#calum album needs to be produced RIGHT NOW.

[calumhoodgoss]

GUYS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS

WHAT THE FUCK

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Lovers at last

Calum Hood x Reader

summary: after years of being friends and even a band mate of the guys, you grow up and experience something you never thought you would.

a/n: this was definitely something from like 3 in the morning so hopefully you all enjoy. also this is during like youngblood era for those who like the timeframes. there are also some typos but i mean it’s okay lol adds on to the effect.

You and the boys have been together as friends since middle school, it was always the 5 of you, when the guys were creating the band and posting videos on youtube you helped them figure that part out and being the technical bandmate, especially when it came to social media. However as time moved along the boys were getting big and had gotten their own team, you didn't take this as a bad thing, it was good they were getting noticed and having their music heard. Even if they were away you were still a part of the band, it didn't matter if it was official or not, you were a part of the band.

You on the other hand, had gotten yourself in the music industry and started as an intern producer for a record label and making tunes for some starting bands. Your talent in creating these tunes eventually brought all types of artists from around the world to work with you. You later got into writing lyrics and started writing music for other artists. Of course this went around pretty fast getting attention from many artists. You had told the guys about this way before you started, they were all sure you were going to make it big as well. In the younger years you had helped the band before with lyrics and tunes or chords. Helping them find their sound.

Skip forward to knowing you were currently texting with Cal as he and the guys were on tour, while you were meeting or well about to meet the one and only Ariana Grande who needed to find some new sounds for her new album. Before meeting with her you were freaking out and needed someone to talk to and that's where this story leads us.

Meeting ariana grande was one of the things you have always dreamed of, of course when you were contacted for some help with producing you thought it was a joke because who would send an email saying they are ariana grande and would like to work with you on their album, that just doesn't happen, but in this case it did for you. You had everything prepared for her to give a listen to and let her decide on what changes needed to be made and for her to just be comfortable with the new samples you made for her.

Talking to her in text was something you were good at but now you were officially meeting her and getting her full opinion about the stuff you made. It was about an hour of you showing her all the stuff you came up with and she was just so fascinated with what you came up with. To be honest you were unsure what she wanted so you made a lot, and I mean a lot of material, so you were prepared for anything that she might need.

“These samples are crazy good! I've been trying to find a new sound and these three simple songs need these sounds, this is really amazing.” she said as you nodded being glad you were able to find her sound, “well i'm glad you like them, im happy to help, it's an honor really.” you said as she shook her head, “i should be saying that about you, you have crazy talent for this. Have you considered moving to LA?” she asked as you shrugged, “maybe one day, i'm not sure yet, i don't know if you know but i'm friends with 5 seconds of summer,” you said as she gasped and nodded, “oh yeah i've heard of them, but what do they have to do with you moving to LA?” she asked as you continued, “Well we grew up together here and i don't know i wouldn't want to leave them and the place where we all grew up.” you said as she nodded completely understanding, “yeah it's tough, but if they are your friends i feel like they would understand because they are growing, it wouldn't hurt for them seeing you grow too.” she said quite simply and honestly as you nodded taking that advice to heart.

You knew that maybe just one day you would move your career somewhere else, but you just didn't want to leave home. Yeah they leave you while on your but they always come back, even if it's just for a while, they come back. A part of you wanted to go to LA and pursue your dreams there, but your home was here. You didn't want to leave the place where you grew up. Of course this needed to be talked with. Not just your parents, but with cal and the guys.

…

Weeks later the guys had all come home and you sent them all a message that you needed to talk to them all together. The guys were slightly confused but they wanted to see you anyway so they all agreed.As you were in the old garage where they used to rehearse you were more nervous that you thought you were. You had made the final decisions and you were moving to LA, you had signed off with a good company and you were officially to move away from home. Everything was done, you just needed to tell the guys.They all walked in as they all saw you sitting down with a very serious face and began to worry.

“hey guys.” you said as they all smiled at you and gave you a hug as you looked at all of them and worried how they were going to react. “So why did you bring us all here?” Michael asked partly worried as the rest followed you to sit down, “Well i have some news i needed to share, and well you were on tour and i couldn't interrupt that.” you said as ash shook his head, “y/n, you know we're here for you no matter what, even if we are on tour.” Ash said as you smiled for his compassion, “what is it dovey?” cal asked probably the most worried out of all of the group. He was scared of what was going on and was prepared for any news that could change your life and his plans of telling you how he felt about you. To be frank he had always beat himself up for it whenever the days passed and he didn't tell you about his feelings, he was close to telling you, but with this news he might just tell you now. You two were close and you met cal first way before the guys, so it would be understable if you and cal needed some privacy with what you were about to say.

“Well, you remember when I met Ariana Grande and did some samples for her album?” you asked as they all nodded and luke spoke, “yeah those were amazing by the way, were sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate.” he said as you shook your head softly with a small smile, “its okay, i know you guys were out celebrating out there,” you said with a giggle as they all joined in, “Well we talk about uh.. about moving to LA and i've been considering it, but at first i didn't want to decide alone because well i didn't want to leave home but uh, what i'm trying to say is that basically..” you said pausing as cal spoke, “you're moving to LA.” he said as you looked at him with a sorry look and nodded looking at the rest of the guys. There was a slight pause but that was because the guys were processing this whole situation, you were moving away and that was okay as long as you were happy.

“Im sorry, if this is gonna ruin our friendship, but i feel like i need to go there. Things are good here, but LA is where I can grow and become better.” you said as they all shook their heads, “don’t apologize y/n, how many times have we left you? You didn't stop us, you empowered us to keep our heads up which is what we will do for you.” Ash said as Michael nodded, “as much as it hurts seeing you leave, we know they need you over there, our friendship isn't over, in fact it will grow. We might even create music together.” he said as you smiled and looked over at luke, “it's not the end is all i know, it's a beginning for all of us. I mean who knows we might all be in LA soon, so you won't be alone. We're here for you y/n we always will be. '' he said as you looked over at Calum who had a sad look, but he was happy deep down inside, but he couldn't believe that even more distance would separate you two.

“Cal?” you asked as he looked at you in a certain way and you looked at the guys to give you two some personal space and they nodded and left. You took one look at Cal and knew something was wrong the minute you spoke about LA. For you two him leaving was enough distance between you two, now he knew what you felt when he was leaving, but this time you were leaving for good.

“What's wrong cal?” you asked as he looked at you, this was his time he knew it, it was time despite the bad timing, “this is probably bad timing, but... i love you, i've always been in love with you.” he said as you looked at him in seriousness. You didn't know if this was him wanting you to stay or if these were his true feelings, but you felt your heart beating faster and felt it get warm as your eyes were on him.

“Wait what?” you asked as he looked over at you, “i'm in love with you dovey, always have been. I'm not telling you this to make you stay, I just needed you to know is all.. I just need you to know before you leave,” he said as you looked at him and your eye contact was firm, “what..what do you mean years?” you asked as he grabbed your hands and you didn't pull away. He knew this was a sign, “since we first met there was something about you that just pulled me in, it was everything about you, there wasn't one bad thing about you, i just can't stand keeping it in, i need you more than just a friend.” he said as you were nervous with what you were about to say next, “cal.. I'm in love with you too.” you said in a whisper as he looked up quickly hoping he had heard you right.

“You- really?” he said as you pulled him in for a kiss. Your lips had connected in need for one another's touch after years of thinking one another saw each other as friends. This moment that the both of you had dreamed of was happening. His hands were all over your waist as they traveled up to your cheek and yours were on his jaw and hair. Once the kiss broke you both stared into one another's eyes and you smiled, “i love you.” you said again as cal smiled and took you in for a kiss once again and this was definitely the start of something new.

...

Moving to LA had its perks, mainly for your job, you had met new people and even helped out starter bands or singers with their career and sending them off with a great bang. You have also been working with big time singers and bands and helping them out with some new sound. You were given some new material and had even created some for a band that your boss said would be coming in and wanting some sort of new sound for their album. You wondered who they were not knowing what band it was. All you were told was that they were working on their 3rd album and needed some help.

As you waited for their arrival you texted Cal to see how he was doing. Ever since you two started dating, texting around the day and being near your phone as a must. He missed you dearly and you missed him, so the small messages around the day helped. He also came over from time to time, but not a whole lot.

You were quick to get into the room and you were shocked with who was in front of you. Cal was in front of you and you were quick to run over to him and hug him tight. You gave each other a small peck as you enjoyed one another's company, “what? How and when?” you said as you heard someone cough as you turned around and saw the 3 other boys standing in front of you. “What are you guys doing here?” you said with a smile as you hugged them all in a group hug, you sure missed them after not seeing them for a year. “Well we are here to work on our album, we heard there's an amazing producer here.” Michael spoke and it hit you with the realization that it was them you were working with. “Wait seriously, you want my help? But I thought you were in europe?” you said as luke nodded, “yeah we were there a couple days ago, but we need your help. The album is going great but we still need more sounds and samples.” he said as you nodded, “well okay i can help you with that, but are you sure you want my help?” you said as cal grabbed your waist pulling you closer to him as the boys nodded, “yes we need your help, you know us better than anyone, and well you are the best in LA,” ash said as you smiled, “okay yeah i'll help.” you said looking at everyone and over at cal with a smile.

Before working you all hung out for a while and to also see the vibe they were wanting to find. You were just over the moon that they were here, you had missed them so much and just needed to see your friends again and of course your boyfriend. You were looking through lots of new material the whole day just to see what they like and seeing if you could place it all together and get them something they want so they can start with recording.

“These samples are all good, you could make something with that, but just, we want it simple yet complex.” Michael said as you nodded, “yeah for sure, I should have some stuff in here,” you said as Luke nodded, “yeah also if you want to, we have the lyrics set for these songs,” he said as he handed you the files with the lyrics. The songs titles in here were moving along, more, monsters among men, and one that was titled valentine but that one had no lyrics, “this one doesn't have lyrics? You're making a song about valentines day?” you said pointing it out as ash nodded, “well yeah, it's in a couple days and we were all thinking about how many people were going to make a song and release it as well, we want to make our own version of mariah carey’s all i want for christmas but with valentine's day.” he explained as you nodded. You then walked over to the computer remembering these two samples that were perfect for this song, “that's funny because i have this sample, well i have two actually,” you said clicking through and finding them both and laying them out in repeat as the boys all stood behind you watching you do your thing.

“Okay the first one is just a, “dum, dum, dum, dum, um.” over and over, and the second one is just, “valentine,” over and over again as well, but if you were to place it on top of one antoher..you get this.” you said as they all gave it a hear and it was so uncanny but perfect, the lyrics were already flowing in.

The guys were all happy with there they left things off leaving you to rest and of course spend time with cal. You two were walking out hand in hand into your car, you were heading over to the drivers side but he followed you and you looked up confused, “you wanna drive?” you asked as he took your keys and smiled, “yeah, i've got a surprise actually, so i was hoping we could make a stop there.” he said as you nodded, “okay cal..just don't kill me or anything.” you joked as you got on the other side of the car, “ dovey i would never kill you, i would probably kill for you though,” he said as you scrunch your nose and you had reached over for a kiss before leaving.

On your way there his hand was near yours, the most he missed about you was your touch and he just needed a part of you touching him making him feel safe. Ever since you left he had missed you dearly and well of course duke. You couldn't see duke as much which sucked, but you knew that you would see him soon whenever it was your turn to go to visit.

Once you made the stop, you were parked in front of a house, “who lives here?” you asked as he got out to open your side of the door and you two walked over to the front of the house as he held you in his arms hoping you could guess. “Well it's definitely someone,” he said as you frowned as you headed near the door, once the door was opened you saw duke run over to you as you kneeled down greeting the puppy and even picking him up missing the pup’s barks and kisses, you then looked inside the house. You had seen all of cal’s things and then it hit you. “You? You live here?” you said with a smile as he nodded with a smile, “yeah i do, i wanted to be closer to you and I know this is probably way too fast, but i love you so much and I just can't live without you, you are everything to me and i want you to know that i have no regrets and i will never have any,” he said as you started tearing up and smiled at him as you couldn't believe that the distance between you two was finally over.

“You did this for me?” you asked quietly as he nodded softly, “well i'm not gonna lie this is very surprising but im happy, i miss you everyday and this changes that..but what about your parents?” you asked as he sighed, “actually dovey, they were the ones who convinced me to move over here. They saw how much i missed you, i didn't even leave the house i just want to be with you and well they knew i had to move...look if this isn't what you want then-” he said as you cut him of quick, “no, stop, this is what i want, i just want you to be sure cal,” you said as he walked over to you and kissed you as he held you in his arms and had placed your hands near his heart, “dovey i already told you, no regrets. This heart beats for you only. I want this, not just for me but for us.” he said as you smiled and just knew this had to happen.

“Also i want you to live here with me, i wanna wake up with you and fall asleep by your side, i can't stand being away from you dovey,” he said as you smiled and nodded, “of course i will, you're everything to me.” you said as you kissed once again. This was meant to be. It was the beginning. There were no regrets on either side, you were all in. you and him are soulmates, it just took a while to settle.

[cthomashoodstory]

Best Years but Not in the Same Way (29)

Calum Hood x Reader

Previous Part

welcome back to another part of this story. so sorry i’ve been busy with my life bcs i did knitting lol. Pls enjoy this suck story :( I’m sooo sorry guys

Masterlist

-

Since Justin called you and you picked it up, everything had changed. You were basically ‘friends’ again with Justin. You didn’t know what got into you but you went soft over him. Like you wanted to end the war with him since you already have your own happy story with Calum.

It was awkward at first. Like, you were the one who hated him for 2 years straight. But he really happy and welcomed you.

It was mid July and you came to the studio where Justin did his upcoming album. You met himself, Poo Bear, Josh Gudwin and Ryan Good. You did it because of Poo Bear of course. He wanted you to listen to the demo of the song he made earlier. You’ve been known him long time ago before you even met Justin in 2015.

You and all the people at the studio listen to the demo and you looked at Justin. He was so excited when the music starts playing. So Poo bear told you earlier that after he got the lyric from you, he contact his producer friend called Tainy. Tainy made the beat and Poo Bear called Justin and Josh and here’s now the demo.

The demo was so beautiful. And it was using Poo Bear’s voice. And you were sitting a way far from them because it was your first time again working with them after years passed. And like you said, it was awkward.

“What do you think, Bar?” Justin asked you right after the demo finished. “Sar. I mean Saraa.” He corrected what he said before.

You slightly smiles at him. “It was so beautiful.” You didn’t say much because it.was.awkward.

Then Poo Bear interrupted. “Of course it was beautiful. You were the one who wrote it.”

When Justin listened what Poo Bear said, Justin seemed shock and he looked at you. “You wrote that? Damn Bar, you are jenius.” He hugged you. And you hugged him back for a brief. Before he apology, you smiled at him and told him its okay.

Hours later, after he finished recorded his own voice, you decided to go home because you were tired spending time at the studio.

When you arrived at home, you immediately called Calum through video call.

“Hey babe, we just arrived at the hotel. Where are you?” He waved at you while showed you the room.

You waved him back. “I’m at home. I just got back from the studio where i helped Justin with his upcoming album.” When you mention Justin’s name, suddenly his face changed. “It was just one song. Nothing more.” You reassure him so that his happy mood would back. Indeed he smiled, but you know deep down he was still jealous. “You’re at Korea right? Why is it so bright?”

He laughed. “Time Zone!” You and him yelled it together. “It’s 1 P.M. here. We’re about to get lunch. Catch up later?” you nodded and the call is done.

You sighed and started to open your notebook. Ever since you came back to your old house in Boise, it felt like your dad was haunting you. Not in negative way, what you meant that you couldn’t stop thinking about him. How you missed him, and the memories burden all of your thoughts. He was all the things you need in this world. Until you decided to left him alone and break his heart.

Then you wrote something on the book.

“There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain. When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same.

My heart feel like December when somebody say your name because I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day.”

You smiled and close the book.

-

It was July 16 and you knew it was Luke’s birthday. You looked at your watch and it shown 9 a.m.. But you felt something odd. They were all still in Korea and… time zone. You forgot time zone existed and South Korea is 16 hours ahead of LA time. You immediately called him.

“Hello?” He answered your call. His face was all over your screen and you laughed.

“Luke!” You shouted. “Oh my God are you sleeping?”

He shook his head. “No, but I’m about to. What’s up miss B?” He asked you calmly.

Then you laughed. “It’s your birthday Luke! Yeah i know I’m so late but happy birthday to you! And nobody at your time zone woke me up, not even Calum.”

Then Luke was the one who laughed. “Calum said he didn’t want to interrupt your sleep, so we decided not to called you. But I’m waiting for your wish and now i got it.”

“Awwh,” you blushed. “Happy birthday to you Luke. I wish nothing but the best for you.” You smiled at him. “Thank you for being a great friend for me. I’m really glad you’re existed in this world.” You giggled. “You’re the most kind person, friendly, caring. You were really welcomed me when we first met. I was so scared that you would treated me the way Calum did. But you didn’t. You kept talking to me, and I’m so glad you did it.”

And now Luke was the one who blushed. “B, that was so sweet of you. You literally the one of the coolest person i’ve ever met. You’re a really best songwriter, I’m so admired you until this day. So glad I met you that day. My life wouldn’t be the same if you’re not around, B.”

You nodded. “Alright. You should sleep. Happy birthday Luke, i love you.”

“I love you too, miss Hood.” He smiled and the video call ended.

-

To be continued.

next part

[suchalonelysunflower]

“Mine. Yours. Ours” (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings X Reader

Summary: You and Luke decided to keep your relationship a secret. But what happens when he accidentally let it slip?

Warnings: The reader uses she/her pronouns, sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable with that, it was not my intention. Besides that None! Pure fluff and maybe some mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry, I’m trying and I will get better)

Word Count: 1.8 K

Author’s note: My first Luke piece just in time for his birthday! I struggled to find inspiration for this, but it came out of nowhere and I’m really happy with the result, hope you like it too 💕 Remember that all comments, reblogs and feedback are welcome! I will love to hear your thoughts on this! And you can find my other fics HERE. Thank you so so much, happy Luke Day! 🦋

“Good luck today, bub 😊💕”

Luke must’ve read that message time and time again in a matter of minutes, making it hard for him to erase that cheerful grin out of his face as he quickly typed a cute response. He was glad that his band mates were too busy in their own little world to notice and tease him about it.

But if he was being honest, he didn’t mind at all. In fact, everything his mates said about him was true: he was an idiot in love and he wasn’t afraid to show it, at least with them he wasn’t.

You both came to an agreement to keep your relationship a secret for the time being. Knowing how the media worked, Luke didn’t want to expose you to that so soon but, even though you said you were okay with it, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty and insecure. He notices the way you would frown when you had to pull away from each other in public, making it seem like you’re just friends or when you couldn’t hold his hand or kiss him in the middle of the street. If he could, he would show you off to the entire universe, shouting from the top of his lungs how happy and in love he was with you.

But he was scared, he didn’t want to lose you if all of it became too much for you, however, he knew that maybe one day you’ll get tired of all the secrecy and leave. He couldn’t blame you either way, but he’ll be devastated without you.

Scanning the text over and over again, Luke’s butterflies quickly became insecurities. He felt his stomach drop at the thought of not being with you and an urge to hold you as close as he could, just to make sure you’d still be there.

“Mate?” Ashton called for his attention.

Luke lifted his head and noticed that he was the only one left in the van. Shoving his phone on his back pocket, he ducked his way out of the car and onto the parking lot of the radio station, ready to face yet another day of countless interviews and promos.

One of the producers of the program was already waiting for them, escorting the band around the building and giving a few pointers to take into account. Luke wasn’t really paying attention to her, in his head he was still curled up in bed next to you, cuddling until one of you caved into their need of a morning coffee. He left today with the image of you peacefully sleeping under a mess of tangled sheets, wanting nothing more than to stay next to you a little longer.

“Hey guys!” The host said, snapping Luke out of his happy thoughts “We just cut to break so you’re on for the next bit. Nothing too crazy, just a few questions and a little game if you’re up for it”

“Sounds good” muttered the boys as they sat around the table adjusting their mics and headphones.

“Hey. You good, man?” Ashton whispered to Luke “You seem to be drifting into elevator mode again”

The blond man nodded “Just got my head somewhere else” but before his friend could ask where exactly, the classic gingle of the station resonated in their headphones, letting them know that the interview was about to start.

“Welcome back everybody!” The cheerful voice of the host filled the room “I’m here with the biggest band no one's ever heard of, the Australians who took on the world by storm in 2012 and haven’t stopped since, selling record after record and stealing the hearts of everyone around them. Everyone give up for 5 Seconds of Summer!” The crew around the booth clapped and cheered “Welcome, guys. Thank you for being here”

“Thank you for having us” Luke answered.

“Great! I wanted to talk about…”

It was always the same. One or two questions about their personal life, more questions regarding the album or the single, what are the plans for the tour, what city are you most excited to visit.. the boys knew it all and they knew how to handle it, always bringing the same charisma and easiness to it as they do in their everyday life.

The host was very fun as well, bringing up a few laughs and inside jokes among the four Australians, making it much easier for Luke to relax and enjoy the moment and for his mind not to drift constantly to you.

“Okay, now before you guys go. How about we play a game?” The host announced, pleased with the agreeing sounds of the band “We are going to go around the table and I’m going to give each of you a few prompts and sentences that you would have to answer as fast as you can, no more than 3 seconds. That sounds right? Okay, who wants to go first?”

“I can go first” offered Michael from across the table.

“Okay Michael, you have 3 seconds on the clock. Ready? And,,, The thing I could never live without is…”

“Internet”

“The person who I would call to hide a dead body would be…”

“Moose” he said, earning fits of laughter across the room “What? I wouldn’t trust these guys to hide a body! At least Moose can dig!”

The game went on like that for a few minutes. Each answer more crazy than the last, making everyone laugh and tease each other afterwards.

Then it was Luke’s turn, being the last one on the table he had all eyes on him.

“I’m kinda nervous” he laugh into the mic.

“Don’t be, it’s just a game! Now, ready Luke?” The frontman nodded “My guilty pleasure is…”

“Love Island” he answered, trying to hold a giggle as he heard his band mates laugh “What? You’ve seen it too!”

“Didn’t we all at some point? Okay, I want to do a collab with…”

“Yungblud, definitely”

“The person who makes me the happiest is…”

“Y/N”

His eyes winded as soon as your name left his lips. He looked around and saw with panic in his stare as the laugh of his mates died down, each of them slowly realizing what the blond man just said, creating a silence that covered the room like a cloak.

A million emotions ran through his head in the matter of an instant. Cursing himself for letting it slide so easily, throwing away all the effort you put into keeping it a secret without even realizing it until it was too late. But at the same time, he felt an overwhelming sense of freedom and happiness, like he could finally let go of that baggage, leaving it behind forever.

“Y/N?” Asked the host who quickly catches up “Is that..”

“That’s my girl” Luke said as he took a breath “The person who makes me the happiest man on earth for sure”

“Well this is news for everybody!”

“Well yes, we wanted to keep it on the downlow for a while but, she’s the love of my life, mate. Couldn’t keep it any longer”

Luke smiled at the thought of you, not even trying to hide it. The secret was out, and he was fine with it, happy even! Happy that he could call you his in front of everyone. His eyes skimmed around the room and he was relieved to see smiles plastered onto his friends’ faces.

“It was about damn time” Calum said. Making everyone laugh again.

When the interviews and promos finally ended it was late into the evening and Luke went straight home. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit scared of how you might take the news. He was a lot scared. What if you didn’t want this? Would you leave him? What if it became too much for you to handle?

A million questions ran through his head as he opened the door. But he felt all of his fears went away as he heard the music coming out of the kitchen.

You were listening to Taylor Swift whilst making dinner for the two of you, singing softly along the music and not really noticing Luke leaning against the kitchen frame. He watch with soft eyes as you swing and dance to the beat, audibly sighing as he took you in, falling in love once again, just like every night.

It wasn’t until you both heard Petunia’s little bark that you broke out of the spell. You turned around to see Luke kneeling down to give his little doggy a kiss and pat her head.

“Hey baby!” You greeted him as you turned the stove off “Dinner will be ready in a few I just need-“

“I talked about you today”

You froze. He what?!

“You- you what?”

Turning to face him. You saw his tall figure walking towards you with a smile drawn into his face. Once he was fully in front of you, Luke wrapped his arms around your waist, softly looking into your eyes for any sign of discomfort or hatred.

“They asked who makes me the happiest person in the world,” he lifted his hand to caress your cheek “and I couldn’t think of anyone else that wasn’t you, because there isn’t one. So I said your name”

You felt your eyes start to water, your smile growing as the feeling of butterflies filled your stomach “So that means…?”

“The secret is out. No more hiding, love. The world needs to know that you’re mine and I’m yours”

Happiness came over you as you lifted your arms and brought them behind Luke’s neck, pulling him closer until your lips met. Melting in his gentle touch, you opened your mouth to deepen the kiss, feeling as if a thousand sparks covered your bodies. Muttering “I love you’s” and sweet nothings into every kiss, allowing him to be yours and you to be his.

Luke pressed his forehead to yours, kissing the tip of your nose as you softly giggled. “I love you” he said, looking into your eyes “I love you and I’m so glad I can tell the world that I’m in love with you, Y/N”

“No more secrets, Luke.” You sighed as his lips traveled down your neck “Though, I have to admit that sneaking out was fun while it lasted”

“Hmm, naughty girl” he muttered against your sweet spot. Making you quietly moan under his touch.

“God. I love you”

He brought his lips to yours once more, smiling into it as he heard the familiar tune of your favorite song play through the speaker.

Luke took a step back, adopting a straightened pose as he bowed in front of you, offering you his hand “Dance with me, love?”

You giggled as you took his hand and placed the other one in his shoulder, letting him put his hand on your lower back and guide you through the living room in a dance that was so enchanting it felt like a movie. You laid your head on his chest as he swayed you around the house, feeling his heartbeat close.

All of your fears and doubts, they all went away. You both knew that, as long as you have each other, everything will be fine.

[bisluthq]

This is pretty much it but I recommend listening to it because he’s great in it!

He talks about Transmission by Joy Division again. And I think he was talking about imagining a movie ending and things like that to a song

He said a lot of musicals as a kid and danced with Calum

He has never been offered a musical “to the great shame of the industry”, but he would think it’s weird on a set because he finds sets strange. He’s waiting for an applause, for some kind of confirmation.

He loves to make people laugh and you can’t do that on a movie set because “you get fired!”

He said that he did a very tense scene the other day and wanted something funny to happen because when something tense is happening for a long time the tension is too much and he likes to start laughing, Calum does the same thing

He loves Gary Oldman and loves how he works and how he reacts to his mistakes and praises him for a bit.

He said River is “one big eye roll”. And that the fact that River doesn’t laugh makes it funnier for Jack and he wants to laugh. He thinks you need to have fun making something like Slow Horses because it’s escapism and adventure.

He has tried out different things to prepare for his roles and it’s mostly just knowing his lines. He said River probably doesn’t listen to music because it would annoy him

He’s never written a poem, not even in school

He likes to listen to an album that is Novello’s music but just piano, and he would listen to it all the time. And now when he hears that music he thinks about the hotel he was staying at in London while filming. He likes cycling through busy parts of London playing one of Novello’s songs and imagining he’s at the end of a movie and has gone through a lot.

“Life would be so much more interesting if you had a constant soundtrack”

He loves the soundtrack of Master and Commander. He loves the relationship between the two men because he had never seen a relationship like that before between two men on screen, like they were a married couple. He loves the sense of adventure and he loves every shot of the water with music.

During Dunkirk they filmed in the water a lot and he has a video of the water during a sunset while coming back to shore one day, and he put a track over it when he got home, he said it made him tingle. Then he sent it to Peter Mullan (?) and he was like “yeah that’s good” because “what would you say to that?”

He said Harry didn’t sing on set and that he should’ve just randomly sang in the movie

He knows how to play the piano but they still dubbed that on Kindred which bothered him. He complained about how people spend money to teach actors things like playing the piano for a role but then go and spend money dubbing it and makes no sense

He learned piano as a kid

He’s slowly working his way to direct. He said at the time of doing the podcast everyone was up in Orkney filming the pre shoot but he wasn’t there because he had to work on Thursday (I guess he spent the first week there and then left right when they started the preshoot). It’s going to be shot between Orkney and London. He says he doesn’t think he’s quite prepared to be a director because he would have too much responsibility. He also says that he’s getting to a point in acting where he’s starting to feel half decent at what he’s doing. He can accept what he’s doing. And he’s relaxing into the acting. But he loves to produce and wants to learn and make mistakes. He has written a short film and has been wanting to do it for five years, it’s very personal. He says he lives in his hand. He has been wanting to do it for 3 or 4 years.

Edith says he should be Bond and he said that’s lovely to say and laughed because it’s a running joke between them

How has he NEVER written a poem????

[geekygoddesss]

The Boyfriend Tag [Calum Hood Edition]

Summary: an unfiltered interview featuring Calum Hood and his girlfriend.

Words: 4.7k

“Hello! I’m Calum Hood, from 5 seconds of summer” He greets to the camera. 

“My name is (Y/n) and I am dating this guy. Today! we are going to be answering this tag thing” I answer in a more excited tone, as I point at the camera. 

“The whole band has done it, it’s only fair I do it as well” He mentions  “We’re currently at home, where we all should be” He says, looking at the surroundings of our sweet home “...so we have more than enough time to get to this”

I smile “And here it is” 

                                                       _______

How did we first meet?

“Through friends” Calum explains shortly “it was nothing super special, sadly, she just happened to be friends with one of my friends and that’s how it happened” he shrugged. 

There was really not much to tell, Our story simply happened in a very natural way. 

“My friend invited me to LA and I met him in...If I’m not mistaken it was at a brunch party?” I explain. 

“You’d be right” he nods  “then a series of things happened and she ended up joining our team”

I smile to the camera “In case you didn’t know. I’m a music editor, I like producing and tweaking, so you could say we would see each other a lot” I shrug. 

“And things happened, went on a couple of dates, did my magic…” he added, moved his fingers in front of the camera in a funky way and finished with a “...and here we are”. 

Where was our first date?

“We went to a concert” I exclaimed, growing really excited at the memory “it was crazy, we literally started with a bang” 

“Yep and it wasn’t planned at all” he laughs, rubbing his jaw with his hand as he spoke “I originally had the plan to go with Ashton to this Chainsmokers show, we wanted to take advantage of that to talk with Drew and Alex after, but Ashton got really sick and since I had the ticket and couldn’t just let it go to waste, I asked this beauty to go with me” he said, reaching over to squish my cheek. 

I move away as an instinct, but I love it. 

“It was awesome, those guys really put up a good show” I add, smiling as I spoke “I got really drunk that night” 

Fun fact. I don’t know what came over to me the night of our first date, but for some reason, alcohol played a big part that night, it was embarrassing, but it was worth it. After all, we made a great memory out of it. 

“Tell me about it” Calum said, rolling his eyes. 

I blushed, but before he could say anything else, I swang over to him and covered his mouth “Shhh” I giggle, scotting over to his side “He kind of babysat me, sorry babe” I said, uncovering his mouth. 

“Kind of?” he asked with a sarcastic tone “Geez, I can’t even answer to that. Next question, I don’t want to tell this story” he said, shaking his head. 

I roll my eyes “Drama queen” I shrug “I got drunk and he had to take care of the rest, it was both fun and weird”. 

“Next” he states, passing on to the next question. 

What was your first impression of me?

I have to take a moment to answer this question, not because I don’t know what I like, but because I struggle remembering what exactly was that caught my attention. It only took me a few seconds to answer. 

“My first impression of you was that you were really quite but still very present in the room” I speak first “it’s hard to explain, because we literally met in the middle of a conversation but basically” I try to explain, shifting a little in my place  “I remember standing in one place and hearing stories from other people, I was completely not familiar with anything, I didn’t know any of them so everything they said was pretty much new, but you always had a fun insert to add, even though you barely spoken that was something that stood out for me a lot” I say, nodding towards him. 

“Mine was more or less the same, actually” he says, acting surprised about my answer “because you’re always very quiet when being on a crowd and that stuff, you always stand back from having too much attention” he explain. “it’s funny because, the first day I met you I remember, I greeted you and all, we didn’t really talked to each other and I didn’t hear you talk either, however, when our food delivery came in the first thing I heard you say was ‘yo, I bet you can’t sniff of this paprika’” he says, a smile growing on his face, until full giggles starting coming out of his lips. 

“Did you really had to say that on camera?” I sigh, acting annoyed, but I really wasn’t. 

“It was hilarious” he says, still laughing. 

I know this is a fact that kind of embarrass me, but watching laugh it off was completely priceless. 

When did you meet my family?

“I met your family on the day you launched your third album” I start answering the question, as soon as he finishes reading.  “it was such a big moment and you flew everyone in, it was the first time I ever got to interact with your mother and -well- everyone, as your girlfriend and not just a friend” I explain “also it was the first time I stayed over at your place for more than two nights”

“It was a extended pijama party” he mention, nodding at the camera with a serious look “no, uh, there’s a reason behind all that. When it came to this situations, I very much preferred for her to stay at mines while my family was in there than to have her alone at her apartment, so I took the chance” He shrugged, reaching over to pat my tight. “It was fun!” 

“It was very fun” I nod agreeing “I love how your mom takes the lead in the kitchen and no matter what you say, she is the one in charge” I laugh, remembering all those discussion for who was the first cooking dinner at the house.

“Mom doesn’t love my cooking” Calum admits with a sigh. 

I nod “I don’t know why, if I’m honest”  I add“She makes some exceptional fish and chips though, it’s just...” 

I have to close my eyes to add some drama into all these. I loved food, and that was definitely one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time. I knew Cal’s mom loved to cook, and it was an honour for me to try her meals, they were heaven on earth.

“Yeah I know” he chuckles “How did I meet yours?” he asks to himself and sighs  “I didn’t”

My jaw tenses a little, I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming but I didn’t care at all. 

“I’m an orphan, don’t cry for me, I’m fine, I don’t need to talk about it” I state, moving over to his side and hugging him “you are my family”

He smiles softly at me. “Yes I am, baby” he says kissing my forehead. “Next” 

Who said “I love you” first?

“Eh...I did” I admit, with a shy smile on my face “guilty” I add, raising my hand. 

“She did” he seconds, pointing at him. “it was adorable”

That phrase made me cringe for some reason. Not that I denied it wasn’t adorable, it was just some awkward moment that I came out of me and I still feel unsure of. I am not often the one who speaks up, so doing this was pretty ballsy. 

“Was it?” I ask, unsure “It was too soon, I dont know...”

“It was alright, really” he says, shaking his head and going over to rub on my arm a little “we were having one of our famous, drink and watch, where we watch movies and every time something specific happens, we drink a shot” he starts telling the story, also making the fun add on of our usual date nights. 

“And I was like, woooh woooh” I say, trying to imitate that very moment. I lean over him, and leaning my head too close to his, I press my head on his cheek and whisper “I loaf you, Cayum” making it coming out as a loud muffled sound. 

“God dammit” he giggles moving away just a little “I mean, it did sound like that, but it was cute and I said it back” he says, rounding his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.

“At first I felt weird because I thought I shouldn’t have said it right there at that moment, but if I’m honest” I add “I was fine” 

“We were fine” he continues, leaning in to kiss my temple “more than fine”

What dressing do I always wear?

I look at him up and down.  It’s kind of funny, because with this whole situation, we both happen to be in our pajamas, so our dressing code has been turned around for the moment. My vision of what he could be wearing on the daily has been distorted. 

“Pfff” I sigh “I don’t know, I really don’t” I confess. “You are very weird with fashion, I must say, I don’t think you often wear the same thing” I say, looking over at him. 

“I sure do, I can think of a couple things” He says, smiling at me with a teasing smile, silently encouraging me to think. 

“Well, you do wear hoodies often, at home mostly” I say, being the first thing I can think of

“Like this one, actually, it’s like your morning hoodie” I giggle, reaching over to tug on the hood. 

He was wearing that very soft white hoodie he would reach over to every morning, if there was a little bit of a breeze out there. She loved it, it was a nice piece of clothing to hug him in. 

“There you go, see?” He chuckles, shaking his head  “Mine is easy because every day of your life you wear socks that reach your ankles and beyond” He smiles, looking down at my feet and staring at my socks. 

“Ding ding ding!” I celebrate, smiling at him “You are so right!” I laugh.

He nods, he knows he was right. 

“Show the public, please” he suggests, giving me the honours.

“I have pineapples today” I say, lifting my foot as much as I can and holding it up to the camera. “Yesterday I had dogs and I have all kind of patterns, I love collecting socks” I smile, looking down at the pretty pattern and admiring it. 

“It’s a fun thing to collect, I like it a lot actually” He admits, staring at it too “Do you have your 5SOS socks already?” he asks, as I lower my leg to its previous position. 

I roll my eyes “Oh, shut it” I groan, he breaks to laugh and he knows why.  “you didn’t let me design socks for your merch, now I don’t want anything” I say, scooting away from him

“Right” he laughs, shaking his head and laughing “Next question”. 

Weird habit of each other?

“I know one of yours” he says before I can even answer. He turns to me, looking at me with a mysterious smile. “I’m going to leave it at your choice, should I tell or should I not?” 

I look at him with the same look he gives to me, trying to see in him what he had in mind. I might have some weird habits, I was just hoping he wouldn’t pull out the worst. 

“Shoot”  I say, glaring at him. 

“Everything you do, you find a way to relate it to a meme” he says, looking straight at me and laughing as he speaks “I don’t even know how you do it, you just do” 

“Oh man! that’s not that bad, but I wasn’t expecting that at all” I laugh as well, finding it kind of funny that we went in with this one “I don’t think you have a bad habit, but, if I must say one, I would say your silence” I say slowly, not really sure if that even count. “you are one quite soul, Cal” I add, bumping our shoulders together 

“Am I?” He says, raising an eyebrow up as he spoke. 

I nod  “It’s like, sometimes  I ask you something and you just do this” I explain, resting my head over my chin and looking straight at him, saying nothing but still saying much. “I’m not a mind reader, pal” I mumble, still looking at him. 

He leans over and touches my forehead with his, looking at me straight in the eyes and mumbling.  “You should know what it means” 

I roll my eyes. “Uh huh” 

He would never admit his silence was weird, but that’s okay, it was something of him that I really liked.

How long have we been together?

“Almost two years” Calum says, his voice sounding sort of surprised as he spoke. 

“It doesn’t feel like two years, how scary” I add, leaning my head on his shoulder “I feel like time really flies lately, these past two years between working with you, having all these changes and moving to this city, I felt like it’s only been a couple months” I mention, reflecting about all of the little things that have led us to this moment. 

“That happens when you’re having fun baby” 

I smile, bumping my shoulder to his “It’s been the best two years, I hope you know that” 

What was our first road trip?

“Here’s the thing” he says, taking the lead “We often do small road trips to little parts of the city, so I would dare to say our first road trip together was... Mexico?” he says, looking at me in doubt. 

“I think so, I’m not sure” I say, thinking about it as well. “but I think our most special trip was not even a road trip, it was a full on trip, remember?”

He frowns a little, turning to look at me looking for more clues. I didn’t gave more information away, if he knows, he knows. 

“Which one?” He asks, still thinking about it.

“The first trip we did together, we were around 8 months, I would say” I say, still maintaining the mystery, until I decided to drop it.  “We went to Australia, made a stop for three days and then New Zealand” I explain. 

“Oh that’s right! yeah, you are right” he nods energetically at my answer. “We went visiting my family and exploring, it was a whole deal” he explain, now with a smile on his face. 

“I think that even counts as a road trip, we used your uncle’s jeep, visited some awesome places” I say, smiling as well “I loved it, I always wanted to go to Auckland and having the chance of exploring the city was the best thing ever” 

He nods, agreeing with me. That particular trip was the first trip we ever did together as a couple and it was worth every second. 

“I had fun too, it was a very special time” He agrees. “Fun fact, a song came out of that trip, and you would never guess which one, but if you do, let me know and I might tell a story” He states, pointing at the camera, and looking at it with a completely serious look. 

“Please do, guess” I chuckle at that statement “That story is going to fuck me up”

First thing you noticed about me?

“Now this is a question I like a lot” Calum states, sitting up straight and getting excited about his answer “Here’s the thing, the first time I met you was on this brunch thing and it was... a private event” he starts “it was interesting because in this event they had like a whole dancing thing, musicians, a DJ... the thing is, there was a particular moment of the event where they were playing jazz and the way she lost it while listening to that... that was priceless” he noticed, smiling at me “the way you lose yourself with music it’s something I won’t ever get tired of” he said in honest words. 

That statement made my heart warm up. Those were one of the most adorable things he had ever said to me. 

“Thank you” I said, with a hand on my chest. “The first thing I noticed about you is how good you are with words” I said, as part of my answer “I think some people, especially guys, sometimes come out as assholes when they want to cause a good impression, but surprisingly, he was the first guy who when he first came up to me, I felt comfortable” I shrug, looking at the camera and smiling softly. 

There was really not much to say, I felt like my answer said a lot. 

Calum smiled softly at me and reached my place, and while he caught me in his arms he mumbled “Come here”. 

And then we fall onto the floor, as we washes me in kisses. 

Tell us a fun fact about you

We both stare blankly at different points as we think of an answer. It should be easier than this, but for some reason, it is being more difficult than we thought to come up with a good answer to fill in this question. We could say so many things, but none of them would be the most appropriate one for this. 

“Fun fact” I start, after our moment of silence “the first time we kissed, very first time, I was really drunk, but I would say, it wasn’t that noticeable or at least that’s what I thought”

I see Calum notices what I am saying right away, because once I start my story, his face goes from a frown to a surprised expression very quickly. Suddenly everything taking a bit of sense for him. 

“I know where you’re going” he says, shaking his head. 

“He asked me how it felt, like the kiss, how I felt about it” I continue  “and I said ‘Ew’” 

I wish I could help it, but everytime I tell a story like this, I can’t help but breaking to laugh, without having enough control over myself. I almost have to lay back, because I am laughing so much I can hardly sit still, but I don’t do that, I just hold on to my boyfriend and do my thing. I was such a fun story, the embarrassing part of it worn off completely by how funny it was. 

“That was the most discouraging moment of my life” He explains, joining as well into my little laughing fit and shaking his head.

“I know, I’m sorry” I said, cleaning a small tear off my eye “I didn’t mean it! I was drunk, plus, I think I say ew and ouch out of its context more times that I could count” I mention.

“Now, that is very true” he says, laughing as well as he turns his look back at the camera and mumbles “Next question”

Tell us a secret 

“No” Calum says. 

So we move on to the next question. 

What am I good at?

“She’s excellent at cooking the best things in the worst times” Calum explains as soon as he’s given the chance “and what I mean by this is that, most of the time when there’s a storm or, just like a month ago, we were confined and she would do deserts like everyday, It was so good I would forget for a second about what was surrounding me” He admitted, looking at me for a second before going back at the camera. 

“I’m glad you like it”  I smile, suddenly feeling very excited. “I do instagram lives every time I cook, It’s a lot of fun” I add.

He nods “You see me in the back, like, ‘what’s that white spongy thing?’” he mentions, making a weird voice just for laughs. 

I giggle. “What’s that white dust on the table?”  I follow, completely being aware of the double-sense. 

“Is that mint? Or cilantro?” He adds. 

“Oh geez” I laugh, at that last one. “People roast me in the comments all the time, because I make stuff like, burritos, or maybe chicken teriyaki, and then you come over and can’t eat anything” I roll my eyes, shaking my head at the camera. 

He presses his lips together at my mention and nods. 

“I don’t eat meat” he mentions, shrugging “but I don’t mind at all, I don’t care if you eat meat”

I nod “I always prepare like one ratio and leave some for if you wanna try, but…” I shrug “I wouldn’t tease you into it”

“I know babe” He says, going to reach my cheek and pinch it. 

 I move away from his touch as I say “I’m not even going to answer this so… next!” 

Favorite feature about each other?

“His face is the stretchiest ever” I say with excitement in my voice. 

Without a doubt, I get up and walk right behind him, because I just need to do something. It's a necessity, this is something I do on the daily, showing the public was something I wanted to do so badly. 

“Look at this” I said, placing my hands on his cheeks and squishing them…stretching… squishing… stretching… squishing… I had so much fun. 

“I have so much fun doing this, it’s like playdough in my hands” I say, caressing my boyfriends face. 

“Okay, alright” he laughs, taking my hands away from his face. “My favourite thing is this” he says, still holding onto my hands and suddenly tugging on them hard. 

Before I even noticed, he was grabbing both of my arms together, and with great skill, he pulled my whole body over his shoulders, and as he got up from his seat and walked back. 

“What?!” I yelled loudly “Put me down!” 

He does as I said, and as he walked to the back of the room, he let me down right beside him. 

“She’s so tiny” he laughed, ruffling my hair playfully “I can carry her in my bag” 

I rolled my eyes “No, I’m not” I whined “Stop” 

He laughed again, and as he lifted his arm, and rested his elbow on my head.  “See this (Y/n) to Calum ratio” he mocks “I’m half a person” 

“Perfect size” I giggle, pushing him aside playfully. “Now that you’ve exposed my height, can we keep going please?” I say, almost begging. 

If we kept going with this, I could easily turn from funny to not so funny anymore. 

What do we argue about the most? 

Once again, we stay quiet for a good second, but not because we don’t know, it’s because there was really not an specific answer we could give. I don’t we even knew what to say. 

“I would say, the majority of times, we argue for the most dumb things you could imagine” I say, answering for the both of us  “But about serious things, it’s something very rare” I shrug. 

“I think our trending topic when discussing about something, it’s about me misspelling words when writing, and her losing it” he says, pointing at us and totally throwing me a look. 

“Dude” I sigh “Because then people will read and take it the wrong way, not cool” I argue. 

“It doesn’t matter, you just explain” he shrugs, completely not caring. 

“You need to listen, that’s what you need to do” I roll my eyes  “Read a book, punk” I let out. 

His eyes widen at my answer. “Oh is that it?” He says looking at me directly. 

I crack a smile, going to hug him, before he thought I was serious about this. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding” I let him know. 

I would never tell him something like that on purpose.

Nicknames for each other?

I sigh. “Sadly, I don’t have anything other than Cal, and all the regular sappy nicknames” I shrug  “I know I’m terrible, sue me, I don’t care” 

I speak honestly, all super creative nicknames were over thought and they could be weird sometimes. I was too classy to use anything overly new. 

“That’s mean, because I do have a couple of names for you” he mentions “Sweetie pie, Baby… The others I can’t reveal” he says slowly, patting my thigh with his hand. 

my nose scrunches “Why?” I ask. 

“They’re very confidential, you should know that”  he says, shaking his head. 

I shrug. “If I’m honest, I don’t know” I giggle “But I’ll keep the secret if that’s what you want”

He smiles, and leaving kiss on my cheek, we move on to the next question. 

Complete this sentence “You’re my……..”?

“Oh, this is the famous question” he says after reading the question out loud. A smile cracking on his face as he looked at me. 

“Was there a famous question?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. 

“All the guys were talking about this one, I’m sure you guys are enjoying this” he smiled at the camera and pointing at It. “Luke’s girl cried” he mentioned to me. 

My eyes widen “Did she?” I say, my mouth forming a pout “Oh man, I haven’t seen that” I sigh “You first”

He nods, already knowing that he would be the one taking the lead first.

“You are my saviour” he says, going to grab my hand. “I know it might sound sappy and you hate it, but it’s the truth. Before you I was a lonely guy, even when I had friends, I still felt pretty lonely, and I really appreciate the fact that I found someone who I can talk to, share moments… someone who I can lean on, It’s something that really gets me thinking… If it wasn’t for you, I would be sad” he says, pressing his lips together as he looked at me. 

“Really?” I asked in a whisper. He nods. “Cal…”

I wish I could keep it together, but hearing him say something like this… I’m front of a camera. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, we’ve been in these kinds of situations before, but right now, it felt different, and it felt special. 

“No, baby, don’t” he chuckles when sees my eyes starting to Glow. “See?” He tells the camera with a smile. 

“I don’t even know what to say…” I sigh, shaking my head “You’re my partner” I say smiling. “Probably sounds weird, because it’s obvious, but I mean it, you’re my best friend, I love spending time with you, I always look forward to be with you and have you by my side, I can tell you everything and I trust you more than anyone, I think being with you is without a doubt, the best decision I have ever taken in my life” I admit. 

The grin on his face is a real one, and once I finish with my words, he gives a squeeze to my hands, and leaves a kiss in both of them. 

“Come here, baby” he whispers, pulling my into his arms. “I love you, I love you, I love you” he says, kissing my cheek a lot. 

“You’re squishing me” I laugh “I love you so much, a million times, more than you do” 

And more than he could imagine…

                                                    _____

“So, this was our version of the girlfriend and boyfriend tag, I hope you enjoyed” I say first, as I smiled to the camera. 

“We also hope this brought you enough entertainment during this time, we for sure had a good time doing it” He continues for me, waving at the camera. “Until the next time, and remember to stay safe, bye!”

With this, we both lift our hands, and wave energetically at the camera, we turn of the camera, and our version of this tag was completed. 

It was a wrap!.

[killmytyme]

cherry cola | calum hood

image from this post by @siyahraat​

this fic is brought to you by @myloverboyash​​ absolutely destroying me with this text post, which I reblogged and went off in the tags and then couldn’t get it out of my head so I had to write out the entire scene. is this maybe the most self indulgent thing I have written in a really long time? yes. is this good? probably not. but i saw this whole cozy 3am snack run in my mind and had to get it out here somehow. 

warnings: none except for the most gross amount of fluff

word count: 2.4k

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The thing is, you had been craving a cherry cola slushy all day. It was all you could think about for the whole day, but you knew you didn’t need one, so when you had gone out earlier you summoned your willpower and didn’t indulge. The problem was that now it was 3am and you couldn’t sleep, and all you could think about was the gas station a 10 minute drive away that had the cherry cola slushy you needed. The other problem was that Calum was fast asleep, and you really hated driving alone late at night. It had been hours now of you laying awake and only thinking about the slushy before you decided you couldn’t take it anymore. You rolled over to face him and gently shook his shoulder.

“Cal,” you whispered, watching his face twitch as he started to stir. “Cal, wake up.”

“Hmm?” he questioned, blinking awake slowly. His arm reached out to pull you into him. “’S’wrong? You okay?”

“I need a slushy,” you say, pulling at him to move with you as you sat up. “We need to go get one.”

“Babe,” Calum’s eyebrows raised as he glanced at the clock on the bedside table. You knew what it would say, you knew how crazy this probably sounded. “It’s 3am, we can get slushies tomorrow.”

“No, Cal, I need a slushy,” you whine. “I know it’s 3am, I know it’s crazy, but I think I’m actually going to die if I don’t get a cherry cola slushy right now. Immediately.”

“Cherry cola?” There’s laughter in his voice, and you know you’ve won him over. “Babe, the best slushy flavour is blue raspberry. That’s just an objective fact.”

“Okay, well, it’s an objective fact, Calum Hood, that I am wasting away here without snacks or a slushy to sustain me!” You hop out of bed and grab the hoodie he tossed on a chair before he crawled into bed, throwing it at his face while he laughed at your dramatics. “If you loved me like you say you do, you’d get up and drive me, unless you want me going out at 3 in the morning by myself, which is dangerous and-” 

Your voice is cut off by the feeling of the hoodie you’d just thrown his way coming down over your head, and you squirm your arms up into the sleeves, Calum pulling the sweater down over your body.

“You’re lucky that I love you, you know that,” he says, smiling fondly at you. You grin back at him, the smile not leaving your face as he gets dressed and starts the hunt for his keys. “Who would have thought I’d find someone who drags me out of bed at ridiculous hours because they need a slushy, of all things, and I’m still in love with them.”

“It’s all part of my charm, you know,” you say as you tap your foot impatiently.

“If you say so.” He finally locates his keys and you both make your way out of the house and into the car. The night air is crisp, and the street is quiet in that way that only the middle of the night can be; still and peaceful, knowing you’re likely the only ones awake and moving, feeling alone but nowhere near lonely as Calum starts the car and intertwines your hands, backing out of the driveway.

You start pressing buttons on the radio to bring up some music for the drive, and he laughs when you land on the Top 40s station. At this time of the night it’s a DJ set, some local up and coming DJ getting the 3am slot to play terrible remixes to popular songs. Just your luck, you flipped to the station in time to hear Calum’s voice floating out of the speakers.

“Don’t you love this song?” you giggle, turning up the volume and singing along as the chorus starts.

“I wonder who it’s by,” he comments, playing along with you.

“It’s this band from Australia, they’re not that big so you probably haven’t heard of them. Pretty underground stuff.” You can’t stop giggling, and Calum couldn’t wipe the fond grin from his face if he tried. You get like this when you’re tired, silly and giggly, and it’s one of his favourite ways to see you. “They’re okay, their old stuff is better. Newer albums aren’t their best work.”

“Bold words from someone who hasn’t missed a beat singing along,” he squeezes your hand as he teases you, and even after all this time the simple action stirs up the butterflies that never seem to vacate your stomach when you’re around him.

“Hey, I never said I had good taste!”

“Clearly, you dragged me out of bed at 3am for a cherry cola slushy.” He laughs again at your mock gasp, but you don’t have time to defend your slushy choice before you realize you’ve driven by the gas station.

“Cal! You missed the turn, we need to-”

“Don’t you want other snacks? If we’re up, I kind of want cheese puffs. We can grab slushies on the way back, okay?”

“Calum Hood,” your voice is serious now, and he glances over with concern on his face. “You are a genius. Cheese puffs are exactly what I want. Can we get popcorn, too?”

“You can have everything you want, babe.” Calum turns the car into the grocery store parking lot and you learn your head back against the seat, facing him, and it occurs to you then that everything you want is just him and a thousand more midnight snack runs like this.

Once you get inside the store you both give apologetic waves to the cashier who nods tiredly at you and waves you in. The store is 24-hours but you both still feel that twinge of guilt walking in so late. Calum grabs a basket and starts heading to the snack aisle but you pull his hand back and gesture towards the produce.

“We have to walk the aisles! Like we always do,” you say, staring longingly at the rows of fruit.

“We always do that when we come here at 3 PM, not AM,” he says patiently. You ignore him, still staring at the apples until he sighs and gives in, letting you drag him through every aisle.

You each comment on things as you walk by them, falling into your usual store rhythm. One of the things you’ve always loved about Calum is his ability to make even the most mundane errand fun, the way he plays into your bits and lets you be unabashedly silly. He doesn’t think twice when you pause in front of the assortment of breads, fresh from the bakery, and ask in all seriousness for him to choose which bread he thinks most represents him.

“Kaiser buns,” he says without pausing to think.

“Yes!” you shout, and you both dissolve into giggles when a nearby associate jumps, clearly shocked by the noise. Calum calls out an apology as you continue to laugh. “Suits you. Crusty on the outside, soft on the inside,” you say through your laughter, poking him in the side.

“M’not crusty,” he says, tone offended, but you can tell by the crinkles around his eyes that he’s amused by your antics.

“You said kaiser! Not me!” You grab a bag for yourselves and toss them in the basket, much to Calum’s chagrin.

The rest of the trip goes just like that, pausing every few steps to delve into a deep discussion about white eggs vs brown eggs, or the best breakfast cereals, or the uses for the wide arrange of infused olive oils. By the time you make it to the check out you’ve spent far too much time in the grocery store, but the cashier, a woman with grey hair and kind eyes, smiles warmly at you as she rings you through.

Finally back in the car you dig out the container of cheese puffs and feed some to Calum as he drives. The DJ set is still going, this time the song is a mashup of two popular songs. You do your best to sing along but it’s switching between the two so quickly you can’t quite keep up, and Calum nearly has to pull over from laughing so hard at your attempts to follow along with the lyrics. In retaliation, you refuse to give him any more cheese puffs, pouting in an exaggerated manner at him.

When he pulls into the gas station and parks the car, he leans over and presses a soft kiss to your mouth in apology, murmuring a soft “sorry for laughing” against your lips.

“You’re only saying that so you can get more cheese puffs,” you sigh dramatically.

“You got me,” he smirks, lips still close enough that you can feel it on your skin before he pulls away and - the asshole - snatches the cheese puffs from you as he goes.

“Calum!” Your yell is met with just laughter as he hops out of the car, cheese puffs under his arm, and races into the gas station.

You catch up to him, giggling at how ridiculous your night has turned out, and find him standing in front of the slushy machine clearly deep in thought at his options. Under the cherry cola slushy dispenser sits an already full slushy cup, ready for you. You open your mouth to thank him and he shushes you, eyes squinting as they flick over the 6 flavour options he has to choose from.

The feeling that has been creeping up on you more and more frequently comes back again as you watch him. It’s the butterflies in your stomach, and the feeling that your heart is going to actually come bursting through your shirt with how full and warm you feel just looking at him. An hour ago he was fast asleep, and now here is he is with you, being silly and selecting a slushy flavour like it’s the most important decision he’s ever made. You’re so in love with him sometimes it overwhelms you, and it’s never in the moments you expect. It’s in small moments like these - in the back corner of a gas station at nearly 4am, under fluorescent lighting, wearing your rattiest clothing. It’s single minutes in time that make you positive there is never going to be anyone else for you, you only ever want to spend your 3am moments with Calum.

You’re roused from your staring when he moves towards the machine, moving your cup so he can place his directly under the cherry cola dispenser and flipping the lever. You make an indignant noise, and he shoots a smirk at you.

“You’ve been talking about it all night, I had to get it,” there isn’t even a hint of an apology in his voice for all of his teasing earlier, but you don’t even have it in you to rib him for it because you’re too focused on trying not to let how ridiculously happy these moments make you show on your face.

In fact, you wait to say anything at all until you’re back in the car, happily sipping on your slushies, the music acting as background noise now. Your hands are tangled again, and Calum’s thumb rubs softly on the top of yours.

“This slushy flavour actually is delicious,” he says eventually when you’re close to home, breaking your comfortable silence. “I understand now why you needed to get out of bed to get this. It really was an emergency.”

He’s smiling at you, but not in a teasing way. It’s the smile he gave you when you first met Duke and won the small dog over after hours of patiently sitting on the ground and waiting for him to come see you. It’s the smile he gave on the first night you moved into his house and he looked around at the mess of boxes among his things. It’s the smile he gave you when he walked off the stage the first time you unexpectedly showed up on tour to surprise him.

It’s the smile he can’t control, the one that comes out in his happiest moments. Those moments always include you.

“We should get married,” you blurt out. You feel your eyes widen slightly when you say it. You hadn’t planned it, hadn’t even registered the thought before you were saying it. You knew, though, you wouldn’t take it back. You didn’t want to see 3am without him ever again, and you hoped he felt the same way.

“Okay,” he says easily, his happiest smile still shining bright on his face. “Wait, like now? There are some people who might actually kill us if we got married at 4am in sweatpants. Like, I think Luke might actually kick me out of the band if I rob him of the chance to dress up and attend a wedding. You know how he is.”

“Not now,” you laugh. “You’re right about Luke though. I just mean...we should. You know, at some point I’d like to get married.”

“Me too.” You’ve pulled into the driveway now, but neither of you make a move to exit the car. This moment feels small, but it also feels large and vulnerable in a way that even the sound of a door opening might break. “I kind of want to be woken up by you at 3am for slushies for the rest of my life.”

“Good,” you reply softly. He starts to lean towards you and meet him over the centre console, pressing your lips together. It doesn’t even make the list of the most passionate or heated kisses the two of you have shared, but somehow the soft press of your lips feels like more - feels like everything.

Later that morning you sit on the couch, his head resting in your lap as you chat about everything and nothing, finishing your snacks and watching the sun come up outside of the windows. In a way, this feels like everything, too. From the minute you shook his shoulder a few hours ago until now, it all feels like a moment that needed to happen, like the universe knew you needed this collection of small moments to get you here.

“Hey babe,” you say after a few moments of silence. He hums in response. “Do you think at our wedding we could have a cherry cola slushy machine?”

Calum bursts into laughter, but you can feel him nodding his head where it’s resting on your legs. “You can have everything you want, babe.”

He cuddles into you closer, and you can tell from his relaxed face that he’s drifting to sleep, and all you can think as you close your eyes is that you already have everything you want.

[calumance]

can you do something with logan where aidens getting a bunch of attention(maybe he graduated elementary school or something) and logan feels a bit left out so him and cal have a day together with just them? imagine cal bringing little logan to the studio with him and logan feels so special and idk where i’m going with this but 🥺

Calum and Logan having a guy’s day just makes me so soft, but since I can’t be too soft, so there’s a side plot 👀 

           The party to celebrate Aiden moving on from elementary school to middle school was slowly starting to wind down. The only people left of the party goers being the bandmates and their significant others. Calum sat on the couch, his right arm draped over the shoulders of the woman of his dreams. His left hand clutching the glass neck of the beer bottle that was resting on his knee. A laugh escaped his chest as he listened to his friends talk. Once the laugh subsided he rested his lips on the side of the love of his life’s head. The scent of her shampoo still lingering in her hair from the shower she took this morning. This moment wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for her. “I love you,” He mumbled into her hair.

           She smiled as she turned her head to face him. Her finger tips gently trailed the line of his jaw. “I love you too,” she whispered before leaned towards him and pressing her lips to his. After their lips parted, she looked around Calum and into the kitchen. Her eyebrows pulled together and Calum tilted his head in confusion, “Logan hasn’t moved from that spot all night. Even when all the other kids where here, he didn’t want to play with anyone. He’s just been sitting there coloring all night.” Calum turned to look at the little boy sitting in the kitchen, “Do you think he’s okay?” She asked.

           Calum wanted to shrug, but before he could move his shoulders, he was pushing himself off the couch and moving towards his son. Logan didn’t move as Calum pulled the chair out that was next to him. He continued to viciously color as Calum sat down, setting the beer bottle off to the side of the table. “What are you coloring?” Calum asked in his best cheerful voice.

           Logan shrugged, “Dinosaur.”

           Calum examined the paper under Logan’s hands and nodded. He looked back at Logan’s face, his eyebrows pulled together in deep concentration. “Why didn’t you go outside and play today when all the other kids were here?” Calum asked as he reached up and ran his fingers through Logan’s hair.

           Logan kept his eyes locked on the paper in front of him as he shrugged, “Not my party, Aiden’s party.” Logan’s eyebrows furrowed harder as his coloring became more vigorous as if he was taking out his anger on the paper. Calum reached up and stopped him by lifting him off his chair and placing him in his lap. It was as if Logan was a teenager stuck in a five year old’s body.

           Calum hugged Logan into his chest and racked his brain for why Logan could be so mad. Suddenly, it hit him; all day and all week has been all about Aiden. Calum sighed and pressed a kiss to the side of Logan’s head, “Baby, are you feeling left out?” He asked as he rocked himself and Logan from side-to-side. Logan nodded against his chest, not afraid to tell his dad his true feelings. Calum’s eyes lifted to the group of people sitting on the couches in the living room, only a few eyes drifting over to them every couple of seconds. “Why don’t you come with me to work tomorrow and then after that you and I can go have lunch together, a guys day?” Calum asked as he pulled Logan away from his chest to look into his son’s eyes. Logan’s eyes lit up as a smile spread across his face and he began to nod intensely. Calum smiled and pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead, “Let’s get you ready for bed, then.” Logan agreed as Calum stood up, placing Logan on his hip to carry him to his bedroom.

***

           “So, what are you and Aiden going to do today?” Calum asked her as he ran a towel through his wet hair. He had just gotten out of the shower, and she had just woken up. She was sitting on the end of the bed, her knees pulled to her chest. Only a t-shirt of his covering her body, assuming it was one she found off to the side of the bed when she woke up this morning. Calum smiled to himself as he remembered the lust filled night they had.

           She shrugged and looked out the window, “Nothing, he wants to go to Josh’s house.” She smiled from ear to ear and looked back at Calum, “I’m thinking about just hanging out here, by myself, since I haven’t been able to do that in such a long time.” She dropped her hands from around her legs and placed them behind her as she dropped her legs and let them dangle off the edge of the bed.

           Calum hummed and tossed the towel he was using to dry his hair off to the side. He took a few steps towards her before dropping his hands onto the bed on either side of her. Their faces hovering next to each other’s. Her lips pulled into a smirk as his breathed ghosted over her lips. “Remember what happened the last time you were home alone?” He was referring to the time she was home alone and sent him pictures that were not suitable for anyone other than him to see. She smiled devilishly and pushed herself closer to his lips, “That would be nice to see again.” Calum remarked as he licked his lips wanting to taste her lips just one more time before he had to leave.

           Finally, she grabbed him and pulled his lips onto hers. Breaths of hunger for each other filled the room before she suddenly pulled away and popped up near the bathroom door. “Guess you’ll just have to get on your way to work to find out if I’ll do that again or not.” She winked at him before entering the bathroom and leaving him to let out a breath and shake every thought from his mind.

           Logan held onto Calum’s hand tightly as he skipped in excitement towards the studio Calum was all too familiar with. Calum laughed as Logan bounced with excitement as he opened the door and let Logan run inside free of Calum’s grip. As Logan ran ahead of him, Calum waved at the producers and other engineers that were working on the album with them. Logan caught sight of his favorite uncle and ran towards him while yelling Michael’s name. Michael picked him up and set him on his lap as he told Logan what he was doing with all the fancy nobs in front of him. Calum smiled and tossed his backpack towards the couch and grabbed his bass, ready to start working on whatever bass line he was needing to record for the day.

           When it was Calum’s turn to record the vocals, he told Logan to stay with Uncle Mike and made his way into the recording booth. Through the window, he could see Logan standing on Michael’s legs, hands resting on the sound board in front of him, eyes locked on Calum. Calum smiled as he placed the headphones over his ears and watched as Michael wrapped his hands around Logan to make sure he didn’t fall. As Calum started recording his vocals, Logan’s face lit up. Logan had always been in love with Calum’s voice, Calum knew it the first time he sang to him a few days after he was born. Calum smiled at his son through the window and waved to him. Logan stood up and waved back, a smile stretching across his face before looking back at Michael and pointing to Calum as if he couldn’t believe Calum had waved at him.

           Once Calum was done recording his vocals, he made his way back into the control room. As soon as the door opened, Logan leaped towards his dad in excitement. Calum picked Logan up off the ground and kissed his cheek. The two of them wandered around the control room for a while, Calum explaining to Logan everything that was happening. It wasn’t until Michael went into the recording booth that Logan got extra excited. Calum laughed and continued to hold him so he could watch his favorite uncle work.

           Calum was called over to work on another bass line, so Calum carried them both over to the couch. Logan sat on his knees as Calum grabbed his bass and set it on his lap. Logan rested a single hand on Calum’s shoulder as he watched in amazement. Calum kept a smile on his lips as he reveled in the feeling of the tiny hand on his shoulder. Once Calum was done working on the line, he turned to Logan who had a smile plastered to his lips. Calum kissed his cheek, “Are you ready to go get some lunch, little man?” Logan nodded and held his arms up so Calum could lift him and set him on his hip. After settling the little boy on his hip and tossing his backpack over his shoulder, he waved goodbye to everyone and headed out to the car.

           Logan sat across from Calum in the booth, a plate of food as big as him in front of him. Calum laughed to himself as he felt his phone vibrate. He started to dig it out of his pocket as Logan looked up at him, “I had fun today, daddy.”

           “You did? I’m glad, buddy. You know mommy and I love you just as much as we love Aiden, right?” Logan nodded and shoved a fork full of food into his mouth and aggressively chewed the food. Calum chuckled and unlocked his phone to read the message that had come through.

           His eyes widened when he saw the picture of his wife wearing a different shirt of his, a button up that she had always been infatuated with. From the angle the picture was taken at, he couldn’t tell if she had anything on underneath the shirt, but secretly he hoped there wasn’t anything. The text under the picture simply read, “When are you coming home?”

           Calum gulped and looked up at Logan who was chewing his last bite of food, his legs swinging back and forth. His face showing happiness and contentment. Calum’s lips pulled up in a smile as the love for the little boy sitting across from him filled his heart. He looked back down at the phone and typed out a message, “Right now.” The message sent and he slid the phone back into his pocket. As the two boys left the restaurant, Calum couldn’t help to feel full with love in his heart, and hunger for the woman waiting for him at home. A smile spread over his lips, there was nothing that could make him feel the way he felt right now.

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tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh @another-lonely-heart @limer-encia @itsmytimetoodream @babyoria @treatallwithkindness @karajaynetoday @talkfastromance4

Ko-fi

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I'm obsessed with the famous singer with Calum universe and imagine your about to realease your first album and you ask them to come into the studio and listen to it and they all just give there genuine opinion on it while your head is on Calum's shoulder and your just break all the songs down for them and what they mean to you. But what if it was like Clairo's album bc that shit just SLAPS ok gn

Thanks for the suggestion! I tweaked it just a little bit. I hope you enjoy. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, five and six. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any other suggestions for this series, please send them to me! I’ll use as many as I can while still progressing this story along!

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The flight is no doubt long for Calum and he sleeps like a log on her couch, cuddled up with her dog. He’ll admit to missing Duke, but it’s nice to have another furry body around to curl up with. She manages to him wake up for food. Watching him sit at her tiny dining room table, with his eyes constantly blinking from sleep lingering, she can barely keep a grip on his plate. She wants to hate what Calum is doing to her. But for a fleeting moment she lets herself linger on the thought that maybe she can have this one day. As the plate settles with a soft thud, Calum smiles up at her. “Thanks,” he says, voice thick and deeper than normal. Her spine shivers, toes curling. It’s not like she hasn’t experienced this before while she stayed with him. But this--this just feels different between them now.  

“No problem. I still can’t believe you just hopped onto a plan for me? That’s so insane.”

“Of course. I just wanted to help. I’d do it again too if I had to.” 

“I have to go into the studio the rest of the week. I’m sorry about that.”

Calum takes her hand, across the coffee table, fingers gently grazing her skin. “You say that like I don’t understand.” They laugh, gently only cut across by the sound of her dog’s paw across her hardwood floors. “You gotta work. I’m just here to help out.”

The jetlag isn't as major as Calum thought it would be. It helps that he managed to sleep on the flight and his nap definitely aided. Her apartment is unmistakably small, but it’s cozy with the hanging plants and the sunlight that she lets come even once the sun has settled and night has fallen thickly over the city. “Only one bed, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can figure something out. I can take the couch.”

Calum, throwing an arm over her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her temple, steps through the threshold of her bedroom door, keeping her in toe. “You are not sleeping on your own couch. If anything, I would. But I’m comfortable sharing a bed if you are.”

She nods. “I’m okay with that.” 

And she is, but she can’t help her heart from fluttering when Calum returns from his shower, no shirt and just sleeping shorts. She peels back her covers, patting the empty space next to her. When he settles, albeit with a lump in his throat, he turns onto his stomach, clutching the pillows into his arms. “This is the point where we tell each other ghost stories,” he teases. He’s hoping his laughter doesn’t shake. He hopes she can’t detect how his body is shivering as the scent of her detergent and the mixture of hair products and lotions climbs into his nostrils. 

She slips down under her covers, the lights in the room clicking off as she finds the switch for the bedside lamp. “I don’t have many of those. Generally, I try not to mess with ghosts.”

“Understandable.”

Turning onto her side, she goes to reach out and hesitates. She can’t believe it. He’s really here, across the globe for her. “I’m pretty sure you might be a ghost right now.”

Calum shakes his head. “Nope, I’m very much real.” He reaches out and takes her hand. He noticed it, how she retreated. Their fingers glide over, before she threads her fingers. He tugs her hand close and kisses over each of her knuckles. “I’m very much real,” he whispers into her skin. 

Her morning routine starts earlier than usual, but only by a half an hour, as a phone goes off at 5:55 in the morning. “Fuck, sorry,” Calum straightens up, reaching across her to turn off his phone alarm. “I’m sorry.”

She laughs, wiping at the corner of her eyes. “It’s alright.” She hums as she stretches. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He falls back into the sheets, welcoming the warmth it brings. “It’s just--it’s a thing I do.” He’s trying to remember for a moment where he put his wallet. 

One hand on his chest, she kisses his cheek. “Whatever you need, just let me know.” 

“My pants,” he grumbles, wiping at his face. 

She nods, and slips out of bed, finding his pants laying across his duffle bag. “Incoming.” Calum sits up and catches his pants, patting the pocket, and there in the back pocket is his wallet. He fishes out the wallet and photo, his mother’s grin making him smile in return. She spies something small that he pulls out and the warm smile. She wonders what it is, but she doesn’t push it before walking out into the hallway. 

Their morning is quiet, Calum joining her to make a quick breakfast after taking her dog for a walk. The morning’s a bit breezy, though not overly so. Calum watches from the passenger side of the car as she rolls down the streets. “Sorry again about my alarm.”

She waves it off. “I’m an early riser anyway, Calum. Really, it’s fine.”

“It’s just a thing I do. I have this picture of my Mum and I. Makes my whole day better starting it out like that.”

Paused at a traffic light, she looks over with a soft smile. “That’s really sweet.”

“So, uh, what’s on your agenda today.”

“Laying vocals for one last song. And god knows, I’ll be laying them for hours.”

Calum remembers her previous rants about needing to get things exactly the way she sees them in her head out on tape. He’s excited to hear more music from her. The two singles are amazing, a bit more bluesy alternative than what he was creating, but the way her vocals reminded him of melting chocolate and she managed to teleport the listener, like sitting in a dark room with an old record playing in the background. It’s awe inspiring and a thing he always went back to when he felt like he was missing a home that he had never really been to. 

The studio is cozy. It’s really just her, the producer and a couple other people. It’s close and intimate. As Calum settles onto the couch outside the recording booth, he keeps to himself but is polite as he’s introduced. “I didn’t expect a partner in crime for today, but uh, this is the famous Calum I probably don’t shut up about.”

She admits it so freely and Calum can’t help but gape. He’s not sure his ears are working. “She really don’t shut up about you, mate,” the guy introduced as Paul laughs. She steps away and lower, Paul adds on, “I’m not attempting to be big brother here. But that girl’s basically a sister to me. And she hasn’t smiled nearly as hard in about a year than she smiles about you.”

Calum watches the door, waiting for her to be just around the corner. When she’s not there, he turns back around. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’m a goner. But it’s, hard. The living situation right now.”

Paul nods, pulling his hair back into a bun. “I get it. I do. Shit’s not easy right now. But, I’m happy she’s happy. And I’m rooting for this. You seem decent. Literally flown across continents for her. That’s mad, but also, really genuine.”

Giggles signal of her arrival, that she’s just down the hallway but Calum chews over what Paul says, as he settles into the seat in front of the mixer and she slides into the booth. This thing went deeper that he realized. Through the speakers, everyone catches her vocal warmups, and Calum sneaks a cheeky video of her, making faces. “I see you, Calum!” She signals him out through the glass. They can only laugh before she returns to her work at hand. 

Halfway through the day, they take a break and as the group leaves to gather lunches, she waves for Calum to join her at the desk. He slips into the second rolling chair. “Hopefully it’s not too boring?”

“No, it’s really not. It’s amazing to see you work.” He can feel the emotion anytime she does a take and it’s always more and more each time she goes. He worried for a second she’d loose her voice but Paul’s always there to reel her in. 

“I wanna play you something.” He watches her click around and soon through the speakers, Calum hears the crooning guitar, wailing and setting the tone before her voice accompanies it. Her voice swells in his chest and he thinks for a second, he might be crying. But he can’t be. Not until she gently takes his chin, guiding him to look at her and her thumb comes up to wipe away gently at the corner of his eye. 

“God, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Maybe if you stopped singing like an angel, I wouldn’t.”

She laughs, fingers dragging down his cheek, across his moles. “Don’t know what I can do about that.” And her voice is still singing around them, she’s still wailing along with her guitar. Calum just listens, part of him wishing he was listening through headphones to catch every tsk of the drums and listening to the creaks and breathes. 

As the break comes around, her guitar crying out more and slightly out of the melody established, Calum bops along. His head dipping and shaking with the frets. “God, that sounds so dirty, but somehow so emotional at the same time,” he compliments. And as the tracks play on, he listens to each one, fingers picking out the keys and notes over the wooden desk. The guitar sounds like it was laid all at once, not much fuss what layers around it. Just like it was a moment that was just her and her guitar. He compliments each track, gives small suggestions here and there for production, but overall, he’s blown away by her craftsmanship and the way she’s been able to communicate with her team with what she wanted for each song. 

“I want to write like you someday,” Calum teases over his plate. “What’s the secret?” The last twinkling of the bass and piano play out around them. And Calum’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to pick his jaw up off the floor. 

“Being insane,” she returns with a soft laugh. “And having a really great team of course.”

“You’re the mastermind behind it all,” Paul addresses. “We’re just the minions. The pawns in her games of chess.”

She scoffs, working down the last scoop of soup. “Let’s be honest. I’d be lost without you.”

“Nah, you really wouldn’t, babes. You know what you want. I just happen to be able to translate it for you.”

Picking up a napkin from the table, Calum cleans away a little bit of soup that’s dribbled down her chin for her. “And a messy eater, clearly that’s needed in the recipe for creative genius too.”

“Fuck off,” she huffs throwing the plastic her spoon came in at his chest. 

The session ends soon and as they all climb out, taking hallways back to civilization, Calum slips his hand into hers. He pulls them to the side, letting the crowd continue on. “You’re really talented, you know?”

“Nah, I’m not that--”

“No, you really are,” he interjects. His fingers come up to her chin, dancing across her skin. “You really, really are.”

Her cheeks are hot. She’s not sure how to hide the smile, if it’s okay to smile and for the moment all she can focus on his him, and the way his exhales are soft and his lips are such a  pretty pink. “Thank you,” she breathes. 

Calum dips his head, inching and inching closer. “Is-is it okay?” His lips are so close to her and instead of verbally answering, she meets him. They’re lips graze properly and briefly. She pulls away, body flooding with embarrassment and before the words can vomit over her lips, Calum pulls in for another kiss. This one longer, lips actually tasting the other. She thinks she could kiss him forever. 

There’s a soft echo as their lips part. Her eyes are still closed, inhaling deeply to still her rapidly beating heart. “Yeah,” she says, then clears her throat. “It’s okay.”

Calum smirks at her answer, laughing as he kisses her again. This time without fear, without hesitation. Her fingers clutch around his shirt, he can feel her pulling at him like she can’t get close enough. But there is nothing, no inches, no centimeters, no millimeters between them hardly besides the cotton of their clothes. 

There’s desperation, all the I miss you’s and I really could use a hug from you right now’s and all the almost spoken signs of affection pour themselves out into the kiss. They’re not handsy, not dying to cave into hedonism. Just unsure of how to use words to express the concern, the love, the care for each other. Calum cradles her face, pulling back just a little for air. “I’ve wanted to do that for like, so long. And it’s a shame how giddy I feel doing that.”

“No, never a shame. Because like my guts feel like they’ve been folded over like pastry dough right now.”

Laughing into each other, they linger for just a moment longer in the hallway. They share breaths, trying to find the steady established rhythm that they innately have, but getting so lost in each other’s gaze. She’s never really noticed just how deep the brown goes in Calum’s irises until now. “I have lyrics brewing in my head right now and like, it’s embarrassing,” she confesses.

“No, never embarrassing.”

“You cannot use my own sentiments against me.”

“I think I just have.”

-H

[oyesmendes]

wildflower - calum hood

a/n: i’ve had this storyline sitting in the works for days soooooo.... its gonna be a couple of parts so lets see where this takes us ya? full of dialogue and unnecessary descriptions. 

summary: after a nasty breakup, Karla Rivera finds herself working as one of the new producers/songwriter for 5SOS. She had no intention to fall in love right now, but one conversation struck a chord with her. In between producing a smashing album and writing hit singles, Karla finds herself entangled in the arms of a man who she never thought she’d end up with.

“Alright boys, as much as I love working with you guys, I think it’s time I bring in someone new.” Andrew says as he shuffles around the kitchen of the Malibu beach house. The boys had rented this place out for a month to work on their new album, as well as to take a short break from tour. They had only arrived yesterday, but things were already starting to bloom and they had a few songs on their hand they thought would fit the album.

“What do you mean? Are you leaving us?” Luke sat up in his seat. All the boys were sprawled in different corners of the kitchen, munching on their breakfast before the day of writing began.

“I’m not leaving, just bringing someone new in.”

“Who? And why do we need someone new?” Andrew could only roll his eyes at the question, downing the last bit of his coffee before throwing it into the sink.

“You’ll know her when she gets here. She’s talented, and I think she could provide something fresh.” He looks at the time on his phone, “She should be here soon, just play nice”

The boys all gave each other looks. They haven’t really stepped out of their circle of people when it came to music, so working with someone new and not to mention a female songwriter, could really give them a whole new perspective on things.

Karla finds herself sitting in the car for way too long. She was parked outside a gorgeous beach house on the quiet side of Malibu and she was dressed in an old concert T-shirt she had stolen from her brother, along with a pair of shorts and sneakers. She takes three deep breaths and gives herself a small pep talk before climbing out of her car. This is your job she reminds herself, it’s something you love to do.

When Karla first received the phone call from Andrew, she was reluctant to move even an inch off the bed in the guest bedroom of her brother’s apartment. All she wanted to do was shove down another pint of ice cream and watch old re-runs of Real Housewives. She knew her brother was the culprit behind the phone call, filling Andrew in about her breakup with her boyfriend of three years. Andrew had blown up her phone afterwards, calling Karla every single day until she finally agreed to come write with him for a week. Though it was a good intention, trying to get Karla out of the house, Andrew knew it was also her prime time. The overwhelming emotions she felt more often than not would be translated into the most beautiful words, and she would produce sounds unheard of. So here she was, standing in front of the door of the house. She had her water bottle and duffel in hand, notebook, phone and iPad in the other. The white door swings open, and Andrew pulled her into his arms immediately,

“There you are!” She returns the hug, a genuine smile on her face after finally him in the flesh. Andrews pulls away, hands clasped to her upper arm and he takes a good look at her. Karla thanks god for the Benefit concealer she’s slathered under her eyes or she’d be getting an earful from him. He grins at her and pulls her into the house, down the hallway to the living room where she spots the four boys with their heads buried in some form of instrument or notebook. They don’t take notice of their presence at first until Andrew clears his throat, and the boys look up at him.

“Boys, this is Karla Rivera, she’ll be working with us for the week!” Andrew says a little too enthusiastically. Karla gives them a small wave, and she notices the look that the boys give each other. They were unsure of her that was for sure, having not met her before. Ashton stood up first, Karla reaching her hand out but the boy pulled her into a single arm hug. She laughed when she was caught off guard by him, which set the boys smiling as well. Calum, Michael and Luke followed after, and they were settled down at the couch so they could show her what they had been working on.

-

“This is good… maybe we can add a bum bum bum.” She hummed a tune the boys had never heard before, and Andrew scrambled to play it on his guitar.

“And then for the lyrics maybe we could do - killin’ me slow with the words you wrote, the heart you broke…” Karla paused to scribble words onto her notebook before singing out, “calling my name, I don’t wanna stay but I’m wide awake, I’m wide awake.” Everyone in the room was in shock at how naturally the words flowed for her, this being the second song that was almost done and definitely had potential in being on the album. There was a lot of humming and words being muttered under their breath, until Calum shot up from his chair.

“How about - just one more taste of you my love. Then we repeat the first two lines? This could be the chorus!” Luke was already by the piano, playing out the melody and singing to the lyrics they had just written down.

“Thin white lies”

“What was that, K?”

“Add the line of thin white lies after that line that Calum just said, have someone sing it in the background or something.” Andrew looked to the boys who followed suit, their eyes widening when they heard themselves perform it. Karla had a wide grin on her face when she heard it unfold, her eyes meeting Calum’s who looked equally as satisfied. They still had a long way to go with empty verses that needed to be filled, but this was a small victory worth celebrating.

“Holy shit.” Ashton mumbled after hearing the small part.

“I told you she was good.”

“Didn’t tell me she was that good.” Andrew smirked at him before working to compile all the components of the chorus together. After the chorus came together, everything else in the song fell into place easily. All four boys worked on the lyrics with Karla, who made the words fall out of their mouths. They had almost the entire song written from top to bottom, the melodies and layering all in place, and they were just missing a bridge and outro.

“We could just stray away from the conventional structure” Michael suggested, but Ashton shook his head.

“No, it feels like something is missing.”

“How about…” Karla had her head in her notebook, flipping through the worn out pages of it. She often dug through the words she had written before but never used, and they would often be essential in a situation like this. Her finger ran across the page that was filled with her scrawly handwriting just a week after her breakup, and that’s when she found the exact words.

“I don't think I like me anymore. Can someone tell me who I was before? We can repeat this twice, I think it fits.” Calum writes it down on the paper that they had the lyrics on, and Luke proceeds to sing it out. Those words definitely fit. They all cheer, high-fives thrown among each other. Karla smiles softly, celebrating with the boys. They take a fifteen minute break for Andrew to record everything down, and Karla took this chance to step outside on the balcony. This was her favourite kind of view - watching the sea crash into the sand, the sun shining above the horizon and a few people laying on the beach having a good time. She thinks about all the time she’s spent at the beach in her three year relationship. How they’d spend every important date in their lives celebrating in the salty water, getting sand so far up their ass they’d shit sandcastles for days. She laughs to herself then shakes her head out of those thoughts. It’s been a whole month since that faithful day, she’s got to get over it. Just as she was about to go back inside, Calum startles her with his voice and she jumps.

“Jeezus, you couldn’t be any stealthier huh.” He chuckles, and Karla notices how his eyes crinkle.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” She gives him her middle finger, and he stands next to her, admiring the view as well.

“What you did in there, those words were really cool y’know?”

“Thank you.” She says shyly. It’s been nearly five years since she started working as a songwriter, and she still couldn’t handle compliments well.

“Those words came from somewhere?” Karla knew where this conversation was going, but she wasn’t ready for it yet. She nods to Calum, then shrugs her shoulders. He understands and doesn’t push the boundaries.

-

They worked on a couple more songs before they called it a day. The boys had all agreed that Karla brought something different to the table, and pushed them to a whole new level they never knew existed. The lyrics were definitely more vulnerable and honest, and they were enjoying every single moment of it. Food and beer was strewn all over the table, the boys chatting about the next leg of the tour and what not. Karla was the first to notice that Calum wasn’t in the room with them, and she looks around only to find him on the balcony, a cigarette in his hand.

“You know, one too many of those and you could die.” It was his turn to jump, and Karla smiles at him when he dramatically raises his hand to his chest.

“I’d die of a cardiac arrest first.” She playfully shoves him, then moves to take her place on the outdoor sofa. Calum joins her and the pair stay quiet for awhile, just watching as the waves crashed harder on the sand.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Karla hums in response, her eyes closed as a cool breeze passes by. Calum places his hand on her knee, squeezing it slightly to get her attention. Her eyes flutter open and she looks at him, brown eyes and all, just staring at her.

“It just reminds me of my ex.” She sighs, leaning her head back on the chair.

“What does? The ocean?”

“That, and everything else. It’s like I wake up and all I can think about is how awful I feel without him by my side.” His heart scrunches up at her words. He’s finding the right response to her statement, racking his brain for the exact words. But is there a correct response to such a statement? Her voice gets him out of his head, and he’s listening intently again.

“He cheated y’know? I wasn’t in town and he fucking cheated. Had sex with a girl on our bed.”

“A fucker.” Calum seethes. He hears her chuckle and it confuses him for a moment before she speaks up, “that’s an understatement.” Karla leans on his shoulder, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She felt a sense of relief admitting this to someone other than her brother or her best friend. And it felt good to finally get her emotions out on to paper and into a song.

Calum felt his heart race at a dangerous speed when her head came into contact with his shoulders. It was unlike any other feelings that he’s had before. He finds himself being curious, wanting to get to know more of her, and so desperately wanting to feel her touch against his skin. They sit like this for a long time, the sound of the waves and soft music in the background. He leans his head onto hers, humming a soft tune every now and then.

[completemalum]

You're My Favorite Place

Or alternatively, Four Times Calum Almost Kissed Michael and One Time He Did.

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Rating: Everyone

A/N: This oneshot is basically a collection of mini stories that all kind of connect to each other. Title based off Favorite Place by All Time Low.

2006, Age 10

It was another Michael and Calum Weekend Sleepover, and Michael had woken up crying due to one of his night terrors. Calum was currently cuddling Michael with Michael's face buried into Calum's neck. It wasn't unusual for them to cuddle like this. They usually ended up forgoing their sleeping bags and sharing a bed together. Plus, they were best friends. They saw nothing wrong with sharing a bed. But for some reason, this felt...different to Calum. Calum was no strangers to Michael's night terrors and was always willing to help calm him down. But for some reason, this time he felt like he needed to protect Michael. Which was weird, as Calum was scrawnier and quieter than Michael and Michael was pretty much Calum's bodyguard. And with the way Michael's hand was bunching up Calum's shirt and his nose pressed against Calum's neck, he had a strong urge to kiss Michael. But he told himself no, boys can't kiss other boys. And boys especially can't kiss their best friends. Plus, he liked girls...right? At that moment he wasn't quite sure if he had ever had a crush on a girl. But he didn't want to spend all night contemplating if he liked girls or not. What mattered was that he was there, with Michael. He opted for a quick kiss on the top of Michael's head once he was sure Michael had fallen asleep and cuddled close to him before falling asleep himself.

2008, Age 12

Calum knew two things: 1. He had a huge crush on Michael. And 2. He was bisexual. He learned the term "bisexual" after his older sister, Mali, came out to him about her secret girlfriend. And honestly, he was very comfortable with that label and quite proud about figuring out his sexuality. But of course, Michael didn't know. He couldn't know. Calum was so scared that him telling Michael that he likes boys would scare Michael off because what if Michael somehow found out about Calum's crush on him and didn't want to be friends anymore?? Calum couldn't bear the thought of that. So he kept his thoughts to himself, occasionally sneaking glances at Michael and smiling at the way Michael stuck his tongue out in concentration whenever they played video games together.

Calum was yanked out of his thoughts when Michael announced "It's hot in here, can we go watch TV downstairs or something?"

Calum shrugged "We could go outside and play football."

"Noooo, playing football with you isn't fair, you always win!" Michael whined, flinging himself dramatically onto Calum's bed.

"Now you know how I feel playing racing games with you." Calum retorted with a grin

"Fiiiine." Michael groaned as he got off the bed. Calum grinned and followed Michael downstairs, grabbing the football by the door before stepping into the backyard. "Same goal spots as usual?" Michael asked

Calum nodded and put the football on the ground, gently kicking it with his foot. "Same goals." He grinned before taking off with the ball towards the goal.

"Hey! No fair!" Michael yelled, chasing after Calum. Calum laughed as Michael started catching up with him. But Michael, being clumsy as he was, tripped over his own foot, sending him and Calum tumbling. When they landed, Michael had Calum pinned to the ground. Michael grinned at Calum "Totally meant to do that."

The thought of leaning up and kissing Michael crossed Calum's mind, and he blushed before quickly pushing the thought out of his head. "Uh, let's go inside and grab a snack." Calum hoped Michael wouldn't notice that they only played football for like two minutes.

Luckily, he didn't notice, as he shrugged and said "Okay." Before climbing off Calum and heading inside. Calum groaned softly to himself before following Michael in. Having a secret crush on your best friend is hard.

2011, Age 15

The band 5 Seconds of Summer was officially together, and while they were just a small YouTube channel with a couple hundred subscribers, they were happy to be doing what they were doing. They were about to start band practice at Michael's house. Calum was the first person there as usual, sat in the basement where they rehearsed tuning his bass. Michael came downstairs to join Calum, nervously picking at his nails. Calum looked up and noticed Michael's anxious habit. "You only pick at your nails when you're nervous. Are you okay?" He asked gently.

Michael nodded as he joined Calum on the couch "It's just...I need to tell you something. But you can't tell anyone. Not even Luke and Ashton. I'm not ready to tell them yet." Calum nodded with concern on his face but gestured for Michael to continue. Michael took a deep breath. "I think I'm gay. I've known for a while now...I just finally came to terms with it recently and I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just...really hope this doesn't change things between us. I don't want to lose my friend because I like boys." Calum felt his heart leap with joy. He had a chance. Maybe. Michael liked boys so it's a start at least.

He put his hand on Michael's arm "Mike...nothing could change between us. You're my best friend and it'd be dumb if I didn't want to be friends with you anymore because you like boys. I'm really happy for you, thank you for telling me." Calum saw relief wash over Michael's face and he gave Michael's arm a comforting squeeze. God, how bad he wanted to kiss Michael right then. He opened his mouth to give Michael his own confession but right then Luke and Ashton came barreling down the stairs, arguing over some new video game. Calum squeezed Michael's hand before getting off the couch and grabbing his bass. How he wished he had the courage to tell Michael how he felt.

2015, Age 19

Michael was hurt. Bad. A fire cannon had malfunctioned during one of their shows and hit Michael in the face, catching his hair on fire and burning the left side of his face. Calum had gotten burned too while trying to help Michael, but once they were at the hospital he had insisted he was fine, so they put some cream on his arm to soothe the burn and wrapped it up. Ashton was outside making phone calls and Luke went downstairs to the cafeteria to get food. Calum had told Luke that he wasn't hungry and wanted to stay with Michael. Him and Michael sat in comfortable silence for a while before Michael spoke up.

"Cal?" He asked. Calum looked up and his heart broke. Michael's lip was quivering and tears were gathering in his eyes. "What if I have a scar on my face because of this? What if people think I'm ugly?" His voice shook as tears fell from his eyes.

"Mikey..." Calum said softly, standing up to sit on the bed. He put his hand on Michael's cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb "You could never be ugly. Not to me, at least." Michael smiled softly, leaning into Calum's touch.

"Thank you for being here with me. And holding my hand on our way here. You're the only person able to keep my grounded."

Calum smiled and intertwined his and Michael's fingers and kissed his hand "I'd do anything for you." He still hadn't confessed his feelings to Michael yet, but he had become bolder with his physical affection for Michael and he knew Michael wouldn't think anything of the hand kiss. Before either of them could say anything, Luke came back with food, causing them to part. Calum cast one more longing glance at Michael before helping Luke get the food out.

2018, Age 22

5SOS was in the process of finishing up their 3rd album, Youngblood. They only had a few songs left to record and were recording the song "Why Don't You Love Me" and Michael was singing his solo in the song. All four of them were in the studio that day, but Calum was watching Michael for most of it. But he could've sworn that Michael was staring at him for most of his solo. After Michael finished, their producer suggested they take a break to get lunch. They all started to file out of the room, but Calum gently grabbed Michael's arm to stop him. He shoved his hands in his pockets before saying "Who's the song about, Mike?"

Michael looked taken aback "I-I don't know what you mean..."

Calum scoffed "I know you better than that. Every song you write involves some aspect of your life. You dont just casually write a song like that. And I noticed you glancing over at us. So, who's the lucky guy?"

Michael dropped his head and said in a voice that Calum almost didn't hear "You."

Calum's heart stopped "What?"

Michael sighed and lifted his head "The song is about you. I've been in love with you since we were 16. I wrote this song a few years ago. I'd hoped getting my feelings out would help me get over you, but-"

Michael was interrupted by Calum lunging forward and pressing his lips to Michael's. Michael made a noise of surprise before kissing back. The kiss was desperate and filled with years of unspoken words. Calum's fingers were tangled in Michael's hair and Michael was desperately gripping Calum's shirt. Calum didn't want to pull away, but he finally did when he needed to breathe. He rested his forehead against Michael's as they both panted, trying to catch their breath. After a few minutes, Calum whispered "I've dreamt of kissing you every night for ten years." Michael smiled and rubbed Calum's sides before whispering "I love you, Hood."

[littledrummeraussie]

i wanna feel you in my veins.

Word count: 7500+ Author’s note: This would be the best time to come up with a ship name for yourself [Y/S/N]. :) Also: lots of drinking.

playlist / masterlist.

The invitation to the Chainsmokers guys’ party couldn’t have come at a better time. Recording a new album was a really lonely process – between that and appearing on various shows and festivals, it was a nice change to be able to finally go out and have some real fun. Having worked with the guys on their previous single meant that I made it to their ’party contact list’, at least that’s how Alex referred to the group he invited over to Saturday night.

He promised me a good time, and I had every intention to grab the opportunity, dress up, get a little tipsy, sing some songs, and maybe even jump into the pool in my clothes – anything, that would result me having a night off away from the studio and home, and put me into a place where there was finally some life.

I’ve checked my makeup one last time before getting into the cab and spent the drive to Alex’s house answering his and Drew’s messages. I made sure they knew I was on my way, and no, I was not planning on ditching their party. The music playing at the house was noticeable even from the end of the street by the time I’ve arrived. I’ve made my way up to the door after paying my driver, but before I could knock, Drew opened the door for me.

”And there you are!” he grinned at me, and pushed a red plastic cup into my hand without missing a beat.

”It’s nice to see you too,” I laughed, giving him a half-hug, careful not to spill my drink on him. ”Alex?”

”Setting up some fun stuff,” Drew winked at me as he pulled me inside. ”Come on! You’re pretty much the last one to arrive, you know?”

”Had to make an entrance. That way people will remember you.”

Drew snorted, and picked up his own cup, ushering me to the living room where the party was going on full force. I’ve bumped into people I knew every step of the way, making small talk, sharing stories and a laugh, or just giving them a hug before moving on the next person. I was just finishing up saying hi to Alex when suddenly someone called my name from the other end of the room.

”Hey, Y/N!” waved a tall blonde at me, a smile spreading across his face. ”Come here!”

Alex waved me away, promising to catch up with me as I made my way to the couch where the blonde – Luke from 5 Seconds of Summer, – stood up to squeeze me to his side and give me a hug.

”I swear you’ve grown a few more inches since the last time I saw you,” I looked up at him and chuckled as he grunted.

”It’s the boots,” added Calum, winking at me. ”They are magical!”

”Alright, alright, you just laugh,” Luke rolled his eyes, and tossed his drink back.

”I mean, I wish I could pull those off,” I gave him a smile. ”They look really good on you. And Cal is definitely jealous of them too.”

Calum snorted, and pulled me in for a hug. I liked how my friendship with them was so easy and fun. For a few months we’ve worked next to each other in the studio, and it was amazing to hear their finished album after all of those times only listening to the snippets and layers they’ve shared with me.

”It’s always nice seeing you,” said Calum. ”You should come around to these parties more. Right, Ash?”

”Yeah, that would be nice,” agreed Ashton when Calum let go of me. ”Haven’t seen you since we finished the album.”

”Trust me, the studio is definitely more lonely since then,” I smiled at him, for which he grinned back.

It was his turn to embrace me, and I went into his arms willingly. Ashton held me tight for what felt like more than necessary, but I’ve brushed off the feeling – he was probably already on his second or third drink, and maybe even a little bit tipsy. It was possible that he was happy to see just about anyone.

”Alright, out of the way, Irwin,” said Michael, and shoved Ashton away a little. ”It’s my turn to get my hugging on!”

Ashton pulled a face – he tried for annoyed, but the smile was playing at the corner of his mouth, – and let go of me, his hand lingering on my waist a second too long as Michael pulled me closer. After that three of them settled back on the couch, Calum giving up his place for me between Luke and Ashton, and he sat down on the floor in front of us.

”So how’s the album coming together?” asked Michael, leaning over Ashton to hear me over the chatter. ”Do you need us to wreak some havoc for inspiration?”

”God, no,” I shook my head and sipped on my drink. ”There was enough mayhem happening in there this week. I really needed this party just to clear my head.”

”What’s wrong? What happened?” Luke joined in, putting an arm around my shoulder and turned more in my way. By now I was pretty much pushed against Ashton, who didn’t look like he minded it at all.

”My bassist and drummer quit on me. They had some argument with the producers about arrangements and lines and solos. This was going on for a while now, but it really blew up this week, and they just up and left,” I admitted; it felt really good to be honest about my struggles with people who understood what it meant to be a musician. ”And now comes the fun part: I have to find some people who will help me finish up recording the album, and maybe even re-record the previously finished songs, because if we use the tracks the guys did before, we have to credit them and all that stuff. And I just really don’t feel like doing that after the shit they’ve pulled on me.”

”Sounds like those two really pissed you off,” commented Michael. ”And I’m not surprised, to be honest.”

”We will just go on and see what happens,” I’ve shrugged my shoulder, and smiled at him.

”I mean, we could always just replace them for you,” said Calum from the floor, resting his cup on my knee, giving me a smile. ”You’ve got me for bass, Ashton for the drums, Mikey will whip out an awesome guitar solo in no time, and Luke can do some backup vocals for you. Or we can just send him on a coffee run.”

”What is wrong with you all tonight?” asked Luke, rolling his eyes at Cal, who just laughed at him.

”You know he does this on purpose, right?” I patted his knee. ”You make this too easy for him.”

”I’m watching you, Hood,” he pointed at Calum, who just continued laughing at Luke.

”I’m with Calum,” said Ashton suddenly. ”Just say the word and we will be in the studio with you and record all those songs. It was a shitty move from them, and you deserve better than that.”

”See? Ash is right. We are also so much better than them, let’s be honest here,” Calum continued. ”And if for some reason we couldn’t make it there, I’m sure Ashton would just go ahead and record all the instrumentals for you if you’ve asked him.”

”Ashton could be your one-man-band,” snickered Michael, and the others joined in on it.

Ashton smiled, and mumbled something into his cup. I found their promised help and the seriousness behind it really cute, and how they never stopped teasing each other. But before they could continue with their antics, Alex and Drew appeared before us, both of them wearing matching grins.

”It’s time to have some fun, youngsters,” announced Alex.

”We challenge you to a group karaoke game,” said Drew and pointed at us. ”We’ve paired up everyone at the party to play, and since you guys seem to have all the fun together, we just decided to go with it. So, we’re gonna ask the fans on Twitter to tweet us their challenge song for you, and then you split into two teams, and let the battle begin!”

”I’m not even surprised, this is such a you thing,” I shook my head with a smile. ”Alright, what do we do?”

”Could you just lie over their laps while we take a picture of you all to post it?” Alex asked, already pulling out his phone.

”You’ve put way too much thought into this, man,” said Michael, as Calum pulled me off the couch to switch places, and sat back down between Ashton and Luke.

”Could be funnier with Luke lying across our laps?” I’ve tried to ask, but Drew shook his head.

”Nope, you go and just do your thing. And anyway, you’re much prettier than Luke.”

”It’s true!” Luke raised his cup to clink it to mine. ”Cheers! Now come on, get in our laps!”

I was sure Alex was making a whole video of me just sitting down on Cal’s thighs, swinging my legs up so Michael caught them, and just put my head in Luke’s lap. They all held onto me as we got into position, and the guys started to take photos of us.

”Are you ticklish?” asked Michael, reaching for my waist.

”Don’t you dare! Mikey, no!” I’ve bolted up laughing, almost falling off of them.

Suddenly I had two arms around me, and I held on to Ashton’s shoulders, sitting fully in his lap, still laughing, and trying to pull away from Michael’s grabby hands. He let go of me for a second to push Michael back a little, who continued mimicking the tickles.

”My hero,” I beamed at him, and leaned my face against his. I could feel his cheek getting warmer, his smile growing.

”Will you be on my team?” Ashton asked me, and I just nodded. ”Cool! Alright, then the three of you can just do whatever you want, we will win this shit!”

”What are we now? 3 Seconds of Summer?” asked Luke, looking at Calum and Michael. ”3SOS? No, that sounds crap!”

”I would say we are Team Y/S/N,” I turned back to Luke, still sitting in Ashton’s lap. ”And you guys could be…”

”Definitely Team Losers,” snorted Ashton.

”At least we’re alright with that,” said Calum, punching Ashton’s arm, and we all joined in on laughing about their little inside joke.

 * * *

 ”Okay kids, here comes the challenge,” drummed Alex on his thighs, getting everyone’s attention around us. ”The fan votes are in and…”

We were all standing on the makeshift stage with the karaoke machine fired up, Luke, Michael and Calum on one side, and Ashton and me on the other. We were both given microphones, which we had to share within the group – and that was definitely a challenge in itself for the guys in Team 3SOS, as they’ve decided to call themselves. Ashton stood behind me, resting his head on top of mine, arms still around my waist, swaying to the background music as we’ve waited for the fans’ song choice.

It surprised me, how comfortable I was with him being this close and affectionate, but the drinks I have drowned must have played a part in it. We were at a party with booze, music and friends – a little hugging and friendly flirting was normal; at least that’s what I’ve told myself whenever my stomach did a little flip at Ashton’s touches.

”…they have challenged Team Y/S/N and Team 3SOS to sing the ever classic Take On Me by A-ha!” announced Drew, already holding up his phone to film the performance for their followers.

”Do you guys even know this song?” snickered Alex while looking for the track on the machine.

”Do we look like we live under a rock?” shot back Michael, trying to grab the microphone from Calum’s hand. ”Hey, gimmie that!”

”Our chances at winning are getting better,” stated Ashton. ”You can’t even agree upon a fuckin’ mic.”

”Let’s see if that’s true,” said Alex as he finished with getting our song ready. ”Also: you’re the drummer, your whole team is riding on Y/N’s vocals!”

”Really, I just have to look pretty,” shrugged Ash, making me and everyone else laugh. ”We all know who’s the best singer here, and which team will win!”

”Too much talk, not enough singing!” shouted Luke at him. ”You two are going down!”

”Oh, it’s so on, Hemmings!” I slipped out of Ashton’s arms, and nodded at our two hosts with a smile. ”Hit it, boys!”

The next 4 minutes were the most fun I had that week – I forgot about all of my troubles while me and Ashton tried to make it through the song without bursting out laughing at how the other three guys fought over the microphone or how they missed their cues at the verses. We managed to score a few claps and whistles as we sang our parts – or maybe those were for Ash’s dance moves, which he did to distract his bandmates.

As the last notes faded out, everyone who gathered at the party gave us a round of applause, and we all took a bow for the show of it. Alex and Drew were deep in conversation, probably trying to figure out who they will announce as the winner. Calum slipped next to us, throwing an arm around Ashton’s shoulder, and gave us a toothy grin.

”How does it feel, knowing we have crashed you?”

”Dream on Calum, dream on,” I winked at him. ”You clearly weren’t part of the A-team.”

”It’s three against you two, we had more man power,” he continued, patting Ash’s back. ”I mean, come on, we clearly have this win under our belt!”

”Nobody cares what’s under your belt, Cal,” Ashton elbowed him, giving his pal a grimace. ”Definitely not Y/N.”

”How do you know? Maybe she’s into me,” Calum wiggled his eyebrows, and I burst out laughing, holding onto his shirt as he gave me a hug. Something flashed in Ashton’s eyes, but before any of us could say something, the two Chainsmokers guys appeared on stage.

”This was a ridiculously entertaining showdown, that’s for sure,” said Alex, grinning from left to right. ”So now it’s time to announce the winning team, which gets two shots of tequila as a reward. Don’t say we’re not generous.”

Calum left to go back to his other two mates, so Ashton put his arm around my waist. He didn’t look at me; his eyes were trained on his friends, the crowd around us, on his shoes. I was thinking about sneaking an arm around him as well, maybe ask him if he was doing okay, when suddenly Drew pointed at us.

”…TEAM Y/S/N!”

I missed most of their announcement, but it was clear from the way Ashton picked me up and spun me around that we won the impromptu karaoke game. We’ve got another big round of applause as the other guys made their way to us to give their congratulations and hugs, making a few comments here and there that made us all laugh as we’ve left the stage.

Alex was already pulling the next two teams up to continue the game, and we were ushered to a side table by Drew who gave us our shots, documenting every step of us licking salt, drinking tequila, and sucking on the lime he prepared for us. I was sure by the end that there were more pictures of us doing this process than when we were singing on stage, but a quick look at Ashton’s face made me realize that I did not mind it at all. He looked happily back at me, the lime wedge still between his teeth, and I knew I wouldn’t have this night any other way.

 * * *

 For the next hour or two the guests lingered around the stage and sang along to one song after the other, cheering on their favourite teams or friends as they gave their best karaoke performances. The show ended with Alex and Drew challenging each other, and their rendition of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go was definitely something that was worth waiting for. After the song was over, they’ve switched to their own setup, and started playing some more recent songs, making everyone jump to their feet and start dancing.

The rooms were crowded, people pressed against each other, solo cups and bottles raised as they were singing and dancing. Someone caught me in the crowd, twirling me around, and I happily danced with them until the next person came to take their place. Song after song I found myself dancing with someone else, sometimes with people I knew, sometimes with strangers.

Then Luke appeared in front of me, and he was my partner for the next few songs; the same happened with Alex, then Drew, both of them singing drunkenly in my ear – one better than the other. When he found an appropriate song, Michael shimmied next to me, both of us jumping and laughing, playing air guitar and just being huge dorks. Calum followed Mikey, trusting a cup into my hand, smiling and joining in on the fun, the two of them giving a mini rock concert in the middle of the dance floor.

As others started to join in as well, I found myself drifting away from the group, looking for something else to drink, – I was sure Cal gave me the rest of his beer, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to drink that, – when I stumbled upon someone wearing a familiar checkered shirt. I tapped his shoulder, and Ashton spun around, giving me a surprised look. He looked wide eyed and out of breath, but as soon as he realized it was me, a smile appeared on his face, and I felt myself falling for him a little bit more. I told myself once again that it was only the party and the booze speaking – the air was humid, I was pleasantly drunk, and I’ve been dancing for hours. Whatever I felt or did tonight – they won’t mean anything in the morning.

”Hey stranger,” he put his arm around me, smiling down at me.

”Hey partner,” I smiled back at him, tugging a little on his shirt. ”Long time no see.”

”You looked like you were having fun,” he nodded his head in the direction I came from, where Calum and Michael were still doing their thing.

”Are you? Having fun, I mean,” I asked him, still looking at him.

”I am now,” his gaze moved back to me, then gave me another smile. ”Can I have this next dance?”

”How long have you been waiting to ask this?” I bumped my hips against Ashton’s, for which he just laughed at me.

”Long enough. So?” he quirked an eyebrow at me, returning the hip bump.

”Lead the way, partner.”

Ashton held out his hand for me, and I took it, letting him pull me back to the dancefloor. He never took his eyes off of me as he guided us through the crowd. Then he drew me closer, his arms locked around me, trapping me against his body. He was slightly sweaty and his skin was warm, and as I’ve leaned into him, I could still smell a faint citrusy scent on him. Ashton started humming, softly singing the lyrics to the song that was playing from the stereo. His breath tickled my ear, and I hid my smiles against his neck, letting myself get lost in our little world.

One song followed another, people around us changed, some sitting down, others just joining in on the party – yet we were still pressed against each other, Ashton’s hands firmly on my hips, my arms around his shoulder and neck. Sometimes we were singing, sometimes he was making snarky comments paired with a cheeky grin, and I had to stifle my laugh against his cheek. Luke appeared once next to us, giving us both a cup, said something about staying hydrated, then left with a pat on Ashton’s arm. We’ve spent the next hour wrapped up in each other, bodies moving together, singing at the top of our lungs, until I couldn’t take it anymore, and tiredly leaned against him.

”Feet’s sore,” I giggled as I’ve tried to take off my heels.

”Come on, let’s take a break,” he said, already moving us to a couch in the corner.

He went looking for something to drink, and I held onto our cups until he returned. Ash sat down next to me, his thigh pressed against mine as he poured me my drink. After that he just leaned back against the couch, taking a swig from his cup, his eyes still trained on me. I kicked off my shoes, pulled my legs up under me, then changed my mind, and with another laugh I’ve put them over Ashton’s lap.

”Is this your subtle way of asking me to give you a foot rub?” he asked me, already moving his hands to my feet.

”Ashton. Remember. Ticklish,” I poked his knee with my toe, and he smiled back at me, resting his hands instead on my knees.

”Well, we don’t want you to fall off. It’s harder to catch you this way,” he said, slowly drumming his fingers on my leg. ”So, about the studio…”

”Don’t even mention it,” I shook my head. ”I don’t want to think about it until I really have to go back. I need a few days off to work all of this out. I just really, really need a break from it.”

”But if you really need help… you know we’ve been serious, right?” he asked me, sitting up a little straighter, pulling my feet a little more into his lap. ”I mean, I know Cal would help, but… you can count on me. It would be no trouble at all! I would be more than happy to come by and record the drums for you. Even the bass if he can’t make it. Just say the words, and I’ll be there first thing in the morning.”

”That’s really nice of you, Ash,” I sat up as well, sliding my legs off of him, pulling them back under me. ”And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the offer more than anything. But I do need someone who will be able to come on tour with me, and… I just can’t steal you away from your fans,” I finished with a smile.

”Maybe we could just tour together. Make the best of it,” he bumped his shoulder against mine, a twinkle in his eyes.

”I mean, I wouldn’t say no,” I winked at him, making him smile wider than before. ”But if you have a good candidate for the drums or the bass, send them my way, please. I would be happy to consider them, especially if they come with your recommendation.”

”My lady, you have my word,” he held up his cup and clinked it to mine. ”To new beginnings!”

”To new beginnings!” I mimicked him, then we both took a sip.

The conversation soon turned around, and I was the one asking him about how the promotion and their tour were shaping up, what ideas they were playing with, and what people can expect from them now with the new album out. Ashton talked excitedly about their sound and the plans for the upcoming shows, and I found myself hanging on his every word. By the time he finished describing his merch ideas, my cup was once again empty.

”Do you think we could get something else to drink?” I asked, and with a theatrical move I turned my cup upside down, which made Ashton laugh.

”Say what – how about we go back to my place? I’m sure I have something fancy you would like,” he said suddenly. ”We could drink that, and just pick up where we left off before you interrupted me.”

”How dramatic,” I rolled my eyes at him with another smile.

”I mean, only if you’re okay with that,” Ashton added, turning serious for a moment. ”It’s alright if you want to stay, it’s a party, and I–”

”No, it’s cool. I would actually like that,” I nodded, and he visibly relaxed.

”Great! I’ll just call a cab for us, and then we can go,” he replied, already pulling out his phone.

I’ve started to put my heels back on, trying to take a moment to clear my head and think about what just happened. Ashton’s offer could have meant anything, and I was drunk enough to not think about any of the consequences; still, I trusted him, I knew going with him probably meant that we will both fall asleep on the couch, and wake with a hangover the next day. And if something else happened – well, didn’t I say it to myself that it wouldn’t matter in the morning?

I looked up just in time to see him holding out his hand for me; I took it with a smile, and he pulled me off the couch, giving my hand a squeeze. Ash led us out of the room and grabbed our jackets from the hallway, helping me into mine, putting on his own, then we slipped out of the house together. I held onto his arm as we made our way down the street to where the cab was waiting for us. Ashton pulled open the door, waiting for me to get in, and after that settled on the other side of the backseat. He gave our driver his address, and then just stared out of the window.

His fingers were drumming on the seat between us, following the rhythm of the song that was playing on the radio. I didn’t know if he was nervous or excited, or if it simply was just a habit he couldn’t shake. I bit my lip, then slid my hand down to the seat, slowly inching my fingers closer to his drumming ones. When his fingertips caught mine, he stopped abruptly, but after a few seconds he slid his hand against mine, loosely interlacing our fingers. I gave his hand a small squeeze, just as he did with me before – he looked at me for a second, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. We sat there silently with our hands intertwined until we arrived to Ashton’s house.

 * * *

 We had no idea how did we end up like this, lying on the carpet in Ashton’s living room floor. After he paid for our cab and led me inside the house, Ash told me to make myself comfortable until he found the promised drink. So I kicked off my heels once again, settled on the couch and waited for him, while looking around the room from my spot. He came back with two glasses and a bottle of wine, already telling me a story about a birthday party in one of those fancy clubs and how each of them smuggled out a bottle while they were leaving. This made us trade stories back and forth about similar parties that we either attended together, or on our own, the things we did during those occasions, let them be embarrassing or funny.

Award shows and after parties, concerts we’ve liked, concerts we’ve hated. People in the business who we found cool, and people we wanted to avoid as much as we could. Best songs and entertainers in the last year, and the worst of them. There wasn’t a topic we couldn’t talk about as the hour went on. Then I found myself slipping off the couch and lying down on the floor, and in a second or two Ashton followed suit; our bodies were facing the other way, but our faces were resting next to each other as we’ve continued talking and laughing about our experiences.

”Stay still,” I said suddenly, making Ashton stop in the middle of his story as he gave me a confused look.

”What?”

”Don’t move,” I repeated again, slowly reaching towards his face. Ashton followed the movement until my fingers touched the corner of his eye, brushing them against his skin.

”It’s just… there was an eyelash on your face,” I smiled at him, then held it between my fingers, and raised it to his mouth. ”Blow on it.”

”What does it do?” he asked me, but then dutifully blew a short gust of air on my fingers, his breath tickling them.

”Make a wish,” I said with a shrug, followed by a laugh. ”At least, that’s how I remember it.”

But Ashton did not laugh – he was looking into my eyes, slowly blinking and watching my every move. It felt like he was waiting for something, like he wanted to say something, just didn’t know how to form the words. We stared at each other for a long time, both of us quiet, lost in the moment.

”You know…” Ash whispered, then bit his bottom lip for a moment. ”I really fucking want to kiss you.”

”Is that your wish?” I asked softly, biting my lips as well.

”You have no fuckin’ idea,” he breathed, closing his eyes for a moment, then looking back at me with such intensity that I’ve thought I’ll catch fire. ”You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do this, do you? How every time I look at you I have to fight the urge to pull you close and kiss you senseless. How I want your attention only for myself whenever we are in the same room. How… how it drives me crazy, that even looking at your pictures or seeing you perform makes me want to do it, I– I just really fucking want to kiss you.”

Was it the truth, or just the alcohol we have drank that night – I wasn’t sure; but I knew that after his confession so many things started to make sense. The way he always stood so close to me, how his touches lingered, how his arms were around my waist during the party. The way he was looking at me, or how he and his friends acted around me, how he did not hesitate to be on the same team as me during our little singing competition. His smiles, the constant need to help me out with my music, and then leaving the party together, fingers interlocked all through the drive to his house. And now – now we were lying on the floor, looking at each other like it was the first time.

Memories came back to me in flashes from the last year, when the guys were still my next door neighbours in the studio. The first few days were awkward; we’ve only ever seen each other in the parking lot or the hallway, until one day Michael came over and asked me if I wanted to get some pizza with them, since they have ordered too many boxes – again. After that everything came so much easier; we’ve spent a lot of time talking about music and songwriting, we had some jam sessions and traded demos, giving each other tips and ideas. Spending time with the group was a lot of fun, and I did not have a boring day in the studio while they were there. And then there was Ashton.

Ashton, who would knock on the door of my studio and ask if it would bother me if he crashed on one of the couches there, because all the others were already taken in their studio, and he was just really tired, and needed a nap. Who quietly snored in the corner while I was working on lyrics and arrangements, and who would wake up later and ask about what they meant, why did I choose those stories to tell. Who would post the pictures I’ve taken of him napping, because I’ve always sent them to him, and he would make comments about how he was “working hard”.

Ashton, who always showed me his favourite drum samples and the new sound he came up with; who would call me over to their studio when he was excited about his newest creation, or just appear out of nowhere and give me a quick performance on the drum kit in our recording space. Who would stop just outside the room to listen in on my recording sessions after he realized I’ve been doing that with them for weeks.

Ashton, who always gave me a half-hug when they passed me on the hallway, who always stopped by to ask me if he could get me coffee or lunch. Ashton, who, when it was just the two of us, always looked at me with so much passion, and with whom I’ve shared so many heated looks during those months that every time I was sure he will push me up against the closest wall, and have his way with me right then and there. How every time I’ve wished that he would do that.

”That’s a lot of time you’ve spent thinking about kissing me,” I answered quietly, trying to keep my eyes on him, and not look away.

”Do you think I’m crazy?” Ashton asked, running his hand through his hair, over his face, almost like a nervous habit.

”Crazy? No,” I shook my head, reaching for his hand to pull it back. ”Ambitious? Definitely. And maybe a little bit drunk.”

”Maybe,” he moved to lie on his side, still looking at me. ”But still I want to kiss you.”

”I don’t want to disappoint you.”

”Let me be the judge of that,” Ashton said, reaching over to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.

”Are you sure?” I whispered, locking my eyes with him again.

Ashton licked his lips, then he was up on his elbows, bracketing me in, leaning over me. His breath was hot on my cheek as he tilted his head closer, brushing his lips against my chin, to the corner of my mouth, and then to my lips, kissing first the bottom, then the top. We were upside down, my nose pushed against his chin, feeling a slight stubble on my skin as his lips worked against mine, his teeth giving a little nibble which made me gasp, and he slipped his tongue in my mouth. He tasted like wine with a hint of something unique that I was sure was Ashton himself. His fingers tangled in my hair, angling my face so he could kiss me deeper.

My hands shot up, running my fingers up the nape of his neck and pulled him as close as I could, smiling into the kiss as a shiver ran through him. He made a little laughing sound as our teeth knocked against each other, tongues licking and tasting, lips wet and swollen. Ash pulled away for a moment, gasping for air, eyes dark and wide, looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world, and it made my heart beat more wildly than when he was kissing me.

”So… what do you think?” I asked him while I was trying to catch my breath. ”How much on a scale from one to ten?”

”I’m not sure,” he shook his head, leaning back to rest his forehead against mine. ”Definitely need seconds.”

”You’re a dessert kinda guy, aren’t you?” I laughed, my fingers still tangled in his hair.

”I do love sweet things,” Ash gave me a little chuckle, and pressed his lips back to mine.

For long minutes we’ve stayed like that – whenever he tried to pull away, my teeth caught his bottom lip, lightly biting and pulling on it to keep him close to me. Whenever I was trying to catch my breath, his lips wouldn’t stop moving against my jaw, peppering kisses there and gently sucking on my skin, leaving faint red marks all over me. Then we started to slow down, noses pressed together and lips slightly parted, feeling each other’s breath on our skin as Ashton lay back next to me.

It took us a few more moments to open our eyes and look at each other. I’ve let my gaze linger on his features, trying to catch all the small details – the shape of his eyebrows, the length of his lashes, the different colours in his eyes; his swollen lips, the straight line of his nose, how his hair curled around his ear, and if I looked close enough…

”My god, was that me?” I reached towards him, finding a smudge of red on his cheek.

”Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ash smiled contently, pushing his face against my hand as much as he could.

”My lipstick is all over your face,” I answered as I’ve tried to clean it off of him.

”Your lipstick stain is a work of art,” he started singing it, catching my hand and pulling it to his lips to leave small kisses all over my fingers and knuckles.

”Are you really quoting She Looks So Perfect on me?” I giggled as Ashton sang a few more notes.

”Why not do it when it’s true?”

I felt myself blushing, and Ash leaned over to give a small kiss on my forehead. The little gesture made me shiver, and the need to be closer to him was even stronger now; I slowly sat up, turned around and as I lay back next to him, I pushed myself against his side. His arm found its place on my waist, his hand big and warm against me, and I rested my head on his chest, my head fitting perfectly under his chin. I could feel his heart beating rapidly under my fingers, and it felt like my own started to sync up with his. Maybe it was only a few minutes, maybe even an hour gone by like this, but the next thing I knew was Ashton pulling me even closer to his body, and his fingers brushing the hair back from my face.

”Are you okay?” he ask softly, running his thumb across my cheek.

”Hmm, just tired,” I whispered in return, leaning into his touch.

”Come on, sweet thing,” Ashton said, kissing the top of my head. ”You can have my bed.”

He helped me up from the floor, and started to guide me up the stairs to his bedroom, the arm around my waist keeping me safe on the steps. Ash asked me if I wanted to borrow some of his clothes, but I was already half asleep on top of his bed, so he just pulled the sheets around me and covered me with them.

”Stay with me,” I called after him when he rose up from the edge of the mattress. ”Please.”

”You sure about that?” he asked, leaning back to make sure he heard me right.

”We’ve already kissed, Ashton,” I mumbled into his pillow. ”And I’m too drunk to have sex with you right now.”

”Who talked about sex?” he laughed, then I felt him pull back the sheets and lie down behind me, slowly sliding his arm back around my waist, like he did so many times that night. ”You feel so good,” he let out a sigh, burying his face in my hair.

”You too, Ash. Warm and comfy,” I pushed back a little to feel more of his body heat against my back, and I felt his fingers find the bare skin of my stomach where my shirt rode up under the blankets.

”…and just so you know,” he whispered against my ear, voice already thick with sleep. ”I wouldn’t want to have sex with you right now… cause when I do, I want to remember all of it.”

 * * *

 The morning found me in the kitchen, still in my rumpled clothes from the night before, trying to find my way around the unfamiliar place and my feelings. I woke up in a room I did not recognize at first, but then I’ve felt Ashton’s body pressed against mine, his breath tickling my ear, his light snoring almost lulling me back to sleep. I wanted to give in, to close my eyes and let the moment last, but I slowly started to remember the previous night, and I couldn’t stop replaying everything that happened.

I needed a moment to breathe, to go over the things we’ve said and done, and to work out what will happen after this. Was Ashton serious when he said all those things, or was his drunken confession only a fragment of my imagination? Maybe I made a mistake, maybe I misunderstood his flirty behaviour, and I shouldn’t have come with him. Maybe I made it all up in my head.

As I sat up next to him and looked back at his sleeping form, eyes closed, features soft, hair falling over his face, I remembered how he kissed me during the night, how his arms pulled me closer whenever he felt like I was too far away. How being right there with him felt like the most perfect thing that could ever happen to me. How I wished that this was really the beginning of something new, and not just a casual fling between two friends.

I was fiddling with the coffee maker, trying to make it work when I’ve heard Ashton start moving upstairs, doors opening and closing, the water running in the bathroom, and then his feet thumping down the stairs. He was still wearing the same clothes he slept in, the ones he also wore during the party at Alex’s house. His hair was tousled, eyes sleepy, his gaze searching me as he rubbed his face. He looked relieved, I realized – maybe waking up to an empty bed wasn’t what he expected. Maybe he thought that I’ve already left.

”You know… you did a crappy job trying to get that lipstick stain off my face,” he said finally, pulling away his hand, and showing me the red smudge still colouring his skin.

”At least I can be sure now that my lipstick is kiss-proof,” I answered with a small smile, stepping to him and reaching up to wipe the stain off his face.

”I didn’t say I want it cleaned off,” Ash caught both my wrists, pulling them over his shoulders instead. ”Maybe I like those markings.”

”Just so you know… there’s a lot more where those came from,” I whispered, gathering all my courage and taking a chance; I needed to know what last night made us, what we were now that the sun was up and we were sober.

”You could cover my whole face with your lipstick and I would die a happy man,” he breathed, leaning closer and brushing his nose against mine.

”Careful what you wish for,” I grasped the collar of his shirt, lightly tugging on it.

”I was,” he bit his bottom lip, trying to hide the smile appearing on his face. ”Look how it came true. I did kiss you last night.”

”Took you long enough,” I tugged his shirt once again, bringing him a little bit closer.

Ashton gripped my hips, and in a second he pushed me up against the wall, pinning me there with his whole body. His left hand found its place on the back of my neck, running his fingers through my hair, his right one pulling me closer to him as his lips hungrily kissed my jaw.

”Ash…”

”If you’re gonna ask me what does this make us, then I must be doing a terrible job at this,” he stopped for a moment, breathing heavily in my ear.

”Then you just have to kiss me senseless once again,” I said, tilting my head back a little to look into his eyes. ”So I don’t ask silly questions…”

I didn’t have to ask him twice; Ashton just leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine, sliding his tongue in my mouth, and making good on his promise.

Later that morning, when I was about to leave and go home to have a shower and get myself a change of clothes, Ashton nuzzled his face against mine, his stubble lightly scratching my skin, making me promise that I will be back as soon as I can. I kissed him for a long moment while the cab was honking at us, mumbling something about leaving my favourite lipstick in his bathroom, and how I needed to see him again to get it back – the sooner the better.

It was only 20 minutes later when a message popped up from him with a picture attached to it – eyes wide, hair wet, and a pout that made my heart melt. I already miss you – Ash x

He still had the fresh lipstick stain on his face.

[myfalsedevotion]

good morning vicky!!! for the questions for authors i would love to hear about 5, 7, 12, 15, 18 and 25 for athob! (honestly debated just sending you 1-30 but i controlled myself) 😌💙

Hiii! Sorry this is coming so late in the day 😅😅 Thank you so so much for the questions Maya 🥺💙 Here we go!

Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

For All the Hues I’d say my room, cuppa tea, rain. Sometimes I lit lavender candles. If it’s not raining, I usually use MyNoise hahahaha I don’t know what it is about the sound of rain, but it always helps me write :3 Have a couple playlists on spotify too, but I usually just start singing the songs and thus I stop writing hahahah

I remember writing most of Hourglass on train rides or subway rides to class, though 🤔. I guess it depends on the fic hahahah

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

I usually write dialogue pretty quickly (because I’m used to screenplays), so when it’s time to “fill in” the gaps between dialogue I procrastinate a lot. Like you wouldn’t believe 😅

Also, since I’m a very slow slow writer, (this is going to sound super fake deep probably) but I realise some actions the characters take that I planned at the start, I just don’t agree with them anymore? And they feel stupid, and childish and for some reason that puts me off of writing so much. I struggle a lot with writing feelings, decisions or even POVs that I can’t understand/relate to anymore. And I know that makes me the definition of a pretty bad writer, but I just can’t write something I don’t feel like it’s the best/right decision for the character. And of course, that only comes with perspective (after months/years), and I hate it, because I know the characters don’t have that perspective in that moment and that’s why they’re acting like they are, and that I shouldn’t change the planned storyline in any way. So yeah, I struggle writing through those moments because of that. That was probably not worded right and now I’ve confused you even more hahahah Sorry for the rant 😅

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I think I’ve said this before somewhere (maybe we’ve talked about it?) but even though I absolutely adore reading tropes, I never think I’d be able to pull any of them off? Like yeah, I’d love to write a fake dating AU cos drama and mutual pining, but I’ve just read so many amazing fake dating aus and I am fairly confident that I can’t do it hahahah Maybe in the future I’ll try, I don’t know hahaha

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

Listen. I’m a Film Studies graduate. I’ve already thought about shots and colour theory and composition and scenes and everything I’d love to see for All The Hues of Blue like 1276351827635187264 times. I have a background writing scripts, I can assure you writing ATHOB was basically envisioning scenes and storyboards and then filling up the action and thoughts and inner monologues in between the dialogue hahahah. So if a producer told me they wanted to make it a film? You bet I’d be thrilled (and also demand I be part of the production hahahahaha) Never gonna happen though 🤣🤣🤣

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Okay, I think I’ve talked to you about the last scene in All The Hues before, and how I think I will never be able to top that “You’re golden.” last line. I’m definitely proud of that one.

But there’s this bit from Calum on Chapter 7 from Rare as Gold, that starts with:

Calum had never thought he would meet someone that would know how to act around him when his mind was playing tricks. Michael knew how, but he had learnt with time. With Ashton, it seemed easy in a way that was almost scary. Like the older anticipated Calum’s needs even before he did. Or maybe it was just due to them being so honest and open with each other that Ashton knew how to read him. Or the fact that the few times he didn’t know, he asked what Calum needed.

and then he goes on an inner monologue about the metaphysics of the soul and soulmates and superdeterminism and the universe being alive that had me bursting with excitement once I finished writing it. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I got once I finished writing that whole bit. Which wasn’t planned, I just had something like, “fill this with inner monologue before going back to Ash”. And I know this is the one that I’m most likely going to be called fake deep over, and I just don’t care because I love it so, so much.

I remember texting that whole chunk of text to friends and saying “is this like…too much? Is this too much for a fic where it doesn’t even advance plot?”. There were mixed opinions, my best friend said it was indeed too much, but she’s never read any of my writing in its entirety, and she didn’t understand how this could fit with the previous inner monologue I had established for Calum. Another friend did think it was perfect for Calum. I went over it for a couple of days, and I still loved it too much, so I decided to keep it in. So… idk. hahahah

25. Which idea came to you first in All The Hues of Blue?

Okay, this is a funny one. So, I think I’ve told you about how All The Hues was supposed to have been a one-shot? 😂😂 I still have the very first draft where I wrote down ideas, it’s titled:

I am cringing as I read it hahahha But basically years before, I had seen this one post on tumblr about a prompt featuring a Michael Bublé song and being in a retail shop? And I couldn’t for the life of me remember the exact prompt, and since Christmas season was close, I just took his Xmas album and run with it 😂 😂 This is a sad story but it’s true and I can’t never stop laughing when I think about how much ATHOB means to me and how stupid was it’s conception as a fic hahahha

Hope these answeres weren’t too boring 😅 Thank you so much for the ask!! 💙💙💙

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

CALM Release Day Prompts

Friday 27th March marks the release of the 4th album by 5sos - CALM and I’ve been waiting and anticipating this album for so long that it wouldn’t be right to not celebrate its release on here

Some of y’all who follow me might remember a couple of weeks ago when I did a similar thing for the release of Heartbreak Weather during which I dedicated an entire day on my blog towards Niall and producing Niall content

This Friday I will be doing the same but with 5sos - I’ll reblog posts, I’ll put out blurbs, headcannons, etc, and it’ll all be 5sos

With all the shit that’s going on in the world at the moment I know for a fact that I, for one, need a distraction such as this so I hope you guys will join in and not just in the requesting writing sector of this day - please just come talk to me about the album, give me your initial thoughts, your favourite songs, your theories on the days leading up to Friday, just please come and talk to me about it!

I’m posting this today because below are speech and AU prompts which you can use to request blurbs with - these requests will be open from now (Friday 20th, 11PM, GMT) until midnight on Sunday 22nd (again, GMT) so that I have a chance to write the requests you send in with the prompts as well as schedule some of the 5sos stuff I’ve already got in my drafts

I think this could be a really fun thing to do so I hope you’re as excited about it as me! 

And if you’re just discovering my blog for the first time through this post, please come and join in as well! I write for all the guys (though I currently have yet to write for Mike and only very limited fics for Luke but I love writing for them so please request!) and I also do poly!5sos stuff (i.e. poly!Cashton x reader is my fave tbh but I also love poly!Kayshton etc), if you have any queries about who I write for/what ships I’ll write for then don’t be scared to send them in!

Speech

“I love everything you hate about yourself”

“In the end we migrate towards comfort. I am my most comfortable around you.”

“I didn’t get soaked wet through walking to your house for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in.”

“Please let me help you”

“I love you, of course I worry about you”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“How much did you drink?”

“Did you have another nightmare?”

“I do love you - I’m just not as good at it as you are”

“It was pouring and you ran off with our SHARED umbrella, leaving me to get soaked!”

“I just wanted to check that you’re okay? I mean… I know you stress bake and I appreciate you giving me food but… this is a lot of food.”

“What time is it there?” “We’re in the same time zone”

“It was only a matter of time before you got together, really”

“I know you’re the president of the Anti-Social Club, but why don’t you join me?”

“What the hell is that and why are you wearing it?”

“You obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you”

“I wanted to tell you in person”

“I think I’m in love with you”

“I’ve been in love with you for years”

“Do you trust me?”

“I can’t handle another heartbreak”

“It’s my fault, really, for loving you and thinking you were capable of loving me back”

“I got the message - loud and clear”

“I didn’t think I’d settle down - especially not so young”

“I know I have a reputation but... remember what they say about people changing”

“You’re different - you’ve always been different to me”

“It’s just all such a cliche”

“Full disclosure - I’m strangely proud of my arse”

“You look stunning”

“I can’t believe you’re actually mine.”

AUs

Frat Boy!AU

Werewolf!AU

Greaser!AU

Bakery!AU

High Society!AU

University!AU

Tattoo Artist!AU

King of Hell!AU

Neighbour!AU

Angel/Demon!AU

Bartender!AU

Soulmate!AU

Mob!AU

Football/Soccer Player!AU (or just a sportsman!AU, specify the sport if you fancy it)

Life on Richmond Street Blurbs (Calum Exclusively obvs)

Spin Off Blurbs

[calumcest]

i took a walk with my fame down memory lane (i never did find my way back) - chapter four

[ao3]

is it technically tuesday? yes. are we going to talk about that? no. everybody lives in at least gmt-1 now suck it up 

@tirednotflirting yet again...i cannot sing your praises enough for reading this ENTIRE fucking thing!! although it looks a bit different here to how it looks on the google doc because its not in bold and theres no ‘finishh’ in sight nor my insane random words that i write down when i know exactly the words i want to say but i’m too lazy to write them. am i the worst writer known to man? possibly

we are getting to the juicy stuff now...its quarter to fucking malum o’clock...

also if you saw the title of this chapter before i went to check you didn’t see it. close your eyes 

By the time Calum wakes up the next afternoon, they’re already halfway back to Manchester, somewhere on the M40. Predictably, Liam's up, vibrating with that impatient energy he’s always got when he can’t snort or drink it away, and Calum’s the second one to rise, padding into the lounge area sleepily, yawning loudly and rubbing his eyes. His head’s fucking pounding, and his mouth is dry and disgusting, but Liam, because he sometimes is the angel his doe eyes and full lips make him out to be, has already put out a cup of water and two paracetamols for him. 

“How the fuck are you never hungover?” Calum grumbles, throwing himself down on the sofa next to Liam and nestling into his side as he downs the paracetamol. 

“Luck of the Irish,” Liam tells him, resting his cheek on Calum’s head. Calum makes a noise of discontent and turns to press his face into Liam’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut like it’s going to stop his head from hurting. 

“You deserve a hangover,” he mumbles. “You were off your fucking head last night.” 

“And you weren’t?” 

“Never said that.” Liam huffs out a soft laugh. 

“Nearly fainted in the fucking toilets, you did.” Calum scowls. 

“Fuck off,” he says, as his memory flashes back to last night - yeah, he did almost fucking faint in the toilets, but that was only because- and then his eyes fly open, because fuck. Jesus fucking Christ. 

Michael. 

“Our kid barely even made it back to the bus last night,” Liam says, and it’s just meant to be casual conversation, maybe a little contemptuous, but it makes Calum’s lungs collapse in on themselves with guilt. 

He’d spoken to Michael. He’d come to some sort of a fucking understanding with Michael, something he can’t quite remember and doesn’t quite understand. Fuck, he might have even called Michael pretty. Jesus Christ. He’s fairly certain any and all of that goes against his promise to Noel. 

“Oh?” he says, when he remembers to speak. Liam just hums, and Calum tries not to exhale too shakily as his mind races. 

It’s not his fault, he tells himself. Not really. He’d been there first, hadn’t he? Michael had been the one to walk up to him, and the one who hadn’t walked away. And sure, maybe Calum had been the one to strike up conversation, but it hadn’t exactly been friendly, had it? And Michael had been the one to ask questions, to change the topic, and to level the playing field when Calum had accidentally let something slip. Plus, Calum had been drunk and high, so he can’t really be held accountable for his actions, can he? 

Liam’s still talking, but Calum’s not listening, and it doesn’t even matter because Liam cuts himself off when Tony stumbles into the lounge area, bleary-eyed and yawning. There’s no paracetamol set out for him, and Liam makes no move to get any. 

“I’m looking forward to a fucking break,” Tony says a little hoarsely, and flops down on the sofa opposite Liam and Calum. 

“Fucking when?” Liam says. “We’ve got Top of the Pops in two days.” Tony groans, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

“Fucking Top of the Pops,” he mumbles. “Why the fuck did we agree to that?” 

“For the money,” Liam says. 

“Don’t even get to play the fucking drums,” Tony says, muffled by his palms. 

“Thank fuck for that,” Liam mutters.

  -------

  Top of the Pops is exactly the bland, boring nightmare Calum expects it to be. 

They’re shepherded into some kind of studio for a rehearsal and informed that they’ll be recording a live track then and there which will be mixed together with the album version, and none of them will actually be playing live. Liam’s having absolutely fucking none of it, and for once neither is Noel, and Calum, Bonehead and Tony all decide to step back and enjoy the show that is both Gallaghers on the same team for once. 

After a lot of shouting, swearing and a few threats of violence, it’s decided that they’ll go ahead with recording the backing track but Liam will sing live. Noel’s absolutely fucking furious about not being allowed to play live, but it’s almost entirely forgotten when he sees the setup for the stage - Tony on drums in the front, Calum and Bonehead on a step behind him, and Liam and Noel on another step right at the back. The BBC aren’t budging on that, though, despite Calum, Bonehead, and Alan all weighing in to agree that it’s fucking stupid to have the stars of the band stood right at the back, and a nasty row breaks out between the Gallaghers and the production team, ending in Calum having to move at the speed of fucking light when he sees Liam tense into the all-too-familiar I’m going to fucking deck you stance. A lawsuit with the BBC is still well beyond their budget, no matter how well the singles have been doing. 

Calum manages to talk Liam down, and Liam manages to talk Noel down, and they’re only ten minutes behind schedule by the time that the brothers have reluctantly agreed to do the show, which is pretty good going for them. They trail to the stage to the sound of screaming and cheering, which makes Calum’s head spin a little bit as he picks up his unplugged bass. They’re really fucking making it now, he thinks in awe, as he looks out at the sea of excited faces and spots a few white Oasis shirts. They’re really fucking doing this. 

They get set up and pretend to play Shakermaker, and Liam sounds fucking gorgeous, like he’s making a point to the producers, and Noel slings his arm around Liam as they walk off, a protective, proud gesture that Liam grins at and leans into. They’re fucking unstoppable, Calum thinks, as he trails after them, Noel’s arm tight around Liam and Liam stumbling over his own feet as he tries to press as close to Noel as possible. The two of them on the same side is a fucking sight to behold.

They’re at a hotel that night, and Liam and Bonehead decide they want to go out but Tony and Noel want to stay in, and Calum decides he’s too tired to stay up for the length of time it’s going to take him to find someone willing to fuck him. 

(“What d’you think coke’s for?” Liam says to him, and Calum rolls his eyes.) 

Calum falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches the pillow, and he wakes up early to the sound of Liam stumbling into the room, high and drunk and probably something else, bruises blooming all over his throat and grinning giddily. 

“Good night?” Calum says. 

“The best,” Liam declares, and then passes out on his bed. 

They have to drive back to Manchester that day, though, because they’ve got a show in Leeds tomorrow, so Liam only gets about four hours of rest before Alan’s banging on the door and yelling at them to get the fuck up, lazy fuckers, didn’t I fucking tell you bus call’s at twelve? To his credit, though, he only complains about a hundred times, and stops when Noel rolls his eyes, holds his arms open and lets Liam snuggle into him and have a nap while Noel chats to Alan about the setlist for America. 

Calum tunes most of it out, because he’s not fussed about what’s on the setlist and he trusts Noel to pick the best of his own songs, and spends two hours getting absolutely thrashed at chess by Tony. By the time they’re back in Manchester, Calum’s lost a game of chess to literally everybody on the bus, including Liam, who's being taught the rules of chess by Noel and Bonehead as they play, and Calum decides he’s never fucking playing chess ever again. 

(“We’re fucking buying some new games,” he says moodily, when Liam flicks his king over nonchalantly. 

“No need to get so mardy,” Bonehead says, stretching out and grinning at Calum. 

“Fuck you,” Calum grumbles, sweeping all the pieces off the chess board. “We’re getting a game that I can fucking win.” 

“Alright,” Noel says, grinning. “How about Frustration?”)

Calum’s mum has dinner ready for him when he drags himself up the path and into the house, and she fusses over the state of his hair and his clothes and says really, Calum in a disapproving voice whenever Calum uses colourful language to describe exactly what he thinks about the production team of Top of the Pops. Calum rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling when she tuts at him for fondly calling Liam a silly cunt for the fourth time that evening, because it’s nice. It makes him feel like a kid again, but in the best possible way; warm, protected, like someone’s still looking out for him. 

His dad gets back from work around seven, and they sit down to watch the Top of the Pops performance together. Calum’s heart swells with pride when it’s their turn to play, because they look fucking cool. The staging’s still shite, granted, but Liam looks every inch the rock ‘n’ roll star he claims to be, and the rest of them look lazily and effortlessly cool, helped enormously by the fact they’re half in the shadows, lights focused on the Gallaghers. 

Calum’s parents are polite about the song, and he can see they’re beaming with pride, but he can also tell they don’t really get it. It’s okay, he thinks, unable to help the smile that creeps onto his face as he watches his parents watch him on TV. They like jazz. It’s probably for the best that they don’t think it’s good music. 

Calum’s mum switches to some soap opera after Top of the Pops, and his dad grumbles not this again and pulls out his newspaper, but Calum can see his face popping over the top of the paper every two seconds. After three minutes he comments wasn’t Sheila dating Mark last week? She’s not having an affair with Bertie, is she? Calum snorts, and his dad glares at him, opening his mouth to make a defensive remark about how he doesn’t follow this show, it’s absolute rubbish, but then the phone rings. 

“I’ll get it,” Calum says, before anyone has the chance to say anything, mostly to avoid having to listen to his dad’s I’m not watching this, Calum, don’t be cheeky spiel, and his mum just nods absent-mindedly, waving a dismissive hand at him, eyes glued to the TV. Calum heads for the phone in the kitchen, just because it’s the closest, jogging to get there before it rings out. 

“Hello?” he says, when he picks up. There’s silence at the other end of the line, and he frowns. “Hello?” he tries again. 

“Hi.” Calum’s stomach drops. 

“ Michael? ” 

“Yeah.” 

“What the f- how the- what? What? ” Calum’s heart is beating out of his fucking chest, almost covering the embarrassment that’s flaring up as foggy memories of their last conversation drag themselves to the forefront of his mind. 

“Sorry,” Michael says, and he sighs, and Calum can just imagine him running his fingers through his hair, a small crease between his brows. “Fuck, I- sorry. I shouldn’t’ve-”

“No,” Calum says abruptly, clutching the receiver, dreading the fucking dial tone. “No, I just- how did you get this number?” There’s a moment of silence. 

“Only so many Joy Hoods in the book,” Michael says, and Calum exhales, hoping the crackling static of the phone line will hide how shaky it is. 

“Oh,” he says. Michael had sought him out. Michael wants to talk. Michael still remembers his mum’s name. 

“I saw you,” Michael says suddenly, into the uncomfortable silence that’s blossomed between them, neither of them knowing what to say next. “On Top of the Pops.” 

“Yeah?” Calum doesn’t trust himself to say any more, but the question on the tip of his tongue is evident in the eagerness in his tone, anyway. 

“Yeah.” There’s a pause. “Sounded good.” 

“That’s because it’s a backing track.” Michael huffs out a laugh, sounding a little surprised, like he wasn’t expecting it to come out.

“I guess,” he allows. They lapse into silence again, loud and uncomfortable, before Michael sighs. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and he sounds a little regretful.  “I shouldn’t’ve called.” 

“No,” Calum blurts. “I’m glad you did.” The phone’s warm against his fingers, slippery from his hot, sweaty hands, and he’s clasping it so hard he thinks it might break. He tries to focus on that rather than on what he’s just said, on the knife-edge he feels like they’re poised on, each word a weight that could unbalance them. 

“Are you?” Michael sounds a little doubtful, and a little sceptical. 

“Yeah.” Michael hums, like he’s mulling something over. 

“Do your bandmates know?” Calum’s heart skips a beat. 

“Know what?” 

“That we talked.” At Glastonbury, while you were drunk and high and out of your fucking mind. You called me pretty, by the way. He doesn’t say any of that, but Calum’s mind tacks it on helpfully anyway. 

“Do yours?” Calum says, deflecting, because his stomach’s bottoming out with the sheer weight of the guilt, of the broken promise. Or was it broken? Calum barely remembers, just remembers the look on Michael’s face, the tiny microexpressions, the glassiness of his eyes. 

“No.” Calum inhales sharply, can’t fucking help himself - Michael’s talking to Calum, and the rest of Blur don’t know. That's got to mean something, even if Calum isn't entirely sure what.

“Oh.” 

“Do they know?” Michael asks again. Calum stares at the hob opposite him, weighing up his answer. 

If he says yes, he’ll be lying, and whatever the fuck him and Michael have going on right now is so fragile that one lie like that will send it all crumbling down, pulverise it so thoroughly that it’ll never be able to be built back up again. If he says no, though, he’ll be doing the same to Oasis, to his best mates, to his career.  There's no right answer.

“Not yet,” he settles on eventually, straddling the line between Oasis and Michael. It’s the truth - he hasn’t told them, but they might find out at some point. 

“Are you going to tell them?” Fucking hell. Trust Michael to pick at the loose thread.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” It’s true, and that’s the best Calum can offer him. 

There’s a moment of silence, neither of them really knowing what to say, and it’s fucking gut-wrenching because Calum’s never had that with Michael. He’d never even had to think about what to say with Michael - he’d just existed, just been, and that was always enough. 

“Luke and Ashton asked about you,” Michael says, and Calum’s breath hitches. 

“Oh?” he says. “How are they?”

“Good,” Michael says. “They’re good.” He pauses for a moment, and then adds: “Luke’s a pilot, now. Or training to be, I think. I don’t know. Ashton’s a teacher.” 

“Oh,” Calum says, voice small. Two of his best mates, in an earlier life; two spotty blonde teenage boys laughing on the beach at Calum splashing Michael in the water, shooting each other furtive glances across crowded rooms, getting high just for an excuse to shotgun. A fucking pilot and a teacher. 

“Yeah,” Michael says. 

“Did they ever get their shit together?” Calum asks. 

“What? Oh, yeah. Fuck, has it been that long?” Michael exhales heavily. “They’ve been together for years.” 

“Oh.” Calum doesn’t know what else to say to that. He’s trying to imagine it; a pilot and a teacher, fucking hell. Maybe Luke brings Ashton little gifts from his trips abroad. Maybe Ashton writes Luke postcards while his pupils work. Who does the cooking? Luke definitely doesn’t clean. Or maybe he does. If Michael’s changed this much, maybe Luke has, too. 

“What about you?” Michael asks. 

“What about me?” Calum’s not sure what Michael’s asking. Michael knows what he’s up to - he’s in Oasis, spending all his money on intoxicants, trying to exist alongside the supernova that’s the Gallagher brothers. 

“Y’know.” Calum doesn’t know. 

“I have no id-” 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Michael says it all in a rush, like it’s taken a lot of courage to say it. It probably has, Calum thinks. He wouldn’t have asked Michael. It’s sort of reassuring, actually, makes something a little warm blossom in his chest, because that’s still so Michael . Michael always blurted out questions, always demanded answers, always kept social etiquette and politeness as an afterthought.

“No,” Calum says. He swallows, and then adds: “Are you?” 

“No.” Good, Calum wants to say, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t have Michael like that anymore; he doesn’t have the right. 

“Why did you call?” he says instead. Michael hesitates. 

“I saw you on TV,” he says eventually. That’s not a reason. 

“Why did you call?” Calum presses. Michael inhales, and doesn’t exhale for a moment.  

“I don’t know,” he admits eventually, on a long, heavy  exhale. Calum doesn’t blame him. None of this really makes sense to him either; the fact he feels like this after five years of not seeing Michael, after four years of not speaking to him, after three years of not thinking about him. He’s not sure why he wants this, whatever this is, not sure why he wants more of Michael, not sure why his heart feels drawn to Michael like it’s north and Michael’s south. 

“Yeah,” Calum says, hoping it conveys I understand. 

“I almost reached out,” Michael says suddenly. “A few times. Over the past year, I mean.”

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Didn’t want to.” 

“Why didn’t you tell your band?” 

“Didn’t know how,” Michael says. Calum gets that too; he’d thought about it as well, entertained the idea, turned it over and over in his mind, but he’d never known what to say. I fucked the guitarist from Blur - I was in love with him actually - and I don’t know why I can’t get him off my mind would probably have sparked even worse reactions than the way it had come out did.

“They seem really protective of you,” Calum says. 

“They are,” Michael says, and there’s a small smile evident in his tone. “Not like yours, though. I don’t think all the money in the world could get Graham to start a fight on my behalf.” Calum can’t help the startled laugh that escapes him. 

“I don’t think all the money in the would could get Liam not to start a fight on my behalf,” Calum says, and Michael huffs out a soft laugh. 

"I'm glad you found such good friends," he says, and the smile is ripped off Calum's face at the jarring reminder that they don't know each other anymore. It sounds so distant, like Michael's content with this arm's-length distance between them, two people who used to know everything about each other and are now making polite small talk.

“Yeah,” Calum says. “I’m glad, too.” He can’t bring himself to say what he really means - I’m sorry it was good enough to take me from you. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to say it. 

“I should go,” Michael says after a minute. Calum wants to say no, don’t, stay, but he forces the words back down and nods, still staring blankly at the hob. 

“Yeah,” Calum says. “Me too.” 

“It was-”

“Don’t,” Calum says abruptly, as his stomach twists. It was nice talking to you. It was nice catching up. He doesn’t want to hear the finality of the words, the forced politeness, the jarring dissonance that is the boy he’d known and loved for so long and the man he is now.  

Michael doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then he sighs. 

“Look,” he says. “I- you don’t-” he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, and starts again. “D’you want my number?” 

“Do I- uh, yeah,” Calum says, a little stupidly, glancing around wildly for something to write on. 

“I’m on tour for the next few months,” Michael says, as Calum snatches up a recipe his mum had left lying out, and an incredibly unsharpened pencil. “But I’ll- y’know. When I’m home.” I’ll call you. He can’t bring himself to say it, and Calum doesn’t blame him. 

“Okay,” Calum says. 

“You got a pen?”

“Yeah.” Michael rattles off a number, some area code Calum doesn’t recognise, something starting 071. He writes it down hastily, hoping he’s heard it right because he doesn’t want to ask is that five like hive or nine like fine , and then rips the corner of the recipe off and tucks it into his pocket. 

“Got it,” Calum says, dropping the pencil onto the counter with a clatter. “071, where’s that?” 

“London.”

“Oh. Uh. Cool,” Calum says. 

“Well,” Michael says, a touch awkwardly. “See you around, then, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Calum echoes. There’s one more moment, the two of them listening to each other breathing, a second suspended in time, and then it’s broken by a click and a dial tone. 

Calum puts the phone down a little dazedly, just as his mum wanders into the kitchen. 

“Who was it?” she asks. Calum hesitates, and she raises an eyebrow, which means he’s lost the opportunity to say oh, just a cold call. 

“Michael,” he says, and her eyes widen. 

“Clifford?” she says. He nods. Who the fuck else is it going to be, Michael the sound engineer that had mixed two fucking tracks in Cornwall? “I didn’t know you two still spoke.” 

“We don’t.” Her face softens. 

“Oh, honey,” she says gently, and Calum swallows. He hasn’t told her yet, hasn’t told her about the awards ceremony and Glastonbury, and somehow, he doesn’t quite want to. She seems to sense it, though, because she just sighs and pulls him into a warm, tight hug. Calum wraps his arms around her, closes his eyes and buries his face in her shoulder. Even though he’s half a foot taller than her, even though she only comes up to his collarbone, it still feels like she’s the one protecting him, like he’s small and cocooned in her arms. 

She lets go after a minute, fussing over him messing up his hair, and he groans at her and ducks out of the way of her meddling fingers, but the warm feeling stays, and when she smiles at him and tells him she’s going to bake him his favourite biscuits tomorrow, he feels seventeen again. 

(Or maybe that’s just Michael.) 

  -------

 July and August pass in the blink of an eye.

After Leeds, they have three weeks off. Calum finally fixes the garden wall, and for the first few days, he finds himself jumping every time the phone rings. It’s never Michael though - most of the time it’s one of the brothers, asking whether Calum wants to go to the pub or get high or go out on the pull, and sometimes it’s Alan, reminding him that he’s got to be here on this day at this time and there on that day at that time and is he writing all this down because he’s going to be responsible for getting Liam there too since Noel’s going ahead this time. 

They go down to London for a few days, record a few new versions of songs and one demo of a new song that Noel’s written but isn’t sure about yet. As soon as he’s heard Liam’s vocals on it, though, his eyes light up, and Calum files the bassline away, because he knows it’s going to be on the next album now, no matter how much Noel’s pretending to hum and haw about it. He can’t fucking let Liam have anything, though, so when Liam comes out of the live room, bright-eyed and desperate for Noel’s affirmation, Noel curls his lip and tells him that sounded fucking shite, Christ, you’re almost as useless as Tony. It culminates in a huge fight that Calum and Bonehead manage to duck out of before it begins, only finding out about it when they get woken by a sombre-looking Alan in the middle of the night and informed they’re all being kicked out of the hotel because Liam’s trashed the bar and Noel’s chucked a TV out of the window of his room that landed on the hotel manager’s car.

They play their first show in America on the 21st - their first show outside of Europe - and it goes well. Noel’s not impressed by the country, having toured there with the Inspirals half a decade earlier, but the rest of them are in fucking awe, and Calum catches tiny, fond smiles playing on Noel’s lips when he sees Liam staring at the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building, lips parted and eyes wide. 

Noel’s finally managed to get his way on Live Forever too, it seems, because they’re shepherded into Central Park a few days later, half of them hungover and half of them still blind drunk, to film a video. The director seems to be even fucking higher than they are, because he comes up with ideas like Liam singing while sitting on a chair nailed to a wall, and the band take it upon themselves to start suggesting ever more ludicrous ideas, just to see what sticks. Liam throws in chucking a bucket of water over Bonehead, and Calum suggests burying the drum kit, and Noel goes why don’t we just bury the fucking drummer? The director thinks that’s a fucking brilliant idea, inspired, creative, and Noel shoots Calum a look and says wow, is that how easy this is? You just fucking randomly suggest nonsense and people just go and film it?  

(He doesn’t bother showing up for most of the second day of filming, and Calum can’t really blame him.) 

They fly back to the UK and play another festival on the 31st of July, and as Calum passes by one of the posters on the way to the stage he does a double take, because Blur are on there. Liam sees him looking, though, and taps the top of the poster wordlessly as he walks past - Sat 30th July. Calum can’t help the way his stomach sinks at that. Michael was here yesterday, and Calum’s here today. Maybe that’s a sign, he thinks. Maybe fate is trying to tell him something.

Live Forever comes out in early August, and people fucking love it. Calum’s getting stopped in the street in fucking Wolverhampton - Wolverhampton - and asked to sign autographs, which makes his head spin. They’re really fucking making it now, he thinks, when he calls his mum from a payphone and she tells him that they’ve had people turning up at the door asking for interviews. This is what the rise to the top feels like, powered by coke and booze and Noel's guitar. 

They play a festival in Sweden which sees Noel, Liam and Bonehead smashing up a hotel bar with the guys from Primal Scream, who they’d met at T in the Park, and Richard Ashcroft, who they’ve known for years, and once again Calum’s woken up in the middle of the night and informed that they’ve been asked to leave - not just the hotel this time, but the country. He’s driven to the police station where Bonehead, Liam and Noel are being held, and has to stand with the harsh lights hurting his eyes while Alan tries to hash things out with the Swedish police, and then the three fucking delinquents come stumbling out, grinning and reeking of alcohol. 

("Are you trying to get arrested in every single fucking country we visit?" Calum asks Liam, as they make their way to the car.

"No," Liam says, "but that's a fucking mega idea, that." 

Shit.)

They have to film another music video in August, but since it’s for Cigarettes & Alcohol Marcus at the record label lets them bargain the video down from a full on shoot to the filming of a live gig at the Borderline in London and hiring a few pretty faces to mingle with them backstage. It’s not bad, Calum thinks, as Liam hands him a beer and grins drunkenly for the cameras. Slap a fucking black and white filter on it and it’ll look almost intentionally dingy. 

A week after that, the album comes out. 

Calum hadn’t really realised what album releases would entail, but apparently, it’s a lot of fucking interviews. The first few are quite exciting - they’re still not that used to interviews; a few radio shows, a few TV shows, the odd magazine - but after days on end of answering the same questions hour after hour, Calum starts joining Liam for his hourly smoke breaks, just for something to liven the mood. 

They play a show in London the day the album comes out, and Calum finds himself scanning the screaming crowd for blonde hair, pale skin, sea-green eyes, a pretty smile, but Michael’s not there. Calum hadn’t really expected him to be - it’s a small venue, and apparently it’s been sold out for weeks - but it doesn’t stop him feeling disappointed all the same, having to turn to the back of the stage for a minute to collect himself. Tony shoots him a strange look over his hi-hat, but doesn’t say anything, and Calum sends up a quick prayer of thanks that it was Tony and not Noel that had noticed. 

The album goes gold in three days - the fastest-selling debut album in British history - but they barely even have time to celebrate because they’re heading to Sweden again the next day and Alan tells them with an unusually stern expression that he’s had to twist a lot of arms to get them back in and they’re absolutely fucking not allowed to get drunk or high or fight anybody until they’ve been in and out of Sweden. Liam moans and bitches about it but accepts reluctantly, spending the entire journey to Sweden yawning and rubbing his eyes and making sleepy conversation until he falls asleep on Noel’s shoulder. 

The show in Sweden goes off without a hitch, and they’re in Dublin the next day - their first Irish show - and the brothers go fucking mental. Calum joins in for a bit but can’t keep up; two Irish Mancunians in Dublin is far too much for his Australian stomach to handle. Belfast is no better, and the day after that they play the Haçienda in Manchester - one of the most famous clubs in their hometown - and after the three-day-binge even the Gallaghers are worn out and sleep for the majority of the two days they have off before heading to Europe and then to Japan. 

Japan is fucking insane. Fans are swarming around them the minute they step off the plane, drunk off the free little bottles of booze, and the crowd sings their songs back at them louder than any English fans ever have done. Calum’s glad he’s not singing, because he gets choked up when Liam steps away from the microphone for a second during Live Forever and the crowd scream did you ever feel the pain in the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone? He sees Liam’s eyes widen, sees the way he swallows before starting the chorus, sees the way his gaze flits to Noel and they hold each other’s gazes for a split second, something that only the two of them can read in it, and his heart swells with pride and love. God, he fucking loves his job, he loves the music, he loves his band, he loves the fans, he fucking loves it all. 

They’re riding off the high of Japan when they get to America again, due to play a whole host of shows throughout the rest of September until the end of October, when it all goes wrong. 

They’re not made for America, Calum thinks. They gets thrown out of a radio show for swearing live on-air; they get in a fight with the bouncers at some famous club in Hollywood; and one night in LA they even get a visit from the police, who arrive with their guns drawn, because Bonehead won’t stop playing Supersonic with his amp on full volume at six in the morning. Noel cackles when he sees them and tells them to fucking go ahead, shoot the cunt, and Maggie, their poor, overworked, underpaid tour manager, rushes out in her pyjamas and bargains with the police, tries to smooth things over. Calum thinks that’ll be it, that’ll be the big story of the tour, but it’s all overshadowed when they get to the Whisky a Go Go, some famous club that they’re told repeatedly it’s an honour to be playing. 

Oasis being Oasis, they’re looking for coke. Someone procures a bag of white powder at soundcheck, and Liam grabs it greedily and starts cutting it into lines as the rest of the band circle around it like vultures, and as it goes up Calum’s nose he thinks fucking hell, this feels a bit fucking different. He shrugs it off, though, and hands the rolled up dollar bill to Bonehead - maybe American coke’s just stronger.  

It hits him like a fucking train. He’s buzzing with the kind of energy that he’s never had from coke before, higher than he’s ever been before, more euphoric, feels fucking unstoppable, but there’s a dirty edge to it, something gritty and nasty that he just doesn’t like. It’s too late, though, because it’s gone down, and he thinks fucking hell - well, at least it’ll wear off in about half an hour.  

It doesn’t. 

He’s sweating, heart pounding in his chest, vision sharp and blurry at the same time when they get on stage. Everyone else seems to be in a similar situation - Bonehead’s eyes are wide and flitting left to right, right to left, and Liam’s jittery and bouncing on his heels. Noel’s somewhere else completely - he starts playing fucking Bring It On Down when the rest of them start up with Fade Away, and he plays the solo of Supersonic during Cigarettes & Alcohol. They have to play Roll With It one-and-a-half times, because Calum’s bass amp explodes a minute in, and Liam starts shouting at the audience after a crowdsurfer knocks his mic stand over, and then starts shouting at Noel for fucking God knows what, yelling at him to fuck off, until he launches his tambourine at Noel, hitting him on the shoulder, and storms offstage as the set ends. 

Calum heads off dazedly, trying to slow his pounding heart and thinking fucking hell, what the fuck was in that coke? The brothers are still yelling at each other backstage, pupils dilated and faces red, and don’t stop yelling as they’re herded into a car to get back to the hotel, are still screaming at each other as Maggie ushers them up the stairs and into their separate hotel rooms. They each shout a venomous fuck you, you fucking cunt at each other before slamming their doors, and Calum, who’s due to room with Liam that night, decides he’d rather sleep on Bonehead and Tony’s floor than brave that. 

He can’t fucking sleep, though. The high just doesn’t stop. He’s so wired, feels so fucking strung out and awful, barely cognisant of what’s going on around him but hyperaware at the same time and he just wants to fucking sleep, just wants to rest. He can’t, though, and neither can Bonehead or Tony, and they just pace around the room, vibrating with energy, muttering what the fuck do they do to the coke over here, eh? every few minutes. 

Time passes so fucking slowly, every minute inching by painfully, and by the time it’s morning Calum’s starting to finally, finally come down. He feels semi-human by the time the knock on their door for breakfast comes, and wrenches it open, still dressed in last night’s clothes, to find a serious-looking Maggie, a crease between her brows. 

“What?” he says, because he knows, he just knows something’s happened. 

“Noel’s left,” she says. Oh. Well. That’s hardly grounds for a face like that. 

“Will he be back for soundcheck?” Calum asks. 

“He’s gone, Calum.” 

“What d’you mean, he’s gone?” Calum’s not quite getting it.

“He asked for his passport and some money,” Maggie says. “And he’s gone.” Calum stares at her. Noel can’t be gone. He might have left, sure, but he can’t have gone.

“Wha’s tha’?” Bonehead calls groggily, from across the room. He’d come down a few hours ago, managed to force himself to sleep, and he sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. 

“Noel’s gone,” Maggie repeats, a little louder. Tony turns from where he’s sat in the corner of the room, twisting his fingers this way and that, eyes wide. 

“Gone where?” Bonehead asks.

“I don’t know,” Maggie says. 

“What d’you mean, you don’t know?” 

“He’s gone, Bonehead. Took his passport, took some money, and left.” There’s a moment of stunned silence. 

“Does Liam know?” Tony asks. Maggie bites her lip, and shakes her head. 

“I thought I’d tell you first.” 

“Shit,” Bonehead breathes. “He’s gone? ” Maggie nods. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Suitcase and all.” 

Fuck. 

Fuck.  

“Oh, fuck,” Calum mutters, and sits down on the bed. “He’ll come back, though, won’t he?” 

“I don’t know,” Maggie admits. “He sounded pretty certain about it.” 

“Why the fuck did you let him go?” Bonehead demands. 

“I can’t hold him hostage, can I?” Maggie says. “He’s fucking twenty-seven years old.” 

“Shit,” Tony says. “Oh, God. Shit. ” 

“I’m going to tell Liam,” Maggie says, sounding a little nervous about it. She probably should be, Calum thinks distantly, staring unblinkingly at the carpet. Noel’s gone.  

“I’ll come with you,” he finds himself saying, more for Liam’s sake than Maggie’s. He stands up robotically, completely on autopilot, and follows her out of the room, leaving Bonehead and Tony in shocked silence. 

Liam answers his door on the first knock, already awake and showered, and his face falls when he sees it’s not Noel. Oh, God. The kid’s going to be fucking beside himself. 

“Can we come in?” Maggie says, aiming for sweet. Liam’s eyes narrow. 

“What’s happened?” he says. Maggie hesitates. 

“Noel’s gone,” she says softly, after a moment. 

“Where to?” 

“He’s gone, Liam,” Calum says. The words feel strange on his lips. Noel can’t be gone, not now, not when they’re finally getting somewhere. Not without fucking saying anything to them. 

“Where?” 

“We don’t know,” Maggie says, still gentle, still kind, still trying to soften the blow. Liam looks about five years old, damp hair plastered to his face, eyes wide and shining with something that looks like fear, maybe, or loss, or rejection. Or maybe all of them with a sheen of anxiety. 

“Fuck,” he says, but he doesn’t sound angry. “Is he going to be okay? Is he alright? Did you speak to him?” 

“He just asked for his passport and some money,” Maggie says. 

“But he’s okay?” 

“I- he seemed okay, yeah, but-”

“Okay,” Liam says, like he’s trying to steady himself. “When’s he coming back?” 

“I-” Maggie cuts herself off, and takes a deep breath. “I think he’s gone for good, Liam.” 

Calum can see it, the moment it registers in Liam’s mind, sees it in the way his eyes widen and his lips part, in the panic that rises in his eyes. 

“He’s not,” Liam says, like he’s trying to convince himself. “He wouldn’t fucking do that.” 

“He’s gone,” Maggie says again, softer than before, and then reaches inside her coat pocket. “He left you a letter.” Liam stares down at the folded envelope in her hand, and then snatches it and shuts the door in both of their faces. 

They stand there for a moment, and then Maggie turns to Calum. 

“Well,” she says, like she’s bracing herself. “That could’ve gone worse.” 

“Yeah,” Calum says vaguely, still staring at the door. 

It couldn’t be worse, though. 

  -------

  Alan tells them not to worry, for the first few days. Noel’s disappeared before, and he’s quit before, and he always comes back. 

So they try not to worry. Bonehead starts drinking at eleven in the morning, and Calum tries not to worry. Tony and Maggie have hushed conversations under their breath, and Calum tries not to worry. Liam doesn’t leave his room, and Calum tries not to worry. 

They get a fucking bollocking about the gig from Alan, from Marcus, from fucking Maggie, even, but it feels hollow because they all know they’re not going to get the only bollocking that really matters - the one from Noel. They sit there silently while Alan rages about how embarrassing it was, while Marcus runs through numbers and statistics about sales and how they’re going to be affected, while Maggie gives them disappointed looks and says really, snorting meth hours before a concert, what were you thinking?  

Yeah. They’d snorted fucking meth. Some absolute fucking idiot - William John Paul Gallagher - had mistaken meth for coke. It’s why they were absolutely out of their fucking minds, why Calum hadn’t been able to sleep that night, and why Liam and Noel’s argument had been more ferocious than usual. It might also explain why all of this feels even more overwhelming than usual, why the comedown feels like it’s just not going away, why whenever Calum walks past Noel’s empty hotel room he feels like he’s suffocating. 

By the third day, even Calum’s at a loss. He’s been getting out of the hotel, going for long walks and getting lost and having to ask for directions to get back, standing by the sea and breathing in the salty air to try and clear his mind. He’s worried about Noel, more than anything - Noel doesn’t usually leave without saying anything, without getting the last word in, which is what makes this feel all the more real, like this is the time it’s going to stick. 

Although, Calum thinks, maybe Noel did get the last word. He’d written a letter to Liam, after all; maybe he’d said something in there about where he was going, what he was doing, something that makes this whole situation make any sort of sense. Maybe Liam knows something the rest of them don’t. 

He knocks on Liam’s door after he doesn’t show up for lunch again, and Liam answers, looking a little dishevelled, and a lot drunk. 

“What?” he says dully. 

“What did the letter say?” Calum asks. Liam stares at him for a minute, and then opens the door enough to let Calum walk in. 

The room’s a fucking tip. Liam’s clothes are strewn all over the floor - which, granted, isn’t exactly new - and Calum can see white powder residue on the coffee table, the desk, even the fucking bedside table. Next to the smudges of powder on the bedside table is the letter Noel had left, rolled up tightly, but creased all over. Liam’s been reading it, using it to snort drugs, smoothing it out and reading it again, rinse and repeat. 

Calum sighs, and sits down on the chair next to Liam’s bed, throwing him a doleful look. Noel’s Calum’s best friend, sure, and Calum’s not got a clue what to do without him, but he’s Liam’s brother. His flesh and blood, the boy who held Liam’s hand while he crossed the road, who nursed him through his first black eye, who writes songs with lyrics like please, brother, let it be, after a fight. Liam's never not had Noel looking out for him - through exasperation and curses and fists connecting with jaws, but there nonetheless.  Liam hasn’t got a chance without Noel.

Liam throws himself down on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, and Calum puts his hand on Liam’s shin, fingers resting lightly against rough denim. I’m here, he’s trying to say, but it feels hollow to the both of them, because he’s not Noel. 

“What did he say?” Calum asks again. Liam stares up at the ceiling, blinks once, and then opens his mouth. 

“He told me he loved me,” he says. Calum’s stomach twists. That’s not a good thing, not from Noel. He’d never say that, least of all to Liam, unless what he was trying to say was goodbye. 

“Oh,” Calum says, and tries not to let the panic seep into his voice. “Did he say where he was going?” Liam shakes his head. 

“Just a bunch of shite about how can we be brothers anymore, blah blah blah,” he says, voice rising mockingly on Noel’s words. Anger works for Liam, especially where Noel’s concerned. It’s the only way he knows how to feel about Noel. “Can’t do this anymore, it’s not me it’s you, all that breakup bullshit.” 

“What about your mum?” Calum says, even though he knows the answer to that, because Alan’s been calling Peggy pretty much every hour. Liam shakes his head. 

“She’s fucking beside herself,” he says, fury licking at the edges of his tone. “I get doing it to me, up and leaving like that, because that’s us, innit, but to mam? I’ll fucking kill the prick myself if I ever see him again.” He doesn’t mean it, but Calum lets him pretend that they both believe it. 

“You should eat,” Calum says, after a moment of silence.

“Probably,” Liam says, to the ceiling. He blinks up at it one more time, and then rolls onto his side. 

“He’s a fucking cunt,” he announces, but he doesn’t sound convinced, and his voice wavers a little. Calum sighs and reaches his hand out, and Liam extends his own to lace his fingers with Calum’s, blinking at him with glassy, tired eyes. 

“I didn’t mean to,” he says, and his voice is definitely wobbly now. “I didn’t mean to push him away. I love him.”

“I know,” Calum says, and squeezes Liam’s hand in what he hopes is a reassuring manner. “He knows, too.”

“I wouldn’t’ve said it if I knew,” Liam says, swallowing hard. “I wouldn’t’ve been such a cunt.” 

“Yeah, you would’ve,” Calum says, but it’s not unkind. “That’s how you two are.” 

“Cain and Abel.” 

“Doesn’t Cain kill Abel?” 

“Isn’t Noel killing me?” Calum’s not really sure what to say to that. He supposes, in a way, Liam’s right. One of them’s got to fall off the tightrope at some point, and Liam’s never going to push Noel. And Liam would be all too happy to fall off, if it were for Noel.

“He needs you,” he says eventually. “He’s always needed you.” 

“Does he fuck,” Liam says flatly. 

“He’d never let anyone but you sing his songs,” Calum says. “That’s the highest praise you can get from Noel.” Liam’s silent for a moment, because he knows Calum’s right, and then he sighs again, loud and heavy.

“I’m hungry,” he says, and Calum closes his eyes in relief. "I want fish and chips."

“Order room service,” Calum suggests. Liam blinks at him. 

"Do they do fish and chips?"

"They will if you offer them enough money." Liam hums, like he's thinking about it.

“Will you stay?” he asks lowly. Calum hesitates, and then nods. 

“‘Course I will,” he says, and gives Liam’s hand another squeeze. Liam smiles at him, small but genuine. 

“Love you,” he says. Calum smiles back, soft and fond. 

“Love you too,” he says. 

“Enough to find me good fish and chips in LA?” Liam says hopefully, and Calum laughs. 

“Nowhere near enough for that,” he says, and Liam sighs dramatically, but he’s smiling too, which is the best Calum can hope for.

  -------

 A few hours later, while searching for a pack of cigarettes, Calum comes across the spare room key to Noel’s room that Noel had pressed in his hand wordlessly on their first night. Calum hadn’t really been sure what to make of it - was it an invitation for late-night songwriting, or the first acknowledgement of that night a few years ago either of them have ever made? - but it hadn’t even mattered, because Noel had left so soon anyway. 

He’s heading to the room before he’s even really thought about it, unlocking the door and taking in the too-empty, too-clean room. The bed’s been perfectly made by the staff, nothing like the slapdash job Noel usually does, and there’s no suitcase with clothes spilling out of it kicked in the corner of the room, no shoes strewn across the floor as Noel had kicked them off on his way to the bed. It’s almost overwhelming, to know that this room housed the decision that could end Calum’s career, and that this is the last connection he could ever have to Noel. It feels almost suffocating, like the walls are too big and too white for Calum, and he finds himself sitting down on the bed and reaching for the phone before he’s really thought through what he’s doing. 

He’d memorised the number, of course. He hadn’t really meant to; he’d just read the little scrap of paper so often that it had stuck. He barely even hesitates as he dials, chest so heavy with the crushing weight of the empty room, of the silence Noel's left in his wake. 

The phone rings four times and Calum doesn’t even realise his fist is clenched until there’s a click and a shuffling sound, and his fingers relax.

“Hello?” Michael sounds casual, relaxed, a little sleepy. Calum clutches the receiver to his ear. “Hello?” Michael repeats. 

“Michael.” He hears a sharp intake of breath. 

“Calum?” Michael says. “Aren’t you in America?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fucking hell. You’d better make this quick, then.” He doesn’t hang up, though, which is something. Calum just listens to him breathing for a minute, not really sure what he actually wants to say, or if he wants to say anything at all. 

“Calum?” Michael says, jolting him back to reality. 

“Noel’s gone,” Calum says. 

“What d’you mean, he’s gone? Where?”

“Dunno.” There’s a pause.

“You lost your songwriter?” 

“He’s gone. Left.” Michael inhales deeply. 

“Where? Where’d he go?” 

“We don’t know.” Michael exhales. 

“Oh, Calum,” he says, and he sounds sorry and sad. Calum’s eyes flutter shut, trying to soak in the sound of his voice. 

“I-” Calum cuts himself off, because he doesn’t actually know what he’s trying to say. 

“I’m sorry,” Michael says, and he sounds like he means it. 

“Are you?” Calum can’t help but ask, a little bitterly. If Michael rang him and said Damon had left Blur, Calum would probably feel honour-bound to tell Noel. Or, he wouldn’t, now. Fuck. 

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Michael says, tone a little hard. Calum puts his head in his hands. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. 

“Why did you call me if you think that?” 

“I don’t know,” Calum says again, hearing the hopelessness in his own voice. “I just- I don’t know.” Michael sighs. 

“How’s Liam taking it?” he says. He’s trying, Calum can tell. He’s trying, for Calum’s sake. 

“Fucking terribly,” Calum admits. “Noel wrote him a letter.” 

“A letter?” 

“Yeah. A- a fucking, like, goodbye note, I don’t know. He’s a mess.” 

“Jesus.” Michael hesitates for a moment, and then adds: “What happened?” 

“Him and Liam had a fight,” Calum says. “And we played a fucking awful gig in LA.” 

“Don’t they fight all the time?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why this time, then?” Calum shrugs. 

“We did meth,” he says. 

“You- you did meth? ” Michael sounds horrified. “ Calum, fucking-” 

“We thought it was coke,” Calum says. 

“How the fuck- ” 

“I don’t fucking know, Liam’s a fucking idiot,” Calum says, even though he’d put the stuff up his nose too. 

“Fucking hell,” Michael breathes. “Alright. Jesus. And Noel just- just, what, took off?” 

“Yeah,” Calum says, gut twisting at the words. “Took his passport and some money and left.” 

“Passport?” Michael says. “Did he go home?” 

“No.” There’s a pause. 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah,” Calum agrees, and it sounds listless, but he means it with every fibre of his fucking being. 

“I’m sorry, Calum,” Michael says softly. Calum blinks at the wall. 

“Yeah,” he says again. “Thanks.” Michael sighs. 

“What are you going to do now?” he says. 

“I have no fucking idea,” Calum says, the words acrid in his mouth. What the fuck are they going to do now? None of the rest of them can fucking write, can they? Not like Noel, at least. 

“Are you going to finish the tour?” 

“I don’t know, Michael,” Calum says. All the questions are making his head hurt. He hasn’t even thought that far ahead, hasn’t really considered anything beyond where the fuck is Noel, I hope Noel’s alright, I’m going to fucking kill Noel. He doesn’t even know if they’d be allowed to play Noel’s songs - there’s got to be some kind of legal bullshit about royalties involved, hasn’t there? God, Noel’s always handled that stuff. Calum’s never read a fucking contract in his life, just signed where Noel told him to sign. Noel had been the one to sort out their management, to negotiate the record deal, to get the contracts for the tours. Who the fuck are Oasis without him? 

“Hey,” Michael says gently. “It’ll be alright.” 

“Will it?” 

“Yeah.” Michael has nothing to back his words up, no events or facts he can point to and say see, it’ll be fine, but somehow, Calum believes him. Maybe because he wants to believe him, with every scrap of his soul, or maybe just because it’s Michael. 

“Thanks,” Calum says, and it comes out tired. Michael just hums in response, and they lapse into silence. It’s not uncomfortable, though, not like the last time Michael had been at the other end of a phone line. They’re existing in tandem, and it feels like something slotting into a place that Calum didn’t know was empty.

“I can’t believe you did meth ,” Michael says after a while, in disbelief, and Calum can’t help the way his lips hitch up in a faint smile. 

“I didn’t mean to,” he says. 

“Y’know, the tabloids aren’t wrong about you,” Michael says, and there’s a smile in his voice too. He’s teasing Calum. “Always calling you a bunch of hooligans. Taking meth because you think it’s coke, fucking hell.” 

Calum huffs out a laugh, fingers curling around the receiver as his heart flips in his chest. Michael reads about him in the papers. 

“That’s just Liam,” he says. 

“So you weren’t deported from Sweden?” 

“Well-”

“Exactly,” Michael says, and Calum can hear him grinning.

“That was because of Liam,” Calum says. He pauses, and then adds: “And Noel. And Bonehead.” Michael laughs, soft and melodic, and for one split, giddy second Calum thinks fuck, I want to spend the rest of my life hearing you laugh. He’s sure he doesn’t mean it, though. It’s probably the fucking days-long comedown, and the fact he’s feeling Noel’s absence like nothing else. It's the first time he's heard someone laugh since Noel left, after all.

“I can’t believe that’s what I’m up against,” Michael says, and it’s still soft and amused, but Calum can hear the slight tinge of sadness to it. 

“Yeah,” Calum says, smile fading. “That’s your competition.” Michael exhales heavily, and Calum thinks they might be thinking the same thing. How did we go from us to competition?

“Why did you call me?” Michael asks. Calum’s fingers twitch against the phone. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I just- I don’t know.” He hesitates, and then adds: “Why did you call me? After Top of the Pops, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Michael says. He’d said the same thing two months ago. But, two months ago he hadn’t added what he does this time: “D’you really want to do this now?” 

“Do what?” Calum says. 

“Talk about this. Us. Now.” Calum swallows. 

“No,” he says. He never wants to talk about it. He wants to walk the edge of this precipice forever, doesn’t ever want Michael to say c’mon, let’s jump, because he doesn’t know what he’ll find at the bottom. He doesn’t know whether Michael’s just biding his time, waiting until they can have their big what happened to us? talk to say everything that he’s thought for the past five years, get it all off his chest, and then fuck off and leave. He’d be well within his rights to, Calum thinks, but that doesn’t stop the mere thought of it from making his heart ache. 

“Okay,” Michael says. “But we-” he’s interrupted by Calum and Liam’s door slamming open. Calum starts in surprise, phone slipping out of his fingers, and whips around to see Bonehead standing in the doorway.

“We’ve found him,” Bonehead says breathlessly. “He’s in San Diego.” 

“You’ve found him?” Calum repeats. “What? How?”

“Maggie got his phone bills and traced all the numbers,” Bonehead says. “Found one in San Diego. Remember that girl, whatsherface, Leah? Dunno, doesn’t matter, we’ve found him. ” 

“And?” Calum says, heart in his mouth. “Did you talk to him? Is he okay? Is he coming back?” 

“Yeah,” Bonehead says, grinning widely. “He’s coming back.” 

“Oh, thank fuck,” Calum mutters, stomach somersaulting. “Does Liam know?” Bonehead’s smile falters. 

“Yeah,” he says. Oh. Noel’s going to have fucking hell to pay. 

“Oh,” Calum says. Bonehead looks at him for a moment, both of them thinking the same thing - there’s going to be fucking fireworks - and then he grins again.

“Well,” he says, “at least we’ve got our fucking songwriter back, eh?” 

“Yeah,” Calum says, and laughs, a little lightheaded. Fucking hell. Noel’s coming back. 

“Bonehead!” he hears someone yell - Liam, he thinks - and Bonehead sticks his head back out of the door. 

“Aye?” 

“...go out...fish and chips...you ask Calum?” is all he can make out. Bonehead casts a glance over at Calum. 

“Fancy going out for tea?” he says. “Liam reckons he’s found a chippy.” Calum raises his eyebrows. Fucking hell. Might as well have one last supper before Noel gets back and all hell breaks loose. 

“Alright,” he says, and gets up to leave, making the phone clatter to the floor. He picks it up hastily, and Bonehead frowns at him. 

“Who’ve you been talking to?” he says. Calum clutches the receiver to his chest. 

“No one,” he says. “Was going to ring my mum.” Bonehead’s face doesn’t clear, and his eyes narrow, like he’s trying to work something out. Shit, it’s fucking three in the morning in England, isn’t it? Fuck. 

“Bonehead!” Calum hears Liam yell again, sounding more aggravated this time, and Bonehead sighs in exasperation and turns back around. 

“Fucking hell, who the fuck are you, my missus?” Bonehead yells back. “I”m fucking coming, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” 

“I’ll just-” Calum motions at the bed vaguely, hoping it’ll come across like he’s got some final organising to do - fucking make the already-pristine bed, or something, anything to make Bonehead leave so he can hang up on Michael - and Bonehead just nods, already halfway out of the door and on his way to Liam. 

Calum brings the receiver back up to his ear, ready to make some excuse to Michael, but all he hears is a dial tone. 

Michael’s already gone. 

taglist: @callmeboatboy @sadistmichael @clumsyclifford @angel-cal @tirednotflirting @cthofficial @tigerteeff @haikucal @queer-5sos @i-am-wierd-always @stupidfuckimgspam @bloodyoathcal @pixiegrl @pxrxmoore @currentlyupcalsass @clumthood

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chapter five

[new2fivesauce]

Please Don’t Regret Me - 3. Bad News First

Please Don’t Regret Me - 3. Bad News First

Warnings: Cursing

March 2018 - 5sos III Tour

If there was anything worse than a delayed flight, it was definitely a luggage conveyor. LAX just had to have the slowest working conveyor of all time. Nelle tapped her foot impatiently. She had two suitcases placed beside her; She needed three more before she could leave the place. She tapped away on her phone, ordering an Uber to pick her and the men of her life up. She glanced at the luggage belt, looking for black suitcases with either orange, red, or blue duct tape on the handles. Nothing.

Uber confirmed her ride and she sheathed her phone into the back pocket of her ripped black jeans. She yawned into the sleeve of her oversized black hoodie. The flight from Milan to Los Angeles had her extremely jet lag. The beginning leg of the III Tour already had her running on nothing but coffee and energy drinks with the occasional instant ramen or breakfast pastry. She needed real food asap.

She took a look behind her to see that Ashton, Michael, Calum, and Luke were not as affected by the different time zones. They were goofing around, playing hide and seek behind the airport benches and fake plants. Her eyes lingered on Luke. He was crouched down behind a pillar, his mouth covered by the sleeve of his jacket to contain his laughter as Ashton wandered around the area looking for him.

She couldn’t help thinking about the past couple of days that they’d been traveling Europe. Luke had bunked in her room 3 nights and had fought to get to sit next to her on their flight to LA. He had pushed Calum out the way, forcing him to sit between Ashton and Michael. Their nights they’d spent together were no different than the night following the release of Want You Back. They were spent watching Netflix, eating food, and innocently flirting with one another. Thinking of those nights gave Nelle butterflies and made her head feel light. What was the deal with Luke?

He was just Luke. Calum’s best friend. He was a jerk sometimes when he was hungry or sleepy. He liked pho and croissants. He was a blond giant who before only conversed with Nelle when he needed to. He wasn't mean to her or ever lashed out at her when something didn’t go his way. She assumed he just knew that her job was basically to babysit them and get them from point A to point B with the occasional errand here and there. Now he was insistent on them being partnered up for everything, but never made it obvious to his bandmates. For a moment, Nelle thought it was part of a cruel prank, but figured that Calum would never let him to do that her; Calum was extremely protective of Nelle. He’d probably disband the lot if Luke ever did something so malicious.

She shook her head. She needed to get it together. And quickly.

---

“Again.” Johnny, the sound producer, mumbled into the microphone. Luke rolled his eyes, adjusting the headphones around his head. This was the ninth again he’d heard in an hour. He huffed loudly into the mic on accident causing a high pitch ring to resonate through his booth and the sound board room. A series of Fuck, Luke and Ouch ran through the music booth.

“Sorry, sorry." He grumbled though not sincerely. “Can I get a break?” He asked looking to his bandmates through the glass that separated them. “Perhaps Cal could come in here instead and work on Babylon?” His voice was hoarse and exasperated. He didn’t even want to be here, but he was supposed to be because Calum said so. Because their manager had called them and said their album needed more work. Because Michael didn’t think it was complete. Because Ashton wrote one more song. Because he needed to rewrite and sing new verses.

Calum stood up from his spot, holding up his middle finger at his bandmate with a lopsided grin.  He waved for Luke to come out the booth. Luke sighed, relieved.

The two passed each other up as one went in and the other went out. Ashton eyed Luke curiously as the curly-haired fellow went to drop himself into the armchair Calum had just unoccupied.

Luke felt exhausted. Their short number of shows in Europe and the flight from Milan had finally caught up to him, but that wasn’t the only thing eating at him. After flying into LA and checking into their hotel for the next few days before flying to Paris, Nelle left. No explanation or anything.

He knew it shouldn’t have bothered him because she didn’t have to explain herself to him, but he thought they’d been doing so well lately. She’d been endlessly playful and flirty with him. Every time she looked his way, he felt so light, like there was no pressure on him; that he was definitely and rightfully okay. Now, since arriving in California, not even a text had been exchanged between the two. He couldn’t decide whether to be worried or not.

There was a SNAP causing Luke to blink furiously and focus on his surroundings. Michael was standing in front him, his hand still extended in the end position of his finger snap.

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” he asked. Luke scoffed, turning his face away. He mumbled a small nothing. “Bull shit.” Michael declared. “Spill…”

Luke had to face Michael now. He sized his buddy up, eyeing him up and down and even bucked at him, but Michael didn’t even flinch. Instead…

“Spill… or I tell Cal you have the hots for Nelle.”

Ashton, who was mid-sip of his iced coffee, began choking. He gasped desperately, pounding the front of his chest with no help from Luke or Michael.

“Dude!” Ashton wheezed. Michael ignored Ashton and stayed focused on Luke.

“So the fuck what?” Luke finally stated. At this point, there was no point in lying. They were going to find out sooner or later just how he had found out when they both had crushes on her.

Michael stepped back, stunned that it took so little effort to get Luke to admit that he liked Nelle. He’d expected more fight. Luke was always on defense when it came to his feelings, especially feelings for girls. He ran a hand through his knotted hair.

“Uhh. Wow. I don’t really know what to say anymore.” Michael went to sit back down next to Ashton. “I guess you can take it from here, Irwin.”

Ashton sat up straight, clearing his throat. “So… Hemmo… what the actual fuck?! Look… take this from our experience of having loved… and still love the most beautiful creature to walk the face of the planet… Calum will hang you if you even so much as look at her the wrong way. I'm surprised he hasn’t caught you making puppy eyes at her... How long has this been going on? This is all rather intriguing and downright confusing.”

With a roll of his eyes and shrug, Luke disregarded everything Ashton said.

“It’s been made pretty clear that she’s not interested in us. She refused the both of you and you, Ash, are probably the most compatible with her. I don’t see how I would be an exception.” He declared, a heavy weight on his heart.

Ashton and Michael shared a brief, but knowing,  glance with one another.

“I don’t know, mate.” Michael began. “I never seen Nelle look at anyone the way she looks at you."

That, there, it wasn’t exactly what Luke wanted to hear, but at the same time, it was exactly what he needed to hear. His heart skipped a beat and he felt light for a moment.

---

Luke trudged through the hotel lobby, hanging back from the other three. Michael, Calum, and Ashton were being boisterous, making the hotel guests and employees look their way as they joked and laughed heartily.

“Dude, c’mon!” Ashton stopped, pulling his two buds by the shirts to get them to stop walking. They waited for Luke to catch up with them. Since their recording session and getting Luke to admit his feelings about Nelle, Ashton had noticed Luke’s attitude had gone to nearly depressed. Calum was curious and had asked what was the matter, but everyone stayed tight-lipped.

Luke pulled his phone out of his pocket, checked to see if he had any notifications, and when he didn’t, he stuffed it back into his pocket.

“I really don’t want to go to Harry’s rager.” Luke mumbled, not bothering to look any of his mates in the eyes. Michael bumped him in the shoulder.

“Serious? Harry Styles is throwing the party of the year and you’re just gonna… not go?”

Luke shrugged. Calum narrowed his eyes at the guy, but didn’t say anything.

“The last time we partied with him, I ended up two cities over with no pants. I think I'm good.” Luke stated. “I think I'll just work on some music.”

Ashton scoffed at this.

“Wooow. You didn’t do shit today in the studio, gave up halfway, and now you want to--"

Calum held his hand over Ashton’s mouth to stop talking. He tried to pry Calum’s hand off his face but failed.

“If you want to stay here, go ahead.” Calum told him. Luke nodded in appreciation and began to turn his feet towards the elevators. They went their separate ways after Michael ran back to Luke to give him a quick hug and kiss on his head.

When Luke was sure that they were gone, he strayed away from the elevators and went to the front desk.

The brunette receptionist glanced over her glasses at Luke. He stood there, nervously, not really sure what to say or do since he was never the one to check them in when they arrived at hotels.

The woman cleared her throat, looking at Luke unamused. “Is there something I can help you with, sir?” Her voice super monotone.

Luke rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, the edge of his neck ran pink from the nerves. He felt his palms growing sweaty. His heart thumped against his chest hard. He could feel his vision closing in, an anxiety attack ensuing…

“My assistant… she checked us in this morning but didn’t tell me what room she was in. I need my room key from her.” Luke managed to say after a few breaths. It was a lie. He had his room key, but Nelle hadn’t told him nor the others what her room was. Right now, he needed to be with her. He wanted to talk to her. The lady, who’s nametag read Monica, raised an eyebrow.

“Do you have your ID?” she asked. Luke nodded rapidly, fumbling with his hands to reach into his back pocket of his black pants. He handed his ID to her and she typed away on her computer.

“Her name is Nelle. N-Nelle Padilla.” Luke stuttered. “My friend’s names are Calum Hood, Michael Clifford, and Ashton Irwin. We would have all been checked in at the same time.”

Monica looked at him, not entirely sure to believe him, but with a shrug of her shoulders, keyed in the names he gave off. She passed his identification back to him. “I have your friend’s names, but the first one doesn’t come up.” She told him.

Luke shook his head. He clearly remembered Nelle checking them all in. She hated LA. She wouldn’t stay anywhere else without them.

Something suddenly clicked. “Wait… could you try Eleanor Padilla?” He grimaced afterwards. He’d just found out her real first name days ago. It was a shock to him since everyone… like literally everyone only called her Nelle. The name was foreign on his tongue. He hoped to never say it again.

The receptionist tried again, typing quickly for there was a couple standing behind Luke now, ready to check in. She shook her head.

“Sorry. That one doesn’t come up either.”

Luke thanked her for her time. He headed back to the elevators, sad, confused, and downright annoyed.

His anxiety was gone. Now he was just irritated. He made his way to his floor, still wondering where Nelle could have gone. He checked his phone, his fingers lingering over the screen on their text conversation.

Where R you? Hazza is throwing a party. U down?

He stared at his text unsure if he should send it. He didn’t want to go to that dumb party, but if it got a response from Nelle, then it was worth it. He rethought the wording then deleted it as he got to his room. He let himself in. The lights were on. He furrowed his brows; he knew he’d turned them off before they’d left for the studio earlier. He entered cautiously, aware that the TV was on as well.

Stepping into the main part of his room, he sighed of relief.

Nelle was sitting on the bed, a pillow already placed in the middle of it splitting their sides. Her hair was damp so she’d had to have just gotten out the shower. It was drying into her waves. For the longest, Luke had thought she had straight hair. Now in the recent weeks of getting to know her, he now knew that it was naturally wavy. He decided he liked it like that best.

Nelle smiled at Luke; it wasn’t her typical genuine wide smile, but a small, closed lipped one. Her eyes looked sad but he didn’t want to question it. He was just glad that she was here. And Nelle was glad he was there too. She had been MIA all day since arriving in LA that morning. She’d sent the boys to the studio, leaving herself to have a meeting with their manager. The meeting had ran long, almost all day and part of the evening. She was mentally drained. She wanted to tell Luke about it but the second he’d walked in, she found herself suddenly feeling guilty and cowardly.

“I missed you today.” Luke mused, looking over at her. Nelle eyed Luke, her amber eyes trying to read his blue ones. He was being sincere. Nelle lowered her eyes, afraid to give her emotions away.

“Missed you too.” She mumbled back.

------

It was a sunny, cool morning in LA. It was 24 hours until their departure to France. Nelle wandered through the streets of Los Angeles, a coffee tray and a bag of bagels in her hands. 5SOS was back in the studio today for a bit. Every minute for the next 24 hours was booked solid and Nelle was determined to not let anything slip through the cracks, even when California always treated her unwell.

She made it the studio building with her arms full and without spilling a drop of anything. The girl at the front desk said hello to her as she carefully made her way to the elevators.

Ironically, the guys were located on the fifth floor. Anything in regards to the number five was almost always a good sign according to Ashton, who believed in that kind of good luck/bad luck thing. Nelle sped down the hallway to the studio room.

Michael was the first to see her through the thick glass door. He jumped off the recliner he was lounging in and hopped over Ashton’s body on the floor to open the door for her. Nelle entered the studio, trekking over Ashton’s legs, to set the coffees and bagels on the table next to the recliner Michael had just left empty.

“Luke just stepped outside. Cal is in the booth.” Ashton said as he raised his body from the floor to get himself a bagel. Michael was already an arm deep into the bag of round bread when Nelle chastised him.

“If you’re gonna get a poppy seed bagel, you better eat the seeds, Michael.”

Michael mumbled something under his breath before pulling a plain bagel out the bag. He grabbed the coffee with his name on it from the tray and went back to his recliner.

Seconds later, Luke walked back into the studio room and Calum entered from the booth. Johnny, the producer excused himself to make a phone call and to run down the street to the nearest McDonald's.

The room was quiet for a while as everyone ate and drank. Luke kept glancing at Nelle who was sitting next to Ashton on the loveseat couch. She could have sat between him and Calum on the long couch. He pushed that bit of jealously down with the gulp of his coffee but it quickly rose up again as Ashton put one of his hands on Nelle’s thigh. It was an innocent gesture, but his hand was pretty high on her leg and he couldn't help but feel slightly green. It also didn’t help that they were whispering amongst each other with their faces pretty close.

When everyone was finished eating, Nelle stood up from her spot next to Ashton. She picked up the boys’ trash, putting it all in the bag that it had come in. She cleared her throat afterwards and all four of them looked in her direction. She stood awkwardly in the middle of floor, pulling the Led Zeppelin shirt she’d borrow from Luke that morning tight around middle. Luke noticed the way the shirt now clung around her curves and his mind flashed back to that morning when he’d woken up to see Nelle hopping around the hotel room, struggling to pull her pants over the curvature of her hips and ass. Luke hadn’t meant to stare, but he had and when she’d finally succeeded in buttoning her pants, he pretended to be asleep to give him some time for his prick to go down.

“Everyone…” Nelle announced. “I have an announcement to make.”  

Calum looked worried. The way Nelle had said that made goosebumps raise on his body. He shuddered as Nelle cleared her throat to keep talking.

She let out a deep breath, eyed Calum for a brief second for some quick reassurance and then spoke, trying hard to not let her voice break. “I… I am not joining you for the rest of this tour… I am not going on promo for the next single… and I am not going on tour for Youngblood.”

Blue, green, hazel, and brown eyes all widened in shock. The room was dead silent except for the vibration of someone’s phone but no one dared to move.

Michael seemed the first to react as his body collapsed backwards into the recliner, his eyes watering immediately. Ashton groaned in discontent.

“Is this some type of joke?” Calum asked. His eyes darted around the room to his mates; Luke had an unreadable expression and Nelle was not sure what to make of it. He seemed not phased at all.

“It’s not…” Nelle replied. “I—“

“What the fuck!?” Michael interrupted her. “What do you mean you’re not coming with us? This is a bit fucked up, Nelle! We’re in the middle of a fucking tour. We’re about to release our third album and you’re just gonna drop this shitty ass bomb on us like that!”

Nelle had not expected Michael to react so angrily. In fact, she had mentally prepared herself for Ashton to be the one to get mad, not Michael.

“It’s been a long time coming, Clifford. Did you really think I wasn’t ever going to leave? I mean… compared to other assistants we’ve come across, I’ve been around a lifetime… but I need to do my own thing. I’ve been putting the four of you ahead of my own life for almost six years now. I have to do this for my own good.” Nelle clarified but the more she spoke, the more it upset Michael. Ashton scoffed whereas Calum shook his head.

“So we’re a nuisance to you now.” Michael chuckled coldly. “Wow… I can’t even look at you right now.”

Nelle neared Michael, but Ashton gave her a warning look. “Look… I don’t want to leave, but lately it’s just been so much, so fast, and I’m tired. It’s hard to keep my own life organized when I have to organize four other peoples’ lives as well. I haven’t done anything for myself since I decided to come along with you guys. I got into Yale last fall…”

Calum gawked at her. “What the hell? Why didn’t you say anything, Nelle?”

“I did.” She shrugged. “You all were too busy beginning the new album. I got in, they understood my situation, and I’ve been doing online classes since we travel too much for me to attend actual classes.

“You know I love you, all of you” She met Michael’s eyes when she said this and Luke felt a slight pang in his heart. Why didn’t she look at him? “But… that break before you started the new album, getting into this prestigious university, it just made me realize that I need to put myself first now. I wouldn’t take back anything in all these years, but…”

“Can you just get out?” Ashton finally spoke, his voice on the edge of breaking, but he spoke with a cold force that made Calum double-glance at him to make sure it was him speaking. Nelle turned towards Ashton, her heart cracking, a huge lump in her throat. “We don’t need to know why… just fucking go. We’ll call Richard and figure all of this out on our own.” Ashton shooed her away towards the door.

Nelle took another look at the four of them. No one else said anything else, not even Calum, who had always been there besides her and took her side. She tried to meet Luke’s eyes, but he was turned away from her. She inhaled deeply, holding in her tears, and she left.

<<>> 

When the glass door was shut and Nelle was out of sight, Luke turned on Calum.

“WOW! And I thought you were her brother.” He mocked. Calum straightened up real quick, his brows creased.

“You didn’t say shit! Don’t come at me!” Calum argued. “What the fuck did you do to her to make her want to leave?”

Ashton’s eyes darted between the two and then to Michael. Michael, though still incredibly upset, suddenly felt troubled. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so upset.

“I didn’t do anything. Maybe it was you selfish assholes.” Luke voiced back. “She does so much for us and we couldn’t even return the fucking favor.”

Luke’s statement made all three of them lower their heads in guilt. He wasn’t wrong, yet no one bothered to admit it. Luke stood up hastily, his footsteps heavy as he walked towards the door.

“I’m not gonna let her leave on bad terms. She deserves the fucking world for everything’s she’s done for us.” He said. Calum sneered.

“Since when do you care so much about her?” he asked. Luke rolled his eyes.

“Since when have you stopped?” Luke shot back before he left.

<<>> 

Nelle stopped before the elevators, her emotions getting the best of her. She leaned back on the wall across the elevators, between two potted plants. Her tears guzzling out before she could stop them. This was not the reaction she had expected.

She knew they were going to be upset, but she hadn’t known they were going to be outraged by her departure. She wanted her last moments to be hugs and kisses and I going to miss you. She hadn’t anticipated getting practically kicked out. She’d wanted to spend the rest of the day together, even if it was going to be spent working. She wanted to drop them off at the airport before they left for France and her Australia. She wanted to make sure their new assistant who was going to be at the airport waiting for them knew every single thing about them because she wanted to make sure they were in safe hands.

She let out a loud sob, forcing herself to rub her face with her hands to clean away the tears. She sniffled, wishing she’d thought to bring her purse because she was really in dire need of tissues and there was no way she was going to wipe her face on Luke’s shirt. She inhaled and exhaled the way she’d taught the guys how to when they got too anxious. Her head was bowed down with her eyes closed, but when she finally felt calm and her tears were now just silent trickles, she opened them up.

She glanced up quickly after noticing a pair of black boots in front of her own. Her wet tawny eyes met a pair of cerulean blues; her body buckled forward and luckily Luke had expected it. He caught her and held her close. This was the first time he’d ever hugged her… and the last his mind was quick to remind him.

Nelle drew in Luke’s scent, the same clean, zesty smell that been clingy to her, his, shirt all day. She pulled away from him, but stayed close enough to where he could keep his arms around her.

“I’m sorry for the way they were…” Luke whispered down to her, his forehead pressing against hers. Their noses touched and it took nearly everything in Nelle’s body to keep her from tippy-toeing up just a few centimeters to capture his lips. She wasn’t going to lie to herself and pretend that she didn’t find Luke attractive. She’d been doing all she could to distract herself from that fact especially in these days that they’d finally become friends. She was keeping her feelings at bay because she had already thought of quitting for a long time. That was why she couldn’t date within the band she always told herself. But Luke was different.

“I’m sorry I dropped the news like this.” She told him back. Luke shook his head when he noticed Nelle’s eyes watering again. He pressed her face into his shoulder, squeezing her body gently for comfort. It took a few seconds for Nelle to calm herself again. She dragged her body away from Luke’s again, this time completely. She couldn’t think straight with him so close.

“I need to go.” She said rashly. Luke looked at her with sad eyes just as Nelle tried to speed off. She managed to push the down button for the elevator before Luke could react. He reached out, grabbing her hand and pulled her back to him. Nelle yanked her hand away, Luke’s face dismayed by her rebuff.

“I don’t want to start anything we can’t finish.” She uttered just as the elevator doors opened. She stepped back into the metal box, pushed the Close Door button quickly before pressing the 1st floor button. She gave him a single wave just as the doors closed. He didn’t even get to wave back.