#so why would he ever look past that?
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just all of this from moa regarding frank/hazel/leo. the most uncomfortable romantic tension ever because nobody understands it and nobody involved wants it to be there
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especially "Hazel's eyes glittered like gold. 'Gold is easy,' she said. It didn't seem that way to Leo--not when he looked at her." like we can interpret this in a few ways. what an interesting thing to think about a girl you just met
and the whole "if this is a private special thing that she's only done with her boyfriend then I either really don't want to try it or I really really do want to try it" like STOP cut the cameras
#also he's only riding with one arm around her??? on ARION?? bro relax 😭#a frank pov would have been so entertaining here like god I would have loved to see exactly what their loud argument looked like#leo is explicitly attracted to hazel but his romantic feelings are explicitly ambiguous. like he really doesn't know what's going on#he clearly feels Something. but what is it. mostly infatuation imo. he's a teenage boy with feelings that he doesn't want#towards a girl who doesn't want him like that. idk it's just kind of sad and relatable if you've ever been in a similar position#(this is where I remind everyone that hazel is 14 in hoo not 13. closer to being 15 than 14 really. frank and leo are not weirdos)#I love the detail about big bro percy being protective towards hazel even tho it sucks for leo 😔 poor guy#anyways this would have been more interesting if frazel were more slow-paced and didn't get together until hoh or something#like hazel is 100% off the table in this situation so the tension (and the resolution to it) feels kind of meaningless and inconsequential#frank is hazel's anchor to the present and leo represents her lingering inner conflict regarding sammy and her past#choosing between the two (present/past) would have been more thematically significant#but that doesn't really happen because she's already fully committed to frank so the choice is already made#one of the big questions you can ask about moa is “ok so what was the point of the whole sammy thing” and doing ^ something like this#would have helped imo. but everyone that isn't me hates love triangles so yk. probably I'm the only one who would have enjoyed that#or like all three of them should have kissed each other. in my head they did actually#the audience is gonna boo me for this but while I understand why leo and hazel were both weirded out by the sammy revelation#from a reader's pov I'm just like Ok but come on is it really that much weirder than being a demigod and dating your cousins#hazel levesque#frank zhang#leo valdez#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson#piper mclean#frazel#heroes of olympus#riordanverse#pjo#frazeleo#percy jackson and the olympians#hazeleo
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So, uh, I might've gone a little crazy last week and came up with a Kanade Concept rewrite. (And made some redesigns of IRL!Kanade and IRL!Hibiki to reflect that.)
SO, for context, if you've been following me for awhile (or just came across some of my posts in the past), you'd know that my friend and I have been playing through SDRA2 for fun and it's around the end of Chapter 3 that I started making posts mentioning certain segments of our reactions, feelings, and some jokes. And to say we hated it would be an understatement. But I've had asks where I went on a rant about Chapter 3 more than once, so I won't repeat myself here. If anyone hasn't seen that, you can find it here, and here.
At this point, we're at Chapter 6 and during one of our after stream chats in VC, my friend, @bittersweetbeet, suddenly brought up an idea that could've tied Kanade (and thus Chapter 3) into the main plot and that was this:
"What if Kanade was blessed with Divine Luck from Utsuro like Void? Like, she wasn't in on the plan, but the reason why everything went south for her is because her luck was running out and got screwed over in the trial because of that, and was more than willing to die because she'd prefer that over losing her Fortune. It wouldn't fix Chapter 3, but at least it'd explain how she got away with all those damn murders for so long!"
I'm kinda paraphrasing here since I don't remember the exact wording due to this idea being brought up in the voice channel. But that was essentially what they said and it drove me NUTS at the time. After all, it's been brought up that Utsuro tended to bless a bunch of kids that were the same/similar age as him during his travels out of boredom, and while we don't know a lot about Kanade and Hibiki's parents to know for certain if they were bad and good (personally, I interpret them as decent people but tended to play favorites with Hibiki and accidentally neglecting Kanade, which only worsens their issues even when they try to bring them together), we DO know that Hibiki tends to bully Kanade a lot and that alone can make for a difficult childhood even when you have parents that care about you. So, with a bit of timeline adjusting, Kanade coming across Utsuro when she was, ahem, down on her luck, and getting blessed by him after she vents about her problems can make sense as this is something he's done for awhile now. And it should be noted that not every kid he blessed with Fortune had the same level of dire straits, as many had different levels of Fortune which faded away at different paces. It's why Void lasted for as long as they did since their situation was the worst of the worst so their Fortunes faded away much slower while others either succumbed to fates sooner or lost their fortunes and survived but couldn't handle being back in the same state they tried so desperately to escape from that they just...well, you know. Not every person that was blessed with Divine Luck was going to be a good person or, hell, some people can end up getting worse with the Fortunes they were blessed with instead of becoming better (like Mikado). And so, we started chatting ourselves up about this idea and I really wanted to share it here on Tumblr that I asked if it was alright if I shared it on my blog and they gave me the go ahead. I didn't share it right away, but I was thinking over how to word the post while I was at work. Which is when I realize there were...a few problems with this idea, unfortunately. Mainly this since I brought it up in our rambles channel in the Discord server to get my buddy's thoughts on it, so I'm just gonna copy and paste that:
"...I've been trying to figure out how to word the idea of Kanade being blessed by Divine Luck and I kinda realized something: how would Kanade realize her luck is fading…when she's not a part of Void? Like, she's not in on the plan from the very start so she's been reverted to a [place] where she believes that she's fine and her luck is still running strong. And how that would be conveyed to the audience…
Like, I can believe Kanade could figure it out, even if I think how the writer LINUJ showed off her intelligence to be stupid, but I'm struggling [on] how to explain how she'd figure out that she ran out of luck? She'd be surprised that things have turned on her suddenly due to her state of being reverted back to a time where her luck is strong, but would she fully understand the context to the point that she'd rather die with her sister than lose what she already have?"
Like, I could've been overthinking on that. I could've had it so that a character comments that she was just hit with a wave of bad luck and Kanade goes, "Me? The most luckiest person ever? Never! (...unless-)" But I was really struggling to come up with an answer I was satisfied with at the time and even Bertie was like, "it's stuff like this that makes it so that the only option that would fix Chapter 3 is by rewriting the whole thing." Which is something I do agree with. This idea wasn't a complete fix to everything that's wrong with Chapter 3 anyways, especially when it comes to Kanade and how the writing on her character just sank it into the depths of hell. It was simply an explanation we both really liked.
And then Bertie went on to say, and I quote, "Tbh I think it would be more interesting if Kanade hated Hibiki deeply rather than love her. It’d be cliche probably but it’s better than the weird incest-like shit we have going on here" end quote.
And I started off with a normal response agreeing and elaborating on the idea, like so:
"HONESTLY, yeah. It's better to just scrap the whole chapter and rewrite it from the ground up.
And yeah, I do agree that anything that's different than what we got in Canon is probably much much better. Although I would still want to keep the nuances of Kanade and Hibiki's status as victims of each other's toxicity. Hibiki is constantly bullying Kanade due to seeing how good Kanade is at a lot of things and is jealous of that but still cares and loves her as a sister even though she sucks at appreciating Kanade for who she is. Meanwhile, Kanade still loves her sister and willingly goes along with her bullying, going as far as to try and be meek and shy to appeal to her sister's dominant but cowardly ways but deep down she resents her for keeping her from doing things she likes even though she does genuinely enjoy spending time with her and gets jealous whenever other people get close cause it means that Hibiki won't bother to spend time with her. She often drives them away one way or another so she can have Hibiki to herself, even when nothing changes because Hibiki is her sister and she just wants her to love her and spend time with her (but not in the gross incest way and we're taking away the whole crazy serial killer thing, she's just her own level of toxic)."
And that's when I started spiraling into an gigantic ramble that lasted nearly an hour and thirty minutes (minus a dinner break) because my brain was in a creative mood that night. Enjoy my copy and pasted ramble (I won't italicize all of this to make it easier on the eyes cause if you know me by now, my writing gets very long + a bit of editing to make it a little more coherent):
"I still like the idea of Kanade being blessed by Divine Luck and being good at many skills because of it, and she's smart enough to realize that the boy she met long ago somehow changed her when she had openly vented to him about her problems the day they met (after giving him her umbrella to protect himself from the pouring rain, as she had ran away on a whim due to being fed up with her parents and her sister [at the time]). She's very grateful for what he's done for her, believing that the skills she now has can bring herself closer to Hibiki by being useful to her."
"But here's the catcher: her blessing doesn't work in the way she had hoped. Because surprise! Divine Luck has it's own set of rules despite being able to break reality as long as the chances aren't zero. Basically, Divine Luck can make you better at anything, get you anything, without having to go through the process of improving or skipping the steps that are needed to get the result, simply jumping to the result itself. However, out of everything it can change, from skills to getting someone shelter to just winning any kind of luck-based event, it cannot change a person's heart. And Kanade, despite having the skills that are "supposed" to bring her closer to her sister, only makes Hibiki even more jealous and she continues to bully her, going as far as to push her workload onto her now that she's so "good" at everything and proclaiming that she's just as good, if not better. Her blessing got her what she wanted but not what she needed in her case, unlike with the rest of Void, and she ends up paralleling Mikado as despite being blessed with Divine Luck, it did not make them better or improve their situation due to their own choices/how they used their blessing (Mikado because he constantly pursued Utsuro to the point committing crime after crime, Kanade because instead of standing up for herself and establishing her boundaries, she continued to support her sister no matter what, something that only ends up building the resentment in her heart). That's not to say that Hibiki isn't instigating most of the abuse, she is. But Kanade isn't making things better as she uses her skills to make herself seem like the better option in comparison to the people Hibiki wants to hang out with and get to know, even going as far as to scare them away to isolate Hibiki so she doesn't even have any options to choose from."
"And then, Chapter 3 rolls around and Hibiki starts to change, trying to be supportive of the group and take charge to help everyone get through the killing game. It…surprises Kanade, but she watches her sister change and grow, becoming more confident, cheerful, kinder…
…And she realizes that she hates it.
She hates the thought of her sister changing. She hates the thought of her being kinder after everything she's done to her. She hates the thought of Hibiki growing closer to these people, becoming attached and happy without her, Kanade, her own sister.
She hates the thought of being left alone again. She hates the thought that Hibiki is going to leave her again.
She hates it, she hates it, she hates it.
She hates her.
But she loves her.
She wants her to be with her, forever.
So why won't she ever look her way?
Why, why, why?
Kanade is spiraling in her head, trying to keep up her shy, sweet side up but gritting her teeth the whole time as she watches. Even when Hibiki is being kinder to her, still making her usual jokes about her but is actually trying to prop her sister up a bit more, it's only because Sora and Setsuka had suggested her to be kinder, not because she wants to. At least, that's what Kanade thinks. She doesn't want to believe her sister is changing for the better, that she's able to change at all, that she's going to leave her behind for other people again.
And when Setsuka tries to reach out to her on the third day…Kanade finally snaps.
She tears into Setsuka, accusing her of stealing her sister away from her, for giving her ideas to be better when she can't, she should never be better than she already is because if she is, she'll just abandon her and leave her all alone. Her stupid, cowardly sister can't ever hope to be on her own, she always has to rely on her, HER, not anyone else…and definitely not SETSUKA!
And before Kanade knew it, she lunges at Setsuka.
The scuffle was short…but the result was predictable."
"To elaborate a little bit more on Setsuka, she's was still pretty distant from the group as she was focused on doing what she needs for Nikei and stuff. But after Hibiki starts to break down a little and reaches out to Setsuka for help, she commits herself to stabilizing the group once more, supporting Hibiki and telling her and everyone else that she has something to tell them. But Kanade, watching this entire scene, only starts to become even more on edge as Hibiki, once again, reaches out to someone else instead of her. Despite trying to "change," Hibiki had so easily broken down once more, crying and begging for help, relying on another person for support and to "fix" everything for her. And that convinces Kanade that Hibiki can't change, she won't EVER change, and she bitterly goes to bed. But Setsuka notices Kanade's displeasure and, not knowing why she's unhappy, decides to take matters into her own hands and have a one-on-one talk with her to see if she [can] help. Unfortunately, this decision backfires on her hard, resulting in her own death.
Now, unlike in canon, Kanade panics as this was the first time she's EVER committed a murder before. Sure, she's harassed, blackmailed, and even threatened people that tried to get close to Hibiki before with violence, people that would only take her away from her. But she didn't…she never…she didn't mean to do this! But, no, Setsuka…No, no. Why should she regret this? Why should she apologize?
Setsuka was getting in the way. Setsuka was going steal her sister away.
And Hibki was still the same as she ever was. Not being "better," not ever "changing." She was still Hibiki, the bully, the sister, the bratty, snappy, fussy older sister that demands respect despite her cowardly, weak self. A sister that Kanade deeply loves…and hates."
"But she won't let her die her. She'll escape with her, a certain "ritual" should allow her to escape with her as it's an option for the blackened on the third island according to Monocrow. If she goes through with that, she can escape with her sister…and make sure she'll never change again.
But if she loses…then she'll die. She'll die…
…and she'll take Hibiki with her. For she doesn't deserve to live without her.
Kanade goes through with the ritual as fast as she could, relying on her skills (and thus her luck) to succeed in framing Hibiki and nearly gets away with it.
But, unbeknownst to her due to her current memories, Kanade's luck has been dwindling and since her situation wasn't as dire as Void's, hers has been fading away far faster than them. And ends up making a few mistakes that seem innocent enough until it all starts to pile up, with one last conclusive evidence fucking her over and revealing her to be the true culprit.
Kanade is seething when she's caught, her ego bruised and lamenting how the hell she lost, with Syobai dryly stating that her luck has run out. Kanade laughs, saying that can't be true. She's always been lucky! She's always been able to get things her way, even when she has no friends outside of Hibiki. This tips both Mikado and Nikei off that, hey, wait a minute, is she…? Of course, neither of them speak up on it due to keeping their own plans close to their chest. Everyone asks her why, why did she do it, with Hibiki grabbing her sister, begging her why she would do something like this, why would Kanade frame her of her best friend's death? A death that she caused?
And Kanade, after years of bottling up her own resentment…finally blows up at Hibiki."
"She tells her off for her bullying, of her neglecting to pay attention or spend any time with her unless she wanted something from her, and pushing all the things she doesn't want to do onto her. She proclaims that she had ALWAYS hated everything she's done to Kanade, wishing she could've done anything else, wishing that, for once in their goddamn lives, that they did something she wanted to do, not because Hibiki had chosen it. All Kanade had ever wanted was her love and affection, but she never appreciated her or all the things she's done for her. [She even went] as far to change herself to try and appeal to her sister and her wants and needs. And yet…despite everything, she still loves her. She loves the times when they would dress up together. She loves the times when they would perform together. She loves it when Hibiki actually cares for her. She loves her, because she's her sister…
And because Setsuka was getting in the way of that, she had to get rid of her. Just like everyone else…!
Everyone freezes when Kanade admits that out loud. She pauses when she realized what she said, but instead of apologizing [or even denying it], she doubles down. She admits that she drove away their childhood friend, she admits to spreading false rumors about their teacher and getting him fired, she admits to falsifying a hurtful rejection to a guy Hibiki was getting close to and pretended to be her so that she can ruin their chances of getting together when he finally confessed, she harrassed, blackmailed, threatened people that got close…and Setsuka was just another person on a long list of those that got in the way. She just…didn't mean to kill her. It just…happened. But Kanade…doesn't care about that. She doesn't care about anything anymore. It's apparent that her luck ran out…and now she's going to die.
But she's not dying alone. She refuses to die alone.
[After all, they're] sisters, right…? It's only right that they stay together till the bitter end, right?"
"Hibiki tries to back away, but Kanade grabs her just as Monocrow drags her into her execution, bringing her with them."
"The execution goes almost exactly the same but Kanade is doing her damndest to make sure Hibiki dies with her, with Hibiki trying to escape. And it seems like it was going to happen…until Hibiki beats the hell out of her with a microphone, crying and wailing for all the people Kanade had hurt in her name, demanding why, why, why. Kanade can only answer this:
"It was ALL for you. You and you alone."'
"Hibiki drops the microphone, backing away from the sister that was so possessive of her, in her hatred and love.
And then she runs away, leaving Kanade all alone.
Monocrow doesn't stop her, for this execution was only made for Kanade…and seeing her despair as she finally loses the one thing she had tried so hard to grasp onto slip away from her was enough for him to pull the lever, the platform underneath Kanade falling and killing her.
By the time Hibiki has made it back to the trial grounds, her gait is slow and unsteady, hugging herself as she stares down at her feet, processing what had just happened. What her sister had done. What she had done to everyone she knew. What she had done to Setsuka and Hibiki herself.
Why she had done it.
She had done it for her.
She had done it to keep Hibiki to herself.
She had done it because she both loved and hated Hibiki.
And the people that had been hurt because of Kanade…was because of her. Because of Hibiki. Because of all her bullying and her selfish wants, and because she didn't treat her like she should've treated her as a sister…! Because she's a horrible, awful person that hurt her own family until it was too late, her best friend dead, her sister, dead! All because of her…!!
Hibiki falls to her knees, going into dissociation as everything that she ever thought she knew and was normal shattered like glass."
"Hibiki, for the rest of the killing game, blames herself for what Kanade has done, but with Sora and co.'s help, she's able to rationalize that yes, what she did to Kanade was horrible and none of this may have happened if Hibiki had just bonded with her sister instead of bullying her…but Kanade had also made her own decisions, alienating Hibiki's friends and support from her to try and isolate her so she can try and force her to rely on her and her alone. Hibiki had done a lot of wrong that she probably can't ever make up now that Kanade is dead, but that doesn't excuse the awful actions Kanade has done either as many people were hurt from her own actions, one even losing his job and others probably traumatized from what she did to them. They were both toxic to each other and so long as neither of them were changing, that cycle was only going to continue until something broke between them…and this just so happened to be it. It's just horrible that it also ended in Setsuka's death alongside Kanade's, who was just as much a victim as she was a perpetrator."
"As for the reveal in Chapter 6, I was thinking of two options for Hibiki and Kanade's relationship:
The two of them, despite years [of] staying together as sisters and as a part of Melody Rhythm, only ended up falling apart as their toxicity turned their head as one of Kanade's past victims, their childhood friend, decides to finally come out and reveal everything Kanade has done to her and other people, even providing evidence of what she did. And the moment Hibiki found out about it, a public argument breaks out between them and Kanade finally spills out everything about her feelings on Hibiki, which only hurts both of them as Kanade had tried so hard to isolate Hibiki from other people while Hibiki had only hurt and bully her sister out of jealousy for years. But this? This was enough for Hibiki to stand up and go, "We're done here." And she leaves, cutting ties with Kanade for the shit she's done to others but also left reeling at the revelation of what her bullying and abuse had done to her sister. Was this…her fault? She wasn't sure. But she knew [she] had to make things right somehow, even if it's only for herself, reflecting on her behavior and reaching out to those that were hurt by Kanade, apologizing for everything that had happened even though it wasn't her fault that she chose to do the things she did and tried to make it up to them…if they want her, at least. [Meanwhile,] Kanade is PISSED that her sister left her, who went as far as to block her from her phone and even ending their contract as Melody Rhythm as she's left to deal with the fallout of the media bashing her for what she's done…but as time went on, Kanade is able to pick up the pieces and strikes out on her own, telling herself that she doesn't need Hibiki or the people that criticizes her for what she's done. She can do this by herself! She never openly apologizes, but she never says outright that she's happy with how things had turned out either, despite getting her career back on track…eventually."
"And then the Tragedy happens, they lose their parents, and one of two things happen.
Either 1.) the Tragedy brings them back together, with them starting off very reluctantly working together to do charities to help those in need, only to slowly and carefully rebuild their relationship while trying very hard not to fall back into bad habits as Hibiki admits that yeah, she's done a lot of horrible things to Kanade and she IS sorry for that…but she won't let Kanade hurt anyone anymore. She's trying very hard to be patient with her sister, as they know the Tragedy is a horrible thing to go through, they even lost their parents from it…but if they want to make things work, then something has to change between them, even if Hibiki is the only one taking the initiative FOR the change. Kanade is very reluctant to admit that she was EVER in the wrong for what she did…but as they continue work and bicker over the concerts they put together, their different ideas colliding but somehow coming together with the help of their coordinator, they start to…actually bond again. They start to talk things out, Hibiki is actually trying to show interest in her hobbies and the things she likes, and while she can never bring herself to like the same things she does, she's trying to be respectful and give her the time of day this time. She's trying to make things right for her, so long as Kanade never does the things she did again. And while Kanade doesn't like the same things Hibiki does, it's still a bond Hibiki is trying to nurture…and it makes Kanade question if what she did was ever necessary, that if she had just stood her ground, let Hibiki form her own relationships while searching for her own friends that she can rely [on] like the ones she had now…then maybe none of this would have happen. Maybe they could've remain as sisters, forever, if she just accepted their differences and tried to break away and do her own thing, while letting Hibiki grow as a person [as I think if Hibiki was allowed to bond with other people, she would've grew out of her bullying and become a better person, but because she never had the chance or had people that would stand up to her and let her experience the consequences of her own actions, she never grew out of that mindset as she was never put in her place before]…
[And then the killing game happens, reverts them back to their teenage selves, and they start their toxic cycle all over again until one of them literally kills and gets executed for it.]"
"Or 2.), Kanade and Hibiki remain separate, as not even the Tragedy and the death of their own parents can bring them together. Their parents funeral, one they tried to arrange anyways, only escalates into another argument, with Hibiki changing as a person…but Kanade did not. She still feels entitled to be Hibiki's one and only sister, her one and only support, and Hibiki recognizes that, deciding that it was safer that they stay separated as she NEVER wants to risk anyone else she loves coming to harm thanks to Kanade. The two part ways, with the both of them doing their own separate charity events, with Hibiki proclaiming that Kanade Otonokoji is not her sister, [not anymore], while Kanade proclaims that Hibiki Otonokoji will always be her sister, and refuses to acknowledge the fact that she had been disowned and will continue to be disowned for the rest of their lives."
"Either way, Hibiki is depressed to realize that their future together was never forever, and Hibiki had lost her sister…one way or another."
And that's it! That's the concept rewrite, plus the sprite edits since Kanade and Hibiki are no longer together as sisters and as a band outside of the Neo World Program, so their appearances reflect on that as they pursue their own solo careers. They're no longer trying to match each other, and Kanade pursues her own rock and metal music.
Oh, and while I was copying and pasting this, I had an idea that Kanade's relationship with Sora could be interesting as she's the only one that Kanade is actually okay with getting close to Hibiki...because Sora shows interests in both of them in their FTEs. She talks to Hibiki in private about her treatment of Kanade and even asked Kanade herself if she was okay as she genuinely cares about her just as much as she cares about Hibiki. This surprises Kanade as no one has ever bothered to look her way before, they always pay more attention to Hibiki than herself. And Sora makes it clear that she's genuine about this, asking her if there's anything she can do to make things better for Kanade when Hibiki is defensive about her actions. It makes Kanade feel...seen, for once in her life, and she actually likes that. So she allows Sora to get close, so long as she promises to continue being her friend, too. It's why Sora succeeds in befriending both twins while Setsuka ended up getting rejected by Kanade in the worse possible way: Setsuka unintentionally added to Kanade's insecurities by focusing mostly on Hibiki and overlooked Kanade's needs as well. She's not doing this out of ill-will, far from it. It's just that she recognized that Hibiki is a little weaker in her mental strength and her breakdowns were far easier to notice while Kanade was able to keep a cool head most of the time. So Setsuka prioritizes on supporting Hibiki first and foremost, thinking that Kanade can handle herself fine on her own. She's not completely wrong...but she's not right, either. By the time she finally notices that Kanade is hurting and reaches out to support her, it's already too late as she's finally reached her breaking point and snapped, which resulted in her own death. Just a little something to tie this whole thing off.
#SDRA2#Kanade Otonokoji#Hibiki Otonokoji#Super Danganronpa Another 2#SDRA2 Spoilers#sprite edit#Star's Art#look I won't pretend that people like canon!Kanade can't exist - me and my friend both know that#the problem is what's the POINT in making Kanade into a serial killer that's turning her sister into a puppet that it serves the narrative?#Is it meant to be foreshadowing and how that's exactly what's happening to Yuki - so he can be broken down and be replaced with Utsuro?#if so then it's not done very well since it's barely touched upon - let alone never ever called back to it ONCE - to be proper foreshadowin#And it even costed a character her own development for the sake of a twist that's nothing more than shock value - losing what could've been#-a really good character/concept in the process#and the reason why Hibiki's arc up to that point was so effective was BECAUSE she's done bad things and mistreated her sister so often#it gave us a reason to see her grow as a person because she's immature and flawed. this arc would have not worked if Hibiki was softer-#-or kinder at the start. And we just...lost that before it could develop even further.#so my approach was basically take out all the serial killer BS (and heavily implied incest) and tone down a fuck ton of Kanade's actions#She's still a toxic person but has been hiding her awful behavior for years in an attempt to keep her sister tied down to her#and just not excusing any of Hibiki's past actions or Kanade's own actions either
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I'm thinking about an AU where like...Ody picks up a feral kid from an island who stows away on the ship. It'd be good to get some whimsy on that ship and maybe things go better. Hope Penelope doesn't mind an extra kid + Telemachus having a wild child of a little sibling now. Very overly enthusiastic, half the crew is terrified, other half is like "yeah the kid has good survival technique ideas." Ody is like, "please stop gleefully mopping the bloodied castle" after kid decides to be helpful. Proceeds to kick a suitors head out of the hallway so OdyPen can walk around together peacefully.
excuse you, that child is helping!!! Ody, Telemachus, and Penelope are reuniting and tired and this child, out of the goodness of their heart is cleaning the palace (with aid of course) 😤
they don’t need to bc by that point their an official ward of the palace, but it the thought that counts (they totally loot the suitor’s stuff in the process)
#but yeah Ody and his men having a child along for their trip would be so fun!#(and why i still daydream about what if Ody didn’t throw the infant from the wall of Troy)#you’d have Polites spoiling them while Eurylochus is now calculating rations for 600 men + child. what to entertain them bc space is small#Ody daydreaming about Telemachus (imma say he projects some of his desires of being the dad he wanted to be sans Troy on the kid)#and i am already team big brother Telemachus so when Ody arrives with a kid Telemachus is so onboard bc now HE gets to tell#the kiddo tales and play with them and educate them about Ithaca (they have been given a rundown by the crew but the kid indulges)#Penelope is apprehensive at first bc it’s definitely not HER kid but it does not look like Ody#and she knows her husband inside and out#so after the apprehension is appeased Penelope is onboard for a new kid#she knows how lonely her son was I. Those years they waited for their missing family to return#(and sure we can speculate over whether or not the kid can get past Zeus’s Lightning bolt but imma ignore that for now)#(we will all assume the kid just survives it all and is there with Ody even if other crew members aren’t)#asks#epic the musical#the odyssey#(actually wait what if the kid was from Calypso’s island? 👀 washed ashore long ago and stayed bc Calypso refused to let them go)#(she projects her dreams of caring for another at the corner of the child ever growing/aging. they have been a child for so long)#(a blessing and curse. they do not envy Calypso’s difference of affection for Ody. but they do not refuse when offered a chance to leave)
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men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.
#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my#obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him#simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those#obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao#and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon#i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing#it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings#like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i#was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've#thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me#more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all#the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism#and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby#like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being#kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever#worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO#honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me#i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao#but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm#destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def#do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough#now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see
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1.10 / 1.09
#something to be said not just about how Ibrahim aims to replace his past family with his present bond with Süleiman (and Musti and Mahi#branch off of that bond) but also how Hatice fits in all of this - the one Ibrahim leans on everytime he's likely to lose SS is *her*#she isn't just the future he wants to secure in the castle but also the past he yearns for outside of it especially in that initial period#of their relationship; and not just any past but a very particular fragment of it - the next most valuable person of his past other than#his brother: his *mother*. it's no wonder him playing *his mother's* melodies with the violin marks the beginning of their story and stays#an important motif throughout. just like Ibrahim's mother Hatice is so familiar yet so out of reach (and this unreachability accumulates in#E13 - Ibrahim leaves for Parga thus returning to his past but leaving Hatice behind but *then* finding out his mother is gone too.#*both* people he wants to be close to soo much are *gone* in that moment. there's a link between them because of this. also Hatice tieing#lbrahim's mother to “heaven” as well and her “looking at their happiness from above” Ibro responds with in E14.) Hatice will distance#more and more from that role later on until lbrahim starts to outright abandon this whole 'return to the past' idea with Hatice and#search for it through Nigar instead. but yeah anyway I feel these two scenes are the perfect encapsulation of how complicated#the past is for lbrahim; he avoids remembering it because it *hurts* to remember both because why would he remember it when he already has#an established future and because deep down he resents what he's become and established as that isn't ever permanent and he's lost all else#*himself* most of all as who is a person without his roots? he wants to forget them but can't ever do it so what's left is replacing them#*all of them*; when he finds Hatice too he wants to have *both* her and Süleiman and SS marrying Hatice off directly challanges that want#up to that point he believed in the possibility of their love more than Hatice did; now? he seems as lost as she is not knowing what to do#the only way not to lose either of them is accepting Süleiman's order convincing himself that this is how it should be no matter how much#that hurts and would bury him even deeper; he can't bear it so he searches for a solution - and when he sees Rhodes sea? it hits him#it hits him how low he's actually sunk through the losses and if he can't “fully* replace the past he'll *fully* return to the past letting#*everything else* once hidden out as well. not to mention how right before he left to Parga he was brought to fear for his literal death#and then he is given more power that also brings some uncertainty with it and that likely scared him cementing his departure for Parga#directly following Piri Pasha's advice to let power go as it won't let *you* go#(btw a big contrast between S01 and S03 Ibrahim can be drawn in his relationship with Piri Pasha and his relationship with Ebusuud)#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#ibrahim pasha#(sorry for the disorganized tags but if I kept it like it was I would've exceeded the limit before I even finished 😅)#(just Ibrahim and Hatice in general are people who latch onto each other to get over their losses and ache for peace amidst their turbulent#lives and positions and that's what keeps them close and will later too)
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TPiaG AU be like:
“You get some trauma! You get some trauma! You get some trauma! EVERYBODY GETS A TRAUMA!!!!!!!!”
*points at Opal* “Except you.”
Opal's trauma is finding out about all the visceral suffering that stitched her happy family together :)
#I haven't said much about it + when I have it was mostly jokes about the subject#but Opal has a lot of strong emotions about her family's history.#she grew up completely unaware of it all. no one told her anything because it wasn't ongoing and therefore didn't impact her directly.#Ark was willing to sit down with Opal and run through a (significantly censored + age-appropriate) summary of the family's history#but Twig was ADAMANT that they not tell her anything unless she asked at a much later age.#She didn't want the past to hang over her daughter's head and was terrified of Opal being damaged by things.#She won't lie if she asks her things in her mid-teens. But she's not letting anything slip on her own or before then.#Opal feels bad because the trauma of it all isn't hers and yet she still feels upset about it.#She knows she isn't required to be told everything and yet she still feels betrayed by people hiding it from her.#She loves her family members so much. it's so strange to look at them and know#she wouldn't recognize her own parents even just a decade before she hatched.#She hears about a confrontation between Mother and Uncle Kip and Uncle Grovyle and that it was apparently pretty bad.#Kip doesn't have any of the scars he had as a mudkip anymore. There's nothing there except for an old burn from a slip in the kitchen.#There's so much that happened to everyone that she doesn't know anything about.#She wonders if Uncle Grovyle's persistent pain comes from a duel to the death with the one who wears time as a cloak himself.#She wonders if Dusknoir's shaking hands when she talks to him in a charmander's form come from things done to Mother.#She wonders if Dad's refusal to leave her alone with Cresselia comes from the same things that made him want a world locked in stasis.#Even after she's got a more rounded understanding of her family's background#Opal still doesn't know much about where Mother came from before the point where Grovyle took her under his wing.#She asks about it--- where she grew up. who Opal could call her relatives from her side. Dad doesn't have a bio family; but she does right?#Mother takes a while to answer. She sits next to Opal in silence. They watch the fireplace crackle warmly.#(Mother is watching it with a kind of bone-crushing exhaustion Opal has never seen from her.)#She smiles. “I grew up underground like all the other humans. But I left home pretty young though; and I met Grovyle pretty soon after.”#Opal accepts the answer but she can't help but wonder why Mother avoided the question of her own family entirely.#(She thinks about how Mother is so particular about Opal and the others knowing she loves them and would never ever hurt them.#It's such a silly thing to remind them all of when she's so doting and gentle. She couldn't hurt a cutiefly.#and it's while pondering the deliberateness of her doting gentleness#that she wonders if Mother was afforded the same as a young human buried miles beneath the topsoil.)#the present is a gift au#shadow baby au
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i really hope buck like embodies that "i'm your first, not your last" and is really weird about with eddie. like post mutual feelings realizations, buck is all "eddie, i want to be your last, and i can't be your last if i'm your first." and eddie is just like, "buck, i want you to be my first. i want you to be my first because i know you're my last so why would i try with anyone else when all i want is you?" and then buck cries
#like that was such a thing to say to buck buckley#like ofc yeah we know why t said it#(because all roads lead to buddie)#but yk buck is gonna like take that shit seriously#and when eddie comes out and buck has his 😳 oh. moment and realized that not only does he want eddie#but eddie is also an option#yk buck is gonna be like trying to set up eddie with random guys so that his first can be someone else and buck can be his last#and eddie#eddie whose first was supposed to his last not by choice but by obligation#is going to just smile and go along with it but not really ever following through until buck is like about to lose it#because eddie. how have you still not had a date with a man??? you still havent had your first kiss???#maybe i dont want them to be my first. maybe i want it to be more special than a first kiss after a first date with a stranger#eddie the first doesnt matter. the first is your first nothing else. you just gotta have your first then you can find the one who is special#and eddie will just look at him and. what if ive already found the one. my last#what if i want my first to be my last? what if i want him to be my first my last my everything? what if i want him for the rest of my life?#and buck will just be like. what how can how can you know you want that?#because how could i ever want anyone else when i want you? i want you to be my last. i want you to be my first.#i want you.#and yayyy buck cries#but seriously#this would be insane because on one hand#we have buck who has continually not been chosen in relationships. he needs to be chosen.#and we have eddie who hasnt had a choice in relationships. theyre always out of obligation not choice for himself. he needs to choose#having eddie choose buck would be the perfect thing because it allows them to finally get the thing theyve wanted in the past.#choice and being chosen#me thinks
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Isnt it funny someone can love you more than anything and still dismiss you after texting you twice in one week after rejecting your calls all week
#idk#im going thru smth rn#my dad is obviously still a disappointment to me#sigh#ive been watching sadcore reels#if you were in a room with everyone youve ever met who would you look for in the crowd? isnt that insane#peobably my cat#i miss him i wish he wasnt dead#idk what i want. it feels so hopeless#i feel like the shell of the person i used to be and why would things improve from here right#itll get worse#its so funny#i didnt think my life would get worse every year from age 18 onward#that id be able to count how msny times id seen my dad in a decade on one hand#why doesnt he want me in his life#im not even upset about that#i just miss the past. richie moment
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I will not respond to the bad take I will not respond to the bad take I will no-
But here's the thing, in no narrative sense does it work out how utterly stupid they make Harry. Disabled caricature rainman thing yeah believe me I get that but truly think about it, how the fuck do you get a scientist on his planet, entrusted to travel lightyears on an extremely important mission but also doesn't know a single thing? His people came here for thousands of years but he knows nothing about humans? He doesn't know their emotions could influence him? He doesn't know very basic things? This assumption is such lazy ass writing, I didn't want to create a solid backstory so I hand wave any question as uh he's stupid haha.
And I'll keep harping on it but creative choices don't exist in a vacuum, being culturally uneducated or emotionally stunted does not make you a fucking child. Narratively, even if you take away that it entirely retcons s1, Harry basically being 'born' the second he landed on earth is nonsense, he had a life, personality, expertise before he came here. His former life would be built on by his experiences and lend to his learning on earth not completely erased so he's just somehow a cruel, oblivious stereotype.
#resident alien#And if you expect him to ever 'mature' I'm looking at you stupid he's never getting past where he currently is#If somehow in retcon world s1 was a baby and now is supposed to be a teenager why is he exactly the same as he was in pt2 of s2#Why does he forget things they made a big show of him learning he's stuck in sitcom character world#How many times can a mf learn the same seventh heaven ass lessons and you're like oh he's growing so much....for the 10th time 😭#'how does Asta not know' wtf are you ON rn how would she knows anything about aliens what are YOU TALKING about
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I started making Ellu in the dav cc for fun and. Tell me why I'm tempted to actually play him.
#it would only count as half of a gag character he's just Like That. This Would happen to him#he Would land here somehow#the only downsides would be- 1: id need to play with no sound because im sorry his og voice set is too important to me#2: no romance. sighh#also I'd need to chose a faction other than warden </3#i can't justify him having the blight he's quite literally a plant#then again. ... wait would the wound and the abyss energy etc count as a universe equivalent 😭#wHY AM I ANALYSING THIS#edit: its actually fascinating as a concept like. how would this idiot interact with taash.#his relationship with gender is too scrambled for what the game has to offer fnsndj not its fault btw#i mean the concept in his wotr iteration is the original elf was afab but by the time he died and came back via wild hunt dhhdjs#didn't look it at all. so add on to that the loss of memory post death i don't think he's even aware of it#so literally what do you count for that as 😭#don't even get me started on the sexuality thing we don't have time to unpack all of that#edit edit: further context since im in the scar segment of the cc and remembered to talk about it#the only ones that are 'permanent' on him /aka function like normal scars are those made w cold iron (see the one on his face)#(also why post trickster situation i don't always draw them. he can hide those and does)#thinking about the pre fey situation though is pretty funny bc the original elf lived a (????) amount of time back in the past 😭#ofc in settings like this one time does not really move as it does in history (see dae having the most 1700's staple coat ive ever seen-#but one of his endings being lobotomy. a 1930s procedure)#thus who fucking knows maybe the og elf could've had top surgery instead of a more magic related situation 😭 who knows#sometimes i give ellu the scars sometimes i don't it's as ambivalent as his alignment
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when i think of corporate greed i remember how the worker comp attorney for the insurance company told my mom's workers comp lawyer (bc they have known each other for years) that they were essentially waiting for her to die and that's why they didnt' pay her for months the amount she was owed
#she got the judge on her side the year before she died tho and after that they didn't miss a goddamn payment#it was a conservative judge too and he was like what the fuck#her cancer supposedly wasn't related to her fall - she still had massive head injury issues from her fall years later tho#but i think cancer came back bc of the fall even tho i can't prove it and i think it's why it went to her bones and the brain liquid#if i could go back in time i would relive 2020 - that horrific year - all over if it meant i could save her from that fall#and if i'm wrong it still doesn't save her then#well#but i can't go back in time#so here we are#personal#for context she fell in 2020 at work -> diagnosed with stage iv cancer in jan 2021#originally diagnosed w/stage 1 bc she caught it early in 2016 and “beat it”#died this past march#the stress of worker's comp assholes didn't help her cancer shit i can tell you that much#just how evil can you be if that's your thought#'lets wait for her to die'#like are you a disney villain how do you go home and look your loved ones in the eye#this is why i told my manager i refuse to work with any insurance clients we might ever get
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Damnit lev lmfao. I was thinking about Shiva wearing corpse ash being resonant for other reasons, something about his relationship with the Bright Skinned Ones and death and whatever. No, no. More fucking importantly: Oh I wonder why Shiva is known for. you know. wearing bodies. his appearance is a mass of bodies joined together. yeah
#Leviathan is a mass of bodies. Shiva wears the ash of burned corpses. Transforming in both cases the masses into the Matter of the Bodiless#~abyssal murmurs#leviathan //#Maheshvara //#Not surprised this is coming up now he loves his fun fact time. Earlier I was poking at what he was doing#because he's... very distracted. And uh. Somewhere over yonder doing war stuff with people. And I was thinking about how he is just so many#circumstance based people at the same time. He'll be doing paperwork in a Royal Office somewhere and on a battlefield elsewhere and#running through the forest as a deer somewhere else and living as members of a school of fish in some transcendental lake#and scrying the pools of God and watching birds in a forest... and he incarnates here too and will be a chef downtown#and a teacher somewhere else up also doing paperwork and some dog on the street begging for food and and and#And over all of it... That central blissful mind that is water itself. all it's senses of self - emotions. thoughts. and so on - arising#from its various movements and shapes as reflections on the surface. But also... a sweet thing. Anyway#That black umbrella Lev that's deep and beyond names... beloved.... Searching for someone...#Shiva throws himself down into reality to bounce around as rays of light... the sun incarnating through the day sky into plants then into#animals and so on slowly recollecting more and more who he is. Searching for Shiva#always. Well. You found him. But then... Well. You go past the crying screaming stage of birth and then you get to fun#You gestate. You know who you are when the Sun's light touches your eyes. You scream at it. You change. You grow.#Then you learn the world is fun... People talk about how it seems ridiculous that someone who had achieved oneness would come back#and I wholly agree on a side thought relevant to that that most people who claim to know oneness don't know it#because the idea of oneness itself is actually a product of duality IE you have to be on a world where Two exists to understand One#One doesn't exist in a unified world. There's no One. In a unified world... So you can absolutely achieve a state of oneness while still#being non-unified if you don't truly get it... But anyway. On the why come back thing... Yeah people don't get it. But people who do get it#come back all the time. This reality is just an experience. You can spend your entire life asleep or you can come play and experience#So. Lev's incarnations on this plane mirror his incarnation of Shiva Into Bodies... He comes here to play games. He plays#He takes photos. He wanders. He plays music for people on street corners. He laughs. He loves. He suffers. He experiences.#Sometimes he doesn't understand. Sometimes he understands. Anyway.... Looking through his eyes... Iridescent scene of cranes#flying over a sunset more rich than I've ever seen on earth but so natural. Fire without fire. Water catching and soaking up every colour.
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the idea of katase and aoki's secretary/hisho being """""friends""""" tickles my bones for a lot of reasons but esp cause i just know katase's had to dig into daigo's history cause mine prob asked her to at one point and along the way she found out about masato through a stray myspace post and after a serious Down The Rabbit Hole trip i think she should be one of five people in the entirety of japan to figure out her girlfriend's boss And Tokyo's Governor was the most Emo Boy of emo boys. and used to date the sixth chairman of the tojo clan. who also used to be the most Emo Boy of emo boys.
#masadai#snap chats#i do think mine had katase help him look into daigo actually. i do.#he does most of the work ofc but when he's esp busy then he asks her to look into a crumb he found bout somethin related to daigo#i was gonna make a comic but im tired rn but the ideas too funny for me to wait to do it so im sharin it with all yall#anyway perceive this.#no one would ever believe her if she told anyone thats why she doesnt bother to#she'll tell hisho tho. cause lol#she be like 'just play a g note next time you see him trust me'#and hisho does and watches in comedic horror as aoki freezes for a split second before being like Haha What Was That About :)#i have another comic idea involving hisho Vaguely knowing about aoki's past as masato. JUST as goofy tbh#i prob could do it tonight or like. tomorrow mornin after i finish a comm its literally like a panel or two honestly#anyway i love being delusional
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I'm ngl the longer it's been since I've played TOTK the less I like it I think
#do not get me wrong i think the game is fun to play and that was like 80% of where my concern lied#but godddd the story sucks so bad. i love the draconification bit with zelda but the rest. augh#why do we need Another ancient civilization literally appearing out of nowhere and infesting hyrule with its ruins#they got rid of all the sheikah stuff with literally no explanation to shove the zonai into the region#but why are we even focusing on the ancient civilizations again????#it would have made so much more sense to focus on hyrule in the present day. work with the npcs to make hyrule greater than it was#move on from the calamity and turn hyrule into a strong bustling country#the zonai were hinted at in botw but they feel so shoehorned in because they have nothing to do with anything in botw#i dont care about the secret stones we had champion abilities#i dont care about the sages the champion descendants had the champions to look up to#i dont care about rauru and sonia because sonia got fridged hard and rauru's character is flat. pleasant but flat#and i dont care at all about ganondorf because the most interesting thing he ever does is do the gmod face#its so frustrating watching the same 'woah secret stones! sages??' cutscene 4 times with Da New Sages and its so frustrating#watching the other characters speculate what happened to zelda and chase down her ghostly paper trail#when like. i can see her in the sky. she's over there guys#the memories were one of my favorite things in botw bc they all subtly stitched together the story of what happened#in totk they are incredibly plot dense and very linear and very confusing to watch out of order. which is easy to do#the one where sonia gets murked is like. the third memory i found#id at least be more interested in all the zonai stuff if link was the one to get teleported to the past while zelda has to try and save him#giving zelda agency. craziest thing they could have done#ok sorry this is a Lot of salt but just. raaaaagh#maybe my expectations were astronomical but outside of gameplay totk brings nothing good to the table imo#i'd significantly rather they made botw2 more gameplay focused where you can do something like make meaningful changes to the map#tarrey town style#than try to shove a whole different zelda game's plot into a carefully constructed preexisting world#i think the zonai story would be cool in its own game but not botw
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certain qidian authors shld start a side hustle writing dnmei actually 🙂↕️
#男频不写男同还写什么 <- golden words to live by#*#fan xian/li chengze (qing yu nian):#written to be foils.. the mirror inverse of one another..the zhen baoyu to his jia baoyu#dislikes him on sight perhaps bc they r too similar souls#asks him not once but twice to bow out of the succession struggle bc if he does he promises to give him a lifetime of peace#“我许你一世平安” which in some contexts would be so romantic#begs him to live after his failed rebellion and of course lcz being who he is kills himself in front of him#更香的是他们还是同父异母的亲xiong dei😇#and bc u cant have enough hong lou meng references during their first meeting lcz’s delicate looks also remind him of lin daiyu..#and he wonders why he keeps thinking of him when he’s not even gayy (and i quote 好龙阳)#li huowang/zhuge yuan (dao gui yi xian):#his 白月光. his fleeting moment of respite in a truly horrific world#who sacrifices himself to save him from the powerful eldritch being after him#who he then strangles w his own two hands bc anyone who dies by his hands becomes part of his hallucinations so#at least he’ll still be with him in some capacity#hallucination!zgy tricks lhw in exchange for the survival of his country (所以T_T��渊子心里其实家国天下>>>🔥)#and feels so guilty abt it that he dissipates (perma death) leaving lhw to cry for three days straight at the bottom of a well#pulls himself together to fulfill zgy’s final wish of saving the people and when they ask his name he says zhuge yuan#builds a white jade buddha statue w/ zgy’s face for the ppl to worship#also he carries around a sword made from zgy’s spine and that brings him comfort#oh how could i ever forget pingxie (dmbj):#his lifetime in exchange for ten years of his innocence#“im a man with no past or future. if i disappeared from this world no one would notice” “at the very least i would notice”#“i’ve thought abt my connections to the world and it seems the only one i can find is you”#many such cases………..#if these were on jj literally吊打秒杀 the girlies (me) would EAT IT UPPP#QIDIAN YAOI📣📣📣📣
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mrs collins arc in summary
#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#➤ arc: mrs. collins. ┊ collinwood will always mean home to me.#half the reason I think things would actually Work Out is that they’re both two terrible marriages/engagements down#‘might as well give it a shot. third time’s the charm’#it’s not so much a matter of … passion or whirlwind romance. so much as it is they’re already close and they want to move On from#prev spouses & unhappiness. adversity better faced in partnership#not that there isn’t romance involved but that’s not why they get married.#v’s experience still pales to roger’s but it does not Work unless they’re both divorced (to me)#Roger doesn’t necessarily have to live up to a youthful naive expectation of marriage and V is not a young toy that he’d buy like a new car#I didn’t even count v and barn’s almost vampire marriage but like. that too#they’ve both all but given up on the idea of marriage bringing happiness by then.#not that rog is ever selfless (never!) but he does have some selfless motives in terms of protecting V; keeping her with the family;#ensuring she’s financially provided for#there’s a line when she’s in Bangor looking for Answers about how she feels her future is tied to the Collinses whether or not her past is.#and. yeah. that’s it baby !!!!!#ok enough waxing about the version of the story that lives exclusively in my head lmao
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