#so to me that seems like SOME symptom might actually be addressed

[besnouted]

i know i’m a broken record but the amount of relief i feel seeing her act like this and the fact she has the energy to “misbehave” is indescribable

[squareanon]

.

[teine-mallaichte]

Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.

So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.

Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.

Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.

The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.

this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.

So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:

Auditory Hallucinations

Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.

Common Examples:

Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.

Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.

Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.

Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.

Less used examples:

Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.

Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.

Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".

Visual Hallucinations

Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.

Common Examples:

Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.

Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.

Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.

Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.

Less Used Examples:

Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.

Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.

Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.

Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.

Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.

Gustatory Hallucinations

Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.

Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)

Common Examples:

Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.

Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.

Less Used Examples:

Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.

Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.

Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.

Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.

Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.

Olfactory Hallucinations

Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.

Common Examples:

Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.

Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.

Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.

Less Used Examples:

Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.

Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.

Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.

Tactile Hallucinations

Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.

Common Examples:

Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.

Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.

Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.

Less Used Examples:

Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.

Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.

Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.

Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.

Proprioceptive Hallucinations

Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.

Common Examples:

Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.

Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.

Less Used Examples:

Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.

Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.

Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.

Vestibular Hallucinations

Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.

Common Examples:

Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.

Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.

Less Used Examples:

Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.

Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.

Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.

Temporal Hallucinations

Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.

Common Examples:

Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.

Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.

Less Used Examples:

Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.

Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.

Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.

Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.

Interoceptive Hallucinations

Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.

Common Examples:

False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.

Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).

Less Used Examples:

Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.

Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.

Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.

Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations

Mental Illness:

Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.

Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.

Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.

EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.

In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).

Neurological Conditions:

Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.

Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.

Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.

Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.

Substance Use and Withdrawal:

Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.

Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.

Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.

You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.

Sleep Disorders:

Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.

Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.

Medical Conditions:

Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.

Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.

Medications:

Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.

Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.

Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.

Psychological Stress and Trauma:

PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.

Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.

Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:

Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.

Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.

Deprivation:

Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.

Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.

Autoimmune Disorders:

Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.

Tumors:

Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.

Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.

Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.

Complete Insight:

Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.

Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.

Partial Insight:

Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.

Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.

Lack of Insight:

Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.

Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.

Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.

Basically Insight Is Not Static.

Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.

so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.

Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.

A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever

[tremordusk]

Episode 5 Theory: Agatha's Trial is not what it seems (Part 3)

Lilia’s Vision of Agatha’s Official Trial was disrupted by Teen.

Originally when writing this I was going to claim the trial was a mix of Agatha, Lilia, and Teen’s trials but after some thought and the evidence I gathered— that’s not the case.

(At this point you’re probably wondering why I haven’t addressed Rio and Alice yet— I was saving them for this). 

The reason this isn’t Teen’s trial: 

 “familiar’s don’t get a vote”

In the coven he is seen as their familiar and therefore isn’t an official member of the coven. Especially in episode four where Alice’s curse dealt with him differently than the other witches. By this logic Teen doesn’t get an official trial. However, because of the reveal that Teen is Billy Maximoff — we can conclude he was personally involved in Agatha’s trial whether intentionally or unintentionally. 

Right when they entered, the first thing that Teen says is that he lost his spell book. The previous trials he had his spell book so right from there things are off. It may not seem important but this is the perfect time to remember that Teen is a Maximoff and like his mother he does have telepathy, telekinesis, and mental manipulation as his abilities. And based off WandaVision it is possible to lose control of those powers from extreme emotions if Wanda taking over Westview proved anything.

Hypothetically if we go down the line of Teen (Billy) unintentionally being involved in the trial— here’s why:

episode 4: Teen/Billy is injured and according to Agatha there was a LOT of blood. 

He surprisingly made a fast recovery but if we are claiming he lost a lot of blood, he could still be reeling from it. Losing lots of blood can lower blood pressure and cause potential brain damage, dizziness and a couple other symptoms. Generally it takes about several weeks to recover from losing 1 liter of blood. So yes I’m saying he wasn’t fully okay walking into that trial. In short, he probably wasn’t fully in control of his powers since bleeding out. 

So maybe his powers ran a little rampant and he affected Lilia’s vision (we saw he could manipulate her at the end of s1e5) so who’s to say he didn’t affect her vision and in turn changed the layout of Agatha’s (unofficial) trial?

Teen grew up in the 90s Halloween in WandaVision episode 6. I’m not sure if the layout of the third trial is supposed to be 80s or 90s but it may or may not be relatively close. Agatha was also around during the Halloween episode in WandaVision so maybe Teen’s still recovering mind just went back to something close to his childhood in order to make sense of Lilia’s vision and Agatha Harkness herself. 

Also friend of mine pointed out the ouija board for the trial was a generic one that teenagers typically use to fool around and it’s not the one that real witches use. 

The blood moon as I previously mentioned represents:  “When the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest. “ which could mean the people Agatha has killed but with Teen disrupting the trial it could be representing his position as a creation of the Scarlet Witch and then disappearing when Wanda took down Westview… or part of Lilia’s vision trying to make sense of Teen’s (future) involvement. 

Another point I wanted to mention:

What if I said Teen’s worst nightmare was actually becoming like his mother and him squabbling with Agatha proved it— leading to the ending shot with him wearing a similar crown like his mother? 

The mind does crazy things when it’s sleeping (because he’s recovering from blood loss) and to have this happen or infiltrate Lilia’s vision by accident. Teen could be processing some issues he has not yet voiced about his mother and Agatha could be an unintentional stand in that reminds him of that — within the context of Agatha’s trial which is a vision that Lilia is having. (I know I might not be explaining this well but bear with me). 

He wanted to be with the coven but immediately turned when he realized how little they treated Alice’s death

^ this part was off to me and you could write it off as Teen’s insecurity of his place in the coven and losing the connections (Alice and Agatha) that currently connect them together. 

(Look at that I got to Alice now.) 

We see he forms a bond with Alice throughout the episodes and we also see him and Agatha fall into a mother son relationship. The reason I’m still saying this is Teen disrupting the vision of the trial is because of one (okay two crucial things):

Alice’s Death and Rio’s lack of appearance. 

Queue to the beginning of episode 4 where Agatha is nonchalant and trying to get everyone to move on from Sharon’s death (which I think most of us are clear is because Agatha wants to avoid seeing Rio who is Death incarnate). 

Lilia says, “a woman is dead” when Agatha tries to get everyone to move as they try to properly bury Sharon. This scene here indicates a sense of respect for the fallen.

They took the time to bury Sharon… so why didn’t we see Alice’s burial? 

Next part here:

Previous:

[journey-to-the-attic]

one thing i've noticed about obey me's story is that it generally delivers on big dramatic narrative moments, but often neglects the surrounding scenes and especially the fallout. there is of course, the oft-talked-about lesson 16, feat. mc's death that never gets brought up again, but then there's also s2's amnesia arc, which ends things with "mc has the ring so everything is completely fine forever"

om has a habit of doing this, where a realm-wide (or heck, universe-wide) problem is hand-waved away by the appearance of a convenient fix-it, which is usually either an object or just ~magic~ (magic as a plot device in om in general is handled poorly but that's a story for another day)

in some cases they just don't address the fallout at all. at least belphie talks about what he did in lesson 16 - but, see nb s2, wherein levi floods the entire devildom, submerging entire houses, and they don't bring it up again afterwards. as far as i remember too, belphie's mini-arc in this season wasn't really given room to breathe, either

but here's the main thing (spoilers for nb lessons 38 and 39)

i've just done these two lessons and in hindsight lucifer's mini-arc feels like a lot of missed potential

honestly they could have excluded diavolo entirely - his main purpose was to stall for time so that the brothers could show up. the moment where he kneels was cool (more on that moment later), but the way they've written him in means that the angels kinda. don't get to do anything? at all?

look - raphael has a gorgeous character moment at the end of 37 where he cries for the brothers' plight. like you don't understand this had so much potential!!! he didn't really do much in s1 (and might not have actually been himself??) so i was hoping this would be his chance to shine, but instead he's on the sidelines. simeon gets the most to do, and even then it's really not much. luke doesn't do anything, unless you count those blessings he and simeon give mc, but they don't really factor in at all??

what especially doesn't make sense about diavolo's role here is that lucifer turns on mc after they step in to protect him. this is meant to be a pay-off to diavolo's less savoury motivation for saving the brothers, revealed in his arc in nb s1, but all lucifer does is say it, get mad, then completely forgets about it once all is said and done

if that's all they were going to do with it, why bring it up at all? from a character standpoint, it makes more sense for mc to shield one of the angels - again, raphael this could've been your moment. (alternatively it could've been a call-back to the og s1 where mc shields luke in the underground tomb)

the appearance of the brothers was welcome, but at the same time i don't quite buy that they all got out of their respective predicaments completely fine. (also where did mephistopheles go??) lucifer also calms down very quickly, which is a great moment for the power of family, but at the same time i feel like he would've needed at least a few more dialogue boxes of him registering through his rage that his brothers were there. eh, this is more nitpicky than everything else

the brotherly moment was 10/10 though. love these guys <3

but i hated the final resolution so so much. sure, have god forgive him, whatever. but why would you end it all with a "papa loves you"???? if it had been raphael or simeon saying it, maybe i could get behind this as a symptom of the celestial realm's unhealthy society, but LUCIFER, whose greatest fear was revealed to be his father in s3 of the original story?

om has never made it seem like god's relationship with the angels was anything other than controlling and borderline abusive, and for some reason (if the poignant flashback is anything to go by) they've done a complete heel turn into "actually it's fine because he loves the angels". it could be read as representing how children often still cling to abusive/controlling parents, but i doubt it - especially coming from lucifer, who started a war and lost a sister in direct opposition to his father

and i get the whole deal with "lucifer was so beautiful as an angel" but it feels really disingenuous to the brothers' arc (about settling into the devildom and coming into their own as demons) to harp on about it. like, fuck that, have lucifer cast away the angel form, or at least have some pushback from him in the aftermath. have mc tell him "you're even more beautiful as a demon" or something

then in lesson 39 everything's back to normal. it's a very cute lesson and i had fun in the moment, but it feels off. there's no discussion of what happened, everyone's completely fine. there's got to be some psychological after-effects to all of that, no? for lucifer especially if not the brothers who got frozen as well???

though lucifer's dragon gift was very sweet. i can't stay mad at that old man

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for two anon supporters, the wet nurse omegaverse.

“You can, uh–you can give Lor a turn,” Jon says, seeming to have remembered he can fly enough to be embarrassed by agreeing so eagerly to the game, or maybe just to have remembered that Damian is in the room and incredibly dubious about all of this. 

“Hmmm, you sure?” Carl hums, then tosses Jon up a good couple of feet in the air before catching him. Jon yelps in surprise and then ducks his head with a giggle; Bruce is just grateful that the kid’s got enough control of his flight to have actually made that look convincing, though he definitely let Carl throw him a little too high. Still, it was well-done. “Alright, alright . . .” 

Carl lets Jon down and picks Lor up again, and Lor squeals excitedly in definitely-Kryptonian pitches that make every single human in the room wince, even Bruce himself. He usually has better self-control than that, but it really is a piercing sound. Just about any human would wince at the sound of it. 

Well, just about any human but Carl, apparently, who just looks even more besotted. Speaking of nursing hormones being a hell of a drug . . .

“God you’re cute,” Carl sighs appreciatively, then lifts Lor into another swoop. Lor squeals again in obvious delight. Which–of course he does. From his perspective, someone’s finally properly nursed him and now that someone is playing with him while putting off unrestrained adoration in their scent, and he’s likely never gotten all of those things from the same person. Between Clark’s milk issues and the parents he was born to . . . no, he definitely hasn’t, Bruce is sure. 

“Got a moment, Timmy?” Bruce asks, glancing to Tim, who startles slightly at being addressed and refocuses on him. He was watching Carl and Lor oddly intently, and his face is still red. They’re definitely going to have to make sure he’s not running a fever. Maybe he should keep him off patrol tonight either way just in case, as a preventative measure. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone upstairs keeping an eye on things anyway, with Carl new to the house and all. Not that the Lane-Kents won’t be here, obviously, but Lois is less combat-trained than Tim, Jon can’t be expected to handle anything dangerous or delicate that might come up, and Clark obviously can’t be guaranteed to be available with the world being as it is. Chances of him having a landslide or earthquake or alien invasion to handle in the middle of the night are definitely more than zero. 

“Um, yeah, sure,” Tim says, clearing his throat awkwardly. Bruce chalks up another potential symptom of him coming down with something. “What do you need?” 

“Can you do us a favor, get us a set of sheets and towels and the like out of the linen closet for Carl here?” Bruce asks. Obviously Alfred would usually handle that for a guest, but it’s a bit less . . . mannerly, with a stray omega. Alfred’s scent would obviously transfer to the linens, even if just slightly, and that might make Carl uncomfortable on some level, even if only subconsciously. First night in a new territory and all that, and really, sleeping in a bed that smells like a strange beta would throw most omegas off either way. An unpresented pup’s scent would be much less affecting than a mature adult's, though, even if Carl isn’t much for pups. 

Though Tim, for some reason, looks actually mulish at the suggestion. 

“Can’t Damian do it?” he asks, folding his arms with a sullen little glower. 

“I am not going to serve an unnecessary servant,” Damian snaps witheringly, folding his own too. Bruce resists the urge to sigh. 

“I can do it!” Jon volunteers eagerly, bouncing up on his toes and throwing a hand in the air. “Um–if somebody can tell me where the linen closet is, I mean . . .” 

“Which linen closet?” Damian asks dryly. “There are seven.” 

“The servants’ quarters closet will do,” Bruce says. It’ll have the right size sheets, for one. “Damian, if you could show Jon where it is . . . ?” 

Jon’s a better option than either Tim or Damian, really, given how well he and Carl have already taken to each other; Bruce just didn’t want to actually suggest him as one. First of all, Jon’s not one of his pups, and his mother and pack’s head omega is in the room and therefore obviously the one who’s currently in charge of him. 

And second of all, he didn’t know how it’d make Clark feel, giving Carl sheets that smell like one of his pups to sleep in. What with everything else, Bruce means.

But if Jon’s volunteering, well . . .

[dissociacrip]

this turned into a long adhd rant whoopsie

it really does suck how people seem to downplay autism and adhd now lol. autism has been reduced to people who can mask and have low support needs and adhd hasn't really changed from its status as a joke.

i don't talk about adhd much but it probably gets in the way of me being able to function just as much, if not more than autism does (in my personal situation) when it comes to mental disability. not showering enough. not cooking. not cleaning my living space properly. forgetting to brush my teeth. dishes sitting in the sink for so long they start getting moldy. only being able to maybe do 1-3 tasks a day maximum because my brain can't organize itself enough to do more than that. difficulty committing to things and being consistent in overarching ways. being late to things a lot. highly impaired verbal recall so i forget things people say to me, forget verbal instructions, etc. on top of the other acutely stressful situations that come with memory and regulating my attention span (e.g. locking my keys in my car or locking myself out of my house when i have a very limited support network to remediate those situations.)

my meds barely touch this stuff for me and i'm not especially inclined to increase the dosage after bordering on psychosis when i was taking 40mg of vyvanse. i've just become so accustomed to living the way that i do (because my case is pretty bad afaik) so i can't just will myself to be another way. any efforts i make to change or be more organized and routine and consistent end up getting dashed away because i just cannot do it lol. my shit just doesn't work. adhd is a massive barrier between me and being a functioning person or being able to take care of myself. i'm pretty sure would still be a "gross" and unpalatable disabled person even if my muscles worked and i didn't have POTS/etc. that also get in the way of my hygiene and the cleanliness of my living space.

that doesn't even go into how other people react to it. a good chunk of physical and verbal abuse i faced from my family as a child was related to my adhd symptoms. i was diagnosed at a young age but my parents "forgot" it happened and it was never addressed otherwise. i got constantly called disgusting for my hygiene problems and was threatened with violence over it (on top of the times where i was actually getting assaulted.) people take my impaired verbal recall and lack of impulse control irt accidentally cutting people off or interrupting them personally, accusing me of not caring enough when it's something that is extremely difficult to be aware of or manage when adhd is a condition that distinctly involves impaired awareness of your own behavior.

so when i see shit like "just set alarms" or anything else that amounts to "you're not trying hard enough" or adhd not very much being a disability, especially when it's coming from other people w/ adhd, it kinda makes me wanna stab things with knives.

sure, it's not the worst condition ever, but just like most other disabilities, the way it affects everyone who is it is different and some are gonna be able to manage it better than others. sure, there a lot of really fucking annoying people (usually able-bodied) w/ adhd on social media that have large platforms and who very often profit from or encourage liberal pop psych bullshit when it comes to adhd, but it's still very much a disability. it can affect hygiene. it can affect employment or otherwise means of earning an income. it can affect our social lives and whether we have a support system. it can affect whether someone can keep their house from getting infested with bugs or mold. it is very much something that causes dysfunction in ways that aren't nearly as cutesy as the little comics you might see on instagram are drawn.

just remember that.

[nocturnal-desolation]

Hello sorry for tagging. I am very sick, my asthma is at its maximum level, my nose freezes, I have no medicine or food. I am in bad shape financially, I am a black disabled, who uses multiple medications, I pay for my food and lodging

Unfortunately I do not have all the resources to keep me safe, that is why I need your help, whatever you can contribute to me will be of great help.

Would you look at that… I have a prime example of how to spot a scam in my asks. It's not very well done, just well enough that some people might fall for it - and some have even reblogged it. You've been redirected to the Fraud Detection Unit, which will take it from here. (actually it's still just me, I'm the fraud detection unit, we have "Fachkräftemangel" in Germany, sorry, jk)

Seriously though… First of all, I'd like to address the fact that it's incredibly sad to play with people's emotions like this. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I'm sure you're not. It's the same with scams asking for help and donations for people and families in Gaza, which has come up a lot recently and is even more despicable because there are actual fundraisers going on (which are official) and these people are in a terrible situation. So to exploit that worldwide sympathy or solidarity and use the inhumane circumstances of these or other people for your scams is disgusting to the core.

But back to this particular ask and blog… The text itself makes no sense. Like, not at all. For example, a " freezing nose" is not a typical symptom of asthma. I've never had asthma, but I'm pretty sure your nose doesn't freeze up when you have asthma. What are you trying to tell me? That you got asthma in the middle of a blizzard? Sorry, I can't help you with that. "Get out of the blizzard!" is all I can tell you. And what is the "maximum level" of asthma? Is that some kind of asthma end boss? Sounds more like you need an ambulance, not money...

That's why it's important to be fluent in English if you want to pretend to be a native speaker. I can't help you there either. I can barely speak my own language, let alone English.

Some other things everyone should notice or look for when getting messages like this:

blog was created fairly recently, no consistency, just reblogged some random things (like posts from 'tumblr staff' lol - no offense) to have something on it at all + obviously otherwise empty blogs that are just begging for money or reblogging other similar posts all the time are even more suspicious

something I haven't seen before either is "Black Lives Matter" being used as bait to appeal to those involved in the movement

randomly generated usernames (what is "toosaladgarden"? I've never had a salad that was too garden, so I don't know - not too important, but in this case it doesn't help to be convincing)

no bio, no age, no country (usually not important, but in this case it is)

non-transparent fundraiser, no one knows why this exact amount of money is needed (I think it even went from $1700 to $1900 since yesterday if I saw that correctly lol) and how the supposed current donations came about (you could put any number in there)

randomly contacted

scammers often use tactics such as emotional manipulation and urgency to evoke sympathy and to prompt a quick response

lack of details, very vague in general, limited information about specific circumstances

But that made me curious and I wanted to know more. You (the scammers) were "smart" enough to use a profile picture that can't be easily traced back to the original source, I'll give you that. But that's a problem for you, because it seems to be the only picture you have of this person with this child, so you had to use it everywhere…

And that's why I was able to trace your picture back to a Twitter / X account that goes by the name "Aska" and the handle askafarao… which also engages in very, very obviously fraudulent requests for money. Every few days or weeks since August 2023, this "X" account posts nothing but new "reasons" why the money is needed. And it's quite funny how little effort they put into it, because the reasons are not creative and half of them don't even add up. But most importantly, somehow there are a couple of different email addresses for different paypal accounts with different names on them. I think we can all agree that unless you're trying to hide something, you don't need more than one name… right? Unless Paypal is going to close your accounts all the time, or you're afraid they will because they're detecting fraudulent activity, you don't need more than one account, right?

TL:DR Let's make this part short and sweet: If you get a message like this, or see a similar post, be aware that it's a scam. Don't reblog it and don't be like, "But what if it's true…" It's obviously not, and when I saw the X account, I actually had a good laugh because this account is a complete mess, even for a scammer.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Okay I can't fucking take it anymore I need to lay all of the proofs on the table and figure out whether or not I'm actually crazy

This is not a mental health coming out post. Or maybe it is. Who fucking knows. I'm just trying to figure out whatever the fuck is going on with my brain.

I've been running around in circles for more than a year trying to find the truth while simultaneously denying it. Here I'm just going to list it all under the cut once and for all. And then, I don't know, I'll just hope for the best.

For most of my life I've always been experiencing conflicts "with myself", or my "conscience", or whatever I called it. I always felt cut in small parts, like there was something inside of me fighting against me

This has been a recurrent subject in my life. I started writing diaries at 11 years old and ever since then, there has been multiple entries, spread over several years through all of those diaries talking about "the little guys in my head", "the different parts of me", "the other half of me", "me and my conscience", etc, etc etc... I even wrote dialogues between them

I've been through a fair lot of traumas in my childhood. My coping mechanism at the time was to escape in my imagination, to invent worlds were I was someone else, with a different name and different personality, and I lived a different life. I thought there was a door in my wall that let me access to this "other dimension". I had a lot of imaginary friends. Basically I dissociated a lot

This one might be slightly less meaningful but I've had sudden personality/taste changes happening to me more than once through my life. When I was younger I suddenly stopped liking crepes and affirmed I never liked them when I very much did, though I can't remember ever liking the taste. My parents won't ever stop retelling this tale as they swear it happened so out-of-the-blue that they never understood what has happened to me. Later in middle school, I didn't like mangas and found them weird, until I woke up one morning and suddenly I loved them, without transition. It just hit me like a flash. More generally, I never truly felt like I was the same person through all of my life. It's like different me's existed at different periods, in cuts, and got replaced by another me after a while, but are still all existing inside of my head

Those changes can also happen on short periods of times. I'll start feeling weird and disconnected from my body, and behave/talk/walk/write differently from the usual. I had people asking me if I was intoxicated when I was completely sober, because I didn't "seem like myself". I had moments where I suddenly felt like an 8 years old child. I don't always recognize myself in the mirror. My gender change like the weather in a way where it's not mine, but it's like another gender overlaps my own. The pitch of my voice can also change

I never experienced black outs. I've seen people talk about the concept of "grey outs" which I recognize myself in, and more generally there's events or entire periods of my life I can't remember about, or barely, and in a way where I know the facts at an intellectual level but have no distinct, first-person memories of it. But no black outs. I'm always here but different, or floating above my body, but never absent

However, I do experience strong thoughts that aren't my own. Sometimes they're directly addressing to me. It's not voices but like very clear and distinct messages sent through my brain

I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel like an impostor and a bitch for even just talking about it. I know for certain that I don't have DID. As I said, I do not experience black outs and some other symptoms of this disorder, and I do not recognize myself entirely in the experience of DID systems.

Ever since I started giving more place to those 'parts', I started identifying distinct ones, with their own traits, quirks, personalities, vibes, etc. Close friends of mine also identified some of them over time. Some of them always had names that they identified with right away. But most importantly, they all have a "special goal/function/trait" that's specific to them, and for some of them, their origin can be traced way back in my childhood and their influence has been identified at different periods and in different aspects of my life

I came back later to realise I forgot to mention this, but I do experience depersonalisation and/or derealization a lot. I have stronger episodes when experiencing specific things but on a daily basis I'm almost always "not entirely here"

So what am I doing this post for? No fucking idea, honestly. Maybe so that I can't keep pretending like there's nothing happening. Maybe so that the people around me will understand a bit more what's going on with me. Maybe so that someone will tell me I'm not going crazy or faking it. The only thing I know is that if I don't post this now, I'm going to chicken out yet again and never be fucking honest about it. I'm kinda tired of ruminating the problem all alone, and if I don't reach out I'll never trust my own judgement on this issue. So let's just do this and see what happens.

[another-lost-mc]

THOUGHTS ON NB LESSON 48???????? THOUGHTS PLS 🙏🏼

If I had to put it into words, it is exciting and stupid.

So, Simeon becoming human was his punishment back in OG S2, right? I don't think Michael intended for him to become a demon. There's already a process for that, and that's not what happened here. It doesn't take months for angels to become demons if they're kicked out of the Celestial Realm, and they're banished to the Devildom and not the human world. Is there some outside influence that's turning Simeon into a demon? Or is Simeon's doubt/resentment slowly corrupting him from within because he's human? I would've preferred the drama of him being banished/willingly choosing to fall and becoming a demon like the other fallen angels than whatever is going on now.

Solomon has known about this and has probably been looking up causes/potential solutions in his free time. As usual, he's being completely coy and playing it off like no big deal. Shady retirement home escapee is up to his regular shenanigans and no one seems to care.

Diavolo and Barbatos - this seems like something they should've known about from the beginning. Did they know? Is there some contrived, flimsy excuse to explain why they didn't say anything (or how come they didn't know before, if they do now?)

Also, I feel like Michael should be more involved with what's happening?

My guess: we're learning about this just before halfway through the current season because we're going to be spending the rest of the time figuring out a way to fix Simeon. If they wanted to actually make him a demon, that seems like a really cool cliffhanger to leave players pumped for an upcoming season. Instead, we get a bit of random drama in between science fair fluff.

This game has no stakes. Belphegor's emo phase and MC's literal murder? Resolved. The three rings? Fixed. The dark crevasse? Closed. MC stuck in the past? Not for long! I'm not sure why this would be any different.

This is probably going to tie back into Nightbringer's identity/purpose somehow. Is it Simeon? Is it Michael, or Father, or Barbatos, or Solomon? Who knows.

Speaking of Nightbringer - if the whole purpose of sending MC back into the past is related to Simeon turning into a demon, what happens after? Whether Simeon actually becomes a demon or remains a human/angel, wouldn't that mean Nightbringer's whole purpose no longer matters? Maybe they'll manage to drag it out past this season, but at this point, they could tell me MC or Luke is Nightbringer and I might not even care that much. (Those are my favourite crack theories tbh.)

Unpopular opinion: morally grey angel Simeon is more compelling than demon Simeon. He doesn't have to be a demon to be sketchy, or lustful, or deceitful. Simeon is merely a symptom of a bigger problem, which is the Celestial Realm and the very rigid rules and expectations Father expects his angels to abide by. Instead of making their most troubled angel a demon, maybe it would be more interesting to address that issue at the source.

[rayssyscourse]

Tbh my biggest problem with the "don't like how intertwined the endo and traumagenic communities are" take is that like. Even when I go to traumagenic-only spaces they're usually talking about the same stuff I see in decent mixed spaces. It hurts more in traumagenic-only spaces too to see the same discussions that aren't the ones you need. I've had a better time in general trauma spaces rather than sys-centric ones actually having discussions. Imo I think it'd be better for mixed spaces to take on traumagenic resources and guidance rather than them to be separated more. Even traumagenic communities seem to be eclipsed by the "system" part and rarely address the other symptoms that make it debilitating for me & others who are having dissociative disorder struggles that aren't directly related to "being a system"

Hello! Thank you for the ask <3 this is a perspective I haven't heard before, so thanks for sharing, and here's my thoughts.

I see where you're coming from. And honestly I agree with a decent amount of what you're saying. I think you're right that in all spaces, the real discussions can be ignored or issues brushed under the carpet, with emphasis only put on certain parts. I don't see anything wrong with endo spaces taking on traumagenic resources (as long as it doesn't take away from the traumagenics who need them). Plurality can be a struggle for everyone, so I think you're right in saying that all spaces should focus more on those resources and discussions.

But at the same time, I think that can still happen alongside the partial separation. At the end of the day, the difference between traumagenic and endogenic systems is that traumagenics are just that: traumatized. With that comes dissociation, flashbacks, amnesia, and a variety of other symptoms that are unique to being traumagenic. You might be right that general trauma spaces have better discussions or resources, but I don't think that calls for the removal of traumagenic system spaces.

Endos and traumagenics alike can both benefit from better discussions and resources, for sure. But I feel like the struggles of plurality, while certainly having some similarities, are very different for systems of different origins. I think we can still have good mixed spaces and communities, but I also still want better distinctions between the unique experience of traumagenic plurality, and for spaces catering to said experience be respected and separate from those who do not have it.

I hope that makes sense, and I'm not at all trying to tell you what to think or go after you, lol. This is just my opinion, so feel free to do with it what you will. Hope you have a lovely evening!

[thatslayer]

Responding to one of my besties + various anons/not anons about Faith's mental health - under the cut, for obvious reasons.

Alright, I've kind of tried to stay out of this debate over the years and kindly ignore the constant questions and theories tossed my way because people are generally well-meaning. The only reason I've decided to address it, is because I feel like diagnosing any bad behavior as 'mental illness' is actually harmful, and I kinda want to just sort of nip this in the bud. It's a departure from my norm, so bare with me.

Faith may well have mental illness, most of us do, but the two I keep getting chatted at about are Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder. I'm going to be quick and not get into long, outdrawn antics, here.

Bipolar - Faith doesn't display mood swings. Seriously, she doesn't. She's flirty, bubbly and chatty when she's trying to impress new people or get her way, and when she's not, she's fairly stable in her Faith-ness. She doesn't lack energy or want/ability to get out and do things, she doesn't lack focus, doesn't lack drive and her memory seems pretty stellar. I feel like this fan-diagnosis comes from people who might be suffering from Bipolar and looking for someone to identify with, and I totally get that. However, Faith has fully murdered people, and I don't think it's fair to say that any of that has anything to do with a real disorder that people suffer from in real life.

PPD - Faith has a damn good reason to not trust people, it's not actual paranoia, in any medical sense. She's not only dealing with monsters, constantly, with human faces when she wasn't gifted the ability to tell human from demon, but the humans she's known have bent over backwards to screw her over. This one kinda gets on my nerves, because how is she supposed to trust people after what she's been through? Even Buffy's paranoid, that's how Slayers are and how they should be, but Faith's also had a heck of a shitty life on top of it. So, no.

She does suffer from incredibly low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, depression and that sort of thing. Her symptoms seem to stem from real events, situations and a response to how she's generally treated. I'm in no way saying she's mentally well or what someone might call 'normal'.

Mostly, I'm just addressing this because one of my dear friends was the last to ask me about PPD tonight, and I realized how much I get asked about this. Ultimately, I didn't create Faith, and I don't know for certain --- and this isn't meant to invalidate anyone's theories, especially if it helps them, in some way. I just figured, heck, it's time I threw my hat in the ring. Hope this clarifies!

[chaos-and-recover]

I dunno if I am venting, asking aita, or asking advice or am I overreacting but you're probably the only person I follow who is old (I am 17 and most people I follow are around that age) so here goes. so I have this cousin who my whole family hates and has spent my whole life saying horrible things about. This cousin literally moved across the country (we are in the USA) and everyone says that she moved away because she was tired of our family calling her out on her abusive behavior. (Cont)

Okay, wow. This is a doozy. I'm gonna answer all the messages in this series probably in chunks (but in this one post) 'cause there's a lot to say here and I think it makes sense so I can interject thoughts as I go and address all the various things going on here. First off, based on this first message, I'm kind of on your cousin's side. I'd probably also move across the country if my entire family talked shit about me all the time.

I grew up hearing how she's awful, a bitch, unhygienic, house is a hoarding disaster of filth, etc, like she's not a good person. Anyway despite living so far away she's managed to come to important events like weddings and funerals. Now I notice that any time someone calls her out, like asks how smelly her house is, if she's keeping it clean, or if her friend(s?) still put up with her, she has a really nasty insult ready and it's been like that my whole life so I believe it. (Cont)

Okay so, obviously I don't know her so she might be all of those things, but does your family have examples of her shitty behaviour beyond being unhygienic and possibly a hoarder? Because those things, to me, don't match up with "she's a bitch" and "she's awful," but being a bitch might be an understandable reaction to people giving you crap about the way you live. And hoarding in particular is very often a symptom of a larger mental health issue. Asking if her friends "still put up with her" is rude as fuck too, like so far your family kind of sound like bullies.

Anyway so last year a relative got married and my cousin showed up. My cousin is in her late 30s idk exactly. So my aunt (also her aunt) points out that maybe if she hadn't been a bitch and took better care of herself she would be married. She said she was happy in her relationship life but we all immediately pointed out she wasn't in a relationship so she should stop lying. (Cont)

As someone at the tail end of their 30s who is unmarried this is a WILDLY inappropriate thing to say. There are a million reasons why someone might not be married in their 30s, not least of which is "they don't want to be." I also think it's either a generational or a cultural thing that people just don't get married in their 20s as much anymore -- generational because my parents were 20 and 24 got married but both of my siblings were in their early 30s, two of my best friends didn't get married until they were 34 and 35, respectively, and for a variety of reasons I have a ton of other friends in their 30s who are not married at all. Some people just don't get married! Some people don't get married until it makes financial sense (either actually paying for the wedding or something more practical like joint tax filing. It actually doesn't always make sense to file as a couple). But I also wonder if that's just a cultural thing because it certainly seems that getting married in your 20s is still something a lot of people do in some regions of the US and in some other cultures, so I don't know. But I do think it's no one else's fucking business why someone else isn't married (for me it's because I straight up cannot be bothered dating and do not want to alter my life and my routine to make room for another person lmao so that makes getting married a bit of a challenge). Also even if she was not in a relationship (later messages make it clear that's apparently not the case) you CAN be perfectly happy being single. Like, I am absolutely happy with my non-existent dating life and relationship status. So accusing her of lying about being happy because you think she's single is bonkers, frankly. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically make you happy, and you don't need a romantic relationship in order to be happy.

She said we clearly knew nothing about her, that she isn't messy, is happy with how she looks, and we need to stop lying about her hygiene and other things. Now I personally have never thought she smelled bad but I only see her at big events so ofc she wouldn't. Anyway the wedding had alcohol so we all got really drunk (including me, but including her also so she can't judge) and things got heated between her and my mom (Cont)

So okay. I want you to think about this. Your family says she's smelly and unhygienic but you've never observed that yourself, so why do you believe them? Maybe she does only clean up for family events, but if that's the only time you see her, do you know that's true? Do you have any reason, beyond what your family has said, to actually think she does have hygiene issues? This might also be a mental health issue, fyi. There are a ton of reasons someone might not be "clean." There are also a lot of physical conditions that might cause someone to smell "bad." And it is, frankly, not anybody's business.

As for the drinking, yeah getting sloppy drunk isn't a good look but it also happens at weddings. I'm neutral on that point, tbh.

(my mom cheated on my dad and my cousin told everybody and that's how my dad found out I'm not kid but that's a long story) anyway so she got kicked out of the wedding and took an uber to the hotel. The next day I went to the hotel and we were both hungover so maybe not in the best mood. when I talked to her she told me that our family was abusive and toxic and I pointed out it's unrealistic that everyone in the whole family except her is abusive (cont) so maybe she needs to logically look at herself and realize it's more believable that only she is lying instead of everyone except her. And she just said I should research family scapegoats. I told her that it was her fault my parents divorced and my dad doesn't pay child support and she told me to leave. Well I felt kinda bad and so a few days later when she was back home I messaged her about what she'd like for a wedding because that's what ppl talk about after a wedding. (Cont)

She's right about the family scapegoat. It's not uncommon for abusive people to target one person and not another. Like, a parent may be abusive toward one kid, but not another, and they may turn others against that one kid, cause resentment, and ruin one kid's life while their sibling(s) may think they have a great childhood. It sucks! But it's absolutely a real abuse tactic. In your family's case I think it's pretty likely everyone didn't get together and decide to be shitheads to your cousin, but it started SOMEWHERE, it sounds like SOMEONE turned everyone against her.

I will say she shouldn't have told everyone your mom had an affair, but it's straight up not her fault your parents divorced. Your parents divorced because your mom cheated. It sucks! I'm sorry you had to go through that. She should keep her mouth shut about things that aren't her business (if she knew and no one else did, telling your dad might have been acceptable depending on the circumstances/relationship, but not spreading gossip to everyone else. That's not cool).

She said a bunch of stuff and then mentioned that her wedding would be a dry wedding. I pointed out that she was being hypocritical and a bridezilla because nobody wants to go to a dry wedding AND I know she drinks PLUS she got wasted like everybody else at our most recent wedding. And she said that since it was allowed then it's not hypocritical but that as I wasn't old enough to drink then it wouldn't matter anyway. (Cont)

Getting sloppy drunk at one wedding and then having a dry wedding yourself isn't really hypocritical. There are a lot of reasons someone might have a dry wedding, from money (open bars are expensive and cash bars are kinda tacky imo) to someone involved with/at the wedding in recovery for alcohol addiction to just not wanting people to get sloppy. I do think a dry wedding is probably gonna reduce the number of people who want to go but that might also be the goal.

Now granted I did lose my temper and tell her that it wasn't like she ever had to worry about getting married anyway because nobody loved her and since it hadn't happened for her yet then she should accept it wouldn't ever. I will admit that I reacted badly to that. She then told me to go and then blocked me. Well I have two accounts (one I made before I was 13 but I said i was 21 so I could have a fb and she followed me on both)well lo and behold six months ago she announces shes engaged (cont)

Yeah that wasn't cool, honestly. But also if I had a younger cousin who said something like that I'd probably be like "yeah ok kid sure" so like she could've probably reacted better.

I message her asking for an invite and she reminds me that it's a dry wedding and I said that's ok. She says she's not sure she wants me to come based on my behavior but she'll think about it. Well I notice that nowhere on any of her social media does she talk about her fiance or boyfriend at all, except to say who she is marrying and it's her best friend, who lives where she moved. I message him (we don't follow each other) cont I'm like how long have you been dating and why haven't you said anything on social media. He says they've been together for years but they're both private people. I don't know anything about him beyond that they've been friends (dating?) for like almost 15 or more years or smth. She only ever talked about him like a friend. Which I thought was weird. But I keep that to myself. Well because she always made it to all weddings and funerals I say yes I'd like to go. (Cont)

This might also be a bit of a generational disconnect. She's roughly my age and while our generation definitely had some early forms of social media by high school, we didn't grow up on it the same way younger generations did and the concept of sharing EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME is still a little foreign to us. Either that or we did the oversharing every aspect of our lives in our teens/early 20s and are now pulling back from that. It seems like every day more and more people I know are leaving FB and other social media platforms. Years ago when I was seeing someone he went to change his relationship status to 'in a relationship' with me after like 2 dates and I had to be like "whoa hold on there bro." I hadn't even mentioned to my family that I was seeing someone (because TWO DATES). Some people just don't put all their business on social media.

So I get an invite and so i invite the whole family. We show up but she has no room for us and said she only sent out a few invites but since I got invited I told everyone where the wedding was. Her fiance was there and kinda stepped in but it never got heated or anything but he showed us cheap hotels because they just didn't have room for everyone and they weren't expecting that many people. But when I was in the house I noticed it looked clean and smelled normal. (Cont)

Okay you're young so I'll chalk this up to not knowing what goes in to planning a wedding but DON'T DO THIS. Weddings are expensive and they are also planned down to the very last detail, INCLUDING having EXACT numbers for catering. You're basically buying dinner for all your guests, and it can be expensive. If you're having a buffet-style or more casual wedding you might have extra food but in a lot of cases the caterers are preparing the meals for the people who have RSVP'd and there won't be a ton of extra food just in case. You can't just add a bunch of extra people at the last minute because there won't be enough food, and in this case, not enough space. Most wedding invites have you choose your meal when you RSVP so they make sure they have enough of each option for everyone. If your invite says +1 you can bring a guest, otherwise you don't. You DO NOT invite a bunch of random people, especially family who don't even like this person and weren't invited for a reason (why would they even want to go if they all hate her so much?)

Also, you were in her house and it was clean and didn't smell, consider why you still believe your family who say she's unhygienic.

My family is clearly angry but they're not psycho so they keep it to themselves when he drives us there. So her and fiance ask to talk with me alone at a diner and give me a talk about how I wasn't supposed to invite everyone which offended me because they're family but I have never met him so I don't want to be rude. They both say they've managed to work it out and had extra food so it was okay this time but that in case other people get married or future events I should be aware that this behavior isn't acceptable. Which yes got my hackles raised but i'm trying to be nice. Well anyway at some point she had to leave for a hair appointment and needs to go but I am not done eating so she takes an Uber and he eats until I'm done eating before taking me back to the hotel. I take the alone time to bring up like hey do you know the woman you're about to marry is abusive and toxic and that he deserves better than someone he has to remind to shower and clean up after and someone who is kind and I just blurt out that she's a hypocrite who got sloppy drunk and I'm like I don't know how often she's lied to you about what kind of person she is and that he should know how toxic she is and to his credit he listened but then he asks why do you think her family wasn't invited, because they're abusive, and then asks what my goal was in talking shit about his future wife to him as soon as she's out of earshot and asks if I talk this way about everybody who isn't in the room with me. And I point out it's more logical that she is the abusive liar, not literally everyone else except her. And then he says she's always been loving and kind, cleans a normal amount, and as far as he's been around her taken care of her hygiene and that even when he visited the home she grew up in it was clean and that he will not listen to me talk about her like that anymore. When I get back to the hotel I tell my family everything and they came uncorked and kept calling her and texting her and so they rescinded all our invitations. We all pointed out that we spent a lot of money to get there and she said that wasn't her problem and then blocked all of us. I tried to show up to the wedding but was told to either leave on my own or be escorted by the police so I left. I didn't know this but my family showed up after me and stuff went down but i dont know what because nobody will tell me. Anyway so after the wedding I tried to contact her through multiple means but i was blocked on all of them as we all were. She did post a few videos publicly for everyone to see, so I had a mutual friend who wasn't blocked but didn't attend the wedding show me the videos and the wedding was very cheap and small. But that is what she told me she wanted last year. I tried talking to her siblings but her siblings also blocked me. I tried talking to some relatives of her now husband but they didn't respond to me, and i may have lost my temper and said cruel things so they all blocked me without responding. I made a few accounts and emails contacting them again asking for evidence of her claims but nobody ever responded but I was able to send emails. (Cont)

Yeah I'm on the cousin and her fiance's side still. He sounds like a decent guy standing up for his future wife. And if he has in fact known her for 15 years, he DOES know what kind of person she is. I think it's clear you meant well in warning him about what you've heard about her your whole life, but I think you should consider that your family aren't always the good guys in every situation. Even people you love can be wrong and cruel. I think if you can go through the trouble of making additional accounts to ask her siblings for evidence of her claims (you should stop, btw. They blocked you because they don't want to discuss it, leave them be) you should also maybe ask the family you do speak to for actual evidence of her being an awful person and being filthy and smelly (which, again... nobody's business, and not a reason to be nasty to someone???).

I think, based on what I've read here, it comes down to this: your family does not like this cousin and they make no secret of it. Why on earth would she tell them anything, invite them to major events like her wedding, or be anything other than nasty to them in return???

[theasocialantisocial]

i tried to post the following in the original comments section, but it didn’t fit and i don’t know how to format it, so i’ll send it directly: i’m really sorry for not responding sooner, about the ‘Up is Down, Sane is Insane’ thing. i DID see your comment the first day it was there, i’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. i wasn’t sure how to respond and got nervous because i didnt wanna screw anything up until i was sure how to do it. i planned out my response in my head, and hopefully, i’m not coming across as rude. i’m not good at apologies, but i really am sorry. maybe this will look like i’m just making excuses, and i don’t want to appear as though i’m dismissing this. i’m just trying to explain my actions and apologize, and if i come off as anything but, i’m really sorry, and please let me know, so i can correct the apology as well.

first off, the pathologizing: i guess that’ll be my first thing to research, neurotypes. i’m googling it as i’m typing, and yeah, that does seem like a better word to use. when i first looked up autism symptoms— just out of curiosity— several sources called it ‘autism spectrum *disorder,’* and so i just went with it, not even thinking about it. i should’ve thought about it. more thorough research is needed on my end, for sure, to avoid that sort of mistake again. i’m really sorry about this.

second, institutionalization: i wasn’t fully aware of how bad it is even today. i’m sorry about that, and i’ll try my best to look into modern institutionalization as best as i can, to understand how bad it is. i wasn’t thinking of the modern versions with my story, but if i’m looking at the victorian asylums and turning a blind eye to what’s happening today, it would be hypocritical of me.

how i handled the subject matter: i didn’t realize that i was handling anything so horribly. i was trying to portray it as it was, but with empathy and a lot of anxiety about whether or not i should tone it down. as for husk and angel’s reactions, i wasn’t quite sure what to do, but again, i thought that, well, asylums were shown to be safe places, even if it wasn’t (still isn’t) true. maybe they’d just misunderstand and move on. it’s hard to address this concern without specific examples (no offense to you!), but i am taking this into consideration, and even if i don’t know exactly how to respond to this, i will try to keep this in mind.

the asylum, and autistic-coding: i really should’ve thought about that aspect before i even clicked ‘new work’. i swear, i hadn’t meant anything by it. i had read ‘The Woman They Could Not Silence’, and it mentioned how being ‘too emotional’ was seen as insanity. i hadn’t thought of anything, i just finished the book, and a couple days or weeks later, i was talking with my friend and i came up with pentious’ backstory. all i really saw was his behavior. or rather, just how he wore his emotions on his sleeves. i saw his personality, i looked back at the book, and i thought “oh, there’s no way he’d survive that era without some trauma.” a bit later on, after a couple chapters were posted, 2 or 3, i found a tumblr post about a list of autistic traits he showed. ‘oh, that makes sense,’ i thought, ‘yeah, that fits.’ i didn’t actually think about how it might appear: an autistic-coded character in an abusive asylum. i should’ve taken a moment to realize how it would look, so i could write it better, with more empathy. i truly wasn’t trying to offend anybody, i truly didn’t mean to suggest anything beyond how institutionalization was/is horrible, and how it could affect someone. maybe you’ll believe me, maybe you won’t, i swear that my only intentions were to write an interesting backstory and to explore what it was really like back then. i’m really, truly sorry about that.

if there’s anything at all i can do to fix everything— adjust the story going forward, minor OR major rewrites, delete it completely, anything— please let me know. ANYTHING. i’ve said it already, several times, but i really am sorry. i hope i sound sorry here, because i mean it.

I'm genuinely sorry I didn't answer sooner, this is very hard for me to talk about, and ai don't go on Tumblr every day so I didn't see this until about a day ago. I do not have ANY intention of making you feel bad or like I was being rude or trying to attack you, but every I said is very true and too important to sugar coat, I just want to say that for the record.

I don't at all think it's necessary to delete anything, and I hate if I've made you feel insecure about your art, that's not my intention, these things are just very, very important like I said. But if I were you I would keep these things I said in mind for future, in addition to potentially going back and changing the way Angel and Husk are reacting to situation as a whole- I don't necessarily want to tell dictate you on how, but for example, it seems weird that Angel heard that entire story in the last chapter, and still thinks Pen was getting like actual healthcare in that place? Unless I missed something/I'm confused, that seems really weird. It just feels like they're a little too cozy with the idea of institutionalization in general. Which I understand because a lot of people are (understably) very ignorant about the topic. But I only thing I want from my fellow humans is just... An general understanding of institutionalization being wrong, especially in the art we make. That's basically all I have to say about and I thank you if you seriously consider it. I know I repeated myself a few times but I'm having a hard time putting thoughts to words

[kradogsrats]

Hello ! You seem very knowledgeable about the practical side of life in the middle-ages and I love reading your takes on the TDP world-building... So, I am researching for the purpose of a fanfiction about Soren's illness and I intend Lissa to be a doctor. Could you tell me a little bit about what could the treatments for breathing diseases be in the TDP universe ?

HA okay so I don't think I actually know more about history than anyone else with an extremely casual interest, like I didn't study it in school except as adjacent to art history and I don't even read historical novels or fiction or anything? Though to be fair my mother-in-law is a legit academic medievalist publishing books about individual English manuscripts so maybe I just don't have a good calibration of "casual interest in history." Anyway, I don't have an answer off the top of my head, but that means I can walk you through my general research process!

Step 1: Decide on some parameters. Is there a real-life illness that you are applying for Soren? Is it a bacterial or viral illness, or a chronic condition like asthma? Are there additional symptoms that will need to be addressed, like fever? Do some research on the illnesses you are considering, and both their modern accepted treatments and "natural" remedies. (Ignore anything based on essential oils.) For example, some home remedies for cough and shortness of breath are:

Tea: with ingredients like ginger, honey, etc. which are believed to reduce coughing. Caffeine is also a natural bronchodilator, and since coffee is not naturally occurring in the TDP setting, tea is a good hand-wave source for it.

Saltwater gargle: more of a sore throat thing, really? But it might help with loosening mucus.

Other herbs: particularly mint (menthol), thyme, camphor, and marshmallow root. These can be incorporated into teas, or you can explore other delivery systems like more concentrated syrups or tinctures, breathing steam from infused water, or ointments applied to the chest/back.

You can also look at historical treatments for these illnesses, but that's sometimes actually quite hard to find information on. I'll usually look at anything from ancient Egyptian to the antibiotics era. Problems I've run into include things like "asthma was not acknowledged as a medical condition, so the treatment was basically 'breathe better'" or "pneumonia was so awful before antibiotics that you basically just died."

Step 2: Decide on what you're willing to allow in terms of stretching the setting. TDP is... not very medieval at all, actually? So I generally am willing to consider stuff that didn't develop until well into the 1800s. This can get particularly awkward with medical stuff, simply because we generally read any framework of medical understanding that predates the germ theory of disease and antiseptic sanitation as ignorant and primitive, and that makes having a medicine-oriented character come across as intelligent and informed is difficult. To that end, I generally just throw up my hands and say the TDP setting understands modern sanitation and germ theory.

The problem with that is that the germ theory of disease and corresponding antiseptic understanding required the invention of the microscope to be able to actually see bacteria. Prior to that, science understood contagion and various people theorized that disease was caused by some unseen particles or agent. (See the case of Ignaz Semmelweis and his discovery that washing your hands between touching cadavers and delivering babies reduced maternal mortality significantly, but was completely incorrect about why.) I would actually be willing to allow microscopes and the corresponding understanding of cells and bacteria into the TDP setting, I'd just describe them in a sufficiently old-timey and handcrafted way, but you may feel differently! (You can also just hand-wave it, of course... behave as if germ theory is common knowledge but never mention bacteria, etc. I mean, I guarantee that's what the writers would do if it came up.)

Generally my personal limits for something no longer feeling like it fits even the most advanced cutting edge of TDP science are things like petroleum products (the implications give me a headache), chemical electrolysis (eliminates a lot of synthesized chemicals), and penicillin-level antibiotics ("this cultivated natural remedy prevents infection when applied to a wound" is fine, but oral antibiotics for bacterial diseases are not). I don't take any of this into account when reading fic... it's just a helpful set of boundaries for consistency when I'm writing. (Also don't forget to check the actual source material: I somehow remembered the animal doctor using a stethoscope to examine the egg, but there's actually no stethoscopes anywhere in that scene or the later hospital ones. Which isn't at all to say you can't have them, but it would have been an interesting canon setting data point given that they weren't invented until the 1800s.)

Or, of course, you could ignore all of that and just go hard mode with Lissa struggling to balance Soren's humors via diet and bloodletting.

Step 3: Brainstorm how the more advanced elements you are allowing could be developed and transmitted. So taking the example of Lissa as a doctor (and oh my god what an idea, that's amazing): how and where was she trained (an apprenticeship, or are you going to include a university system)? What is the human medical community like (isolated individual clinics or some kind of guild network)? Where and how is research being done and how are practitioners informed of new discoveries or theories? (Is there a scientific journal-style circulation of pamphlets? Who verifies them? (That's a place where either a guild or a university would come in handy.) What is Lissa's level of interest in pushing the boundaries of medicine vs. delivering basic care, and how might Soren's illness change that?) A couple possibilities:

If Soren has an asthma-like condition that involves chronic inflammation, maybe she treats it with a form of Ephedra from the region between Neolandia and Duren. (I like trying to match biomes or environmental conditions when transferring real-world plants into TDP, but you don't have to.)

Maybe she hears of a mold that has been cultivated in Evenere that clears infections in wounds when properly prepared, and has to evaluate whether to attempt using it experimentally with Soren against the infection in his lungs.

TDP also has a whole secondary ecosystem of magical substances, which could be effective in various ways even without being used for dark magic spells. Plants from the Sun or Earth primal could have natural healing properties, and combined with ones from the Sky primal could particularly target respiratory symptoms. Basically, if you can't find a natural-ish treatment ingredient, make one up with a goofy name and say it's from Xadia. Maybe Viren goes to collect it himself at great personal risk.

Step 4: Consider magic! I assume part of what's behind making Lissa a doctor is exploring the relationship between magical and scientific medicine in intimate detail with her and Viren, which is amazing. How does the medical community (and/or Lissa personally) feel about magical healing? Is there animosity between practitioners of medicine and dark mages with healing spells, or collaborations that are stronger than either would be individually? Are there medical tools or equipment enhanced by magic (enchanted microscopes or stethoscopes)? Is there disagreement on whether magical Xadian ingredients are more effective than mundane ones for medicines? Does the medical community harbor feelings of resentful inferiority toward the powerful primal magic healing confined only to the elves, or pride in the completely non-magical accomplishments of human ingenuity? Is the overall future of humanity carried in the power of magic, or of science?

So those are overall the kind of things I consider and look up when doing worldbuilding for TDP fic. All the examples here are medical stuff since that's what was asked about, but it's basically the same for anything else from "I wish to intricately describe the fiber content and sources of this luxury clothing item and how it was made" to "I need to make it clear that this basement laboratory is equipped to deal with the possibility of small fires, because fantasy OSHA."

And here are a couple helpful links that I found while doing this:

Wikipedia - List of plants used in herbalism

Wikipedia - Herbal medicine (especially the section on preparations)

Wikipedia - Medicinal plants

Wikipedia - Timeline of medicine and medical technology

[justice-is-a-weapon]

In vino veritas [Dazai x gn reader]

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Chapter 11 | ?

previous | next

TW: some symptoms of an anxiety attack / reader has a sensory overload at the end and some swearing

It all changed one morning while I had decided to take a stroll through Yokohama Chinatown. It was quite cold that day so I was wearing a thick woolen coat and gloves. It was pretty windy too. I had a day off with no gigs to play so I thought I might just look at the town.

Who I didn’t expect to see however was a familiar face. I could recognize that choppy, white haircut even from afar. It was Atsushi, the boy that Dazai had taken under his wing. With him was a girl, I think about 14 years old. She was wearing a kimono with a sprout-like pattern and seemed rather reserved from what I could tell. She didn’t gesture as much as Atsushi did. Her hands mostly kept to her sides.

Atsushi seemed to notice me as well since he started waving enthusiastically. I decided to come over to him and say hello. At least I would have something to do then.

“Ophelia, was it?”

He seemed a bit unsure but happy to see me.

“Yes. Atsushi, right? You’re Dazai’s colleague."

He nodded.

“Oh that’s Kyouka by the way”, he pointed at the girl, “She’s also a colleague of mine. I believe you haven’t met yet.”

She gave a short “hello”. I took another look at her.

“Isn’t she a bit young to work in a detective agency?”

Atsushi laughed nervously and tried to explain himself, which he totally failed at might I add, and kept glancing at Kyouka to help him out. I ended up not asking any further. Instead I corrected myself, telling him not to worry and that it had only been a joke. I asked another question to make small talk.

“So what have you two been up to?”

“Oh just some groceries mostly but we need to go like 10 other places too? I don’t know why they always make me do all the side jobs as well.”

Kyouka looked at him with a deadpan face.

“You suck at paperwork, Atsushi.”

Yep, I was beginning to like this girl already. I had to chuckle quite a bit. Atsushi got red at that, feeling like he had been exposed.

“Kyouka, you know I can’t spell for shit. Yeah but anyways back to the topic: We actually wanted to go get crêpes,” he glanced at the crêpe booth longingly (I think I actually heard his stomach growling at that), then he made a face,“I think there won’t be any time for that though.”

I don’t know what came over me when I started talking. Maybe I had felt a bit of pity for the boy. He was young. He should enjoy himself. Also this would give me an excuse to keep myself busy.

“Is there something I could help with? I don’t have anything to do anyways.”

Atsushi looked surprised.

“You really don’t need to!”

“Don’t worry man. I seriously have nothing better to do.”

Then he glanced at Kyouka as if to check if it was alright to give me an answer.

“I mean there’s one thing.”

Kyouka continued talking for him.

“You know Dazai, right? At least that’s what I’ve gathered. We need to drop off some stuff at his place. You could bring him that. He’ll may like to see a face not related to work. He doesn’t like work.”

Atsushi nodded at that.

“Yeah, he kind of forgets to buy groceries sometimes. Or to leave his house for that matter…”

I swallowed hard. This was the chance I’ve been waiting for. But somehow this felt illegal. “All personal things you will get to know about me will be told to you by my humble self”, his voice said in the back of my head. Yep he definitely wouldn’t want me ringing his doorbell, showing up out of nowhere.

However, I thought: But who was I to follow rules made up by someone? So I will liberate myself from my self-inflicted immaturity! Sapere aude! I’ll do what seems reasonable to my humble self, not him. So for now I would ignore that rule. I decided to ignore it just like he had ignored me. Serves you right. Was I being petty? Maybe.

So I said:

“Oh I can totally go drop that off. I just don’t remember his address. We usually meet at my place.”

Atsushi then gave me the address. Adrenaline was now rushing through my whole body. I didn’t know if I was happy or scared of what’s about to come. Atsushi then asked me for another favor.

“You’re friends right? You reckon you could check if he’s doing well in there? He hasn’t left the house in a couple of days as far as I know. We don’t see him much these days.”

I made a face. Fucking hell. So I was right to worry. I knew I was scared of seeing him. But now I also knew I needed to see him. Under the pretense of a welfare check issued by Atsushi of course.

“Yeah I’ll do that. I’ve been worried too, y'know?”

The boy smiled at me after that and handed me the plastic bags.

“Thank you so much! I’ll make sure to return the favor when I’m given the chance.”

With that they took their leave. I was still shaken up. Had I really just agreed to this?

When shaken up I get overwhelmed pretty quickly. The full streets here in Chinatown didn’t help either. All the sounds and smells confused me beyond belief while I was painstakingly aware of my own heartbeat. I needed to get out of here. At least for a minute or two. I ended up disappearing into an alleyway to calm down and sat on the pavement.

“Holy shit.” I ran my fingers through my hair. Nope. I wasn’t going to do it after all. This was too much. Dazai and the world could go fuck themselves. I hated it. I hated those sounds and those smells and those-

I then heard a sound. Like something had been thrown over. I stared down the alleyway seeing something move. Adjusting I could slowly figure out what it had been. Nothing more than a mere stray puppy. It looked at me and turned its head to the side. Yeah I’d be confused too seeing a random person panting and shaking on a sidewalk. I began to talk.

“Oh hey there. You good?”

It slowly began walking towards me. Then sniffing. Then wagging its tail. “Friend”, the puppy must’ve decided. I reckoned it also wanted a break from the busy street.

“Also overwhelmed by all the smells? I feel you buddy.”

After a few tries it ended up letting me pet it. I dragged my hand over its smooth brown fur. It felt nice, calmed me in a way. This felt like a sign that I should go through with it and get my ass up to see Dazai, get myself together. I wouldn’t tell him I had just pet a stray dog though. He’d probably stand five meters away from me after hearing that. I think if it had been a cat however he would’ve been fine with it. My mind was clearer now. I ended up giving the puppy the plain rice I had left over from the lunch I had taken with me. I had already eaten most of it out of boredom and I felt like I should pay this little fellow for helping me in a way.

Because stray dogs help each other.

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[Can you tell the reader is getting increasingly more stressed out? Yeah… They’re just like me fr. BECAUSE I’M FREAKING OUT AS WELL. I have some of the most important exams of my life coming up in a few weeks and never really learned how to study, which is just GREAT (please tell me you could hear the sarcasm). Anyways I still will try to upload. I may be a bit inconsistent but I still want to provide you guys with further chapters. But be prepared for what’s coming because (as you may have guessed by the tags) Dazai is an asshole and a mess.]