#so im making this in response cuz like
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The post going around that's like "how to not want to die" and it creates these arbitrary rules of "never say u wanna kill yourself, compliment others, etc" is so. Maybe it works for op but it feels disingenuous.
The thing that got me to not want to kill myself anymore was *no longer being in a stressful environment constantly* and *going to three years of intensive cognitive behavioral therapy*, both of which are difficult but doable tasks. To better summarize what I think the person was trying to convey in ways that make sense to me:
"don't say you wanna kill yourself as a joke", saying it constantly can make your brain accept it as a solution and overall isn't great, but also don't beat yourself up for thinking it. You literally cannot control your initial thoughts, but you can control your behaviors afterwards.
"compliment others, talk to ppl" is kinda a weird way to phrase that Community Matters, focusing on Good Stuff matters. Society is addicted to misery and it is more radical to be happy and to get excited and share in joy especially online.
"if ppl make u feel bad stop talking to them" this tip is actually good. Asserting boundaries with people who make you miserable is the only way forward.
And something the person failed to touch on: GOOD EATING HABITS MATTER!!!!! Eating vegetables matters. Eating fruits matters. Eating often and with friends matters. If your body is not well fed your mind can never prosper. You have to find some joy in cooking or at the very least eating. A meal can be whatever you want it to be but you have to imagine Senshi in your mind telling you to eat well. "I'm sad and think my friends hate me" when's the last time u ate. "my stomach hurts and it's putting me in a bad mood" when's the last time you ate something green, which your gut craves for its fiber and nutrients. "I feel lethargic and like I never accomplish anything" if you spend 30 min slowly chopping veggies vs 10 min speed chopping, the end result will be the same in that u have chopped veggies to feed ur tired body.
Taking care of yourself is so much more radical and important than any other stage of telling yourself or others "no". It's like assuming you can lift a 100pound weight when you can't even lift 10.
The key to not wanting to kill yourself is to treat your body as a garden, to feed it what it needs and to put it in a spot with the right amount of sunlight, and when the leaves start to change colors (and it's always When, not If) you listen as to Why it's not doing well. Arbitrary rules of "compliment others!" May work for some, but the assumption it'll work for everyone is kinda nonsense.
#rambling#saw a post that made me ?? i guess mad idk thats too strong of a word#so im making this in response cuz like#recovery to a better life looks different for everyone#which im very willing to assume that persons post did work for them#but assuming thats the end all be all solution is. odd. especially with how specific it was
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guys i love them i promise i just have the urge to put them through the grinder sometimes
umm on the bright side here's the alternate good ending version lol!!!!!
#haiii ^_^#i didnt know whether to make a seperate post for the good ending one but it wouldve been weird so im just adding it onto here lol#op#one piece#sanji#usopp#god usopp#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#sanuso#usosan#tw blood#tw injury#angst#comic#my art#mintart#ok originally i was gonna use every color but red for the first two pages and only make the butterfly red then make the last page red too#cuz yaaayyy symbolism whatever cringe and then i scrapped it cuz i love working with pink and i was nawt about to figure out#a whole new colour palette during finals week. also i have 5 minutes before class so im speed typing this LOL#anygays thanks lars for the usopp dies brainrot i HATE YOU#he's partly responsible for this actually#i hate how the colours of the last page turned out uurgghghhh im not fixing it tho bye#i like the rest of it tho >_<#i love writing dialogue but silent comics r pretty fun too#ive been doing a couple of those lately and theyve been helping me with gesture and expression practice#lol i love drawing sanji pathetic and in love#i love drawing usopp in general he's my favorite to draw ever im so glad he exists#JUST NOTICED THE LESBIAN COLOUR PALETTE UHHH NOT INTENTIONAL or maybe it could be yuri who knows. they r so very gender#i will draw sanuso yuri soon tho TRUST!!!!!!!!!
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#So rn my parents are overseas at this gathering with family friends#And one of them got married + had a kid 11 weeks ago#All of this in the span of less than a year btw#And he’s 15 years older than me but rlly fun etc the kind of guy that feels at most 6-7 years older yk#And it feels wildddd cuz he was the rlly like mischievous (?) Kind of guy in our friend group#and it felt a bit weird to know he was expecting a kid since I found out a few months back but today my mum told me her name and everything#And I’m feeling super weird again like I can’t imagine him as a serious responsible dad buckling down yk#But also he can be serious when he needs to be so that coupled with his sense of humour means he’s going to be a great dad in sure#But it’s making me rethink whether or not I want to have kid(s)#maybe it’s just vanity but I feel like pregnancy would rlly wreck my body both looks and health wise#Like that is 9 months of commitment idk if I can handle it 😭😭😭#but sometimes i daydream abt what it would be like to have kids with the guy im 90% sure I’ll be marrying in like 7 years#and it makes me feel soooooo. like I want to do all that with him#and I feel like he would be level headed enough to help me through wtv insecurity or anxiety I’m feeling now#Idk idk#personal
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super long big huge tired sigh
#im so sick and tired of people#im so sick and tired of only being talked to / used when it benefits other people#i will always live by the fact that friendships are not transactional but#where is the line#i am not an endlessly supply of energy and support just for you i’m sorry#im just not#im not.#im really not.#you’re not a friend to me when you just hang out or text me when it’s convenient for you#i give my all#all the time#i make an EFFORT even when im going through shit#i communicate#and what tf do you do#what do you give me#when god forbid I#ME#I have to say soemthing. I need to rant or I need to talk abt something personal#where are you when i need help???#nowhere! you’re barely there!#i dont need ur dry one word responses or ur lack of interest showing in ur tone of voice#like atp just tell me outright u dont give a shit about me#please it’s so much easier. cuz then i feel batshit crazy for being enthusiastic n actually wanting to talk to u#and i feel annoying and stupid and like a burden#just be honest n stop wasting my time thank you sm#about to go ballistic swear to god#♡ dear diary…
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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!
#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything#like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take#it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is#i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them#and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and#i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself#like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time#yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now#and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice#and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand#i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he#cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest#do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done#and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore#i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better#then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do#dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hsr spoilers#oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk#long post
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#sp#south park#i want to write a fic abt their whole thing in the buddha box episode cuz i feel like a ton of people make it seem like craig hates tweek o#smth. NOT THE CASE !!!!! hes just a kid and hes overwhelmed and he feels like its too much sometimes and he feels like hes responsible for#tweeks emotions. not saying that completely justifies it . but he isolates himself n his emotions cuz otherwise he doesnt know how to deal#them. meanwhile unlike him tweek CANT ignore or isolate his emotions . and hes dealing w so much and when he finds out why craig got the bu#dha box he may be devestated and think of himself as a burden. they deeply care abt one another and love each other and craig makes tweek#feel more confident in himself while tweek makes craig break out of his shell abd learn to accept emootions . but theyre still taking thei#time mkay? and now i either want to write them resolving this conflct#or just go lazy and make tweek fucking die while craig is in his own bubble lmao#though im sick n tired of ppl portraying craig as downright abusive not the case partner#though theyre a healthy couple and they push through and learn from their arguments#sp creek#creek sp#craig tucker#tweek tweak#craig x tweek#tweek x craig#buddha box#toki rambles#in the tags at least#my polls#south park polls
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nothing makes me more mad than when david gaider tweets lmfaoooo
#hate that man#no offense#well full offense actually#the playersexual discourse is crazy but him admitting that he's the reason there's like.#gender-locked romances in response to da:tv having pansexual romances is insane#“everyone being able to be attracted to ur character takes away from the characters' agency” in what world actually#like does iron bull have no agency over his character cuz he can like both?#homophobic rhetoric i fear#not to mention idk why it would be more important for people that a fake person made of pixels#has more “agency” (as if they ever do theyre NOT REAL!!!!!!!!!)#than players who want to express themselves through the medium of the video game and experience it#in a way that makes them comfortable#dorian romance is great and it does revolve a whole lot around being gay but at some point like#not liking how bg3 did their romance bc characters can fall in love with you regardless of gender just stinks of losers#“they fall in love with you no matter how you act” bro if u do mean things some of them will permanently leave the party#like literally what are you talking abt#astarion rejected 60 percent of players in the first few weeks of the game being out like literally what are you talking about#its fine im calm#im chill#take a deep breath me#LOL#anyways fuck that guy#glad he's no longer lead writer cuz him freely admitting he's the reason for the limitations of dai is crazy#same guy who said astarion is basically fenris tho so u can clearly tell his ego has started leaking out his ass
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why is every art history professor the bane of my existence
#theyre all SUCH assholes#and they come across as chill people who are just really into something i dont really get but like its whatever#im into stuff they dont get im sure#but then i put in all this effort into a fuckin Reading Response and they come back at me like 'did you even read the correct article'#like??????????#My mom says prof just might not like me cuz i corrected her in class the other day#its so lame like art history is COOL why do all the people who make a career out of it suck ass tho
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Hey, guys?
People on the opposite side of the political spectrum can be good people too.
It's starting to make me really uncomfortable how divided everything is. People have adopted an "if you're not with us, you're against us" mentality when talking about the other side, and it's so jarring going from online where that's the norm to being in an Uber and your driver is the other side.
Online parties make the other side out to be monsters who want nothing more than to watch the world burn. And while that is absolutely true for some people (on BOTH SIDES), most people are far more sane than that.
Everyone's actions make sense to them. Everyone thinks they're in the right, at least to some degree.
Left-wingers aren't monsters under the bed out to kill and eat kids or something.
Right-wingers aren't shadows on the wall that stalk their prey at night.
But holy fuck the way they talk about each other, you'd think they are.
I'm not saying you gotta switch sides. What I am saying is that you're not helping out anything by "us vs them"ing the other half of the population in your head.
Most offline people either don't think some issues are as prevalent as they are, or just don't see how it applies to them and focus on their own lane. This (the second half) can be a bad thing, absolutely, but it can also be a good thing, too. Mostly it's neutral from what I've personally seen. The first half just means they should do more research, but if someone doesn't see why it matters then convincing them to do so in earnest will be hard.
That doesn't make them bad. Just means they're focused on other things. Just because someone doesn't get it doesn't mean they're the scum of the earth. There's plenty you don't know about, either. How dare you not know about every tiny conflict happening out there right now, y'know?
Love thy neighbor n all that. We're all just trying to live as best as we can at the end of the day.
#its wild. i was in an uber a couple weeks ago and my driver and i got to talking about lgbt stuff#and he was generally not knowledgable but casually supportive#and then he threw out there that he was a trump supporter. just casually. didnt think anything of it.#it was so jarring cuz online we're conditioned to think trump supporters are automatically the worst of the worst#but he wasnt#same with my family. a lot of them support trump but they support lgbtq folks too#my dad says he agrees with trumps policies which. i dont wanna unpack that. but my dad is a good person.#he just doesnt KNOW.#and if your immediate response to this is thaf i need stronger boundaries then you missed the point#polarizing ourselves like this isnt good and is just gonna make shit worse#anyway. im awake way too early and im going to bed.#dimond speaks
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you focus on all the other people who look up to *you* for your creations
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#i guess i have a hard time accepting that sort of positivity as a way to cope with this cuz it makes me feel so deeply like a fiasco#like im doing something fishy or wrong by not feeling responsible about people's negative reactions as well#i probably just need time to digest it but yeah. feels a bit helpless right now#feels embarrassing to still be affected by it#cuz it was like one or two months ago but hell. art is my core. of course it affected me
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hey so. um. i was told that lmk didn't have any pain. and. haha. haha. haHa...what the f
#🅰️non talks#lego monkie kid#*glares at ceres* I TRUSTED YOU#/silly#gOOOOOOOOD MK YOU SILLY TRAUMATIZED BOY#HUGGING YOU AND SQUISHING YOU AND CODDLING YOU IN MY HEAD AS I AM TYPING THIS#(i also hope that there is more to it where that came from cuz im on s2ep9 rn and i want to really DWELL on the sadness and angst potential#(cuz from what i'm seeing in the main earlier episodes (I AM NOT COMPLAINING WHATSOEVER I DO KNOW THAT THIS IS STILL A KID'S SHOW))#(forgiveness is very easy to come by in the main cast)#(i wanna explore trying to give them more negative aspects like holding grudges (either visible or invisible) and showing remnants of ptsd#from earlier encounters)#(just idk man I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH GIVING EVERYTHING JUST A PINCH OF REALISM OK???? angst is my lifeblood you all should know that /lh)#edit: ok i just reread their response to my ask and turns out i accidentally left out the part where they told me there IS pain#oh#ahem#ahem...#edit2: I AM AN IDIOT. I FORGOT TO SEPARATE THIS EARLIER BUT PTSD IS **NOT** A NEGATIVE ASPECT AND I AM SO SORRY FOR MAKING IT OUT TO BE ONE#PTSD IS VALID AND THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE PTSD DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND HAPPY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES#FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T THINK THE SAME OK BYE
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Actually, do you have the colors of your sona yet??? Just one single characteristic color is good enough
HELP YES IM SO SORRY I TOTALLY FORGOT ABT THAT HHHHHH 🥹🥹
I did a really quick sketch-over to determine the hair color,,, so it's kinda like a peachy pink?? That's what I was going for!! I couldn't decide what eye color looked better so pick whatever you want!! Same thing for the flower iris too actually,,,😭 the problem with designing sonas is that i want to add so many things and get really indecisive,,,sighs
(as for the clothes, I'd probably say the cardigan is either a peachy color too or green like the leaf)
IM SO SORRY FOR THE VAGUENESS I ALWAYS HALF-ASS THINGS 😭😭😭 (but thank you. so much for asking i appreciate it so so much. <333)
#leaf response#im sorry to arc too actually#🥹😭#im genuinely so indecisive on character creation cuz im like#“what if putting x makes it look better than y”#and then i try every combination possible#sighs
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#BEEN A LONG TIME COMIN but i think i need to go off on a mini heroes journey for a bit to regroup myself ^^;#had a moment that made me finally start payin attention to the visible cracks thatd been forming. damn i need to take better care of myself#if ur one of the people i talk to or interact with and ur worrying its cuz of u -> dont!!!! this stuffs on me. its my responsibility.#i might still lurk if i feel like it. i aint gonna try to stop myself from that.#but i'll be using my phone less n making less of my own posts for a bit#nervous to post this n nervous to even DO it but..its something i need to practice yknow#'girl whyd u say Really mentally unstable ur literally fine' im not fine n its how i feel. dont care. (<- trying so hard not to care)#<- omg LITERALLY LIVE EXAMPLE OF WHY I GOTTA PUT THE PHONE DOWN every little thing stesses me out shut tf upppp🤕
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I looooovvveee how you can criticize a character one post (for doing some serious uncool shit) and then simp (sorry for the zoomer word lol) for them the next post
You take things not serious and I love it! They are just characters, you can dislike the actions and love the fictional dude. They are just little ragdolls and we are all playing dolly!
I can't believe that person blocked you your like the coolest!!!
AKENROXKJEL THANK YOU LMAOO
i just think nothing is that serious cuz its literally all fictional.. i think its really silly that i got blocked for literally just stating a couple of facts directly from the manga about a fictional character.. i obviously cant ask them but it feels pretty clear to me that they just didnt want to hear people hate on their favorite character but i dont even hate him lmfao!! literally never said i did.. even made a point in my post to say i dont even think the character himself is really EVIL (and even if i did, 1)its still fun to like them because THEY ARENT REAL and 2)whether or not i did like them wouldnt change anything about what i said) but i wont go into that now..
debatable moral greyness aside, liking and analyzing insane characters is just fun and they also arent real so its not like we can "hold them accountable for their actions" or whatever, so its up to the reader to interpret how redeemable, irredeemable, or whatever they are.. that post wasnt even an opinion/hc post, it was just facts (and a bit of my interpretation but mostly of the effects of the canon actions, everything i said that character did was all directly from the text) so if they read it and thought "that character cant be like that because i like them and think that this is all completely irredeemable and i would hate them" then theyre just too deep in their fanon and in denial LOL
guy who has not been on the internet long enough to realize that its okay to love a fictional character even if they do horrible terrible awful things.. (didnt you have a creepypasta phase in middle school or anything ?? cmon..)
#im not a hater im just right#anyway ive done something like this about both toritsuka and kusuke but this was obviously about kusuke#i think both of those dudes are morally grey teens who have done fucking AWFUL HORRIBLE THINGS#but i think they both just. have issues.+trauma. which doesnt excuse anything but it does explain why theyre that way#and makes them redeemable in my eyes#but i will continue to criticize the awful things they do and criticize people for ignoring it with their weird fanon#and i will also continue to love the characters.. lol..#also i dont want anyone to think im trying to like dog on that person that blocked me or anything#im just a person on the internet and so are they#im allowed to state my opinion though cuz they LITERALLY MADE A PUBLIC CALLOUT OF ME FIRST LMAO#okay im done sorry i made a whole essay in response to this instead of just saying 'thanks lol!'
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yipee season of strike controversy solved ty devs >:)
#i didnt unlock the season yet im still veryyyy behind (need like maybe another week)#but i heard abt the nerfs and changes and Goddamn theyre BAD#its basically no rewards on everywhere and makes progression nonexistent unless ur a GigaWhale#like it doesnt matter if u spent money if ur just a dolphin ur still gna get left behind#which is crazy . was kinda bummed out on it but#didnt want to dwell on the hate that ppl r giving cuz its giving me gnshin anniversary flashbacks LMAO#except the difference here is the devs r actually Listening to the complaints & adjusting wwww#havent watched the full of volkins update vid but the adjustments the devs made r actually so good#from my understanding i think we even get more rewards than we do in base game (heavy on i think)#marilee & korin nerf kinda sucks but i understand why they decided to do that cuz .#cuz those 2 at m+ literally outdamage any dps in dream realm LMAO#but yeah!!! very happy abt their response to the complaints and feedbacks ^-^#@players and im serious abt this : Dont make it a habit to rate a game 1/5 stars with every bad thing that happens#the nerfs was literally foudn out by most players just 2 or 3 days ago!!@(*@ bro didnt even give devs time to respond#and still the response of the devs was still saur fast AND also came with great reverts on thos enerfs TT
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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