#i guess it’s because this particular… flavour of heizou relationship is kind of THE one | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cynicalmusings · 5 months ago

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my deepest darkest secret is that i have a timeline in my head of the development of heizou and my relationship which i haven’t told anyone before and play through my head (almost) every night before i go to sleep

(last night i went on a full, like, half-hour long ramble to myself about the intricacies of our relationship. it’s basically a queer-platonic relationship with sprinkles of romantic interaction lmao. honestly i kind of wish i’d recorded it, but it was like 1am and i couldn’t be bothered to get my phone up, plus i was whispering under my breath anyway, so any recordings would have sounded weird as hell (weirder than it already is), but… yeah. that happened.)

#ok so embarrassing story time #……i legitimately made myself tear up over imagining either of us dying and the other one’s reactions etc.#like #i’m not even joking #my throat got prickly and i had to wipe LITERAL TEARS from the corner of my eye while imagining it #i guess it’s because this particular… flavour of heizou relationship is kind of THE one #it’s the unfiltered me in the relationship and not an au or tweaked reader #so it… hit harder or something? i don’t really know #it’s kind of concerning because real people in my life have died and i didn’t even shed a tear and was hurt like ‘…oh’ when it happened #then again i wasn’t particularly close with those people and in this brainrot we’re like. each other’s lifelines or something lmao #but even so… should i be concerned? that i’m tearing up over an imagined and self-willed fictional death over real people’s?#…yeah idk it’s a bit worrying isn’t it #send help. /hj #but anyway heizou and i are really close <33333 #r’s random thoughts

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