#i again still find it funny they even ended up together lol i wasn’t necessarily trying too hard for it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlemisslipbalm · 4 years ago

Text

“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?”

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?” Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

��I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,” you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

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emerald-chaos · 4 years ago

Text

Touchdown

*gif not mine, credit goes to the owner*

I just want to take a moment to say thank you for the love on my last fic! It made my lil ole heart swell to see that peopled enjoyed it enough to leave a like or reblog.

This is just something special I had in my arsenal that I wrote for a friend a few months ago. I touched it up a bit and added a few things here and there. It all started when we were talking about how much we loved when Chris' accent got heavier after he'd been drinking, and well, I couldn't help myself lol. I hope you enjoy the fluff! xoxo

I apologize for any grammatical errors, I tried to proof-read but am also a little exhausted lol.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2844

Warnings: I don't think there's anyway? Mentions of being drunk/drinking alcohol, cursing, and illusions to sexy times, but that's about it.

You hadn’t noticed how furiously your knee was bouncing up and down until the person sitting next to you on the subway got up to move seats once the train squealed to a stop. You sighed and ran your hands down the front of your thighs. Normally being a little late didn’t bother you as much, but tonight you were meeting him.

You flipped your wrist over to check your watch. 8:30pm. In all honesty, it had probably been only thirty seconds later than when you checked it the last time. Another deep sigh escaped from your lips as you started to become hyper aware of the train remaining still at the current stop. What could possibly be taking so long? You knew he wouldn’t care if you were running late, but the time the two of you had together already felt so minuscule. You wanted to capitalize on every second you could.

The train began moving again and you slumped back into your seat, feeling only a small amount of relief. It was becoming painfully apparent that you needed to try and relax. You could feel the sweat building up on your body, the sting on your palms from where your fingernails were pressing in with a vengeance moments ago, and you could hear your heart thumping in your ears. Your hand dug around in your purse for a few moments before finding the small case you were looking for. Opening it, you slipped your headphones into your ears and let your head rest on the window behind you as music intertwined with your thoughts.

Once upon a time, you made fun of people who decided to go to grad school. What kind of a clown would spend thousands of MORE dollars and go BACK to school?? Not to mention the stress of the assignments, the due dates - it was not for you...or so you thought.

Now here you are, a regular booboo the fool.

NYU’s graduate program for design and merchandising wasn’t necessarily part of your 5-year plan, but when the opportunity landed in front of you it was difficult to pass up. NYU was a school you had only dreamt of attending back in high school. When you were a senior in high school you were able to tour the campus and fell in love immediately. Hours upon hours were spent researching grants, scholarships, and all sorts of ways to try to make it happen. However, the dream ended as most teenage dreams do - crushed. There was no way you or your parents could afford the loans that it would surely wrack up to attend the out of state university, and there was no way you could ask your parents take on that kind of debt just so you could go to college. UMass was the way to go - close to home and familiar. Not to mention you were able to obtain several scholarships and grants that helped bring down the cost tremendously. Little did you know, boring ole UMass would bring you one of the most important things in your life.

Applying for graduate school wasn’t an easy decision and one you couldn’t really take all the credit for. A smile crept across your face as you reminisced on the night you nervously brought up the idea to your long-term boyfriend.

“I think you should do it,”

“I know, right?” you scoffed, “it’s insane, why would I do something so stup...wait, what? You do?”

“Of course I do. This is something you love and that you’re passionate about. Do you know how many hours of my life were spent listening to you ramble about NYU?” he questioned with a grin.

“It will open up so many doors for you. We can make things work,” a chuckle escaped from those beautiful lips as he saw your dumbfounded expression. He wrapped his fingers around your waist and pulled you close, “What? Did you expect me to forbid it? Cmon, baby, what kind of guy do you take me for?”

You didn’t have a lot of wins in your life, but you did have Chris.

When you got accepted, he took off a week from work to drive you 3 and a half hours south to help get you settled and moved into your temporary new home. The two of you ate a disgusting amount of pizza, moved a ridiculous amount of heavy furniture in the middle of a summer heat wave, and enjoyed each other’s company before the long-distance thing would set in. Chris spent that week encouraging you every step of the way, talking you off the ledge when you were convinced you had made the wrong decision, and made sure to help you christen every possible surface of your new place in the most deliciously sinful way.

You bit your lip slightly at the thought and a warm feeling spread across your face. Chris was one of the most incredible people you had met in this world. Kind, caring, funny, intelligent, passionate, and god was he sexy. The connection the two of you had was scary at first, but now you just couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone else.

The robotic voice came over the loud-speaker in the subway car and you were rudely ripped back to reality as it pulled into your stop. You hurriedly scooped up your bag and jogged off the train.

It had been a promise between the two of you when you moved that there would be equal effort when it came to visiting and keeping in contact while having good, open communication. Long distance was hard but the two of you were determined to make it work. FaceTime calls, hours upon hours of texting, and even as far as writing the occasional letter back and forth (because your boyfriend was a hopeless romantic and you loved it so much). This weekend was your turn to come home to visit, and of course your last class had to go longer than anticipated. Fuckin’ Tiffany and her stupid ass questions.

The muscles of your calves burned as you kept up your hurried pace, weaving through the crowds of people gathered on sidewalks outside of various clubs and restaurants. It was a weekend night and the Patriots were playing, which meant the city was more alive than usual. New York was it's own beast, but it was a different type of hustle and bustle. Nights like these made your heart ache for home - the thick Massachusetts accents, the rowdy voices of bar patrons arguing about the game, the hugs shared between family members as they parted after dinner, and the faint smell of nicotine and alcohol that hung in the air.

As the neon sign that hung in the pub window came in to view you felt your heart dip down into your stomach. Last weekend’s visit had to be cancelled due to some stuff coming up with Chris’ work and a surprise assignment for you, so you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in 2 weeks. With a deep breath you swung open the door and scanned the crowd for him. He told you that he would be there promptly at 7:15pm for pregame shenanigans with his friends - which actually translated to how many pitchers of beer could they suck down before kick off.

“Aw, come ON! That is such a bullshit call!”

You heard him before you saw him. Of course. A grin spread across your lips as you shook your head. The thought of leaving to avoid secondhand embarrassment crossed your mind briefly before you picked up your feet and made your way through the crowd toward the sound. A room full of people from New England and you would still recognize that voice anywhere.

Everyone else seemed to fade away as you saw the outline of the tall, dark haired man standing at the bar. The slight freckles that spattered the back of his neck, the Brady jersey that he spent WAY too much money customizing, and the signature backward ball cap were ingrained in your subconscious memory. Not to mention if you didn’t recognize his outline or his voice, you would definitely recognize that ass anywhere.

You loved how passionate he got about sports and the way his Boston accent seemed to get thicker with each beer he consumed. Growing up in the area, you wouldn't think the accent would send a tingle down your spine the way it does, but it was different - it was Chris. Not to mention the sparkle in his eye when he would watch his favorite team or the way he would get in to arguments whenever someone tried to say something negative about them. You loved your big, handsome, over-sized toddler man so damn much.

A light tap on his shoulder made him whip around, his slightly opened mouth from his interrupted conversation curved upwards into a wicked grin as he made the connection of who was finally standing in front of him.

“Hey there, handsome. I don’t see a ring on your finger. You single?” You grinned, feeling your entire body fill with warmth as Chris leaned back and grabbed his chest as he erupted in laughter.

“Nah, nah, nah, unfortunately for you I am taken” he responded as he snaked his arms around your waist, sliding his hands into your back pockets as he pulled you into his figure.

“That is too bad,” you tsk'd, running a finger down his toned bicep, “she’s one lucky girl.”

“I think I’m the lucky one,” he grinned. He leaned down to meet your lips in a kiss. You sighed into it, allowing your body to mold itself so perfectly into his. The taste of beer on his lips and the smell of his cologne was intoxicating - it was home. You immediately allowed him entrance as you felt his tongue glide along your bottom lip. Your body felt small in his strong grip and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he gave your ass a firm squeeze. Normally, this type of bold, public display of affection would make you cringe away but at this point you were lost in Chris that you had absolutely no shame. Each time the two of you embraced had always felt like the first. Your heart still fluttered and your knees still got weak, like you were a 16 year old being kissed for the first time.

In the middle of your reunion moment, however, something happened in the game that made the entire bar erupt in boo’s and curses. Chris lifted his lips from yours to look over his shoulder and inspect what he had missed. You laughed and shook your head as you pushed him back towards his friends and took a seat in the bar stool he had been standing behind initially. His large hands found a natural place on your shoulders. While his eyes remained glued on the TV he began applying a moderate amount of pressure to your neck and shoulders. You didn’t realize how much your body craved that touch, his touch, until you immediately melted back into him.

The bartender slid a beer in front of you with a wink and you mouthed your thanks. You felt a twinge in your heart as you looked around, taking in the atmosphere of the bar. This was a typical weekend night for the two of you whenever you were living together. Football, drinks, pub food, and friends. If it wasn’t this pub it was your living room, just a couple blocks away. You didn’t even mind that it was your first night back and you weren’t alone, spending it immediately wrapped up in your satin sheets. The atmosphere, the people - it was so warm and familiar that you really wouldn’t rather be doing anything else. Plus, being wrapped up together in the sheets was sure to follow.

“I missed you,” hummed a pair of lips as they placed a kiss on the shell of your ear. A shiver shot down your spine at the sensation of his warm breath fanning over your neck. You reached up a hand and connected it to the nape of his neck.

“I missed you too,” you replied, turning your head to plant a kiss on his stubbled cheek.

His arms changed position as he wrapped them in front of your shoulders and crossed them, resting his chin on the top of your head. Your hand absentmindedly rubbed his forearms as you nursed your beer and placed your focus onto the game for the first time tonight.

The laughter seemed to escape from your chest naturally and effortlessly the entire night, as it always had a habit of doing when Chris was around. The camaraderie between him and his buddies during a game was something you’d grown to enjoy over the years. Chris’ competitive nature and the way his jaw clenched when something wasn’t going the way he wanted was always kinda...hot. All of his friends were huge assholes, but in the best way. It was always entertaining to hear them jab at each other and do what they could to rile someone up. They were the life of every party you had ever attended and they had a way of making a boring night a lot more interesting.

Thankfully (for the integrity of the bar) the Pats won the game with a surprise touchdown in the last 30 seconds of the game. Chris, being the guy he is, bought a final round for his friends and a nearby group they had been going back and forth with all night. You couldn’t help but laugh as he drunkenly leaned across the counter and slurred his order to the bartender.

“I need a round for m’friends and for these assholes over here who thought Tom Brady was anything but a winner!” the group started yelling in protest and he simply waved them off and started sliding beers down the bar.

The group eventually moved to a bigger round top so everyone could shoot the shit and banter about the outcome of the game. You were tucked into Chris’ side, hands intertwined as he was passionately discussing the importance of Brady’s legacy with a stranger who made the mistake of stopping to talk to him. Your eyes followed the motion of your thumb as it traced small circles onto the back of his. Your other hand under your chin, holding up the weight of your head as your exhaustion started to catch up with you. Chris, although slightly drunk, picked up on your body language and raised your hand to his lips for a kiss.

“Alright, fellas,” he said as he stood up from his seat, pulling you up with him, “the lady and I are gonna call it a night. See you boys next weekend”.

“Chris, we don’t have to go,” you began to protest as he tucked his jacket around your shoulders.

“Mm, ‘course we do,” he replied with a soft smile, “you’re so tired, baby. I can see it in those beautiful eyes”.

You could feel your cheeks turn a light shade of pink as you rolled your eyes at his attempt at laying it on thick. After what felt like a proper 10 minute goodbye session, the group said their final goodbyes, hugs included, and you walked out of the pub hand in hand.

The walk home was filled with the sounds of cars passing by and conversation of what each other had missed in the week prior. Small talk typically felt like such a chore, but with Chris every conversation came naturally. Even when he had absolutely no idea what you were talking about, he would listen intently and ask all the questions as if it was the most interesting conversation in the world.

The lock on the apartment door clicked as you pushed it open and entered. You smiled as you stopped into the middle of the living room, taking in the home you missed so dearly. A soft tapping of toenails against the hardwood made your heart soar as you met the eyes of your sweet pup, Dodger. A squeal left your lips as you squatted down to give love to the sweet boy. Chris always made fun of you when you came home, saying that you always seemed to miss Dodger more than you did him and I mean, he wasn’t entirely wrong about that statement.

Once again lost in your own world, you didn’t even notice Chris leaned up against the wall watching you with a smile.

“Oh my god,” you gushed, standing up, “do you like...like me or something?”

Chris grinned as he crossed the room and caught your belt loop with his finger, pulling you into him slowly.

“Yeah,” his voice had dropped down an octave, “you could say that”.

“Mm,” your tongue swiped across your lower lip and you wrapped your arms around his neck, “care to show me how much?”

The look in his eyes made your core burn. The tension building between you two became too much to handle as you crashed your lips into his. The kisses were messy and you could feel the sense of urgency between you two. His beard scratched against the column of your throat with a delicious burn as he left wet kisses across your jaw and down the side of your neck. Chris’ hands found their way back into the ass pockets of your jeans as he started walking you back towards the direction of the bedroom.

Soon, there was a trail of clothes leading to your bedroom and you felt very sorry for your neighbors. It had been a long time, but Chris always had a way of welcoming you home.

#eeeeeeee #i love soft drunk boston frat chris so much it pains me #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans headcanons #chris evans imagines #chris evans fic #chris evans fluff #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans/reader #chris evans/you #fluff #imagines #headcanons

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smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 4 years ago

Note

YOUR ANNIE FIC “tragedies of war” MADE ME CRY SM :( gosh your writing is beautiful!! can i request smth similar? maybe after annie meets the scouts she reunites with reader and it’s just fluff and stuff 🥺🥺 no rush ofc <33

Honestly, after that one, we all wanted a happy ending version (even me lol)

Home

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: None

Category: Fluff

Summary: As a sort of divergence from this fic, Annie breaks out of the crystal and immediately goes looking for her S/O.

Words: 1.8K

Y/n.

It was the first thing on her mind when she was suddenly freed from the crystal.

Where is she?

She could feel the effects of time on her muscles - they were stiff and tense, reluctant to move at all.

Just how long have I been in that thing? She wondered. How much time has passed?

After four years, you’d imagine she’d have a wide array of things on her mind. But, in reality, there was only one.

Her girlfriend.

She leaned against the way tiredly before slinking down to sit, folding her knees into her chest and burying her head. She could tell, by some sense unknown to even her, that a lot of time had passed.

She thought of what you’d look like now. Were you happy? Were you getting along with everyone? Had you found out the secret of the walls? Did you find out her secret?

Thoughts raced through her head like a crashing river, never stopping for any order, but still flowing in the same direction. Suddenly, a thought creeped its way up her neck, instilling a seed of worry deep in the pit of her stomach.

Were you even okay? Were you hurt? Did something happen? Did you... did you...

No, she thought, determination struggling to reach past the worry that laced her mind and expression, she’s fine. She’s strong, nothing would’ve happened to her. No titan would ever kill her, she’s stronger than that.

She finally made her way up on unsteady feet, staring around the room absentmindedly.

She’s... she’s okay... The blonde stumbled forward, her legs voicing their complaints painfully, but she didn’t care. She has to be...

...

I have to find her.

---

So, here she was now. The front door of the Scout building, two MPs standing wearily to either side of her. She wasn’t surprised by that, though. It made an amount of sense - she was a titan shifter from Marley, who was the number one enemy of Paradis at the moment. Still, she made it clear her only intention was to visit her girlfriend, and, with much persistence, they allowed her.

That didn’t stop the two MPs from boastfully carrying rifles and folding Annie’s arm behind her back painfully. They needed to make sure there was zero chance of transforming, especially now that she was so close to many important military figures.

An MP stepped forward, pounding their fist on the door begrudgingly. An even more begruntled Levi answered.

“Military Police?” He questioned, cocking an eyebrow at their unannounced presence. He sighed, before speaking again, the tiredness evident in his voice. “What are we being arrested for now?”

“Nothing,” the female MP to her right spoke quickly. “Just a visitor.” She spoke flatly, gesturing to the blonde still restrained in the soldiers’ grasps.

Levi eyes slowly tracked their way from the MP down to face Annie.

“Her?” He raised an eyebrow, almost looking at her with condescension. She wasn’t surprised. She looked tired - after all, those four years in the crystal weren’t exactly a holiday. Not to mention, her face, normally neutral and stoic, was plastered with worry. Eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, as if she was waiting impatiently for some horrid news.

He continued to stare, but Annie didn’t crumple under his concrete gaze. Her eyes were fixed over his shoulder, searching the room behind him for any sign of her lover.

She saw no trace of you amongst the soldiers, and worry began to grow once again, and her heart slowly dropped more and more.

Despite her limited success in finding you, she locked eyes with a familiar face - Armin. He seemed quite surprised to see her, a curious expression painted his face as he marched over.

“Annie?” He said her name, speaking it almost like he wasn’t even sure she was real. “What are you...” He trailed off, confusion evident in his tone.

Quickly though, he regained his train of thought, “Come inside.” He gestured gently, and she stepped inside eagerly.

She scanned the room once again, and there was no sign of you. The seed of worry grew.

“Things have changed a lot, y’know.” Armin started, leaning against the wall. “We made it outside the walls. We know about you and the warrior program. It feels like it would take years for you to catch up on everything that’s happened but-”

“Where’s Y/n?”

She didn’t bother for small talk, or hell, even meaningful conversation for that matter. That didn’t matter right now. She had one thing on her mind.

“Y/n?” He echoed, registering the question for a moment. “Y/n is...”

What’s all the chattering about? You wondered, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you woke from your nap. You laid in your dorm room bed, which unfortunately shared a wall with the common area. Given all the noise, you figured there was some type of guest.

You pulled the covers off of your body, and sleepily got up and went towards the door, yawning loudly. You stepped out of the door and into the hallway, and headed towards the commons.

“Y/n is...” The blonde man spoke unconfidently, almost as if he was trying to remember your whereabouts.

She paid no attention to what he was saying, though, as movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

A slow shadow slunk against the wall, placing it’s hand on the wall for balance. And it rounded the corner.

She made eye contact. And there it was.

Her world.

You.

You stood right in front of her for the first time in four years. Tiredness and fatigue were evident in your eyes, but you were certainly there. Alive and well. And that’s all that mattered.

“Y/N!!” She shouted, and the light seemed to return to her face. The thousand pound weight on her shoulders had just been lifted, and finally, she could move again. And, although her shocked and worried expression stayed present, you could see the quick buildup of tears in her eyes.

She broke free of the grasp the MPs had on her, adrenaline assisting her in breaking through their hold easily, and pushed her way past Armin, sprinting towards you as fast as she possibly could.

Your hazy mind took a moment to process the blonde mass running towards you, but your eyes lit up in excitement as you finally processed that beautiful face and identify it as your girlfriend, somehow awake from her slumber.

“Annie!” You beamed, opening your arms to allow her in just in time for her body to collide with yours, easily knocking over your unprepared body.

You landed against the wall of the hallway roughly, and you slid down the wall carelessly. Your girlfriend was clinging to you almost desperately, gripping the front of your shirt and burying her face in it, your leg to either side of her body.

You grabbed the back of her head, pulling her closer into you. You could feel the wetness of tears on the front of your shirt as she sniffled and sobbed into your chest. Normally, she would never let herself get so emotional in front of everyone, but the overwhelming relief she felt just to know you were safe was too much for her to be able to control.

It was all too much for her. The sight of your adorable face, the warmth your body gave off, the scent the was so originally yours engrained into the clothes you wore. It hadn’t hit her until just now how much she missed you, even if she was hardly conscious in the crystal.

She sobbed helplessly into your shirt, finding herself unable to do anything else at the moment. You were relieved too, of course, but you never had to worry about Annie’s safety, which couldn’t be said vice versa. Still, happy tears filled your eyes as you continued to embrace your girlfriend.

You stayed like that for a little while longer, until a loud *ahem* caught your attention. You moved your head up to look (though Annie decided to keep hers right where it was), and were greeted with Caption Levi staring down at you.

“I get you’re happy, Y/n,” He stated bluntly, trying not to make things super awkward. “But this is the kind of affection that can be saved for your dorm room.”

A pink tint flared up on your cheeks, suddenly reminded by the fact that everyone in the commons could see you two.

“A-Ah,” you chuckled. “Of course Captain Levi.”

You placed your hands on the underside of Annie’s thighs, allowing you to hold her as you stood up and walked to your dorm.

You shut the door quickly, locking it for good measure, and laid down on the bed, setting your lover down gently beside you.

It seemed her crying had died down for the most part, thankfully. Even though they were happy tears, something about seeing your lover cry made you so unhappy.

“Annie,” you smiled at her, causing her to move her head up to stare at you. You brushed the hair out of her face affectionately, smiling with happy tears in your eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

The statement only seemed to bring out more emotion in her, as her lip trembled in an attempt to not let any tears fall. “Y/n... I was so worried about you... I thought... maybe... something had happened.”

You laughed warmly at that. Not necessarily making fun of her, but instead creating a warm and enveloping environment around you two with it.

“I would never leave you like that, Annie. I’m strong, you remember?” You grinned, and rolled up your sleeve to flex your bicep, a funny habit of yours that she had taken note of during your cadet days together.

She laughed at your silliness, her face seeming genuinely happy for the first time in years.

She was at home.

“I know...” She sniffled, reassuring herself even more, despite the fact you were already right in front of her. “I just... I was just worried for you...”

She muttered, pressing her cheek to your chest, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat. You wrapped an arm around her gently, using the other arm to pull a blanket over the two of you, before grabbing her hand in your own.

“You need some rest, I’m sure, sweetie.” Your words were smooth and even, lighting a fire under Annie’s heart with every syllable.

“Yeah...” She smiled into the embrace, feeling truly at peace for the first time in what felt like forever. “I guess so...”

She buried her head in your chest once again, the soft sound of your heartbeat lulling her gently as the wave of sleep finally overtook her body.

She hadn’t slept like this in ages. No, this was different.

She was home.

This isn’t proofread hahaaaaaaa :)

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #annie leonhart #annie leonhart x reader #annie x reader #fluff

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thedeviljudges · 3 years ago

Text

yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #*#*the devil judge

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kusagrasskusa · 4 years ago

Text

Michael Myers X Reader - Part 3 - Final

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This one made me cringe lol- Also, there's sorta a sensitive part of the story so beware.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is the day, Y/N thought to herself. She pressed her hand against the wall of her hallway, slowly moving her hand across it as she walked towards the living room. It was in the middle of the night, around 3AM, where Michael would be asleep by now. Perfect time to finally see that face for more than 5 seconds... At that thought, Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she wondered how Michael doesn't have terrible acne due to wearing that mask all the time.

Shaking that thought from her head, she finally entered the living room and saw a sleeping psychopath on her couch with his arms wrapped around a pillow and a large cover over him. The pillow he hugged always covered his face, hence why Y/N wasn't able to see his face in his sleep either. And because he always hides his mask when he sleeps as well, so Y/N can't just take it from him. And Michael's a light sleeper anyway, so he's catch her before she gets the chance to hide it.

But this time, Y/N had a plan. Michael sometimes goes out for a kill and she never knows. So when he comes home at 3AM and knocks on the door really loud, it scares the fuck outta her. In order to prevent that, she bought a camera that has night vision that connects to her computer. But she might as well test it out in living room, wink wink. And hey! She can find where he keeps his mask so Y/N doesn't have to look around for hours. All she needs to know is the general vicinity to find it. It was set up earlier, so all Y/N would have to do it wake him up so he goes to get his mask.

She smirked mischievously as she tiptoed over to the couch, hovering over him. He was lightly snoring peacefully, relaxed (not for long-). Y/N slowly gripped the sides of the pillow he was hugging, very delicately pulling it away from him. As soon as he started to stir in his sleep, she ripped it out of his arms and giggled as he shot his arms up over his face. "Aww, good morning, honey!" She giggled; Y/N could basically feel the anger radiating off of him, which was her que to ruN THE FUCK AWAY.

Right after saying good morning, she darted towards her room as fast as humanly possible. Rather than chasing her, Michael just hissed and stood up to grab his mask from in between the couch cushions. Sliding it on, he groggily went his way towards Y/N's room to probably scare her or something. I don't know, he was acting out in the moment.

Y/N could hear his slow footsteps faintly as he got closer to her door. She went under her bed to "hide from him" so it doesn't seem suspicious that she's just calm and all that. Yeah, poor reasoning but sTiLL. Anyway, Y/N giggled under her breath as he opened her bedroom door, walking inside her room and looking around. She could faintly hear him sigh as he went close to her bed, then turned his body so he could see under the bed. Y/N jolted backwards so she wouldn't get caught however Michael grabbed her arm strongly but gently. Y/N laughed as she was pulled out from under the bed.

"Michael, Michael, honey! I thought you were asleep or something!" She spoke innocently. She could just feel Michael's half lidded "shut the fuck up" stare. Y/N opened her mouth to speak again, but suddenly there was a loud knock on her door. I mean loud as in they were trying to break it. Y/N jumped, yelling, "what the hell!" Michael let go of her, watching as she raced towards her the kitchen to grab a knife. But as soon as she grabbed one, she heard someone yell.

"Police, open up!" Y/N's heart fucking dropped. Her lips quivered and her eyes widened with fear. Michael's image was the only thing she could think of as she opened the door, seeing a couple of large men in suits with guns and whatnot. One of them was holding a large black objects used to break down doors. Another was holding a piece of paper towards Y/N, speaking in a rough voice, "Y/N L/N! The FBI has a warrant to search your house for the wanted criminal Michael Myers. If we find any trace of him, you'll be under arrest for harboring a fugitive. For now, you'll be detained and questioned, not arrested. If it seems that your innocent, then you should remain calm and you shall have nothing to worry about. Otherwise, feel free to speak up now."

At the end of his speech, he put the paper away as a dozen of FBI agents bust into Y/N house, running across into ever room and searching for both Michael and evidence of him being here. At the sight of seeing all of this and the feeling of that officer grabbing her arms roughly and detaining them with cuffs, Y/N began to cry. Her legs became shaky and could barely support her weight. "What...What are you guys talking about?" She breathed out fearfully.

One of the FBI Agents came across an office room with a computer in it. The computer screen showed the living room as it is with agents breaking things and yelling. The agent hummed, messing with the keyboard and mouse a bit in order to see the earliest footage. It was of Y/N still setting up the camera and when she left the view of it, we can assume she went to bed. Hours later, a large and tall man was seen heading towards the couch, pulling off his mask and hiding it, then going to sleep.

"Muh-Michael is a...a..." Y/N breathed heavily, her back against the wall and an agent crouching on front of her. Of course, Y/N already knew this but at least she can get off with "not knowing."

"That's right. He's a murderer of many, including his older sister," the agent, who has Danyel written on his tag, replied. Two other agents went up to Dabyel, one of them addressing something.

"There's not a single thing of evidence of him, nor his clothing or anything. However I found camera footage of him being inside the house, sleeping on the couch in here. This woman clearly had a good relationship with him since she woke him up before we came here." Danyel responded to him, but Y/N didn't pay much attention. So Michael just left me, she thought. No, he had to leave so we both didn't get hurt! But it still hurts a little.

"Well, the good news is you didn't lie about not knowing him," Danyel laughed, grabbing Y/N's arm roughly and pulling her up. "Eh, sorry," he apologized when Y/N whenced at his grip. He started to walk her out of her extremely noisy home and to the outdoors, where she felt an amazing relief wash over. She sniffed, his breath quivering as some tears remained and more pouring out of her eyes.

"Michael was never bad to me," she spoke in a low voice, but still loud enough for Danyel to hear.

"Hmm." He walked Y/N up to his car, opening the back door to put Y/N in. She slid inside and was pushed away from the door and towards the middle of the seat. Then Danyel sat next to her, closing the door. Wait, she thought, this isn't normal. "Wanna tell me more about how he was?" He asked her, placing his hand on her cheek and using his thumb to wipe his tears. A shiver made it's way down her spine and her eyebrows furrowed together.

"He really is a nice guy. I can't comprehend he would do something so, so...evil," Y/N started, playing along. She really was hella upset about the reality of what murder really is; yes, she knew he was a killer but had never heard or seen any of it on the news or in person. And hey, if she didn't know the person, why would she care? But now in the situation where the hell that comes from murder is placed upon her so forcefully, she couldn't help but be slightly truthful when she spoke about how terrible she feels.

"My house was always open to people in need, and than I found him. He was knocking on doors, looking for a place to stay, and I let him in. He was so nice," Y/N sniffed, flinching her head back when Danyel tried to wipe away newer tears. "He was funny, loved the food I cooked and I finally had someone to talk to. No, he finally had someone to talk to. I could see so many signs of loneliness and hurt on him and I was finally curing it. Eventually, a few months in, I started to fall for him. Actually, I can't help but still love him.

"I know it's bad but he was the greatest friend, and roommate I could ever ask for. He never complained about anything either; heh heh, there was a time when he didn't have any clean clothes to change into so I had find something for him. All I had was a large baggy, blue hoodie and he it was a good look on him." Y/N chest ached as she finished her story, staring down at the car floor. Danyel hummed, a frown on his features.

Come to think of it, I never described Danyel very well. As mentioned before, he had a rough voice; it was serious and void of care. His demeanor matched it, too, as he showed no care for Y/N as she cried. Even when he wiped her tears, he didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart, but for some other reason. His uniform was a blue business suit, unlike the other FBI agents, and it matched a serious demeanor well. His stone cold blue eyes remained on Y/N as she talked, and every once in a while he was push back his slicked back grey-blonde hair.

He was around 35 with youth in his eyes yet his forehead and eyes had wrinkles. His hair was turning grey already, probably from the heavy amounts of stress that comes with the job. He was quite tall, about 6'3 (190cm) and had broad shoulders and had a slim yet muscular build. He wasn't necessarily attractive or youthful looking, but not yet ready for unattractive or old. He always had a frown and half lidded eyes showing nothing but boredom for everything around him.

"That's very touching, Miss L/N," he spoke. Y/N looked up at him, sniffing. Danyel hummed sadly and slowly changed his face to a softer expression. "Well, you won't have to worry about it after today. In the meantime, is there anyone you can stay with for now?" Y/N's lip quivered as she shook her head. "No? You have no family, no other friends? Surely a parent or sibling would help you on a time of need, regardless of your relationship." Y/N shook her head again. She doesn't really like to talk about it.

"I don't have anyone, sir, I really don't. I don't...I don't want to talk about it but I can't see my mom! I don't have any siblings or dad, but she's not a recommendation," she reassured, her heart speeding up at the mere thought of her mom. Danyel noticed this and raised a brow.

"In that case, you will stay at my place. Of course I'm putting my life on the line that way so expect some serious restrictions." Danyel spoke, a smirk almost appearing from the corners of his lips. Y/N felt a chill go up her spine and shook. "That means in case you attempt to escape, I'll be locking your room at night. Don't think I won't go further to ensure you don't attack me in my sleep. You won't be allowed to go outside at all ever. No one is allowed to visit. You'll be able to get food whenever you wish, as well. Roam to your heart's content, but please keep silent at night."

Y/N nodded in understanding but at the same time, she felt way more uneasy than she did when he suggested it. After all he never asked if she wanted to stay with him. No, he told her she would. And his rules seem way too restricting and very unprofessional for someone in the line of service. Y/N is nearly 65% of the size of him, so how the hell is she supposed to "murder him in his sleep?" He could literally just kick her if she ever tried. Lastly, it's almost like he really wanted this.

"Now that's settled, we should be heading towards the police station for questioning. If you're innocent and knew nothing of his history, you have nothing to fear so please be honest and put up no fight. May the lord have mercy on your beautiful soul."

~~~~~~

"This will be your room, Miss L/N," Danyel said as he opened a door. Inside was a small bed that was made, a dresser that was somewhat dusty besides it, and a single lap besides it. He walked up to the dresser and set down a suitcase that Y/N had packed after questioning at the police station. She had to get it searched twice in case something were to happen, which was hella annoying for her. "Please do make yourself at home. I'll cook something tonight."

Y/N nodded her head, very uneasy as the thought of staying at some strangers house. She sighed when he stepped out of her new room and she shut the door after him. She shivered, rubbing her eyes before tears well up. "I miss Michael," she whimpered silently to herself. She pushed her hair out of her face as a shaky breath came out of her mouth. Turning towards her suitcase, she walked towards it and unzipped it. She began to pull things out and pet them away in a respective place in the dresser.

"Hmm... Where's my hoodie?" Y/N mumbled to herself under her breath. She made sure to bring a certain blue hoodie with her, but she can't find it. As she scanned through it more, she noticed a few other articles of clothing was missing. "Um, alright, that's creepy," Y/N said out loud. What the hell did Danyel do? When she finished putting her clothes away, she pulled out comfortable pajamas of F/C and S/F/C. Right afterwards, she walked out of her room.

"I'm done," she called out as she walked into the kitchen. Danyel was wearing normal clothes now, no longer a suit and tie, and he was moving around something in a pan. It smelt a lot of breakfast in the kitchen, so it was probably eggs.

"Well, I hope you enjoy it here Y/N. You'll be staying for a while, heh heh," he chuckled as he turned off the stove. "I don't know if you like breakfast for dinner, but I made eggs and pancakes for us." Y/N smiled, sitting down at the table.

"It smells very nice, thanks," she answered. "I must have been in my room longer than I thought."

"You must have been. I had to go look inside to make sure you weren't sleeping, heh."

Y/N's smile dropped when she looked away from him. He was making plates at the moment, too distracted to see Y/N's look of discomfort. Maybe I'm just paranoid, she thought to herself, but he's so weird. As Danyel passed a plate in front of her and one for himself across the table, the room became filled with an awkward silence aside from the side of the a fork clinging against the plates. Y/N poked around at her food, a bit too unnerved from today to eat well. "You know, you shouldn't play with you food."

"I know, I know, sorry. It's just..." she drifted off before getting it back together. "I miss Michael. This is all so weird." Danyel frowned, picking up a few eggs and eating them before replying.

"I see. But you know, this is very essential for your well being. After all Michael is described as pure evil. If he truly cared for you, he would come here to save you and the task force will be here to protect you. If you wanted to go back to kill you because you know too much, the task force will be here to save you. I understand this sounds like I'm using you to lure him in however I am not. You're a very beautiful and intelligent girl who has a heart in the right place; as seen when you choose to let a homeless mute guy with a mask in your house.

"It would be quite a shame for someone like you to be void of life. After all, I'm sure you're a very fun woman and it would be nice for you to stick around with me for now. As you can see I'm without a family so it'd be nice to have some company." As Danyel finished talking, Y/N nodded in understanding. By now she had already finished her food as she kinda just wanted to go to sleep as fast as possible.

Y/N stood up and brought her plate to the think. "Thank you, sir, I appreciate it. I'm probably gonna go to sleep now, okay? Have a nice night," she said as she smiled at him. Danyel stared at her as she walked away and mumbled goodnight to her. Y/N walked into her new bedroom and looked around. It's depressing to not be in her own home, especially at a stranger's house. But she knew she'd see Michael soon, right? As she layer in bed and put on socks, she couldn't help but recall that one time Michael laid in bed with her because it was cold. She giggled to herself when she turned off the light and laid on her back in bed.

It was deadpan silent in that room. So if Y/N likes a fan or TV to help her sleep, this isn't very good for her. Either way, she managed to fall asleep while replaying plenty of memories in her head. Like one time, the first week of Michael staying at her house, she woke up to get ready for work. When she stood on the countertop to get the blender out of the cabinet so she can make a milkshake before work, she saw three sticky notes that said, "Short."

Giggling at the thought, Y/N closed her eyes, waiting for the day that she can live like that again. After all how can she can live in piece in her home again when her neighbors learn her roommate is a killer? She'd never be able to live in peace again. With these thoughts in mind, Y/N began to slowly drift away to sleep until finally all at once. At least, it would last like that for a little while.

A scream erupted from Y/N's mouth as she felt someone pin her to the bed. Danyel, of course, was the culprit; he held her arms tight and got really close to her. "Tell me where he's hiding! Tell me or you'll fucking regret it!" He yelled, making Y/N burst out into tears. She gasped for air, trying to kick him off of her but to no advil.

"I don't know! Let me go!" She yelled back, now trying to release her arms but of course to no advil.

"Lying little bitch," he mumbled under his breath as he let go of one of her wrists to grab something. It was too dark to see, but the metallic-plastic sound she heard means that's it could either be a knife or a gun. Y/N used her other arm to try to release her pinned down hand but she stopped when she felt something touch her head. It was, in fact, a gun. "Tell me where he is," he said as she flipped off his safety, "or die."

Y/N whimpered holding her free arm to her chest as to make herself seem smaller to comfort herself. Danyel released her other arm, putting both hands on his gun as he began to count down from 20. Y/N sniffed, her heart racing so heavily she felt like she would die. Only 20 seconds to live? What's the point of putting up a fight? She closed her eyes tightly, huffing until Danyel got to 5. As these few numbers left rang in her ears, she began to feel apprehensive.

In one swift and easy movement, she managed to hit the gun away from Danyel. A metallic clink sound hit the floor and right after that, a shot erupted. Danyel growled, slapping Y/N before lunging to grab his gun. As fast as humanly possible, Y/N shot up and ran out of the bedroom. The light from the moon shun from all the windows, making it easy for her to maneuver around and there was still enough darkness to hide. To the right outside her bedroom was the kitchen, and in the kitchen are knives, and like hell Y/N passing that up.

She swiftly grabbed one of those larger knives, one similar to what Michael carries. As soon as Y/N made it into the living room, she heard Danyel's loud footsteps run into the kitchen. In his house, the living room and kitchen don't have a wall to separate them to Y/N was in plain sight. "Put your hands up, L/N!" He yelled as he shakingly pointed his gun to her. "Make a move and I'll blow your head off!" Y/N gulped before having a master plan she learned in elementary school: she would juex him, or make him think she's going one way but she'd go the other way.

Y/N growled, jumping to her left but right as he shot, she jumped to the right again and began running. Danyel sped up after her, but it was a little too dark to actually see her move. He had to rely on her softly little footsteps that were being covered up but his own footsteps. Y/N took this time to swiftly get into Danyel's room. Luckily the floor in there was carpet rather than wood so she didn't worry about making too many sounds. In his room was a giant bed, two dressers, a nightstand, and a computer desk.

Danyel ran towards his room, not in it, and paused. "Where the hell did you go!" Y/N's lip quivered as she wiped off her tears; she looked around her for maybe something to throw so he would check inside the room, but know she was behind the door. Looking around her, she saw a binder on a bookcase she hadn't noticed before and grabbed it, throwing it against the wall across the room. Almost as soon as it hit the wall, Danyel ran in passed her, giving Y/N a good opportunity to ran out.

But instead, she gripped her knife strongly before running up to him from behind and plunging the knife right into his ribs, below his arm. Not many people know this, but one of the most vital places of the human body is below the arm; hell, sticking a fingernail in that place could pop so many vital veins that it will kill them. Danyel screamed loudly and spun around, his arm colliding with Y/N's head, knocking her over. Damn bobblehead. Danyel's blood sprayed as he pulled out the knife, dropping it onto the floor and covering his wound. He fell onto his knees. Somewhere in that time, he had dropped his gun, so he was defenseless.

Y/N ran towards the knife, as the gun was no where in sight due to the darkness of the room, gripping it. She rushed towards him a second time and this time, plunging the knife right into that bigass forehead of his. He went silent, went limp, and fell straightforward onto the floor. Y/N was covered in his blood but she weirdly didn't feel anything about it; she was basically desensitized from seeing Michael covered in it so many times.

With a small smile, she pulled out the knife and took it with her into her bedroom, throwing it onto the bed. She took of her bloody pajamas and then headed towards his bathroom to take a shower. Luckily there was much more blood on her clothes than on her body so she didn't struggle too much to get the thick liquid off her. Unfortunately, some of her skin was stained.

When she got out of the bathroom, she went back to the bedroom to get changed. No matter if she choose to put on a lovely dress, or skinny jeans and a sweater, or sweatpants and a tang top, she knew she wouldn't feel fully dressed until she could find that blue hoodie. So she headed towards Danyel's room and hummed to herself along the way. Stepping into the bedroom again, she froze when she saw a looming silhouette that was lit up by the moon threw the window. It wasn't open before, so she could only assume he had just gotten here.

A smile formed on Y/N's lips and her eyes felt watery from tears of joy. "Michael!" She yelled as she ran up to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She felt his arms slowly wrap around her too, lightly though as if she was fragile. Michael looked over at the fallen officer; he never knew that Y/N had it in her to kill someone. After all, Y/N once cried because Michael killed a butterfly. She must have been terrified; and although she couldn't feel it at the time, Y/N was so scared.

"Where were you?" Y/N asked as she whimpered, her lip quivering. Michael brushed her wet hair with his fingers, not answering her as expected. "Whatever... I'm so happy you're okay," she giggled to herself, wiping her tears away. "I guess their gonna link me with the murder no matter what I do, huh? So what should we do?"

Michael audibly sighed and let go of Y/N. He pulled his hands up to his mask, pulling it off. Y/N stood wide-eyed, her mouth parted open at the sight. Even in the darkness and little light the moon displayed, she could examine his ever feature for more than 5 seconds. "Oh my god," she mumbled as she brought her hands up to her mouth. "You're hot! What the hell! Why didn't you show this to me sooner you asshole!"

Her face was a light red shade and she was fangirling so badly inside her mind right now. After a solid 5 minutes, she finally calmed down; she crossed her arms and sighed to calm herself down. By now, Michael kinda just sat on his knees because he would rather not just stand there the whole time. "Well, um anyway..."

"Y/N. Obviously, we'll have to leave and hide. I've been doing this for a while; I know exactly where to go." Y/N shivered at the sound of his voice. It was serious this time instead of mischievous like the first time she heard it. Her cheeks lit up again but instead of fangirling on the outside, she kept it more on the inside.

"R-Right... I suppose we should be going now?" Michael nodded, smirking as he grabbed the sides of Y/N's face and pulling her close. They're lips collided (ew cooties) for a few seconds, and in those few seconds Y/N managed to have invented a new color, uncover a number hidden between 8 and 19376484974939, and small the word "iris." Right after they parted, Michael slid his mask back on and stood up.

"It'll be faster if I carried you. Your short legs won't go far on their own." Y/N huffed loudly, putting her hands on her hips. Her face was even brighter now, but wHatEver.

"You know what? Fine! At least I can see what it's like to be a damn giraffe." Plus she can also be held with biG StRonG ArMs or something like that, I don't know. She went up closer to him and held out her arms. "Just so you know, I want to stop by McDonald's on the way to where ever we're going."

Michael rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips under his mask as he picked her up bridal style, heading for the window. "Also! If you drop me, I'm suing." He ignored her comments as he stepped out of the window, landing perfectly. Y/N jumped in fear, "Cheezits rice!" Now if what she said didn't make sense to the reader, they should say it out loud and think about what it sounds like. Anyway, Danyel's house was actually pretty secretive. It's in the middle of the woods with only one road that leads to civilization. And that's where the two were heading.

~~~~~~~~~~

"This place is weird," Y/N said as she ate a McChicken nugget. She was holding a happy meal that contained a 6-piece chicken and fries. Also it came with a Rainbow Dash toy. Pure bliss. Anyway, the two of them were in an abandoned asylum that had concrete floors and white walls; there were cobwebs and wood and dirt scattered. "Also, if you think for a damn second that I'm cleaning this, you're wrong."

"Not you. We. We need a place to stay, right? A little work here and there would be sufficient."

"How are you gonna use big words when your handwriting looks like a mouse trying to use a pen?"

Three months later, the asylum did not look bad at all. They only used very few areas of it; by the window they entered through was three rooms that were very close together. These rooms and the hallway that connected it was basically their home. It sounds strange, but after managing to steal a bunch of lights, sweep away nasty shit, and steal certain kinds of wallpaper to cover up the old wallpaper, it became livable. They brought in tables, even a fucking fridge, chairs, etc to make it more homey.

The asylum wasn't that old either; there was outlets for plugging in lights and a fridge and all that. They were able to steal power from a nearby working place to even get the power needed, too. Things worked surprisingly well. Y/N would cook, Michael would clean, and all that good stuff. Y/N was the one to go out shopping and all that, and Michael would steal. The power of teamwork! One one of the rooms was a bed and dresser; the bed was pretty low on the ground actually and hella big too, so Michael could fit.

Y/N would be home a lot by herself, as Michael's quest to kill his family was worth more than life to him, but she would still see him pretty often.

This series is over, but if anyone suggests a story deeper into how their relationship would be or perhaps even kids, I have no shaming in making it happen. Or perhaps a different ending?!

#micheal myers #michael myers x y/n #micheal myers x reader #michael myers x you #michael myers x reader #slashers x y/n #slashers x you #slashers x reader #slashers

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teukyo · 4 years ago

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One Warm Spring — Hamada Asahi

pairing: hamada asahi x reader (gender neutral)

genre: fluff, very cheesy lol

word count: 3.2k

a/n: this had no business being so long i apologize D: i tend to overwrite whoops.. oh this is also my first fic so i hope you enjoy ! i’m still a bit rusty lol

Spring; after long nights of endless slumber, the Sun creeps up to the earth, its rays planting warm yet gentle kisses. The orb’s cheeks fill up in heat, flowers of endearment blooming, butterflies catching in the atmosphere’s stomach.

The Earth smiling back, showing a bright welcoming smile, and with open arms, tells the sun “good morning”.

The quiet exchange of sweet nothings transferred to the buoyant citizens, as everyone would jump in joy about the newly welcomed season.

And during this time of the year, peoples hopes grew along with the blooming cherry blossoms until, they too, find a loved one

With late march rolling in, comes the blossoms fully bloomed, the arms in everyone’s hearts opening to everyone.

Yet, you often found it a mistake to open up your heart in a time full of tender love like now.

Empty confessions mimicked to be heartfelt at the spur of the moment, fleeing away just as quick as the cherry blossoms came and went. You just never understood it.

Snap!

“Y/N~~ the cherry blossoms are coming soon,” your friend, Jihoon sang into your ear, “And you’re out dozing off into dreamland, are you perhaps thinking about participating in the blossoming of love this year?”

You lightly shoved him away, giving him a glare. Jihoon was always jumping around during this time of the season because he never failed to have a crowd lining up to confess him; his ego flying as high as the newly born butterflies.

“Haha, very funny.” You deadpanned, leaving him behind to go to the cafeteria.

“Hey, you get the drinks and i’ll get the food!” Jihoon shouted, you simply responding with an ‘okay’ symbol with your hand.

Because this was a routine everyday, you had your exact footsteps to the vending machine engraved in your head.

‘11:43—by now everyone should have already gotten their drinks’

‘1, 2, 3, 4.. don’t trip over the crack.. 5, 6, 7—’ beep!

That beep.. wasn’t part of your procedure.

You looked up, your eyes landing on an unfamiliar figure in front of your destination.

Focusing your vision on him, he was made out to be a raven haired boy, his posture slightly hunched over focusing on the number combination assigned to each drink.

His dainty fingers lightly pressing the right combo, pressing each digit carefully like his joints were made of glass

Shoving the crumpled up $5 bill into the slot, his eyebrows furrowing when the machine rejected it

5-5-6-2— banana milk?

You hadn’t realized you’ve been staring at him the entire time until he started walking away, a banana milk in his hand, accidentally brushing past you.

“Ah, sorry” he simply muttered under his breath before continuing on his path. His voice, a deep contrast to the season; hearing his hushed voice chilling you like a midwinter night. His entire presence stood out, almost like a wilted flower amongst the blossoming ones. Yet here you are, warm as ever, feeling the sun pressing warm gentle kisses on the place his fingertips brushed yours.

—

“Y/N? banana milk? you seem to be switching it up today” Jihoon said when you set your drinks down on the table.

“Ah.. i just — maybe i needed a change for the season” you simply responded because, you too, didn’t know why you had a banana milk in front of you instead of your usual chocolate milk.

Throwing your half empty banana milk carton to the trash after lunch, you heard a voice peer behind you.

“Oh! you drink banana milk too! it’s my favorite!” a student you knew the name by Jaehyuk vocalized. You snuck a peek back at the banana milk slowly spilling out of the tiny straw, smiling back at Jaehyuk looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“Ah— this is actually my first time trying it! And it’s.. good!” you returned, attention on Jaehyuk until you see a much smaller figure peer behind him, a chocolate milk in hand.

“Of course it’s good! don’t buy too much of it though— don’t need it going out of stock on me! cmon Asahi”

Asahi. Asahi is his name.

You took one last quick glance at him, watching him throw the empty chocolate milk carton in the bin.

“Yeah.. The banana milk was too sweet for me anyway.”

—

Squatting down to touch the freshly grown flowers outside the school yard, you had recalled the times of your youth as a child running so eagerly to the same flowers in your hand right now.

Gazing at the pretty pink petals in awe as you wiping the morning dew slightly so it can slide off the petals, dripping to the ground.

Running back into your home, crying for a bandaid because you accidentally poked your hand with one of the thorns on accident.

Such simple yet vivid times you remember that made you cherish life a little more.

“Y/N? what are you doing here— our last class is gonna start soon” you heard your classmate Hyunsuk call. you spotting an ever so familiar figure behind him.

Small yet vivid moments.. how does this remind you of—

“Y/N what are you doing cmon!”

—

After school, you sneakily slid into the art classroom after realizing you left your phone in there. Checking the clock, you had 15 minutes before art club would commence, assuming you had 5 minutes to find your phone before members of the club would start arriving.

You observed the colorful classroom with the array of paintings laying on the drying rack, the paint brushes laying on the counter to dry, the sink covered in copious amounts of colors with its original silver color peeking through. The room gave off the feel of an elementary school art classroom. You guess the term “art is timeless” applies to the setting art is made in too.

“Ah there it is!” you whispered to yourself, snatching it off of the teacher’s desk. The sound of the door sliding open shocked you, ducking down under the table out of instinct.

‘Crap—how do i get out of here’ you thought before hearing a tiny tap on the desk.

And during this time of the year, peoples hopes grew along with the blooming cherry blossoms until, they too, find a loved one

“Uhm.. are you okay?” you looked up, seeing him.

With late march rolling in, comes the blossoms fully bloomed, the arms in everyone’s hearts opening to everyone.

“Oh sorry! I just- I forgot my phone during class so I just came in here to grab it..” you trailed off, quickly getting out of your ducked position and brushing the dust off of you.

You just never understood it.

“I should get going since art club is starting soon” you mustered. Before you could open the door you heard him speak.

“Are you looking to join the art club by any chance?” he said. You looked back at him, unable to scramble words together.

‘Just say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes say-‘

—

You handed out the application form to the leader of the art club, Yoshinori was it?

“Thank you thank you! You can join us for today to see the gist of what goes on” he said while giving you a smile that can easily flutter the hearts of others.

You looked at the room around you seeing Asahi and Jaehyuk, and a freshman that went by Haruto.

To be honest, why did you apply? Your experiences in art were little to none and your current piece you were working on in class was a “dog”— at least that’s what you called it.

“There should be one more person arriving and then we can start” Yoshinori said whilst you and him took a seat.

You stared at Asahi across from you who was absent mindedly looking down at the table, fiddling with his fingers.

‘Cute’ you thought before getting interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

“oh! Y/N what brings you here?” you looked behind you to see Jihoon at the entrance, giving Yoshinori a polite smile.

“I think i should be asking what are YOU doing here,” you retorted, knowing very well that both you and him had the same level of art skill, “and I just joined because i’ve been interested in art.”

“Sure—“ Jihoon scoffed, “Asahi told me about this today so i decided to join—“

‘Asahi. How does he know Jihoon?’

“And you’re not even listening to me!” he exclaimed, ruffling your hair roughly, you lightly punching him in the gut in return.

After the commotion died down, everyone went in session, drawing on a piece of paper whatever went into mind. It definitely meditated your mind but it wasn’t appealing— visually.

The room was filled with small chatter, Jihoon’s voice overbearing everyone else’s.

“Your doodles are very cute” you heard him softly speak. You looked up at his paper, your eyes widening at the sheer talent that bestowed upon your eyes.

“You’re a funny jokester” you simply replied, looking at your own paper with a tight lipped smile. You heard him stifle a laugh, warmth flooding throughout your veins.

“It’s amusing to look at— i like the dog” he said, pointing at one of the drawings.

“It’s supposed to be a zebra >:(“ you looked up at him, trying to contain his laughter before calming himself down and continuing to draw on his paper.

“Well it’s fine because art club isn’t necessarily based on skill. i mean, if we have Jaehyuk in here then that says something” he responded pointing at Jaehyuk’s paper. You couldn’t quite comprehend what he was drawing— a person playing baseball??

“It’s a frog by the way”

“HUH?!”

—

You hadn’t realized how late art club ended, but when you walked out of school, you saw the once blue sky turned into an orange hue indicating the late time.

“We hope to see you again Y/N” Yoshinori said. You nodded and hummed in response before taking your leave with Jihoon.

You took one last glimpse of Asahi, sticking out amongst the orange sky. The sun was setting yet— looking at him gave you the exact warmth you would feel on a midsummer day. You watched his mouth slowly bloom into a smile when made eye contact. You think in your mind that spring has never felt so warm.

—

You looked up at the trees in the process of blooming, white buds formulating on the branches.

“The trees are gonna be really pretty in about two weeks or so” you heard a voice from behind you. Him. You clenched the chocolate milk in your hand before turning towards him.

“Yeah— oh sorry i’m blocking the vending machine” you murmured, sliding away.

“Oh no no,, it’s fine,” he said before taking your spot and getting the same drink in your hand, “Are you by any chance— planning to confess to anybody?”

Oh, right. You looked up at the blossoming trees once again. The time of the season you once never understood. The time of the season you once could say you despised. Yet here you are, having the rush of spring flowing down your veins. Is this the adrenaline that everyone feels? The unknown feeling gave you goosebumps throughout your body as he asked you that question.

“I don’t quite know yet,” you simply responded, looking back at him taking the drink out of the machine, “What about you?”

A sheepish smile wiped on his face, his dimple showing ever so slightly. He shrugged before looking at you.

“Only my heart knows the answer to that question.”

—

Over the so little time you’ve known Asahi, you’ve picked up on his mannerisms and his actions.

For one, he was more on the reserved side, and even when he talked his voice would always be on the softer side. You unknowingly started to associate him with winter because he gave off the cold feeling of a winter night. It was also your favorite season.

Most people knew him because he was friends with Jaehyuk, one who was very popular amongst the school. You had heard a couple times in the hallway about how handsome Asahi was. The feeling you felt when hearing that was unknown to you.

He enjoyed drawing a lot; him and Yoshinori were the best out of the club (though you’d be a bit biased if asked whose art you liked more), and he was always focused on his work, always scrunching in a little corner tending to his painting. But yet he always complimented your drawings no matter how bad they were, never failing to give you a warm feeling right after.

You could say you had developed an endearment towards asahi.

You stepped out your home, looking at the once bare trees flutter into pink hues, you thought the cherry blossoms were beautiful.

Today you decided not to walk out with Jihoon because well— confession season is always different with that boy. You had no intentions to get caught up in his relations.

You took timid and slow steps towards school. Taking your time looking at the petals and happy groups walking and aweing at the blossoms. Your mind was also off somewhere— of course it was, it always was.

Arriving at school, you saw Jihoon getting flooded by countless individuals, a letter in most of their hands. You could say the same to Jaehyuk on the other side who was also getting bomboarded. You took your routined steps to your locker, opening it as per usual except— it wasn’t usual.

You watched the letter flutter out, swaying to the floor imitating a loose flower petal. Picking it up with a shaked up expression, you carefully opened it up.

You saw the scribbled up lines at the top of the letter, indicating that the said person was trying to make a poem.

‘ah— who am i kidding? i’m not one with words. i never was. yet here i am trying to pour my feelings out on this letter. but i cant seem to combine the right words to express it. maybe because my feelings could not be described in the first place. maybe my feelings are best not worded out on this crumpled up piece of notebook paper. because if i’m being honest— this is my 27th time writing this and yet i still cant get it down. just.. meet me at class 104B? 4:15 pm after school today? please? -♡

Your grip on the paper tightened, the heart fluttering confession bringing a small smile to your face. You looked back at your locker seeing chocolate milk in sitting atop. You grasped it in your hand, taking it out before closing the locker and heading to class, your hands gripping tightly onto the objects. Unknown to you a figure watching your every move with focused eyes.

As time went by in school awfully slowly, your mind went off to one person only. You had foolishly deluded yourself into thinking that the letter and milk was from him. well— he did see you buy chocolate milk that one time. And well,, the handwriting did have a print of him.

‘Enough thoughts. just wait until school ends and your mind can finally-‘ ring!

You looked up at the clock in shock, realizing that it was, in fact, 4:00pm.

You purposefully gathered up your belongings slowly, trying to pass as much time as possible. Putting your care into every single step taken, from the 1st floor to the second.

Taking a deep breath, you slid open the empty classroom door. It was very convenient that it was just across the art classroom as the club did have a meeting today.

You traveled across the room to look out the window, seeing someone announce their feelings to another under the cherry blossoms. Just last spring you would stick your tongue out in disgust yet here you are somewhat in the same position, your heart aching as each second ticks by.

You watched them hug each other, their feelings being reciprocated, a petal getting caught in ones hair. You looked at the trees and how it really set the mood, almost getting lost in the alluring sight until you heard someone clear their breath.

You turned around deliberately, looking down at your shoes before looking up.

Yet, you often found it as a mistake to open up your heart in a time full of tender love like now. well— maybe not.

It’s him. The person right in front of your eyes is him.

You felt like the sun had just rose, your heart beating out of your chest almost like it was about to burst and run away. You felt the butterflies prance around in your stomach, feeling like you could cough one up right now. Does he feel the same right now?

“Ah,,, hello” he mustered shyly. You clenched the letter in your hand.

“Did you perhaps—“ though it was quite obvious, the slight nod from him gave you your answer.

You observed him, his hair slightly covering his eyes. Lightly kicking at his feet, you had figured he couldn’t compromise the right words.

“I have something for you” he spoke out after what seemed like a few minutes. He reached his hand out, silently telling you to take the initiative to grab it. You placed your hand in his, feeling like your hand was molded perfectly just to cusp his. His grip so gentle you could barely feel him grasp your hand.

Leading you to the art classroom across, your eyes spotting on the covered canvas on an easel. Using his other hand, he took off the cloth, your eyes widening in awe.

Your mouth laid agape as you looked at the drawing of a portrait of you with cherry blossoms in the background. Your heart stammering in your chest.

“Is this what you’ve been working on the entire time in art club?” you asked, eyes still on the painting. He hummed and nodded his head.

“Do you like it? Or is it a bit too—“

“No no! I like it a lot— Actually I love it. I love it so much” you cut him off, looking at him with excitement evident in your eyes. Words couldn’t describe the feeling flowing through you. Is this real?

“Well, I like you a lot too. I was trying to find a way to tell you, so I used my strong suit which is art” he proceeded to tell you, taking your other hand in his. He smiled tenderly at you, his signature dimple showing once more.

“Asahi— I like you too” you beamed, staring straight into his eyes. His smile widened more, his teeth showing. You took this as the initiative to hug him, arms wrapping around his neck, his wrapping around your waist.

You felt the sun shine on you, the warmth of spring immersing through you, your heart feeling more than alive as ever. The cherry blossoms you once thought as a mistake becoming the blessing in disguise for you. You think in the time of the moment that Spring has never felt so warm for you.

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shimmershae · 3 years ago

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Some more random thoughts about Episode 4--

Because I couldn’t have my notebook commentary be incomplete at the end of the season just because an episode wasn’t my personal favorite.

Okay. I’m still a little surprised that Daryl took off running after that one Reaper dude in the dark. Like if that had been Carol instead of Maggie getting ambushed, my man would have not hasta la vista’d outta there ‘til heknew she was safe--capable, kickass leader or not.

Dog is so random about listening lately. How plot point convenient, lol.

Daryl throwing his crossbow at the Reaper had me legit LMAO.

Hmm. So that was Leah he unknowingly hurled his knife at, hahahaha.

Disobedient or not? Dog must be protected at all costs.

For real, though. It’s like Dog’s Carl reincarnated now. Somewhere, Lori feels vindicated about all those times she tried to explain that Carl had a stubborn will and mind of his own.

The hell good is the Walker guts and blood to the face in this sitch. I’m just not getting it.

Dog in his little vest. I’m still loving it and wondering if it has an actual purpose beyond making us go d’aww.

Does Lynn Collins resemble Megan Follows to anybody else or is it just me? Love my Anne-girl. NO comment on LC.

Well. That wasn’t exactly a reunion on par with Daryl’s reunion with Carol in the woods outside Terminus. One would think the woman Daryl supposedly loves would receive a better, more heartfelt welcome. OH.

Leah sure loves to point a shotgun at Daryl’s face, doesn’t she? Can you feel the love tonight. No, Elton. I cannot.

Dog has a weakness for the ladies. Whether they have homicidal tendencies or not.

Daryl’s all “Dog, C’mon. Let’s get TF outta here. She’s one crazy bitch.” Then her even crazier fam converges.

Eleven years in and I still love TWD’s opening theme.

Nothing says “I love you” quite like a burlap sack over the head.

So yeah. Anybody else detect the same hint of vulnerable uncertainty in Daryl’s voice when he tells Leah “I came back for you” as when he asked Carol “why’d you go?” Funny how in one instance, everybody’s (well, a certain group) is like omigosh. I think I ship them. And the other? They’re like “aww, his mommy hurt his feelings”? Anyway. Nice touch, NR. I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, believe Daryl ever loved Leah. But she gave him companionship when he was drowning in hopeless loneliness and he’d lost those closest to him so he convinced himself he cared and she was what and who he deserved.

“These people are my family. They never stopped looking for me. When they found me, I came home.” Interesting how Leah could give Daryl an ultimatum to sever ties with his family and home and yet when her own family returned? Different damn story.

Daryl’s face when he realizes how far down Leah’s priority list he is and the bullet that he dodged. Well. Almost.

Daryl lying for all he’s worth. His anything for them/us/family moment?

Apparently, love is a chloroform rag to the face for some. I mean. There are kinks and there’s this bullshit. People actually ship this toxic fuckery?

Guess waterboarding is Leah’s love language. You have to wonder how else she’s shown her “affection” in that time jump plot point romance.

WTF did Maggie do to earn these Looney Tunes’ obsession?

“Go ahead and kill me if you want.” Oh, Baby. Daryl, no.

Oh look. Daryl’s locked up in a cage again. How novel. How original. How very Season 7 of you, Angela.

“Understand? Hear me? Got it?” Daryl, honey. You’re not exactly the best at this whole covert thing, are you? Thank goodness, Frost picked up what you were throwing down.

“I’ve never lied to you.” Just before Daryl proceeds to do exactly that for much of the episode. Methinks, it’s just one whopper after another with her right there because I’m not convinced Leah knows about Carol.

Look at Leah showing more genuine emotion over her “dead brother” than her newly returned “lover.” Something ain’t quite right.

Leah’s cold, sure. Not sure if I buy LC as a mercenary though.

Listen. Daryl telling Leah he got scared and admitting it was because he didn’t want to let go practically feels like a gimme here. Who you afraid of letting go, Daryl? Hmm? Psst. Rhymes with Carol.

Girl, you wouldn’t have worked period but whatever.

“Tall, skinny guy. Never shuts up.” Ofc, that’s Negan, lol.

LOL at Pope’s line to Leah--”not everything is about you, Leah.”

Him also asking her “you find what you’re looking for?” is interesting to me and goes right along with Carol’s subconscious asking her the same question. The parallels are everywhere with these two. If they don’t get the chance to meet---

“I never said he loved me.” At least she realizes that.

Why does Daryl look like he’s wearing guy liner in that firetrap scene? Glam rock Daryl.

“We were the Chosen Ones.” New season, same song, different verse. All the diferent shades of cray-cray with this one.

Overall impression? Not a bad episode, but not necessarily enthralling either. At this point, all the different villains we’ve had on this show just feel like they’re passing along a relay baton or something and picking straight up where the last one left off.

Daryl seems to well and truly know where he belongs now, because he looked like he couldn’t be bothered to rub two fucks together where Leah was concerned. He just wanted to get the hell outta Dodge.

The Reapers are all pretty darn attractive. So at least there’s some nice eye candy to admire while we’re waiting for them to vamoose.

I just want more Carol this season. Is that too much to ask considering she’s the first billed female character and the second billed character over all?

Next episode looks to be populated with less newbs so there’s that. I am ready for a break from all the new people, lol. I just want to sit with and visit some old friends for a while. I’m certain I’m not alone.

Okay. That is all. For now, lol.

I’ll be back sometime tomorrow probably to give my impressions and commentary of Episode 5.

G’night.

#The Walking Dead #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

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innovativestruggles · 4 years ago

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SouGou theories, thoughts and speculations based on canonical evidence

Alright, I know I am so epically late to the party just like I was with Haikyuu and TsukiYachi but I am here now and I am so sad that a lot of the SouGou shippers have...disappeared...

Regardless, I still want to put forward my own thoughts and speculations on these two because they have given me brainrot over the past few weeks.

So much like the earlier post I did with TsukiYachi, this one will be similar, except I am basing everything on the anime as I have not read the light novel (tbh light novels aren’t really my thing so...). Just to reiterate, when I make any speculations and theories, they are always based on canonical evidence, and of course my own interpretation. I put forward solid evidence so people can see where I am coming from and what I am yapping on about. People are free to draw their own conclusions of what they see in canon, so just because I have a theory with evidence, it does not invalidate another person’s theory of the same evidence...if that makes sense?

Every time I watch a new anime, I always come in with a very neutral mindset. I have a fascination with relationships (hence my ship heavy blog) so I ship characters based on their level of chemistry and compatibility.

Because I am so fashionably late to the party, a lot of the speculations below have been discussed by other SouGou fans. Essentially when I read some of their posts, they pretty much validated what I saw. So I want to credit all those SouGou stans who did the hard yard first on their speculations of these two. This post may already have what was speculated, but it’s nice to have it all in one big post. I will of course add my own thoughts and interpretations as well. So, happy reading!

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY LONG POST

Gou’s Relationship with Other Characters

Sousuke did not make his debut until Season 2, so for all of Season 1, the focus was on Gou and the other characters. To be honest, nothing stood out to me in terms of shipping potential with Gou in Season 1. I do not go into watching anime with the intention of shipping characters - the shipping just automatically occurs when two characters have good chemistry. So with Gou in Season 1, all I saw was a manager being incredibly supportive, friendly, strong willed and determined to see her friends through the swimming club. You may have read my other post on Free! and toxic masculinity, but I did mention in there that what I loved most about Free! was the friendship and the emotional vulnerability. Because Gou is a side character, we never get to see too much of her and how she would develop as a character outside her obsession with muscles. But as viewers, we get the gist of her sweet personality.

Kyoto Animation

Before I dive into the speculations, I want to point out something with KyoAni. For starters, this studio is known for its amazing adaptational works of manga and light novels. When it comes to anime that does not purely focus on romance, they are so so so good with romantic undertones. As much as I do enjoy romance anime, I enjoy ones with subtle undertones of romance even more. I have watched a large portion of anime from KyoAni and I can definitely come to the above conclusion. Although Free! is not a romance genre, there is very subtle light teasing of potential developments between certain characters. Like I mentioned in my Free! post on toxic masculinity, I will disregard that just because the male characters are hugging, crying and showing vulnerable emotions to each other, it does not necessarily mean that there is a romantic development. The very subtle undertones of romance I could see is mostly between Gou, Sousuke and Momo (I will explain more later). So what I am trying to point out in this paragraph is that Free! does have minute traces of romance, because based on what other anime KyoAni produced, there are similarities in how they portray romantic undertones.

SouGou Initial Meeting

The initial meeting did not particularly stand out to me until I watched more scenes and interactions between SouGou later on in the series. What I noticed was the level of admiration Gou has for Sousuke. Again, this was not apparent when I watched the initial meeting scene on its own. I had to see a culmination of scenes between them to realise.

Oh gosh just look at how happy she is seeing Sousuke. If you go back and watch this scene again, she legit just shoved Momo out the way and ran to Sousuke. Lmao poor Momo!

Also....

Momo still staring at SouGou the whole time...

Momo getting pissy lololol (and super jelly)

Gou just looking so happy staring after Sousuke...ughh my heart....

Middle School

Just something I picked up. When Rin transferred to Iwatobi during middle school, it sounded like Gou did not go with him. So she stayed behind in the same middle school together with Sousuke after Rin left. See below.

Because Gou is one year younger than Sousuke, the scene above just sounded like he stopped talking to her when he left for Tokyo when he was a first year high school student and she a third year middle school student...and then the below scene confirmed when and the reason...

In the above scene, Sousuke explained that he hurt his shoulder in the summer of his first year of high school, and then he heard from Gou that Rin was visiting Japan at the time, so I am guessing SouGou must have stopped talking to each other around that time when Sousuke injured his shoulder. The injury was most likely why he stopped talking to her because he knew the consequences...that if Rin found out through Gou... then yeah... so to him it was better to cut off contact with both siblings...omg my heart...my poor baby Sousuke...

Anyways, point is they were definitely still talking when Rin went to Iwatobi and then later Australia. So I wonder how close they were to each other...? They do sound very close...wonder if they walked to and from school together...omfg my heart hurts again...aaaahhhhhhh

Childhood Friends

This trope is so cute and I really like the whole ‘he is my brother’s best friend’ kind of thing. Because we all know how overprotective Rin is of Gou and if there is anyone who is good enough for her, Rin would definitely think it be Sousuke.

LOOK AT HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE OMG. Love this official artwork of all three of them. And Sousuke has such a sweet gentle expression when he is looking at Gou...

Best part also is that subtle teasing of these two. Anime is always about camera work and specific panels as well, so it just looked like to me that they really wanted to emphasise this scene between SouGou. The snow, the Christmas tree, the childhood friends - all in one frame.

Indirect Moments

These are the moments that started me on the SouGou ship!

Gou sees Sousuke at the train station right after he has been brooding about his shoulder injury

Gou sees Sousuke at the hospital

What I really really liked about these scenes is that every single time Sousuke was having a down moment, or a vulnerable moment in relation to his shoulder injury, Gou happened to be there and witness it. It may be coincidental that she always happen to be in a place and time when Sousuke wasn’t feeling great. I was initially wondering why she never approached him in the moment and then you look at Sousuke’s pissy face and that’s probably why lmao. Regardless, Gou probably knew his state of mind, and hence decided to leave him to it. The look she gave him was more out of curiosity rather than concern but because the anime never went into detail about what she was thinking at the time, it’s hard to tell. Most important thing is that Gou was there during his vulnerable moments, before anyone knew of his shoulder injury...

Jelly Momo

Ngl, I absolutely love Momo, not only because he’s a hilarious character but because Sousuke always unintentionally cockblocks him when it comes to Gou. I just find it so funny. The poor thing. And Gou just has absolutely zero interest in him....

The thing is, Momo knows that Sousuke constantly gets in the way...it has happened several times already and I think he is also beginning to realise that Gou is probably quite fond of Sousuke, hence his very vocal comment about paying attention to him. i just love it how the anime framed it like this because you know it’s a running gag going on between all three.

Also, the look on Sousuke’s face in that above scene...you can’t see it but if you go back and watch it, and it’s only a split second when Momo moves his head, it’s absolutely hilarious. He legit has a “wtf” look on his face 😂

Just going to put this above scene here where Momo gets dragged away. Poor thing. I think at this point, Gou is catching on to something with Sousuke...

After Momo bombarded Gou with his hilarious hobbies, these two just ended up alone together ❤️

Season 3′s ending credits depict a lot of parallels between characters as well as some level of competitiveness between them. So maybe it is just a coincidence here but Sousuke and Momo together probably continues to depict the hilarious running gag between them and Gou. LOL!

Gou’s Concern

No really, when Sousuke walked out and decided to swim with his shoulder injury, the concerned look on Gou’s face. This was the first time in the whole entire series (season 3 included) where Gou showed this much concern...my heart.

When there are problems in the Iwatobi swim club related to a character, a lot of the issues and concerns revolved around the other characters helping each other (Gou would be excluded). She is just a supporting character that does not get a lot screen time. Aside from her managerial duties, we don’t see too much of her during important/significant moments for a main character - unless she is interacting with Rin in some way. So her very minimal “interactions” with Sousuke during his vulnerable moments are considered somewhat significant (even if she just saw him walking by) because they are more symbolic than anything.

Off Screen Interactions

Okay, the amount of times Sousuke talked about Gou...they clearly talk a lot off screen and whether that be through text messages, phone calls or meeting up, I believe they are a combo of all three. I have several reasons to believe that they do hang out together quite a bit.

1. The amount of times Gou keeps bumping into Sousuke randomly (ngl the times the audience sees is probably only a fraction to what actually goes on behind the scenes)

2. In the later episodes, they have been seen walking home together.

3. Some of the things Sousuke said to Rin about Gou would warrant more of a face to face conversation rather than something through text message. I mean unless they talk on the phone (that would be so fucking adorable aaaaahhhhhh)

4. In the CD drama, they have been shown to hang out just the two of them over mediocre stuff so I am sure that would have met up and talked more about other more deeper things with each other

Gou obviously confided in Sousuke how lonely she felt because her older bro was neglecting her

LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE TALKED ABOUT HER! That obviously indicated they do interact quite some bit off screen. Judging from the things they talked about, it sounded like she was filling him in with what’s going on in her life..and you know just every day stuff... I love it! They are so casual and so comfy with each other <33333333

Platinum Abs

Not counting the fact that I almost choked on my drink when I saw this for the first time, but I was curious to see what Gou thought of them. So I waited....and waited...and waited...and it never came, despite the fact that she was in his presence multiple times when he was looking like this....

And I came across several older posts that pointed this out and it totally validated what I felt as well. Gou, the muscle obsessive freak has not spoken a word about Sousuke’s nationally ranked swimmer’s perfect body. WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM? HE’S FUCKING MASSIVE!! Like..all over....holy shit just look at those guns...like damn fine man.... anyways... so Gou, why have we not heard a single word from you about them? To her, they are probably the best of all the characters in the series ...

And my guess is... Sousuke is most likely special to her. She does not see him as merely an object of muscles (much like she does with the other characters including her own bro) but something more. And whether that is consciously or unconsciously, the outcome is still the same. Because when someone means a lot to you and if you like someone in that way, you are less likely to see them as an object of some fantasy...

The OVA

Yo not gonna leave this one out and if there is anything that really pushed this ship further, it was definitely the OVA.

Sousuke is so pedantic about what people call him (unless you are Nagisa...which he has almost no words for ...). So the only one who can add “kun” to his name is Gou <333333

I’m not going to delve too deeply into this as

1. It is self explanatory

2. A lot of people have already discussed this topic

But, overprotective Sousuke being a sweet guy and lending Gou his jacket is something out of a shojo manga. Even more shojo is that he;

1. Did it himself and not just giving the jacket to her

2. Got overly pissed off at Ai for drenching Gou

3. COULDN’T LOOK AT GOU WHEN HE GAVE HER THE JACKET....like the whole time....ksfklafkhgdshgjdsh

Sousuke isn’t very good with expressing himself, so this scene, out of his own sheer awkwardness, really played into the intimate nature of this potential ship. I’ll explain more later...

P. S. LOOK AT HOW ENORMOUS THE JACKET LOOKS ON GOU...she so schmol (and Sousuke is just massive...). Legit they look like a couple on a date...

Sunset Meeting

Ngl when I first started watching Season 3, this scene came out so unexpectedly I had to replay it just so it would process in my mind that it happened. But aside from the fact that it was framed in a shojo manga kinda way i.e. Gou running towards Sousuke, then walking together in the sunset and then talking about deep and meaningful stuff...you get the drift...I absolutely loved it how Gou was the very first person Sousuke told about his surgery’s success. Omg..swimming and the success of the surgery just meant so much to him and he was already telling Gou about it...

Everything about the particular scene was so so intimate. The scenery, the conversation, the tone of voice, the colours used......everything! Just look at how happy Gou is....

And damn they walked home together ... my heart cannot take it anymore aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Running Gag

I did notice this trend going on but it didn’t cross my mind until I read a post that it was like a thing between SouGou. Honestly it is so so cute! Gou has this excited pitched, giggle-ish, admiration-like tone every single time she calls out and runs to him. It’s so sweet. You actually never hear it ever when she talks or calls out to any other characters in the series, so Sousuke is indeed very special to her <3

Also...something about Sousuke walking alone and Gou either noticing him or running to him...

Gou and Momo’s Mistaken Date vs. Gou and Sousuke’s Mistaken Date

In Part 4 of the Free Take Your Marks movie, Rin walks by a burger shop and noticed Momo and Gou sitting together and having lunch. He mistakenly thought they were going out on a date, and before the rest of the Iwatobi team could come to the table after order their food, Rin gets a call from Sousuke telling him that he cannot find his way. So Rin dashes off to save Sousuke still with the misunderstanding. The episode is absolutely hilarious on Rin’s part.

Then in the CD drama, there is a story titled “Sousuke and Gou’s secret date.” Of course it is a case of ‘mistaken identity’ but as I stated earlier, these two would hang out with each other to discuss superficial things, so I am certain that they do hang out with each other on occasions to talk about other more deep and meaningful things as well. Considering the things Sousuke has been telling Rin about Gou, you can make an educated guess that SouGou do have their alone times quite a bit off screen.

Anyways, so this is the part where I believe Free has its subtle romantic undertones. I mentioned in my toxic masculinity post that when the male characters were being vulnerable, hugged or cried, that it does not necessarily mean they are gay, or that there would be any romantic development between the characters. You could say the same with SouGou as well, however, the difference lies in how the anime framed it, and the biggest tip that pushed from just a friendship kind of thing to a teasing of a potential romantic thing is the “secret date” part and the running gag between Gou, Sousuke and Momo. We know Momo clearly has romantic interest in Gou, and the interesting thing is...Sousuke being placed in between Gou and Momo numerous times throughout the anime to signify that there is a potential triangle going on. Does this make sense? It is the nuances as a viewer that you can pick up, and it is even more so if you can understand Japanese. I sometimes switch the subtitles off and really just watch what they say and it’s a completely different view. Hard to explain...but that is the vibe I get.

Extras

I just had to put this scene in. JUST LOOK AT GOU LOOKING AT SOUSUKE OMG. She totally loves him <3 YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

I always love me some official artwork of these two, and disregarding the fact that there are four other guys around and Nagisa just being the little helper he is, SouGou wrestling is something I just need to have in my life <3 I just love the light subtle tease between these two. Thank you KyoAni! And them holding hands... I’m ded...

Sousuke’s Feelings

This is purely interpretation based on what I have seen so far and of course when I am writing a full post like this about SouGou, it does help piece the puzzle together a little more. Tbvh, I strongly believe that Sousuke has repressed feelings for Gou. My reasoning is quite complex. Sousuke is a bit of a difficult character. He is aloof, serious and can be standoffish. He is not good with expressing his emotions and feelings, yet he does questionable things if he thinks it is for the best for those he cares about. Obviously noticeable when he lied to Rin about his shoulder injury, and of course completely stopped talking to Rin and Gou after being injured. But he deeply cares for those around him, and will go out of his way to help, even if it is to the detriment of his own welfare.

Sosuke hanging out with Gou and talking to her and being around her is already an aspect of his kindness, that he would do this to anyone he cares about. But what I meant about repressed feelings for Gou was more evident in the OVA, and I think that is where the slight nuances come into play. Sousuke is overprotective of Gou and he most likely sees her as a little sister, considering he grew up with her alongside his best friend. But I think when it comes down to more intimate moments i.e. giving Gou his jacket and just not being able to look at her, I think that small nuance does give a small insight into Sousuke’s feelings for Gou. It may be minute but it’s there, and the way the anime framed that scene, it evoked a host of response from the viewers. That in itself is enough for viewers to make a determination as to what Sousuke might be feeling towards Gou at the time ... and it was probably more than a platonic kind of way...

Just to let you know that Sousuke most likely would not act on these feelings because of who he is as a person. And if there is any possibility that things could go awry between him and Rin that concerns Gou, Sousuke would not put their friendship in jeopardy. So if there was ever a way that Sousuke’s repressed feelings for Gou could surface, it would be if Gou initiates.

Gou’s Feelings

If you read through this entire damn thesis so far I think you could see that Gou’s feelings for Sousuke is a lot more overt. She is so incredibly fond of Sousuke and it is just the way she behaves around him, speaks to him and looks at him. It sends a different vibe comparatively to when she interacts with any of the other male characters. Because Gou is a side character, as viewers we don’t get to see much of her, her development or her thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to Sousuke.

Concluding Thoughts

What an incredibly long post. I didn’t realise how long it was until I scrolled back up. But really, this was so fun to write. I enjoy writing about side characters and the little hints that anime and manga give us as viewers. This is the best thing about storytelling, that is so much more than what you see before you.

The great thing about SouGou is the incredibly compatibility they have with each other. They have a lot of the common tropes found in anime that sets them up for a future pairing. I mean,, Free is not a romance genre so there wouldn’t be any emphasis placed on how one character feels about another in a romantic sense. So the anime has placed some gentle teasing in the background with its frame (usually what you see in shojo manga for example), official artworks, and CD dramas. It’s a very subtle undertone that the viewers would have to dig through and pick up out of the mass of fanservice and the storylines of the main characters. Yet this is the reason why I love KyoAni because of its numerous layers of stories and undertone!

In my opinion, if there was ever any pairing that comes out of Free, it would definitely be SouGou - it’s because the way the anime (and probably the light novel as well) set them up and emphasised on important aspects of their relationship without going into detail about it.

I gotta say, the reason why I love these two so much is because they remind me so much of TsukiYachi pairing from Haikyuu. There are parallels between the characters and I think I just enjoy shipping ones with that level of complexity and compatibility - the whole opposites attract kinda thing (and the height difference).

So what do you think? Are there any SouGou stans out there left? I’m keen to see what the 2021 Free movie will entail for these two and the potential release of Season 4 (most likely in 2022).

Fingers crossed for some excitement!

Also...I had to crop this <3

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august-anon · 4 years ago

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Unrestrained Revenge

This was meant to be part of tickletober 2020 but i never finished it, so it became it's own fic instead lol. Promised y’all a full-length BNHA fic from the backlog after the last Witcher fic, so here this is! Hope you enjoy!

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Fandom: BNHA

Ship(s): EraserMic

Characters (lee/ler): Switch!Aizawa Shouta/Switch!Yamada Hizashi

Word Count: 1870 words

Summary: Hizashi decides to take advantage of Shouta getting a little tangled up in his capture weapon. Shouta, of course, can't let that go without revenge.

[ao3 link]

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Shouta, in his opinion, worked far too much (which probably meant Hizashi, what with his three jobs, was working an alarming amount, but that was besides the point). He spent eight hours a day in a classroom, and several hours after that grading. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, he worked patrols all night as if he didn’t have to be back in the classroom most mornings.

So screw him if he wound up walking around most days in a half-asleep haze.

It became increasingly apparent one afternoon after he and Hizashi had gotten home from their day jobs at the school, for once neither of them being required to head to their second (or even third, in Hizashi’s case) job of the day. Hizashi went to feed the cats while Shouta headed toward the bedroom, looking to change into something more pajama-adjacent.

Only, the problem with being half-asleep most of the time was that you could wind up being rather clumsy. Which was how Shouta found himself in his current predicament: being tied up in his own damn capture weapon. When his struggles only wound up tightening the scarf around him, Shouta gave into the mortification of getting stuck and called for help.

“Hizashi?” He ground out. “I could use some help.”

He heard Hizashi’s footsteps draw near the bedroom and braced himself for the teasing.

“Babe? What is i--” the door opened, and Shouta cringed. Hizashi started laughing. “Shou--babe, how did you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

Hizashi continued laughing as he circled around him, and Shouta couldn’t tell if he was trying to decide where to start or if he was just trying to find the funniest angle to look at him from.

“I don’t think you’ve gotten tangled up this bad since high school.”

Shouta jerked in his tangled bindings and growled. “Will you just help me?”

“Alright, alright, chill out Sho-chan! We can fix this.”

Shouta slumped a little as Hizashi approached and started tugging at random segments of his capture weapon, trying to find a way to start untangling him. He huffed when it didn’t seem to do anything except make the parts that were still loose, tighter.

“You really got yourself stuck, didn’t you…?” Hizashi murmured.

Shouta rolled his eyes. “Get on with it.”

Hizashi pinched his bottom rib. “Behave and I-- What was that?”

Shouta, who had jumped and quietly yelped, quickly cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

A sly grin began to grow on Hizashi’s face. “Shouta,” he sang, raising his hands shaped into claws. “Are you lying to me, my love?”

Shouta stumbled back a few steps. “No.”

Hizashi raised an eyebrow. “You really think you can lie to me, babe? After all this time we’ve known each other?”

“Hizashi, don’t you da--”

Shouta cut himself off with a yelp as he stumbled over his own feet and landed on their bed. Hizashi cackled and bounced up onto the mattress after him, clawed hands still hovering tauntingly between them. Shouta struggled harder in his self-made bonds as Hizashi started wiggling his fingers.

“Hizashi--”

“I can’t believe I forgot you were ticklish, my own fiance!”

“Hizashi--”

“I think it’s very wise of me to do this when you can’t fight back,” Hizashi nodded sagely. “You are far too good at hand-to-hand.”

Before Shouta could reply with a quip about how Hizashi relied on his quirk too much, Hizashi’s hands were back on his ribs. Shouta swallowed another yelp and pursed his lips together, squeezing his eyes shut. Luckily, his ribs weren’t a bad spot, and the gentle pinches Hizashi was subjecting him to were easy enough to resist.

“Aw, come on, baby,” Hizashi tried to goad him, moving down to wiggle his fingers into Shouta’s sides where the scarf wasn’t covering him. “Just laugh! You’ll feel better!”

“You wish,” Shouta ground out.

“You’re right, I do wish. That’s why you should do it.”

Shouta locked his jaw and squirmed around as much as he could, but he couldn’t exactly get much leverage when he was wrapped up in his own capture weapon. Dammit, he should’ve been paying better attention to what he was doing.

It wasn’t like he necessarily minded being tickled, certainly not, and he always enjoyed having Hizahi’s hands all over him. It was just so… embarrassing. His face flushed and his grin was silly and his laugh was weird. Plus, he preferred being restrained on his own terms, rather than getting stuck due to his own clumsiness.

“Sho, if you just give me a giggle or three, this will all be over so much faster,” Hizashi teased, squeezing his hips and making Shouta grunt.

“Fuck you,” Shouta bit out.

Hizashi winked down at him. “Maybe later, Sho-chan.”

Shouta felt his heart stop when Hizashi’s grinned widened, eyes getting a mischievous glint to them. He tried to shuffle his body further up the bed, but Hizashi simply grabbed a loop of capture weapon to keep him from moving away.

“Good thing I know all your tricks,” he said with another wink. “I’ll have you giggling in no time.”

Hizashi then leaned down, pressing little pecks of kisses to his cheeks, jaw, and ears. Unfortunately, Hizashi was right: this action did almost always end with him giggling. The soft, playful affection was certainly one of Shouta’s secret weaknesses, but the thing Shouta hadn’t admitted to Hizashi about this little action was just how much Hizashi’s mustache tickled. Even with his lips pursed and his face scrunched up, the giggles bubbling up in Shouta’s chest began shaking his whole body, escaping from his nose.

“Here they come,” Hizashi sang into his ear.

Hizashi’s hand scratched down the top of his thigh as he pressed a ticklish kiss just underneath Shouta’s jaw. Shouta gasped, and his laughter escaped before he could stop it. He wished he had his hands free to hide his face. God this was so embarrassing.

Especially with Hizashi gazing at him like he’d hung the moon and the stars. It only made his face burn more.

“You’re beautiful when you smile,” Hizashi said.

Shouta didn’t even bother responding through his giggles. He simply rolled over to bury his burning face into the duvet. Unfortunately, that just opened up a whole new expanse of ticklish skin for Hizashi to exploit. He dug his fingers underneath and in-between loops of his capture scarf, somehow managing to pinpoint all the most sensitive places on Shouta’s back, making him cackle and kick his legs out.

“Hizashi, please!”

Hizashi chuckled. “Alright, alright.” He rolled Shouta over again, grinning down at him. “Let’s get you untangled, then.”

It took an absurd amount of time for Hizashi to get Shouta untied. It certainly didn’t help that Hizashi kept sneaking little tickles here and there, making Shouta squirm, which only tightened his bonds further. When Shouta was finally free, he tossed his scarf across the room with a scowl, making Hizashi fall back against the bed in laughter.

“Oh yeah?” Shouta growled, sweeping a hand through the hair in his face and holding it out of the way. “You think that’s funny? You like to laugh?”

“Oh, lighten up, baby. You and I both know you didn’t hate that.”

Shouta ignored the flush he felt rising into his cheeks once more.

“You’re going to regret that,” he said.

Hizashi’s eyes went wide and he started to sit up, but Shouta launched himself at him before Hizashi could escape. He pinned Hizashi down against the mattress, suddenly wishing he hadn’t thrown his capture weapon aside in his tantrum, and swiftly settled over his hips, pressing Hizashi’s hands into the mattress above his head. Hizashi squirmed around underneath him, already bubbling with nervous giggles.

“Sho--Shouta, come on, babe--”

Shouta cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know, ‘Zashi. You seemed pretty keen on taking advantage of my situation.”

“Baby, please--” Hizashi yelped, trying to free his hands.

But Shouta could hear the giddy undertone to his voice. Hizashi hated this just as much as Shouta did, which was to say, he didn’t hate it one bit. Quite the opposite, in fact Even if they’d played like this less and less over the years, to the point of them stopping entirely for a brief time, the game remained the same, and fake, weak protests had always been a part of it.

“The difference between you and me, babe,” Shouta said, giving Hizashi one of his terrifying grins, “is that I never forgot that you were ticklish.”

Which meant that Shouta knew exactly where to target to get Hizashi howling.

And Hizashi clearly realized that too, because he gasped and tucked his red face into the crook of his elbow. Shouta was tempted to call him out on it, to remove the ways to hide his face since Shouta hadn’t been able to hide his, but he decided to have mercy and simply dive in.

See, what Hizashi had so foolishly forgotten was that the two of them shared a weak point. Shouta and Hizashi both had horribly ticklish necks, both easily ranked as one of their worst spots. Hizashi didn’t do much to protect his neck, but Shouta’s ticklishness was certainly one of the reasons he kept his hair so long and wore his capture weapon everywhere: it was much wiser to hide the sensitive spot away than to let his friends have access to it.

And so Shouta kept Hizashi’s hands pinned to the bed, leaning down to bury his face in Hizashi’s neck. A squeal (thankfully not quirk-powered) ripped from Hizashi’s lips as Shouta gently scraped his stubble against Hizashi’s throat, and the sound only got louder and more high-pitched when Shouta brought his lips and teeth into the equation.

There were small bursts of laughter here and there, but it seemed like Hizashi was so overwhelmed by the sensation that he couldn’t do much more than shriek and squeal and yell out wordlessly. In Shouta’s opinion, it was fucking adorable.

“Had enough yet?” Shouta teased, carefully keeping his voice monotone to set Hizashi on edge.

He didn’t even bother waiting for an answer before pressing his lips to a weak point under Hizashi’s jaw and blowing a loud raspberry. Hizashi’s laughter (or, more accurately, screaming) went silent at that, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

As the sensation faded, Hizashi gasped and called out, “Enough!”

Shouta backed off instantly, freeing Hizashi’s hands but not climbing off his hips just yet.

“Your endurance is down,” Shouta said.

Hizashi rolled his eyes, but the grin on his face was bright and happy. “Yeah, yeah.” His grin morphed into something a little more mischievous. “You know what I’m in the mood for right about now?”

Shouta raised an eyebrow. “A nap, hopefully.”

Hizashi’s laughter rang out through the apartment once more as he pulled Shouta back down onto the mattress with him. He pressed a lingering kiss to Shouta’s lips before squirming out of his arms and worming his way under their mound of blankets.

“A nap sounds great, Sho-chan.”

Shouta snorted. “It fucking better, after all that,” he replied, and climbed under the blankets himself.

And for once, the two of them slept peacefully, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms.

#tickle fic #My writing #bnha tickling #lee!aizawa shouta #ticklish!aizawa shouta #ler!yamada hizashi #lee!yamada hizashi #ler!aizawa shouta #ticklish!yamada hizashi #bnha #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #erasermic

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avintagekiss24 · 5 years ago

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let someone see right through > bucky barnes

|| pairing: Bucky Barnes x black!reader

|| rating: explicit

|| word count: 4446

|| warnings: drinking, implied mention of death, past infidelity, smut, sex, a little bit of angst, oral sex (female receiving)

|| summary: two strangers meet in a bar on their birthday.

|| challenge: @sherrybaby14 prompt challenge - The reader and bucky share a birthday and have some intense birthday sex.

|| challenge: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan star’s follower challenge - Cafune: the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love

|| square filled: @buckybarnesbingo B1: Kink- One Night Stand

|| link: ao3

|| note: i did not realize that when i signed up for sherry’s challenge that it would fit some many other things I’m working on, lol. This was inspired by so many things... seb’s endings, beginnings movie, billie eilish’s listen before i go and i love you (stole a line for the title), the prompt itself... so many emotions, lol. hope you guys enjoy.

You move into the packed bar from the street, instantly having to curve your body to slide through a dense group of people. You steadily pick your way to the bar and by the grace of God, find an empty seat next to a well dressed stranger. You smile absentmindedly at him as you plop down, turning your phone over on the bar to block the barrage of incoming text messages and wiggle your fingers towards the bartender.

“Hi darlin’” the man smiles, winking at you, “What can I get ya?”

“Umm, a martini? Dry.”

He nods his head towards you, “You look young.” He smiles again, holding out his fingers.

You roll your eyes as a playful smile curls onto your lips and dig through your clutch, whipping out your ID, “Not that young, I’m sorry to say.”

He glances down at it before handing it back, “Happy birthday. This one’s on the house.”

You smile genuinely, accepting your ID back, “Thank you. That’s sweet.”

You let out a breath as you tuck your ID back in your purse, “I’m sorry,” you hear a voice say, making you snap your head towards it, “I don’t mean to get in your business, but, today’s your birthday?”

The man beside you smiles softly at you as he spins the tall glass of golden liquid between his hands. You can’t help but smile back. He’s handsome. His jaw is strong and covered in a light stubble, his eyes are big and blue; deep set. His hair is short and messy. It looks soft and you’ll be goddamned if you’re not a sucker for a soft haired man. What’s the word again? Fuck, you can practically hear it rolling off of Antonia’s tongue…

You shake your head quickly and cover the side of your face with your hand when you realize you’ve drifted off. You laugh at yourself and nod, “Yes, sorry. Yes, it is my birthday today. Sorry I - it’s been a long day.”

“That’s okay,” he answers, the smile still occupying his face, “It’s my birthday too.”

“No shit?” Your eyes light up as the smile widens on your face.

“No shit. Thirty eight.” He nods slowly, dropping his eyes back to the glass in front of him.

“No shit!” You exclaim, turning your attention back to the bartender for a brief moment as he slides your martini in front of you, “Me too. I’m thirty eight today too. How funny.”

He turns back to you, a lopsided smirk on his face before he takes a sip of his beer, “You don’t look thirty eight.”

“Do you honestly think I’d admit to being thirty eight if I wasn’t telling God's honest truth?” You laugh, “You don’t look thirty eight either, to be perfectly honest.”

He shrugs as he chuckles and finishes off his beer before waving for another, “Women lie about their age all the time.”

“Yeah,” you agree, sipping your drink, “They do, but just a little tip for you here, they usually age down, not up.”

“Not necessarily,” he says, wagging his finger, “I’ve run into quite a few eighteen year olds that are suddenly twenty seven.”

You close your eyes and scrunch your face as vivid memories of your eighteen year old self rocket to the forefront of your mind, “Not gonna lie,” you laugh, “I used to do that.”

“See!” The friendly stranger smiles, pointing at you quickly before he dissolves into laughter again, “I believe you though, just this one time, I’ll, I’ll believe you.”

“Well, thank you.” You laugh, playing along with his sarcasm. You lift your glass towards him, “Cheers to that, huh? Two thirty somethings believing one another.”

The two of you clink your glasses together and each take a sip, your eyes lingering on one another. You shy away, dropping your head and tucking some of your loose curls behind your ear. You cover your smile with your palm as you rest your elbow against the bar and blink back at him, quite enjoying the fact that you have his attention. His smile grows at you, his eyes move around your face and down your down neck before he breaks the contact to take another taste of his beer.

Your phone vibrates loudly against the old bar again, causing you to groan loudly. You pick it, your friend Antonia’s face lighting up the screen.

“Antonia, please.” You say instantly as her thick Brazilian accent pours into your ear, “I’m fine. Yes! I’m fine… because I wanna be alone, okay?... okay, yes, fine… okay, I’ll call you in the morning… I promise!... Yes!... I’m hanging up now… Antonia, Antonia, I’m hanging up.”

You tap the little red button to end the call and roll your eyes, but still laugh a little, “God, she's the worst sometimes!”

“Worried about you?”

“Yes,” you groan, “Like I’m five years old or some shit.”

He chuckles, still spinning his glass slowly, “May I ask why you’re alone on your birthday?” He asks after a few moments of silence, his voice and tone low and serious.

“Mmm,” you hum, “By choice really. I just… I don’t know, I just wanted to be by myself today. Enjoy my own company for once, you know?”

He nods slowly, “I hear that.”

You watch him as he fumbles with his glass and picks at the small, white napkin underneath it. Your eyes fall to the leather jacket that covers a black polka dotted button up and then drift back to his profile, “And you?” You ask, “Why are you alone today?”

He pushes his balled fist into his cheek and rests his head against it as he gazes back at you. His eyes search yours, as if he’s wondering if he should really tell you or not. A sadness washes through them and you sit up a little, your lips parting as you inhale, “Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” he smiles, his eyes drifting from you, “My twin sister, Rebecca, she um…”

His voice trails off and you grab for his hand, holding it tight as you fight back the sudden emotion in your throat. You shake your head quickly, trying to push the wetness that has invaded your eyes away and let out a breath. You don’t even need to hear the rest to know it’s tragic, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry to hear that.”

Your voice is warm and soft, so soft that you’re not even sure that he heard you over all of the noise. You watch as his eyes fall to your hands, as your thumb slowly strokes the back of his hand, wanting to comfort him. He squeezes back.

“I just like being alone today.” He whispers as he swallows hard.

“I hear that.”

Your eyes drop to your hands. You watch as he lifts them, the pads of his fingers sliding along yours. He flattens his palm against yours and presses your fingers together, smiling a little as his large hand nearly swallows yours. On any other occasion, this connection would be weird; but for some reason, you’re bonding with this stranger that shares your day - and fast. His sadness matches your own. It’s a connection that you haven’t felt or wanted to feel in a really, really long time.

“I lied,” you say softly, watching as he links your fingers together, “I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend last year on my birthday. I walked in on them.” You curl your fingers around his and press your thumb into his palm, “She texted me today, wishing me a happy birthday,” you laugh, “Isn’t that fucked up?”

He nods slowly, “That’s really fucked up.”

“She wanted to get together so we could talk and I just, I panicked. I didn’t want her showing up at my apartment so I just grabbed my jacket and walked here.”

He stares at you intently, his blue eyes piercing into you as you pour your heart out to him, “I’m sorry.”

You shrug and let out a breath through your nose, “It happens, right?”

“It shouldn’t,” he says softly, “Not to people like you.”

You blink back at him as his words swirl around you. He lets his eyes roam over your face as you stare back at him. That lopsided grin appears on his face again and he releases your hand, only to press his index finger into the tip of your nose, “This is a cute nose.”

You scoff but let the giggles pour from your chest. You down the rest of your martini and ask for another, before rubbing your face with your hands, “What are the odds that two sad ass people would meet up at the same bar on their birthdays?”

“Divine intervention maybe.”

You laugh gently as your second martini is placed in front of you. You don’t pick it up, you just look at it for a second before turning your head back to this gentle man. You find him looking at you - licking his lips slowly, and just looking at you. Your heart starts to beat a little harder; a little faster. Your breath stays easy and gentle but your mind starts to race with thoughts that haven’t crossed it in a long while.

You reach for your glass and sip it slowly, flicking your eyes up at him over the round rim. You set it down, a soft clink sounding at the delicate glass collides with the wood of the bar. You rest your head against your palm as you lean against the bar, a smile of your own spreading on your lips as you gape at the soft haired, sad thirty eight year old next to you. You grab his hand again and twist your fingers within his, feeling the warmth of his skin against your own.

He presses his thumb into your palm and rubs it gently, bringing your hand to his face. He puts his lips against the backs of your fingers and closes his eyes as he breathes you in. You lift your free hand and push it to his cheek, rubbing softly, letting the prickle of his short beard tickle your skin. He nuzzles into you and you’ve never wanted to take someone’s sadness away so bad.

You tilt your head as you sweep your fingers over his chin, stroking gently as he relaxes into the touch of a pure stranger. It starts to click for you, right in that moment, as the two of you bond over the soft touches from one human to another. You never understood how this could happen, how you could meet someone in a bar and want to take them home. To want to ravish them and have them ravish you without knowing a damn thing other than the connection that the two of you built in an instant.

You’re the type to see forever in someone’s eyes - but that’s where you fucked up, isn’t it? Maybe it’s better to see just tonight in someone’s gaze.

“Two sad strangers.” You say softly.

He nods slowly again, “Maybe we were meant to save each other tonight.”

You take a breath, and then another, and another as you tilt your head in the opposite direction, staring at him all the while, “I’m starting to think that too.”

He tilts his head too, to match yours, and licks his lips again before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, “You like being in love.”

You blink at him and swallow. He doesn’t form it as a question. He states it, like he knows it. Like he can smell it on you that you aren’t that girl - but that you desperately want to be for him. You need to move on - and he knows it.

“I can love you for tonight if you want me too.” He answers himself, his voice gentle and low.

You nod before you can really think about it. You stand and grab your phone and clutch from the bar, digging through the small gold purse to throw some cash down. You take one last taste of your drink before you grab his hand again, barely giving him time to pay for his own drinks.

You push out into the New York night, a brisk, sharp, cold breeze smacking against your body. He throws his arm over your shoulders and pulls you into his body, trying to shield you from the assault. He lets you guide him a few blocks towards your apartment in silence, shoving his hands in his pockets when you come to your building. You hold the door for him and head for the old elevator, waiting as he steps in before you shut the thin, metal scissor gate.

You push the lever to the number of your floor and with a jolt, the two of you are hoisted up into the building. You stand on one side, he stands on the other, hands shoved in his pockets as he leans against the opposite wall - his eyes on you all the while. You swallow hard as you place your hand to your chest, suddenly flush with heat under his intense gaze.

He pushes away from the wall as the slow elevator climbs higher into the building. Your breath becomes audible as he moves into your space. He slides his palm along your cheek, slipping the tips of his fingers into the edges of your hair as his thumb sweeps along your bottom lip and chin. Your lips part as your eyes bounce between his. He flattens his thumb on your cheek again and pulls you into him, crashing his lips to yours with force.

You moan when his tongue slips along the roof of your mouth. He pulls away just long enough to tilt his head before he dives back into you, bringing his other hand to your face to hold you. He pins you against the wall and pushes his knee between the two of yours as he kisses you hard and deep. He pulls away again, but stays away - his mouth hanging open, his breath rough, his cheeks red.

You stare back at him as his fingers curl around the back of your neck. Your chest heaves as you bite your bottom lip, quick flashes of what was before playing before your eyes. Your boyfriend, the feeling of his hands on your body, his lips on yours - reminding you of him. His laughter rings in your ears, his eyes stare back into yours…

“Are you okay?”

The words bring you back into the present, back into the elevator. Your ex is gone and you blink back at the man before you. His eyes are wide and wild as his thumbs stroke your cheeks, “Are you okay?” He asks again.

You nod quickly and lean into him, wanting him to help make you forget. You push your mouth against his, moaning again as the old memories fade and the sounds of your mouths bounce off of the walls of the old, rickety elevator. It comes to halt seconds later but neither one of you seem to notice. You push your chest into his as you press your fingers into his lower back, pulling him into you harder, harder, harder.

His thigh is back between your legs as he nips at your jaw with his teeth, before pushing your head towards the ceiling with his fingers. You squeeze his leather jacket in your hands as you push your hips forward, rubbing your hot sex along his thigh as he nibbles and pecks at your exposed neck. You hiss loudly and let out a groan when he bites down into your flesh softly.

“God-” you breathe as he pulls your lower half into his.

His hands drift up your sides to find your breasts. He kneads them gently, slowly, as he pushes you harder into the wall, his tongue slipping along your bottom lip before it invades your wet mouth again. His lips move down your neck, along your collarbone, before they press into your cleavage through your shirt. He slides down to his knees, his lips trailing your body, his hands gripping your hips firmly as he goes.

He releases your hips to skim your bare legs with his fingertips, his light touch tickling your deprived skin as they skip along your limbs. He presses a hot kiss to the inside of your knee as you grip his shoulder and push forced, focused breaths out of your mouth. Within the blink of an eye, his face has disappeared underneath your skirt, his lips and nose pressing hard against the bundle of nerves at your center.

You buck into his face as you hiss, biting down into your bottom lip. He presses the tip of his tongue to your clit, stroking it lightly through your underwear before he nuzzles face first into your heat. He takes a breath, a deep breath, and you shudder at the thought of him wanting your scent to fill him - to intoxicate him.

You continue to push your hips into his face as his tongue pushes underneath your panties. Your body jerks at the sudden warmth and wetness his tongue provides - the soft friction - as he laps at your slit. You slam your back against the wall and let out a moan as the synapses in your body all start to fire, focusing your energy, electrifying your mind.

The elevator starts to drop suddenly, and you slam your hand against the emergency stop button, halting it before it descends.

“Fuck,” you breathe heavily, “Sorry,” you call loudly to whoever called for the metal box, “Sorry, we’re- sorry.”

You continue to mumble as you push on his shoulders, encouraging him to stand and move to the gate. You push it open and move off of it, your suitor close behind. You feel his chest against your back as you fumble with your keys, nearly dropping them when his fingers curve around your hip. You slam your key into the lock and twist it as he tightens his grip, digging the tips of his fingers into your skin. The door pops open and with a push of his hand, it swings and crashes into the wall with a loud thud before it starts to swing back closed.

He pushes you forward, keeping his hand around your waist as the two of you cross through the threshold. He shuts the door with his foot and spins you around before wrapping his arms around your waist again. You drop your keys, your purse, your phone to the floor as you throw your arms around his neck and allow him to pick you right off of your feet. You press your hands into the side of his face as you kiss him again, smacking your lips against his as you steal his breath.

He holds you up with his sheer strength, your boot clad feet dangling before you wrap them around his waist. Your hands push into his jacket, stripping it from him, pushing it right off of his shoulders. You start pulling at his shirt, untucking it from his tight, black jeans before your fingers begin to pry at the buttons. Within seconds, his shirt is crumpled on this floor with his jacket, his bare, sculpted chest pressed against yours as he lays you down on the floor.

He leans over you, holding himself up with one hand as the other pulls at your white top. He pulls it over your head, tossing it somewhere behind the two of you before he rucks your loose skirt up your waist. His fingernails scrape at your hips and thighs as he pulls your thong down your legs. You fumble with the button and zipper of his jeans, yanking it down before you push your hands underneath the denim, gripping his ass in your hands.

He works the thick material down to his thighs before he falls on top of you, crushing his body to yours, pinning you to the floor. He encases your head in his hands as you pull his face back down to yours and kiss him again as he slams into you. You inhale deeply and slam your eyes shut as he fucks into you again, your body sliding up the wood floor. He flattens his mouth to yours and you take the opportunity to bite his bottom lip as his nose presses against yours - his hips grinding and pushing into yours.

You reach down and palm his ass, pushing your fingers into his warm, thick flesh as he fucks you on the floor in the hallway of your apartment. Your free hand moves into his hair, grabbing a fist full before you pull on it, his hot breath washing over your face. It is soft - his hair - just like you thought it’d be.

Cafuné - it comes to you suddenly; the word you couldn’t think of earlier. It echoes in your mind as your fingertips scratch at his scalp before you pull on his hair again. You can hear Antonia’s voice as she rambled on in her thick Spanish accent. I just love to… mmm, cafuné… how do you say in ingles? Fingers in the hair, eh? There is nothing better than that.

You know what it means now. There really is nothing better than the feeling of his hair between your fingers; ethereal in this moment. You keep your hands in his hair and on his ass as he pushes his hips into yours, your muscles spreading for him. You’re nose to nose, mouth to mouth as you both grunt and groan into each other, swallowing each other's sounds as you breathe one another in. You stare into his eyes, his busy, big, blue eyes and he smiles back at you, and even laughs as he fucks into you. You laugh too - the joy, the freedom, spilling right out of you.

He slides in and out of your wet muscles with ease as your hands grip his sides. Your fingers explore him as he ruts into you - up his back, into his hair, around his shoulders, along his biceps - then back to his ass. God, what an ass. You bite his chin as his hips get quicker, more frantic as the pressure begins to build between the two of you.

Your legs start to shake, your toes curling as you quiver around his length. He works your breasts free of your thin bra and sucks one into his mouth, his tongue circling and flicking your nipple. You dig your nails into his skin as he pushes into you, his cock tickling the deepest part of you. He tugs at your nipple with his teeth before he sucks on it again - groaning into your skin all the while.

You come hard. Your hips jerk up into his as they continue to pump into you. You bite down onto his shoulder, muffling the screams and squeals as your orgasm rips through your body. He grinds into you with all of his strength until he’s spilling into you, hot ribbons of his seed coating your walls as he spurts.

You both drag in ragged breaths as you start to come down from the high you’ve made. He keeps his arms around you, encasing you, as he stares down at you. His mouth hangs, his eyes wander your face like he’s trying to etch it into his memory. He leans down and places his lips to yours in a chaste kiss; a soft kiss. Then he’s separated from you again, his eyes staring down into yours again.

Minutes have passed, maybe an hour - neither one of you are really sure. He’s slid off of you and lays on his side, his palm flat on the side of your face. Your leg is thrown over his hip, an arm strewn underneath his head as you stroke his long forearm. His black jeans are still pushed down over his ass as he buries his free hand into your hair. He brushes random strands of hair out of your face as he blinks at you, his eyes heavy as his thumb strokes your eyebrow.

You lay there, just like that, all night. You both eventually drift off to sleep, corralled within each other's arms as the night turns into day. You breathe in deeply as you roll over onto your side, the sun breaking into your sleep state. You crack your eyes and find him there, his eyes already open, already on you. He smiles, and you do too.

The two of you dress in silence. You offer him your bathroom as you wrap yourself in your silk robe. All the feelings that you thought you’d have after a night like that aren’t present, not even in the slightest. There’s no shame, no awkwardness - your mind and body, your spirit is free. Light.

You follow him out to the elevator, your hands laced together during the short walk. He pulls the scissor gate and steps inside, letting you close it behind him. He leans forward and so do you, smiling and giggling softly as you kiss through the gate.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

You smooth your hair away and laugh, “Nice to meet you.”

“Happy birthday, stranger.” He says, pushing the lever to the ground floor.

“Happy birthday, stranger.” You whisper back, wiggling your fingers slowly as he’s pulled down the building, out of sight.

----------

You move into the bar, pushing your way through the crowd as you fight to the bar. You’re not sure it always seems to be so busy on this particular day.

“What can I get for you sweetie?” The bartender asks as soon as you approach.

“A martini please, dry.” You answer, a wide smile on your face.

“Can I get your ID really fast?”

“Of course,” you nod, digging through your purse, “It’s my birthday today.”

“Oh yeah?” He smiles back at you, glancing down at the thin plastic card.

“Yeah,” a voice sounds behind you. You don’t even have to turn around, you just smile back at the bartender as your heart flutters and the memories of the year before flood your mind, “She’s thirty nine today. Can I get a beer please?”

“ID, sir?”

You shake your head, “No need,” you say, pointing towards Bucky as he wiggles up beside you, his hand slipping around your hips, “It’s his birthday too.”

He leans against the old bar, a smile on his face as his eyes link with yours. You’ve missed that grin of his, “Hello stranger.”

#prompt challenge #star's celebration challenge #buckybarnesbingo2020 #bbb2020 #bucky barnes x black!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #you x bucky barnes #you x bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fandom #avintagekiss24

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glimmerglanger · 4 years ago

Note

public ok)u ever think abt how the only love in Obi-Wan's life that didn't turn him away voluntarily was cody bc i do and it hurts me

*sobbing noises* Yeah, that subject definitely preoccupies my thoughts more than it should T_T

Anonymous said:

Hmmm did Obi's injuries from the attack scar (for By the Sea)? Did Cody freak out when he learned just how bad they were? (Not necessarily a prompt but a question, no pressure!) THANKS GLIMMER YOU THE BEST

Oh, some of the definitely did. The stab wound in his shoulder and some of the gouging scratches along his side left marks behind. I think Cody traces them all, wishes Thrull were alive so he could kill him again, and apologizes over and over while Obi-Wan goes ??? because he’s fine and it wasn’t Cody’s fault.

Anonymous said:

I know The Mandalorian isn't a huge interest to you, but I caught myself in stitches thinking about it in the C&T universe. Mer!Din finding a human baby and his dad instincts are instantly activated. Grogu could be a different species, but all I'm thinking is how hilarious the human escapades would be. At first he panics, bc he can't care for a human! But eventually he changes his mind. If the King can have a human riduur, then Din can have a human ad'ika. Who knows how it ends but its hilarious

AHAHHAHAHA OH DELIGHTFUL! Trying to catch a human toddler that Will Not Stay Still. Din ducks under the water for a second, pops back up, Grogu is GONE. Did a seagull take him? Din doesn’t know! His stress levels are high and getting higher by the moment.

Anonymous said:

“[Obi-Wan listened] to the rain fall on the top of the cabin one evening, sweet music rising out of the surrounding sea as the merfolk sang.” (from the chapter 6 of C&T) 🥺😭 Are they all singing to him to help him through the storm???? Did Wolv tell them what to do????? My heart!!!!!

EHE I left that one vague-ish. Maybe they’re singing to help or maybe it’s a happy accident. They aren’t usually close enough to the surface to sort of experience rain directly on the water. It could just be very, very nice and intriguing to them, prompting song.

Anonymous said:

Can’t stop thinking about how the merfolk have tales of how humans are unable to talk 😅. I love how Eyayah’s first thought when Kote’s telling him about Obi-Wan is “you taught him how to talk??????” and Kote has to be like “😑he knows how to talk he just didn’t know MANDO’A.” It’s just so funny to me that merfolk think humans are uncivilized brutes and Obi-Wan’s like “🤷‍♂️ I mean you’re not THAT far off”

:DDD Much like a lot of rumors have some crumb of truth, I think it all comes down from attempts to talk to humans in the past, which were met with understandable confusion because most people aren’t willing to spend months together, learning a language from the sea floor up. (I also do lol because sooner or later Obi-Wan is going to find out what Cody did to Thrull and realize that humans aren’t the only violent ones, in the right situations).

Anonymous said:

By the Sea 'verse: Ahsoka 🤝 Obi-Wan

The council having almost comedically low expectations of them

IT’S TRUE. Both of them firmly on the Outside, facing suspicion for....really close to the same reasons, not trusted, really. I have a feeling Ahsoka very much enjoys spending time with her brother-in-law, who understands what she’s dealing with very well.

#glimmer replies #ask me anything #by the sea #flotsam and jetsam #clotsam and tetsam

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lizacstuff · 3 years ago

Text

Sen Çal Kapımı episode 47 asks

Below the read more find asks and answers about episode 47, the fragman for 48 and other miscellaneous things.

(UNDER THE CUT)

Anonymous asked: Hi! I hope you are enjoying your vacation. I remember you mentioned you would be traveling. What were your thoughts on the epi? I think this was one episode where everything was happy! No big problems. The truth about Kemal being Serkan's dad could have been dramatic but Ayse and team wrote it like a romcom. I'm not really feeling the Deniz being the saviour of Artlife like they are portraying in the fragmans but I'll wait for the next epi to make a judgement.

Thank you. Once again, I though the whole episode was a really easy watch and I enjoyed every minute.

I really appreciate the tone this season, even something as series as Serkan’s parentage is played lightly, as you say very much rom com, and not full of heavy melodrama (as it would have been if explored during the 30s). This is exactly the tone and feel of this show that I want.

Serkan’s reaction was predictable, but it was also clear that he just needed time to adjust and settle down and he’ll come around. I like that.

I don’t have time this week to do full episode thoughts, but I enjoyed Serkan and Eda’s morning after conversation. Hilarious that he’d removed all the sharp objects from the room. Loved that after all of Eda’s fear-fueled reticence, once she decided to take the plunge with him, she was all in. Eda admitting that she’d been unbalanced and had been at fault for hiding Kiraz,--and acknowledging that Serkan had been fighting for them and now she wanted to as well-- was very nice. After running a bit hot and cold, Serkan deserved to hear that.

lolo-deli asked: Hard to believe we didn't get a reconciliation scene in 47... Nobody expected sex but we couldn't even get a hug or kiss when they made up? "I want to see that tattoo" was not the romantic reunion I was hoping for. Were you at all disappointed?

IMO, we did see the important part of the reconciliation, and that was the conversation. Sure, I think we should have seen Serkan and Eda kiss in the last episode. If I were in charge we would have, but I don’t think the story actually loses anything because it’s not a mystery what happened.

Clearly, he says the tattoo line and they jump each other, make their way to the bedroom, have sex, but don’t really communicate until the morning when she wakes up, and that’s where the show picks up and we get to see those first important moments.

If you’re looking for romance, then I would point to everything that led up to that tattoo line in 46. That entire episode (and the one before it) was their romantic reconciliation. Moments alone where he takes in her scent and whispers how much he’s missed her, waking up in bed together when they just automatically gravitate to one another, the moments of pretending to be married that were very comedic, but also very soft and romantic (What’s your greatest passion, what’s the first line you ever said to one another), the heartfelt conversation on the bench, the actual tattoo conversation at dinner. That’s the romantic reunion. Yes, if they had just reunited after years (like in episode 40) right before the tattoo line, I would have needed more romance, but we’ve had 7 episodes of them working their way back to one another. Everything was primed, all they needed was to light the match. IMO that line did the trick.

So, am I disappointed? No. I’m happy to go with the flow and enjoy every minute of what they do give us in these last few episodes. I choose not to get tied up in what I wish would happen vs what actually happens. I find I don’t enjoy any show when I put the onus on the show to conform to my wishes.

Some might be disappointed, that’s their choice, (and make no mistake, it is a choice) but that’s not how I’m approaching this second season which is serving up so much romance, comedy, and domestic family goodness. I suffered through the 30s so I could get to this, I’m not going to waste any of it being disappointed.

Anonymous asked: Idk why this proposal was the most emotional out of them all for me. Perhaps with the other ones I just KNEW the other shoe had to drop because they couldn't let them get happily married this early and this time I knew it was finally it. Or maybe it was the fact that knowing they're married means the show really is ending soon, but I was a blubbering mess lol. Sure there's drama ahead, but it's definitely not a plane crash and memory loss or a "fake" Selin pregnancy!

Yes! Thank goodness we don’t have any of that nonsense waiting for us. They are really going to be married.

I enjoyed this proposal very much, it was so sweet the way he planned everything out and had everyone helping, while Eda (and even sort of the audience) was in the dark about what was really going on there.

For me, as far as the words spoken, nothing really tops his speech to her in 27, but the great thing is that we get them all and this was special in it’s own right because he really surprised her and swept her off her feet this time around. I loved it!

Anonymous asked: So I am confused about Serkan’s ability to have kids- it’s not a problem now? If him being infertile was only temporary, why did he say it was impossible to have kids and it was a part of why he left Eda in the first place so she could have it somewhere else? They could’ve just waited a couple years to have kids then...? I know he also left her cause he was scared of dying but they really made his reaction seem like he’d NEVER be able to have kids

My assumption is that since they were able to have Kiraz, they know it’s possible, so even if it won’t be easy (and fertility is usually not a hard yes/ no line... mostly it’s a measure of how likely it is) they are choosing to believe they will be able to conceive again.

If you’re looking to change what his assumptions were when they first broke up and he thought he was unable to have kids (and that there was a 70% chance the cancer would come back) and deciding he should have made different decisions based on the fact that he was able to father Kiraz... to be blunt you’re looking at it the wrong way.

At that time, he thought he would never be able to have kids. Full stop. The fact that wasn’t necessarily true doesn’t change what he believed at the time.

Anonymous asked: serkan being the overly protective, worrying, affectionate baba is EXACTLY what i imagined, as i'm sure everyone else did. who else would worry about the pH balance of the soap at their daughter's preschool?! serkan thinking his angel can do no wrong.. of course it was all can's plan to hide them in the bathroom lmao. i hope, and with how this season is going i think we'll get it, we get to see this serkan in action when eda is pregnant too.. even if we just see a couple minutes of it!

YES! I loved overly protective Serkan. Thankfully, for Kiraz’s sake he has Eda (who might be a bit too far the other way) to balance him out. I agree that it was hilarious how he was trying to blame sweet Can. Even without seeing what happened, I’m pretty sure anyone else who had spent two minutes with those kids would figure out who the instigator was. When rabble rousing is going on, I think it’s fair to point to the offspring of Serkan Bolat and Eda Yildiz as the cause, lmao.

It would be great it we got to see glimpses of Serkan as an expectant father and also the father of a newborn. I would love that.

Anonymous asked: I see that the "Nitpick of the Week" as I'm calling it, this week is where Serkan proposed. Because Serkan Bolat would neeeeever propose in a "parking lot" .. am I the only one seeing that it's not even a parking lot, it's a road. Like if it is a parking lot where are the other cars then lol?! Putting aside that he's proposing outside their literal wedding venue, their entire story started in a parking lot. He told her he loved her for the first time on the side of a road. I'm not understanding.

You make great points! Their love story did start in a parking lot AND he was trying to pull off both a surprise proposal and a surprise wedding in one day’s notice. Since we’ve already seen a proposal on a plane, a proposal at a piano bar and a proposal at their place of work, I don’t really have the energy to join the discontented masses on twitter and nitpick the location of this proposal. He could have proposed in front of a landfill and I would have been delighted.

Anonymous asked: I'm sorry if you don't find it as funny, but people's reaction to this new fragman is so exaggerated like they're about to witness Indecent Proposal dizi-edition that I literally couldn't help but find it hilarious. Like no where is it ever implied that Deniz is offering Serkan SEX, but when Eda says "just do what you have to" somehow that's the first thing everyone thought of?! Not to mention we know this is Deniz's last ep.. the dramatic reactions really have me dying lmao.

OMG! I know. So this is a show that doesn’t show sex, Serkan didn’t sleep with the woman he thought was his girlfriend during amnesia, Serkan and Eda were both celibate for 5 years, but suddenly they’re gonna have newly-married Serkan go to the edge width Deniz?!?!?! Those people on twitter lost their damn minds.

On Saturday, I was on vacation and had just popped in to see if the new fragman was released, I was happy to nope right out of there when I saw the insanely melodramatic overreaction to the fragman.

It’s obvious that since the biggest issue between Eda and Serkan is Eda’s fear that Serkan will always prioritize work over her, as he did on their first wedding day, this story is to show that Serkan will 100% choose Eda over work and Art Life. Also I’m sure the episode will have the same tone as the rest of the season, which is light and comedic.

Anonymous asked: sometimes I go back to episode 28 and still can't believe they got that bathtub + shower scene in there with the rtuk guidelines. I've watched a couple more romcoms since starting SCK and have never seen anything close to that. I know they got fined afterwards but they were really like "screw it, we're going it for anyway" 😂

It’s interesting that the production company and network went for it there. But as you say they did get fined, so they didn’t get away with anything.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #edser #sckask #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #sck 2x47 #asklizac

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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The Mandalorian Chapter 11 reactions; the ‘the sea is a harsh mistress’ edition

- on first watch this wasn’t really one of my favorite episodes. I think it’s something to do with... one of the many things I love about the mandalorian is how it made the star wars universe feel HUGE. big and surprising and unknowable, there could be fucking anything out there man we don’t know. so having first bo katan show up and then ahsoka being set up right after (quite aside from who’s rumoured to play her, which is an entirely different can of wormy beans) in additon to opening the season on tatooine... eh. I’m not that into it, it feels like shrinking the world. we haven’t even gotten to see any other type of force user yet. it is only early/mid season tho so they’re probably going to pull some unexpected twists on us

my opinion might change with rewatches too, that happens quite a bit with this show!

🎶I’VE COME TO TALK WITH YOU AGAIN🎶

honestly I had kind of a hard day yesterday and watched this the next morning and kept pointing tiredly to the crest like ‘it me tho’

- I was unreasonably happy about seeing the calamari flan again hahaha he’s been keeping that shit in his pockets for a season and a half now (didn’t he pay with some at one other point too?)! also the sound effects for them are SO EXCELLENT, I keep thinking about how well this show does texture which is wild considering how it’s filmed

- the warm pat din gave frog lady’s arm when he thanked her and said goodbye 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I love the small ways he’s thawing

my heart ached so much for him at this point, he just looks so small and tense and lost, like a kid who’s lost his parents in a supermarket

(he keeps his hand on the blaster the whole time too so he knows this is a bad scene but now they’re right out in the middle of the ocean already soooo)

- din’s very very very dry sense of humour is so blessed. ‘a bowl of chowder for my friend’ faklhfsadkjlfhsadkjhfsd

the baby’s look when he poked the squid thing with his knife too -- yodito’s like ‘dad is a wizard??’ haha. some good baby & dad stuff in this one

- oh din... side quest boy, side quest booooooyyy

- the shot when bo katan helped him out of the water is perfectly mirroring the scene of bb!din being pulled up to safety by the mandalorian in the flashback, which seems Very Intentional

I Extremely Do Not Trust Her in the larger scale tho. I think it’s important that din knows now that he was raised in a very specific offshoot of the mandalorians ant that there’s some Stuff he hasn’t been told, but I also think it’s crucial to remember that her pov is not unbiased either and she, in fact, already has an established tendency to selectively share information with him to manipulate him into fulfilling her goals. (which he realizes because he keeps saying ‘that is not my mission, my mission is the child’ and I could not love him more). hell, I’m not sure exactly how ‘the children of the watch’ were positioned within death watch, but she was fucking death watch too for the longest time! and she hardly left for particularly noble reasons, she just didn’t like maul! she already lost mandalore like twice, do we just have to trust that third time’s the charm or what!

she lied to him about the scope of the mission to force him into a position to do what she wanted (fully knowing he’s responsible for a child!!) and she called that ‘the way’ just as easily as the thing about not letting his bravery be forgotten! big red warning lights, NO! I think the thing is that din is having to find his own ‘way’ of being mandalorian (/how does one be a person exactly help?? relatable content, and he’ll get there in the end I’m sure he’s so good), but her way is no less fucked up to me than the children of the watch from what we’ve seen so far. she’s good at killing imperials though which is of course a mark in her favour

(considering that the episode gives her the epithet ‘the heiress’... yeah that’s probably a hint that she’s loyal first and foremost to her entitlement, getting the position she considers hers by right of inheritance. guess we’ll see if the text agrees with her)

- ‘mandalorians are stronger together’ yeah that’s probably why the cosmic balance makes sure they’re mostly engaged in being at each other’s throats lol

- so I might be feeling kind of sketch about these guys but on the other hand... when that one lady saved the baby and then promptly took off her helmet to reveal she looks like t h i s ?

you better BELIEVE I was ready to fall down on one knee and propose right then and there holy shit

- ...wow if he didn’t have the jet pack din probably would have just sunk like a rock and drowned there huh 😨 that armour’s pretty heavy, turns out

- in happier news: din has become so good at reading what the child is expressing and responding/labeling the feeling for him! that’s so important to his development! ‘I know you’re hungry’ and both telling and showing him there’s a solution! still a bit of an issue that he thinks he can inform the baby of things like it’s a reasoned adult and have it understand, but we’re getting there we’re getting there lol

- that poor lady guiding them in for landing and sounding more and more worried fhkasjdlhfkjsdlahf (and he fucking TURNS OFF THE RADIO or whatever he’s using to talk to her through sdkfhaksdfhjs he takes a precious split second just to cut her off asfdjhaslkdfsdfhsda I love my salty dad)

- when the fisherman asshole tells mando he knows where to find more of his people there’s the tinkling bell sound in the background music, I think it’s meant to convey almost childlike longing for belonging and connection, for finding someone who’ll know what to do?

- when they took off their helmets and baby looked up at din like ‘???dad what the fuck? can you do that???’. (or like he just sensed his father taking a shitload of psychic damage all in one go)

- the way din didn’t start breathing again until they got the baby up from the water and he had him in his arms... the way he held him... sladfhasdklfhsjakdhfjsakldhfsakjldhfsjkadhfjaskdhfskajdhfjsdakhfslakhfskladhfsakljdhfjskadlhfkjsld

that whole scene was like a nightmare, so desperately unpleasant, in a way it mirrors the way the mandalorians have been hunted down and pummeled these last few generations, this must sort of be what it feels like to him subconsciously

- din isn’t particularly inflexible as a person, after the initial kneejerk rejection he did listen to what they said and is carefully considering it (he did say ‘this is the way’ back at the end!)

- the baby’s babbling when he wakes up and looks around in the beginning sounds half like ‘baba?’ and I almost had a heart attack

- loved how greasy and awful and dumb all the empire dudes were (and the comedy on board the ship too it was good for me)

- the boob plates huh. shit they’ve shown with the armorer that they don’t have to do that in any way shape or form and they still brought the boob plates back :/ I guess it’s so they match up with the rebels/clone wars look, evoking that ~*era*~ and everything, but I don’t have to like it lol

- I feel so validated in my theory that the razor crest is symbolic of din’s sense of self (now with beautifully added commentary!) after this haha (and also so so scared now they might be ditching it for a new ship eventually). it’s in pieces, his world view is going to pieces and can’t be patched together the way it was before, from what he knows he’s about to deliver the baby to someone else who’ll understand/love/deserve him better (I do think that feeling is still in him) and he doesn’t even have the certainty of the code anymore to fill the void. oh buddy.

the discomfort I felt when we got back into the cockpit -- into where it’s supposed to be familiar and safe! -- and saw all the ocean junk lying around, making it feel weird and changed and dirty (it probably smells like rotten seaweed in there now :( no likey)... I mean it was also very funny to see the pilot’s chair held together with a literal fishing net, but please favreau leave my dad’s car/ego alooooone

- baby laughing his little bum off at din catching the small sea monster before it got him and then munching it......... the ‘there’s nothing in this world my dad can’t fix’ safe energy.......... I’m so scared we’re coming up on something din can’t fix

- knitwear in star wars: I didn’t know I wanted it, but I am ELATED with having been given it

- moff gideon’s amazing evil voice... back in our ears, in our hearts, I gleefully hate him

- at least din’s armour is clean again after that (awful) swim? one must appreciate some silver linings along the way I suppose

- din goes straight for the main pilot’s seat once they get the imperial out of it, so he must feel really secure that he’s probably the best man for the job; he is genuinely a good pilot! (and after this I am wondering even MORE who taught him. who raised you within the mandos din??)

- even while everything is new and scary and falling apart we can live safe in the knowledge that at least frog lady and frog husband had a good day and will have a good and happy frog life together with their frog children

couple goals tbh

(I don’t necessarily know how it works for frog people but I uh. guess they got busy quickly huh hahaha good thing mando didn’t turn up again until later)

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta #I've mostly seen people love this episode so I feel a bit like a buzzkill about mostly being 'meh' about it but what can you do lol #I actively disliked a lot of the clone wars mando stuff so I'm biased I suppose

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tar-oh · 4 years ago

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Pick A Pile: What’s Coming At you in love

So, a few weeks ago I started a pile that ended up feeling really heavy and just not what you needed to hear. Like, I think a lot of us were going through some stuff (and maybe still are) and at that moment, it wasn’t a love message you guys needed. So, today I did a new one and this one felt so much better and happier? Also, you can tell I’m procrastinating schoolwork. lol So anyway, this is about what’s coming towards you in love. Most of the piles seem to focus on things that are already kind of going on, but some seemed to be about new things. So, I really do have to ask that you please only take what resonates and not try to make anything that doesn’t fit, fit. My biggest fear is that I’m going to give someone some false hope, so if it really does not sound like you or your situation, then don’t take it. But, also, know that it’s a general reading so it may not fit you and it also may be just super vague. That being said, you can choose more than one because maybe there’s one with more of the message for you or there’s more than one person coming towards you? Anyway, just choose the one you feel most called to.

Today, I’m feeling a Musketeers vibe so I’m using a picture of the guys from BBC’s Musketeers for you guys to choose: 1: Aramis, 2: Athos, 3: D’Artagnan, 4: Porthos :

Pile 1: Aramis

Cards: The Empress, 7 of Wands reversed, King of Swords, The Hierophant reversed, 8 of wands reversed, Death I kind of get the sense that this pile is one that's been alone for a bit. I mean, maybe not a really long time, but like some of you were. With the empress I see that you're taking care of yourself, and even though it's 7 of wands and reversed, I get kind of a 9 of pentacles feel from this particular card. In this one she's just smelling the flowers, but content. But with it reserved, I see like this idea of feeling alone? Like, okay the first song that played when I started this pile was Moonlight Lines by Movements, and it's about two people who just kind of want someone to fill their bed with them. Like, this sense of wanting another body with them. Basically, a one night stand, but also someone to sleep next to for a night, right? I'm not necessarily getting a one-night-stand vibe as what's coming towards you (really, not at all), more just that feeling of wanting someone to be with you at night. A body beside yours. And, like this empress energy is you taking care of yourself but also you wanting to care for someone else. And, 7 of wands being reversed can be an exhausted energy. Like a, when am I going to find someone? But, also, I draw that 9 of pentacles feeling from it too because it's not like you're not doing okay. Like, I think you've been fine alone, but now you're just bored. The next song that played was Love Took The Last Of It by Movements, and I kind of think maybe you've been burned and maybe it took you a while to feel better and want to open up again. Or, maybe you just kind of have a habit of getting into situations that aren't for you and they fall through, so like, you're tired of this. I get the Death card with that, like you want to end this cycle. And I see death as being that, an end to a cycle. I always talk about how much I love that card, it's the card of change. Like, yes it means endings, but beginnings too? So, like, you're just ready to move out of this energy of being alone. The hierophant being reversed to me means that whoever it is coming towards you is not really your usual type. Upright, the Heirophant is all about convention and playing by the rules, and reversed it'd be the opposite, though I'm not reading it that way with this reading. Especially not with the King of Swords showing up. No, instead I'm just reading the Hierophant reversed as maybe this is someone who maybe at first when you meet, you're kind of like, "Oh, I don't know. They're not really following the standards I look out for." I don't mean someone not good for you. I mean, like as in maybe you have a list in your mind and this person doesn't really have all of those things on that list. Maybe they check a few, but there's a few things where you're kind of thinking that maybe it won't work. But, with the King of Swords, I see that they're really honest, maybe to a fault. And, the king on this particular card is old, but I don't really think it's that way for everyone, though I feel like for many of you there is an age gap but I don't think it's one like in this card where the girl towards the bottom of the card looks younger and he looks like he could be her grandpa or something. But, I think that him being older here also might point out that one of you is really wise. Like, old-soul wise. So maybe this is someone you look up to? A mentor of some sort, or just someone you look to for advice. I'm not sure. This could be reversed, and maybe your older than them/they look up to you, and maybe it's even that you're not their usual type? With the 8 of wands being reversed, I see that maybe this is just going to take a bit longer than you'd want. Like, maybe you two need more time to get to know each other. Or, even meet I guess since this is more along the lines of what's coming towards you. Anyway, I see it as coming slowly. Maybe it's delayed a little (which, I mean, at least here in the USA, things are still pretty crappy with Covid and doesn’t look to be getting better) So, this might just be a while out. But, again, with the death card, I see it being an end of a cycle. So maybe before you both can meet or end up together/around each other, you need to close out some things. Like, the Death card REALLY sticks out to me today. And it's funny because, it's the Scorpio card, and so that's like around Halloween, right? The Lovely Omen's deck Death card is so pretty. She wears this black and white striped suit, and like, it reminds me SO much of Beetlejuice lol so I'm getting halloween vibes here, so maybe that's significant to you both, like maybe a birthday in Scorpio season, or the surrounding sign seasons through out like Oct-Nov? Or, maybe that movie's plot has something significant to you both? (seeing this also with King of Swords too, like air signs, so Libra season so, again, october?) Or, maybe it's as simple as it being black and white and like again going back to the Heirophant being reversed and this idea that this is someone who may not fit what you're originally looking for or vice-versa, maybe it's like stop looking at everything so black and white. Look at the greys in between, right? I also want to point out that she's also wearing a moon necklace on the card, and this deck has a lot of references to the moon and stars in the other cards, but this necklace always stands out to me because it's reminds me of how with change comes uncertainty. So maybe it's going to feel really uncertain, especially with the idea of looking at the grays in between? Like, its kind of scary, but like, nothing in life is ever really all that certain? So, like, this unknown is staring straight at you, and I think these cards are kind of saying, "You obviously know how to take care of yourself, so you're going to be okay. Just try something new" Like, oof. I don't know where that last sentence came from, but yeah! Exactly how I'm feeling about this! Or. This person does have gray hair. Lol i mean I’m fairly young for gray hair and I get them when I’m super stressed. Like, look at Logan Lerman, he looks GORGEOUS with gray hair (and Im his age so!!! High Five to us for premature gray hairs!) (Okay, I had written earlier that this didn't seem like new energy but I deleted it because I was like idk, but the song Seneca by Movements came on -which i have it on shuffle but for some reason it's only playing this album?- and it's about someone thinking about how they still love an ex who's now engaged and like how bittersweet it is how they enjoy how happy they look but they miss them and like! Idk! for some this is definitely an ex, but for others it just someone you know already probably!!!) So, maybe even if it's not someone new, it's a new situation? Like, maybe this relationship with this person, even if you've never been in an actual one with them, it's like new to you both. New territory. And, the song In my Blood by Movements came on because again, it's not really shuffling the playlist, lol, but this feels like maybe this is someone you just have a connection to. Like, even if you two haven't known each other that long, you just feel that bond. And like going back to that scorpio energy, its intense I think. In that King of Swords card, that lady looks like she's kind of worshiping this king, and I think it's going to feel that way for both of you. Hopefully not like an obsessive thing, but more like a, you both really have the hots for each other and at any given point, you're both playing that lady on that card, hanging onto the other like that. And he looks really serious, so maybe someone here is really serious and more of an all-work-and-no-play kind of person, but like I don't read that as an absolute bummer. I read it more as someone who's like, just really good at getting shit done, even the hard stuff. Also, he's got a great body lmao so I think you're going to end up being super attracted to this person, even if it's not a jaw-dropping eyes meet the first time story, ya know? Like I said earlier, it's kind of a slow burn I think. I don't have any cups here, which I guess might pose a problem, because at first it seems like a lack of emotions? But I have swords and wands so I see a lot of action. But I also feel like you connect on an intellectual level, like I get that with the Hierophant (even if it's reversed) and King of Swords. I also feel like you'll have like an earthy kind of connection. Like, even though I feel there's a lot of passion, I also see that you two can just chill. Bottom of the deck energy for the Lovely Omens Deck was High Priestess. So, I definitely read this as you kind of maybe having a feeling that this is coming towards you. Also, with the hierophant, even with it being reversed, in this deck she's wearing moon earrings, but they're crescent moons. So, it's like the moon is whole with the two halves, and I definitely see that as another hint at knowing? Like, going back to the 7 of wands reversed and how I felt more of the 9 of pentacles with it instead, like you being alone for a while, but like maybe you kind of know something's going to happen. I think the death card also maybe says this to you, because you're aware that something's changing. Like, maybe you don't know exactly what, but it's changing and you feel this shift in the energy. The other deck has 7 of Swords here, and I really hate seeing this in a love reading, but I also kind of get that maybe it's just for those of you who do know each other, maybe at this exact moment you're not being truthful about feelings? Things that might be relevant: Taurus, Libra, Scorpio, October and November. Halloween. 13 or 31. 3, 7, Beetlejuice, I don't know! That black and white suit is so prominent to me today on that card! It always stands out but I never really thought about beetlejuice before, so lemme know if that resonates! Pile 2: Athos

Cards: Ace of Wands, 4 of Wands, Knight of Cups, The Hierophant, Judgement reversed, The Hanged Man With this one, I feel like someone in this is ignoring their feelings. Like, with the Hanged Man being here I definitely see that it's someone literally hanging back and thinking about things. And with Judgement reversed, I see that it's like a waiting period. So, I think this is an established connection, but like, nothings happening. Like, maybe not even communication, or like if there is, it's like you're not really talking. At least, not about what's going on between the two of you. And also Skin to Skin came on, and the first line in this song is interesting to me because it's "I'm certain that I'll circle back to you", so it's like neither of you are too worried, but maybe there's some frustration (but I don't really see that in the cards. They all kind of feel super chill, so I think whoever this is, they're really chill lol) There's also another line that makes me l think about this but also, the knight of cups gives me this vibe: "I know that you're so preoccupied..." And like, again, I feel this stagnation but like it's a chill one. Like you're both accepting that maybe it's supposed to happen? Just not now. And, so like this "preoccupied" person is like the hanged man, hanging back and thinking things through. I don't think it's that they're unsure. I think they know how they feel (the stars and the moons in her hair on the hangedman card definitely brings this to mind, like this knowing of the unknown, but also having hope, so it's like whoever this is, knows what they're not sure of if that makes sense! Same with the judgement card but she also has the sun on it! So she's holding all the hope, mysteries and happiness in her arms!!!) Ace of wands is like this new passion. Like, maybe after stagnancy is this moment where you two can express this passion, and with the Knight of Cups, I see that too. But, he's not moving on a horse like the other decks usually have. He's just sitting and look at that cup but looking really kind of...He looks like he's pouting honestly, but I don't get that from this. Like, he's looking at this covered cup and it's got stars, so again that hope is there. He has that hope, but it's covered up, so it's kept to him for now if that makes sense. But, with this ace of wands, I see a new start and like i think it's this start where he opens up that cup and out pours all those thoughts the hanged man had. And, the 4 of wands suggests this harmony that's coming with this. Like, you two just click and you balance each other out. And I'm sure you both know this. With this deck, sometimes you can read the looks on their faces two ways, like how the deck explains the card and also maybe a different way, so I kind of always can see two ways of looking at the faces. Some look sad but could also be contemplating things. This card is definitely one of those cards. This one is about bringing difficulties to an end with alliances, I don't really think this was that difficult? Like, maybe I'm not getting the whole story. Maybe this period of stagnation has been a long time and you're both just tired of not seeing each other now or talking more, but like, I guess this is kind of you two coming together and bringing an end to this period of nothing. And the look on the one girls face, the one in the yellow dress, she looks tired but she looks so into this other girl, so like I think that's kind of what's going to happen. One day you're both are going to just simultaneously agree that you're done with this nothing and want something? Like, I don't think you're going to say it before deciding it but once it's decided you BOTH are going to be opening up your star cups and pour it all out. Bottom deck energy for this is the Death card and the high priestess. I wasn't going to mention it, but I almost feel like for a few of you, you should check out pile 1, mostly because Death was in that pile but also the High Priestess was bottom deck energy for that one too (just a different deck). But, these tell me that there's going to be a change. Like, I said you're going to get tired of this stagnation, and I think it's an end of a cycle within this particular relationship. And the high priestess brings back that idea of "I'm certain I'll circle back to you..." where there's a knowing that this isn't really done. It's just at a standstill. So, yeah. I think this stagnation will end. I don't know WHEN, I don't get a when. But, I don't think it's going to be FOREVER from now, especially because you did get 3 major arcana! Also, wands feels quicker and you got the ace of wands! So I feel like it's kind of a "whenever" kind of thing, which isn't very helpful. It could be tomorrow or next year, ya know? Though, as I was writing this the song 12 Weeks by Movements came on! So! For someone it MIGHT be 12 Weeks. It's interesting though, because the end of the song is something like "Fall in love and fall away", which I don't see that as an end, again kind of like you two caught feelings and then were put in a stand still? But, also with that 4 of wands card, it really feels like everything around them falls away around them, so maybe that's just kind of how you two are together. Like, you talk and there could be other people there, but it all falls away. You could be in a group conversation, but for some reason it feels like all the words you both say are pointed towards the other rather than the group? Again, take what resonates. If you know no one where your connection is like this than I really do not think this is your pile. Things that are relevant: Celestial bodies (like the sun, the moon, stars), butterflies (specifically pink and purple), Sagittarius, Taurus

Pile 3: D’Artagnan

Cards: Justice, The Star(s), Queen of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 3 of Swords reversed, 3 of cups Justice was the first card to fall out, and immediately I knew it was about a group who got the short end of the stick or something when it comes to love. Like, I hear, short end of the stick, like. Okay, so Queen of Swords is always described as like a woman alone who's been scorned, but I usually don't go by that because I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are Queen of Sword types who haven't really had issues with love, they're just kind of That Way. But, like with Justice, I definitely see this as someone who was hurt in the past by love. Like, again. Short end of the stick. New Song D by the Front Bottoms is playing and there's this part in the bridge where he talks about how someone sold him a bike for $50 when the brakes weren't working, so like he was cheated out of $50 when he thought maybe it was worth $25 ? Like, Okay. So, with this, I'm getting that he was cheated money out of this, right? And maybe that is the case for some of you, but I'm getting more of an energy cheat if that makes sense. Like, you put a lot of energy into someone and a situation, and all they gave back was 1/4 of what you gave, and I'm getting that because I think maybe they thought they were giving you more (1/2 but still not enough), but they weren't, and you were just cheated out of this and left feeling drained because it was all one sided. And, I'm not saying this person didn't feel anything for you, I mean, they might have felt something but weren't able to give back the same amount because of things going on in their life. Or they were just like that. And there's another part in this song where he says "You wouldn't start because I wouldn't stop" and maybe it's also like you were giving too much even for them to like, take? Maybe it was just too much on their end and couldn't receive that much and too much for you to give so then you're both left with a disappointing situation. I also see 8 of pentacles kind of confirming this, like so much hard work was put into it on your end, but not enough to make it balanced. And it is NOT your fault. Like I feel the need to tell you that you have a big heart and that it's not your fault that someone else couldn't accept it the way you needed them to. 3 of swords reversed tells me that you're healing, though. Like, this happened and it probably really hurt but now you're healing. For some, because there are 2 3's, I think this was a case of being cheated on, but I don't think that's for everyone. Like, I really feel more like this was an unbalanced give and take situation. But, with the Justice here, I see that it WILL be balanced and whatever is coming in for you, will be more balanced. I almost feel, though, like this pile is less about what's coming and more about how you'll be doing better? Like, what's coming is really good and balanced, but also, you're healing, and I think it's always really nice to be able to look back at a heartbreak and not feel as bad about it as you did before. Like, sure it's probably always going to give a pang, but like with time, it heals. And, I know you probably wanted so badly for this to work out with this person, and I'm so sorry it didn't. Trust me, All I've ever known is unrequited love, so I really get that feeling of that realization when it becomes clear it's not going to work. One deck's bottom card was the Ace of Swords, so again, like I think this was that clarity you had about it not working, but I also see it as you seeing that it's just that this was not meant for you and that there's something better. And, that better is the star and justice. Like, this new person is going to bring in a lot of hope an balance. Like, this star card has two people on it, and it kind of looks like they're balancing out, right? So, yes. Definitely a lot of balance. And this person, I think, is going to be a lot of fun. The 3 of cups in this reading, to me, is more about how I think you two are going to hit it off in a friendly way first. And like, this might not even be a romantic love. It could just be a really good friend you make or have that's with you through your healing. But either way, platonic or not, I think this person is going to be someone you can lean on in this tough period, but also someone you can have fun with. The same song, new song d, has a part in the chorus where he says "I fell down, you propped me up" and I see this as being how your relationship will go. When someones down, the other will prop them up.But this isn't going to be all take and no give like this last person. No, again, it's going to be super balanced. Bottom deck energy for the other deck was Knight of Wands and in my last reading I compared him to D'Artagnan in the Three Musketeers and I think when he's not off trying to save the world, he's a really fun dude. Also, this is kind of weird and I'm going to have to make sure in the picture I take I get one of this Knight of Wands, because on the top border there's this weird like squiggle shapes, but it looks to me like...bodies? (It's kind of like that with the Queen of Swords too, with the top border?) Like bodies doing yoga lmao but like. I think you two are going to be physical (like! not in a sexual sense unless you're old enough and consenting!!), but more in a, touchy, huggy sense. So again, that propping up, but like physically and mental propping up. But, also, like maybe you two are always kind of touching. Like, shoulders next to each other, knees colliding, hand holding. Oof. That sounds so cute! I'm a little jealous. OH! This is also kind of weird, but in the same card behind him are this shapes that look like fleur-de-lis! And that's so weird considering that I think of D'Artagnan, a musketeer when I see this card! Ah! Anyway, I just see this as super healing for you, whoever this is. The shapes also kind of remind me of phoenix's, so! Maybe that's a message there. Like, emerging from the ashes of your former self? This is weird, because the next song that came on was Sour, a collab by 1990nowhere, Olivver the Kid and others, but I think that's interesting because maybe it goes with the past for you, like it soured. Like it looked sweet and then it soured? Then Are you Bored Yet? by Wallows came on so taking that literal, like you grew tired of how it was going. So I'm not sure if anyone resonates with those two songs, but I thought they seemed significant. Possibly relevant: Libra, Aquarius, Musketeers, fleur-de-lis, yoga, 1990, 3, 8 Pile 4: Porthos

Cards: Knight of cups, 2 of cups, 7 of wands, the lovers, 6 of swords, King of Pentacles I wasn't going to do a pile 4, but thought I should and like, yeah I'm glad I did because this feels like something someone needs to hear. So, someone here is leaving something. I think maybe you might want to read my last pick a pile I posted on here about what you need to hear. I definitely think this group showed up in that one. So, again, someone is leaving something, but I keep wanting to type someone! Ahh! Sorry! But, maybe there is someone leaving someone? I definitely have the song Scrawny by Wallows stuck in my head so maybe you're leaving a "scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle"? lol or not! Maybe that's just a song being stuck in my head because it was in there earlier today, but? Like? Maybe it was meant to come back around for this reading. Anyway, I get this idea from 6 of swords because that can be about a spiritual/mental journal, but also sometimes a physical one. So, like mentally and physically leaving a situation. Also, I've read that 6 in tarot is about journeys, and we got two 6's (6 of Swords and the lovers), and even though the lovers is about unity, I think it's also leaving that life before that unity behind? So, I read that into this whole, you're leaving something (or someone in this is leaving something or someone, so it could be this person coming towards you leaving something). Also, 8 of cups was on the bottom of one of the decks, and that again is about leaving something, like mentally/spiritually. But, like, this has cups so there's more of an emotional element to it. Like, leaving something that wasn't fulfilling you, going towards that 9 of cups wish fulfillment, right? So, there is that energy here, and like, I kind of feel like 9 of Cups should have shown up too, because I almost feel like whoever is coming towards you is kind of a wish come true. So, with knight of cups, i kind of read it like I did for another pile, but maybe more into his expression than i had for that one, where he looks kind of pouty. For that pile I said it was like he was kind of waiting to open up this cup that is in front of him that he's looking at. It has stars on it, so it's like his cup of hope? And the knight of cups is usually seen as a love offer, (though I typed over so again, I think someone out there is leaving someone?) so like this star cup, when he opens it, will have that offer for you? Like his heart is in there for you (not physically like his organ lmao). And with 7 of wands, I almost wonder if maybe you're defensive to let it in or maybe they're even too defensive to open up that cup? Someone here is defensive, but I don't think that's needed because I see so much stability with this. Like, we have the King of Pentacles here. So, not only do I think one or both of you are doing okay like financially (like, able to pay the bills and maybe have a nice roof over your head), but I also just see it as stable. Like, they're a shelf and your love is safe to place on. Does that make sense? Omg I'm so corny in this pile I love it. Both the Lover's and two of cups are these soft cards. Like, physically, these two cards from these decks look so soft. The love in these cards, guys. Phew. The two of cups shows this lady kind of hanging on this man, and they have these soft, fond gazes at each other. And then, with the lovers in the other deck, it's so sweet. She's kissing the other girl's cheek and they just look like they're content in the moment? So, I definitely see this as something fulfilling for you both, like you're both gonna be such suckers for each other. Probably constantly getting those heart eyes. Like, think Evie and O'Connell heart eyes, if you've ever seen The Mummy from 1999. Like, the looks they give each other. I'm totally getting those vibes. Maybe you two are going to be really snarky to each other too? But you’ll find it so endearing. Another thing I want to add is that I think you two are going to be perfectly balanced like literally Yin and Yang. I mean, one girl on the lovers card is all white and the other is all black. And then on the two of cups, They're kind of contrasted in terms of hair. Also! Bottom card energy for one deck was Justice, so yes. Definitely balance and yin and yang. I think this also goes back to the King of Pentacles, like I almost even get that Two of Pentacles energy of balancing out things, but being able to do so whereas the other twos kind of are about choices. But this one isn't. And it's weird, because sometimes the lovers can be read as choices, but I don't here. Not with this pile. And maybe there is a choice about leaving something/someone, but like I think once that's done and over with, this love comes in. And it could just be simple like a mindset? Like with all the cups here, I definitely think it could be a mindset. Like one that makes you super emotional, so maybe this is an existing relationship that just needs like a change? That's probably for a few of you, but for others, I see that this is something that comes after a shift in mind, or like a physical one. I mean, the song Make Way by The Front Bottoms was playing here, and like, that song is kind of about making space for the new? "I make way for the expensive things in my head." And, I've kind of gotten this Death Card vibe with every pile, and at first I was like not getting that with this pile, but idk, with 6 of swords and 8 of cups, I kind of get that? Like ending something to begin something? Ending with the song Nobody Gets Me (Like You) by Wallows, and I think this is what its going to feel like with this person. This pile is so cute. :) Things that could be relevant: Gemini, Libra, water signs, Capricorn (Pentacles are earth, but I really get a cap vibe with this one today), heart eyes, The Mummy lol

#pick a pile #tarot #pick a card #pick-a-pile #pick-a-card #tarot reading

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