#so instead. of course. i played it myself

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Actually, I think this does link in with a wider conversation that I have been thinking for a while Tumblr maybe needs to hear.

There's a common meme on this site now that no one here has any reading comprehension skills. The best one is, of course, the original "No offense but reading comprehension on this site is piss poor/How dare you say we piss on the poor" post, which gave rise to the nickname "pissing-on-the-poor website". There's also the "I like pancakes/How dare you say waffles are terrible" one. Both of these are great, because they're silly jokey ways to show two closely related phenomena that are probably the commonest ways to fail a reading comprehension check.

The first is someone reading certain catchphrases or buzzwords in the post, and based on their own biases or prior experiences or whatever else, their brain simply fills in what it reckons the poster is saying on the topic. Instead of reading the rest of the sentence and digesting it, the reader then just uses their assumption as the interpretation, and reacts to that.

The second is closely related, because it also uses biases and prior experiences to to interpret the post, but rather than ignoring what the OP is actually saying, it instead performs a series of gymnastic leaps to construct a whole new assertion on the OP's behalf that simply isn't there.

There's also a third, of course; that one is people being so eager to feel smug and superior over someone they perceive as Bad that they wilfully assume the OP is stupid or being serious when they're actually joking. And if the reader hadn't been so blinded by their desire to get to look down on someone, they'd have seen the very obvious tells, sometimes even including sentences like "Obviously this is a joke." (I think we have all seen examples of these. Also, in a bid to avoid as many reading comprehension fails here as possible, this does not include misunderstandings borne entirely of neurodiverse struggles to parse intentions; but, neurodiverse people are just as likely as neurotypicals to have ego play a part in their misinterpretation of others, and that is what this point is about.)

And the thing is... actually, we are all capable of any of these. I imagine a sizable chunk of people reading until this point were probably thinking "Lol, yeah, people are so stupid," but na, nage, I'm not having that. Literally everyone does these sometimes. And it becomes a particular risk when the topic under discussion is something that might brush against an issue that is a pressure point for you, like a social justice talking point that you are forever having to argue with internet strangers about, for example. Your brain holds schemas! And sometimes it likes to pattern match things before it deigns to tell you about its findings! And that can hit you right in the emotions, which if they are strong enough, really can shut down all rational thought.

But. This brings me to the real point of the post.

Because the thing is, we have all saddled up and gone to war under these conditions, or at the very least been strongly tempted to. And a vital skill that literally everyone has to learn, sooner or later, is:

Before you hit 'reply', double check the post to make sure you fucking understood it.

And that does not mean "simply re-read, confirm your bias, carry on." It means, "Is it possible to read this post from the point of view of someone who doesn't intend it the way I've taken it? If I put myself in the shoes of an innocent, could they still have written these words? Is there another interpretation for these phrases?"

And you do have to do this step. You simply do have to. Because if your desire is to 'clap back' and call someone a gargling knobskin made of garbage, fuck me sideways but you must see that it is imperative that you check if they actually deserve that kind of treatment first. You cannot spend your time claiming that we must all choose to be kind and then not bother doing your due diligence before screaming a person's various and assorted bigotries at them. If you misread it, and they were innocent - you are the raging aggressive cunt in this situation.

It does not matter that you reacted from an emotional place of normally having to defend yourself either, by the way. Sure, that makes the quality of your human soul better than that of the average Redditor who just enjoys anonymously hurting people, I guess? But it's also irrelevant. If you messaged someone and called them a misogynist because you performed several mental somersaults and landed on your own sore spot when they meant no such thing, you are the attacker. You owe them an apology. And yeah, sure, you can explain your over-reaction as the product of your normal experiences if you like, but that is only an explanation, not an excuse. You are still the asshole here. You still need to apologise and mean it.

And you could have avoided it if you'd done that due diligence, as you should have. If you're going to take a swing, make sure it's the right target. This was once described to me as donkey people - they don't think, they just kick. This is admittedly a little unkind to donkeys, who always do their due diligence, but I feel it's an apt metaphor.

TL;DR: If you feel moved to angrily reply to something, first make sure you've interpreted it right. Don't be a donkey person. And if you ask for clarification, people are innocent until proven guilty. Ask nicely. If they are a bigot, you can then smelt them for parts.

[bigidiotenergytm]

“Unless, of course, you apologize for my son’s pains and all his cries.”

Odysseus, cunning as he, looked up at the King of Seas with a draining fear. He felt his heart racing in his throat, clawing out to let him scream but instead, he breathed through his nose. In, and out, he needs to find his words. He needs to find a way out of this, for him and for his men.

“Lord Poseidon,” He bows his head, forcing himself to behave. To seem weak, to seem smaller and delicate, to present himself as prey when the wolf in him begs to hold his head high and be a predator

He holds his hands out in front of him, a prayer pose to the Einalic God of the sea. “Lord Poseidon, earth-moving, dark haired like the sea. Please,” He hates that word coming out of him. ‘Please’, to plead with a God is pitiful. How far the mighty fall. “I beg you, please, do not hurt my men, my people, for my mistakes. They have done no wrong in following a foolish king’s wills. They would not have acted without my word, this is not their fault.”

He takes a step forward, outstretching his hands further. “I ask that you allow me to appease you for my crimes. For our safe return, my men and I, I will give myself to you.”

Poseidon sees it.

King of Ithaca. Warrior of the Mind. The Cunning. Poseidon sees the things this Greek is trying to be. Trying to be, oh, so GREAT, and, oh, so bold— putting on yet another character of his. Playing the part. The role that Odysseus ASSUMES that the God of Seas wants. The king turns into the beggar. Spewing naivetes, spewing hopefulness. Each word from that silver-tongue DROWNS in it all. In insincerity. In the weight on his shoulders. He hides in it, that pride.

To SEEM weak. There's nothing seeming about it.

The grip around his trident tightens. Tighter, tighter, yet tighter. The man moves, only stepping closer to the three spears. The trident, moves. The cold metal etching across his tanned skin, all but too eager to sink itself into FLESH. It doesn't stop there. It doesn't stop until the middle spear presses itself right under one of Odysseus's eyes. Just deep enough to see a small trickle of man's blood caress that edge. Mouth-watering.

A prey presenting himself to a predator on a silver platter.

The God's head tilts. Black, oceanic strands blowing in Aeolus's winds. His cyan eyes narrow at Odysseus, shooting a cold within him from his gaze alone.

No. This mighty one hasn't fallen yet.

"Oh." The Sea God's head lifts. "You'll 'GIVE' me. How generous of you." Cocky, cocky King of Ithaca.

"And who are YOU," The blackness from his hair takes over his form. His weapon sinking into a pitch of the deepest ocean. "You insolent little Greek," His body shifts. The Sea growing larger as he all but CURLS around his prey. Forming behind the little king, a powerful stallion with multiple rows of sharp teeth only grinning. Closer, closer, yet closer. Until the huffs from his nostrils coats the shell of Odysseus's ear. "To believe I HAVEN'T CLAIMED YOU ALREADY?"

Odysseus of Ithaca's life only but belonged to him. "You will K͇̣͙̝̲̰̲͍̘ͅ ͉̞͔̩̱̭̫̦̻̭̯͍̞̣͇N͇̰̤͉̳͖̞̘͙̥͉̠̝̪̞͙ͅ ̝̱͇̞̣͇͍̼̤̘͇̣̖̰ͅE̲͉̭̰ ̹͓͚̲̳̺̩ͅE̖͍̰͈͇̹̲͍̝̦̲͓ͅ ̩̹̱̳͔̻̼͙̝̲̼̤̻͚L̝͙̞̤̮͇̻̼͍̻ ͈̻̠̹͎̱̣̥͎.̳̦̣̣̼̰̺"

"And your men will W̰̻͔̪̣̠̭͇͈̹̼ͅ ̝̝̭͉͓ͅA̮̱͇͓̭̪̳͎̫̥̘͙̞̳ ̬̰̯̝̼͓͇͕͎̰̞̗ͅṮ͓̱̟̭͇̟͙̗̠̝̙̗̳̭̥̙ ̣͉̰͕͖̥͙̲̰̮̱C͕̬̠͚̝͖̝̙̙̖̫̬ ͇͎̯H̦͕̞̱͉̬̗̹͇̳̬̹ ̹̫͎̩͔͔̝.͖͈̼̫̫̜̩͍̠̞"

[aishangotome]

[Clavis] A Love Tailored To You Part 2

Credit to @shatcey for providing the video upload.

Cyril: ...Whoa!

Cyril narrowly dodged the net that fell from above.

Cyril: What's going on? I thought he stopped setting traps––whoa!

From directly above Cyril, who had dodged the net, something gray––a massive amount of mini clay dolls rained down, and they began to vibrate subtly.

It was quite a sight, as if he was being swarmed by palm-sized small animals.

Cyril: H-hey, they're kind of moving. It's ticklish and uncomfortable! What are these things?!

Cyril struggled to get out of the mountain of mini clay dolls, but their subtle vibrations seemed to trip him up, and he couldn't get to his feet.

(That's a very elaborate trap...)

Clavis: Hmm, there wasn't enough vibration. It's a failure.

A hand slipped around my waist, and before I knew it, Clavis was standing beside me.

Emma: I thought you stopped setting traps.

Clavis: I only said I would stop setting traps for you for a while.

Clavis: I don't recall saying I would stop setting traps altogether, did I?

Clavis snapped his fingers, and the vibrating dolls stopped. Instead, a pleasant smell wafted through the air.

Cyril: What is this flower-like smell...? No, it's too strong! It's going to stick to me! To my body!

Clavis was seriously observing Cyril, who was in quite a predicament.

His gaze never turned to me, and of course, I wasn't caught in any traps.

(...Clavis said he would only play pranks on me.)

*Another flashback*

Clavis: Unfortunately, I can't promise that.

Clavis: From now on, think of it as all the pranks being concentrated on you.

*Flashback over*

Ever since Clavis said that, most of the traps had been set with me as the target.

(And yet, such an elaborate trap for someone other than me...)

(––If I said something like that, Clavis would surely be overjoyed.)

Before I knew it, I was pulling Cyril out of the pile of dolls.

Cyril: Thank you, Miss Emma.

Emma: No, I couldn't just stand by and watch...

As Cyril brushed off his clothes, a sweet smell emanated from his entire body, likely to linger for days.

Clavis: What's wrong, Emma? "My beloved Clavis's traps are only for me"––

Clavis: Surely you're not going to say something so adorable, are you?

Cyril: Isn't that a bit too much of a delusion?

Clavis: Haha, if you think it's a delusion, then you still have a long way to go. You lack Emma power.

Cyril: What's Emma power?

Emma: Cyril is right.

Emma: It's true that Clavis's traps are a form of love for me, but I would never want to monopolize them...

(Right...?)

Emma: ––Even I wouldn't say that.

I said it as if to convince myself, and then I left the scene.

Every time I smelled the lingering sweet scent, the frustration in my chest grew.

Clavis: What do you make of Emma's reaction just now?

Cyril: Don't ask me.

Cyril: Setting such a crazy trap inside the mansion, even Miss Emma must be exasperated, right?

Cyril: Or maybe you finally made her angry.

Clavis: As a gentleman, sometimes I want to experience the adorable anger of my beloved.

Clavis: But that wasn't anger or exasperation. It was quite a rare reaction.

Cyril: Don't mess things up by teasing her strangely.

Clavis: Don't worry. I'm a gentleman. It's a piece of cake to bring back the smile of my beloved.

Clavis: There's no doubt that Emma will soon be head over heels for my overwhelming love.

Cyril: Wow, I'm really worried.

-

The next day, as I was preparing for the opening of the bookstore in the Kingdom of Lelouch––

Clavis: Emma.

Emma: Wah...!

Startled by the voice from above, I hurriedly looked up to see Clavis standing on the other side of the counter.

Clavis: You can spot countless traps, yet you didn't notice me entering...

Clavis: In other words, I've become such a natural presence by your side, like air, haven't I?

Emma: Clavis, you're always on my mind, but I was just lost in thought.

Clavis: Haha, my beloved is still a tsundere, I see.

Clavis: But it seems you were indeed "lost in thought."

Gazing at me with seductive eyes, Clavis walked around to my side of the counter.

He pulled me close by the waist, his golden eyes sparkling as he peered into my face.

Emma: Clavis...?

Clavis: I'm thinking of melting away those "thoughts" of yours. Do you mind?

Emma: Melting them away...? Mmm!

Before I knew it, my lips were covered, and the kiss deepened relentlessly.

His grip on my waist tightened, and our chests, pressed together, trembled with our heartbeats.

Emma: Mm, ah...

The moment our lips parted, Clavis pushed my upper body onto the counter.

My legs naturally lifted, and I found myself in a position where I was embracing Clavis with them.

Emma: W-wait, customers might come in.

Clavis: The citizens of our country are sensible. No one would ignore the "preparing for opening" sign and enter the store.

Emma: ...Attacking me like this from the morning is unbecoming of a gentleman.

Clavis: Haha, I can't deny that.

Clavis: But you also bear some responsibility.

Emma: !

He lifted my thigh, bringing my legs and his body closer together.

Clavis: With that look on your face, I can't stop myself, can I?

He leaned over me, thigh still raised, and looked closely at my face, now filled with anticipation.

The point of contact between us grew hot, and I could feel the moisture between my legs with every rub of our undergarments.

(I thought that by being able to overcome the traps, I could finally stand on equal footing with Clavis.)

(But it's no use... When he looks at me with those eyes, I become putty in his hands.)

Still, wanting to fight back somehow, I tried to initiate a kiss, and that's when––

Emma: Eh? What!?

A light explosion and people's screams could be heard from outside the building.

Just as it subsided, a sound like something bouncing repeatedly reached my ears.

(This is...)

Clavis: Hmm, you noticed?

Clavis pulled away and gently helped me down from the counter.

As he straightened my disheveled hair, several hurried footsteps approached.

???: King Clavis!

The door burst open.

The people who rushed in were the townspeople, their entire bodies dyed in seven colors.

Woman: We can't overlook this one! ––Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, Miss Emma.

Emma: N-no... What happened?

Man: It's a trap! Colorful balls suddenly erupted from the ground and started bouncing around!

Children: When you touch them, they burst and spray colored water everywhere!

Clavis: Now, now, calm down.

Clavis: The colored water is made with Lelouch's special, edible food coloring.

Clavis: Each color has a different flavor, so feel free to lick it all you want.

Clavis: I'm always thinking about how to entertain and bring happiness to my people.

Man: If that's the case, then please stop setting traps. We thought things had calmed down recently.

Even as they spoke, I could hear voices from outside saying things like, "This one's a bit sweet" and "This one's bitter."

The townspeople were panicking, but they also seemed to be enjoying themselves.

(Again. I'm feeling frustrated again.)

(It's crazy to be jealous over something like this...)

Clavis: The result is satisfactory, but it lacks a bit of punch. You would probably have avoided it––what's wrong?

Emma: Eh...?

Clavis: You're frowning.

Emma: ...Of course I am! Clavis caused trouble for everyone!

Emma: You're in for a lecture today!

Children: Oh dear, Miss Emma is angry.

Man: King Clavis, it's a surefire argument now.

Clavis: Haha, I like being lectured by Emma too, you know?

Seeing Clavis surrounded by the townspeople, looking so amused, makes me happy, but the colorful water dyeing everyone's bodies stings my heart.

(No way, am I about to cry over something like this...?)

(No, that can't be. Just because other people got caught in a trap, I wouldn't be that...)

Clavis: ...

Clavis: ...I'm sorry.

With a more subdued smile than usual, Clavis took my hand.

Clavis: I will humbly accept your lecture and show you my sincerity.

.

.

.

.

Part 1 | Part 3

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[catdrawinfs]

woah...goign to think abotuthis for years

[cimicherrychanga]

sigh. i miss that stranger i had the most insane game of rock paper scissors online with some 9 years ago

[sluttish-armchair]

Ok but thinking back to how I was in elementary and middle school: I had such disdain for other kids who broke the rules, that I irrationally hated a whole bunch of kids — kids I would have made good friends with — all because I couldn’t stand the fact that they engaged in conflicts with, and affronts to authority figures or standards.

It even went as far as internally mocking a kid my age — calling him “Mama’s Boy” in my head — over the fact that his mother whispered comments into his ear, which he mumbled unintelligibly into the mic, and then would fall asleep as if dead on her arm. I perceived his inability to give comments on his own, and his sleeping, as moral failings of both mother and child; because I wasn’t raised like that. And maybe, those feelings also came from jealousy. I was expected to fight off sleep all the time because I could read at a college level in third grade, and could theoretically understand the material presented at the meetings despite it still being inappropriate for my age group.

I was so far deep into the “bad associations spoil useful habits” mindset that it made me hate my fellow neurodivergents — kids I would have been friends with — who maybe couldn’t hide it as well as I could. That is beyond fucked up. Now, I work with those very kids I disliked so much as a child, and guess what? They are my absolute favorite people to be around; and many of them remind me of myself.

[burningcomputerpersona]

you ever have one of those cases where you know your childhood wasn't exactly normal but then you take a look at one aspect of your life that you thought was just a quirky lil detail and realize maybe that was a bit more not-normal than you previously thought

[cherrylight]

dreamily sighs and screams

[endlessfuckup]

red white and royal blue is the gayest thing i have ever seen with my own two eyes

[claitea]

finished mario wonder it was SOOOOO good i love it to PIECES

[lunasilvis]

Gradually shifting into a sunnier mood and it feels kinda good 🌞 I also managed to fix an advancing mechanical/electrical issue today with my bass amplifier which was becoming a bigger annoyance by day :/ cheers to diy'ing household (or traditionally masculine) issues as a woman, forever

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

[tchaikovskym]

Still thinking about the interaction I had on Friday.

I just went to take out my faculty hoodie from student council room and it just happened to be that there was that guy I almost had romantic relationship with, but like, I was there for a hoodie, so I just asked for it to him,

but there was also a girl laying down on the beanie bag because of a depressive episode (common occurrence in the student council room) and she later told the guy she got scared from mine and his interaction. Which he later told me.

And I'm still thinking about that. What the fuck. How can interactions scare people. What did it even mean.

[windfighter]

Twitch has been refusing to load videos for the last few days, help me vault hunters-tumblr you're my only hope of keeping updated

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[fingertipsmp3]

Why would my friend message me asking if I want to go for a walk and then when I answer immediately in the affirmative, drop off the face of the earth