#so when they called me. i didnt pick up
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long ass rant in tags. abt to explode
#need to get this off my chest#ok so i straight up lied to my mum. shes been trying to get me a job out of stocking shelves#and i just. cannot find the motivation to do anything. i dont know what i want to do other than rot away#and im also so fucking scared of everything#so she made me apply for an office job that was mostly data entry and writing/editing#which is fine. easy. but i cant think of anything worse than having to sit on my ass doing boring shit for 8 hours#so when they called me. i didnt pick up#i didnt reply to their message. and my mum has been asking about it for the past 2 weeks cus she was convinced that HAD to call me#that i was a perfect candidate. and i was. but i didnt tell her they called me#i just lied and said they didnt. but she emailed them and they..well they told her the truth#and now shes really pissed at me. but hear me out. she forced me to apply. i didnt fucking want to#and ive already said no to so many jobs that i feel terribly guilty abt it so i just went along with it#lying is so easy yknow?#but i guess lying isnt great when they find out#i feel like shit. shes not even acknowledging me and i hate when shes pissed off at me and i know she should be#but cmon. i didnt want the damn job. why cant i just die honestly#ed stfu challenge#vent
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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Pls someone talk to me about the quiet codependence Rust and Marty have, the too-easy domesticity they can fall into. Their constant arguing and moral disagreement that blends so easily into sharing clothes and a bottle and a home. The open hostility that silently becomes worry when no one else is watching. The implicit, unyielding trust that's never questioned and always counted on, between two people born and living in a world that's punished trust from the beginning.
#the song that plays in the background of all of this? one called 'are you alright' with a slow guitar and melancholy. wtf.#theyre playing td on tv rn and i caught it right in ep 4 where the DOMESTICITY is HIGH and like. why dont I remember any of this happening#true detective#rust x marty#'men and women. it's not suppose to work unless it's to make kids' rustin what the fuck. he says this to maggie's face.#while her husband is LIVING WITH HIM. there are so many... tones i didnt pick up when watching this before#rust cohle#marty hart#martin hart#rustin cohle#they know each other better than they know themselves and that makes me sick
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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The fact I have to boot up totk AGAIN, honest to God yall after I make this one fuckass post it is au only I am not doing zelda discourse no more
#watching my own mutuals have bad faith takes on people who w#fucking agree with them and the way people are teying to pick out wording on something SO STUPID AND TRIVIAL is gonna dive me nute#NUTS ANYWAYS like the fact you have people trying to act like ezlo and navi are stupid and wrong and “didnt address eveything” is fucking#insane an obtoose like this is coming from bitches who have SEEN THEIR POSTS ON SIMILAR SUBJECTS BEFORE#like this all boils down to rynling was changing the plot to tp multiple diffrent times and calling people stupid for not subscribing to he#fanfic on what LITERALLY HAPPENED IN THE GAME#like i will adress all the shit around it IN DETAIL because i need it to go out as a HEY to my moots but like PLEASE GUYS I LOVE YALL WHAT#IS THIS#like sorry i said “we” when i should of said RYNLING#i didnt wanna be mean and tbh i do not care if i burn a bridge or piss them off#at this point but its crazy hoe many of you have shit talked her to me and then act like she didnt have a bad faith and like fucking insane#reading of what and i say again LITERALLY HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT PRINCESS#Something stupid big and im very tired of the vauge posting coming from people i like very much#like full on this shit js ridiculos and this is my final straw when it comes to zelda discussion. do not @ me#and ive hated direct comfrontation and shit and discorrse to begin with cuz it was usually some dumbfuck zelinker being RACIST#but apprently its now picking words apart. i will be as careful in my wording as possible but make no mistake this was about rynlings post#first and foremost and just getting things wrong about when the histoy of light and shadow line and just MIDNA in general#and its been conisistantly wrong since 2019 and mf yes im tag talking i aint taking up a dashboard#can you tell im very frustrated? im helping ezlo argue with white leftists who will ask you if you hate waffles when you say i like pancakes
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happy first ekky goal of the 2425 season AND its unassisted as the double whammy!!! and how due is ekky for a goal?
VERY. VERY VERY DUE. ITS INSANE CONSIDERING HE HAS 12 ASSISTS ON THE SEASON.
wall of love and yearning gus and ekky love IS so real and so true catmin <3
carolina hurricanes @ florida panthers | 11.30.24 (x)(x)(x)(x)
#aaron ekblad#gustav forsling#florida panthers#2425#reino is so tired of their shit im so sorry king that you have to see it EVERY single time#“LETSGO” ekky says to reino before he immediately abadons him to lovingly look at forsy and expect him in his arms#id just hack him in the legs and grumble to the bench like reino is so much stronger than i am#delicate waist holding#i know forsy has talked about it before. how he immediately has to take out his mouthguard for cellies.#but him putting it back in while staring at ekky and then proceeding to stick his tongue out MAKES ME FEEL SO FAINT#DONT TEASE EKKY LIKE THAT#WHY ARE YOU-#hes miming what ekkys gonna look like at the end of the night you know panting like a-#anyways :)#ekkys expectant face... the way it absolutely lights up when he turns to see forsy trucking towards him...#forsy tapping his stick NEXT TO EKKYS A#I NEED A MINUTE#forsy following after ekky for the bumpie line :((#CAMEO OF BOQY SO EXCITED FOR EKKY IM GONNA SOBBBB#the curse is lifted with the power of love congrats ekky you're not haunted anymore#funnily enough his first goal last season after returning from rehab early nov was on dec 27#so he didnt have to wait too long this time lmao#or i guess he HAD to considering he started the season healthy#1 month 10 days vs 1 month 22 days#pick your poison#now thats what i call consistency?
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ohhh my friend came over and we somehow ended up watching the entirety of tpn season one and ray still makes me so fucking sick. im goig to tear apart steel beams with my teeth
#skye's ramblings#THOUGH IM ALSO JUMPING AROUND SOO FAST BC SHE LIKED IT. shes like my only irl friend shes known abt my illness since the start#i take my ray plushie when i sleep over at her house she calls him my little guy. i genuinely didnt think it'd interest her much#we were literally just bored and she randomly picked up v1. 2 pages in she was like 'oh this is really addicting can i borrow this'#FELT AUTUSM KICK INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. said we could watch the anime n after ep1 she was like oh this is really good#cant describe how much i am jumping off tge walls in my mind. shes never been able to get into anime till now. i think i just won at autism#of course w the excitement comes escape arc ray once again hitting my brain with hammers god i love him so fucking much guys. i'm nauseous#it'll be 3 years since my first watch soon btw i wonder if ray emotions will ever stop making me physically ill. ifuckng love yuou raaay...
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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i need them to put eddie in a coma so he can have his own little coma dream realization
#like can you imagine#maybe he didnt reenlist#maybe hes got that perfect little romantic life he keeps thinking he had with shannon#maybe they stayed in el paso#or the three of them moved to la together when shannons mom got sick#and maybe eddie isnt a firefighter maybe he went into contracting or landscaping because he likes to work with his hands#or maybe he went into nursing because he likes helping people#but hes living a perfect little life with a son and wife and their white picket fence but he cant shake the feeling that something is wrong#he pulls aside for a firetruck on his way to work and something about it makes him feel funny like he misses something#and so he asks shannon when he gets home#hey did i ever apply to the fire academy#and she says no why would you have done that?? as she places a warmed frozen lasagna down on the diner table#he watches chris pick at his plate and swears that chris loved lasagna#and maybe hes out on his lunch break at the park and he hears a woman cry and run to find a man collapsed on the ground and shes panicking#so he tells her to call 911 and he starts compressions#the fire department shows up and hen and chim take his place and he fills them in before stepping back#youre good under pressure buck says from beside him#and eddie just kinda looks at him for a second because#he feels right#this feels right#being right here beside this man with a crooked grin on his face feels right#but eddie just shrugs and says well i was in the army kinda came with the territory#and then bobbys voice crackles through the radio buck i told you to stop flirting on calls get in the truck now#and buck returns an ay ay captain and winks at eddie before hopping in the firetruck#he watches engine 118 drive away and thinks he should be right next to buck in that truck#okay i got carried away but i need it#like there are so many possibilities for eddie coma dream and like#tim listen to me i need you to do think i need eddie to be put into a coma so he can realize that his life now is everything hes needed
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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screenshot dump
#dino.png#myV: léo-vincent valentine#cyberpunk 2077#léo-vincent infodump of the day#ermmmmmm lets do a big one#oh yeah. here's some lore from the 10k word docu i have#léo-vin's mother was a joytoy. completely unplanned pregnancy & he was born prematurely. he was born in some random motel bathroom#miracle birth but they expected him to die soon anyw. bc otherwise she thought she'd mercy-kill him#bc she believed nothing was crueler than having a child in NC. and she also didnt want one#but he survives somehow and so hes just kind of there. she doesnt rlly.. idk...its very complicated but-#-from his memories he thinks she didnt really like him#oh yeah important note: his mother's 'friend' who assisted giving birth to him was padre's late ex wife#they were estranged but she picked up when she called#so hes like...a godfather in a way#his mother didnt want to name him bc she didnt want to grow attached to him. so léo never actually is never named.#they essentially started calling him 'baby valentine' (his mothers 'stage name' was valentine)#he starts going by V later and then when he meets jackie and mama welles#she wants to get his name incase anything happens to him and they wanna memorialise him. and shes like#even if you dont want to tell me just write it on a piece of paper and i wont look until then#he tells her she doesnt have a name. all three parts of his name (léo-vincent valentine)#are like...hand-picked. but that is all for the infodump. Okay bye
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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Experience I had at the arcade today
#red arcade tokyo tower#shitpost#my art#digital art#whipped this up in twenty minutes adequate png finding included#kirby#claw machine#i didnt get a kirby :[#i spent ¥200 and got NOTHING#i picked him up successfully and the machine dropped him TWICE#at least i got a stupid thing from a gachapon machine#oh and then two randomass SCHOOLBOYS rolled in and picked him up#“oh かわいい！” [carelessly THROWS him into his bag#these were high schoolers so obviously calling them boys like theyre 6 is unnecessary BUT STILL#it was like 11 in the morning why was there a huge flood of high school students at TOKYO TOWER???#i dont live in japan nor did i attend a senior school here for any period of time but like#they were all in uniforms so it wasnt a day off i dont think idk why they were there#they judged me when i failed the posing game 😔
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if anything im just deeply fascinated in how they chose to sign their masterspieces. we have men who are lazy (ekky going for "Ek" mikksy going for "N") men who just chose nicknames (sasha and reino... well with "Sasha" and "Reino") men who just went with their first name (uvis with "Uvis" because i wouldnt particularly want to write ballsy or bally on that piece of paper either lmao) men with intials (Broqvist with "J. Bo" and "A. Bo" man who finished college recently and decided yeah i should at least to attempt to put my full name there huh and whatever the fuck roddys on by putting "John (Evan)" as of he was trying to pass it off to someone else???
#sorry john took me out#WHY JOHN????#sorry roddy didnt make that horrid pick it was actually a toddler named john who just turned 4#dmen... so lazy... n... ek#match made in horrid heaven#oh both jesp and adam using intials ohhhhh#uvis has talked about how he doesnt mind being called by his first name by fans when jameson brought it up#also his first name brings me a lot of joy#sometimes i do just call him grapes yeah#whats in a name anyways#or rather whats in a signature???#they all have horrid print dear lord
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#i have had the same annoying text tone for YEARS#even though im usually on silent ive had this custom tone from a kdrama called secret garden#if youre familiar with the drama you know exactly what im talking about#its this cute voice saying like you have a message in korean#and the main characters will say the tone when it goes off like its a whole plot point#they switch bodies and the girl still says it with her tone even in his body#and joo won is like dont say that with my face#anyways i didnt have it set on this phone!!!!! and ive had it like over a year now#im so glad its still downloaded on my phone cuz it physically hurts me not to lolol#rambles#i had to turn my volume on cuz im waiting for a text from my dad to pick him up#and when i heard notifs i was like wait....... something is wrong here#im gunna post about this on my kpop sideblog cuz idk if anyone here knows the show im talking about but its a CLASSIC#my ringtone is the tokyo drift song if ur curious lmaoooo
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Butch affirmation I guess that my straight and very conforming baby brother keeps wanting to borrow my clothes:')
#he called me several times when i didnt pick up due to socializing so o got worried something might have happened but no he just desperately#needed to know asap of he could borrow my old jacket :')#its really sweet tho#and ultimate proof i dress like just some boring guy#butch#musings
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