#so it’s not like. a particular concern
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So a) I really want Little to be themself rather than Penny with no memories and b) Little probably isn’t dead going by the rules of the ever after but also c) I keep thinking about “and even if I can’t live for real it was worth it to know you” in relation to them and crying about it
#rwby#rwby volume 9#rwby spoilers#little rwby#granted#rwby has so many songs that apply to one character but resonate with another#because everyone is a foil/mirror/shadow to Someone at least#so it’s not like. a particular concern#but it’s a thought that keeps poking at me#like I’m pretty sure little isn’t actually Penny#and it’s not exactly gonna be story breaking if they are actually her#but I’m much more attached to the idea of little just. being a new friend for ruby#who just chose to guide ruby because they wanted to#I dunno#it’s the difference between Ruby seeing the jade doll and having something about it Call to her#and Ruby seeing little struggle with a cheese plant and just helping them get it because she’s kind and wanted to help#even though she was also feeling overwhelmed
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All cards on the table.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#Wei Wuxian has been such a menacing figure this whole episode.#Honestly if he never did anything else spooky after this point I would fully accept all the rumours stemmed from his hunt for Wen Ning.#Man walks into the room like 'what up I've got a flute that can toot and scare you to your root'#and all of the Jin sect started shaking and sweating. Someone from the Nie sect started to clap.#A JGY moment that I don't see talked about enough: He absolutely wishes he could go candidly apeshit in court like WWX did.#He's too concerned with his reputation to risk it though. The weightiness of 'I agree with his point but I choose inaction' is heavy.#Not for his character in particular but as part of the rhetoric MDZS sets out to routinely critique.#It's a bit too much to unpack in the tags of a silly comic in which someone plays her 'hysterical woman card' literally.#Next comic is a really special one. I'm so excited for you all to see it B*)
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Hello, someone call 911 because we got ROBBED
#my posts#ramblings#jojos bizarre adventure#jotaro kujo#jojo part 3#im genuinely so pissed off that this wasnt animated#like okay fine there will be some deviation from the source material#but like this one in particular was so important and integral to Jotaro's character#YOU COULD AT THE VERY LEAST KEEP THE FACT HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT HIS FRIEND#can i literally just make an essay on why Jotaro is so misunderstood#especially when with the context of the manga#im honestly so pissed#jojo sdc#stardust crusaders#is like really good sometimes#its flawed yeah but I love it#especially the manga
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literally the easiest way to make someone care about a character and make them feel well-rounded beyond basic traits like personality, sexuality, ethnicity, etc, is to give them an actual character arc, and it’s shocking how many people do not seem to fully realize this
you cannot just cram a bunch of tropes. tropes are not the main event, they are tools to tell the story you wish to tell. emotional impact comes from the lead up, so you can’t just jump ahead and expect the payoff to work. “I want this character to just ___ already!” but they’re not there yet. that’s where the arc comes in - how do they get there?
and! most importantly, and this is something I really want people to think about when writing - the most important relationship your character should have, always, is with the world and society around them. defining your character purely through their interactions with other characters are, I find, how a lot of female characters end up feeling flat or not engaging with the themes as much as the male characters, and also how queer and non-white characters wind up as devices for other characters’ development instead of being more fleshed out
#storyrambles#sorry maybe this comes across a bit passive-aggressive but agh fandom drives me crazy sometimes#I’ve seen some stuff concerning dbda and it’s just#‘why didn’t Edwin just sleep with the cat king’ oh my god. did you watch the show. his repression is literally the crux of his arc#‘I’m fixing the end of the show so that they end up together!’ but they’re not there yet. there’s nothing to fix?#‘they better ___ in season 2 or im gonna be mad about it’ how about we let the story play out. how about we calm down and enjoy the story.#‘I need ___ to kiss right now!!!’ do you even enjoy the story. do you even enjoy these characters.#what is their arc. tell me right now. because I don’t think you actually know.#and I’ve seen lots of posts kind of like this but it’s wild with this show in particular because it’s canonically a queer show#so there is no fear of being led along or of no payoff. what are you freaking out about???#gah. sorry. it just frustrates me.#the most interesting character dynamic will always be - to me anyways - the way they interact with the world around them#and the way society has shaped them and they shape society in turn#and relationships with other characters are reflections of the mentality they have received and adapted from society#just like in real life lol
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do not want to start a fight but isn’t this totally normal. in middle school you’re like what 11 years old? I didn’t know any of this shit at that age and that has not made my life difficult as an adult even remotely. in particular I was shit at touch typing and remember being miserable in class because I was horrible at it and now I’m perfectly comfortable touch typing because I’m no longer 11 years old. I’ve taught several semesters of upper year undergraduates (meaning all of them were over the age of 21-22) in a similar coding/technical class setting who didn’t know anything about windows file structures and it was fine, they didn't blow up their computers or bring about the downfall of civilisation, they eventually picked it up over the 12 weeks of the semester because that’s how learning works
#I think the much larger concern is children not being taught about online safety and how to keep their information private#computer literacy takes many years to build up in my experience like I genuinely don’t think this is a cause for alarm#like I think you guys are doing ‘back in my day’ shit lol#I’m also obviously an outlier in many respects because I’ve been in university for a long time#so my experience is particular#however. and I cannot stress this enough. they are 11 lol
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im seeing the pattern of being an atreus/angrboda fan (or u just like them) and having to go through this weird initiation process of: liking them in the game (wether its themselves, their relationship or both), then trying to find content of them only to be shocked to see a bunch of haters (on both sides but angrboda gets it the worst and thrud is often times oddly used against her), only to then get severely disappointed and realize u probably have to do a bit of contribution yourself which isnt bad but it sucks when its characters that are ridiculously hated 😭😭😭
#Putting the girls against each other for a dude is sooo tired and with them is completely unnecessary and makes no sense#“IRONWOOD IS TRAHS ITS 5 HOURS LONGGG AND SHES A PIECE OF SHIT BITCH CUNT” IVE SEEN PPL SAY THIS#Like what yall like but the problem is mfs get CRAZY when it comes to angie in particular i be like girl…?::?!::&/&!;!#then expect nobody to say smth like umm u good? Cuz the way u dtm over a vg character is concerning#Things have gotten a bit better but im just pointing out the pattern of becoming a A/A fan 😭😭#Im sure it is gonna lift by next game but it doesnt mean i cant get annoyed behind it still#This is def one the most mentally stagnated fandom ive seen and thats saying ALOT#We already know its cuz the dudebros want to be kratos so bad#you mfs will never be that man.#atreus#angrboda#god of war ragnarok#god of war#Gowr#Gow#God of war fandom#shitdom#Rant
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I've been climbing the walls about this moment in Oppenheimer since July and now that it's on streaming I'm making it all your problem.
#like this movie was so spectacular and so concerned with history and how things felt to these particular people#and also never forgets for a moment how huge and horrific the subject is#and how it can hold all the foreboding and awe and terror that you need it to#oppenheimer#(I am singlehandedly bringing this movie to tumblr)
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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i knew it would happen but oh my god. oh my. fucking god. i couldn't imagine it would be so bad when requesting. i was thinking about the lola propaganda and emo boy lovers and the gross freak haters. i couldn't possibly imagine that he would get such a GIANT pass percentage. yes there's six more hours to go but i know it's going to get worse over the night. As the blog curator is he really now the most passed on character I'm curious
Currently Masterson is still at a higher percentage than Beast Machines Rattrap, who I believe is our current Least Fuckable character. Masterson clears the bar by a whole percent.
And with your help we can set the bar even lower. It's not too late to Get His Ass
I don't know beachcomber too well but any humanfucker bots are welcome here.
Admittedly I was thinking at least a little bit about the rescue bots when I wrote the post because I swear to Primus every one of the main cast of bots is trying to fuck humans. Not even necessarily their human partners specifically (boulder and heatwave absolutely are tho), but at some point, every one of the bots has Said or Done Some Shit in the show that reads like they're interested in getting with humans. Prowl "I've fantasized about being human before" TFA walked so the rescue bots could sprint.
(I've also just kinda had Boulder/Graham Brainrot lately, so that might be contributing lmao)
#not polls#i dont so much fantasize about being a robot myself but i do frequently think about bots seeing human things for the first time#and just being absolutely enamored#not to drop Personal Lore once again but ive had my share of self image and body issues#and a little way ive had to stave them off is taking all these parts of myself that may be stigmatized or considered substandard#and just envisioning how someone with none of the cultural biases and ingrained stigmas may see them#it just so happens that robotic aliens who only just got to earth and dont really know much about humans fit that bill pretty well#the reverse is nice too. every time we get info about cybertronian beauty standards i latch onto that shit so hard#because it gives insight into how some characters may feel about themselves appearance-wise#and having a self conscious bot with a human that isnt really concerned with if theyre the sleekest model so much as Big Hot Robot (v sexy)#is just kind of a staple in human x cybertronian works that makes me go absolutely off the rails#like yes girl!!! unlearn shame and unrealistic expectations!!! your truck bf doesnt give a fuck if you have hip dips!!!!#in hindsight this may be why i got a little on the desensive side in that particular post
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Here’s a sort of…. Prompt? Headcanon? Idea?? For Danny Phantom.
Let’s go with the,, semi-fanon idea of cores. We see the Far Frozen with ice powers, with their whole little civilization. They are ALSO the only ghosts we see that have any medical knowledge.
So what if ghosts with ice cores had healing powers? Danny is very durable, but he also (probably) has advanced healing.
Idk, it’d be a fun possibility to explore Danny ‘plays as a tank in irl superheroics 4 times out of 5’ Phantom finding out he can heal people while doing a school-mandated cpr class.
#danny phantom#dp#bonus points if it’s just shy of necromancy but that might be a different turn#did my school do mandated cpr training? no. but we did do mandated self defense training so. I imagine it’s possible#I have made a story or two where Danny had healing powers#but up to you how they work#and technically the way I made them in this one story was an indirect use of two different powers#I can explain if someone is SUPER curious but this particular. prompt? is like#him DIRECTLY having healing powers#he’s just hovering his hands and lil glowy snowflakes start drifting down and healing the person#Tucker is like Oh Hey This Means I’ll Just Go To Danny For Medical Stuff#the b plot is getting Tucker to get his damn shots… cartoon logic says somehow he gets them done at the vet#it just popped into my head you don’t gotta do that lol#Sam meanwhile is like. hm. homeopathy bc she’s not. AGAINST doctors and medical schools per se#but she’s protesting something or another about them#probably concerns about medical mistreatment#meanwhile Danny is like I Did Not Agree To Be The Medic!#he’s played video games okay HE KNOWS HOW THAT GOES DOWN.#…. I also really like battle and field medics in general in fiction so this is me and my blatant attempts for More Of That#feel free to crossover but just by itself it seems fun :3
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i am still not over the fact arlecchino is referred to as "father" by the house of the hearth kids btw. the gender of it all
#i cant articulate this ugh#its just. the idea that she plays not the role of mother#where nurture and compassion would typically be expected of her#but the role of father. where a more stern and i guess distant sort of love might be typically expected. Yeah#i also dont hate the fact she doesnt seem to be abusive to the kids. i know i said i wanted her to be irredeemably evil but i really dig th#s#i actually really like the direction they seem to be taking? where its like.#shes still The Fatui. shes still using orphaned kids for military missions#but she doesnt go out of her way to harm the children. id say she sort of goes out of her way to *not* do so#AGH IT MAKES ME INSANE!!!!#the fontaine siblings' voicelines about her made me utterly insane. particularly freminet's#leaks skip if u dont wanna know but when he says she doesnt like crying so he avoids shedding tears in front of her at all costs (augh)#but still will say that things got better after the house director changed and she took charge#and that she literally told him that he has to value his own life instead of prioritizing self-sacrifice for loved ones' sakes. or somethin#which i take to be good advice for freminet in particular who has some concerning suicidal tendencies going on in there#anyway yeah arlecchino i am obsessed with you#my posts
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my deepest darkest secret is that i have a timeline in my head of the development of heizou and my relationship which i haven’t told anyone before and play through my head (almost) every night before i go to sleep
(last night i went on a full, like, half-hour long ramble to myself about the intricacies of our relationship. it’s basically a queer-platonic relationship with sprinkles of romantic interaction lmao. honestly i kind of wish i’d recorded it, but it was like 1am and i couldn’t be bothered to get my phone up, plus i was whispering under my breath anyway, so any recordings would have sounded weird as hell (weirder than it already is), but… yeah. that happened.)
#ok so embarrassing story time#……i legitimately made myself tear up over imagining either of us dying and the other one’s reactions etc.#like#i’m not even joking#my throat got prickly and i had to wipe LITERAL TEARS from the corner of my eye while imagining it#i guess it’s because this particular… flavour of heizou relationship is kind of THE one#it’s the unfiltered me in the relationship and not an au or tweaked reader#so it… hit harder or something? i don’t really know#it’s kind of concerning because real people in my life have died and i didn’t even shed a tear and was hurt like ‘…oh’ when it happened#then again i wasn’t particularly close with those people and in this brainrot we’re like. each other’s lifelines or something lmao#but even so… should i be concerned? that i’m tearing up over an imagined and self-willed fictional death over real people’s?#…yeah idk it’s a bit worrying isn’t it#send help. /hj#but anyway heizou and i are really close <33333#r’s random thoughts
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i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.
#bpd#like i dont mean to hurt anyone else with having my breakdown on my vent blog on tumblr...#like the stuff i say isnt aimed at anyone in particular#and it's abt MY feelings which are so confusing i get a headache#my thoughts is my enemy and im such a broken and confused little girl inside fr T-T#but like yeah im sorry for upsetting ppl???#but really i feel so suffocated bc im constantly terrified of saying smth that will upset this or that person#or reblogging the wrong thing and making someone im attached to hate me#like idk.... genuinely my blog is supposed to be a vessel? a tool? smth for me to be able to put my emotions and thoughts down#and try to make sense of them. even when i cant. it really only concerns me. i dont mean to attack or hurt anyone else :/#but i mean i really shouldnt and i shouldve learned this lesson so long ago....#being confused and broken and mentally ill and not knowing or understanding things and being messy and#saying the wrong things or phrasing it incorrectly or anything like that#or like sometimes i have one thought tied to a certain emotion but it's only there in that moment#like when i feel so lonely i could die.. yes i do have kidnapping fantasies. bc i dont.: whatever i dont owe anyone a psychoanalys of mysel#but that doesnt mean i want want to be kidnapped by a stranger who doesnt care abt me... i know that would be awful and traumatizing and no#what i *want*. bc what i desire is love#but like i feel so much pain and just venting abt it or reblogging a post helps me solidify my overwhelming emotions#idk what to say like..... ☹️☹️☹️☹️#i cant even fucking blog or do tumblr right im worthless. and yeah i know i have a victim complex.. sorry 🥲#hmmm. yeah idk what to say like when i have breakdowns i have to get myself thru them without any support#and i dont mean that to attack anyone else.: we're all alone i know.#but idk how to deal w it so i just type it out. its not to attack anyone else its to try to make sense of my emptions i dont understand ☹️#anyway.. maybe i should just accept that im too fucked up and too contradictory for anyone to actually like me#there will always be smth that will make everyone not like me anymore. thats that.#thank u for the time u do give me tho i always appreciate thay#and im sorry i really truly dont want to hurt anyone else#i just dont have .. idk it doesnt matter im sorry for what its worth and if anyone even reads this#i hope not bc i dont want anyone to perceive me and stuff like i dont wanna exist to anyone#and im not on tumblr or post stuff for attention. im just in pain and have nowehrre to put it. im sorry if im lashinf out and hurting other
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sometimes i get worried im not in the right academic field and then i think about another form of discourse analysis to dig into and i get all excited again
#thinking about the use of language in science fiction!!! specifically settings that are supposed to be near-ish earth future#like the use of english and chinese in firefly#and the belter creole in the expanse#i think it's so cool... but i cannot let that distract me from my current thesis topic#i think i've finally decided my subfield within a subfield is discourse analysis#like linguistics -> sociolinguistics -> discourse analysis#bc im not as concerned about like. what particular features are being used. im more concerned about WHY they're being used#what does this mean on a broader scale?#what does it say about language ideologies? in fiction what does it mean for the characters and setting?#i love u linguistics.....
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okay no i'm still not over the whole classmates thing, because based on the number seating due to them being arranged in alphabetical order, jamil sits at probably the farthest row in class, and yet azul somehow had always been able to take notice of him even if they were seated very far apart with azul in front
#like that just shows rlly how much he pays attention to jamil in particular which not only validates jamil's concerns more. but also just#shows how much azul acts likes someone who pays too much attention to their crush in class even if its inconvenient 😭😭#HELP ME HE'S SO HOPELESS#twisted wonderland#twst#jamil viper#azul ashengrotto#azujami#jamiazu
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Clad in Justice and Worth
Written for the Inklings Challenge 2023 (@inklings-challenge). Inspired by the lives of Jeanne d'Albret and Marguerite de Navarre, although numerous liberties have been taken with the history in the name of introducing fantastical elements and telling a good story. The anglicization of names (Jeanne to Joan and Marguerite to Margaret) is meant to reflect the fictionalization of these figures.
The heat was unbearable, and it would grow only hotter as they descended into the lowlands. It was fortunate, Joan decided, that Navarre was a mountain country. It was temperate, even cold there in September. It would be sweltering by the sea.
The greater issue ought to have been the presence of Monluc, who would cut Joan’s party off at the Garonne River most like. The soldiers with whom she traveled were fierce, but Monluc had an entire division at the Garrone. Joan would be a prisoner of war if Providence did not see her through. Henry, perhaps, might suffer worse. He might be married to a Catholic princess.
Yet Joan was accustomed to peril. She had cut her teeth on it. Her first act as queen, some twenty years ago, had been to orchestrate the defense of her kingdom, and she was accustomed to slipping through nets and past assassins. The same could not be said of the infernal heat, which assaulted her without respite. Joan wore sensible travel clothing, but the layers of her skirts were always heavy with sweat. A perpetual tightness sat in her chest, the remnant of an old bout with consumption, and however much she coughed it would not leave.
All the same, it would not do to seem less than strong, so she hid the coughing whenever she could. The hovering of her aides was an irritant and she often wished she could just dismiss them all.
“How fare you in the heat, Majesty?”
“I have war in my gut, Clemont,” Joan snapped. “Worry not for me. If you must pester someone, pester Henry.”
He nodded, chastened. “A messenger is here from Navarre. Sent, I suspect, to induce you to return hence.”
“I would not listen to his birdcalls.”
“Young Henry said much the same.”
Joan stuffed down her irritation that Clemont had gone to Henry before he’d come to her. She was still queen, even if her son was rapidly nearing his majority. “Tell him that if the Huguenot leaders are to be plucked, I think it better that we all go together. Tell him that I would rather my son and I stand with our brothers than await soldiers and assassins in our little kingdom.”
Her aide gave a stiff nod. “At once, your Majesty.”
She would breathe easier when they reached the host at La Rochelle. Yet then, there would be more and greater work to do. There would be war, and Joan would be at the head of it.
*
When she awoke in the night, Joan knew at once that something was awry. It was cool. Gone was the blistering heat that had plagued them all day. Perhaps one of the kidnapping plots had finally succeeded.
Certainly, it seemed that way. She was in a cell, cool and dank and no more than six paces square. And yet—how strange! —the door was open.
Rising unsteadily to her feet, Joan crept towards the shaft of moonlight that fell through it. She glanced about for guards, but saw only a single prisoner in dirty clothes standing just beyond the threshold. He was blinking rapidly, as though the very existence of light bewildered him. Then, as Joan watched, he crept forward towards the gate of the jailhouse and out into the free air beyond. Joan listened for a long moment, trying to hear if there was any commotion at the prisoner’s emergence. When she could perceive none, she followed him out into the cool night air.
A lantern blazed. “Come quickly,” a voice hissed. “Our friend the Princess is waiting.”
The prisoner answered in a voice too quiet for Joan to hear. Then, quite suddenly, she heard his companion say, “Who is it that there behind you?”
The prisoner turned round, and Joan’s fingers itched towards her hidden knife. But much to her astonishment, he exclaimed, “Why, it is the lady herself! Margaret!”
But Joan had no opportunity to reply. Voices sounded outside her pavilion and she awoke to the oppressive heat of the day before. Coughing hard, Joan rolled ungracefully from her bed and tried to put away the grasping tendrils of her dream.
“The river is dry, Majesty” her attendant informed her as soon as she emerged from her pavilion, arrayed once again in sensible riding clothes. “The heat has devoured it. We can bypass Monluc without trouble, I deem.”
“Well then,” Joan replied, stifling another cough. “Glory to God for the heat.”
*
They did indeed pass Monluc the next day, within three fingers of his nose. Joan celebrated with Henry and the rest, yet all the while her mind was half taken up with her dream from the night before. Never, in all her life, had her mind conjured so vivid a sensory illusion. It had really felt cool in that jail cell, and the moonlight beyond it had been silver and true. Stranger still, the prisoner and his accomplice had called Joan by her mother’s name.
Joan had known her mother only a little. At the age of five, she had been detained at the French court while her mother returned to Navarre. This was largely on account of her mother’s religious convictions. Margaret of Angoulême had meddled too closely with Protestantism, so her brother the king had seen fit to deprive her of her daughter and raise her a Catholic princess.
His successor had likewise stolen Henry from Joan, for despite the king’s best efforts she was as Protestant as her mother. Yet unlike Margaret, Joan had gone back for her child. Two years ago, she had secretly swept Henry away from Paris on horseback. She’d galloped the horses nearly to death, but she’d gotten him to the armed force waiting at the border, and then at last home to Navarre. Sometimes, Joan wondered why her own mother had not gone to such lengths to rescue her. But Margaret’s best weapons had been tears, it was said, and tears could not do the work of sharp swords.
The Navarre party arrived at La Rochelle just before dusk on the twenty-eighth of September. The heat had faltered a little, to everyone’s great relief, but the air by the sea was still heavy with moisture. The tightness in Joan’s chest persisted.
“There will be much celebration now that you have come, Your Majesty,” said the boy seeing to her accommodations. “There’s talk of giving you the key to the city, and more besides.”
Sure enough, Joan was greeted with applause when she entered the Huguenot council. “I and my son are here to promote the success of our great cause or to share in its disaster,” she said when the council quieted. “I have been reproached for leaving my lands open to invasion by Spain, but I put my confidence in God who will not suffer a hair of our heads to perish. How could I stay while my fellow believers were being massacred? To let a man drown is to commit murder.”
*
Sometimes it seemed that the men only played at war. The Duke of Conde, who led the Huguenot forces, treated it as a game of chivalry between gentlemen. Others, like Monluc, regarded it as a business; the mercenaries he hired robbed and raped and brutalized, and though be bemoaned the cruelty he did nothing to curtail it.
There were sixty-thousand refugees pouring into the city. Joan was not playing at war. When she rose in the mornings, she put poultices on her chest, then went to her office after breaking her fast. There was much to do. She administered the city, attended councils of war, and advised the synod. In addition, she was still queen of Navarre, and was required to govern her own kingdom from afar.
In the afternoons, she often met with Beza to discuss matters of the church, or else with Conde, to discuss military matters. Joan worked on the city’s fortifications, and in the evenings she would ride out to observe them. Henry often joined her on these rides; he was learning the art of war, and he seemed to have a knack for it.
“A knack is not sufficient,” Joan told him. “Anyone can learn to fortify a port. I have learned, and I am a woman.”
“I know it is not sufficient,” the boy replied. “I must commit myself entirely to the cause of our people, and of Our Lord. Is that not what you were going to tell me?”
“Ah, Henry, you know me too well. I am glad of it. I am glad to see you bear with strength the great and terrible charge which sits upon your shoulders.”
“How can I help being strong? I have you for a mother.”
At night, Joan fell into bed too exhausted for dreams.
*
Yet one night, she woke once again to find her chest loose and her breathing comfortable. She stood in a hallway which she recognized at once. She was at the Château de Fontainebleau, the place of her birth, just beyond the door to the king’s private chambers.
“Oh please, Francis, please. You cannot really mean to send him to the stake!” The voice on the other side of the door was female, and it did not belong to the queen.
A heavy sigh answered it. “I mean to do just that, ma mignonne. He is a damned heretic, and a rabble-rouser besides. Now, sister, don’t cry. If there’s one thing I cannot bear, it is your weeping.”
At those words, a surge of giddiness, like lightning, came over Joan’s whole body. It was her own mother speaking to the king. She was but a few steps away and they were separated only by a single wooden door.
“He is my friend, Francis. Do you say I should not weep for my friends?”
A loud harumph. “A strange thing, Margaret. Your own companions told me that you have never met the man.”
“Does such a triviality preclude friendship? He is my brother in Our Lord.”
“And I am your true brother, and your king besides.”
“And as you are my brother—” here, Margaret’s voice cracked with overburdening emotion. She was crying again, Joan was certain. “As you are my brother, you must grant me this boon. Do not harm those I love, Francis.”
The king did not respond, so Joan drew nearer to the door. A minute later, she leapt backwards when it opened. There stood her mother, not old and sick as Joan had last seen her twenty years before, but younger even than Joan herself.
“If you’ve time to stand about listening at doors, then you are not otherwise employed,” Margaret said, wiping her tears from her face with the back of her hand. “I am going to visit a friend. You shall accompany me.”
Looking down at herself, Joan realized that her mother must have mistaken her for one of Fountainbleu’s many ladies-in-waiting. She was in her night clothes, which was really a simple day dress such as a woman might wear to a provincial market. Joan did not sleep in anything which would hinder her from acting immediately, should the city be attacked in the middle of the night.
“As you wish, Majesty,” Joan replied with a curtsey. Margaret raised an eyebrow, and instantly Joan corrected herself: “Your Highness.”
Margaret stopped at her own rooms to wrap herself in a plain, hooded cloak. “What is your name?” she asked.
“Joan, your Highness.”
“Well, Joan. As penance for eavesdropping, you shall keep your own counsel with regards to our errand. Is that clear?”
“Yes, your Highness,” Joan replied stiffly. Any fool could see what friend Margaret intended to visit, and Joan wished she could think of a way to cut through the pretense.
When Margaret arrived at the jail with Joan in tow, the warden greeted her almost like a friend. “You are here to see the heretic, Princess? Shall I fetch you a chair?”
“Yes, Phillip. And a lantern, if you would.”
The cell was nearly identical to the one which Joan had dreamed on the road to La Rochelle. Inside sat a man with sparse gray hair covering his chin. Margaret’s chair was placed just outside the cell, but she brushed past it. She handed the lantern to Joan and knelt down in the cell beside the prisoner.
“I was told that I had a secret friend in the court,” he said. “I see now that she is an angel.”
“No angel, monsieur Faber. I am Margaret, and this is my lady, Joan. I have come to see to your welfare, as best I am able.”
Now, Margaret’s hood fell back, and all at once she looked every inch the Princess of France. Yet her voice was small and choked when she said, “Will you do me the honor of praying with me?”
Margaret was already on her knees, but she lowered herself further. She rested one hand lightly on Faber’s knee, and after a moment, he took it. Her eyes fluttered closed. In the dim light, Joan thought she saw tears starting down her mother’s cheek.
When she woke in the morning, Joan could still remember her mother’s face. There were tears in her hazelnut eyes, and a weeping quiver in her voice.
*
Winter came, and Joan’s coughing grew worse. There was blood in it now, and occasionally bits of feathery flesh that got caught in her throat and made her gag. She hid it in her handkerchief.
“Winter battles are ugly,” Conde remarked one morning as Christmas was drawing near. “If the enemy is anything like gentlemen, they will not attack until spring. And yet, I think, we must stand at readiness.”
“By all means,” Joan replied. “Anything less than readiness would be negligence.”
Conde chuckled, not unkindly. “For all your strength and skill, madame, it is obvious that you were not bred for command. No force can be always at readiness. It would kill the men as surely as the sword. ‘Tis not negligence to celebrate the birth of Our Lord, for instance.”
Joan nodded curtly, but did not reply.
As the new year began, the city was increasingly on edge. There was frequent unrest among the refugees, and the soldiers Joan met when she rode the fortifications nearly always remarked that an attack would come soon.
Then, as February melted into March, word came from Admiral Coligny that his position along the Guirlande Stream had been compromised. The Catholic vanguard was swift approaching, and more Huguenot forces were needed. By the time word reached Joan in the form of a breathless young page outside her office, Conde was already assembling the cavalry. Joan made for the Navarre quarter at once, as fast as her lungs and her skirts would let her.
The battle was an unmitigated disaster. The Huguenots arrived late, and in insufficient numbers. Their horses were scattered and their infantry routed, and the bulk of their force was forced back to Cognac to regroup. As wounded came pouring in, Joan went to the surgical tents to make herself useful.
The commander La Noue’s left arm had been shattered and required amputation. Steeling herself, Joan thought of Margaret’s tearstained cheeks as she knelt beside Faber. “Commander La Noue,” she murmured, “Would it comfort you if I held your other hand?”
“That it would, Your Majesty,” the commander replied. So, as the surgeon brandished his saw, Joan gripped the commander’s hand tight and began to pray. She let go only once, to cover her mouth as she hacked blood into her palm. It blended in easily with the carnage of the field hospital.
Yet it was not till after the battle was over that Joan learned the worst of it. “His Grace, General Conde is dead,” her captain told her in her tent that evening. “He was unseated in the battle. They took him captive, and then they shot him. Unarmed and under guard! Why, as I speak these words, they are parading his corpse through the streets of Jarnac.”
“So much for chivalry,” murmured Joan, trying to ignore the memories of Conde’s pleasant face chuckling, calling her skilled and strong.
“We will need to find another Prince of the Blood to champion our cause,” her captain continued. “Else the army will crumble. If there’s to be any hope for Protestantism in France, we had better produce one with haste. Admiral Coligny will not serve. He’s tried to rally the men, to no avail. In fact, he has bid me request that you make an attempt on the morn.”
“Henry will lead.”
“Henry? Why, he’s only a boy!”
Joan shook her head. “He is nearly a man, Captain, and he’s a keen knack for military matters. He trained with Conde himself, and he saw to the fortification of La Rochelle at my side. He is strong, which matters most of all. If it’s a Prince of the Blood the army requires, Henry will serve.”
“As you say, Majesty,” said her captain with a bow. “But it’s not me you will have to convince.”
*
Joan settled in for a sleepless night. Her captain was correct that she would need to persuade the Huguenot forces well, if they were to swear themselves to Henry. So, she would speak. Joan would rally their courage, and then she would present them with her son and see if they would follow him.
Page after page she wrote, none of it any good. Eloquence alone would not suffice; Joan’s words had to burn in men’s chests. She needed such words as she had never spoken before, and she needed them by morning.
By three o’clock, Joan’s pages were painted with blood. Her lungs were tearing themselves to shreds in her chest, and the proof was there on the paper beside all her insufficient words. She almost hated herself then. Now, when circumstance required of her greater strength than ever before, all Joan’s frame was weakness and frailty.
An hour later, she fell asleep.
When Joan’s eyes fluttered open, she knew at once where she was. Why, these were her own rooms at home in Navarre! Sunlight flooded through her own open windows and drew ladders of light across Joan’s very own floor. Her bed sat in the corner, curtains open. Her dressing room and closet were just there, and her own writing desk—
There was a figure at Joan’s writing desk. Margaret. She looked up.
“My Joan,” she said. It started as a sigh, but it turned into a sob by the end. “My very own Joan, all grown up. How tired you look.”
The words seemed larger than themselves somehow. They were Truth and Beauty in capital letters, illuminated red and gold. Something in Joan’s chest seized; something other than her lungs.
“How do you know me, mother?”
“How could I not? I have been parted from you of late, yet your face is more precious to me than all the kingdoms of the earth.”
“Oh.” And then, because she could not think of anything else to say, Joan asked, “What were you writing, before I came in?”’
“Poetry.” Joan made a noise in her throat. “You disapprove?” asked her mother.
“No, not at all. Would that I had time for such sweet pursuits. I have worn myself out this night writing a war speech. It cannot be poetry, mother. It must be wine. It must–” then, without preamble, Joan collapsed into a fit of coughing. At once, her mother was on her feet, handkerchief in hand. She pressed it to Joan’s mouth, all the while rubbing circles on her back as she coughed and gagged. When the handkerchief came away at last, it was stained red.
“What a courageous woman you are,” Margaret whispered into her hair. “Words like wine for the soldiers, and yourself spitting blood. Will you wear pearls or armor when you address them?”
“I will address them on horseback in the field,” answered Joan with a rasp. “I would have them see my strength.”
Her mother’s dark eyes flickered then. Margaret looked at her daughter, come miraculously home to her against the will of the king and the very flow of time itself. She was not a large woman, but she held herself well. She stood brave and tall, though no one had asked it of her.
Her own dear daughter did not have time for poetry. Margaret regretted that small fact so much that it came welling up in her eyes. “And what of your weakness, child? Will you let anyone see that?”
Joan reached out and caught her mother’s tears. Her fingertips were harder than Margaret’s were. They scratched across the sensitive skin below her eyes.
“Did I not meet you like this once before? You are the same Joan who came with me to the jail in Paris once. I did not know you then. I had not yet borne you.”
“Yes, the very same. We visited a Monsieur Faber, I believe. What became of that poor man?”
Margaret sighed. She crossed back over to the desk to fall back into her seat, and in a smaller voice she said, “My brother released him, for a time. And then, when I was next absent from Paris, he was arrested again and sent to the stake before I could return.”
“I saw you save another man, once. I do not know his name. How many prisoners did you save, mother?”
“Many. Not near enough. Not as many as those with whom I wept by lantern light.”
“Did the weeping do any good, I wonder.”
“Those who lived were saved by weeping. Those who died may have been comforted by it. It was the only thing I could give them, and so I must believe that Our Lord made good use of it.”
Joan shook her head. She almost wanted to cry too, then. The feeling surprised her. Joan detested crying.
“All those men freed from prison, yet you never came for me. Why?”
“Francis was determined. A choice between following Christ and keeping you near was no choice at all, though it broke my heart to make it.”
If Joan shut her eyes, she could still remember the terror of the night she had rescued Henry. “You could have come with soldiers. You could have stolen me away in the night.”
Margaret did not answer. The tears came faster now and her fair, queenly skin blossomed red. So many years would pass between the dear little girl she’d left in Paris and the stalwart woman now before her. She did not have time for poetry, but if Margaret had been allowed to keep her that would have been different. Joan should have had every poem under the sun.
“Will you read it?” she asked, taking the parchment from her desk and pressing it into her daughter’s hands. “Will you grant me that boon?”
Slowly, almost numbly, Joan nodded. To Margaret’s surprise, she read aloud.
“God has predestined His own
That they should be sons and heirs.
Drawn by gentle constraint
A zeal consuming is theirs.
They shall inherit the earth
Clad in justice and worth.”
“Clad in justice and worth,” she repeated, handing back the parchment. “It’s a good poem.”
“It isn’t finished,” replied her mother.
Joan laughed. “Neither is my speech. It must be almost morning now.”
As loving arms closed around her again, Joan wished to God that she could remain in Navarre with her mother. She knew that she and Margaret did not share a heart: her mother was tender like Joan could never be. Yet all the same, she wanted to believe that they had been forged by the same Christian hope and conviction. She wanted to believe that she, Joan, could free the prisoners too.
She shut her eyes against her mother’s shoulder. When she opened them, she was back in her tent, with morning sun streaming in.
*
She came before the army mounted on a horse with Henry beside her. Her words were like wine when she spoke.
“When I, the queen, hope still, is it for you to fear? Because Conde is dead, is all therefore lost? Does our cause cease to be just and holy? No; God, who has already rescued you from perils innumerable, has raised up brothers-in-arms to succeed Conde.
Soldiers, I offer you everything in my power to bestow–my dominions, my treasures, my life, and that which is dearer to me than all, my son. I make here a solemn oath before you all, and you know me too well to doubt my word: I swear to defend to my last sigh the holy cause which now unites us, which is that of honor and truth.”
When she finished speaking, Joan coughed red into her hands. There was quiet for a long moment, and then a loud hurrah! went up along the lines. Joan looked out at the soldiers, and from the front she saw her mother standing there, with tears in her eyes.
#inklingschallenge#inklings challenge#team tolkien#genre: time travel#theme: visiting the imprisoned#with a tiny little hint of#theme: visiting the sick#story: complete#so i like to read about the reformation in october when i can#when the teams were announced i was burning through a book on the women of the reformation and these two really reached out and grabbed me#Jeanne in particular. i was like 'it is so insane that this person is not more widely known.'#Protestantism has its very own badass Jeanne/Joan. as far as i'm concerned she should be as famous as Joan of Arc#so that was the basis for this story#somewhere along the line it evolved into a study on different kinds of feminine power#and also illness worked itself in there. go me#anyway. hopefully my catholic friends will give me a shot here in spite of the protestantism inherant in the premise#i didn't necessarily mean to go with something this strongly protestant as a result of the Catholic works of mercy themes#but i'm rather tickled that it worked out that way#on the other hand i know that i have people following me that know way more about the French Wars of Religion and the Huguenots than i do#hopefully there's enough verisimilitude here that it won't irritate you when i inevitably get things wrong#i think that covers all my bases#i am still not 100% content with how this turned out but i am at least happy enough to post it#and get in right under the wire. it's a couple hours before midnight still in my time zone#pontifications and creations#leah stories#i enjoy being a girl#the unquenchable fire
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