#so maybe that was an escalation of pre-existing behavior

[steveharrington]

have you ever thought about how tommy steve and carol became friends? do you think it was like since they were all babies or like they knew each other peripherally but only became close during middle school or something? i love anything that involves tommy and carol and i wish they would show up in the last season somehow

my little made up history for them is that steve and tommy have been friends literally since like. pre-k mostly because their moms knew each other from like mommy groups in the community and set up play dates. i know it’s easy to make steve’s parents into these 2-D evil caricatures but i do think often about steve’s mom being stuck in this loveless marriage that makes her more and more paranoid about her loser husband being unfaithful….im sure before that she tried to make hawkins work…i think she was good friends with tommy’s mom and they spent a lot of time together which is how we get the steve-tommy dynamic in season one where they almost seem like brothers. steve smacking him and rolling his eyes when tommy says something shitty but still continuing the conversation as normal and hanging out with him the same as always, almost as if he feels like tommy is just a permanent fixture in his life and his cruelty is just a part of the deal

i think carol moved to hawkins a little later in middle school and as soon as she stepped in the doors a little censor went off in her head that guided her to tommy immediately because their genetic bitchiness is a 100% match. i think steve adopted carol in and essentially also sees her as a little sister (forever thinking about the Choice in s1 of showing us steve giving carol his applesauce and meatloaf off his own plate….) and overall i think that’s how steve rationalizes their behavior in his brain. he’s like “well… yeah maybe they shouldn’t have said that….but what can i do, they’re like family! that’s just the way they are! what am i gonna do, cut them off?? it’s tommy and carol!”

to me that’s more compelling than steve just sticking with tommy and carol for Status. that doesn’t really make sense because it’s not like we see the three of them flanked by their peers at lunch, or inviting masses of people to their party. i don’t think carol and tommy are particularly popular and that steve clings to them because They as people determine his social ranking, but more because they’ve been his best friends for so long that he just can’t really fathom existing without them. maybe he parties a lot and has a lot of girlfriends and is a star athlete or whatever, but when steve invites people over on a tuesday night, he only invites tommy and carol (and later nancy and barb). they’re his only Friends, clearly, who mean anything to him. so as they get older and tommy and carol get crueler and sharper and more prone to escalate situations, steve just kinda averts his eyes to avoid this cataclysmic break up between the three of them

tommy and carol so endlessly fascinate me. in such a short time we learn so much about the depth of their history with steve, the way they feel comfortable joking and laughing about his parents relationship (in a way that to me almost feels like siblings laughing at the antics of their shared parental unit), the way they seem determined to kinda press on the wound of steve’s insecurity about cheating and infidelity until he freaks the fuck out on nancy and jonathan. there’s like a possessiveness that they seem to feel when steve actually starts to form a close bond with nancy that is so interesting…. ugh i could yap about them forever. they are such an important part of the tapestry of steve’s life……and chester rushing said tommy is in gay love with steve ❤️

[applesandbannas747]

Sarah Rees Brennan's additions to the Fenceverse were peppered with classism, ableism, biphobia, and racism (what else can I call the erasure of Eugene's Filipino heritage?), but one aspect of it that's at once more subtle and more obvious is Coach Sally Williams's inappropriate behavior with her students, and I need to talk about it. Fence is marketed toward a young adult audience--kids who have teachers, maybe even teachers like Williams...and, hopefully, who know to report teachers like her to someone.

Let me make clear that my condemnation of Williams as a predator is only relating to the novels. In the comics, she's fantastic and badass and caring. In the novels, she takes it too far. There are several instances of her being what I'd call a shitty teacher throughout the novels, but there is a moment in Fence: Striking Distance where she sexually harasses three of her students. Can you think of when?

If you thought of the punishment she issued to Seiji, Nick, and Eugene for failing in a trust fall exercise, you would be correct! I want to be entirely clear here; there is no question of whether that was sexual harassment against her students. It was. Definitionally, it was. That's not up for debate. Let's get into why and fill in some context that makes the whole scene even more disturbing.

Williams issued a punishment to three of her students which involved them stripping. Asking students to undress is in itself sexual harassment (unless you're a chemistry teacher telling someone to get their ass in the 'i fucked up' shower but that's basically the only exception). It is inappropriate and unacceptable for a teacher to demand their student take off their shirt. Williams does. And then dresses them in raw steaks to send running around the woods. Their punishment isn't running. Their punishment is humiliation. And she's made it a sexual thing by disrobing them and dressing them so specifically and strangely. This isn't having them put on a little dunce cap and do jumping jacks kind of thing, this is a bizarre setup that, while not written as a fetish, can certainly be read that way. For whatever reason, Williams decided to have them wear raw steaks and the only real explanation is for her own pleasure--amusement, the characters and readers are supposed see. And the readers are meant to laugh along at this strange humiliation utilizing the partially naked bodies of minors.

Let's talk a little bit more about the raw steaks. The purpose of them seems to be humiliation, and if that's where Williams derives pleasure, perhaps my next points satisfy her goal intentionally. Either way, being made to strip and wear raw meat against their bare body is bound to be a massive trigger to people with sensory issues, body image issues, and eating disorders. The unique blending of unpleasant sensory, nakedness, and food would feel gross to anyone forced to abide by this punishment, but for people with pre-existing issues, it multiplies tenfold. And it is similarly disturbing in a new way to consider those who do not eat meat being forced to wear raw steaks around their necks. There are so many people for which this punishment would be even worse than you'd think at first glance, and it can absolutely be read as part of Williams's design. If you saw reports of Willimas in real life, wouldn't you assume this was intentional?

Another thing to note here is the needless escalation of the punishment to the crime. Eugene's meant to catch someone in a trust fall but turns to try and catch someone who's actually falling--Nick and Seiji being the reason and the faller in question. It is for this crime that they are punished. And, yeah, good time to talk about how your behavior can cause real harm to others (hell, it's a great metaphor for trying to learn in a rowdy classroom--reacting to the rowdiness/trying to calm it and sacrificing the thing you were doing to manage it), but an appropriate consequence would be an apology from each to Harvard. It was not a malicious or intentional attack and didn't warrant a punishment at all beyond natural consequence. Williams took this opportunity to enforce a major punishment that is entirely unrelated to the behavior nor is it beneficial to fencing the way running suicides is. Why change the terrain to the woods? And if you want to argue for the woods, I'll even give that to you. Why require bare chests and raw meat? Those conditions in no way add anything but humiliation. And, arguably, to Williams's pleasure.

I know it's 'not that deep' -- or rather, I know it wasn't meant to be. I know that this scene was not crafted with the intent to frame Williams in such an unsavory and upsetting light. I know that to assign intention behind the sexual harassment may seem presumptuous. But if this was happening in real life? Those intentions are almost guaranteed, even on a deep 'unknown' level to the teacher issuing such perverse and power-proving punishments. It doesn't matter if it wasn't written to be that deep, it has some seriously gross undertones.

Bottom line is that Williams used her power over children who were under her charge and protection to have them undress and endure the press of raw, bloody meat against them as they ran through the woods. That's not funny. That's sexual harassment.

[adamwatchesmovies]

There's Something Wrong with the Children (2023)

I'm unsure how to feel about movies whose titles clearly give away what the movie will be about. There's no ambiguity in a statement like There's Something Wrong with the Children but the movie keeps its cards close to its chest for a while. Maybe it's titled that way to make sure those who seek it out won't be disappointed?

Margaret and Ben (Alisha Wainwright and Zach Gilford) are vacationing with their friends Ellie, Thomas (Amanda Crew and Carlos Santos) and their children, Lucy and Spencer (Briella Guiza and David Mattle). While hiking through the woods, they come upon a delapidated building. Inside is a deep pit. Lucy and Spencer become fascinated with a light within only they can see and begin acting hostile towards Ben. Or maybe the kids haven’t been replaced by malicious dopplegangers and Ben’s pre-existing conditions is what’s causing him to become paranoid.

This horror film gets a lot of the basics right. The cast is small and you get to know them quite well, so you worry once things start going south. In fact, the adult drama stuff would almost be enough to be a movie on its own. As Ben begins accusing the children of all sorts of things, tensions between the couples escalate until they reach a breaking point. At this point, all hell breaks loose between them. The friends say some deeply hurtful things towards each other, the kind that could make this weekend getaway the last time they ever talk. You wonder what’s coming next but then uh oh, the kids are up to something and everyone forgets all about the drama.

Another thing director Roxanne Benjamin nails is the creepy kids themselves. All “bad seed” stories have an inherent problem: an opponent you could pick up and throw out the window is hard to make scary. The film knows this and begins by focussing on Ben to keep whether or not something legitimately malicious is happening ambiguous. You might say it’s a spoiler to reveal that indeed, there is something wrong with the children… but that’s what the title tells you. Anyway, once the sinister behavior is confirmed, much of the evil stuff is kept off-screen. We see the consequences, not the actions themselves. First, it makes this scenario much more believable. Second, it keeps what’s happening ambiguous. There are many unknowns in this picture. The green glow coming from the cave. Who or what created it? Why were only the children affected? Now that they’ve been “infected”, what do they want? We don’t know for sure. There are hints, such as an eerily effective moment where one of the children’s shadows begins to morph into an insect-like shape. Maybe that’s just panic making the person we’re following at the time imagine something otherworldly. Maybe it’s a hint that they’re now slaves to a glow worm queen living deep underground. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that they’re dangerous and prey upon the adult’s trust.

The score by The Gifted is terrific and the film ends on a strong final note. There’s Something Wrong with the Children takes some interesting turns along the way, and makes some unexpected choices to keep you on your toes. So why, at the end of the day, am I only giving it three stars out of five? It’s because of the running time. 92 minutes shouldn’t be too long, but there isn’t quite enough meat to fill that time. To prolong the action, our protagonist has to make some dumb decisions - hiding when they should be going on the offensive, making obvious mistakes, etc. Yes, the characters in the film don’t know they’re in a film and they’re under much more stress than the audience but for the most part, everyone has a solid head on their shoulders. It becomes frustrating to see them do things only (seemingly) to keep the story going on longer than it needs to.

There’s Something Wrong With the Children is no game changer but it does enough new things and enough things right to make it worthwhile. It’s tense, the drama before things go south is engaging. There are some neat visual tricks, and the protagonist provides us with an interesting point of view. It might feel too long at the 2/3 mark but the conclusion is strong and with that killer soundtrack, you’ll find yourself enjoying the scares much more than not. (August 26, 2023)

[bunnies-on-saturn]

You’re a good big brother

so i had a thought where like, AU (i guess?) where the brothers went to one of those K-12 schools. You know where they have all the grades in school, yeah I feel like they went to one of those. either to be closer together, for it to be convenient, so Lucifer can watch his brothers whatever it may be. By the way I’ve never been in one of those school so no idea how it works.

~Story Summary~:

Lucifer, while in class, gets called into the schools office to talk about Mammon behavior. Apparently he’s been getting in more fights. Lucifer is upset but maybe there’s more to the story than what the teachers know. He’s only doing it to protect his little brothers.

~Characters~:

Lucifer: possibly around the age of 15-17 (the oldest obviously)

Mammon: around 8-10 years old

Leviathan: around 5-6 years old

Asmodeus: 3-4 years old (the youngest. At least for now)

Lucifer sat in the middle of class listening to the teacher’s lecture. Well half listening, he was a good student who followed the rules and got good grades but he sat by the window so it was easy to get distracted. Currently the class was taking notes but he had already written down the information, so he was doodling in the corner of his paper. He was drawing his little brothers. They all went to the same school, but just different classes.

It was a K-12 school and each “level” as they called it was divided into different sections of the school. Each grade level had their own building in a way. Elementary kids got one side, middle schoolers another and high schoolers took the last building. They all shared one big field they shared for certain school events, but things like playground equipment, cafeterias, and etc where all in their own building. They did share a bus stop for all the kids however.

Every day Lucifer would take his brothers to the elementary building, being younger and all and; then go to the high school school building. Then after school he’d pick them up and they’d walk home together. They never took the bus, they liked the walk. Their house wasn’t far anyways. The room was quiet as the only few sounds where pencils writing as the teacher wrote more on the whiteboard. That was until foot steps could be heard walking out in the hallway.

There was a knock on the door causing everyone to look up. “Come in.” Lucifer’s teacher called. The door opened and it was the assistant principal of the elementary department. While yes it was a big school it had only one principal but each section had their own association principal. “Hi sorry to interrupt but we need Lucifer Lamentation to come to office please.” The lady said as she smiled at the teacher. Everyone looked over at Lucifer making an “oooo” sound causing Lucifer to get embarrassed and turn a bit red in the cheeks.

(I know that’s not their last name. I don’t even think they have a last name. I just took the name of the house and applied that as their last name.)

Lucifer turned away as he snarled a bit. The assistant principal walked over to him, “Please bring your stuff with you just in case.” She said. Now Lucifer was a bit worried. He didn’t seem in trouble. He hadn’t done anything so that possibly was ruled out. Did something happen concerning him? Did something happen to his little brothers? Lucifer packed up his things before meeting up with the assistant at the door.

“Lucifer you have the homework for tonight right?” His teacher called right as they where about to leave. “Yes sir.” Lucifer replied. His teacher smiled, “Good. Off you go then.” And with that they closed the door and left. The two walking down the empty hall, the sound of her high heels tapping the floor echoing through the hall. Lucifer fixed his backpack on his shoulder before speaking. “Did something happen?”

“Well.” She said. “Mammon has been getting into some arguments recently with some kids. Today however, Mammon got into a fist fight with one of the kids. So now he’s in the office and I wanted you to try and talk to him. He hasn’t respond to me and is getting quiet snappy. So I thought since you’re his older brother he’d listen to you more.” She explained. Lucifer stayed quiet. Mammon never told him about this. /Is mammon causing trouble again?/ Lucifer thought.

They walked all the way to the elementary building. The shift between the regular school building walls to the more childish area was a real change. Everything seemed so small. Taking a semi familiar rout he’s usually take to walk to and from buildings. Once there we walked to the office building to see Mammon sitting in a chair. His knees where to his chest and his head was sitting on top of them. He had a bandage on his knees, cheek, elbow, and nose. He had a small pout on his face. When he heard the door open he looked over to see his assistant principal and his brother. Seeing them made him turn away again.

The assistant principal walked in having Lucifer follow. The door shutting behind them. “As you can see I’ve had him wait in here while I came to get you. Please have a seat.” She said as she took a seat at her desk gesturing to the empty seat next to Mammon. Lucifer sat down glancing at Mammon. He was upset but also a bit worried. Why was Mammon getting into fights with other classmates? “So I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly happened.” She said looking at the two of them.

Lucifer turned away from Mammon and turned his attention to the lady nodding. “Well you see. While at recess Mammon and two other boys where fighting. Mammon threw the first punch and it escalated causing the teachers to have to step in and break them up." Mammon sank into his knees a bit. Still pouting. "Where are the other two?" Lucifer asked. "Currently in the nurse office. Mammon tried to fight them even in the office." She said. Lucifer kept quiet. His face had a look of confusion.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. If anything he was more disappointed than angry. "Would you like to tell your brother what happened?" She now looked at Mammon who refused to look at her. He shook his head. She sighed. "Not even to your brother?" Lucifer looked at his younger brother and spoke softly, "Mammon do you just not want to talk? Or do you not want to talk because she's here?" He was quiet for a moment. “Cause she’s here…” he mumbled. Lucifer looked at the lady, “Can we have a moment alone please?”

She looked hesitant to say yes. Her face looked like she wanted to say no right away but was really debating. “Please he’s never gonna talk if he’s not comfortable. Can we go outside and talk? I promise to stay within the area.” Lucifer asked putting his hand on Mammon’s knee. She signed, “Yes go ahead. But please stay in the area.” “We will.” Lucifer said. “Come on Mammon.” Lucifer spoke as he got up from his chair. Mammon got up slowly and looked down as he followed Lucifer out of the room.

Lucifer let the door close behind them as they walked out into their play yard. It was empty since it was class time all the kids where inside learning. Lucifer walked to a shaded area having Mammon still looking down. Lucifer finally got a look at his face. His hair was scruffy and his face was a bit dirty. It looked like he had been crying a bit too. “So.” Lucifer said finally breaking the silence. “You got into a fight-“ “It wasn’t my fault!” Mammon yelled a bit. Lucifer was caught off guard with Mammon’s sudden loudness. He turned to him with a shocked look on his face.

Mammon was shaking a bit, his fist in a ball. “I-I was protecting Levi a-and Asmo. They where being mean to them!” Mammon shouted as he wiped his eyes. Lucifer gave a sympathetic look as he put his hand on his shoulder. “Mammon tell me what happened please.” Mammon turned to Lucifer’s direction before speaking again. “Well, it was recess time. And then Levi came up to me crying.” “Crying? Why was he crying?” Lucifer asked worryingly. “It’s cause some kids broke his Ruri-Chan figure. They smashed it.” Lucifer sighed. “I told him not to bring it with him.” He said under his breath. “And they kept pulling on Asmo’s hair and clothes. They even cut his hair a bit too! So I had to help!” Mammon said as tears came down his face.

~ earlier that day~

It was recess time and Mammon was playing with the random playground equipment that was lying around. Currently all the 3rd graders and kids under where playing. Mammon being a 3rd grader was having a good time playing with a ball he found. Occasionally checking on his brothers who where way more down the playground. Levi was in kindergarten and Asmo was in pre-kindergarten. But they played in the same area. He wanted to make sure his little brothers where having fun, and sometimes if they where alone he’d go over and play with them.

Mammon was bouncing the ball trying to see how high he could make it to. Sometimes looking over at the high school building where Lucifer was. Sometimes he wonders if he could see him while walking to class something. While on his fifth try of trying to make the ball go pass the roof he heard crying and felt a tug on his shirt sleeve. It distracted him from catching the ball making it slam hard into the floor, causing the crying to become louder. Just as Mammon was about to get mad he looked to see it was Levi crying.

“Levi what happened?!” He asked worryingly. “They-they-“ Levi couldn’t get a word out with how many tears kept coming down his face. “They broke Ruri-Chan!” Levi cried as he held up a smashed Ruri-Chan figure. Her face was broken, her arm had been snapped, and she was disconnected from her body. “And-and they pu-ushed m-m-e.” Mammon instantly became protective. “Who did this?” Levi pointed to some bigger kids who seemed to be Mammon’s age. “Come on Levi. Your big brothers got this.”

He took his younger brothers hand who was still crying, holding the broken Ruri-Chan close. When he got to the smaller kids section he saw that the kids Levi pointed out where cornering Asmo. There was three of them. Two blocking off his exists and tugging at his clothes, pushing him around while the other had scissors and pulled on his hair. Asmo was screaming and crying trying to push him away but being three he’s not very strong against third graders. “Come on its just a little it’s no big deal. Stop being a baby.” The boy with the scissors said as he snipped a bit of his hair.

Not a lot just a little. That was it for Mammon. He ran over and pushed the boy away causing the other two to let go or Asmo. “MamMam!” Asmo called as he cried. Levi went with Asmo as Mammon stood in front of them. “It’s okay guys. Your big brother is gonna save you two!” He shouts. “Some big brother you are.” One kid said. “THESE are your brothers?! They look pretty useless to me.” Another said. “Hey shut up!” Mammon yelled getting in their face a bit. “You shut up.” He pushed Mammon back causing him to stumble a bit but he managed to catch himself so he doesn’t fall on his brothers.

“Leave them alone! They haven’t even done anything to you.” Mammon pushed him back. The other two watching while Levi was holding Asmo. “They’re annoying.” “You’re annoying!” Mammon said back. “And ugly! And stupid!” “Says you! You’re the dumbest in the class. You should be here with them!” The kid punched Mammon right in the stomach. “Mammam! Mammon!” His brothers called. Mammon held onto his stomach for a bit, “Awe you gonna cry like your stupid brothers here?” “Don’t call them stupid!” Mammon screamed as he got on top of him and started to punch him.

The other two ran while Mammon and the other fought on the floor. Levi and Asmo staying back. That was until a teacher came over and yelled at the two as she broke up the fight. Managing to get Mammon off the young boy. “You two behave right now! Stop it!” She yelled. They eventually stopped and both had scratch marks and bruises all over. She called a teachers assistant who came over to take care of Asmo and Levi while the teacher took the two to the nurse.

“How did this happen?” The teacher asked sternly as she crossed her arms. She looked down at the two boys who sat in a chair in the office. The nurse was getting bandaids ready. “He started it!” Mammon said pointing at the kid. “No he did!” He pointed back. “Did not!” “Did too!” “Did not!” Mammon pushed the boy after he said that causing the teacher to pull him back and the nurse to move the kid aside. “MAMMON YOU’RE GOING TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE AFTER. Ms.Joy please patch up Mammon first so he can go to the office sooner. I don’t trust him here with him.” She told the nurse.

She nodded and fixed up Mammon while the teacher called the assistant principal using the office phone. Once he was done she came over and picked him up and took him to her office. Once there they started talking. “Mammon you know what my you’re here don’t you?” She sat at her desk with her hands together resting on the table. Mammon sat in the chair with his arms crossed and looked away. He was still upset and even more so that he was getting in trouble and the other kids weren’t. They hurt his brothers they deserved it.

“Mammon I don’t think I need to tell you what you did was extremely inappropriate. So please explain to me why you did what you did.” She stated. Mammon kept quiet bringing his feet up to his chest. “It wasn’t my fault.” He mumbled. “Well the teachers said you threw the first punch so you clearly had something to do with it.” She replied back looking at him a bit sternly. Mammon kept his head down. She tried asking again and again before sighing as she rubbed her temple. “Fine if you won’t answer I’ll go get your brother. Maybe you’ll listen to him instead.” She got up from her chair, “Do not leave this office.” Was what she told him before she left.

~Present Time~

Mammon finished telling the events of what happened today. He was crying now as he wiped at his eyes. Lucifer just held him close and rubbed his back in a circle like motion. “I tried but she didn’t believe me.” He mumbled into his chest. “I believe you Mammon. Thank you for protecting your little brothers. You did good.” Mammon looked up. “I did?” Lucifer smiled as he looked down at his younger brother. “Of course. I’m very proud of you.” Mammon turned red a bit as he looked away.

“Come now let’s go tell her what happened.” Lucifer said as he pulled away. Mammon looked hesitant before Lucifer put his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay I’ll be here to help tell what happened.” Mammon nodded as they headed back to the office. The assistant principal waiting at her desk. “So are you finally ready to talk?” They took at seat and her desk nodding and repeated what Mammon told Lucifer to her. “I see. And you’re sure this is the truth.” She asked. “Yes!” Mammon cried. “Ask Levi and Asmo! They saw it all!”

“Levi wouldn’t lie. I’m not sure how much you’d get out of Asmo being so young but you should definitely ask them.” Lucifer interjected. She sighed again. “Right I will. Well thank you dear for your help. I’ll talk to them and others right away. Even if it was in self defense I still have to give some punishment. So Mammon you can’t play at recess for three days. If what you’re saying is true the three boys will get three weeks of no recess.” Mammon obviously wasn’t happy about it. He didn’t see the reason why he should be getting in trouble but three days was better than three weeks.

Mammon nodded. “Fine..” he uttered. “Good. Sorry to pull you out of class Lucifer you may go back. Same goes for you Mammon.” The two got up and left the office. “Alright then I’ll be heading back to class. I’ll see you after school today okay?” Lucifer said as he ruffled his hair. “Stay out of trouble.” Mammon whined pushing his hand away. “Luucciiii! I’m not a baby anymore.” Lucifer chuckled. “That may be so but you are my baby brother.” “Hey!” Lucifer laughed. “Okay okay. Go back to class now.” Mammon nodded. “Bye Luci!” He said as he ran back to class with a smile on his face.

Lucifer watched him until he was out of sight and turned away to walk back to his own class. And so the day went on like normal. Lucifer finished up his last class and as the bell rang he packed up his backpack and headed over to the elementary building. Lucifer walking through the crowded halls trying to avoid as many people as possible. All he could think about was his brothers. Is everything okay? Did she talk to them? Are Levi and Asmo hurt? Is Mammon doing okay? So many questions going through his mind.

He was so lost in thought he didn’t even realize Mammon was calling to him. “LUCII!!” Mammon called waving at him. Mammon, Levi, and Asmo where all in the same spot they’d be at everyday to be picked up by Lucifer. Lucifer looked up coming back into reality to see Mammon smiling at him. Asmo was hugging his leg while Mammon had his hand on his back. Levi was also doing the same expect he was slouching into Mammon. He was more focused on the plastic bag in his hands but Mammon still had his hand on his back.

Lucifer smiled softly. It was a cute sight even though he knew his brothers where upset it was nice to see them all together. Lucifer walked over looking at his younger brothers kneeling in front of them. Before he could even get a word out Levi and Asmo ran up to him and hugged him which caught both Lucifer and Mammon off guard. “LUCII!!” They cried. Well Asmo’s sounded more like “Wuci!” Then Luci. Lucifer smiled and hugged his little brothers close hearing them cry. “Hey buds. Are you okay? I heard what happened are you hurt?” He spoke softly as he tried to calm them.

“I-It was scawy!” Levi cried having Asmo nod. “I know it was and I’m sorry I wasn’t there. But Mammon was there right? He kept you safe.” Lucifer looked up at Mammon with a soft smile. Mammon blushed. “W-Well yeah! I’m supposed to! I’m their big brother!” Lucifer laughed a little as he kept holding them. They cried into his chest as he gave a sympathetic look. “Shh shhh it’s okay bud. Shh you’re okay now.” He kissed their heads as he spoke. “You guys are safe now right? It’s not gonna happen ever again I promise.”

Lucifer pulled them back a bit as he whipped their tears with his thumb. Lucifer ran his fingers through Asmo’s hair. “Well your hair doesn’t look too bad. It’s not very noticeable. Don’t worry Asmo you still look great.” Asmo looked up hopefully. “Weally?” “Really.” He ruffled his hair a little. He knew his brother really liked his looks. He was always a fan of dressing up and doing his hair. While he wasn’t the best with his hair being very young that was Lucifer’s job. But he really enjoyed dressing up.

“When we get home I promise we’ll put your hair into something really pretty sound good?” Lucifer spoke making Asmo nod and smile a bit. “Ya! wif a bow!” He tried to speak. Being so young he’s still developing speaking skill. Lucifer chuckled a little. “Yes with a bow.” Asmo wiped his face a bit before going back to Mammon putting his arms up. Asking to be picked up. Mammon bent down and picked him up placing on his hip best he could. Lucifer looked at Levi who still looked upset.

Pitifully looking at the plastic bag in his hands. Gently moving the broken pieces or the Ruri-Chan figure that where there. Lucifer put his hand on his cheek. “Levi are you okay? They broke Ruri didn’t they?” Levi nodded as silent tears fell. “I told you not to bring her to school she’s fragile.” Levi whined a bit covering his face. He was never good in these types of situations. “I know I’m sorry. I know that was your favorite one. How about this when we get home I’ll try my best to fix it okay? And if we can’t I’ll get you a new one.” Lucifer said gently.

“I promise as your big brother I’ll do whatever to make you happy. I’ll even let you watch her videos tonight even after bed time.” Levi perked up. “Really?” “Really bud.” Levi wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. “Kay..” Lucifer picked him up and set him on his hip. Levi put his head on his shoulder as he yawned. Mammon watched the whole time now Lucifer calmed his brothers down so easily. How he was so gentle with them. He wished he could do the same. Mammon held Asmo who was looking around the area.

“Come on let’s get going home.” He moved some of Leviathan hair out of his face as he adjusted him on his hip. Mammon looked at his older brother in awe. Lucifer caught a glimpse and asked, “What are you thinking about Mammon?” Mammon blushed a little. “Nothing…” he replied. “Come on tell me.” “Well it’s just..you’re so good them. A-and I wanna be good with them too! You made them so much calmer than I ever could.” Mammon pouted as he held Asmo close.

Lucifer smiled and put his hand on the back of Mammon’s head pulling him close and kissed it. “You’re a good big brother Mammon. You already where and you still are. You stood up for your little brothers and protected them. That’s all I could ever ask for. I don’t really like the idea of you getting into fights but if it’s for self defense and especially family it’s okay. I’m proud of you.” Lucifer praised him. Mammon’s blush grew as he kept his head down. “Y-y-you’re embarrassing!” Mammon managed to say.

“Yes but it’s the truth. And I’m sure your brothers feel the same way. Right you two?” Levi turned over to look at Mammon who was looking away. “Thank you Mammon for helping me.” He said causing Mammon to look up. “ ‘ank ou mammam!” Asmo cheered as he hugged his older brother. Mammon laughed a bit as he hugged Asmo back and ruffled Levi’s hair. “That’s what I’m here for.” And with that they walked home. A little late because of their conversation but it didn’t matter. Mammon was doing his homework while in the living room with his brothers.

Asmo was currently getting his hair done by Lucifer. Who was sitting on his lap while Lucifer was sitting on the couch. Upon further inspection he saw that Asmo was a bit scratched up on his arms. Probably from when those kids where holding him. They weren’t bad in fact most of them where markings more than scratches. But still he made a mental note to keep an eye on it. As promised Lucifer did put a bow in his hair. Two in fact both personally picked by Asmodeus himself. He was very happy with how it came out.

“ ‘ank ou Wuci!” Asmo smiled as Lucifer put him down. “Anytime Asmo.” By now Mammon was done with his homework so he was playing with Asmo. All while videos of Ruri-Chan played in the background. As promised Levi got to watch her and his eyes where practically glued to the screen. While they did that he took the plastic bag next to Levi’s backpack and held it in his hands. “I’ll be back Mammon I’m going upstairs real quick.” Lucifer called. “Kay!” Mammon replied.

Lucifer took it to his bedroom and tried his best to repair it. He knew this was Levi’s favorite thing in the whole world. It was a comfort item to him. The minute he had it he took it everywhere and if they had to leave somewhere he wouldn’t leave until he had her in his hand. Which lead to many tantrums but as long as she was there he was fine. Even helping him sleep in the worst of times. He took great pride in taking care of the figure. So Lucifer intended to do the same thing.

Eventually with the help of some magic he was able to bring it back good as new. Just like when he first got it. Lucifer held it gently and went to Levi’s room to look for the Ruri-Chan plushie he also cherished. He sleeps with it every night and even during long car rides. He takes it everywhere just like the figure. And If it’s not with him at all time he’ll cry his eyes out. But he still loves his little brother so whatever makes him happy he’s happy to provide it. Lucifer took it and went back downstairs seeing Asmo and Mammon playing together. Asmo trying to do Mammon’s hair with the many clips he had all very childish themes.

Lucifer smiled as they seemed to be laughing together. Mammon was also putting clips in Asmo’s hair so it was equal. Lucifer went over to Levi and tapped his shoulder getting his attention. “Levi I have a surprise for you.” Levi’s face lit up as he knew exactly what the surprise was. “Here. Good as new.” Lucifer handed him the more repaired figure making Levi smile ear to ear. I’m excitement and joy he flared his arms and kicked his feet a little smiling. It was the purest smile ever. Almost the same smile as when he got this toy on his birthday. Leviathan got up and hugged Lucifer tightly.

“Thank you big bro!!” He cheered. “You’re the best!” Lucifer hugged him back. “I’m glad to see you happy again but new rule. You can’t bring her to school anymore.” Levi pulled back with a distraught look on his face. “But..why?” “Levi she got broken today. I warned you about it already haven’t I? We don’t want her broken again do we?” Levi thought about it for a bit. And although he was right he still needed her. “But..but- I still need her! I wanna take her with me!” Levi whined. “I thought this was coming so here.” Lucifer pulled out the plushie seeing Levi stop his almost tantrum immediately.

“You can take her instead. Only if you promise not to get it dirty or ripped.” Levi held out his arms to hold it but Lucifer held it up from him making him whine more. “Promise first.” “I promise!” “Are you sure?” “Yes!” “You’re not just saying it are you?” “No!” Lucifer handed him the plushie and he gripped it with all his might. Snuggling with it. Lucifer laughed as he ruffled his hair. The night came and Lucifer made dinner for everyone and they ate like a happy family. The next day at school after Lucifer dropped them off he asked Mammon to point out which kids bullied them the other day.

When he did he walked over with a very creepy smile as he stood over them. “So I hear you’re the ones who bullied my brothers the other day. Is that true.” The fear on their face says it all. They started to back into the walls as he leaned into closer. “If I ever find out that you started trouble again with my brothers I will deal with you myself personally. You’d make a great hanging decoration on my fathers wall.” And with that he walked away with a satisfactory look on his face as hearing them shutter was like music to his ears. Did he just threaten some eight years olds? Yeah. Did he care? Not really. As long as they got the message he could care less and he carried on with the day as if nothing happened.

The end :)

I’m not too proud of this story but I’ll try and make better ones in the future

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

It's kind of intriguing now when I look at the state of affairs of the SPN fandom now. Or at least the bubble I exist in. Because like pre-season 15, maybe some people had qualms about Jared but I felt like people were moreorless supportive of him and now, it's like jared is this terrible individual that needs to be cancelled. And its like, I don't understand the huge turn around for this behavior. Like did it start with the bar brawl or accepting the Walker role? And it just escalated with the drama with Jensen's prequel idea? And then a few questionable tweets about taxidermy chickens and whether or not Gen is touching the below the belt or whatnot? Like I don't really get it. I'm not really one to fawn over celebrities but even still, if I were a heavy Jared stan like some of these people used to be, this wouldn't be enough for me to go against him and get on this train that Jensen and Misha are these pure little cinnamon rolls who have finally escaped the tyranny of the Padaleckis or whatever. Sure, this stuff going on would tell me that Jared's a little weird but nothing that I feel would want me to just backtrack on years of support. And I mean as weird as some of the stuff is that the padaleckis post about, I don't necessarily hate any of it to be honest. They're weird, sure, but most people are. And maybe I like to think that I'm a little weird myself so while their weirdness isn't really the same as mine, it's nothing so bad that I feel like they should be cancelled for.

Now, the people who are treating Misha's divorce like its finally the go-ahead for their cockles fantasies to come to life, now those people are weird and not in a good way. Like, I don't have any problems with Misha and Jensen becoming a couple or Darius and Misha. That's not really the problem here. The problem is people are taking this very personal aspect of this person's life and making it about them when it's none of their business. Going through a separation of this magnitude is hard. I watched my parents go through it, 18 years of marriage and they decided to end it, and it was hard on everyone involved, my parents, me and my brothers. That's actually an aspect I don't see a lot of people are talking about. How is this separation affecting Misha's kids? I was 18 when my parents divorced, and for me it was like I lost my entire foundation of my life, everything I aspired to be through the loving relationship I had always thought I was witnessing with my parents now felt like a lie and it made me skeptical about romance and whether or not I even wanted any part of it again. So to imagine that not only having to deal with those kinds of emotions but to see people now using your parents' separation as a go-ahead for a fandom spec relationship, I can't even imagine what that must be like.

And anyway, I don't really know what this post is supposed to be. A rant? A diary entry? I don't know. I guess, just in general, it's just me not really understanding rpf.

[relationshipanarchywithoutchaos]

Review: A Geek's Guide to Unicorn Ranching: Advice for Couples Seeking Another Partner

I bought and read this book so that you don’t have to.

I'm going to preface this review with the disclaimer that I started reading this book actively wanting to hate it.  The author* is the Facebook page admin for Poly.Land, which has some very cult-like tactics in its image posts, similar in style to scam pages such as David Wolfe, Vani Fari (the "Food Babe"), The Mind Unleashed and Free Thought Project.  Most notably, the page is laced with universally agreeable tweets, tumblr posts and memes, some not even about ethical non-monogamy, interjected with the occasional privileged or problematic post about polyamory or swinging, sometimes with amatonormative or ableist perspectives.

Before I get started, allow me to clarify: while I and many others object to the principle strategies of "unicorn hunting" (or even "unicorn ranching", which makes it sound even more like animal husbandry than "hunting" does), the problematic issue of couples seeking a third is rarely the fault of the potential third (or "unicorn").  It is perfectly acceptable for an individual who understands the risks and dynamics to enter into an arrangement with one or both partners of an existing couple who finds them attractive.  The problems are almost always from the misunderstanding of the unbalanced power dynamic the existing couple places on their targets, most often due to ignorance, greed, or socially-ingrained conceptions of the importance of the relationship over the members of the relationship as marketed by the western matrimanial society.

This book is a very short read: 73 pages, in large font, with a few appendixes for sample relationship agreements.  The paperback is only 1/4" thick.  I started it while waiting for a flight to take off and finished it before we reached cruising altitude.

The book is divided into "lessons" rather than chapters, none of them particularly long.  The first ten chapters run as basically a Polyamory 101, or maybe even a "Pre-Polyamory" class.  The chapters cover things like getting your existing relationship in order prior to opening up, different types of arrangements (vee vs. triad vs. square, etc), the basics of hierarchy, what a metamour is, all the basic stuff.

The only slightly geeky things in the book are a shout-out to the Ferengi meme ("FEMALES") and some minor stuff about math.  The author later describes themselves as the geek; but the title aims to target geeks, and there seems to be no good reason jocks, nerds, goths, or preppies couldn't benefit from the information within.

There is good advice in the book.  The idea of dating separately is explicitly floated, and I was glad to see it.  The idea of a triad not being one relationship, but four or more possible relationships, is also included. Eschewing exclusivity, and looking for partners who are already part of other relationships and arrangements, is also mentioned.  Being as "out" as safely possible is recommended for the emotional well-being of all participants.  The "love us both equally" requirement is talked about as one set for failure.  There is an acknowledgement that unicorn hunting is often looked at poorly by the greater community, and that it's a rookie tactic that many couples take.  While introducing the unicorn as most likely to be a bisexual woman willing to entertain a relationship with a man/woman couple, the rest of the book uses gender-inclusive language.

But there are some major problematic issues in the book which raise red flags.  More than once, the book talks about hierarchy and veto power as an option, but never once talks about the ethical implications.  The words "couple privilege" never once appear.  The descriptions of boundaries, and the appendices of relationship agreements, read more like rules than boundaries or agreements, and it's not talked about why that's a problem, how to amend agreements, and how to avoid building resentment.  The recommendation is to be low-key and discreet at first, which can unfortunately encourage bad behaviors and abuse.  How to deal with one's own children in this situation is never mentioned.  Basic discussions about consent and the sense of a high need for emotional work and emotional intelligence is also lacking, and those are the things that unicorn hunting couples need the most.  Jealousy and insecurity, as well as how to mitigate them, go undiscussed.

There's also a some statements of privilege.  Recommending that a couple get their financial affairs in order before opening up and making plans for couples therapy are not particularly inclusive, as it suggests that only the financially stable and the mentally supported can join in on the fun.  Intersectionality is mostly absent.

Only on the last lesson, "Proper Care and Feeding of Unicorns", is there a discussion about what it's like to be in a triad with someone who wasn't in the arrangement from the beginning, and only barely so; the lesson brings the conversation back to the individuals in the original couple.

The "additional readings" list Sex at Dawn, Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator (shoutout to my friend Amy Gahran), The Ethical Slut, and some other books not related to polyamory (e.g., books on communication and self-actualization). While I don't fault the author for not listing More Than Two among their additional readings, given recent developments, it seems like a blatant snub of the work that Eve Rickert put into the work, particularly given how comprehensive and universal the language of MTT was (even for exclusively monogamous couples).  Not including Tristan Taormino's Opening Up or Elizabeth Sheff's The Polyamorists Next Door, however, seem like egregious errors in judgement and I wonder what the story behind that is.

A section of one lesson is dedicated to "don't bait and switch", e.g., being honest about being part of a couple and, if relevant, that you're looking for someone to join the existing arrangement.  And yet, since there's very little here about the ethics of triad-seeking (or lack thereof), the book itself feels like a bait-and-switch.  Maybe that's a good thing.  After all, unicorns-r-us.com and freesexworkers.com do the exact same thing.

Unlike most books on the subject, this one references very few personal experiences/case studies, and no negative ones.  The author's main argument that unicorns exist and are available, mentioned in the beginning, was that the author has had positive experiences as a unicorn.  At no point is it ever stated that unicorn hunting is problematic.  At the end, there's an assurance from the author that with the right kind of practice within one's an existing relationship(s), the right person will eventually join the ranch.  I feel this is optimism is both dangerous and unwarranted; just going off of several Facebook and FetLife groups on the subject, any given community is filled with thousands of couples who try and fail for years or decades to find "their unicorn", tens of thousands of people who want couples to leave them the fuck alone and/or are angry about them invading queer spaces, and only a handful of unicorns willing to consider joining an existing couple's dynamic for free.  Were I reading this from unicorn-seeking perspective, I would have liked to have seen testaments and stories of couples who were successfully open up and form a triad, and how they did it.  The absence of these stories is telling.

So, like, I didn't hate it, but I can't recommend it. There are other books where you can spend a few extra dollars and receive significantly more information on the relevant subjects, as well as better guidance about the kind of emotional work one needs to do in order to eschew monogamy (A Geek's Guide is $8; Opening Up is $15, and The Ethical Slut is $18, both of which are way more than double in AGG in length). Some even contain workbook questions to think about individually, or with a partner. I think that if a couple read this book, and made no other efforts to read other works or join discussions online with experienced individuals, they would likely be set up for failure.  The author puts all of the scary possibilities up front, which is probably a good thing if it actually makes couples do additional research, but not if it turns them off on the prospect of discovering more about it and just going off on their own, none-the-wiser.

* The author, Page Turner, notes themselves in the back as a polyamory, kink and sex councilor and coach.  I do not dispute this, and I know people who have seen them talk at events on those subjects with expertise.

[rpmemes-galore]

so, a little bit of an update about things going on as well as an official hiatus notice  ( yes, again, I’m so sorry ) . there are some triggers for abuse, so keep that in mind if you’re sensitive to that topic. 

So, I might not have a home, soon. 

My brother and I currently share our late grandparents’ home, moving in after they passed away to look after the place and keep an eye on things. And it would have been amazing, except for the fact our aunt, their daughter, has been coming by to do  ‘ inspections ‘. And she has a standard of perfect cleanliness that my brother and I --- both with me being severely chronically ill, and us both have mental illnesses --- aren’t able to meet. As in, she expects it to look like a model home. This has been escalating since last year, and she’s been getting worse, her behavior extremely passive aggressive and bordering, if not branching into, abusive... and recently, she’s been making threats to evict us over minor things, like there being a few dishes on the counter, or a floor not being perfectly vacuumed. And this isn’t an empty threat. And as someone who has serious anxiety issues, this whole building conflict has given me multiple panic attacks over the past months, a mental breakdown earlier this year, as well as kept me from sleeping at all for the solid past 2 weeks.

The only option we would have if she goes through with it, would be to move back in with our parents... and, without going into too much detail, there’s already a history of abuse there that I’m already trying to confront and deal with. So, I’m really caught between a rock and a hard place, especially with the fact I’m basically broke, due to health complications preventing me from being able to work. 

Maybe all of this is a little bit personal, but I just wanted to put it out there as an explanation as to why I’ve been acting a little differently lately. Stuff is kind of --- pardon my language --- a shitshow right now, tying into other life things going on, too. And there’s been a lot of fear and uncertainty lately, that doesn’t help pre-existing anxiety and depression. So, I want to apologize to anyone I’ve been short with, and the fact I’ve been a little negative lately, I don’t mean to be. And this isn’t an excuse. Just an explanation. Things with this are starting to come to a head so I’ll know one way or the other --- whether she has a change of heart or not --- hopefully within the next couple months or so. 

I will try to be here off and on during that time, I just can’t make any promises. Because this blog is important to me. Making resources for you all is important to me. And I WANT to be here. I just can’t. Motivation and energy are absolutely non-existent. But, please know that I love you all, and you mean so much to me, and I will be doing my best, on the days I can, to continue running this blog, and all my resource blogs. Thank you for listening, and I really hope you all take care and stay safe.  Fingers crossed, see you soon. <3

           ----------  meme-mun / ruby 

[voicesbyzane]

Fixing Fallout 4: Hancock

I’ve jotted down my thoughts on “fixing” the writing of characters like Strong and Preston Garvey in Fallout 4, but I think the character with the most wasted potential is everyone’s favorite drug loving ghoul, Hancock.

When Fallout 4 was first teased at Bethesda’s E3 conference, a lot of people immediately noticed and latched on to a piece of concept art of a ghoul in a revolutionary war outfit

And with good reason. Look at this cool motherfucker. I want to be his pal.

But then we got to meet Hancock in Fallout 4. And I will say this, I don’t HATE the character of Hancock as he is now. I like the idea of a super laissez faire “fuck it life is short” character. I just think he’s a very bland character without a ton of depth. So, I’ve been thinking about how I, a goon with no writing experience, would fix John Hancock.

First, let’s look at Hancock as he is now. Hancock is the ghoul mayor of the rough and tumble town of Goodneighbor. His introduction is stabbing a man in the stomach for being rude. He heavily uses drugs and leaves his position because he’s bored. When asked when he became a ghoul, he gives a very odd background;

“Finally found this experimental radiation drug. Only one of its kind left, and only one hit. Oh man, the high was so worth it. Yeah, I'm living with the side effects, but hey, what's not to love about immortality?”

So let’s just gloss over that there was a radiation drug (does it cure rads? Does it infuse the user with a ton of rads? Why?) that this guy just... found (where?) and somehow made him a ghoul instead of killing him. But aside from that, Hancock is a ghoul for seemingly no reason besides there wasn’t a ghoul companion.

Okay, so why does he dress the way he does?

“When I finally came to, I was on the floor of the Old State House. Right in front of the clothes of John Hancock. I might've still been high, but those clothes spoke to me, told me what I needed to do. I smashed the case, put them on, and started a new life. As Hancock”

So, again, Hancock just put on John Hancock’s clothes and decided to call himself Hancock. There is no reasoning or explanation for this character’s existence. He is because he just is.

So what would I do to fix Hancock? It’s really simple. I actually wouldn’t change much. Just two things.

1. Hancock doesn’t do drugs

2. Hancock is a pre-war ghoul who thinks he’s the actual Statesman John Hancock

Ghouls in fallout live a very long time. They’re effectively immortal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean their minds are perfect. As a ghoul gets older, they get more and more prone to becoming feral, and at the very least become forgetful, unfocused, and a bit loopy in the noggin. What if Hancock genuinely believed he was the real deal?

So let’s redo Hancock’s introduction. The player walks into goodneighbor and is bullied by the same tough guy at the entrance. Things look like they’re about to escalate, but the player hears from off screen:

“HOLD NOW GOOD SIR, We need not antagonize visitors to our fair neighborhood!”

In strides a ghoul wearing a fine revolutionary coat and uniform, proud and boisterous. Asking around town reveals that that’s Hancock, Goodneighbor’s mayor. Sure, he acts a little weird but he’s actually a really great leader; just like he is now in-game, my hancock believes in a government of the people by the people. He wants everyone to seek their own life, liberty, and happiness.

Now, let’s move on to Hancock’s behavior as a companion. Hancock likes when the player supports revolutionary ideals; Standing against authoritarian regimes in pursuit of what’s right. Aiding farmers and commoners, even moreso if it’s for charity. All the while he loudly cheers the player for using weapons like the laser musket, wearing tricorn hats, and seeing americana and patriotic decorations. Overall, he’s fun, bombastic, and silly. Qualities fallout 4′s writing severely lacked.

So what about Hancock’s arc? Well, now that we’ve actually given him a decent background and character, we can play more with his future. After traveling with the Sole Survivor and building up the friendship meter, John Hancock confides in them. He’s been seeing so much more of the city outside of goodneighbor. He can’t help but notice he’s seeing all these mentions of his friends and fellow statesmen in the past tense, as if they’re gone. Something doesn’t feel right. 

The player can then travel with Hancock to different historical sites and museums, showing him more and more about the actual John Hancock. It can come to a conclusion with visiting Hancock’s grave, actually located in Boston. The player now has a choice, do they tell Hancock to move on? Acknowledge they’re not the person they thought they were?I played with the idea of hancock actually being a museum worker or a reenactor in his preghoul life. Something that would link him to the founding father. But I’m not sure. Or perhaps they see a senile old ghoul and tell them to continue living in their fantasy. After all, he is a great leader of his city. He embodies the ideals of John Hancock. Maybe, after all this time, he really is the famous statesman in mind and soul. 

This change not only fleshes out Hancock and plays with his identity as a ghoul, but it also gives a strong parallel between Hancock and the Sole Survivor. They’re both two ancient people separated from their past and forced to live in an unfamiliar future. And like the Soul Survivor, they can choose to embrace this new future and let go of the past, or hold on to where they came from.

Hancock has a lot of potential as a character. But in the game he’s “The ghoul who likes drugs.” And frankly, I think he deserves better than that. 

Thanks for reading.

[arcanalogue]

I love your readings, and I support your Patreon - but I’m struggling and am looking for some additional guidance. Do I need to worry about my husband becoming violent? I suppose the fact that I’m wondering that is probably answer enough, but am I just being paranoid?

First, a note to anyone reading this: I am here for the hard questions. I can’t offer medical advice, I can’t treat mental illness, and I can’t help you magick away all your problems, but talking about something can be the first step to really doing something about it. 

People have used divination for this since time immemorial! As much as querents may prefer concrete answers, Tarot is a place to explore budding realities. We come here to learn what is possible. 

Querent, this question breaks my heart, in part because I have been burdened with similar concerns, regarding certain loved ones who could not seem to contain their own feelings – their anger, their pain, their fear, their addiction, their own mental illness. 

I have also tended to loved ones who’ve grappled with the same issues, and seen the trauma that lingers long afterward, even in cases where the partner in question technically never laid a finger on them. 

And then there are those for whom it escalated so gradually that, once physical violence actually occurred, they were already pre-conditioned to pardon it. Because they’d known it was coming, they felt complicit in it. 

So yes, the fact that you’re asking IS answer enough, because it means this person’s actions are enough to make you feel unsafe. And who knows, maybe it will simmer here without ever boiling over – and you’ll learn to walk on eggshells around this person, or go out of your way to please them. You’ll remind yourself that no relationship is perfect, and that being with someone in the long-term means seeing them at their worst (and thus, also being seen at YOUR worst).

It means making excuses to other people on their behalf, to keep up appearances. It means never being able to open up to loved ones about your problems, even when you’re in a crisis, for fear of permanently damaging their respect for your partner, whose “bad” you have decided to accept along with the good.

It means taking pride in your own strength and patience and resilience, and trying not to think about how you’re never allowed to make a mistake.

The fact that you feel unsafe is definitely something you need to pay attention to, especially since a shared sense of physical and emotional safety is one of the cornerstones of any human relationship. 

These are not negotiable. 

When I drew cards on the subject, the first thing that stood out to me – maybe some of you noticed this already – was the repetition of the figures’ forms and movement. The industrious youth on the Seven of Coins whose motions literally shape her fortune; the maiden on the Five of Cups who feels the control over her life slipping through those same fingers; the angelic figure whose form they both unknowingly emulate (and she too will always be working, searching for the meaning of it all). 

There’s a graduation between each card, Querent. Do you see how it returns the focus of this reading squarely back onto you, and not your husband? There’s a destiny that’s trying to manifest through you. It has emerged here as a vision of a person you have yet to become – one who is depending on you in order to exist. 

That simply can’t happen as long as your awareness revolves around another person, their limitations gradually becoming your limitations. 

That repetition in the cards is so painfully recognizable as a cycle of trauma that I hesitate to point it out, just because it’s so on-the-nose. As the adult child of an alcoholic, I think about this constantly. Many of the reactions I think of and rationalize as my own, here in the present, were actually formed decades ago.

 Is it truly possible to change, as I graduate from card to card over the course of a lifetime? Or am I forever locked in the same position, my fortunes merely shifting this way and that, as the world continually changes around me?

The Star stands alone, Querent. She is the end-all and be-all of responsibility to oneself – and whatever we give to ourselves, we gradually come to embody, thus also offering it to the world. That may be the only small accomplishment any of us can claim in life, and I am so desperate for you to see that as attainable for yourself.

You get to be who you are, regardless of who (if anyone) is standing with you. That is one of the great gifts in this cold wilderness we call life. I wish I had discovered this when I was much younger. 

With so few details to work from, I dare not counsel you on next steps with your husband. You need to consult someone whom you can properly open up to, who can help you assess threats to your body, your mind, your finances, the works. You need to have a clear inventory of your options.

(A therapist is the only person I’d trust to tell you that your fears are paranoid, Querent, or that you’re projecting fears and/or past trauma onto your husband. You can’t trust a friend to tell you this, because even friends and family members can have a TERRIBLE sense of which men are capable of harm.)

When the time is right, you need find a way to inform your husband – who ostensibly is sworn to love and protect you – that going forward, certain behaviors will no longer be tolerated, a. And as frightening as it may be to consider, you have to be prepared to back up these declarations with action. 

I’d love to be able to tell you that sincere apologies and earnest attempts to  will be forthcoming, but the odds overwhelmingly dictate that even if he takes your concerns seriously, he’ll be unable to keep these promises without a professional’s help to hold him accountable. 

Men base their identity on who they seem to be at their best. There’s always a way to excuse what they did at their worst. The lover who beat the shit out of a cherished loved one of mine still calls her to this day, speaking to her affectionately and inviting her to come visit where he now lives in another state. In his mind, the affection cancels out the horror and lifelong trauma of what he did. 

Others will be convinced of their own decency because of an invisible line they’ve drawn, which so far they’ve managed never to cross. That line is often drawn in a place that allows room for many forms of bullying, antagonizing, and manipulation they don’t consider “violence.” 

“I would never hurt you,” they insist, even though they already have. 

As the central card in this spread, the Five of Cups specifically warns against throwing good money after bad – we’re talking emotional capital here. The figure mourns the spilling of three cups, ignoring the potential of the two left standing. “More than half, lost!” our mind rants, doing some hasty math that appears to predict us coming up short, permanently.

Going ahead, on your way to becoming The Star, you’re going to have lots of feelings about all the ways in which you’re not “______ enough” to have the future you want. You’re not young enough, you’re not rich enough, you’re not beautiful enough, you’re not smart enough, etc. 

You simply can’t tolerate these kinds of thoughts, Querent. They aren’t real. 

At all costs, you must focus on those remaining two-fifths. Nearly half! A solid place from which to begin again.

Even one-fifth of your incredible spirit – or even one atom! – would be worth fighting for.

Have a tarot reading request or tarot-related question for Arcanalogue? Ask here. Tips accepted (but not required) via Venmo, @arcanalogue. Or support my Patreon? I’d love that.

[ellaenchanting]

While I agree with your words, far too often "being effective" and "compromise' has ended up with minority or vulnerable groups being thrown under the bus to create a sense of progress. That compromise can only work if all sides are arguing honestly and are on a level playing field which is very rarely true in practice.

*nods*

Yeah- and that’s a common criticism of the philosophy. It’s a pretty mechanistic view of morality*. There are actually 3 kinds of being effective in dbt- objective effectiveness (the result is most important), relationship effectiveness (preserving the relationship is most important), and self-respect effectiveness (living according to your own values). The later is your martyr or activist or Rosa-Parks-on-a-bus kind: committing to something you believe so much that you’re willing to deal with negative consequences and harm to relationships because your guiding principle is so strong and important to you. It’s similar to a focus on being “right” but it usually involves considering and accepting potential long term consequences. So “effective” doesn’t always mean “compromise”. Sometimes it means “never, ever compromise because this is so important I’m willing to sacrifice for it”. When there is a huge power differential, this tends to be when sticking to your guns is actually most effective. For example, a common pattern in abusive relationships is the person being abused keeps giving things away in compromises because the abuser never actually compromises anything. The person being abused is harming themselves through compromise (although to be fair they usually have really understandable reasons for doing so). On a larger scale, the same thing can happen in oppressed groups if they compromise too much too quickly.

I think not allowing for compromise in situations with power dynamics is tricky because, as you mentioned, nearly all social situations have some sort of power dynamic going on (and often, several different potential dynamics because people are complicated). It’s reminding me of Adrienne Rich and her statements that women could never truly consent to sex with men because the pre-existing power dynamics are so extreme that heterosexual sex was always at least somewhat coerced, even if unintentionally. It’s an interesting philosophy but, just like never compromising, it’s pretty impractical.

As to my point in my earlier right vs. effectiveness post- to be frank, I don’t think recent hypnokink community issues have been a case of an oppressed group rising up against an oppressor. I think it’s been about people of relatively equal power (as equal as you can get anyway) on different sides of an issue all identifying themselves as the oppressed group in this situation and thus feeling morally justified in escalating their language and behavior in response. And that’s no good in general.

Thanks for your thoughts!

*At least from my understanding of what that means, gleaned primarily from watching The Good Place. Maybe “results-based” is better?

[2fashion]

5 books useful degree MBA

http://2fashion.tumblr.com

Published home reading for entrepreneurs and motivated people. 1. “As a man thinketh”, James Allen What I learned: Many believe that their existence and life is pre-determined by fate, luck or coincidence. But really life is what we do and this book will allow you to put in order mind. Quote: “the Individual fully becomes a person at that moment, when no longer to moan and to complain of destiny, deciding to find the hidden justice which regulates his life. Adapting your mind to this balancing factor, he ceases to blame anyone for their failures. He chooses strong and noble thoughts. Instead of fighting against the circumstances, he begins to use them the potential for more rapid progress. He seeks to reveal his new powers and abilities.” 2. “Rich dad, poor dad”, Robert Kiyosaki Teach: this book is an easy and accessible form set out the basic principles of budget management. Also, it explains why the surest way to succeed is to create their own business. “Rich dad, poor dad” teaches you to think like an entrepreneur, to find assets and to say goodbye to liability. Quote: “Rich people acquire assets. The poor and middle class acquire liabilities, which is considered an asset.” 3. “Where is my cheese”, Spencer Johnson Teaches: a great many books trying to define innovation and learn to think differently, more broadly. But the book who moved my cheese dealing with it better than others. Quote: “the Shortest road to change - not afraid to laugh at the mistakes, false beliefs, over his stupidity. This frees you from the thrust to the old familiar style of behavior and actions, accelerates forward to the new”. 4. “How to lie with statistics” (How to Lie with Statistics) Darrell Huff Teaches: Almost always when the rating of any company evaluated certain key metrics. But measuring the wrong metrics, you can ruin a company. This book has withstood many re-editions and for many years tells entrepreneurs about the manipulation of the figures. Huff's book has withstood many reissues, and says already several generations of entrepreneurs about the manipulation of the figures. It is written in accessible language and accompanied by vivid illustrations, so it can overpower the reader, even with a very modest knowledge of English. Quote: “the Secret language of statistics, so appealing to the representatives of the culture oriented towards facts, used to inflate sensation to escalate the situation, confuse, and oversimplify. Statistical methods and the terminology required to describe the data on social and economic trends, business conditions, opinion polls and censuses. But with no one able to honestly and consciously to find the right words, and readers who understand the meaning of these words, the result is nonsense”. 5. “World's greatest salesman”, the Og Mandino Teaches: Business always starts with an idea. But without the ability to sell this idea, a business on this end. You can try to grasp the vast amount of literature, and you can just read this book. The world's greatest salesman not just will make you more successful in business - it will make you more successful in life. Quote: “I will live this day as if it were her last. This day is all that I have, and this watch is my eternity. I will meet the sunrise with cries of joy as a prisoner who received a reprieve from execution. I will uplift hands, taking this new day as a precious gift. My heart is filled with gratitude at the recollection of those people who yesterday greeted the dawn, and which are not among the living today. I'm really lucky, and watch today is an undeserved reward. Why am I allowed to stay an extra day when others, which are a lot better than me, gone? Maybe they reached their goals, and I have yet to do it? And this is another opportunity for me to become what I can become?”.

[chestnutpost]

My Family Was On A TLC Reality Show. Here’s The Dark Secret That Never Aired.

This post was originally published on this site

In 2007, when I was 14, I appeared on “Kids by the Dozen,” a reality show that aired on The Learning Channel and featured my family and other large families like mine. Our part of the series was shot over nine days that year, just long ― and short ― enough for us to keep up appearances as one big happy family. My father, Chris Jeub, controlled both my education and my occupation. A Gen X middle-class man, he first carved a place in my small world by controlling the uterus of my mother, Wendy, who gave birth to me and my 15 siblings.

I am the third child born in our family ― my mother had my two older sisters as a teenager, and my dad adopted them when my parents married. My two older sisters had already endured the consequences of questioning my family’s beliefs. Alicia, who is nine years older than me, committed the unforgivable sin of wanting to date boys. Alissa, who is six years my senior, converted to Islam when she was in her 20s, making her dead to our family. She would later reconcile with my parents after capitulating to my parents’ demands and undergoing “Christian counseling.”

“Kids by the Dozen” led to a staged “reconciliation” between my parents and Alicia. In the eyes of our tight-knit Christian community, a rebellious child is a great shame and failure on the part of the parent. To address and compensate for the show’s strict depiction of their parenting, my parents self-published a book called Love in the House: Filling Your Home With the Greatest Commandment. In it, they highlighted Matthew 22:36-40, in which Jesus says that the “greatest commandment” is to love God and others. For us kids, this meant we had to give unconditional love to our parents without questioning their beliefs or authority. For our parents, it meant that God wanted them to have more children. I know, that’s not what love is at all, but, sadly, I didn’t know that for the first 23 years of my life.

The cult-like beliefs that shaped my upbringing belong to what is known as the “Quiverfull” Movement. It is based on Psalm 127, which reads, “Children are a heritage of the Lord, and fruit of the womb is his reward; happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” The metaphor of a quiver full of arrows defines children as weapons to be used to win the world for Christian conservative values. 

My parents believed that God created the universe in six days about 6,000 years ago, and they refused to have my mother give birth in a hospital or to vaccinate me or my siblings. I was home-schooled from pre-kindergarten through high school, and my curriculum touched briefly on science as a subject that merely magnifies the handiwork of God, while for history I was taught that divine providence had bestowed America to Christ’s faithful.

Courtesy of Cynthia Jeub Jeub, age 5, holding baby No. 6, Micah, after a home birth in Kent, Minnesota, in 1997.

I wore a purity ring, which I received from my parents when I was 16 years old and signified I had promised to remain a virgin until marriage so my dad could hand a “pure” daughter over to my future husband.

Democrats, I was told, just wanted to kill innocent babies waiting to be born in their mothers’ wombs. Once born, children were welcomed as blessings but brought up, above all, to be useful and to honor every whim of their parents. Our home was often filled with chaos ― children scattered everywhere; piles of laundry and toys and dishes deep enough to wade through; one child or another practicing piano or riding through the house on a Big Wheel; my mother yelling and sometimes wielding a heavy cutting board or pizza paddle to dole out spankings. I was put to work early and quickly learned to do everything from bathing five children at a time to waking up in the night to tend to fussy toddlers while I prayed for the strength to handle my Sisyphean workload. My parents convinced me that my work was a duty to God, so it was impossible to view it for what it was: exploitation.

My dad loved to use the word “assets” to describe my siblings and me. At home, it meant breaks from work were a reward for good behavior. But when he quit his job as a web designer for Focus on the Family, the right-wing religious organization he worked for, and made his personal ministry into our main source of income, we each became employees ― though we were not always paid, much less paid fairly. I handled editing the speech and debate curriculum we published, provided customer service, oversaw different accounts related to the ministry, and helped manage our camps and conferences ― all for minimum wage ― starting at age 13. He often directly transferred money from my siblings’ and my bank accounts without notice, or, when my bank account looked a bit too full, he would talk me into spending my earnings on an upgraded phone or laptop for the ministry.

It’s been 12 years since I was on TV, in my denim dress and exhausted eyes, happily describing for the cameras how I planned to live the rest of my life like this: diapers, baths, dishes, laundry, supervising children. But it’s only been four years since I started to see that something was wrong with us. What happened?

After being home-schooled all my life, I started attending local college classes at age 19. At first, I believed that my university was something of a “mission field,” or place to preach about my beliefs. In those first years, I developed a following of Christian young people who admired me for my dedication and passion for my faith. But I also made friends with people who had never existed in my world before: atheists and people who are LGBTQIA+.

I was put to work early and quickly learned to do everything from bathing five children at a time to waking up in the night to tend to fussy toddlers while I prayed for the strength to handle my Sisyphean workload. My parents convinced me that my work was a duty to God, so it was impossible to view it for what it was: exploitation.

It wasn’t until I started college that I began to be honest with myself, and new friends from worlds far beyond the borders of mine, about how performative my life was. I was depressed, and had been for a long time, but had learned to stifle my feelings for the sake of my family. I was having conversations about astronomy and the validity of the Bible and how religion had hurt so many people. However, I still lived with my parents, and the questions I brought home with me each night were creating a power struggle with my parents over how the younger children might be influenced by what I was learning.

Then one day in 2013, my parents kicked me and my little sister, Lydia, out of their house. I was 22 and she was 19 ― plenty old enough to leave the nest, but we had no cars, no savings and nowhere to go. Like our older sisters, we were never told exactly why we were kicked out. Dad went on and on about how expensive we were, and how we’d have nothing without him. I had loved Jesus with all of my heart, dedicated my life to serving him ― and my parents ― and did whatever I could to stay pure of heart for them and my future husband. I knew my protests would be futile as my dad logged into his bank, which was linked directly to our personal bank accounts, and transferred hundreds of dollars into his own account for imaginary debts he claimed we owed him. Then he said he would start charging us for rent, effective immediately ― $500 each for the small bedroom we shared in a house full of 16 people.

We left. I don’t think my father expected us to find somewhere to go, but some kind friends took us in. That day was a breakthrough because it triggered memories of what I’d been forced to minimize and see as isolated incidents over the years. I dropped out of college a few months later ― my poor home-schooling had made academic success virtually impossible, and I couldn’t afford it. I sank into a horrible depression and began seeing a professional therapist, who was alarmed at my poor sense of boundaries and all of the traumatic memories that poured out of me.

Getting kicked out gave me the freedom to question. Maybe being gay wasn’t a sin. Maybe birth control and abortion weren’t the same thing. Maybe I didn’t have to give birth over and over and over again in order to be worthy. Maybe there wasn’t an invisible being that knew my every thought that would burn my soul if I didn’t do all the “right” things.

Realizing that my parents and the religion I had been raised in couldn’t be questioned without severe consequences was like waking up from a dream. I wanted ― needed ― to get my siblings out. But legally, siblings have no real recourse to protect each other, even if a sibling ― and not the parents ― is actually the one who is doing the majority of the caretaking.

Courtesy of Cynthia Jeub Jeub in 2019.

I still visited the family often, desperate to get through to my siblings. I stood up for them and called my parents out on being unfair, for the first time in my life. For most of my childhood, I didn’t advocate for my siblings, because I had nothing to compare our experience to, no way of knowing it was not normal or fair.

The tension escalated as I continued asking questions, and began reminding my siblings of the times we were all taught to forgive and forget about ― how we always had impossible expectations and responsibilities. But I wasn’t living there anymore, and my mother could always come along and tidy up the thought process of a doubting child. She’d done the same for me for the first 19 years of my life.

Soon, my parents banned me from talking to any sibling without their supervision. Then I received the dreaded phone call from my dad: an ultimatum that I could either submit to Christian counseling with them ― and endure more controlling, emotionally devastating attempts to bring me into submission ― or I would lose complete access to my family.

I had to let go of my brothers and sisters, which is by far the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. As soon as I got the phone call about losing access to my siblings, I began writing on my blog about my parents’ abuse. The best evidence I have to back up the abuse claims I detailed in those blog posts came from my dad’s attempt to save face. The day after the first post, he released a podcast in which he blamed my delusions on mental illness and left the microphone open for my siblings to respond to what I had written. My dad deleted the podcast within hours. I reported my parents to local authorities for child abuse, as did my therapist. I don’t know whether an investigation was conducted, but the following year, six of my siblings were enrolled at the local charter school, and today the eight youngest are in school.

In 2015, I moved from Colorado to Seattle in search of a new life. Within a year, I was homeless. With no college degree and limited schooling, I only qualified for jobs doing physical labor. I worked at a grocery store deli while sleeping in a car. I showered at a gym and changed into my uniform in the bathrooms of other grocery stores. While I was living in a car, I lost my entire blog and the hundreds of posts I had published, because I couldn’t afford to pay the web hosting renewal fee.

Twelve years ago, my family’s lifestyle was made into a spectacle for entertainment, alongside a host of controversial shows on The Learning Channel… [My siblings and I] were being under-educated, overlooked due to the sheer number of us, and the older kids were raising the younger ones, while also catering to our parents’ every whim.

This past year, my partner, whom I met through mutual friends in 2016, and I found a community in Olympia, Washington. Here, we are among others who were cast out by extreme religion, most of us LGBTQIA+ and facing poverty and chronic homelessness. We exist to fight the patriarchy and colonizer-capitalism ― and to embrace our lives and love without the guilt our families and the church foisted on us for so many years. Thanks to the help of many friends and strangers from around the world, my blog archives have been restored, and I have some financial support from online patrons of my work.

I suffer from chronic pain and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). I do not own a car. I can no longer work on my feet because my body is so damaged from being overworked as a child, so I write. Between therapy and the relentless inconvenience of poverty, I write. I write about trauma and recovery, about poverty and injustice, about what I know now.

Twelve years ago, my family’s lifestyle was made into a spectacle for entertainment, alongside a host of controversial shows on The Learning Channel. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV as a kid, so while my peers were getting to know fourth-wall-breaking humor through comedies satirizing the genre like “The Office,” my siblings and I were uncertain in front of the camera crew. We were being under-educated, overlooked due to the sheer number of us, and the older kids were raising the younger ones, while also catering to our parents’ every whim.

I have not spoken to my parents in three years. I’ve been told their “door is open” and that they are willing to welcome me back if I can set aside everything that makes me who I am today. I’ve never had a chance to come out to them as bisexual. As for my adult siblings, most people guess that our shared experience would bring us closer, but this has not been the case. Deeper still than the religious element of our upbringing was an emphasis on work ethic, being a “good asset” ― and it was this that came between my sisters and me in recent years. When I was homeless, my two older sisters blamed me for my own poverty. My parents’ snare has always been our siblings, and Lydia couldn’t bear to lose them. In our last exchange, she told me she was back to taking advice from our parents ― financial advice from my father and advice on essential oils from my mother for her own unvaccinated children.

Four of my adult siblings are still part of the Quiverfull movement. My parents’ primary message is that people should have more children, and my siblings are on their way to having large broods, too. Sometimes I receive a phone call from one of my brothers, but the chasm between what I believe now and what they believe makes communication nearly impossible. I miss them, and I hope someday I can build a relationship with them that isn’t based on adhering to my parents’ beliefs. Though deluded people with nefarious intentions still run the world outside of the one I eventually escaped, my pyrrhic victory is I don’t have to delude myself anymore.

Cynthia Jeub is a freelance writer based in Olympia, Washington. She blogs about justice and recovery at cynthiajeub.com.

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The post My Family Was On A TLC Reality Show. Here’s The Dark Secret That Never Aired. appeared first on The Chestnut Post.

from The Chestnut Post https://thechestnutpost.com/news/my-family-was-on-a-tlc-reality-show-heres-the-dark-secret-that-never-aired/

[chris-sales-belly-ring]

Mishalecki: Let’s Talk About Sext

I’ve really been into my Mishalecki feels lately!

So, I finally decided to write a little ficlet inspired by the fact that Jared and Misha are always playing pranks on each other.

This doesn’t take place during any specific time, it’s just a random day of shooting.

There’s no mentions of their significant others, so for the sake of this ficlet, let’s say that they don’t exist.

Summary: Jared leaves Misha a surprise on his phone.

Misha panics when he discovers that his phone isn’t where he left it. He always leaves it in his trailer when he’s filming, but it’s not sitting on the table where he’s sure that he had it last. Misha needs to eat, so he can’t spend any more time looking for it. He doesn’t have too much incriminating stuff on it and he’s confident that it will show up by the end of the night. Jared and Jensen are already sitting down at a table enjoying their lunch when Misha finds them. He fixes himself a salad, grabs a bottle of water, and then he joins them like he usually does.

“Something wrong, Misha?” Jensen asks.

“I seem to have misplaced my phone,” Misha answers.

“Mmm. Interesting,” Jared replies with a smirk on his face.

Misha narrows his eyes. “Damn it, Jared! What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Jared denies.

“Sure, you didn’t,” Misha says under his breath.

Misha’s phone mysteriously reappears just like he knew it would. Although Jared continuously denied taking Misha’s phone, he just knows that he’s guilty. He expects that his Twitter is blowing up because Jared probably tweeted something embarrassing from his page. Misha is surprised when he checks his social media accounts and nothing out of the ordinary has been posted. None of the silly videos that he has recorded of himself were uploaded to YouTube either.

Everything seems normal, but Misha is still skeptical. If Jared took his phone (which he is 99% sure of), then there’s absolutely no way that he didn’t do something sinister with it. He double checks his call log and his texts to see if maybe Jared sent someone in his contacts an inappropriate message. There are no unexpected charges on his credit card, so he doesn’t think that Jared ordered gay porn in his name again. After twenty minutes of laying in his bed and frowning, Misha gives up. He sends his friend a text begging to know what he did. Jared responds a little while later.

Jared: I told you that I’m innocent

Misha: Bullshit. You did something!

Jared: 😉

Misha: I’m admitting that you outsmarted me. Will you tell me now?

Jared: Check your pics

Misha truly feels a bit dumb because one of the few places that he didn’t check was his phone’s gallery. He has no idea what he’s actually expecting to find, but he knows that it’s going to be something outrageous. Misha spits out the water that he’s drinking when he looks at the most recent pictures on his camera roll. They’re all photos of Jared … naked. He can tell by the background that they were taken in Jared’s trailer earlier. Misha should probably stop staring and just delete the pictures immediately. He probably shouldn’t be thinking about how he’s going to one up Jared.

Jared and Misha are kind of always playing a game of gay chicken with each other. They talk using innuendos a lot and they’re very touchy-feely. They’ll often play up this kind of behavior at cons because they know that the fans eat it up. When they don’t have an audience, they’re usually slightly more subtle. Misha isn’t sure why Jared has decided to escalate things, but he’s not going to back down. He’s only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms, so he just slides them down to his ankles. Misha doesn’t want to think about the fact that he’s almost completely erect.

He licks his palm and he wraps his hand around his cock. Misha takes his free hand and he presses record on his phone. He lazily strokes himself because he’s not really trying to get off. Misha just wants to film enough of his jerk off session so that Jared gets the point. He whimpers softly as he massages his dick from base to tip. Misha starts to leak a little pre-cum and he hopes that it looks good on camera. He stops recording before he really starts getting into it. Misha smiles smugly as he sends Jared the video. He’s not expecting a response back, so he’s surprised when his phone vibrates a few minutes later.

Jared: Did my pics get you all hot and bothered? 😉

Misha’s face and neck turn red as he yells “no” out loud to himself. The reason that he’s still hard is definitely not because of Jared. He doesn’t start touching himself again because he’s picturing what Jared looked like as he was watching his video. Misha’s eyes close and he most certainly doesn’t imagine that it’s Jared huge hand jerking him off instead. He’s caught off guard when his phone starts ringing. Of course, it’s Jared calling.

“I figured that maybe your fingers were too busy to text me back,” Jared teases.

“Shut up!” Misha says in a breathless tone.

“You sound a little out of breath, Mish. What are you doing?” Jared asks.

“I’m thinking about how your very pretty mouth would be much more useful with my cock in it,” Misha blurts out.

Jared bites his lip. “Oh. Shit.”

It’s not often that Jared is speechless, so it’s an amazing feat that he doesn’t say anything for a little while. But Misha can hear him breathing, so he knows that he’s still there. He can also hear the tell-tale sound of skin on skin. Since he has already gotten a good look at Jared tonight, it’s not hard for Misha to envision what he looks like right now. He tightens the grip on his dick and he almost climaxes before he’s ready after Jared desperately groans his name. A shiver runs through Misha’s body when Jared whispers how badly that he wants him in a husky tone. This isn’t them just messing around with each other to rile up fan girls, it’s deeper than that.

They’re finally acting on the sexual tension that has always existed between them. Misha usually has pretty good stamina, but Jared panting and moaning in his ear is threatening that. He asks him if he’s close and Misha manages to choke out a “yes.” Jared instructs Misha to take a picture of himself covered in cum because he really wants to see it. He can’t hold off any longer after hearing him say that. Misha’s toes curl and his body trembles involuntarily as his orgasm washes over him. His hair is sweaty and sticking to his forehead as he tries to catch his breath. His thighs and abs are streaked white with his jizz. Misha snaps a photo and then he sends it to Jared.

“Fuck, Mish. I’m tempted to come over there and clean you up with my tongue,” Jared comments as he looks at the picture.

Misha licks his lips. “Yeah?”

“Maybe I’d even add to the mess by cumming on you first,” Jared adds.

Misha grunts because his spent cock twitches in interest. He has always known that Jared has a filthy mouth, but it’s different hearing it directed at him like this. Jared’s breathing picks up and Misha can tell that he’s close to finishing. He hangs on to every unrestrained moan that falls from Jared’s mouth. Misha loves that he’s the reason that his friend is so turned on. Jared calls out his name like a mantra as he reaches his peak and it’s music to Misha’s ears.

“That was fun,” Misha states.

“And hot,” Jared replies.

“Maybe we can skip the phone and do it in person next time?” Misha suggests.

“Fuck, yes,” Jared agrees.

[letsgomappin-blog]

Supplements that will Boost Your Health

Pyridoxine (B6)

Sources and Physiologic features Sources: Poultry, seafood, liver, and eggs are good sourced elements  of the health supplements; milk and meat have actually smaller amounts. Pyridoxine in animal sources is 96% bioavailable. Vitamin B6 could be produced  by abdominal bacteria in healthier people. Plant dishes such as for instance legumes, peanuts, potatoes, yeast, bananas, corn, cabbage, yams, prunes, watermelon, and avocados furthermore have actually this supplement.

Populations at risk: As this supplement is usually distributed, deficiency is unusual except in chronic alcoholics and among females contraceptives that are utilizing are oral. Elderly individuals and children of preeclamptic moms or moms deficient in B6 have reached risk. Customers on Cycloserine, hydantoin, hydralazine, isoniazid, and penicillamine is given B6 supplementation. High protein diet escalates  certain requirements of this health supplement.

Severe deficiencies of health supplement B6 are rare, but inadequacies being mild extremely common. Dietary data from Second National Health  and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES II) in 11,658 grownups aged 19-74 y revealed  that 71% of males and 90% of females consumed less than the 1980 recommended allowance that is dietaryRDA) of vitamin B6. Vitamin B6 is the  most deficient that is common dissolvable supplement in senior. Solitary drug and medicine combinations taken by senior individuals may impose health risk. Undesired results of drug-food and interactions being drug-nutrient be minimized by instructing individuals who are senior their caregivers to avoid timing errors in drug-taking behavior and toxic responses due to food incompatibility. In addition, drug-induced deficiencies which can be health be precluded  by advising drug-taking elderly in  the appropriate quantities  of nutrient consumption. In a research that is scholarly contrasted the nutrient intakes of American kids aged 2 to ten years, vitamin B6 finished up being found become below  the RDA much  significantly more than 50% linked to the populace.

Contraception capsule usage and exposure that is carbon that is work-related induce supplement B6 deficiency and/or enhance supplement B6 requirement. Both compounds happen negative psychological/neurological disorders such as for example extreme irritability, manic depressive tendencies, headaches, as well as  other variables, but related disorders presumably by disrupting health supplement that is normal metabolic process and vitamin B6 management had been found to alleviate their unfavorable emotional symptoms. Further studies are needed to experimentally assess this interrelation. Conjoined exposure to OCs and CS2 can result in a disruption that is improved of metabolic rate which might in change cause exaggerated sequelae being psychological  with CS2 exposure.

Indications of Deficiency: In babies, convulsive seizures and hyperactivity is  the presenting that is usual. Diarrhoea can be typical. Anemia and neuritis that is peripheral noticed  in tuberculosis patients on isoniazid who develop pyridoxine deficiency. 20-30% of homocystinuric customers with dislocation with this lens for the eye, osteoporosis (brittle back), mental retardation, and a propensity for spontaneous bloodstream clots which will cause cardiac arrest and death, respond  to vitamin B6 treatment.

Biochemistry: Vitamin B6 isa collective term for pyridoxine, pyridoxal, and pyridoxamine, all  of which act  as precursors from the biologically active coenzyme, pyridoxal phosphate. Pyridoxal phosphate functions as being  a coenzyme that catalyze reactions in protein procedure that is metabolic transformation of tryptophan to niacin, fat metabolic rate, carbohydrate metabolism, folic acid synthesis, glandular and endocrine functions, and also for  the neurological and brain energy. Vitamin B6 possesses benefit that is clear lessening the severity  of homocystinuria, a illness that is rare always advantages of the problem within an enzyme used  for degrading homocysteine.

Safety: Deficient and extra intakes of pyridoxine can produce neurologic disruptions. Many cases of sensory neuropathy have really resulted from intakes of over 600 mg/day,  many evidence programs  so it might probably derive from doses only 300-500 mg/d and that the full total visibility as time passes could be  the determinant of toxicity. There was clearly one report that the consumption that is daily of mg/day (on average) for 2.9 years are regarding some toxicity. In  the exact research that is exact same, the control group that neglected to get any neuropathy possessed a typical consumption of 116 mg/day for the average of 1.6 years, plus  some feamales  in both groups was in fact using as low as 50 mg/day, questioning the accuracy of the telephone survey technique used to determine neuropathy.

Vitamin B6 is toxic at doses that are 1000 times the RDA. Regular doses of 2 to 5 g of pyridoxine can cause difficulty in walking and feelings being tingling the feet and soles for the legs. Continued usage  of this dosage that is toxic in further unsteadiness of walking, difficulty in handling tiny things, and numbness and clumsiness associated with hands. Where vitamin B6 supplementation is stopped, information recovery begins after 2 months. Complete recovery might take spot after two to three years  of discontinuing use  for the supplement B6 supplements. One research unveiled development  of pure central-peripheral axonopathy that is distal pyridoxine abuse. Pyridoxine dose ended up being 0.2 to 5 g/d, and degree of consumption before indications was in fact inversely proportional to your consumption that is daily. Atlanta divorce attorneys clients with sufficient follow-up, enhancement observed discontinuation of pyridoxine.

Is pyridoxine safe for durable found in big portions linked to the populace, including kids? It would appear from retrospective analysis of the studies which are few pyridoxine is safe at doses of 100mg/day or less in grownups. In children, there was  maybe not data that are enough make any type  of suggestion. As  the neurologic that is major is really a peripheral neuropathy, and  the sources of this condition are wide variety, pyridoxine could  cause neuropathy just in customers with  a pre-existing susceptibility to your condition. Family histories, medicines, liquor, health status, and promotion that is toxic  home or in  the workplace may all be predisposing factors which, in conjunction  with pyridoxine, create the peripheral neuropathy that's not noticed  in other clients using  the  exact same dosages. The size of publicity that triggers neuropathy continues to become a relevant concern that is major. Exceptionally doses which are high neurologic damage in a days that are few and chronic low doses look relatively safe.