#so it might be unmedicated issues

[mawce-mirari]

I've always been afraid to even consider that I have a bipolar disorder partially bc I have seen how much it has ruined other people's lives and partially bc of my PTSD. But I genuinely think I am having a manic episode right now. I feel it so strongly, worse than in a while, and it's causing me to really panic too.

[litt1e-prince]

living in my own home away from my dad but he still waits up for me to get home

[trans-leek-cookie]

comes out of the "googling things about the disorder you have and then googling a vague medical term and not getting a clear answer and complaining about the vagueness of the term to your friend who probably has more familiarity with the term and it's implications in context" session covered in blood and wailing and writing on the floor

[softgrungeprophet]

hmm

windowverse kaine doesn't have tattoos for a couple of reasons (immune stuff + mental health etc.) but now i'm wondering if i should give annabelle some tattoos 🤔

[taibhsearachd]

...ngl, the fact that ADD and ADHD got condensed into ADHD when the hyperactivity specifically is part of the reason so many girls were simply not diagnosed drives me up the wall.

It's not that the whole name isn't bullshit, because it is. It describes the way people outside of our experience perceive us, as opposed to the difficulties that are part of our lived experience. Even from an outside standpoint, it's recognizable that "deficit" is not always the issue with our attention... but that's beside the point.

When psychiatrists noticed that ADD and ADHD were basically the same thing... they chose to favor the typical male presentation in the literal naming of the condition, and in doing so condemned a generation of girls (and other afab people) to suffer through being told they're so smart, they just don't apply themselves enough, that it's a personal failing they can't regularly turn in homework, that they're lazy for waiting until the last minute to work on an assignment... because those girls weren't hyperactive. Those girls just kind of drifted off and daydreamed in classes. Those girls doodled or wrote stories all through their school years, and functioned measurably worse when a teacher noticed they were doing that and tried to stop them. Those girls are now so many of my adult friends who are now being diagnosed with ADHD as adults, because the hyperactive part of the diagnosis almost solely applies to children (CHILDREN, when, I might note, this is a lifelong condition) who are socialized male.

We need a whole other name for the condition, because attention deficit is not our problem at all. But my god, the hyperactivity part actually ruined my life for so many years, because I had no way to explain to my dad why it physically hurt me to be bored, why I had to read or write or doodle in class in order to keep my focus, why I excelled in tests but failed at homework so my grades sucked because of that. No one even considered I might have ADHD, all through my childhood, but earlier this year I had the opportunity to go through all my grade school reports, and they could not be MORE CLEARLY talking about a child with ADHD. "Pleasure to have in class", "assignments not complete", "does not pay attention in class", "Birdie is a highly intelligent child with specific and unique needs" (I would LOVE more follow-up on that one, from third grade, do not have it). But I was a quiet and reserved child, so obviously I couldn't have ADHD.

I'm legitimately angry about it in retrospect. I went off my Adderall for a couple months recently, as an adult who only started taking Adderall as an adult, and it completely fucked up my ability to function. For years I was just out there as a teenager struggling through high school and college entirely unmedicated because as a child I was too withdrawn to be diagnosed. Fucking wild and also infuriating.

[rotthepoet]

Need theo and lorenzo head cannons 😔

Good morning sweet pookie, i gotchu!! I needed a little break after that threesome so I did some random, some silly, some fluffy, and some smutty, kay? It’s really just a big brain dump on how I characterize the boys <3 Hope you enjoy, love ;)

P.s. if I have any reoccurring anon’s, if you want me to differentiate you, please feel free to assign yourself an emoji <3 unspoken rule i thought i’d say out loud

Theodore Nott

I agree with literally everyone on this app, he is a smarty pants, but i refuse to believe he sits down and studies

It’s not that he doesn’t care about his grades, he just doesn’t have to try to get good marks. Queen absorbs information like a sponge and retains that shit forever. Doesnt have to waste time with a boring textbook because he commits everything to memory.

That being said, he will remember everything about you. Your favorite movie you mentioned in passing, he saw you eat something particular multiple times he can infer its your favorite and will buy it for you often, he knows your habits, your aspirations, your desires. All of it. Does it for his close friends and lovers <3

Huge smoker. Like. Oral fixation final boss. Needs to have something to smoke or at least chew on at all times

I mentioned before how I think Mattheo and him laugh at people who vape, but Theodore Nott is a two faced LIAR and actually keeps a menthol alto with him at all times. For convenience sake. If you ask him, it’s different because its not a fun lil fruity flavor.

Speaking of Mattheo, those two are best friends. Like ride or die. Like. These two are bread and butter, inseparable and delicious.

Will internalize everything. This is why he gets so worked up and fights people. It may seem like him getting pissy over nothing, but this boy has some unresolved trauma and unmedicated issues.

Theo has ADHD prove me wrong and fuck you for trying(jk love you, but i will die on this hill.) severe anxiety issues, def some depression going on, hes working through some shit.

Theo can process a lot of stimulus at the same time. Watching him hold 3 steady conversations while reading a novel at the same time is a sight to behold.

Smokes weed a lot too. Mostly bud, but he’s smart and keeps a cart on him too for quick bathroom breaks when he needs to chill tf out. It slows down all the thoughts racing around his head. Lets him relax. Lets him feel peace. Let him feel comfortable. He’s been searching for that feeling his whole life.

Mommy and daddy issues check?

Anyways!

Theo is a player, and its not even because he tries to be.

Girls flock towards him, and he needs an outlet.

Sex is a good outlet.

Sex and drugs? Now we’re cooking

He doesn’t care much for the dating scene, didn’t think he was cut out for it. Bad home life. No mom. Depressed and emotionally distant evil dad. Friends and his family are all death eaters? Causes some bad views on relationships as a whole.

Omg but when he falls in love it takes forever but its so hard. Its so devastatingly hard.

It goes from “wow they really make me happy” to “omfg i need to marry them they make me feel complete and comfortable and it feels like i can finally be myself around someone this is the feeling i have been searching for my whole life” really fast when he falls

He’d never love at first sight. Refuse it. He might think someone is pretty or handsome, but he won’t ever describe it as love at first sight.

100% friends to lovers

He’s a quality time kinda guy i think

Just likes co-existing really

Stay in the room with him in silence as he reads and hes so golden

But that will bump up several notches and enjoy every other love language too

He wants to make you love him. He’ll do anything for you. Buy anything for you. Tell you everyday how wonderful you are

He’s being so genuine too

His friends would know

He never shuts up about you

If you had never spoken to his friends, never met them, they’d be able to come up to you in a grocery store and say “oh. You’re <you>, right?”

And dear god he genuinely cries a little in relief when you finally say yes

He’s buried his face in your hair and hugging you so tightly and he tries not to cry because he finally has everything he needs in his arms

He’s such a good boyfriend

Will never question you(at least not at first or without good reason)

Literally worships the ground you walk on

Will apologize first immediately after every meaningless petty fight

Thats different about real fighting though. Stubborn ass bitch

Anyways

Dotes on you everyday

Calls you so many sweet names in Italian

Has an Italian accent but sometimes tries a British accent to throw everyone off.

Argues in italian

Lowkey hates snow

Runs super cold so loves lovvesss hot weather

Will take you to Italy over the summer

Demands you go

Fucks you on the balcony of his family home

Fucks you stupid on the beach

Sorry where was I going with this

Ah yes anyways

Runs super cold so like is a big fan of cuddles. Lots of sweaters for you to steal

He likes turning cuddles into more slow and intimate things

Slowly fingering you as you spoon

Cockwarming in the morning or late at night<3

So much worship.

So much

Just adores you.

Loves fast rough sex but honestly could go on about slow love making for hours

Literally cant stand American reality tv

The biggest kardashian hater

Knows all the gossip because he’s quiet and listens

Doesnt care to share it though

Lorenzo Berkshire

Bitchboy extraordinaire

If I met Lorenzo Berkshire he would become #1 on my shitlist so fast

I called theo a two faced liar as a joke

But Enzo actually is one

Literally puts on the nicest mask for pretty girls, but every ex, and every guy in hogwarts knows he’s a conniving bitch behind closed doors

One of the richest in the group and it shows

Flaunts his money everywhere he goes

His ears are pieced

Also he likes having his ears bitten it can make him hard as a rock in seconds

Dates, but it usually only lasts a month and Hes the worst boyfriend ever

Dumps them whenever he gets bored

But omg when a person gives him his attitude back

Well first he gets even meaner

But also he likes you so much like… that was hot

And if you ignore his existence? On you like a moth to a flame

Craves attention

Such an attention seeker

Still will fight, isn’t very good, but will try

100% a prefect

Showers his pookie with so much love and attention

When he finally gets the person he wants, hes on top of them 24/7

Never a hand straying to far

Literally obsessed

Big fan of exhibitionism

Will fuck uou on the train, the bathrooms, the common room, the classroom

Its all fair game

Would love to see you all tied up in pretty ribbons for his birthday

Ass man 100%

Likes to just get a fistfull while you hug or cuddle

Mattheo and him are the biggest gossipers

Has like 4k followers on instagram because hes so pretty

Father and mother are hirh death eaters. Does anyone know Berkshire lore because i def dont

Like fr can someone explain him to me

Pairs well with anyone in the grouo, really

Gets along especially with Theo or Mattheo

Amazing at card games, and says he’s amazing at chess too. Hes not.

Literally refuses to snack, says it’ll ruin his physique

On the quidditch team much like everyone else he’s friends with

Slays at herbology

Maybe a bit of a smoker? Not often, and def more weed than tobacco

Light weight for reals

Like severely light weight

He’s the laughingstock of the friend group for it

Him and Mattheo have a running bet on who can fuck the most women

Omg omg omg because they so do the alphabet challenge im so sorry but its factual

Lorenzo is currently winning with 15/26 letters in the alphabet but Mattheo isnt too far behind

Its because Lorenzo is so charming and Mattheo…. Is himself.

Anyways back to being his significant other

Will spoil you

Relentlessly

Lowkey expects head in return but that will wear ofd eventually

109% more likely to start a fwb situation than anything else

Treats you like a girlfriend this whole time

Kisses you sweetly, holds uou close when you sleep, mumbles about how special you are

Just being a girlfriend without the title because then it gets too weird

Loses his shit if you get tired of trying and break it off

Genuinely ballistic if he loses you

Will pull as many favors and as many strings as he can to get yiu back

Seriously considers murder for a while

Anyways he gets you back baby<3

Speaking of babies hes super good with kids

Look at that face

Amazing dad face

Scared of marriage lmao

Bad parents. Fucked up views on relationships

Its a thing for all of them tbh

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

[tirfpikachu]

sometimes i feel like, in certain cases, "detrans woman" and "nonbinary woman" ain't too different. and could even be used simultaneously by the same person without much issue. after all, isn't processing internalized misogyny and escaping the gender roles box for womanhood also a way someone can at the same time not feel like a binary man, not feel like a binary woman, but not feel like a not-woman either? after unlearning all the bullshit male society taught us, it can be destabilizing and create distance between us and other women. we might no longer feel like a normie woman. we've been awakened. we're no longer a gender roled woman, rolled up in everything she was taught she needed to be or she would fail at womanhood. we're an unfailible woman, we can't get a bad grade in womanhood bc we don't care about gender grades. we know it's all bullshit. we took back the power patriarchal society had over us. in that sense, we're not willingly binary anymore. and i think, over time, it's only going to get harder and harder to find women who are happily into the gender roles, the gender box assigned to them.

people fucking hate that, ofc. especially male people, and doubly so cis/bio men. they hate that we're awakened women. they hate that we found feminism and sisterhood and go detrans or use nonbinary in addition to woman, bc we reconnect with our body type and our upbringing. and by they, i mean both sides btw. the patriarchy hates that we found our power, of course. non-feminists scoff at us.

and... mainstream trans activists hate that our journey got us here, and hate how we make dysphoria seem curable in unmedical ways and transness more complex than they like to think. we complicate things. they hate that they found power in changing themselves (whatever makes them feel at peace ofc), while we tried to as well, but in the process we found our power was within us all along. we found that just being neutrally sexed animals, just female humans, female animals, girls the way that one calls a cat a sweet girl, cat first girl second, human first girl second... our bodies, our gender category, don't define us. anymore, anyways. anyone who defines us by our womanhood is a bigot, and we scrubbed our brains free of all the shit patriarchal brainwashing left in us. and for us, personally, it was enough to free us. that's not the case for anymore. some folks need more than that. some folks need to modify themselves beyond recognition to feel at peace with themselves. but i do hope they know that deep down, they were always good beings all along. i hope they know that gender is bullshit and sex says nothing about anyone's worth, personality, goals, interests, etc. it says fuckall about any of that. i don't care if i get a male or female rabbit. a rabbit is a rabbit. if i feel affection for a new pet, our connection is what matters [*]. i would never assign someone gender roles based on their sex. but it's sadly done way too often by parents and male society. if you're trans, temporarily or forever, you gotta clean up all your internalized misogyny and sexism/gncphobia. find kinship with other female people, or male gnc people if you're male. just check off some boxes. clean everything up. deep-clean your mind and your heart first.

[*] insert tras here being like, "why can't you be like that about dating? you dirty close-minded terfy homo dyke? why can't you love beyond genitals? beyond just bodies?" and these days i laugh and laugh and laugh at that shit because wow they have zero clue!! they don't know the sense of peace at having my female/afab body against another female/afab body, at knowing we were born the same, at knowing we went thru the same growing up, at knowing we understand eachother so, so deeply without saying a word bc she is what i am, she is where i have been, and i have suffered as she has suffered, and we are a love born of the connection all female beings share, the connection of bio dick havers treating us as prey. not knowing we're more powerful than they could ever dream of. do bodies like ours not hold the godly powers of creation itself? are we not gods in the literal sense, born creators, who get to choose if a new life should be made? do we not hold the future in the palm of our hand? to the dismay of penised beings? and do me and my beloved not love eachother only the way two gods could love one another, knowing the struggle, knowing the power? is the patriarchy not fighting tooth and nail to control us, wrestle us into submission before their phallic altar? do they not know it's impossible, for everything in us would dry up at the sight? do they not know that we can rely on sisterhood to get us through fucking anything? do they not know we masculinized ourselves and found ourselves happily female anyway? do they not know that i'd love her with a beard and five eyes, but if she was reborn male we would not be the same people to begin with (tho ofc i like to think the bodyswapped versions of us would have a love story too, we would not be us anymore, not this timeline's love story, she would be a different version of her and i would miss our og love)? because what is anyone without memories, and aren't childhood memories, puberty memories, some of the experiences most affected by one's body type (under the patriarchy), some of the most developmentally significant memories of all? is female just genitalia and estrogen puberty to tras, to "hearts not parts" type folks?

is female just a meat suit and not also the life experiences linked to it, our upbringing, a rich female culture one is born into? trans women might be immigrants into this female culture if they pass post-transition, they might get the exact body, but they just don't know the culture the way born into it do. any transfem will admit being transfem is hard, it's hard to merge into female culture when they self-admittedly don't know much about it. anyone not having been born into this culture, not being fluent the way only a native resident of femaleness can be, will show signs of it even if it's been 50+ years. you can't just wipe someone's upbringing clean, your past always leaves traces, and a transfem wouldn't be able to bond with other female4female lesbians on basic female upbringing things... when those are the things that make being into other female ppl so attractive for many of us! we just get eachother. we understand without even saying anything. we understand female body issues. there's a warm sense of peace emanating from that knowledge in my heart, knowing me and my girlfriend were born the same. we went through so many of the same things, all the good and the bad sides of growing up female. and i find that attractive as hell, and it brings me immense joy in life. there's so many inside jokes a transfem just wouldn't get the way my gf can. and i unfortunately need to add, since people get defensive, that this isn't shaming the transfem for not having those experiences. i hope the transfem will come to terms with not being female too. she can be a woman in society, but she's not born this way, she's an immigrant into womanhood, and that's okay. she still needs to let lesbians who are only into people raised female enjoy our unique sexuality that she just can't understand. i can't understand the transfem4transfem experience either. so what? isn't lgbt or 2slgbtqia+ or whatever culture all about inclusion and diversity in sexuality and gender expression? what about those who are girls the way animals are girls? we hate gender roles but we're personally definining cis womanhood as being female animals, female humans? what's so twisted about that? what about female4female lesbians? transmasc4transmasc can exist, why not us? why make everything so stupidly complicated for no reason? why shame us for how we were born, for being into others like ourselves?

i pity them, honestly. watch them bring girldick and male upbringing experiences to female4female lesbians, watch as we'll all dry up like the dying succulents on our windowsills and sip drinks laughing at the naked male bodies before us because they're so unsexual to us homodykes. watch as we raise eyebrows at the male's lack of misogyny in her upbringing, her lack of expertise on female culture, and just... everything that's so fundamentally unappealing to us. we can be friends. we can be allies. thankfully though, sex and marriage isn't activism. you can't play woke in the sheets. if you do, that's honestly sad. love isn't political. heteros made it political, but love is just love. and the love between two female people is normal. boring at times, even. we're normies. and if mainstream tras can't see that, well, maybe they have issues to work through in therapy. idk.

if two dysphoric ppl working through really hard shit end up feeling at peace with being female animals, female humans, and loving one another, if that's threatening, if that's bigoted, if that's twisted, well...

we detrans chicks and homodykes will find our own place to hangout. and we'll be nice to your faces, of course, but behind doors we're having a blast with others like ourselves. people like us have done this for as long as humanity has been alive, anyways. we always go underground and make it work anyhow. radblr is proof of that. idc if i have to go door to door checking if any homodyke is there, or if i have to comb thru tra spaces to find cool detrans folks, i will find others like me. that's what the marginalized have always done.

we're like lizards. we'll just find a cooler rock to party under🦎✌️

[lavenderarts]

LRB I’m being so deadass when I say I’m happier and safer and more secure in my relationships for deciding to live by the idea that things that weren’t said to me outright were not said and are therefore not my damn problem. For the first time in my 28 years of life I know people I have never had an argument with, EVER, because when something is going on we talk about it instead and it doesn’t become emotionally heated and hurtful. Like I try to look back and think of a time my best friend hurt my feelings and there just. isn’t one. For the first time, I have no laundry list of grievances I can never address because all the people in my life refuse to tell me when I’ve upset them and expect me to never get upset with them and lash out at me if I ever need something.

I’ve spent my life going from one abuser to the next with no one to truly support or look out for me or tell me I deserved more, I felt like an emotional dairy cow — I was always expected to lavish care and attention onto my ‘friends’ and never get mad at them and just accept it when they lashed out at me for things beyond my control or mistakes they never told me about. I was supposed to take it and continue to nurture, to solve all their problems unendingly, because they were going through a hard time or struggling with unmedicated mental health issues or simply didn’t know how to behave yet so it wasn’t their fault; and if I ever had a need in return I was tossed in the garbage because I was not allowed to want support or care. Do you know how crazy it feels to go from 2 decades of that to suddenly being faced with someone who is proud of you for setting boundaries? To someone who earnestly celebrates your accomplishments instead of getting bitterly jealous that you’re better at something than they are? To someone who defends you when you’re not around and won’t allow people in their life to disrespect you for the sake of keeping peace? To someone who you know, without a doubt, will be in your life forever instead of feeling your grip on a relationship slowly slipping away and everything spiraling out of control around you because your usefulness has run out and you didn’t get the memo you were no longer wanted?

It’s insane. You can just decide, anytime you like, to stop doing the emotional labor of divining other people’s feelings via magic. You can set a standard that people either tell you when an issue has come up so you can properly apologize and work out a solution together or they can solve it themselves, but you won’t be taken to task for problems you weren’t informed existed. And you can simply remove people who don’t follow that from your life. Obviously you can’t be mean and uncompromising — you have to hold yourself to the same standard you’re demanding, and you have to be honest without being insulting or manipulative. You’re being honest for the health of the relationship, not to be unkind. You can still intuit; if I think I might’ve hurt someone’s feelings you can literally just ask. You can say “Hey, I feel like I might have upset you earlier, did I? If so I’d really like to apologize and talk about it a little bit” and that’s not inappropriate. You’ll come across people who REALLY do not fucking like that and will try to make you feel like you’re demanding or dramatic or weird for it — I did, and getting told that I’m “too much” for expressing my opinions confidently and wanting honest communication in my relationships almost broke me — but you aren’t. You’re making a choice that is right for you. People aren’t obligated to stick around if they can’t understand and respect that choice.

I don’t act like this because I don’t trust people, it’s the opposite: I trust other adults to handle their emotions like adults and be able to assess if my friendship with them is worth the discomfort of an open conversation every now and again. I trust my loved ones to tell me if I hurt them and allow me the opportunity to apologize and modify my behavior. It’s because I trust people that I require this level of frankness, and if that trust is broken and I’m not confident it can be repaired, we go our separate ways. Easy.

You can just do all this. You’ll find people who fuck with it. Stop being a fucking doormat and find people who love you, not just how you serve them.

I can’t thank my friends enough for loving me and being willing to be honest with me. I never want to go back to how alone I felt, and being supported and cared for by you makes me sure I’ll never have to.

[kenobihater]

here's the full fic for anyone who wants a good laugh

you ever write up a combination of words you're really proud of at the time bc you think it's vivid but it's actually so atrocious that you remember it eight years later bc it's burned itself into your long-term memory? just me?

[casual-praxis]

Hypothetical Slime Rancher/Four Swords AU Notes

Add this onto the pile of creative sparks I've had that will probably die out after a short while. Unmedicated ADHD is a helluva detriment. If only my thoughts were drier, these fires might last longer.

+ All the Colors live on the same ranch in the Dry Reef. It started as a temporary cohabitation agreement that just became permanent as they all spent time around each other. (The original idea would have been to move out as more ranches were built.)

+ Vio was the first of the Colors to move there early on in the 7Zee Corporation's start-up, potentially one of the first residents of the Far Far Range in general, not that he kept up with that. His reasoning for moving out there is morally dubious, but slimes are fair game for the most part to experiment on. Unlike humans.

+ Shadow was the next to show up, and with him came his live-streaming gig. Seeing as there are no other streamers there, his viewer base dramatically increased as people back on Earth tuned in. 7Zee allows him to continue his activities so long as he does it safely, and doesn't give them a bad rep.

+ Red was next, though his reasoning for moving there is a mystery. He appeared on Shadow's streams quite a bit early on as they explored what the range had to offer together. They also teamed up a lot to pester Vio. The three of them were very close by the time Green and Blue showed up.

+ Speaking of Green and Blue, they showed up together, though they have no relation to each other. Green was simply seeking out adventure in a new frontier, whereas Blue's family sent him there in a bid to curve his anger issues. They quickly took over co-leader roles as it became apparent the other three were horribly danger-prone with no self-preservation instincts.

More notes below the break.

+ Vio and Red explored the Glass Desert together before Green and Blue arrived. Shadow opted out on account of the sun being too much, but ended up regretting it after Red told him about the wonky fire anomaly that would have been totally rad to catch on stream.

+ Each of the Colors cultivated their own areas on the ranch for their own uses, much like the actual game's ranch. Red uses the original land they were given for his slime endeavors, meanwhile Green grew a small pocket of woodland akin to the Moss Blanket to the left of that, and Blue built a port/dock just off the back end of that forest. Shadow carved a space into the mountain to the right of the ranch for his slime shenanigans, which connects haphazardly to Vio's lab area behind the house.

+ Green is in charge of managing the Ranch Exchange requests and, in rare instances, issuing their own. He keeps track of where the others are going, when they think they'll be back, and if he should head out to look for them (in the instance they got knocked out). Unspoken leader of the group. Manages their supplies.

+ Blue is the second in command, despite denying for the longest time that he cared at all what happened to the others. He rarely leaves the ranch, but instead manages the slime corals of everyone on top of his own (especially if they'll be gone for a bit). He keeps their supplies in order and keeps everyone from starving (it's a miracle Red, Vio, and Shadow lasted as long as they did on the diets they all had).

+ Red is the errand boy and general explorer of the range. He heads out multiple times a day to gather whatever supplies the ranch might be lacking in that they can't grow or otherwise acquire. He's also the one who places Vio's gadgets in the other parts of the map and runs back for the materials whenever they expire. He knows all the shortcuts and has upgraded his vac all the way.

+ Vio is the go-to for any questions about the range, seeing as he's been there the longest. He may or may not know more information than the Slimepedia at this point, though he's often distracted with his non-specific research to be very coherent. Doesn't leave the ranch often, but if he does, it's usually to explore the Glass Desert further. Next in charge after Green and Blue.

+ Shadow is often too wrapped up in his streaming stuff to help with anything specific on the ranch, but that's okay, at some point 7Zee started to pay him for all the (at the time) free promotion he garners. The others feature frequently on his streams and it usually gives them a chance to just relax. Except it's well known to his chat that approaching Vio might get Shadow chucked into the Slime Sea for "science purposes". It's happened 13 times now.

+ Overexposure to certain slimes has caused some oddities to occur in some of the Color's appearances. Red's eyes have permanent swirls in them due to how often boom slimes have exploded on him. Green's sclera are now a very unnaturally bright yellow that glow in the dark due to rad slime radiation. Vio's whole body occasionally glitches from quantum slime shenanigans, though he regulates it through means the others are not allowed to know (which involves his bracelets periodically stabbing him to stabilize his form), so now only his irises have the flickering effect. Lots of eye issues.

+ It wouldn't be a Casual-Praxis AU without ships, so just know this one I wanted to try my hand at a giant group relationship. Everyone is together. :) It didn't happen immediately, but it's a large part of why no one ever tried to move out of the cohabitation situation.

[fairytypingg]

fuck it we're doing this

RAGEON HCS!!!!!

Velvet;

19

leo(i think thats what i am, idk a lot abt astrology)

7 minutes older and takes it way too seriously

overplans for everything

screams cries crumbles if she doesn't have 100% control over any situation

plays a lot into appearances but is actually a chronic workaholic(gets it from her uncle)

she and veneer were raaised by their uncle actually!!

velvet has a love hate relationship with the music industry, before and after the events of the movie

TRUST. ISSUES.

cannot ever talk about her feelings she'll explode

bottles everything up like im so serious

"i'll keep all my emotions right here. and then one day, i'll die."

she vents frustration by talking mad shit in cs:go lobbies

she's really good at the game

scary good aim because of it, and that DOES transfer to real life

has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces/ref

"i inhereted severe generational trauma and all i got was borderline personality disorder"

someone help her

she needs therapy

also autistic <3

Veneer;

19

also a leo

7 minutes younger but only remembers bcs velvet will not let him forget

he seems chill in comparison because velvet is so high strung but he is the most dramatic bitch ever

says really out of pocket shit without thinking

"yeah that's why your parents dont call you then haha- what why are you looking at me like that what did i say"

he's the epitome of unmedicated adhd

probably needs glasses

the only one of the twins with a drivers license

was very outgoing growing up because velvet hated talking to people, so someone had to do it

doesn't rly understand velvet being depressed and thinks shes a drama queen like him

"im tragically doomed by the narrative" "drink water dumbass"

hes morosexual

"if a man can locate mount rageous on a map that man is not my type"

dumb fucking ass

love him, hes just kinda stupid.

Kid Ritz:

20

idk any other zodiac signs use ur imagination

every personality disorder you can think of

emotional manipulation is a sport and he is bringing home the gold

whats wrong with him

the answer is mommy issues. and rampant childhood neglect. also when you're raised as rich as he was you're gonna come out weird

struggled to understand the concept of lying as a child so when be finally got it he retaliated by lying for sport and then never stopped doing that

prefers machines to people

hes one of those "there is a minimum iq requirement to talk to me" guys

not just a talk show host!!

he's well trained to take over his father's political position when the old man retires

current director of public security

he's known as a purveyor of gossip for a reason

the saying goes that nothing happens in the city without his knowledge

hyperintelligent

like genius iq, reading at a college level by age 5, etc

actual child prodigy in every conceivable way

notorious for being "perfect"

he's the face of Ritzworth Media Corp for a reason

evil genius

also lonely

his father is grossly neglectful and his mother is a deadbeat

did i mention he has mommy issues

never met his mom and has devoted a lot of his energy to forming an intelligence network dedicated to finding her

hates people

like very antisocial

struggles HEAVILY with empathy

his interviews are notoriously difficult since he entertains himself by making his interviewees squirm

casual sadist in every conceivable way

What's Wrong With Him/aff

Orchid;

18

use ur imagination again im not gonna look it up

rebelling against common characterization here stay with me

secretive about her past but obviously hiding something

a chameleon type of person, can change her behavior, mannerisms, and even accent at the drop of a hat

carries a deep grief with her

distrusting and calculating

she'll "befriend" you but it takes a lot of effort to actually gain her trust

she WILL discard you if she's even slightly suspicious

nobody is sure what her goal is, but she has an agenda

orchid might not be her real name either

very mysterious

generally presents as kind and friendly but it's noticibly fake

cannot stress how much she is hiding something

capable of murder and not afraid to resort to such to protect her secret

dont look in her closet

she has participated in her fair share of underage drinking and can hold her liquor pretty well, but if you manage to get her drunk enough you may be able to pry some answers out of her

has a distaste for celebrities she doesn't see as beneficial to know

gives like. really good advice

identity issues <3

the song Phony is perfect for her

she moves as if she's used to her hair being longer than it is

what is she hiding?

[lbhslefttiddie]

tbh something thats really interesting to me is that having both adhd and autism sometimes feels like having a broken leg, trying to put your weight on the other leg, only to realize oops!! that one's broken too!! but sometimes it feels like. idk like they help with the other. like im still sorta parsing this one and im certainly no professional or expert on how these things work, but it like. the things Autism Brain cant tolerate or fixate on are sometimes the only things that get ADHD Brain to stop procrastinating on things i need to do. sometimes it feels like facets of ADHD, like my easy enthusiasm for talking about anything I find even remotely interesting and desire to form connections with people (read: experience the dopamine rush of Person Approval) help both offset times where i lean toward not speaking at all, and complements the part of me that is obsessed with Winning At Being A Human Being. sometimes i think the only reason i survived and graduated highschool undiagnosed for autism and unmedicated for adhd was that in a weird, dysfunctional way, they were making up for certain lacks in the other just barely enough to keep anyone from quite catching the threads of what exactly the hell was up with me until i became an adult and needed figure out for myself why everything was still so fucking difficult.

and funnier still is that in some ways it helped, and made things easier when i was a kid and didnt have support for these things, and in some ways it made things harder, bc in retrospect, considering my unique position approaching adulthood, if i had coped just a little bit worse back then i probably COULD have gotten more support for them at a time where i had more supports in general. like it helped me cover some of my weaknesses to a certain extent, but without understanding what they were or what caused them or understanding why i could manage them, and when things changed and i no longer Could cope, i had to scramble to figure out why and how to make things Work Again, which overall has been a balls experience which i would not recommend

its like my adhd and my autism have been locked in a toxic codependent homoerotic relationship where if they relied on each other a little less, they might have been able to realize that the way they covered for each other both didnt actually help improve their issues, and only allowed them to fester and rot under the surface until the whole thing proved ultimately unsustainable, and now im mad bc this would actually be a really compelling ship dynamic to me

[copperbadge]

I had a very successful and entertaining day today, as you guys can probably tell from the posts I made. There's a few more queued posts of stuff I didn't get to post in-situ, so enjoy that!

Some anecdotes I did not post about from today:

-- I can't remember the last time I queued for a museum. Mostly because if it's not one of "my" museums, like the Field or the Art Institute where I know the best ways in, I'm attending on a weekday deliberately so that I am not amongst the crowds. The line to get into the British Museum was a full block long, but to be fair it only took me ten minutes from opening to get inside. I was mostly amused by the people who a) didn't understand how museum entry works or b) didn't understand how to stand in a line without also blocking foot traffic on the rest of the sidewalk.

-- Almost got in a fight with someone, a definite first for me in a museum. I got salty with a guy who touched a sculpture when he knew he shouldn't, and he got up in my face, and I think genuinely the fact that I knew what the sculpture was called and he didn't confused him so badly he backed down. So if you're looking to defuse a situation via confusion, the phrase "Hey, don't fucking touch the Lamassu and we won't have a problem" worked for me.

-- The British Museum is great but among other issues (looted objects, weird relics of museum-specific imperialism, etc) it does suffer from poor display design in places. I'm okay with that, I kind of like old museums that are a little fucked up, even as I acknowledge that old fucked-up museums also have old fucked-up messaging. They appear to be trying on that front, but they could use a display placard overhaul. At one point I found an object in a case that appeared to be a carved human leg bone, and while I'm not a Bone Specialist there was also absolutely no placard about the bone at all. (I looked it up in the collection later using other objects in the case as reference, and it's just noted as "bone".)

-- I did have a great time overall; I saw most of the museum and then had a fancy meal, as documented. I was especially pleased to get to sample their coronation chicken since I collect tastings of coronation chicken, and I think they either used molasses in it or the bread had some, and either way it's grist for my mill as I start to develop The Chicken Salad War. After lunch I went on the hunt for a few last things, but I could feel myself getting tired and Becoming Unmedicated so I decided to leave a little early, which was the right choice, and gave me a little time to do some exploring.

-- @neil-gaiman did a post a while ago about stuff to see in London which I saved, and while I mostly planned my own journey, I did stop at Atlantis Books on his recommendation, which was well worth it. The woman working the till left me alone until I was ready to buy my book, then praised my choice (always a good move) and made a few minutes' small talk about my visit from America while she was ringing me up. Also I have never seen such a variety of Tarot decks for sale in my life. It was extremely impressive given the entire shop is roughly the size of my bedroom in Chicago.

All in all an excellent day out in London. Tomorrow I'm traveling to meet up with a friend, so probably fewer photos, but day after tomorrow I'm bound for Amsterdam so expect Rijksmuseum photos! I did not get into the Vermeer exhibit sadly, but I still want to see the museum and I'm on a quest for freshly made stroopwaffels and authentic gjetost, so I'm excited for the journey. I thought this trip might be one small anxiety after another -- would I be okay on the plane, would I get on the right trains, etc -- but I'm feeling more confident now, and I think between my early-bird tendencies and the ADHD meds I kicked the jet lag pretty quickly. I'm off to bed in a few, because tomorrow is an early day, so I guess we'll find out then how much I really kicked it....

[swamp-spirit]

Not a doctor, but trying to use my experience as a long term Anxiety Disorder Haver to figure out what could have happened to Jason in Gotham War. Listen, I know comic book science is made up, but let me have my 'fun'.

This is also a lot about how trauma and anxiety chemically works and Jason and Trauma in general.

(Discussing my own anxiety disorder a lot here, so don't click if that might be upsetting. Also please minimize the Bruce discourse here. I wanna talk about Jason.)

EDITS because I wrote this in a fugue state and replaced all words with homonyms

So there's two main elements to anxiety. There's the emotional element, the kind you can deal with in therapy, and the physical element, the kind you can deal with via medication.

I related a lot to Jason in Gotham War, because I have very physical anxiety. Even when I can calmly reason through a situation, my nervous system is very physically reactive to the point where I'll be holding a conversation and cracking jokes while seizing. Unmedicated, like Jason, I couldn't do light exercise without triggering a panic attack.

What Jason seems to be experiencing is an issue with his nervous system. To massively oversimplify, because I'm not a doctor, let's say the sympathetic nervous system is the gas, the parasympathetic system is the brakes, and triggers are the foot that decides when to push the pedals down.

When you're in a situation where you need to be amped up, your body hits the gas. You get adrenaline, faster heart rate, fight or flight, but this state isn't sustainable. First, it's very resource intensive. Second, it's a state designed to Do Something, and is very emotionally stressful if there's nothing to Do. This is why people with anxiety disorders can often function in actual danger, because that's what those reactions are designed for.

PTSD is pretty much 'your body hits the gas because your brain has misidentified a safe situation as a dangerous one due to previous experience'. Jason pretty consistently shows signs of PTSD, which makes sense. He has pretty much never been in a safe situation. Even before he was a vigilante and brutally murdered, being homeless, especially as a kid, requires constant vigilance. Most people of any age develop a level of PTSD after living homeless. Witnessing the death of a parent, (depending on the canon) growing up in an abusive home, and being homeless again while brain damaged and vulnerable could all cause PTSD on their own.

We see Jason be triggered a number of times. We also see him trying to self sooth and manage, to 'hit the brakes'. The 'breath deep' on his door in the new Boy Wonder, his stack of books on trauma and chronic pain management in Three Jokers, ect.

So Jason's already got his foot on the mental pedal. He's already scared, and for good reason. His world has always, always been violent. His behavior in Gotham War looks a lot less like ZEA!Bruce turned up the engine and a lot more like he cut the brakes.

As somebody who's experienced the 'lightly jog, and you have a panic attack', it's pretty much a failure of the parasympathetic side of things. You want some adrenaline for a light run. You need to take in more oxygen, but, when your nervous system isn't regulating, it goes out of control. It keeps amping up until you're breathing so fast that you aren't actually processing the oxygen you're taking in. These heightened states are rough on your whole body. When your body is running danger mode, it's not supporting things like sleep, digestion, and wound-healing.

What makes this more horrifying is ZEA!Bruce seemed to feel this would be permanent, even if Jason tried to reverse it, which means it wasn't just an injection the system would flush. To me, the most logical conclusion would be that the injection would have done permanent damage to the parts of his brain that kick in the parasympathetic nervous system.

This also... wouldn't keep him from killing. Jason is usually a calm killer, not a passion killer. Physical excitement is what the body is supposed to do in violent situations. It's much more likely to cause a panic attack in a safe situation where there's no physical outlet. He can take a shot without nervous system excitement. It would keep him from, or at least interfere with things like: -Jogging -Having sex -Watching emotionally intense media -Handling triggers Like, he definitely wouldn't be able to operate as Red Hood because RH does intel work, extended battles, etc, but he could very much kill.

SSRI's probably would not be that helpful, a serotonin tends to help more with stopping anxiety at the 'thought spiral' part than dealing with the nervous system. SNRI's and beta blockers would be a better bet, though Bruce clearly didn't think those would be enough to let him operate at Red Hood.

So... how is he better? Well, the actual answer is 'comic are bullshit', but let's try and roll with it. The given reason is Joker Gas, which is odd because Joker Gas seems to function like... a neurotoxin? A stimulant? My best guess would be that dying or brain damage in general is kicking in some sort of residual Lazarus healing factor and repairing the physical structure that controls the parasympathetic system.

[clatterbane]

My new gear, y'all! Ain't it lovely.

I am not going to model it even on here, because there are too many damn weirdos around. No free pics showing the stump at all from me. (Though, I might be able to get a pretty lucrative side business going--if the whole idea didn't creep me right the fuck out so bad. Even as the sorta dykey middle-aged nerd that I am.)

But, the appointment did turn out pretty well!

(Again, with the aid of sometimes wonky autotranslate.)

So yeah, they did seem to think that most of what I actually need at this point is to build up stamina up on my feet again. Which is pretty much my take on it too. With the rehab part to start once they get the initial custom leg fabricated.

In the meantime, they did send me home with silicone liners in a couple of sizes to get used to wearing. At no point did I roll the things onto my arm; that was one of the funky translations. You do get them on by turning them inside out and then rolling them on like the thickest, most unwieldy compression sock or nylon stocking/tights you can imagine.

Besides the getting accustomed to wearing them part, evidently they just don't use the fabric "stump shrinker" compression socks at all locally. (Which are standard a lot of other places.) The two specialist staff I was dealing with today had no idea what that was when I asked about it, even after I pulled up pics in case it might be a communication thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Complete sidenote: Looks like I will have to measure myself and buy some out of pocket after all! The things are useful for helping keep a lid on nerve pain, besides "just" the compression overnight and when you're letting your leg breathe out of a liner.)

Nope, they're putting people straight into the sweaty silicone liner sleeves, generally within a few days after surgery. And entirely relying on that for compression. After this amount of time, my stump has indeed already atrophied a lot and there hasn't been any swelling for quite a long while. But, I never got fitted with any compression anything before we left the UK. And they wanted to give my leg at least a few weeks of regular compression before even starring to fit the first socket for the aftermarket leg.

Putting the smaller size liner on at first did almost have me throwing up in the floor. Not in small part because they had me try it RIGHT AFTER one of them had been hands-on examining the stump and purposely trying to trigger the nerve pain! 🤬 (For which I have been totally unmedicated since 2021, I might add. Which is unusual.) They did not seem to consider that this might not be ideal. (!)

Yeah, extremely tight kinda thick silicone did not feel great after that. The nerve pain was already VERY ANGRY when it went on. And I really couldn't keep a straight face.

The one size up was tolerable then, so they sent both with me. I figure the tighter one will probably be fine other than sensory badness when the damaged nerves are not in full Hulk Mode.

I am apparently supposed to work up to wearing the things for 3-4 hours straight, two periods a day.

I did not much like the apparent lack of understanding of how nerve pain works, or the perceived pressure to white knuckle through it. Or, you know, just not have any. Much less coming from people whose whole job is working with amputees. (Just try chopping somebody's limb off without doing significant nerve damage in the process...)

Again, there may have been some communication issues thrown in too. But the (pretty direct) message I was hearing was "How do you expect to use a prosthesis, if you're gonna be such a whiny baby about a liner sleeve?"

But, we'll see. I am really hoping that's not an indication of what to expect, moving forward through this whole process.

I may also end up needing to just ask who I need to talk to, in order to get back on some meds. AFAICT, that is the team that's supposed to handle all of this stuff.

I don't particularly want to live with Lyrica side effects again, but it did help some with the other neuropathy besides the directly sliced nerve bullshit. Even more in combination with the Tramadol, but good fucking luck with that here from experience to date. I am just about willing to deal with the dumb and tired, if it means the difference between excruciating nerve pain on the daily and not.

At any rate, next stop after they decide my stump is compressed enough is apparently a socket fitting. Where hopefully I will be able to discuss options more with a prosthetist.

Today they were also pushing pretty hard toward a suspension (attachment) system that I don't think I particularly want from listening to actual amputees with experience of different types. I want to know what models of ankle and foot they're proposing to give me.

And of course I also want to make damned sure that they don't just automatically default to the horrible uncanny "flesh" tone components that apparently some older people in particular do want.

Today they brought out an example leg very much like what this prosthetist is also using for demonstration purposes here--and I was seriously creeped out enough that I resisted looking at or touching the thing. (They ended up handing it to me, whether I wanted anything to do with it or not.)

It's not the fact that it is a prosthetic leg that gives me the willies, at all. It is totally the uncanny mannequin parts effect. And I would really prefer to be able to use whatever leg and foot that I do end up with.