#so when they called me. i didnt pick up
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long ass rant in tags. abt to explode
#need to get this off my chest#ok so i straight up lied to my mum. shes been trying to get me a job out of stocking shelves#and i just. cannot find the motivation to do anything. i dont know what i want to do other than rot away#and im also so fucking scared of everything#so she made me apply for an office job that was mostly data entry and writing/editing#which is fine. easy. but i cant think of anything worse than having to sit on my ass doing boring shit for 8 hours#so when they called me. i didnt pick up#i didnt reply to their message. and my mum has been asking about it for the past 2 weeks cus she was convinced that HAD to call me#that i was a perfect candidate. and i was. but i didnt tell her they called me#i just lied and said they didnt. but she emailed them and they..well they told her the truth#and now shes really pissed at me. but hear me out. she forced me to apply. i didnt fucking want to#and ive already said no to so many jobs that i feel terribly guilty abt it so i just went along with it#lying is so easy yknow?#but i guess lying isnt great when they find out#i feel like shit. shes not even acknowledging me and i hate when shes pissed off at me and i know she should be#but cmon. i didnt want the damn job. why cant i just die honestly#ed stfu challenge#vent
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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Pls someone talk to me about the quiet codependence Rust and Marty have, the too-easy domesticity they can fall into. Their constant arguing and moral disagreement that blends so easily into sharing clothes and a bottle and a home. The open hostility that silently becomes worry when no one else is watching. The implicit, unyielding trust that's never questioned and always counted on, between two people born and living in a world that's punished trust from the beginning.
#the song that plays in the background of all of this? one called 'are you alright' with a slow guitar and melancholy. wtf.#theyre playing td on tv rn and i caught it right in ep 4 where the DOMESTICITY is HIGH and like. why dont I remember any of this happening#true detective#rust x marty#'men and women. it's not suppose to work unless it's to make kids' rustin what the fuck. he says this to maggie's face.#while her husband is LIVING WITH HIM. there are so many... tones i didnt pick up when watching this before#rust cohle#marty hart#martin hart#rustin cohle#they know each other better than they know themselves and that makes me sick
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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The fact I have to boot up totk AGAIN, honest to God yall after I make this one fuckass post it is au only I am not doing zelda discourse no more
#watching my own mutuals have bad faith takes on people who w#fucking agree with them and the way people are teying to pick out wording on something SO STUPID AND TRIVIAL is gonna dive me nute#NUTS ANYWAYS like the fact you have people trying to act like ezlo and navi are stupid and wrong and “didnt address eveything” is fucking#insane an obtoose like this is coming from bitches who have SEEN THEIR POSTS ON SIMILAR SUBJECTS BEFORE#like this all boils down to rynling was changing the plot to tp multiple diffrent times and calling people stupid for not subscribing to he#fanfic on what LITERALLY HAPPENED IN THE GAME#like i will adress all the shit around it IN DETAIL because i need it to go out as a HEY to my moots but like PLEASE GUYS I LOVE YALL WHAT#IS THIS#like sorry i said “we” when i should of said RYNLING#i didnt wanna be mean and tbh i do not care if i burn a bridge or piss them off#at this point but its crazy hoe many of you have shit talked her to me and then act like she didnt have a bad faith and like fucking insane#reading of what and i say again LITERALLY HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT PRINCESS#Something stupid big and im very tired of the vauge posting coming from people i like very much#like full on this shit js ridiculos and this is my final straw when it comes to zelda discussion. do not @ me#and ive hated direct comfrontation and shit and discorrse to begin with cuz it was usually some dumbfuck zelinker being RACIST#but apprently its now picking words apart. i will be as careful in my wording as possible but make no mistake this was about rynlings post#first and foremost and just getting things wrong about when the histoy of light and shadow line and just MIDNA in general#and its been conisistantly wrong since 2019 and mf yes im tag talking i aint taking up a dashboard#can you tell im very frustrated? im helping ezlo argue with white leftists who will ask you if you hate waffles when you say i like pancakes
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ohhh my friend came over and we somehow ended up watching the entirety of tpn season one and ray still makes me so fucking sick. im goig to tear apart steel beams with my teeth
#skye's ramblings#THOUGH IM ALSO JUMPING AROUND SOO FAST BC SHE LIKED IT. shes like my only irl friend shes known abt my illness since the start#i take my ray plushie when i sleep over at her house she calls him my little guy. i genuinely didnt think it'd interest her much#we were literally just bored and she randomly picked up v1. 2 pages in she was like 'oh this is really addicting can i borrow this'#FELT AUTUSM KICK INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. said we could watch the anime n after ep1 she was like oh this is really good#cant describe how much i am jumping off tge walls in my mind. shes never been able to get into anime till now. i think i just won at autism#of course w the excitement comes escape arc ray once again hitting my brain with hammers god i love him so fucking much guys. i'm nauseous#it'll be 3 years since my first watch soon btw i wonder if ray emotions will ever stop making me physically ill. ifuckng love yuou raaay...
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)
Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.
But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!
This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards
If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!
P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.
The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.
Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.
But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.
Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!
I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !
As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.
Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.
#chattin#answered#i have mentioned it before but i did NOT romance anyone#u know why? bc i literally didnt know it existed#i maxed out ann and the game was like ‘hey. this next decision is important’#and i was like. huh. u know what. i have not looked up a guide until now. thats scary. i dont want to lose a confidant…#and learned that.#so uh. i really DID go through the game bot realizing i could date anyone. even the adults.#anyway. this was alot. and i tried to keep out alot of my other complaints#bc i have so many. but they are like. either nitpicky things or things that are issues in lots of games too#like the models suck in this game but i can look past that. graphics are always bottom on the list of complaints#and i do like the little animations!! i like akiras little tics#and i like seeing personas do their casting animations; shiki ouji and nekomata are my faves#i distinctly remember that being a thing i wished to see more of.#bc i liked thinking of what joker would look like fighting for Real#and then i remembered him being in smash so i was like COOL. ill look at those#and then i got STRIKERS and it was exactly what I wanted#i think#the game is like.#its bad. but in ways that i wouldnt call another game bad#like back 4 blood is BAD bad. its awful. the gameplay is bad. the story was shit. and the servers shut down within a year or two of launch#risk of rain 2 is bad in the way that it continuously obscures and withholds information to the player. its tedious and frustrating#but unlike b4b i LIKE ror2 and will continue to enjoy it.#bc the gameplay loop FEELS satisfying#and ultimately thats how i feel about p5#for all of its faults; its fun. it has a gameplay loop that is consistent and fun when u get the hang of it#im playing on hard again since merciless is just me making the right instakill builds while i pick up my team over and over again#and theres still a challenge in having the endgame weapons and armor#its satisfying! and i think its satisfying bc I was given the luck of having this be my introduction into the series#maybe i would have a better opinion on the game if i came from p4. or maybe not! who knows !
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i need them to put eddie in a coma so he can have his own little coma dream realization
#like can you imagine#maybe he didnt reenlist#maybe hes got that perfect little romantic life he keeps thinking he had with shannon#maybe they stayed in el paso#or the three of them moved to la together when shannons mom got sick#and maybe eddie isnt a firefighter maybe he went into contracting or landscaping because he likes to work with his hands#or maybe he went into nursing because he likes helping people#but hes living a perfect little life with a son and wife and their white picket fence but he cant shake the feeling that something is wrong#he pulls aside for a firetruck on his way to work and something about it makes him feel funny like he misses something#and so he asks shannon when he gets home#hey did i ever apply to the fire academy#and she says no why would you have done that?? as she places a warmed frozen lasagna down on the diner table#he watches chris pick at his plate and swears that chris loved lasagna#and maybe hes out on his lunch break at the park and he hears a woman cry and run to find a man collapsed on the ground and shes panicking#so he tells her to call 911 and he starts compressions#the fire department shows up and hen and chim take his place and he fills them in before stepping back#youre good under pressure buck says from beside him#and eddie just kinda looks at him for a second because#he feels right#this feels right#being right here beside this man with a crooked grin on his face feels right#but eddie just shrugs and says well i was in the army kinda came with the territory#and then bobbys voice crackles through the radio buck i told you to stop flirting on calls get in the truck now#and buck returns an ay ay captain and winks at eddie before hopping in the firetruck#he watches engine 118 drive away and thinks he should be right next to buck in that truck#okay i got carried away but i need it#like there are so many possibilities for eddie coma dream and like#tim listen to me i need you to do think i need eddie to be put into a coma so he can realize that his life now is everything hes needed
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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screenshot dump
#dino.png#myV: léo-vincent valentine#cyberpunk 2077#léo-vincent infodump of the day#ermmmmmm lets do a big one#oh yeah. here's some lore from the 10k word docu i have#léo-vin's mother was a joytoy. completely unplanned pregnancy & he was born prematurely. he was born in some random motel bathroom#miracle birth but they expected him to die soon anyw. bc otherwise she thought she'd mercy-kill him#bc she believed nothing was crueler than having a child in NC. and she also didnt want one#but he survives somehow and so hes just kind of there. she doesnt rlly.. idk...its very complicated but-#-from his memories he thinks she didnt really like him#oh yeah important note: his mother's 'friend' who assisted giving birth to him was padre's late ex wife#they were estranged but she picked up when she called#so hes like...a godfather in a way#his mother didnt want to name him bc she didnt want to grow attached to him. so léo never actually is never named.#they essentially started calling him 'baby valentine' (his mothers 'stage name' was valentine)#he starts going by V later and then when he meets jackie and mama welles#she wants to get his name incase anything happens to him and they wanna memorialise him. and shes like#even if you dont want to tell me just write it on a piece of paper and i wont look until then#he tells her she doesnt have a name. all three parts of his name (léo-vincent valentine)#are like...hand-picked. but that is all for the infodump. Okay bye
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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Butch affirmation I guess that my straight and very conforming baby brother keeps wanting to borrow my clothes:')
#he called me several times when i didnt pick up due to socializing so o got worried something might have happened but no he just desperately#needed to know asap of he could borrow my old jacket :')#its really sweet tho#and ultimate proof i dress like just some boring guy#butch#musings
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do you ever like. owe someone an apology but you dont feel sorry because you did everything you were supposed to and nothing more (and they were totally being dicks about it), but you do also feel bad for how things went down
#im sorry i left you at the bus stop when i didnt have gas to take you all the way to your dorm#but the bus is free and i showed you how to use it#the bus stop is on campus so i did what i was suppsoed to do (take you to the field placement and get you back to campus)#even if you didnt like it it WAS on the campus#and i use it all the time so i know you can use it too#i got on the bus and told you you could get on the bus too#but you called someone else to pick you up#i dont understand#is it that youre stubborn or is it that you dont give a shit about my boundaries and what i can and cannot do?#im out of gas and im out of money driving any longer i would be past the point of no return#i needed to get home#& you wanted me to use the last of my gas to get you to a dorm you could have walked to and had public transportation to get you to as well#how fucking inconsiderate do you have to be#yeah i left you at the fucking bus stop#i should have been dropping you off at the bus stop all semester#im sorry i didnt set my boundaries sooner#im sorry you spent all summer on campus and never learned how to use the bus i really wonder how you managed before i got here#but im not sorry for what i did. im just sorry that you didn't have the independence to handle it from there
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ughh why do i have to have njghtmares about them
#in it i was fighting w him over text and then hetm gangsd uep on me#sorry uemin so tired#i have been having a hard time being labelled a quote unquote cheater when i very strongly feel like thats not what happened#and it bothers me knowing that they get to justify their side and avoid responsibility by calling me that#when again. we were literally broken up when i sent that text to the wrong chat#and to be even more fair to me it was the lightest thing of all time it was playful kissies and lovings#like all of this is so wack. like to be labelled that while doing something so small while we werent even together#the drawing stuff is literally normal . ive done that with my kther friends before i even met sable. you are ridiculous#like it just aggrivates me because thats such a sticky smear to put on somebody especially when thats not even what happened#its so overblown and i think thats on purpose to have one last thing to justify your side#and ignore the fact that he was not the best partner to me and stressed me tf out all the time#like how am i a cheater when i played by your rules the whole time we were together#because of how insecure you are. uou let your insecurity become your reality#and i realized how much more taken care of i was with angelo and how naturally we flow together#its so natural to talk to him he is what i have needed. i would be foolish not to pick prince charming#over someone who i felt only fed me stress and anxiety and worry about everything including potential addiction issues#knowing theyre bipolar. knowing they have bpd. participating in dangerous behavior all the time#i feel like calling me a cheater when thats not what fuckin happened is just to handwave away wtf you did wrong the entire time#if i actually cheated id have been slobbering on angels meat the whole time like im sorry#id have been doing spins on it and gagging on it every night but the thing is i didnt#i stayed loyal to you while with you and confided in them as friends while you continuously demanded time from me#that wasnt organic and it was forced half of the time . god i hated playing shit with your stupid ass#so fucking monotone always wanting to do the same shit no variety and always getting upset and throwing tantrums over the smallest things#n then when that behavior once again gets put on me and i get more fucking stressed yeah i turn to my other friends#that arent anything like the other friendgroup because they dont do shit about anything and dont really gaf about snything#except for their own problems#and i confide in the other group because they actually show that they care about me. they relieve stress for me like friends are supposed 2
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Most of my sinus infection has cleared up besides the occasional cough and irritated throat but now this ear infection.... everything hurts can I please have a break before I have to go back to work just a day without pain so I can clean up my sicknest without feeling like ass
#i live with my parents but my mom is having a horrible flair up of RA so she's bedbound and can't help me at all and dad is the only one#the only one working atm so he's not doing anything besides that#its just a little frustrating because whenever mom is sick from her flare ups or if dad gets the sniffles im like#I'm like what can i do for you are you comfortable do you need anything can i make you food let me clean up etc#but when i go down for 3 days of being visibly miserable everything i ask is the world#ask dad to pick up my perscription but god forbid i ask him to do any other task on the way home that involves making 2 SEPARATE LOCATIONS#ita fine hes just. idk#plus mom has her RA flare up and idk#it just feels like nobody in this house is particularly sympathetic when im feeling miserable but im ALWAYS sympathetic when they are#the first 2 days i was doing nothing but sleeping or rolling in pain in my room and no one came to check in on me to see how i was doing#then yesterday my mom says shes taking us both into urgent care but leaves without me in the morning when i was too sick to wake up when she#called for me.#she was like I just really was in so much pain and you didnt get up and i wanted to go asap and i called you#anyway so because i was so sick i couldnt wake up i had to drive myself to urgent care which is also fine im a big boy#anyway. circumstances or whatever. im also real salty bc ive felt like shit for like 4 days
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