “Your name?”

“It’s Gallagher”

Sunny tries to pronounce his name back but fails. He just laughs “It’s okay kid” He pats her hair smiling widely 

“You friend with mama and papa?”

Gallagher suddenly stops patting. The word ‘papa’ is not directly to him and never will be “Yes. Your mama and….papa are my friends”

Sunny just giggles,being a child herself she is still gullible and naive. “Let’s go back to your parents,ay? You must be tired”

Sunny nods and raises her arms up. Gallagher stops in his tracks seeing Sunny wants to be carried. He gently leans down and carries her in his arms. She is so small and skin soft like milk. He walks back to where Boothill and her have been eyeing them both from afar. Gallagher cherishes these small moments he has with the daughter who never knew he is her biological father. 

“Here you go” Gallagher hands Sunny to her. His eyes never left Sunny. The regret of not witnessing her as a baby until she is at the state of this makes him want to go back in time. However, he can’t separate this family apart. They are already one. He has no heart to do so.

“Say goodbye to uncle”

Sunny did what her mother asked. She waves at Gallagher before leaving for their sweet comfort home. Now, Gallagher once again alone in this universe. Even the aeons gave him the faith of having a child and a family. At the end, they are not his to have. 

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Headcanon: Gallagher would sings I bet on losing dogs by Mitski every night after meeting Sunny

[inuiiwonderland]

I’m sorry….

A/n: Take this as an apology for me not being active on here😔

Word:678

Warnings: mentions of toxic relationships, slight hint of abuse, and angst (tell me if I forgot anything!)

Mitsuya x fem reader

-

Another knock on the door caused you to sigh as you got up from your bed to go answer it.

Walking down the stairs you could feel your heart pound with every step you took, knowing who is behind that door in the late hours of the night. You finally made it to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it to see your best friend. Mitsuya.

"Y/n…" You could see the dried up tears and how puffy his eyes were. Probably from all the crying he did before coming to your place.

"Just come in" You said as you stepped aside for him to enter your home. He quietly did as you said and walked in. You closed the door and walked to the living room where he was.

"So what happened this time?" He let out a sigh and sat down on the couch.

"She said I wasn't giving her much attention. I already told her how packed my schedule is because of the next fashion show for next month. But then she started saying how I'm lying and that I just don't want to spend time with her." You sat quietly on the opposite end of the couch as you listened.

"She also said that I don't love her anymore and that I'm losing feelings, which I'm not because I truly love her!" Your heart aches hearing those words but you tried not to show it.

"Last night she went out and emma sent me a picture of her going to a hotel with some guy. I confronted her about it today which caused an argument about me not having any trust in her. And I trust her! But then she said that she was going to break up with me because I'm always busy.." Your heart broke seeing him all stressed and scared of losing the one girl he loves. It wasn't anything new for Mitsuya to run to you every week after a fight with his girlfriend. You started growing used to it as time went by, but it made you even more sad and annoyed seeing him still be with her after everything that she has put him through.

You noticed earlier on that the relationship those two have wasn't healthy. More like toxic. She loves to control, lie and use him for almost everything. Even after he caught her cheating one time he still forgave her and stayed by her side. Which caught you off guard since you didn't expect that from him.

But what could you do? He has been in love with her since high school and was thrilled when she accepted his confession on graduation day. Which caused you to cry that night.

"Mitsuya…this isn't normal you know, she has put you through a lot and caused you so much stress! She cheated on you multiple times so why?! Why are you still hurting yourself like this?”

The boy stayed silent. His hands were shaking and he closed his eyes as he looked away.

“Y/n…she’s my girlfriend. The love of my life and I think people deserve second-“

“Bullshit. She already cheated on you gods know how much and lied to you on multiple occasions! Hell she even put her hands on you mitsuya! That’s not love takashi…”

“But…I know…I know she’s going to change. She’ll stop”

No she won’t

“Takashi…”

“I-“ He was cut off by the sound of his phone going off. Text after text and soon a call made Mitsuya stand up as he grabbed his phone.

“It’s her” He says. As he was about to accept the call, you gently took a hold of his hand.

“Mitsuya…” You pleaded.

“This isn’t Healthy and you know it. You can’t continue staying with her. So please…don’t” The phone continued ringing as his phone blew up with texts. His eyes went from the phone to you and then to his phone before finally going back to you.

“M’sorry…”

Your heart shattered as he picked up the phone and made his way towards the door.

-

This was an old draft from last year😭 so sorry if it’s ooc😓

[auspicioustidings]

Ae Fond Kiss - Part 8 (Final)

A Red, Red Rose

Summary: A bombshell is dropped and you look to the future. Words: 2k TWs: mention of miscarriage

So I've lost interest in this fic hence why we have a rushed wrap up because I didn't just want to abandon it :') All parts - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

“We gonna do this forever then Johnny?”

It was a form of torture Simon was sure, them having lunch together once a week every week and making small talk. He missed his best friend. He missed being able to say something outrageous and knowing Johnny would call him a sick bastard and then immediately try to outdo him.

“Eat lunch?” Johnny replied a little miserably, shuffling pasta about his plate.

“Johnny…”

“What dae ye want me tae say LT?”

“Not your LT anymore, retired remember? And Price told me about your promotion.”

Captain John MacTavish did have a nice ring to it, and Soap had more than earned the stripes. In another world he’d have grinned at Ghost, smug as anything and making some comment about being able to order him around now. But instead he frowned and Simon hated it. 

“Talk to me for Christ sake!”

“I cannae! Ye want me tae tell ye how much I miss your wife? How it kills me that she’ll never forgive me and that she’s right about it?”

“Johnny…”

“Or were ye hoping tae hear that I dinnae even regret Las Almas? It’s ruined everything, but I’ve loved you since I broke my fingers on that stupid bloody mask and I didnae even realise until we nearly fucking died! Ignored it even when I did, had 9 years tae think about how either way I was breaking my own heart because it decided it loved two different people!”

Fuck. He was crying. Johnny was crying. And Simon was caught between wanting to kiss him or kill him. He had never expected to be loved back was the thing. He did something unbearably selfish on the understanding it was all one sided, that the fuck was just the adrenaline from thinking they were going to die and they’d forget it ever happened. And then everything had went to shit and he had fallen in love with Johnny’s widow. He’d already lost one person he loved because he was too scared to admit it, he just couldn’t do it again,  selfish asshole that he was. 

“You should regret it. You… we hurt her. Hurt her so bad that we might lose her.”

“Aye. I deserve tae lose her though, never deserved tae have her in the first place anyway. I just caught you in the crossfire of my sins.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Simon said with full derision.

This has gone on long enough. So what? Everyone was just supposed to be miserable forever? They were supposed to just lay down and take it? Johnny looked at him, hurt and confused. 

“I watched you fight every break up. You fought tooth and fucking nail to make it work. When you fucked up you made it up to her. When she fucked up you forgave her. And what? Now that Johnny is dead? Either you still love her and are willing to fight to get her back, or any part of the man I loved died in Russia.”

“You’ve lost yer fucking mind Si, she’s your wife!”

Simon stood, determined.

“And our wife needs to remember who she belongs to and who belongs to her.”

As he started marching off Johnny near choked and scrambled to follow.

“Ye cannae be serious! Leave her be Si! Ye cannae just barge in and-and-”

“And tell her she’ll try forgive us because we’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to her? That we can start right now by showing her how well you can follow orders and how well I can give them for her benefit? I bloody well can and I’m bloody well going to. Either you’re with me or you can stay and mope.”

“...aye sir.”

–

Once upon a time Joey being at a sleepover was exciting, it meant some much needed alone time with your husband. Now though? The house felt cold, empty. You considered asking Gaz and Price’s partner if they’d come round to hang out, but it felt so messy when they were just as much Simon’s friend as they were yours. It would somehow make you miss him more. 

Everytime he was at the house briefly and you made polite conversation you wanted to cry. You had a few times, only after he was gone of course. That big fucking lummox. You wanted to strangle him, but then again that wasn’t exactly new. And you wanted rhubarb and sugar. Oh you could murder some rhubarb dipped in sugar like your parents used to give you as a kid. 

The door went just as you finished pouring a large glass of wine. Simon stood looking like he sometimes did when you were about to get absolutely ruined in bed and you swore your heart nearly stopped. Johnny was by his side, pupils blown with a blush crawling up his neck as if he somehow knew exactly what images just popped into your mind. Oh. Oh you suddenly wanted them so badly it hurt. 

And damn them for knowing you so well, for being able to fucking tell. Simon’s lips were on yours as he walked into the house, you being led backwards. You were clawing at his shirt as he squeezed your ass until you bumped into the kitchen island and realised how insane this was, pulling away to try find Johnny. He had followed, was swallowing thickly as Simon started to kiss and nip a path down your neck. This was insane. This was certifiably mental. You could not… have a threesome? Have a threesome with your husband and your husband who had fucked each other ten years ago on a mission before one faked his damn death. 

“W-what are you doing? We can’t…” you mumbled, trying to get your head on straight since currently your brain seemed to reside between your legs.

“Tell me what you need princess. Want me on my knees begging against your pussy? Want Johnny to fly you to Hawaii and keep you in the lap of luxury for a month? Want us to be here every single day in the garden announcing to the neighbours that we deserve a fucking whipping for how badly we fucked everything up with the gorgeous mother of our child?”

Christ almighty. So much for Simon being the unemotional and ineloquent one. You couldn’t handle this. You couldn’t handle how much you wanted to just give in. He made it sound so easy, like you could have them both, like they would give you whatever you wanted just to stay by your side despite what they’d done. He was going to his knees in front of you.

“Rhubarb!”

The room froze for a moment as Simon hit the ground with his knees and just stared at you.

“...is that, uh, a safeword?” Johnny asked, seemingly surprised out of the slack jawed, dazed state he seemed to have been in. 

“No. I mean I… rhubarb. You asked what I needed. Rhubarb and sugar, but we have sugar in the cupboard so… just the rhubarb.”

“...ok, rhubarb. We can do rhubarb” Simon said after a moment, taking it in his stride as he snuck a peck to your stomach where his head currently was and then stood. 

If they just left and went to the shops maybe you could… you didn’t know. Maybe you could hurriedly touch yourself to get rid of the ache between your legs and then neck your wine to get rid of the one in your chest. Simon turned and nodded to Johnny and took a few steps, so you picked up the glass of wine to calm yourself down only for Johnny to pluck it out of your hands.

“Unless you’ve suddenly developed a taste for red wine I’d appreciate that back” you snapped at him.

“And since you’ve suddenly developed a taste for rhubarb I’m naw giving it tae ye.”

“MacTavish” Simon scolded, sure Johnny was about to ruin what he was hoping was some reconciliation here.

“That’s not…” you started before you went pale. 

“How ye been feeling recently hen?”

Oh no. Not now. You just assumed you felt sick because of the stress. But then the take away food had seemed so off despite you usually loving it. You kept having to throw up. You were lethargic. And now you needed rhubarb and sugar, something you had only craved twice in your adult life, the most recent being over a decade ago. The last time you were pregnant. 

“What’s going on?” Simon asked, not liking at all how your face just fell as he strode back to you. “What did you do Johnny? It’s ok sweetheart, I’m sorry we just showed up, seemed like a good idea at the time. Just missed you so much.”

The universe had a sick sense of humour. Over a year of trying for a baby with this man. 18 fucking months. And you get pregnant right before your other husband comes back from the dead, the one it turns out your current husband has slept with behind your back? This could not be happening, but all the signs were there. When had you last had a period? You hadn’t even noticed that you were late with everything going on. 

You tried to do the maths in your head. It had been a few months since Johnny had come back, so you were at the very least that far along. 8 weeks. You had miscarried at 10. Maybe you were further along, maybe you were past the worst of the danger. God you prayed you were past the worst of the danger. 

“Si, gie her some room would ye? We’re right here, if ye want us tae be. It’s up to you, you dinnae have tae…” Johnny said, struggling to get out the words.

There was no thought in your mind that you would get rid of this baby, but the fact that he was putting that option out there when he himself had always been so desperate for a big family was something you appreciated more than you could say. Goddamnit, he still loved you. 9 years away and he still bloody loved you. Would still do whatever it took for you to be happy. Even if in that case this meant not having another baby.

How strange that you thought of this baby as his. How strange that you just as strongly thought of it as Simon’s. If the past few months had shown you anything it was that you could look after a child between the three of you, so it wasn’t like they had to be with you to do it. Even if you’d like them to be. Despite it all, you’d really fucking like them to be.

“Princess?”

You took a deep breath and smiled softly at Simon who was looking increasingly alarmed. You caressed his face and it felt like relief to touch him. 

“Maybe we can go a trip to the doctor on the way for the rhubarb Casper. Think we might be pregnant.”

–

A very healthy baby girl with an incredibly healthy set of lungs. You sang to her, love like A Red, Red Rose for your little Rose. You bawled your eyes out when Joey refused to turn down his hearing aids even when she was screaming at the top of her lungs because that was his baby sister and he would never not want to hear her. It was a good thing you could all sign with the way she drowned you all out, even Johnny as clumsy as his hands were with it had dedicated himself to learning since he had got home. 

You were fairly certain your little Rose was making Price broody with Gaz and their partner finding their grumpy old man losing his mind over a chubby baby adorable. Although there was a good chance Price wasn’t making any babies with how you had planted your foot in his groin when he finally came out of hiding. 

You were still figuring things out, but right now? Right now you were happy. You had two perfect children by two imperfect husbands. It was up in the air what your family was going to look like in the future. Did you want to forgive them? Even if you did, would you be friends and co-parents or something more?

That you hadn’t quite decided yet. But you were determined that whatever the future held for you, it was going to be a future full of love and laughter.

[sayafics]

Just For A Moment - Part 7

Sorry for the long, long wait my loves, but I hope this was worth it!

There are probably going to be around 2/3 more chapters as I start drawing this series to an end👀

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Masterlist

No one spoke for a long while, eyes darting over the wilting pair as Aurora avoided their gazes, and Jay ached for her own to meet his pleading one.

It was Aurora who broke first, voice hoarse as she forced a cough past her lip and broke out of her stupor.

"I'm going to grab the last of my stuff, and then we can head out." She looked at Voight as she spoke, not even waiting for him to answer before she turned away and returned the same way she came. It did not go unnoticed how Kim mirrored her every step, as though she was unwilling to let the girl get too far.

Jay's bloodshot eyes met Voight's, unable to even try and translate his frustration in the form of narrowed eyes, furrowed brows and a clenched jaw.

He was an open book of raw emotion, stumbling like a toddler learning to take their first steps as he grew unsure of how to navigate the circumstances held before him.

Was this not what he had wanted? Was this not what he had been asking for- pleading and praying for since the day she had left?

And yet, it felt as though he was drifting through a dream - like she was an echo or a ghost of the girl who once roamed this very office, who now haunted his home and his dreams. And now she haunted this office.

Voight looked solemn as he met Jay's gaze, "I would've told you, Jay. But I didn't know when you'd be back."

"Why is she here?"

It was all he could say. And it was all he could do to hope that perhaps she had come on her own volition, that she had come because she had missed him. That she had heard his voicemails, every single one.

That she saw his regret, that she felt his misery and his sorrow, that she understood his guilt and forgave him.

That she came back for him.

But he knew from the look in Voight's eyes that he was way in over his head, that his wishes were simply unkempt desires and she hadn't come back for him at all.

Her flinch and stoic expression were evidence enough.

Aurora hated him, he was sure of it.

But he was also sure no one could hate him as much as he hated himself in that moment. So undeserving and unworthy of her love.

"I needed someone to go undercover in the Volkov case - she's the best."

She is, of course she is.

But to know she came back for a case, and not for him, hurt.

To know she saw Voight's call and answered him, when she had ignored his every call, hurt.

Jay knew she saw every call, it was why he never stopped. He prayed she listened to his voicemails and saw his regret, recognised his remorse and heard his devotion and his love.

But she came to help Voight, not him.

And that was a sign of its own that perhaps he was too late, that perhaps Aurora no longer wanted him - that she no longer needed him.

That she never needed him, not the way he needed her.

Not the way he wanted her- not anymore.

Jay shook his head free from such thoughts, grounding himself in the present as he chanted in his mind - she's here. She's here, and he has a chance. He has to have one. He has one until she looks him in the eyes and tells him he lost every single one, and lost her too.

His mind had finally processed Voight's words - finally, he thought.

Finally, an emotion so foreign but familiar seeped through his blood. No longer was he full of misery and grief, regret and shame. His muscles stiffened with the familiar sensation of disbelief, something so small yet euphoric as it tumbled through him as though it was unsure of how to navigate in the confines of his tortured body.

"You want her to go undercover for him? To get close to him?"

Jay couldn't believe what he was hearing - they knew how dangerous Volkov was. His only casualties were not those who touched his tainted drugs, but men, women and children who dared to defy him.

A glance at the board near Voight's office proved his fears, the surface littered in a mass of photographs with the victims of his anger and his crimes.

This was the man they wanted to send her into the arms of, this was the man they wanted her to trap.

They brought her here, so close to him, only to send her to her death.

"She's a good cop Jay, an even better undercover operative," Adam spoke now, a supportive hand placed upon Jay's shoulder as he spoke consolingly, "if anyone can take this guy down, it's her."

Jay shook his hand off as anger bubbled through him, a comforting feeling that settled at the base of his throat as he struggled to fight off his nausea.

"Are you kidding me? We know how dangerous this guy is, how can you even think about sending someone undercover to get close to him? Especially her."

Adam put his hands up in surrender, "you're letting your emotions talk for you Jay - you know just as well as we do, with her track history she is the best person for this job."

Jay shook his head vehemently, "no, you're wrong. I know what I'm talking about, and this is too dangerous. She's going go get hurt."

"You can't stop her," Voight took a step closer, brows furrowed in disappointment knowing had Jay been here from the start they would've been able to ease him into the idea better and prevented such an outburst, "she knows the risks, and she's agreed to the terms. She wants to do this."

"She doesn't know what she wants!"

Jay's heart stuttered to a stop for a second, so sure that she would've heard his raised voice.

For a moment, he hoped it was enough to make her come find him.

His fleeting eyes were enough to confirm that it wasn't.

A scoff sounded before him, his shoulders stiffening as a familiar voice rang from behind him. He knew that voice, knew it so well from the hours she would spend outside his door or on the phone pleading for his attention, for his love and his heart.

But his heart wasn't his to gift anymore, it was Aurora's. It had always been Aurora's.

And if he had been in possession of the ill-fated thing, he was sure he would protect it fiercely from Hailey.

"Are you sure you're not just saying that because she decided she doesn't want you?" Her words were harsh, they were vile and brutal but true. They stung deeply because they echoed his greatest fears and resounded through the room.

He turned towards the blonde woman, green eyes flickering between her set of blue as he was taken aback again by just how closely they mirrored one another. How her thoughts reflected his own. How his fears were picked and pulled apart by her with ease.

And he wondered to himself why he had let her get close enough to him to allow such a thing to happen in the first place.

Yet, looking into her eyes and seeing a pool of misery and anger that matched his own, he knew he would never have been able to stop such a thing.

Jay Halstead was not in love with Hailey Upton.

He was never fascinated by her.

He didn't want to be her friend because he was a good man.

He wanted to learn her entire being thoroughly because had he been born a woman, he was sure it would be her face he saw in the mirror every morning.

They had lived the same life at different paces, faced the same horrors and the same setbacks, they navigated the same shortcomings and were plagued by the same nightmares. They had loved the same and lost the same and were so intimately designed like one another, it was difficult not to find distorted version of himself staring back every time he glanced at her.

And yet, she was so different to him.

Where he was filled with anger and fury, rules and stipulations, she was happy and joyous and free, she was optimistic and kind in a way he ached to be.

In the way Aurora deserved to have him.

Jay knew why he became her friend, he knew why he confided in her, he knew why he let her kiss him and touch him, and he knew why he did the same.

Jay wanted to be healed like Hailey. He wanted to be the man Aurora deserved. But such a reality was not possible, and Aurora did not deserve the twisted and broken man that he was.

But Hailey was a reflection of his own horrors, standing untwisted and preserved.

Jay didn't deserve Aurora, he wasn't enough for her. He never was.

At least he didn't think he was.

Not until after that night with Hailey, when he saw Aurora pull away and distance from him. Not until that night where she confessed she had always known and feared she was the reason he had done such a thing - that she was not enough.

It was then Jay realised that it didn't matter how alike him and Hailey were, because no one could understand him the way Aurora did.

No one could comfort him and hold him and love him like she did.

Jay didn't need to be fixed like Hailey was. He didn't need to overcome his past like she had. Because he wasn't like Hailey, no matter how many similarities they shared in their lives.

He didn't need Hailey to show him how to become a better version of himself, because he had realised much too late that Aurora had been the one that was mending his cluttered mind and brittle soul one fragment at a time.

He didn't know how to answer Hailey, he could only stare at her as he wondered how he had let their friendship twist upon itself to sour the bond they shared.

It was also then when he realised he would have picked Aurora every time. That he should have picked Aurora every time.

He blinked himself out of his daze, blinking furiously as he turned away from Hailey the same way he should have months ago now.

He met Voight's gaze, his own filling with determination as he spoke, "just let me speak to her-"

"Jay," Kevin sighed from behind him, a pitying look colouring his face, "we've been putting a plan together for days now. This is the only way we got to get this guy."

"Then let me go with her - let me go too, so she's not alone. So that he can't hurt her."

Voight clenched his jaw as he wondered how to navigate his way through Jay's volatile emotions, "you're not in the right state of mind, Jay. I can't have you risk this entire case beca-"

"Because what? Because I can't see the woman I love die? Because I don't want to think of her being hurt by the very man we're hunting down? I don't want her to end up as another picture on that board, Voight. Not when I've spent this long looking for her. Not when I've just found her."

Jay's eyes burned with fresh tears, his skin heating a deep red as he let his emotions bubble free, as he confessed and let his yearning out into the open.

She was so close. So close, only to feel like she was a lifetime away.

"You didn't find her," Voight's voice deepened, his tone stern as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I did. And she only agreed to come back for this case."

"Then let me go with her," Jay drew closer to Voight, eyes darting down the same hall Aurora disappeared. "Let me go, let me keep her safe. Let me be close to her again, just this one time. Just one more time before she leaves again."

Voight knew why he brought Aurora back, he had wanted this too. He had wanted to bring back Jay and Aurora together and see if they could heal each other.

But not like this.

He had hoped that after the case was done, Aurora might decide to come back and stay. That if she did, then she and Jay could once again navigate the parameters of their relationship.

He simply hadn't expected this.

He hadn't expected to see their raw wounds and conflicted minds, their silent longing and stubborn hearts.

But maybe this was exactly what they needed.

Maybe this was what Jay needed.

This could be the start of a new chapter for the pair, or it could be the closure they had denied themselves.

"Fine. Kevin's going to debrief you - you make sure you're ready for this Jay. You have an hour. If you're not, then it won't be Volkov you have to worry about, because you'll be the one that gets you and Gallo killed."

Jay nodded solemnly, a crushing weight lifted off his shoulders. He might have hurt Aurora, but he was repenting and would seek forgiveness until the end of time. Until then, he would not allow another to lay a hand upon the woman he loves.

Voight watched as Kevin steered Jay towards his office, turning to Adam to instruct him on getting an alias and outfit prepared for Jay. They didn't have long to prepare him, but they would do all they could to ensure the operation ran smoothly.

For now, Voight would have to break the news to Aurora and hope she didn't rescind her offer to help altogether.

Throughout it all, it did not go unnoticed how Hailey found her home in the paperwork before her once more, her harsh words once ignored and her burning gaze ceremoniously ignored.