#so the post is about inconsiderate people which u must be one of them as well AND U R ALSO CRAZY?? WOW!!!

[alligaytorswamp]

I absolutely adore when i make a vent post of any kind and some loser spawns to be like Is this about me???

Girl the post was about shitty people why do you think it's you... but if the shoe fits 🤭

[autumn-foxfire]

Like i feel its interesting to come back to soukoku from this angle. With dabihawks we both like hawks more but with soukoku im a chuuya fan and you are a dazai fan so we both prioritize the other person but its fun to talk to you about them because even tho you like dazai more you dont act like chuuya is just an add on (gbhhg i hope i left a similar impression)

Like u see the state of soukoku fics rn n u get how it was at it height and how boring that got. The rest of the fandom prioritized dazai and they always seemed to go out of their way to romanticize everything the two did without acknowledging they both have isuess theyd need to work through for a healthy reletionship. Like it never got as bad as dabihawks cuz neither of them are bad to each other like dabi is bad to hawks but you get the picture.

Like i remember the exact moment i stopped shipping soukoku cuz it was after soukoku vs lovecraft episode n i watched chuuya activate corruption for the first time (i read the manga before this so i saw the bloody corruption before aesthetic corruption so another factor might be that it left a way bigger impact on me), n chuuya basically destroying himself inside out n then them having a little moment n chuuya being like 'aight i trust you to get me out of here' and dazai being like 'you got it partner'

N then we cut to chuuya in the middle of that fucking field all alone with no indication of has dazai called for help just a 'haha i left him because its funny'

N ngl i was plenty mad with dazai being so neglectful and dismissive of chuuyas needs when he knows that corruption literally kills him inside out if not stopped but that doesnt compere to my anger when i got on tumblr and every single post was focusing on how dazai folded chuuyas coat n put his hat there and how sweet and romantic that was and how much dazai cared for chuuya

You know completely ignoring he left him in the middle of nowhere with god knows what kind of injuries after chuuya explicitly trusted him to get him to safety, knowing he would faint n putting his trust in dazai

I was just pissed, like these two had a fun dynamic n i liked them together but the fandom was so focused on thirsting after dazai and making chuuya this tsundere love intrest that they werent willing to talk about obvious issues these two have not even as much as 'hey that was kind of a shitty thing for dazai to do'

Idk soukoku fandom left such a sour taste in my mouth, its just fun to talk about them with someone who doesnt do that

This is actually pretty interesting because I’ve had a different experience with fanfiction I’ve read where people will prioritize Chuuya’s feelings over Dazai’s (I especially get annoyed when people make Dazai’s defection from the Port Mafia solely Chuuya angst). I wonder if that’s become a recent trend then as you said it used to be the other way around (...This fandom can’t do things in halves, huh).

As I said above, a common trend that really annoys me about Soukoku fics that talk about Dazai’s defection is that it’s always Chuuya going “You betrayed and left me!” without Chuuya ever asking why or Dazai having the proper chance to explain himself. I can understand the draw of “Dazai broke Chuuya’s heart by leaving him behind” but people make it out like the issue was Dazai leaving in the first place which I think is pretty inconsiderate of Dazai’s own feelings. 

I just want a balance where Chuuya asks why Dazai left, Dazai get’s a chance to explain himself and then maybe Chuuya asks why he didn’t ask him to go with him (if they were close in this fic) with Dazai questioning Chuuya’s loyalty to him and the Port Mafia. It would be a really good way to highlight Soukoku’s issues with communication of personal feelings and it’s just... not done.

Also, as I said in my previous ask, I can understand why you would be annoyed with Dazai’s actions in the Lovecraft episode and how the fandom made the action of him folding his coat into something cute and romantic while dismissing the fact that Dazai broke his promise.

And while I can’t and won’t defend Dazai for such actions as it was a dick move, I actually think that was his point. Dazai intentionally broke Chuuya’s trust in order to push him away (or at least he did in my opinion). We’ve already discussed how Soukoku has an issue with communication of their personal feelings and I think the Lovecraft episode is a great example of that. If I had to make a guess, I’d wager that Dazai was scared of the trust that Chuuya gave him again, he was probably also scared about how working alongside Chuuya again would bring out his old self: thoughts, feelings, and the like and how that would affect his promise to Odasaku. Dazai has done everything to distance himself from the mafia and now he’s being drawn back in and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

I think that’s also why he brings up the fact that he set a bomb under Chuuya’s car and constantly jabs and insults him, as well as stealing from him even though we know all he had to do was ask, was because it’s all an attempt to push Chuuya away and thus, push the mafia away too.

This is also why I would love to explore Chuuya more independantly because I want to know how he feels about all of this. It must hurt to be treated this way, especially with someone you trusted. And what probably hurts him even more is the knowledge that Dazai can’t trust him (which is a major issue in their relationship that needs to be adressed).

When it comes to fanfiction, Chuuya definitely deserves better and he definitely needs to sit Dazai down and get him to talk (and maybe get him to talk about his goddamn trauma too because that’s what causing this divide between them) and then Chuuya should be allowed to speak about him. In a sense, Dazai is treating him like a pet dog that he can throw away and is dismissing Chuuya’s own feelings and I just want to see people actually adress that. Dazai is allowed to have his trauma without making Chuuya a doormat for him (or a therapist).

It’s pretty tragic really because Chuuya is probably one of the most loyal characters in the manga/anime and is the one that wears his heart on his sleeve the whole time and yet Dazai still can’t bring himself to trust him just because he refuses to talk to him.

...Basically, they need couples counselling.

[sheonvinyl]

the snl standby line ~experience~

um. wow.....

so i’m making this post mostly for myself and to have a documentation of these memories while its all still pretty fresh in my brain, but i figured i would share it on here too just in case anyone wanted to read it or chat about it all w me. (side note: if u were in the line too PLS hit me up we MUST discuss)

basically, long story short is my friend and i slept on the streets of nyc for three nights in below freezing degree weather, got standby tickets for the live show and were able to get in......like i was THERE. for the snl LIVE taping. 

feel free to keep reading below the break if you want an extremely detailed description of the whole ordeal and my personal experience that no one asked for dsjkhfksdjh

to be frank our journey did not start out as we had originally planned lmao. when harry announced that he was doing double duty my friend and i immediately were like. let’s start planning bc we’re 100% going. that resulted in a lot of amazon prime orders and reading up on blogs about tips and tricks in order to plan. we were trying to gauge how far in advance we were going to have to get in line in order to have a good chance. we got a lot of our info from a twitter account/blog run by these three women who have been to every show this season and been in the standby line every week so we trusted their advice. they have been so many times that they apparently have a relationship with the security ppl and are in contact with them. and obviously since it was harry this week, there was a lot more buzz about it and higher stakes of actually getting a ticket. people had been tweeting about lining up on MONDAY in order to be in the front of the line. this account reached out to people and nbc and said that security didn’t want anyone lining up before thursday and if people did, they would be asked to leave and not allowed to get back in line again. finding this out made us panic a bit bc we didn’t want to get thrown out for breaking the rules or anything like that. we originally decided to finish up our days at our internships on wednesday, head back to our apartment, gather up all our supplies and head to 30 roc around 10 so that we could be ready to get in line at midnight aka when it would officially be thursday. 

however, when i woke up wedensday morning amidst all the news about harry’s tour dates etc. there was an update that there were ~20ish people in line already. and that set us into a panic. we were confused if they were going to be thrown out or not bc they lined up before thursday, but periodically as we checked throughout the day security didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. so we made the decision to get to the line as quickly as possible after work. not sure i’ve ever moved faster in my life than i did when i got home and immediately threw anything i thought would be remotely useful into my duffle bag. the state of my room right now? despicable.

we make it to the line a little bit after 8 pm and after an initial assessment, we were around #70-80 in line. and based on that, we decided to stay and set up camp bc we thought our chances were pretty good. (for reference: when the standby tickets were handed out on saturday morning, we were 86th and 87th in line so the number definitely fluctuated based on when people counted us and people maybe being in the bathroom during the count etc.)

everyone around us in line was super super super nice and the ppl we met thru it will def be homies for life. we went through too much together not to be bonded for life ksjdhfksdh. shout out to aisha @teafull​ specifically !!!! we really did that luv......miss u and kristina already babes xoxoxox

wednesday night was definitely the worst sleeping-wise. our set up originally was a waterproof tarp on the ground and then a yoga mat that my friend used as a bed and then our two camping chairs next to the yoga mat. for the first night, i slept in the camping chairs using one to sit in and having my legs propped up on the other one. we each had two blankets and were wearing more layers than i could ever count. we bought a shitton of feet warmers, toe warmers and hand warmers in preparation, but we didn’t really get the hang of using them until the second and third night lol. i woke up probably every hour and a half on wednesday night bc i was either uncomfortable or just so unbearably cold. every time i woke up i made sure to move my toes around bc i was so paranoid i was going to get frostbite lmao. 

thursday was better. we actually got the hang of the hand and feet warmers!! we figured out that if we were wearing shoes they didn’t really work because they were being suffocated and they needed to be in open air to work properly. they worked exponentially better if we didn't wear shoes bc they were exposed to the cold air and heated up really well so that’s a useful piece of information out of this i guess?? sdjhkds. at this point i think there were about 150 people in line. the line wrapped from the back of the nbc building on 6th ave/avenue of the americas around to w 48th street as far as the nintendo store which ends right at the today show plaza (and it got even longer over the next two days). 

one of the worst things about the whole experience would probably have to be the incessant comments from passerbys on the street. they would look at us and speak about us as if we weren’t there. they would also film or take photos of us in the LEAST discreet ways possible which was very irritating. and made me feel like a literal zoo animal on display. i heard comments like “they know the show is on SATURDAY right?”, “they’re doing all of this for that one guy from one direction?”, “do your parents know you’re doing this?”, “you’ve got to be kidding me”, “they’re going to freeze to death for not even a guaranteed ticket to see this guy” and by far the absolute worst one and most offensive thing i heard, “they’re like the modern day homeless”. i could go on a whole separate tangent about this because it makes me so FUCKING angry, but i was very close to confronting some people because of the impeccably inconsiderate, insensitive and blatantly classist comments people were making straight to our faces. additionally some people in line were being harassed by people from radio stations (or people posing as employees of radio stations) that clearly had the agenda of making it seem like fans of harry are dumb and unaware of world issues etc. you can read a more well-written and detailed account about it all on aj’s blog here. but i’ll reiterate that they definitely chose the wrong group to mess with!! the issue was dealt with in record time and i’m proud of and thankful for all the people who stood up to that asshole and put him in his place. he deserved it.

i slept the best on thursday night into friday. probably because i finally had the common sense to buy GLOVES (someone lmk why i thought it was okay to come without them ??? ) as well as buy an extra blanket at a barnes and noble nearby. one of my roommates was also kind enough to bring me her yoga mat and two extra pairs of pants to add to my layers. those two extra layers 100% made a difference. not much happened in the line on friday besides a little bit of drama between a couple of girls at the front of the line who apparently left for 10+ hours that day and (to my knowledge) weren’t kicked out of the line. i don’t want to speak too much on it because i wasn’t directly involved in any of it and only heard it by word of mouth. however, i will say i think there was definitely some suspicious activity from some people that were in line who were for example, using lawn chairs (which are specifically prohibited on the snl webpage) and abusing their break times. 

at 7 pm on friday, the line was shifted so that the beginning of it started at the doors to the nbc studio. i think they do this mainly so that the pages who hand out the standby tickets have easier access to the line? but i’m not positive. our new area was now on 6th ave, smack dab in front of the rear end of 30 roc, basically where the line had originally started. with the amount of people in line (probably around 200 or so at this point on friday) it STILL wrapped around to west 48th even after the shift. and then not even 20 minutes after they moved us was when snl interns came down with CARTS of slices of WATERMELON and CHERRIES !!!!!!! when i tell you i lost it.....

i didn’t get a good picture of the cherries but you get the idea. one of the interns giving us info about what was going on said that harry “was very specific about giving you guys cherries and watermelon” sjkdfhksdjh. and because of his previous behavior w the kiwis i was like....well he’s not playing watermelon sugar then we’re just going to have to prepare for something else. and let me tell you, i have never been more happy to be wrong in my entire LIFE. 

additionally, a couple of men, who i believe worked for snl or nbc, came around with carts of soup for all of us. they didn't confirm or deny that harry sent them (which makes me think he probably didn’t), but the two options were either chicken and sausage or split pea. yes, that’s correct. SPLIT. PEA. when they told me that, i shrieked in their faces, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING” and they just looked at me so weirdly and go, “......no? like which one do you want......” skdjhfkjsdh. they definitely thought i was absolutely off my rocker (which i certainly was, but that’s besides the point). i’m pescatarian so i chose split pea, and if there’s one thing to know about me it’s that i absolutely ABHOR peas, but i ate it anyway. i had to use all of the oyster crackers as well as some pretzel crisps that i brought with me as a snack in order to make it bearable LMAO. however, regardless of if harry sent it himself, it was a really nice gesture and i’m thankful that they were kind enough to provide us with some food. the snl staff also sent down hot chocolate and coffee and pizza over the course of the three days which was very much appreciated as well!

we were a lot less separated in our new spot on 6th ave so everyone in line was able to hang out with each other a lot more which as really fun!! a girl near us had brought cards against humanity and a group of 7 of us played for what felt like over an hour or so which was really good time. aisha won and no, i am not salty about it at all !!!!!1!1!11!11!!!! 

it was really difficult to sleep that night as well because we were on a much busier road with a lot more lights. it also felt colder and windier despite windscreens that staff put up around our barricades (see the poor quality pic of my friend and i with one of them below LOL). i think everyone was really on edge for the next morning so i’m sure that didn’t help with sleeping either. we settled down to go to bed a little past midnight and i woke up at least three times throughout the night to readjust my blankets and sleeping position or check the time.

finally saturday morning came. my friend had to shake me awake at 6:30 am bc i was finally able to doze off again, but the panic in me immediately activated and i was UP and ready to go. we still hadn't come to a full decision on if we were going to choose dress rehearsal or live yet so we were definitely on edge. we basically wanted to wait until the pages came to us and ask them how many people chose live vs. dress so that we could choose the show we were more likely to get into. however, deep inside i know that we both desperately wanted tickets to the live show. we had been keeping track of other people who were farther up in the line via their socials and seeing what they were choosing too. surprisingly (at least to me), a lot of people ahead of us decided to choose dress rehearsal rather than live. in theory, it makes sense because you’d hopefully get to see more sketches that might get cut for time as well as “spend more time” w harry. my friend and i (who is probably the biggest snl fan on the planet, no lie) would’ve been happy with either, but we both definitely wanted to witness the show that everyone else was going to watch on tv. 

when the pages got to us we found out that it was basically split 50/50. an equal amount of people decided to do live vs. dress. for either show we chose, we would’ve been in the 40s for our standby ticket number. and because of that, we decided to SEND IT and sign up for tickets for the live show (and partly because all our friends in line were also sending it w the live show too!!!). we were tickets #41 and #42 and we honestly felt really really good about it, but we didn’t want to discuss it too much or get our hopes up in the event that it didn’t end up working out. 

after that, the actual standby line experience was basically over. we IMMEDIATELY grabbed all our stuff and ubered back to our apartment. our roommates were already up and they greeted us with lights up blasting through our alexa akjhfkdfh. saturday was also conveniently my university’s homecoming weekend, and as seniors in college, my friend and i felt that it was important for us to go. i won’t go into too much detail about it bc that’s not really the point of this whole post, but my friend and i REALLY had ourselves a DAY on saturday. i actually don’t know how we pulled this off. we ended up showering for probably 40 minutes each to scrub the grime off our body and then day drank from 11:30 to maybe 5 pm........like??? whomst???? luckily, i was able to squeeze in a nap before we had to start getting ready for check in at 10 pm back at 30 roc, but i was 110% hungover when i woke up. 

we got to 30 roc at around 9:30 and were told to go to the nbc store to check in. from there they cross-checked the name on your ID and name on your ticket and then lined you up in order based on your ticket number. i don’t think i realized how many people actually ended up lining up for the standby line until we were there....people had ticket numbers all the way up #267 or something. that’s CRAZY!! after a bit of waiting (maybe half an hour?) a security guy came out and told us that they were going to starting bringing the group up into the corridor and get the process moving. he made it clear that this wasn’t a guarantee to get in. the first 40 were taken and then after about 5 minutes they sent probably the next 40 or so (including us in the front of that second group). from there, we did a security check and waited in the hallway outside the peacock lounge (anyone who’s been to a taping of snl, jimmy fallon or seth meyers might know what i’m talking about). while waiting there we saw a few people trickle in and go through a security check as well. those people included zoey deutch (!!!!!!) - who was rocking this INSANE red plaid suit combo as well as the cutest bob i’ve ever seen - as well as GLENNE aka jeff’s wife who was also serving looks™️ with her outfit. 

security then moved us farther down the hallway closer to the elevators and this is where we all started getting really nervous. i had no concept of time bc my phone was running out of battery and i turned it off bc i was paranoid if they saw it they would ask me to leave skdjhfs. it was only a matter of minutes before we knew if we were going to make it in or not. the staff had us line up two by two and kept counting and recounting us. then one of them grabbed a stack of wristbands and counted us one last time before he stopped at ticket #30 and said “congratulations all of you have a seat in the show”. the energy in the room was SO CHARGED. he was handing out their tickets and was urging them to put them on as quickly as possible and then they were ushered into the elevators. side note: there’s rumors that lorne michaels (creator and head of snl) reserves 30 seats specifically for the standby line. so that might be why he originally stopped at ticket #30.

my friend and i were holding each others hands as if our lives depended on it bc it was really make it or break it at this point. a couple minutes later he goes down the line again while counting us and stops after maybe 15-20 people behind us and again goes “congratulations, you have a seat in the show”. my legs literally almost gave out. my friend couldn’t speak to me bc she was trying so hard to hold in her sobs. i had to put on her wristband for her bc her hands were shaking so much LMAO. they quickly usher us into the elevator and as soon as the doors close all of us in the elevator start screaming and cheering bc WE MADE IT!!! but we quickly quiet down because we had been told beforehand that if we were excessively screaming during the show that we would be removed. i’m pretty sure that during dress rehearsal the staff said someone was shouting distracting comments at harry during the pauses and they were kicked out. someone else was also kicked out for drinking which......blows my mind. but anyway.

when they elevator doors open we are ushered SO FAST into the studio and into seats. i almost got split up from my friend bc the page tried to sit me in a single seat and i was like “no no no, i’m with her”. luckily they were able to sit us together on the back wall of the section that was facing front. they weren’t actual seats, but rather a large cushioned bench. most of our standby line peeps were sat in the right-most section of the studio which was sad that we couldn’t sit next to everyone, but also glad that my friend and i were sat together. 

the taping started no more than 10 minutes after we got there. it all happened so quick and i don’t think i’ve really fully processed everything that happened. i won’t talk too much about the sketches because you can all just watch them yourself but i’ll talk a little bit about some of the behind the scenes things that we witnessed. 

1. the way in which harry RAN between scenes and sketches was INSANE sdkfjhsdkjfh. right after the monologue he basically LUNGED off stage. a staff member (i think its a woman who does wigs for the snl cast) was moving so fast past the main stage after the cameras cut that from what i saw, the way harry had moved so quickly made her TRIP and harry IMMEDIATELY scooped her up basically DRAGGED her backstage skjdfhksjdhfdjkshk. it all happened so fast i still can’t tell if i imagined it happening or not but it was crazy. either way, harry was on the MOVE. 

2. one of my fav sketches by far was the lamaze class one. harry did SUCH A GOOD JOB SFKHSKJDHFSD especially w the accent????? (he actually did so many accents throughout the show i’m so proud of him). he broke a little bit during the lamaze one but as far as i remember that’s the only time he broke?? which??? that’s honestly impressive, especially for the sketches/jokes they were doing (don’t even get me started on the Sara Lee sketch....). also i wasn’t openly jealous of heidi gardiner because of how harry was holding her and caressing her but i was jealous. i will not speak more on this topic.

3. the slow/ballad version of lights up.............BREATHTAKING. there was not a sound in that studio literally everyone was so mesmerized by it. it was honestly gorgeously performed and the back up vocalists did SUCH and amazing job!! the music stage wasn’t really near us but we still had a good view of harry himself and THAT OUTFIT. it was......chefs kiss.

4. when the ballerina photos came up on the screen there was an audible GASP that ran through the audience. i shrieked. i almost grabbed the woman’s hand whom was sitting next to me and i did not know. that is all. 

5. WATERMELON SUGAR !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!! y’all. have i got a story for you. when the drums hit right before the first “high” my friend and i went FERAL. we were on the edges of our seat the WHOLE song. i had such the urge to stand up and dance but we couldn’t out of fear of getting kicked out ksjhdfkjhs. the entire song we had our hands in the air grooving to it, i was flailing my limbs as MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD to jam out to it. additionally, if you watch the performance back you can actually see that harry’s hands are shaking and he’s fiddling with his soundbox on his back during the beginning of the song. we’re pretty sure that his earpiece wasn’t working so he was freaking out a bit. he started to dance a little, but you can kind of tell that he was a bit stiff, maybe because of nerves. then at one point, he looks to someone off stage to his right and he smiles at them and laughs a bit to himself. after that, he starts looking around at the audience up above and there are times that harry looks over to his left EXACTLY in the direction of where my friend and i were sitting/dancing. my friend who has literally ANALYZED this performance from watching it so many times claims that 2:15 is the exact moment that he looks over sees us flailing our entire bodies. and right after he looks over is when he really starts moving and grooving himself and appearing to look a bit more comfortable. while we don’t know FOR SURE if he really did see us or started dancing bc he saw us jamming out, i do want to mention that we were literally the ONLY people in the studio moving like that. we were in the back corner by the sound guy and one of the exits and sitting next to a middle aged married couple who were looking at us like we were certifiably crazy. we had a view of almost everyone in the audience because we were in the last row and as far as we could tell, we were the only ones that were jamming out as hard as we were. so take with that what you will. but from this time forward, i will go on with my life believing that my uncontrollable bodily reactions to hearing watermelon sugar LIVE perhaps made dear harold feel a little less nervous and more comfortable to do his thang :-)))))

i don’t think i’ve clapped harder for anything in my life than i did when he finished performing watermelon sugar and when he signed off the show. i teared up watching him go around to his band and all the cast members giving them the BIGGEST hugs. you can clearly tell that every single person on that cast had the best time with him this week. heidi and cecily both mentioned in their instagram posts about how agreeable he was to everything and how he has to come back to host again. it was clear that he had SUCH a fun experience and he did SO WELL!!!!! i have no doubt in my mind that he is going to host (or do double duty) again at some point in the future. so to those who were in the standby line and didn’t make it in to the taping for live or dress, don’t lose faith. there will for SURE be another opportunity to do this whole thing again. i am so so proud of everyone who was brave enough to face the elements for even a chance to get a standby ticket over these past couple days. you’re all so strong and such warriors. this is certainly not the last time he’ll be doing this. 

as grueling and testing as the whole camping out on the streets and standby ticket experience was, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. i’m a senior in college and was privileged enough to be able to skip some classes and call out of work in order to do this. i figured that this time in my life is probably one of the only chances where i’ll be able to actually drop everything and sleep on the streets for three days to see one of my favorite people in the world. and in the end, it was all worth it. i couldn’t be prouder of harry and what an amazing job he did last night. this journey is something that i will cherish forever (and will definitely be telling my kids about in the future).

feel free to message me or drop in my inbox if you have questions or want to come chat about it all ! thanks to anyone who actually had the patience to read this whole thing. i’m so sorry for how unbearably long this was dkjfhsdkjhsdk. much love to you all. treat people with kindness :-)

[katimorton]

I was recently reading an article on one of my favorite blogs Man Repeller about these two phrases and it really got me thinking. As an avid over apologizer I really wanted to understand the difference between the two and see where I could improve. Because if I’m being honest, I really hate that I say sorry so much, and I vividly remember getting yelled at by my softball coach to “stop saying sorry so much” to which I replied by saying (obviously) “sorry.” I was probably about 13 or 14 at the time, and after that interaction I became overly aware of just how often I found myself saying sorry. I would try to stop, but then I would feel like a total jerk and the guilt would ruin my day. I couldn’t figure out what to do, I even brought it up in therapy years later and my therapist tried to figure out why I was saying it so much.. Well maybe I can save you all those tough conversations and tell you what I learned about myself. I say I’m sorry all the time because I hate upsetting people and I avoid confrontation at all costs. By saying I’m sorry, even when the situation doesn’t warrant it, I am doing my best to please others and stay out of the way so to speak. It’s almost like I needed to apologize for even existing, like I could upset someone by just being there.. So I would keep saying sorry over and over. What my therapist had me do next is to work on my confidence. I know that may sound off base, but if I felt the need to apologize for just being, I obviously must not think too highly of myself. And that did help a TON, but I still found myself saying it too much. I am trying to be okay with the idea that I cannot please everyone. It’s simply not possible...I mean just think about it, if 2 people disagree with what should take place, what does someone like me do? If I don’t want to upset either of them I honestly can’t do anything. I will have to displease one of them, and you know what I have learned… it’s most important that I am pleased. And that’s the truth. One of my favorite quotes or sayings is “you can’t let yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” and I am really trying to remember that and have healthy boundaries around what I will do or not do for someone else, and truly what I will do for myself. Okay, enough rambling on the topic of saying sorry. Now onto the phrase “thank you” because this is something I am trying to say more! While “sorry” is an apology and something you would say when you have wronged someone else, “thank you” is an acknowledgement of someone doing something right. You are letting them know you noticed it and you are grateful. For example if I show up late to meet someone instead of saying “sorry I’m late” because the other person will only say “oh it’s okay” and I will say sorry again and then they will say it’s okay again, and we will settle in. Instead if I say “thank you for waiting” I am acknowledging what they did for me. They waited. Sorry in a way makes it all about the person who did something wrong or inconsiderate instead of focusing of the person who was waiting. Does that make sense? I hope so. So after reading this blog post I have decided to try and say thank you when someone did something nice for me instead of saying sorry. Manrepeller Article: https://www.manrepeller.com/2019/01/t... Order My Book Today! Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

[kouga-appreciation]

What I Think of Koga Ships pt. 1

Note that the purpose of these posts isn’t to get people to stop shipping these ships, but really just because I want to get all of my thoughts out there and explain why I personally don’t ship... any of them. No shipping wars please, we all have our own opinions and headcanons and interpretations of characters ^u^.

This KogKag one is kinda ridiculously long so I’ll do the others in another post..

KogKag

Of all the Koga ships, I do like KogKag the best. Koga clearly cares a lot about Kagome and is so adorable trying to win her affections, loyally persisting in his flirting despite her heart belonging to someone else. His straightforward romancing and persistence-- especially in contrast to Inuyasha’s aloofness-- must mean he’s truly in love with her, so she should choose him, right? I think they could make a cute couple but, one major problem: I don’t think Koga is actually in love with Kagome. I think the easiest way to recognize true love for someone is to observe selflessness for that person. True love is making someone a priority over your own self-- and not only in terms of safety. Read more to see what I mean:

Exhibit A- “Kagome’s hands are much colder than usual! And her cheeks which are usually so rosy, are pale like a fish’s belly! I’ll bet you put Kagome’s life in terrible danger! Well, I’d never let anything like that happen! Ever!”

Then why did he? Where was he to prevent this from happening?

Although Koga does protect Kagome whenever he’s around, I’d think that if he loved her he’d be so concerned about her safety that he would join up with Inuyasha’s group-- or, if being around Inuyasha made that too hard, follow at a distance-- to make sure he could always be there to protect Kagome. Protecting someone doesn’t just mean showing up in the nick of time to save their life, but to shield them from getting into dangerous situations in the first place. Koga says that he’d never let anything bad happen to her, but how can he do that if he’s rarely around to prevent bad things from happening to her? Sounds like empty words to me.

Exhibit B- “Hey, Kagome! You’re here too?”

Koga doesn’t go out of his way to just see Kagome.

The only times Koga visits Kagome is when he suspects that she might already be in danger, or when she’s conveniently nearby the path he was already set on. He stops by briefly when it’s convenient for him, or when he can save her to be made the hero. If he loved her I’d think he’d want to be hanging out with her every moment he could spare. I believe Koga just enjoys the rush of chasing after Kagome’s out-of-reach heart and of simultaneously making Inuyasha jealous; briefly visiting them when it’s convenient so as to get his fix.

Exhibit C- “ ”Inuyasha!” Kagome cries as she watches the Panther King’s hand crush him.

“Rest assured, Kagome. It’s gonna be easy to get you out of here,” Koga tells her, a small smirk on his face.

Kagome turns to him and snaps, “I’m not leaving the others behind!”

Koga looks at her, a shocked look on his face.”

Koga doesn’t really know Kagome that well.

This whole other post details this really well I like it> http://inukag.tumblr.com/post/108137018874/amaayasha-alright-so-im-separating-this . I don’t believe you can actually love someone you don’t know that well; or, if you did love them, you’d want to get to know them as much as you can.

So although Koga’s occasional risking his life for Kagome seems selfless, everything else about his interactions with her indicate that his feelings toward her is actually just, selfish infatuation. Considering the fact that all of the wolf-demons (except Ayame if you count her) are guys and that the wolf-demons’ only interaction with humans has been slaughtering and eating them, Koga’s truly never met anyone like Kagome before-- a cute human girl who stands up to demons and risks her life to help her friends escape. He becomes infatuated with this fearless girl, and does whatever he can to woo her to make her his. He doesn’t consider Kagome’s feelings, he only wants to win her heart for himself. Selfish. Not actual love.

HOWEVER

Because even though Koga’s not truly in love with Kagome during the majoirty of the show, that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t realize what love really is and actually fall in love with her!

I actually have this analysis of the episode in which Koga takes his leave during the Final Act... In his tough-love, prideful way, he releases his claim on Kagome by telling her that she has to stay with Inuyasha (but mentions that she could look him up if she ever gets tired of Inuyasha). I headcanon that why he finally ‘gives up’ on Kagome here, is because by this time Koga perhaps actually did come to fall in love with Kagome, and finally accepted the fact that Kagome only had eyes for Inuyasha, so.. “If you love it, set it free.”

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE

So then if Koga is in love with Kagome, she can still choose him over Inuyasha, and the ship would still work out! Hoooowwweevveeerr, Kagome and Inuyasha are in love, you can’t deny that. I don’t need to explain this it’s what the entire show is about. They’d definitely get together; and they do in the end.

But a common KogKag scenario goes along with the last thing Koga said to Kagome: “Kagome, come look me up if you get sick of the pup.” Inuyasha could do something that would finally make Kagome snap and leave him. Then she’d remember what Koga said and run off with him and they live happily ever after the end. You can totally go with this idea if you’d like! It makes enough sense.

ONCE AGAIN HOWEVER

PERSONALLY

I don’t think Kagome would leave Inuyasha. Kagome has been putting up with Inuyasha for so long already, what could he do that would finally get to her? Before you answer that, consider this: by the time that they’re a couple, I feel like most of their roots for conflict are resolved. In finally realizing that he loves Kagome, Inuyasha would be less aloof and rude to her; and with Kikyo gone, that whole issue is resolved and Inuyasha can devote all his love to Kagome. If Kagome could have the patience to stay by Inuyasha when he was inconsiderate, aloof, and torn between her and another woman, why would she suddenly snap now when their relationship is the best it’s ever been?

*deep breath*

Okay there it’s done my rambling is done take it

TL;DR Koga doesn’t really love Kagome and even if he did Kagome wouldn’t leave Inuyasha and that’S WHY I CAN’T SHIP KOGKAG

THOUGH I ADMIT IT’S REALLY CUTE AND I DO ENJOY FANART OF IT

But it’s mostly just because I want to see Koga happy and in love and like I said before, at least out of all the Koga ships, I like KogKag the most...

Okay next is KogAya

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Responses-- Troy Bolton: Things We Ought to Know

@boltonevans response to my post here. 

In a lot of ways, the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s Frozen, is a “Troy Bolton” song.

I know nothing about Disney, but I’ve found several songs that are indicative of Troy’s toxic relationship with Gabriella. “I don’t wanna cry” by Mariah Carey and “Fire and Water” by Free have some great lyrics:

I Don’t Wanna Cry- Mariah Carey

Once again we sit in silence After all is said and done Only emptiness inside us Baby look what we've become... 

And later here:

Too far apart to bridge the distance But something keeps us hanging on and on Pretending not to know the difference Denying what we had is gone Every moment we're together It's just breaking me down I know we swore it was forever But it hurts too much to stay around...

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Fire and Water- Free

Every single day I got a heartache coming my way I don't wanna say goodbye baby But look at the tears in my eyes I don't wanna say goodbye mama But look at the way you made me cry Every way that's nice you show You've got a heart that's made of ice And I know...

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The lyrics, “It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small”, seem, to me, an apt explanation for why Troy has an affinity for secret locations several dozens of feet off the ground, such as trees, tree houses, and gardens on the roof of his high school. He needs the space to himself to simply breathe and exist as his own person, but the distance between himself and the rest of the world also, likely, acts as a means of temporarily shedding the weight of so many expectations and so much pressure to always be “the best” at everything off of his shoulders. In After the dream, I attempt to address this.

Great points. 

“Watching earthly things, like pavement, dirt, grass, and trees, recede, and people and buildings reduced to hardly more than specks miles beneath them before disappearing under a thick sea of smoggy haze and fluffy clouds, is oddly comforting to Troy. It’s as if, up here, there’s no pressure to be anyone but himself. Troy.

Not The Basketball Guy, or Hoops, or Wildcat.”

Great description here. I’m looking forward to reading the full third part.

Gabriella’s “observation” that Troy has the whole school “wired”, in context with her seemingly only becoming interested in him after visiting his secret hideout, expecting him to be the sole “provider” in their relationship, and never lifting a finger to do anything for him, in return, really doesn’t paint the most flattering picture of her. It almost gives one the impression that she was using Troy for the perks of dating him, such as getting to shed her unwanted reputation as the school’s “freaky genius girl” by becoming the most popular girl in school, and getting access to “secret hiding places” that Troy hasn’t shared with anyone else.

I think we’re discovering that very few things paint Gabriella in a flattering light. As the movies progress, her use for Troy diminishes to the point where she can up and leave on a whim and refuse to return, even after having promised to do so. After HSM I, Gabriella stops admiring his fame and treats it as an inconvenience, and an excuse for boasting (HSM II), and more importantly, a way of getting him to stop complaining. In HSM II, Troy confides his fears about the cost of college. Gabriella tells him that he’s pretty much destined for a scholarship. It may be a small thing, but there’s good reason to believe that Gabriella believes that because of his fame, he should have nothing to complain about. She drags the conversation away from his problems to her own and then tells him to focus on “right now”-- something he won’t be able to do, thus setting him up for further punishment. If you take Gabriella’s dialogue in HSM I and HSM II into consideration, this does support the notion of her impatience and insensitivity to Troy’s complaints and worries. He’s a “Wildcat”. He shouldn’t be complaining. And again, in HSM III, Gabriella chides Troy for not admitting to his love for Theatre. “You love it. Why is that so hard for you to admit?” Troy can’t be unsure. He can’t be limited by other people’s limited expectations of him and his future. Instead, he loves it, which must mean that he enjoys the attention. This indicates that she continues to misunderstand him throughout the movies despite having displayed understanding during that rooftop scene. 

I very much appreciate the shout out to Troy’s studiousness. For as much as the fandom and Taylor, alike, rag on him for his intelligence, and Gabriella generally views him as a dense, inconsiderate moron who needs the obvious painstakingly pointed out to him, he is shown doing his homework of his own volition, in the first movie, and, while it isn’t shown in the film proper, his tree house has a telescope inside of it:

HOW do you notice these things? I’m impressed. Thanks for this picture-- I need to use this for my story. 

This implies that he has some measure of interest in stargazing, potentially astronomy. In addition, he helped his father build the tree house, and makes repairs to his pickup truck unassisted. He has basic mechanical know-how, and could be quite the handyman. Sure, he isn’t the “genius” who made the papers in her previous hometown, won a Scholastic Decathlon, or got into Stanford University, but the kid is no slouch.

When Troy’s off the ground, he’s closer to the sky, so this actually makes sense. I would never have noticed this at all. In response to that link: first of all, the person ranting against Troy is incoherent, just like their claims. I have reblogged and responded to that original post. 

And, he’s more self-effacing than arrogant, without a doubt.

OH YEAH! HE stole the ball, not his team-mates. Wow, glad to see people notice these things; it’s amazing how much I actually don’t know. This actually makes Chad’s accusations against him even more absurd; if Troy was self-effacing enough to attribute his own excellent manoeuvre to his best friend, that destroys Chad’s comment here: “If I was as good as you?” I will reiterate that Chad NEVER apologizes for this comment, nor is he ever obliged to. When viewed in conjunction with Troy’s amazing last minute assist in HSM III (which I never really watched properly until recently), you definitely get a better picture of who he is and his moral values. 

I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling to get your works off the ground. I can relate, and it’s a very unfortunate place to be. :( I am glad you’re managing to climb your way out of this hole. If there is anything I can do to be of assistance, never hesitate to ask.

Thanks-- things are progressing much quicker now that I cut out the unnecessary stuff. I’ve come up with quite a few new scenes, some of which were inspired by your answers to my questions on Troy Bolton. (Worth reading, people, here and here). 

In response to your footnote: I’m sure Chad got into U of A on a basketball scholarship, though I do love the idea of Taylor assisting him, academically, and am still bitter about the implication that they’re splitting up, after graduation. If any couple should have made a clean break without even attempting to date long-distance, it should have been Troy and Gabriella. :[

You and me both. I love Chaylor, not just because they’re so sweet together, but because their relationship is built on realism and genuine affection. They don’t prance around onstage singing gooey songs about forevers that don’t exist, even though Taylor definitely digs the Troyella duos. (As does Chad). More importantly, neither of them manipulate the other into compromising their respective futures. When Chad says “Hoops all the way” in HSM III, Taylor does not react with the contempt that she would have done in HSM I. And Chad tells Troy that Taylor’s headed to Yale without making some derogatory comment about brainiacs. The only thing that infuriates me is the hypocritical double-standard they demonstrate towards Troy, whom both of them have known for longer than they’ve known Gabriella. This is astonishing. Without Troy breaking the status quo, Taylor would most likely not have come to like him, or even gone out with Chad, given that he only asked her out after the callbacks and not earlier when they were plotting against their friends. Without Troy, Taylor wouldn’t have recieved a summer job with excellent references, her perfect prom invitation from Chad, or persuaded him to return onstage during the graduation ceremony in HSM III. Yet despite clear evidence of Gabriella’s actions hurting Troy, she almost never takes his side because he’s a popular basketball player. Never mind that her boyfriend is a popular basketball player, too. Taylor is an enigma to me. 

[kyloknightofhux]

sometimes i see ppl on here that are rlly hardcore supportive of the dark side, like as a life philosophy, and they go into a lot of interesting detail on morality and psychology based around dark side ideals and the way the Star Wars universe treats them

and like....some points are good. many are! and then i see people that IMO go way too far with it, kind of acting like the subjectivity of morality and the way our society views Bad People is some sort of...idk excuse??? to like....negatively judge people  who think that goodness and self-control are traits to strive for?? I mean, shit, im certainly no purist and i even consider myself far closer to morally grey than most people but i mean--

Like, if everyone acted the way some of these irl dark-sider advocates are saying society should act, im like 95% sure most of them would be immensely put off by the rhetoric as soon as it became a massive obstacle to them in their personal life. But sure, i’ll be really bluntly honest, taking the dark side code into ones life really literally does seem like a good way to live for a lot of people, especially people afraid to express themselves, or who have been raised into harmful emotional/judgmental environments, like, say fundamentalist christianity (which...is where i came from and its a literal miracle i got out lol).

Inability to express oneself is indeed unhealthy, no one can argue that.

We shouldn’t be afraid of anger or other harsh emotions. We should let ourselves feel those things and be passionate etc. BUT appropriately containing oneself in order to appear ‘good’ is not ‘lying to yourself’ (yes i saw a post basically that said this...). Masking parts of yourself in order to remain ‘decent’ when interacting with humanity around you (EVEN WHEN BY MANY PPLS STANDARDS YOU SEEM/FEEL INHUMAN, I DO KNOW THIS FEEL VERY WELL) is not self-deception it’s what a functioning society fucken has to maintain for survival precisely because humans are actually a goddamn mess too.

It really boils down to unless you’re a straight up anarchist (which would need a whole other post to break down the moral intricacies of etc etc), the handful of extremists i see of the dark-sider community on here are often approaching the whole topic completely irresponsibly IMO, cherry-picking the parts that mean liberation and personal acceptance, without much true consideration for how the real world would be if suddenly everyone subscribed to their theories about how people should or should not act or channel/regulate their emotions. AKA once it’s not just you and a handful of bloggers being dark/edgy/controversial in our little corner here on tumblr and you’re no longer the self-proclaimed odd-one-out indignant at the pressures our society puts on ‘human’ behavioral standards, the novelty and freedom of such philosophies really easily takes a rlly bad turn.

Look I love Kylo a lot ok, u all know that. I love lots of villains precisely bc i enjoy their villainy, or because i see so much of myself in there, or because i enjoy mulling over the psychology of all this. And, there really are cases where I truly don’t think a villain is as terrible as everyone else thinks. But there are VERY VERY few times i look at them and consider it ‘unfair’ that their actions are indeed treated as BAD when it’s completely deserved. Origins and upbringing and background can be a reason for someone to be Bad™. But blaming/shit-talking everyone around those characters (on screen and irl) for actually condemning bad behavior and wanting them to pay for it is just shitty.

And this is coming from me, a chaotic neutral type of personality! The thing is though, right along with that comes (for many ‘neutral’ types esp with personalities like mine) an immediate sense of extreme disgust for unfairness or inequality. It’s a misconception that a ‘legit’ chaotic neutral should not care about that, IMO. On the contrary i MUST care about it because it ensures that individual people, myself included of course...are not cheated out of anything that they should have. Therefore, people being inconsiderate/shitty/whatever in general bc they’re pissed they can’t act however they want is especially disgusting because how dare anyone think they have the right to be like that esp when 99.5% of them despise being on the receiving end of the same behavioral philosophies? And being morally uptight/stringent is JUST AS DISGUSTING to me bc how dare anyone think they have the right to be like that esp when 99.5% of them despise being on the receiving end of the same behavioral philosophies?

I’m not into just ‘being good for the sake of being good’ tbqh, im into acting right and trying to be nice and chill bc the more people do that, the better we could all frikkin live our lives. Yet this is something that unfortunately will not ever lead to some utopia on planet Earth bc so many ppl are too greedy and mean and selfish for that shit by nature -_-

Anyways...excuse the tangent. But I don’t see many ppl complaining irl about how you can never consider someone a truly terrible person because its too subjective. 90% of the population outside of childhood knows bad or unhealthy shit when they see it and once again It is not unfairness or a lie or a self deception to want to put that shit under control both in yourself and others. Maintaining common decency by societal standards is not some vast injustice to one’s personal inner struggles that needs to be overcome or ignored for the sake of personal gratification.

TLDR; holy shit yeah Jedi Code is fucked up but that doesn’t mean go the other extreme, this is like the whole underlying point that someone should reach when they watch Star Wars jfc ~