#so the school could get away with a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

prkrt · 2 years

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Some other changes I would make to the movie Sky High, besides keeping Will without his powers, include:

- Making Warren Peace the main love interest instead of Layla

- Giving Layla her own (wlw) love interest who won’t stand her up (probably Magenta)

- Really just make more of the characters queer

- Put Layla in the Hero program (Like come on, LOOK AT HER POWERS)

- Giving more screen time to Zach, Ethan, and Magenta (and maybe changing their powers so they aren’t as pathetic) (like honestly I know they’re not supposed to be as cool as the heroes but the writers did them so dirty)

- I feel like All American Boy would be a pretty decent villain, or at least sidekick to Royal Pain

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seagull-scribbles · 1 year

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I want you to tell ‘em that you love the way that they don’t stick out like sore middle fingers

[Continuation of this]

#TMNT 2012 #casey jones 2012 #raphael hamato #rasey #this is platonic again but I’m not against romantic subtext or whatever #when I was in school being able to do this with your hand was super cool and I often still do it with both #but I’ve met both adults and kids who’ve never seen it before and it freaks them out ahaha #anyway I was jus thinking of hands again and this is a warm up sketch #but i do think thee two would have heart to hearts on rooftops sometimes and really open up #maybe theyre sat next to eachother and raph looks at his thigh next to Casey’s and gets self conscious #maybe one of them was hurt in a fight (probably Casey) and theyre patching eachother up and they just start exploring their differences #or maybe its something as simple as raph asking casey if he was Tarzan and the scene with the hands and Casey’s like yo we can do that #or even more childish theyre just doing it to see who’s hands bigger because Casey’s sister has been doing it a lot and its fun #because let me tell you it doesnt matter how old the kids i work with are they all love comparing my hand with theirs #but i imagine Raphs eyes for a second would give away hes upset a little cause he’s definitely the most self conscience about being a mutant #so Casey would do this and be like ahh look see we arent that different really #raph could bend his fingers to emphasise how much shorter Casey’s are #and cause would say something like these digits might be small but theyre mighty #leading to a shove or even a thumb war or something #anyway ill stop gushing i have a comission to do xxx #OH OH OH THE BITE MARK ON CASEY IS BECAUSE A MUTUAL COMMENTS ABOUT EATING MY RASEY ART SO THATS THEIR TEETH but im not naming names....

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froggowivdagudvibes · 5 months

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TIPS FOR ALTERHUMANS WITH A SCHOOL UNIFORM / WHO WANNA BE SUBTLE:

- Make mini yarn tail keycains to hang on your bag

Teachers don't tend to care what kind of keycains you have as long as they aren't too big, and unless it's being worn like one, most people won't realise it's a tail. Of course it isn't ideal, but it's better than nothing.

- Draw the theta delta (therian symbol) on your pencil case/stationary

You could get into trouble for having something drawn on your hand/arm, so drawing it on your pencil case/stationary is the next best option. It still serves the same purpose of showing any other alterhumans that you are one too, but won't get you in trouble.

Of course this won't be for everyone, but if you are fine with your stationary having things drawn on then maybe try this.

- Decorate your bag with therian keycains/keychains that relate to your therio/kintype

This is similar to the first one. If you have any jewlery, it will probably be taken away, so you can't wear necklaces or bracelets with the theta delta or your therio/kintype on, but as I said before teachers don't care too much about keychains.

You might even be able to use jewlery as a keychain if you are able to take the charm off and put it on a clip (only do this if you are sure it will work - if you break your jewlery doing this then don't blame me).

- Wear a hat with ears on

There is a chance some teachers will confiscate your ears if you try to wear them at school, but as long as you aren't inside they won't take away your hat. It's pretty easy to find sun hats or wooly hats with animal (mostly cat) ears on.

The main problem with this is that people might be mean about it, but you can use the excuse that non-alterhumans wear animal hats all the time (this might not always work so be careful).

You could also wear headphones on the bus/in IT lessons that have ears on, but some teachers might not allow it.

Some coats also have ears on the hood.

- Put therian pins/pins of your therio/kintype on your bag

Very similar to the keychain one, you will most likely get into trouble for wearing pins on your clothing, but your bag is fine.

- Make the most of non uniform days

As long as you follow the non uniform dress code, you can pretty much wear all the gear you want. World book day is especially good for this, as any gear you wear won't be questioned as much. Just make sure you have a good explanation ready if anyone asks who you are dressed as.

Some of my favorites are:

"they're from [made up book], you probably haven't heard of it"

"I'm [animal character] as a human"

"I don't know, I panicked and just grabbed some random stuff from [younger sibling]'s room"

The main thing to be aware of is that people will probably still make fun of you if you wear a tail or ears, regardless of any excuses you give, but unless they actually find out about your alterhumanity it will probably die down over time.

- Wear gloves when you're outside

Fluffy gloves are the best subtle paws, as they feel just like paws and no one will ever question them (unless it's summer). You could even get paw print gloves, but they might be questioned.

That's all the ideas I have, feel free to reblog and add more.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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...

#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time #chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed #away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all #things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get #to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just #miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im #crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the #same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated

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eggs-can-draw · 1 year

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mooooostly ghibli themed brainrot, this was gonna be mario but then I was hit in the face with Ghibli soooooo ye

#eggs can art #danganronpa #naegamigiri #byakuya togami #makoto naegi #kyoko kirigiri #shuichi saihara #himiko yumeno #kokichi ouma #junko enoshima #mukuro ikusaba #the sixteenth student hiding somewhere inside the school. The one they call the Ultimate Despair. Watch out for her.#also nanami but you cant see her only I can so she isnt getting tagged #little kokichi gets really fun little hairstyles #his hair got a lot more consistent(?) as he got older (Komaeda likes brushing it its a bonding thing hair can mean a lot yknow?? I gotta go #into that at some point because LISTEN IT CAN MEAN SO MUCH) but he had a lotta funky hairstyles cause Hajime would put it up for Kokichi in #just about anything kokichi could ask for and he usually asked for pigtails with the cute lil bows (He also likes lil braids with the bows)#also kokichi was that kid who would wear a glittery skirt over pants I'm sorry you know I'm right #I think Shuichi cries every time he watches Spirited Away I think it's one of his favorites #ALSO SPIRITED AWAY AU. IM SORRY I DIDNT MAKE CHIHIRO CHIHIRO #also himiko's delivery service...I think she'd see a lot of herself in Kiki I unno #listening to the spirited away soundtrack while writing this and DAMN I forgot how hard it bangs

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magentagalaxies · 4 months

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vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester #and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself #(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished #but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together #and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends #at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else #like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B #like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections #but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown #the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was #working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai #so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously #i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter #i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender #and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like #''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth #but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me #this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent #in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester #that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through #so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire

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bunnihearted · 7 months

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📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :((#but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol)#then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole??????#got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :((#it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :<#but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣#now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :((#and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!!#i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :(#but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

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baycitystygian · 1 day

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guys I just survived a ladder that wanted to kill me. cheers

#context- I work odd jobs in film production a lot. I recently picked up a new part timer filming high school football games #this particular one was an hour and a half away so needless to say I was already mentally preparing for a LOT #and I got there and the spot where they wanted me was on the ROOF of the press box. which I knew beforehand #what I did NOT know beforehand was that the only way up or down was a ladder that pops down from said roof #which would’ve been okay but I was carrying three equipment bags like a pack mule #so I climb the ladder and even that was fine until the top step #I faceplant straight onto the roof because there is a barrier that’s like a foot long between the ladder step and the roof floor #so. rough start. but the view is great and once I’m up there it’s kinda fun #until. UNTIL. I wanted to go pee because again. hour and a half drive to get there.#said barrier made it so you have to climb down to get to the ladder step and railing and I pissed around playing chicken with that thing for #for an HOUR playing chicken because I could not fucking handle it #so I get through the first half okay but decide that I’m booking it to the bathroom the second halftime starts #and I forced my fat arse over the ledge and I figured out a grip on the trapdoor thing that helped keep me from falling #and I felt like I’d just made a person break cause like. I genuinely was not sure how the fuck I’d make it down for a bit #after that? might’ve been the high of Doing The Scary Thing but the rest of the time I had fun #I got a nice coach in the press box to help grab my bags as I handed them to him so I could climb down to leave #drove an hour in pitch darkness on country roads to my boss’s house to drop off the footage then 20 minutes home and now #and now I think I could sleep forever and ever but I fuckin did the thing

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onewordshy · 10 days

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Wish I could bottle the feeling this gives me

#Like a lot of the time Glee's need to stuff in trendy songs hurt them but in this case this was the perfect choice for the moment #because it really captures that interplay of youthful celebration/bittersweetness and the cover actually sounds better than the original.#I think the show was at its best during these montage type scenes where we get visual recaps of where the characters are at over music #(they did one of these after like every competition)#and seeing everyone celebrating for their hard work is sooo satisfying because the Glee Club didn't just win Nationals #they won against all the hatred that had been underpinning the show since its first episode #and now everyone at the school can celebrate together regardless of whether they're cool or uncool or whatever #and the gay kids can be who they are without fear anymore.#Because Glee was messy but at its core it was about the idea that opening yourself up and sharing joy could change the world #and they actually did it.#And when Rachel signs her first ever autograph and watches the girl skip away so happily #and realizes that it's not just about her personal ambitions and that her talent can touch others... that she made this happen...#It's just a great thematic cap for the series and it's a shame they weren't able to pick up the ball on the next few seasons.

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icewindandboringhorror · 12 days

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Various recent pictures of things

#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol #photo diary #EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and #is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people #there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol #skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh #But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items #and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn #to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were #actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me #I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy #An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes #and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the #puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms #where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one #with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like #bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL #leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste #of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny #I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where #theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually #all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever

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byanyan · 9 months

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oops, got myself thinking again about byan having a little hoard of weird and random trinkets and shiny things hidden away under their bed in the same way that some cats have collections of bottle caps under furniture.

like, none of it is particularly meaningful and they don't wear any of the jewelry that's under there, but they like to pull it all out once in a while to look at and are always adding more

#there's a lot of jewelry but there's a lot of other shiny things and weirder stuff too #like there's a heart shaped rock they stole from someone in elementary and some pretty feathers they've found on the ground #but then there's also a wrapper from a cute snack they had and a bone from some random animal they found in a park #colourful buttons and cute ribbons and a trading card from a game they've never played #and probably also a pink bottle cap tbh #literally just a random collection of Stuff they like but have no use for #it's a collection they've had to rebuild a few times too #bc staff/caretakers at the group home(s) would find it all sometimes and throw away whatever looked like junk or trash #tbh it's a collection they still have and add to even after they move in w sol and start sharing a bed #and they still keep it under the bed ofc bc it's habit at this point and honestly I'm not so sure they've even told him it's there 🤔#...im rambling bc I'm kinda buzzed but like. idk I love byan and their pile of random shit #I think part of what got them started was want to actually Have Things bc they grew up not having much #and they would ABSOLUTELY get jealous of kids at school who had all kinds of belongings #who could have coherent collections and all the cool toys and shit #so they just started collecting anything that caught their eye #even if it was labels off of bottles or those cheap erasers shaped like animals or food or w/e that don't actually erase anything #and it's a habit that persisted after they started stealing basically anything they wanted/needed #and will continue to persist even once they have a job and money to buy what they want #god I kept rambling even after trying to wrap things up smh #this is the shit I'm talking about when I say I have weirdly specific and detailed thoughts about inane and unimportant aspects of byan #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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...

#its weird. everyone ive met at work has been really nice #its a different group of people than ive interacted with thus far in my life as ive mostly not #had many friends and spent all my time in school. this group of people is mostly from the area where they grew up. mostly barely getting by #financially. mostly married or engaged or in serious relationships. and its weird. and it has been weird and maybe it will always be weird #but i dont understand how to interact with people. im not there for conversations im not present for but how do other ppl interact with #eachother? bc in a conversation i want to get to kno how a person works. what motivates them. what do they love? what do they hate? what #makes them the person that they are? i just want to understand. so i ask lots of questions and it feels weird bc i dont get #the same energy back and i have to conclude that either i have a very different mindset when im walking into conversations or else im just #not vedy interesting and no one wants to get to kno me. but if thats not how ppl communicate then i dont understand how ppl have friends?#and keep friendships? like i want to crawl into ur brain and understand what makes u tick #how can we b friends if i dont understand who u r? i dunno. maybe ill never understand #maybe work is not the place to make friends. but i dont kno how to interact with others outside of a structure #one of the ppl i talked to is maybe my age with a 6yo son and is freshly engaged and she was like: u moved across the coutry all by urself?#i could never do that. and like yea u have ties that bind u to the place u live. its easy to move around when u have nothing to lose #im so bad at maintaining friendships. i just let them drift away into nothing bc i dont kno what to do with the.#with them.#unrelated

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spotlightstudios · 3 months

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I did it boys, three weeks of feverishly thinking about him at work, 12 stickynotes, and a few hours of digitalization and he's alive! (Goofy Ahh Sidekick-)

And some bonus info! Because I do believe with my whole heart that Leon would dress up in that goofy lil wizard costume for his entire school career and then realize it was hella impractical last second and completely rebrand himself.

In the School Era doodles he's about 15-18, and his Pro Hero doodles are ages 19-??? (Whenever he retires or dies ig???)

#light's spot #my art #oc #Spotlight #his stiry in convoluted by my favorite bits are:#1) He was in the support course and was really good at it but he took people by surprise by using his quirk no one knew about during the #Sports Festival and accidentally obliterated the people he went up against because they didn't expect him to have both support items *and*#useful quirk. after that people insisted he join the hero course and so he lowkey kinda dual-majored #2) His flashy look was great up until it gave him away. during his last Hero Work Study he was supposed to be helping in a hostage situatio #and he was supposed to stealth in but his earring caught on some light and gave away his position. The villain attacked him and tore out a #chunk of his neck along with skinning his lower jaw and tearing his ear. the pros were aboe to get the situation under control #but it left Light with a major scar and a lot to think about so he rebranded after he left school for everyone's safety.#3) The new design and nickname relate back to his family since they run a lighting business. He wanted to distance himself from his (mostly #unsupportive family roots but it was just the only design he really felt right with that he could come up with so he ran with it. now he #likes to keep his face covered and largely prefers for his Hero identity to be seperate from his own. That way his family isn't really #part of anything he does #oh and he definitely uses his lights in unique ways. he loves flash-banging his enemies when he can get close enough fast enough #mha oc #bnha oc #oh and in relation to my other mha ocs?#Dream Rush was already in her 3rd year of school when Shigaraki was making Nomu so she became a pro just before/after everything went to #hell. she was very helpful in interrogating villains for potential plans because they deployed her earlier than her classes ended #she knows Spotlight just barely because he interned at an agency she worked for for a while

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pepprs · 11 months

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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

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qumiiiquinnquin · 3 months

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maybe ive said it before, but i feel like im going to pick up a lot of habits my parents had, like smoking and drinking extremely unhealthy amounts of cigarettes and alcohol

#kind of a vent #i mean. i dont know this for sure. and i could definitely pick up those habits not because of my parents.#thats not even what im really saying. i strongly dont think i would pick up those habits solely *because* of them anyway #i just for whatever reason have that feeling that ill end up like them (hopefully not)#i personally dont think i will ever get in to smoking. i dont see the appeal or how it makes someone 'cool'#of course ive never done it so maybe i dont understand. but i really dont want to fuck up my health or put others in any danger #im pretty sure im so turned off because of red ribbon week at school but i feel like that education about smoking is helpful #because of school my sibling and i got both of our parents away from smoking which i think they were grateful for #my dad used to smoke a lot and would chainsmoke as well as go through a number of packs in one day #i dont think my mom ever smoked that much but she still smoked since she was 17 or 18. she's returned to it to cope with a relative's d*ath #im not convincing her to stop but i worry about her health. i dont think she cares just as long as my nana doesnt see her pack or lighter #as for drinking my dad nearly became an alcoholic at one point and has since tried to cut back #smoking and drinking are so common that i dont really know why i worry about being completely clean in my own lifetime #i mean im having my first drink on my 21st birthday. ive only ever tried a taste of wine and hated it so jve never drank before #i mean all of this more as. i guess ending up on that deeper end like my parents. i hope i dont and i never want to

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neonphoenix · 1 year

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Thinking about how my high school was consistently one of the top three schools in the state the entire time I was attending it and yet we still had plaster regularly falling from the ceiling.

#there's actually a lot of wild things about it #for example #if you scheduled classes to go there right now you could have them in any of 5 buildings #which range from being right next to each other and a ten minute drive away #our passing periods were six minutes #i once took an ap exam in an old house that had been turned into an insurance company and was in the middle of being renovated into classes #they had to find me a clock #we had very very limited parking space on campus so you had to apply for a spot #most people just found spots in random side streets up to a mile away #and walked the rest of the way #any violence resulted in immediate expulsion so people would go down the street to fight #we had [thing i can't say without truly doxxing myself] hung in our walls which really belonged in a museum and #not a random high school in the American Midwest #in spite of everything other schools regarded us as bougie #probably because we had uniforms #but also every other student has a story about getting hit by a car while walking to school

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