#i saw a post on this scene and realized i was being unpleasant in the tags so made my own post

[applesandbannas747]

Sarah Rees Brennan's additions to the Fenceverse were peppered with classism, ableism, biphobia, and racism (what else can I call the erasure of Eugene's Filipino heritage?), but one aspect of it that's at once more subtle and more obvious is Coach Sally Williams's inappropriate behavior with her students, and I need to talk about it. Fence is marketed toward a young adult audience--kids who have teachers, maybe even teachers like Williams...and, hopefully, who know to report teachers like her to someone.

Let me make clear that my condemnation of Williams as a predator is only relating to the novels. In the comics, she's fantastic and badass and caring. In the novels, she takes it too far. There are several instances of her being what I'd call a shitty teacher throughout the novels, but there is a moment in Fence: Striking Distance where she sexually harasses three of her students. Can you think of when?

If you thought of the punishment she issued to Seiji, Nick, and Eugene for failing in a trust fall exercise, you would be correct! I want to be entirely clear here; there is no question of whether that was sexual harassment against her students. It was. Definitionally, it was. That's not up for debate. Let's get into why and fill in some context that makes the whole scene even more disturbing.

Williams issued a punishment to three of her students which involved them stripping. Asking students to undress is in itself sexual harassment (unless you're a chemistry teacher telling someone to get their ass in the 'i fucked up' shower but that's basically the only exception). It is inappropriate and unacceptable for a teacher to demand their student take off their shirt. Williams does. And then dresses them in raw steaks to send running around the woods. Their punishment isn't running. Their punishment is humiliation. And she's made it a sexual thing by disrobing them and dressing them so specifically and strangely. This isn't having them put on a little dunce cap and do jumping jacks kind of thing, this is a bizarre setup that, while not written as a fetish, can certainly be read that way. For whatever reason, Williams decided to have them wear raw steaks and the only real explanation is for her own pleasure--amusement, the characters and readers are supposed see. And the readers are meant to laugh along at this strange humiliation utilizing the partially naked bodies of minors.

Let's talk a little bit more about the raw steaks. The purpose of them seems to be humiliation, and if that's where Williams derives pleasure, perhaps my next points satisfy her goal intentionally. Either way, being made to strip and wear raw meat against their bare body is bound to be a massive trigger to people with sensory issues, body image issues, and eating disorders. The unique blending of unpleasant sensory, nakedness, and food would feel gross to anyone forced to abide by this punishment, but for people with pre-existing issues, it multiplies tenfold. And it is similarly disturbing in a new way to consider those who do not eat meat being forced to wear raw steaks around their necks. There are so many people for which this punishment would be even worse than you'd think at first glance, and it can absolutely be read as part of Williams's design. If you saw reports of Willimas in real life, wouldn't you assume this was intentional?

Another thing to note here is the needless escalation of the punishment to the crime. Eugene's meant to catch someone in a trust fall but turns to try and catch someone who's actually falling--Nick and Seiji being the reason and the faller in question. It is for this crime that they are punished. And, yeah, good time to talk about how your behavior can cause real harm to others (hell, it's a great metaphor for trying to learn in a rowdy classroom--reacting to the rowdiness/trying to calm it and sacrificing the thing you were doing to manage it), but an appropriate consequence would be an apology from each to Harvard. It was not a malicious or intentional attack and didn't warrant a punishment at all beyond natural consequence. Williams took this opportunity to enforce a major punishment that is entirely unrelated to the behavior nor is it beneficial to fencing the way running suicides is. Why change the terrain to the woods? And if you want to argue for the woods, I'll even give that to you. Why require bare chests and raw meat? Those conditions in no way add anything but humiliation. And, arguably, to Williams's pleasure.

I know it's 'not that deep' -- or rather, I know it wasn't meant to be. I know that this scene was not crafted with the intent to frame Williams in such an unsavory and upsetting light. I know that to assign intention behind the sexual harassment may seem presumptuous. But if this was happening in real life? Those intentions are almost guaranteed, even on a deep 'unknown' level to the teacher issuing such perverse and power-proving punishments. It doesn't matter if it wasn't written to be that deep, it has some seriously gross undertones.

Bottom line is that Williams used her power over children who were under her charge and protection to have them undress and endure the press of raw, bloody meat against them as they ran through the woods. That's not funny. That's sexual harassment.

[measuredingold]

i’d walk through hell for you

authors note: saw that best friend!noah is all the talk right now and decided to finally free this from the drafts. inspired by a walk through hell by say anything :) there will be a second part that’s already finished and will be posted next week ! i’m not sure about a third lol as always, i hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated :)

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

divider: @saradika-graphics

word count: 3.1k

cross posted on ao3

cw/tw: angst, hurt/comfort, heavy anxiety, best friend!noah, Noah Is A Nightmare But He Can’t Help It, reader is a sweetie and loves their friend and wants to make it better, oh eventual friends to lovers btw, 18+ minors do not interact

You haven't seen him like this in a long time. You can't even remember the last time he allowed you to see him like this, on edge, snippy with fucking everyone, and down right a fucking nightmare. You thought he had gotten that under control, at least from what he’s told you, but the scene before you lets you know that may not be the case.

For the most part. He could be worse, you think.

You've seen him far worse than this plenty of times, yet it still makes your stomach turn in an unpleasant way, and there's a foul taste settling in the back of your throat as you step into his room.

“Hey.” You say quietly, making your presence known.

“Hi.” He doesn’t even bother looking up at you. Your chest tightens.

“Jolly says you’re being a nightmare,” Noah snorts at your words, but you know he doesn’t find it that amusing. “Wanna tell me what’s up?”

Your heart breaks as your best friend finally looks up at you, the bags under his eyes and the permanent frown on his lips feeling like a literal stab to the gut. You drop your bag by the door and slowly make your way towards him.

"I can't fucking..." He sucks in a deep breath as he throws his arms towards his computer setup in the corner in his room, eyes narrowing. "This one part in the song I showed you last week. It doesn't sound right. I've messed with it for days, even sent it off to Jolly and even he can't fucking get it to sound good and, " He rubs a hand down his face, "I have to send it by tomorrow night with like four other songs. The others are fine but this fucking one..."

"Sebbe. Breathe."

He does, one long shaky breath, and you're finally looking closely enough to realize his entire body is shaking. Your anxiety kicks in then, alarms sounding off in your head because you know where this can lead. You've seen it before. Your legs take you over to his bed that he's sitting on, joining him. You make sure to keep some space between the two of you, not wanting to overwhelm him more than needed.

"I just don't know what's fucking wrong with me. Like, why can't I figure this out? I did the thing, I took the break. Came back with a clear head or whatever but all I did was fuck up the song even more to where Jolly can't even fix it and-"

"Noah."

He stills at your voice, lazily dragging his eyes towards you. He looks so tired. You know him well enough to know the break was a good fifteen minutes before he sat his ass back in that chair and clearly worked himself to the ground. You know that he's probably only slept a handful of hours in the last few days, and you fucking hate that. He struggles with sleep as is, so you know the stress of this deadline isn't good for him at all.

"Listen to me, okay?" You say slowly. Noah just blinks at you. "Send it off the way it is. You've done your best, but if you keep messing around with it with this nasty attitude, it's not going to get any better. Make sure to make a note on why the song might sound unfinished, mention that you've been struggling."

"But-"

"I'm not finished." His mouth snaps shut. "Tell Jolly you sent it off and that you guys will work on it later. These are just supposed to be demos, right?" It takes a second but Noah eventually nods, somehow looking even more tired than he did seconds ago. "Then there’s no reason for it to be perfect, anyways. Just go on to something else and then go back to it when you don't feel so... negative."

The silence after your words makes your stomach turn, Noah slowly blinking at you. You know your words are registering in his mind, but they’re melting away. He's going to only hear one part of your speech, and it's the part about sending an unfinished song to his label. The unfinished and not perfect song which is unacceptable in Noah standards, and you can already make out the frown that's beginning to form on his lips.

"I have to finish it."

"No, you actually don't."

"Yes, I actually fucking do." He bites out.

You know he doesn't mean it, to be snippy with you, but that's what happens when he's like this. Irrational, says things before thinking about them. You can't stop the way you flinch, though, grimacing at the way it hurts when he throws his anger at you. His frown only deepens, sadness etching itself over his face.

"Sorry." He mumbles, head tilting down. "I just... I need to finish it. I can't just send it off the way that it is. That's not good enough."

"Demos aren't supposed to be good. That's why they're called demos. It’s the rough draft.”

"You don't get it." He groans out, resting his elbows on his knees and placing his head in his hands. "I just... I can't do that. You know I fucking can't. It's gotta be perfect, because if not-"

"You feel like a failure." You finish his words for him and watch the second his shoulders drop.

He doesn't respond, doesn't even take his hands off his face. Instead he just nods slowly.

"Noah..."

He remains silent next to you but you can hear the way his breathing has picked up, a lot shakier than it had been seconds ago. The hands that were sprawled across his face were shaking again and this time you don't bother keeping your space, scooting closer to him.

You're deliberate with your actions, hand reaching out to slide off the beanie on top of his head. You let it fall, hand now smoothing down some of his hair that was messed up by the hat. You're quiet when your fingers gently card through his hair and you do it a few times before your nails scratch at his scalp, slow and gentle.

It takes a second, a lot longer than you actually expected, but his breathing begins to even out. His hands are still shaky, though, and he still has yet to even pick his head up. You have a feeling of what's running through his mind, and you so desperately want to crawl inside there and throw it out yourself. Fill his head with better thoughts and rid him of the mean ones he's sifting through currently.

Your hand drops from the top of his head, instinctively pushing a fallen strand behind his ear before sliding your hand down to the back of his neck. Your fingers apply a good amount of pressure there, gently rubbing out the tension. You hear him sigh out, the noise muffled by his hand.

“Talk to me. What’s going on up there, bub?”

"This is all I have." He finally says after long minutes of silence, voice sounding strained.

You frown.

He continues, "The band. Music. It's all I have. All I'm good at. I can't... it has to be perfect, you know? If it's not..." He sucks in a shaky breath and your fingers dig back into his neck. "If it's not perfect, I don't know how much longer I'll have this. One fuck up and... and this all can be..."

He doesn't finish his words, but you know what he was going to say.

This all can be taken away from me.

Noah confided that fear to you so many times, but each time you're reminded of it it's like a part of you dies. His fear of losing everything at the snap of a finger is something that haunts him and has stayed with him for as long as you could remember. No matter how hard he tried to run from it, to know that things don't always end and can't be taken from him so easily, it always seemed to come crawling back.

"It's not going to be taken away from you." You say in a small voice, scooting even closer to him. Your legs are pressed together now and you don't stop rubbing at his neck, hoping to relieve some of the stress.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." Your fingers stop but your hand doesn't move. "Noah, look at me."

A beat passes before he's finally removing his hands from his face, slowly turning his head to stare at you. Somehow the bags under his eyes have darkened in the few minutes you've been in here with him, and it seems like that frown on his lips is permanently sketched there.

"You've gotten this far without it being taken from you." You start slowly, thumb now brushing against the side of his neck. "You're good at what you do. Everyone knows that, and everyone knows that you're not perfect. You don't need to be perfect. We all have bad days. One song that isn't sounding like you wanted isn't going to be the be all end all of your career."

"But what if it is?" He sounds so small, voice shaking with fear of the hypothetical what if and all you want to do in this moment is gather him up in your arms and never fucking let go.

"It isn't." You press. "This has happened before and guess what happened? Nothing. Nothing was taken from you, and life went on as it did."

Noah just blinks at you. You stare back at him, pressing your lips together as you mull over your next words. You're not sure if what you're telling him is getting through that head of his and you're not sure what to do next. You think he needs to take a break, a much longer one, and needs to get out of his room. Probably the house, too. Away from the problem to clear his head.

"Hey," Your thumb keeps brushing against his neck and something warm spreads across your chest when you feel him melt into the touch. "How about you come over? For the day. We go back to mine and just watch some Naruto. I haven't finished it yet."

His blank expression is soon replaced with something similar to pain and his eyes dart from your face to the corner of his room, where his set up remains. You reach up with your other hand without much thought, cupping the side of his face to turn him back towards you.

"Noah."

"I..."

His eyes dart back and forth between your face and his computer, and you can almost physically see the battle happening in his head. The need for perfection. The need for control. His hands start to shake in his lap again and your thumb brushes against the top of his cheek, trying to pull him back to you.

"Just for a few hours. A couple episodes, that's all. Just to get you out of that head of yours, then we can come back here and you can finish up that song."

A compromise, but it's enough to have that pained look on his face to fall for just a moment, body relaxing under your fingertips.

"Okay." Noah breathes out, eyes fluttering shut momentarily. " A few hours."

You can't stop the smile that spreads across your face, that warmth from minutes ago settling across your chest again.

"Thank you."

He doesn't reply, just blinks at you again and gives you a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. You're not sure you got through to him, but maybe he was exhausted enough to not care anymore. Whichever one it was you'll take it, as long as it gets him away from that computer and hopefully out of his mind.

He's quiet when gathering his things, lingering by his desk when he saves whatever song it was giving him a hard time before shutting the computer down all together. He doesn't say anything when you leave either, silently following you through the house and to your car. It worries you every time he goes quiet like this, but you know it's the exhaustion from his anxiety finally catching up. And probably the minimal hours of sleep he's gotten in the last few days. Still, you hate it.

The only sign of life from him was when he bopped his head to a random song in a playlist you two created together, adding random things in there from time to time. You can't remember the name, it's one of his songs you think, which is confirmed by him humming quietly in the passenger seat next to you, scrolling through his phone.

Noah still hasn't said a word by the time you reach your apartment, and doesn't bother saying anything when he gets out of your car, shuffling behind you. You try to hide your worry as you unlock your door, chewing on your bottom lip.

"Make yourself at home."

He makes a noise in response, a quiet hum, toeing off his shoes before making a beeline for your couch, sinking immediately into the cushions. You smile at that, watching as he gets comfortable in your space. It wasn't always like this, when the two of you first became friends, but after years of growing closer, your space was almost like his. It was nice to know he trusted you that much.

"Have you eaten?" You call out to him, making your way around your kitchen. He doesn't look up from his phone.

"No."

You glare at him, but he still isn't looking. "Noah."

"Wasn't hungry." He brushes it off before pausing and finally looks up from his phone, exhaustion evident in his features as he stares at you. "I'm kind of hungry now, though."

"Yeah?" That relaxes you a bit. "I got some leftover pizza in the fridge if you want some."

"Sure."

You try to ignore the way he still sounds so... small. Barely there, like he's off in some other world. You busy yourself with fixing a plate for both you and him and make sure to pour him some water in the biggest glass that you own, knowing damn well he hasn't had a sip in hours. You bring the plates in first, setting them on the coffee table in front of your couch before going back to retrieve your drinks. You hand his cup to him, narrowing your gaze.

"Drink."

You don't miss the way he rolls his eyes but takes the glass from you without a fight, taking a slow sip. You feel like you can breathe easier now knowing that he's drunk something, and is going to eat something soon too, and you finally settle onto the couch next to him, pulling your legs up under you.

The two of you sit in silence as you mess around with your remote, trying to figure out which streaming service had Naruto on it. It had been a while since you watched it, and you knew you had to finish it. Noah's been bugging you for months, maybe even years, so now's a good time as any to start it back up.

"I can't believe you still haven't finished." You’re surprised he’s said a full sentence, words muffled around the pizza in his mouth.

"I'm trying." You whine out before taking a bite of your pizza. "There's just so many episodes."

He snorts. "You haven't even gotten to Shippuden yet."

"...You're telling me there's more?"

You look at him, head tilted and eyes wide. Noah takes in your expression and laughs, the real breathy one he does when he thinks something's ridiculous. That warm feeling in your chest returns and suddenly you feel something similar to pride fill you, being the reason behind that laughter. His lips twitch into what you think is supposed to be a smile, shaking his head.

"Dude."

"You didn't tell me there was more!"

"Yes I did! I literally told you that this was part one, and then Shippuden was part two."

"I literally don't remember that at all." You grumble out, rolling your eyes.

"You could've already been on Shippuden if you'd just watch it."

"I forgot, okay?" You cry out, which only makes Noah laugh harder. "Fucking sue me."

"We're finishing this." He says matter of factly, relaxing back against the couch. "The goal is to finish both this and Shippuden by the end of the year." You give him a crazy look, brows furrowing, and he laughs again. "Okay. How about we at least start Shippuden by the end of the year?"

You think about it for a moment before nodding your head, taking another bite of your pizza. "I think I can manage that."

He smiles for real this time, small but it's real, and you smile back.

"Deal."

One episode turns into two, two turns into three, and somehow three turns into you almost finishing the season you'd been on for the last few months. You've finished your pizza by this time and Noah's been resting his head on your shoulder for the last three episodes now. The light from outside is dimming, and you know you should probably take him back home. You've kept him here much longer than he agreed to, but he hadn't said anything, just kept saying to play the next episode. He was finally relaxed and seemed to have finally forgotten about the song, at least for the moment.

And selfishly, maybe a part of you wanted to keep him here, pressed into your side for just a little longer.

The episode finally comes to an end and you go to ask if he wants to watch another episode, but a soft snore interrupts your sentence. You blink down at Noah asleep on your shoulder, face pressed against you and mouth open. You probably should be a little disgusted at the way he is most definitely drooling on you but instead you feel... endeared. He feels safe enough to sleep around you, and that feeling in your chest returns.

You reach for your phone next to you, typing out a text to Jolly that Noah had fallen asleep and you'll bring him back whenever he wakes up.

Thank fuck. He's been on nightmare mode for the last three days. He needs this.

A moment later another message from him comes through.

Thanks, btw. I don't know what he'd do without you, and quite frankly, me either. ❤️

That feeling in your chest blossoms into something you can't quite explain, a smile stretching across your lips. You send back your response before tossing your phone onto the couch and you rest your head against his, pressing your body closer to your best friends.

You're not sure what you'd do without him either.

[magicalmelancholy-blog1]

AO3 Author Ask Game

I did this on my own because I saw this post but I'll tag people at the end because I wanna.

Total Number of AO3 Works: Not counting orphaned stuff or alts 92

Total AO3 Word Count: Not counting orphaned stuff or alts 95,899

Fandoms I've Written For: Len'en is the big one, but I've made efforts towards being a Homestuck author before, dabbled in Touhou, and for a few months back in 2022 I even thought I would abandon Len'en for Ciconia. Lol. Also made various one-shots for other fandoms. Oh yeah, and a Vocaloid Longfic I haven't orphaned for some reason. Probably memories.

Top 5 Fics By Kudos:

Mishaps At The Summer Festival (Love Live Superstar)

100 BPM (Vocaloid, this fic's placement here is very carried by it being in this fandom)

Realization (Len'en, very surprised a fic in this fandom managed to break top 3)

Massage (Project Sekai)

Dealing With Failure (Friday Night Funkin')

As you can see, 3/5 of these fics are one-shots for larger fandoms that I wrote in like once.

Do I Respond To Comments: Yes Yes Yes comment please I'm begging you

What Has The Most Angst-Ridden Ending?: Probably Unpleasant. Tbh I don't remember exactly what I wrote in here beyond the fact I put those tags and that age rating there for a reason but. I put those tags and that age rating there for a reason. Think this fic is part of the reason some random asked me if I was okay in uwom once. Fair question but I don't know you so like, do I traumadump on a stranger? Lie?

What Has The Happiest Ending?: The Three Fairies Charity Theatre. I wrote this one to be pure fluff and I think I succeeded <3 Reimu gets to have money and feel appreciated!!! And isn't that what we all want in life?

Have I Received Hate?: Not for my fics. Part of me is disappointed but I think it's better that way. I'll probably get some someday though.

Do I write smut? If so, what kind?: If fate wills it, you will be shown the way.

Do I Write Crossovers?: No. Sometimes I'm tempted but it usually just amounts to a different lens of character analysis on discord.

Have I Ever Had A Fic Translated?: No. Feel free though~

Have I Ever Co-Written A Fic?: A few round robins here and there.

A WIP I will never finish: So many. The one with the least hope compared to my desire however is that Ciconia one where Chloe and Gunhild went on a date "for reference". I don't remember shit about Ciconia 😭

Writing Strengths: According to others, I'm very good at conveying a character's emotion. I definitely agree. I also think my sense of humor is something to be proud of. Was also told that I'm good at making the world feel alive. I feel like I tend to skimp out on additional worldbuilding, but apparently readers will just eat up whatever scraps you give them. Or is it just that I'm in the "eating up whatever scraps you're given" fandom?

Writing Weaknesses: Ugh I hate writing fight scenes so much they suuuuuuck. And I keep repeating phrases too. I think I kill them all and then they fucking come back the next time I reread it.

Do I Like Foreign Language Dialogue?: Idk I've never written it.

First Fandom I Wrote For: Gravity Falls. Everything I posted publicly is buried in a dead Facebook group.

Favorite Fic I've Written: Unpaid Debts. I know I'm actively posting it right now so there's recency bias there, but trust me when I say I put my entire ass into this. I wanted Fumikado to have a breakdown, and like sure I could've just written a one-shot where they had a breakdown. But it wouldn't have been satisfying. I need to see the process; how their mental barriers break down so utterly that they can't cope their way around it anymore. After some failed attempts I finally concocted a scenario where this could happen, and I am so happy...

I haven't actually posted the part where they break down (and I won't for a little while) but I hope you enjoy it when the time comes.

Now to tag some bitches!:

@maideninorange @hyikal @mimicteruyo and whoever else wants to

[princesssarisa]

Another Disney "Beauty and the Beast" question

In the animated version, do you think Belle figures out that the Beast was once human, and that the portrait of the young man she saw in the West Wing was his former self, or not?

In the live-action remake, of course, she knows, because the servants tell her the whole story (except how to break the spell). The remake uses this reveal as the big turning point for Belle, where her feelings toward the Beast shift from "I'll help him because he saved my life, but I still dislike him" to feeling true sympathy for him and realizing that he could be a friend.

But that's not the case in the animated version.

I suppose the main thing to notice in the animated version is her reaction when she sees the portrait. She gasps, then looks intently and quizzically into the eyes, which are the only undamaged part. She obviously finds them familiar somehow. But the glow from the enchanted rose distracts her before she can come to any conclusion.

I've never assumed that she puts "two-and-two together." From then on she has too much else that distracts her, until the transformation scene, when she looks into the newly human Prince's eyes and sees that they're the same as the Beast's. My guess is that in that moment, she also realizes that they're the same eyes from the portrait and finally figures it all out.

But when I posted something on this subject on Quora, someone responded that they always thought Belle did fully recognize the portrait's eyes as being the Beast's and figured out that the Beast was once a man then and there.

I can't bring myself to agree. Her expression as she gazes at the portrait looks too uncertain, and if she had already figured it out, then why in the end does she need a moment to recognize the Prince as the Beast after he transforms?

But non-verbal acting in movies is always open to interpretation. For example, I've seen several reviews complain about the moment in the live-action BatB remake when Emma Watson's Belle stops tending the Beast's wounds after he turns away from her. They assumed she was stopping her care out of annoyance at his petulant behavior and thought it was a misguided attempt to "empower" Belle that only made her seem unpleasant. But the online screenplay just says that in that moment, Belle looks at his back wounds and realizes they're worse than she thought. With that in mind, and looking at Watson's expressions, it seems that she just pauses her work and lets him sleep for a while instead because she's intimidated by the extent of his wounds, not out of annoyance.

I was just wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this detail. It's fairly minor, but it does change the story in a way if Belle knows the Beast was once human vs. if she doesn't.

[shewhowas39]

sneak peek of chapter 29: "Wolves"

chapter 29 of Juniper & Starlight has a scene in it that i've been WAITING to get to and i'm so excited to share it.

but first, have a sneak peek of a, uh, much more unpleasant scenethat we have to get through first.

cw: referenced cannibalism, black outs, memory loss (isn't being the dark urge fun?)

***

The goblin camp smells of cheap ale, stale urine, and wet dog. 

June tries not to wrinkle her nose as she weaves her way through the chaotic scene. She’s meant to be blending in, after all. There are dozens of goblins - including children - in various states of drunkenness. They fight each other, laugh at each other, and she’s pretty sure she even spots a couple of them fornicating right out in the middle of broad daylight, but she doesn’t let her eyes linger long enough to be certain. 

There aren’t just goblins here, though. There are also wolves.

No, not wolves. These are too big to be wolves. Worgs, wolf-like monstrosities with a higher intellect and a cruel, fiendish countenance to them. There are a handful of them around the camp, chained to posts, being ignored or tormented by the goblins around them, treated somewhere between pet and prisoner. 

As June draws closer to a nearby fire, another scent wafts her way. A far more pleasant one. The mouthwatering smell of cooking meat. As she gets nearer, however, her heart stops. Her stomach growls with longing, even as it drops and churns, making June feel as though she’s going to be sick. 

Because the delicious meat she smells is a leg. A human leg. It’s roasting over the fire as goblins eagerly await a slice of cooked human flesh.

And June can almost taste it, too. And the terrifying realization strikes her like a lightning bolt spell straight to the chest.

She knows what human flesh tastes like.

And it tastes so good.

Before she has a chance to fully absorb the horror of that knowledge, the scene around her shifts. The goblins and worgs and their various odors all fade into an inky void. June drowns in that darkness for a time, though for how long she cannot say. 

All she knows is that when the light returns, she’s standing in a different camp, one made up of seven tents, a fire, and a training dummy made up of a stick with a mind flayer head on top. June hates that gruesome thing, but right now, she’s relieved to see it. Because it means this is her camp. The one she and her companions share as they travel west, in search of that very goblin camp she just saw in her vision.

But June has no memory of how she got here. Last she remembers, she was speaking to Shadowheart near the gates of the Emerald Grove. Now night has fallen, Gale is cleaning up dinner, and Wyll and Karlach seem to have settled in for a game of fetch ith Scratch. Looking around, June is fairly certain this camp is in the forest, near the sigil stone they will use to transport themselves back to the west tomorrow morning. 

The missing time scares her.

The idea of what she might have done during that missing time scares her even more. 

“You’re back.”

She turns to see Shadowheart approaching her, and she feels an instant pang of relief, because that’s four of her companions accounted for. Four people she hasn’t murdered while blacked out.

“I been gone?” June asks.

[catboykilljoy97]

Happy birthday to me! 🥳 Well, technically it was yesterday, but I was busy so you get my birthday post today 😛I'm 26 now, which means I am officially Too Old For Leonardo DiCaprio! So, relevantly, I wanted to share my odd little collection of 90s Leonardo DiCaprio movies:

(not pictured: Titanic and This Boy's Life, because I got them at the library)

A few summers ago, I was (not so)slowly losing my mind from working at a grocery store during covid lockdowns (and everything else that was happening in 2020/2021). So what did I do? A lot of things, honestly, but the relevant one is that I went on a deep dive of 90s Leonardo DiCaprio movies. It started out with, well, the exact reasons you'd think a very single 24-year-old would start watching Leonardo DiCaprio movies, but it soon turned into a sort of deep dive on a famous actor's early career and his strengths/weaknesses/typecasts, as well as an exploration/cultural study of increasingly obscure 90s movies.

...I was going a little off the deep end, yeah.

Anyways. Initially I was gonna write up a whole review list for all the ones I saw, but that would've been super long and rambly and I'm not that committed to the bit, so here's an overview:

Romeo+Juliet is genuinely one of my favorite movies now. I could go on and on about how good it is. I'd rank it right up there with Galaxy Quest, which trust me is high praise. I'm a sucker for "appears silly on a surface level but is actually really well-done and well-thought-out", I guess.

Watching Titanic when all you know of it are the memes and the famous scenes was a really interesting experience. Also, I'm embarrassed to admit it but I do in fact want Jack Dawson to draw me like one of his french girls.

I liked Basketball Diaries because they let Leo go completely fucking feral in that one. When you let him emote, he *emotes*. A little over the top? Maybe but I love it

Total Eclipse is the worst movie I've ever seen oh my god not even the bisexuality could save it it's so confusing to watch and the characters are the most unpleasant people to have to experience

I ran out of steam before watching Don's Plum, which is a shame because it has the dubious honor of being banned for commercial viewing in the U.S and Canada

What's Eating Gilbert Grape aged like fucking milk to the point that it's actually fascinating to watch as like, a cultural artifact.

Also, the last point. DiCaprio only dating women in their early 20s is even more striking when you realize what he was up to in his early 20s.

[jrosa82fanfics]

Part 1 of Adrien

AN: Welcome to my new fic, the following is a list of warnings that are extremely important as we start off with a pretty unpleasant scene and the fic deals with some heavy topics.

WARNINGS: Rape, Incest, Suicide, Drug overdose, Murder, Miscarriage, and Alcoholism/Drug usage. There may be more but other than that I think the only other thing to note is underage sex between 2 underage characters. Some of the things I mentioned will be graphic while others will be more like it happens off screen then you see it on screen later. SO with that out of the way I do feel the need to mention that this will have a happy ending, everyone will just have to suffer a lot first.

I will start by warning you that the incest rape occurs in 2 of the first posts I'll make (this one and another that I'll tag) so If that isn't your thing please take care to avoid this chapter which I've (hopefully) hidden beneath the cut.

Finally for those that came for an Adrienette fic, I will get there (they're an established couple) but the focus at the start is establishing the Agreste family and what's happening so you understand future chapters where Adrien is angsting about stuff.

Prologue

She sat in the dark on the window seat. Her blonde hair flowed down around her shoulders as her green eyes searched the darkness. The light from the streetlamps illuminated the street beyond the gate but still he didn’t come. She sipped from the mug in her hands the black tea, the only thing keeping her awake. She wondered how much longer she would have to wait.

Another woman entered the dining room, she wore a white sheer dressing gown. “Julietta! Are you okay, what are you doing up at four in the morning?” The words were whispered as her mother entered the room, her eyes opened wide in surprise. Julie’s contempt for her rose and the bitterness she felt slipped into her reply. “I’m fine, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Her mother didn’t react and for a moment Julie thought she would continue on with whatever had brought her downstairs in the dead of night. “Well, she said as she crossed over to the other side of the room “I’m going back to bed then, no point in losing a night of sleep.” As she spoke she had entered the kitchen, a room connected to the dining area, the only division between the two being the island with its stools. Her mother had grabbed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and then just left the room, no additional comments filling the empty space. Julie sat alone for another ten minutes, her mind distracted with thoughts of how alone she felt in this house, then she saw him.

He was clearly drunk, his steps uncoordinated and his balance barely getting him from the cab to the gate where he clung to the bars as she opened it. She had to cross the foyer to her father's office, but once the button had been pressed she rushed to the door to open it and help him. He had moved fast though and when the door opened he spilled in, nearly falling into her arms before he found his footing again. His scent filled her nose as she wrapped him in her arms and began ushering him up the stairs to his room. She had guessed right about the alcohol, and yet his usual scent of bergamot and mint still managed to come through. 

As she pulled him up the stairs she saw a flash of the tattoo on his wrist, the letters spelling a name she knew well. When they arrived on the landing she had to slow her pace afraid to wake her brother. She continued walking, taking a left at the top of the stairs and opening the door to the room. She had prepared everything she would need and now that he had arrived things could begin. He had remained unusually quiet, perhaps realizing that given the hour it would be best not to cause a commotion. Whatever his reason she had him here now, the door to the room locked behind them as she began to strip him of his clothes. 

She started with his leather jacket, then unbuttoned his shirt exposing his pale chest to her view. His thin frame lacked any marks, not a scar  in sight as she slowly drank it in, the smooth flat planes. Once she unbuttoned them, she slid his skin tight jeans down, the black denim giving way to more smooth flesh. He didn’t wear underwear, and as she pushed him down on the bed to remove his shoes and finish sliding the jeans off he remained soft. She had worried that might happen given the alcohol but wasn’t going to let it deter her from her plans. 

He lay on his back blinking though fighting a fogged mind, and when she cuffed his wrists to the headboard he finally seemed to come back to her. “Julietta, what are you doing?” he asked, his voice a slurred whisper. She didn’t answer and soon he didn’t speak either. As their bodies joined together, sweat dripping from their bodies the only sound that could be heard were muffled cries. She raked her nails into his back, leaving marks on his neck and chest with her lips as she crested in pleasure. When she finished she lay still panting as she caught her breath. She lay her head on his chest, the sound of his pounding heart slowing down soothing her into sleep.

[matan4il]

Buddie 616 meta

Maybe I’ll start with Eddie confirming something I’d already discussed in my meta posts more than once before, most recently in my 614 meta, which is that he married Shannon because she got pregnant. He heavily insinuated this to Bobby back in 217, but now he said it explicitly, to everyone, and without the same kind of weight which we saw from him in the past. I think this change is indicative of how he IS healing from the trauma of how badly his marriage failed and how guilty he’s felt over it, now that he’s capable of talking about it more lightly than he did before. I love that for our boy. ~~

Speaking of these men actually being boys, moron husbands, partners in dumbness, we got Buck and Eddie sharing one brain cell and NOT putting it to good use. Even though in the overall scheme of 911 things, that might not seem that significant, I have to say I just love seeing them like that. It’s FUN seeing them being morons who support each other in the way they try to deal with Chim thinking that just popping the question to Maddie is enough, or in Eddie supporting Buck’s dumbass suggestion of a flash mob, or just being pressed together in the fire truck ‘coz they never have any personal boundaries with each other and they don’t understand why those would even be needed (seriously, don’t think too long about how all of a sudden five people had to squeeze in the back instead of four, and OF COURSE it would be Buck and Eddie rubbing thighs together, because no other pair out of the whole team is as comfortable with each other’s bodies). This may not be the deepest part of their bond, but it IS a part of it, a consistent one, the daily partnership that’s the foundation for the big, important, profound parts. ~~

Once again, we get a demonstration of how the way Buck and Eddie are with each other is different to how they act with their other friends. Even when Eddie is exasperated with Buck, he never actually gets upset, he just tries to get Buck to focus, like we saw him in 516. But with Ravi, Eddie does kinda snap.

Buck as well, when he hears some unpleasant truths about Madney from Hen, there’s no fondness underlining their talk, as much as we know that they DO love each other and have a sibling-like relationship. But compare that to how insufferably affectionate the glances that Buddie exchanged in 504 were as Eddie did essentially the same thing for Buck. ~~

And then of course, we see how Hen has Chimney’s back in this ep, putting his well being first, but she does end up hurting him. They talk it over, and within the same ep she apologizes, he forgives her, everything is resolved, and they move. It’s lovely, but think about the difference in intensity between this and what Buddie went through back in s3. Buck files the lawsuit that would stop him from seeing Eddie in 304. Then the very reserved Eddie has a public meltdown, in the middle of a store, and right in front of his colleagues, because he can’t deal with Buck not being in his life. In fact, that’s the final straw that makes Eddie turn to street fighting. Not only that, because the intensity of his feelings overwhelms him, he doesn’t even directly express his hurt, he uses Chris to convey how much Eddie himself is missing Buck. When Buck realizes just how much pain he unintentionally caused, he wants to apologize, but Eddie is too hurt to be able to hear him out right away. It’s only in 306 that they finally talk, Eddie forgives Buck and then we get the beauty of their hug. But this is STILL not the final piece, no. The show will get back to this in the kitchen scene in 309, where Buck shows Eddie he’s worth apologizing to a second time (even though he’s not even asking Buck to), and the final shot of this is the domestic image of Buddifer on the couch, playing video games together. This is when we know that all is TRULY forgiven, when we get to see them once more as a family unit. Because that’s what they are on top of being best friends, like Hen and Chimney. ~~

I’ll point out that Madney and Buddie paralleling is not new. This has been an ongoing theme since Buck and Chim’s new love interests were both introduced in 201, and since Madney got their onset in 206. The very fact that Maddie thinking Chim’s cute is revealed through a dialogue between the Buckley siblings that also indicates Buck sees Eddie in the same light says it all. I have also gone on about how Buck and Maddie served as truth tellers, voicing their sibling’s crush back to them, I have talked about how Madney were friends first, incredibly domestic friends with their own intertwined routine, before they became explicitly romantic, I wrote a whole meta post about the parallels between Madney and Buddie in 512, and now I can add to this. Because Madney easily fell into the comfort of domestic life, Chim told us this week that got in the way of them stopping to make their commitment official. That’s in a sense Buddie’s story, too. They’ve been building their lives and family unit together without even clocking that they can and should stop to figure out what this thing between them is, and commit to it.

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ ~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ I’m so thankful to the amazing @whosoldherout​​ for the meta gifs she does each week! They’re always challenging, and you always manage to knock it out of the park!

~~ Thank you to anyone supporting these meta posts. I could never express enough how grateful I am and that they continue to exist thanks to you!

[bobbyfiend]

Maggie Stiefvater Writing Appreciation Post #5

I don't say Stiefvater is the best writer ever (how could I possibly make that kind of judgment?) or that she's my favorite (see previous parenthetical comment); I just say she's very good at what she does--like, very good--and I happen to have saved a bunch of bits of her writing when I read the Raven Cycle (spoilers ahead, possibly). On with the writing snippets:

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Terror owned Adam. The old terror, the one that was just as much confusion and betrayal as fear itself.

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“Charity told me that T.J. asked you out today and you just stared at him.” “What?” “T.J. asked you out. You just stared at him. Ringing bells?” Blue looked up (and up, and up) at her tall cousin. “At lunch, T.J. came over to my table and drew a penis on the unicorn on my binder. Is that the incident Charity is referring to?” “Don’t Richard Gansey the Third at me,” Orla replied. “Because if that’s what she meant, then yes, I just stared at him. I didn’t realize it was a conversation because penis.”

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“Oh! Why haven’t they untied you yet?” “We thought she might be… dangerous?” Gansey answered lamely. Persephone cocked her head at him. “And you thought tying her hands would change that?”

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The approval of someone like him, who clearly cared for no one, seemed like it would be worth more.

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It had been a long time ago, but also, it was no time at all. Sometimes, Gansey felt like his life was made up of a dozen hours that he could never forget.

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Ronan didn't sound very interested, but that was part of the Ronan Lynch brand. It was impossible to tell how deep his disinterest truly was.

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There was nothing particularly intimate about the way they sat, but something about the scene made Gansey feel strange, like he’d heard an unpleasant statement and later forgotten everything about the words but the way they had made him feel.

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The night following the reading, Gansey woke up to a completely unfamiliar sound and fumbled for his glasses. It sounded a little like one of his roommates was being killed by a possum, or possibly the final moments of a fatal cat fight. He wasn’t certain of the specifics, but he was sure death was involved.

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Gansey studied Adam's erratic handwriting. His letters always looked like they were running from something.

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From the passenger seat, Ronan began to swear at Adam. It was a long, involved swear, using every forbidden word possible, often in compound-word form. As Adam stared at his lap, penitent, he mused that there was something musical about Ronan when he swore, a careful and loving precision to the way he fit the words together, a black-painted poetry. It was far less hateful sounding than when he didn’t swear.

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At the door to the helicopter, Gansey looked back over his shoulder at them, his smile complicated when he saw them holding hands.

[tashilover]

“Jude” part 1 of 3

On the day Jude turned twenty-five, she hid herself away, found a quiet spot where no one could see her and cried. It was embarrassing enough to have the world know her as a useless, pathetic old hen, but she couldn't stand the thought of their judgmental stares. Even now she could hear their comments, their sneers of her failure to find a mate.

It wasn't her fault her plumage was the color of piss. She tried everything she could to lessen the bright- almost blindingly- yellow of her feathers and failed. Nobody would want that ugly shade passed down to their kin. Now at the age of twenty-five, she was too old to have eggs.

Her mother eventually found her. "Jude? My sweet hen, come out, you haven't eaten all day."

"What does it matter?" Jude sniffled, burying her face into her wing. "It's clear no one wants me. So what's the point?"

"You're being dramatic. Come out here."

Jude lifted up her long head away from her wing. Her piss-colored feathers were a mess and needed grooming.

Her mother clicked her beak. "Oh, my sweet chick..."

"I can't stay here..." Jude whispered. "Momma... I can't. I need to leave this place. Go somewhere else. Start somewhere new."

"This is your home. Where would you go?"

"I don't know. I'll change planets if I have to. Like... Where was that place Lucie went to last year? Earth?" 

Her mother's feathers suddenly fluffled, and she stood up, her beak snapping angrily. "You don't want to go there, sweet chick! Those humans are monsters! They eat lesser fowl."

So did Jude's kind. Many species across the universe did. Last night alone Jude ate four smaller birds, feathers, bones and all. But humans didn't eat their fowl raw. They liked to pluck, and broil, and boil, and bake, and deep fry. They did things to fowl no other species has ever done. It was seen as disgusting and cruel.

But humans were not their enemies. In fact humans were their allies back during the Great War three clicks ago. Surely that meant something.

"I need to leave," Jude repeated. "Earth can't be worse than being here. I'm going momma. I'm going."

***

Jude had no expectations of the small blue planet. She read a few books and watched a few videos to get a grasp of what sort of world she was stepping into. She was told many humans eat fowl on the street and she should ready herself should any unpleasant humans choose to use their food to mock her. Jude just hoped she wasn't immediately shunned the moment she got off the ship.

"Hello," Jude said, coming up to her first human. The human was bent over her desk, writing something. "I'm checking in. This is my passport."

The human woman looked up, saw the piss-colored feathers and her jaw dropped. "Oh my!"

Jude felt like someone slapped her. Not even five minutes on this planet and already she was getting looks of horror. Something must've shown on her face, because the human immediately backtracked, averted her eyes and said, "Apologies, ma'am. It's not often I meet an Aves. I hope you forgive me."

At least she apologized. Still, this first introduction on Earth did not forbade well.

"It's fine," Jude mumbled. Lord, she made a great mistake coming here.

After getting her passport confirmed and stamped with an Earth logo, Jude walked out onto the busy floor of the intergalactic travel hub. She was stunned to see it. There were hundreds of humans and aliens all around her, running or walking to their destination. Some were waiting in line for food, others were reading, many were on their devices. It wasn't a scene Jude was unfamiliar with, but this was the first time she's seen so many humans at once.

It took her a few seconds longer to realize while she stared at them, many of them stared back.

The humans were pointing, whispering amongst their own. Some even raised their devices to not-so-subtly take pictures of Jude.

What was this? Why was this happening? Have they never seen an Aves before? There was a fellow Aves by the window, a male with bright blue feathers, but he was being ignored by the humans near him. Only Jude was being stared at.

This was worse than being at home. At least on her homeworld, once someone took a look at Jude's hue, they ignored her. Here, she was a freak put on display. Unable to take it anymore, Jude turned around to get back on the ship. If she had to, she'll jump from planet to planet until she found one so remote, there'll be no one to judge her.

She barely took two steps when suddenly a small boy ran up to her and wrapped his arms around her legs.

"Mmm' bird!" Said the boy, giggling.

Jude startled. "Excuse me?"

"Mmm' bird! Mmm' bird!"

The boy's mother quickly ran up, grabbing her son and pulling him away from Jude. "I am so sorry about that! He just gets excited. Jonas, that's not nice! You don't grab people's legs like that!"

"Mmm' bird!"

The mother blinked, and then took a second look at Jude. She gasped. "Oh? Oh my! You look..."

Jude immediately flinched. Was this going to be her entire experience on Earth? People staring at her and recoiling? Jude curled away, ready to hear all the ugly taunts from home. Ugly. Frightful. Hideous.

"You look..." The mother smiled warmly, her cheeks turning pink. "You look like Big Bird!"

"I- what?"

Jonas broke away from his mother's grip and ran back to Jude, again hugging her legs. "Mmm' bird! Mmm' bird!"

The mother herself giggled shyly. "Oh, this is like a childhood dream come true! You look exactly like Big Bird! It's no wonder everyone's staring at you. I love your feathers! They're so beautiful!"

Jude couldn't even speak. This was the first time in her life someone said her feathers were beautiful. The mother wasn't the only one. The humans who stared at her repeated the same name, laughing and excitedly clapped their hands. Many young children were begging their parents to come over, and even humans who were old and greying looked at Jude with joyful expressions.

"It's Big Bird!" The humans said in a voice of pure delight.

***

Jude acknowledged on some level it was insulting to know the only reason humans flocked to her was due to an ancient children's program. But she didn't care. She came to this planet expecting sneers or outright disregard. Now, as she walked down the street, she reveled in the joy she brought to people's lives.

Without knowing it, Big Bird had made a home for her to come to.

***

Part 2 below

https://tashilover.tumblr.com/post/653476570874396672/jude-part-2-of-3

[navree]

“Haven't touched on everything I could talk about with Aegon; there's some sex stuff I've alluded to in previous posts that I almost included here but this is already long and it's an incredibly niche reading of the character, but if y'all wanna hear it lemme know.”

Yes please 🙏

I also remember reading some tags you wrote about him flinching on that “most pathetic moments” post or something like that.

So, as I said, niche reading of the character, but they appear to have unintentionally written him as someone who has a lot of trouble with physical intimacy. Which I find such a fascinating detail because it appears to have been entirely unintentional on their part and done in an episode that was largely meant to make us think "wow doesn't Aegon suck?" and instead I'm left thinking "I think Aegon has a lot more issues than they even decided on."

I unfortunately can't find the post, but I do remember that tag, and yeah, when Jace touches his shoulder during his toast (after he realizes that Aemond will beat his ass), Aegon very clearly jumps and/or flinches, which isn't a normal reaction one has to the person they're talking to patting them on the shoulder. So it's a general touch thing, for one, especially since the prior two episodes we saw him in saw that Alicent could kinda rough handle him at times. I'll go to my grave fighting the "Alicent is an abusive mother" crowing from people who have the apparent mental capacity of a frog but even still, that stuff happened, even if it makes sense (medieval society with different standards on childrearing and also one of the only two times that happened was when Aemond had literally just lost a whole eye and she was incredibly distressed). So there's already that to make the case that Aegon doesn't seem to be someone who enjoys being touched. And I'll admit that this can be chalked up to acting choices more than writing choices, that TGC likely made choices about Aegon's comfort level with being touched and that how physical Alicent would get with certain scenes would likely be more discussed between Olivia and Ty than in the script.

But here's the thing: they've also clearly and deliberately stated in the writing that Aegon has to be absolutely plastered, completely black out drunk, to have any kind of sexual interaction at all. Helaena says it explicitly, he completely ignores her as it relates to their maritals "unless he's drunk", he was so inebriated during the assault on Dyana that he straight up doesn't remember it, and even on Driftmark he's getting himself tanked before he goes to leer at serving girls (as well as telling Aemond that the way to get through an unpleasant experience like the dinner with the Blacks is to drink a lot). This is someone they've confirmably written as a person who is doing a lot of self medicating before engaging in sexual intimacy. And that's an important detail to mark when Aegon is married to his sister.

One of the reasons why Targaryen inter-marriage doesn't seem to have been that big an issue for most of the Targaryens even in their own thoughts is because it doesn't seem like they were raised to socialize with their siblings as siblings, but rather as potential romantic and sexual partners. I won't get into a whole thing about exactly why incest is bad, that's a long and very complicated topic and we all know that incest is, in fact, bad, but one of the main components into why it's Wrong is because that's a member of your family, which is a very specific kind of relationship (it's why some writers like to use it as a shocking plot twist *coughCassieClarecough*, because of the immediate sense of wrongness that sets in once you realize someone you've engaged with romantically/sexually is related to you). Targaryens don't do that, members of the family are clearly raised to view siblings not as siblings, but as a future wife or future husband, Dany herself says it in the main series when she ruminates on how she'd just naturally expected to marry Viserys, though that was complicated by the fact that Viserys wasn't just her brother but also operating as both parent and guardian and bodyguard all in one as well as being her brother. But Alicent's kids aren't following that mold. They do view each other through a familial lens, and it is reinforced by their mother that they are family, that they are siblings, and they were in all likelihood raised via more traditional sibling socialization, not Targaryen ones.

So Aegon is marrying someone he doesn't want to marry, someone he has spent his life viewing as his actual sister, and we have no reason to believe this didn't happen pretty soon after the betrothal (let's assume it's a year afterwards and Helaena's around thirteen while Aegon is around fourteen, that's normal marriageable ages in Westeros). Not to mention Aegon appears to follow the Faith of the Seven somewhat loyally, he also partakes in prayer at the family dinner and as I've said previously, he literally hides out in a sept under the altar of the Mother in a time of crisis (the symbolism, I cry), and we know the Faith holds incest to be an abomination. So you have all of that baggage, and then you add in all that alcoholism talk AND all those other statements? Then yeah, they've essentially written Aegon as someone who not only might dislike physical contact in general, but specifically needs to be inebriated to the point of passing out in order to stand any sexual contact or intimacy at all. And yet we still know he's done it, he has kids, and wow gosh this kinda reminds me of Alicent isn't that odd?

I don't think it was done on purpose, I think TGC and Olivia and Ty made some acting choices (and TGC especially likes to play up Aegon's poor little meow meow status so I assume a concept of Aegon not liking being touched was something he'd have in his wheelhouse), and the writers really wanted to get across that Aegon is a drunken lech, but the way they did it and the baggage of all the other stuff we've seen in the show, like how these kids were raised, means that, well, yeah. Aegon reads as a character who dislikes being touched, and has a pathological desperation to self-medicate before he sexually performs, especially with his sister to whom he is married.

And it's an interesting area to play around in, not only in his specific relationship to Helaena (that's a whole trove of stuff they can delve into, especially after Blood and Cheese), but also in his relationship to other people, his bond with Sunfyre, his relationship with his kids, how it might be compounded or mutate or otherwise develop after he's injured in the war. Again, I don't think it was intentional, that's just how I see it when I look at it, but if they want to lean into it and add intentionality and do stuff with it, they could, and I think it could be very good character work.

[beelsbignaturals]

Dead is the New Alive

A/N: Happy birthday to me!!! To celebrate being a dramatic pisces, I've decided to finally post this super self-indulgent self insert MC fic! It's definitely a work in progress but the intended audience is literally me and whoever is unfortunate enough to stumble across this. Big thank you to Aki for helping with literally everything ily homie! Yes the first scene is low-key a songfic. The song is What Will I Remember by Emilie Autumn if you want to give it a listen. Title is also an Emilie Autumn song. Guess what album I listened to while writing lmao. Anyways enjoy!

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Warnings: Blood, gore, violence, character death (ish), teeth, strong language

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What will I remember?

"Does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I'm sure it must be very unpleasant." The sadistic ass was taunting me. Quite literally adding insult to injury

What will I forget?

I did all this because I saw how much this family was hurting and this is the thanks I get?Someone laughing over me as the life drains from my eyes? After I go through all of this bullshit some stupid demon thinks he has every right in the world to end my life?

Honestly, if I didn't have claws tearing into my throat while this asshole is crushing my windpipe, I'd probably be tempted to smack that stupid grin off his face. Unfortunately, I'm in survival mode.

When this life is ending and gone

Fine. You want to kill me? I came into the world screaming and covered in someone else's blood. I plan on leaving the same way. It's game time, bitch.

What will I regret?

The next few moments are a blur of flailing limbs. One particularly well-timed kick sends me falling to the floor. Not risking it, l don't bother to catch my breath. Breathing is secondary. I need to run.

If tomorrow I don't wake up, what happens?

Moonlight shines through a nearby window like a beacon. Here goes nothing.

My sunrise, or sunset?

One foot in front of the other. Just keep running. He's behind you. Keep going. Almost there..

If I never were born

Fuck. Strong arms grab me, stopping any chance of escape. No. It's not over. I'm so close. I sink my teeth into the nearest thing I can find. Not letting go until I hear a sickening crunch followed by a string of curses. Name another human who took a chunk of flesh out of a demon's hand. I'll wait.

If I never died

Last shot. Come on. Somehow, I find the strength to launch myself out the window. Glass tears my arms to ribbons, but l'm flying and l'm free. Eat your heart out, Sally Hardesty.

Would it even matter at all?

All too soon, I collide with the pavement, knocking what little air I had left out of my lungs. I drag my bloodied body along, rocks and broken glass digging into my palms. I keep going until I physically can't move.

What should I decide?

Hopefully this will buy me enough time for someone to realize what happened. I mean. They wouldn't let me die, right? If even Belphegor was right and they didn't give a shit about me.. at the very least Lucifer wouldn't want the exchange program to be a failure. It would mess with Diavolo's plans. I'm not dying.

I always imagined I'd mean something to

someone

At least that's what I try to convince myself. The blood loss would beg to differ. But. I'll be okay. I'm sure magic will fix me up in no time. Just stay awake until help arrives. I try to focus on all the things I'll miss if I fall asleep. Late night nacho shenanigans with Beel. Watching Legally Blonde with Asmo. Helping Mammon hide from Lucifer. Kicking Levi's ass at DevilKart. All these precious moments that I'd hate to never experience again.

If I won't, 'least I tried

I'm fading in and out of consciousness. Time feels funny. Everything is in brief snippets. After what could have been hours or minutes. I register someone speaking. It doesn't sound familiar. Pressure on my chest. Sharp pain in my neck. Belphegor must've caught up with me. I wait for more torture but it doesn't come. Just a strange numbness. Decorating cakes with Luke. Feeding stray cats with Satan.

When my body suffers

So much yelling. It's too loud. I think I'm being moved? That's Mammon's voice! I did it. I'm safe. Why is he crying? They can fix me, right? It's too cold. Maybe not.

When to breath is pain

Levi is here, too! Maybe.. no. He's crying too. Oh. I guess this is it. At least I'm not alone.

Is it really madness to think

I try to reach for the nearest person. Maybe I can will someone hold my hand? No, that just made them move more. Don't leave me! Please.

Think of breaking this chain?

"Lucifer, get yer ass out here," He's staying. Thank fuck.

Is the future mine?

"Alaura, can you hear me?" After a failed attempt at nodding my head, which honestly just hurts way too much, I opt to try again to find Mammon's hand. This time, I'm actually successful.

It's kind of funny how, despite the fact I lay here dying, this is the most alive and real I've felt in a long time. These last few months have been spent on autopilot. Honestly, I didn't really believe any of it was real. I suppose death has a sobering effect.

God knows I have a past

So much commotion. So many voices. Not like I can understand much of what they are saying. Not when it all blurs together. I hold onto Mammon like a lifeline. Which, I suppose he is.

Where's my second chapter?

It seems they decide it is in everyone's best interest to not leave me lying on the ground in the middle of the night. That would be great if not for the fact they have to move me.

Or will the first also be my last?

The gaping throat wound is, understandably, not fucking pleasant. When strong arms lift me off the pavement, I struggle with energy I didn't know I had left. Kicking and screaming until it feels like my vocal cords are fried.

Is my story over if I fall asleep?

"I know, I'm sorry." The second born whispers, rings digging into my skin. Or maybe that's more glass. Regardless, he cradles my head against his chest, minimizing any movement that would further irritate my injuries.

Would anybody find me?

Crashing can be heard throughout the house. Part of me hopes Belphegor falls through a window too. Just for a small taste of his own medicine.

And would anybody weep?

With that pleasant thought, sleep takes over

I can't even pretend I care

But songs I'll never sing

Well, that means something

Yes, that means something

The next few days are spent in relative darkness. I can't see but I hear everything. It's like a strangely pleasant sleep paralysis. Plus I'm never alone for long. Asmo sits beside me, gently plucking glass from my skin, cleaning wounds of any dirt, and using a cloth to wet my lips and prevent dehydration. I get a whole manicure while he tells me about how I "got Belphie good". Apparently the majority of the dried blood stuck under my nails isn't even mine.

If it's not Asmo, it's Mammon. Half of the time he's moaning about how stupid I am. The rest is spent begging me to wake up. I try to find a way to tell him I'm right here. I'm awake. But I'm frozen in place. I don't think I've ever heard him cry this much.

Occasionally, Satan will pay a visit. Reading the Odyssey to keep me entertained. He's also the only one to update me on what's actually going on. From his visits, I can gather that I had a second attacker, not just Belphegor. The plot thickens. I barely have time to process that before learning said bitch was a vampire. This whole paralysis was just the beginning of my transformation.

Yeah, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I'm not left to think on it long. It turns out that one of the only two humans in the Devildom disappearing off the face of the earth does not go unnoticed. Doubly so when it comes to the resident angels.

With that in mind, I suppose it's not really a surprise that Luke all but breaks into the House of Lamentation, demanding to know what those horrible demons have done.

It'd be sweet if not for the little fact the second he got within ten feet of me, it feels like my bones are melting. You could tell me the air has turned to boiling water and I'd believe you.

His tiny body rushes into the room, grabbing my arm. "Oh, Alaura! Don't worry, I'll save you!"

I can only scream in agony as my flesh sizzles in his grasp. Shocked, Luke grabs my face before he gets a fucking clue. Cute kid, not the sharpest crayon in the box.

The pain of it all causes my eyes to open for the first time in days. I can hardly register the blinding light coming from the hallway. Just that this poor kid, who is, granted, older than I will ever be, starts sobbing out apologies as he stumbles backwards.

Smoke comes off my skin in waves, right where the tiny handprints sit. What is happening?

Poor Luke is dragged away, crying while half a dozen demons pour into my room.

Were they always this loud? I can't process the million different voices all speaking at once. It feels like all the small noises are worming their way into my head and eating my brain from the inside out. Footsteps sound like gunshots. The sound of fabric rustling makes me want to rip my hair out. It's too fucking loud.

Eventually catching on, Lucifer orders everyone to let me rest. He carefully applies some sort of ointment to my injuries before following suit. Alone in the dark I can finally begin to piece together what happened.

Belphegor killed me. Or tried to. Someone else swooped in to finish the job. But that's besides the point. Belphegor tried to kill me. It seems the others don't hate me enough to want me dead. Or at the very least are keeping up appearances. I'm not sure where my attempted killer is but I haven't seen or heard about them since that night.

Right... how long has it even been? I'll have to ask when someone comes around again. Knowing my housemates it won't be long before someone sneaks back into my room. Lucifer be damned.

Next order of business... apparently I'm a vampire? Not the most outlandish thing I've seen during my time in the Devildom but it's certainly up there. All I really know is from what Satan's told me and whatever I can find in my notes on Devildom history. Based on what the textbooks say, vampires are extinct in Hell. So how did this happen?

Only one way to find out and I need the facts before I let myself have a crisis. I guess the textbooks are a good starting point. Ignoring my protesting muscles, I drag myself out of bed to find any information I can.

Blah blah due to the vampire population rising at unprecedented rates and the threat to lower level demons, the King called upon the royal army to deal with the infestation.

Infestation? So I'm vermin now?

Startled by sudden pain in my jaw, my mouth opens in a silent gasp. Crimson blood drips onto the page. Just a few specks at first, but before long, I'm nearly choking as the liquid spills from my mouth.

Frantic, I run through the halls. Not particularly caring about the trail of blood I leave in my wake. Thank fuck no one is in the bathroom.

I lock the door behind me. Muscle memory. Before dashing to the mirror.

Holy shit. Maybe I'm not dead but I sure as hell look it. My body is littered with healing cuts, not to mention the two angry handprints that scorched my skin. Then there's my throat. It's healed somewhat but the mangled flesh has barely begun to scar. Honestly, it doesn't look like something I should've survived.

Fuck. The dull throbbing in my mouth turned sharp once again. Mouth opened as wide as I can manage, I try to inspect the affected area, but God, there's so much blood - I hear the small clink of something hitting the ceramic.

Holy shit. No. This isn't... this can't be happening. I'm hyperventilating as I force myself to look down. There's no way that...nope my entire tooth is sitting in the sink. Cool.... this is just great. I'm. I'm just hallucinating. Or something. That's the only explanation. Maybe I ate Solomon's cooking. That could be it. Food poisoning. Really bad food poisoning.

"Alaura?" A low voice interrupts my manic train of thought. "Alaura, please... open the door."

I don't even bother trying. I can hardly hold myself upright. Who's laughing? Is that my voice? Shit. I'm on the floor. When did that happen? The edges of my vision are fuzzy and dark. When I close my eyes, all I can see is a startling picture of my tooth. A small amount of gum is still hanging on for dear life. Much more blood than what could be considered healthy framing it like some grotesque work of art. Shit. My head hits the cold tile, and I'm watching as the door shakes on its hinges. Maybe I should've locked it.

Once again I wake up, tucked snugly in my bed. This time, however, I can spot a certain white-haired demon curled up on my floor, snoring softly. Cute but there is no way that's comfortable. I can see the dark circles and irritated skin, most likely raw from crying.

For a moment I'm transported back to simpler times. Mammon breaking into my room after a night at the casino, ranting about how "shits rigged", before passing out. Usually I'd shove a pillow under his head and throw a blanket over him before going to bed myself. Maybe even play with his hair. It's soft as hell but I know he'd complain if I did it while he was awake. I even got a beanbag chair at one point so his spine doesn't riot. With such a mundane scene, I can almost pretend things are normal.

Almost. When I poke at the tooth causing me grief earlier, I find it is longer and sharper than I remember. No. No. No. No.

"Mammon," I hiss. "Mammon wake up."

He wakes with a start, rubbing sleep from his eyes before jumping into action.

"You're up!"

I nod slowly. Knees hugged to my chest. "Is this real?"

With a sigh he plops down on my bed, walking me through complex math problems until I know without a doubt my subconscious could never make that up.

Teary-eyed, I stare at Mammon before I finally speak again. Talking feels strange with a killer toothache and one fang.

"What now?"

[migila]

I really loved this scene between Naruto and Boruto!

First of all, the mood in the scene is impressive. Mostly the lighting; when showing Boruto’s face, the picture is bright due to the light coming in from the window, yet when it’s Naruto’s face, it gets darker, the light from behind him shading his face. It fits the mood perfectly. As for the sad music in the scene, while it could’ve started earlier, I can understand why it started after Boruto realized Naruto was talking about himself. It reflects not only Naruto’s, but also Boruto’s feelings.

Second, I’m glad that Boruto actually brought up what bothered him, and even happier with the way Naruto handled it. First, he assures his son that he has the situation under control (I didn’t put that scene here because there were already so many pics and that’s not as relevant for this post as the rest), and then proceeds to tell why he decided to do things this way, instead of just saying that his decision is final and leaving it at that. Of course, he makes it clear that he isn’t changing his mind, but he’s still ready to hear Boruto’s opinion and to explain his own reasoning. That’s exactly how an adult should handle important decisions. 

The third point is a little darker, something that I didn’t even really catch the first time watching this scene. The thing is, Naruto looks so sad here, which tells us that as happy as he is with his life now, the childhood trauma(s) is still haunting him. No wonder there; I don’t think that he ever had much of a chance to talk about it with anyone aside from his dead parents, who he probably didn’t want to worry too much, and what’s worse, I don’t think anyone ever actually apologized for how they treated him. That’s one thing I never liked about the series; even after he became the hero of the village and later of the whole world, we saw not one of his old tormentors step up and apologize. This is something even Kumogakure does better since Motoi eventually, after around 30 years, steps up and apologizes to Killer Bee, the eight tails’ jinchuuriki, after regretting the way he treated him for years. So, yay for Motoi of Kumogakure, nay for all the shinobi of Konoha!

And as a very unpleasant cherry on the top, Naruto now thinks that the treatment he received was understandable due to the circumstances. I mean, in a sense yes, but the way he says it it’s like he thinks it can’t be helped and that the people of Konoha don’t owe him anything, like an apology. And that’s just sick; they’ve made the victim, in this case Naruto, think that they didn’t do anything that they should apologize for. Konoha did victim blaming, and it worked on Naruto, full force. Actually, I think it might’ve already worked on him as a little kid, since he seemed to think that only after he’d become Hokage, the villagers would start respecting him as a fellow human being. As in, he had accepted the fact that he had to work hard just to get some basic human decency which everyone else takes for granted. And that’s depressing.

But yeah, good episode!

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Hey:) have you read the ATLA comic Love is a Battlefield? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it !

The comic makes me seriously wonder what the person who okayed it was drinking.

For one, it’s the single best demonstration anyone might need that the conflict the ship is based on isn’t one you want to have in your romance under any circumstances—that between a girl who’s just not that into a guy and said guy who won’t take no for an answer.

It single-handedly validates every anti-cataanger out there—Aang’s portrayed as entitled, selfish, and utterly delusional about his relationship with Katara who is supposed to have no voice in it and quietly conform to his idea of her and their bond instead of functioning as a separate being with her own wants and notions.

But let’s bring the receipts, shall we?

So the story begins innocuously enough, with Aang drawing the air and water symbols in the sand and adding a heart around them. Cute and innocent so far, I like. Katara appears, acting as though she wants to talk to him, and Aang concludes it’s about the invasion kiss. Why would he think that is beyond me but let’s roll with it. But instead of delving into that particular can of worms, Katara splashes Aang with some water in an attempt to get him to practice.

He doesn’t take it well.

Notice the bold “finally”. What this says to me is that in Aang’s mind, it’s Katara’s job to come to him and report as his girlfriend, just by virtue of being kissed, and it’s been mighty upsetting to him that she “failed” to do so.

After all, consider The Ember Island Players:

“We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together.”

Aang doing a thing means that Aang & Katara did a thing mutually.

In his view, he isn’t supposed to be the one who approaches her and explains why he saw fit to plant one on her; who opens up about his feelings and initiates a frank conversation. No, that was a claiming kiss at the invasion and Katara can only acknowledge it as such and reciprocate.

Our Every RomCom Guy Ever doesn’t realize that Katara not talking to him about it is the answer to where they stand.

This is the third time in as many pages, btw, that Katara tries to get Aang to practice. And for a good reason because we’re a short while removed from The Western Air Temple where he yet again refused to face up to an unpleasant truth and instead had to be literally chased around like an unruly child. Katara’s fully in a sifu mode here, not even perceiving the opportunity to talk about their relationship. And if an assertive fourteen-year old doesn’t think to talk about her second ever kiss with the guy who gave it to her, that should tell you all you need to know about how much she appreciated it.

Aand that’s fourth time. Katara really seems to think that taking down this Fire Lord dude is important or something and that Aang is once again failing to prepare for it. Look, she even has a nickname for it at this point. Yet for some reason, Nice Guy Aang reframes the situation—WHILE HIDING IN A LITERAL ROCK—as a role reversal where it’s Katara running away from confrontation and having to face the truth, even though he revealed in this very scene that he didn’t think it was his job to be open about his feelings with the girl he believes he loves.

At last, Katara realizes Aang’s hinting at the invasion kiss and reacts like any girl who’s harbouring a secret crush would—by visibly cringing and pretending she doesn’t know what he’s talking about and the wind’s really strong for her to hear what he’s saying anyway so maybe it’d be a good idea for Aang to come out and practice? (fifth time)

Finally, supreme gentleman Aang does the one thing he’s not supposed to do—he loses control and depending on how charitable you are either puts Katara in harm’s way (by firebending, weird how that keeps happening), or outright assaults her in blind rage.

Luckily, Katara’s just glad that Zuko’s training is yielding results and maybe the world won’t end in an Ozai-induced inferno by the end of the summer.

Scorned LoverBoi couldn’t give less of a shit, though.

And there you have it, explicitly in the text. Katara, despite showing no signs of attraction and not encouraging Aang’s advances in any way, is perceived by him as someone who’s cruelly toying with his feelings—simply because her reactions don’t conform to what he wants them to be. The relationship is utterly about him and it’s so mean of Katara that she doesn’t feel like playing the demure cut-out in his hero-gets-the-girl routine.

Let’s not mince words, this is some prime incel logic Aang’s operating on.

And the creators don’t seem to realize this. Which is why they never challenge him on his behaviour in the show, reward it in the finale, and go on reaffirming it in every single post-canon material there is.

And I find it sort of infuriatingly hilarious that someone not only conceived of the ship this way, but thought it was a good idea to present it to the world as a basic vanilla romance.

Which makes me wonder.

Because as strange as this might sound, there is a universe where this story is not only perfectly okay, but absolutely crucial to the overall narrative.

That is if the show actually followed up on The Guru and culminated in Aang letting go of Katara to unlock the Avatar state.

From start to finish, the comic proves Pathik completely and utterly right—what Aang feels for Katara isn’t selfless love, it’s selfish attachment. But instead of it being cloaked in vague religious language, we see it manifest in a painfully tangible way. The story’s kinda unintentionally brilliant if you read it like this—it’s show to Pathik’s tell. Aang is too wrapped up in what he feels to see the signs and runs away from having to acknowledge the painful reality that’s clearly evident, i.e. that Katara doesn’t love him. And because he’s so invested in his delusions, he blows up whenever challenged on them, acting on entitlement and baseless expectations and going so far as to slowly kill the beautiful relationship they actually do have—a lifelong bromance.

If this story foreshadowed that Aang needed to let go of his attachment not only to save the world, but to even keep Katara in his life, I’d be fully on board.

But for that to happen, the creators would have to take a step back, start considering perspectives beyond Aang’s, and stop treating him like an infallible bringer of truths who deserves human prizes just for doing his job.

And if they were able to do that then we wouldn’t be here in the first place.

[fullofsunsetwhispers]

I hope Omi and Bessie were able to meet each other again

I hope so too!

Long ago I saw a post about Omi using the Golden Tiger Claws to sneak out at night to pay a visit to his animal friend! And tbh that's my headcanon now.

What interests me tho, is if there is a possibility someone would find out either on Bailey Farm or among other monks/Dojo or Master Fung.

If the former, then let Omi meet Momma Bailey, ok? She would explain to him why his attempts to milk Bessie were unsuccessful and guide him on how he should treat her. She would tell him Bessie's favorite food and show him which cow brush he should use etc. Wholesome, is it not?

If the latter, I think Kimiko, Rai, and Clay first would be equally surprised why would Omi break the rule 'No using shen gong wu at night' for an ordinary cow. But after listening to his argumentation, they would be eager to cover up his little trips to Texas! That, on the other hand would lead to funny shenanigans.

For instance, if Clay knew about Omi's secret first, he would let his ma know they'd drop by. And Momma Bailey, the kindest lady, would tell the boys to take a gift to the xiaolin temple! So, in the morning Rai and Kimiko would be very surprised why there is so much food on the table.

Kimiko: Where did you get this pie?

Clay, his mouth already full, lying: My ma sent this pie by post!

Raimundo: Alright Kimi no need to be suspicious. Pie is pie, let's take a bite!

Later on, Clay would appreciate Omi's idea more because that way his ma could fetch him more homemade food through the portal. However, the main disadvantage is that the food should be packed tightly because if not, the remaining food pieces would land on you. (remember that scene in which we saw how everything is swirling when someone travels through that portal? so now imagine the same portal is covered in soup (because during the transit someone spilled it) making each new Golden Tiger Claws' travel unpleasant.)

When we consider Kimiko as the first monk-friend being aware of Omi's endeavors we can be sure she would be very supportive. 'That's our little secret! Give old Bessy all the head pats from me!' - Omi would hear. Kimiko also is the most active when it comes to helping Omi not to get caught.

And how about Raimundo, you may ask? At first, he would be against that because deep down he is afraid that wu might do these horrible things he went through during the 'last temptation of raimundo' ep. However, he convinces himself it's safe enough and then gives Omi full permission to visit Bessie whenever he wants. Rai shortly after realizes the rest should be let in on that secret because now he's afraid Mater Fung might punish Omi for misusing the wu. Together, they might save Omi from punishment. In the worst scenario, Rai would put the blame on himself.

Fortunately, Fung is okay enough to understand there is a bond between the youngest monk and the cow so even if he found out, he would let Omi continue visiting her under various conditions of course. And knowing him, there would be a long speech about responsibility and how unwise it is to do it in the middle of the night because the next day no one would have the energy to train yada yada.

Dojo would join Omi in his little trips but he values good sleep more lol. And the second reason could be that he's afraid he might meet that snake lady again. He's not ready for the relationship and what is worse he doesn't know how to say that without hurting Snake Lady's feelings. So, he would pass.

That's all I've come up with!

[glennmillerorchestra]

i've calmed down a little bit so here is part one of my thoughts on mikey and nicky (below the cut for spoilers!)

- first and foremost it is not an enjoyable movie in any respect. which is not to say it isn't extremely well-done (because it is!) and not to say that it isn't worth watching (because it is!)- essentially what i mean is that it is so lifelike, so intimate, so gritty and real and honest that it basically becomes an extension of the viewer, as though they are experiencing the scenes being played out right along with the characters, and it hurts like hell to go through it! it hurts and it pokes at you and it makes you physically uncomfortable, like this is something you shouldn't be seeing because it isn't. and that's what makes it work. the unpleasantness makes it genuine and it makes it worth watching, because it forces you to experience the dirtiness of life right alongside mikey and nicky

- i put this in the tags of maddie's post but during the movie i saw the storyline as very comparable to the old folk tale of the skeleton dog. essentially, a man has a faithful dog he's had forever, known forever, loved forever, but there's a flood on the way. in order to save the earth he must throw his dog into the first waters of the flood, and is grappling with the morality of this decision, for he loves his dog and doesn't want to see his faithful companion die. however, as time goes on the dog keeps getting more irritating to him, more obnoxious, more of a pain in his side, and he finally is so fed up, he goes through with the sacrifice. when the man finally picks up the dog to throw into the water, the dog comes apart into bones and the man realizes his dog was a skeleton all along- dead from the beginning.

i think you can all see why i would compare mikey and nicky to this story but i'll give my thoughts anyways.

as maddie said, nicky is dead from the beginning- it's obvious the minute we see him reading the newspaper about his dead partner. when mikey shows up, he's already prepared to take care of nicky, to love and worry over his faithful companion- but he is unable to commit because he has to kill nicky, which again, is obvious as soon as he places the first call. as mikey grapples with the idea of killing nicky all through the first act, we can see his slow acceptance of the idea; much like the man, he does not want to sacrifice his closest friend, but as nicky keeps pushing him, keeps humiliating him, keeps stringing him along, mikey grows tired of the same routine. the minute mikey and nicky fight is the minute mikey decides to throw nicky into the river, leading him to seek out the hitman and get rid of nicky for good. HOWEVER when nicky dies in the straightforward way elaine may portrays it as, just like the skeleton dog, it meant nothing. nicky was already dead, and his sacrifice didn't help or harm anyone, it simply happened. there's no theatrics, no weeping, no obituaries or funerals because nicky didn't matter. he was dead from the beginning.

- final point for this post! nicky died in broad daylight after the entire movie has taken place at night. the way i see the motif of night and day is that we are a different person under the cover of night than we are when faced with the harsh realities of daylight.

nicky, in the crudest of terms, is a jackass at night. he's manipulative, cocky, brash, even cruel, and yet in that final bright morning scene before his death? he's desperate, frightened, every trace of cockiness and aggression gone. his night persona has vanished, because he can no longer hide in the dark cover of night, he has to quite literally man up and face the fact that he's going to die right in the middle of a sunny suburban morning. it's cruel and it's fitting and it's exactly what was coming to him.

meanwhile mikey is caring at night- he's constantly trying to help nicky, calming him down, holding him, supporting him, but as the night grows back into morning, mikey grows far colder. by the time morning really rolls around, mikey no longer cares about nicky, and just wants him out of his life and out of his mind. therefore, we see the change from him scrambling to comfort nicky within the comforting secrecy of night to him actively locking nicky out of his life and leaving him to die in the harsh light of day (i could say more on this in terms of their relationship but that's for a shorter post). it's just a masterful shift in relationship with the setting of the movie and works so well within the story.