#so ill ask you kindly to not get angry at me

[kairiscorner]

omds i luvvvvvvv your writing so much 🤭🤭 could i req a earth 42 miles or a hobie brown fic where reader gets bullied for dating miles/hobie (whichever one u pick 🖤) because people think she’s “not good enough for him” because she’s like one of the quiet kids she doesn’t go to like parties and stuff like that she’s always studying and that kinda stuff and miles/hobie finds out when one of his friends confronts him ab it (you can write this however u like!!!!) and he talks w reader and stuff just a bunch of htc!! 🖤 thank you sooooo much

OH DAMN, sure thing anon !! i am just like y/n fr it's just that i don't have bitches 😭😭😭 but i hope u like this rahhh !!!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

they're more than worthy of me. – miles 42 x reader

nobody ever has a perfect life, let alone a perfect love life, but when you were with miles, everything felt just right. he loved you with a love that wasn't overbearing or possessive, he gave you your space when you needed it and supported you from the sidelines in every endeavor you dared to try. you didn't stand out much though, really, you blended in quite well into the background. you were used to not being recognized or acknowledged immediately, and you were fine with it—though you were confused why recently, a few of your classmates were acting a little mean to you.

you never harbored any ill will towards these people—as far as you were concerned, you doubt that more than half of these kids would even remember your name. every time you approached a classmate of yours for a question, they'd immediately walk away the minute you walked over to them, others would ask you in sarcastic voices if you couldn't even do something so simple with a smile that tried to get you thinking they meant no harm when in reality, they wanted you away from them. you couldn't even pretend and think that they were just busy or being realistic—that you should be able to do something as simple as the question to an activity that you were stumped on, but you couldn't—this was because a lot of those classmates of yours adored miles.

they liked miles and having his attention on them, angry if anyone else were to get his attention away from them. before you entered the picture, they were all over him—devoted and loved him like a friend, some had loved him in more than just a friendly way, but none of his friends and admirers in your class took it very kindly when they noticed you and miles getting along a bit too well back then; when you two became a thing, everything just got worse. miles still hangs out with some of these people, though he doesn't consider them his friends—tonight, he'd be attending a party of theirs with ganke, with you opting to stay behind and catch up on school works.

late at night, as you were finishing up your studying session, you got a text from miles, asking you to come down and meet him by your front door. you got up from your chair and walked down to your front door, and there he was, battered and bruised in the face—looking into your eyes with hurting in them. you asked him in worried stammers about what happened to him, who did this to him, if he was even okay. you checked his face all over, and when you saw the backs of his hands, they were reddened and scarred, you couldn't tell if the blood was his or someone else's, because you knew this was no accident that happened to him—he got into a fight, a serious one.

"miles, what happened?" you asked him in a shuddering voice, with miles bringing his red, bloody knuckled hands to your shoulders and wrapped you in his arms. he didn't answer you quite yet as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, holding you tightly as his initial response. "how could they not accept that i love you?" he murmured as you gently placed your hands on his back, reciprocating his hug despite your confusion. "i... miles, what?" "ganke told me he heard a bunch of the guys at the party talking shit about you behind my back. i... i confronted them, asked them why they said what they said, but the last thing they wanted to do was cooperate and be honest. so i... i did some things i wasn't proud of. i'm sorry, i'm just so sick of people hurting you all for my sake–you deserve better, mi cielo..." he whispered as you pulled away from him, watching the tears form in his eyes as he frowned up at you amidst the cuts and bruises on his face.

you brought him into your house and sat him down on the couch, hurriedly getting him a first aid kit to treat his wounds. you wrapped his knuckles up in gauze, with him mindlessly following your hands with his gaze–him taking in all the gentle and softness of your touch. "i'm sorry, again, mi vida. i shouldn't... i should've handled it better." miles apologized to you again as you were tying up the gauze on his hand. "love..." you called out to him, placing your hand on top of his with concern and love filling your gaze. "i'm just glad you're alive and well. i wish you didn't have to get hurt or hurt anyone, but... i'm glad you love me enough to defend me like you did even though i wasn't there." you said in a quiet voice, smiling up at him with tears in your own eyes, matching the tears in his as he looked back at you and nodded, his lower lip quivering.

"i'd do it all again, and more, for you–mi cielo. i swear, you... you won't ever shed another tear... because of another person being an asshole to you–i can't not love you, cielo, i can't..." miles murmured with a cracking voice as he got more vulnerable. you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and held him close as he sobbed, muttering to you how he'd love you forever, that much would never change–no matter if the multiverse demanded you two cannot be, he'd make a world for just the two of you, even if everyone else would disagree.

tags !! @k4tsu3 @luvstarrstruck @toneystank-3000 @ii01vq @maxoloqy @popeheywardssecretgf @solecitoszn @onginlove @euphovlq @meowmoraless

[emo-trash101]

Hello dearie!

How's your day?

Yes,yes,I'm back already,I know!

It's just that I just love your writing,and you said that you'd let me ask whenever so,here I am!

You already know me,so let's just get to the ask!

May I have any Hazbin hotel character (only Hazbin,but any character you want to write for! Only preference is Alastor- If you could write multiple that'd be great,but that's up to you,honey!) with a Platonic!GN!Friend!Reader that gets talked a lot behind their back (maybe by fake friends or just random people),but they know about it,and when the characters ask about it,they just say "It doesn't matter" or something along those lines? Would they stop the people talking behind their backs? Would they get angry? That's up to you!

That's all for me! I hope you enjoy writing this as much as my last one!!

Stay proud, don't forget to take care of yourself!!

-Nina <33

OMG YIPPEE YOUR BACKK!!! You can always spend time in my requests, because I love writing them! But definitely, and I absolutely love this concept!

Angel Dust, Alastor, and Lucifer x Bullied! Reader

!Platonic relationship!

Pronouns: Second person, gender neutral

Tw: Shitty friends, Alastor in general

Angel Dust -

- This man gets it to absolutely no degree.

- Like he absolutely has had friends who were untrustworthy and just garbage human beings.

- That being said, this would likely become a conversation after you get him to hang out with your other group of friends. Y'all probably clubbing or going to a bar.

- After awhile you go to use the restroom which leaves him with your garbage other friends.

- Then they start talking to him, trying to get him to agree that you're annoying and whatever other bullshit they try to spout.

- Angel (being the loyal puppy he is) immediately starts to tear your friends a new one for being such asshats. He continues yelling at them until you get out of the bathroom.

- He immediately starts telling you what they said, still glaring at them aggressively. And he is hardcore shocked when you just respond with "It's fine"

- Cause like bitch, no it's not.

- He is definitely very appalled, and ends up dragging you out of there and giving you a slightly aggressive pep talk on your self worth and being worth more than shitty friends.

- in all, he tries to love and support you, but sometimes he's really sure you were dropped on your head as a baby.

Alastor -

- I am being as honest as possible when I say this man most likely has no experience when it comes to this.

- Like he deals with annoying assholes by just plain killing them. There, problem solved.

- You probably brought your friends to the hotel to try and introduce them to everyone, and during this time they seemed sweet as peach cobbler. But Alastor definitely picked up on their hidden intentions.

- After you walk away (Charlie definitely dragged you away to help with something), he sneaks up on them and makes them his newest addition to his radio station. After all, he can't be having people hurting his little pet (I swear this man is a literal red flag, run.)

- When you return he doesn't even really mention it to you, he just tells you your friends "Went home early"

- Safe to say you never saw those friends again.

- In all, probably the most efficient when it came to his approach.

Lucifer -

- As I mentioned in a previous post, Lucifer is definitely a people pleaser. He tries to constantly help people and make excuses for them.

- However, when he sees his loved ones (*cough* you *cough*) being used it's another situation entirely.

- He most likely meets your friends by accident, just walking through the streets of hell with you when you run into them (spending time without you).

- Y'all actually have a really good conversation before you realize you forgot something in the last store you were in and run to go grab it.

- After you leave one of your friends makes a really ill intended joke about you being forgetful, and lets just say that Lucifer did not take that kindly.

- He immediately yells at them for a good couple of minutes, and then leaves to go find you after deciding they were not worth anyone's time.

- He brings up their comments to you and after you just brush them off he doesn't get mad per-say, just really sad that it's happened so much it doesn't even affect you.

- In all, he tries to just keep you busy and away from them as much as possible, because at least you have someone who thinks you're amazing.

This was really relatable while I was writing it, and I just wanted to say if any of y'all are being treated like this by anyone just cut them off. They are not worth your energy and time.

[viesantewrites]

𝐋𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝

(𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧)

Robert Fischer (Inception) x Reader

note: Hey guys, I‘ve rewritten this story a bit and decided to post it on my sideblog. I've changed some of the themes and also that the main character is no longer an OC named Victoria, but the reader. I think this story is kinda difficult to write, which is why I've rewritten it several times. I love plots like Shutter Island and tried to do something similar here & it‘s also a story about parasocial relationships and unrequited love.

summary: The reader is hopelessly in love with her boss Robert Fischer, but he doesn't seem to be interested in her. By an unexpected coincidence, they meet in the city and his sudden intense affection for her confuses her. The reader begins to suspect that something is wrong, and when she finally uncovers the truth about her encounters with Fischer the heartbreaking reality is revealed to her.

you don‘t have to watch the movie to understand the story.

age gap, but the characters are both adults. Robert is 37-39, is divorced and has a child. The reader is about 28/29.

word count: 5000+

warnings: topics like mental illness, depression, this is a quite dark and heavy story

It was just half past seven when she heard the familiar footsteps in the corridor approaching the office next door. A key was inserted into the lock and a moment later the door opened.

Glancing around to make sure her workspace wasn't too messy, she threw an old paper cup into the bin before her boss poked his head through the door.

"Good morning, Miss YLN, so busy already?" he asked with a tired smile. "It doesn't reflect well on me as a boss to have my assistant here before me. I'm sorry, Monday mornings are always a bit stressful for me."

"No problem, Mr Fischer. I've already sorted the mail for you, it's on your desk," she said kindly, watching him as he took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack, a little damp from the rain.

"Thank you, I can count on you."

He was a very elegant, handsome man, about ten years her senior, with dark hair, blue eyes, high cheekbones and an elegant black suit. She must have stared at him a little too long, because he turned to her with a questioning smile.

Immediately her cheeks flushed and she turned back to her computer screen, but by then Mr Fischer had already approached her and put some documents on her desk. "Please scan them all and email them to Mr Parker, he's been waiting for them for days," he said to her. "It would be best if we sat down together later and quickly discuss my tasks for today, there is a lot to do. If I'm not mistaken, I have a client meeting at three today."

"At two, sir," she corrected him, handing him a planner with today's date thickly underlined.

He started to grin. "You see, this is exactly why I have an assistant."

Fischer disappeared into his office.

She sighed slightly and went to work scanning the documents. She had been working for Fischer Morrow, one of the world's largest energy companies, for barely a month. Their headquarters had moved from Sydney to London after the death of their CEO, Maurice Fischer. Her current boss, Robert Fischer, was a direct descendant.

She liked Fischer Jr a lot. He was friendly, supportive and didn't get angry when things didn't go to plan. But in some ways he always seemed so unapproachable. For example, he never talked about his private life and YN had no idea who he was outside of work. Then again, he was her boss and his private life was none of her business. But deep down she admitted that she was very interested in him.

The days flew by and she finally felt as if she had been employed by Fischer Morrow for an eternity. But who Robert Fischer really was remained a mystery.

One evening, as she was about to leave, she quietly opened the door to Fischer's office. He was sitting in front of his computer, his chin resting on his hands. "Have a nice evening, Mr Fischer." He jumped slightly, obviously not having heard her come in, but then he smiled. "Thank you, you too."

YN looked at her watch. "It's almost half past seven, don't you want to finish your work soon? Don't you have a wife waiting for you?"

Mr Fischer shrugged. "I've been divorced for a few years now, and I only see my daughter at weekends. The only thing waiting for me is an empty, dark apartment."

YN held her breath. It was the first time he had told her anything about his private life. But in the same second, he seemed to regret his words.

"No one waits for me either," she said. "Except for my cat."

Fischer raised an eyebrow with a smile. "At least that's something."

Finally she said goodbye and left the office. But all the way home, she kept thinking about her conversation with Fischer.

Was he perhaps as lonely as she was?

Tired, YN lay in bed. She didn't even have the strength to change her clothes and remove her make up. Although she wanted nothing more than to get out of that itchy, uncomfortable dress and tights. A quiet meow sounded beside her and she felt something soft brush against her arm. Smiling, she pulled the cat closer and buried her face in its white fur.

Since leaving her small home village for London, she had no one to talk to. Her old friends had all left her and moved on with their own lives. Robert Fischer was the only one she spoke to regularly, though it was far from a friendship. With the cat in her arms, she turned to the other side. But what if she had feelings for him?

Maybe she should tell him. But wasn't that too much? He was still her boss, after all, and there were probably plenty of women who were interested in him.

She quickly pushed the thought aside and closed her eyes.

Robert Fischer turned curiously when he heard the quick clicking of heels in the corridor. Panting, his assistant opened the door and dropped her bag on the desk.

"Miss YLN, are you okay?"

Her hair was messy, her coat hung loosely over her shoulders as if she hadn't had time to put it on properly, and her lipstick was a little smudged.

"I… overslept," she said, panting. "I'm sorry."

Fischer looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "It's okay. But it shouldn't happen again."

"Of course not, sir," she replied immediately.

He quickly disappeared into his office and returned with a thick stack of papers and a folder.

"Would you be so kind as to sort these documents alphabetically for me? They've been on my desk for days and I haven't had a chance to get to them. I know it's not an exciting task."

She nodded and took the heavy pile from his hand. Fischer thanked her and hurried back to his office.

Sighing, she set to work. But with each page, she found her concentration fading and her mind wandering. Her head ached, her eyes burned and she felt incredibly tired. But she tried not to show it, kept working as hard as she could and finally put the sorted file back on Mr Fischer's desk.

Exhausted, she walked back to her office, sat down in her chair and buried her face in her hands. She was shivering and her ears were ringing. Was it because she had forgotten to take her medicine today?

"Miss YLN?" she heard her boss' voice.

She turned immediately and forced a smile. "Yes, Mr Fischer?"

"I have an job interview scheduled for ten, would you be so kind as to prepare the conference room for it?"

"Of course, sir."

He stopped halfway and looked at YN questioningly. "Are you okay? You look so pale." She nodded quickly, forcing a smile. "Everything's fine, Mr Fischer." Fischer looked at her, raised his eyebrows, then handed her the key to the meeting room and disappeared back into his office.

A strange feeling of dizziness spread through her head as she walked down the long corridor leading to the conference rooms.

What was wrong with her today?

When it started to get dark outside, YN finally turned off her computer and reached for her bag. The strange dizziness had improved during the day, leading her to conclude that she simply needed a break from work. Fortunately, it was Friday. She knocked gently on Fischer's door, as she always did before leaving, to wish him a pleasant evening. He was sitting there as usual, his chin resting on his hand, deep in thought. He glanced up briefly and nodded politely, noticing her in the doorway. He looked stunningly handsome today, even after this long and exhausting day.

"I didn't ask you how the job interviews went this morning," she asked curiously. Fischer shook his head. "Terribly," he said. "None of these people I'd want in my company." His voice was cold and dismissive, and for a moment she thought he was referring to her, even though she knew he meant someone else. She smiled awkwardly and shrugged slightly. "Well, maybe the next one will be better."

Fischer remained silent.

"Have a good weekend, Mr Fischer."

"You too, Miss YLN." He gave her a friendly smile.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend? I know a good restaurant, would you like to join me?" The moment she realised what she had just said, she bit her lip, her face turning red. Had she completely lost her mind? She desperately hoped he hadn't heard what she'd asked, but it was too late. She could see Fischer raise his eyebrows in confusion and stare at her.

"No, Miss YLN. I'm not interested. I keep my work and personal life strictly separate." She immediately looked down, embarrassed. Thoughts raced through her mind like a rollercoaster and her cheeks felt as if they were on fire. "I'm sorry, Mr Fischer, I shouldn't have asked you that." She finally grabbed her bag and left the office without another word, feeling Fischer's gaze on her back.

It was drizzling lightly as she walked through the busy streets of London. The cold air did her good and she felt her head clear a little.

Why had she done this? It had been clear from the start that a man like him would reject her. But the words had come out of her mouth as if she had completely lost control. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and quickly wiped it away. She didn't want to have a mental breakdown in public, even though it felt like Fischer had torn her heart into a thousand pieces. Suddenly the strange dizziness returned and her vision blurred slightly. The sounds of London became muffled, as if she were incredibly far away.

"Miss YLN, wait!" she suddenly heard a voice behind her that seemed to be getting closer.

She turned around. The dizziness had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Startled, her eyes widened as she saw the person in front of her - it was Mr Fischer. What was he doing here? Had he followed her? She tried to speak, but all she could manage was a hoarse stutter.

"I wanted to apologize, Miss YLN. It wasn't very nice of me to brush you off like that," he said with a gentle laugh. His voice sounded strangely different, softer than usual. Wordless and spellbound, she stared into the pair of light blue eyes before her, apologetic and gentle in their expression. She knew Mr Fischer had blue eyes, but she'd never noticed how incredibly bright they looked.

"It's okay, don't worry," she managed to say, her knees shaking with excitement.

"No, no, Miss YLN. I'll think about the dinner offer, okay? Just because we work together doesn't mean we can't have dinner together, does it?" Fischer suggested, and she nodded slowly, then smiled.

Why this sudden change of heart?

"Well, see you soon." He waved goodbye and YN, still completely confused, raised her hand in response. But before she could form another thought, he had disappeared into the crowd.

Carefully, YN pressed the shutter on her old camera, focusing the lens on the small lake in front of her. Satisfied, she lowered it. She was confident that this snapshot would turn out well. This park was a place she often visited to clear her head and pursue her passion, photography, as it offered many beautiful subjects. Especially now, in autumn, when the trees were covered with colourful leaves and the silence was slowly descending, with only the occasional pedestrian passing by.

Her dizziness had eased a little, but not completely. Fortunately, it was Saturday and she had the whole day to herself. YN sat down on a bench under a tree that looked to be at least a hundred years old.

She sat there for a while, lost in thought. Eventually she got up and made her way to the West End. The streets of London were noisy and busy as she walked, looking for a warm place in a café and something to eat. Crowds of people rushed past her, music played from somewhere and loud voices filled the air. Exhausted, she rubbed her temples. Maybe she should have stayed home and rested.

Suddenly she held her breath as she spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Dark hair, high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes. Fischer. But before she could think, he had already noticed her and started to smile at her.

"Miss YLN, how nice to see you! What a coincidence!"

It was the first time she had seen him in his casual clothes rather than one of his business suits. But this was no less elegant and stylish. He was wearing a well-fitting black coat, a grey knitted jumper underneath and black trousers. It was so strange to see him outside his office at Fischer Morrow Company. Suddenly he didn't seem so unapproachable and distant anymore.

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously.

He paused for a moment. He seemed to be considering whether or not to tell her.

"I took my little girl to her friend's house for a sleepover. She's been asking me for weeks because her mum won't let her."

"So you're a cool dad," YN replied.

Fischer rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who lets her get away with everything. We had to turn back twice because she realised she had forgotten her favourite stuffed animal and her toothbrush."

She laughed softly. In a strange way, she enjoyed him talking so openly about his life.

"Oh wow, that looks amazing. It's quite old, isn't it?" Mr Fischer pointed to the camera around her neck. "From the 1960s. But it takes incredibly good pictures for that time," she explained. Fischer seemed genuinely impressed. "Do you have more like it?"

"I have quite a few. From the 50s to the 80s, actually, and of course some modern digital cameras. Photography has been my passion since I was a child," she explained. Fischer looked at her with an interested smile. "So there's actually film in there that needs to be developed?" she nodded in confirmation. "Some photo shops still offer that service, yes."

Mr Fischer seemed genuinely interested in her hobby, asking her questions about it as they walked side by side through the streets of London. She felt incredibly comfortable in his presence and hoped he wouldn't leave so soon. Finally he pointed to the camera again. "Would you take a picture of me, please? I'd like a 60's style photo of myself." YN's heart began to beat faster in her chest. What had he just said?

"Of course, Mr Fischer," she replied nervously. "Robert. My name is Robert," he replied. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, completely surprised. No one at Fischer Morrow Ltd called him by his first name, and outside the company she had only heard his uncle, Peter Browning, call him Robert.

"Let's find a nice spot for the photo," he said, letting his gaze wander until it settled on a beautiful fountain.

Carefully, she picked up the camera, took a few steps back and held it directly in front of Robert's face. "Smile, please," she instructed him, finally pressing the shutter.

A pedestrian who had just passed them looked at YN with a confused expression and shook his head. Frowning, she looked after him before carefully tucking the camera into her handbag.

Are you hungry?" asked Robert. "We could go to a restaurant."

Surprised, she looked at him. "I don't know…" she said hesitantly, biting her lower lip. In fact, she had never expected to be asked such a question.

He looked at her with raised eyebrows and she could see the disappointment in his eyes. Finally, she worked up the courage to say what was on her mind.

"It's just… To be honest, you told me yesterday that you were someone who kept your work and personal life strictly separate. Maybe it would be better if we did. After all, I'm your employee."

As much as she wanted to spend time with him, she was afraid of developing even more feelings for him. Robert nodded slowly and shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

"I really like you. I just never wanted to show it, that's why I was so reserved with you and told you I wasn't interested in you".

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as a ton of thoughts went through her head. Robert finally nodded at her with a slightly disappointed look on his face and turned on his heel.

"Wait!" she called after him.

He stopped immediately and looked at her hopefully.

"Let's give it a try, shall we?"

"YN… is that a French name?"

Robert's voice sounded slightly tipsy as he grinned curiously at her, twirling his wine glass casually in his hands.

He had taken her to a rather fancy and expensive place, the walls were dark wood panelling, the chairs were covered in red velvet and soft jazz music was playing on one of the radios. Robert looked hauntingly beautiful that night. His skin seemed incredibly soft and flawless, his jawline even more prominent, and his blue eyes shone almost ghostly in the dim light, almost like he wasn’t real…

She smiled, nodded and took a sip from her glass. "My father is French. I grew up in France but moved to England when I was 15."

He nodded with interest, rubbing his chin with his finger.

"And you? I heard you're Australian," she asked curiously.

Robert laughed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Well, my accent makes it obvious."

YN blushed and looked down at her plate. What a stupid question.

But Robert didn't seem to mind too much, because he started talking about his life in Sydney, how he had finally moved to London after his father's death, and she listened with interest.

But suddenly he stopped and looked at her thoughtfully. "But I'm probably just boring you."

YN immediately shook her head. "No, you're not," she told him. "I find it really interesting to find out all this about you."

At that moment a waitress came to their table with a smile and asked YN in a friendly tone if she had enjoyed her meal. But the waitress paid no attention to Robert, YN noticed with surprise. Perhaps she was just being extra polite to the lady.

Robert pulled out a black leather wallet and rummaged through it. Quickly, YN pulled a few notes out of her habdbag and handed them to the waitress. "Keep the change," she said.

The waitress looked at her with wide eyes, "Thank you, ma'am," she said gratefully, "have a nice evening.

Then she turned and left the table.

"You didn't have to do that," Robert said. "As a gentleman, it's actually my job to pay."

She shook her head in amusement. "I bet that's never happened to you before, has it?"

Robert shook his head and took the last drink from his glass. There was a moment of silence between them.

"Okay. So what's the plan for the rest of the evening?"

She looked at him in surprise. As soon as he said the words, she felt a tingle in her stomach.

The church clock struck twelve as she crossed the street hand in hand with Robert. It was freezing, and she had pulled her scarf so far up her face that only her eyes and nose were visible. Her date looked at her with amusement. "Are you going to rob a bank?" he asked, laughing out loud.

"Shh!" she snapped at him, putting her fingers to his lips. "You'll wake up the whole neighbourhood."

Although it was quite dark and she could only make out Robert, she knew that his typical mischievous grin was back on his face. She pulled him firmly behind her until they reached the small white building.

"Is this where you live?" Robert asked.

She put her finger to his lips for a second time until Robert stopped talking and looked silently into her eyes. Her heart was beating in her chest as she finally stood on her toes, put her arms around his neck and placed her lips on his. Robert returned the kiss without hesitation and gently pulled her into his arms. YN could hardly believe what was happening. It was everything she had secretly wanted for months. They remained like this for a moment before she finally let go of him and reached for her key.

She felt for Robert's upper arm and finally pulled him into her apartment, closing the door behind him. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and began to kiss him again. His lips were a little cold and tasted of wine. Together they stumbled backwards into her bedroom, taking off his coat, which she tossed carelessly to the floor.

Robert's fingers stroked carefully along her hip and fumbled a little with her belt while she was busy putting little kisses on his neck. With slightly trembling hands she pulled his jumper over his head and Robert took her hand.

"Are you nervous?" he wanted to know. She remained silent.

"Don't be," he whispered softly into her ear, taking her in his arms again and pulling her onto the bed. Breathing softly, she clung to his chest, leaned back and finally closed her eyes as she felt his warm skin against hers.

The sun shone through the half-open curtains, creating a narrow, bright streak across the floor. Blinking, she opened her eyes and stretched. But immediately a sharp pain shot through her head again and she held her forehead tiredly. Confused, she sat up and tried to remember what had happened yesterday.

But when she heard soft breathing next to her, she turned quickly and all the events of last night came back to her. Smiling, she looked over at Robert, snuggled up next to her in her beige blanket, sleeping peacefully. Tenderly stroking his messy hair, she lay down beside him again and then began to caress his bare chest. Perhaps what they had done was wrong. After all, they were two people who should never have fallen in love. But it had happened, and it felt so right. They remained in this position for some time, Robert asleep and YN lost in thought.

Her eyes swept through the bedroom until they settled on a small white box on her dresser. Quickly sitting up, she reached for it and put a small pill into her mouth. Eventually, Robert began to move a little beside her, opening his eyes tiredly. Smiling broadly, she gave him a small kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Good morning," she whispered.

"Good morning," Robert murmured in a raspy morning voice.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes, wonderfully." He yawned loudly and took her into his arms as she laid her head lovingly on his shoulder.

"Wait, what time is it?" he suddenly wanted to know.

"Quarter past ten, why do you ask?" she replied.

"Shit," Robert muttered as he let go of the hug, jumped out of the bed and started to pick up his clothes, which were strewn all over the floor.

"Wait, wait, where are you going?" she asked, looking at him in confusion.

"I should've picked up my daughter by now," he replied, hurrying to get dressed.

Sighing, she pulled the blanket around her a little tighter. "Can't it wait? Can't you stay for breakfast?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm sure she's already waiting for me.“ Robert dodged her questions, grabbing his coat on the floor and sighing when he saw her disappointed look.

He walked slowly towards her, stroking her chin with his finger, and finally whispered: "We can catch up later." Then he put a soft kiss on her lips before turning around and disappearing through the door. She sank back into the pillows and pulled the blanket over her head.

The rest of Sunday flew by. Mostly because her mind was on Robert and she could hardly wait to see him again tomorrow at work. She had probably never looked forward to a Monday in her life as much as she did that day.

The next morning, YN carefully applied her lipstick and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She noticed that the collar of her white blouse was a little crooked and quickly adjusted it. She wanted to look her best for Robert today, so he wouldn't change his mind and lose interest in her.

Humming softly, she put on her black high heels and grabbed her handbag. She quickly put another pill into her mouth and put the box in her bag. Her headache was completely gone and her head finally felt clear and light again. In a good mood, she breathed in the fresh morning air and made her way to work.

Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked down the familiar corridor of Fischer Morrow. The lights were on in Robert's office. She ran a final hand through her hair, smoothed her blouse and opened the door to her own office.

The air was stuffy and hot. Coughing, she ran to the window and opened it.

"Good morning, Miss YLN, I hope you had a nice weekend," a familiar voice sounded from behind her.

Startled, she turned to see Robert's face as he stuck his head through the door, as he always did.

Why didn't he call her by her first name? Confused, she stared at him, trying to form a clear sentence. "But… But… we spent it together…" her voice finally broke. Her head suddenly hurt again.

He seemed so different again. Not the Robert she had spent the weekend with, not the one who had apologised for being too rude to her, not the one who had made her laugh and told her about his life. He seemed more like the one she had worked with for months, the one who never revealed anything about himself.

"Miss YLN? I haven't seen you since Friday, when you left my office after… asking me that question."

Her heart almost stopped. Suddenly her knees gave way and she sank to the floor.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling unwell?" Concerned, he bent down to her. "Do you want to go home and rest?"

She nodded slightly and wiped a tear from her eye, which had turned her fingers black from the carefully applied mascara. Then she got up and left the office.

At home, she lay motionless on her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't think straight and her throat felt incredibly dry. The door to her room, which was only ajar, opened gently and something small and white slipped through. Sniffling, she stretched out her arms and lifted her cat onto the bed.

Everything that had happened that weekend had been fake. She had made it all up. And all of this happened because she had forgotten to take the pills against her delusions. Robert hadn't really followed her on Friday evening; it was all a figment of her imagination. While his real self was still sitting in the office, probably not thinking about her at all. Everything suddenly made sense: why Robert looked a bit different, why his voice sounded different, the waitress who ignored him on Saturday because she couldn’t actually see him, the pedestrian who gave her a confused look because she was talking to herself while taking the photo.

The photo.

She immediately got up, put on her shoes and ran to the photo shop where she had left the film to be developed. Her heart raced as the staff handed her the envelope with the photos. Trembling, she finally grabbed the Saturday night photo, without looking at it herself, and held it up to the staff's face. "What do you see?" she asked.

The young man looked at her in confusion, but remained polite. "The fountain at Piccadilly Circus. Great picture, it turned out really nice."

"Anything else?" she asked.

"No, ma'am," he replied, and it felt like a slap in her face. Fischer had never been there with her. Only her lonely and sad mind had led her to believe that he was interested in her and loved her. Tears welled in her eyes and she left the shop without another word. When she got home, she immediately took the white box of pills from her handbag, rushed into the kitchen, opened it and poured the pills into the bin.

Crying and with burning eyes, she finally lay down on her bed and buried her head in the pillow as her cat purred softly beside her. She must have stayed like that for hours, as the sun began to set again outside her window. When she finally lifted her head and wiped the tears from her face, she saw a dark haired man sitting beside her bed, looking at her lovingly with his pale blue eyes. A smile suddenly appeared on her face and she began to laugh, pulling the man into a tight hug.

some explanations because i know that story is kinda mind-fucking:

• Is Robert Fischer all a creation of the readers mind?

- No he actually exists, he’s her boss and she‘s in love with hin but she imagines dating him.

• When is he real, when is he fake?

- - The Robert Fischer in the office is real, he turns her down when she asks him out, leaving YN heartbroken. The moment she leaves the office, she starts to imagine what it would be like if he apologised to her, so the man who follows her is just her imagination. The real Robert Fischer is still in his office at Fischer-Morrow.

When she visits the city on Saturday and meets "Robert" and goes on a date with him, it's also just her imagination. That's why other people react to her with confusion, because she's basically talking to herself all the time. On Sunday morning, when she wakes up next to him, he's still fake. When she takes her pills, he quickly "disappears" (he says he has to pick up his daughter...) because they stop her delusions.

On Monday morning, when she gets back to her office, the real Robert Fischer is there again, who hadn't seen her since he had rejected her on Friday evening.

When she gets home, she throws away her pills and her delusions start again. The man who sat next to her on the bed and comforted her is again the imaginary version of Robert.

[viesanterieures]

Locked In Mind

Robert Fischer (Inception) x female Reader

note: Welcome to my third Cillian Character fanfic, hope you like it :) I love plots like Shutter Island and tried to do something similar here & it‘s also a story about parasocial relationships and unrequited love.

summary: The reader is hopelessly in love with her boss Robert Fischer, but he doesn't seem to be interested in her. By an unexpected coincidence, they meet in the city and his sudden intense affection for her confuses her. The reader begins to suspect that something is wrong, and when she finally uncovers the truth about her encounters with Fischer the heartbreaking reality is revealed to her.

word count: 5000+

Masterlist

warnings: mental illness, depression

you don‘t have to watch the movie to understand the story.

It was just half past seven when she heard the familiar footsteps in the corridor approaching the office next door. A key was inserted into the lock and a moment later the door opened.

Glancing around to make sure her workspace wasn't too messy, she threw an old paper cup into the bin before her boss poked his head through the door.

"Good morning, Miss YN, so busy already?" he asked with a tired smile. "It doesn't reflect well on me as a boss to have my assistant here before me. I'm sorry, Monday mornings are always a bit stressful for me."

"No problem, Mr Fischer. I've already sorted the mail for you, it's on your desk," she said kindly, watching him as he took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack, a little damp from the rain.

"Thank you, I can count on you."

He was a very elegant, handsome man, about ten years her senior, with dark hair, blue eyes, high cheekbones and an elegant black suit. She must have stared at him a little too long, because he turned to her with a questioning smile.

Immediately her cheeks flushed and she turned back to her computer screen, but by then Mr Fischer had already approached her and placed some documents on her desk. "Please scan them all and email them to Mr Parker, he's been waiting for them for days," he said to her. It would be best if we sat down together later and quickly discuss my tasks for today, there is a lot to do. If I'm not mistaken, I have a client meeting at three today.

"At two, sir," she corrected him, handing him a planner with today's date thickly underlined.

He started to grin. "You see, this is exactly why I have an assistant."

Fischer disappeared into his office.

She sighed slightly and went to work scanning the documents. She had been working for Fischer Morrow, one of the world's largest energy companies, for barely a month. Their headquarters had moved from Sydney to London after the death of their CEO, Maurice Fischer. Her current boss, Robert Fischer, was a direct descendant.

She liked Fischer Jr a lot. He was friendly, supportive and didn't get angry when things didn't go to plan. But in some ways he always seemed so unapproachable. For example, he never talked about his private life and YN had no idea who he was outside of work. Then again, he was her boss and his private life was none of her business. But deep down she admitted that she was very interested in him.

The days flew by and she finally felt as if she had been employed by Fischer Morrow for an eternity. But who Robert Fischer really was remained a mystery.

One evening, as she was about to leave, she quietly opened the door to Fischer's office. He was sitting in front of his computer, his chin resting on his hands. "Have a nice evening, Mr Fischer." He jumped slightly, obviously not having heard her come in, but then he smiled. "Thank you, you too."

YN looked at her watch. "It's almost half past seven, don't you want to finish your work soon? Don't you have a wife waiting for you?"

Mr Fischer shrugged. "I've been divorced for a few years now, and I only see my daughter at weekends. The only thing waiting for me is an empty, dark apartment."

YN held her breath. It was the first time he had told her anything about his private life. But in the same second, he seemed to regret his words.

"No one waits for me either," she said. "Except for my cat."

Fischer raised an eyebrow with a smile. "At least that's something."

Finally she said goodbye and left the office. But all the way home, she kept thinking about her conversation with Fischer.

Was he perhaps as lonely as she was?

Tired, YN lay in bed. She didn't even have the strength to change her clothes and remove her make up. Although she wanted nothing more than to get out of that itchy, uncomfortable dress and tights. A soft meow sounded beside her and she felt something soft brush against her arm. Smiling, she pulled the cat closer and buried her face in its white fur.

Since leaving her small home village for London, she had no one to talk to. Her old friends had all left her and moved on with their own lives. Robert Fischer was the only one she spoke to regularly, though it was far from a friendship. With the cat in her arms, she turned to the other side. But what if she had feelings for him?

Maybe she should tell him. But wasn't that too much? He was still her boss, after all, and there were probably plenty of women who were interested in him.

She quickly pushed the thought aside and closed her eyes.

Robert Fischer turned curiously when he heard the quick clicking of heels in the corridor. Panting, his assistant opened the door and dropped her bag on the desk.

"Miss YN, are you okay?"

Her hair was messy, her coat hung loosely over her shoulders as if she hadn't had time to put it on properly, and her lipstick was a little smudged.

"I… overslept," she said, panting. "I'm sorry."

Fischer looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "It's okay. But it shouldn't happen again."

"Of course not, sir," she replied immediately.

He quickly disappeared into his office and returned with a thick stack of papers and a folder.

"Would you be so kind as to sort these documents alphabetically for me? They've been on my desk for days. I know it's not an exciting task."

She nodded and took the heavy pile from his hand. Fischer thanked her and hurried back to his office.

Sighing, she set to work. But with each page, she found her concentration fading and her mind wandering. Her head ached, her eyes burned and she felt incredibly tired. But she tried not to show it, kept working as hard as she could and finally put the sorted file back on Mr Fischer's desk.

Exhausted, she walked back to her office, sat down in her chair and buried her face in her hands. She was shivering and her ears were ringing. Was it because she had forgotten to take her medicine today?

"Miss YN?" she heard her boss' voice.

She turned immediately and forced a smile. "Yes, Mr Fischer?"

"I have an job interview scheduled for ten, would you be so kind as to prepare the conference room for it?"

"Of course, sir."

He stopped halfway and looked at Victoria questioningly. "Are you okay? You look so pale." She nodded quickly, forcing a smile. "Everything's fine, Mr Fischer." Fischer looked at her, raised his eyebrows, then handed her the key to the meeting room and disappeared back into his office.

A strange feeling of dizziness spread through her head as she walked down the long corridor leading to the conference rooms.

What was wrong with her today?

When it started to get dark outside, YN finally turned off her computer and grabbed her bag. The strange dizziness had improved during the day, leading her to conclude that she simply needed a break from work. Fortunately, it was Friday. She knocked gently on Fischer's door, as she always did before leaving, to wish him a pleasant evening. He was sitting there as usual, his chin resting on his hand, deep in thought. He glanced up briefly and nodded politely, noticing her in the doorway. He looked stunningly handsome today, even after this long and exhausting day.

"I didn't ask you how the job interviews went this morning," she asked curiously. Fischer shook his head. "Terribly," he said. "None of these people I'd want in my company." His voice was cold and dismissive, and for a moment she thought he was referring to her, even though she knew he meant someone else. She smiled awkwardly and shrugged slightly. "Well, maybe the next one will be better."

Fischer remained silent.

"Have a good weekend, Mr Fischer."

"You too, Miss YN." He gave her a friendly smile.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend? I know a good restaurant, would you like to join me?" The moment she realised what she had just said, she bit her lip, her face turning red. Had she completely lost her mind? She desperately hoped he hadn't heard what she'd asked, but it was too late. She could see Fischer raise his eyebrows in confusion and stare at her.

"No, Miss YN. I'm not interested. I keep my work and personal life strictly separate." She immediately looked down, embarrassed. Thoughts raced through her mind like a rollercoaster and her cheeks felt as if they were on fire. "I'm sorry, Mr Fischer, I shouldn't have asked you that." She finally grabbed her bag and left the office without another word, feeling Fischer's gaze on her back.

It was drizzling lightly as she walked through the busy streets of London. The cold air did her good and she felt her head clear a little.

Why had she done this? It had been clear from the start that a man like him would reject her. But the words had come out of her mouth as if she had completely lost control. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and quickly wiped it away. She didn't want to have a mental breakdown in public, even though it felt like Fischer had torn her heart into a thousand pieces. Suddenly the strange dizziness returned and her vision blurred slightly. The sounds of London became muffled, as if she were incredibly far away.

Miss YN, wait!" she suddenly heard a voice behind her that seemed to be getting closer.

She turned around. The dizziness had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Startled, her eyes widened as she saw the person in front of her - it was Mr Fischer. What was he doing here? Had he followed her? She tried to speak, but all she could manage was a hoarse stutter.

"I wanted to apologize, Miss YN. It wasn't very nice of me to brush you off like that," he said with a gentle laugh. His voice sounded strangely different, softer than usual. Wordless and spellbound, she stared into the pair of light blue eyes before her, apologetic and gentle in their expression. She knew Mr Fischer had blue eyes, but she'd never noticed how incredibly bright they were.

"It's okay, don't worry," she managed to say, her knees shaking with excitement.

"No, no, Miss YN. I'll think about the dinner offer, okay? Just because we work together doesn't mean we can't have dinner together, does it?" Fischer suggested, and she nodded slowly, then smiled.

Why this sudden change of mind?

"Well, see you soon." He waved goodbye and YN, still completely confused, raised her hand in response. But before she could form another thought, he had disappeared into the crowd.

Carefully, YN pressed the shutter on her old camera, focusing the lens on the small lake in front of her. Satisfied, she lowered it. She was confident that this snapshot would turn out well. This park was a place she often visited to clear her head and pursue her passion, photography, as it offered many beautiful subjects. Especially now, in autumn, when the trees were covered with colourful leaves and the silence was slowly descending, with only the occasional pedestrian passing by.

Her dizziness had eased a little, but not completely. Fortunately, it was Saturday and she had the whole day to herself. YN sat down on a bench under a tree that looked to be at least a hundred years old.

She sat there for a while, lost in thought. Eventually she got up and made her way to the West End. The streets of London were noisy and busy as she walked, looking for a warm place in a café and something to eat. Crowds of people rushed past her, music played from somewhere and loud voices filled the air. Exhausted, she rubbed her temples. Maybe she should have stayed home and rested.

Suddenly she held her breath as she spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Dark hair, high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes. Fischer. But before she could think, he had already noticed her and started to smile at her.

"Miss YN, how nice to see you! What a coincidence!"

It was the first time she had seen him in his casual clothes rather than one of his business suits. But this was no less elegant and stylish. He was wearing a well-fitting black coat, a grey knitted jumper underneath, black trousers and leather shoes. It was so strange to see him outside his office at Fischer Morrow Company. Suddenly he didn't seem so unapproachable and distant anymore.

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously.

He paused for a moment. He seemed to be considering whether or not to tell her.

"I brought my little girl to her friend's house for a sleepover. She's been asking me for weeks because her mum won't let her."

"So you're a cool dad," YN replied.

Fischer rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who lets her get away with everything. We had to turn back twice because she realised she had forgotten her favourite stuffed animal and her toothbrush."

She laughed softly. In a strange way, she enjoyed him talking so openly about his life.

"Oh wow, that looks amazing. It's quite old, isn't it?" Mr Fischer pointed to the camera around her neck. "From the 1960s. But it takes incredibly good pictures for that time," she explained. Fischer seemed genuinely impressed. "Do you have more like it?"

"I have quite a few. From the 50s to the 80s, actually, and of course some modern digital cameras. Photography has been my passion since I was a child," she explained. Fischer looked at her with an interested smile. "So there's actually film in there that needs to be developed?" she nodded in confirmation. "Some photo shops still offer that service, yes."

Mr Fischer seemed genuinely interested in her hobby, asking her questions about it as they walked side by side through the streets of London. She felt incredibly comfortable in his presence and hoped he wouldn't leave so soon. Finally he pointed to the camera again. "Would you take a picture of me, please? I'd like a 60's style photo of myself." YN's heart began to race in her chest. What had he just said?

"Of course, Mr Fischer," she replied nervously. "Robert. My name is Robert," he replied. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, completely surprised. No one at Fischer Morrow Ltd called him by his first name, and outside the company she had only heard his uncle, Peter Browning, call him Robert.

"Let's find a nice spot for the photo," he said, letting his gaze wander until it settled on a beautiful fountain.

Carefully, she picked up the camera, took a few steps back and held it directly in front of Robert's face. "Smile, please," she instructed him, finally pressing the shutter.

A pedestrian who had just passed them looked at YN with a confused expression and shook his head. Frowning, she looked after him before carefully tucking the camera into her handbag.

Are you hungry?" asked Robert. "We could go to a restaurant."

Surprised, she looked at him. "I don't know…" she said hesitantly, chewing her lower lip. In fact, she had never expected to be asked such a question.

He looked at her with raised eyebrows and she could see the disappointment in his eyes. Finally, she worked up the courage to say what was on her mind.

"It's just… To be honest, you told me yesterday that you were someone who kept your work and personal life strictly separate. Maybe it would be better if we did. After all, I'm your employee."

As much as she wanted to spend time with him, she was afraid of developing any more feelings for him. Robert nodded slowly and shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

"I really like you. I just never wanted to show it, that's why I was so reserved with you and told you I wasn't interested in you".

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as a ton of thoughts went through her head. Robert finally nodded at her with a slightly disappointed look on his face and turned on his heel.

"Wait!" she called after him.

He stopped immediately and looked at her hopefully.

"Let's give it a try, shall we?"

YN… is that a French name?"

Robert's voice sounded slightly tipsy as he grinned curiously at her, twirling his wine glass casually in his hands. The plate in front of him was empty and he had now carefully placed the cutlery on it, waiting for a waitress to take it away.

He had taken her to a rather fancy and expensive place, the walls were dark wood panelling, the chairs were covered in red velvet and soft jazz music was playing on one of the radios. Robert looked hauntingly beautiful that night. His skin seemed incredibly soft and flawless, his jawline even more prominent, and his blue eyes shone almost ghostly in the dim light, almost like he wasn’t real…

She smiled, nodded and took a sip from her glass. "My father is French. I grew up in France but moved to England when I was 15."

He nodded with interest, rubbing his chin with his forefinger.

"And you? I heard you're Australian," she asked curiously.

Robert laughed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Well, my accent makes it obvious."

YN blushed and looked down at her plate. What a stupid question.

But Robert didn't seem to mind too much, because he started talking about his life in Sydney, how he had finally moved to London after his father's death, and she listened with interest.

But suddenly he stopped and looked at her thoughtfully. "But I'm probably just boring you."

YN immediately shook her head. "No, you're not," she told him. "I find it really interesting to find out all this about you."

At that moment a waitress came to their table with a smile and asked YN in a friendly tone if she had enjoyed her meal. But the waitress paid no attention to Robert, YN noticed with surprise. Perhaps she was just being extra polite to the lady.

YN's date pulled out a black leather purse and rummaged through it. Quickly, YN pulled a few notes out of the bag and handed them to the waitress. "Keep the change," she said.

The waitress looked at her with wide eyes, "Thank you, ma'am," she said gratefully, "have a nice evening.

Then she turned and left the table.

"You didn't have to do that," Robert said. "As a gentleman, it's actually my job to pay."

She shook her head in amusement. "I bet that's never happened to you before, has it?"

Robert shook his head and took the last drink from his glass. There was a moment of silence between them.

"All right. So what's the plan for the rest of the evening?"

She looked at him in surprise. As soon as he said the words, she felt a tingle in her stomach.

The church clock struck twelve as she crossed the street hand in hand with Robert. It was freezing, and she had pulled her scarf so far up her face that only her eyes and nose were visible. Her date looked at her with amusement. "Are you going to rob a bank?" he asked, laughing out loud.

"Shh!" she snapped at him, putting her fingers to his lips. "You'll wake up the whole neighbourhood."

Although it was quite dark and she could only make out Robert, she knew that his typical mischievous grin was back on his face. She pulled him firmly behind her until they reached the small white building.

"Is this where you live?" Robert asked.

She put her finger to his lips for a second time until Robert stopped talking and looked silently into her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she finally stood on her toes, put her arms around his neck and placed her lips on his. Robert returned the kiss without hesitation and gently pulled her into his arms. YN could hardly believe what was happening. It was everything she had secretly wanted for months. They remained like this for a moment before she finally let go of him and reached for her key.

She felt for Robert's upper arm and finally pulled him into her apartment, closing the door behind him. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and began to kiss him again. His lips were a little cold and tasted of wine. Together they stumbled backwards into her bedroom, taking off his coat, which she tossed carelessly to the floor.

Robert's fingers stroked carefully along her hip and fumbled a little with her belt while she was busy planting little kisses on his neck. With slightly trembling hands she pulled his jumper over his head and Robert took her hand.

"Are you nervous?" he wanted to know. She remained silent.

"Don't be," he whispered softly into her ear, taking her in his arms again and pulling her onto the bed. Breathing softly, she clung to his chest, leaned back and finally closed her eyes as she felt his warm skin against hers.

The sun shone through the half-open curtains, creating a narrow, bright streak across the floor. Blinking, she opened her eyes and stretched. But immediately a sharp pain shot through her head again and she held her forehead tiredly. Confused, she sat up and tried to remember what had happened yesterday.

But when she heard soft breathing next to her, she turned quickly and all the events of last night came back to her. Smiling, she looked over at Robert, snuggled up next to her in her beige blanket, sleeping peacefully. Tenderly stroking his messy hair, she lay down beside him again and then began to caress his chest. Perhaps what they had done was wrong. After all, they were two people who should never have fallen in love. But it had happened, and it felt so right. They remained in this position for some time, Robert asleep and YN lost in thought.

Her eyes swept through the bedroom until they settled on a small white box on her dresser. Quickly sitting up, she reached for it and put a small pill into her mouth. Eventually, Robert began to move a little beside her, opening his eyes tiredly. Smiling broadly, she gave him a small kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Good morning," she whispered.

"Good morning," Robert murmured in a raspy morning voice.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes, wonderfully." He yawned loudly and took her into his arms as she laid her head lovingly on his shoulder.

"Wait, what time is it?" he suddenly wanted to know.

"Quarter past ten, why do you ask?" she replied.

"Shit," Robert muttered as he let go of the hug, jumped out of the bed and started to pick up his clothes, which were strewn all over the floor.

"Wait, wait, where are you going?" she asked, looking at him in confusion.

"I should've picked up my daughter by now," he replied, hurrying to get dressed.

Sighing, she pulled the blanket around her a little tighter. "Can't it wait? Can't you stay for breakfast?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm sure she's already waiting for me.“ Robert dodged her questions, grabbing his coat on the floor and sighing when he saw her disappointed look.

He walked slowly towards her, stroking her chin with his finger, and finally whispered: "We can catch up later." Then he put a soft kiss on her lips before turning around and disappearing through the door. She sank back into the pillows and pulled the blanket over her head.

The rest of Sunday flew by. Mostly because her mind was on Robert and she could hardly wait to see him again tomorrow at work. She had probably never looked forward to a Monday in her life as much as she did that day.

The next morning, YN carefully applied her lipstick and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She noticed that the collar of her white blouse was a little crooked and quickly adjusted it. She wanted to look her best for Robert today, so he wouldn't change his mind and lose interest in her.

Humming softly, she put on her black high heels and grabbed her handbag. She quickly put another pill into her mouth and put the box in her bag. Her headache was completely gone and her head finally felt clear and light again. In a good mood, she breathed in the fresh morning air and made her way to work.

Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked down the familiar corridor of Fischer Morrow. The lights were on in Robert's office. She ran a final hand through her hair, smoothed her blouse and opened the door to her own office.

The air was stuffy and hot. Coughing, she ran to the window and opened it.

"Good morning, Miss YN, I hope you had a nice weekend," a familiar voice sounded from behind her.

Startled, she turned to see Robert's face as he stuck his head through the door, as he always did.

Why didn't he call her by her first name? Confused, she stared at him, trying to form a clear sentence. "But… But… we spent it together…" her voice finally broke. Her head suddenly hurt again.

He seemed so different again. Not the Robert she had spent the weekend with, not the one who had apologised for being too rude to her, not the one who had made her laugh and told her about his life. He seemed more like the one she had worked with for months, the one who never revealed anything about himself.

"Miss YN? I haven't seen you since Friday, when you left my office after… asking me that question."

Her heart almost stopped. Suddenly her knees gave way and she sank to the floor.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling unwell?" Concerned, he bent down to her. "Do you want to go home and rest?"

She nodded slightly and wiped a tear from her eye, which had turned her fingers black from the carefully applied mascara. Then she got up and left the office.

At home, she lay motionless on her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't think straight and her throat felt incredibly dry. The door to her room, which was only ajar, opened gently and something small and white slipped through. Sniffling, she stretched out her arms and lifted her cat onto the bed.

Everything that had happened that weekend had been fake. She had made it all up. And all of this happened because she had forgotten to take the pills she was taking for her delusions. Robert hadn't really followed her on Friday evening; it was all a figment of her imagination. While his real self was still sitting in the office, probably not thinking about her at all. Everything suddenly made sense: why Robert looked a bit different, why his voice sounded different, the waitress who ignored him on Saturday because she couldn’t actually see him, the pedestrian who gave her a confused look because she was talking to herself while taking the photo.

The photo.

She immediately got up, put on her shoes and walked to the photo shop where she had left the film to be developed. Her heart raced as the staff handed her the envelope with the photos. Trembling, she finally grabbed the Saturday night photo, without looking at it herself, and held it up to the staff's face. "What do you see?" she asked.

The young man looked at her in confusion, but remained polite. "The fountain at Piccadilly Circus. Great picture, it turned out really nice."

"Anything else?" she asked.

"No, ma'am," he replied, and it felt like a slap in her face. Fischer had never been there with her. Only her lonely and sad mind had led her to believe that he was interested in her and loved her. Tears welled in her eyes and she left the shop without another word. When she got home, she immediately took the white box of pills from her handbag, rushed into the kitchen, opened the box and poured the pills into the bin.

Crying and with burning eyes, she finally lay down on her bed and buried her head in the pillow as her cat purred softly beside her. She must have stayed like that for hours, as the sun began to set again outside her window. When she finally lifted her head and wiped the tears from her face, she saw a dark-haired man sitting beside her bed, looking at her lovingly with his pale blue eyes. A smile suddenly appeared on her face and she began to laugh, pulling the man into a tight embrace.

some explanations because i know that story is kinda mind-fucking:

• Is Robert Fischer all a creation of the readers mind?

- No he actually exists, he’s her boss and she‘s in love with him, so she imagines dating him.

• When is he real, when is he fake?

- The version Robert Fischer in the office is real, he turns her down when she asks him out, leaving YN heartbroken. The moment she leaves the office, she starts to imagine what it would be like if he apologised to her, so the man who follows her is just her imagination. The real Robert Fischer is still in his office at Fischer-Morrow.

When she visits the city on Saturday and meets "Robert" and goes on a date with him, it's also just her imagination. That's why other people react to her with confusion, because she's basically talking to herself all the time. On Sunday morning, when she wakes up next to him, he's still fake. When she takes her pills, he quickly "disappears" (he says he has to pick up his daughter...) because they stop her delusions.

On Monday morning, when she gets back to her office, the real Robert Fischer is there again, who hadn't seen her since he had rejected her on Friday evening.

When she gets home, she throws away her pills and her delusions begin again. The man who sat next to her on the bed and comforted her is again the imaginary version of Robert.

[montammil]

CW: Caretaker-turned-Whumper, Carewhumper basically, Caretaker calls Whumpee little one, inhuman Caretaker, murder (not descriptive but there), just overall violence, briefly mentioned pet whump, male Caretaker

...

Whumpee runs as fast as they can, falling multiple times onto the ground and getting mud all over them, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is getting away from Whumper. They don’t even know where they’re running to, they just hope they get somewhere, anywhere where Whumper can’t find them.

They grow tired and look behind them after what feels like hours of running. There’s no sign of Whumper anywhere, but they don’t let themself grow comfortable yet. They hear what sounds like a waterfall, and stagger towards it, relieved when they find water.

Crouching down, they put their hands into a bowl shape and put it in the running water, sipping from their hands. It feels soothing to their raw throat, aching from breathing so hard. They drink the whole thing, then splash some water on themselves to clean off the dirt and sweat.

Something catches their eye, what looks to be the opening of something underneath the flowing waterfall. They stand and squint, to see it looks almost like an entrance of something, light coming from the opening, reflecting off the water gently.

Curiosity takes hold of them and they make their way under the waterfall’s cave entrance, careful not to slip and trying to avoid getting wet.

Whumpee blinks in surprise when they see it looks actually nice inside, not just like a normal cave. There's definitely someone living here, because there's two torches on each side of the wall, there's a bunch of blankets of what looks like animal furs, and a small collection of shiny crystals and rocks in the left corner of the cave, a boiling large pot next to it. For a cave, it’s shockingly lively.

They want to stay so badly, because they doubt Whumper would find a way in here, but the thought of someone worse living here and not taking so kindly to their intrusion sounds almost just as scary.

As they back up, they bump into someone. Their first thought is of Whumper, so they bolt to the other side of the cave, hiding their face.  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don't--”

“Why on earth are you sorry, little one?”

Whumpee immediately lifts their head at the smooth voice to see what definitely is not a human. They have black antlers and large black wings to match. Whumpee is sure they bumped their head or something, eyes going wide. 

The person in front of them seems confused as well, tilting their head slightly to one side.

Nervously, Whumpee looks back down. “Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude, just taking a breather. Bye--”

“Hold on,” the strange being interrupts. “You’re hurt.” He extends his hand out, and Whumpee flinches back until they bump against the wall again. “No need to fear me. I don’t have any ill intention towards you. I just want to help.”

Whumpee once again meets his gaze. He seems genuinely worried, but Whumpee is still more focused on the fact he has wings and antlers, not to mention the strange green aura around him. He also has long black hair, it looks strangely majestic. They let the stranger look over their injuries, watching in awe as he quietly clicks his tongue, shaking his head at each injury across their skin.

“Did someone hurt you?” he asks. His voice sounds somewhat angry.

“I-- I think you already know the answer,” Whumpee responds. 

Nodding, he says to himself quietly, “Well, that won’t do...” He extends a hand, smiling gently. “My name is Caretaker. What’s your name, little one?”

Whumpee feels somewhat comforted by the nickname, Whumper having called them nothing but insults. “Whumpee.” They eye his wings and antlers, but don’t have the courage to ask about it. It’s so strange, this all feels like a fever dream.

Caretaker stands and gathers some herbs from the satchel he has over his shoulder. “I’ll get to work, you just sleep, Whumpee. You look exhausted.”

“But--”

“Hush, now. I won’t let any harm come to you. Just rest, I’ve got you.”

Though Whumpee doesn’t know whether or not to trust him, they decide they have no choice. They don’t want to continue aimlessly wandering around, especially when their body aches as much as it does right now. 

Whumpee takes their chances and decides to trust Caretaker, even if they still have not a single clue what is happening right now.

...

“Good news, you’re healing!” 

The excited voice makes Whumpee jump, still thinking they’re back at Whumper’s. They blink a few times at Caretaker, still in shock to see he’s real. They look down at their wounds to see each cut and even their old scars fading into their natural skin color.

“How?” they mutter disbelievingly.

“It was quite simple, once you’ve been alive as long as me, it gets easy as--”

“No, I mean... just how? How are you real? What are you?”

“Oh.” Caretaker chuckles. “My species doesn’t have a name, we never really came up with one. Humans called us monsters, but I don’t know if I like being called that. I think that’s a better term for awful people, like whoever in their right mind did this to you.”

A shaky sigh comes from Whumpee’s mouth. “So, what are you? Like, immortal?”

Caretaker looks like he’s pondering that. “Well, not immortal. I guess my kind just lives for a long time. I’ll be honest with you, little one, I don’t know much more about my species than you do. The only thing I’m certain of is if I were to show myself to humans, I’d be done for.”

“So why’d you trust me?” Whumpee asks next.

“Trust is a strong word. I just couldn’t ignore you while you’re clearly injured and alone in the woods, looking exhausted and scared. Besides, I get lonely here. I’ve been here for a very long time.”

Though this is all nonsense to Whumpee, they start to come with terms this is real. “Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

“You apologize frequently, don’t you? Well, there’s no need. I want to help and take care of you. Whoever did this to you will no longer be a threat. I promise.”

Whumpee relaxes and slumps against the cave wall. They still feel exhausted from running, and soon Caretaker has a wooden bowl of water he likely carved himself, and some fur blankets being draped around them.

“Whumpee! Whumpee, where are you?!”

That voice makes Whumpee jolt. They look at Caretaker, horrified, and that’s all Caretaker needs to know. He doesn’t look scared in the slightest, but rather angry. That’s the first hint of anger Whumpee’s seen on his face ever since they arrived.

“Whumpee, come out! I’ll give you five seconds. You aren’t fooling me.”

A quiet sob cracks from Whumpee’s throat. Do they have a tracker on them, or something? That must be the only reasonable explanation.

“Stay right there. I’ll take care of this.” Caretaker gives them a smile, then exits the cave.

Whumpee doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Scare them? Hurt them? Kill them? They feel bad for not really caring too much, as long as Whumper leaves them alone.

When they hear Whumper scream, they cover their ears and squeeze their eyes shut. They try to block out the screams, but Whumper always had a naturally loud voice. Even with their hands against both ears, it feels like Whumper’s voice is bursting their eardrums.

After about a minute, the screaming abruptly comes to a halt.

“Are you alright, little one?”

Whumpee lifts their gaze like they’ve done so many times before in the past couple of hours, and sees Caretaker covered in blood. They avert their gaze, not wanting to look at it. Part of them feels scared of Caretaker, even if they know by now he wouldn’t hurt them.

“Oh, do humans feel ill at the sight of blood? My apologies. I’ll go wash up.” 

Whumpee doesn’t move an inch and waits for Caretaker to come back. They feel relieved to see Caretaker come back a few minutes later with a new change of clothes, and the old ones probably sitting outside to dry.

Caretaker frowns and kneels down in front of them. “Why are you crying, Whumpee?” His face is pinched with concern.

“I just...” Whumpee cuts themselves off, shaking their head. “It’s nothing.”

“Alright.” Caretaker changes the subject and puts on a smile. “That aside, what would you like to eat? I don’t believe I’m familiar with any human foods, but I can make a shocking amount of things with my limited sources.”

Deciding to drop it as well, Whumpee says, “Whatever you want.”

...

A week passes, and Whumpee’s wounds have healed completely, the cuts and bruises invisible, and their old scars so faded you’d have to squint to even notice them. They’re very grateful to Caretaker, but in the past three days, they’ve noticed there’s something... off about Caretaker.

When they wanted to leave to go get a drink themselves, Caretaker almost got angry and insisted he’d do it for them.

Another time, they mentioned their friends, and Caretaker told them, “But I’m your friend now, aren’t I?” 

Earlier today, they tried standing to which Caretaker panicked and sat them back down, demanding them to stay down, that they’re still too fragile.

Whumpee feels like they’re with Whumper again. Just a strangely more affectionate, gentle Whumper, but still Whumper.

“I think I’m ready to leave,” Whumpee tells Caretaker that night. “All my injuries have practically healed all the way, and since Whumper is gone--”

“Leaving?” Caretaker repeats incredulously. “Little one, must I remind you Whumper isn’t the only threat out there? What if someone else hurts you? Not only that, but you’re still in the middle of the forest. You’re vulnerable, injured or not.”

Even though his words are a direct contrast to Whumper’s, it still feels like them. Whumpee doesn’t like it at all.

“I already made it this far, and I can’t just stay here forever.” They stand and before Caretaker can push them down, they put their hands on his chest, which is almost above their head due to just how tall he is. “I’m fine. I can walk fine, I’m perfectly healed now.”

Caretaker’s eyes become empty. “Thanks to me.”

“Yes, thanks to you. Thank you for healing me, but I’m really fine, so--”

“You owe me.”

Anxiously, Whumpee chuckles. “Uh, what?”

Before they have a chance to react, Caretaker kicks them to the ground. Not only are his legs longer, but he’s stronger than even Whumper. Whumpee cries out in pain and looks up in total horror, unlike the other times they looked up at Caretaker.

Caretaker steps on their chest, not putting his total weight down because that’d kill them with no doubt, but enough to make it a struggle to breathe.

“You aren’t leaving,” Caretaker mumbles. “Say you won’t leave. I took care of you, I nursed you, I healed you. You owe me this. Don’t humans value thankfulness?”

Whumpee claws at Caretaker’s pant leg, wheezing, “I won’t leave, just please-- stop--!”

Seemingly satisfied, Caretaker lifts his boot from their chest and smiles. “Good little one. See? That wasn’t so difficult, was it?” He pets their hair, like he views them... like a pet. Just like Whumper did.

“You’re just as bad as Whumper,” Whumpee cries. They clutch their chest, which hurts from how hard Caretaker was pressing down on them.

Caretaker grows an angry expression. Though they’ve never mentioned Whumper’s name, Caretaker doesn’t need an explanation. “No, I am not. They hurt you. I healed you.”

“Before hurting me!”

“And I’ll heal you again.” Caretaker’s wings spread, bringing Whumpee into a tight embrace, unable to escape. “And I’ll continue if you try to leave me. Humans are weak, I’ve heard. Easily breakable. From the looks of it, you’re more delicate than the average human.”

Though Whumpee wants to curse him out, they still feel too much emotion mixed with pain to do anything more than cry.

“Please don’t cry,” Caretaker coos, wiping their tears with his clawed hand. “I’m not really hurting you if I’m healing you completely afterwards, right? It’s only a temporary pain, only temporary wounds.”

They try to claw away from their embrace, but Caretaker’s arms and wings only tighten around them in response.

“I understand you’re scared, but there’s no need to be. I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe. Not a single thing in this world will stop me.”

[floralhuqzz]

Apology.. (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader)

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

warnings: a bit angst

🦇author : I apologize if theres any misspelled words, english is not my first language:)

♱

“Im just tired you know?..” ive been on the phone with my best friend for hours now.

“you just gotta tell him how you really feel y/n,, you can just be ignoring what he does to you and not tell him that its affecting you.” she was right. This past month Johnnie has been almost completely ignoring me, always coming home late, and barely spending time with me… At first i thought I was the problem but what could ive possibly done wrong? Ive been nothing but worried about him, but he keeps refusing to talk to me.

“I just…I just dont get it.” i looked sad, and how couldn’t i? i WAS sad,, Ive been dating Johnnie for 2 years now and he is acting like a total stranger.

“if something happens you know you can always stay at my place y/n” she kindly smiles

“i know… thank you so much… you’re re the best” i smile back

I hear the front door open, “it must be Johnnie” i thought to myself

“Johnnie’s here ive gotta go i love you” i whisper

“ok good luck honey” she smiles as she hangs up

I stand up from my bed and walk out of mine and johnnies shared bedroom..

“Hey babe” he says as he walks towards me to give me a kiss

“hey” i kiss him back and as i was about to walk away he takes me by my arm

“hey whats wrong?” he looks at me confused but i could still feel the worry in his eyes

“what do you mean? im good.” i look at him

“you dont look good to me, just tell me whats the problem” he sounded a bit angry now

“whats wrong with ME?” i point my finger to my chest. “Johnnie whats wrong with YOU” i point at him

“What are y-“ i didn’t let him finish his sentence

“You have been acting weird for this past 1 month Johnnie, why? did i do something? tell me Johnnie.. Ive been nothing but kind to you and worried and thats how you pay me back, for gods sake im the only one communicating in this relationship”… I continue now starting to tear up “You have been ignoring me for this past month… We have been together for 2 years Johnnie… Why are you treating me like this? What the fuck did i do to you to deserve this?…” i wipe my tears “i dont deserve this…”

Johnnie stood there without saying a word, he looked sad, did he feel bad?

“Im….im sorry..” he starts walking towards me

“thats the only thing youre gonna say? youre not even going to give me a proper explanation?..” i looked pissed

“Ive been a complete fucking dick head… I shouldn’t have pushed you away..” he puts his hand on my cheek “I thought you were going to leave me..thats why i distanced myself..”

“why?…”

“i kept overthinking it.. i thought you deserved someone better than me and i freaked out and…completely fucked it all up..im so sorry y/n im… im a fucking idiot,, i wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave me i-“ i cut him off

“i dont want..to leave you..” it broke my heart he thought i wanted to leave him..how could i? he is the most important person in my life

he looks at me like he wants to cry too

“you dont deserve me…” he tears up

“johnnie dont say that…we will get through this,, okay? but only if theres communication babe… relationships cant work without communication” i get close to him as he nods

“youre right… im sorry..” he hugs me tight

“i love you so much “ i say as i began to tear up again, he takes my face with both of his hands and wipes my tears “i love you more…and again im so sorry ill make it up to you..” he kisses my forehead as i smile.

“wanna go out? go eat?” he asks me “can we just stay here and watch a movie?”i say as i look at him “of course princess, anything that you want” he kisses me.

Finally, it was all over, all those past days in pain,, they’re gone. It almost feels like i can finally breathe now…Me and Johnnie spent the night watching movies and cooking together, catching up since we barely spoke those past few days, it felt good, it felt right…

.

.

.

.

me right now after finishing this fanfic at 3 AM:

[badassomens]

Noah Sebastian x f! Reader

Genre: from friends to lovers, fluff, +18, smut

Warnings: Alcohol, smoking,p in v, unprotected sex, oral sex

Author: I really hope you enjoyed it. This is my first such fic with Noah. And in general, the first big fic. I would also like to remind you that English is not my native language, so I apologize for the mistakes❤️

Part 4

In the morning, after spending the night on the beach, Noah drove you home. After saying a hasty goodbye, he hurried away, referring to important matters.

That was the last day you saw him. He just disappeared. It's like he never existed. You called and texted him, but there was no answer. Mutual friends and acquaintances didn't say anything either.

Your search was unsuccessful. It was only a month later that you found out that someone you knew had seen Noah at the airport that ill-fated day. And all you had to do was hope that he was alive.

~

You were returning home from the store when you saw a familiar figure near your house. You were already beginning to think that it was a hallucination, but as you got closer, you realized that it really was him. Three months have passed, and you still couldn't forget that asshole. Noah, in turn, looked like a naughty puppy. He was standing near the gate of the house, his head down, obviously thinking about something.

"Noah?!" you still called out to the guy, attracting his attention "You... what are you doing here?"

"Hello, sunshine." Noah looks up at you, which literally screams about how guilty he is in front of you "I'm kind of waiting for you here."

"Are you kidding me now?!"

You feel how everything inside begins to boil from the accumulated pain and resentment, and unbidden tears come to your eyes.

"Please wait. Let me explain everything first, and then do whatever you want with me." Noah holds out his hand to you. "And please... come closer, sunshine"

You came closer to the man, restraining yourself so as not to beat him, and then rush into his arms.

"Noah Sebastian Davis, I'm waiting for an explanation! And don't delay it. I'm in a hurry."

"Well... I was flying away on business..."

"Why didn't you warn anyone?! Do you have any idea what my thoughts were when you disappeared?"

"I had my reasons. I needed to be alone."

"Well, if you have to, then stay alone. I've had enough. I have an important meeting.…"

You turned back to the house. Naturally, there was no meeting. You just wanted to show Noah how angry you are at him.

Without saying a word, the man walked up to the motorcycle he came on, took off his helmet and handed it to you, calling out.

" Margot… I beg…"

Turning around, you take the guy's helmet and get on the bike behind him, hugging the guy tightly across his chest.

You missed that asshole too much to refuse at least one trip.

You drove through the streets of the sunny city in silence. You just nuzzled into the guy's back, inhaling such a native scent of perfume and feeling the warmth of his body.

After a while, Noah brought you to his house. You've been here before, but this time he took you to the backyard.

After sitting you down on a wicker chair, the man went into the house and returned after a while with two bottles of beer, one of which he kindly handed to you. You sat in silence for a while, but when she started to escalate, you decided to ask Noah the question that bothered you the most at the moment.

"So... are you going to tell me what made you run away without saying goodbye?"

"You.". He looked at you and turned away, taking a sip of beer from a bottle

"What, I'm sorry? What do you mean, I am?"

"I was scared. So I left."

"I mean, what are you scared?" You absolutely couldn't understand what Noah was talking about and looked at him in disbelief.

"I was scared of a kiss during our sleepover in the car" .

"I still don't understand you..."

"I just thought that maybe the next morning you would understand everything and you would feel disgusted by our kiss." He looked at you, "in case you decide to end our friendship because of this... so I decided not to complicate it all and left."

"God, why are you like this… I remember perfectly well that I was the one who climbed up to you with a kiss. So I owe you an apology." you covered your face with your hands, realizing the absurdity of what happened "I just drank a little too much, and you were imagining something incomprehensible to yourself ... and, by the way, I liked it. I would even repeat it, but only on condition that you don't run away anymore."

"Margot, I'm going to take the beer away from you now, it's a bad influence on you." Noah looks at you seriously for no more than half a minute before he breaks down and smiles.

"Hey, don't be a bore, I was just kidding."

"I was just joking too, sunshine" Noah turns away, but you don't have time to notice how something seems to go out in his gaze.

You were glad that you discussed everything, but after looking at Noah carefully, you realized that he had not told you the whole reason for his escape. Deciding that he would tell you everything later, you did not interrogate him.

You were still sitting for a long time, having drunk more than one or two bottles of beer, when Noah suddenly asked

" Today my friend has a party. Do you want to come with me?"

"In general, I don't mind. Especially with you"

From the author: somehow everything turned out to be messy, sorry

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #310 (Part 1)

I've decided that today's letter is going to be about rice cookers and making snacks. Why? Well… you remember that acquaintance that I can trust about as far as I can throw? He has been asking me about basic life skills every so often, and the other day, he got a rice cooker so that he can make some basic meals for himself. This is a very good thing.

Unfortunately, his parents did not teach him even the most basic of kitchen and housekeeping concepts, like for example, why we don't use hand soap to wash dishes (because some hand soaps will leave residue, and it's designed to wash without damaging the skin oils too much, which makes it ill-suited to removing grease and baked on foods from dishes), and why we don't use metal or melamine foam pads in non-stick pots and pans (both of these things will scratch the non-stick surface, which will lead to cancer-causing chemicals leaching into your food). At this point in time, he is unable to differentiate between a regular sponge (made of plastic or cellulose, which does not scratch most surfaces) and a melamine foam pad (basically sandpaper in foam form; abrasive as hell; mostly used to get tough stains from walls, counters, stoves, refrigerators, and aluminum or ceramic cookware/utensils; not good for anything with a finish you need to preserve).

…This is not a failing on his part. These are not things that one can know unless they're taught, or unless (like me) you're forced to learn them the hard way via trial by fire and getting punished for making mistakes.

There's no such thing as "common sense", because everyone has had wildly different upbringings with wildly different levels of engagement and attentiveness from their parents. This person is not "pathetic", as many people in my world would describe him. Rather, he has suffered a specific form of neglect by which his parents couldn't be bothered to teach him the basics, so they just took care of it for him instead.

I cannot stress enough that this is not "coddling"; this is NEGLECT. This is not him being "spoiled", this is, "teaching my kid how to do things is too hard because I either feel guilty about them doing work, or I have the patience of an angry nest of hornets, so instead of bothering with teaching and doing the emotional work to get over my shit so I can teach kindly and effectively, I'm just gonna do everything for them and disguise it as 'love', 'doting', and 'self-sacrifice' so I can pretend like I can still call myself a good parent and maybe lord it over them later if I feel they owe me something or if they try to hold me accountable for how I treated them. They're not gonna know how to be an adult by the end of it, but I'm just gonna hope they get a spouse who will either tolerate their lack of skills or pick up my slack and teach them for me."

...Related, when a parent fails to set appropriate limits for their child's behavior, this is also neglect; for some reason, though, people like to frame this, too, as "spoiling", and people wanna think that "being spoiled" is a failure on the child's part rather than a failure on the parent's, for reasons I really don't fucking understand, outside of the notion that children are yet another marginalized group of people that everyone seems to hate in my backwards-ass fucking society. And so rather than help the child shore up the skills that their parents failed to teach them, most people, when confronted with a "spoiled" child, will default to despising, shaming, and punishing them, as though the circumstances they were born to are their fault. It's absolutely fucking bananas.

When parents do not establish reasonable, natural consequences for harmful behavior, and when parents do not establish reasonable limits for the child's behavior, it forces the child to try to ascertain those limits and consequences on their own, which is a psychologically stressful task that they are literally not equipped to do, because the relevant parts of the brain have not grown in yet.

And if a child is forced to do this for a long time, guess what? It floods their little brains with adrenaline and cortisol, because a young child needs established limits, and so a lack of limits is tantamount to a lack of safety. Adrenaline and cortisol are neurotoxic, and when a child is chronically exposed to these things, it breaks down several key areas of the brain on a cellular level - like the parts responsible for empathy, cause-and-effect, emotional regulation, memory retrieval, and lots and lots more.

Unfortunately, lots of people think that the only way to establish limits and consequences with children is via violence, fear, dehumanization, and abusing the power dynamic between parent and child. Often enough, people who fail to set limits are people who don't want that for their child, but haven't the skills necessary to set limits in non-violent ways.

So people tried to find a middle ground between using coercion and force to discipline one's children, and letting them run amok. And one way to create that middle ground is via gentle parenting.

One of the common misconceptions that people have about "gentle parenting" is the notion that it means you let your kid do whatever they want, and that's not at all true; that is called "permissive parenting", and that's a completely different animal. Gentle parenting just means that you don't dehumanize your child or use fear and violence in order to discipline them.

Instead, you treat the misbehavior as a lack of skills on their part, or as a problem to be solved, and from there, you're supposed to teach the relevant skills or work together to solve the underlying problem, NOT shame or terrorize them until they fall in line, and NOT throw your hands in the air with a nervous chuckle and say "oh well; kids will be kids, lolz!"

...Anyhoot. In an attempt to explain the context of why my acquaintance needed help to use the rice cooker, I've digressed much. Let's get back on track...

I imagine that you are similar in that you weren't permitted to do much for yourself in the way of cooking or whatever else. So I will explain a few basics today, because when you finally get up out of that horrid crater so you can live a normal life (please don't give up!), there's a lot you're gonna need to know.

This is a rice cooker. Or... it's one example of a rice cooker, anyway. This one is mine:

...As you might see from the settings, it can do a lot more than just make rice. It can make porridge, steam things, and even make cakes! I've used the cake function a few times; it's not the greatest, but it's certainly not bad!

Here's what it looks like when you press the big grey button to open it up:

...As far as I know, this kind of rice cooker can only make raw rice into cooked rice; partially cooked rice (or "instant" rice) will get weird. That's because the rice cooker works by having very precise settings programmed in for the rice type, the amount of rice, and the water levels inside. If you try to use partially-cooked rice, it messes with the water content (because partially-cooked rice already has absorbed some water), and because the balance of rice-to-water will be weird, the resulting rice will be weird, too.

...Anyway. The silvery thing is the inner lid, and it comes off so it can be washed:

...Don't try to cook the rice without the inner lid, or else things won't turn out right. Make sure you wash the lid and replace it every time you use it. It's important.

The rice cooker comes with little lines on the inside of the bowl:

...These lines show you how much water to fill it with after you put the rice in. You'll see that the levels vary based on the kind of rice and consistency you want. We'll focus on the white/mixed rice meter for this.

To reiterate, because this is important: rice first, THEN water.

A rice cooker comes with a rice cup. In my experience, the rice cup is slightly different from measuring cups. Don't try to use measuring cups in place of the rice cup.

So you'll take the rice cup and scoop some rice out of your bag of raw rice. I get big ones from the nearby Asian grocery store, because regular grocery stores don't have giant bags like these, and it's cheaper to get it in bulk and store it properly than to get small amounts:

...You scoop it out like this:

...And then you level it off; this is important:

Then you dump it in the rice cooker bowl. My rice cooker can make a minimum quantity of two rice cups, so I did this twice:

...Some people wash and rinse the rice. I don't. I like it to be nice and sticky when it comes out. So what I do is I just take the the bowl out of the rice cooker...

...and fill the rice bowl (NOT the cooker itself!!!!) with water a little bit of the way, until some of the rice grains float, like this:

When I see that, I kinda shimmy the bowl around a little to get the rice to stop floating. The rice cooker works best when all of the rice has settled to the bottom of the rice bowl.

Once the rice is settled, you'll fill the bowl with water precisely to the white rice line that corresponds to how many rice cups you put in. I used two rice cups, so I fill the bowl with water until the meniscus reaches the "2" line:

From here, you'll put the rice bowl back into the rice cooker, close the lid, and press the "menu" button until the little arrow on the screen highlights what kind of rice you want.

...In this case, we'll set it to white/sushi:

Then we press the start button; it'll take about an hour for the rice to cook:

I had bacon in the fridge. And also eggs and natto, and some mushrooms I wanted to use up. So from here, I decided to make the usual thing I like to make for breakfast, when I have the energy to do it!

I started with preparing the bacon. I like to make it in the oven. You get the same results as with a frying pan or a griddle, but... with better consistency and less mess. You'll need a baking sheet lined with parchment paper so things don't stick.

...But as you can see, parchment paper doesn't stay on a baking sheet very easily. So we'll use a physics trick. We just sprinkle a little water on the baking sheet, in little droplets, with an even distribution...

...And then it'll stay on.

I got two kinds of bacon - hardwood smoked and applewood smoked. I wanted to try each to see which one I liked better:

...So I prepared two baking sheets with parchment paper. Then I arranged the bacon on it, changing the orientation for each slice so that it's more likely to fit on the sheet:

We set the oven for 400 degrees F (204.4 degrees C), stick the bacon in for 15 minutes, then swap racks, and stick it in for 15 more minutes. I'll probably opt for 12 minutes and 12 minutes next time, though; the bacon wasn't burnt, but it was very dark. I like it that way, because then it's really nice and crispy! But not everyone likes it like that.

Anyway, I also prepared eggs on the griddle. I used some rendered bacon fat that I've been saving in the fridge:

Once the eggs were done, I cooked the mushrooms on the griddle, too, because there was still some bacon fat leftover. Mushrooms soak up the flavors of whatever you cook them in quite nicely:

Once the rice was done cooking, I flavored it with a little of the chicken juices leftover from the last time I made baked chicken leg quarters:

The heat from the cooked rice melted everything quite nicely, and then I added natto:

I then made myself some tea. I combined that rose tea that I like with the vanilla bean macaron tea:

...Here; you can have some, if you want...

...The different bacons taste different. The applewood one is definitely sweeter. But I couldn't decide which one I liked better; they're both very good!

...But this is not all I did today, no. I had A LOT of energy today, for some reason; I was in very little pain today. So I decided to finally bake J a birthday cake (even though his birthday was in August; it's more than a little late, I know...)!!!!

...I've run out of space for pictures, though, so I'll include the rest in the next part of this letter.

I love you, and I'll write more in just a little bit!!

Your friend, Lumine

[peonierose]

Once (4/5)

**This story takes place before it was revealed that Addison would come back/is alive **

Book: The Nanny Affair & Open Heart Crossover / AU

Characters involved: Sam Dalton (M!MC), Ethan Ramsey (M!MC) and Robin Flores (M!MC)

Part IV of V / Miniseries

Words: 4,000+

Rating: Mature

TW: Cancer, character death, mental illness

Summary: It’s the day of Addis funeral. Thankfully Sam isn’t alone he has his friends and family to be there for him.

A/N: This is in honor of my friend Mira who died from ovarian cancer. May you rest in peace 💜

A/N part 2: @annieruok94 Thank you for proofreading 💚

Music Inspiration: You can check out some songs I posted for @moodmusicmonday Here’s a complete list for all the songs of all chapters 🥰

Part IV

The evening before Addie's funeral started with heavy rain, pelting mercilessly on the windows of our apartment in New York.

Then I correct myself. It's now my apartment, not ours, since Addie…is gone. I lean my head against the cold glass and just breathe out through my nose.

I can hear thunder rumbling in the distance as lightning illuminates the otherwise dark room with white and purple light.

I lift my head and look up.

With my hand in my pocket, I stared outside at the skyscrapers rising high in the air. City lights glow from down below.

I saw my reflection staring back at me in the glass of the window. Looking tired and forlorn. I feel like a piece of me died with Addie. We might’ve had our ups and downs but I love her. No matter what happened.

God, I miss her so damn much.

I look down at the glass of scotch I poured earlier. Losing count of how many drinks I’ve had tonight. Not giving two fucks if I’m hungover the next day. At least it’ll numb my pain for a little while.

I’m swirling the scotch in my hands that I poured myself a while ago. The ice cubes have already melted inside. Watering down the taste of the scotch.

I take a sip, as it smoothly runs down my throat burning its way down.

“Getting shit-faced. Is that how you’re spending your days now, Sam?“

I hear an angry voice. That voice belongs to my non-biological brother Robin. A pain-in-the-ass if you ask me.

Unbothered by his presence I take another sip and keep staring outside.

He comes to a stop next to me. I don’t even look at him. Just continue looking outside. Not seeing anything.

“Anybody home?“ He taunts me.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

“What do you want?“ I ask not caring how I sound.

“Oh, so he speaks? That’s nice,“ he says sarcastically.

I roll my eyes at that. Robin has never been very subtle. I always admired that about him in a way. He’s passionate and doesn’t hold back when it comes to the people he loves.

“Again what do you want?“ I just want him gone and to be left alone. So that I can finish my drink in peace.

That’s when my drink is yanked out of my hand.

“The hell, Rob?“ I glare at him. My voice is dangerously low. But he either ignores that or doesn’t care. I’d say it’s a bit of both.

“What is wrong with you? Addi died and all you seem to care about is getting shit-faced?“ He almost shouts at me. His fists clenched at his sides, anger rolling off of him in waves.

“Do I look drunk to you? No? Then kindly fuck off.“

I’m holding out my hand for him to pass me my glass.

He just scoffs.

“You know what? No. I’m not just going to leave you here. So that you can wallow in misery,“ he pauses for a second, before continuing.

I raise my eyebrows at him. Not care why he’s here. I love him, but right now? I want to get drunk. Not having a heart-to-heart.

Robin continues unperturbed.

“As for why I’m here. Mom called me. Since you don’t know what a phone is these days and how it works. She asked me to check in on you. You ghosted everyone. Our parents are worried. So are Mickey and Mason. Remember? Your kids? Whose mom died?“ He punches the bridge of his nose and breathes out a deep sigh.

My breath hitches at the mention of my boys. But I don't want to talk to Robin, because once I start? I won’t be able to finish. Because I know I’ll break down and weep like a little baby.

So I school my features.

“Our parents? You mean my parents? We're not blood-related, Robin.“

I know that was a low blow. But I just want him gone. If there is no other way than hurting him so that he leaves? So be it.

He inhales sharply at my words. But then a look of understanding and softness enters his espresso-colored eyes.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Sam. You’re trying to hurt me with words so that I’ll leave. Nice try,“ he just looks at me.

“Who says I was lying?“ I raise an eyebrow and bite my inner cheek.

“Really? What would Addi say if she could see you now? Drinking? Being an ass? Pushing family away? That’s not you Sam!“ He sighs.

“I’m not in the mood for a fight.“

I say in response.

He shakes his head at me.

“Color me surprised. I thought for sure, that’s where you were going with your little insults. But what do I know? I’m your not-brother who still gives a damn about you. Even though you act like a complete asshole right now,“ he says.

“Just because I don’t react the way you want me to, doesn’t mean you can just come in here and belittle me. I love Addi. Not one minute goes by that I don’t miss her. The hardest part was to know she won’t make it. Do you know what that’s like?“

My voice is rising. And Robin sighs in turn.

“No, I don’t know. But don’t shut us out, Sam. We all love and care about you and the twins. Let us help. Let us carry some of the burden for you. You’re not alone,“ he places a gentle hand on my shoulder. I don’t instantly shake it off.

Seeming to consider his words carefully.

“Look, Sam. Nobody is trying to make this harder on you than it already is. We’re all just trying to process this and find a way to move on. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Everything you’ve been going through since Addi was diagnosed with cancer. We all loved Addi. And now she’s…gone,“ he sighs at the last word.

I let my head fall overcome with suppressed emotions.

“I was trying to numb the pain. That’s why I was drinking. I was halfway there when you barged in.“

I chuckle but it sounds bitter and sad.

“You could’ve at least offered me a drink. No one should drink alone. Come on.“

Robin attempts a smile, that’s more of a half-smirk. But a small smile creeps into the corner of my mouth and stays there.

He pats my back and I look at my brother. Who is a friend whom I’ve been a dick to, just because I needed to lash out at someone.

Because I’m angry, sad, frustrated and just so fucking tired. As if all these months of pain are pouring out on me. Like heavy rain.

This little cloud of swirling emotions is spinning through me and I don’t know what to do. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should let my family help and carry some of the burden.

I sigh again. So much for thinking that drinking was a good start.

Maybe a vacation or going someplace that doesn’t remind me of Addi would be better instead.

Just to relax and spend time with my boys who are grieving but don’t understand what the fuck is happening because they’re too young.

As Robin and I sit down he looks at me, as if he knows exactly what’s going on inside my head.

“Let’s get drunk,“ he waggled his eyebrows and moved into the living room to find the bottle of scotch I opened earlier. Or was it yesterday? I laugh silently. Not even knowing where yesterday went.

“Aren’t we a little too old for hangovers?“

“Speak for yourself, old man! I don’t have hangovers,“ he gets himself a glass from the cabinet and pours each of us a drink. I watch as the amber-colored liquid fills our glasses.

Clinking our glasses together. We both take a sip.

“This is some good stuff.“ Robin whistles.

I shrug.

“Did you really expect me to get drunk on some cheap liquor? Who do you take me for?“

“God you’re such a snob. But at least I know where to find the good stuff if I ever need a stiff drink,“ he smiles to himself.

We drink in silence. Consumed by our private thoughts.

Robin clears his throat. I look up. He wets his lips looking away. He’s nervous about something.

“Just say it.“

“I heard Addis' parents are coming to the funeral. You never really talk about them. Is there bad blood between you guys?“

He almost whispers the question, as if he’s afraid of how I would take the question.

I take another gulp before answering.

“Not bad blood in and of itself. We just never got along, that’s all.“

Not willing to say more. Robin doesn’t seem convinced.

“There’s got to be more to the story,“ he pushes.

I put my glass on the table immediately, missing its weight in my hands. I lean back in the chair.

“There’s not much to tell. Ever since Addie introduced us there’s been tension. Why? I don’t know. I‘d guess they thought I wasn’t good enough for their daughter.“

“What? You? Not good enough for their daughter? What gives?“ He asked.

“All I know is they come from old money and they probably had someone else in mind for Addie. But she went and married me. Which pissed them off. We never had a peaceful dinner together. One that didn’t end in an argument. They never visited us or gave a damn about Addie. And when Mickey and Mason were born…“

Thinking back to that day. Holding them both in my arms. Those tiny and fragile little humans. My heart is swelling with love.

I knew then and there that I would always love them. Never be their cause for doubt. Yes, I might be strict sometimes. But only because I love them and don’t want to lose them. Like I lost Addi. I take another sip from my drink.

Those boys? They are the most precious gift of all time.

Seeing their smiles every day and being excited about those god-awful experiments? Addie always encouraged them in that regard. I’m smiling to myself lost in thought.

I haven’t noticed the silence that was stretching for far too long.

When Robin’s voice brought me back.

“What’s that smile for?“ He points in my direction with his glass.

“I was thinking of the day when Mickey and Mason were born. And how happy I felt while I was holding them. Being scared of what to do, you know? Then they opened their eyes and just looked at me. It was love at first sight. Holding your child in your arms, it’s incomparable,“ smiling fondly at those memories.

“I’ll take your word for it brother,“ he sips from his drink while glancing down at his watch. He notices my stare.

“Hot date?“ I ask curiously.

He almost chokes on his sip.

“Yeah, right.“

I smirk.

“Don’t tell me you’re losing your touch?“

“No. I’m just busy.“ That is all he says.

I arch an eyebrow at that explanation.

“Right. Of course.“

He sighs loudly.

“Don’t be smug, okay?“

I hold up my hands, smiling.

“I’m just looking for something different. So far I haven’t found it,“ he looks into his glass as if it was holding all the answers.

He gets up from his seat and puts down the glass.

“I should be going. I am busy.“

It looks like he wants to say more. Opening and closing his mouth.

He continues in a soft voice. One I don’t hear often.

“Don’t push the people who care about you away. You don’t have to go through it alone. We’re all here for you. Whatever you need. Just don’t shut us out. Please. The twins can’t lose another person. Neither can we. We love you Sam,“ he smiles softly.

About to leave, when I get up and give him a tight hug.

He didn't expect it and stood still for a moment. Then he relaxes and returns the hug.

“Thank you.“ I whisper.

“I’m sorry about earlier…You are my brother, even if not by blood. Family don’t end with blood.“

He takes a step back and just stares at me.

“Are you quoting Bobby Singer from Supernatural?“ he asks, grinning at me.

I smack him on the arm.

“Don’t make me feel weird about this.“ I say.

He throws his head back and laughs out loud.

“Oh my god. Samuel Alexander Dalton. You watch Supernatural?“

I scoff embarrassed.

“So what? A lot of people do. There’s no shame in that. And why are you giving me shit for that? I know Addie got you hooked on it too,“ I flushed beet red.

“What are you talking about?“ He’s trying to deflect the question.

“What am I talking about? When you both had the flu and were sick for almost a week you sat down and watched seasons 1 through 11. Nobody was allowed to talk or say anything about Sam or Dean. Also, Addie told me that you made some friends online and discussed the episodes with others.“

His cheeks are flaming red and he’s trying to flee.

“Okay, I admit it. I love the show. It has great dialogue and Dean and Sam are hilarious. Happy?“

He throws up his hands in the air and asks impatiently.

“Very.“ I smile.

He rolls his eyes at that.

“Oh and Rob?“ I can’t help saying one last thing, as he’s waiting for the elevator to take him downstairs.

“Yeah?“ He turns around expectantly.

I laugh delightedly.

“SupernaturalFan_67? Does that name sound familiar to you?“ I ask jokingly.

“How…do…you…When…What?“ He stammers.

Tapping his foot impatiently on the marble floor as he’s waiting for the elevator.

He’s clicking the elevator button several times for good measure.

“You left your laptop open when you visited that one time, and Addi saw it and showed it to me. We just couldn’t resist.“

I bite my lip to not burst out laughing when I see the dirty look he gives me.

“That’s why those weird comments appeared. You two made those,“ he points an accusing finger at me.

He sighs.

”I thought I was being hacked. Damn, you’re such a dick, Sam,“ he says as he gets into the elevator.

I wink at him and he rolls his eyes but smiles.

He’s mumbling something under his breath which makes me laugh even harder.

Even after the doors close I’m still laughing.

When I sit down again to enjoy the rest of my remaining drink. I see an old record peeking out from the table.

When I lean forward to see which one it is. I see it’s one of Addie's favorites.

Linda Ronstadt - Long, Long time.

Ah. That woman? Such a gifted singer. We’ve always loved to dance to her songs. Whenever we had some alone time.

With some new vigor, I put the record on and the first tunes of the song play out.

»Love will abide«

»Take things in stride«

»Sounds like good advice«

»But there's no one at my side«

»And time washes clean love's wounds unseen«

»That's what someone told me«

»But I don't know what it means«

»'Cause I've done everything I know«

»To try and make you mine«

»And I think I'm gonna love you«

»For a long long time«

»Caught in my fears«

»Blinking back the tears«

»I can't say you hurt me«

»When you never let me near«

»And I never drew one response from you«

»All the while you fell all over girls you never knew«

»'Cause I've done everything I know«

»To try and make you mine«

»And I think it's gonna hurt me«

»For a long long time«

»Wait for the day you'll go away«

»Knowing that you warned me«

»Of the price, I'd have to pay«

»And life's full of flaws«

»Who knows the cause?«

»Living in the memory of a love that never was«

»'Cause I've done everything I know«

»To try and change your mind«

»And I think I'm gonna miss you«

»For a long long time«

Letting the music and lyrics wash over me. Healing some of the fissures that have opened up. Somehow I feel closer to her with every passing note.

Making me smile even though Addie’s no longer here. But her memory will always stay in my heart, and in the crinkle around my eyes.

Telling the story of how we shared a bond and a love for each other that can’t just be broken. The memories we made? They will never fade.

I fell asleep to the sounds of Linda’s song - Long, Long time.

The Next Day…

The funeral happened in a blur. I don’t even know how. It felt as if I was wading through water.

Not seeing anyone or noticing anything. The boys are with my parents. I asked them if they could watch them.

I don’t want them to be exposed to any gossip. There are some at any funeral.

At least at Addis's funeral I can try and control the narrative a little.

They’re going through enough, they don’t need to hear people talk shit about Addie.

I move through the crowd in the living room and smile politely as I make my way toward the table with drinks.

“I’m not a big fan of people either. I hate making small talk. It’s completely unnecessary. Either say what you have to say or shut up.“

A deep voice rumbles next to me, as I’m trying to pick my poison from the array of alcohol.

I turn around slightly, and my eyes widen in shock at seeing Dr. Ramsey standing next to me.

In an all-black tuxedo, a golden square pocket peaking out.

I gape like a fish with my mouth hanging open.

“Surprised to see me? Yeah me too.“

Ethan replies, already nursing a drink. Though when I look down it looks just like plain water.

I look up and raise a questioning eyebrow.

“Dr. Ramsey I haven’t expected to see you. Least of all at my wife’s funeral.“

I’m still staring at him like I’m seeing him for the first time.

He winces at that.

“Just call me Ethan.“

I exhale.

“Alright, Ethan. But then you should call me Sam. Mr. Dalton sounds…“

A corner of his mouth lifts into a smirk.

“Old?“

Now it’s my turn to wince.

“I wouldn’t go that far. Though I feel old today.“ My shoulders droop.

He pats my shoulder encouragingly.

“I know what you mean.“

I nod in thanks.

“Thank you for coming. We’re literal strangers, apart from seeing each other at the hospital that one time….I….mean you didn’t have to come out here. But I appreciate it nonetheless.“ I smile at him.

He nods in the direction of the library. Which is closed off to visitors. Family only.

“Of course. So should we escape the crowd? I think I was promised a drink. Shall we?“ He asked me.

I slowly nod in agreement and lead the way to my family's study.

Once inside I softly close the door. I don’t want anyone overhearing a private conversation. And then later gossiping about it. I’ve had enough of those already.

What is it with certain people who find joy in other people’s misery? I will never understand that.

“They’re worse than the interns.“ Ethan comments.

I look at him in confusion.

He smiles.

“You were mumbling about people gossiping,“ he says.

I close my eyes for a brief second and draw in a long breath. Letting my head fall on the leather couch and just letting the cold fabric cool down the fire in my blood.

“I guess I’m just wondering about how it can bring people joy to gossip. At a funeral, no less. We’re here to mourn Addi and say goodbye. Not to spread rumors and talk bad behind someone’s back, who can’t even defend herself anymore.“

Getting frustrated and angry, I’m trying to rain my emotions in, since I don’t want to explode. Then people would have something to talk about.

I shudder. I don’t even want to think about that. The reactions about my outburst would be awful. My parents would never shut up about it.

Ethan’s voice brings me back to the here and now.

“You know, people will always talk. No matter what you do. I work at a hospital, where gossip spreads like wildfire. Trust me. I’m still amazed I haven’t gone and thrown someone out the window.“

He grunts as he leans into another one of the leather armchairs. Unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt.

I laughed for the first time today, and I’ve got to admit it feels freeing. Not being judged for smiling or laughing, because it’s “inappropriate“. Fuck them.

Addi wouldn’t mind if I laughed today. She’d welcome it.

She’d say ”If someone laughed at some lame joke I made? Yeah, I’d call that a win. Funerals shouldn’t feel like a goodbye. They should feel like a celebration of the person who’s now in a better place.“

She’d be right. So screw them. How do they know how I feel? I grin.

I get up and turn to the glass cabinet in front of me. I get two glasses out and pour each of us a drink.

Ethan takes a sip while I watch his reaction.

“Not bad Dalton. Not bad,“ he takes another sip, this time a bigger one.

“Not bad? I’d hope this was better than not bad. But I’ll take it.“

We sit in silence. But it’s not uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. I lean my head back again and just close my eyes. My glass dangles from my fingers.

Ethan clears his throat slightly.

“So I take it from us drinking at…“

I hear the rustling of fabric, and then “…11 in the morning that we both needed a hit?“

I open my eyes and put my glass down.

“You can say that again. This whole day has been a nightmare.“

I rub my eyes.

“Care to elaborate?“ he asks.

“I don’t know where to start…“ I drift off.

He shrugs his shoulders.

“At the beginning would be good.“ I laugh despite myself.

“Yeah I guess so.“

I draw in a breath, readying myself.

“Addi was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few months back. I still don’t understand how it could’ve gotten to stage 4 without us not noticing anything. It didn’t make any sense. That’s when the fighting started. She…just wasn’t taking care of herself. I tried cutting back at work. So that I could be there for her and the kids, but all it did was make her angrier. She said she doesn’t need a babysitter. She stopped listening to her doctors. She didn’t spend as much time with the kids anymore. I’m not trying to paint her as a bad mom or person. It’s just…“ I trail off.

“You were worried about her,“ he says matter of factly.

“Yeah. Of course, I was.“

I take another sip, the burning sensation a welcoming feeling.

“What about her parents? I didn’t see them.“ He inquires.

“They weren’t really on speaking terms. They barely visited. Mickey and Mason didn’t like spending much time with them. One time Mason said how they always looked down on them. I mean they’re little kids for god's sake.

He nods in understanding. He’s about to say something, when we both hear the door opening and Robin appears in the doorframe. Looking from me to Ethan he just sighs, shakes his head, closes the door, and takes a seat.

“So what are we drinking to today, Sam?“ He asks no one in particular. And then looks in Ethan's direction.

“You’re new,“ he eyes him suspiciously.

“Nice to meet you too. And I was new 36 years ago. Thank you.“ Ethan mutters sarcastically.

Robin looks at me.

“Where did you find him? Is he your new drinking buddy? I thought that was my job?“ He pouts a little. Which makes him look ridiculous.

“I didn’t find him. He’s a doctor at Edenbrook hospital in Boston,“ I reply to his question.

“You still haven’t answered my question,“ he replies.

Ethan and I share a look. He points between us.

“What’s that look for?“ He asks.

“Ethan was there the day Addi died,“ I explained slowly to Robin.

I can see a mix of emotions in Robin's eyes. With a heavy sigh, he plops himself onto the leather sofa. Crossing his legs.

“I guess that warrants an excuse for a drink, pour me one would you?“ Robin asks and I can’t resist teasing a little bit.

“What am I your servant?“ I say.

Robin laughs at me and says.

“You’d make a nice one,“ and holds his hand out for a drink, but I’ll humor him for today. I get up and get him a drink.

We all hang onto our own thoughts and drink late into the night in my family's study.

I’m glad I have my brother by my side and my new friend or as Robin called him “my drinking buddy“.

I smile as we keep talking and exchanging jabs at each other‘s expense. All in good fun of course.

Life doesn’t seem so bad when you have friends and you’ve won a new drinking buddy over.

The smile is still in place as we go home. I ask Robin and Ethan if they want to stay at my parent's place. There are enough rooms to go around.

They both agree and we all head upstairs to catch some sleep.

Because tomorrow is a fresh start into a better day, with my family by my side.

[kookiecrush]

https://www.tumblr.com/kookiecrush/734582102799122432/httpswwwtumblrcomkookiecrush7344726587937423

Pretty sure Tae did post about Golden on social media on release day so why y'all acting like Tae wasn't clearly louder in publicly supporting JKs music and release?

Like this is how y'all switch up sides 🙄 If you don't have a problem with private displays of support then whatever but why undermine the support Tae did show in order to level it? Like hold the same standard and maintain the same line for everyone equally.

And why is JKs solo concert so special to you that all the other members are under some sort of obligation to attend and support it when we've seen other solo promotions where that's not been the case or the expectation?

Kmedia and their hybe source take a lot of the blame for chumming the water but too many of y'all took the bait and now, because it's Taehyung of course, its been framed as a disappointment and letdown that he didn't appear. When it came to Yoongi's concert, the tone was 'oh, it would be a nice lik surprise if ....showed up' but when it comes Tae, it's a let down and disappointment that he didn't attend a show he never said or even implied that he would.

Half of this fandom don't even move for him, the company doesn't move for him, shitty solo stans are literally carrying his solo work---he does not owe anyone shit at this point. Too many ARMY don't actively support him, too many shippers don't actively support him outside of shit that doesn't matter like gifs and fanfics and we all should know damn well that Hybe don't support him by now.

Tae not appearing wasn't a disappointment or a letdown---it was an unfair expectation placed on him in the first place. He's ill and he shot for 6 hrs but ppl are really more surprised that he might have wanted to just take his ass home to rest rather than wave his pom poms at a concert for a member's SOLO work? (Like, the clue is in the capslock)

Tae didn't post for Golden so get your facts straight before you start making accusations. And how is me saying that neither of them posted for each other's albums undermining Tae? I didn't say that he's never posted or publicly supported Jungkook, did I? I've always treated Tae and Jungkook equally, I don't hold them to different standards. You're really barking up the wrong tree here. I can't believe I now have people in my asks trying to paint me as a Tae anti 🙄

Where did I say that all the other members had to support and attend Jungkooks solo concert? Kindly stop putting words in my mouth. I made a lighthearted post about manifesting the other members there. Something that I've ALSO done for the other members' events. I was hoping that the others could show up, I wasn't expecting them to. I certainly didn't think they were obligated to. You're twisting my words, anon.

Now who's "yall?" Because I didn't believe that article about Tae showing up and I definitely wasn't disappointed in him for not going. Am I the spokesperson for all taekookers now? If you have an issue with the people who were let down and disappointed then take it up with them. Why are you even here? There are plenty of people out there who are actually hating on Tae and dragging him yet you're bothering me?

And you're preaching to the choir about how the fandom treats Tae, anon. I've brought up the unfair treatment he receives and the fandom's behaviour towards him several times. I agree that it wasn't fair to place those expectations on Tae about attending Jungkook's concert, and it also wasn't fair to then turn around and be angry and upset at him for not going. I've literally already said this. I don't know what more you want from me.

[faerociousbeast]

COCKTAIL PRINCE MAIN STORY as summarized by fae 😚 this is not the full story as translations are a bit hard to come by, but this is like a pet project to me now. so ill be sure to inform if i do find a continuation anywhere

Aoi, our dearest loveliest main character who I adore SO much..... is severely unemployed. In her own words this is for the workplaces' good as the last five places she worked got shut down due to various reasons usually at least tangentially related to her.

However, her dearest loveliest grandfather is having NONE of it. He makes her a drink, and sends her off to the bar he owns, telling her she needs to get a job somehow.

Upon arriving at her Grandpa's bar, where she has never been before mind you, she is greeted by various colourful men. "Master!" They all say. She soon learns they usually call her Grandfather that, but since she has been deemed the new owner, they will call her Master instead.

Not all of the strange men in the bar are happy about this change, especially.... Martini. He gets angry over the thought of someone replacing the Master of the bar, and attempts to test Aoi on drinkmaking. She doesn't do so well.

But Tom Collins, the "princely" type, tells Aoi to keep her head up. If she would like to keep taking notes and practicing, the bar could have a "pre opening" before opening for real. Several other characters are introduced during this, including Emerald Mist, Gimlet, Screw Driver, and Pink Lady— who is not actually a lady, he just likes cute clothes

After a long day of training, Aoi tells the guys that she is going home, in that direction. "Oh, you don't live there anymore." She is so kindly informed. "???????? What." She thinks in response.

It turns out she now has to live in a giant mansion! With the 20ish other characters who all have a room there. And she's the only girl. And they're all alcoholic drinks self proclaimed, which leads Aoi to wonder if these men are insane or if her Grandfather was. Maybe he was just very particular in what his staff are named?

We get a house tour basically and meet all the other characters... highlights are. Bellini was there at the beginning but he ran off, we find him again at the end and it turns out he was. Hiding in the closet the whole time💀. Adonis gets. Obsessed at first sight I guess???

It's revealed Aoi cannot really cook. Jack Rose and Salty Dog, the pet groomers, ARE indeed friends like I had hoped. While we don't have any canon ages, the twins seem to be the youngest and Kiss in the Dark the oldest, other than Grandpa and his Friend Jeremy

if you would like any other info please ask me 😌 theres a very good chance the answer to your question does not even exist! but IF it does im your best chance at finding it

[giantologist]

Hi Professor Finch! I’ve always had such a fascination with giants, so I’m happy to find someone with my same fascination that is working hard to dispell all the myths about giants. I’d love to know, can you tell us about some of the giants you’ve met on your travels?

So many anecdotes to choose from! One that immediately comes to mind when I think about our large friends is when I managed to stop a nice lady from levelling a village.

The day was crisp and clear, if I remember rightly. Late morning saw folks from all walks of life milling around the sleepy village in which I was staying, on my way to an archaeological site I had been informed of. It was pleasant until a gaggle of worried townsfolk suddenly descended upon me. "You're that giant man, aren't you?! You need to help us! We shall all be killed!" It took me a while to ascertain that there was a 'rampaging' giant not far from the town. Indeed, if I concentrated, I felt the occasional rumble beneath my feet.

What one person might call a rampage, another would call an expression of emotion. Indeed, if I was angry about something, my outburst may be a destructive tirade in the eyes of a mouse. Nevertheless, their directions took me to a glade where a giantess sat, clearly upset about something. She was around 125ft tall, round with soft features, her eyes ringed with red as she clawed frantically at the earth which was already a mess of frantic footprints. I spotted a crimson-streaked crumple of what used to be a gauntlet and cringed at the thought of the poor fellow missing his limb. Still determined, and being urged by terrified villagers, I slid down the rocky slope and into one of her footprints, having to step up out of it.

Cupping my hands around my mouth, I attempted to shout loud enough for her to hear me above her snarls. "Pardon me!" I called in giantish, which often gives an emotionally distraught titan pause. Indeed, she seemed to startle at the odd quiet of her usually loud language. "I don't mean to bother you, but is there anything I can do to help?"

She scrubbed her wrist under her nose and sat back, eyeing me with cautious interest, and I simply placed both hands on my chest as a sign of good intent. She slowly accepted what she saw as a kindly stranger with no ill will, and explained to me that her mother's rough sapphire promise stone had been stolen. I followed her pointing finger to a crack in the rock that led to a small cave system. "I've tried everything to flush the tree-choppers* out!" With a roar, she beat her enormous fist onto the ground, and the shock wave sent me sprawling onto my back. I am accustomed to being shaken from my feet, and have learnt how to fall correctly as a consequence, so I wasn't injured.

"Would you allow me?" I asked her as I approached, and she seemed taken aback by my bravery. If there are two things I always adore, it's giants being pleasantly surprised that a human isn't afraid of them, and humans being horrified at how close I get to such 'monsters'. She expressed some doubt over my abilities, but I gently requested that she fall over as if dead, with a grunt of pain for emphasis. She seemed confused, but shrugged and then obeyed, her form crashing into the ground with a thump that shook the leaves from the trees and a howl of faux anguish that curled my blood. I cleared my throat, switching back to my own tongue to announce: "The beast has been dealt with! You can come out!"

Ah, the chicanery on my part was wonderful, and I was persuasive enough to request that the thieves be turned over to the authorities rather than turned into stains. The giantess, Manaz being her name, was still angry enough to threaten the thieves, but once her jewel was returned to her she was happy to go back home and leave the relieved villagers alone. Of course, I intrigued her with my knowledge of her people, and she decided for me that I was to accompany her to her cave. Not the first time I've been 'professor-napped', and probably not the last! I have since given her a little lesson in interacting with humans, as I often do with those unaccustomed to us.

Regards,

Professor J Finch

* 'trathakan' is a slang term for humans, lit. tree-choppers, referring to our inability to uproot whole trees with one hand.

[raph-has-immersive-daydreaming]

hello! i am @theetherealraphael 's blog for talking about my many, many paracosms and ocs for various fandoms! use he/they/it for me please!

also sam is very much my go to name for self inserts and ocs lmao

list of my ocs under the cut!

original universe:

raphael: an angel with red hair and white wings. my pfp! also my main oc! same pronouns as me!

leaf: an avian with black hair and wings, and white eyes. her hair normally covers her eyes, so no one has seen them. is also in undertale purple. twins with tristan. she/her. girlfriends with amber

tristan: a cat hybrid with black hair and one red eye, one brown eye. normally covers his red eye with his hair in solidarity with leaf. is also in undertale purple. twins with leaf. he/him

amber: a selkie with dark blue eyes and white hair. she/they. girlfriends with leaf. also in undertale purple.

honourable mentions, or ocs that arent mine but are often used in tandem with mine:

raven: my brothers oc, go check him out at @cookie-block or @pizza-hut-official (hes more likely to answer asks on pizza hut tbh lol)

feather: a close friends oc! unfortunately he doesnt have tumblr, but if you guys are interested in his oc ill talk to him about maybe answering a few questions!

my hero academia:

yori: sams older sister and main carer. unfortunately i havent thought of a quirk for her. she/her.

sam: his quirk is shapeshifting, or rather mass movement. he can shapeshift into any animal smaller or the same size as him, or any person. however, he cant shift into people with mutations, ie, tsu. he/him. pre universe destroyed, hes a fairly chill kid who is in 1b. post universe destroyed, however...

ace attorney:

sam: he becomes a fairly angry person. he changes his hair colour to a bright blond, and starts studying to become a defence attorney. eventually, he finds the person who destroyed his universe and kills him. it/its.

the henry stickmin collection:

samael: the leader of angelia, a clan that tries to feed the poor and hungry. very kindly, and always tries to help those down on their luck, but wont hesitate to kill if hes been betrayed. has brown hair.

fnaf:

im. not entirely sure how to explain my fnaf paracosm. its very much an alternate universe lol.

okay ill give it a shot:

sam: got isekaid into the fnaf universe from our universe. he then gets picked up by henry emily, who gives him a place to stay. sam discovers that rather than william afton being the bad guy, amanda afton is the murderer. im not going to spoil too much actually bc im writing a fic for it, ill link it here when i publish it!

tma:

sam: an avatar of the dark, he used to work at the magnus institute and is the only one of gertrudes assistants to survive. he wears sunglasses because hes essentially blind in the light, due to his eyes being reversed (not literally, i just dunno what word to use).

scp:

oh. ohohohphohphohohohoh!!! i have a lot of scp ocs (perks of being a fan for over a year now apparently)

technician moon: my oc for my siblings and mine fan site, site 47! its literally soulless, due to its mother being an anomaly which weirded out the hume levels around her, causing moon to be born with no soul and no emotions. they use they/it, and have a partner called micheal (pronounced my-KEE-al). nicknamed by my other ocs as techy. has white hair.

masky: this ones a bit cringe but. so is everything. masky is a branch that technician moons universe can go down, where moon has a theory that what 035 gets rid of is their hosts soul, so it gives themself up to be a host for 035. luckily for moon, theyre right, which leads to a "two minds one body" sorta situation, where both moon and 035 (later nicknamed skip by moons friends, and "that bastard who lives on my face and doesnt even pay rent" by moon) have to live inside the same body. luckily, their personalities are different enough to know whos talking. their eyes will say whos in control, if their eyes are brown, its moon, if theyre purple, its skip, and if their right eye is purple and their left is brown, its both.

dass: my take on the main character of scp:cb, if he wasnt stuck in a timeloop hed be classified as an scp, due to the fact that he can save anywhere, and reload to that point in space and time if he dies, or, in the case of this specific time loop, if he finished the game. he also has two ghosts following him, michael and ana, both of whom used to be d-class, but died due to various experiments (ana died from scp 009, and is the body you see under the ice in game, michael died from a currently undecided scp). oh yeah, and he can see all the d-class that any specific person has gotten killed surrounding that person.

dash six: my o5 oc, most of the info for them is on my scpverse blog @the-real-o5-6, so go check me out there!

pyleos: honestly my oc thats the most alike me, because in a sense they are me. see, they live in a universe where most scps dont exist, however, there are still two. and one of those scps is some kind of beast, who chases pyleos and his family out of their home. whilst running away from this beast, pyleos and his younger brother get seperated from the rest of their family, and end up in a government adjacent base. the government adjacent people threaten to hurt pyleos' little brother if he doesnt go throught this door (the other anomaly in that universe) that leads to the scp universe, so he goes through. he then spends a year there, and goes through wacky hijinks and shit.

solarballs:

currently unnamed: pretty much my only oc that interacts with canon characters. basically, an agent. has three partners, ana, thomas, and james, nicknamed timmy! works under clef. a system, the alters who tend to front are sam (host), agent (protector) and raphael. agent is also a sub-system (i think thats the term? basically, agent also is another system within the main?).

leyan: an ex-planet from another solar system, called the twos system, because there were two stars, two planets, and two moons. leyan was a rocky planet, who orbited around a brown dwarf called erus. the other star was called cerb, and the other planet was a gas giant callled gali, and he orbited cerb. the two moons orbited leyan, the biggest one was called phonee, the smaller one was perseh. if you want to know what happened to them, ill happily talk about them on my other blog, @might-be-capricorn!

uhhh thats all i can think of for now- if you want more information about any of them lmk!

oh and, unless otherwise specified, all the humanoid characters have brown hair and eyes-

[mortaljortlebortles]

I love Nikita Gill and the splendid sense she makes and this statement resonated:

My home situation involves none of the financial burden- but I have been looked after by two parents who were abused as children

One who cannot speak of his past, or even remember

Who needed control so badly last year that he took to feeding me less when he was struggling or picked up on something.. Even kindly. Who in anger at not knowing where he was going drove recklessly , and who appeared to be trying to scare me at the time(he lost control and we all do). 

And a woman who is ashamed of her mental illnesses and refuses help, but who is irrationally angry, delusional at times and has always needed us to predict her every mood. She tries her best and is so hurt and is kind. But we apologise for actions we didn’t make, mistakes we made that all kids make, for spilling things and for playing in a way which triggered her to think we didn’t love her enough. 

There are always lies, a lack of knowledge of what is true, no ability to predict the level of anger, conversations about the other which you have to support them with and never diss the other even if there is reason to. Never arguments only tears, passive aggression and apologies. 

Their abusers demand complete love and obedience and have since we were small- and we used to be looked after them 3 hours a day.

My parents cannot be wrong or misremember because there is hell on this earth.

Confusion, aggression and losing control to the point of hitting out isn’t okay

And you can love them and know its wrong

You can know someone is ill and still ensure your safety first

It isn’t selfish

And if you like me are mentally ill and do stupid things, thank people for helping you when they don’t remember, share traumatising things, show you are ill, ask for forgiveness because you are told you hurt people and show you need help-in my case

... that isn’t the same as being aggressive or evil or abusive

That’s trying and failing and growing and being alive

You just have to try to be kind and look after yourself 

respect people’s boundaries+ learn from your mistakes rather than shutting up and never ever ever believe you are painful- you are just in pain and need to get help 

( or get let someone you trust help you- tell them what you need not why you need if they or you believe they might feel the conversation too deeply)

though i struggle with these things everyday 

and I am still fighting to be treated

I know its true

and tomorrow is a new dawn and there is always something you can do

Help:Directory of International Mental Health Helplines - HelpGuide.org

United States

Emergency: 911

Non-emergency essential local services: 211

Suicide prevention

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988 or Lifeline Chat

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME TO 741741

Abuse and domestic violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

STAND! For Families Free of Violence crisis line: 888-215-5555

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453

Darkness to Light Child Sexual Abuse National Helpline: 866-367-5444

Stop it Now! Prevent child sexual abuse helpline: 888-PREVENT

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Hotline: 800-843-5678

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656- 4673

Eldercare Locator (a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging) to report elder abuse and neglect: 800-677-1116

National Center on Elder Abuse (NCEA) directory of state helplines

Mental health

National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 741-741

Crisis Support Services national helpline: 800-273-8255

SAMHSA’s National Helpline (substance abuse and mental health): 800-662-HELP (800-662-4357)

Teen Line for youth in need of support: 800-852-8336

National Runaway Safeline for runaway and homeless youth, teens in crisis, and concerned family/friends: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

Self-harm

S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) self-harm helpline: 800-DONT CUT (800-366-8288)

UK

Emergency: 999 or 112

Non-emergency: 111

Suicide prevention

Samaritans 24/7 helpline: 116 123

Crisis text line: Text SHOUT to 85258

Papyrus HOPELINEUK for those under 35: 0800 068 4141

The Campaign Against Living Miserably CALM helpline: 0800 58 58 58

Abuse and domestic violence

National Domestic Abuse Helpline in the UK: 0808 2000 247

Women’s Aid online chat

Respect Phoneline for perpetrators of domestic violence: 0808 802 4040

Respect Men’s Advice Line for male victims: 0808 801 0327

ManKind Initiative for male victims: 01823 334244

National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428

NSPCC helpline if you’re worried about a child: 0800 800 5000

NSPCC Childline for under 18s: 0800 1111

Action on Elder Abuse: 080 8808 8141

Rape Crisis National Telephone Helpline in England and Wales: 0808 802 9999

Rape Crisis Scotland helpline: 08088 01 03 02

Addiction

Frank helpline: 0300 1236600

Drinkline national alcohol helpline: 0300 123 1110

National Association for the Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) free helpline: 0800 358 3456

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) National Helpline: 0800 917 7650

Al-Anon Helpline for family and friends affected by someone else’s drinking: 0800 008 6811

Narcotics Anonymous UK helpline: 0300 999 1212

Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs helpline: 08080 10 10 11

DrugFAM Helpline for those affected by someone else's drug or alcohol use: 0300 888 3853

Families Anonymous (Famanon) Helpline for those who care about someone with a drug problem: 0207 4984 680

Release helpline for help and legal advice about drugs: 020 7324 2989

Dan 24/7 drug and alcohol helpline for Wales: 0808 808 2234

NHS Smokefree helpline for stop smoking services in England: 0300 123 1044

Smokeline for stop smoking services in Scotland: 0800 84 84 84

Help Me Quit helpline for stop smoking services in Wales: 0800 085 2219

Gamcare National Gambling Helpline: 0808 8020 133

Mental health

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Rethink Mental Illness advice line: 0808 801 0525

SANEline national out-of-hours mental health helpline: 0300 304 7000

NHS: 111

Find a local NHS urgent mental health helpline (England only)

Anxiety UK: 03444 775 774

Breathing Space (Scotland): 0800 83 85 87

SupportLine for emotional support on any issue: 01708 765200

Self-harm

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Self Injury Support Helpline for women: 0808 800 8088

ZEST (N. Ireland): 0287 126 6999

The Mix support for under 25s: 0808 808 4994

Republic of Ireland

Emergency: 999 or 112

Suicide prevention

Samaritans 24/7 helpline: 116 123

Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 50808

Abuse and domestic violence

Women’s Aid 24hr National Freephone Helpline: 1800 341 900

Men’s Aid Ireland: 01 554 3811

Childline Helpline Ireland: 1800 66 66 66

ISPCC Teenline: 1800 833 634

Age Action HSE helpline: 1850 24 1850

Rape Crisis Help Ireland 24 Hour Helpline: 1800 778888

Addiction

HSE Drug and Alcohol Helpline: 1800 459 459

Al-Anon Helpline for family and friends affected by someone’s drinking: 0800 008 6811

Mental health

Mental Health Ireland: 01 2841166

Aware Depression & Bipolar Disorder Support: Freephone 1800 80 48 48

Grow mental health support: 1890 474 474

Shine supporting people affected by mental ill health: 01 541 3715

you can always call your emergency services if you need help (or your doctors if you need non-urgent help)!!!

Your children aren’t meant to be therapists for your bad marriage. Your children aren’t meant to be the adults in the house if your partner isn’t home. Your children aren’t supposed to parent their younger siblings. Your children aren’t supposed to fix your financial woes. Putting these demands on children from a very early age is actually a form of abuse.

[mj1343]

Theres not really a point to this post and im not hating on anyone this is kind of just something thats been in my head that i want to throw out there

After the explosion of the Dream SMP (and before anyone asks, i watch it. not as actively anymore but i still tune in every now and then. this is not a hate post) people creating minecraft servers seem to have two ideas in their head-

they need to have lore and need to call it an smp

for the easier of the two- smp??? really?? even when SMP earth and live was a thing i didnt see anyone calling their server smp’s they just called them....... servers. smp feels like such a youtube thing just so they dont have to write Dream Survival Multiplayer like you can call your server by what brings you together or give it a fancy name or litereally just My Server without adding -smp to it

As for the lore thing like... its just minecraft you dont need a plot. i feel like theres an expectation to have /rp and /c whenever anyone talks about any server ever now. I played on a few servers run by the same mods, all of which had loose lore. The servers always had a fantasy name and a big decorated spawn, and one of the mods was super super adamant about building areas and scripting plugins to make custom mobs. We had a swamp steampunk area, a shopping area, a pokemon area where they recreated all of the routes up till the boat from the first game, and they programmed custom mobs for all of them. I collected all the pokemon i could and fought broken down robot clones of the mod because she loved making lore. But like... if i didnt want to interact with it i didnt have to. Nowadays i see servers where you HAVE to have a character sheet filled out to APPLY to join the server. I know not every server is like this but it just makes me wonder like guys.. i understand you want to roleplay and im down for that but it is also Minecraft, a Video Game

like i said theres not really a point to this. im not like. angry at dream smp members or fans or the people who make servers with deep lore or whatever. end of the day its cool i dont really mind and if you want to roleplay thats fine. But like... dont feel like you have to i guess?? is the point? If you wanna play minecraft just play minecraft you dont have to set up a twitch account and call it an smp or spend days writing a script bc it is just a blocks game. anyway thanks for reading my rambling

[questinwitchface]

I'm alright, thank you for asking! I'm doing better this week than I was last week, so that's good. I'm kind of one of those people who hates December, so I'm really trying to find things to look forward to to keep me going lol.

Quarantining with grief sounds like a special kind of hell. I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much at once. No wonder you're so tired! I would be, too. Unfortunately the only thing I can suggest doing for dealing with the restlessness/anxiety of cabin fever is just to try and treat the symptoms until it's over. Body scan/safe space guided meditations (15 minute YouTube video here, if you want a rec), the heart hug, and 4-5-6 breathing all work for me, but you might have other coping mechanisms that work for you. Whatever coping mechanisms you use, I really hope they help ease that sense of stress. You deserve peace.

Survivor's guilt really is a motherfucker. You're absolutely right. I struggled with it years ago after a very personal loss, and it's no fucking joke. It's okay that you're sad and angry. You have every right to be. Having to lose people we love isn't fucking fair, especially when the loss is someone so close to you. It's really important to keep in your heart what she would say to you right now. I know I didn't know her, but I don't think she'd blame you or want you to blame yourself. I know that it's so, so hard to do, but give yourself grace when you feel like it's your fault. You can't force someone to get help if they don't want to, and you can't do the work for someone else. I learned that when my Gramma was dying of cancer and refusing treatment. All you can do is love them the best you can while they're here, and hope the best for them, and I'm guessing you did that. It sucks, but you did the best you could for her. It's not your fault.

I understand what you mean when you say everything feels wrong and odd. There's no comfort for it, and that hurts. The only thing that's ever helped me when I was grieving was to focus on the good memories with the person and to find ways in my daily life to include them, like using my Gramma's old crochet hooks instead of buying new ones, or wearing one of my father's old shirts when I'm painting. It helps me to feel like they're not really gone from me, and it doesn't fix it, but the ache is a little sweeter and a little less painful that way.

Thank you for not thinking I was weird for reaching out. I know it's a little odd coming from a random person on the internet, but I don't like seeing people hurting, and I always try to help or reach out when I can because I know what it is to hurt and not receive any care for it.

I hope you recover from your illness quickly and that you have tons of love in your life to help support you. I hope you can treat yourself as kindly as your sister would've and that you remember you're loved even if you don't feel it right now. <3

Hello dear,

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your loss. I saw your post with all the crossed out text, and I've been there, felt that kind of grief. It's such a heavy burden to bear, especially when you feel like you're alone.

You aren't alone dear. I know we don't know each other irl and we don't even really talk on here, but I care about you. Your content makes me smile. I'm always down to talk or to listen to you vent. I'll sit in that grief with you for as long as you need or want me to because I get how lonely it feels when you've lost someone.

It's okay that you have these feelings. Please don't think I'm trying to invalidate them. I just want you to remember that feelings aren't facts. You can feel survivor's guilt and know that it wasn't your fault. You can feel alone and like no one cares even when it's not true. It's okay to feel these things, but try your best to act on the facts, even when it's so hard to do it.

I'm proud of you for feeling your grief. It's a hard emotion to deal with. I think you're brave for letting yourself experience it instead of burying it. I hope there's comfort in fond memories of your loved one and distraction in your hobbies and love still in your life. I wish you nothing but love and healing.

Take care 💜

Oh, and you don't have to respond to this if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know I care.

Thank you for this. It's actually really thoughtful and helpful.

I've been worried about sitting in my grief, even though I need to, because I'm in quarantine and feeling some cabin fever. Haven't felt the sunshine in a week. My sister, who passed away, was the one who helped me not to feel so trapped and took care of me when I was sick (we lived together). It's been rough to regulate my emotions while feeling like I'm completely alone. I know if I don't regulate my emotions, I'll end up worse off mentally. Feeling physically ill doesn't help the situation.

I am sad and angry, and I blame myself. Survivor's guilt is a motherfucker! It wasn't meant to be like this, and I do blame myself for not being a better sister. For not being more protective. For not pushing her harder to get the help she needed. I'm so sad and angry, and I know I have to feel this way for me to come out the other end of the grief and be okay. I'm just scared that my situation right now, being in quarantine away from other people, and feeling alone, is going to be detrimental to my emotional and mental wellbeing. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. My art and writing have kept me sane, but I'm so tired and sad and angry and I can't soothe myself because I am trapped in my bedroom, finding it hard to breathe.

I've found comfort in the fact she isn't in pain anymore, and that outweighs my selfishness in wanting her here. Everything just feels odd. It feels wrong and empty. I feel guilty for having to go on without her.

I appreciate you reaching out to me like this. It really does help. Thank you for being so kind and generous with your energy. I know it's not easy to be there for someone when they're hurting and feeling big emotions like anger and sadness, so I really am grateful for your offer to sit with me and talk.

I hope things are feeling okay for you x