#so they feel less holiday now
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Reblog and put your favorite special "holiday" food in the tags, which holiday the food "belongs" to if it's specific (like if you ONLY get it on X holiday), and whether you make it or look forward to someone else making it! Feel free to make additions that include yummy pictures and/or recipes if you wish, I also desire to see what makes your holiday delicious!
#cheesy potatoes#like hands down no question#but broccoli cheese dip and spinach artichoke dip are up there#the only reason they're not my favorite is because i will make them at home if i want them#so they feel less holiday now#cheesy potatoes are for Christmas Day at my parents#though they can SOMETIMES be convinced at Easter
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need a band-aid for that..? 🩹🧠🩹
#helmiarts#cw: blood#guro#cw: gore#not really but y'know#just a lil doodle for now#this is how every minor headache feels like to me#returning to work after summer holidays is always so ass#been back for like less than 3 weeks and it already feels like i never even took any time off#tired i tell ya t i r e d
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somewhere with shining lights
#deltarune#noelle holiday#deltarune chapter 2#art#fanart#anthro#i have a spot where i keep drawing ideas and this one was scrawled down well over a year ago now#and i was revisiting those ideas looking for something to work with and i went Huh Yeah I Can Do That#and i did.#i feel like i should have detailed the antlers more for this style but no im dedicated to her funny little club antlers#really looked at this and went 'this baby can fit so many textures in it'#i like textures. it makes my art look less boring 💖#merch available
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oh right library haul
The Fireborne Blade by Charlotte Bond
The Dead Cat Tail Assassins by P Djèlí Clark
That Time I Got Drunkand Saved a Demon by Kimberly Lemming
gonna try to start with Fireborne Blade but we'll see how my brain goes. I also got some pamphlets for some yearly reading challenges that look fun to play around with AND a bookmark for my every growing collection
#bookbird babbles#i finished another holiday gift so now two boxes can go out FINALLY 😭#and i feel less guilty about sitting and readung lmal#i do still have labyrinths heart as audio but idk i just havent been able to focus on audio at all lately#i waa having fun sewing In The Moment but OOF the After is hitting hard#probably just normal grief :(#found some stim toys that are fun though so thats something#anyway im gonna try and read i guess
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Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
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I just want it to be tomorrow after work so I can get unfathomably high on edibles and turn off my brain for at least a few days
#i want to be 'can barely form a sentence' high#i want to be so high that I can't think or feel for a while#don't want to think about being alone for another fucking holiday#don't want to think about being alone for the rest of my life#don't want to think about how scared i am of what the next 4 years will bring#don't want to think about all of the people hurting now#don't want to think about how I'm a weak baby for whining about my own problems#don't want to think about no matter how much dumb shit and art supplies i buy I'm still alone#don't want to think about the only person who loved me unconditionally being dead#don't want to think about how scared i am of velma getting sick or hurt because then i won't have anyone#don't want to think about all the things I've done that could bite me in the ass#don't want to think about the horrific inequality here and everywhere and I'm here just one person like an ant on a sand dune#don't want to think about how my desperation to be loved also makes me feel like a greedy asshole when so many have less#don't want to think about how much i want to punch some of my coworkers#don't want to think about the friendly obvious idiot who sent me a tape full of love songs but clearly has no romantic love for me#don't want to think about how hard it is to even find a game to distract myself with#don't want to think about how many of my plants are dead/dying and what a useless gardener i am#don't want to think about my car and how i worry about when it's eventually going to break down#don't want to think about the cysts on my scalp that i need to cut out myself because I can't afford to have it done professionally#don't want to think about how it's probably just a stupid kids daydream that I'm trying to save up for a house#don't want to THINK or FEEL or NEED or WANT i just want to be semi-comatose stoned because it feels like nobody would notice if i were dead#depression#vent
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had no problem falling asleep 2 days in a row!! ...but both times I woke up before my alarm
#still a win tho since i struggled with sleep since the end of 2024#now get ready for an unnecessary life update in the tags#im doing 30days of yoga and thats good i think at keeping me calm bc life is kinda overwhelming#now that i know what to do for my 1st phd paper i start to realise all the potential problems#thats stressing me less than the holidays and new year did#i often dont feel like i can be fully myself with my parents as a leftist queer#especially around my tory dad#and this time his tory brother was there and i just was so tense all the time#and annoyed like could you stop with the eu bashing you got ur brexit shut up#but im so scared of conflict that i never say anything#and then i visted a friend for new year and afterwards realised that that was actually too much#and im feeling like im falling out of this friendship from my side at least#like we dont actually have so much in common#and i realised how much i hide myself around this friend#so that was a lot to think about starting a new year#i got a date for a first meering about a autism diagnosis tho so thats a thing#i hope the psychotherapist is queerfriendly#what else is new#ah yes my foot hurts again i think the lunges with dumbells and the running and muay thai the following days were too much#so i probably have to make a doctors appointment to get that checked out#writing this down feels weird but also good bc i talked with no one about the entirety of all of it yet#it also felt like i had to get this off my chest before i could post normally again on here
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Aaah. So it's neverending huh.
#my dad had been bugging me about getting a raise for months#it took me a while to actually find who to email to ask and how to go about it too.#but i did it! and i went from 19$ to 20.72$#and i was happy with that#and originally i wasnt going to tell my dad but he wasnt letting up about it and when i told him the numbers#he was dissappointed.he told me he spoke to people working from another company and they make 25#this was while i was stuck out on the supposed to be a hike but was actually hunting trip#now i just feel bad about it again. and i cant get my good feeling back goddamnit#i know its out of love/concern because hes very financially very successful and its tough seeing your kids work so hard and still be poor#but hey im now technically making 40 cents less than your daughter whos a doctor.#you graduated during a time where universities had skip days and they were less focused on proper essay formats#you also had living accommodations where apparently you could make your whole rent in a week of work#you also didnt need to pay for internet the way we do#you also had rrsp matching and Christmas bonuses and health insurance and company retirement funds#you had days off. you ask if i get a certain holiday off. like i havent worked full days christmas eve and boxing day the previous 5 years#also gas probably wasnt 80$/week just to go to and from work#and thats if you work and live in town#we had a phone call and he brought up my wage again this morning
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i fear the 'surely someone's gonna save me' in sunshine baby has an incredible chokehold on me
#this Can't be the energy going into 2025 sighs#sabs speaks#lowkey had like four different meltdowns today over plans being changed and its like. can we be normal#and then my brain had the audacity to be like ur lying.#like girl what the fuck?? in what world are we doing this for fun#and then do u guys know the horror story of like vampire slumbering just have my headphones on genuinely vampire like and out of NOWHERE my#sister is just above me like Hi.#can u fix this dress for me#like in what world do u wake me up like that girl#i fixed the dress but still like. let me live#times like these im considering dropping out truly having that moment over u need to chill out before the stress kills you before the thing#that's supposed to has a chance#if this all seems disconjointed its because it is and is not hope this helps <3#i also want nothing more than to write about my blorbos but i saw people being wrong about them and now im like shit. maybe im wrong about#them#so i cant do it without feeling insane for that reason and for the second reason that i have other obligations#i think it should be illegal for education to give u things to do over the holidays they dont understand how much guilt i will feel not#getting things done and instead feeling horrific and not resting#i also think learning too much about my health has caused me to spiral a lot like the dr's being so chill about it whilst im in debilitatin#pain is not good for me actually. and has triggered the disability grief all over again#having my pmdd and my menstruation at the same time genuinely i felt like female hysteria and im scared for the next one#its a wonder i did Not do It#a little morbid i guess but i have Morbid hormone disorder shrugs#anyways. 2025 be better i hope#so scared to pull my cards for the year#less actually scared and more like. i dont knowww how much i have it in me to be brave anymore#congrats if u made it this far but mostly sorry to my scorpio rising
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it’s official; i’ll be working 5:30-9:30pm instead of 6:30-9:30pm thursday-monday due to the fact that we have 6 momma dogs and 37 puppies between them all in addition to the 4 dogs i have to walk (6 right now because we have two dogs boarding with us unfortunately) which means that i should have time to clean everything thoroughly and it also means that i will be making about $680 instead of $578 each biweekly paycheck which isn’t a lot but it is significantly more than $0 per week and this job suits my schedule so so so much better than literally every single other job i have had and also i get paid for getting some puppy therapy
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#it’s only until we have less puppies of course but then again i honestly might just ask if i can work 5:30-9:30pm from now on 🤷🏼♀️#the extra hour makes a huge difference because it takes ~30min to walk all 6 dogs currently#so i should be done walking dogs by 6pm and then i have until 9pm to clean everything before i have to walk dogs again#ngl i will probably still have to stay 10-15 minutes late but that’s totally fine i am used to it by now lmao#when summer comes around it’ll be nice to have that extra hour to walk the dogs for longer#but right now the weather is usually shit and it is usually cold af so i only walk them until they go potty#they all get woods walks during the day so it ain’t a big deal that i don’t walk them for a super long time#ANYWAYS i am going to attempt to go tf back to sleep asap until 3:45ish and i am so so so glad that i have two days off after tonight#i just have to go pickup a big curbside grocery order tomorrow afternoon#(i always feel bad for getting 50+ items but i get so overstimulated if i go in and shop myself 😭)#(and i mean. it’s their job. i worked curbside pickup at a different store for a bit and it was infinitely preferable to working registers)#unfortunately i have been putting off groceries because i couldn’t get them last week due to their slots being full due to the holiday#so i have to make up for that by ordering a lot at once ughhh
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when i was ten or so my grandfather [odious individual] would do this bit at us, which he probably cribbed from somewhere but i have no idea where. he would say, "i can prove that you're irrelevant!" and we would say basically anything, and he would crow, "what does the price of tea in china have to do with you? nothing! you're irrelevant," and i would stand there and try to insist that the global economy means all prices are connected, but it was clear i didn't know what i was talking about. anyway i know a lot more about chinese tea production than i did & i would just like to say that while random children in the united states have nothing to do with setting domestic tea prices in china, the existence of the united states has plenty to do with the international propagation of plantation agriculture & export prices for commodity crops, including tea. the problem is that my grandfather is the sort of person who thinks that's good
#i was really into that history channel show connections as a child & had even less conversational skills than i do now so i always argued#really this is a holiday memory i've dug up to feel bad about#irredeemable whining
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Went with my classmate to get ice-cream with some friend and he said he liked them which made me happy. He also joked about getting dinner tonight in response to something someone else had said and for a minute I got super excited ��
#the more I know about people the less I like them (in a romantic sense). always happens. when I don’t know someone and can imagine them to#be what I want them to be I always have what if fantasies. but the more I learn about my classmate the more I like him. I feel very silly.#I’m taking him out for a soecial birthday treat tomorrow and he just asked if I want to get lunch first which made me excited. but now I’m#worried about not impressing with my food choice.#I’m also worried once the holidays are over we won’t have reason to see each other. our longest not seeing each other stretch has been two#days. so no there’s tomorrows birthday treat and a party and then nothing :(#also things seem good with the girl I accidentally???? went on a date with? we’re still talking like it’s no prob.
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shigegou nation i see what you have done for us.. And I love You
#taylor.txt#three (3) whole new posts since i last checked the tag…bless you all#im sorry i missed them i was. in the psych ward. but when i have enough energy to fill my queue . Then You Will See#i cant write cause my life is lowkey in shambles right now but i prommy i will give back one of these days#i have an Idea for a stupid christmas fic..no will to write it atm but in an attempt to feel less awful i started watching bad holiday#romcoms so hopefully its only a matter of time. BUT i said id write that valentines fic too and look how far that got (nowhere)
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Freed from the chains of academic misery just to immediately be thrown into the dungeon of a Full time position
#lord help me#i mean I've been working overtime a lot so it's better to have some more hours I'll actually get paid for#but goood i already feel drained#(starting next week/month (tomorrow's a holiday so at least i get a 3 day weekend before that))#((although i will probably have to do some work over the weekend because i need to prepare some stuff for the new hires#who i have to train#and also we have our print deadline next monday (so i mean. the monday after next week? idk)#and our medical advisor IS ON VACATION until November 14th#HELLO??? i don't wanna complain about her taking her well deserved time off but like. a little heads up would have been nice#now i have to find another suitable person to do the certification of that one article#and we have less than a week?#god i hate next week#i swear we Just did this#and heaven help me find some interesting urology news or the newsletter will crash and burn#sorry#got carried away#void screams#work stuff
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help i'm listening to an orchestral arrangement of holiday by green day and i can't deal with it
#it's so disgustingly high up. the melody. that it sounds like pirates of the carribean#like. do you not get the memo to give the melody to anyone but the violins?? give it to the cellos or the trombones smh#other than that musically it's really good. BUT the reason i'm on here#is because i need someone less sleep deprived than me to queue up holiday and then more (by 5sos) and tell me is it the same chord#that holiday ends on and more (and bobd) start on??#if so. you know what i'm gonna do#i'm gonna fix this#and i'm tired enough that i feel like i can do better than anything i hear right now#was singing along to my cd in the car on the way back from orchestra and just. singing high harmonies like i'm delta goodrem#because apparently i learned everything i know from her? checks out#but the point is. that's not the main melody#in holiday. or it straight up sounds like pirates or some video game soundtrack#anyway the video is by epic orchestra. you can look it up#they didn't get the memo on how to write bass parts for orchestra apparently. fuck off i learned on teeth (song)#green day#holiday#boulevard of broken dreams#5 seconds of summer#more#silver arranges 5sos#thinking of making it some choose your own adventure between easier/more and holiday/bobd where they can swap next songs#and musically it works perfectly#help i'm listening to their bobd arrangement now and i swear it sounds like on of the triumphant end scenes from pirates#i don't watch enough movies bc it sounds generic movie soundtrack happy. which is stupid. it's boulevard of broken dreams#it's meant to be SAD. just cause it's in a major key ffs#sorry i should shut up and go to sleep#you can ask me about this later#i will post any demos that i make. you might not remember by then#because if i had the word 'soon' in my vocabulary...#just as well no one is relying on me
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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