#so im like. sleeping ALL the time. theres nothing else for me to do like i can spend a couple hours working on something

[sleepyjim2]

incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess

[reel-fear]

one day I'll go insane and release a 234 page essay on why I love Wheatley X GLaDOS so much and its underrated and Love as a construct [link] is the best fanfiction I've ever read as long as u stop reading After chapter 26 bc imo after that it gets a bit repetitive and jumps the shark a bit and if u see the tags u might understand KJNSDFGKJNFDSD

but the very basics of it, is it's that two very bad people with a ton of truama learning to become better via each other <3. Also its weirdly disliked by a lot of portal fans for being... Abusive,,, which is hilarious considering both Wheatley and GLaDOS are canonical abusers who may regret their actions by the end sure but are still on some level very abusive people to Chell. I think that's also one of the reasons I love Gladley just bc it doesn't feel like Chell has to get into a relationship with these two people that canonically I think she's absolutely had enough of dealing with.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[phagodyke]

venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍

haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(

[arolesbianism]

The Joshua section of my oni playlist is looking great so far

[shmingleping]

Ok but why is it that I can't go even one fucking day in this house without seeing at least one spider all up in my stuff??

It's not just gross, it's horrifying. I'm incredibly arachnophobic, just thinking about it makes me itchy and uncomfortable. BLEH.

WHY WONT THEY FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE ?!?!?

[anxiousapplepie]

Haiiiiiii again <3

I come asking questions!! And sharing ideas!!! About pre loop/loop position in Dormont this time since i dont Think everyone will be standing/doing the same same thing considering their roles. Im categorising them by Travelers btw

From what i feel about them, in Traveler!Mirabelle au Isabeau'd be actually staring at the house north of Dormont, with that old person on the bench from the start! Assessing risks, getting a good look at how much stuff changed, etc., while Bonnie and Siffrin both stay at the shop, ensuring that Siffrin doesn't forget anything and getting exactly what needed. Odile is... Unclear, but i think it's Really, Really funny if someone from the party stayed near Favor Tree at all times in every au, so she goes there, i think.

In Traveler!Isabeau tho i think Odile'd be in the east of the town, asking questions to locals. The blind one maybe? Mirabelle would be at the shop, but turned to a different shelf i think, while Bonnie runs around after running one near the Change God statue. Maybe theyre the one fetching Isabeau too. Siffrin is studying the Favor Tree, standing near that rock the original Isa was using, although more Sitting near it than actually Standing, with a pile of books larger than he's tall while up. They'd preferred to do this near the library, for all the books accessible, but theres too much noise so! Theyre here now.

Traveler!Bonnie finds Isabeau exactly there, actually. Nose deep in the book that yields exactly nothing, but he's trying. Mirabelle is venting off frustration in the east doing drills, so she's away from the main busy road and doesn't hurt anyone on accident. Odile is the the only one at the shop, paralleling the original, but now she's a lot more wary and is actually sitting on that singular chair in the room. There's no one at the Favor Tree Siffrin is sleeping in the roots of the Favor Tree. I thought about him sleeping On the thing, but i dont think Loop would appreciate that much so Bonnie (or maybe someone else?) will need to Rudely Awaken them from his dedicated Cat Nap and Cruelty Say They Need To Go. Unbelievable. Jail for them for 1000 years.

The last one is Traveler!Odile and i keep forgetting who is who there, but Bonnie is in the east? I think? Like HM!Odile before, but instead of Adults they're chatting with Kids. Isabeau is shopping while Siffrin is relaxing on the bench near the library, or maybe doing stretches. It's never clear with them, but if Isa walked out he'd die from looking at some of those positions alone. Mirabelle is now the one to stay at the Favor Tree for the same reason as Researcher!Siffrin before, but instead of studying the tree itself, she's reading the Curse Of Chatèau Castle. God i hope i wrote that right.

The only thing that never, Never changes is that the travelers wake up in the meadow south of Dormont. What had lead them there in the first place is up in the air, - desire for solitude, silence, or else, - but they will always wake on the grass, staring up, lying awake until someone goes to fetch them. Always alone.

Anddd thats it really. Loop is another constant that never changes, as they're always at the Favor Tree, but the others run wild. I have no good way to end this ask so have this ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ

*hand waves to all of the above in a shower of sparkles and glitter* BEHOLD! A bunch of things I didn't have to spend time and energy thinking about! :D I obviously can't spend time zooming in with my magnifying glass like "LET ME TELL YOU MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS!!!" for every single roleswap character (the urge is so powerful and strong tho you have no idea) but I will say the overall these vibes are solid and I can get behind most of them! I HAVE thought about the reasons why every Traveler is in the field, though: T!Bonnie is in the field practicing their craft attacks (and being a broody pre-teen) T!Isabeau was exploring the outskirts of town, walking through some of the woods and checking out nearby landmarks - coming back to the field after his excursion T!Odile might be editing the book she's been writing about HM!Bonnie or just double-checking some facts from a different familytale she's borrowing from a step-sibling T!Mirabelle has been camping out in that field literally all day. Hiding from no-one special or particular why would you ask her that You are insane for gathering all these ideas into one big ask and ngl it intimidated me a lot/positive

[base0h]

HOW HAIKYUU CHARACTERS REACT TO BUGS

a/n - watched a TikTok vid by @emmafischer8 about how setters would react to a spider and it was hilarious so I had to do everyone else too 😀👍

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, s/o reader, crack

- he’s not very scared of them so you can probably count on him to kill them for you if you ask 😭🙏

- but honestly he’d probably name a spider Fred and give it a leaf to sit on when he puts it outside

- and in the morning when he wakes up he’d also say good morning to Fred even if he doesn’t see him because he thinks Fred might still hear him

- “Bokuto who’s Fred..?” -you

- “That spider fella from last week! The one that was on the ceiling :)”

- “…You named it?”

- “Mhm!”

- “I love you Bokuto 😭”

- “Oh I love you too y/n :D”

- He has a lot of bug friends

- especially during summer he gets a lot of ladybug and butterfly buddies

- he prolly has named them after which friends he thinks they remind him of

- theres a praying mantis named kuroo 🙏

- he’s scared of them

- he hates them with every fiber of his being

- never take him to Australia or ANYWHERE remotely outdoorsy 💀

- he’s the type to get even quieter when he’s afraid— and he can’t even bring himself to move away from said danger he just stares at it helplessly 😭

- he could be doing homework or something and then all of the sudden his pencil will stop, and he’s just frozen in place

- you can’t even tell if bros still breathing

- “Akaashi..? You ok?” -you

- there’s no answer

- no acknowledgment

- just dead silence

- then you see why, and it’s a tiny little spider on the wall in front of his desk

- you have to kill all the bugs or take em outside, akaashi will do everything else but that for you so yeah 😭

- you also might have to comfort him for a while after because he’s so scared he gets nightmares about em 💀

- I swear yk those jumpscare vids on TikTok where the bug legit jumps out at you and that Asian dude is like: hey, you ok?

- BUT THE MF COMES WAY TOO FREAKING LATE SO IT DOESNT EVEN HELP

- yeah akaashi has beef with him

- he wants to set his house on fire and lock the doors with the guy still inside :)

- seriously you could be just chilling and all of the sudden he’ll chuck his phone across the room and he looks like he looked at Medusa or sum 💀

- those vids that try to like make you feel bad for bugs because they’re just trying to exist mean nothing to him

- “Ok then exist somewhere else? Preferably nowhere near me?” -Akaashi (probably)

IM TALKING ABOUT THIS GUY. (JUMPSCARE WARNING)

- ok see— he doesn’t call it ‘fear’

- he calls it ‘disliking things with more than 3 legs’

- he acts all tough and mighty until you’re faced with the final boss…

- summer

- Idk why but I feel like he’d have a tiny little dog— like a corgis or a terrier or something

- it sometimes eats flies and stuff— and Kuroo worships it 😭

- he’s totally the type to like try and create some intricate trapping system for bugs so that his dog can take care of it for him

- Kenma thinks he’s insane :) (he is)

- side note he also probably cuddles with his dog and has good dreams whenever he sleeps with it nearby him 🥲🙏

- anyways, you’re basically his knight in shining armor now, congrats! :D

- “Oh y/n you look absolutely gorgeous today—“ -kuroo

- “Where’s the bug.”

- “…..Corner wall.”

- sly mf 💀 bro thought he could fool you

- don’t worry he’ll make it up to you however you want 😭

- you name it and he’ll do it

- anything for his knight in shining armor

- his heroic insect slayer

- his courageous promised messiah—

- yeah you get the gist lmfao

- you should probably start taxing him for it

- he MIGHT boycott you though 💀

- I honestly think they’re scared of him

- I feel like no bug has ever escaped osamu’s sight

- like if a fly lands on his food it’s genocide time

- he will find its cohorts and kill every single last one

- kinda scary ngl 😭

- in the kitchen he’s probably armed with a fly swatter 24/7

- not one of those plastic flimsy ones though, the heavy duty high voltage shit, only the best

- Let’s be real though, if a fly noticed Osamu looking at it— it’d run and not be able to escape 💀

- Those vids that are like: “no but the bug was just existing— what if it had a family?” Yeah no Osamu doesn’t give a shit

- “It’s their fault for touching my food. Not my fault they might not have a parent anymore.” -osamu

- “Yeah but you didn’t need to like— chop it up like an onion—😭”

- “It reminded me of Atsumu so I was extra pissed at it.”

- “Hey! :(“ -Atsumu

- “Ah I see, makes sense.”

- “HEY! >:(“

a/n - I need an osamu to kill the mosquitoes in my house I can’t kill em all myself— I’m losing the war here 😭

[lokorum]

what would you say is your favorite jonmichael fic..... im very curious and love to reread anything in that tag

oh but how can i pick only one when they all are so good??? (,,•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ ,,)?

aaaaaa can i make the several honorable mentions of the fics that made me scream and roll on the floor?????? pretty please???

scheherazade was one of the first jonmichael fics that i found while going through all of the cher's works because, evidently, they have no fics that are not worth reading!! (i'm sorry if and forty feet down only confirming it!!!)

sleep inertia has one of the best dialogues i ever read!!! the way cruelzy writes michael's lines??? aaaaaaaaa its so delicious and believable and never for a second i thought i'm reading something out of canon?? its just that good. 

carousel is the only one fic (from what i found) that i set in the last season and its adds a lot of layers to that big jonmichael onion that torments my eyes for a while now ldkfjgkdfjg also it's messy?? i mean the whole situation in the fic?? its so humanly complicated and it does not gives you the chance to experience any of the feelings clearly and i love it!! screechfox somehow captured all of the complicated stuff in one fic, blendered it together and for the whole time i just couldn't take my eyes away from it. 

five times michael saves jon's life and one time he doesn't have to - is here to sooth our pain and heal our wounds. i reread it so many times!! the dynamic between jon and michael in it is one to live for!!! sometimes you think 5+1 kind of fics can't surprise you anymore and then the coolest author like paisleycowboys enters the room and proves you wrong. 

to be like super honest, the 100 ways to say i love you series, when i first saw it, made me think im not gonna like it? i love my fanfics long and scary and bittersweet and with a bad-very-not-good-endings, so the title of this one made me go "hmmmmm HMMMMM hmmmmm hmmmm?" but ive started to read it anyway, theres not that many fics on the ao3 for jonmichael, we cant afford to be capricious and gosh GOSH i was so fucking wrong!!! its sweet AND sad AND scary AND awkward (in a best way!!!) AND it made me giggle so many times!!! NeedsCaffeineRightNow can make even the edgiest of us enjoy the soft kinds of fics (its not hard when they are written with so much care and love.)

POSSESSIVE!! MICHAEL!! COMBING!!! JON'S!! HAIR!!!!!! what else do we need from life?

transition, every time i reread it or think about it, makes me painfully aware of how many things should coincide for something to work. it's not one of those fics that completely encompass you; nor its the one that leaves you with new headcanons or in a good mood, no, i think it's the one that leaves you in dissoray, making you want to argue with author, to ask them what were they thinking about, pointing on your weak sides like this?, giving you something precious and then stealing it away? pushing your old bruises? that is to say, i have nothing but deep respect for indefensibleselfindulgence. to write fic that makes you want to engage in conversation? thats powerful 

Our 'Angel' of Static and Bone is written so inexplicably good, that more than once i wondered, how NeverwinterThistle was able to do it? and then i realised they are one of my fave bg3 and dishonored authors phpphp but really, the care, the effort that went into this fic? they are literally visible! you can feel the amount of time and brain juice that went into writing it. and the neighbor character? they appeared like two times?? and still their addition left me speechless with how clever it is, how different!! absolutely amazing work.

adjective noun has jonmichael chapter (11) that destroyed me as a person i swear i laughed so hard i dropped my phone and just kept giggling face-into-the-pillow style!!!!!! its rare for the fics to bring you this childish kind of pure joy; the little in-between moment of forgetting about everything, good and bad, and just have a good time. this chapter is definitely one of those rare things and it also made me wish there would be more jonmichael fics from cuttoth. somehow they nailed everything that should be nailed about this ship and did it in a couple of pages, what a magical work!! 

and well, now here's my fave fic, the one that took my head, shaked it like it's a soda can, and then left it open, fountaining at first and then dented and empty. 

I ask for nothing, but maybe I'm lying is the work that made me grateful for the fact that i know how to read in english. its....mmmm, you know that feeling when fic makes you go through literally everything? and then, as a bonus, through all stages of grief as well?

first you get hooked up by the beautiful writing style and so you know the fic is gonna be good and you get comfortable and you turn yourself off from the rest of the world and you read. 

you love pov, you love mood shifts, you love pacing, you love when scenes are short and you pause to think about what happened / you love when scenes are long and you get overloaded with the simple things that make you feel complicated emotions, you love it all. 

then you start to wish it would never finish; you look at the scrolling bar from time to time, a little bit too aware of how much there's left to read, a little bit too anxious about it. and at the same time, the fic starts to make you feel safe, confident, that at least it's gonna be alright, its gonna be that one work that will replace the canon events for you. it was the

“Oh. Oh, Archivist, no. That’s not right at all,” you say to yourself as you watch him march into artefact storage, both hands clamped around an axe. 

On a whim, you decide to save him."

line for me for sure uhhh it still hits as good as the first time too 

and then you get to the ending and you just stare at the screen. that hollowing feeling slowly spreading inside you. *sigh* its the best sort of inspiration im sure, but its the worse one too. i have no idea how possessedradios and authors like them are able to write something that kills you, then reanimates you and then makes you sit in front of the tablet drawing hours non stop. ''I ask for nothing, but maybe I'm lying" is so beautiful its scares and fascinates me, just like the podcast did. hell, better then the podcast did.  i know its silly but i even named my fisrt fanart of michael as the title of the fic 👉👈

ahhhh SO i rumbled again SORRY!!!!!!! every time someone asks something from me its either "i'll reply later" (replies 10 years after) or "tolstoy, hold my fucking beer". but i really hope that fic writers, not only those who are mentioned here but like in general? know how much they affect other people!! how their work creates safe spaces for others!! how they make readers smile or cry, even if those readers (im not pointing finger on myself idk what you talking about pgphpphph) are little gremlins that leaving comments once in a decade....................

have fun time reading!! <3

btw im working on a little fanart rn............. (expressing my deepest grattitude to ao3 johmichael writers 😳🔪)

[sleepyjim2]

yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years

[phagodyke]

not really relevant to anything but sometimes I just rly wish I had something core that made everything else feel real and worth it. ykwim

[shalomniscient]

sev do u have literally Any headcanons ab adela. nsfw or sfw. im begging. theres so little on this app and shes seriously the love of my life like im ceying i love her so bad

ADELAAAAAAAA i will confess i haven’t really Thought about her in a while because……. shalom……. BUT i do have SOME thoughts (shocking)

of all the sinners i feel like adela is the most inherently domestic, if that makes sense? she’s nurturing by nature (an absolutely AMAZING adela-coded song is two by sleeping at last) and if that comes at her own expense, so be it. it’s wonderfully, beautifully tragic, especially when contrasted with how chief/we feel about her. i worry because i love you vs. i don’t want you to worry because i love you dhshksskjd i’m scratching at the walls of my enclosure—

adela is so used to giving, giving, giving that when she recieves it throws her for a loop sometimes. there’s a supervision incident where we give her hand cream since her hands have started to crack due to shampoo overuse and she’s a little taken aback by it. she’ll take your hand in hers and whispers her gratitude so softly, only for you to hear. maybe you can even see the tips of her ears turning a light pink.

quality time, acts of services and physical touch are definitely adela’s top love languages. return any of these to her and she’ll feel her heart pitter-patter in her chest. maybe bring her a blend of tea she enjoys that she was running low on, or help her clean up her salon (cell?) as she closes up. if you’re feeling a little romantic, play some music on the record player and dance with her a little. she’s a little like raven in the sense she likes the idea of being romanced. she’ll rest her head on your chest and sway with you, hand in hand, and nothing else in the world will matter. in this place, in your arms, there are no worries. sometimes, it becomes difficult to leave.

but when you do leave, inevitably, to risk your life over and over again that tight knot in her chest worsens. she sees it, the strands of worry, all around her cell and her hands itch for her shears. she’ll be tense until the moment you return—and when you do, she won’t fling herself into your arms. but if you decide to pull her in anyway, hold her tightly against you, she won’t object. she’ll dig her fingers into the fabric of your coat and hold you tightly. run your fingers through her hair until she feels the tension bleed from her body. expect her to be a little more clingy after that, always wanting to ensure you’re in her vicinity, or if she can be selfish, in her arms.

adela’s kisses are gentle and tender. her lips are soft against your own, and she tastes like sweet tea and mint. she prefers to kiss you when she has you all to herself, in the privacy of her cell. she’ll loop her arms around your neck, or cup your face in her hands—she just wants to hold you close, always. she especially loves pressing butterfly kisses on your cheeks, adoring the way you flush under her touch. you mean so much to her, more than she can express in words, so she’ll be sure to show you.

[nsft utc]

adela is a huge switch to me. it’s part of her tendency to put others before herself; she’ll do pretty much anything that makes you happy. i don’t see her as a strap kinda gal, but if you want her to top you best be sure she’ll finger you until you see the gates of heaven. her fine motor skills are digustingly good and she will be sure to make full use of it. your whimpers and whines of pleasure are intoxicating to her, and sometimes she’ll become so obsessed with them she’ll have you crying tears of overstimulation as you cum on her fingers for the nth time.

but that being said, she doesn’t mind bottoming either—go down on her and she’ll give you the breathiest, sweetest moans you’ve ever heard. her hands will tangle in your hair, tugging and scratching at your scalp whenever you brush a particularly good spot. she’ll giggle a little when you come back up to kiss her and your hair’s a mess; she’ll do her best to fix it somewhat, but it’s an exercise in futility when you inevitably decide to go down and devour her again. i feel like she’s also a creamer rather than a squirter, but oh boy can she get you to squirt with those fucking fingers…

i think adela’s a little less into toys in general, preferring to go about it the more “traditional” way, if you will. but best believe she is very into lingerie. on you, on her, doesn’t matter—but she’ll definitely enjoy seeing it on you. wear something lacy and blue (her particular shade of blue) and she’ll turn the brightest shade of red before dragging you right to bed to unwrap you. if it’s a little too complex to take off she’d totally summon her shears and snip them right off—but she’ll promise to buy you a new set between sweet, breathless kisses.

adela loves, loves, loves aftercare too. she’ll spoil you rotten with it. and if she’s the one boneless on the sheets, then be sure to spoil her with aftercare. a long, warm bath after fucking each other silly is one of her favourite things in the world, and depending on how either of you are feeling, she’ll either be spooning you in the tub or be the one being spooned. in whichever case, the wind-down is always soothing and affectionate, a time just for you and her and nothing else. it’s in these quiet moments she’ll bury her face into your hair and whisper those fragile words, “i love you”.

(don’t you know? she loves you more than anything—even the fear of losing you.)

[scoobydoodean]

i think even though cas was in there stealing the journal, i think he was trying to legitimately convince dean to come to his side, because he does it the Very next episode (although he doesnt seem to realize that hes being manipulative about it..im not trying to infantilize him i just remember him being confused/surprised when dean points out that crowley gave him the same line)

like i do think theres a bit of double think in how castiel acts and behaves and he doesnt seem to grasp the emotional consequences of his actions, especially in this season.

like he thinks hes saying "if you trust me (please trust me) i can get crowley to release lisa and ben, because you wont be a threat anymore to his plan"

but dean hears "if you want lisa and ben back, you'll have to fall in line"

thats not to say dean is wrong for hearing it like that, but castiel really seems to be struggling with communication because he did this all for dean (in his mind) and once it's all over everything will be fine, lucifer and michael will stay in their cage, and dean and lisa will be safe at home.

but at this point hes killed too many and hurt too many people to turn back so when dean pleads for him to back down hes hearing dean say "im fine with risking the apocalypse again, and i cant trust you to do a plan that you are certain will work" when dean is just worried about another eve slipping through

its just very delightfully complex (imho) i dont really have a conclusion

Cas definitely wanted Dean on his side. He didn't need to wake Dean up or have a conversation with him to get the journal. He chose to wake him up and have that conversation because he desperately wanted Dean not to think badly of him. It's just hilarious that at the same time, he was also like. There to steal shit. When he saw Dean sleeping on that couch, he just couldn't help himself. He wanted to talk to Dean.

Trying to get Dean on his side was important to Cas because he loves Dean and values their friendship, but it was also important to him because Cas had, to some extent, tied his self-image to everyone else's perception of him over the whole season. He lies to all of his friends—Sam, Dean, Bobby, Balthazar, Rachel. He lies to the Winchesters because he wants a place he can come to where someone still recognizes him as the person he used to be and not the person he is becoming. Crowley puts this best:

CROWLEY: The big lie -- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

This is a period where Cas was doubting everything and wrestling with moral quandaries. He sees his own actions as monstrous, but also believes that monstrosity is necessary. He and Dean have a conversation about this very early on in 6.06, after their last interaction in 6.03 had Cas causing a child excruciating pain to gain information.

DEAN What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one. CASTIEL I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

I've talked about how the title of this episode, "You Can't Handle The Truth", shows Cas's hand in that he doesn't believe anybody else can handle the dirty work. He knows it makes him look bad and that's why he lies about it—to protect his image.

The whole of 6.20, he's struggling, but he's doing it alone. To his friends, he presents his actions with surety—telling Dean insistently that Cas knows what he's doing and that there's nothing broken about his plan, while he says privately praying to his father:

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me…A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don’t…I’m gonna ju– I’m gonna do whatever I… Whatever I must.

And to himself about working with Crowley:

I asked myself, “what was I doing with this vermin?”

And while betraying Crowley briefly by killing demons Crowley sent after the Winchesters:

For a brief moment…I was me again.

Sam and Dean and Bobby's belief in Cas's goodness (that he was himself) was so important to Cas that he was spying on them all of 6.20 despite his alleged busy schedule just to check in and see what they were thinking about him. And when they did trust him again for that brief moment, he felt relief, but also knew it was all an illusion and felt shame and guilt about it:

Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. 

The same discomfort and shame seeps off Cas in 5.17 when Sam and Dean thank him for saving them, while Cas knows Astropos was only after them because of him, and that if they understood the full picture, their feelings about what he'd actually done to "save" them would be very very different. He knows he's receiving praise he doesn't deserve, so the esteem they place on him is hollow.

On the other hand, I do think Cas grasps the emotional consequences of his actions for the most part. That's why he lied the whole season—because he was afraid of the fallout among every single person he knew and even more as the lies stacked and stacked. He knew none of them would agree with what he was doing. But the consequences with Sam and Dean also extend a little deeper than Cas thought they would, and that's what wounds him the absolute most, I think. I don't think Cas expected Sam to question whether Cas intentionally left his soul in The Cage, or for Dean to question whether or not Cas was involved in the plot to kidnap Lisa and Ben in 6.21. He is genuinely and deeply wounded when his care for them is essentially questioned at the very foundation and it leaves him feeling betrayed in his own way.

The thing is, Cas's privately held doubts still do not match the picture he presents to the Winchesters even after he is exposed. Privately, Cas is starting to see the pride and hubris underlying some of his choices:

I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment…

I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool.

I see now that was arrogance…Hubris 

Privately, Cas reveals that his motives aren't as pure as he presents them to be:

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don’t know anymore.

Hiding…Lying…Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure.

Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian.

But to the Winchesters? He says "I did it all for you" and "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you" and "It's not broken". He doesn't let them see his doubts, because he might crumble under them—and because sunk cost fallacy and his own pride won't allow him to accept being questioned even by his closest friends. In other words, he continues to lie, and after the big reveal, Dean can see right through him.

CASTIEL: I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN: Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.

Cas's pride also comes out in this conversation at night in Bobby's house.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

Dean says he isn't going to logic Cas. Bobby and Sam and Dean already tried that earlier that day, Balthazar will also try later, and it doesn't register. Dean puts all of the technical arguments aside and is trying to say (coupled with his earlier assertions) "I know you think you have to do this, but all of us can see you're going off the deep end and even you know that deep down. Please trust us on this." But Cas's response is "Or what?" He turns it into a battle of wills, then adds, "You can't stop me. You're just a man", which is also a dogwhistle for Dean when dealing with angels, who repeatedly over the course of the show, have called him a monkey, a dog, a pet, and other things to express the idea that he is beneath them as a justification for using and hurting him. It immediately turns them against each other because Cas feels like Dean is basically calling him crazy and is offended by the idea that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (even though he has his own private doubts, because at this point his self-image hinges on turning out to be right). Dean is seeing the angelic sense of superiority come out—something he’s far more familiar with than he’d like to be—something common to the angels who have used and manipulated and threatened him and acted entitled to him… and coupled with all the questions about exactly how involved Cas was in using Dean to get alphas over the course of the season and how he knows Cas used him in “The French Mistake”? It doesn’t paint a pretty picture for Dean.

In addition to their profound bond, I think Dean saying, "Cas, we can fix this!" and Dean being Cas's defender the entirety of 6.20 is also why Cas comes to him at the end of the episode. Dean is the weak link in the chain at the time (that completely changes in the next episode when Lisa and Ben are kidnapped). But Dean is also so devastated about all the faith he had in Cas's honesty being crushed, and he's reliving the demon blood arc in some sense, and he's probably reevaluating what he felt when Cas used him in "The French Mistake" and what exactly was going on in "My Heart Will Go On" and how—when Crowley forced him and Sam into doing his bidding, Cas knew it and he let it happen—he let it happen because he wanted the alphas. Not only did Cas know Crowley was using them—he went to great lengths to cover up his involvement and keep them off Crowley's tail. Cas's speech in the following episode demanding Dean's trust again is not only ill-timed while Dean is worried sick about Lisa and Ben—it's full of lies and half truths and even a little shit slinging that Dean knows isn't fair and that is deeply reminiscent of Sam's speech full of falehoods about trust in 4.21.

On Cas's side, I think you're spot on about his lack of cognizance on how he comes across when he says:

CASTIEL: I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.

I don't think Cas meant to suggest that the first statement depends on the second one (we can judge as much when he heals Lisa at the end of the episode) but that's absolutely how it comes across.

[lexithwrites]

Alex!!!! More jartylus pls

this is probably gonna get long so fair warning lmao i have a lot to say about these three also theres nsfw that i'll highlight in green if you wanna skippp

the main dynamic is regulus is the quiet, sarcastic, well dressed and presentable one, james is the smart, athletic, cocky and hyper one and then barty is like,,,,the rat that they pet and feed

they live in a three bedroom house but interchange where they all sleep in case one of them wants time alone or they each need their seperate beds

barty is the clingiest out of them all and will beg to snuggle into someone's bed every single night, he also has night terrors when he sleeps alone so he hates it

james gets up the earliest for a run and to get the others breakfast and he knows their orders by heart

barty is the gamer of the three but he'll convince james to play and sometimes regulus will play COD with them, he prefers rpgs

regulus is a bit of a neat freak and HATES the idea of getting sick or breaking a bone, his worst fear is going to the hospital

james is the clumsiest purely because he gets distracted easily and the other two bought him plastic cups and plates just incase

barty goes by he/they, james is he/him and reg is he/him and transmasc

the bedroom dynamic changes a lot but reg is mostly bottom, he'll sometimes peg the other two when he feels like it but a lot of the time he just likes watching them suck the strap

in college reg studied english lit and ancient history, james studied business and music and barty didn't go to college

regulus will always be a grumpy barista to me im sorry its the only career path he has

james is a graphic designer for a logo company and he also does some lil things on the side maybe a patreon for fanart? i can see him being artsy

barty is a either a bartender or a line cook, nothing else

barty and james try to out dom/top each other a lot

their sleeping arrangement is regulus in the middle, james closest to the door since he wakes up first and barty near the wall

when one of them is away for some reason like visiting family or away for work (james is usually away for work if thats the case) then the other two smother each other they hate when their third is gone

because of being on t regulus' sex drive sky rockets a lot so he initiates more than people expect and neither of his boyfriends are complaining

id say the highest sex drive is barty, then reg, then james

barty is the fighter, regulus is the talker and james is the deescalater when it comes to confrontation

their date nights are usually at home because going out to dinner means one person sits alone unless theres a circle booth and they cant have that

they share clothes CONSTANTLY they dont organise their wardrobe but regulus does seperate underwear and socks, thats where he draws the line

james and barty tend to just make out a lot when they're bored or give each other handjobs

james also has a BIG oral fixation so my man is sucking dick and eating out whenever he gets a chance

barty's fav position is doggy, reg's is riding and james' is reverse cowgirl and they all love missionary

they live in brighton and go for walks across the beach weekly (barty hates going outside so reg and james drag them out)

barty is a boxer and i will die on that hill, he taught james how to box and they just started teaching reg and turns out reg has a lot of pent up aggression he needs to let out

james is a crier after sex, he just has a lot of emotions

barty is obsessed with having their hair played with, tugged, messed up all of it, he'll melt in his partners arms when they do that

regulus doesnt own any oversized stuff its all his boyfriends clothes

james and barty both love watching the other fuck reg and just sitting back and stroking themselves to it

when regulus is feeling horny he starts kissing his boyfriends necks and putting his hands in their underwear

james loves taking the others to new coffee or bubble tea shops he finds when he goes on his runs

they go clubbing somewhat frequently and regulus 100% white girl dances im sorry he just does and his boyfriends love it

they put each other's eyeliner on when they go out too

james tans easily, barty doesn tan or burn and regulus just burns so he sits under a huge umbrella with factor 50 on

barty calls james daddy to wind him up (it turns him on he'll just never admit it)

regulus' favourite pet name is baby (james) and trouble (barty)

barty's favourite pet name is love (regulus) and brat (james)

james' favourite pet name is bub (regulus) and hot stuff (barty)

no one @ me about those fucking nicknames okay just let me have this

[gabessquishytum]

Another wholesome findom au where dream is hobs slightly older childhood best friend and hob had the most embarrassing puppy crush on him but dream never saw him as anything but a kid. They lost touch when dream went off to school and dont cross paths until hob is in uni about ready to burn out. He goes to the library late one night and sees dream working there, more beautiful than ever. Hob is proud that dream doesn't even recognize him until he tells him who he is, hes all grown into a man and he can see dream is highkey digging it. They go out and hob has the turning moment of "fuck i need MONEY" because theres so many lovely things he wants to get dream bc thats his king and god now. Dream is a bit amused but he shamelessly plays into it like "how are you going to provide for me if you dont study? Im sorry but im going to have to return that necklace you got me now :/" and hob wants to prove soso bad he can take care of dream and give him pretty things. He graduates with a good job already lined up and that night dream lets hob take him out to somewhere with an actual dress code. The day dream moves down to part time at work hob just about cums in his pants when he sees dream all relaxed in a little slip nightgown reading when he gets home from work knowing that dream has been doing nothing but online shopping for their new house and taking truly scandalous selfies to send to hob at work today. His ideal dream is one that wakes up at 10 and takes til 11 to kinda doze until hes good and ready. And wears all the fancy jewelry hob gets him.

-🔪

Omg this is so HOT. The inherent sexiness of Dream motivating Hob to do his best and take care of his beloved... amazing.

Whenever Hob has a moment of self doubt or feels like he has nothing else to give? He daydreams about the life he's going to give his Dream. Couture outfits and jewellery, expensive interior design, fancy art supplies. A nice massage every week, pedicures and appointments at a very expensive hairdresser whenever he wants. And of course vacations all around the world where Hob will be able to admire his lover in the most exotic locations! That's truly the life that Hob wants to make for Dream. And Dream? Honestly, he'd never ask for any of those things, but he DOES know that it turns Hob on a looooot to spend money on him. And Dream loves the make Hob happy in any way that he can.

So he dresses in his cutest designer lingerie, makes sure that Hob can see his beautifully painted manicure, and he takes as many good pics of his butt as he possibly can. It's vital that he gives Hob something juicy to sink his teeth into, so he can work extra hard...

One day they'll be living their best life together and sleeping in til noon. Dream is looking forward to cuddles with his hard working HUSBAND. Because yes, Hob will eventually have a net worth that's high enough to let him propose, and pay for the wedding that Dream deserves!

[sutherkins]

what dating peter sutherland is like ! 💌

part one because i have a lot of thoughts about what dating him would he like

• loves calling you cute pet names (pretty girl, sweetheart, princess, angel, baby are his top 5)

• he has insomnia and has a hard time falling asleep

• he accidentally stays up all night sometimes to make sure you’re okay if you have a scary encounter that day

• hes so protective of you, he asks you if you need him to beat someone up, you think hes just joking but he’s being completely serious

• he likes to lay on your lap while you play with his hair, it relaxes him so much that sometimes he falls asleep

• very handsy but like, in a respectful way

• he knows your boundaries whether you’re in public or at home and wont cross them

• you first met when you moved in next to him and eventually you’re at his place so often that he just asks you to move in

• he loves holding your hand, it grounds him

• when you moved in you practically forced him to let you keep your giant clawfoot bathtub and he finds that he likes it too because that means theres room for both of you and if you think peter likes cuddles he loves wet, naked ones

• speaking of wet and naked

• he’s really good at eating pussy. dont ask me how i know, i just do

• he’s super attentive and rly takes his time getting to know your body and the certain things that make you tick

• he loves when you’re on top

• you both have a praise kink which works out because you both love praising eachother

• he can get kinky but he really isnt into anything too crazy

• i know we all want this man to top us but lets be real if he had to choose he’d be on the bottom because he loves looking at you and he thinks its hot having you on top and being controlling

• if im being like, completely honest and faithful to the character, id say his kinks are as follows

• praise kink, light bondage, i think he’d be open to being blindfolded and doing the same to you, is lingerie kink a thing?

• any kink that could hurt you is pretty much off limits

• he tries some light breath play on you when you ask him and he finds that he actually doesnt mind it as long as its nothing crazy

• if hes not being submissive hes being a very very gentle dom. as much as i’d for him to dominate the hell out of me its just not the way his brain is wired

• most of the time you’re both on a level playing field though

• he likes slow, sensual, hard and soul crushing sex

• he can go fast if you want him to but he likes to savor the moment and drag the pleasure out for as long as he can

• and even though he isnt a rough guy in bed, he still takes the best care of you afterwards

• he cleans you up, brings you water or juice — maybe a snack too

• makes you drink and eat before reminding you to go to the bathroom

• while you’re in there he gets ur pjs and anything else u need ready (medications and whatnot) and helps you into them before laying back on the bed for you to curl up in his arms

• he kisses your head softly and murmurs “love you, pretty girl” before you settle into sleep