#but i dont have anything or anyone that grounds me. like theres nothing i can come back to its just empty space out there

[toastsnaffler]

not really relevant to anything but sometimes I just rly wish I had something core that made everything else feel real and worth it. ykwim

[ganondoodle]

you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)

soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)

it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)

or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*

or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)

(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)

[huellitaa]

𖹭𓂃 ࣪˖ saying no

something ive struggled with for pretty much my entire life 😭

𐙚๋࣭ people pleasing:

a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process.

trouble with saying no to people often comes from insecurity. when you feel bullied into things or backed into a corner too often it can lead to agreeing with everything and anything just so people will like you.

1. take small steps

getting out of habits like this are not easy whatsoever and take lots of time. taking small steps to implement getting rid of people pleasing tendencies is the best way to go about this; for example, just blocking someone who bothers you and starting from there.

2. fake it till you make it !

confidence is something absolutely essential but not easy to attain; thats where this skill comes in handy. ive been doing this since i was little and i wont lie and say it melts into real confidence because it doesnt, its just a shield to hide behind until your are genuinely confident and id definitely recommend this 100% to anybody starting or struggling to try and break this habit. act like youre fine & unaffected in front of the people who put you in this position even if you arent. dont show your weaknesses when you know they can be used against you.

3. valuing yourself

value yourself over all else. you are the most important person in your life. validate, support, and value yourself. trust your judgement is right and prioritise the protection of your peace above all else because that is the most important thing.

4. body language

ok as a girl with an incredibly infuriating tendency to turn red over the tiniest thing i feel a little bit of a hypocrite writing this but this is very very very important. if you find yourself in a position where you feel unable to refuse something or anything of the sort you do not show that.

🩰 ─ even if your cheeks turn red act like they arent. ik its sosoosos embarrassing n ur screaming inside but act like its nothing. bcs it is nothing. ok so theres a tiny bit of colour in your cheeks. and? stand your ground.

🧸── back straight, shoulders high, face blank. you dont show anything on your face. show you are completely stubborn and set on your choice/opinion.

🎀 ── if they try to embarrass you or say smth what i do is i literally just blink at them like okay. i dont care. do whatever bro idgaf

5. no hesitation

for the love of god do not second guess yourself. if something makes you upset or uncomfy or anxious or anything like that you leave them you walk away from them you block them you do not second guess yourself and think "but what if" no idc. if it costs you your peace its too expensive.

6. does this help me?

ok obviously when i say to say no i dont mean to like everything. only to the things you do anyway even if you dont want to. if youre not sure what to do when faced with the option to do something you ideally wouldnt really want to the first question you should be asking yourself is "does this help me?" think of it only from your perspective and how it would help you. ask yourself if its really necessary and if its serving you in any way to do this. if its just to fit in with someone else even if you dont really want to then do it then dont do it. why isnt your own presence enough? your peace is the only priority you should have here. what would you tell someone you love in your position? think about it for a sec instead of panicking.

conclusion; people pleasing is useless. you are the centre of ur universe. your peace is the only priority. people are stupid. you can do this. dont let anyone make you feel less than you are. i love u 🫶🩷

[pansy-picnics]

ugh if there’s one thing this world needs is more Cass and Eugene interaction, like I don’t just mean bickering and the sort. Like actually being there for one another when they’re upset and helping each other out.

I’ve literally found about 2 fanarts where it’s just them and they’re not getting at each other! I still think that they would bicker but it would actually be way less intense and spite-fuelled after the series and they’d find some common ground, especially since they are the only ones (beside Pascal ofc) who know what it’s like to have died and come back to life, I can’t imagine how relieved Eugene would be to get to talk to someone about it and have them actually understand.

I hc anyway that after Cass came back she was like super out of it, and Eugene knew exactly how she felt and could help her, I think Cass would also be relieved that someone else knew what it was like and could sympathise with her.

I think though one of my absolute favourite hcs I’ve seen for them is that after Cass comes back Eugene defo sorts out Cass’ haircare routine and looks after her hair for her, cause he more than likely has wavy/curly hair too (but just straightens it most of the time). And although Cass is like super reluctant to let him help at first, she eventually gives in and it’s like the best her hair has been in forever so she just lets him do it regularly from then on and it’s just their thing. Also it gives Cass a chance to open up as well (no eye contact, relaxed and something to distract her if it gets too bad) which she definitely needs especially straight after coming back to the castle post ziti.

But yeah I neeeed more of these idiots interacting cause they literally have my heart istg (and also the show did nothing for them really post s1)

Hah realised I’ve just gone on a rant but like it 2am and I’m sleep deprived, sorry! :)))

anon you’re so right and let me just tell you ive felt exactly the same way for SO long so youve come to the right person

^ obviously theres been more since this was posted but THIS is a rlly good masterpost of art of them. THIS is a cassgene/uknighted dream triad fic and i dont know if thats your thing but it basically captures the exact bonding moment that you mentioned imo it fits them SUPER well both romantically and platonically!!

ur so right about the hair thing also omfg cass is the WORST out of all of them when it comes to taking care of her hair. like whenever it gets too long she just grabs the first sharp object she can find and cuts it all off. her ends are so broken and frizzy its SO bad. but eugene and rapunzel force her to do little spa days with them all the time. cass is very practical and really doesnt understand the point but she just likes spending time with both of them.

honestly as much as i love them i havent drawn a lot of art of cass and eugene individually….but theyre best friends actually. like they have banter and they tease each other but my general interpretation of them and uknighted dreams relationship is just. Comfortable. theyve come around to accept their differences and have a shared sense of solidarity with each other. and not just bc of rapunzel either!!! they hang out without her just as often and they genuinely have come to understand one another. they like to spar together and rapunzel watches while she works on anatomy sketches.

they’re not going out of their way to be physically affectionate or anything, but i try to make it obvious in my uknighted dream art that they arent averse to it either. it’s always the little things for me man!!!! the subtle affectionate gazes or the casual hand on the shoulder or just a gentle hand hold its so. IMPORTANT ok!!!!!!

they understand each other on a deep psychological level and yet they regularly tell the other to kill themselves. they are literally everything to me. i need to draw them soon

[10000-paper-nohara-rins]

Ohhh, "A Mask Of My Own Face" is such a Rin song for sure!! Another song that I think really captures those Nohara vibes, for your consideration, is definitely "My Alcoholic Friends" by The Dresden Dolls! :]

What other songs do you think fit her well? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ohhh man that's so true... that's so true... i know that its like. not About her but that DOESNT matter imagining characters to songs is ALWAYS about the vibes. like.

thats rin!!! right there that's her!!!!!

HEAD IN HANDS. HER FEAR OF BEING KNOWN + DISTASTE TOWARDS BEING A SHINOBI + INABILITY TO IMAGINE HERSELF AS ANYTHING ELSE.

anyways lol. i put a list of other music i associate with her under the cut because i got into the details a little more than i intended to,,, lmao

ocean breathes salty by modest mouse-

youll never guess why this one is on the list lol

GOD. you know. i dont think i even have a concrete explanation for why this rings so true with rin's character but like. you guys see my vision right.

idk the animatic in my head is kind of like,,, rin killing herself as an act of spite. you know.

its the sanbi!!! you see it you see my vision!!!

AND YOU SEE. HOW THE HELL COULD SHE MIND. SURELY ALL SHE EVER FEELS IS CONSUMING APATHY SURELY THE RAGE AND DESPAIR SHE FEELS ARENT AS REAL BECAUSE IF THEY WERE SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

and the resentment about people not knowing her despite the fact that she would actually pass away on the spot if anyone knew her!!!!! falls to the ground dramatically. theres something there.

kitchen fork by jack conte-

ok i'll be real the lyrics for this one dont actually super match up with anything in my head really? like nothing is specifically *rin* its more the music. idk. give it a listen and let me know if im talking any sense at all.

that's why i gave up on music (i like the english cover by rachie)-

song about being torn away from something you love doing and then finally clawing your way back to it and realizing that you dont derive the same joy from it that you once did. now this didnt happen to rin in canon but it IS literally one of the most in-character things she could possibly do (perfectly in line with the way she idealizes her "true self" and denies herself joy if she can come up with an ulterior motive for her actions(IDIOT)) and so. lmao.

like. lmaooooooo

ohhh its the acceptance and the like,,, she KNOWS shes gonna die thats *the only way this story ends.* and shes fine with the dying part. but what if people remember the wrong her??? what if people remember the RIGHT her?? she cant control her image once shes dead!!!!!!

LOCAL PRE-TEEN GIRL IS ONCE AGAIN ATTRIBUTING HER DEPRESSION TO THE FACT THAT SHE IS INTRINSICALLY EMPTY AND IS UNABLE TO FIND HER" TRUE SELF."

T_T

runaway by aurora -

not sure that the vibes of this song are like,,, anything rin would ever admit to herself. because its very much mournful of lost childhood methinks??? and rin hates to acknowledge injustice she experiences with anything besides anger. but you know. i still think theres smth to it.

:|

oh you know. the problems. and the inevitability. the tragedy of team minato was not that they fell apart in the way they did but that they were going to fall apart no matter what ect ect

EMOTIONAL REPRESSION. ok next song ^_^

buzzcut season by lorde-

infinite tsukyomi core? girls when everything they know is an illusion they are willingly believing in because reality is militaristic and horrifying. i actually think ive posted about this before?

yeah you feel me. rin "emotional repression child soldier" belongs here.

and like,,, favorite friend as reference to obt and kks idolizing her but neither of them being as close to her as they are to each other.... OUGHHHH

around the bend by cheesy hfj-

yes this is the credits music for an object show. yes you should watch said object show one is actually really interesting. anyways. look at this shit.

this is literally like theeeee rin watching team minato move on without her like. its about how rin is dead and gone and kks+obt are nt!!! !!! and there's lingering resentment of course, but theres also like,,, idk,,, i think rin thinks a lot more fondly of them once she's dead. you know.

idont even know if this makes sense but To Me its sooo rin. all evenings DO be closing like this.

rose by the oh hellos

let me be real. every oh hellos song ever is on the list of "songs i make rin animatics to in my head" but i dont know if they all deserve to be there because my peak oh hellos phase coincided suspiciously with the beginning of my rin obsession and. there is bias there. i stand by rose tho because like !!!!

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST OBITO DOING HIS WHOLE DEAL!!!! LIKE THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THAT WHOLE THING!!!! INCREDIBLE

and her problems with identity! and her difficulty being honest with anyone including herself!!!!

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

wails. this is literally a song about assigning meaning through perception and misinterpreting the person you are using to justify all of your actions. head in hands. im not even reaching this is just Straight Up Her

anyways. thanks for the ask it was fun to scrounge through my music!!! ^_^ big big fan of rambling in ways that do not always make logical sense <3 life could be a dream

[ankhisms]

rambling under the cut im fine dw

me: i need to stop always being so deeply afraid of people hating me or annoyed with me. people are allowed to dislike me for whatever reason, people are allowed to be annoyed by me, people are allowed to feel whatever they feel towards me and theres nothing i can do to control their feelings, nor should i want to control their feelings. i should just allow myself to exist and whoever likes me likes me and whoever doesnt doesnt and thats fine. i have to stop being so worried its tearing me apart.

me five minutes later: gotta go back to my job in the worried about if people hate me mines

my paranoia really frustrates me and i know the source of a lot of this is from a lifetime of being abused and neglected and harrassed and it doesnt help that i know its not just my paranoia when it comes to my abuser- i know for a fact that he does in fact want me dead and regularly would stalk my old blog and either send me himself or have his friends send very specific threats with details only he would know. so its the kind of thing where its hard to dismiss the paranoia by saying its not grounded in reality because i know he very much does want to finish what he started.

but besides that it can be really easy for me to fall into obsessive spiraling when i try to calmly talk to myself about this, like i tell myself that i should stop worrying about if people hate me and should just focus on being myself and being kind to others and doing whatever i can to help people and learn about the world and the people in it and listen to other people and be compassionate while not tolerating bigotry, but when my brain simpilifies this by saying "we should just try to be a good person" it starts to do morality spiraling like ok what does it mean to be a good person?

i cant just say well im a good person/i want to be a good person and pat myself on the back and call it a day thats not how it works, just like how kindness is a choice and is one we must continue to choose every day. i dont want to hurt anyone but i also dont want to fall apart and make everything about me/victimize myself if i did somehow hurt someone or did something wrong. but then theres also the fact that ive been punished all my life for just existing and have been painfully forced into masking and trying to seem ""normal"" and punished even further when im unable to mask or when i need help or have a meltdown etc etc so its very difficult to tell myself that i need to just allow myself to exist and be myself because im used to 25 years of being punished for that yknow.

my mind is getting fuzzy now but being a person is so weird and difficult and every day i feel more like im some kind of creature whos trying and failing to seem human. in the end i just want everyone to be okay and safe and to live comfortably and to be able to thrive and be respected and supported but at the same time i never apply that same thinking to myself, i still internally agree with my abuser and all the adults/my peers who told me i deserved pain and to be mistreated and could never have anything good and could never want anything. im working hard on challenging that thinking but its hard. anyway thanks if you read all this im fine i promise i just need to ignore my brain spiraling and distraxt myself

[dexaroth]

opinions on open world/creative/base building games

the one thing that always gets me about games that either are centered on or have elements pertaining to being able to build stuff like a base/house or a city or reshaping the world to your liking is that they always leave out some key elements that are practically quintessencial to engaging with the building at all

speaking from experience (and from playing acnh recently) those types of games either dont encourage the player enough to put effort into things or the things you can build end up having little to no practical purpose

the first game that comes to mind of the latter is vanilla minecraft. arguably infinite possibilities, but you're limited to the blocky style and you can quite easily beat the game and go on for irl/ in- game years without building a base at all. let alone homes or cities, since theres only you and villagers but they arent really company since theyre too busy hrrrnging their way with other villagers. theyre just a game element and i doubt anyone ever thought of them as genuine npcs. you can build castles, spaceships, anything! but theyll always be unnecessary compared to shutting yourself in a dirt hut - or villagers for that case. and even if you ignore that (and modding ands multiplayer for that case lol) then you still have to come up with the ideas for actual buildings yourself, AND then. even if you have everything in mind. building it is so painful, even with scaffolding. ive seen this opinion multiple times but minecraft simply doesnt benefit from its survival aspect. theres nothing thats worth digging all that ground and building that huge castle when it comes to time spent. its so cumbersome and unfun

the sims' house building id say is practically unparalleled - though it has plenty of limits (and furnishings behind paywalls of course) it still suffers because youre not an actual player. that house is for sims only, for people that arent you. and even if you could play there, you'd still be stuck in the game world that you cant influence like you can house lots.

while i havent played it, theres also technically house flipper but its one of those simulator games that dont have much in replayable/satisfying game loops to keep you going, and your house isnt the center point either. it also suffers from the no npc things. youre fixing houses, yet its all done through menus and no interaction (which id say works well for the game's workflow, but not belivability imo)

then theres something like terraria. it gets bonus points from having a housing system, but it still doesnt ask enough of the player and because of its genre ive always found it annoying to have to build their houses anyways. a huge majority of the good blocks are gated behind the end game, and by the time you get to build a nice house, you practically dont even need one. the enemies can also be countered somewhat easily and the npcs are, again, just that. shopkeepers that most of the time just die like boss fodder. ironically that always encouraged me to build their houses far away so they dont die.. not very helpful in creating a sense of community

the forest has a really good system and a lot of replayability, though there are barely any furnishings and everything is made out of logs. of course its not meant to be the end-all of building games and its focused on survival, but you have very good reasons to build a base, and you can get quite creative with them

and last but not least, the one that made me think about and write about this in the first place - new horizons. the creativity it allows is amazing. there are many screenshots that are incredible and barely look like the game at all. and even though there are literal hundreds of villagers and theyre more expressive than ever, they still fall flat. the islands, again, can be amazing. but almost everything is entirely cosmetic, the predefined paths and fences are very limited and so are the color choice for furnitures (though im guessing a lot if not all of these are limitations due to the console hardware/storage size). they have nicely introduced more custom design spaces and even a horizontal mirroring tool, but not an actual tiling editor.. even with the dlc they introduce stuff like wall partitions and room resizing, but the partitions can only use the main wallpaper and you cant resize the rooms in your house. and even though its nice to have a nice house, again.. outside multiplayer, theres not much purpose to them (SPECIALLY when i have to sit through loading screens to get to any of them. are you kidding me??). at best you can have a toilet to get rid of the fruit points, a kitchen for cooking and i guess a bedroom for going to dream towns.. or you could have a bed, an oven and a toilet in your room. you know. ugh

it has a lot of strengths with the kind of toy/dollhouse vibe(??) its going for, like how the house's insides are completely different from their outsides but it also means you cant have cute stuff like seeing your island from outside, seeing your villagers through windows, or just having an actual big house n stuff.

idk man.. they always seem to either lack a reason to build, or if they give you reasons to build theyre so weak you can often just not build at all. maybe im asking too much but is there ever gonna be a game that gives you a reason to build and keep going at the same time? :(

imagine if you still had villagers like acnh, but they had good dialogue and commented on your stuff/decisions, while also only moving in because you built a shop or a market or a city to live in. and the reason you built that is because your goal in-game is to be a chef or an adventurer or something, and you werent limited to an island or pre-made furniture.. something in-between the sims' cartoony realistic proportions and acnh's childish toy designs when it comes to aesthetics.. could you imagine

[the-kipsabian]

tell me about kip and what is your fave thing about him?

how long do you have cause i can be here all day....

hes just. wonderful. all around. never met a nicer, more realist and grounded man than he is. not to even mention how inclusive and respectful he is and he tries to make his spaces to be (and before anyone says anything, i know hes not perfect, he obviously has his flaws as he is still a stupid human being, but from multiple personal experiences i can tell he does his best). like fr hes just such a good bean, and ive never heard anyone say a bad word about him when someone has interacted with him

and then ofc his in character work is incredible. how he manages to build and tell compelling stories and keep developing himself and his character while hes at it. hes so talented on the mic and brings a really interesting flare into the ring and hes just a delight to watch, and ive especially been enjoying watching his recent heel work mocking his opponents in ridiculous ways. also the back arch but we dont have time to unpack that rn--

but uuuh yeah he plays like.. at this specific point in time im not sure about the character to be quite honest? he calls himself a 'pro wrestling artist' as he keeps weaving and telling stories through his work and arcs, but idk how thats currently working out for him (i blame lack of tv time which is such a fucking curse 😔). hes more or less alligned in a trios team(/stable) with butcher and blade atm, i think they are gonna use the deadly alliance name at least for now - apart from them being kips friends/hired guns i dont really know whats going on over there either storywise. again, the curse of lack of tv time ugh. but even with that said, they are a great team with an incredible connection with one another, and they play their designated roles so well. also they are just happy to work together which is more than enough for me to enjoy them c:

also hes just hot so like. idk what else i gotta say honestly LOL

hes so hard to explain tbh lol, but i hope this'll do at least somewhat. also no i cant still really explain the box phase he had last year unless personal headcanons count (tho confirmed canon fun fact, he was non-verbal in character with the box one which made me incredibly happy to learn), but also that boxman cryptid era was my EVERYTHING. i have a tattoo of him on my arm for (multiple) reason(s) lol

as far as my favorite thing, god theres so many... but tbh i just love him a lot because of how good of a bean he is in general. ive never had a salty interaction with him once in like two years now, hes always very supportive and tolerates a lot of random bullshit from me (being a known fan has its perks lmao) and he has been nothing but understanding and respectful at me to a point of reaching out to me personally about some things to make sure i was comfortable with it. so like.. yeah hes just the best 💜

[penumbrialhexandroga]

So i really want a space where i can just write about and share my experiences / scream into the void.

Im unsure if i should make a livejournal for this? I feel like it would be potentially less likely to gain viewership than a tumblr. Hmm i can feel a lot of parts activating but i cant decipher what they think. And then theres W whos jjst like, are you seriously trying to so this again? After the shit show that was the last time? Why do you think you deleted your old blog in the first place?

I have parts. Everyone has parts. It's not a pathological thing to have parts. Im practicing IFS therapy with my therapist. I see him once every two weeks.

I want a space where i can truly be myself, authentically and raw and uncensored. Because i wasnt really able to develop a cohesive feeling of self as i was growing up.

"Leave this for therapy, dont put this online; youre attention seeking" - im not doing this for views im doing this because i want to fit in :( i want to do the things i never allowed myself to do in the past. I want a presence on social media, not so others can look at me but so i can participate in some way. Im supposed to be going against my patterns of avoidance and hiding in isolation.

I do not have DID! So full stop, i dont want to participate in the syscourse stuff. When i look up stuff about osdd and DID on this website, everything is so disconnected from my personal experience. I do have a plethora of other diagnosed mental health conditions though. Such as autism, thats one im very open about. Level 1. But i dont want this to be about labels. I finally reached a stage where im like, i dont care about the labels, my experience is what it is and no diagnostic label will change that. I used to think that i needed a diagnostic label in order to understand my experience, but i dont think that anymore.

I dont feel like i can talk to anyone in my personal life about my experiences, besides my therapist and i only see him once every other week :/

Man i wish i never deleted my old blog :/

My therapist sometimes will talk directly to my parts. Not sometimes, often, like every session tbh. Ive shared about one of my experiences in a discord group im in (its small and very much focused on DID as an extension of cptsd not as an alter disorder or the syscourse stuff. I found it when i was looking for a cptsd server focused on IFS. I said its focused on did as an extension.... but its more focused on just healing from trauma disorders, it advertises as a cptsd server it just has systems in it and system sections, but its not like a plural discord or anything. Its very healthy and focused on healing and being grounded from what i can tell)

Anywayssss i shared about one of my experiences where i was in a really emotional state (thinking why cant i just stop? I wish i could just stop! [Feeling this way]" and then it felt like the camera lens switched out and i felt my whole body relax and all my emotions from before were just gone and i was able to get on with my business like nothing had even happened. And one of the members (with DID) said that that sounds like how they experience some of their switches!! And i just responded that i know it all exists on a spectrum. I dont have time loss or anything. God okay now i can feel myself getting all in my head. I just wanted to practice being vulnerable and honest on here so i could get that road block out of the way. Im totally sober. (Sometimes i want to do this kind of thing when im stoned but i stop myself).

Ill be honest. When i went to get assessed for autism i also mentioned how my old therapist said i had "dissociative tendencies". So my psych, he didnt specialize in that area. He said he could give me a form to fill out and he'd put the results onto my final report, but it wouldnt be a diagnosis. Id have to see a specialist about whatever result there was. So he gave me the SCID-D to fill out. And my results were consistent with "PTSD, DID, and a possible somatoform disorder". This was three years ago. I cried after reading it because it was such a shock. I thought i might have DP/DR or maaaaybe OSDD but absolutely no way DID. It scared me so much that i didnt do anything about it.

Then, a few years later i think, i was in college. University actually, i managed to get into a really good one and i transferred over. Eventually i started to lose my mind. It was a lot. I might write about it in more detail later but it can be hard to think about sometimes. I was hearing voices. I was experiencing extreme motor and vocal tics. I wasnt safe to drive and i eventually did drop out (not before making the Deans List though 😎), but i was also broke and needed a job and just couldnt manage logistically. Plus there was a long period of time where i just did not feel safe to drive. I started seeing my current therapist during this "Episode". At the time i was conviced i had DID and i really had dove head first into the online system community stuff. I had zeroooo capacity for critical thinking at this time. In fact i had one experience that was completely real to me but ill never really be able to know if it actually happened or not. I was scrolling TikTok lives after midnight, and when i entered this one the host said "oh perfect and heres Little [my irl name, not my username]. He only comes out after midnight. You have to be careful because when youre in this state people are going to try to take advantage of you". Obviously scared the hell out of me and i ended up driving myself deeper into madness trying to rationalize how it couldve happened. But it was a lot of stuff like that. It was a really really difficult time for me.

Anyways. Started seeing my current therapist. Its been over a year now, actually over two years i think? Ive reconnected with a lot of my parts that i first connected with during that episode. Once the episode dissipated i thought that, all the parts id met were just imaginary and i was out of my mind misinterpreting things. But now ive been in therapy for a while and my parts have spoken with my therapist, hes validated their existance and talks with them. Even my tendency to shut down those feelings, theres a part that when im trying to connect with my parts will say "stop deluding yourself, this is pointless". I want to work more with this part because i can feel it holds so much misery and hopelessness :(. But anyways, my therapist has helped me to see that part that diminishes my experiences, tells me the parts arent real, that i never went through anything bad, is a defense mechanism to help me survive those rough experiences that i did go through.

Im a big fan of IFS because i can work with and accept my parts without pathologizing them. A huge fear i had when i got that final report back was that my family had abused me in ways that were so severe i cant remember them. It made me paranoid. But thats not baggage that i need to carry. Everyone has parts. My working with my parts, doing the hard work, is working. My parts developed to help me survive my unique experience. To navigate the labyrinth. I love my parts. Okay well not all my parts love my parts i guess lool.

**** id thought id edit this. I didnt read all of what i wrote because its a fuck ton. Anyways i usually do not care, its a spectrum (not from easier to severe >:( like autism is sorta) disorder and the treatment is the same. My experience is what it is and a label doesnt change that. Sometimes i just get obsessive about things but its not like. What i believe at my core :). I do have parts that are like pathological tho. Like they developed from overwhelming trauma and do their best to protect me!

[kalopses-sonderes]

Wanted pt. 2

‼️discontinued

&lt;previous part> <next part> …

You climbed down the tree, holding the tree for support once you get down.

“What did I do to get these people to hate me so much…” You said to yourself.

“Hm.. I hope nothing to serious.” Said a voice from the forest.

You gasped and started to panic again, vines started to wrap around you to protect you, putting sharp plants in front to stop whats scaring you.

“No need to be scared, Im Millennial tree, I look over the forest for danger. I’ve been sleep for so long only to waken by people looking for some wanted person, which im guessing is you?” Millennial tree said as he walked towards you slow enough to not seem threatening. People can be intimidated by his height, so he makes his movement not to sudden and sharp.

You nodded to his question. the vines and plants slowly retreating.

“Do you know why they’re after you?” Millennial Tree sat on a tree stump.

“no, i woke up on the ground not understanding anything about my surroundings! I was like teleported here!” You sat on a tree stump next to him.

…

You continue to talk to Millennial Tree, sharing each others stories.

“Well that is something.. Follow me..” Millennial tree seemed slightly upset, but you agreed and followed along.

Oh Pure Vanilla, starting things again. You were the reason baker was sent away and now that they’re back you want to put them through it again. I’ll keep baker safe, unlike you and your twisted, lovesick, disgusting plans for them. Millennial Tree thought.

…

“Here we are!” Millennial Tree said.

He lead you to his home deep within the thickest parts of the forest. His home was in the trees, grand stairs leading up to them.

You walked up the stairs mesmerized by the sturdiness and the neatness. You’ve built Tree houses with stairs before, but it was never this amazing! You get to the doors, Millennial Tree opens them for you. The house or should you say castle, is beautiful. Millennial Tree leads you to a seat next to his fireplace.

“Now, we shall talk about a plan to help with this, Situation.” He takes a seat a next you.

“So, theres a whole kingdom after me, and for what!?” You were stressing.

“Dont stress to much, I have everything taken care of.” Millennial Tree gets up and grabs something off a bookshelf.

“Huh?- How?”

“Dont worry about it, just worry about learning how to walk straight. I noticed you struggling.”

…

All the search partys met up back at the castle late at night.

“Anyone find anything?” Pure Vanilla Asked.

Everyone stayed silent and avoided eye contact with Pure Vanilla.

“hm.. We must find them soon, if the Dark Enchantress gets to them first our chances to keep peace are slim.. Remember what happened last time..” Pure Vanilla seemed upset.

Everyone nodded and left, they are not supposed to mention what happened before.

As everyone left, Pure Vanilla went off to his room. He walked to his huge bookshelf and pulled a certain book. The bookshelf opened, Pure Vanilla walked in.

…

You woke up in one of Millennial Trees guest room, the closest one to his personal room.

You heard talking in his room, you put your face against the wall and listen in.

.

“What will we do if Pure Vanilla finds out you have Baker?..”

.

You have many questions running through your mind because of that one question. Who’s voice was that because it wasnt millennial tree? who’s Pure Vanilla? Why are they calling me baker.

You decided to get out of the bed, you think you didn’t hear them right. Millennial Tree onows your not ’Baker’, right?

They must’ve heard you get out of bed because Millennial Tree opened your door with a tray of breakfast.

“Morning dear, how’d you sleep?”

I probably heard him wrong earlier, you thought.

“Um, I slept fine. How about you?”

…

You and Millennial Tree were outside, you resting in a hammock, him reading some book while sitting on the blanket laid across the floor where you both just had a picnic. The peace was interrupted by some green cookie.

“Sir, I must talk to you- Privately..”

“hm” Millennial Tree gets up to talk with him.

You think nothing of it, Millennial Tree told you about a few people that help him with the forest. So you think its something about a plant or animal.

Oh but you were wrong, so wrong.

Millennial Tree comes back, clearly stressed. He walks over to you and picks you up bridal style.

“H-Huh! Where are we going!?”

He didn’t answer you, just started to walk towards a dark area of the forest. You tried to get out of his grasp but just couldnt.

“Come on, I want an explanation. Thats the least you could do.”

He starts to slow down to a normal walk.

“You are being followed, chased, Wanted.” He goes to a stop. “My home is very hard to find.. But an old friend, hes after you.. He knows where my home is but I never showed him where this other place is.” He starts to walk again.

…

“Shouldn’t the posters help Baker find their way home?” Pure Vanilla said.

Him and Eclair were walking down the garden.

“They shouldve, but im not the one you created the posters- Oh! Speak of the devil, theres poster right there!” Eclair picked up the poster. “Oh great heavens..”

“Hm? Whats so wrong with it?-”

The poster was intimidating. ‘Wanted’ was in bold red and so was the bounty.

“Bounty!? Why would there be a bounty on Baker?! They are not a criminal!” Pure Vanilla hit his staff on the ground. “Now tell me, who made these?..” Pure Vanilla looked Eclair in the eyes.

“Im not sure sir, I heard they go by MTWA.”

“hm..” Pure Vanilla then walks off.

…

You and Millennial Tree make it to the place, He still wont tell you what it is. You’re still in his arms, even when he walked in the building.

“Um. You can put me down now.” You tried to squirm out of his arms but his grip on you got tighter.

He went up the stairs in to a luxurious room. He placed you on the bed and then walked to the closet and got you something to sleep in. He placed the clothes on the bed then walked out.

After you got finished changing, you walked to the door to ask Millennial Tree more about this place and his friend. When you pulled on the door it didn’t open, you pushed on the door and it didnt open. You were locked in. You started banging on the door.

“Millennial Tree! Hello! Are you there?!” You yelled.

You backed away from the door to catch your breath after yelling a bit more. You went to the window, it was also locked.

“Dear, are you alright?” Millennial Tree opened the door.

“Why would I? You locked me in a room in a place I dont know!” You got closer to Millennial Tree.

“I know the situation is.. discomforting, but trust me, your safety is my number one priority. I suggest you get some sleep.”

As quickly as you got mad a Millennial Tree, You were just as shocked and your heart dropped when you noticed someone behind him with something pointed at his head. The green cookie is in ropes and he is held by his arm.

to be continued..

[myskyperevenge]

it's been a few days since i went up here. ive been informed that its kind of telling the extent to which im touched like deeply in my heart over the boring ugly ass places i spend my time but like lets be real here most people are basically on some hot mindless bullshit vis a vis beauty like youve got people talking about like. fucking. what. literally the most boring shit ever like just incapable of forming a single relationship with anything theyve ever seen unless they've been given the wordless "okay" for it from the world at large like people wear fucking makeup and shit. thats whats really gay i think.

theres a circle of nothing around the facility just boxing you in same way the heat does you know, which makes sense because no one wants to live around this place for the same reasons no one wants to live by an airport or a cemetery or anywhere drugs are produced in significant numbers, all of which they also do out here btw. lol. anyway it's a chain; youre contained first by the heat then by the machinery and then by miles of space, empty space not even horse trails or makeshift shooting ranges or nothing like that. you dont come out here you know theres no lights.

anyway personally i think there's a lot to be said for walking on something huge and hollow. i'm pretty significantly underweight and shorter than the average adult male even though thats what i am and i wasnt expecting the metal underneath me to cave but it did. nothing gave way of course but there's something interesting about the feeling of the "ground" literally caving in under your feet. im vaguely conscious that i should be afraid of this, but that's just another sensation.

the lights are off color here but your presence makes every one of them feel like a halo shining down. i dont make a habit of thinking about or expressing my feelings but sometimes i do feel them and i think you're a dumb bitch for asking any more of me than that

churning and gurgling under the dented metal beneath my feet is laid over by the dull roar of the fans. the wind blows and from what cant be less than five stories above the ground i look down and watch him move. it's always fascinated me the way clothing can frame a body; he looks different than he did before. i'd smile but i don't feel like it. thats okay though

used to spend a lot of time thinking about places like this and the consequences of spending lots of time in them. i want to get my fingers into places like this even if it pinches and burns. now's a really good time for us to split a cigarette you know. sit down a minute. 20$ says you wont see more than 7 or 8 cars on the road going through here the whole time we're up watching. it's got to mean something to someone but im honestly just cool hanging out with you. no big deal yk i just dont get out that often anymore so i get sentimental real easy like its so gay.

so yeah slickdirk. this is a little rambly and shit im not apologizing here just like giving a warning im typing this up inthe library after an early early morning /late late night shift cuz the electric in my unit is off and its hot as ass in there so fuck that basically. anyway

before i say anything more of course ive got to specify that i'm totally riffing off of tumblr user @youabandonedthem for my slick characterization here. but honestly it doesn't feel like characterization it's more like dear beloved sweet yat has the only meaningful understanding of slick anyone has ever had in the world like i mean come on look at that fucking blog youre kidding me and also stupid as fuck if you think thats even an interpretation of the character its just straight up factual. jackass. anyway im all over it hope its ok to namedrop you here dont be a stranger and all that.

similarly shoutout to dear beloved sweet @ottiliere for her dirk characterization which is similarly the only dirk that could possibly matter to me like most of everyone else who posts about him seems to have just not read homestuck some of the people writing meta about him even just have no grasp on ANY of the characters if were being real here but thats way off topic anyway otti owns i dont usually give a shit about aus but if its good its good and if you deny it youre nothing basically.

i dont think anyone has given love to tmc the way yat does and i don't think anyone has really put their heart into making weird niche homestuck art the way ottiliere does (at least not in this era like ive been OVER this before if youve ever talked to me we are living in a post-post-homestuck society). which makes sense because the vast majority of modern fans (of anything) are altogether much more boring breed. no plumage or patterns or anything fun. but thats another thing. and also overly pessimistic of me but whatever i feel like if someone reads that and feels like theyre being called boring its because they know somewhere that theyre boring and missing out and maybe thats their wakeup call to start getting silly with it. or maybe no one cares i dont know i dont give a shit.

anyway the intitial interest in slickdirk was generated pretty specifically in the context of the two of them being psych warded together. typically this prospect alone would be like harlequin novel parody fanfiction type shit such that i wouldnt have any interest in it, but this was different from the get go on the basis that their interactions were never initially about romance.

dirk is self aware to the point of walking backwards. he's self obsessed, self conscious, hyperfixated-in the true sense-on how he presents himself. like all people like this, he's also constantly telling on himself. i'm speaking in terms of canon and otti's dirk here btw, this is true of both fundamentally. in terms of otti's vision specifically, though…it's dialed up, right.

people who think about themselves like this are inherently isolated from other people because, regardless of how they feel about themselves, they're very convinced they're better than everyone else. being in an institution full of other sick people can spur this line of thinking regardless of how untrue it is; once you've decided you're above the rest of the BRAINBROKE FREAKS around you, it's hard to even start to empathize with any of them! if you look back at some of otti's older posts you can kind of feel the extent to which dirk doesn't want jackshit to do with nothing going on in the hospital like just obviously has no interest in participating or anything like that in any capacity.

slick on the other hand like. really i can't write any of this without referencing yat's house essay about the midnight crew watching house and specifically spades slick watching house and how he would feel about it. forget everything i just said and go read that and then come back. okay so he obviously thinks about himself and his body and very specifically his disability in such a way that he is basically completely unaware of it in spite of living with it day to day. if you know what kind of guy im talking about here you know but also im going on good faith here assuming you read the youabandonedthem papers so even if you dont KNOW you should at least have kind of an idea what im referring to here.

the big draw between these two is that they're both in completely different subtypes of denial about themselves to vastly different effects. of course they'd be drawn to each other in this scenario…they're literally the ONLY NORMAL people in the whole building uhh have you seen the other guys in here. lol like what even.

and the thing is that even following up the initial theorized meeting in the ward, like, there's all this potential for what could come after…don't get it twisted this isn't some edgy folie a deux that im suggesting that would be so boring.

they're more than "bad for each other" even if they're not quite "good for each other" either. it isn't about an endgame or even necessarily "shipping" as a lot of people think of it. it's more like…the ways their differences and similarities line up feel aligned, even though it wasn't intentional, the same way some moments just feel "right". it isn't about how long the moment lasts or what its impact is, just that there was a moment where there wouldn't have been one if even a few tiny things had shifted. life is comprised of shit like that right. so when something like slickdirk comes along you can either balk at the absurdity of it or ride the wave.

orjust like passively observe thats an option too of course. no big deal it could literally never ever be a big deal im literally just out here trying to have fun trying to make myself laugh yk.

[alltoolewis]

30 with lando pls

"Ride me."- Lando Norris.

Summary- you and lando celebrate his highest placing poduim after you comfort his nerves before the Italian grand prix....

Words- 1808...

(Warnings- Alot of fluff & smut! 18+! You've been warned!)

------------------------------------

You couldn't believe how quickly it all flew by. It felt like just yesterday when you met him... you the new photographer for McLaren, who didn't have a clue about F1, moving away from everything you knew to travel round the world taking pictures of cars worth more than your credit card & him, the new rookie, who had so much confidence on the track but who had near to none when it came to speaking to women... until you came along & And now here you were... 3 years later, moved in together, traveling the world doing the thing both of you loved & what a better way than doing that together.

----

Your hands trembled just looking at him pacing the room,you could tell he was nervous.. I mean who wouldn't be, starting P3 in one of the most anticipated races of the calendar....

"Baby your making me dizzy" you giggled,slowly making your way over to him as he reaches for your clammy hand.

"Im sorry" he sighed, leaning into your touch as you pulled him closer "just nervous... I mean with all the pressure of me and danny starting up the grid & McLaren not having the season they hoped for, its just getting to me.. and you-" stopping himself, he looked deep into your eyes and for the first time you could see the panic and fear glossing his eyes like smoke...

"Im what baby?" You whispered, gently tracing your fingers though his newly combed locks, an action that you knew relaxed him...

"Your here..."

Confusion washed over you gently let go of him, taking a step back to watch his new fear wash over him..

"I can stay back here lando... if I'm the one making you nervous... I'm sure they wont mind me sitting out on this one, they have so many talented photographers, they won't miss m-"

Put of nowhere lando pulled you closer, locking your lips with his, taking all the unnecessary words out of your mouth.

"I'll miss you" lando mumbled against your lips, before pulling away pushing your forehead against yours...

"Your not the issue baby.. its just I know how dangerous this track is & I just don't want you to see anything that you shouldn't.... I couldn't cope with mysel-"

This time is was you to interrupt him, lifting up his chin to meet your.

"Lando I know the drill.... its not my first rodeo baby, every race is a dangerous one... I knew what I signed up for the minute I started falling in love with you & guess what... I dont regret one bit & you know why...?"

"Why?" He whispered, voice full of uncertainty.

"Because you.." you sighed, locking your lips with him again "are the best driver on that grid and you I've never been more proud of anything or anyone in my life.... your gonna be okay... and im gonna be right there for here for you, together forever eh?" You say, smirking as you see his face light up at your words, reaching out for your outstretched hand, locking your fingers as he repeated your words..

"Together forever"...

--------------

"How many more laps left??" You sighed, hands beginning to tremble as you looked at the monitor, lando dropping down to 6th after his pit.

"26" zac sighed as he sat next you, placing a hand on your knee "hes doing well you know.... he a supers-"

However zak never got to finish his praise as gasps fill the garage, looking up to see Max's car ontop of Lewis's. Heart skipping a beat as you realised just how close it was to being lando...

"I have to go- I... what if it was him.. he was so close to them he was only a second away... what if" you whispered all the possible scenerios as tear filled your eyes, causing zac to pull you closer...

"Listen... you can't live your life with what ifs (y/n).. it could of been him but guess what it wasn't andd look where he is know!" He smiles looking up at the monitor just as lando overtakes Charles, reaching p2.

"I mean you could leave... but Together forever I heard?" Zac smirks as he places a headset on your knee as he gets up to get back to his place... "just in case you want to pop in and check up on him... you stresshead"

As the lap count increased, so did your heart rate, as you seen lando still at p2 with 1 lap to go and a 2 second gap between him and perez. Hands hesitating to pick up the headset that remained on your knee like a safety blanket. Only picking it up as the mclaren garage erupts in applause, not only has lando picked up his highest ever poduim but Daniel won!

'Lets fucking go lads' lando screeches as you place the headset on, zac giving you a little nod, letting you know you can talk to him.

"Baby" you whisper through the mic, voice trembling with pride and emotion.

"(Y/n)!!! We did it! We fucking did it!!" Lando screams as he makes his way to the last corner..

"We lando?!? I didn't do anything but hid behind zac the whole time" causing lando to chuckle before the set goes dead and the garage yet again erupts... letting you know the mclarens have parked up.

Lando was the first one out, immediately running over to zac and the rest of the team, and although you could tell he was ecstatic, apart of you knew that he was gonna be disappointed about not getting p1... but he's a team player & at the end of the day thats all that matters.

After the hugs from the team, it was your turn to be pulled into your sweaty boyfriends arms, in the biggest bear hug you've ever been given.

"I'm sooo proud of you baby" you whisper, running your hand through is wet locks. Tears welling your eyes for what felt like the 50th time today.

"I love you so much" he screamed, picking your feet of the ground as he twirled you around, so fast you would of sworn he would of got the fastest lap!

"And by the way" he smirks, locking your lips with his "theres no me without you...."

However your sweet moment was inturpted as you get rudely pulled away from eachother by a certain ecstatic Australian....

"Alright love birds, plenty of that later" grabbing lando by the shoulders, pushing him towards the poduims "continue that later please, me and loverboy here have a shoey to do"

Your heart melts as you hear landos laugh, even from 10 meters away, but nothing made your race more than seeing him mouth the words anyone would dream about hearing.....

"Cant wait too rip them clothes off".....

And by lord did he keep his promise, not even being able to close the door before your 'mclaren 4' tshirt was pulled from your body.

"Ive been dying to do this from the moment I crossed that line" lando groaned as he pushed against the wall, using all his last energy, locking his lips with yours. Tounges fighting for dominance as he unhooks your bra, throwing it carelessly across the room.

Before you knew it you thrown on the bed, just as carelessly as your long forgotten bra.

"How the fuck did I get this lucky" lando moaned as he hovers over your already shaken body, eyes gazing over your bare body, filling with not only with lust but love....

Sitting up you, you lock your lips again....

"I should be saying that too you.." you mumble against his mouth, flipping your body ontop of his as your hands trace down his bare chest.

"Ahh taking in charge I see" he smirks, throwing his arms at the back of his head, as your unbutton his belt, seeing his hard cock push against the poorly made cotton.

"Only the best for my champion" you whisper, pulling down the last layer before getting to work. Lips locking over the tip, as you look straight in his eyes, making sure he can see the collection of pre-come of your tounge as it traces on his tip.

"Fuck doll..." lando wheezed as your hand goes up and down his shaft, his hands pulling your hair back as you take him deeper down your throat. His groans filling the room as your eyes welled up for a different reason this time as you feel his tip against the back of your throat, however you didnt have time to enjoy your meal for any longer as he pulls you away. Leaning down, he latches your lips to his, moaning as he tastes himself on your tounge.

"Dont want to finish in your mouth"

Laying back down, throwing one of your legs over his waist causing you to straddle him....

"Ride me." He demands, and like the good girl you were you took no time to fulfill his needs. Pulling out a condom from under the pillow he wa layed on..

"Dont judge me.. i knew this was gonna happen"

Lando chuckled as you slipped the condom on him, positioning yourself before sinking on him, Causing both of your breaths to hitch...

"Fuck (y/n)... how the fuck are you still this tight after 3 years of fucking you" lando moaned as your hips start to rock against his waist, finding your familiar rhythm as his hands find your waist. The sound of skin slapping could only be heard, as you allowed him to fill you up.

"Fuck lando" you yell throwing your hand back as he places his hand on your clit, matching the rhythm of your hips "dont stop" you scream as he picks up the pace.

Using his free hand to continue guiding your hips on his cock, pushing his hips up to meet yours.

Moans filled the air, both of you knowing full well that the rest of the mclaren could hear your 'private celebration' however neither you seemed to care as your screams filled up the room.

"Im so close" you sigh as lando continues to meet your hips half way, leaning down to meet his lips.

"Me too baby... fuck me too"

Without out any more warnings, lando let go, feeling his seed fill up the condom that was still thrusting inside you.

"Come on baby let go" lando yelled, hand moving faster against your clit as he, attaches onto your sensitive tits. Something that he knew could bring you to cum hust on its own...

"Fuck!!!" You scream as the pleasure washes over you, collapsing on his chest as you both tried to catch your breath.

"I love you so much" he whispered as he pulled your swollen lips into one last kiss..

"I love you too lando" you whispered back, leaning back into his chest as he begins to comb his fingers through your hair, a action that after 3 years of love he knew would instantly put you to sleep... and like everything that boy does, he never fails...

[100gecstree2]

before i start ranting i need to preface-

I respect Dana for her accurate depictions of abuse from a parent/guardian in the owl house, she did what she could and honestly i think its enough for what it is. This is just a grievance i have regarding the depictions of parental/guardian abuse with Amity and Hunter.

Something that bothered me when i watched escaping expulsion and any sport in a storm was the way amity and hunter were expected to act in regards to their abuser. My abuser shares a lot of similarities with both odalia and belos, i dont hate these characters for it, contrary i really like how they have been handled so far. theyre good characters in the sense that they are accurate (as much as they can be in a kids show) to what abuse from a parental guardian can be like. Now because i am and have been in similar situations such as hunter and amity i found it really easy to relate to both of them in this aspect of their backgrounds. However the thing in question that bothered me was how both amity and hunter are seen to only progress in their respective character arcs AFTER they stand up to their abuser.

Ill start with hunter first because his is more important to me for varying reasons. to be clear darius is NOT an abuser to hunter. he seems to be the opposite, however we don't really know this while watching this episode. Neither does hunter. to hunter, darius is another connection to his actual abuser, someone who can and will tattle on him. someone who as we've seen is prone to fits of anger or atleast seems to be. during this episode hunter is insecure about his standing as the golden guard, to which darius tells him to recruit more scouts. so hunter does as instructed. (i know it wasn't an order, rather a passing comment, but those things can mean a lot to someone like hunter especially in the position, aka after disappointing belos twice in a row.) Im not going to recite the whole thing because this isnt an argument against the portrayal of hunter or amity WHICH IM REPEATING AGAIN because i dont want anyone to think thats my point. anyways, at the end hunter sees that turning in his friends in to darius was the wrong move. He stops darius fully expecting darius to hit or otherwise punish him. darius however does the opposite, proud of hunters actions telling him he did the right thing. this moment is where i start to feel uncomfortable. dont get me wrong i love darius and i love the bond that him and hunter are forming, i love that hunter has someone for him. the part that is iffy to me is the expectance of hunter from both darius and the hexside students to fight back in order to be a redeemable person. fighting back and standing ground against your abuser is hard and i hate the idea that you're not thought of as a good person if you do something out of fear of your abuser without trying to fight back. Im aware that if this was belos instead of darius things might have been drastically different, but hunter doesnt know that darius would be forgiving, to hunter in this moment, darius is an extension of belos, someone who works for him, especially when he raises his fist and makes it seem that hes going to hurt hunter. again im not saying theres anything wrong with how this episode went nor is there nothing wrong with hunter fighting back. this is just something personal to me- that i have yet to see a character in media who isnt demonized (im not at ALL saying that hunter is) because theyre too afraid of their abuser to fight back, a character who can still be redeemable and a good person regardless of whether not they're free of their abuser yet.

with amity this was handled a bit better (in my eyes). after odalia expels willow gus and luz, they arent mad at amity. They don't show any bitterness to her and luz is understanding of the situation that amity is in. whereas in hunter's case, willow and the other flyer derby members would have most likely stayed upset with hunter, hell, they even are suspicious of him during labyrinth runners. i am aware that the defining difference is that willow and the flyer derby team dont know what hunter is going through. I suppose its just a hard pill to swallow for me personally. amity fighting back against odalia was strange, on one hand, she wasnt judged harshly for not interfereing, on the other hand, unlike hunter who's fighting against an extension of his abuser, amity is protesting against her actual abuser. making the situation a lot scarier in her eyes. alador while not a star father, really is her saving grace here. he calms odalia down and at the very least forces her to take back her previous punishment to amity.

Im not entirely sure what i was trying to prove with any of this. I like amity and i like hunter. Im happy that theres more awareness around abuse coming from parental figures especially in something like a kids cartoon. I spent a long time thinking what i went through was normal, god knows if i watched toh as a kid i wouldve recognized the signs sooner. This was just me complaining about a trope i suppose. If you read all of this, thank you, a lot, i mean it. if you want to add something to this, feel free to. i'd rather not argue about this because there is nothing to argue about really, im not putting either of these episodes/character arcs down in any way. these are just my two cents on the 'abused character must fight back to their abuser in order to be seen as willing to change or redeemable. because as someone who's been learning to change while unfortunately still living and fearing my abuser, id hate if someone disregarded my growth as a person simply because the effects of my trauma wouldnt allow me to fight back.

[reidsnose]

completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly (spencer reid x reader)

overview: spencer helps his best friend talk through her emotions

genre: angst? and fluff

warnings: mentions of cheating, bad coping mechanisms, idrk what else reader being upset for a little bit

a/n: this has been sitting in my notes app FOREVER but idk how i feel ab this one im usually strictly fluff so yall lmk :)

masterlist

you hated talking about your feelings. you knew it was unhealthy to keep it bottled and and 'deal with it on your own' but that didn't stop you from doing exactly that.

the worst part about your feelings right now was that you isolate to cope with them. you didn't want to interact with anyone at all because more likely than not you would lash out at them on accident. it just slips out sometimes.

when you trudged into the bullpen with your head down and your hands fidgeting with your zipper, you didn't even notice all eyes on you. you werent your usual happy self. you weren't being loud, you weren't cracking jokes. you were just begrudgingly existing amongst your favorite people and they knew there was something wrong.

"good morning gorgeous, its a paperwork day! that means no traveling!" garcia informed you brightly, trying to lighten my mood.

"oh. cool. thanks." you answered back, flashing her as much of a smile as you could muster after realizing the harshness of your words.

she shot morgan a look, to which he raised an eyebrow.

"hey pretty lady," he began as he walked over to you, "whats going on? did you drink some grumpy juice for breakfast?"

"no. im fine." you replied flatly, making your way to your desk.

"what in the world.." he whispered to garcia, not knowing you could still hear.

or maybe he did know. maybe he was trying to get on your nerves. no. this is the irritability talking. morgan was just being a good friend.

you groaned at your computer, retyping the same password for the 4th time.

this time Prentiss shot you a look.

"is everything ok?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"yeah my computer is being stupid." you rolled your eyes as it finally let you in.

"oh i know the feeling. if you need any help-"

"I'm alright. thanks." you cut her off, eyes glued to the file you were working on.

JJ, who had witnessed the whole interaction unfold, stood with her mouth agape.

"spence, your bestie needs you!" JJ tapped his shoulder and motioned to you.

he watched your jaw rhythmically clench and unclench. your tell. thats what you always did when you were irritated or angry.

"hey y/n," he hummed, sitting lightly on the corner of your desk, crinkling some of your paper work.

"Reid! my files!" you cried, swatting his thigh. he got up and murmured an apology.

"are you ok?" he asked simply, crouching down to meet your height as you sat in your chair.

"why does everyone keep asking me that!"

you knew why. you were being a bitch.

"you just called me Reid." he stated.

"its your name." you replied, not meeting his gaze.

"yeah but you always-" he began.

"I'm not in the mood right now."

he sighed, "if you need someone to talk to-"

"i don't need anyone to talk to because theres nothing to talk about!" you interrupted, causing him to furrow his eyebrows at the tone of my voice.

'i shouldn't be mean to him. why am i acting like this?' you thought to yourself

"ok, ill be over there if you need me," he threw his hands up in surrender.

you mumbled an ok and went back to distracting yourself with work. you were so invested in filing these cases you completely lost track of time and before you knew it, it was just you, Hotch, and Spencer left in the office. you vaguely remembered waving goodbye to your other coworkers but you didn't remember it being nearly 6pm.

"guys go home, you've done a lot today," Hotch said as he crossed the bullpen, making his way towards the glass doors.

"yeah i will i'm almost done," you answered, not looking up from my screen.

"good night, Hotch," Spencer called from the break room.

you stared at your screen, eyes burning. you did enough. you cant escape confronting your feelings much longer. you sighed as you began packing up.

as if on cue, Spencer walked out of the break room with two cups in his hands, steam rising from the both of them. your mood softened just a bit.

"here," he handed you your drink which he had filled with your favorite tea and sweetened just the way you like it.

"you didnt have to." you replied, setting down the warm cup as you finished packing up. he mirrored your movements, resting his satchel across his torso before picking his drink back up.

"i know." he answered simply, a gentle smiling resting on his lips before he took a sip of his own tea.

"im sorry for snapping at you earlier." you apologized, finally meeting his gaze. his eyes were soft and sweet and you felt a pang of guilt in your heart as they looked into your own.

"its ok. do you want to tell me why?" he asked, walking to the elevator with you.

"no. yes? i dont know. its stupid." you replied, looking down at the floor as you recounted your reason for my anger today.

"its not stupid." he spoke softly.

you scoffed lightly, "you dont even know what it is."

"so tell me."

"but its dumb!"

"y/n." he warned.

"my ex boyfriend, Ashton, is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with." you sighed, walking through the parking lot with Spencer.

"ah so Trashton put my favorite ray of sunshine in a bad mood." he joked, breath swirling around the cool air as he spoke

you let out a weary chuckle, "its not like i miss him or anything, i just wish i had someone! not him- i just- i want- ugh i don't know how to word this!" you grew frustrated, furrowing your eyebrows and balling your hands into fists.

you knew exactly how to word it.

you wanted Spencer.

"its ok, take all the time you need." he whispered, leaning on the hood of your car. you joined him, resting as you took a sip of your tea.

"why am i not good enough to be loved." you stated the question rather than asking it, eyes filling with tears.

"you are good enough and i promise you that you are loved more than you know." he affirmed gently, turning to face you.

"do you know why we broke up?" you asked, knowing if you acknowledged his previous comment you wouldn't be able to continue without sobbing.

"because he cheated on you." he answered confidently.

"no." you shook your head, fighting back tears.

"what? he didn't cheat on you?"

"he did. and i was going to forgive him for that."

Spencer started getting riled up, "what! why? you're worth more than that scumbag! you shouldn't ha-"

"Spencer just let me finish!" you cut him off. he went silent, chest rising and falling more rhythmically than it had seconds earlier. "he wanted me to chose. him or you."

"him or me?" he furrowed his eyebrows, voice much quieter now.

"mhm." you hummed not meeting his gaze, your cheeks redder than you'd like to admit.

"i don't understand." he breathed.

"he thought i was cheating on him with you. he had no proof and it w-"

"oh this is all my fault. y/n i'm so sorry!"

"no! spence its not your fault!" you grabbed his arm to reassure him.

"it is! your boyfriend broke up with you because of me! and now you're sad and lonely and its all my fault!" he cried, looking worriedly into your eyes.

"first of all, i broke it off with him, he just gave the ultimatum. secondly, you did me a favor."

"how?"

"by showing me who i was really dating. a cheating, insecure scumbag who was quick to replace me when i left."

"i guess thats true."

"and id pick you over him any day." you admitted, looking back down at the ground. he nudged your shoulder playfully and you cracked a sad smile

"im sorry i made you sad and lonely."

"you didnt. id be sad and lonely anyway."

"why? you would still have a boyfriend if it wasn't for me."

"i don't want a boyfriend if it isn't you."

shit. shit.

the words toppled out of your mouth before you could stop them.

"what?" he asked, wide eyes and looking a little shocked. spencer was sure in that very moment that if he heard you correctly hed simply explode.

"i- no this was a bad idea. i just ruined everything didnt i!" you were speaking more to yourself, exasperated at your own stupidity.

"no," you felt him place a finger to your chin and lift your gaze to meet his, "im glad you said it because now i can admit it."

"admit what?"

"that im completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you."

"spencer dont play with my heart like this. are you being serious?"

"yes. i am." he said with a strange confidence than you had never heard before. hesitant but sure.

"oh thats so lucky because i am completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you too." you admitted, feeling about 100 pounds lighter, like you could fly. he pulled you into a bone crushing hug which you eagerly accepted. "i should talk about my feelings more often."

he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head, "yes you should."

world littlest taglist:

@mac99martin

[haikyuusyn]

omg i dont have a title

hi ! umm i was craving some hard dom asahi... so here we are! i hope you like it hehe <33

warnings: hard dom asahi, public sex, bratty reader, panties as a gag, breeding kink, fat cock asahi

uhhhhhhhh if theres anymore i should add let me know !!

word count: 2.2k ish

Everyone loves to talk about how Asahi is so big, yet so gentle. Which is true. But it also isn't really quite the whole truth. Asahi really is a soft, sweet man. But when you open your mouth and say the words you know will garner you his wrath? Those are your favorite days. He loves to kiss you softly and hold your hand. In public, he will play with your hair and look at you like you shine the moon out of your ass.

But, sometimes. Sometimes, you'll whine about how annoying it is being out in public, or how you want to go home, or how the food sucks and you should've gone somewhere better. Asahi pretends like he hates it, but you both know he loves it. He lives for it. His favorite thing is to show you that you’re a bad fucking brat.

As for today, you were being a brat because he forced you out with your friends, but had the audacity to not stuff you with his cock beforehand. You begged so sweetly too; he shoved his thumb in your mouth and watched you suck it and lick and with an evil glint in his eye said “fuck no”. You were furious to say the least. You refused to dress yourself so he did it for you. He picked out his favorite dress that hugged your body just how he liked it. You refused to look at him.

While out with your friends, he made you sit right next to him so he could run his fingers along your thigh. You were addicted to his touch, any little thing he gave you was heaven. But you were dead set on ignoring him. You huffed. You sighed. You whined. You complained about how the restaurant didn't have your favorite things. You ignored him every time he tried to talk to you. Your friends are used to your antics so they just try to ignore you. You glance over at Asahi and you can see the tick in his jaw. You laugh on the inside. He just so happens to look your way and when your eyes connect, yours widen when you see how angry he is. It soaks your panties. Fuck.

You cannot continue sitting here so you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Unbeknownst to you, Asahi has excused you both for the evening. Sugawara cackles, “keep it in your pants, Asahi!”

You heave out a sigh of relief when you close the bathroom door. You go to wipe down your face when you hear someone open the door. You turn around with wide eyes and relax when you see who it is. He locks the door and looks at you and you close your mouth before you say anything stupid.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. You couldn't behave, even for one evening, could you, bunny?” You hum, thinking of an answer that will displease him the least. Anything you say will upset him. “Well, pet? I asked you a question, didn't I?”

He approaches you and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. He grabs you by your tiny little neck, so easily snappable. “I-” “You? You what, bunny?” You clear your throat and steel yourself, “I. I couldn't wait, sir. I asked before we left but you wanted to make me wait and you know I’m…” “I know you are what, bunny? You couldn't wait a couple hours? I would've given you everything you wanted.” He murmurs into your neck while having a steel grip on your jaw. “You're such a cock hungry whore, you just wanted me to pull you in here and destroy your sweet little cunt, didnt you, pet?”

You clench around nothing and close your eyes. Your breathing is fast and shallow and Asahi laughs at you. “You're just so easy for me, aren't you little one?” You whimper at his words. “Sir… please…” “Why should i give you anything, bunny? What have you done to deserve it? You've been so mean to me all evening.” You pout at him. “Sir, please… I need you so bad…”

He looks at you through the mirror, you look so tiny and so debauched just for him. It makes it cock swell in his slacks. “Hmm… where do you need me, naughty little bunny?” One of his hands starts moving slowly down your body. He softly caresses one of your breasts, squeezing it with the lightest of pressure. Your nipple starts to harden under his ministrations and you let out a soft little whimper. “Do you need me here, little one?” He grazes your nipple and groans. You're so soft and tiny for him.

He doesnt stay long, living for your torture. Ever so slowly, he starts to move lower until he's at the apex of your thighs. “Maybe here, bunny?” He's moving his hand under your little dress, inching closer to where you're absolutely dripping for him. “Ah, it looks like it's here, you naughty little slut, yeah?”

Your thighs are starting to get sticky with your arousal and all Asahi wants is to lick it up. Another time, he supposes. “Wow, bunny, you're dripping. Have you no shame? Soaked for me, in the middle of a restaurant? How lewd.” The degradation is making your cunt throb, god you want anything, need anything inside you.

He's running his finger along your clothed entrance and laughing at you condescendingly. “Well,” he sighs exasperatedly, “I guess we shouldn't really expect anything else from such a deprived slut, yeah?” You moan at his words and he tightens his grip on your throat. “That's enough out of you, bunny. I dont want to hear another fucking peep from you. Naughty bunnies don't get to make noises.”

“Put your leg on the counter, whore.” You walk towards the sink on unsteady legs and Asahi slowly comes up right behind you. He reaches under your dress and slowly, so slowly, removes your dripping panties. He runs his nose along your jaw, “I have the perfect gag for you if you cant keep that fucking mouth shut, okay little one?” You close your eyes and try to keep your whimper in you; he doesn't punish you, so you assume he didn't hear you. But he did. He's just seeing how obedient you can actually be.

“See, now, if you were my good, sweet little bunny, we could be at home, I could be on my knees worshipping your cunt like it deserves to be worshipped, stretching your tiny little pussy on my thick fingers… but, no. You wanted to be a fucking brat. Just one fucking day, would it kill you to listen to me, brat?” You're about to sass him back, but he's quicker than you. He shoves your soiled panties in your mouth and grins evilly at you, “I'm pretty sure I told you to keep that slutty mouth shut. I guess you're just incapable of learning, aren't you bunny?”

Now, your boyfriend is a big man. He's six feet tall and everything about him is massive. Everything. In the beginning, you would beg him for no prep. You told him you liked it when it hurt. He refused. It took many months of convincing, and he only does it when he's unhinged and angry and it's one of your favorite things. When he uses you for his own pleasure.

He whips his fat cock out and rubs it against your ass. “You feel that, bunny? Feel how hard I am for you? I'm throbbing, babe. I can't wait to tear your insides apart with my fat dick. Can you wait, bunny?” He growls into your skin when you make eye contact in the mirror. You have unshed tears in your eyes and he can tell how much you want him.

“You want me, you nasty whore? In this fucking restaurant bathroom? Where anyone can hear you?” You whine, but nothing comes out. You nod your head frantically, he needs to know how much you need him inside you. “Hmm… I guess I can give it to you. Deep breath, bunny.” And then he slowly pushes the fat head of his cock in your quivering hole.

He bites your neck, hard, growling into the soft skin. “Fuck, you’re squeezing me so fucking tight, bunny. Breathe, little one.” You close your eyes and take deep breaths, willing your body to relax. Fuck, hes fucking massive. It burns and it feels so fucking good. He's slowly moving forward, inch by agonizing inch, “Ah, that's it, sweetheart. You take me so fucking well, dont you bunny? It's like your cute little cunt was made for me, yeah?” You tighten even more, you don't know how it's possible. Hes stretching you to your limit and it feels like fucking heaven.

Asahi gives you about five seconds before he starts to move. He starts a slow, steady pace. In and out, moving his hips until just the tip is in and making its way back. He's so deep inside you, you can feel him in your throat. Tears are running down your face; you're starting to squirm. You want it hard and fast and sloppy and he's going much too slow for your liking. You dig your nails into his skin and he looks at you with an unreadable look in his eye.

“What? Does the little slut want more?” You glare at him through the mirror and he wants to push your face into the ground and take you like a fucking animal. “You better wipe that nasty look off of your face, little bunny, before you dont fucking cum at all, yeah?”

And yet, you tighten even more. He laughs at you and it's so condescending it makes your heart rate pick up. “Of course, how could I forget? Should I just use your cute, little hole? Should I just fucking breed you here, where anyone can find you dripping full of my cum? Just use you for my pleasure?” You're sure if he keeps whispering all this nasty filth into your ear you're going to cum from that alone.

Asahi suddenly pulls out of you and you actually start bawling trying to grasp onto him. He scoffs at you, “Shut up.” He grabs you and places you on the counter so he can grab your hips and jack hammer you into nothing. He slams right in, no warning and starts an absurd pace. He does not look at you, does not touch your clit. All he cares about is filling you with his cum; filling you up so deep your stomach bulges with the amount of semen he's giving you.

“This cunt is mine, pet. Not yours, mine. If i want to fill you with my kids and leave you high and dry, I'm going to do just that.” He's pounding you so hard you can hear his heavy balls slapping against your ass. It feels so fucking good you dont want to do anything but be his little cock whore ever again.

“How can you still tighten so much? Youre so fucking nasty, bunny. Who the fuck gets off on being used like a fucking rag doll? You're unhinged, my love.” Asahi is pounding your walls so hard your entire body is shivering. His cock is so huge he doesn't even have to try to find your g spot. He always hits it every time. He starts pistoning his cock in the direction of your sweet spot, “Either you cum like this, or you don’t cum at all. Think you can handle that, little bunny?”

You want to scream. You want to moan. You want to let everyone in the restaurant know who exactly is destroying your cunt. But your damn panties are in your mouth and no noises are coming out. Are you crying in pleasure, or frustration?

Asahi somehow moves faster and harder and it's making you dizzy. Your eyes are rolling into the back of your head. “God, bunny, you're squeezing me so tight. Are you really gonna cum from me using you like this? You're disgusting.”

And if you're being honest, that is your tipping point. Your entire body locks up and your orgasm hits you like a fucking freight train. Asahi is trying to keep his groans in while you’re creaming on his cock. He doesn't stop beating your cunt with his dick until his cumming deep inside you filling you to the absolute brim. You're still shaking by the time he's done, with tears and snot all over your face.

He pulls out slowly, watching his cum drip out of you. “Stay still, sweet bunny. Let me clean you up, yeah?” He's grabbing a wet towel and slowly and as softly as he can, wiping your battered cunt. “Let's keep a little in there though, hmm? I know how much you love keeping me inside you, bunny.”

He helps you off the counter and you collapse in his arms. “You did so well, sweetheart. My perfect little bunny. You're so soft and perfect for me, aren't you, bunny?” You bask in his praise and touches. You love when he treats you like a doll, but you especially love after. When he covers you in sweet kisses and caresses and even sweeter words.

“We're gonna go home, take a nice bath. I'll give you a massage, would you like that, bunny?” You blink blearily up at him, “Yes, sir.” He smiles softly at your serene face, “We can even use one of your favorite bath bombs. Would you like that, my perfect little pet?” You snuggle into his massive body, “Yes, sir. Mmm, I love you, Asahi.” His heart stutters in his chest, “And I love you, little bunny.”

[aetherknit]

i dont want to drag this out so ill answer everything in one fell swoop (or two. we'll see)

oh FOR SURE. the chat was a minefield i imagine the donos were the same. probably a shit ton of auto-blocking for keywords and then a manual approval requirement

by playing the moral high-ground, people are able to easily evade a difficult topic. imo, its a perfect showcase of how twitter's occasionally performative activism can really fucking suck. they rank breaking a boundary above literal crime i think. obviously d*xxing is disgusting to me but we cant use that as a reason to look away from evidence like this

theres a lot more to this anon but im just stopping it here to say theres more evidence than that. obviously im not going into it but there are summarizations around

after this i feel like i will never be befriending anyone i know from solely dttwitter again i was nauseous scrolling thru my tl

i am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if u backread my account u can find a good summary from lesbianwilbur sorry my brain is dead rn but its out there

defamation, d*xxing, etc. -- there's grounds to build a case against the original posters.

u put this perfectly. it makes me miserable to see the take that ppl thinking critically are being cruel to Dream -- i promise you i want Dream to be completely cleared and innocent more than i want anything in the world right now. but i can't comfortably sweep it under the rug until we get some kind of acknowledgment.

support needs to be to the victim, but the victim never asked to be involved so its a difficult position to be in. i think most of us dont even know a lick about the actual victim. right now, people are focused on what they can do imo. agree that people should have respect toward what the heart of this situation though.

i only tuned in for a bit but dream's nervousness came through clearly to me. i felt like he was rambling, occasionally snappish, etc. i wish i could have sympathy for him (and i do to a certain extent) its hard not to see a stream of a fan-favorite game with donos on as somewhat intentional.... good faith can only take us so far

so well-put, i really have nothing to add. i am so disappointed, but i want to emphasize empathy where its deserved. its such a hard situation.

anon who sent the long ask that included links: im not answering that bc im not spreading that kind of thing, but obviously i agree with the sentiment behind what you were saying