#so no heavy topics here

[srslylini]

I have some thoughts about the idea of forgiveness and moving on we see in media and fans. The thoughts mostly come from being in therapy and spending time with people who specialize in those fields and helped me come to terms with my own pain.

This can very well be taken in general but is mostly about Vi.

Right. So.

Vi is a genuinely interesting character, who has gone through hell and back to put it lightly. She lives in conditions in the undercity that has people who don't live in them wear masks to handle them. She grew up and saw her parents die, which means she had to step up. Vander did adopt her, her sister, Mylo and Claggor but Vander still put a lot of responsibilities on Vi. She was told she cannot be selfish when people look up to her.

Then, of course, the entire act 1 of season 1 happens, which in itself is already very much and not something that should have ever happened to anyone, let alone a kid/teenager. She then, on TOP of all of this, got thrown into Stillwater after seeing her entire family die (and presumed Powder also as dead, although she continued to hope), where she was canonically beaten, starved, put into isolation and... the rest is up to interpretation because I guess the writers did not care. But that interpretation is not a good one.

What I am trying to say with all of this is that Vi has been put through so much by the system and by people (Enforcers get a special mention here) all around her.

This gets me to the point. I see a lot of people, the writers themself even, talk about how Vi needs to (or already did) forgive and move on. And I just wonder where this idea comes from?

In all my time in therapy, no matter what and who I talked about, you know what I have never heard? That I need to forgive.

What I heard instead was rather close to this:

"What happened was not your fault. It happened and can't be changed. But there is still something you can do, because you stand here now. You can imagine yourself back then and guide yourself. Hold yourself and tell the younger version of you that what happened isn't ever going to be fine but that you are still here and that you need to be kind to yourself." She told me "take the hand of your younger version and walk her through it because in the end it will have always happened but you can choose to help yourself"

There is a lot more she told me, but that is between her and me. What I am trying to say with this is that not once did I ever get told that I need to forgive the people involved. I am also not trying to say that doing this works for everyone, because health does not work this way. The point I am making is that I find it incredibly weird that we came to the point of saying that the only way to let go is to forgive, when that could not be further from the truth.

I would say understanding it happened and being kind to yourself does a lot more than trying to forgive people who hurt you so much that it ends in you being broken to what seems beyond repair (it isn't I have learned that much, lol). That's what my therapist taught me.

Which brings me back to Vi and why I find the notion of "she needs to forgive and move on to get better" or the writers writing "she forgave and moved on" so weird.

What happened to her is not something that can be forgiven. And... that is okay. Or it should be okay. But for some reason it isn't?

I mean if you can and want to forgive that is for you to do but to say that it is a (or even THE) way to move on does not sit right with me. At all.

[sketchy-tour]

Ewe too impatient wanna post!

Anyway! Moral Orel is such a good show. Orel is my son.

Other doodles!!!

I love them. I can't believe I married Reverend Putty and we adopted Orel together omg.

[tollsoftheclockwerkbelle]

sega please do not save maria please do not save maria PLEASE do not save mariaaaaaaa sega PLEASE

[ratbastarddotfuck]

I am going on a 20 hour flight tomorrow please give me your favourite less well-known narrative fiction podcast recommendations

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

"Sounds like a plot by the gang", "oh they're definitely writing this in the next season," I know it's all silly jokes, but with all due respect and no ill will, if they learned anything from their recent seasons, you're all wrong. While Sunny has always been used to perform both political and social commentary and satire since its inception, where they largely failed (and subsequently course corrected away from) in later years was trying too hard to connect the gang to every major current event without regard to who these characters actually are, losing sight of the smaller plots and grounded core of what makes Sunny and the gang so appealing in the first place, (and also needlessly dating the episodes in a jarringly noticeable way).

And the reason season 16 didn't fall into this trap and felt so much like classic Sunny again in a way even 15 didn't is partly because they realized this and reigned the focus back in to be on the gang themselves, rather than the gang as mere mouthpieces or moving props, (while still finding a balance within those core dynamics, covering a much broader modern commentary on things like false nostalgia, technology, allusions to more niche stories and etc. Current issues as seasoning, but NOT as the whole dish.)

But also, all that aside, other than maaaybe Frank in some 'that bastard owes me money from the 80s' roundabout or accidental way, the gang aren't trying to assassinate anyone because 1. they don't care or know shit about politics on a bigger level, get real, and 2. even if they did or ever would contemplate an assassination amongst themselves, which is entirely possible given past discussions (ie jumper and others), at their heart, they don't actually have the purposeful disposition for that sort of thing and have always been all talk, no action, so that kinda plot would never make it past the bar threshold, let alone to the pulling the trigger stage before they chicken out, realize they don't care or get distracted by some other random scheme.

Now, all that isn't to say they might not reference it in some other more subtle way like for example, Frank thinking someone's trying to assassinate him and taking wild measures to protect himself from his enemies or something, I don't know, but we've just recently had another gun focused episode so in all likelihood, it's not in the cards, it shouldn't be in the cards... and that's probably definitely for the best.

[200grandbeaverave]

It's a bit of a shame that the Dada Dog isn't a child of Lila. Considering the motif of the suffering dog and the thematic topics of abuse and lack of agency, and considering the fraternity's intentions when "creating" Lila, Garage Heathen could have incorporated the puppy mill practice as another symbol. A dog maintained by its owners just enough so that it may be indiscriminately bred and provide its owners with offspring, for the owners' benefit— certified Who's Lila moment

[drop-dead-dropout]

is it hypocritical of me to read disco elysium fanfiction about harry getting sober while I'm high out of my mind on one of the most addictive drugs in the world. too bad I don't care Outta My Way Gayboy I'm Boutta Get It !!! ("it" meaning "worse")

[tf2heritageposts]

i’m not sure if you guys like my stories but here’s another one

about a month or so ago, i was doing a deep clean of our apartment, and there was a big heavy box we’ve been meaning to get rid of for a while that was from our mom but we didn’t want it

we decided to throw it away by rolling it like a square wheel out of our apartment and onto the stairs, where our next door neighbor was at the bottom of the stairs bringing up groceries

i accidentally lost control of the box and it started rolling down the stairs, thankfully slow enough that the dude could just walk out of the way of the box of death and then said “hey that’s one way to do it” and i just nervously laughed back

i’m just really glad i didn’t accidentally kill our neighbor

[chickenstrangers]

Time and Grief in Eternal Yesterday

Eternal Yesterday (Eien no Kinou) is an astonishing show. It is one of the most visceral explorations of grief, letting the audience sit with the feeling of it, that I have seen on screen for a long time. I especially loved how it explored the experience of time while grieving.

Grief alters time. It changes your internal sense of time. It takes you out of equilibrium with everyone who is not experiencing grief with you. The world moves on. People move on. People forget. The clocks don't stop despite our pleas. Grief bisects time; events become labeled Before and After. Everything reorients around it.

This disorientation of time is what Eternal Yesterday conveys so powerfully, both in its magical realism conceit and in its technical structure and pacing.

First, I would also like to talk about a poem. @bengiyo also shared a phenomenal poem by Shane Koyczan in this wonderful post about this show which I have been thinking about and listening to again and again (reading by the poet here, transcript here). While I was watching, I had another poem ringing in my head. I think there is something about grief that is often best captured in the sparseness of poetry for me personally, and in that way Eternal Yesterday feels a bit like a poem, and echoes these poems.

Recently, I have been reading Victoria Chang's poetry book Obit, which frames her grief over her mother's death and her father's illness as deconstructed obituaries.

The difference is called grieving. I think this is the space that Eternal Yesterday occupies. It uses magical realism to forcibly extend the period before reality and grief can fully set in. Mitsuru is desperately clinging to the moment of before, when Koichi hasn't actually died yet, because once he leaves that moment he can't go back.

In the moments before the truck driver comes and sees the body, Mitsuru is in a state of denial, an impossible version of events in which Koichi survived the impact and being thrown in the air for meters, even though all the evidence points to his death. He calls his name, expecting him to just wake up. The truck driver's reaction cements the truth of his death that Mitsuru could not even let himself imagine in those first few moments. There's a moment where we can see the flicker of horrific recognition on Mitsuru's face. But then Koichi starts moving again, and Mitsuru is once again in an impossible reality where Koichi can survive as the living dead, a miracle. Eternal Yesterday effectively resets the timeline to the moments before the death becomes real for Mitsuru.

The rest of the story takes place within that moment, but elongates the stage of denial. It takes place outside of time. Koichi's body has disregarded time, the doctor tells them. It is staving off all actual evidence of decay, but it doesn't erase the damage that has already been done and the bruises and cuts remain as a terrible reminder. This really effective element of body horror forces the audience and the characters to sit in a very specific moment in time; this is not a ghost who has cast earthly wounds aside, nor a zombie who continues to decay. Koichi and Mitsuru are trapped in the moment of death, the eternal yesterday. Mitsuru isn't ready to let go yet, and neither is Koichi.

The drawn out nature of this undeath contrasts with how suddenly Koichi dies. Instantaneous (I think again of Koyczan's poem). There is no way for the characters to anticipate this death. Compare this to Mitsuru's mother, who was chronically ill, dying in a hospital away from her son in an attempt to insulate him from grief. But despite her prolonged illness and her distance from Mitsuru, it doesn't seem like Mitsuru was really able to process his loss, just creating a wall around it to protect himself. With Koichi's undeath, they get that extra time together, and maybe that helps in some ways. As @waitmyturtles writes, they get to spend those final moments together, knowingly, intentionally, in a way that Mitsuru only got with his mom after her death when he saw her ghost. The magic gives them back these moments.

At the beginning, it seems as if time has stopped for everyone around them as well, but slowly people start to not be able to see Koichi. They begin to move on, and forget. Koichi seems to have reconciled with this fact: "If you die, you're slowly forgotten. It's normal. The living are busy thinking of other living people." Mitsuru is angry at the thought that anyone could forget about Koichi, and that the signs of their forgetfulness are proof that Koichi is getting closer and closer to disappearing.

This is such a beautiful metaphor for how it feels to grieve someone when the rest of the world keeps spinning. Time has stopped for Mitsuru, but not for all his classmates, even though they cared for Koichi too. It's a cruel truth. Time starts to speed up again as Koichi begins to disappear in front of others, but Mitsuru is still clinging to him.

Mitsuru holds onto Koichi with both fists. There's anger behind his denial of Koichi's death. He repeatedly tries to remind Koichi that he's still alive, gets angry when he's referred to as dead, and when people can't see Koichi any more.

But it is Mitsuru's love that sustains Koichi for this long, and his unwillingness to let go of his memory. It seems like love itself is what keeps Koichi here. Even when he disappears for most people, Mitsuru and Koichi's family still see him. Even after Koichi truly dies, when he stops being a living corpse, we see that his memory does live on in Mitsuru, and in the lives of the other people who loved him. The teacher who sent Mitsuru a photograph that shouldn't exist. Koichi's friends and family continuing to honor and remember him, and staying in contact with Mitsuru.

@gillianthecat writes beautifully about Japanese dramas and the use of place and space. There's a quietness and a stillness often. Eternal Yesterday echoes this, and in some ways turns time into a place, anchoring the drama to a liminal threshold, the pause that allows Mitsuru and Koichi to process what has happened.

Koichi and Mitsuru's story takes place outside of time. The editing and structure of the show also interrupts the linearity of time. Multiple times we are shown the end of a scene, and then shown its beginning scenes or even episodes later. The show revisits scenes, recontextualizes them, like when they get back from the hospital and Koichi admits he's scared that he's a corpse; the teachers in the stairwell we later learn were found in the aftermath of their breakup. Koichi is hit by the truck in the very opening of the show, but we don't see all of it until the end of the episode and the beginning of the next. Through this editing, the show destabilizes time, and calls into question our perception of events.

It also does this with the opening and closing credits. Each episode grounds the audience at the start in a joyful past that the characters can never return to, and at the end in an impossible future that they will never see ("If we were adults, would we be making a toast and drinking beer?"). The show oscillates between these two endpoints, and they put the viewer off balance for what to expect. But at the close of the show, we see the camping scene recontextualized. Mitsuru is alone, but he still has pieces of Koichi with him. The false insinuation of a happy ending is replaced with bittersweet reality.

How long does it take to grieve someone? Does it ever stop? Their teacher is still mourning his boyfriend's death 20 years later. Mitsuru is shown grieving 5 years after Koichi's death. He tells us his sadness never went away. The experience of grief is different with that distance, but it doesn't disappear. The show invites us to sit in a specific moment of that grief, but it shows us also how it continues afterwards.

Koichi's death is drawn out, the stage of denial extended, but eventually time catches up with both of them. Koichi knows it ("My time is almost up"). Mitsuru begins to understand it ("Isn't it just a matter of time?"). The day Mitsuru's home sick, "the time felt too long." The dissonance between this piece of time that they have carved out for themselves and the reality of time's continual passage becomes impossible to ignore.

Koichi lingering as a living corpse gives both him and Mitsuru a bit more time together. Even if it's just a few days, there's beauty in that. Because of that time, Koichi gets to hold his newborn sister. He gets to be a part of that moment with his family. Koichi and Mitsuru get to love each other for just a little longer. They get to say goodbye.

This is a sad show. But it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to explore this sadness is art, in queer art. It can be healing to sit in these emotions for a little while, like Mitsuru and Koichi do in the show. To take the time to process it and connect with these stories.

Thank you to @bengiyo's post and the podcast for putting a new favorite show on my radar, and @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles for sharing their thoughts and love for the show.

[crwbannwen]

My friend caught on that my special interest character rants have shifted to new characters recently.

I had to inform them that I was indeed cursed by a mutual with a new chronic hyperfixation.

(Please continue cursing me, I not-very-secretly enjoy it)

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant explain it but daigo being subtitled to just be like 'you're making me look like i have no balls' feels so illegal and wrong. hilarious but something's off

[gorps]

It's actually so fucked to no longer have access to a rack and barbells

[charbroiledchicken]

memoria praeteritorum bonorum

the sisyphean desire for a perfect life 

There are two things I constantly tell myself. Two things I believe to be absolute truths, or at least things I try to convince myself are. They’re affirmations…of a sort. Though of a different breed to the ones my friends had stumbled upon and quickly became enamoured with - sayings such as “I am calm”, “I am confident”, “My imperfections will soon be nullified” wrapped in pixelated tulle and gaudy fonts. Call me cynical, I thought they were useless. Mere repetition, absent deliberate action, will never reify them. To me, it seemed like a sisyphean process - watering barren soil day in and day out, thinking that it’s working because you see small green offshoots from a nearby plant, reflected in your growing puddle.

Perhaps ‘reminders’ is a more appropriate word for what I say. 

I have a very creative mind. 

At times it is a very loud, disruptive, “want to smash my head against the wall because why can’t I get that one song out of my head” kind of mind, but an imaginative one nonetheless. I am a prolific creator - the garden of my mind is a plentiful one, rich in offerings. In it, I plant seeds of poetry I scribbled down in the car or on a walk, hoping that, maybe, if I left it undisturbed for long enough, it could grow into something beautiful without assistance. Like one of those self-sufficient house-plants. I have fifty drafts of unfinished novels hanging from trees, adorned in highlights and aggressive edits, both capitalised and underlined for maximum efficiency. Any remaining time flowers with auditions, rehearsals, and performances.

I am a creature of dramatism and creation, sustained by my own home-grown landscape. And thus, my entire life is governed by my pilgrimage towards perfection. By my ability to draft and redraft, prune and rehearse my identity, until I am performance ready and captivating. Is the way I walk, the way I behave, and the past that journeys with me, enough to prove I’m acceptable to be around? The world around me reciprocates what I give it, so my gifts must be great.

My obsession with creating the perfect version of myself permeates every aspect of my life. My garden is thought out and gorgeous - sweetly perfumed buds and vibrant leaves to distract from shallow roots. 

Which brings me to my next reminder…

I can separate fiction from reality. 

A while back, when I was neck deep in an internet wormhole, brightness dimmed to make it seem like I was sleeping, I stumbled upon something interesting. A latin phrase: memoria praeteritorum bonorum - the past is always well remembered. Curious, I continued my search, and found that this saying was closely linked to a psychological phenomenon called ‘rosy retrospection’. The idea that nostalgia and a pursuit of greatness can cloud our perception of the past and cast everything in a rose-tinted light, blurring the lines between reality and what is aggrandised for effect. A reciprocal relationship between ourselves and the world around us - our belief in one warping the other. Green offshoots in a puddle. Through this phenomenon, our memory can change our past to appear more psychologically satisfying: weeding away imperfections like pesky plants, so beautiful flowers are able to be exhibited instead. 

When I first read about it, I scoffed. Before the hypocrisy comments - to alter the portrayal of yourself is one thing, to completely change your perception of reality was entirely another. I have pruned and redrafted my exterior, but I was still completely true to myself. 

There’s a park near my house that I remember to be beautiful. The flowers are rich in scent when I break them between my fingers, and leaves drape from trees in icicle shapes, freezing the world in a perpetual, green, winter. The winding river was clean and crisp, like Monet’s ‘Water Lilies’. 

I went there recently, hoping to bask in the same greatness. It was nothing like my memory of it. It was simple, imperfect. Branches littered the ground, and the river water was murky and leaf-filled. It was ruined. It was a shadow of its old self (if that ever existed at all). And yet, it was still beautiful. A reprieve, a small gap of perfectly imperfect reality - its organic self. 

I am Sisyphus, determined to push my boulder up, told that it was prettier up there, and forgetting the beauty at the base. This rock is heavy. 

[moe-broey]

My therapist hasn't killed me yet 👍

[exoticuwuz]

so im watching that one AG episode with that Whiscash right???

and like Ash fails at it and the old guy who is like the fishing god for some reason says like: no one can be a pro in a day or smth like that

MAX PULLED UP AND DID GOOD AND THAT OLD MAN WAS LIKE: IT TOOK ME YEARS, WHY DID IT ONLY TAKE THIS KID A DAY???

new headcanon: max is secretly good at everything he just doesn't know it yet because he's a kid but also because bro is a damn know-it-all who only thinks he's good with pokemon stuff

[undead-potatoes]

Honestly such a bummer that "are you in the headspace to receive information that could potentially harm you" kicked up so much discourse and became a meme bc it IS genuinely good to ask people "hey can I just dump a bunch of shit on you rn?" before you do that (the script that person gave was just terrible).

People have their own traumas and bad days, and just dumping shit on top of that with no thought isn't always gonna be okay. If I know someone has struggles relating to a topic I always try ask before I just jump into talking about it, making sure I don't accidentally trigger some sort of episode for them with my careless bullshit. It takes like 10 seconds and I think it's good to be mindful that you're not the only person on the planet who is struggling at any given moment, and that sometimes you need to find a different person to talk to.