#so many books left behind
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My dad’s in Kolkata right now for reasons (don’t ask me why I’m just as clueless) but he offered to bring me a couple of my books from my old place there and I had to sit here 8938 kms away having to choose between all of my children. What will the rest of them do??? I feel like bad mother choosing between her kids.
#the entire Simon snow trilogy left behind#so many gay books#my copy of gearbreaker and godslayers are on different fucking continents#I had to choose between whether I wanted my copy of the hunger games#or whether I wanted my comfort reads#what will happen to my copy of the lesbian and genderfluid pirates book?#I’m crying#I had an entire shelf of gay books#I don’t have it anymore#MY COPY OF SIX OF CROWS#the lesbian witches book where it’s actually healthy and she doesn’t get back together with her ex and they make peace and move on#while still remaining friends#the found family horror book on witches coming together and making their own coven#the first book of the girls of paper and fire is separate from the other 2#the book that was essentially fanfiction of the attempted murder of one of the king Louis France had#just#so many books left behind
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bill x ford x stan love triangle real....
#ptsd barnum is nasty work#seriously though I've been thinking about the character implications of this trifecya for years (in both a shipping & non-shipping sense)#like. for ford to effectively plug the gaping whole that stan left behind with bill#who is so very much like stan in so many ways#and then for stan to be the one who takes out bill in the end....it's so perfect#bill hardly ever acknowledges stan's existence in the show. & when he does it's never in a terribly personal way.#so to see (read) him malding over stan like this is SO great. literally making all of my headcanons real for me#gravity falls#tbob#the book of bill#stancest#billford#dumb#these aren't my pictures of the book btw. I got them from twitter
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guys. guys the similarities. guys listen to me
#WHY ARE THERE SO MANY EVIL WOMEN THAT CORNERED YOU IN A DARK ABANDONED ROOM IN YOUR LIFE BOOK#i feel like shes always being emotionally or physically attacked by everything around her no matter what situation shes in#book you poor poor sopping wet cat of a contestant#its obvious shes kinda messed up emotionally by the things shes done but its also the little things looking back#freesmart left her in that shipwreck alone. in fairness el trapped her in but pencil almost immediately said she made a “noble sacrifice”#but she didnt sacrifice anything. she was just a victim and youre leaving her behind#not only was that memory probably fresh in her mind when she was again cornered in tpot 9#so was the knowledge that this time it wasn’t an outer force that was doing it. it was her own teammate#death is meaningless in the grand scheme of things in the bfdi universe. we know this.#but considering book has always been thrown away by the people she trusts the simple act of killing her for a challenge feels so much worse#because it further drives in the idea that she isn’t worth nearly as much to them as they are to her#they can kill her or leave her at the mercy to someone else that wants to and not feel bad abiut it. because why should they#but she’ll always be desperately trying to protect the ones she loves because she never felt protected herself#holy shit okay.#moral of the story um. book knows a lot of evil women. pencil is the worst. book needs therapy. bye#bfdi#battle for dream island#book#bfdi book#i think i need to just make regular character analysis posts instead of terrorizing thw tags#osc#bfdia
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Rotates in my brain the way Bill says his dimension was burned out of existence and the way that the Nightmare Realm is described as smelling eternally of burning hair. Which is probably just coincidence and was just the most obnoxious smell that Alex could think of but.
I am thinking about the Implications.
#like. there are so *so* many things pointing toward the nightmare realm being the hole left behind by Euclidia's absence.#and with that come so many implications about Bill and his real intentions whether he chooses to acknowledge them or not#bill cipher#gravity falls#the book of bill
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after watching when marnie was there
me: damn so it was her grandma huh 💔
also me, but in tears: erm actually 🤓☝️ it’s about this lonely child discovering that she has always been loved in a way that’s so strong that it transcends past & present. the lightness and the relief that comes from seeing yourself in someone else. you may be outside of the circle but it doesn’t mean you can’t make your own. one u can invite others in too.
#yes i wanted a sapphic coming of age studio ghibli style but the the THEMES#of both the movie and the book are so poignant that it’s still just as good#cuz that’s the thing Marnie WAS there#her taste of adventure her childish fears her loneliness#but her love? It’s STILL there. It never left. so it hits so hard for the audience and Anna to know that that love was with her#That she was the by product of the by product of it#even if she’s been left behind many times over…this child that didn’t see herself as loveable very much IS#and that she’s capable of giving back love too as we can see when she befriends sayaka & finally calls auntie mom#it’s still a story worth telling#studio ghibli#when marnie was there
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just remembered watchmen
#ohhhh OHHHHHHHHHH#i was so insane abt that comic#when i moved i left the book behind at my grandma's house... i wonder if it's even stored away. probably got thrown out 💔#no biggie i shall buy it again i loved that big book so much i used to bring it to school and re-read it a lot#i liked that it was self contained#how old was i. like. 13. 14 at most. why did they sell that comic to me LMFAO#oooooooo i was obsessed with rorschach too he was my favorite.#i don't think i mention this enough but i had a dc comics phase when i was 12-15 then i gave up it's so hard to keep up or make sense#of the multiple runs and stuff. it is a lot!!! hats off to my beautiful comic mutuals 💖#i used to own a lot of old physical comics. mostly green lantern#lol. lmao. god there are so many things i left behind#i had the first volume of transformers mtmte which is out of print and costs a lot nowadays#that one stings the most WHY DID I LEAVE IT... <- i couldn't bring everything with me 😭😭😭
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okay i'm gonna try this again because i think i can say it better:
my post about mulder wasn't to say he's perfect or literally never done anything wrong or to hurt scully. i'm a mulder apologist to the extreme (scully too if you haven't noticed), but that isn't what i was doing.
mulder isn't doing it *to* her. he's doing what he does, he's working, he's following a path simultaneously set out for him & that he forged. he isn't intentionally doing anything to her, and he isn't being thoughtless or an asshole. that's so extremely reductive to me. yes i keep referencing trauma, because this fandom talks endlessly about scully's and dismisses mulder's. (all that the path to hell is paved with good intentions.)
but mainly what i'm talking about is that he's not responsible for her abduction, cancer, emily, melissa, etc etc. like i stated in the post. and somehow, he's still getting blamed for these things? as if it isn't the fault of aliens & the conspiracy of men & csm. literally everyone except mulder because he did not have a hand in it, he did not orchestrate any of it. a lot of the things scully goes through is because of these men who think they're gods, who have too much money & too much power. and the other chunk of it is the dangers of their job. which scully is aware of and she still chose then fbi. it's literally at the core of why she chose it, even if it takes her time to figure it out.
mulder does a lot because of his trauma & because he wants to believe, and it's all stepped in love. the alternative to not believing is terrifying for him — the way believing is terrifying for scully. they are so similar, but still fundamentally different. their approaches, their childhoods, their perspectives, what they cling to. they both deal with their trauma in different ways, and one very similar way: diving into work, using it to bury what they can't yet face or deal with, or bring into the light (each other).
anytime i talk about trauma, i don't mean "every single thing he did was perfectly okay because trauma" — i just mean people need room to figure that out and it isn't something he does *to* her. @actual-changeling said it pretty well here. intentions don't erase hurt but he's never tried to hurt her, and she's never tried to hurt him. it doesn't mean it didn't hurt them and of course that's valid. but it still isn't even what i was talking about. but i guess i'm going to anyway.
a huge part of their relationship is learning to communicate clearly & openly. people aren't just born knowing how to do it, and certainly not people with their history. this is how you heal & grow. (yes therapy can help, but it's extremely hard to do alone. because healing in relationship, in my opinion, is the most effective way. someone who will stick around for the hard parts, work with you through trial & error. loving you through your mistakes & struggles, as you're learning/unlearning. and it goes both ways.)
mulder carries guilt for things that aren't his fault (as does scully). i understand talking about it in this respect, but that isn't what i see very often. it's how horrible he is for what he does to her & puts her through. when most of what happens to scully is because of the job & csm & the syndicate. scully understood the dangers of her job. in irresistible, she tells karen kosseff she's aware there's predators in the world, it's her job to bring justice to these people and she needs to believe she's capable. she couldn't open up to mulder in that way yet, so she dealt with it in her own way. (she does this with her family too, she's the strong one.) later in the cancer arc, she admits to karen kosseff that she relies on mulder & his strength — but the only way she opened up emotionally, with true vulnerability, was in the letters she wrote to him in a journal. that she intended him to have after her death. it takes her years to just call him and not hang up when she needs him, and really it happens in fits and starts and backpedaling. but they continuously try! mulder is always trying to let her know she can show him her vulnerability, that he's there to support her. and she does the same for him. there are times they're successful, usually at very trying times for them. where they do talk, they take physical comfort. they learn the ways the other will accept care.
in fire, mulder pushes scully away but he learns it's a way she cares for him. doctorly & physical. he touches her cheek in beyond the sea & firewalker. she touches his arm in squeeze, conduit, pusher. she runs face first into his chest in the pilot, he lifts her chin & hugs her in irresistible. scully covers him in a blanket and pulls his head to her shoulder in herronvolk when his mom is lying in a hospital, near death. they learned each other's minds, what comforts the other and what they will allow and it slowly expands. as does their verbal communication.
i don't mean that his actions don't affect her, but it takes mulder a long time to really understand it because scully does not communicate her feelings, wants, needs. that's something that takes her a long time. there are ways they've both communicated these kinds of things that the other wasn't able to understand, or maybe didn't take seriously because of the circumstances. syzygy, never again, elegy, fight the future, triangle, dreamland, one son. it's why, to me, it's important leonard betts comes after never again. in never again they struggle to communicate, they're not on the same page. the choose silence instead of talking about it. but in leonard betts, he helps her dig through body parts without question. he tells her she did a good job, she should be proud. he didn't get it in never again, but he started to and he did something about it. there are many ways to take responsibility and changed actions, voicing things that matter, that the other person should hear is part of it.
sometimes i just think people are very unforgiving of mulder's struggle, the way he is because of his trauma. and he always does something wrong that's talked about almost like it's unforgivable when that isn't true. even if he was selfish in the cancer arc, he's helpless watching the person he loves most die "because" of him. someone who deserves answers & the truth as much as he does.
it upsets me because it's one of the most realistic & human things about them. it's one of the things handled so beautifully in this show. it's often so raw, the depth of connection & effort & patience & love. despairing yet full of hope & wonder. it so often robs scully of the little agency she does have. it feels dismissive to only focus on scully's. to ignore every step they take together & apart, the ways they change each other, the way they forgive each other everything because they have this intrinsic understanding.
scully's entire arc is difficult to watch, but so much of it is true to the reality of what women experience. yes it's a lot, but it's a tv show. and a scifi horror drama one at that. do they textually cover every single thing? no, but a lot of it is weaved into their cases (kaddish is always a standout to me) and the acting (which if you believe ga, comes across so well in the script she's able to grasp the cancer arc through them alone, not having experience with it herself). there is so much meaning in everything on this show.
the x files is about love because everything mulder (and scully) does is about love, comes from love. and people don't always love perfectly or well. and everyone understands the world & love differently. something else i think is incredibly poignant about their relationship. they keep learning each other until their way of loving completely merges on the foundation of their trust & faith in each other.
#it's also just maddening to me how much is actually in the text#scully talks about what she gave him#tells him she doesn't begrudge him anything#she wouldn't change a day#she would do it all again#it's why she followed him in the first place#and continued to follow him#sososo many things#and really truly genuinely#as much as i've watched & written about the cancer arc#that's a very difficult thing for me#i've been the person left behind#i've been the one to completely fuck up#and there is just no sensitivity to ~that when people talk about the cancer arc#like literally none#btw this probably isn't even what yall think it's about#i'm on tumblr & twitter and reading x files books#so once again saying: take this with a grain of salt#just because i'm upset doesn't mean yall should be
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Book problems be like:
1. I have too many books and no where to put them
2. My to be read pile is on the floor
3. I shall make space for more books by finding space or buying a storage unit until I can afford more shelves
4. Oh look a bookstore!
Honorable mentions to 5. I am depressed so I’m buying books to feel better.
#i have so many books#booksbooksbooks#the bookworm struggles#we don’t have a problem#you have a problem#no book left behind#unless you end up in the to be read pile
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do you have any ideas about why so many students are struggling with literacy now? I know that illiteracy and reading comprehension have been issues for years and most americans read at like a 5th grade reading level but I’m curious why it seems to be worse now (pandemic? no child left behind?)
It is everything. There’s not one answer. I could talk about this forever so instead I set a five minute timer on my phone and wrote a list of as many of the many things that are causing this on a systemic level that I could think of:
It’s parents not reading with their kids (a privilege, but some parents have that privilege to be able to do this and don’t.)
It’s youtube from birth and never being bored.
It’s phasing out phonics for sight words (memorizing without understanding sounds or meaning) in elementary schools in the early aughts.
It’s defunding public libraries that do all the community and youth outreach.
It’s NCLB and mandating standardized tests which center reading short passages as opposed to longform texts so students don’t build up the endurance or comprehension skills.
It’s NCLB preventing schools from holding students back if they lack the literacy skills to move onto the next grade because they can’t be left behind so they’re passed on.
It’s the chronic underfunding of ESL and Special Ed programs for students who need extra literacy support.
It’s the cultural devaluing of the humanities in favor of stem and business because those make more money which leads to a lot of students to completely disregard reading and writing.
It’s the learning loss from covid.
It’s covid trauma manifesting in a lot of students as learned helplessness, or an inability to “figure things out” or push through adversity to complete challenging tasks independently, especially reading difficult texts.
It’s covid normalizing cheating and copying.
It’s increasing phone use.
It’s damage to attention span exacerbated by increased phone use that leaves you without an ability to sit and be bored ever without 2-3 forms of constant stimulation.
It’s shortform video becoming the predominant form of social media content as opposed to anything text-based.
It’s starting to also be generative AI.
It’s the book bans.
what did I miss.
#i’m not immune to any of this. I’m trying to read more. it’s good for me#I think that the literacy crisis is a manufactured result of a lot of different policy choices because it creates an exploitable underclass
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Ah, nothing like condensing your entire life into a suitcase, a backback, and a weekender in case you have to bail.
#I’ve got my “most important things#but there are things that are priceless that I may have to leave behind#art that my sisters have made from over the years#most of my altar stuff#my books#so many of my books are having to be left behind#I’ve got the most important ones but I’ve had some of these since I was five#we’ve at least got a few bail plans#but hopefully it won’t come to that
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finished (or at least got through part of the epilogue party in) bg3 today and ough. i’m going to be tormented by thoughts of post canon inula and astarion aren’t i
#head in hands. i’m normal about them (projecting)#bg3 spoilers#inula posting#i loveeee that she has managed to actually become a character through this game… she’d been a concept for so long#but now she’s actually Someone!! even if said someone is a self insert lol#i still find their little dynamic so funny. lawful neutral life domain cleric worshipping a goddess of light and joy#+ her sarcastic emotional support chaotic neutral vampire rogue /hj#i have so many screenshots i sent my friend of inula like Covered in blood while astarion was behind her spotless in cutscenes AGDJDHSJS#it SHOULD be the other way around but. it’s funnier this way#anyway. i like to believe that they moved to the underdark or something and have been splitting their time between helping the spawn there—#—and looking for ways for astarion to walk in the sun again#i think inula would want to settle down or at least relax for a while after the events of the game since. that is *a lot* for someone who—#—had never left her clergy before all of this lol. i don’t think astarion would settle down as easily though#they balance it out with some smaller adventures and travels probably. going to different towns and cities to find more books or leads#SIIIIIIGH anyway. sitting here. thinking. will probably continue thinking to no one’s surprise#they are just so sillyyyy and important to meeee. i would babble more about their dynamic#because i reeeaaally like how it played out in game but. that’s for another post when i fully get inula’s backstory fleshed out :3c#i again still find it funny they even ended up together lol i wasn’t necessarily trying too hard for it#perhaps her whimsy and need to be a push over bewitched him u_u (COUGHeasy to manipulateCOUGH)#anyway
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My gosh this is beautiful and I have to reply because this is EXACTLY why I project onto him so much (a Very Healthy reason I know. When I first read Les Mis, I cried, bc I have felt exactly that pang). Ten million percent agreed with everything you said above!
I love your point about Cosette and Marius bringing up his (long-buried) feelings of envy: the tragic irony is, Jean Valjean--so often defined by his one act of theft--feels, himself, robbed.
Because ultimately, underneath it all, Valjean has a desperate desire for love--total, enduring love. Every time Jean Valjean has allowed himself to be truly known, people have immediately turned on him; all the goodwill he's built up over years of charity and suffering fades immediately. He feels that he will always be abandoned. So he's desperate for someone to stay. What first allows him to love Cosette is her helplessness: he is her savior, so she cannot leave him. And because of how enmeshed his identity is with Cosette, becoming anything less than her everything is a brutal extraction for him. He believes, since it is all he has known, that love is total and all-consuming; therefore, he believes Cosette can only really love one person, just as he only loved her, and that person (by Right™) is Marius now. After all he has gone through, and all he has done, he feels abandoned once again--even though Cosette may still claim she loves him--because he is not her everything, so he is nothing. And that literally kills him.
Valjean's perceived abandonment by Cosette is so devastating to him because in a way, he uses Cosette as a stand-in for God. He has never believed God could love him--in fact, even in the convent, he's described as kneeling before the sister "as though afraid to kneel directly before God." He has never allowed himself to see himself as anything other than the "miserable man" he was at the start of the story. And how could God love that? Instead, he finds Cosette, who is initially desperate and has no other choice but to rely on him (and he believes as soon as she does have a choice, or if she learns who he really is, she will leave him), and uses her as the foundation of his identity. She's also the center of his virtue; with someone to care for, to sacrifice for, maybe he can earn God's love somehow. And if someone so pure could love him, maybe there was something in him that could be loved. So of course when she begins to love someone else, Valjean crumbles--her love felt secure because it was desperate, but now she can choose. And he could never imagine anyone, including God, loving him willingly.
But I love Les Mis because he's wrong!!!! He's wrong about that, and he's wrong about himself, and he's wrong about what love is!! And the story tells him so!!!
From the start of the story to the end, God has always been with him, guiding his path. The narration throughout the story makes it clear--he even recognizes "the hand of Providence" in guiding him to the bishop and the convent, in bringing him finally to the trial to save the innocent man; to stumble upon Cosette in the woods was no coincidence, nor was it chance that Cosette and Marius found him (because they were looking for him!! Because they love him!!!) right before he died. He has always been loved, wholly and forever, even in the midst of his sin and suffering.
It's a love that knows him fully, and endures.
And I love that his story ends with that.
Jean Valjean's Canon Toxic Unhealthiness around Romantic Love
( alternate titles: “Does Jean Valjean is Gay?”, or “Does Jean Valjean is Asexual?” Or: “Why is it so difficult to slap an identity/sexuality label onto Jean Valjean?” Or “LGBTPTSD+”)
I was looking at the responses to this poll about whether people interpret Jean Valjean as gay/asexual/straight or something else….and it got me thinking again about Jean Valjean’s canonical intense, complex, awful, toxic, and overwrought emotions around identity/ romantic love. I want to talk about that for a bit because I think it often gets overlooked in fandom!
I've noticed that Les Mis fandom/analysis often tends to interpret Jean Valjean as being far more content, more "at peace with himself," and more "comfortable in his own skin" than he ever is within the novel. This is also a common change in adaptations. The musical's version of Jean Valjean is great-- but he also seems a lot more self-actualized, more like he's gotten himself completely "figured out" by the end of the story. Other, bad, Les Mis adaptations — the adaptations that generally portray Jean Valjean a worse more violent person — also usually make Jean Valjean more confident in himself, more confident in his own feelings/desires, more certain that he’s entitled to certain things, and more willing to demand or take what he wants.
But one major aspect of book Jean Valjean's personality is that he does not have a healthy relationship with anything about himself. He has a tortured broken relationship with his own identity. He repeatedly thinks about “Jean Valjean” as a person outside of himself, a person who he finds frightening, repulsive, savage, and horrible— like a wild animal he needs to sedate, or beat into submission. He is obsessed with self-denial and self-repression. He is fixated on the idea that he is subhuman, that he is not allowed to want things or to pursue having any kinds of relationships with other people-- and that the most heroic thing he can do is "grab himself by the collar” and violently force himself to stay away from the things he wants. He is desperate to be loved and fixated on being unworthy of love and on denying himself love. He is absolutely not at peace with his identity: to paraphrase Jean Valjean in one of the later chapters, he believes he can only gain inner peace by “eviscerating his own entrails.”
He is never truly content with who he is, what he wants, or what kind of love he wants— and he never learns to be. The novel ends with him cutting himself off from his only family, breaking ties with the only person who loves him, and essentially slowly killing himself out of self-loathing.
There are other characters in Les Mis who seem very content with who they are and what they want. Enjolras is self-assured in his identity, and doesn’t appear to feel like there is any kind of love that is missing from his life. Whether you interpret him as gay or ace or trans or w/e, book!Enjolras is written as someone who is extremely self-assured and has a loving support system that is enough to keep him happy. But I don’t think that’s true for Jean Valjean at all XD.
And that’s why it's hard to apply labels like “aromantic” or “ace” or gay/straight/etc to Jean Valjean, when talking about his canon characterization. Those labels imply the person has a basic level of comfort with acknowledging their own desires/lack of desire/identity. And Jean Valjean never achieves that level of comfort. What “label” do you give to someone whose relationship with their identity is “I do not belong in a family, I have no right to want things, I have no right to be happy, I am outside of life, and I will never be at peace until I eviscerate my own entrails?” Is there a “self-disembowelment" pride flag? XD I've seen a lot of interpretations that go "Jean Valjean never expresses any interest in romance, he's perfectly content just to have his relationship with his daughter" but I honestly don't think that's true. Jean Valjean tries to content himself with having only Cosette. But part of why everything explodes so catastrophically in the end of the novel is because he needs more than just a paternal relationship. He doesn’t try to have a “normal” father-daughter relationship with Cosette, he tries to force his relationship with Cosette to be literally everything and everyone to him, for her to be his entire world: and it doesn’t work.
There’s a passage in the novel that talks about how all the love Valjean is capable of ends up being suppressed/sublimated into his relationship with Cosette. The love of a brother, of a friend, of a father, of a husband, the love of everything he is capable of, gets repressed so that he can throw every part of himself into being a father. There are Bad les mis adaptations that incorrectly misinterpret that passage to mean that Jean Valjean is incestuous/grooming Cosette. But in context, that’s not what the passage means at all.
The passage specifies very explicitly that Jean Valjean “did not love Cosette otherwise than as a father,” that “no marriage was possible between them,” that his feelings for her are absolutely paternal. But the passage does show how Jean Valjean is doing a very different unhealthy thing: he’s relying on Cosette to fill every single emotional void in his life.
He’s relying on parenthood to fill the grief/emptiness left behind by all the other kinds of love that he has wanted, but never been given.
To quote a bit of that passage:
Jean Valjean did not love Cosette otherwise than as a father (…) Let the reader recall the situation of heart which we have already indicated. No marriage was possible between them; not even that of souls; and yet, it is certain that their destinies were wedded. With the exception of Cosette, that is to say, with the exception of a childhood, Jean Valjean had never, in the whole of his long life, known anything of that which may be loved. The passions and loves which succeed each other had not produced in him those successive green growths, tender green or dark green, which can be seen in foliage which passes through the winter and in men who pass fifty. In short, and we have insisted on it more than once, all this interior fusion, all this whole, of which the sum total was a lofty virtue, ended in rendering Jean Valjean a father to Cosette. A strange father, forged from the grandfather, the son, the brother, and the husband, that existed in Jean Valjean; a father in whom there was included even a mother; a father who loved Cosette and adored her, and who held that child as his light, his home, his family, his country, his paradise.
Jean Valjean reminds me of a Failmode I’ve seen in a lot of different real-life parents? There are parents who cope with their own hard lives by telling themselves that parenthood is their sole reason for being alive, and who obsess over their child’s success as their only source of purpose, meaning, love, happiness, community, and validation. But it’s a bad idea to rely on one child to provide the emotional support that should be shared by friends, parents, siblings, every possible loved one, etc etc—- One child can’t actually heal you from your trauma, be a replacement for your broken relationships, pull you out of your grief, save you from your adult loneliness, etc etc etc etc.
When I see the common interpretation that Jean Valjean is perfectly content just to be the father of Cosette, I think of this line:
Thus when he saw that the end had absolutely come, that she was escaping from him, that she was slipping from his hands, that she was gliding from him, like a cloud, like water, when he had before his eyes this crushing proof: “another is the goal of her heart, another is the wish of her life; there is a dearest one, I am no longer anything but her father, I no longer exist”; when he could no longer doubt, when he said to himself: “She is going away from me!” the grief which he felt surpassed the bounds of possibility. To have done all that he had done for the purpose of ending like this! And the very idea of being nothing!
On one hand, the terrible Les mis adaptations that portray Valjean as Incest Creep are incorrect and wrong. On the other hand, though, Jean Valjean IS unhealthy about Cosette— just in a different and actually sympathetic way.
He has made fatherhood his only purpose, to replace every other purpose he could have in life. So he can’t be “just Cosette’s father.” He can’t imagine her becoming an adult and leaving the nest, like children do. What does he have if he’s not taking care of her? What is his purpose in life if she doesn’t need him to be her parent? He's not just being her father, he's relying on her to be his entire reason to exist. He hasn't been allowing himself to have things outside of her.
And speaking of things outside of Cosette: segue time. This post was supposed to be about Jean Valjean and romance, so let's switch gears and talk about his canon 'romantic experiences' more:
We’re told that in his youth he “never had a sweetheart” because he “never had time to be in love.” There is no indication that Jean Valjean never wanted to be in love. The opposite is implied. Hugo frames it as a tragedy that Jean Valjean’s does not experience young love; it’s the horror of poverty taking yet another thing from him.
Within prison, Valjean is “gloomy” and “chaste;” when he traumadumps to Montparnasse about it, he talks about women looking on galley slaves with horror and disgust. Romance, at least “normal” heterosexual romance, is no longer something that is permitted for him. Jean Valjean knows very little about romance/love/sex and it repeatedly messes up his life. He spends 19 years in the all-male environment of prison, then about a decade in the almost-all-female environment of the convent. He has very little experience with how men and women are supposed to interact. The oppression Fantine faces as a sex worker, and Cosette's relationship with Marius, are both two big 'blind spots' that he struggles with.
At one point romantic love is described as “The only misery Jean Valjean had not yet experienced, and the only one that is sweet.”
In his massive confession to Marius, he agonizes over how he is not allowed to be part of a family, and is incapable of being part of a home. He compares himself to someone sick and diseased, that poisons good and normal people with his presence, and cannot be allowed to make himself part of their families.
So Jean Valjean doesn’t frame Romance as “a thing he doesn’t want:” it’s a thing “he is not allowed to want,” it is one of the many things he is banned from wanting. It's impossible to tell what kind of things he would want, if he were allowed to want them.
One of the most interesting things to me, however, is his general attitude towards Marius/Cosette.
Obviously his first reaction to Marius snooping around is fear and resentment— he doesn’t know to interact with romance, having never experienced it, and immediately begins catastrophizing. He views Marius as a privileged booby ruining his life for something as frivolous as a love affair: it reads to me as partially envy, envy of the fact that Marius lives the kind of safe comfortable life that allows him to experience young love.
Jean Valjean added: “What does he want? A love affair! A love affair! And I? What! I have been first, the most wretched of men, and then the most unhappy, and I have traversed sixty years of life on my knees, I have suffered everything that man can suffer, I have grown old without having been young, I have lived without a family, without relatives, without friends, without life, without children, I have left my blood on every stone, on every bramble, on every mile-post, along every wall, I have been gentle, though others have been hard to me, and kind, although others have been malicious, I have become an honest man once more, in spite of everything, I have repented of the evil that I have done and have forgiven the evil that has been done to me, and at the moment when I receive my recompense, at the moment when it is all over, at the moment when I am just touching the goal, at the moment when I have what I desire, it is well, it is good, I have paid, I have earned it, all this is to take flight, all this will vanish, and I shall lose Cosette, and I shall lose my life, my joy, my soul, because it has pleased a great booby to come and lounge at the Luxembourg.”
But, even though Jean Valjean views romance as something he isn’t allowed or have or to want, views it as a threat and catastrophizes over how it will ruin his life……he seems to also put heterosexual romance on a pedestal.
The way Jean Valjean idealizes marriage is one of his weirdest character notes for me.
He views marriage as Cosette’s “happy ending.” It’s her “happily ever after” point where she won’t need him anymore, where she won’t need anyone outside of her husband. A Man And a Woman Are Meant to Get Married, It's Fate, and It Means They Will Live Happily Together Forever. Marius is “the goal of her heart, the wish of her life; her dearest one.” Nothing outside of that matters anymore.
He treats her marriage as if romantic love is inherently always more important than any kind of platonic relationships, and always takes priority over them. He later dismisses the unconventional family structure he has with Cosette, saying that despite his love for her he was only a "passerby" and was not actually her real father, because they were not biologically related.
There's a moment where Jean Valjean is described as someone whose ideal is to be angel on the inside and a bourgeois on the outside. Jean Valjean's worship of bourgeois social norms, norms he can never truly be a part of, is one of his character flaws. He has a similar "guard dog" energy as Eponine does when she defends Rue Plumet from her parents.....Eponine and Jean Valjean both become the guard dogs of a kind of romantic relationship they believe they are banned from having. Jean Valjean believes that getting Happily Straight Married in a Middle-Class Home with a Picket Fence(tm) is the ideal path for life....but believes himself broken/incapable of ever following that path. And so he instead throws his entire life into securing that future for Marius and Cosette.
In what manner was Jean Valjean to behave in relation to the happiness of Cosette and Marius? It was he who had willed that happiness, it was he who had brought it about; he had, himself, buried it in his entrails, and at that moment, when he reflected on it, he was able to enjoy the sort of satisfaction which an armorer would experience on recognizing his factory mark on a knife, on withdrawing it, all smoking, from his own breast. Cosette had Marius, Marius possessed Cosette. They had everything, even riches. And this was his doing.
TL: DR:
Jean Valjean's gender/sexuality label is “idk but he’s super fucked up about it.”
#i have no clue if this is coherent but i sure spent a while on it lol lemme do the search tags and i will resume my thoughts#les mis#jean valjean#les miserables#meta#quality meta seal of approval#book quotes#i have so so so so many thoughts on jvj because i (as an aroace) relate SO hard to his arc it really did make me cry#i have also been through the same weird toxic but meant in a good way over-investment in someone and then 'losing' them#when they get into a healthy romantic relationship--which of course only furthers the feelings of 'i'll be left behind bc i can't have this'#but the 'loss' of cosette was only a loss because he pulled himself away!! she was ready to still love him! but it wasn't enough for him#and boy i FEEL THAT!! but also LET YOURSELF BE LOVED I GET IT YOU'RE TRYING TO PROTECT YOURSELF BUT GOOD GOD MAN#ughhh he is just literally an exact representation of my interaction with my orientation and relationships with others#heck i'm not even too attached yo my labels anymore...anyways yeah basically i love him and project onto him like crazy#and also i love that the narrative doesn't let him get away with his lil self-destructive isolation. like nice try bro but you will be LOVED#i have a ton more thoughts that i don't even have words for but yeahhhh he's my guyyyy the little guy i smush in my brain#kay has a party in the tags#kay is a classical literature nerd#aroace jean valjean#aromantic jean valjean#asexual jean valjean#putting these mostly because no one can relate to 'losing someone to romance--which we (feel we) can never have' like us aspecs#but i agree with your thesis that it's hard to actually give him a label bc of how much trauma and issues there are on top of it!!#piggybacking
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finished how not to die alone by richard roper and I have Thoughts but all of them put me on the verge of tears
#the way I understood andrew perfectly. the weight of a lie that has snowballed and the grief behind it#obv nothing quite like what happened to him happened to me (this is a spoiler free vent post thank you) but still#that one line in the beginning still fucking haunts me#it was like#''after a long day andrew sits in his dark room and talks to his friends on the forum. this is everything he was waiting for.''#''this is everything.''#(obv written better but i can only fit so much in a tag)#THE DOUBLE MEANING BEHIND THAT#he is content and relaxed to be home and alone and able to indulge in his interests. but that is all he has#im going to fucking vomit#that book caught me off guard so many times and each one felt like i was being killed#richard roper. shaking you and shaking you and shaking you#i said spoiler free so it will remain spoiler free#but something about andrew's anxiety and regret and absolutely fucking horrendously suppressed grief hits way too close to home#the subtle signs of autism and the even subtler signs of repressed trauma beneath that. fucking christ#books with messages like this always make me nervous though#(the message being something akin to ''just do it'' and ''the longer you wait the more time you're wasting'')#and like. yes the message has good intentions but im a fucked up 20 year old who gets EXPONENTIALLY more suicidal#when i begin to think that i will be left behind because i adjust too slowly for everything else#haha! crying now#will abandon these tags post haste#anyway i liked it a lot. 9/10
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Warning: Long Post No one reads long texts anymore, but despite everything I've been through with my country, my family, and recently my son, I need to get this off my chest. It's completely unbelievable to me that so many people still don't understand the background of the genocide in Palestine. What kind of journalists or influencers do we have today? Are they too afraid to report and remind their audiences about the real story behind what's happening now? No, it's not just one year of suffering! It's outrageous how the media consistently ignores what Palestinians have been enduring for decades. Have they, or you, even bothered to look at the statistics of how many Palestinians have been killed by Israel since 1948? How many children have been killed? Who holds the responsibility for what's happening now? I often wonder: what if the situation Palestinians face was applied somewhere else? For example, what if, after World War II, the West had decided that all Jews should have a state in the USA—let’s say Chicago—how would the people of Chicago have reacted? Imagine the people there being driven off the land their families had worked for generations, stripped of their rights, and harassed or persecuted if they resisted. Do international laws simply not apply when ### is involved? Do you know that people in Gaza are killed simply for fun? Yes, for fun! Israeli soldiers have been known to shoot women, children, and even animals on the spot, then walk away. Did you feel the wind when those shots were fired? Or was it too far away for you? Do you understand what death means? Good. Do you know why there are so many Palestinians living in different countries, or maybe even right next door to you, even though they smell like hummus, garlic, za'atar, and other traditional foods? Do you know why your neighbors are Palestinian and not Israeli? It's because we've been forced to flee since 1948. Our cities were erased then, and more are still being erased—through violence, through apartheid laws, through genocide, through different methods. Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian, wrote a book about hundreds of Palestinian cities that were erased to create the Israel you know today. This isn't a war that started a few days ago or even a year ago—this has been going on since at least 1948. More than 45,000 have been killed in Gaza just in the past year alone. 17 000 of them are children, and 13 000 are women. Do you even know what that means? How it feels to lose your children or part of your family? Are you going to tell us how it feels? Do you have no empathy? Is your heart so closed that you can't see the pain around you? Are you really so blind to the suffering of others? How can you ignore these realities? Do you know that the Israeli military has cut off all electricity and completely halted the import of food, water, fuel, and other necessities? There are no hospitals and no medicines left, and 85% of people in Gaza are living in makeshift tents. Yes, tents—but not like the ones you see in movies. These are handmade from plastic scraps. Do you know that my family is suffering from all of this, and I will lose them in this cold weather if you don't act now? Please help us and donate now!
Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.
Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link
Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link
Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link
Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link
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I COULD PLAY THE DOCTOR (I CAN CURE YOUR DISEASE)
pair: logan howlett x fem!reader
wc: 4.1k
contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, swearing, established relationship, logan's pov, written with origins!logan in mind, nat veering dangerously closer to a/b/o territory with every passing day, rut cycles, oral sex (fem!receiving), fingering (fem!receiving), multiple orgasms, gratuitous amounts of dirty talk, p in v, rough sex, biting, hair pulling, size kink, belly bulging, pussy pronouns, one (1) single use of the word daddy, scent kink, pain kink, breeding kink ofc, knotting (don’t look at me…), squirting, porn w/ plot, no use of y/n.
nat’s note: don’t look at me…i don’t know how many times i swore up and down i’d never write something like this but i’m a confirmed liar apparently so…here. i mean i just figured i'm in a rut artistically so therefore the only answer is writing logan in a rut physically...i can do what i want and i don't need to explain myself or my horny thoughts. also, i debated posting this in the wake of everything that's gone down over the past two days that is still escalating and will continue to escalate in the coming weeks, but i think everyone could use a little escape from how scary things may seem right now. take a break from all the terrifying news sites and read about logan wanting to breed you :) kisses!
divider by angel @saradika-graphics!
it's been another six months, and logan needs your help...
The burn starts on the walk home from work, a pulse of heat deep in Logan's gut that grows with every step.
It spreads slowly, sinking into his muscles and seeping up his spine as he rounds the last corner, your place less than a block away now.
It caught him off guard this time, an itch burying itself under his skin earlier in the day only to get worse and worse as he worked.
He usually knew the signs well enough to feel them start creeping in, and he was dead sure it wasn't for another few weeks.
Apparently, he was wrong.
Logan’s jaw clenches as he picks up his pace, every nerve ending in his body straining to break into a full blown sprint at the thought of you, all alone and waiting for him.
His fingers curl into tight fists, nails pressing into his palms to ground himself, though it’s hardly enough. The faint scent of you drifts up from his shirt, not even a long day at the lumberyard enough to drown it out.
By the time he reaches your door, his heartbeat is a heavy thud in his ears, syncing with the building ache of desire wracking through his body like the earth rattling boom of a raging thunder storm.
He fumbles through getting his key into the lock, hands unsteady as he tugs the door open with a little more force than necessary and finally steps inside.
The second he closes the door behind him, the heat surges, thrumming through his veins and flooding his chest. Your scent fills the air completely, stronger now, wrapping around him so thick and sweet.
"Darlin'?" His voice comes out rougher than he intends, but he's beyond caring.
Your voice floats from the other room, casual, warm enough to send a jolt through him. Logan drops his axe from his shoulder, leaning it against the door as he starts down the familiar path to your bedroom.
You're spread out on his side of the bed—oblivious, curled up with a book, wrapped in one of the flannels he must have left the last time he stayed over.
Just the sight of you does something to him, like a match dragged against a strike pad, damned on setting everything ablaze.
You glance up, and the soft smile on your lips falters as you catch sight of him.
Logan knows what he must look like, his eyes all dark and predatory, chest heaving as he rakes his hungry gaze over you like a wolf watches a lamb grazing too close to its den.
He doesn’t say anything at first, just stalks toward you with a purpose that’s as undeniable as the heat pouring off him in waves.
The book slips from your fingers, forgotten, as you lean back, the small sound of your breath hitching under the weight of his gaze is music to his ears.
Logan pauses at the edge of the bed, towering over you, letting himself drink in the way you look. So soft and serene, like some kind of invitation that begs him closer. His flannel draped loosely over your shoulders–shrouding you in his scent.
The urge to pounce on you fights against his normal instinct to savor every second, to draw it out until the heat pooling in his gut becomes downright unbearable.
“Been thinkin’ about you all damn day,” he mutters, voice thick and dark as molasses, rough from restraint he’s quickly losing. His knuckles brush against your thigh, then tighten, holding you in place as he leans down, his breath hot against your neck. “Thinkin’ about what I was gonna when I finally got my hands on you.”
Your skin blooms with warmth beneath his touch, and he grins against your neck, the edge of his teeth grazing you just enough to make you squirm. He growls low in his throat, that itch he’s been fighting nearly all day clawing its way up to the surface with a vengeance.
The primal urge inside of him screaming to claim claim claim take take take mate mate mate breed breed breed.
You tilt your head to the side with a soft sigh, freeing up more space for him to nose along your skin. “Is it time?”
Logan's breath catches as your question hangs in the air, thick with anticipation. The soft simplicity of it ignites the wildfire burning in his gut, every ounce of restraint slipping away like sand through his fingers.
“Yeah, baby,” he growls, slipping his fingers under the worn cotton of your shorts, feeling the bare skin beneath. “It’s time.”
You shift, hands going to the buttons of his flannel like you’re going to take it off. Logan stops you, taking your wrists in his free hand.
“Don’t,” he breathes, shaking his head hard enough that his hair flows with it. “Leave it on.”
The thought of you covered in his scent, of his scent mixing with yours to claim you on a level only he can discern sends his mind buzzing.
You look up at him with those wide, trusting eyes, and something in him cracks wide open. The tenderness of your gaze pulls at him, like a tether pulling him back from the edge, but that heat still smolders in his blood, fierce and unyielding.
Logan runs his thumb along the racing pulse of your wrist before he drops them. His hands venture lower, fingers pressing against the inside of your thigh, tracing a deliberate path that makes your body tremble under his touch.
You let out a shuddering breath, the scent of your arousal swirling through the air is enough to make him crave more.
In one rough tug, Logan yanks you towards the edge of the bed as he falls to his knees. Your hips held tight in his hands as he lurches forward, burying his nose in the soft junction where your leg and inner thigh meet.
He inhales deep, greedy lungfuls of your scent. A guttural growl rumbles through his chest, his eyes screwing shut at the sheer amount of too much that courses through him. He feels dizzy with it, high on the pheromones pumping from you in waves.
You’re soaked already, the wet fabric of your shorts melded to the shape of your cunt. He can’t help but run his nose along the slick seam of you, reveling in the way your legs twitch on either side of his head, in the short gasp you let out.
“Logan.” Your voice is nothing but a mewl, pleading and desperate.
“Missed you,” he rasps, his voice rough, almost unrecognizable. The edge of need in him makes his hands shake, sliding up your thighs, urging them even further apart as he settles between them.
Logan’s fingers dig into your skin, he lets his thumbs brush up, hooking them into the waistband of your shorts to tug them down your legs in one sharp yank. He groans at the sight of you completely bare, no underwear.
“Fuck, look at you,” he grates, his thumb coming down to slip through your dripping cunt. Your hole flutters desperately around him, needy little clenches like it’s trying to suck him in. “She’s all ready for me, huh? Been waiting for me to come home and give her some attention?”
“Please,” you whimper, your voice thick with longing, the sound going straight to his head, clouding his thoughts.
Logan’s pulse races as he watches your body arch instinctively toward his touch, the desperate need in your eyes igniting the raw urges coursing through him.
He can’t deny you; he never could. You’re a feast laid out before him, and he’s starving.
Logan leans closer, letting his tongue flick out to taste you like he’s wanted to since he left for work this morning.
“Fuck,” he breathes, closing his eyes and losing himself in the moment. He licks a broad stripe from your entrance to your clit, savoring the way your body responds, the way your legs tremble and your hips twitch against his mouth, seeking more. “Tastes like fuckin’ heaven, sweetheart.”
The taste of you is intoxicating—sweet and tangy, flooding his senses with every drag and swirl of his tongue.
Logan can’t help but moan against you, the sound vibrating through your body as he dives deeper, his nose nudging against your slick entrance as he shakes his head back and forth like an animal—rubbing the plush skin of your inner thighs red and raw with each rough drag of his coarse beard.
Every flick of his tongue sends a shockwave through you, and he revels in the sounds you make—each whimper, each moan, a siren’s call urging him deeper. He laves his tongue around your clit, sucking it gently, pulling at it with his lips as you writhe beneath him, begging for more.
He keeps your thighs spread wide, two strong hands pinning them to the mattress so he can devour you just the way you deserve, the sharp dig of your heels into his shoulders only spurs him on.
Your hands bury themselves in his hair, tugging him closer, and he groans into you, letting his tongue delve deeper, seeking out every bit of sweetness he can coax from you.
It’s pure sin, each sound you make, each shiver that runs through you as he takes his time, drinking you down like a man starved.
The ache in him intensifies, his own need growing, pulsing. He’s hard, has been hard since he walked through the front door.
His cock strains against the zipper of his jeans, need pulsing in time with each pump of his blood through his shaft, circling around the base, threatening to expand even without the tight grip of your pussy surrounding him. His hips jerk up on their own volition, desperate for any friction.
“Just like that, Logan,” you gasp, voice breathy and trembling with pleasure.
The way you say his name—raw, desperate—makes his blood run hotter. He grips your thighs tighter, anchoring you to the bed as he drinks you in, wanting to lose himself in you completely.
Logan pulls away just long enough to catch his breath, looking up at you with lust-drunk eyes, drinking in the sight of your sweaty cheeks, your heavy-lidded gaze, the way your chest rises and falls with each shuddering breath.
The pulse of his cock intensifies, urging him to speed things along. The base desire of his own instincts is getting harder and harder to ignore under your adoring stare.
He feeds his fingers into your clenching hole with no warning, a satisfied smirk tugging his lips up at your sharp gasp. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, the entire lower half of his face still shining with your essence.
Your cunt swallows him, two thick fingers sinking into the velvety heat like it’s nothing.
Logan groans as he feels you clench around him, your walls fluttering and drawing him in deeper. “That’s it, baby,” he mutters, his voice hoarse with need. “So fuckin’ ready for me, so ready for daddy’s fingers in your pussy.”
Your mouth drops open in another devastatingly desperate noise, your hands twist his hair roughly, soft breasts rising and falling each time you gasp for air. The dim light of the sunset filters in through the blinds, highlighting the curves of your body, slick and shining with a thin sheen of sweat.
Every clench of your walls around his fingers shoots a thrill straight to his cock, making him ache with the urge to bury himself inside you. The overwhelming need to take you completely, to mark you and fill you, pulses through his veins until he feels like he might explode.
But he’s not done tasting you yet. Not until you’re practically dripping onto the sheets.
He lowers his mouth back to your core, sucking your clit into his mouth as his fingers pump faster. The sudden intensity makes your thighs shake around his head, and he grins against you. He wants to see you fall apart—wants to feel it.
“Logan—please, I…” You can barely get the words out, voice breaking as your whole body strains against him, desperate and needy.
The wet slap of his palm against your spit soaked cunt is loud in the quiet of your bedroom, blending with the loud keens that fall from your parted lips. He crooks his fingers, rubbing at that soft, spongy spot inside of you.
“Come on,” he mutters, slick lips brushing against your clit as he speaks. “Give it to me, baby. Show me you're ready for my cock."
He drags the sharp edge of his canine against your pulsing clit with barely any pressure, and you're coming.
Your whole body tenses, back bowing off the mattress as you let out a broken cry of his name. The bite of your nails digging into his scalp feels harsh enough to draw blood, a feeble attempt at grounding yourself against the onslaught of pleasure.
Your trembling thighs tighten around his shoulders, gripping him like a vice as your shaking cunt gushes around his fingers. Logan groans at the feeling, eyes slipping shut as you drench his wrist and chin in your juices.
Even then, he doesn’t let up, fingers pumping relentlessly as he draws out every pulse, every aftershock of your climax, every tiny spray of your release splashing against his wrist.
He’s lost in the feel of you—slick and trembling under his hands, the scent of your release filling his lungs, thick and intoxicating.
You slump back against the bed, body limp and spent. His own need is a driving, aching force now, clawing at his insides, demanding more.
He slips his fingers free from your dripping heat, dragging them through the wetness coating his chin as he licks them clean with a growl, savoring every taste.
“Good girl,” he purrs, voice thick with pride and satisfaction as he pulls back, leaving your thighs twitching in the wake of his touch. But he still isn’t finished. Not even close.
You barely have time to catch your breath before Logan crawls up the bed, his eyes locked on you, pupils blown with need. He looms over you, hands planting on either side of your head. His cock grinds against you through the rough denim, and you can feel just how thick and hard he is, throbbing through the fabric, demanding to be freed.
With a low groan, he shifts his hips, dragging his bulge along your soaked cunt, sending another jolt of pleasure racing through you. His hands are all over you, gripping your waist, hot and possessive.
“Feel that?” he asks, pressing his lips the wild flutter of your pulse, the need to sink his teeth in the soft skin of your neck raises the hair on the back of his neck. “That’s what you do to me baby. Got me hard as a fuckin’ rock, just aching to be inside you.”
Your arms circle his shoulders, clawing at the fabric off his shirt. “Need you inside me, Logan. Please, want it so bad.”
The pure need lacing your words, your scent calling out to him, the way he can feel the front of his jeans getting soaked through with the slick pouring from your cunt all pull him deeper into the recesses of his hind-brain.
The mounting desperation to stuff you full of his cock finally reaches a fever pitch.
With a deep growl, Logan rears back as far as he can bear, just enough to tear his shirt over his head before he fumbles with the heavy buckle of his belt to free his aching cock.
He shoves his jeans down, boxers quickly following until there’s nothing separating him from the cool air of your bedroom. His cock springs free, hot and flushed an angry red color, drooling from the tip enough that it drips down to stain the pretty floral sheets of your bed.
Your eyes zero in on him, mouth dropping open at the sight. His cock so heavy it doesn’t curve upward to slap against his stomach, instead it hangs down to sway between his thighs as he moves closer.
Your legs spread as he nears, slick covered thighs parting to make room for him to slot between them. So obedient, so good, so well trained.
Logan takes himself in his hand, nearly wincing at the blazing temperature of his skin. He secures his hand around the base, squeezing where his knot threatens to pop before he’s even got in you.
He slips the angry head through the folds of your cunt, slapping it against your clit with a wet ‘thwack’ sound. He can feel the way it twitches and shakes, just as desperate as him.
“Look at that,” he mutters darkly, eyes glued to where he’s laid his cock flat against your stomach, leaking pre-come all over your soft skin. “How’s it gonna fit, baby?” He shifts his hips, sawing his length back and forth to see just how deep in you he’ll be.
Your glassy eyes drop, a broken moan passing through your slack lips when you take in the sight. Your hips rise off the bed, grinding your cunt along the seam of his heavy balls, along the prominent vein trailing up the underside.
“Don’t worry, baby,” Logan grits out, eyes hooded and dark as he watches you grind against him. “You’re gonna take it all. Gonna make you feel every last fuckin’ bit of me.”
He groans, gritting his teeth as he presses in further, each inch a battle against the tight, molten heat that grips him like a vice. Your body shudders as he fills you, your slick warmth pulling him deeper and deeper, and he sinks down until he’s fully seated, his hips flush with yours.
The pressure is mind-numbing, your walls clenching around him in rhythmic pulses that make his vision blur. He stills for just a second, savoring the way your body stretches around him, hugging him in a way that feels like it was made for him alone.
Logan watches your face as you adjust to the stretch, your brows pinched together, each breath coming fast and shallow, your eyes glazed with pleasure.
Then, your hands come to his shoulders, nails digging little crescent moons into his skin as you nod your head, ready.
It’s all the confirmation he needs. His hips pull back before he slams in again, the force of it jolting your whole body. He presses his forehead to your shoulder, teeth bared as he muffles a snarl against your skin.
Logan thrusts again, and again, and again, hips setting a merciless pace as he watches the way your breasts bounce with each thrust, each little shudder.
His mouth waters with the need to taste, to sink his teeth into your supple skin hard enough to pierce clean through, hard enough to scar.
Sweat drips down the length of his spine, across his brow. It mats down the hair scattered over his chest, his dog tags slick with it when they bounce off his skin with each thrust. The grip of his hands tightens on your hips, it’s taking everything in him to hold back and yet he knows you’ll still bruise tomorrow.
Pretty hues of dark purples and yellows in the shape of his fingers, ones he’ll catch you admiring in the bathroom mirror, pressing your own fingertips into them to feel the dull ache—to remember this moment.
“Made for this, aren’t you?” he rasps, his voice dark and possessive. “Made to take me, to be mine.”
The words barely leave his mouth before he’s bending down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, swallowing your cries as he drives into you, pushing you both closer to that sweet edge.
“Fuck, Logan,” you gasp, breaking the kiss as your body trembles under him. “Can–ah!–can feel you in my stomach…”
Your hand drops from his shoulder, slipping between your bodies to rest over the sweaty expanse of your belly. Logan’s eyes follow your path, a feral growl bursting from his chest before he can stop it.
He’s transfixed by it, sure that if he pressed his hand to the soft skin of your lower stomach right over your own, that he’d feel it. Feel the way his cock punches up against your insides, so deep it's like he’s rearranging your guts to make room.
“Fuck.” His voice is nothing but a gravelly rumble, hoarse and dark as midnight. His hips speed up impossibly faster, chasing the feeling of your clenching walls choking the length of his cock so tight he thinks it might snap off at the base.
The flimsy headboard of your bed slams against the wall, creaky mattress springs screaming under his ministrations.
You feel like salvation, like the first rays of light after too many years spent in the dark.
He feels it with each kiss of his cock against your cervix, in the way your lips fit in the junction of his neck, in the red welts your nails leave on the skin of his back. He feels alive, truly alive, for the first time in decades.
“Say my name,” he grates, his hand cupping the back of your neck, coaxing you to look up at him, lips close enough to taste the heat radiating from his skin. “Tell me who you belong to.”
"Logan," you gasp, your voice breathy, edged with desperation as he pushes you closer to the brink. "Yours. Only yours."
A broken, shaky noise falls from his lips as he buries his face in your neck. He mouths at your skin desperately, presses his nose to where your scent is the strongest.
Flashes of his release spraying your insides play behind his closed eyes, thoughts of drenching you so thoroughly that it has to take only forcing his hips to slam against the rippling muscle of your ass like you have your own magnetic pull. He feels it building, the slow swell of his knot presses against your folds, ready to burst.
“Come on, honey,” he begs, thumb coming down to rub slow circles over your slick clit. “Come with me, soak my cock. Show me how much you love it, how much you love me.”
Pathetic little uh uh uh’s fall from you with every thrust, broken up only by the breathy whines of his name as he pounds into you hard enough to push your body higher up the mattress. Finally, with a loud roar, he stuffs his growing knot inside of your cunt.
Logan’s teeth sink into your neck before he can even think twice about it, the thick spray of his come filling you as his hands pull your hips down even further over his cock. He needs to be as deep in you as possible, to press forward until he can’t anymore, until his aching balls are flush with your gushing cunt.
He watches with rapt attention as you come with a loud wail, just from the feeling of his knot slotting into place. The clamp of your thighs over his hips is nearly as tight as the way your cunt seizes around him like it’s scared he’ll leave.
He groans at the over stimulation of your cunt milking his cock. Your slick leaks around the base of him, your shaking hole plugged so full it can only slip along the creamy ring to splash weakly against his thighs and hips.
Logan licks along the spot where his teeth pierced your skin, planting one last kiss before he’s taking you in his arms and rolling onto his back atop the mattress. The plush comforter sticks to his skin, your own sweaty body slipping against his as he tries his best to not jostle you too much while keeping you stuffed full of his cock.
He holds you to his chest until your breathing evens out, until your body stops trembling on top of his, until you’re nosing along the column of his neck.
“Logan?” Your voice is tiny, hoarse and scratchy. He feels your hand drawing absent minded shapes along the skin of his stomach. A circle, a star, a figure eight, a heart.
“Yeah baby?” he says, pressing his lips to the crown of your head, eyes slipping shut at the content feeling that spreads through him.
“Love you,” you murmur, voice soft but sure, the words slipping out without hesitation.
It’s the first time you’ve said it today, and hearing those three words from you sends warmth flooding through him.
Logan shifts slightly, pulling you even closer, his hand moving to the back of your head, cradling you with a kind of tenderness he used to think he’d never be capable of. “I love you too, darlin’. More than you know.”
Your body relaxes against him, the lingering effects of your shared intimacy still buzzing through your limbs, but now there’s a sense of peace, of safety, and a deeper connection.
He can feel the way your fingers curl lightly against his skin, the quiet smile that must be tugging at your lips as you press a kiss to the side of his neck.
And in that moment, with everything settled around him, Logan knows that this, right here, is everything.
tags are now in the comments! if you want to get tagged for any of my works just fill out this form!
#— 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘢 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 ♡#ᯓ★ 𝐧𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭!#natalia cant write anything under 1.000 words#DON'T LOOK AT ME#maybe i'm starting my period soon#idfk#match my freak y'all#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett fic#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett smut#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine fic#wolverine imagine#wolverine smut#x men x reader#x men smut#marvel x reader#marvel smut#mcu x reader#mcu smut
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I ran out of tags XD Good Omens Spoilers Beware! (time for dinner now)
The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–
Keep reading
#FASCINATING essay#intriguing ideas and clues#the eccles cakes are DEFINITELY significant! weren't they called the ultimate comfort food? comfort disappears...#s2 has so many threads left up in the air ready to be played with in s3 it's great#wondering hard about the editing/erasing memories ability...is that something any angel at michael/uriel/saraqaels' level can do?#is it something they can do to ANY angel (or demon?)/only if they decide as a committee?#cuz they expected to erase gabriel's memory. saraqael had the thing to “look up” gabriel's memory in her hot little hands at the meeting#was THAT the book of life or is angel memory editing a separate function? (I'm leaning toward the latter)#GABRIEL fell in love?? GABRIEL?? with a demon?? is that Real? is it??#One Prince of Heaven may fall (lucifer/satan) but not two (crowley?) and CERTAINLY not 3 (gabriel) eh metatron? eh?#you are on to something BIG and the payoff is gonna be great!#(hey hollywood execs pay your fucking staff already & stop forcing wga & sag-aftra to strike for survival) (s3 doesn't HAVE to be on prime?)#oooh maggie not sure about maggie not being real. you've got me halfway convinced but aziraphale loves her records#AND she gets all the everyday records that the resurrectionist keeps getting--possible grounding in reality?#“it's just a thing we do” - i am on the fence on this one. on the one hand it is a very Character thing to say. on the other...#it's also a very mellow go woth the flow i don't get it but I'm here and i don't hate it kind of thing to say (and she really really wants#to dance with nina)#*with#the perfect crime...the parallels to gabriel's disappearance with none knowing who done did it (cuz he zapped himself into the fly)#back to gabriel & beelzebub and the everday records....the sheer NUMBER of records...does it imply gabriel turned EVERY RECORD in the juke#every time they visited the resurrectionist (3 times on screen?) or does he change just the one currently selected and there's a ton more#visits there that we DON'T see (but the records are proof of)?#gabriel says Nah. nah. nuhuh. nope. great & terrible prophesy bad things coming ah yes I'll renege and lose my memory to avert it ???#Nah is too out of character to not be deliberate. WHAT DOES GABRIEL KNOW ABOUT WHAT IS COMING. why did he set things up#so that he could escape heaven scot free but memoryless and WHY was that integral to averting the Terrible Thing that is coming?#is metatron the terrible thing? did gabriel have to leave the coop SO THAT metatron would be tempted to meddle & suck aziraphale in?#so that aziraphale (and crowley) can save the day by stopping “heaven”/metatron's plan for the second coming?#the Great Plan is ineffable...the Apocalysn't...the plan behind the plan for apocalypse...god's narration & the nice & accurate prophecies--#what I'm getting at there (poorly) is that...maybe god's plan is to see how long things can last? how great creation can become?#because it IS a damn shame to end an infinite universe after 6000 years before the engine is even fully cranked up...
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