#from my understanding i think we even get more rewards than we do in base game (heavy on i think)

[coconoct]

my 2 cents on the state of whb

i've been contemplating about my thoughts on this game since i never really sat down and processed it, and a month of not playing the game and just keeping up with fandom content/official game news i think i can properly format my words (hopefully idk lol)

if you're looking for a specific section dw i'll properly format everything under the cut so you can just scroll till you find whatever you're looking for (also head's up it's insanely long i'm sorry but kinda not sorry i wanted to just put all my thoughts into one post rather than multiple)

SMALL INTRO

for some context on my experience, i have been playing this game everyday since launch/day 1, i was f2p up until i got juno's card, which i'll talk about later, but just know in advanced that juno was the only case where i've spent money. i uninstalled around the time the announcement was made in regards to no posting full stories of paid content, so almost month ago, and only reinstalled recently to grab certain items to add to the spreadsheet that i've been maintaining since november (aka a month after launch)

i've said it privately to a couple of close friends but i'll say it publicly here: imho, i think they released the game way too early even with the fact that they delayed launch 3 times.

i understand a handleful of bugs are from the fact that the public servers are significantly larger than test servers, but playing this game after the servers kinda stabilized feels like we are the test players, like we're constantly given rough drafts rather than the final copy.

the localization is rough to say the least, but i think i've been so used to it from other gachas that i've played that it didn't really ruin the experience for me,,, except when the text would switch to an entirely different language HJGFDHJGK

from visual bugs to gameplay bugs to voiceline bugs, there's been a lack of communication in terms of what has been fixed and what is still a wip. instead the players just have to "fuck around and find out" in terms of whether something has been fixed or not.

as i continue to state the issues with this game and its direction i'd like to put a disclaimer that i am by no means an expert in any of this stuff lol. i'm just a guy who nerds out over math, spreadsheets, and video games and everything i'll be saying is my personal opinion based on what i've seen/experienced.

THE ISSUE(S)

SOLOMON SEALS AND GACHA

i think the first mistake was them adding solomon seals in the first place. based on what packs in the past looked like, it looked like red keys were originally designed to be for debut characters, but instead they throw a curve ball and add ANOTHER gacha currency that was essentially p2w only up till some point early this year. this ultimately led to there being 2 standard banners, both of which essentially do the same thing except one doesn't have A/B/C-ranks. the fact that now even with realm of seraphim, in order for f2ps to have enough to guarantee with seals, they need to save for a year and a half. that is WAY too long for ONE character. this is of course worst case scenario of needing to hit pity, i'm aware you can get characters early but you should never always expect you'll get early in gacha games, i learned that the hard way during my idk how many years i've been playing gachas lol

i personally think that there's no winning across any of the gacha banners. there's no pity for either of the standards, and debut L/S-ranks have imo too high of a pity for what we're actually receiving per week. we essentially get more or less 1 pull per week in terms of red keys, yellow keys, and seals through dailies/weeklies alone, though of course that can vary cause of the rng key boxes, monthly login rewards, etc.

PANCAKES

there seems to be a general pattern that i've noticed of rather than confronting an issue directly they try to create something new in hoping that fixes the issue instead. an example of that would be the pancake shop.

the old pancake shop was fine as is, we could get a multi for relatively cheap price and get pie boxes everyday (albeit they're rng but pies are pies). what they could've done was add the L-ranks and skip tickets or whatever new thing they wanted to add into that old shop, adjusting the currency wherever necessary. yet instead they just remove the old system entirely and replace it for a new one that no one really asked for? while having the L-ranks in shop are nice, an entirely new system wasn't necessary to make that one relatively small addition. having A+-ranks and lower give gold and books was also not necessary, we have resource stages containing those 2 things and it's very accessible to everyone. what resources we are lacking in however are tears and pies, which are arguably more important than gold and books since those 2 currencies are the core to ascending/lvling characters and their skills.

PIES

i've emailed pb in the past in regards to if there will be other permanent methods for obtaining pies, and their response was holy coin portal and events. those two are NOT stable enough for pie income considering the prices of skills. if there's instances in unholy board where we need to level a character's skills, i'd expect there to be some sort of resource stage that would allow us to get pies so that we can easily obtain that skill level requirement.

"META" GAMEPLAY

i'll explain the quotes in a bit but i do want to put a disclaimer that whb was the first time i've experienced a full on tower defense style gameplay for gachas. i was already familiar with how it works kinda because of neural cloud even though the game as a whole is more like an auto-chess game of sorts, but some story gameplay had tower defense mechanisms and i learned a fair bit from playing that. personally i also haven't played arknights since i'm trying to cut down on the amount of gachas i play but i am aware of its playstyle through friends who like to attempt to drag me into playing it cause of certain characters that i might simp over (*cough flamebringer cough insider cough chongyue cough*)

disclaimer aside, trying to piece together what characters work and what don't genuinely hurts my brain. i put "meta" in quotes because realistically there's only 1: all L-rank light types, ideally at least 1 tank, maybe 1 healer (though a tank can act as both), rest be whatever dps you'd like really (preferably satan considering the fact he can be extremely reliable without his ultimate unlike a few characters). of course, everyone will have a different opinion on what they deem as meta, but that's the general idea i'd personally follow based on what kind of battles have been given to us, what characters are available, etc. the rest tbh are just "cope and seethe" for lack of a better term.

there's a huge type advantage with light and dark types, and i really wish they could buff the other elements more just show they have some spotlight too. i also wish there were more non-light L-ranks. as of making this post, out of the 23 L-rank characters there is currently only 1 non-light L-rank, and it's juno, an L-rank fire marksman.

the part that really "hurts" me the most (don't really know what other word to put here LOL) is the fact that this game is going in a very specific direction of just dps'ing through everything and hope you clear the stage before the enemies kill you.

this game has a huge and imbalanced ratio between dps characters and support characters regardless of element. the fact that we only have 5 healers (NOT including lucifer (victory) considering he's technically a marksman and the healing is from his artifact and not in his skills) and 8 tanks, whereas marksman and close-rangers have twice or thrice the amount is absurd. what pains me more is the fact that for tanks, if you don't have mammon, you're screwed. arguably the best non-mammon option players have that's accessible is bimet. valefor and eligos share the same kit with the fact that their downfall is the possibility that they could be instakilled the second they pop their ult. healers on the other hand are somewhat more lenient. if you don't have lucifer, marbas is your next best, then gamigin (marbas and gamigin can technically be placed interchangeably since their healing differs by 0.1%, it just depends on who you have), then morax, then maybe buer but he only heals 1 unit at a time rather than multiple but i digress. healers still have multiple and very reliable non-L-rank alternatives whilst tanks really only have 1. i really, really hope there's more support units in the future cause man this sucks.

NIGHTMARE PASS

spending $50-$70, on paper, is significantly better than spending ~$400 for a character, and that's really the only "good" thing about it 💀

$50-$70 may feel like nothing to some players, but to a majority, that is a portion of a cost towards food, groceries, rent, etc. basically, i'd assume a majority of people would prioritize surviving than watching pixels on a screen.

i understand at the end of the day pb is running a business, but for kings to be fully locked behind a paywall knowing for a fact that a majority of the player base are 1. casuals/f2ps and 2. are here for the kings is absurd. plus with the fact that typically nightmare pass characters aren't added to standard and aren't always 100% guaranteed to rerun in the future just puts the nail in the coffin for me.

i think it makes more sense for non-kings like juno to be in nightmare pass because it's just additional fun and silly content that arguably won't be tied to the main lore and whatnot, maybe referenced as a silly bit here or there but it'd be more of an easter egg than something important that you absolutely need to know.

personally i bought juno's pass because i love his design, kit, and voice. story was kinda meh for me personally but i really just cared more about the va and gameplay. gameplay-wise, he certainly does not disappoint as a gehenna support unit. but do i regret purchasing him? yes and no. oddly enough this was probably the first i've ever felt guilty in terms of buying something i wanted in a gacha game. yes i regret it in terms of i'm no longer really playing this game anymore, which is unfortunate considering i barely made it through half a year of this game's release. yet at the same time, no i don't regret it because he is a really fun unit. for example, when it's gabriel's rotation in realm of seraphim, juno's, leraye (nostalgia)'s, and leraye's ultimates absolutely DESTROY gabriel in a matter of like <10 or so seconds and it's so satisfying to see. i also just really like his va, scratches a very particular itch in my brain.

anyways before i get sidetracked over appreciating juno, the fundamental flaws of nightmare pass are essentially

you shouldn't need to buy both tiers to get the character. you should realistically need to buy the highest tier and by default it unlocks all previous tiers below it

ui is a bit confusing. i still don't get why f2ps have to unlock parts of nightmare pass that they can't even access/obtain. there should be a clear separation between what f2ps get, what advanced tier gets, and what premium tier gets.

it's too expensive. most bp's i know are ~$10 at the highest tier, though that's considering the fact that bp's i'm familiar with only give cosmetics rather than actual units

from what i've heard through the grapevine, beel (bath) is basically in the same formatting as all the other currently existing bath cards, which are all currently obtainable through gacha. beel has no reason to be in nightmare pass. it genuinely makes no sense as to why pb put him there aside from getting money and that in-turn alienates a majority of the fan base since we can't even view the prologue of card stories if they're a nightmare pass character.

when nightmare pass was first released during christmas, everything was in chaos. the fact that a nightmare pass character needed the other two limited gacha characters gameplay-wise is absurd (mind you, this was before we were given the chance to earn seals through weeklies). everything was too expensive, and rather than an enjoyable christmas event it felt like a "merry christmas, now give us money" kind of situation. i think nightmare pass should not be happening as frequent as it is now. the gap between gabriel and juno was perfectly fine (4 month gap btw), but for a nightmare pass to happen back to back on top of gacha events is too much for both f2ps and p2ws.

the point of buying packs, bp, anything that costs real money in a gacha game is so it makes your gameplay experience easier, paying shouldn't be the main component of your game. personally based on what i've experienced through playing gacha games you should theoretically be able to pull for almost every character on debut just by playing dailies/weeklies/events, yet here we get a bit over a multi per patch (this includes playing realm of seraphim).

DICTATING FANDOM INTERACTIONS

i wholeheartedly believe a fandom is what keeps a game alive. a hindrance to the fan base is a hindrance to the game, which can be seen with the aftermath of pb announcing that legal action will be taken if full stories of paid content are shared publicly. while i understand from a business standpoint that pb would want to enforce the "no sharing full story" thing for paid content since they want players to yk, buy the card, like i mentioned in the previous section, the majority of the player base just cannot afford it.

the people who posted full stories wanted to share to those who cannot afford it, some people may not want only tidbits of the story but rather the whole context, especially those who enjoy dissecting character lore but don't have the irl funds to fully experience it themselves. some people may even want to archive it, cause honestly no one knows how long this game will stay up and we want to archive story so that it's something we can easily look back on. to essentially make players borderline terrified on trying to figure out whether or not it's ok to publicly post stuff in relation to any sort of story content is absurd.

there is also that loophole of what is defined as a paid story. when events end and get put behind a paywall, does that now count as paid story or is that still ok? what about debut L-ranks that are behind seals and there's a 3 month downtime till they're added to standard? or is it just referring to nightmare pass characters? paid stories in the context of the state of the game right now is insanely broad, it's practically at least 50% of this game (i'm exaggerating (or maybe not i wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case)).

i understand no datamining, while it technically speaking isn't illegal, it's disrespectful to the devs, but a lot of these call to action methods they're announcing are rather extreme imo.

with the most recent cards either being put to standard 3 months after their banner ends or flat out paywalled and not 100% guaranteed to have a rerun, story content as of late has been very sparse. what people want most is a main story update, which we were originally promised to be updated every 3 months and it is now month 6 and we still have nothing.

EVENTS AND EVENT STORIES

event stories being locked behind a paywall after the event ends is probably the first time i've ever seen a gacha game do this. most of the gachas i've played either don't archive event story at all and just rerun it every year, don't rerun or archive the event at all (i.e. if you miss it, cope and seethe), or they archive it for FREE. it feels insanely greedy how EVERY event story needs payment if you ever want to backread an old event.

what also concerns me is the fact like instances like gamigin's event or beleth's event carry so much lore for their respective region and that may never show up in main story, which then screws new players over in not knowing the full context behind every region. events like minhyeok's or bimet's are fine in the sense that it doesn't carry that much lore in comparison to the more recent events. the first few events were like silly banter and getting to know a bit more about the cast.

also changing the event shop from daily pies to a set limit per account was an awful choice it just emphasizes my point earlier of how unstable obtaining pies are in this game.

FULFILLING PROMISES

i think while it was a smart move to list what's gonna be implemented throughout the year, they shouldn't have stated deadlines on when they're doing so.

the following are the things that still aren't implemented yet as of making this post:

new daily chats (expected within february)

friends system (expected within march)

birthday system (more specifically celebrating your bday) (expected within april)

new main story chapter (new chapter expected every 3 months)

if pb were to just say "here's what to expect in 2024" and NOT give specific months, that's fine, but giving these specific months sets an expectation that they would complete it within that timeframe. main story for example is probably the one people have been anticipating the most. by now as of july, if we were to follow the expectation pb gave us, we would currently be on chapter 7, or at the very least chapter 7 would've been released some time this month. we have not even gotten chapter 6 yet. chapter 5 was released in january. it has been 6 months since the last main story update. failing to meet these timeframes will make people upset, because it was mentioned in the announcement that it's 1. a promise (i hope i'm not the only one that takes promises seriously) and 2. in bold yellow text, "what we can realistically expect to see in 2024." the only promises that were fulfilled on-time were the ones in january, the rest have been delayed by at least a month. if you're giving a timeline of what's happening, announce if there's any changes to that timeline, because not doing so will make players believe you were lying to them even though you probably aren't and are instead just falling behind schedule.

i think what hurts more to me is the fact that they aren't publicly communicating these delays. it shouldn't be our responsibility to find out why or when something isn't happening within the timeframe they promised (e.g. by emailing them), it should be up to the devs to communicate that publicly to us. i'm not saying they should overshare what's going on behind the scenes, it can simply just be a simple announcement of "hey, we're very sorry but we're having some technical difficulties with this certain feature and we need more time. here is some compensation in the meantime, thank you for your patience and again, we're very sorry." it's that simple.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i mentioned back in my intro that i feel like this game was released too early purely because the fundamentals of making a bare minimum decent gacha game are just not there. if every patch update has people complaining on what's just recently been added/removed, you're not fully listening to what the audience wants. while i understand pb is a small business, a business is still a business regardless of size and criticism/feedback is necessary especially in a game dev setting.

i've followed this game's news ever since it was teased, which was december of 2022, i've lurked/participated in the fandom (on here at least) ever since september of 2023. i've felt a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions of "omg this is so great" to "why is this even a feature," hoping that over time the game would get better, but the only thing that's improved was server stability (and even that's still a bit rocky 💀).

a huge part of my stay was just being a lurker in the fandom. i genuinely appreciate all the creatives who fulfill asked prompts of characters, make ocs, fanart, write theories, reactions + many more. i love seeing other people's works/opinions and having just a lively fandom made it all more fun.

but at this point this game is just not for me. i've really only stuck around to read mammon's lore but since main story hasn't been updated in 6 months i'll really only chime back in when there's finally an update. it still amazes me to this day that my patience lasted this long. i think i've covered everything i wanted to cover but my memory is swiss cheese so if i forgot something,,, woops 💀

as for the future of the spreadsheet for those who check back on it, it's still being managed by myself and windy, who has been a huge help since day 1 of creating the build lists and team comps and i honestly can't thank her enough for also enduring this pain of a game with me as we've worked on this spreadsheet together hgjdfgh (luv u bestie 🫶). though it's written in the narrative that both of us will eventually quit updating it entirely if this game persists on not having any signs of improvement. when that day comes i'll make sure to post an announcement about it.

as for myself i'm probably still gonna lurk in the fandom/keep an eye out on game news. i doubt i'll be making any fanart anymore unless if i really have the motivation/boredom for it, but currently i'm revamping the "aesthetics" of this account so nothing's really set in stone. maybe i'll make a few whb rambles here or there if some game news really irks me but for the most part i've already been in the process of moving on to other things.

if you've stuck around this long to read this mess of a post, thank you for sticking around and have a cookie, you deserve it 🫴🍪

[callilouv]

yipee season of strike controversy solved ty devs >:)

[caffichai]

Food Bank Fundraiser

Hi everyone!

First of all, I want to say thanks to everyone who's been leaving such nice tags/comments on stuff I've posted! It's been really encouraging (o^▽^o)

Anyway, I think we all know it's very dark days on the economic front for many of us. So as such, I'd like to help raise some funds for Food Banks Canada! In exchange for you making a donation to the food bank, I will draw a character suggestion!

I know this is not really the sort of thing I normally do or post here but... many folks are struggling to put food on the table right now, and the food bank is a source of support for many and provides an absolute necessity. I've seen many people struggling in my own city, and food security has become an even bigger issue than it already was in the last couple of years with the food bank struggling to keep up with demand. Of course, food security is an issue across the whole country that's putting a huge strain on food banks, with nearly 5% of the entire population making use of food banks monthly, and 23% of the population reporting food insecurity (CBC, 2024; Global News, 2024). Unsurprisingly, those who are already most disadvantaged suffer the effects of food scarcity even more (Statistics Canada, 2023). To make matters more desperate, Canada's food bank system is on the brink of collapse (CTV News, 2024).

I know this isn't going to something big enough to change the world or anything, but being able to make even a small impact for individual people is important too!

✨Incentives✨

Of course, I'm sure people aren't just in it for a reward, but rewards make things all the sweeter, right?

For those who want to contribute, I'll take a character suggestion and add it to a poll (depending on the number of contributors, it may be split up into multiple polls), and then I'll draw as many as I can from top to bottom ranking! If you contribute, please send me a DM with your donation receipt and your character idea! They won't necessarily all be drawn in the same style, and they'll be done according to how much time I've got. (I know that commissions are probably the biggest incentive, but realistically, I struggle to get them done quickly and they're probably not that affordable to everyone)

If you prefer SFW or NSFW, you can let me know (But NSFW will be posted to Cohost). If you make a bigger contribution, I'll reach out to you and ask if you wanna see more specifics/details in your piece. How's that for sweetening the pie? :3

For those who can't make a donation (which is completely understandable), simply spreading the post is also helpful, and I appreciate that greatly as well!

Don't forget that giving a donation allows you to get a tax break based on the amount donated as well!

Alternatives?

If you'd rather donate to your own local food bank, that's great too! You can DM me and send me a pic of your receipt and I'll still add your suggestion to the poll.

If you REALLY want a commission, you can also DM me and I'll do my best to fulfil it! I won't be taking commissions for this till/if there's at least a couple of items on the poll though. The proceeds will go to my own local food bank. The commission will be done later though, and may take some time to fulfil. I take payment only after starting.

When do we start??

I guess once there's a good number of poll options? I have no idea how long that will be, but rest assured I'll keep you updated!

Where do we contribute?

You can make your donation to Food Banks Canada! They really need it!

Alternatively, you can make a donation to your local food bank or equivalent charity.

Other Questions?

Feel free to send me a message or an ask! I'll get back to you ASAP. If I need to include more details or clarify something, let me know! It's my first time doing this!

TL;DR

I want to help raise money for food banks! Anyone who contributes to Food Banks Canada (or donates to their own local food bank or equivalent charity) can DM me with their receipt and give a character to add to the poll. Poll characters will be drawn in order of their ranking, as many as I can manage, over as long a period of time as I can manage!

No pressure to donate of course, I just figured this would be a fun way of raising a bit of money to help out, and allow us to donate more than what I personally can

Current Contributor Count: 13

Suggested Characters:

Imagine your beloved, obscure or popular character here on this poll list! Oooooooh, how lucrative :3

Total funds raised:

780.36$!!!

[phoenixsbby]

For What It’s Worth - Iceman x Pilot!reader

summary: sometimes all it takes is a RIO who likes to gossip and some friendly competition to help you understand what you feel for Ice.

readers callsign is ‘foxglove’ (a beautiful, but deadly flower 😉)

WC: 5k

a/n: i wrote this fic like a woman possessed yesterday … my bets are on the ghost of val kilmer (even though he’s very much alive).

warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, swearing

This has to be wrong. Someone, whoever’s in charge of keeping score and writing it on the board, has made an error. Ice can’t fathom how hard it could be to get right, it’s simple addition. Yet somehow, your callsign is listed above his. You and your RIOs point total has accumulated to above his and Sliders.

Yeah, this has to be some kind of mistake.

He bites at the inside of his cheek as he stares at it, the word ‘Foxglove’ scrawled in chalk. It’s mocking him. You’re mocking him - in more ways than one. You’re similar to Maverick in that right, a little loud and reckless, not a fan of playing by the rules. And God, does it get under his skin. 

You know it gets under his skin, that’s half of the reason you continue to do it. Riling up Tom Kazansky, the man given a callsign based on his unfazeable nature, is a game you’re always willing to participate in. The reward, the faint red hue that spreads across his cheeks and the amused smirk you earn, is worth it every time. 

When you see him planted firmly in front of the standings, staring at that board like its an enemy MiG-28, you can’t help yourself. You saunter up next to him and put your hands on the hips, humming a curious tone.

“Huh,” you mutter before glancing at Ice “looks like they’ve made a mistake.”

“Yeah, your name is above mine.” He replies, not meeting your eye.

“No, that’s not it.” You shake your head and bite your lip to fight off the grin that’s eager to spread across your face. “I was talking about the fact that they messed up your callsign.” Ice furrows his eyebrows and for a split second, he forgets. His eyes roam over the letters that make up his callsign ‘Iceman’ right next to ‘Slider’ and thinks, what the hell is she talking about?

Then as fast as a split second can pass, he remembers and rolls his eyes.

“They spelt ‘Snowflake’ wrong.” You add, no longer holding any smile back on his account. 

Ice should know better by now. He should know not to engage, not to poke the bear, but as eager as you are to tease him, he’s as eager to receive it. At least that means you’re paying attention to him in some way. You’re a total smart ass, an impulsive flyer, and refuse to call Ice by his actual callsign simply because it amuses infuriates him. Despite all of that, you’re also beautiful, intelligent, and determined. And Tom might be a teeny, tiny bit in love with you.

“Very funny, Fox.” He pulls his gaze from the board and finally meets yours. He tilts his head to the side and lets a small grin show. When you’re beaming like that at your own joke and at there fact that you are truly ahead of him in points, he can’t help but smile too.

“Well, at least they got something right.” You take a step closer, slightly invading his personal space before reaching a finger up to point at your score. Ice doesn’t look, he doesn’t need to, he’s already memorized the number he has to beat. Instead, he roots himself in his spot and holds your eyes to his. He soaks in the moment of your close proximity, the feeling of your warmth and lets his grin grow wider.

You try to act cool and collected but inside, your stomach drops and flips like it’s on a rollercoaster, forcing the rest of your body along for the ride. You don’t want to step away, you don’t want to break this tension no matter how much you ache to. These moments that you share with Ice and the time you spend thousands of feet in the air within your box, that’s when you feel the most alive.

His eyes flicker down to your lips and you tilt your head up slightly and he - 

“Do we need to clear the room or something?” Goose breaks you and Ice from your trance on each other. You snap your eyes toward him and scowl at his playful, suggestive smirk and raised eyebrows. You love him to death but did he have to choose now, of all times, to be his quirky self?

“As if we’d give you guys a free show.” Ice chuckles as you take a step back, feeling a thousand degrees warmer inside your flight suit. 

“Name your price then.” Hollywood leans against the lockers and grins, his words send a chorus of laughs echoing around the locker room. You take that as your cue to leave. Sometimes you forget, for a blissful moment, that you’re the only woman in your class at Top Gun. The group of men you work with are great, really, but sometimes for a moment, they forget too. 

“You wouldn’t be able to afford it.” You wink at Hollywood before turning on your heels and leaving. You feel Ice’s eyes burning a hole in the back of your head up until the second you’re out of his field of vision. 

——

You and your RIO, Playboy, were on a cold streak. As quick as you rose on the leader board, you fell. When the dogfighting exercises grew more intense, you suddenly struggled to keep up. One loss turned into two. Two turned into three. And by then, you felt officially stuck in a rut and felt equally as shitty for trapping Playboy down there with you. He was a very talented RIO and you were failing him as his pilot. You were failing, period. 

There was no reason to believe you weren’t as capable as your male counters. You had earned the right to be in that Top Gun class among the other one percent, you are one of the best. But right now, stomping your way through the base after another loss, you feel nothing more than the uncomfortable jab that is rock bottom.

The last thing you want to do is ‘go at it’ with Ice over the rankings yet, somehow that’s what you end up doing.

“Hey, Fox!” Ice calls after you but, you don’t stop. You’re too determined to peel off this second layer of skin that once was a flight suit, too constricting and tight all of the sudden. “Hey, wait-“ 

He clasps his hand over your shoulder and pulls you to a stop before rounding on you. Suddenly he’s standing in front of you with his hand still lingering on your shoulder. Normally, you’d let it rest there, normally you’d let the warmth of his touch sink its way through your skin and settle in your marrow. But, right now you do not want to be touched or comforted. Just because you’re a woman does not mean you need to be rocked or coddled when things go wrong.

“What do you want, Jack Frost?” You shake his hand off you and fight the urge to smile when he does at the sound of your new daily nickname for him. You don’t want to smile. You want to sulk and wallow until all the self-pity has seeped out of your pores and you’re ready to get back out there and kick ass.

“Just wanted to remind you to check the leaderboard when you go in there. I’ve heard some mistakes have been corrected.” His smile transforms into a smirk, one that you know it’s harmless. This is the dance you two do, back and forth jabs with nothing but lighthearted intensions. Except now his words feel like a vacuum sucking all the air from your lungs. Despite what he actually says, all you hear is ‘you’re a failure, you’re a failure, you’re a failure, you’re-‘ 

“Unless I go in and see the words ‘Abominable Snowman’ written on that board, I’m going to assume nothing on there is correct.” Your normal warmth and frisky tone has turned cold and stony. Ice takes a step closer with more drawn in, maybe even slightly concerned, features and reaches out to rest his hand back on your shoulder. You side step him and shake your head before inhaling a pathetic attempt at a deep breath, all the air you manage to take in is short and jagged. 

“Look, I do not need you to remind me how much I’m failing right now. I do not need a reminder of what I, of all people, have to prove and how terrible of a job I’m doing at that. I just-“ You pause and blink away glossiness suddenly coating and stinging your eyes. “I want to be left alone.” 

A muscle in Ice’s jaw strains before he nods and replies, “Okay.” 

You take a step to move around him when his hand wraps around your forearm, freezing you in place. You glance up at him, now directly at his side, pressing up against him. His eyes flicker over you, they bounce between your eyes, your cheeks, your lips. You wish he’d get on with it, the longer he holds you there with your faces so close, the weaker your will to not smash your lips against his becomes.

“For what it’s worth,” his voice comes out husky “I don’t think you’re a failure. I think you’re pretty goddamn great.” His warm breath against the skin of your neck mixed with his words pulls a deep shudder out from inside you. He must notice the way what he’s said affects you, it’d be hard not to.

But if he does notice, he doesn’t act on it. Instead, he releases your arm and takes a step back to give you your space. 

——

You mope and you brood and you pout and you do it all over again until the sun has long set and Playboy is dragging you by your collar to the bar. He says it’s better to be sad and tipsy than to just be sad and you think there’s a lot to unpack there and make a mental note to sit down and talk to him about it later.

Right now though, you sort of agree with him.

“Can I ask you a question?” You’re three shots of bottom shelf vodka in and you should not be asking this question but, alcohol gets you more loose lipped and daring than normal and that’s saying something.

“Sure thing.” Playboy leans back in his barstool and grins.

“Why have you never tried to pull a move on me? I mean, I appreciate it. Being a woman doesn’t automatically mean I should be hit on. Everyone should treat me as their equal and in this case all your other equals are males and I’m pretty sure you don’t play for both teams, but if you do I totally supp-“

“Holy shit, Fox!”

“What I mean is, your callsign is Playboy for cryin’ out loud.” You laugh, a bit too hard, but Playboy laughs too so it’s okay. “I guess I just expected it from you. Am I like ... unattractive?”

“Oh my god, Fox.” Playboy groans and puts his face in his hands but, you can tell he’s laughing by the way his shoulders shake. When he pulls his hands away, he continues. “I’m going to regret telling you this and I’m hoping you’ll get too drunk to remember I even said anything.”

You narrow your eyes before taking another shot that was slid in front of you. If he tells you that you’re not all that pretty and you don’t actually smell like the honey lavender lotion you slather on everyday, you’d prefer to not remember that tomorrow too.

“You’re a bombshell.” You flush, mostly from the alcohol that courses through you but, the compliment doesn’t hurt. “But, you’re Ice’s girl.” 

You blanch. You were not expecting him to say that. If there was a numbered list of most likely responses to get from him based on your question, his actual response would rank around number 46. 

“I .. I am not!” 

“Aw, Fox.” Playboy coos at you. “You are.”

“I do not belong to anyone.” You poke a finger into his chest playfully.

“Okay.” He holds his hands up in defense. “You’re right, you’re technically not his. But, come on. The guy’s like completely in love with you.”

Suddenly, you’re dizzy. Both because you’re four shots passed your baseline alcohol intake and because Ice is in love with you?

No way. Ice only loves himself. And maybe his F-14. 

“Bullshit.” You murmur, suddenly finding the chipped lacquer of the bar top very interesting.

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Playboys words have you dragging your eyes up to him, only then to follow his gaze to the entrance of the bar that Slider and Iceman have just strolled through. 

It should be illegal for someone to look as good as Tom Kazansky does in his summer whites. It’s a government issued uniform for Christ’s sake. Yet, he makes it impossible to decide whether you’d rather stare at him while he wears them or rip them off his body. 

You snap your gaze away from him and back to your RIO who’s smirking and wiggling his eyebrows while you frown. You let your forehead connect with the bar top as you groan and feel a pat on your back accompanied by Playboy saying, “We’re going to need another round.”

You should go home. You should kiss your annoyingly sweet RIO on the cheek and call it a night. But, you don’t. You stay and drink with him, happy to make him happy after still feeling slightly guilty about dragging him down in the ranks with you. After inhaling a dirty shirley and thirty minutes passing with your liver drowning in all the drinks you’ve consumed, you’re effectively trashed.

You’re in the middle of trying to follow the complicated backstory to Playboys even more complicated dating history when you feel a firm hand placed on your back. Just as quickly as it rests on you, it’s being pulled away and you look up to see Ice, grinning per usual.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite water globe!” You beam at him as his eyebrows draw together.

“She means snow globe.” Your RIO cuts in.

You snap and point in Playboys direction, “He gets me!” Ice chuckles and shakes his head. He tries to hold your gaze to his but you can’t stop looking around, swaying slightly to the music flowing from the jukebox.

“How much have you had to drink?” He catches your eye and notices the way they’re unfocused and slightly glazed over. He doesn’t need hear your response to know the answer is probably too much. 

“Not enough.” You grin lazily as Ice scoffs.

“Do you need to go home?” Normally, he’d try to conjure up a witty comeback but, not this time. Ice finds himself slightly worried, he knows you’ve had a rough past couple of days at Top Gun. He’s also never seen you drunk. He has no idea how to act or what to do, all he knows is he’d prefer to ensure you make it home safe. Not every guy at this bar is as respectful as him or your RIO.

“Are you trying to get me to go home with you, Sleetguy?” He can’t believe you’re three sheets to the wind but still manage to call him everything but Iceman.

‘Seriously, Y/N? That one was just bad.” Playboy snickers from beside you.

“So it’s true then?” Your eyes don’t travel to your RIO after his comment, they stay locked on Ice. “You are in love with me.”

Ice’s entire body jerks as if your words hit him with physical force. You don’t notice his involuntary reaction because the song changes to one you’re particularly fond of. Taking the opportunity with your concentration pulled elsewhere, Ice looks over to Playboy who is hiding his wide smirk behind the rim of his beer bottle.

‘You’re dead.’ Ice mouths.

Playboy winks.

“I’m not trying to take you home in that way, Fox.” He puts a hand on your shoulder to draw you back to him and prays to whatever God will listen that your drunk attention span is short. “I’d like to bring you home, make sure you pass out behind a locked door, then leave.” 

You all but moan at the thought of your big, comfy bed and eagerly agree to let Ice help you home. Playboy offers to pay for your drinks, calls you a ‘foxy mama’, then sends you on your way, trusting Tom with you completely.

Part of you is too drunk to walk straight, the other part uses that fact as an excuse to let Ice wrap an arm around your shoulders and for you to wrap an arm around his waist in response. They’ve got his callsign all wrong, you think to yourself, he can’t be Iceman when he’s this freaking warm. He’s like a furnace and you burrow yourself deeper into his side, his heat providing a kind of comfort you never knew you needed.

By the time you make it home, the fun part of being drunk, that small window of time when you feel like you’re numb and floating, has closed. All you feel is woozy and like the room is on an axis, tilting to the left one minute and to the right the next. You cling to Ice’s side shamelessly as he helps you inside and into your room. 

Ice has never been in your place before. Maybe if you were less in need of his assistance, he’d take more time to notice how every detail, big and small, about your home encompasses you. He’d see you in every place he’d look and it would be comforting in a way, to know you were all around him. For now, he settles on making sure you don’t topple over out of fear that if you do, you will not be getting back up.

He sits you on the edge of you bed and kneels in front of you, keeping his eyes pealed on your boots which he starts to untie. He can’t look up at you, he knows what he’ll feel in his chest if he does and now is not the time to feel that way, not while you’re in this state. 

You squeeze his shoulders a few times tightly while he works on getting your shoes off as if you’re trying to draw his attention to you. After the third squeeze, he gives in and glances up. You smile at him softly and yup, there’s that feeling right where he predicted it would be, deep inside his chest. 

“Will you stay?” You ask, your voice just above a whisper. 

You’re going to be the death of him.

“I can’t, honey.” He wraps a hand around your calf and lets his fingers stroke it gently, giving in to this overwhelming desire just the smallest bit. Your smile turns downwards at his words and he aches to find a way to flip it back upward. “You’re drunk. When you wake up tomorrow and see me here, you’ll call me a big Yeti and throw pillows at me until I leave.”

 He sees the way you fight (weakly) against a smile before it bursts through with a laugh to accompany it. His heart swells.

“Please,” you’re still smiling. “You can sleep on the couch. I just-“ He remembers the way you paused at those very words earlier today, like you were physically forcing what you really wanted to say out. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He sighs and thinks sleeping on the couch probably wouldn’t be too bad. It did look comfy based on the small glimpse he got of it earlier. 

“It’ll be my own funeral in the morning.” He gives your leg one last squeeze before letting go.

“I’ll pay for the service myself.” You still have your hands clasped to his shoulders.

“I want Madonna to sing as they lower me into the ground.” He smirks as you let out a bark of a laugh, so loud and pure he may burst if he doesn’t hear it again.

“How rich do you think I am? And how important do you think you are that Madonna would sing at your funeral?” You’re still laughing and holding him onto him, your bodies moving closer and closer like there’s a gravitational pull between you. 

“I’m very important, thank you very much. I’m going to be a number one graduate from Top Gun.” The second he speaks the words, he wants to rip them out of the air. But, you seem unaffected by them, still smiling at him fondly.

“Whatever propels your jet, you big Yeti.” You two could go back and forth like this all night, it’s what you do. But, Ice knows he should get you to sleep and hope you don’t wake up with a raging hangover that’ll fuel your distaste in finding him crashed on your couch tomorrow.

“Come on, Dandelion, you should go to bed.” You gasp dramatically as he stands up and press a hand to your heart, faking being hurt.

“I’ll let you get away with that just this once, Kazansky.” You lay back in your bed and melt into the pillows. “Count your blessings.” 

He chuckles as he throws the blanket over you and replies, “Oh, I certainly am. Goodnight, Y/N.” Your eyes flutter closed at the sound of your name rolling off his lips, sweet and smooth.  

“Iceman.” Tom comes to a halt in the threshold of your bedroom. After a beat of silence, he thinks he may have imagined it, you whispering his callsign. But then, “Ice.” He turns around, looking back at you. Your eyes are barely open and the sleepy smile you have spread across your lips looks so inviting, like you’re begging him with that smile alone to kiss you.

“For what it’s worth, I think I’m in love with you too.” Your eyes drift closed so easily, as if the words you’ve just spoken don’t leave him reeling.

——

The sun is pain. Once, you appreciated the golden light that coats your bedroom every morning in a welcoming, warm glow. Now, you despite it. You are never drinking again, you’re certain of this fact. You’ve had hangovers before, you’ve even muttered those same exact words before but, this time is different, you swear.

After you’re able to open your eyes without them burning so bad that they tear up, you notice a tall glass of water and two Advil capsules sitting pretty on your bedside table. You know you didn’t leave them there, which means ...

Oh.

Oh, no.

You screw your eyes shut again as the whole night comes rushing back like a tsunami, pummeling you in its wake. You doing shots with Playboy. Playboy telling you Ice was in love with you. You needing Ice to take you home. You begging Ice to stay.

You telling Ice that you love him too.

You are most definitely, absolutely, with no uncertainly, never, ever drinking again.

After chugging the water, popping the pain pills and seeing the time, you're grateful for your military trained internal clock waking you up so early. You were hoping Ice had already woken up too and dodged a bullet by leaving before you came out of your room. But, no dice.

You see him there, sleeping soundly on your couch, when you crack the door to your room open. What’s even worse is that he looks so peaceful, not a worry line or wrinkle on his face. You don’t have the heart to wake him up, he deserves that tranquility, even for just a little bit. 

And your desperate need for coffee outweighs your desperate need to get the awkward interaction you know is coming the minute he gets up over with.

By the time you do notice his eyes blinking away any remnants of the dreams he was clinging to, you’ve showered, a pot of coffee has been brewed, the eggs are done, and the bacon is cooking. You’re shocked at this ability to sleep for so long but, also you’re not because being in the Navy is exhausting. You know that first hand.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” You try to keep your voice light and airy despite the absolute pounding of your heart against your ribcage.

Ice rubs his eyes then pushes his hair back before furrowing his brows at you and asking, “Did you just call me something non-snow related?” 

“Anything’s better than big Yeti.” 

You can tell the second he registers the true meaning behind your words when every muscle in his body tenses. He comes to the realization that you remember the events of the previous night on his own and you let him. During the time he was sleeping and you were milling around on your tip toes trying not to wake him up, you realized something.

You truly do love him.

And what’s the point of hiding that? If what Playboy told you wasn’t true, if he didn’t love you back, Top Gun would still come to an end and then you’d part ways. If it was true, if he did love you back, then maybe you could stick together.

Loving a person like Tom meant having someone to push you but, also having someone there to catch you when you fall. You wanted that. 

When he doesn’t say anything, you start to panic and do what you do best in these situations, you ramble.

“I made some food. If you’re hungry, you’re welcome to eat. But if you don’t like eggs and bacon, I can probably find something else to make. And there’s coffee so, if you’re tired you can drink that. You like coffee, right? I’m pretty sure you do. Or you can take a shower, I think I have some spare clothes that may fit you. Or you could-“

“Fox.” You dart your eyes up to meet his. “A shower sounds great.” He smirks. You try ignore the heat pooling in between your legs (although it’s very hard when he looks at you like that) because at least he didn’t choose to leave.

“Okay, yeah, sure.” You clear your throat. You show him the bathroom and how to use the shower and grab him a towel. The last thing you tell him before you leave is that you’ll search for something clean for him to wear. After rummaging around for some of your dads old sweats, you knock on the door.

“Found some clothes!” You call out from behind the wooden barrier.

“Just bring them in here!” He calls back, his voice slightly muffled. You swallow thickly at the thought of going in there while he’s showering. Your shower has a curtain so, you wouldn’t directly see anything but, the idea of knowing what’s on the other side has more searing heat shooting through you.

The bathrooms slightly steamy when you open the door and place the clothes on the sink for him. You utter a strained “All set!” before turning to leave.

“Fox.” His voice is no longer muffled from the water or the door, in fact its crystal clear. You look over you shoulder and your eyes meet Ice’s, he’s pushed the curtain aside enough that you can see his face and the top of his chest and where hot water pools in his collarbones. 

Small droplets travel down the muscles of his shoulders, they dip below the valley of his pecs and curve over the peaks of his abs. When the particular droplet your eyes were shameless following falls off of his body, you shoot your eyes back up to look at this face, feeling heat gather in the cheeks of your own.

You want to touch him, you want to kiss him, you have to know.

“Is it true?” He doesn’t have to ask you what you mean, he knows. How could he not? You hold your breath as he clenches his jaw. His eyes stay locked on yours, they burn through you, see right into you. You hope he can see the way you silently plead for him to say yes.

“Yeah, it’s true.” Your heart is a jack hammer in your chest when he adds, “Did you mean it?”

“Yeah,” you don’t hesitate “I did.” Simultaneous smiles break out across your faces, filled with equal parts relief and bliss. He reaches out, grabs a fistful of your t-shirt and yanks you closer to him.

“Easy, Iceman, you’re going to get me wet.” You laugh as he wraps his arms around you and pulls your chest flush against his. He brushes a drenched hand through your hair before it settles against your cheek, rubbing small circles along your skin. 

“Do not call me by my callsign right now.” He groans as his other hand pushes its way beneath the material of your shirt and up your bare back. Had you purposefully chosen not to put on a bra after your shower hoping a moment like this would occur? Yes. Are you so glad you did when you feel his palm drag across your naked shoulder blades? Absolutely. 

“I thought you’d be happy to hear me call you that!” You squeal as he digs his fingers into your hip. 

“When we’re in those uniforms, you call me Ice. When we’re out of them, I want you to call me by my name. In fact, I want you to moan it so loud that the neighbors never forget the name Tom Kazansky.” 

“Whatever you say, Tom.” With that, he connects your lips slowly. It’s a kiss dripping with passion and greed and holds a promise that it will certainly not be the last time he kisses you that way. Your lips move together rhythmically, effortlessly, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He coaxes a moan from you by way of nipping and sucking at your bottom lip, like he’s desperate to taste more of you. 

When he pulls away from the kiss, only to move his hungry lips to your neck, you take the opportunity and say, “For what it’s worth, regardless of what we’re wearing, I’ll always love you.”

“Trust me baby, that’s worth a whole hell of a lot.” He grins against your skin before pushing the curtain aside and pulling you with him under the hot water.

——

^ me when a hot, blonde, cocky pilot does literally anything

[spider-man-2o99]

so, then, what IS up with miguel o’hara’s moral backbone?

lol sorry if y’all’re sick of my 2099 soapboxing. anyways.

while i understand where the reading of “miguel is a morally bankrupt evil scientist and his spider-man is just a violent shitheel” comes from, i just... really can’t ever get behind it, based on what we see in the text of SM2099 v1 (1992-1996) itself.

like, don’t get me wrong-- from our first introduction to the guy, we very quickly learn that he has been a cog in the machine for one of the 2099 imprint’s Big Bads, the ruthless megacorporation in charge of the United States’ East coast: Alchemax.

..but. like.

the whole point of his origin story is changing that. the initial catalyst for his Spidering--getting roofied by Tyler when he tries to quit his job--would not have happened if he had no moral compass to speak of.

narratively, it’s less that miguel himself is changed, after he gets his powers, but that his perception of the world has changed.

just-- just bear with me, yeah?

see, for a lot of his life, miguel was a perfect cog in a shitty machine, and he did everything he was expected to without even thinking to stray from the path set down for him by his biological father and by alchemax overall.

and, then, suddenly, that’s all ripped from him in an instant. and miguel’s left floundering in the water.

he’s no longer on the winning team-- more than that, he realizes that he probably never even was on the right side of things, to begin with.

miguel o’hara’s most-quoted line is his response to the infamous “great power,” bit: Great responsibility? No. With great power comes great guilt.

he’s repressed, and he’s a hypocrite, but a guy can only turn a blind eye so far when something he knows is wrong is happening right in front of his face.

as soon as it’s even suggested to him, he immediately steps out of line and tries to put his foot down on absolutely not using a human test subject for his personal spider-man project. when stone brushes him off and makes them go through with human testing anyways, and then the subject dies, miguel doesn’t hesitate to turn up his nose and walk out right then and there on the spot.

his reward for it, of course, is an ice-cold dose of Reality.

from there, his blinders get pulled harshly off his face, and mig realizes that he really doesn’t want to keep being the person that he has been. his life has been wasted sitting idly by and letting bad things happen because all he knows is helpless compliance, right up until he goes and gets himself The Fly’ed into spider-man.

and once that happens, and he Realizes it, he starts to fight back.

that’s how the run is kick-started, in the very first three issues!

the first ten issues of spider-man 2099 (1992) follow miguel stumbling from a very sheltered life, having been thrust head-first into navigating a world that is not only deeply, deeply unjust, but also wants him very, very dead.

he don’t got a dead uncle to motivate him! all he’s got it his own fear and an inner desire to use his new abilities to try and make the world a better place.

hell, the first time he put on the costume, ol’ miggy boy wasn’t even doing so for the purpose of becoming a superhero in his off-time-- it was just an old spare in his closet that he threw on in a desperate attempt to Not Fucking Die as a bounty hunter tracked him to his home.

it’s only later on, after he’s had time for it all to sink in, that miguel realizes that he can actually meaningfully help the people who had been cast aside by the same society that had previously lifted him up above them.

as much as he whines and bitches and moans about it, he never seriously considers throwing in the towel and hanging up the costume for good. he may hate what has happened to him, but he never once seems to hate what he can now do with his powers, vis-à-vis challenging injustice.

mig’s often stuck between a rock and a hard place, what with the kind of world he lives in. it’s why he don’t work well when he’s stranded away from his dimension. peter can get his villains locked up just fine and dandy, but miguel’s world isn’t like ours like that. it’s brutal and it’s very very much established across the imprint that earth-928 (marvel 2099) is a kill-or-be-killed place to live.

despite how people harp on him not having a no-kill rule, miguel honestly hasn’t even killed enough people to count on one hand; the first was completely by accident, even, and the second told him to his face that if spider-man let him live he’d just keep being a cannibal gang-boss because no one else ever has or would try to oppose him.

is killing people the answer? not if you have any other option. but. mig ain’t a friendly neighborhood superhero. he’s just doing what he thinks is right in the moment while scared absolutely shitless for his life most of the time.

now, i don’t mean to defend his every action--miguel o’hara isn’t a saint, and, good god, but he’s made some questionable choices--but. at the end of the day, he’s still shown throughout the run to be trying to be better.

and, i dunno. maybe i’m just a sentimental little sap, but a story about somebody who finally “wakes up” and struggles to build a life worth being proud of after years of having shut down from heavy early-life trauma? that hits, man.

hits real close to home, to be honest. learning to Live after so long simply Surviving is fuckin’ hard, man.

[bluiex]

I got to pirates smp an hour late and then had to dip before the stream ended nonetheless I was watching Scar's POV and now I'm having Scarian thoughts.

Mostly spoiler free all I really share is a mention of Scar's faction.

-@scitties-enjoyer

---

Scar drops the anchor on his boat. It's not much now, but one day he'll have something grand, he's sure of it. He hops down onto the rocky shore and picks his way inland.

In hindsight, maybe a single knife was not the right weapon, but Scar doesn't have anything better. Yet.

Scroll, scroll.. where was- Ah

Scar spends more than a moment reading the piece of paper... 'return to the mainland with the head of the isle's monster for 300 gold'

Yep, that's a good deal. Hopefully.

Unless it's something really vicious in which case, Scar is absolutely being ripped off here. Goddamn inflation.

Again, all he has is a knife.

This is... fine, probably.

Scar can hear Jellie meowing from his ship "I'll be back before you know it!" He reassures his cat.

It takes hours. He scours the island at least twice, with no success.

Then he spots a cave he didn't notice before, stepping in to an animal den of some kind where... a bird creature is goring the wolves.

Yeah this is ... fine actually. Mhm, definitely fine. Definitely not terrifying.

It's even more fine when the creature looks up at the sound of Scar's presence, dark eyes locking with his before it scrambles back in fear, wings braced around itself as if that can possibly protect it from him.

Scar makes a reckless decision, carefully putting his knife down behind himself. He's not completely stupid, if the bird-thing makes a lunge for his knife, he's dead.

Scar had been expecting an animal, not something that had the intelligence of a human. And Scar knows what it feels like to be hunted - or, knew once - so in a moment of uncharacteristic gentleness he's opening his heart to this so-called monster.

"Do you understand me?" Scar asks, softly.

The creature flinches at the sound of his voice. So it's that bad...

"I was sent to bring back your head. But neither of us want that."

The thing curls tighter around itself.

"My name is Scar. If we play our cards right we can get the reward money without you getting hurt."

The bird hisses. Which is progress, in Scar's eyes.

"I know how you feel, I do. If you come with me- if you come aboard my ship, you'll be safer." Scar feels a little faint, thinking of how mercilessly some of the other pirates would no doubt have already slaughtered this bird in Scar's shoes. "You could be my bird! Every pirate needs a bird!"

---

It's three days back to the kestrels' tavern base of operations. Or, it should be. It ends up taking Scar around a week, because Grian - the bird creature has a name! - doesn't quite have his sea legs yet so they have to stop at this island and that island and then Grian has to hide from other pirates

.Grian had gotten washed up after they left the cave, and it turns out that he's completely adorable under all that blood and viscera. Scar thinks it's very unfair that he can't just spend hours watching Grian, and instead has to steer his little ship.

Grian spends his time on the boat playing with Jellie, and honestly it warms Scar's heart.

It's one such stop where Grian finally accepts more than the bare minimum of physical contact necessary from Scar. It's particularly cold that night, sleeping under the stars, and Grian huddles up to Scar for warmth, burying his face in Scar's hair.

After that, it's like a switch has been flicked in Grian's brain. He's constantly latched onto Scar's arm, or perched on top of his hats, or his shoulder, asking questions.

---

Insert continued falling in love here I've run out of traction. Anyway the quest loophole Scar had *worked* so they do get the reward money

OOOOH BROOO THIS IS SO CUTE. PIRATE SCAR TAKING A CONTRACT TO KILL A CREATURE

And it being birb Grian- AAAAH this is so good Scitties. I love it so VERY MUCH

It takes awhile for Grian to come out of his shell fully and start speaking to Scar- he's started with the physical touch and protectiveness because Scar's his flock now

[queenmuzz]

So I saw this tweet that @dmbakura had made (please check out her art), and it has been rotating in my head like a rotisserie chicken for over a day.

Based on what we gleaned from Vellioth’s skull, Cazador had a particularly shitty spawndom, with the punishments listed being incredibly cruel.

There’s a theme in bg3 about the cycle of abuse, of either perpetuating it, or breaking it, and this is a very blatant example.

But, there’s a high probability that Cazador wouldn’t make Astarion thank him for his punishment out of cruelty. He probably actually thinks he’s doing a kindness. That Astarion is lucky to be his spawn.

Look at it this way. There’s many abusive parents out there who got their asses beat with belts, with wooden spoons, burnt with cigarette butts. There’s the old tales dad’s tell about how their father would make them go to the woodshed to get a whippin’, or being forced to choose which implement they were gonna get beaten with. Which is why their kids should be lucky that they ‘merely’ get spanked with an open palm. They literally think they are better parents than the previous generation, while still being abusive. Their kids have it soooo easy! Why don’t they understand? Only bad parents beat their kids! They don’t even leave bruises!

Cazador’s inability to understand why Astarion isn’t grateful for his treatment isn’t due to ‘stupid evil cannot comprehend good’. It’s more that he literally thought he was a good master. He gave his spawn rooms! He rewarded some of them, in order to encourage the other to work harder! Sure, there was the one time he HAD to lock Astarion up for disobeying him, but it was ONLY for a year! He could have done so much worse to him! He only gave him four measly rules, and the spawn keeps disrespecting him! He gave him a choice between death or spawndom, many spawn don’t get the choice! Astarion doesn’t know how good he had it.

Which makes Ascended Astarion’s behaviour understandable. It’s not the ritual that turns him into a power hungry abusive bastard, it’s him getting to be the ‘parent’ now. He’ll be better than Cazador. He’ll only make his spawn drink from rats if they misbehave. He’ll only beat them until they apologize for putting the cutlery on the wrong side of the plate. He’ll be a kind master, only denying them food when he deems they’ve committed a GRAVE offense.

Whereas Spawn Astarion recognizes that he still has the physical and emotional scars from his abuse, and that it will take time, and freedom to recover from them, that having power over others is not the solution.

[thousandsonny]

I legit just woke up from a dead sleep and started doin Bogard headcannons again, so I wanna share what I do have for him:

Bogard joined the Marines at a very young age, like Z and Coby, I believe he joined anywhere from 14-16, and was almost automatically a prodigy with a sword. He rose through ranks incredibly fast and by 17-18 was already pushing Commodore/ Rear Admiral status.

I do not believe Garp chose Bogard, or vice versa. Bogard is incredibly quiet and shows little to no emotion at a lot of times except a scowl, and I like to believe it's due to anxiety. He was good off the bat, and it garnered him a lot of attention. He felt the pressure of not wanting to mess things up or let his peers and allies down and it led to him kinda shutting himself in as to not warrant anymore than he already had. The higher ups noticed this, and who better to attempt to break someone like that out of their shell than Garp. Garp is the hero of the Marines, but he's also kinda a brat, he does what he wants when he wants, and yet he's still loyal and is regarded with so much respect, the exact opposite of how Bogard felt it was to be done.

I like to believe when he was first placed beneath Garp, he hated Garp. He thought Garp was lousy, noisy, far too crude in his teachings, he couldn't understand how a man like this had done so much. But then, just like we see with Koby and Helmeppo, he got to know Garp and he got to see how he functions. It's incredibly difficult, but incredibly rewarding to be placed under Garp, finally he had a challenge and wanted nothing more than to prove himself to the Hero of the Marines, and he does.

I also like to think that they compliment each other well and it's a main reason as to why the two stuck together. Bogard is very level headed, very strict, very much so work heavy. Be it we're talking about the anime or Opla, he almost never interacts outside a work based relation, except for Koby and Helmeppo who are literally kids, but even then keeps that stern, no nonsense attitude about himself. Going back to my, I believe he has anxiety, Garp is a perfect match because when Garp's around, all eyes are on him. He's loud, he draws attention, Bogard doesn't have to force himself where its not needed. My interpretation of Bogard has him very easily flustered and rather soft and sweet behind that hard exterior, but it takes so much so see, and having seen it Garp also purposefully draws that attention to him as to not horribly stress Bogard out either. Besides Garp stresses him out enough himself, and don't get me started on Koby and Helmeppo down the line.

[greenerteacups]

ravenclaw harry is probably the house I find hardest to reconcile with the rest of the canon story. would love to hear your thoughts bc I totally agree that he would have made himself fit into any house as a first year. slytherin harry has a lot of fanon exploration which has had interesting results for sure! hufflepuff harry resonates with the sense of belonging and warmth he was likely yearning for….same actions seem likely to me still. but ravenclaw harry and the friends he’d make (or not make! outcast ish harry being friends with luna and the other alternative-esque ravenclaws?) not sure how that would go! intriguing for sure

housing 11 year olds based on personality is strange business (and all the main characters being in one house is just eh) which is why I love works like lionheart switching that up!

First and foremost, if you want an excellent Ravenclaw!Harry, may I recommend this fic by one of my favorite HPfic authors of all time? It's not quite a Sorting AU, but it's still immaculate, and it's my favorite R!Harry of all time.

I think Houses are first and foremost tools of community and socialization — they're a way to get a bunch of terrified eleven year-olds to make friends, and to break down the immense project of getting to know [INSERT MYTHICAL HOGWARTS DEMOGRAPHIC STATISTIC] people in your cohort at once. The point of doing a Sorting on the basis of personality is to find the place that's going to suit you best; for Slytherins, that's the place that represents their community, their heritage, and their own (fucked up) social set. For Hufflepuffs, that's a really friendly place that focuses on personal development. Gryffindors are adventurers, trailblazers, and explorers; Ravenclaws are inquisitive and interested in deep thinking. To that extent, I can understand why you'd set all of your characters in one house early on, but as the story goes on, it becomes apparent how much the failure to socialize between Houses hurts inter-House relations. It creates much stronger "types" than you might if you just let everyone socialize together.

When Harry is Sorted, we don't know a lot about the dude. We know he's pretty resilient, amicable, and overall nice to people (is immediately on-board and makes friends with Giant Dude Who's Basically Kidnapping You, even though in fairness, he's getting rescued from an abusive home, so — not surprising!) but for the most part, it just gives Normal Guy. It takes a while for Harry's specific brand of introverted weirdness to manifest in the story, and even then, because we're in his POV, we don't see how incredibly awkward he actually is — rereading his dates with Cho is a gauntlet of cringing. He locks on to the people close to him and integrates himself with their group, then basically maintains trajectory until something forces him to stop. He's a really passive dude; 9/10 of the series his him going "what fucking NOW" and running off to put out whatever fire is happening that he's inexplicably implicated in. (He's still heroic, ftr; he does make the choice to risk his life for people, and he does the right thing. But you get the feeling that he would be much happier if he could take a break once in a while and let some other Chosen One take on the serious stuff.)

Apart from the one rec'd above, I can't think of many Ravenclaw!Harry fics that actually take the Sorting as a character challenge. Ravenclaw gets flattened to "the smart House that does great in school" in a lot of fanon — which is kind of strange because the two nerdiest characters, Hermione Granger and Ernie Macmillan, are a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff, respectively. The few Ravenclaws we do get to know, Cho and Luna, are much more defined by their passion for their chosen hobbies than by any scholarly aptitude. Of the few Ravenclaw Sorting AUs out there, a lot of them end up being those Redditor-beloved "Harry Potter but the characters make decisions I think are smarter and then reward them by artificially making those solutions 100% effective" fix-its. A.K.A. fics where the real point is for the author to flex about how smart they are for "getting" the "science" behind a magical storybook world. (No, I don't have strong feelings about these at all, why do you ask?)

[silviakundera]

Joy of Life S1 Ep 42 liveblogging

watching for the 1st time, so don't tell me secrets ;)

Fan Xian seems really sure he's the emperor's son. Hmmmm Do I feel confident the emperor likes him, as much as a selfish schemer of his kind can like anyone? Sure. Do I feel confident at this point that the emperor thinks FX is his illegitimate kid? IDK because this could be another cover and he was actually helping her hide something. I'm just not at the place yet where I am taking that as an irrefutable fact.

The look on FX's face when Xiao En says as long as he knows he's a Xiao. Good acting! You can see the compassion FX has for him. He's not only ruthless and vicious.

"Don't bury me. I don't want to be underground anymore." 😢😔

"I am sorry I am not your grandson. Sit tight. You won't be bothered anymore." All of his dialogue in this scene is simple but full of sincere feeling. FX is not as wholly dark as he thinks he is. What a fantastic, complex character. I really like him.

That secret was indeed underwhelming for me but Xiao En had a fantastic arc.

Chen Pingping always has like 5 reasons for anything he does. Love that about him.

LMAO Chen Pingping even set up things so evil Princess' plot ended up giving FX a chivalrous bestie. (He reminds me a lot of Korn, the mafia kingpin from Kinnporsche. Can't predict everything but makes great bets based on all the variables he can control and his understanding of people's hearts. Willing to risk it all for the reward.)

Hi Gao Baokun! Ohhhhhhhh now FX is on the trail of Chen Pingping's 5th Reason. Teng Zijing was set up to be in that village! Hand selected to be positioned into FX's life. Just a pawn.

Gao Baokun is just a random loser who got dragged into the mud (but wait--we already knew he didn't try to kill Teng Xijing's fam in the end, and that part was the Bureau? Or at least I thought we knew that.)

It's touching that after all FX still trusts Teng Zijing. His one true friend! ❤

ahhhhhhhh Fan Xian is super pissed at his uncles. Guys you may have miscalculated this. Like my beloved Korn from Kinnporsche, Chen Pingping & Emperor want it all and are betting big that they can have their power AND their chosen people. Or at least the Emperor really wants both. Korn won the day in that drama (tho fandom keeps punishing him in fanfic). We'll see if FX can eventually forgive.

His Majesty is actually calling it out that they say to each other & perhaps even to themselves that they see Fan Xian as their baby boy and yet.... I like the emperor for his self awareness and inner conflict about his hypocrisy

Does Fan Jian truly think of FX wholeheartedly as his foster son? Are Chen Pingping and His Majesty actually having real trust issues..? Remains to be seen.

We're back with Yan Bingyuan and FX admitting this was a test for him.

Who's Xiao En's real grandson? Yan Bingyuan? ....... LMAO that took the drama like 3 min to answer. Yep it's probably him.

nah don't tell Bingyuan any disabling shit before you are out of the country 🙈 this man is already like an anxious chihuahua

I believe the emperor sees what I do: that a fealty to Qing & determination to make it the most powerful does not necessarily = fealty to the current emperor. Saying Chen Pingping is dedicated to the best for the country does NOT read like perfect loyalty to His Majesty. It's not that he's against the emperor or FX and doesn't gaf, it's just that his obsession for the bigger goal is what it is. A common fear that cdrama royalty has to grapple with. They both hunger for personal loyalty & can't trust it.

oh is it Shen sister? She's way more fun than her erstwhile boyfriend, let her in!

lol that's right Bingyuan, give us nothing

FX just watching the drama because Bingyuan is too obvious

So..... Now Fan Xian wants to be the Investigations Bureau head and a top official.... to find out how mom really died and get revenge? 🤔

[dailyanarchistposts]

Outro

This is a book that does not have an ending. It is a definition that negates itself in the same breath. It is a question, an invitation to discuss.[174]

—John Holloway

It can be difficult to talk about the ways that radical milieus can be stifling and rigid: how we don’t always treat each other well, how we hurt each other, and how shame, rigidity, and competition can creep into the very movements and spaces that are trying to undo all this. Of course there are tangles of despair, resentment, pleasure, and pain. Of course shitty encounters provoke anxieties and frustrations. Of course people bring their scars and fears. In his interview, Glen Coulthard put his finger on something we have carried with us throughout this process, about the way that sadness and anger often stem from love:

I think that for the somber, melancholic militant, I get it. I understand it. How could you not be? And this is my point—the only way you respond to the world like that is because of some base sort of individual and collective self-respect. Some love for oneself and others, or the land, that you see being violated in a profound way. This produces melancholy, anger, whatever. They’re not separable. So when we’re leveling our critiques, you just have to understand that yeah, it’s a rational response to an irrational, violent, unthinking machinery. So how do we direct that in ways that are able to topple these power relationships? And that’s when the kind of navel-gazing, defensive, puritanical radical becomes an obstacle, even though they may rightfully be that way, because of the position that they occupy. And the process of redirection comes from community, a community that we aspire towards and is always already there. So that’s the question: What do we do with that situation? How do we make that community stronger? I don’t know what the answer is, but the question is there, or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We need it to be there more, with more people.[175]

We have attempted to approach rigid radicalism with care, so that we wouldn’t just be finding movements lacking in a whole new way. We have tried to convey a conversation, a set of questions rather than a set of answers. How do we talk about rigid radicalism in a way that doesn’t just heap more shit at the feet of those who are already fighting? What can support conversations that provide space to think and feel through all this in milieus and movements? How can we pull each other into other ways of being together?

We have suggested that rigid radicalism is not a solid thing outside of us, but an affective tendency we are amidst. It circulates, constricts, suffocates, recirculates. It brings its own pleasures and rewards. Maybe it is driven in part by a desire to heal.

The real enemy is Empire itself, and rigid radicalism is a poisonous reaction that presents itself as the cure. As such, rigid radicalism is one of the ways that Empire calls forth some desires and attachments and conjures away others, keeping its subjects stuck in a desolate form of life. In the twilight of Empire’s legitimacy, it has become more and more difficult to sustain the fantasy that capitalism is good for us, or that elected leaders represent us. Governments announce sustainability initiatives alongside new forms of resource extraction, multiculturalism alongside militarized policing. But Empire doesn’t need our faith, only our compliance. As Empire’s subjects, we are increasingly fastened to an automated, industrialized infrastructure that consumes and poisons the living world. Through the glow of our screens, we are induced to express ourselves in perpetual performance and collective surveillance. The crisis is not coming: it is already here. It has been here for a long time, and Empire is administering the wreckage. We are permitted to be as cynical and pessimistic as we want, as long as we remain detached from capacities to live and relate differently.

In this sense, Empire cannot be confronted only by inculcating others with the right set of anticapitalist and antistate beliefs. People do not need some special training or education to be capable of transformation. On the contrary, we are constantly trained away from aliveness to change. It is not a question of being right, but of assembling enabling ways of thinking, doing, and feeling in the present. This is most palpable in exceptional situations of disaster and insurrection, when everyday people have a little space from Empire’s exhausting anxieties and routines. Amidst a lot of suffering and scarcity, there are upwellings of mutual aid and connection. This is not evidence of some innate altruism. For us, it is evidence that everyone is capable of joyful transformation, and the ongoing disaster is the brutal isolation and exploitation of life organized by Empire. An increase in the capacity to affect and be affected—joy—means being more in touch with a world that is bleeding, burning, screaming.

Transformation might begin with rage, hatred, or sorrow. Refusing to “get over” some things can cut against the grain of obligatory productivity and optimism structuring capitalist life. Shared power might arise from accepting, refusing, hanging on, or letting go. This is the wiggle-room of freedom: not the absence of constraint, or a do-what-you-like individualism, but an emergent capacity to work on relationships, shift desires, and undo ingrained habits.

We believe that close ties of friendship and kinship, far from isolating us into cliques or enclaves, actually enable people to better extend themselves to others and participate in transformative encounters. Close friends and loved ones are what enable us to gripe and vent so that we can be more compassionate and patient with those who don’t know us as well. They help us process fears and anxieties so that we are better able to trust people up front and move towards trouble and discomfort. They sit with us when we inevitably fuck up and flail. In turn, transformative struggle can deepen these bonds and generate new ones.

We have suggested that the challenge is not to build a unified consciousness or position, but to find ways of coming together, collaborating, fighting, and discovering shared affinities. This is not about everyone getting along and becoming friends. Vulnerability is important, but also risky, and needs to be selective. As Coulthard said, “Some relationships are just bullshit and we shouldn’t be in them. We should actually draw lines in the sand more willingly.” Joy needs sharp edges to thrive. How to create spaces, then, where vulnerability can happen and joyful encounters can take place? When to be open, and to what, and how to create and maintain boundaries? What can we do together? How can we support each other? How to create space for consensus and dissensus and difference? How to ward off imperatives to centralize and control things, without creating new divisions and sectarian conflicts? How to ward off rigid radicalism and its attachments to purity and paranoia?

These are all ethical questions that people are exploring rather than answering once and for all. We have suggested that in the space between abstract morality and vapid individualism, common notions can help us remain open and responsive.

In a world of crushing monopolies, where so much is done to us or for us, some people are recovering the capacity to do things for themselves. From barricades to kitchen tables, they are generating collective forms of trust and responsibility. If such forms make people feel alive, if they deepen bonds of trust and love, militancy tends to grow along with them because people are willing to defend these emergent powers. Every moment that people find trust in each other and in their own capacities is precious. Through these messy struggles, people are becoming powerful and dangerous together.

To be militant about joy means forging common notions that can enable, sustain, and deepen transformation here and now, starting from wherever people find themselves. Common notions are not a means to a revolution in the future, but the recovery of people’s capacities for autonomy and struggle here and now. This tends towards breaking down old divides between organizing and everyday existence, and opening the question of collective life itself in all its expansiveness. Nurturing common notions means refusing to separate the effectiveness of any tactic or strategy from its affectiveness: how it makes people feel, how it nurtures autonomy or dependence, what it opens up and what it closes down.[176] It means letting go of practices or ideas when they stagnate, and generating new ones together. Rather than fixed values or positions, in common notions we find ways of doing, thinking, and feeling that sustain the growth of shared power.

With the concept of joyful militancy, we have tried to affirm these other ways of being without pretending that we have discovered the answer to undoing Empire, warding off rigid radicalism, or ushering in some world revolution. There is no single answer. We have tried to avoid setting up joyful militancy as a new ideal to embody, or a set of duties. It would be disappointing if the notion of joyful militancy ever became a handbook for transformation because it lives in questions, experiments, and openings—not answers, blueprints, or necessities.

[pansear-doodles]

here are some interesting graphs from my art fight hitlist because im feeling the tism and sometimes people give me funny responses

yes! 143 responses! keep it coming!

hi werewolves

did you know that for the past three teams im in they all won?

do you want to break that streak? good luck!!!

oh i can take any species and character type. im not sure why i put this to be honest but i guess i was just curious

but then...

I FORGOT TO ADD FERAL AS AN OPTION!!!!!!!!!! (warrior oc owners mad!!!!!!)

it seems everyone whos filling out my hitlist is fully aware im primarily a mass attacker

hihi 25 people as of writing! ready for another round?

good! don't have to worry about someone for now.

lol only one of you said no

i am glad a majority of you picked yes. making mass attacks is difficult but ultimately rewarding. you have to plan the layout, core theme, study each and every character you're including so you can have them do something and create scenes, hope that none of the characters get hidden while you're drawing (which is the most annoying part but understandable) and then submitting, and much more.

the three people who answered "ive known you for a long time" are all incorrect (youd have to know me longer than you know me from drawception, which is likeeeee late fnaf fandom i think???). a good chunk of you are from rain world!

rain world ppl youre in for a treat hehe. this is like the month of the year where i go tism on your characters, studying them under a microscope (and then probably most for them ill let them wear jackets or cool scarves)

you guys are right tho. neither of them would want to fight each other LOL

i saw that a good number of you pondered on attacking with my artihunter. do be informed that i also love rogueval art and was very crazy about it last year (and i think i still am)

i even made a comp of sorts, containing a chunk of cool rogueval art i got from af 2021 haha

ill be happy regardless on who you want to draw, whether its my fan ocs and aus, or my original original characters

either way

youre all getting souped

now finally.... the remarks....

some gold ones here here...

we have a lot of lovely nice comments. there are so many i could only grab a handful. thank you for your kind words. ill be sure to take easy this time this year.

and then we have the funny ones lol

sincerely, thank you everyone for supporting my endeavors this way. seeing everyone unite and be giving to one another- i enjoy it a lot. art fight is easy on the first half, but it does get stressful later on based on my experiences. dont be afraid to take breaks and dont feel bad if you only manage to put out a couple of attacks in the end. your participation and willingness means well.

keep this one thing in mind: you are never obligated to attack back, and you are never obligated to have your art be at your best.

the overall goal is to have fun.

[toxicanonymity]

Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

-------

Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

------

Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

-

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️

[tgrailwar-zero]

Hey Lune, we understand if you can’t answer this, but uh, are there any other uses to trigger keys apart from the “gather enough and you can enter the core” one? Caster at least seemed to want one of them, but it didn’t seem like it was extremely high priority for her?

"Not really, the Trigger Key is basically a 'post-game' thing? Once a Servant wins the war, then they can either collect the Trigger Keys for a bigger reward, or just sit back and wait for the Admin to come, I think! So nobody is really stressing about them right now, since there's not much point if the war is still happening. As far as I know, at least. Maybe the Admin has more uses for them?"

LUNE explained, as you walked down the steps and out of the inn, seeing a number of people gathered outside.

It seemed like the level of 'awareness' that the NPCs had regarding the war varied from place to place- the people in the Nameless City seemed to have little to no awareness- or those two girls were just mean for no reason. The mind of a teenager, even a virtual one, was hard to parse.

However, in this town, you could see people watching from their homes or stepping outside to watch the duel. Apparently the news spread relatively quickly, as HISTORIA stood next to a figure in a white hood.

His face was familiar, yet still hazy. However, based on the sideways glare he was giving KUKULKAN, it seemed like his memory was a bit on the clearer side.

HISTORIA stepped between the two, prompting introductions.

"Ah, there you two are. K, this is the town doctor."

KUKULKAN held out a hand.

"Nice to meet you!"

He didn't return the handshake.

As much as you expected a confrontation, he merely looked at you and KUKULKAN, and said:

"Get this over with and leave."

Before he stepped off to the wayside, hands in his pockets. HISTORIA chuckled, shaking his head a bit.

"Don't mind him, he's not the most social. But now we can determine the terms of combat. Again, we're fighting until surrender. Special abilities are allowed, but True Name releases regarding Noble Phantasms are banned. We've been given permission to fight within town limits, but try to keep collateral damage to a minimum. The Doctor will stop the fight if things get too out of hand, and also proclaim a winner himself if the bout goes on for too long without a clear victor. I won't be fighting, Lune will. I'll just be 'damage control'."

LUNE and KUKULKAN both nodded their heads in understanding, as they both separated, each walking several paces away from each other.

As soon as LUNE was a fair distance away, they began to shimmer with a bright light, their outfit shifting. Ribbons and frills spilled out from around them, as a long, ornate blade appeared in their hands, shining with a holy light. It didn't seem entirely like battle attire, and yet it seemed fitting.

"…What's that look about? Don't think I can fight in these clothes?"

"That's not it at all. You just seem happy in that outfit. I trust that you'll give it 100%?"

"Of course! Watch me, Historia! I'm in 'Holy Knight' mode, after all!"

KUKULKAN shot you a look. She clearly wasn't happy with your lack of faith in her mana control, especially after specifically assuring you all it would be fine beforehand.

"Speaking of, be nice, Lune. I know His Majesty let you carry around more… 'tools' than usual upon summoning, but don't get carried away."

LUNE, who had finished doing a few skirt-twirls while the others were talking, finally settled a few paces away.

"C'mon, Historia. They're the ones bragging about how big and strong and powerful they are. As a paladin, I've gotta show them what's what! Besides, I can feel His Majesty's pressure on my Spirit Origin. I can't lose!"

"In fact, why don't I give K the first shot? Fire the biggest mana burst you can at me, if you think you're such hot-shots, huh? But if you don't take me out in one hit, then you're gonna super regret it!"

KUKULKAN furrowed her brow, before you felt her mana start to rise, concentrated in her fists.

(Stats will update on the pinned post after each Main Post!)

Servant: Kukulkan

Statistics:

Strength: C

Endurance: C

Agility: B

Mana: EX

Luck: A

NP: B++

Starting Health: 7/7

Starting Mana: 13/13

[peterlorres21stcentury]

unpopular opinion: mods should enhance a game, not make it suck less

also sprach Lorrethustra, the endlessly reincarnated

And yet here I am, making some desperately needed improvements to a game that, while fun at first, needed some serious thought and maybe another year in development.

So far I have made the following changes to Starfield with the help of the amazing Bethesda modding community, because I don't have a fucking clue how to create my own mods so I offer naught in return. Notice how entirely simple these problems are:

-Doubled the experience gained from any action (thanks to a second mod, having the well-rested perk from sleeping will quadruple it!)

-Multiplied the amount of credits for each vendor by 10. Because enormous, interplanetary juggernaut corporations of the future only trust their vendors with 5k in virtual monies in a 48 hour period. 🙄 Seriously, it should be 100x that, but I'm trying to be reasonable here.

-Made it so that random quests are not shoved into my mission log just because some guard made a passing comment while I was near. I always hated this method of quest-giving. It felt invasive and annoying even in Skyrim, as it assumes that every character would be willing to delve in that cave or join the Thieves' Guild or make deals with a daedric prince or whatever, but in Starfield it is an absolute plague. If I want your quest I'll ask around for it!! Stop force-feeding your players this bullshit!!

-Furnished the Starborn ship with such extravagant luxuries as: a few chairs on the bridge, and one (1) bed. Because even though I don't use the ship that often, it's still part of my fleet, so I might as well make it a livable space instead of the iphone store-looking, sterile white void we got (seriously, the modder just added some decorative assets that were already present in the game files and intended to be used on the ship. Bethesda CHOSE NOT TO USE THEM WHYYYY

That's about all for now. I was thinking of finding something that increased the storage capacity for outpost containers from 600 units to... something a lot MORE THAN THAT. Why would you make outpost extraction rates so high if you can barely store it all? How can I realize my dreams of becoming an interstellar freight/resource tycoon if my base is nothing but walls of stupid shipping crates (which don't share inventory automatically and need to be connected through a mess of wires even when they, you know, snap together and ought to logically share inventory?? but that's a separate issue)? If the dev team understood their player base at all they'd understand that we are greedy rapacious loot goblins who need moooooooaaaaaaar, damn your hide 👿

I don't know if these decisions were intended as some kind of meta commentary on the nature of your character or what (the Starborn is reborn into new universes chasing their fruitless quest for some vaguely defined power, therefore the meaning of life is suffering and so the player gets diminishing returns on their repetitive journey? Is that what they meant?) but as *cough* deeeeeep and philosophical as that may be, good game design it ain't.

To think I wrote this much all because I wanted a way to level faster than the default pace of "not at all." Because despite the game having no level cap, the game literally does not offer you enough activities to grant the necessary ~500,000 cumulative xp points to reach level 100. Even going through a new game+ multiple times and repeating every single quest will not be enough unless you have literal days of free time. I never felt so starved for perks in Skyrim or Fallout 4, ever, despite the xp rewards being roughly similar. But you spend higher levels in Starfield so very hungry for xp because the curve of points earned per level is, as far as I can tell, near exponential. And the rewards do not scale with your level, nor with game difficulty. A level 90 enemy will always grant something like 120 xp, and you have tens of thousands of xp points to go.

Sorry, but this especially is truly boggling my tiny mind. Not to rant about something so trivial; I am only too keenly aware that this world is filled with actual pain and suffering, but I'd really love to know what they were thinking when they designed such an abominable leveling system. A grindy MMO this ain't, my friends. That next perk point should be a rewarding goal, not an impossible waste of time. It's like one team carried over the xp rewards that would be comparable to Fallout 4 (you get about the same per average enemy, anywhere from 50 to 200 points per kill, I think) and then a separate clueless team said "I mean, it's one level, Michael. What would it cost? A hundred thousand xp?"

I could go on, but I have other things to do today. I want to make it clear: I do not hate this game! A lot of it is incredibly absorbing, and I wish there was more to it (outpost building, crafting, surveying planets). But there should never be this many annoyances and pointless barriers to make these mods a necessity.

[ember-owlet]

dynamic: cg! donna beneviento headcanons 

a/c: our beloved dollmaker is one of my top comfort characters (i think about her 24/7), so this list is gonna be much longer than my usual ones. also, each item in the moodboard is going to correspond to these headcanons, though in no particular order. as a disclaimer most of these are based off of my own regression/daydreams so its very self indulgent in nature. there may be some things that won’t be based on canon but instead my own interpretation of the character (especially since what we know in canon of donna is very little unfortunately ( ╥ω╥ ))

 i hope you enjoy! 

warming up to people outside of her own family would be difficult for the introverted lord, however once she’s made up her mind about someone/considers them one of her own, there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you 

out of the four of them she was the fastest to understand what your regression is and its benefit to your mental health. i mean she is the village dollmaker, she’d understand more than anyone what its like to find joy in things meant for children. 

and who’s to say that she isn’t a regressor herself? i believe wholeheartedly she’d be a flip, she may not have understood the terminology at first but her tendency to go non-verbal and have angie speak for her is my main evidence 

the moment she comes to understand what she needs to do to help you, you’ll find her one of the sweetest caregivers ever 

and she’s so. observant. 

if she finds you taking a liking to anything in particular (whether it be a food, a show, or even a material of clothing) she’ll be taking notes of it to either get you more of it or as a reward for your good behavior (gotta make sure she’s raising a respectful little one, y’know?)

her leather bound book would have all of her observations: your schedule, your likes and dislikes, and her ideas for gifts months in advance

there’s absolutely no way that you’d be able to hide anything from her, there’s eyes everywhere in the beneviento house! 

it’s mostly for your safety of course, she respects your autonomy and your privacy of things that you’d like to keep to yourself

 though i can’t say the same for angie, she’s one of the biggest tattletales the village had ever known 

donna would chuckle to herself if she were to find a “surprise gift” under your bed while cleaning, remarking to herself how good of a little one she has for thinking of her 

as a creative soul herself she would absolutely encourage it, you would have a separate room right next to her office to let your creativity run wild (though supervised if she noticed you in a smaller mindset) 

if you like sewing, she’d have an entire suitcase of child-safe needles and scissors for you. if you like to paint she’d always make sure that you have sufficient amounts of each mediums 

she loves anything that involves the use of her skilled hands, one of her favorite pastimes being knitting. you could always find her humming near the fire, seamlessly switching the yarn in between each row 

it would only take you to silently sit in front of her with your back turned for her to put everything down and begin brushing and braiding your hair, you were almost convinced it was a superpower in itself how perfectly even each of the braids would come out without fail 

though she can get completely lost in her work she’d always make sure to set time aside for her little one, as though you two weren’t already attached at the hip. neither of you mind, silent company is something that you both greatly enjoy 

if there is ever a need for her to not have you near her, angie is your assigned babysitter for any occasion, though she’d take the role of being your superior to heart, and voila you have a mischievous older sibling 

though she wouldn’t admit it there isn’t anything that angie wouldn’t do for you either. of course she has moments of getting jealous that you take donna’s attention away from her, but if she notices even one wrong look from the other dolls towards you they’d be having a word with her or donna soon after

storytimes are an absolute must before bed, they were already something that donna would do for the other residents of the house when she felt like it, but now it had become routine. most of the genres would be the old folk tales and gothic literature that she was raised on 

you can bet that she’d be using her powers of hallucination to let you see the world around you as the set of whichever story of your choosing

your desire to want to mimic her in everything she does is something that she finds so endearing about you. she’d be in the kitchen cooking a meal for the two of you and then look down to find you tugging on the bottom of her dress, ushering you instead to your play kitchen to “help”. 

“perdonami, piccola ombra, the oven is too dangerous.” followed closely by angie tugging you away to a safer area of the house 

piccola ombra= little shadow, a name given to you by donna when she found you following her around the house with a blanket over your body and a stuffy clutched close to your chest with a veil over their head to mimic her and angie

besides piccola ombra, she would have many petnames that she would shower you with throughout the day, though her favorite of all would be either tesoro (treasure) or bambolina (little doll), but especially coniglietta (bunny)

because of that you will find bunny items everywhere, from your plushies to your lotion to the items engraved around your room

the two other ways that she notices you copying her is gardening and baking. any of the produce that you both procure would be used in your meals and treats. 

donna always thought it best to work for the things that you want rather than to depend on others. her status as lord always guaranteed she were given things on a silver platter, and for that she always found gardening to make her less reliant on help. 

after finally clearing off the brush and snow, the two of you would find yourselves enjoying the afternoon picnicking outside with the other dolls with two different tea sets: one silverware and another wooden set to play with. you two would watch the sun set over the courtyard, and if you grew sleepy she’d be happy to carry you back to bed

you would never find a more loving, attentive, and dedicated caregiver than donna beneviento ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚