#so maybe I dodged a bullet
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I’d love to look my ex-friend in the eye and tell her, hey. Despite everything, I’m doing better. Despite how it felt like this was the end of the world, I’m doing better. Despite everything you did to me, I’m doing better. I’m happier without you. I’m myself. And you won’t get to have any part in that.
But then I remember I’m in the danganronpa trenches and I feel like with that context those words hold much less weight
#tragic#I know when people have so many ended friendships it’s usually a red flag. but the issue with me is that#I’m an outcast so I could only be friends with the other outcasts. but I was an outcast because I was a warrior cats kid#and they were usually outcasts for other reasons. including but not limited to: later getting expelled for threatening someone with a knife#that was a different kid though don’t worry about it#like there was a common denominator here. I am a common denominator. but so is the fact that we were all outcast kids#and also: the Pokémon fanfiction for our history project was not my fault. and I didn’t even KNOW about the knife thing until later#and the other kid disappeared over the summer but I’m convinced she might have actually been a hurts-animals-for-fun kind of psychopath#so maybe I dodged a bullet#<—- we got a whole danganronpa cast in the making with all of my ex-friends. I can be the main character but only if I pull a kaede#and by that I mean die. immediately#I feel like this post is alarming but I’m giggling writing these tags. off into the world my child!#*throws post to the wind*
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I’ve never been popular but once a kid had a crush on me and I honestly look back on it with regret because he was totally my type, but then he got “asked to leave” for threatening a kid with a knife so maybe I dodged a bullet
#it was so sad this jerkwad came up to me WHILE HE WAS THERE AND SAID#‘oh by the way ___ has a crush on you’ AND THIS POOR GUY JUST GRINS UP AT ME (he was tiny and I was super tall)#AND IT WAS THE END OF THE DAY SO I JUST WALKED AWAY??? what else would I do#and I was upset about it for some reason even though he and I were friends#but a few days later he just came up to me and sadly said “I don’t have a crush on you anymore’#I feel so bad to this day#but again he threatened a now-friend of mine with a knife so maybe I dodged a bullet#next time on ‘my life’: the kid who wrote pokemon fanfiction for our history project
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fuck these mfa programs that don’t have the decency to reject me with my actual name.
I keep getting ducking deadnamed even though I listed my actual fucking preferred name in the application several times. It feels a little like they didn’t even read my application materials. They don’t have the decency to fucking CHECK that they’re using the right name when rejecting someone. I know they’re probably combing through thousands of applications and sending rejections to nearly all of them but I paid to send my application, I worked hard on my essays, agonized over my writing sample, lost sleep and time over this application, and your admissions person doesn’t have the time to double check the names on the rejection emails?? What the fuck do you do when someone gets accepted?? Do you ruin their joy with your same laziness?? Do you overlook their identity to save a few seconds? Is decency the price of convenience? I’m already bummed out enough, why add salt to the wound? Why rub it in? Why remind me that I am just another statistic, meaningless?
#Rant#fuck these schools. Maybe I dodged a bullet#Whatever I’m so getting into my alma mater so it doesn’t matter that U of p**t and *SUs rejected me#It’s not that hard to double check your names are right and I know bc it a proofreader
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I absolutely adore when i make a vent post of any kind and some loser spawns to be like Is this about me???
Girl the post was about shitty people why do you think it's you... but if the shoe fits 🤭
#like okay fine it is about u now are u happy YOU ARE WEIRD FOR THIS#one time i was ranting about 1 person but a tumblr user i also didnt like somehow was told by their follower it could have been about them#aka the follower and they thought it was about them#and i was tslking about insane kpoppie fans#it was .. a beautiful moment of telling on urself 🤧#again- yes now it is about u too damn!! since u want it so bad#currently experiencing someone making up what my gorgeous shady post was about anf being dead fucking wrong#like bruh 😒😒😒#how insecure u have to be to assume it is about u and then just make up the most insane (and incorrect) reason for it#slay i guess?#adry.txt#but no really it's like annoying#so the post is about inconsiderate people which u must be one of them as well AND U R ALSO CRAZY?? WOW!!!#dodged a bullet can i get an amen#/ also i made it sound like it happens regularly it happened like exactly 3 times HAHAHHA#maybe 4 i cant be sure
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rewatching dirks again. truly insane how much bart + ken are silverflint
#the bullets dodging bart vs the gun misfiring at flint in 3.01 and ''either you cant be killed or youre overdue'' in 3.06#and ken. i mean. completely normal though shady guy doing completely reasonable things to survive.#''i havent killed you yet so maybe youre special too''. and that isnt even the half of it.#also realizing how much dirks influenced my reading of black sails. like just in general. the narrative is a character yknow#bs#dirks
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my favorite part of the fnaf movie was when it didn't play
#the fucking projector broke LMAO#i don't know fnaf but my boyfriend was really excited for it so i sympathize with him.#riley rambles#there was also a gaggle of middle school boys (understandable given the franchise) being completely obnoxious so maybe we dodged a bullet#it specifically cut off after the guy got the bear mask implanted onto him at the beginning so perfect timing ig
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just learned my ex best friend lives in the city that we were almost gonna move to
#DODGED ANOTHER BULLET#liked id ever run into them bc [redacted] is a decently large place but. theres still the chance.#anyway stalked their fb for a min bc a mutual friend shared a memory or smth on fb so of Course i had to go look. wish i didnt!#maybe one day ill mind my own fucking business. anyway#talk tag
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'jiang cheng would like a strong woman' have you considered she would probably not like him
#if a woman who demands to be treated by respect/maturity/communication meets jc it would be over before it begins#if she has a low tolerance for being yelled at mocked etc. etc. well you can see how short it'll be. even personalized gifts he failed at#he has so much to work on. the only exception is if she likes hot messes I guess and she doesn't mind being yelled at#OR if she wanted to study him like a bug. if she truly sweeps in take control of LP and starts issuing orders#AND likes jc for whatever reason. maybe THAT could work. but it HAS to be a good reason it cannot be 🥺🥺🥺 he had a sad life#or thinks his inability to communicate is sexy or whatever. man idk. I feel like any woman with the independence to choose#would see the red flags immediately and gtfo. as a sect leader he has so much authority. his wife wld possibly bein a rly dangerous positio#actually we have canonical evidence. hi wq. in a lifetime of being legendary your refusal to marry this guy#even tho it meant you'd die a starving enemy of the state is up there as one of the best <3 rest in peace#and yes living a short happy life with wn and granny and a-yuan and wwx and her family#WAS more gratifying and better for her than a long and probably miserable life being jc's obligation wife while he awkwardly does his best#to be a good husband. and fails. because I mean. he needs help and a wife is not gonna fix him. also her family and wwx are dead :/#however our girl made her choice and was spared that fate love and light rest in peace#not that she made it for herself like we know she did it for her family. but I imagine she was like WHEW dodged a bullet there#cql txp
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A hard pill for me to swallow lately has been that, despite everything, I'm probably the best version of myself that could've existed. And that's not really a comforting thought.
#it's a special kind of doomed imo.#every other path most likely led to something worse#maybe it's pessimistic to think of it that way. maybe I should be more grateful that it isn't worse#but it's hard to find that within me atm#the best of bad outcomes doesn't mean good. it doesn't mean I'm happy.#it just means every other option would have been more miserable. and it's disheartening to think like that ofc#and I know the logic is flawed. but I know myself and even with the advantages I have I'm unable to make anything of myself#had I chosen differently it would only be worse. I'd still be impoverished. I'd still be depressed.#I might just also be stuck in a cult and married w kids in the middle of fucking nowhere wisconsin on top of it all#<- that's the worst case scenario. probably. really hard to say#biggest bullet I've dodged yet tho. completely unintentionally too.#another hard pill to swallow: sometimes the things we want the most WILL ruin your life and it's a blessing when it falls through#unfortunately you don't get to know this until years later#as you watch your ex best friend marry a man almost 2x her age and birth kids she never wanted into this world#and then you're like OHHHH that would've been my fate... I get it now 😐#still. there's no relief in the realization because while you would've been miserable w a shitty husband and 3 or 4 kids#you are in fact still miserable without them. but oh well.#I would say 'anyways. I just need to go to the beach.' but honestly. I haven't felt the desire to do anything at all lately.#we're past the point of letting the sand and waves heal me. we're almost past the point of needlessly venting online!#there's so much I usually would vent about here but I have hardly had the urge to do so.#I'm just tired. life has drained me dry. my heart aches constantly and I barely know why
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idk if my audition went well, but someone i know was like :I when I told them who was directing it
#if i dont get in maybe it will be for the best since i could tell that he was holding his tongue on his opinion about the director.#so maybe i dodged a bullet there but idk
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talked to a guy like all night last night and i went on snap to message him again and he fucking blocked me and i really dont know why like?? we were getting along so well i thought..
#i speakin#hate having attachment and abandonment problems#i get attached too easily and then they let me down and i handle it a lot harder than others#ive told my last therapist abt how i feel and react to this kind of styff and what it feels like#and she said i react to abandonment and relationships ending (no matter how messy) like how most ppl react to a family member dying#which is obviously. not good or healthy#its so fucking stupid this situation is stupid and how im reacting is stupid but like#am i really that much a fucking weirdo? am i that annoying?#did he only find me interesting or attractive bc im trans?#idk it just struck me odd how he didn't really have any interest in mm relationships but he liked fm...#maybe i dodged a bullet but like. DAMN!!!!!!!!!
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Fucking I hate that economic geography is one of my strongest suites
#man everyone here is 🌾🌱🌿🍃☘️❄️🏔️🪨🪵#and then there's my unhinged ass going through global price drops and rises for wheat in my thesis and#and currently writing paper about social responsibilities of corporation in their inner workings#and you know haha economy majors they're so stupid jokes are rampant and then my ass here is like huh maybe it's kinda interesting#hhhh#maybe I will go fully down and become cringe#hhh#man bullet NOT dodged
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becoming much closer friends with someone two weeks before i graduate college and likely will never see her again hey god if youre out there what the fuck
#honestly tho if we were best friends all last year and all this year i probably wouldve fallen in love with her so maybe i dodged a bullet#shes so cute#also we bonded over st and i dont even know if i have enough time to find out if shes a byler
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would it be petty if i didn't read a book i was really looking forward to because the author lists "catholicism/christianity" as a trigger warning amongst other warnings such as "murder," "gore," and "ableism"
#I GET IT I GET IT I GET IT but also. come the fuck on#not like 'christian bigotry' or 'religious trauma'?#just the whole faith? come the fuck ON#look i'm a queer neurodivergent person i GET it but like. sigh.#the worst bit is that at least one mc is autistic and it's a UF romance and it could have gone for a reading challenge !!!#but i just don't feel like fighting with the inevitable crisis that this treatment of faith will cause rn#mythtakes#silver lining: i didn't realize it was set in my least favorite century (1800s) in my least favorite city to read about (nyc)#so like. silver bullet dodged maybe???#i'm going to start treating nyc-as-setting the way some readers treat straight or white authors like. i'm rationing this shit#and there is no time period with less sexy men's styles/fashions than the late 1800s soooooooooo. bye#'i could have done with your full-throated dismissal of my faith but your appreciation for muttonchops is a line too far'
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finding the blogs of old mutuals is very fun sometimes but i think i just found one of my ex and they are like. straight up lying on main
#or they just lied to me. but somehow i doubt it lol#(as in. they say they're 20. they were supposedly in college when we dated... 5 years ago 🤨)#(also back then they said they're russian and i mean. they did look white -#- but now they claim to be indigenous and palestinian... um?)#(like. if it was just the white thing I'd say it's a matter of passing. whatever. -#- but combined with not mentioning it earlier and also lying about their age... yeah i have my doubts 😩)#(that being said the russian thing was also always suspicious bc in vc they never had an accent -#- despite supposedly moving only a few years beforehand. so who knows! maybe that one was the lie then!)#none of this actually matters. they can lie if they wanna it doesn't affect me or smth. just telling you to clear out my head 🫡#yknow there was also this time while we dated where they had just a huge personality switch#not for the bad or smth. just. a big switch out of nowhere. it was really weird#to the point it was one of the reasons i broke up with them. oops (alongside the aro thing + long distance being Not Fun)#lmao overall a very strange person i feel like i dodged some bullet there.
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its hard trying to make friends at work like everyone is either 40+ or fresh 19. also since i dont really drink or leave my class so i barely know anybody's name lmao
#like i only take to 3-4 people total at work out of 50+ employees but we also higher some fucking weirdos so probs dodging a bullet#i did ask 2 people if they wanted to hang out after work soonish and one said yes so maybe ill have a local friend#i have one from college but when id ask in the group chat silence soo and my other friend lives like an hour away#i need to find a craft club to join and make some yarn friends kpoppies scare me too much to find irls other than my one friend#text#maybe ill go back to playing acnh to have friends
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