#so that really had me frothing at the mouth
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As an act of what is perhaps futile masochism, I counted how far my collection is & then got the numbers for my archival wishlist. I just wanted to see how far along I am in achieving my own unreasonable goals. These are the results.
Current archive count: 263 books
Current to-buy list count: 900+ books
Playing loose and fast with math that means I'm, what--20-22% of the way there? With that in mind, if there are any sugar mommies out there who have a niche interest in insane & unreasonable nerds, I would like to point out that I am available and also capable of mostly behaving. <3
#thatbutcharchivist#archivist talk#archive count#i went through 5 different local bookstores today to see what they had for ye olde used LGBT texts#and they all had NOTHING#their feminist & gender studies sections were also measly beyond compare hardly more than a shelf or two#mind you these are all new bookstores i was checking out#i have my old reliables that occasionally get me something good#but also good god#i did get collected schizophrenias though i AM stoked for those#and i found a great bookstore that has a good collection of older fantasy#so that really had me frothing at the mouth#my budget hates me i was meant to be a king's eccentric artist or something#i'll sculp the finest tiddies for you my liege if in turn you will give me the $$$ for purchasing books about the tit-people (lesbians)
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"Was... a waste of your time...?"
Unbelievable how a crumb of Jay has me acting
#that pan up establishing shot had me frothing at the mouth#had me barking and jumping around fr#can't believe i used to not really like jay- during my first watchthrough of the show i could not have been less interested in him#look at me now- getting so excited i almost pass out at the sight of him#20 eps and he got a solid 18 seconds of screen time#devastating#cole's art#jay walker#lego ninjago#lego ninjago jay#lego ninjago dragons rising#lego ninjago dragons rising spoilers#dragons rising spoilers#he looked SO good in that suit- i'm actually tearing up looking at the reference pic#sassy jay my beloved <3
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look, i know everyone said that the new interview with the vampire show was incredible but holy shit i was not prepared for how incredible this show is
like, not only is louis interesting now, he is incredibly compelling! his once-bland internal dilemma is now given actual weight because it's not just the same old Thou Shalt Not Kill But I Am Hungry story, it's tempered through his righteous fury at how black people have been treated all these years, how many people have wronged him and laughed and expected him to laugh along, how his ties to the community that once saved him are now turning to nooses around his throat, how his family that he once provided for and relied on have now come to fear him
that, combined with his explicit homosexuality, and with lestat being the only one who seemed to accept him and love him for all that he is, and how that is both comforting and incredibly toxic and combined with sam reid's insane charisma and mania and gravity as lestat that make it completely understandable why louis would still be drawn to him in spite of everything
and how they've used the changes from the original to this one to examine how memory shifts regarding someone who was so intense and formative in your life even if they were ultimately so controlling and abusive but still left such huge gouges in your personality like knives
like
fuck
this is the best-written show i have seen in a long time like this is top-tier writing holy shit
#interview with the vampire#iatw#i kept thinking ''eh idk if this is for me'' but now i'm just. frothing at the mouth over the quality and the nuance of the writing#and the incredible acting and the shifting timelines and the nods to the original not as easter eggs but integral parts of characterization#i mean. mind blown#at the sheer level of writing going on here like holy shit this deserves so many awards#FUCK AND CLAUDIA IS JUST#FUCK#like if i had to pick the ''worst time to be made immortal'' it would undoubtedly be 14#i mean kirsten dunst being 10 is definitely awful but 14 would be so much worse#because you are on the very *cusp* of adulthood#and to be denied ever reaching that adulthood would be an unspeakable torture#like you're just old enough to *know* but just too young to really *experience*#and you're at the very peak of being Your Worst You#like 14 is undoubtedly the worst time to be made immortal#literally nobody would ever even remotely want to be 14 forever that's everyone's idea of hell
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NO OK BUT I'M STILL NOT OVER BOOTHILL AND DAN HENG AND THE JADE ABACUS IN ENA'S DREAM!!!!!
For some extra context, I have a whole henghill manifesto I wrote over here, but the tl;dr is that Dan Heng decides to use the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath to save the Express Crew the first time. Boothill urges him to think it over carefully, but he doesn't stop him. And then, the second time Dan Heng decides to use it, we get this instead:
And just! That's so!! so!!!
Because like. We see in the first battle against Sunday that that Jade Abacus is effective, like we really do just get an entire army lead by a whole-ass Emanator of The Hunt right to our location and ready to fuck shit up. It's important. It's incredibly valuable. That is a huge amount of power to hold in the palm of one's hand.
But Tiernan's relic works the same way.
Galaxy Rangers are terribly dangerous. Boothill comments on this when discussing Acheron's motives, because he can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to get The Hunt on their asses. They're considered to be on a level even above The Annihilation Gang.
And now, with the burial relic, he has a way to get thousands of them, almost immediately, and all in one place.
And you can't tell me that wouldn't be something extremely useful to Boothill, like literally life-saving. He's wanted by the IPC. He makes his living as a bounty hunter. His whole driving motivation in life right now is to do whatever he can, up to and including throwing away his own human body, to ruthlessly hunt down one man and kill him in revenge. Like that has to be dangerous, the IPC is a massive entity with far-reaching influence and money and power and weaponry. He surely must have already had some close calls.
Like can you imagine it? Galaxy Rangers are solitary creatures. If Boothill were to find himself near death, he would probably be all alone. Do you think he had regrets? Did he wonder if anyone would find his own burial relic? Did it feel the same way it did when they melted his flesh, replaced it with metal? Did he lay there with his vision slowly blacking out until he thought of home, and family, and the little daughter who he never even got to hear her first word, until he was so full of fury that he could prop himself up on his rage like a crutch and find help?
Tiernan's relic would have been like a get-out-of-jail-free card. Just for one time, no matter where Boothill was, someone would find him. The Galaxy Rangers aren't sociable or organized between themselves, but they help their own. Someone would save him.
He chooses to give all of that up to help Dan Heng.
And I just cannot get over it, especially the wording of it, the pause before he speaks, the gentle way he tells him to hold onto his once-in-a-lifetime treasure...!! He wants Dan Heng to leave this to him! He wants him to keep this precious item that will help him save his companions again in the future! And maybe it's just...wishful thinking, me reading too much into it? But I mean. Just the way he says it...
I really do think it comes from a place of deep kinship and respect. That there's a lot of thought and feeling behind that statement. Something from one Pathstrider of The Hunt to another. Boothill fought for his home and his family, he fought really really hard! But. Sometimes that just doesn't matter. And now he's watching Dan Heng fight for his, too.
When he made that decision the first time, Dan Heng was in the parlor car of the Astral Express. He was completely removed from any danger. He could have chosen to get the hell out of Dodge and not look back. Obviously we know he would never even consider such a thing, but it was technically an option, and Boothill watched him decide to go back into the proverbial lion's den for his friends anyway. And I'm sure that was part of what sealed his decision, to later use Tiernan's relic instead of the Jade Abacus to summon enough people to disrupt Ena's Dream. Because he greatly values ideas like righteousness and justice and saving people, and Dan Heng so beautifully embodies all of that and then some.
Boothill doesn't have people to protect anymore, only ghosts to avenge.
And there is just something so endlessly endearing about him wanting to help Dan Heng, to make sure his friend doesn't go through that the way he did.
#honkai star rail#henghill#boothill#dan heng#hsr#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#bootheng#I feel like I'm just repeating myself a bunch and not saying anything orz#spinning my tires#do you get me. do you feel me.#do you understand my vision#does the blood in your mouth taste the same as mine.#I'm frothing at the mouth over here Hoyo how dare you get me so into a ship OTL#there are few things that get me in the heart so hard as 'character loses everything and uses it to make sure no one else goes through that#just#ARGH#Because Dan Heng has suffered so much in his life but it's never been this specific kind of loss.#He never had any kind of family to lose in the first place. He didn't until Himeko took him in.#But Boothill has been through all that and it sucked and he already really likes and relates to Dan Heng.#they're like two goofy little peas in a pod haha#so of course he wants to protect him#How could his heart not be swayed by him?
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August Baking 2024
Oreo Cakesters - 5/5
Genuinely impressed these turned out as good as they did because SOMEONE (me) used twice as much butter as necessary for the cookies. Can't wait to try this one again the right way!
Cinnamon Roll Sugar Cookies - 3.75/5
These taste good but they're so much effort to make. Just find a really good snickerdoodle recipe you like more tbh, unless you want cookies that look cuter.
#I bought (expensive/stupid) black cocoa powder specifically for all these oreo recipes and it did not disappoint#I was so excited to finally use it lol#AND THE CAKESTERS /WERE/ REALLY GOOD - again genuinely impressed the cookies weren't a melted puddle after baking#cw food#a2z bakie#cookies#oreo cakesters#cinnamon roll sugar cookies#5 stars#3.75 purely for the effort required - it was on me to read it all before I started but like W-#WHY DO I HAVE TO FREEZE THE FILLING /AND/ THE DOUGH /AND THEN I STILL HAD TO ADJUST THE BAKE TIME/#anyway fall's coming up I'm frothing at the mouth to make some pumpkin stuff this year#PUMPKIN SNICKERD-
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i think elden ring will always be my favorite game in terms of environment. every area is so impressive, even the copy-paste stuff manages to be impressive with atmosphere, and the amount of just. stunning-looking locations is wild especially with how natural even the most amazing looking shot you can find is.
just the fact that you unavoidably see this when you walk into leyndell is incredible. one of my favorite environment views in all of the games ive ever played
#you can walk on the dragon. you can find your way through the city and climb up onto the dragon to reach other areas#i love this. it doesnt just look fucking cool but its a tangible part of the world and you can go and interact with it#elden ring#salty talks#i just. the music paired with the masterful fucking angle you get of this when you enter leyndell proper.#its so cool im so obsessed with this i wonder was it was like when they got this right in development#this game is so visually incredible even the nasty ass fungal infected diseased caelid is really pretty#like???? i need to know how that shit happened. this is the biggest like. man i need to know what caused this.#idk if the screenshot is all that great i spent a while playing with the angle and where my character was standing#i dont think i couldve gotten my character out of frame and i wanted the walls on either side#to kinda show how you see this while leaving through a hallway. you literally cant miss this if you go in leyndell the normal way#i found the warp chest you can only see the top of the dragon's wing from where the warp chest puts you#anyways seeing this for the first time practically had me frothing at the mouth the environment design in this game fucks.#even the poison swamps
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GUYS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS
WHAT THE FUCK
youtube
#had a full body reaction when i came across it in a random compilation video#literally my face was ?!?!?!??????? and i RANti the comments to find the original video#this is heavenly#like a man singing falsetto like that is insane#LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH#ive never been more attracted to a man#its actually making me angry how good he is ???? like what the FUCK why dont we hesr this on the albums?????? hello#calum album needs to be produced RIGHT NOW.#his taste in music is so fucking good like its so broad and varied#i love yhis man#his radiohead obsession makes so much sense with this falsetto#LITERALLY FUCK OFF IM ABOUT TO CHEW ON MY PILLOW IM FERRAL#5sos#5 seconds of summer#calum hood#Youtube#if it was really in honour of his roots though hed be singing we are one we are many HAHAHHA
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Im so excited to almost be done w comms bc i cannot wait to Also jump on the bandwagon and play dress up w Peppino
#chattin#so many fun outfits#im debating if i should make like a private twitter for some of the stuff i would Like to draw#bc i feel like#what happens is i go through a RUSH where i am enjoying drawing things and it flows out naturally#and then i hit a wall bc something i would like to draw is overwhelmingly Not sfw#and im like well thats okay ill just skip past that and work on other things!#only i CANT bc its like ‘oops u did not draw and post the thing that has been on ur mind so now ur punishment is thinking about it 24/7’#which like sucks bc then i get caught on it for so long that i lose steam#and i DONT want to lose steam w this fandom i REALLY dont and i wanna keep it w me for as long as possible#so the only solution i think is to find a place to post it and i think a locked twitter account would help w that#bc like the pic i reblogged w the hot pink outfit is SO fucking good and im frothing at the mouth thinking about it#but i blocked someone bc they saw it From Me and had the nerve to add a rudeass reply#like shut ur whole mouth up u dick#and if i dont have the patience to deal w that on OTHER ppls posts#i will be actually angry if someone does that to me#i will think on it
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my timbern hot take is that i thank god everyday that we got riley rossmo's art for those first few issues instead of serg acuña's because i know some of you bitches would've been extremely weird about timbern if we had gotten acuña's manga-esque style from the beginning
#some of you people would've been soooo weird about them#ooooh i just /know/ the discourse would've been so fucking crazy#and there would've been way too much discussion over who tops#and cause they drew tim taller in acuña's style#you woulda had people swearing up and down that it's tim#this post feels like swinging a bat at a hornet's nest#the amt of tiny waist/waif-like bear we would've gotten???#oh my god i'm like thanking every god i know that i ended up in this universe#who do you think would've gotten daddy-dom-ified?#i wanna say tim just bc he's a superhero and bear's a civvie but... maybe bear?#tim goes out and saves the city each night and then goes home and immediately becomes more pathetic than a wet dog for bear#i will be logging off after this /j#gonna post this and then immediately scrub the memory of this post out of my mind#also i think bear's pov issue was the perfect place for acuña's art#sorry but bear deserves to be drawn like that all the time#acuña idc if you work on the next shitty batfam story#i will always defend you#some dude 20yrs from now talking about acuña's work: didn't he do like *insert absolutely horrendous comic run here*#me frothing at the mouth: yeah but he did tdr7 so really i think it cancels out#dc#bernard dowd#tim drake#timber#timbern#also if we're being honest there is a reason that timbern got semi popular over jayjon#and that's bc timbern are 2 ***** men and jay is east asian and people will ship anything if they're *****#and bc ppl are still really hung up on d*m*j*n for some reason???? as if they aren't still friends???#and if you really want a mlm ship for damian‚ colin wilkes is right there!!!!#nika is right there!!! stop playin in my face!!!!#and!! i would argue that jayjon is written better than timbern
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i finally visited Disneyland for the first time in twelve years, and i could only find one — ONE! — piece of padmé merch! meanwhile there were ten billion kylo ren/imperial merch options, including an empire/vader shirt that said, and i quote, “finish what he started.” madness. absolute madness. this anti prequels bias has gone TOO FAR!!
#like WHY is there not a section where you can walk into the Jedi temple and play Jedi training games and be treated as a new Jedi?!#WHY IS THE EMPIRE THE MAIN ATTRACTION! I was frothing at the mouth. my poor brother had to gently talk me off a proverbial ledge bc i was#so annoyed#but anyway. Disneyland gave me the Covid cautious heebie jeebies but i concede that outside a pandemic it would be really fun#I am now spending the next ten days tracking any potential symptoms + dealing with PEM#but i was masked the entire time#it was me and like…. ten other masked people in the entire park which made me feel…. like I was on another planet#shout-out to my fellow maskers. we out here#walkie talkie.
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ok ive decided im actually not gonna rewatch any fantasy high stuff or finish the seven bc it feels like homework and i dont wanna. im just gonna wait for junior year and hopefully that will reignite my interest in d20 and THEN when its done i will re/watch all that other stuff IF I FEEL LIKE IT
#i feel bad that i never finished the seven bc like...... the girls were all really nice and cool but#it was just so. disappointing for me personally from a character consistency standpoint#ill probably give it another chance eventually but i just am not feeling it rn#FRANKLY im kind of stressed that junior year is coming out so soon instead of like. in six months#if it had been announced like. two years ago? i wouldve been frothing at the mouth i would be SO impatient#but i havent been interested in actual play stuff/d20 specifically for like... a year now#and my brain is really REALLY resisting trying to shift my interest back to it#deep in my soul all i want rn is to keep thinking abt infinity train for three months at least.#but if i dont watch junior year as it comes out i KNOW my brother or twitter is gonna ruin it for me#so i cant just WAIT until im interested again#autism catastrophe................................#bectxt#op#txt
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Screaming crying throwing up curled up on yhe floor sobbing weeping ect ect I miss them SO much (PNGs with voice lines that live in my phone that I can look at any time)
#FINALLY picked up engage again and collected all the dlc emblems (from both waves)#saved veronica for last bc i knew she'd be the one i'd be the most autistic about#i love her she's SO funny. chronic baby disease. insisting we're working for her actually.#completely out of touch with her own emotions (FELT).#bloodlust.#she really does have the funniest combination of traits and i love that for her#but MAN..... her map and her EXISTING as a 3d model ON A CONSOLE GAME.....#getting this TINY glimpse into what askr/embla would look like in a 3d space........ (feel like the map is more modeled after askr?)#i feel so fucking rabid about it. frothing at the mouth. i am SO normal (LYING THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH)#i'm just imagining a perfect world where we also have emblem alfonse and sharena in a bracelet together.#i KNOW sharena would get shafted but indulge me. do not separate them first of all.#and second i just think it would be insanely interesting actually???? like. how is alfonse coping.#i think becoming a jewelry ghost would be on the top ten list of worst things to happen to him specifically#i think he'd put his all into serving whoever has him as now this is his responsibility. he is just as closed off as ever though#if not worse having to go through centuries of losing anyone he'd accidentally make any connection with#sharena is probably the only reason he's somewhat sane. she grounds him.#and also sharena???? ohhh i think there is SO much potential there!! she is always SO eager to hopefully befriend --#anyone who finds their bracelet.#i think being trapped in a bracelet has had the opposite effect on her. her desire for outside connection#and friendship only gets stronger. i think the loneliness stings more.#and i think having them together like. HUGE potential to put them side by side and see how they really do parallel each other#same issues different ways of coping. different reactions. i think their engage skill would reflect this. somehow.#also i think they'd both look soooo cute in the engage artstyle 😭😭😭😭#what the fuck ever. explode 💥💥💥
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im so sorry t kingfisher but i couldn't get through paladin's strength...
#i was glad it didn't have the same tone and characters as paladin's grace bc that would have been repetitive#these are different characters wirh different voices#but i just. idk. i really had to force myself to read. i found myself not wanting to#i made it like .... 13 chapters in i think. and then i just stopped. i just didn't want to anymore :/#then i started clockwork boys also by t kingfisher. and it's fine#i'm almost halfway through but tbh haven't heard touched it in like 2 weeks#it's not as hard to get through as paladin's strength but there's just something about it that's not grabbing me.... idk#so i changed track and started Another book called the bone houses. i'm almost done with it. it's not remarkable but it's a nice change#nice short book. kinda like a palette cleanser#next i'm probably going to read jade city or the jasmine throne. i think i probably just need a little break from t kingfisher#i just want to read something that will make me froth at the mouth you know. or that'll make me feel Lit Up trom the inside
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masato/aoki has been a hyperfixation of mine for almost 3 years now unfortunately he's a little worm in my brain slowly killing me off. this is half a response to some asks i've seen, a sort of explanation to aoki looking different to masato (which is definitely nonsensical in ways) may be because he's somewhat healthier than when he was as masato, hence he's not deathly pale, tired looking and a bit of weight gain maybe? (personally love his hamster cheeks as aoki). as a disabled person myself i don't think rgg really thought much through in his disability and the shit it can bring?? hoping yakuza 8 brings more context for him though i doubt it. again unfortunately,,, he's important to me regardless and ngl the hate he gets makes me upset sometimes. like he is definitely awful awful, especially aoki. my autism could write a whole deep dive essay about his character that no one wants to hear lmfao. also your masato art is a joy, just to let you know <3 as a fellow daigo enjoyer,, masadai ex boyfriends is the most valid and superior ship for masato lmao. ty for your service in this fandom 💪
damn im honored to be gettin a letter from THE ceo of ryo aoki themselves.. even if its anonymous ill still frame it on my wall hiii ty for writin <3
BUT YEAH that's what i figured in how drastic masato is from aoki- like his eyes notably lose that dark ring and his skin and lips get more color (tho that could be because he's in the sun more but who's to say it can't be both).
i really REALLY wish RGG wasn't so flippant about his disability, i go insane trying to figure out exactly what it is or what it could be so i can approach it better when portraying him and also just thinking about him. 'weak lung syndrome', surprise surprise, can mean a lot of things
it's already p cringe that they just poof it away with a lung transplant and get rid of it all together in ishin when there was no real reason to have him stand at all. like. he's literally in two scenes, one where he is sitting but the other he's just talking to the air while takechi sits in the room.
never mind im curious if he ever had to deal with his body potentially rejecting the new organ for a bit since that is a very real concern when it comes to organ transplants, but i get not really finding the need to dive into it since that transplant would have been 20 years ago and the chance to talk about it is slim. still, they could have at least give his initial illness a proper name or diagnosis if they were just going to make it disappear literally one chapter later
anyway, ty again for writin !!! i'm happy i can feed the worm that lives in your brain 🥰🥰🥰
#long post#snap chats#omg hi another aoki enjoyer //froths at the mouth// i am very normal about him#Real though the second i finished Y7 like.he broke into my brain and has been living there ever since#i sneaked some posts about him but i figured most people followed me for daigo/mine stuff or he'd just be kind of awkward to talk about#but. well. im cringe and free now LMAO plus i got at least like three people to enable my postings so#ALSO ANON I'D LOVE TO READ YOUR CHARACTER ANALYSIS <3<3<3#one of my fave short analysis pieces for aoki is him and his relationship to glass#UGH i love visual symbolism so much im so weak for it and while i already had some thoughts on it when it came to his glasses#op just expanded on it SOO much and SOO well and just really highlighted /how/ much of aoki is behind a glass or screen#im gonna end up gushing about it in the tags oh no.... ill wrap this up#thank you for validating my insane masadai ship <3 ok not MINE i'm just a deranged follower of it but thank you#i am vaguely on the right path then.. hehe
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
#genshin impact#haikaveh#al haitham#kaveh#kavehtham#these two have had me chewing concrete lately god#3.6 got me frothing at the mouth#something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart#and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby-#and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol#and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov#Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help#and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality#and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves#kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self*#al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this#or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other.#two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal#i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this#written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song#'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow'#'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption'#'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in'#'but he couldn't be saved'#'a sadness runs through him'#extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough#my fics#gore#body horror#I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case
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Working my way through these comics, and I gotta say…
…at the very least, I’ll be able to throw all this canon out with insufferably smug authority by the time I’m through.
#my life#dc comics#mine#//#The NTT 1st Starfire wedding had me frothing at the mouth with rage though#Everyone out here acting like Dick walking away after being repeatedly told to sit down & shut up by everyone in Kory’s family#(INCLUDING HER) when she was clearly miserable but refusing to advocate for herself (OOC WTF) after speaking up so often & aggressively on#her behalf at one point he was accused of trying to PICK A FIGHT WITH THE ROYAL FAMILY. Like he somehow needs to PROVE himself after risking#his neck for her happiness repeatedly for weeks. Like he’s abandoning her by saying ‘’Hey just a heads up but if you really don’t want to#marry that guy than I’m gonna need some support here. Also you should know I’m not just going to be your side piece back on Earth#so if this wedding goes ahead do not expect us to be more than friends going forwards.’’#Dick says he’s respecting her choice & her bro’s like ‘’If you do not fight for her you will lose her’’#SIR YOU WERE ACCUSING HIM OF PICKING FIGHTS WITH YOU NOT THREE DAYS AGO!#’’Why didn’t Dick say anything to stop this?!’’#BITCH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HE HAS SAID & DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO STOP THIS SINCE THE SECOND HE FOUND OUT?!?!#Everyone out here acting like he needs to pull a Graduate to ‘’prove himself’’ or something like relationships aren’t a two way street!#and then#after disaster & the wedding & everything#her mom finds out the rescue team also picked Dick up out of the fucking prison Kory’s new hubby was rotting in while they were there#and she’s like ‘’How dare that earthling come here! Does he not realize he’s only hurting her worse?!’’#MA’AM. LADY. DO YOU THINK HE’S FLYING THE RESCUE SHIP? DO YOU THINK HE HAS ANY SAY IN WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?#WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO JUST SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR BLACKFIRE TO PUBLICLY EXECUTE HIM?!#He gets there. Kory walks straight past him to reprocess her dedication to her husband. Not even acknowledging Dick.#He walks away rather than explode at anyone and she’s like ‘’He didn’t even say hello!’’ NEITHER DID YOU!#WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THIS IS HIS FAULT#MY MAN DID EVERYTHING RIGHT#(And then just to prove the writer hates Dick they throw in ‘’Oh yeah. Then his birthday passed while waiting for pickup back to Earth.’’#Bruce is insensitive to the point of cruelty about it. And Donna also acts like this is allDick’s fault.)#…#I read that arc months ago
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