#idk what made me love it so much but. i reallly like it. a lot.

[catdrawinfs]

woah...goign to think abotuthis for years

[ghouldtime]

i usually don’t message anyone or anything but i just wanted to say i love your characterizations of konig, ghost, and soap very much. the love and appreciation you have for these characters really come through in your writing.

the cod fandom is full of talented writers but the majority of them write smut. it gets tiring scrolling through the tag and just seeing porn when i actually just wanna see… ppl who enjoy the characters outside of sex appeal, yk? so your blog, truly and genuinely, is a breath of fresh air.

that’s not even mentioning the ppl who write them as abusive or use them to fulfill certain fantasies. i mean i don’t kink shame ofc, but idk sometimes ppl write them in extremely degrading ways that do a disservice to their character and it bugs me a little. plus all the “innocent bimbo reader” rhetoric, idk it gets tiring.

anyway, sorry for the yap session, but i did mean everything i said genuinely !!

💚💚💚💚 Salutations anon! You really don't know how much I appreciate hearing this. Seriously, messages like this give me motivation to keep writing and to stay active on here. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the very depths of my heart. You've all been so so incredibly kind, sweet, and encouraging 😭 I don't know what I've done to deserve this but it's appreciated and you all are absolutely awesome. This has made my YEAR, thank you for taking time out of your day to send my silly self a message 💚💚💚💚💚

I'm so so happy my characterizations have hit the mark for some people and that I'm (hopefully) doing them some justice! I'm always worried about that because characterization matters heavily to me and I want to respect their characters and how much they mean to me and other people through it EVEN IF THE WRITERS OF THE LAST MODERN WARFARE DON'T KNOW WHAT A PROPER STORY LINE IS AND KILLED SOAP WHICH I'M NOT FORGETTING, IM NOT FORGIVING, AND IM CERTAIN NOT LIVE LAUGH LOVING WITH IT. I'm refusing to accept he's dead, no matter what they say

I love the boys all so much. They all have such interesting things about them and have a lot more dynamic to them than people think and I just want to represent them right, especially lesser appreciated characters (haven't actually really written for them yet but Keegan, Logan, Hesh, Sandman, Roach, Nikto, Krueger - legit I love them, anyone feel free to send asks or scenarios you'd like I WILL write them. Legit, y'all, you can send me asks about certain characters even if there isn't much on them. I WILL do my research and I WILL write to the best of my ability)

Oh there's many talented writers in the COD Fandom, there really are. I can't say I really know any personally seeing as I never really interact with other blogs but I've seen some reallly really nice fics with so much thought put in them. But equally, there's a lot of just... smut. Not even well written smut, I'm sorry, but a lot of it is just really, really poorly written. I'm all for do what you want, write whatever makes you happy. Freedom of speech! If it makes you happy, cool! But I'm also going to cringe cause a lot of it is... yeah, yikes

Not trying to be the smut police and say every detail must be accounted for and everyone should follow it in a certain way but plz basic anatomy 101, basic prep 101, no guy gal or enby pal will appreciate it if you just shove it in to anywhere dry and I've seen a loooot of that and other things that just hurt?????

I get it, people learn by reading/writing, but this is literally just a single search away. And common sense. There's also a lot of practices being unsafely represented (like fifty shades of gray level) and uh it's not on purpose, it's not meant to be dubious, but it just is written as that. PLEEEEASE please please do some research, the internet is right there

But I felt the same way. Like bless whatever y'all want to write, no shame and NO shade to writing smut. I'll probably eventually do it myself again in the future (undecided on that but it'd likely be a side blog if I do and would never be a main focus, I prefer story over smut action. Once again, no shade and no shame to those who don't, to each their own!). Never ever going to full on NSFW mode or only writing that, I'm always always always going to prioritize writing the characters first and trying to get more stories out there about them :D

But I got tired of opening it and all I see is just... smut, smut, more smut, extremely dubious content x 50. And maybe a sprinkle of normal things or fluff here and there. I just don't look in the tags honestly anymore, because so many people just don't properly tag it or give 0 warning at all, not even under a read more, just BAM, unavoidable unless you flat out don't look at the tags at all

There's more to the characters than just being attractive 😭and I love exploring those aspects of them and trying to figure out why they are the way they are

Also I'm ALWAYS going to have an issue with people who fetishize horrible things. When you're actively fantasizing and writing about someone abusing someone else, like flat out abuse, and being incredibly toxic and terrible to someone - just, please talk to a therapist. That's not social commentary, that's not a proper portrayal of real, HORRIBLE things that affect many people and have very real repercussions - that's perpetuating the negative narrative around a lot of struggles and setting it back by instead turning it into something that's treated as attractive. I really fully can elaborate on this and have a whole rant - but it's not cute and it's NEVER cool to fetishize actual, awful awful things that happen to people. Dead dove doesn't excuse you from judgement - especially when it's not even acknowledged. You're just saying you know what you write is probably morally reprehensible. Hey, I'm going to reprehend and won't respect you at all when you write awful things just cause and get off on it. Think people forget that. Dead dove is a descriptor and doesn't excuse you or make you instantly free from judgement or mean you're not doing something problematic/disgusting. It's just saying you know it is, that's about it.

I don't get why people do that when it's clear they have no idea what they're talking about. I've seen that a lot with the bully! Things. Like... wow, clearly some of you WEREN'T bullied and you're writing about it and it shows because if you were, hey, you know how fucking awful that shit is and how it leaves life long effects. Not saying this applies to all but there's a lot I see like that where it's just ".... wow, okay, so you don't have any idea what you're talking about, cool."

AND YEAH the mischaracterization really does do a great disservice where it's clear they're just after the characters for their physique. They just warp them so bad it's like "Are we talking about the same character?" . In AUs you get to explore that and can shape them to your wants, that's your choice! Highly recommend AU's, it allows so much freedom.

But when it's like.... regular? And it's just no where close and they're doing a 180 in how they actually are (like having Ghost flirt with strangers and be big scary daddy dom im sorry he's not at allllll) I don't get it and it's clear you really aren't writing about or for the character - at that point, plz, make your own characters. Just make your own OCs, it's great! And you can make them HOWEVER you want instead of just ignoring a character's characterization to make them fit what you want. And guess what? It's your character so you can TRULY do what you want and have them the way that you want instead of bending characters to fit a box that they weren't made for

I'm not saying you HAVE to write a character the same as me or in a specific way, but when it's a character with an established personality/backstory, the least you can do is follow that outside of AU's if you're writing for them. That's... the whole point of writing that character - I don't get why you'd write for them specifically if you're literally going to ignore everything about them

SPEAKING OF THE INNOCENT BIMBO THING, I'm also really not a fan. Once again, if that makes you happy to write or read, cool! I just am NOOOOT a fan. Why does the reader always have to be so small and so delicate and so pure/innocent? Why does the reader have to be just so UWU coded? Why are they always like "oh you're so little and small :( and just don't know any better" . It's either that or they're John fucking Wick with little in between. Pleeeease it hurts my soul

Its why I try to genuinely write a neutral geared reader with reactions that will likely fit a lot of people! I'm always taken out of a story's immersiveness when it mentions something like like your hair length or how uwu small you are in comparison. Give me just... average sensible reader. Give me reader who has realistic human reactions. Give me reader who isn't perfect, give me a reader who isn't magically special or different. Give me a reader who is just doing their best, who is THEMSELVES, with no intent otherwise. I love those fanfics so so much instead of trying to feel like I have to be something I'm not to get myself in the mindset to read some pieces NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YAPPING. IM ALWAYS WANTING TO TALK IM ALWAYS AROUND 💚💚💚💚THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE IT MAKES MY HEART WARM AND MAKES ME SO SO HAPPY

[miimo96]

Thoughts on My Adventures with Superman S2 episode 4

Alright 2 things, 1 I love how General lane Not only set up an entire bunker like fortress in Clark and Jimmy's apartment, but also made them Use a Code word in order for them to Even get in, 2 I Reallly love Clark's reaction to Jimmy's achievement, it really shows how much he cares about his friend and is really happy for him 😊 Also is it me or has the Animation gotten So much Better this Season, they really stepped their Game up since the Spiderman fiasco, especially when it comes to the lighting and faces, I mean just look at Clark's smile here >_<

Bruh I'm calling it right now, by the end of this Season Jimmy is going to lose ALL of his Money, that Money meter keeps going down each episode, if that isn't foreshadowing Idk what is ^^;

Once again I'm really loving the relationship between these 2, the fact that Jimmy wants Clark to come not because he's an Alien but because he's his best friend is really sweet, and it really shows just how much the writers Really know about Superman and his world and want to make it to the best version, also the fact that Clark is LITERALLY deciding which outfit seems more "Hype man" is Really funny to me, especially Jimmy's comeback line after this

Judging how Waller is clearly making another Task force X I wanna say this Blockbuster, but I'm not entirely sure, so far this guy's only appeared in like a few episodes this season, So if they kill him off I Wont entirely be mad, because he serves No purpose other than filling out the Villain slots, and the reason why I'm saying this might be Blockbuster is because I can't recall another Villain with super strength and Built like this in the suicide Squad other than blockbuster, who coincidently died IMMEDIATELY in a Suicide Squad comic run

Even though the episode is clearly about lois and father, it's Super obvious that it was actually focused on the relationship between Clark and Jimmy, and how they feel about 1 another, this scene with Clark telling Jimmy about how he's made him feel was really beautiful and Ngl, I kinda teared up at this point, the relationship between the 2 is some of the best I've seen in a Long time since the animated series back on WB Kids, they really put a lot of effort into fleshing out each character and making us Fall in love with them even more ^w^

The whole Superman Debate Scene was great, I really loved how Lex and Jimmy are basically two polar opposites, 1 supporting superman and his pureness and the other being Superman's biggest Hater, with both literally being incredibly rich rn, and it's kinda funny, while Jimmy is losing money, Lex is Gaining money, gaining everyhing that we know him for; Lex brought up a lot of good points regarding Superman and how "Dangerous" he is, Stuff that I think will Return in Season 3 with people Gunning for Superman or trying to Eliminate him, maybe we might actually see Batman Show up Next season 😏

I find it So CONVENIENT that general lane's Rendezvous point Just so happens to be near the STAR Labs EXPO, almost like if this was planned for this to happen here, So that when Superman shows up he could be made out as the Bad guy *looks intently at Lex*

As Sad as this scene is you're really telling me He DIDN'T HEAR THAT!? I mean the dude has SUPER HEARING for a reason, you're REALLY telling me he Didn't hear that? Ok whatever Sure, I guess super hearing Only works when the Writers Need it huh, even though they made a WHOLE episode about that Last season 😒

🥺🥺🥺 I don't have any words for this scene other than Seeing Clark like this really hurts my soul, seeing him come to the Realization that he's Never gonna truly fit in and that He NEEDS Someone like him to Really understand him just shows how much Clark has repressed these feelings by trying to be Something he's not, which is human, Now he's Finally starting to accept his Alien/Kryptonian half, with the 1st step being to find someone Truly like him

ZOD IS HERE OMG ZOD IS HERE!!

Also I Officially dub these Days "Superman Saturday's" ^^ 🦸‍♂️

[jittyjames]

bootleg watching sunday!!

(here's what i watched/listened to earlier this week!!!)

JCS 2012 revival opening night

i got to listen to the jcs revival opening night audio and! oh boy! it's horrible! so we're not starting out strong here. this was the night josh young went on despite being sick (it was like a chest infection or something? bronchitis? pneumonia? he said in an interview that it got to a point where he couldn't even hear himself) and it is VERY OBVIOUS OH NO. his lower register is pretty okay in the first act, but he can not hit those high notes, baby. he's going into falsetto (and a weak one at that) every time. it's not the best look for the first number AND your broadway debut. and it goes downhill from there. he's trying his best and the acting is strong, but vocally, he didn't have the chops unfortch. i had to turn it off at superstar bc the second-hand embarrassment got too strong. it was that bad. by the end he was basically just screaming through it. paul and chilina and the rest of the cast were very good and were trying to make up for it. bless him. he was really trying. butttt on a positive note, i liked how growley and breakey his voice was in the last supper. it made for good emotion. he has to speak the "christ you deserve it" line (bc man is struggling) but mannn. that hit. that's worth the whole boot tbh. his voice was also fine in cwsap. but... it does not make up for the horrible jesus hold in superstar, but we're acting like that doesn't exist. oki dokie. poor guy. he had an off-night. it genuinely does not reflect on his talent at all because from the headlines around that time he was veryyyy sick. so moving right along

Evita (National Tour 2013)

josh young in evita! he's a cutie! i typically like my che's with more bite and glare (raul esparza is my favorite. no one will ever beat raul for me. not even josh. so it’s gonna be hard not to compare) but this was a nice spin and he's so adorable and snarky. he's not playing che guevara here but just... some dude named che. we actually get to see him smile! halfway through i realized that bluedas only smiles ONCE in jcs and it's barely a flicker. so yippee. like i usually like the money kept rolling in to be sarcastic and snappy but he was just so damn adorable looking excited with the money. I CAN'TTTT. and josh hits high notes so gorgeously and clean that they made me gasp so it's different from what i usually like but it's still so good! and lemme get sidetracked to talk about how clean his vocals are? he does a lot in jcs but you can tell he vocally improved a ton between the jcs revival boot and this tour. he's killing it. BUT CAROLINE BOWMAN. WOW. WOWOOWOWOWOW. she might have become my favorite eva. she was excellent. and stunning. and her voice was absolutely CRYSTALS. side note, i have to admit. my tennessee education, no matter how private it was, didn't educate me on the peróns all that much. so i don't know the story beyond the musical. like idk is they’re like… reallly bad. so sorry if talking about this musical is problematic. just let me know💀

Life After

PAUL ALEXANDER NOLAN!!! okay i've found that i like his voice better when it comes to modern musical theatre. and god he does quirky and dad so well. he's adorable, too. all of these actors are just so damn adorable. i had never heard of this musical actually but i received it in a trade and actually REALLY enjoyed it. it's a fun, modern, grief tale. kinda reminds me of deh a little bit stylistically (not plot wise.) it was a proshot and i absolutely loved it. AND I COULD RATE IN ON LETTERBOXD. it's very very very quirky and a nice story. it should have more life tbh. just very cutesy. i loved it. and the lead actress was very good too! and i might have related to the sister character far too much (and it's not just bc i'm a vegetarian o7) i recommend this one if you can get your hands on it.

Jesus Christ Superstar Dutch Tour 2024

SAVED BEST FOR LAST SO I COULD EAT MY PASTA WHILE WATCHING!! AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM JCS 2024. oh lord the whump in this one. a pretty jesus. a pretty mary. a pretty judas. and oh my GOD they are suffering. i’m not going to spoil much bc it’s still a new boot and i want people to have a chance to go end blind but HOLY SHITTTTT. i literally had full body chills at the start. genuinely believe this was my fav jesus and that’s HARD (jack and ben i still adore you.) AMAZINGGG vocals from him. AND JUDAS IS TATTED WHICH IS ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER. mary and simon were also SPECTACULAR. mary is so well done and i adore her character in this. and i never really pay much mind to simon but he was so perfect here and had more depth too. the ensemble in general was fantastic (and fruity!!) the main ships for me in this one is jesus x mary and judas x floor. annas and judas has flavor here tho 👀👀) AND HEROD?? (camera disappointed by not getting jesus during… that but it looks like someone was blocking the camera) @feerz was right everyone. it’s good food. GREAT food even.

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

[dadkisser15]

I’m actually going to cry why do I miss him so much right now ☹️

He’s asleep and I don’t really want to sleep yet because I want to speak with him but I’m just doomscrolling on TikTok as one does and I decided that I missed his face and opened up my camera roll and he sent me this picture that his brother took of him sleeping earlier and it’s just so cute. Oh there’s tears in my eyes I really really like this man ,,,,,

He just looks so beautiful, he wouldn’t believe me if I told him that but I really do just adore his features. (If we had kids oh my godddd. I know that’s crazy that I’m even thinking that but I CANNOT HELP MYSELFF!!!) I love his eyes and his long lashes, I love his beautiful brown hair (especially when it’s messy) , his cute scruffy facial hair and his side burnnsssssssss. Oh and his nose, especially in the picture i mentioned earlier ohhhh my gosh it just looks so amazing. He dislikes his nose so much and constantly makes jokes about reducing the size of it and it upset me a lot because I really do believe it’s beautiful. To me it’s like a work of art, when I was doing more character art my favorite thing to draw was noses !! His nose shape was literally my favorite type to draw and I feel like that makes him very special. Like, wow this boy I’m insanely infatuated with is quite literally a work of art. I’m still looking at the picture and I didn’t mention earlier but I love his cute little mustache, everytime I look at it I just wonder how it would feel to his him and feel that brush against my lip, would it even? I’m not sure, I kinda forgot how it feels like to kiss someone but I’d love to relearn with him. That feels a tad inappropriate to say but I really do feel that way. I’m not feeling really sad anymore but I’m also just upset by the fact that I was even missing him even though I spoke to him a couple hours ago. He literally told me before going to bed not to miss him too much and i thought to myself, “that’s silly, it’s just a couple hours and I’ll be fine” and I hate to say it but he was right. I hate how he knows how my brain works, well.. I don’t hate it. It’s just embarrassing how predictable I am, maybe I’m just boring but who reallly knows.!!! Oh and I was so upset because he left me on sent for a little while see actually I’m okay with that but I just didn’t know what he was doing and that was upsetting me and because I didn’t know my brain immediately jumped to overthinking so I kinda just upset myself. I know verrry dumb but that’s just how I am, I’m always just thinking of the what’s if and I made myself feel bad for no reason. Maybe I do need a lobotomy but what if my overthinking was right. What do I do then!!!!! Be the other woman ? FUCK NOOOOOO !!!!!! I’d rather get stabbed in the arm five times in the same spot okay wait that actually sounds deranged but listen I just would not like being a second option or some stupid shit like that and my insecurities are just jumping out at me and making me think I am but guys, wtf do I do actually if I am ??? 😨 KMS??? That’s also crazy and dramatic so no but I pray that this boy is not trying to do me dirty because I think I’d genuinely lose my mind. Can we just eviscerate all his female friends? Like genuinely, just treat them like fish or something idk 😜!! Sorry thatsss meannnnnn. He can have female friends i guessss 😒. I personally believe they shouldn’t be doing no corny shit with my boy though like cutesy nicknames or making them match with him like FUCKKKKNOOOOOOOOOO .!! 😭😭😭 THAT ALONE IS 50 FUCKING BODIES.

50 FUCKING BODIES !!!!

Kidding, I can’t do shit about that except SEETHE and that I will do!! I’m currently seething thinking about it right now. God, liking a boy with female friends is not for the weak because I am the weak and I cannot take this. Maybe it’s all the over thinking but this shit making me feel sick to my stomach.hhhhh. Oh my god can god take me right now because the thoughts that are going through my head right now might make me just pass away rn to just meeet him. Oh I wanna cry! WHATEERVEVEGER I’ll stay jealous, mad and seething like crazy. I just wish I could have him in my arms and just have him as mine. If he gets tired yeah he can leave but for now I’d just like to have him. Like ohh calm down guys you can have him back after like 2 weeks just let me have him for a while!!! I just want to treat him good and make him feel good. Ohhhhh guys don’t start throwing up pitchforks just because I want to keep him busy for a while, yall will get him back don’t worry 😒. Jeeeeezzzzzzus! Okay I thought that bit was funny. I’m not saying he should isolate himself or anything but like guys do we need female friends 🙄🙄🙄. Joking JOKINGG PUT THE PITCHFORKS DOWNN GUYS IT WAS A JOKE!!! Anyways I should conclude this dumb rant because nothing about this will change and I will forever be salty. OH MY GOD salty is the perfect way to describe how I’ve been feeling!! It’s like I’m jealous but I can’t do shit so all I can do is let this feeling linger and be salty because I’m very non confrontational at times and especially when I don’t want to be verbal about my feelings. OHH LINGER BY THE CRANBERRIES

DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGERRRRE DO YOU HAVE. TO LET IT LINGERRRR

[oru-tree]

⚠️HUGE BIG SONIC PRIME SPOILERS I AND OPINIONS I GUESS UNDER CUT IDK I JUST WANT TO TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED WATCHING IT⚠️ ok ... yeah

Ok finished watching s3 and imo it's the worst season of the show, well too bad because it was the last one I guess.

Uhhh I feel mean complaning because like, idk, I feel being a sonic fan makes me such a hater omg, but also even though I complain about stuff it doesnt mean that I hate it.. just I have thoughts on it....

Well I feel this last season was the worst one because it felt like it really didn't do anything? No development or much interaction between the characters, blackrose becoming a captain felt out of nowhere to me? so much of the season was spent on the "final battle" and that also took me out of it a lot.

This is a general complain of the whole series but I dont like at all how they handled rouge, I was also expecting at least a bit of something to happen when a version of her and shadow got to meet again but there was nothing??? reallly???????????????????

This is a general complain but for a while I've felt like omg... at rouge slowly being integrated into sonic's group of friends because they need more girls in there, because I feel like they are doing so by taking things out of rouge's personality? I havent played the sonic dream game so I don't know how she's handled there but at least in prime the fact that none of her counterparts had anything to do with her feels so off (Though I guess the, new yok one I GUESS you could say that she has elements of her being the team dark leader?) how do you have a pirate rouge that is like... so unfazed about treasure come on.

Ok uhhh what else.... I'm sooo sorry but I couldn't care much about the counterparts, I guess they have interesting parts of them and could like, be interesting in an analysis way of which aspects of their original counterparts they take but I also feel that wasn't developed enough... I think the one that got the best of it was amy, then knuckles.

I'm not counting nine because he's basically a new character (in exchange the other 2 tailses are barely anything), and tbh one of my fav aspects of the whole show? I love him? I think he should be able to do whatever he wants ever imo, he can do anything.

What else... well I love Shadow but at points I was also like :0 at how he was in this, he was so nice at points! made me go like... omg... he's so sweet compared to whatever sega has been doing with him these past years so at certain points that took me out but still I like him...

When he didn't show up at the final battle I was like, omg are they going to reveal that due to him being in the other world due to chaos emerald energy he actually couldn't make it back/is dead? but he wasn't, he should get to die again at some point again imo.

W-well thats it I think... as a last note (maybe) I have to clarify I didnt hate the show! I just have alot of opinions about it, also I just remembered I forgot to talk about the egg guys, I liked them.

Also I just finished watching it so I'm at my screaming and yelling point of the show and maybe my thoughts on it will mellow out later or I will think better of stuff ok, I just have to get this out rn

ALSO

Edit. this part didnt matter so I took it out

Ok this is it!! maybe I'lk think more about it later or another day I just.. have to talk about it rn... I'm going to yell if tumblr eats this post out I've written so much ahhhh ok this is it

[hecateisalesbian]

questions be upon ye

1-30

Cheese Quesadilla no chicken bc I like em plain. ALSO IT COSTS LIKE $10 FREAKING DOLLARS FOR A CHEESE QUESADILLA THE OTHER DAY AT CHIPOTLE EXCUSE ME??????????

do whatever the hell you want just don’t hurt anybody and don’t shove it in my face :) (I personally love meat and other animal based items to ever go vegan lol)

idk so much about the color but I absolutely hate when houses are just like only white and grey and beige. Put some color in there! (Cough my mother)

I sooo want dragons to be real lol but probably like oceanic mystical creatures like who the hell knows what’s down there

all forms of potatoes but I’d die for my mothers mashed potatoes (made with real™️ potatoes not cauliflower)

yeah it costs like $5 on Amazon and I’ve sharpied it a dozen times and I’ve had for like 4 years but it works and it’s waterproof

turmtles

no lol sometimes I don’t even change into pajamas

sorta but I’m reallly bad at being in a consistent habit of doing it. It’s just like the three step proactive stuff bc my skin is really acne prone

apple. Orange is only good if it’s in the morning (I say that like 99% of my flights aren’t in the morning)

Like everything especially my stuffed animals but two things that stand out to me is my stuffed leopard that my nana got me from the Colorado Zoo when I was super young (at the time I thought it was a cheetah so I named it Cheetah lol) and from my later childhood (like 8 or 9) my friend got me a snoopy blanket for my birthday and I still have that

I just use whatever is convenient (but I do use dandruff shampoo and conditioner)

Normal: probably stealing money or putting myself in a system to make sure I’m insured or something. Purge kinda thinking: murder every corrupt rich person and politician I can (also JK Rowling)

oh yeah totally

Burning, then it’s kinda a tie between drowning and freezing bc both take a while.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE mint chocolate chip slander will NOT be tolerated

bite my nails mostly and shaking my leg

Taro probably but some places don’t make it super good which sucks (also popping boba)

freaking. Brussel sprouts. Those heckers should burn farther down than hell

Mulan slays and The Lost City of Atlantis (Kida) is my bae

idk 🤷 can I say decimals? It’s not so much weirded out as it is cool weird but 0.999 to infinity or whatnot is equivalent to 1

I don’t even have a water bottle (see 14)

lots. I’m gonna get a second piercing soon and I wear crap ton of rings (like Phoebe from Friends) and necklaces and bracelets and big dangly earrings (but I’m allergic to nickel)

American cuz I live/grew up in America lol

yeah but I know my parents would disagree

absolute crap

baggy tee and baggy ripped jeans with fishnets and docs.

mashed potatoes are the bomb tbh

I love ravioli

Spectator you were supposed to literally ask me anything you dummy /lovingly

[loeyparker]

Safe is like fucking crack omg you’re so talented wth?! I love and appreciate you so much safe just scratches that itch, the pain the angst the happy moments the sadness the longing the mis communication AHH. My hearts hurting for her Eddie reallly went to town it felt like a personal attack honestly lmao but he’s also hurting and confused and lashing out and ah man I’m so excited for part 3. You’re an angel I hope your pillow is always cold. I’ve been struggling to find stories for Eddie I really love and this has taken top spot for me. Thank you 🙌🏻 Also just wanted to say your writing is so perfect. You write Eddie so well and I also really love homegirl she deserves all the love and happiness In the world. I’m v scared of what will happen to my eyes if you stick to canon storyline, I kinda hope there’s some tension and maybe she saves Eddie or something idk I feel like she needs to prove herself to Eddie but Eddie really needs to apologise and grovel bc that poor girl didn’t deserve any of the things that’s happened to her. Also Jess needs to hop up off our mans lol. I really love your writing style anyway sorry I’m rambling but I just mean you do Eddie justice and I’m loving this friends to crushes to enemies(kinda?) to friends again to miscommunication fall out to potentially lovers or friends in the future it’s superior to plain old enemies to lovers. I kinda love that eddies showing his insecurities rather than bottling up too he’s clearly threatened by Steve which is kinda adorable. I sometimes dislike the whole mis communication thing but I’m this instance it’s✨perfect✨

Have the best day you deserve it you absolute angel💖

this made me blush giggle n die !!! you’re such an angel for this can’t believe u took the time to absolutely make my day!!!! this made me so so SOOO happy u have no idea!!!

i’m the same w the miscommunication trope but i felt that in this instance it fit??? bc i don’t think eddie would be the guy to straight up sau what he feels and fully thinks like even though he has this tough freak guy scary facade we know he’s a runner so i think it would take a lot for him to be brave enough to outright say what he feels

[sukirichi]

HFHDHHDHHSHSH SUKIIIIIIIIIII I SAW THE ALTERNATIVE ENDING UPDATE AND I-

BCHDHDHHSSHSHHS also my friend wants to complain about his lost eardrums cause he said i might have made him deaf thank to the banshee scream i let out 😌✌️

HCHDHDHHDBDBS NOW WHERE DO O EVEN START?? BRO I- WHILE THE OTHER ENDINF HAD ME IN TEARS THIS ONCE JUST MADE ME SMILE SO HARD MY CHEEKS STARTED TO LEGITIMATELY HURT?? HDHDHHDHSHHS LIKE OMFG I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISSED THESE TWO DORKS BXHDHHDHDHHS I COULDNT HELP OT BUT START AIR KICKING ONCE THEY FINALLY SAW EACH OTHER AFTER 8 YEARS FHCHHDHDHSJ AAAAAAAAAA

Ayoo but mt heart kinda clenched when suna notice y/n wasn't wearing her seatbelt so he reached over to buckle it himself... It kinda made me feel like in a way he was making sure that he wouldnt lose y/n in the same way mary died and oh boy..... Even if he doesnt check it willingly, he really got scarred from it....

But omfg when they were just talking while staring at the stars like they used to AND AND SUNA WAS JUST FHDHGDHDGSGHAHS FUCKKKKKK SUKI I LOVE YOUR SUNA SO MUCH JESUS WOMAN HES JUST SO GENTLE AND DEVOTED AND LOYAL I CANT 😭😭😭😭

And thank FUCK she asked him to go with him cause if she didnt I WOULD RIOT FHDHSHHSH

:)

:))))

Suna wasnt given the chance of asking y/n for marriage after they graduated cause she left him

Suna wasnt given the chance of asking mary to marry him cause she 'left to london' 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Can you imagine how happy i was when i finally saw him asking y/n marry me...... OMFG I WANTED TO CRY I- I WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD OMFG

And girl 👀👀👀 i saw hos you sneaked kita in fhdhhdhdhsh i laughed especially hard when suna went like: even i feel like i'd be happy id i ended up with him' Pls suna shut up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I

'but id love it even more if you could sit on top of my face. I want to kiss a different pair of lips tonight'

No but we already talked about this and as much as i still see the original ending the canon one i truly felt like i was in a happy dream in this one. I cant put in words how happy and nostalgic i felt while reading this, it truly made me miss the times i was waiting for an update of this series dhdhdhhshs br for sure is my fav fic and will keep on being for a long long time. Thank you so much for accepting our commissions and for always feeding us good food *huggles* you really are an amazing and talented writer and fuck as i felt like y/n was more distant and mature in the original ending here i felt like albeit more mature she still kept the childish shine in her yeah? And that made me so so happy

Thank you again for this suki 💕💕💕

HFHFHHDHDHDHJS i missed ranting like this

Also they named their daughter semi BRUH MY MIND GLITCHED CAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT SEMI EITA FHDHHDHDHSH

YOOOO KYA IM SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE

ALSO BANSHEE SCREAM OMG AHSJKAA. no omg i also missed them a lot when i was writing it, like i ALMOST forgot these two were best friends and partners in crime for EVERYTHING like no matter what happened, they tried to be there for each other but in the original ending, they had to say goodby eventually and that shit reallly hurts like it HURTS so writing the alt ending was very healing for me lol. and the seatbelt scene, yeah !! he was watching out for her because i dont think suna can handle losing one more person he cares about.

NAUUURR BCOS BROKEN RECORDS SUNA... lowkey my dream guy with the mari thing aside, i would really fall in love with br! suna. he is a super gentle person and hes always patient + EXTREMELY DEVOTED SO ??? yeah come here. (self insert a random thought but it would honestly be easier to break up with suna if he had been a bad person, but instead he was someone who loved and cared with his whole heart - MAN IS JUST A LITTLE CONFUSED SOMETIMES but cmon hes human - and yeah idk, i honestly cant even imagine what it feels like to be in rintaro's shoes.)

THE SCENE WHERE SUNA ALSO LOWKEY CRUSHED ON KITA LMFAOOOO no bcos kita is too perfect to be real.

and omg thank you so much i'm happy to know this'll be your favorite fic YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY LOL. and yeah you're right about that - YN in the original ending felt "distant" but that's mostly bcos she and Rintaro aren't on the same... wavelength anymore, if that makes sense. like she grew up and matured faster than him, SHE was able to move on easier than he did, and Suna was still stuck in the past with her as said from his lines that, "i dont love you anymore" even though he does and he always will. YN really has no feelings for him anymore other than platonic, but in the alt ending, i feel like they were more aligned to how they had been in the series from ch1-9. like you said, their playfulness and youth was still there !!

HELPPP NOT SEMI EITA AHSJAKA ALTHO HES HOT TOO, HE REALLY IS

[mingmingfufu]

Can we just talk about the ending of KawoShin open discuss. *sort of spoilerish*

I feel like I’m the only one who’s like reallly disappointed LMFAO--ya’ll there’s so much “canon” alternative universe and merchandise for Kawoshin in Evangelion that it kind of makes me upset to realise this couple just went down the drain. Yeah, I can see how people were like, “Kaworu’s toxic” or “Kaworu has a hero complex for Shinji” to which I say are valid points. But the toxic thing I feel like can also be applied to pretty much everyone around Shinji tbh, except for Rei. I did NOT, like Asuka at all but I really love her character though, and I felt for her a lot throughout the series.

I did not ship them either because honestly, Shinji and Asuka seemed better off playing the sibling dynamic instead of trying to play bf/gf which honestly is kind of forced by their living situation. Also since they’re in a similar disposition non existent father and dead mother, you’d imagine they would rely on each other for emotional comfort. Though Asuka—her personality I feel like she can’t differentiate between familial love and romantic love and the affection she wants is a bit of both. But, her character tries to be “mature”; she wants romantic love more and does this through sexual means and romantic gestures e.g. like kissing. One of my friends told me that you can’t stay friends as a boy and a girl cause eventually you catch feelings. Which I say is kinda dumb cause I have a lot of male friends, and I definitely don’t harbour those feelings, but I guess it’s a common phenomena.

I think this is what happens in this case, of Asuka and Shinji. Even after rejection of instrumentality they actually are depicted as childhood friends. But knowing how they both were before to each other, it was not good tbh. Also to mention the choking like thrice— bro if anything, this showcases a really abusive relationship and I think this outstretches the idea of their character tropes. Which I firmly stand by saying they’re superficial to each other. AsuShin were never really there for each other and are using each other in a forced situation. However, you can’t deny that they didn’t at some point catch feels, also Shinji is pretty consistent how he still cares about everyone around him. Which I really like how they add that to his character because it reminiscent of Yui, because you see a duality of both his parents personality in Shinji throughout the series—it’s a really nice touch. But bruh, if we gonna talk about that coma scene—I’m out LOL.

Thoughhhh, she is a true definition of best girl I really like her arc, fighting drive, and her skills as an Eva pilot 😭💗--but bruh she’s still a toxic and sometimes annoying tsundere trope, but still she’s 14 what can you do. So I feel like Kensuke and Asuka are actually a pretty good combo, cause he’s always been pretty mature even without parents. Also Asuka was into older guys, so I guess this is a win win?? Also Rei and Shinji, I honestly cannot get my head around it cause that’s pretty much his mom—so in a way that’s like either his half-sister or mom-ish clone?? Idk but Yui is definitely the donor LOL.

Kaworu and Shinji I felt like brought a bunch of things out of each other. I don’t know which timeline begins first, but I’d like to think the manga, the anime (plus its movies), and then to the rebuild series. Because I think that order is kind of pivotal to observing Kaworu’s character development from being a person who’s trying to understand human feelings to then the kinder person we see in the final series. You can tell how he’s changed and he knows Shinji a lot more as well as being considerate to him e.g. giving him personal space or letting him work at his own pace. Also that “we’ll meet again.” Is an obvious nod to how he’s done this before.

His literal story in every timeline is always romantic LOL, like bruh I can’t remember which game it was but basically a bad ending of Kawoshin route is that you reject Kaworu and he starts the third impact 🤡. Also I don’t know why but I started to see a weird dynamic between those two, in the manga their interactions reminded me of Asuka and Shinji—which Shinji is the tsundere Asuka here. I don’t know if this is relevant but the older character relative to the character they’re with seems to play off a mature vs a childish person trope. Asuka is younger than Shinji and Shinji is actually younger than Kaworu. Then again I could be overseeing this but istg manga Kaworu and Shinji mirror the whole Asushin dynamic. Like he’s seriously agressive against Kaworu, then after killing him he admits liking him. 🤡 I don’t know which is funnier no homo Shinji, homophobe shinji, or just closet Shinji who needs to realise sexuality is a spectrum so he could’ve idk—come out as bisexual, but whatever manga Shinji lol that timeline is over.

Anyways the development of these two is real and I think the rebuild timeline shows them at their best bringing their own personage out from each other like how they both enjoy music together--WHICH I’M SO SAD WE NEVER GET TO SEE THAT CELLO AGAIN. Then there’s those feelings of humanity, love, kindness, etc. Which yeah an angel could represent those things, but Kaworu is still his own person, self-aware of a cycle and if you think about how he initially was there to USE Shinji, but ultimately turned on that plan set by SEELE because he loved Shinji (and a bunch of other things like him showing Kaworu humanity). I also can see the argument, how “ideal” Kaworu is to Shinji, but he’s more self aware of the time he has before he KNOWS he’ll die and knows how to act for himself in that duration to make the most of it. All with Shinji. At some point, I think he fell in love with Shinji tho I don’t know where it began tbh—considering that all those alternate universes do exist. Kaworu does romantically love Shinji--so, in some universe they both reciprocate their feelings to each other. 

In the last movie during that convo with Shinji. Like bREH it’s so emotionally moving because Kaworu remembers ALLLLL the timelines and how he’s been with Shinji and later Shinji himself recalls the events too. Where they show the scene from the manga and anime. Kaworu cries after being set free from the EVA cycle. Which, I definitely understood what he meant by him saying “it’ll be lonely” and how Shinji changed or that he’s actually different this time.

Either way, Shinji did right by him because it’s always Kaworu who has the purpose of “trying to save Shinji” but it always ends up the same. I thought that was really moving because Shinji tells Kaworu he’s gonna let him live a life for himself for once and he wants the same for everyone as well. Which was honestly so meaningful cause I think Kaworu’s character and like Rei too when they start to realise how to “live” like a person and not another puppet it’s truly liberating. Another thing I forgot, bruh Kaworu calls Gendo his father and ngl I feel like this is kind of a weird lore situation because I for sure don’t think he’s the donor. I think he calls him that as an insult because he knows Gendo’s whole doing and relative to Shinji—I kind of see it as a joke LOL. Like it’s equivalent to saying, “daddy chill”, or “hey look it’s daddy and his plans to end the world” also I kind of like to think of it as a father in law thing cause you know, Kawoshin *winks amirite*

The ending, I’m honestly hoping is just an open ending because it gives everything an actual start of their adult lives not being dictated by extraterrestrial forces. Though, I’m kind of wondering if the world doesn’t have EVAs does that still mean everyone else still has the same backstory, and do they remember? Maybe Mari really is just a coworker lmfao, and there’s still a chance for Kaworu and Shinji cause ngl, they did have a convo (presumably from the spoilers) about still remaining close afterwards and that stare at the ending seems very hopeful.

I call bs from Anno saying, “oh Shinji is based off him and Mari off of his wife”, like honestly any OCs made theres always some part of yourself made into that character. Which is probably why a lot of people relate to the characters in EVA because they’re based off real things (e.g. those war machines characters are named after and people around them). I think why Kaworu and Rei are together at the end, is bc they’re very much the same. They’re mass produced dolls—which oddly enough that’s the case for all the children except they don’t recall the loop. Kind of funny also how both Kaworu and Rei became farmers lmfao so ig it runs in the family (yes that’s right I like the idea that they’re siblings it was always noted that they’re like “the same”).

Another thing, i think why the rebuild really did well for Kawoshin and in my opinion canonised it—the convo with elder Ryoji Kaji (Misato’s baby daddy) that there was a time he felt incredibly lonely and depressed thinking Misato didn’t love him and so he started looking out for himself. So self love and found himself a hobby in farming which he suggests to Kaworu—basically saying he might feel like Shinji doesn’t love him but he’s gotta remember to take care of himself. if I go thru a breakup ill feel like it’s the end of the world but Kaji says y’a gotta self love broe and take care yo self gad dam fam 😭 💗.

Though, that look at the end from Shinji to Kaworu—I’d like to believe there is still hope that one day when they’re a bit stable in their adult lives, they’ll run into each other.

[jays-nook]

SURPRISEEEEEE!!!!! 

to: @khaotungthanawat

helloooo sam!!!! my name’s jay and im your secret santa!!!! 🎉🎉

i didnt interact much with your posts before this lil activity?? gift exchange?? thing idk, im more of a quiet follower or i just didnt notice your posts on my dash hehe 

but im glad i had this chance to get to know you as a person and possibly make a new friend 🥺 , its been really fun!!! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did 🥰

now if im being honest with you, im not that talented at making edits or like art or even writing fics that quickly, so i did what i can do lmao (which isnt much skdsjdskd)

so i made you a lil’ playlist of songs i think you might like according to the aritsts/genres you mentioned a long time ago. im going to set it to “collaborative mode” as well so you can add your fav songs!! i love listening to new songs hehe

another small thing is just a bunch of fics i had read and loved which i wanted to share with you!!

as easy as breathing by kurtstiel (uwma/ winteam)

arm's length is too far by shellygurumi (uwma/ winteam)

Best Friends In Makeup and Their Devoted Boyfriends by heartsdesire456 (uwma)

you’re the only thing that’s enough for me by xXILoveMyFridgeXx (2gether/ tinewat)

Team vs. The Co-Presidents Fan Club by Kiranokira (uwma/ winteam)

Lilac by Uchistyx (2gether/ tinewat)

Chemical, Physical, Kryptonite by amclove (uwma/ winteam)

just say that you’ll always be there (and so will i) by xXILoveMyFridgeXx (2gether/ tinewat)

i’ll do what i can to make you see (that this is not a temporary love) by xXILoveMyFridgeXx (2gether/ tinewat)

i finally found where i feel i belong (and i know you’ll be there with wide open arms) by xXILoveMyFridgeXx (2gether/ tinewat)

Trusting is Easy by amclove (uwma/ winteam)

On Talking To Plants by DisasterBiAlert (my engineer/ kingxram) - okay okay so i havent actually watched my engineer, but like king and ram are reallly cute and this was such a good fic!! i will watch it....eventually dlksjdjfsajdsla

Safe House by amclove (umwa/ winteam) - i read a lot of winteam even though my faves are inkorn skdkdksdk

forever? forever. by Jamilton_and_Lams (uwma/ inkorn)

Clingy Boyfriends and Late Night Games by ocassionally-writing (uwma/ winteam)

The Enormity of My Desire Disgusts Me by asianmelodrama (2gether/ tinewat)

 hope you like my small gifts and have a merry christmas!!! and happy birthday!!! i hope the year ahead of you is joyful and full of warm and pleasant memories!!! enjoy your day!!! sending hugs!!!

from, 

your no-longer-secret 🎅❤

thank you @mistletoinks for organizing this!!! it was such a great opportunity to get to know other people on this app and really raise the Christmas spirit hehe. im so glad I decided to join it~

[mrkis]

oh God you wrote TWLG so beautifully ❤ i love it so freaking much?!?! and i thought it will end in 2 parts but i guess there are more to come right? im so excited just by thinking about it oh my God?!?! cant wait to read the rest of them 🥺‼ idk what else to say bec i am really bad at giving others compliments 😅 OHHH i love both jaemin and y/n's characters like they are so chill and lovely and fuckkkk not to mention HUANG RENJUN... you dont know how much i love him... the way you portray his character made me head over heels for him only– like hes literally so savage and i love him for that. HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING HOT EVERY TIME HE OPEN HIS MOUTH (i know i should be falling for jaemin instead of renjun.. who is the side character but yeah can't blame anyone when he is that HOT‼ lmao my bias is showing) okay that's it i guess??? oh and i want you to know that you are gifted!!! i love you stay healthy and happy<3

cont: oh and i forgot to add that i really reallly love their friendship like i think it would be so fun being one of their friends ✊ i hope ill get to see more of them on the next chapter but just do whatever you are comfortable with —completely hooked by huang renjun anon

im so happy that you like ‘twlg’ :(( it’s honestly one of my favourites to write at the moment so i’m really grateful people are enjoying it !! writing renjun’s character is sooooo fun and he’s definitely a top favourite of mine. i like the whole “im uninterested in everyone but my gf” and the “i hate my friends but if you hurt them, i’ll hit you” vibe he has going on, it’s fun !!! in the next part, you see a mixture of everything(friendships, relationships, exes, fucking etc) which is going to be interesting to write and i’m kinda most looking forward to the party scene… lotta angst hehe

tysm for the kind words !!! i promise you’ll see w lot of renjun ;) stay happy and healthy too !!! <33333

[amazingorangedangantrash]

The only ending everyone seems to ignore is v3 because it’s just... it’s just a mess.

How do feel about this game survivors? And do you think that everyone woke up from the simulator or tv show like sdr2 or only the survivors?

Hoo boy...

Honestly nonny, having only finished the dang thing yesterday I... don't know.

(I kinda went off into a spiel, so feel free to skip to the part where I talk about survivors and what I think happens next)

I understand the mixed response a LOT. I mean- I see what they were going for. The 4th wall break was cool, and the (sorta?) reappearance of past characters was pretty damn awesome. I like that the creators are definitely self aware- and there's a kind of 'learn to laugh at yourself' sort of thing.

On the other hand it can almost seem a little too mocking?

I get the whole yaknow. 'Fictional characters are aware they're fictional and rebel against their creators' thing but- like-?

As I mentioned before, thing is, Tsumugi is not us? We aren't exactly intentionally cruel? There's a BIG difference between the kind of fiction in our world and in their world.

What does Tsumugi call it? "Real fiction"?. Yeah- thing is- we don't have that. We don't have the technology for it, and I certainly hope we wouldn't abandon ethics for it either!!! We can't have 'real' fiction, because in our world, all fiction is fake! The closest you have is fiction about real people, perhaps, but- that's not even remotely the same thing?

So it does come across as a little... um- preachy.

We're supposed to represent the audience but... like- the audience fucking suck! What was that they said during the argument armament? "This guy should have died instead of Kaede!" Like- fucking hell. Imagine saying that to someone, who can HEAR you say it, and who's MURDER you could potentially watch unfold before your very eyes as a result of YOUR actions. I mean- look how empathetic some of us are to ACTUAL fictional characters. Could you imagine if we were in a similar situation to the outside world in V3???

Maybe it's because I keep imagining the v3 cast as like- sentient AI, instead of "just fiction". Because I can't imagine anyone being so sadistic or apathetic otherwise.

So uh- yeah. I don't... know how I feel about that. It's not- very satisfying?

With sdr2, the whole "none of this is real, the killing game is all a lie, you're in a fake world!" felt like a relief ! Whereas here it's more like- "what?? It's all fake? What the hell was the point then?!"

"Nothing matters!" vs "nothing matters..."

The whole HOPE VS DESPAIR, FUTURE VS PAST thing worked, because, well, it's something we can all understand. We have all felt hope and we have all felt despair. We've all, at some point in our lives, felt stuck in the past, unable to or scared to move on.

(Hey- some of us still feel like that now, even).

The first game was very simple- hope and despair. Still relatable, but fairly basic- effective to set up the foundation for the follow up.

The second game made things a little more complicated. Sometimes it's more complicated then just- choosing between Hope and Despair. We refuse to fall into Despair, but we can't just blindly have Hope.

So we choose the Future. We can't promise it'll be a good one OR a bad one. But whatever happens- we need to move on. The only way we can make things change is by making that choice, to create our OWN future.

V3 felt very... complex. It started to get kind of... uh... philosophical? And- don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that. It just... it kind of shifted from TRUTH VS LIE to FICTION VS REALITY. And whilst the latter definitely sounds interesting- I don't really know if I liked the direction they took with it-? I wish they'd kept the focus on TRUTH VS LIE a lot more.

(Fiction and Reality are like extensions of Lie and Truth but- only to a certain extent? Really?)

It's kind of harder to get into the final fight in V3 because... what are you fighting? The outside world? I mean- I can't speak for the rest of you, but as far as I'm aware I'm not a fictional character.

(If I am- then wow someone's a reallly bad writer huh?)

I can relate to Hope. I can relate to Future.

I can't relate to Fiction.

I THOUGHT maybe the message was a warning of the dangers of escapism ('please dont go as far as to erase your own personality just to be a part of a type of fiction you like' definitely seems fitting for this fandom)- but the message "fiction has the power to change the world!" kinda contradicts that. I mean- I do like that message, but- I don't like the idea of a series about killing games being heavily influential-!

The whole problem was that people grew so obsessed with the series that they threw away their lives! Is that not the point you should be focusing on-!!!!

The outside world in this universe fucking sucks. So they changed their mind, big DEAL! that's not comforting knowing they let this shit continue for 53 seasons-! I mean, maybe Makoto and Hajime were all 100% fictional, but at some point they started putting real people into these games, and everyone was ok with that!

I just-

I'm glad Shuichi got through to them at last but...

Someone said something which resonated with me- "in a vacuum, this is good". Like... on it's own, I thought the ending was great! It was entertaining, for sure. And the whole concept and stuff was unexpected and interesting. You gotta give em points for originality.

The problem comes with it being the 3rd game in a series. (Ignoring UDG I mean-). When a series becomes a Trilogy, you gotta make it good. This is presumably the last game in the (main) series too. And- after the UTTER NARRATIVE DISAPPOINTMENT of dr3- can you blame people for wanting more? People fell in love for THH and SDR2 (and UDG even if its not part of the main series) for a reason- and, for me at least, a biiiig part of that reason was the continued storyline. The last chapter of sdr2 was the hypest shit EVER. when you see glimpses of the previous game bleed into this one, only for it to turn into what's like- a full crossover???? The previous game isn't just mentioned, it's a straight up sequel!!!! I had absolutely no idea Makoto and co would return (i thought the games were separate) so when i saw that they'd be interacting with the new cast- yoooooooooooooooo-!

Hell, even seeing alter ego again made me go WILD.

V3 plays upon these expectations, and subverts them, but... not necessarily in a good way? You- kind of feel cheated? (Idk if you're an avengers fan, but- it's like expecting *Endgame* and instead getting...

Well- Endgame).

The ending isn't bad persay it's just- not quite what one would expect? I can definitely understand why people are disappointed. The problem is, instead of standing alone, you can't help but consider it as part of the series. Individually, I don't think the ending was that weak or bad, but in comparison to the series as a whole?

Meh.

SURVIVORS

(Oh my- I really got off track, oh dear. I'll- get back to what you asked now.)

KEEBO

W H Y

They rllly gonna rub salt in the wound huh?

(Whilst i dont dislike the other survivors, there are a LOT of people i really really wanted to see make it to the end, and it's just the final god damn nail in the coffin to kill off the last of the few characters I came even close to liking the most-)

Killing keebo was dumb

Maki- I liked Maki quite a bit! She's a bit cold, yeah, but I warmed up to her after hearing her backstory.

I found it annoying (if understandable) that no one trusted her at first. I thought it was sweet that her, Kaito and Shuichi had this friendship trio. They really trusted each other- it was very refreshing. I also love me a strong girl. Her romance thing with Kaito was a little... forced. I'd have found it more meaningful if they kept it more subtle/ambiguous (though i suppose they needed smth to use against her in the final trial sooo-).

Himiko-

I-

*sigh*

Ok I'm going to say this once, and once only.

Someoneonthedrteamhasabigthingforlolis

OK! I SAID IT- AND IM NEVER SAYING IT AGAIN

No judgement here of course. Just. Uh. Y-yeah-

(I'm mainly kidding of course, idek if Himiko counts as a loli but-)

I mean... I'm not... the fondest of very small, childish girl characters (Saionji intensifies). I like a bit of childishness in a character but- i mean- it depends.

(I'll never recover from the "seductive whisper" thing from the love suite event

Never.

Never ever.)

Himiko comes across as like An Actual Child at times and at the start it was VERY annoying. Surprisingly, I warmed up to her eventually. I knew in advance she'd be a survivor so i kinda thought "well she's gonna stick around so might as well try to like her". I do appreciate that she underwent a character arc too, and it was sweet to see how she became a more active, determined person. I wish it hadn't taken Tenko's death for her to finally start changing but whatever. She is quite a cute character and after a while became more endearing then annoying.... (for the most part).

Was she in my top 3 picks for a survivor? No.

The top 10 even?

N-no-

I'm glad she's still alive though. SOMEONE damn well needs to be.

Tsumugi- ah. She's not a survivor, is she? I knew well in advance she was the mastermind so I didn't really warm up to her all that much during the final chapters, for obvious reasons.

Shuichi- if shuichi hadn't survived I think that would have been the breaking point for me, honestly.

Overall- uh... they aren't... the ideal picks. Shuichi is the only one I really wanted to see survive, I was neutral towards the others. Tbh I was just happy anyone was alive by the end of that.

Waking up- for the sake of my sanity, I like to think that after the survivors wake up, they threaten to sue and/or maim the shit out of the dr team if they don't start on reanimating their 'dead' friends right fucking now. Surely they gotta keep their consciousness' somewhere in those memories banks right? I mean- what if they ever wanted a "surprise return from the dead" plotline? Surely they gotta keep em somewhere? Right?

Whether or not they reawaken as their in-game or pre-game selves, who knows. Whichever you prefer, I guess. Maybe a mixture of both.

[neshabeingchildish]

Hensley & Char: Friends or Whatever || Part 6

I have to warn y’all, this chapter has some sadness in it. I tapped into 15 year old me and how I was trying to navigate what I thought back then was me being bi, which IF someone calls me bi, I am not opposed to the able, even being technically ace, but for that time and for my feelings/experience and the language I had access to, that’s what I was considering myself as, but nobody knew that (though I was rumored gay by several people in high school, despite never seeing me in any relationships and me only ever speaking about male crushes to others) LOL, yes, Mama used to have male crushes irl, when I was a kid. But, I tapped into some of myself, but made it more Charlotte-like and leaned on the gay. Idk how well it will or won’t resonate, but I hope that I at least did Charlotte justice in her experience with looking inward, though her results may be disappointing, I hope that they at least come across as realistic, if not relatable or understandable. @just-a-j-reallly @junknstu1f @henryharts I’m not in a rush for feedback, as I know everybody has things going on. Hopefully my tags work out. A lot of people never get notified of them.

Also, as a heads up, the next chapter, whenever that might come, might also be sad too. I’m so sorry. 

The Jasper Juxtaposition

They had been trying to get Jasper into the fold of their outfit for a while. Ray wasn’t having it. Even whenever Charlotte basically throw her pride into a burning bin, seeping with trash juice, to pretend that she was secretly dating Hensley, but that they couldn’t tell anyone because, “Charlotte’s not out of the closet.” At this point, Charlotte was very heavily debating this ruse. 

There was an element of “people shouldn’t lie/joke about being in the closet,” which she strongly and firmly believed in… But… She went along with it anyway, because as she did her backstory for this test on Jasper, she found that she comfortably created the guise. 

“I can say that I’ve been curious about my sexuality for a while, and seeing you out of the closet, living your best gay life inspired me to come to you for advice on how to navigate figuring it out and in the process, we fell for each other and started dating secretly.”

Hensley laughed in her face and said, “It’s Jasper, Char. You don’t have to say all of that. Just be like, “We’re gay together, Dude.” He’s gonna accept it and be super chill about it. I’m not convinced there’s a pile of homo rattling around in him, if we’re being honest. PLUS, he thinks we’re both hot. He’s gonna get a kick out of us kissing and stuff.”

“I’m not kissing you!” Charlotte squealed.

Hensley turned up her nose, “What? Ew. No! Of course not. Ugh. This incites disgust, to think of it.” She shook her head, “Kissing a straight girl… in the mouth? I don’t know where your mouth has been. On boys, probably. I don’t want boy kiss transfer.”

“You kissed Chloe all the time!” Charlotte argued, unsure of why that was her response instead of arguing that she didn’t want to kiss Hensley (and hadn’t been kissing any boys, unless you counted kissing Jack Swagawitz at camp… which… she didn’t), and furthermore…

“Chloe was different, though. I really liked her,” Hensley said.

“You went out with Bianca as soon as you had a window,” Charlotte muttered.

“You told me to go for it! What? Now, I gotta stop listening to my smarter half?”

They bickered up until the moment that Jasper came over for them to feed him the lie. Whoa, were they bad at lying together… Fortunately, it was Jasper. Who, Charlotte was very disturbed by his fascination with the thought of them kissing. “Jasper is fetishing us, and I don’t like it,” she told Hensley.

“He’s not fetishizing you. He’s fetishizing fake lesbian you. It’s different.”

“Yeah, but… He’s… fetishizing lesbians!”

“He’s a dude. Dudes do that,” Hensley said, waving a hand. Charlotte didn’t like that explanation and it was often Hensley’s excuse for a number of sexist and problematic things that happened on her watch. Maybe it was for the best that Jasper didn’t pass the test. Then she’d have a problematic Hensley, and ANOTHER problematic guy at work. Ray was alright. He was nice, enough, but he said stuff sometimes that made her uncomfortable and he didn’t really listen whenever she pointed these things out. (Something that she had no idea would get worse over time, but that’s another subject.

Currently, the subject is Jasper. 

It took a while before Jasper came on board with the team. It took a while before he was ready for this secret. From the time that Hensley and Charlotte “broke up” until then, there were a lot of adventures that Hensley and Char saw together that made them really close in a way that Charlotte and Jasper were not, and even that Jasper and Henry were not. And in a way, for Charlotte, it was a lot like the fabricated story that she had spun - their secret involvement and the connecting together that nobody knew about… Also, since then, she had really been thinking about how easy it was for her to think of that, and how… relatable it felt, how natural it was to even imagine herself, keeping that sort of secret because she couldn’t tell people that she maybe… well… she didn’t really think it was so much a maybe these days… liked girls. 

More specifically, she maybe (and this WAS still a maybe), liked Hensley. Her hopeless heroine who she helped on a daily basis, and loved being so close to, even when she complained and fussed at her about the things that she deserved to be fussed at about. She would probably NEVER let her live down almost getting killed by Jasper’s crazy ex girlfriend, and she was so tired of Hensley always coming to her to get her out of stuff that she warned her about prior to the decision - like when she tried to go to the dance with Chloe as Kid Danger and Bianca as herself… STUPID HENSLEY! Charlotte decided, right around Jasper Dunlop Day that she wasn’t doing this anymore. She was going to explore her options and see what felt right. 

She bought a project board, some cards, and a science journal and she set up, literally in her closet, a little experiment center. She decorated the board, and across the top, had lettered, “Am I Gay?” Her hypothesis?: “I might be gay.” Procedure: Well, she supposed, she had to talk to some people, go on some dates, maybe kiss somebody? She shuddered. The amount of germs in saliva was terrifying to her. In fact, whenever she kissed Jack, she had threatened, “If you slip me any tongue, I’ll slip my fist right into your ribcage!” Needless to say, he slipped her no tongue.

But, her “experimentation phase” generally was not very successful for a number of reasons. 

First and foremost… meeting people? She wasn’t a fan. She joined the Student Council as a means to help her with a bit of self diagnosed social anxiety, but cared a lot about issues, so that she genuinely stayed in it to do community stuff and be a helpful member of the club. She met cool people, too! It was one of her things away from Hensley and away from Jasper, and wasn’t primarily academic, so she held it close to her heart as something for herself and decided against using it, and the fine people she met in it as lab rats for her orientation exploration.

Then, there was the little problem of personal space and unnecessary touching. There were very few people that she allowed into her bubble. Her parents, Uncle Roscoe, Hensley, Jasper, Piper, and Ray, and even with Ray, she tensed up for the longest time whenever he entered her bubble without warning. Even with that select amount of people who could be in her bubble, the only people that could casually touch her were her parents and Hensley. Sometimes Piper, but Piper had the respect to not touch her for no good reason. Unlike Hensley, who she simply had to get used to the fact that the girl was simply GOING TO just stand close, throw her arm around her, hug her, pick her up, play with her hair, tug on her backpack, or whatever she felt like doing at the time, and saying, “You should get permission before touching people,” just became background noise for Hensley, after a while, so Charlotte simply stopped saying it and adjusted. 

Jasper still sometimes got elbowed. It just wasn’t the same thing when a dude just touched you casually, she had initially thought. Maybe that wasn’t it at all and she just didn’t mind girls touching her as much, because she liked them? But… in order to figure that out, she’d have to let people in her bubble and let people casually touch her and see how she felt about it. 

So often, when it looked like somebody was getting too close, she stepped away, creating the distance of comfort for her and also, very clearly letting them see where it was. To the point that everybody who knew her knew not to get too close and everybody in her extracurriculars always did stuff like, “Hey Charlotte, I’m gonna take this lint off of you, okay?” (to which, she’d tell them to show her where it was and get it herself) or “Hi, Charlotte, do you mind if I sit here, or is that too close for you?”(To which she’d tell them to go ahead, but she’d move over more). She’d have to start telling people that being near her was okay, if she wanted to see her reactions to boys and girls and others in her proximity… And nowadays, they didn’t even ask anymore.

Even Mitch Bilsky would take one look at her and say, “UGH. The only space is by the queen of “don’t stand so close to me?” He’d then still do it, and even purposefully make her squirm, but she would resolve to ignore him and he’d get bored and move along.

But, she didn’t have very many times to test this out, and had to eventually rule out trying to get close to people (or let them get close to her) to see if she might feel a little flutter or not. 

Lastly, in addition to not being a people person and not wanting anybody in her personal space, The Man Cave was a whole ass full time job to maintain. She began to wonder what happened to people who previously worked for Ray/Captain Man? Even the ones that were there when she got there, and ones that would pop in and out for little assignments… after a while, she just didn’t see them, and she either was assigned their jobs, or took it upon herself to do them for worry of things going terribly wrong if she didn’t. Things went wrong in general, and she often felt like if she didn’t step in whenever she did, they could be downright disastrous. This job basically became her life. She never signed up for another marathon after dropping out whenever she thought the Super Volcano would kill them. She still had StuCo, but that was school related and when push came to shove, she only forsook the Man Cave for educational purposes, unless it was an extreme emergency.

In fact, she completely gave up on testing it all out and just let it bother her beneath the surface. Her conclusion: I’m more confused than ever, but technically… going to consider myself in the closet.

Imagine if I was as comfortable with myself as Jasper is…

You couldn’t tell that boy nothing. He protested stupid Swellview laws, jumped into hero mode to get his own hero day, wore belly shirts to everyone’s chagrin, was willing to go to tremendous lengths - sometimes extremely embarrassing ones - to get girls, and he overshared weird facts about his body with great excitement that just let you know that he adored these things about himself… 

She couldn’t even with certainty say that she MIGHT like girls, which, she was sure that she absolutely did, but she could hardly admit it to herself, much less out loud. What if it hurt her? What if it affected how she was seen by people on college boards or in the job field, once she left Swellview. Sure… there were YEARS before this happened, but Charlotte had been thinking ahead since she was small, and the moment she felt an inkling that her feelings may be… counterculture, she began to research related laws and statistics. 

Swellview didn’t have a big Black population. In fact, the demographics indicated that there were a lot more lgbt citizens than there were people who weren’t white, period. So, in Swellview, perhaps it wouldn’t be anything to be open about her sexuality… but… what if it was different for her, like a lot of things were. It was often different for her as a girl to be accepted in some spaces, to be listened to, to be respected. And it was frequently double different for her as a Black girl. Even the “good” people made her feel things that she often didn’t want to complain about, because they ALREADY thought she was an angry girl, when she couldn’t think of very many instances in which her anger was not justified. Research told her that was a common issue for Black girls and women. She didn’t have enough around her to touch base with, and was frustrated that she had to consider all of these intersections to even consider whether she would be free enough to have a sexual identity. 

Even with her academic record, immaculate articulation, and non-threatening appearance, Charlotte didn’t have many friends and didn’t have the best reputation. She was a nerd, but also, unfriendly. A Black girl in a male dominant world, in a white dominant city, and to possibly also be gay… she just… she couldn’t just toss that out there and have it attached to her name without knowing, and she felt like a coward for feeling like that. 

What would be the big deal, Charlotte? If that’s who you are… what would be so wrong about that? People be gay all over Swellview… but then again… everyday, she would see people be able to freely do things that she previously thought she WOULD never do, but as she got older realized that she wouldn’t do certain things, because she COULD never do them… not without possibly losing something. Chances? Respect? Heck, in certain areas of the world, her life. But, thinking this hard about it and not coming up with anything to push her to believe that she was indeed a straight girl, despite all of the reasons that it would be SO easy, and she loved easy things, despite her knack for tackling hard things. Why wouldn’t she just accept that she was straight, if that would make all of this anguish and confusion go away? She could just tell herself that she was straight and get it over with and move on… IF she was indeed straight. And if she wasn’t, no matter how much “experimentation” and hypothesizing she did, nothing would make her feel those feelings that she sometimes felt around Hensley, for some boy. 

So… She just sat with it. In her closet. She didn’t experiment and she didn’t hypothesize. But, in her science journal that she had previously been writing all of these things in, she scratched out her conclusion and wrote. 

Conclusion: I’m gay. 

But, she tore the page out and wadded it up. Then, she felt bad, straightened it back out, and slid it back into it's space. She tucked her cards into it and stuffed it into a lock box where she kept keepsakes and stuff, locked it in and got rid of her project board in the Junk n Stuff dumpster. 

She had been handling Kid Danger’s secret for a couple of years now and planned to hold on to it forever. She had time to figure out what to do with her own.

Besides… by the time Jasper got in on the secret… Things changed a lot, anyway.

[alien-the-magician]

So apparently while I was out filling myself with Korean food I have apparently hit a follower milestone that I thought I would never reach (like why would anyone follow me lmao?!). To celebrate that I want to do a mutual appreciation post bc you guys make this hell site so fun and bearable. (BEWARE long post)

OK before starting this long ass post a quick shout-out to my mutuals who I never talk with but always see on my dash who I appreciate a lot: @someboredloser, @sumi98, @flowerkth, @nadnoeynosnatgnab

Firstly the one and only Lupin aka @dragonsrulemyheart, I think you are one of the few people who I’ve continued to talk over the years even though sometimes we don’t talk for months I always appreciate you being around. Let it be ranting about voltron or more deep stuff you are always here and I am so glad I had the opportunity to be friends with you.

@bluelotusmagi, ~you know it all you are my best friend~ the only good thing that came out of SJ was meeting you Defne. I am the luckiest person alive, words probably can’t describe how much I love you. i know that I am not a good friend but you are so precious for me never forget that (lmao I know I don’t show this to you that much but literally I am still alive thanks to you)

@the-great-gaysby, Kayden when will you realize you are too cool for me?? But really I am glad that we started talking, I mean we don’t interact as much but still I appreciate you a lot. I hope you’re happy!!

@pink-kiyoko, Anna probably my sweetest mutual. We don’t talk much anymore (bc of my shitty social skills) but still whenever I see you on my dash I feel so happy, I don’t even remember how we even started talking but I appreciate you a lot.

@minslattae, again an another mutual I don’t talk anymore (f my social skills seriously) but seriously I don’t know why Mahalet follows me like she is the coolest also her imagination and story-telling is AMAZING. Again even though I don’t message you or send you asks anymore (life makes me busy) I still follow and read all of your stories. Keep being awesome

@taepups-words, Evelyn omg words can’t describe how lucky I am to be friends with you. I enjoy all of our conversations soo much, idk why but it is so easy to talk with you I don’t even feel nervous. Also seeing you on my dash is always fun.

@forestyoongs, EVAAAAA, omg we literally talk about everything and nothing but it is always so fun. Literally our conversation topics wary from screaming about BTS to travels we made to more social justice stuff. It is always amazing to get a message from you<3

@bubblegumprincess95, my sweet hunbun!!! The absolute cutie!!! We started talking bc I saw you were turkish thanks to a common mutual who is no longer active (I miss seokie-bear). Have fun in Canada, don’t forget about me (10 months is reallly looong) also I am expecting photos. 

@ohhmyheartuu5678, (still don’t know your name, don’t @ me lmao why am I like this?) But literally our talks started with me being crazy and cutting my hair short, I mean if you still continued talking with me after that, this means we are friends. On a serious note it is always so easy to talk to you, generally when I am talking with someone I always feel super nervous but it never happened with you~

@cosymyg, literally I think I am addicted to talking with you, I don’t remember what was our first conversation but I am glad that we still continue talking. We can talk about anything let it be anime, to shows we watch or just some sweet Muslim talk, I appreciate it a lot. I am so glad that we became friends.

@jesuslistenstostyles, I am so glad we became friends (and no you are not clingy and no I am happy to talk with you, don’t think other wise pls). Even though we are both turkish we still talk in English which is ironically funny. I love that we both agree on the fact that the moon is the most beautiful.

@ilovemydoge, props the only who understands me the most bc turkish friendshippp. Love you and thank you for always understanding me

@mintysugasweet, you know everyone has that one mutual who is way cool for them I think Rae is that for me, I still have no idea why you are following me

@miraculousdays, I miss talking with you but still seeing you on my dash makes me soo happy

@taeyongsflatbutt, we just became mutuals but idk man your sense of humor and your blog is really good (I might be kinda biased bc you are greek and our neighbor country but shh)