#so it's not my responsibility to! the only responsibility to MYSELF that I have is to survive and make the world brighter as I go forward

[toonice113]

Paper rings ᥫ᭡ Q. Hughes

Part one of three of my valentine series

Part two: False god - M.Barzal

Part three: Lover - N.Hischier

Pairings: Quinn Hughes x fem!reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: Moments of your relationship with Quinn who you love so much you would marry even if he proposed with paper rings.

Warnings: mentions of weed, mentions of drinking, not proofread

Word count: 3.8k (counting the lyrics)

⋆˚࿔ tina's note 𝜗𝜚˚ I’m so excited for my first of three Valentine’s day series, hope you enjoy my first ever Quinn story and if you’re reading this go vote on the poll for what the other two stories should be!

The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met went home and tried to stalk you on the internet now I've read all of the books beside your bed

You’d heard about Quinn Hughes before, how could you not when your friend group was also his friend group? But having transferred to the University of Michigan during your Junior year meant you had just missed meeting him as he had left for Vancouver the semester prior. Tonight however, you were meeting the infamous Quinn as he was in town visiting and you had been invited to the night out. You and a few other friends had decided to start the night bar hopping while the rest of the group opted for meeting you at the final bar, and that’s how you found yourself slightly intoxicated, you were responsible enough to only drink a little at each bar not wanting to be wasted before you met the rest of the group, at The Smoked Hut finally reuniting with all your friends, one of them, clearly high indicated by the red of his eyes and his notably more relaxed mood that you knew only came after he smoke a little, finally introduced you to Quinn and from the moment you saw him you were smitten, the rest of the night only solidified your little crush as you basked in his easy going personality and warm smile. That night back in your apartment the first thing you did was google him, finding out about his brothers, his parents, his hockey career and even what his favorite books were, feeling like a stalker you sighed closing the tabs and turning your laptop off before quickly turning it back on and ordering one of the books he had mentioned rationalizing the purchase with the thought of your goal for this year being to read more.

The wine is cold like the shoulder that I gave you in the street cat and mouse for a month or two or three now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

“You know, I was thinking” Quinn says closing his book from his spot next to me in ou bed “Back when we first met, the first night I thought ‘wow that is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen’”

“Mmm did you really?” You hum closing your laptop deciding you’re done with work for the night 

“Yeah I did, and then we had this great night with friends” He brushes a strand of hair off my face

“James made it great with his rendition of it’s all coming back to me now” You interrupt him with a laugh, he chuckles with you 

“The full version not the radio one” He adds “But then the next time I visited you didn’t even look at me twice, you said hi and that was it and I thought you hated me”

“I didn’t hate you” You tell him “On the contrary I had a huge crush on you and I thought if I spoke to you I would only embarrass myself” 

“So what changed your mind when you all came to visit?” You think back to the trip your friend group made to vancouver, you’d stayed for a couple of days and caught one of Quinn’s games

“Elena, she had just gotten with her boyfriend at the time and it all started because she took initiative, so I thought if she could do it so could I” You tell him about your roommate 

“And so you came to Vancouver, wore my jersey and made me fall in love with you” Quinn smiles at you 

“Well, no” You shake your head “If I remember correctly I tried flirting with you and you shot me down so I decided to give up on it all” 

“I didn’t shot you down” You raise your eyebrows at him “You just made me nervous, but I made it up to you the next time I saw you” He did, the next time he visited Michigan he finally asked you out on a date and a couple weeks later, even though you were in different countries you started a long distance relationship that followed you through college until now, here where you laid in Quinn’s arms in your shared apartment in Vancouver.

Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright three times 'cause I've waited my whole life

“Here you go” Quinn passed you a cup of hot chocolate giving you a kiss on your forehead before sitting next to you pulling you close to him “Wanna talk about it?” 

You sigh “It’s just a lot, There’s too much to do and every time I think I’ve got the workload under control new things are added into the pile” Tears threaten to spill from all the stress you’ve been carrying for the past few days 

“What can I do?” Quinn asks, you put your cup in the coffee table moving closer until you are almost on top of him 

“Just… be here” You tell him and he pulls you into a deep kiss only breaking it when you start running out of air, your head falls onto his shoulder, your own shoulders tense 

“It’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be alright, and I’ll be here for whatever you need” He says and when you look up at him, your teary eyes twinkling under the soft light of the lamp behind you he can’t help but to pull you in for yet another kiss 

“I love you” You whisper once the kiss is done “Thank you for being here” 

“I love you too” This time you are the one who kisses him, a sweet kiss that turns into a makeout session that ends with your clothes sprawled across the living room floor as you show each other just how much love you feel.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings uh huh, that's right darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this uh huh, that's right darling, you're the one I want in paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams oh, you're the one I want

“That ring was crazy” You tell Quinn as you both get into his car after finishing dinner with some of your college friends “Like we agree it was too much right?”

Quinn laughs starting the car “What, you don’t like shiny diamonds?” 

“I do, I love shiny things” You motion to your bracelets that shimmer with the reflection of the street lights “But that was too much, I swear her finger has to hurt from carrying that ring around” 

“Okay, taking note” Your boyfriend says, making you chuckle “Make sure that the engagement ring is not too big, but how big is too big?” 

“Quinn, my love you don’t need to worry about that” You tell him laughing “I know there’s no way you’d choose something as horrific as that” 

“But I want it to be perfect” He looks at you as you stop at a street light “You deserve the best of the best and I want to make you happy”

“I don’t need a big diamond to be happy, I have you and that’s enough” You stroke his cheek, his stubble scratching against your fingers, he hums in contentment closing his eyes for a moment before the car behind you honks when the light turns to green

“Still, I’ll get you the best ring I can find, if not diamonds, maybe emeralds? Or what about sapphires?” He asks 

“Huggy, I would marry you with paper rings if that meant I got to spend the rest of my life with you” You tell him and he takes your hand that he was holding onto to his lips, giving you a kiss while keeping his eyes on the road 

“You can’t say things like that when I’m driving” He says 

“And why not?” You ask 

“Because all I want after hearing those words is to show my girl how much I love her and- Fuck” His free hand slams against the steering wheel when he looks at the traffic in front of you, the cars slowly coming to a stop and you know you won’t be getting home any time soon, you laugh at his reaction and he can’t help the smile that pops in his face at the sound of you.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool when you jumped in first, I went in too I'm with you even if it makes me blue

You were in Michigan for a quick, rare, christmas with the Hughes, everyone was here, Ellen, Jim, Luke, Jack and a few more family members and friends, currently you were playing Jenga in the living room with a few of the Hughes cousins, it was the third time the tower har been rebuilt and so far one of the boy’s cousin, Isaac, and Quinn had lost, the next person to knock the wooden blocks down was joining the boys into the punishment, jumping in the pool, you were trying your best to survive till the end of the round, your tongue out as you pushed one of the blocks gently before pulling it from the other side holding your breath without noticing it, everything was fine until you placed the block on top, Luke cheered next to you and you swear his breath was the reason the tower fell. 

Walking outside with Isaac and Quinn you were already shivering, you had left your jacket inside wearing only a thin long sleeve and your yoga pants with no socks because you refused to wear wet socks ever “Don’t think about it just jump” Isaac said before following his words with the action and cannonballing into the pool

“Ready?” Quinn asked, you turned to the windows seeing everyone that had partaken in the game watching intently waiting for you both to jump in too “Hey it’s just a quick in and out, I’ll go first okay?” You nod cursing Luke mentally once again for breathing too hard and too close to the tower 

The splash from Quinn jumping into the pool meant you were next, bracing yourself, yet not giving yourself too much time to think about it, following Isaac’s words, you jumped in, a yelp coming out of you as your body submerged into the icy water, the group inside cheering at all three of you in the pool, a few phones taking pictures of you three.

The cheers seemed to bring in the attention of the older adults, Ellen rushing out with towels and blankets “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get out of there now, you’re gonna get sick!” She called out and all three of you scrambled out bundling yourselves into the towels and then a blanket on top seeking some relief from the harsh cold “Isaac, Quinn how could you do this to y/n? C’mon on sweet girl let’s get you inside and into dry clothes” She pulled you in a side hug guiding you inside, the boys followed quickly “No no” She stopped them once you arrived at the doors “You are not bringing water in you wait here until your brothers bring you clothes” 

“But ma it’s freezing” Quinn complained shaking 

“Aunt Ellen she’s wet too” Isaac gestured at you, still wrapped under Ellen’s arms 

“And I’m sure this wasn’t her idea” Ellen says to the guys “There’s always consequences to your actions, think about it” You hid your laugh from Ellen after seeing the boy’s faces in disbelief, you were sure Quinn and his brothers, and probably Isaac too, had heard those words coming from Ellen’s lips a thousand times while growing up from what you had heard about their childhood. “Jack get your cousin and your brother some dry warm clothes” 

Which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

“Are you sure this is the right color?” Quinn asks in disgust looking at the can of navy blue paint in his hands

“Yes Quintin, that is the color I chose for my room walls” Luke remarks making you chuckle “Not all of us like boring beige walls”

“But it’s so dark” Quinn complains once again “And my walls are not boring, right baby?” He asks you 

“No, your agreeable grey walls are very agreeable honey” You tell him holding in a laugh that you can’t help but let out when Luke bursts out laughing 

“Hey I was cleaning the drawers in the garage and I found these, you wanna keep them or should I throw them away?” Jack walks in holding a jar filled with little red and pink paper rolls and a candle, you were all doing some cleaning of the lake house before the rest of your friends arrived for the summer

“What is that?” You ask moving closer to Jack and taking the jar out of his hand

“Nothing important” Quinn takes it out of your hands before you get a chance to inspect it “Throw it away” 

“Hey!” You complain “I was curious” 

“It’s date ideas” Luke tells you from the other side of his room where he is taping whatever he doesn’t want the paint to cover “From Lainey”

“Luke” Quinn says sternly

“Lainey?” You hum remembering Quinn briefly mentioning one of his high school girlfriends with the same name 

“I didn’t know these were still around” Your boyfriend says quickly “I’m sorry” 

“Why are you apologizing?” You ask confused “Didn’t you date this girl in high school?” He nods “So why should it matter? We didn’t even know each other when it happened and I don’t really think that you are still hung up on your high school girlfriend after all these years just because your brother found some old gifts in the garage”

Quinn sighs “So trash, okay got it” Jack starts walking out after Quinn hands him the jar and you stop him before he leaves

“Wait! Is the candle scented?” Jack looks at it and nods “Give me” 

“It’s probably expired just let him throw it away” Quinn tells you, you wave Jack away keeping the candle 

“Do candles expire?” Luke asks and you shrug your shoulders 

“I don’t know but this smells nice” You say taking the cap off and sniffling it “We can put it in one of the guest bathrooms, maybe the UMich guys one, your friends are stinky” You tell Luke who shrugs in agreement 

When you walk out of the room to put the candle in the bathroom Quinn follows “I really promise I didn’t know that was still there or I would’ve gotten rid of it a long time ago” 

“I know Quinn, like i said this is from a long time ago, you had a life before me just like I had one before you” You say softly “And yet through it all we found our way to each other and that’s all that matters” 

Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright three times 'cause you waited your whole life

Sighing you check your phone one more time before starting the car, the score changed, but nothing good, in fact the other team scored another goal and with one minute left in the period you know there’s a very slim chance of the Canucks coming back from a 4-1. Pulling out of your work’s parking lot you start driving to the arena, showing your badge when you arrive and parking in Quinn’s parking spot, by the time you had arrived to pick Quinn up, the game had been over for around 10 minutes so you got out of the driver’s seat and sat in the passenger’s while you waited for your boyfriend to come out. You had never before picked Quinn up, usually when you came to the games you would take a cab to the arena and leave with him, but this time his car had broke down the day before and he had asked if you could drop him off and then pick him up after you were done with work and the game was over, you had accepted with hope that you might finish work early and get a chance to watch part of the game but your meeting had run late and by the time you were leaving for the arena it was too late.

A knock on the window made you look up from your phone, Petey was standing outside the car and you got out to say hi “Heads up, he had a rough night” He said into your hug and you thanked him once you let go, he waved and went to his car, Quinn coming out not too long after, you were still waiting outside of the car and the moment he saw you his tense shoulders relaxed and his eyes softened as he hugged you 

“That felt so long” He mumbled into your lips after you pulled him into a kiss

“I can imagine” You say to him “But it’s okay, it’s still early on in the season, have some faith” You kiss him again and feel him melt into you “Let’s go home and rest yeah?” 

“Mmm just one more” He pulls you into another kiss “Okay let’s go I don’t want to be here anymore” 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings uh huh, that's right darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this uh huh, that's right

You had just come back from a girls trip, after being incredibly busy with work Quinn had treated you and your three best friends to a week away at a five star hotel in Punta Cana, it was the middle of summer and you had expected to arrive to a loud full lake house, but instead, when the uber that you had insisted on taking so Quinn didn’t have to drive all the way to the airport for you, you stood in front of a quiet and what seemed to be empty house. You walked in and found it weird that you boyfriend wasn’t waiting for you by the door, leaving your suitcase by the front door you walked through the house realizing that you were in fact alone, seeing a note from afar you assumed it was from the boys letting you know where everyone was, but when you got closer you noticed two paper rings on top of a sticky note that read ‘Thank you for making me the happiest person alive + becoming my love + best friend’ you gasped in surprise at it, your eyes filling with tears.

Behind you Quinn walked out of the pantry where he had hidden when he saw your uber pulling up in the driveway after sending his brothers a message that you had arrived so they could start driving the boat back from where he had sent them so you could all hopefully celebrate together after you said yes. He was nervous but reassured himself that this was something you had talked about before and you had told him, multiple times, that you could imagine a future with him “Since the first day I saw you, I knew I belonged to you, meeting you was like listening to a new song and knowing it would be my favorite” He spoke up making you jump a little before you turned around, the two rings in one hand, post it in the other “You make me feel so light and like every minute I get to live with you is a minute well spent, we could spend hours in silence and yet I’d still feel so full, y/n you are my first thought when I wake up and my last when I go to sleep, every love song suddenly fits us” By now he’s standing in front of you, holding your hands gently so you don’t drop the items in them “I found you without looking and I love you without trying, my heart is so full of you I’m not sure I can still call it my own, I swear I can’t love you more than I do right now, yet I know tomorrow I will love you more, so y/n, my love, with paper rings I’m asking you, Would you do me the honor of being the happiest man alive by being able to call myself your husband and love you a little more every day for the rest of our days?” He took one of the rings from your hands kneeling down, not being able to formulate any words you nod, he places the ring on your finger before getting up and kissing you deeply “I do have an actual ring” He fumbles with his pocket until he pulls out a gorgeous ring “I looked for diamond alternatives after we talked about it last, I thought you might like this one, but if you don’t then we can keep the paper ones until we find the perfect one” 

“Oh Quinny, this is… this is more than perfect” You look at the shiny ring that sits next to the paper one “Both of these are perfect and I love you so much” You kiss him once more “I can’t even… wow, I don’t even know how to follow that speech”

He chuckles holding you closer “You don’t have to say anything baby, the yes was enough for me”

You both what the back door open slightly, as if the person opening it wanted to be sneaky but failed miserably, when you both turn to look Jack stands there looking embarrassed about being caught sneaking in “I was tasked with checking on where you were with um… everything” 

“We’ll be right out” Quinn chuckles at his brother who nods and walks out “Ready to go celebrate with everyone?” 

“Everyone? I thought the house was empty” You say confused 

He hold you close and pulls you towards the backyard “Well it was” He explains “I sent everyone out on the boat so they wouldn’t spoil anything before I could ask”

“So?” Trevor asks as everyone looks at you expectantly, instead of replying you lift your left hand where both of your rings lay “Oh thank god, do you know how hard it is to make paper rings? Quinn had us watching tutorials for days!” Cole slaps his head as everyone laughs before rushing towards you to congratulate you.

Darling, you're the one I want in paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams oh, you're the one I want I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays wrap your arms around me, baby boy

[cire-things]

My bed seems more comfortable than normal today, warmer. Even if the alarm from my phone blares, I aim to stay in this warm hug of comfort. Yet, instead, I’m reminded by the low groan behind me that I gained a companion from last night's biweekly trip to the dive bar my friends forced me to go to. 

I reach over to my phone, stopping the alarm, not just snoozing it as I normally do, but as I move to begin my day, a strong, warm set of arms keep me in place, “I need to get up, ya dope.” I get a noncommittal groan as a response, along with a kiss placed on the juncture of my neck and shoulder, as well as his arms tightening their grip onto my waist. 

“Let me go ya’ fucker, I gotta get ready for my shift.” I say as I try to wiggle my way free from his calloused hands. 

“S’not what ya called me last night, birdie,” the man responds, leaving a beat of silence before continuing, “Or did I fuck you too stupid for you to remember my name?” his deep voice rumbles out, a light chuckle accompanying his words as I freeze up in realization. “Stay and cuddle, love, you got time.” 

“You pointing out that I might not know your name like you haven't referred to me as two different nicknames, I feel like you don’t know my name!”  I state, returning to me trying to get out of his grip, and as I think I finally am about to get free, he let me go only after whispering out my name. Due to me having moved against his grip and him letting me go, on top of him whispering out my name, I ended up sprawled on the floor.

“C’mon y/n, you think that lowly of me?” his deep voice sings out my name like the call of a siren, he sits up in bed, still in shadow due to my blackout curtains keeping the sun’s rays from view. All I see is his bulking silhouette, I can feel his hot gaze staring down at me, messy hair, naked body, blushing face and all, even in the darkness of my room. 

I jolt myself up from my position, and rush into my bathroom, lightly slamming the door behind me. I hear from my room a genuine belly laugh from the man. I hold my face in my hands for a moment as I stand there in the darkness of my bathroom, contemplating how I ended up in this embarrassing situation. Thinking over the previous night's moments, I flick on the overhead lights and turn on my shower. 

I look over my body in the mirror, hickeys, love bites, and bruises cover many parts of my body. Hips have his handprints ingrained into them, neck has a few bitemarks and hickeys covering them, as does my chest. As the room begins to fill with steam, more of the night's activities come to mind as I look over his markings. 

I mindlessly step into the shower, giving my body respite for the coldness I gained leaving his grip. The heat streams down my body, and my autopilot kicks in as I lose myself in remembering the order of events.

Soft brown eyes stealing glances from across the bar.

Face covered in a mask, momentarily moved for a sip from his dark amber colored glass.

Laughs around me, friends asking the same questions yet he keeps my attention.

A drink appears in front of me, mirroring his own. I look at him again, a nod from him, a nod from me.

We ended up in the bathroom at first. Lips clashing like a hate-fucking-ex-couple. Patrons filing in to do their business, ignoring our two sets of feet in the stall we nabbed. “This is a bit dingy, innit love?” He says to me between stealing my breath away. 

“I live close by, with a large bed, and no roommates.” I responded back as I continued our addictive motions. 

Pushed up against the not so clean stall wall, held up with ease. His lips feel slightly rough, but still plush, moving against mine as if we have done it before. As he finally lets go, his chocolate eyes bore into me with heated intensity. A string of our mixed saliva connects us. He gives me a toothy grin, lips curled upwards, the scars around them, mixed with his patchy stubble makes me want to just lean back in and continue our semi silent conversation.

I am broken from my recollection as the bathroom door opens, the shampoo was just being rinsed from my hair. A slight hesitation comes from him, as if he is worried he is about to overstep, but still is hoping for something. “S’alright for me to join you?” his voice almost whispers out, just barely heard above the rushing water of the shower. 

“Yes love, c’mere.” I say, the last of my shampoo finally running free from my locks. 

“Now who’s using nicknames?” I feel him step in behind me as I face the showerhead. His warm and bulking figure moves close to me, warming my back up the way it had while we were entangled this morning. 

I turned to face him, looking into those brown eyes that first caught my attention last night. “S’only fair… ain’t that right Simon.” As the warm water streams down our bodies together. That same toothy grin from last night paints his face. It’s almost lopsided, almost like his face isn’t used to doing it. But my god if I can’t keep making him smile, I might kneel over and pass on.

“I guess you needed a minute, knew I fucked myself too far into your brain, love” His large hands reach up to cup my cheeks, pulling me into another sickly sweet kiss. I don’t think I can let this end, not when he holds me like glass and his lips feel like the sun is finally shining. 

[anashins]

First Valentines without Jaehyun 💔

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: fluff, romance, suggestive

Word Count: 1,7k

Summary: A flower bouquet delivered to you at your new workplace sends your co-workers into a spiral: Does your oh-so-perfect boyfriend truly exist?

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Jaehyun Day! 💖

“Do you like the flowers I sent you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do you sound so sad?”

You stared at the colorful arrangement you had put in a vase and that was now resting on your table in its full glory of blossomed petals. 

Yellow, orange, pink, white - Jaehyun had ordered the shop to compose all your favorite flowers into one huge bouquet, decorated with transparent wrapping papers and ribbons of the same color scheme. It was nothing short of glamorous and attentive. As expected of your boyfriend.

You let out a long sigh that Jaehyun could definitely hear on the other side of the phone. “When I received the bouquet at work today… I was so happy. Nobody else received something like this, ever. But later that day, when I walked past the restrooms, I heard the girl from the marketing department talking about it.”

“Not that girl again…”

“Yes. She said since I never bring my boyfriend to any work related event and now a mysterious bouquet had popped up out of nowhere, I was surely only pretending and sending it to myself for attention since I’m still a newbie. And who receives flowers on the day before Valentine’s Day anyway, she claimed. Girls are the ones supposed to give out chocolate.”

“Well… did you barge into the restroom and tell her your very well existent boyfriend is currently in the military and was worried the bouquet wouldn’t arrive on time, so he sent it earlier just in case? And that not a single Valentine’s Day has ever passed by without my girlfriend receiving a gift as well?”

“No.” But then a smile flashed across your lips. “I barged into the restroom and told her if she put as much effort in finding a boyfriend as she is putting in sticking her nose into other people’s business, she wouldn’t have to worry this much about a newbie’s private life.”

You heard Jaehyun burst into laughter, and it was contagious for you too. “That’s my girl.”

A silence followed that lighthearted moment which weighed down heavy on your heart again. “I miss you. And not only because of tomorrow when I need to see couples everywhere I go. But every day, I miss you.”

Ever since Jaehyun went to the military, you have been feeling so lonely. The first month was the hardest when his phone time was restricted to one hour per day only. After the boot camp, it had gotten a bit better with regular calls by the end of a day, but you had only been able to see each other once for one day ever since his enlistment. 

You were planning to visit him at his base as this was the only way to at least see him regularly, but the way there was long and exhausting, so realizing it on a regular basis was also not ideal, minding the fact that you would barely have any privacy as well. And there hadn’t been an event when you could have watched his band in public yet. 

When you could see each other for a bit longer? You didn’t know. His application for a holiday was still not through, and you slowly grew impatient. It was pure torture.

“I miss you too,” Jaehyun reassured gently. “But don’t worry, in the blink of an eye, we can see each other again.”

You groaned. “You make it sound like nothing, but it’s actually a lot.”

“I’m sorry there is nothing more that I can do.”

Guilt washed over you for making him feel responsible for something he didn’t have any influence on, and on top of that, it was not only Valentine’s Day, but Jaehyun’s birthday too. He probably didn’t feel much different from you, having to celebrate his special day at the base when it didn’t even fall on the one day a week he was off from duties.

So you quickly added, “Maybe, I will visit your family tomorrow after work, so we will celebrate your birthday together and eat your favorite cake, and you can only watch us doing so through a call.”

“Ah, this is torture. Do you know what I eat here daily? Cake sounds heavenly.”

“Then make sure to visit us quickly, so I can prepare every cake for you that you want.”

“Deal.”

____

It was still morning and you had only sat down at your desk for work when the receptionist approached you, right after the marketing girl had settled at the other side of the office as well. 

Today was Valentine’s Day and Jaehyun’s birthday, so you felt extra gloomy, but you wanted to make sure it wouldn’t interfere with your work. You would pay his family a visit in the evening to have a little celebration with Jaehyun through a phone or video call as promised before. As this wouldn’t remain a permanent situation, you would make the best of it and give him a good celebration despite the circumstances.

“Good morning,” the receptionist greeted you and winked. “There is something waiting for you outside at the reception.”

“Oh okay, I’ll come right out!” You stood up and wondered what it could be since the mail for this day wasn’t due to be delivered yet and Jaehyun had already sent over his gift yesterday. Could it be another gift, possibly from a friend or family member?

“Two times in a row. Now, isn’t this a bit too much?”

The marketing girl couldn’t suppress her snarky comment when you passed by her. You really tried to keep quiet, but your gloominess needed some kind of outlet, she was practically asking for a counter. 

“You know…” You turned to her. “If you were a bit of a nicer person, especially towards near strangers, maybe you would also have people appreciate your existence in the form of gifts or nice words. Maybe try again.”

You stomped away, her rude remark having vanished from your mind in an instant as your thoughts were occupied with the question of what could be sent to you on this special day again as you ruled out another gift from Jaehyun.

Well, as you arrived at the reception, you were definitely assured of the fact that what was awaiting you was not a gift from Jaehyun.

Rather, it was Jaehyun himself.

Standing in your company’s lobby in his full military attire, he was holding another bouquet of flowers in his hands, probably even more luscious than the previous one. A wide smile spread across his face the moment he turned around to you.

“You’re crazy!” you called out as you slowly approached him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he greeted you back as he handed the flowers over to you. 

You were having a hard time keeping your composure and not jumping directly at Jaehyun out of pure happiness over your reunion. 

This was still your workplace and the public, so you had to act accordingly and thus professionally. But a look into Jaehyun’s eyes, whose overjoyed gaze disappeared just for the break of a second and made way for a flash of desire dancing across his face before his gentle features returned, confirmed that he was feeling the same way as you.

You both needed to get out of here. Right now.

“So…” You started and took the flowers into your hands. “How much time do you have?”

“I only got today off and I have to be back at the base by 6pm. I already talked to your boss, you’re free to leave for today too.”

“Hmmm, for how long have you had this planned actually?” You shifted your head to the clock in the lobby. It was 8.05am. “I’ll go grab my stuff and then let’s head out.”

When you approached your office’s door, you couldn’t help but notice that a few people had gathered by the spot, and among them, though she was quick to leave upon your return, was the marketing girl. You snickered inwardly. 

You said goodbye to your co-workers on your way out who couldn’t keep down teasing remarks that you quickly waved off with an embarrassed grin, and left the building together with Jaehyun.

Outside, snow was falling and the wind was ice cold, but you felt warm inside. Almost hot even. 

“You gave me flowers again, even though I am the one who’s supposed to give you chocolate and gifts today,” you said with a pout, feeling guilty that you were empty-handed. How could you have known after all? 

Jaehyun stood in front of you, smiling and seemingly unbothered by the circumstances. “I come home only so rarely, the least I can do is spoil my girl whenever I get the chance.”

It had been months since you had last seen him, and he had visibly changed now that you carefully examined him fully in person. His hair had remained rather short from what you could make out under the beret, but his muscles had grown, you couldn’t help but notice even under his jacket. 

You wanted to admire him in his uniform a bit longer all while simultaneously longing to feel with your own bare hands how much his body had changed after months of training, and what he could do to you now with all the strength he had gained. 

You gulped. One day only might not be enough after all.

“It’s not only my special day, but ours too, remember that. So we can do everything you like,” Jaehyun declared.

You said, “I like the thought that I will have you all to myself today. So I can spoil you rotten too, even without chocolate.” 

The right corner of Jaehyun’s lips tilted up to a smile that was not radiating happiness as the rest of his muscles were stilling. It made him look almost sinister, even though his soft features and dimples might fool outsiders. But not you. You were very familiar with that smile of his. 

He bent down to you and whispered, “And what do you want to do first to spoil me, hm?”

You reached for his hand and before you answered, you dragged him along the streets so that he couldn’t spot your flushed cheeks. “We’re going to a hotel.”

Jaehyun willingly complied with a low laugh and the words, “Now, I should come home more often.”

[softness-and-shattering]

If we're talking a out resale value yeah a lot of craft is crap. But thats not the point of it. The point is we are people and we like to make stuff. I worry that by saying "raw materials are worth more than what people make from it", people will be discouraged from making things.

We at the end of the chain of production are not individually responsible for all the exploitation going on, we benefit from it, but we cant just decide to stop it, we dont have that power.

I dont make things to add economic value. I make things because I like making things. It would be more wasteful to me to never make anything in case I devalue the materials, what bullshit way of thinking is that? And yeah Im not making immaculate high quality anything because I dont have that level of skill or speed, and that doesnt matter to me.

What are we alive for if not to look after each other and make things? To express ourselves and convey what we can of our human experience.

I could withdraw from all unethical consumptiom, by doing so kill myself, and it wouldnt make any difference whatsoever to all the people being exploited. I dont want them to be exploited of course, and theres also nothing I can do about it, and avoiding creating, using materials, would only increase my misery and add nothing useful to the world.

Im so tired of all these posts trying to guilt us into not using resources, not needing resources, as if we can make a difference individually to the global supply train, as if we all have money to throw at slow fashion - which "isnt even slow anymore" - at more ethical fashion, as if if we never ever enjoy anything about our lives or value anything we do or anything we need, that might stop the exploitation.

Misery does not improve anything for anyone. It makes everything worse. It makes us less resilient. Is not the rent we pay to live under capitalism like if you say enough hail marys youre absolved from the harm caused by your life that is not your fault.

Youre allowed to enjoy life. Youre allowed to enjoy making things. There is value in expressing yourself through the cheapest plastickest materials available just as there is with the sheep you sheared yourself and grass fed from the moment it was born. There is value in your life and your existence.

Of course exploitation is awful and everyone should be paid a good living wage whoever and wherever they are. We dont live in a perfect world. If youre reading this and youre a ceo or a supplier or someone with the power to make a change to the system, do it. Everyone else, carry on. Also watch The Good Place. Youre not obligated to be miserable to 'make up for' whatever scraps of privilege you have, thats absurd. Dont be afraid to use materials. Life is for living, things are for using, materials are for transforming. If its sits on your shelf forever than its just a decorative ball of yarn. If you make something with it, thats *yours* and no one can take it from you. Who cares if its crap, its your crap and im proud of you for making it. I hope it brought intrinsic value to you. I hopr you had fun and or learned something and or had relaxation/catharsis in the process. Not everything is about the end product.

I feel like something that doesnt get talked about enough is how fast fashion is coming to hobbies as well. Sure, you can sew, knit, and crochet something better than youd buy in store, but good luck finding quality materials

Want a fabric that doesnt fray from being gently caressed? Want yarn thats not 100% plastic and splits if you touch it wrong? Good luck finding that if you dont have a genuinely good crafts store near you.

Go on any thread where people are trying to figure out where to buy fabric. 50% of it is people saying big stores are servicable, online stores work, or the like, and the other 50% are talking about how bad the quality is or how the quality of a website dropped because it was bought out

Were running into a problem where fast fashiob is so integrated into society that even the ability to make your own, comfortable and long lasting, clothes is being threatened by capitalism

[ducksido]

Loved your Baur courting fic but I would DIE at a Sebek version especially where his “flawless” courtship of the Prefect is so misinterpreted since she is from our world and has NO idea about Fae customs and suddenly Sebek is coming at them full sprint screaming about dueling💀

(I had to write this as quick as i can)

The first time Sebek challenged Y/n to a duel, they genuinely thought he wanted to kill them.

To be fair, the sight of a six foot two-tall, half-fae knight-in-training charging at them full speed, bellowing about honor and proving himself, was enough to send them into full fight-or-flight mode.

Y/n had barely stepped out of Ramshackle Dorm when they heard his unmistakable voice echo across the courtyard.

“PREFECT! PREPARE YOURSELF! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!”

Their stomach dropped. “What.”

Sebek didn’t slow down. In fact, he picked up speed, the sunlight gleaming dramatically off his perfectly polished uniform. Y/n had just enough time to yelp and throw themselves sideways, narrowly avoiding becoming a human pancake. They hit the ground, heart hammering, as Sebek skidded to a halt, his expression filled with… determination?

“What are you doing?!” they gasped, staring up at him in horror.

He crossed his arms, eyes burning with fervor. “It is only right that I prove myself in battle! A worthy knight must show their devotion through strength, and I shall not rest until I have earned your acknowledgment!”

Y/n blinked. Once. Twice.

“…Acknowledge what? What are you talking about?”

Sebek’s face flushed an alarming shade of red, but instead of embarrassment, he seemed positively brimming with more intensity. “MY COURTSHIP, OF COURSE!”

Their brain short-circuited.

They were courting him? When had that happened? More importantly, how were they still alive if they had somehow been dating Sebek without realizing it?

“I—” They struggled to form a response. “Sebek. I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“Nonsense!” He pointed at them dramatically. “As Lord Malleus’s most loyal retainer, I would never conduct myself improperly! I have been displaying the most exemplary courtship rituals known to Fae-kind!”

“…Such as?”

He began listing on his fingers. “Training at dawn outside your dormitory every morning so you may witness my strength. Bringing you exotic meats from the Night Market to ensure you are properly nourished. Vowing to vanquish anyone who so much as looks at you with ill intent.” He huffed proudly. “And, of course, challenging you to a duel! Only by testing your mettle can I prove we are well-matched!”

Y/n ran a hand down their face. “Sebek.”

“Yes?”

They took a deep breath. “None of that is normal where I’m from.”

Sebek frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean people from my world don’t… do all that when they like someone.”

His eyes widened in abject horror. “IMPOSSIBLE! Then how do your knights swear fealty to their beloved?!”

“…We go on dates?” they offered weakly.

Sebek looked as though they had just spoken in riddles. “Dates?” He repeated the word as if it were a foreign concept. “Like… strategy meetings?”

“No! Like… going out somewhere fun. Talking. Spending time together.”

His expression darkened with deep contemplation. Then, after a moment, he straightened, resolved. “Then I shall take you on one of these ‘dates!’”

Y/n threw their hands up. “That’s not—” They sighed. “You know what? Sure. Fine. One date. But NO more surprise duels!”

Sebek grinned, victorious. “HAH! THEN IT IS DECIDED! I SHALL PLAN THE MOST HONORABLE DATE IMAGINABLE!”

Y/n had a sinking feeling that they had made a mistake.

(Spoiler: They had. They got kicked out of Monstro Lounge)

The next day, in the cafeteria, Y/N and Sebek sat together, hands intertwined. It had become a casual, natural thing, but the moment their friends noticed, the reaction was instant.

Ace nearly choked on his drink. “WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! Are you two… holding hands?!”

Deuce’s eyes widened. “W-Wait… does this mean—? Are you guys dating?!”

Epel smirked, nudging Jack. “Looks like all that effort finally paid off.”

Jack folded his arms, giving Sebek an approving nod. “Hmph. ‘Bout time.” Side-eyeing Deuce who give Ace a crisp 10 madol bill.

Ortho’s eyes glowed excitedly. “Oh! Congratulations, Sebek! I’ll make sure to update my data on human-fae relationships!”

Grim, meanwhile, gagged dramatically. “Ugh! This is so gross! Y/N, how could ya do this to me?!”

“D-Do not make such a fuss! This is simply—!”

Y/N squeezed his hand, cutting him off with an amused smile. “Yeah. We’re dating.”

Sebek made another strangled noise as Ace and Deuce erupted into laughter, and Grim continued his dramatics. Y/N just chuckled, leaning against him. This started with Sebek running at them full speed to them holding hands.

[junelovesaz]

Shadows and Whispers. Part 2

Note: Hello loves! I’m back… I think. Honestly, I promised I’d be more active, but I didn’t make it. I finished my first year of university and got a summer job. Still, I take full responsibility—you can crucify me, I’ll accept it 😌😌 I had the second part of Shadows and Whispers in my drafts, but I hadn’t published it yet because I wanted to edit it a bit. I’m sorry if this is a mess—I’m pretty rusty, and English isn’t my first language and it´s late. If there are any mistakes, don’t hesitate to let me know! I’ve been inactive for so long that I’m not even sure if I should take the liberty of using the tag list. But still, if you’re reading this, thank you so much for your time—I love you 💙💙💙

I’ll leave the song I was listening to while writing this. Take care.

P.S. Someone asked me a while ago if there would be more of Shadows and Whispers, so this second part is for you. I’m sorry it took so long, but I hope you like it.

Warnings: None, only if you squint, something suggestive.

Summary: At the ball, Azriel and the reader pretend to be a couple to gather information about the Autumn Court. However, the situation becomes overwhelming for the reader, leaving her confused, and Azriel’s touches only make it harder for her to clear her mind.

Many times, I stayed awake at night, questioning what I was doing with my life until the early hours of the morning. However, I had never tormented myself as much as I did in this situation.

I had the feeling that I would remain awake for many more dawns, and I was sure that my poor heart would not survive.

In front of me stood the man I was in love with, looking ridiculously handsome. His two large wings surrounded me, while his arms remained wrapped around my waist, as if that were the place where they should have always stayed, where they should remain until I turned to dust and stars.

I was intoxicated by his touch. Az had been quite careful, though deep down, I knew he was worried about making me feel uncomfortable with his chest pressed against mine, his occasional touches on my lower back, and the way his hands left soft caresses on my arms, waist, and even my neck.

He was trying hard to make this ridiculous act believable. When had anyone ever seen the Shadowsinger being so openly affectionate in a room full of nobles?

Not in my wildest dreams—or in those of the vipers surrounding us.

"Are you okay?" Azriel’s deep voice murmured softly, catching my attention.

I turned to look at him and was met with his kind hazel eyes, mixed with a hint of caution.

I nodded, trying to control my pulse. "All good, Az."

I saw doubt cross his face, but I didn’t want him to dig any deeper, so I quickly changed the subject.

"Are you sure this is working?" I asked with a genuinely teasing smile.

Az raised an eyebrow.

"I don’t understand why you’re so surprised. I’m good at my job."

The music changed, and this time, the melody became faster, more intense. Exactly how I felt—restless, euphoric.

Az’s hands were gentle, soft but firm, moving me to the rhythm of the music with ease. He was a skilled dancer, and he was the one doing all the hard work. Unfortunately, I had not been born with the grace and delicacy of a great dancer. Cassian and I used to whisper about which of us would look more ridiculous when we had to dance with someone else.

"Pretending to be madly in love?" A pang hit my chest, but I ignored it and simply raised an eyebrow. "Or gathering information?"

Even so, my heart was pounding wildly, and I could feel my pulse in my head, but I would blame the dance. That would be my great excuse. I knew Az could hear it too, but he was probably too polite to mention it.

"I’d say both," he replied smugly.

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you would."

He smiled, and his expression was enough to soften me. We stood in silence for a moment until his shadows brushed against my shoulders, and I smiled fondly at them.

"Maybe you should teach him some humility," I told them, referring to their master.

They caressed me again, and their cold touch didn’t seem strange to me at all. On the contrary, it was even… comforting.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize one of my dress straps had slipped from my shoulder until I felt one of Az’s hands gently brushing my skin to put it back in place.

The gesture was so… tender, and his touch was so full of devotion that my head started spinning, and my thoughts became a blur.

It was just a mission, I reminded myself.

Then why did this—whatever it was—not feel that way?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was about to make a comment, but the words caught in my throat because, at that moment, Az and I overheard an interesting conversation between two nobles, and our attention shifted to them.

"…Beron is still High Lord."

We exchanged a brief glance before subtly moving closer to listen. Their voices were little more than whispers, but with a Shadowsinger as my partner… anything was possible.

"That doesn’t mean one of his sons won’t become High Lord at some point."

I frowned.

Eris wanted the throne, of course. His brothers also craved power, but what would this damned court do? Bet on which one of them would stay alive to take the role?

“Eris could become High Lord,” one of them remarked.

“Or… not,” the other took a moment to reply.

Az’s back stiffened, and I assumed my reaction was a reflection of his. We exchanged another glance, and I leaned my body against his chest, syncing with the melody’s shift to a softer tune.

“What do you mean?” one of the voices sounded again.

The other fell silent for a moment, and I held my breath.

“You know what I mean.”

So Eris’s brothers were beginning to form alliances? Were they planning to kill each other?

Not a single part of me was surprised. At least not enough to show a look of disgust.

Az wrapped his arms around me again and lifted my hands to his neck, tangling them there and forcing me onto my tiptoes. It was the signal that he was going to whisper something to me, so I tilted my head to make it seem, from an outsider’s perspective, as though he was kissing my neck.

“They’re planning to kill him,” he murmured so softly that I barely heard him.

“I got that too,” I replied, shifting my position again, moving my head in a way that made it look like I was seeking refuge in his neck.

Probably not my best move, as the scent of cedar filled my nostrils, invading my senses and thoughts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still, we spent the next hour like this—dancing between whispers, eavesdropping on conversations, trying to piece together the alliances and the cursed situation surrounding the Autumn heir.

Some nobles had already left, while Az and I remained in a corner, pretending to sip wine. In reality, I had placed a shield around us to prevent anyone from overhearing our conversation.

“We have to tell Rhys. Now,” I emphasized when he didn’t move.

“Not yet,” Az denied. “We convinced some of them,” he gestured toward the last few people lingering at the ball, “but not all. Beron will likely send someone to follow us once we leave this cursed place.”

I sighed.

“So what do we do?” I asked, my patience wearing thin. This night had been long—filled with half-touches, lies and not-lies that had left my mind more confused than ever.

“We continue the act,” he answered simply. And when he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, I lowered the shield, fairly certain he already had a plan in mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so, half an hour later, Az and I found ourselves outside the Autumn Court’s castle, surrounded by a breathtaking forest of orange, green, and brown hues.

On another occasion, I might have found it a marvelous sight. Right now, I just wanted to leave, curl up under layers of blankets, and forget this night had ever happened.

Az’s arm rested over my shoulders as we walked, shielding me from the cold but also ensuring that those following us—because he had been right about that—could see us.

They were close, but not close enough to hear what we were saying.

"You don’t need to do that, Az," I said, referring to his wing wrapping around me.

Truthfully, I did want him to stay close, but I had already messed up before—back in Velaris when I had accidentally ended up touching his wing.

"It’s cold," he replied calmly, taking my hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Az’s body was like a furnace, providing enough warmth to keep me from freezing. But if I wanted to make it through this night, I needed to put some distance between us.

"Az," I swallowed. "Listen, I need to..." I turned slightly toward him before continuing. His deep gaze met mine, and I swallowed hard.

By the Cauldron, what was I supposed to say? Please stop touching me because you’re confusing my heart? Of course not.

Still, I opened my mouth to speak just as he lowered his head, pressing his lips to mine in a slow, sensual kiss. I didn’t hold back the surprised sound that escaped me—but I also didn’t pull away. Az backed us up, touching me with such intensity that it stole my breath. We didn’t stop kissing as he placed both hands behind my head, making sure I wouldn’t hit the bark of the tree we had landed against. That was how it worked with him—my resolve disappeared as if it had never existed. That was why, in the first place, I hadn’t wanted to come here with Az.

I shivered as his arms lifted me, forcing me to wrap my legs around his waist, aligning me exactly where I needed him.

What the hell was happening?

"Az..." I whispered between kisses, trying to clear my thoughts.

The shadowsinger didn’t respond. He lifted his head for just a second, and what I saw made my knees weak. Desire and intensity. I recognized it because I had seen that look countless times—on myself, whenever I was with him.

It was fleeting, because the next moment, he trailed kisses down my jaw, tilting my head back to expose my neck to him.

Surprisingly, he found a spot that made my toes curl, and one of the hands gripping his shoulders tugged gently at his hair, while the other, unconsciously, slid to the edge of his right wing—the one that had never stopped wrapping around me.

I knew Illyrians were sensitive to that kind of touch, but I also knew it was an intimacy I wasn’t sure Az wanted from me.

And yet, drunk on him, I didn’t even think about it—about the consequences of my actions—as I traced my fingertips along the membrane.

The guttural sound that escaped him set my insides on fire, and I knew—I wouldn’t survive the night when he trembled, pressing his face against my neck as his weight sank into me.

Around us, the forest had fallen into absolute silence. Not even the wind rustled through the trees, and that snapped me back to reality.

We were doing this because someone had likely come too close. But now? Now, there was no one else but us.

Regaining a bit of clarity, I noticed how his shadows shifted restlessly—some curling around my calves, others weaving over his shoulders. His silence unsettled me, so I slowly pulled both hands away from his body, feeling somewhat out of my own.

"Az…" I called after a moment, my voice unsteady, unsure where to even begin apologizing.

"Just a moment… I just need a moment, sweetheart," he responded heavily against my neck.

My brain might as well have short-circuited. Without thinking, I placed my hand back in his hair, gently stroking whatever I could reach.

Exactly one minute later, Az let me go, setting me down with his hands on my waist.

I cleared my throat and avoided his gaze. "Are they gone?" I asked stupidly, not sure what else to say.

Az took my chin between his fingers and guided my attention back to him.

"They’re gone," he confirmed.

I nodded and bit the inside of my cheek. This meant nothing.

A mission, I reminded myself.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly.

Of course not. I was a mess of nerves, words clogging my throat. I needed to let go—let go of what I felt for him, or this love would continue pouring out of me.

"I think we need to talk."

Az nodded, wrapping me in his warmth once more.

"At home, sweetheart."

He squeezed my hand gently, and I felt his shadows swirl around us, whisking us directly to Velaris—home.

It took me a second to recognize the path to the River House, and I braced myself for the conversation we were about to have.

Az didn’t let go of me, and we walked in silence until we reached the door.

I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

I had known from the very beginning that this entire plan was going to fall apart.

[thegloomybat]

heyyy do u have any tips on learning how to make urself hate food? I’m good at restricting I can manage hunger it’s more like mental hunger yk and idk how to get rid of it bc once cravings hit im a goner 😭

love loveee ur blog btw 🫶🏻

Hii!! Omg this is also something i’m trying to figure out i need to learn to hate certain foods so bad i feel you😭sometimes i think about when someone said something like “don’t eat that if you wouldn’t eat it in front of people” and that sorta goes into “what you eat in private is what you wear in public” thought process. Personally i fold so fast when it comes to chocolate, so i start to imagine myself being huge with chocolate smudged all over my mouth and face and looking gross so i’m like this is how they probably see me nvm😭like to look at yourself from a third perspective i guess??? I’ve seen people say that like, as much as it’ll suck but to overeat it so you feel repulsed by it after, that’s worked with me with SO many/ most food items, but for some reason not with chocolate💔but it does work tho, someone also said to look up how it’s made and a lot of the times it can be really gross. Or i’ll just personify whatever the food it is and pretend we’re complete enemies, like i have scenerios in my head so that i’m like nah F you and that it’s battling against me or it’s evil😭 i think being visual about it helps. i wanna try making affirmations to hate food because affs really work, i wanna try to tell myself everyday how disgusting something is and that it’ll only make me fat, ugly, gross, and how it’s not worth it and especially train myself to truly believe i don’t want it so i’ll lyk how that goes, i’m not the biggest meanspo fan but those inspo quotes lowkey help a lot if yk which ones i’m talking about, like the ones i wrote above or like those motivational lists on why it’ll be good to be thin or to put the food down, but yeah! i wish i had a better response i’m not sure if this is helpful but i wish you the best🫶also thank you!!!

[datamodel-of-disaster]

You know what? Fair.

I never disagreed with the base premise -diets suck and are mostly unscientific nonsense that doesn’t actually do anything but wreck your metabolism in the long run, and the language of diet culture is fairly ridiculous to match.

But yeah. When people say shit like cheese ruining the nutrition of their broccoli, it’s not because they actually believe that, it’s because they are terrified of becoming or remaining fat. It’s like prayer, like an entreaty to a higher power -you repeat the tenets as though you believe em, just to keep the fear at bay. Knock on wood, put out some crystals, cheese is bad -you say what you need to be true to believe you can control your fate.

And you’re right. That sucks ass, especially for (other) fat people in the dieter’s life, and you don’t need to have patience for it as a fat person. You’re not responsible for soothing that fear -especially not in people thinner and less subject to discrimination than you. So FAIR, you can say fuck you to it. You can stop reading here if you like -you’ve made your point and I see where you’re coming from, and I suppose I largely agree.

Because I can’t for the life of me write a short post though…

I’m not “morbidly obese” fat (I know that’s a shit term, I know), and never have been, that’s not an experience I claim or can speak for. But I’ve been varying degrees of fat, on and off my entire life, from properly overweight fat to chubby to basically straight size and back due to whack hormones and various meds, and I’m so, so very familiar with the fear.

I don’t hate myself when I’m bigger, or think I’m unworthy or unloveable or whatever. Nobody’s worth depends on the ability to meet an aesthetic standard. But I have seen and felt the difference in how people -strangers, but also people who know and like me- treat me when I’m bigger. Sometimes it’s subtle, often it’s obvious, and that to me means I can’t act like the fear is baseless.

When I see people, especially straight-size people, participating in diet culture shit, I just see that fear reflected. Talking shit about them feels a little like talking shit about the most scared and vulnerable bit of myself, that just wants people to be nice to me, and knows people always become less nice when I get bigger. Trying to mock that part of me only ever made it more determined to diet and starve and repeat bullshit. I try hard not to do that anymore now, but I get it, I get why people do it, I get the hollow comfort of it.

I don’t think a better, less fatphobic world will happen by mocking the people afraid of being fat for their bullshit diets, any more than you will convert anyone to atheism by mocking the big sky daddy, or cure someone’s OCD by pointing out the ridiculousness of their rituals. That was the crux of my initial post.

But I guess that doesn’t mean fat people don’t deserve the catharsis of poking fun at it all, or that fat people bear any responsibility for these fragile fears of thinner people. It just… is what it is, I guess. I don’t have a solution either.

Anyway, thanks for indulging this conversation, and offering another viewpoint. I swear it has all been in good faith.

diet talk is so inexpressibly nonsensical the instant you know anything about "the human body" or "nutrition" or if you think about it for three seconds

[imagineweasley]

Love You More Than Chocolate Frogs!

fred x reader fluff you're absolutely killing yourself studying for the NEWTs and your boyfriend decides to give you a little surprise one night.

submit your request!

y/n: your name y/h: your house

I dragged my feet along the stone floor of the halls. I couldn't seem to lift my feet off the ground, my body felt so heavy.

It had been days since I got more than three hours of sleep. I had locked myself in the library every chance I could get, as the NEWTs were only a week away and even though I was 99% sure I was ready, my brain would not let me rest. Between classes, between meals, until the sky was black and even the crickets had gone to bed. It had gotten to a point where Fred and my friends were sneaking me food in the library because I was forgetting that my body needs to eat. Just yesterday, Fred had been kicked out of the library for bringing me a duffel bag of food from the Great Hall. He had loudly dragged the bag in, stinking of ham, stew, cheese, bread, and cakes, and immediately, the librarian was blocking his path, hands on her hips and feet tapping on the ground.

"Y/n! Catch!" He chucked a muffin in my direction and pranced out as the librarian glowered at him. I stifled a giggle as the students around me snickered.

Fred and I had been dating for about a year now. We had been friends since our first year, when he and George were first experimenting with their godforsaken pranks. A month into arriving at Hogwarts, I walked into the Great Hall absolutely ravenous. I'd just been demolished in flying class because for SOME REASON my broom had decided to be an asshole and whack me in the side of the head. Madame Hooch had been impressed by the responsiveness of my broom but had suggested... maybe go to the infirmary to get the growing bump checked out.

So of course, I hadn't. I was starving and my superiority complex told me that I'd be fine. I sat down at the y/h table and not even two seconds into my mashed potatoes, I felt something dense crash into my head, right where the broom had hit me.

"What in the-" I clutched my bump as a muffin bounced off my head onto the ground and whirled around to see who the hell had concussed me. That's when my eyes met Fred's for the first time.

You know how in movies, the main character has a meet-cute with the love of their life? He accidentally knocks the stuff she's carrying out of her hands and when they bend down to pick it up, they look up and their eyes meet. Suddenly, there's a surge of music, fireworks all around, heart eyes.

Well, that's not what happened here.

I think maybe it would have, except now there was a shooting pain in my forehead and I was busy glaring at this redheaded idiot.

"Oops I was trying to get that on your plate! I'm sorry!" Fred was covering his mouth shrinking into George, who was bent over behind Fred trying to stifle his laughter.

"Stay away from my plate!" I threw the muffin back at him, hitting him in the chest.

"Wait-" Fred pointed at the angry welt on my forehead, "Uhh that doesn't look great."

"I'm fine and I'm hungry so no thank you." I huffed and turned back to my plate, but the sudden movement made my forehead prickle. I stared at my potatoes and suddenly I felt a bit nauseous.

"You know what..." I stumbled off my bench and Fred materialized next to me, holding me up.

"Come on, let's go." He placed my arm around his shoulders but my pride kicked in.

"Let go! I'll do it myself!" Clearly I was still annoyed about the muffin but Fred held onto my arm and I had no choice but to lean heavily on him. He took me to the infirmary, and for the next few days, I would wake up to a muffin outside my bedroom door.

So I guess that was the beginning of our friendship

We were just best friends for 6 years, me, Fred, and George, until last summer, I went to for my yearly visit to the Weasleys'. Mrs. Weasley flitted around me the whole week, shoving plates of food in my hands, covering me in blankets at night, and fawning over how she didn't know how Fred and George found a friend like me to put up with them.

One day, Fred and I were alone in the kitchen washing the dishes in comfortable silence. I was scraping off a chunk of goo from a plate and grimacing when he gently took it out of my hand.

"You're such a wimp." He said, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes but smiled, secretly grateful. We fell back into silence until I got distracted by the warm light coming in through the window, and turned to lean against the counter to watch the sun go down. Then he spoke up from behind me.

"Y/n," he cleared his throat nervously, "I have something... something that I've been - I've been needing to tell you."

His nervous tone made me turn around to face him. "What's wrong?"

His eyes were to the ground and he was shuffling his feet, his fingers playing with the dish towel. I had never seen him like this, not in the six years we had been best friends. I instinctively put my hand on his hand to quiet it and he stopped fidgeting for a bit. The tension was making my stomach curl but I waited patiently for him to speak.

He opened his mouth and suddenly vomited words out, "LatelyI'vebeenwantingtotellyousomethingandIhaven'tknownhowtotellyouandGeorgesaidIneededtotellyoubecauseIwasannoyinghimandGinnysaidthesamethingthatIneededtotalktoyoubecauseIwoudln'tshutupandsheneededmetopleaseshutthefuckupaboutitandIthinkIloveyou."

I froze. Was he really telling me what I thought he was telling me? He stared at the ground while I stared at him, frozen to the ground, trying to process what he just said. My heart fluttered and my face flushed. Of course throughout the years there had been a crush here and there, but I had pushed it away by the thought that no - we were just really close and I was confusing feelings, and besides, I didn't want to risk the friendship of our trio.

But right now, my face was warm and I felt something bubbling up in me. It was like my chest had suddenly opened up and I could breathe for the first time, something had been released in me that I'd been caging for a long time.

"Fred..." He glanced away from me and started to take a tiny step backwards but I held his hand harder so he couldn't get away. When I gripped his hand, he raised his eyes a bit to look at me through his lashes and I took my chance. My hand moved up his arm to cup his cheek. Now he was the one who was frozen. My other arm found its way around his shoulders and I found myself falling, falling into his lips, finally, finally. He was frozen for a second still, and then his arms came around my waist, hugging me tight as he kissed me back. He ran his hand through my hair, bringing me deeper into the kiss.

And that was that. We'd been even more inseparable since, if that was even possible.

Now back to present day. I pulled myself out of reminiscing as I reached the door to the y/h dorms. I leaned against the heavy door, pushing it wide open, eyes half closed. I was just about to drag my feet up the stairs when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. Fred!

I whipped around with a smile, and my mouth fell open at the sight in front of me. In the common room, a soft blanket on the ground, fireplace crackling, a huge pitcher of wine, a feast spread out in front of me. And on the empty plate waiting for me, a small note. Most importantly, my boyfriend sitting behind all of it, beaming at me.

"What are you doing! It's-" I checked my watch, "- it's nearly 4 am!"

"Don't worry, I chugged some coffee. Surprise!"

With a sudden burst of energy, I flew to him, into his waiting arms. He hugged me close to his chest and said, "I just thought you needed Something to take your mind off of studying for a while. You're killing yourself and not even eating and the stupid librarian won't even let me feed you!" I giggled at this and craned my neck up to look at him. "Why are you so sweet to me?"

"Well I don't know if I'm being sweet or just keeping you alive."

I laughed, smacking his chest, and he jokingly yelped. He took my hand softly in his, led me to sit down on the blanket, and took his own seat next to me. I picked up the note that was lying on my plate and opened it, and read, I love you more than all the chocolate frogs in the world. Our own little sappy thing we whisper to each other. Suddenly, tears pricked in my eyes and Fred noticed right away. He leaned in, concerned, and placed his hand on my knee.

"Y/n?"

I shook my head and laughing at myself, leaned into his chest again. "I don't know what I did to deserve you." I wiped my tears and he laughed, kissing the top of my head.

"Every time I lay my eyes on you, it's like for the first time, in the Great Hall our first year. I wonder what I did in a past life for the universe to bring me someone like you." More tears.

He gazed into my eyes, gently wiping tears away before kissing me. "Now eat!"

[makingspiritualityreal]

Mleccha natives fit everywhere and nowhere.

There is a certain universality to their controversy, as in that they are controversial everywhere they go and they will always stand out, regardless of their environments’ response to them. There is an international niche for those people, existing in thrift stores and ethnic shops.

I lived in several countries and travelled around the world and as a strong Mleccha native, even though I’m not a de facto public artist (yet) and I mostly kept my creativity hidden or didn’t have time or opportunity for it, I initially expected that when I “find my place” I will finally be received by like minded people in a certain way. Instead, I replaced one type of cliche present in one culture with another, picked up things that suit me here and there, and felt like an outcast pretty much anywhere.

I used myself as an example, but then I thought of a cliche very common in Poland (where my ancestry comes from). People there believe that as an artist, someone who stands out, you would have a better life, do better, make it better in the USA or Western countries because they are more accepting of people who are “original”. Having had more experience in the USA over time and being Canadian-born, I can tell this cliche is false. There is a mainstream stereotype in the music industry present in the USA that involves mostly rappers and over sexualised females that exist to please the so called male gaze. Any artistic expression is subjugated to that, and no matter how liberal people believe the West is, it is really just another box to squeeze yourself into. There are also many interesting quirks, as in seeing how few women here wear skirts or dresses. As someone who wears them most of the time, some people told me “wow you’re so elegant”because I didn’t wear sweatpants to walk my dog. So wearing pants outside of special occasions tends to be the cliche for females in the western world, and if you don’t, you’re already original.

The reality is, as an artistic soul you will be the odd one out wherever you go. You can only hope to find an outlet for who you really are, the place you feel like home, those few people who really love you, and those who are meant to receive your talent, and accept that you will have haters no matter what you do. There is no magical land, that will forever be unconditionally accepting of eccentricity. If you walk on the street like you just escaped a convention (which I love and I want to see people on the street do it too) and this is your natural self expression, you will get stared at everywhere. There may be slight cultural differences (I think I got more compliments in the USA but more stares in Europe), but at some point you just gotta be yourself, do what works for you wherever it works for you and not count on anyone’s approval as long as you feel honest about what you express.

For those who don’t know, Mleccha Nakshatra are Ashlesha, Vishakha, Shravana and Bharani.

[pages-and-1nk]

PLEASE IF YOURE A JILY OR JEGULUS SHIPPER READ THIS BECAUSE IT HAS TO FUCKING STOP U GUYS.

I’m done with the ridiculous conversation on Jily shippers harassing Jegulus shippers. (And vice versa, this one just covers Jily hate on Jegulus) Please read my breakdown response to the most common argument presented as to why Jegulus is bad.

🙏 PLEASE 🙏 .

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Oh okay jumping RIGHT into it. *Deep breath*

No. No it’s actually not. As a gay trans man, your take is incorrect and actually so fucking wild it astounds me you think that way. To break it down MISOGYNY is the hatred or prejudice against women. Someone taking two male characters- even if one has a canon gf- and shipping them together does not in anyway promote misogyny nor the erasure of the gf. Infact, implying that in order for Lily to be important or developed she has to date James is actually, ironically, misogynistic.

Now is that to say all jegulus shippers ARENT misogynist or have such views? NO, ofc there are bad apples everywhere- doesn’t mean the whole bag is spoiled. Misogyny is not preferring a gay pairing to a cannon heterosexual pairing. Thats frankly a stupid argument and you’re just attaching words with negative connotations to a ship you don’t like, to then make your ship seem more morally righteous and superior and discredit anyone who argues with you by labeling them as misogynistic. (That does more harm then good btw as it discredits and devalues actual misogyny in fan spaces)

As for fetishization, also not inherently. People enjoying a masc and a twink together is not fetishization inherently. Now, it’s a thin line to walk, and in order to do that you must have critical thinking and be able to understand THESE FAKE GAY MEN are not ALL REAL GAY MEN, but it being the dynamic of a ship you like is… not fetishization. Obsessing and harassing REAL gay men and being invested in their sexuality and sexual experiences is fetishization. Please understand the weight of the words you are using, and how throwing them around in such a context not only makes you look like a buffoon but also is wildly undermining to the weight those words hold.

Smh.

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Gonna go cry myself to sleep now brb.

But SERIOUSLY? Implying that Regulus is watered down to “James’ twink” tells me you have never actually engaged with Jegulus shippers before and have made broad assumptions about a ship you’ve never even given a chance.

Crimson rivers, choices, art heist baby, only the brave, teach them how to dream, whatever happened to the young young lovers, I COULD GO ON. All of them have well rounded character designs for Regulus- but because you can’t take your head out of your ass and are too focused on how bad of a ship Jegulus is, you’ll never read them!

(Which valid, you don’t have to like Jegulus Jily shippers, in fact- you can loath it as much as you want, but you can’t talk about characterization when you’ve uh… never actually read the characterization)

And those last few sentences? Oh man. James cheating on Lily is like SUCH A SMALL fraction of fanfic/works, such a small fraction. Unless you imply that James could stake a claim to Lily before Lily even agrees to them dating which uh… *cough cough*…. I smell misogyny again… *cough cough.*

Like bsffr rn. 😐

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Oh god I think I threw up in my mouth hold on-

First- yes. Jily is an amazing ship that can be wholesome and lovely, and is such a beautifully tragic form of love I will ALWAYS respect it and the people who ship it. Me personally, I don’t read fanfic with Jily, but I def engage with Jily related content bcs it’s GOOD.

But you see, people like you simply ruin it for those who are Jegulus shippers and want to Drabble in Jily because you are TOXIC.

No one is reducing Lily to a baby maker for Jegulus. In fact, I’ve seen more fics with TRANS REGULUS GETTING PREGNANT than I have with surrogate Lily. And even in the surrogate Lily fics, it’s usually well written and Lily has a personality beyond “baby maker” and is just a friend consensually agreeing to help a queer couple out with having a child.

There’s also fics where they co-parent Harry, and if that’s what you’re talking about AGAIN that’s literally normal. I’m a child of divorce, my parents co parent- that’s just how bloody divorce works it isn’t misogynist.

As for the canonical death eater bit- please tell me which part of the canon text refers to regulus being a blood purist. He joined Voldemort, correct, he also rebelled against Voldemort- correct. All of the reasons for him doing both of those things are ASSUMPTIONS MADE BY INFERENCES FROM A BIASED PERSPECTIVE.

Obviously you can have your own preferences on what regulus was like, as can I, because CANNON INFORMATION is LIMITED. Therefore, you can do what you want.

And even if it wasn’t you could still, do what you want BECAUSE ITS FICTIONAL.

Please, I am begging you, for my sanity and your own, just stop. All of it needs to stop. You get no where by tearing another ship down, it won’t stop and you just leave a bad taste in the mouths of people who want to ship Jily but are Jegulus shippers.

This applies to both sides BY THE WAY, Jegulus shippers have a problem with inserting themselves in Jily spaces, or within other ships, or feeling the need to comment on ships with Regulus or James in them and say things like “Jegulus is better” or “ew that’s so weird” (I saw this in particular with kittywater) We all need to realize that unless we just stick in our lanes and fuck off, we’re going to continue promoting toxicity in this fandom.

I love Jily, I love Jegulus, IM PROOF WE CAN LIVE IN HARMONY JUST KNOCK IT OFF, PULL YOUR PANTS UP, AND GROW TF UP!

Anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk, I’m really upset over this post and I just needed to rant. Please reblog this so it reaches more people.

(Also I have not tagged the creator of this post, because I don’t want harassment to befall them. Signed- the author)

[aradassbadass]

cellular sentiment | ceedee lamb ꨄ v

"i need you."

be there soon baby get ready'

your heart raced as you realized what was happening. you had been sitting in your car for five minutes since you had got off the phone and watched as cedarians location began to move rapidly in your direction. the response was one you could only hope would happen so why did you feel so anxious- so nervous.

you finally took heed to his message and got out of your car rushing inside as the rain pattered against your jacket. you hurriedly unlock the door sighing as you are inside and safe from the elements. you feel a deep sense of comfort in being home but that does nothing to keep the nervousness cedarians arrival at bay.

kicking off your shoes you beeline to your bathroom turning on the shower and tossing your clothes aside. a moan escapes your lips as you step in and the warm water floods your body. it feels good as it rushes down your bosom and onto your stomach. It was always a sensation that was welcomed after a long day and in your case an even longer week. you let the water wash away all of the worries that it can as you begin to cleanse yourself. you decide that the occasion warrants an everything shower. you double cleanse, exfoliate layering vanilla scents on top of one another. you silently thank yourself for getting your waxes this week as you only have to shave your legs.

by the time you finish you had honestly forgotten about the fact that you were doing this for a visit from cee so as you sat on the bed and say that his location said he was sixteen minutes away you got the rush all over again yet this time it went directly to your center. you rub your thighs together and proceed to lotion yourself down locking in the moisture with body oil.

you sit on the bed taking a moment to take deep breaths. you try not to let your mind wonder to much, but the effort is in vain.

what if put all my weight on him and hurt him. oh my God what if he see's me naked and doesn't get hard.

you do your best to push the negativity out remembering his words for earlier and the constant reassurance he had given you.

he feels the same as I do- or at least that's what he says. he probably lying, he just wants to let me down in person.

the excitement of the occasion begins to fade as quickly as it came and dread filled the though of his arrival. you took of the robe you had and layed back on the bed crawling underneath the covers pulling them above your head.

you felt tears begin to stream down your cheeks and you squeezed your eyes shut. you just wanted to go to sleep.

i should have never answered that call, im just continuing to set myself up to be hurt.

you sighed as you got up throwing the covers from your body and slipped back into your robe marching to the front door to lock it feeling bad that he would come all this way for well nothing but you couldnt face him.

as you go to lock the door you feel it begin to push open and you panic putting all your weight on it and forcing it closed.

"what the fuck- baby its me let me in." you hear him call from the other side of the door.

"no-im sorry i shouldnt have told you to come." you say voice faltering off tears still streaming down your face.

"man what? just let me in we can talk in there its raining hard as fuck." he said annoyance evident in his voice.

"cedarian i cant d-" he pushes on the door and sends you tumbling back. you lock eyes with him and the tears begin to fall harder.

"baby whats wrong?" he says rushing towards you. his voice is soft as he wraps his arms around you.

you sob at the touch- the last time you had felt another human was sunday when he was here and it just made you realize how starved you were for physicality.

"talk to me please." he says burying his head in your hair.

"i cant do this cee." you choke.

"thats fine we dont have to do anything." he coos rocking back and forth.

"no cee i cant so this. me and you."

you feel his body stiffen and you quickly add, "its me cee it not you. it just feels too good to be true and i cant wrap my head around the fact that you really want me." you say head still in his chest.

"well let me show you that i really do." with one fluid motion he scoops you up and goes to your bedroom, gently placing you on the bed and he crawls on top of you.

anticipation swells in you as removes his shirt. tears are still flowing as he leans down into you the moment feeling like an eternity as he finally places his lips against yours.

this kiss is soft, unsure even you can tell he's trying to be careful and your appreciative but you still crave more. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer into you hoping that he takes the hint. unfortunately he does not and he pulls away momentarily eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation but there is none.

this time he's more forceful making the moment all the more passionate. his hips begin to teasingly rut against your center and the all the uncertainty you had began to wear away.

a moan escapes you lips and flows between his as his skilled fingers go down and slip between your already slick fold massaging your now throbbing clit. you arch into his touch squeezing your eyes shut as he continues to massage your center and places kisses on your temple.

you whine as you bite back a moan when he finally slips a finger past your entrance.

"dont hold back mama let me hear you." he says voice heavy in your ear.

a soft moan escapes when he begins to thrust his fingers deeper. your toes curl at the sensation and you cant help but yearn for more. you slowly rock your hips to match the rhythm he was creating allowing ecstasy to swell within you.

"can we take this off?" he finally whispers tugging at your robe with his free hand, his lips peppering kisses along your neck.

you tense up and he senses it, "we dont have to mama, you can keep it on if it makes you comfortable."

"no, no we can take it off." you say voice barely above a whisper. he looks into your eyes for any hesitation but when he realizes there is none he makes quick work of maneuvering you out of the garment.

his motion pauses as he gazes down at your body eyes drinking you in and his lip goes between his teeth.

"fuck your perfect." he mumbles fingers sliding out of your sex and up your stomach to grip your breast. his other hand slips beneath the waistband of his sweat pants and you are able to see him stroking himself through the fabric. you probably would have felt extremely self conscious had not been for his reaction.

he bends down lips attaching themselves to your nipples as he twirls his tongue around the hardened flesh. a gentle nibble earns a sharp cry from you and you tangle your hands into his locs keeping his position locked. his large hand continues to play with the other one being sure that they were equally stimulated. he continues to nip, lick and suck on you until you had become a moaning needy mess rutting your hips agains the fabric of his sweats for any hope of a release.

he swiftly flips positions so you are now on his lap. his hands move you grab your ass earning yet another moan from you. you take the initiative to be the one to urge the kiss this time eagerly taking his bottom lip between your own.

his groans as you grind down on his length do nothing to help the aching at your center and you begin to whine, "can you take it out please- i need to feel you on me."

he obliges shuffling his pants off as you sit back on the bed. a blush washes over your face at the sheer size of him.

he was not playing when he said that toy wasnt prepping you for him.

he grins at your reaction, "come on, i know you wanna feel it in you."

you crawl back on top of him eyes fluttering shut as he grinds it up against your clit, your juices coating it.

his lips find yours once more and he continues sliding himself between your folds the feeling sending shivers down your spine.

you shift against him and your eyes shoot open as his tip inside of you.

"fuck." he groans wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you closer. "you ready?"

you cant even form words so you moan in approval. he slowly thrusts up into you and you peer down to see that he has his eyes squeezed shut. this in addition to the pleasure of him filling you makes everything that much better.

he halts as he bottoms out and you can feel his pubes as you grind down on him.

"fuck baby hollon, pussy too tight" he huffs into your chest, voice raspier than usual.

you whine at the request itching to be fucked silly. all insecurities were long gone and you finally realized that everything you wanted was here and you were not willing to let that slip away.

before he could give you the ok you began to bounce, his length stimulating all the right  nerves as you did so.

"fuck cee, i love this shit." you cry tilting your head back. his hand comes up and caresses your back and pulls you to him until your chest is flush against his. he begins to thrust upwards allowing a natural rhythm to take over as the two of you revel in the passion.

"see baby, this is how you deserve to be treated. your body deserves to be loved. you deserve only the best." he groans as your walls flutter at his words of reassurance.

"you need a man who knows how please you. how to make you moan, " he grunts slamming into you earning a loud moan in response.

" and cry" he growls taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking on it hard. you cry out as you feel yourself begin to feel your climax nearing.

"and most important you need a man who can make you cum.

he flips you over once again so you are now in missionary and he continues his assault on your g-spot. you claw at the art work on his back feelings of pleasure like you had never felt before washed over you. head tipped back, toes curling, eyes fluttering back into your skull you feel your body to go limp as you squirt on his length.

"ouu thats it baby squirt on this dick, let it all out mama just like that fuck." he talks you through your orgasm. "feels good dont it, a real man taking care of you- making love to you."

your mouth is agape but no words can form as he continues to brutalize your overstimulated pussy and you can tell he's chasing his own release. thrust sporadic, voice low and words lewd.

"i been waiting for this- fuck i needed this baby i needed you i fucking needed you so bad. this tight ass pussy, yo juicy tiddies, those big pretty eyes looking up at me fuck im finna nut all in you." he groans slamming into you once more hips bared against yours as he spills his seed inside you, dick jumping as it did so.

he falls on top of you all his body weight adding a feeling of comfort. your eyes are still shut and you try to process what exactly just happened but the feeling of bliss wont let that happen, so there you lay giddy as can be.

you glance down at cee and he is looking up at a wide grin plastered across his face.

"youre beautiful." he mumbles reaching up and planting a kiss on your lips.

you blush at the compliment and turn away, "thank you"

he laughs hand gripping your cheeks and forces you to look at him, "dont be shy now, i done seen it all."

you roll your eyes and he pushes himself up and struts into the bathroom, you hear the shower come on. he struts back out with a towel and wipes you down being gentle not to overstimulate your sex as he cleanses it. your eyes drift close as he does so- his touch so light its relaxing. you feel yourself being lifted and suddenly youre underneath the warm water.

"its ok baby you can sleep, ima take care of you." he mumbles placing a kiss atop your head and you smile.

so this is princess treatment.

ahhh an update finally 😁😁

[opalcicle]

can you write about charlie LOVINGGGG when reader digs their nails into his back while he fucks them? ❤️❤️

heck yeah, hope you're good w a Charlie POV

this fits into my little If The Call Me a Slut world but it's gonna be a wait to find out when.

Note* yeah so this is gonna be a part 1.

1/4 through a sex scene and I'm making y'all wait.

She's out with Tina getting their nails done for a photoshoot she'd been roped into. My baby prefers being behind the camera. Maybe that's where the anxiety is coming from; it might be second hand on her behalf. I'm chewing over the thought when she comes in loudly. I hear the sounds of dropping bags before I hear her.

"Hey Charlorb, I'm here!" The giggle under her words when she comes up with a new nickname she's definitely used before is music to my ears.

"In the office!" I call out as she crashes through my place. The complete comfort she finds in using my space as her own brings a small grin to my lips.

"Baabe!" She shouts even as she bursts through my open door and gets close, "look at how fucking cute these are,"

I've already got my arms halfway around her and have to lean back when she puts her fingers inches from my eyes.

"Woah! You're gonna take my eyes out," I laugh.

She sinks down into my lap and holds her nails out for me to see. It takes me some time to notice; I'm busy hurrying my lips into her neck.

"Look!" She protests.

Her impatient whines have the opposite effect on me. I groan into her skin before pulling away to see. "Babe they're green!"

"Right! Cause like, they're your favorite colour and I thought that you might like them maybe..." trailing off her sentence into mumbles, she tries to take her hands away.

"Wait, let me see," I grab her wrist and pull it back towards me.

As I pull, she loses balance on my lap, throwing her arm over my shoulder for support. Her newly sharpened nails drag gently across the back of my neck and I shudder in response. When I glance back over, that little smirk in her face tells me she clocked exactly how it made me feel. Her teeth bare in gorgeous cruelty as my face reddens to her response.

"So you like them?" she thinks she's playing it casual, but her intrigued voice gives her away.

I play along for her. It's best to let her think she's getting her way. Looking back to her hand in mine, I smile through my moment of embarrassment, "They're great, babe,"

Before I close my mouth on the last word, I feel nails pressing into my shoulder, trailing across my back at an agonizingly lax pace.

"Fuck!" The moan leaves my lips and in an instant I've dragged us to the couch behind my set up.

"You really like-" she starts.

I cut her off with my lips pressed in a hard kiss. Legs placed on either side of mine, she kisses back. I feel a hand on each shoulder and those claws pricking skin though my shirt. When I break away only to bite at her neck, her grip tightens. My growl in her soft flesh gets cut off as the shirt gets pulled over my head.

"How hard should I scratch?" She whispers beside my face.

"I'll tell you when to stop," my teeth find her skin again and nails drag quickly along my spine. I can feel the hesitance and know I'm gonna have to make her lose control to feel just how much I can take.

Between kisses and bites, I push her to her feet. She takes off her top while I slide her pants and panties to the floor. My mouth touches a hip as her bra hits the floor. The sigh of approval she makes is followed by a hand sliding into my hair. The gentle scratches on my scalp are soothing and I let myself melt into them for just a moment.

My hand runs slowly up her inner thigh and as it nears her core I hear a sweet little gasp from above me. I drag my fingers down and back up, feeling her tense with excitement and deflate in disappointment after each stroke. I don't make her wait long, and run my index over her wet slit. Her hand in my hair tightens and I smile against her soft stomach.

The whimper she makes becomes a trembling moan as I press against her entrance. "Charlie?" She murmurs a breathy plea. "Charlie, I-"

I cut her off again, sliding two fingers inside. Slowly, I pull them back. I leave them partially in, letting her wait like this for a moment. Her loud whine and trembling arm are like a little symphony. Fuck, it feels good to be wanted this bad.

"You're so wet," I tease, moving my touch up towards her clit. I place more kisses strategically around her hip bones while I let my fingers get close to her favorite spots.

When she presses into my hand, desperately seeking pleasure, I know she's right where I want her. Her whimpers become groans as she shakily ties to ride my hand.

"So pretty," I coo, leaning back to watch.

[stupidlittlespirit]

ough yes to Ford probably not being a cologne-wearer, nothing sexier than enjoying your partners' natural scent although I have been thinking, since it's kind of canon/people LOVE to bring it up, that Ford doesn't shower and me, a shower-every-night girly is like "So? I'll just make him shower we can even shower together :3c" which then got me thinking like. you love his natural scent but like at a certain point, it's been a couple of days dude, you are getting into the fuckin bath and you drag him into the bathroom with some resistance but he let's you undress him and he watches intently as you undress as well and you gotta push him into the shower a little but the minute you start washing his hair he completely melts into putty and you can do whatever you want, run your soapy hands over his body, tease him a little maybe and then you go to wash yourself and he takes the shampoo from you and starts returning the favor and OUGH...Ford soaping you up with his big, six-fingered hands and then he picks you up and fucks you against the shower wall... ..goddamn it you know what I guess I gotta write this fic myself

Not to out myself here or anything but.......I just know he smells like days old sweat and that does something unspeakable to me.

I've actually just been hit with the memory of this CEO guy who tried to schedule a paid date with me a long time ago, and he specified that he HAD to have access to my armpits at all times. He needed to be able to take me off somewhere private to smell them and I wasn't allowed to shower beforehand sdhjhjasfhjsf. I did not go on that date, but mostly because he was cheap. There were other reasons that I won't go into but....

Anyway I digress.

There's something super intimate about bathing together. Hair washing, too. It's a very loving activity to me because it directly shows great care for the other person. It does in terms of self care, too.

I think especially with Ford, he's liable to avoid showering both because of work but also he tends to neglect himself (I believe) due to poor mental health. I kind of side eye people when they laugh about how he got kicked out of the library that one time or whatever because he smelled so bad, because it's like, yeah, a lot of people with depression or those under great stress don't really shower much. It's pretty well known. The only reason I shower when my depression is bad is because I have OCD lol, they cancel each other out, but I think Ford just sort of forgot to take care of himself during that time. He was literally going mad.

In terms of Post-Portal!Ford though, encouraging him to bathe/shower by doing it with him would be good for him. It's like a reward. He does need to look after his health at some point, regardless of whether or not sweaty smells are hot. Removing sex from the equation for a moment; if he showers, he gets to be touched/receives intimacy for his efforts, and that's a big motivator. His partner can take care of him and that kind of removes a lot of the responsibility and effort from himself. He can give himself over and relax, which means both his mind and his body will benefit.

He can build a ritual around doing it. As you said, the process of undressing, watching a partner undress, and then washing together. Rituals build habit, from my experience.

(nsfw below)

And yeah, shower sex would also be very fun. Again, a reward for doing something good. Ford is definitely someone you have to motivate with more carrot and less stick, and he'd be up for that. I think that experimenting with sensations is fun, too. I don't know why, but I think that wet skin (like the texture of it, the way it slides against another persons) can feel nice. It can be very erotic. Everything moves together with ease and it there's no friction there.

Ford's probably strong enough that he can lift a partner up with ease and balance well enough to maintain that for a while. Or there's just the good ol' from behind position against the wall, to avoid falling over lol.

Sex in the bath is not viable, however. It's dangerous to fuck underwater and Ford is absolutely the kind of guy to tell a partner that and refuse to do it in case they get hurt, bless him. You can get UTIs or other infections from water-based bacteria.

shower sex irl is not fun though imo do not recommend. Did it once, never again. Water is not an internal lubricant and things get uncomfortable very quickly. I believe human arousal is actually water soluble? Not sure.

[reiwanwan]

For the valentine celly, I'd like to request a breakup letter from Tommy. Shatter my heart, Rei!

Rei’s Valentines day special

I love you, I’m sorry

@zablife Thanks so much for playing Lee! I kinda got carried away while writing the scenario for your letter, it was supposed to be short but I can’t help myself. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Tommy’s breakup note for Lee

The candlelight flickered against the walls of your small sitting room, casting long, restless shadows. The air was thick with the scent of wax and paper, of ink drying on a letter you hadn’t yet found the strength to open. It had been waiting for you on your doorstep that morning—Tommy’s name signed across the back in that sharp, deliberate handwriting of his.

You had known something was wrong.

For weeks, Tommy had been slipping away, piece by piece, pulling himself back into the dark. He had stopped coming by as often. His voice, once edged with dry humor or quiet affection, had turned distant, hollow. And when you had tried to love him—tried to remind him that he wasn’t alone—he had only looked at you with something like sorrow in his eyes.

A sharp knock at the door breaks the silence. A boy—one of Tommy’s errand runners—stands on your doorstep, clutching an envelope with your name scrawled across it.

“From Mr. Shelby,” he mutters, eyes cast downward as he hands it over. He doesn’t wait for a response. Just turns on his heel and disappears down the road.

You should have seen it coming.

Your hands trembled as you broke the seal, unfolding the letter with careful fingers.

Open your letter below ↴

The letter slipped from your fingers, landing on the floor with a whisper of paper against wood. You barely noticed as you sank to your knees, the weight of his words pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breathe.

You wanted to scream. To throw something. To chase after him and demand to know why he thought he had the right to make this choice for you.

But another part of you understood.

And that was what hurt the most.

Because for all of Tommy Shelby’s ruthlessness, his sharp edges, his impossible walls—he had still let the words get to him. The whispers that followed him everywhere. The ghosts that never left him alone. The belief that love was something meant only to be lost.

He was hurting.

And you couldn’t even hold him through it.

A sob tore through your throat, and you clutched your arms around yourself as if that could somehow keep you from breaking apart completely.

He was gone.

And you didn’t know whether to curse him for his selfishness—or mourn for the man who had never learned how to be loved.

[fangbanger3000]

feel free to read this long explanation stating the same thing i stated in my post:

ai detectors are only reliable to a point.

as we knew. as has been stated from the start. if you decide that the results presented to you regarding the two fics are coincidences with no tethers to reality, slay. as you were.

if you decide to cherrypick what parts of the posts in question you consider while choosing to ignore factors such as insanely high word counts, little to zero typos/mistakes across 700k+ words, and admission of guilt, i fear you and i are at an impasse.

as for how much harm and irreparable damage my post specifically has caused as well and in regard to my own vicious cruelty, let me point out what hasn't happened:

the author of tsats has not been "run off the internet". last i heard, she is alive, active, and well on her private x account, is still actively working on her fic, and has many followers and readers who still support her and are excited for the republishing of her fic.

no one has been harassed on my accord. from the beginning, i have discouraged harassment and witch hunting because that wasn't what my post was about.

i made that post with less than 100 followers. it has less than 1k notes. i understand that this might feel grand to you if this sphere is the only fandom space you frequent, but i assure you this scandal in the dragon age community is not as big as you think it is. the fandom will be just fine.

i have made no personal attacks against anyone because, respectfully, why the fuck would i give a shit. my intention was to spread awareness, and i have. if my tone has been impolite in response to people telling me i should commit suicide and harassing my friends, i don't apologise. the behaviours springing from that post were unacceptable and entirely undeserved.

i have made no posts 'across several platforms'. i believe i tweeted about it once without mentioning titles or names before i made the callout post, and that tweet along with my account has since then been deleted. mind you, i had less than ten followers on there.

now, let's assess what has happened:

the author of tsats pulled all her work from ao3 and privated her x account

i did go about my post the wrong way. i was careless and i made a lot of people nervous. this is something i have addressed and apologised for because it's true and it was never my intention. however, durgeapologist did reach out to the author first to no avail whatsoever, and a lot of people are attacking them anyway.

my friends and i have been harassed relentlessly both by people who were loud and proud about it and by anonymous mice behind burner accounts.

i have had my fucking address sent to me twice

i have been told almost every single day that i should harm myself on a broad spectrum of severity

a person who did nothing but share my post to x was dogpiled, harassed, and was attacked by anti-semitic slurs and spammed with swastikas, and was then accused of orchestrating harassment despite strongly discouraging it.

people have spoken to and about me in a manner i have not once reciprocated. i've been called the most horrible person alive, a dumb slut, a bully, various synonyms for genitals, fangfuckface (personal favourite i'll be honest), a tranny, a jealous bitch, a cranky bitch, bitch featuring whatever adjective fits the mood that day, and many more. i have been misgendered and accused of wanting to start a fandom war (which, by the way, makes me hurl a little in light of the current political climate. there are people that are dying, kim. don't call online slap-fighting a "war").

the writer called out in durgeapologist's post is a moderator on the solasmancers subreddit and is actively erasing and banning any trace of our arguments against her. she has deleted our comments, locked the post sharing the callout, and has made a long comment slandering the entire dreadrook server. after banning us from the entire subreddit so we couldn't speak out against her, of course.

i'm not pointing fingers at sib. i understand wanting to defend what you care about as well as your friends, and i truly don't mind that you disagree with my post. your opinion is valid and the world is plenty wide for both of us to co-exist peacefully.

but i will not have words put in my mouth or be painted as a bully with some strange, harmful scheme to 'divide the fandom', because it isn't true. all the other things being said about me are a matter of opinion, i guess, but claiming that my friends and i have acted with malice at any point in this is false.

now, please don't make me make another post about this mess. i stopped talking about it and moved on, and so should you.

We Need to Talk About AI Detectors

Over the past few weeks there have been two posts in particular that have come out against two authors in the community that have resulted in near witch hunts for one, and essentially driving the other off the internet from all the bullying and hate received. These posts were related to the potential use of AI in fanfiction, as well as using supposed “AI Detectors” to support their claims. With the help of friends, we have been able to look into the AI claims that were made against both The Silence and The Song and Ir Abelas, Da’ean.

We were curious about how and why these posts were being flagged with high levels of “AI Probability” when the authors have been adamant (either in chats or in public) that they have never used generative AI for their work. So we did the most logical thing, put on our detective caps, and rolled up our sleeves. We would like to note that we do not wish to have philosophical discussions, we wish to have transparency and honesty.

Spoilers: We found inaccuracies almost IMMEDIATELY.

Firstly, we looked into the weakness of AI detectors, and read through online posts where people voiced their frustrations with detectors. One thing that we noticed was that the common denominator was that well written articles were being flagged as “Likely AI”, particularly with Originality, and that the solution was to either “dumb them down” or to remove punctuation such as commas, which immediately improved the score, tipping the scale to “Likely Original”.

For the second step, we ran some of our own works through Originality AI checker–works that were made prior to the creation of AI and generative AI. However, after punctuation was removed, this magically changed from 50% likelihood of AI to 100% original work. Again, these works were from before the dawn of generative AI, and therefore could not have been created by AI. For fun, we even ran the first chapter of Harry Potter through it–a novel that is objectively without AI, which still did not come out with results stating 100% original work. We then removed almost all of the punctuation from it, and it actually improved the originality score by 3% (from 95% to 98%).

Personal fic, before and after:

Next step, we ran our own scans through Originality and Quillbot.This includes full chapters of Ir Abelas, Da’ean, both with and without punctuation in Originality, and excerpts in Quillbot. Interestingly, the excerpts in Quillbot pinged as “0% likely AI”, and that is without any removal of punctuation. Across the board, the removal of punctuation from the chapters caused an immediate and dramatic increase in the score, from “100% likely AI” to “96% likely Original”. We have found that the more grammatically correct a work was, the more likely it was to be flagged as “AI”, much like how the freelance writers were complaining about.

Chapter 1 of Ir Abelas, before and after:

Chapter 1 through Quillbot:

Chapter 45 of Ir Abelas, before and after:

Chapter 45 without commas or double hyphens:

Chapter 45 through Quillbot:

Even the Ai detection websites caution against this:

To Durgeapologist, Fangbanger3000, and friends: If you do actually read this, I hope you realize that your posts have done more harm than good to the community. You are correct that AI is a potential threat to creative spaces, but you have gone about addressing it in the worst possible way. By creating multiple posts across platforms with the intent of creating a negative perspective toward certain authors and their fictions rather than the use of AI as a whole—not to mention the counter-accusations with personal attacks rather than focusing on the issue at hand—you are creating an environment that fosters negativity, bullying, and division—none of which are directions to take a sustainable and healthy community. AI Detection is the Wild West right now. There is no way to determine if something written is AI through the use of algorithms, and it requires the use of human intervention and careful comparison to previous works to be within a certain level of certainty that it is AI. Our hope is that in the future, you will take time, step back, and consider all possible sides before causing a stir in the community like this.