questinwitchface

[questinwitchface]

Chapter Seven - Spilled Milkshake

Grease

Summary: What if I combined one of my favorite comfort movies, the classic 1978 movie Grease, with some of my favorite MCU characters?

Rated T, Multichapter, Updates on Sundays

Ships: SamBucky, Sharon/Natasha, Kate/Yelena/Joaquin, Steve/Thor

Please read the tags and author's notes! Link to the fic on AO3

Snippet:

“I’m never going to see you again,” Sam says softly, the sound of his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the waves breaking against the shore. “Don’t say that,” Bucky says just as softly. “But it’s true,” Sam says, looking up at Bucky now, seeing the stars reflected in his pretty eyes. “I’ve just had the best summer of my life, being here with you.” Tears spring to his eyes, and he has to look down, away from Bucky’s handsome face. “Now I have to leave. It’s not fair.” Bucky tilts Sam’s chin up until they’re looking into each other’s eyes again. Then he leans forward and kisses Sam. It’s different from the sweet pecks and soft kisses they’ve shared before. This kiss is really a kiss, the kind you see in movies with happy endings, the passionate kind with tongue and— Sam pulls away. “Bucky, don’t ruin the moment.” Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not ruining it, Sam,” he says. “It’s only making it better.” Sam feels a smile forming on his face in spite of himself. “You’ll write to me, won’t you?” Bucky smiles back, tracing his finger along Sam’s jawline. “I’ll start my letter as soon as I get home tonight,” he promises. “I won’t go to bed until it’s finished.” Sam swallows back tears and leans forward to kiss Bucky, another of those passionate movie kisses. Sam isn’t sure if he knows how to kiss this way, but when they eventually pull away from each other again, Bucky’s smiling brightly, so Sam must’ve at least been okay at it. “We’ll see each other again,” Bucky says, as if it’s a promise he can keep. Sam feels his smile fading, but he nods anyway. He hopes that Bucky is right.

[questinwitchface]

if youre trans and getting misgendered/deadnamed by your family during holiday gatherings im giving you a hug over the internet rn

[questinwitchface]

Chapter Fifteen - Rebuild Part 7

(Please heed the warnings in the beginning author's notes)

Break; Walk Away; Come Back; Rebuild; Stay

A SamBucky breaking up and getting back together fic

Unrated, Work in Progress

Summary: Sam and Bucky have a relationship-ending fight. Six months later, after an unforeseen event causes Sam to re-enter Bucky's life, they decide to give it another try.

Snippet:

Huge, body-shaking sobs erupt from Sam’s chest, making him feel split-open and raw. He tries to stop thinking about it. He tries his hardest to think of nothing, but trying to think of nothing is a lot like trying to hold smoke in his hands. It just doesn’t work. Sam wraps his arms around himself as if that’s enough to hold himself together and leans against the shower wall, his shoulder and side pressed against the cold tile. Bucky’s words swirl like a hurricane of hurt in Sam’s head. How could Bucky have said those things? The guilt in Sam’s stomach gnaws at him. How could Sam have said those things? Dread sits like a block of ice in his chest. How much did either of them mean it?

Read it here!

[questinwitchface]

In the latest chapter of "Break; Walk Away; Come Back; Rebuild; Stay", Sam held back his true thoughts about something until Bucky unknowingly made him comfortable to say what he felt. Why do you think Sam was uncomfortable speaking up though he and Bucky have already been together and they'd just gone through several positive therapy sessions? Just curious and would love analysis from an author's perspective. Thanks!

Okay, let me first apologize for not answering right away. The reason I'm only getting to it now is that it's an incredibly busy time of year and also I didn't have an immediate answer to type out right away. I've had so much fun thinking over this question for the last few days, and I really appreciate you asking, anon!

I think part of my initial struggle to answer this question is the idea that Sam was holding back his true thoughts about whether he's ready to try having sex with Bucky again. In the beginning of the chapter, when Ella brings it up, Sam says that he wasn't prepared to have that conversation and that he wants time to think about it before they discuss it. There are two parts to that: the "I'm not prepared" and "I need time to think about it." If we assume that Sam is being honest (which, by my intention, he is), then I think this is evidence that Sam isn't sure how he's feeling about it at that point in the chapter. He hasn't thought about it enough to know where he stands, so he needs time to think about how he feels about it, and then he needs time to prepare to have that conversation.

During the chapter, Sam gets time to think about it. The ten-minute ride from therapy to the restaurant is quiet between them, and then when they get to the restaurant and sit down, Sam seems withdrawn, as if something is on his mind. My intention there was to show that he is thinking it over, and that it's not a simple yes or no, but something that needs consideration. While they're at the restaurant, they very briefly discuss that Sam's thinking about whether he's ready for them to have sex, and he points out how the first time they were together, they admitted their feelings and then were in bed together that night, which I had intended as an example of how they didn't necessarily communicate well during their first relationship - they cared about each other and acted on that care, yes, but they didn't necessarily take time to communicate effectively about it. This time has been different; they've been very focused on the communication and acting more slowly and deliberately. This time, it's been three or four months, and all they've done is kiss and dry hump on Sam's couch. Bucky says that this is because the history between them makes a difference, and Sam agrees, adding that they needed to earn each other's trust back.

I think that part of why Sam decides he's ready is because of the communication; Bucky gave him time and space to think it over, and he was not pushy about it. That, coupled with the way Bucky didn't push when they were dry humping on Sam's couch and how Bucky held back during the kiss after their second first date until he was sure Sam was into it allows Sam to feel safe, and allows Sam to trust Bucky, which allows him to feel ready to try having sex again.

So I don't necessarily think Sam is uncomfortable to speak up so much as he is genuinely making that decision throughout this chapter. He's not ready before Ella even brings it up; he's going through the process of making that choice. I'd argue that once he's made that choice, which I think happens sometime during the meal while they're talking about other things, he's actually very forthcoming with his opinion on the matter. He tells Bucky frankly, in no uncertain terms, and without any show of discomfort or awkwardness that he's ready to try having sex again.

The only time Sam seems uncomfortable is during the brief conversation with Bucky at the restaurant, before it becomes clear that Bucky isn't going to push him for an answer he doesn't have yet. Once Bucky gives him the space to find that answer, Sam relaxes. I did that because one of the big issues for them learning to communicate effectively was giving each other time to come up with solid answers - in a previous chapter, Ella had to explain to Sam that "I don't know" is a valid for-now answer, and Sam had to learn to give Bucky time to think and come up with his answers, and I wanted this chapter to mirror that, to show that Bucky can extend that same courtesy to Sam. I also did this because Bucky says in a previous chapter that Sam always knows what to say, and in that instance, it was like Bucky didn't know how to respond to Sam not knowing what to say, and in this chapter, Bucky responds by giving Sam space and being supportive in a way that he wasn't in previous chapters, so this shows their growth as a couple.

So to sum up: I don't think Sam was uncomfortable with sharing his thoughts, I think he genuinely needed time to think and was uncomfortable because he was worried Bucky would expect an answer Right Now, but once Bucky gave him the space, Sam relaxed and, because of the contrast between their history and their present, was able to trust Bucky enough to decide that he wants to try having sex again. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be long-winded about my writing! I love sharing my thoughts on my stories. It's always fun to see where my interpretations as the author differ from those of the readers. It's so much fun when fanfic is a conversation!

[questinwitchface]

Con Crunch - chapter 6

Halloween Fic Updates

So there were some fics from my Halloween Advent Event that were multichapter, and this is the post I'm going to share whenever I update one of them, because tbh I can't be bothered to make individual posts for each one, especially when there are a couple that are only three chapters. Is this going to end up being confusing? Maybe, but I'm tired, and I gotta give myself a break somewhere, so just bear with me, please. Anyway, today's update was:

Ruby Red - rated T; SamSteve, SamNat, and SamBucky (NOT SamSteveNatBucky) - chapter 2

[questinwitchface]

I'm getting closer to having 1,000,000 words posted on AO3. (By "closer" I mean that I have less than 200,000 words to go.) I kinda want to do something cool when I get to that number, and since I'm a very slow writer, it makes sense to start thinking about it now.

What should I do for my 1,000,000 word count celebration?

[questinwitchface]

Chapter Six - Change

Grease

Summary: What if I combined one of my favorite comfort movies, the classic 1978 movie Grease, with some of my favorite MCU characters?

Rated T, Multichapter, Updates on Sundays

Ships: SamBucky, Sharon/Natasha, Kate/Yelena/Joaquin, Steve/Thor

Please read the tags and author's notes! Link to the fic on AO3

Snippet:

“I’m never going to see you again,” Sam says softly, the sound of his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the waves breaking against the shore. “Don’t say that,” Bucky says just as softly. “But it’s true,” Sam says, looking up at Bucky now, seeing the stars reflected in his pretty eyes. “I’ve just had the best summer of my life, being here with you.” Tears spring to his eyes, and he has to look down, away from Bucky’s handsome face. “Now I have to leave. It’s not fair.” Bucky tilts Sam’s chin up until they’re looking into each other’s eyes again. Then he leans forward and kisses Sam. It’s different from the sweet pecks and soft kisses they’ve shared before. This kiss is really a kiss, the kind you see in movies with happy endings, the passionate kind with tongue and— Sam pulls away. “Bucky, don’t ruin the moment.” Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not ruining it, Sam,” he says. “It’s only making it better.” Sam feels a smile forming on his face in spite of himself. “You’ll write to me, won’t you?” Bucky smiles back, tracing his finger along Sam’s jawline. “I’ll start my letter as soon as I get home tonight,” he promises. “I won’t go to bed until it’s finished.” Sam swallows back tears and leans forward to kiss Bucky, another of those passionate movie kisses. Sam isn’t sure if he knows how to kiss this way, but when they eventually pull away from each other again, Bucky’s smiling brightly, so Sam must’ve at least been okay at it. “We’ll see each other again,” Bucky says, as if it’s a promise he can keep. Sam feels his smile fading, but he nods anyway. He hopes that Bucky is right.

[questinwitchface]

Tell me I don't make your old gear look brand new.

[questinwitchface]

it’s okay to be bad at things you enjoy.

it’s okay to draw even if it doesn’t look how you imagined. it’s okay to paint even if it ends up messy. it’s okay if you can’t memorize formulas or do mental math. it’s okay if you can’t describe a scene perfectly with words; or if you can never get your tone just right on stage.

You can do things just to do them and because you enjoy them. You don’t need to be the best ar something to love it. You enjoying it is enough reason to keep doing it. It’s okay

[questinwitchface]

AO3 wrapped writers edition #5 and #20

Someone else asked about number 20 as well, and I'll link my answer here

#5 What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

To be honest, for me, trying to predict which works of mine will receive engagement from readers and which ones won't is at best an exercise in futility and at worst turns me into a nervous wreck, terrified to post anything for fear it won't be "good enough." ( You may be asking, "'Good enough' for whom?" Of course, I mean the voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like my parents and suspiciously like a creative writing teacher I had once and suspiciously like my ex-best friend from college and... I think you get the idea.)

So, in order to avoid turning into that nervous wreck, I do my best to avoid trying to think of my work in terms of whether I'll get a big response or not. I am not one of those authors who has a specific number of kudos or comments or hits I must get to define a work as a success; the only fics I consider "a flop" are those that I find myself dissatisfied with on the story's own merit - and those are the fics I don't post.

When I view fics like that, it allows me to enter this mindset in which every fic surprises me with the feedback I get. I've posted fics this year that I thought absolutely no one would read, and I'd not get a single comment and been surprised by them. I'd say all of the fics from my "Other Ships Week" in my Halloween Advent series, but especially the Kate/Yelena/Joaquin fics.

I've been the only author writing for that ship in the tag on AO3 for a while, and every time I write for that ship and people interact with it, I'm surprised. I feel like I built this ship out of cardboard and duct tape, and I'm out here sailing on it, and for some reason others have decided to come along for the ride. It's an absolute delight!

[questinwitchface]

#20 for AO3 wrapped?

#20 Which work of yours have you reread the most?

The technical answer is Con Crunch, because I've been trying to write a SamBucky cosplay fic for about three years now, so if we're counting previous iterations of the idea, it's definitely that.

However, if we're talking about for-fun reading, I'd have to say it was probably Grease. It's a comfort movie of mine, and while my partner was going through the health crisis this year, I really needed comfort and fun, and that's what this fic was for myself. I've probably read the whole thing ten or eleven times, not counting all the re-reading you do when you're revising and editing. There's just something very cozy about that fic to me.

[questinwitchface]

Hi! #3 for the AO3 wrapped writers edition?

Hello dear!

#3 What work are you most proud of regardless of kudos/hits?

It feels like kind of a cheat because the question says "work," not "series," BUT the thing I am most proud of from this year is my Halloween Advent series. I worked so damn hard on it. I conceived the idea on March 28, and even with the insanity of my partner having a heart attack in April and then open heart surgery in early July, I managed to write, revise, send to my beta reader and receive feedback and do more revising, edit, and post all 31 fics on time, with the little themed weeks and everything. Like, the fact that I actually managed it at all still boggles my brain, and then you factor in how well each of the fics came out, how they fit together in order, how much fun it was as people were reading and commenting along?? Like, seriously, this was such a cool and fun experience, and I'm so proud of it.

But since that's a cheat-y answer, I'll also add that the singular work I'm most proud of is probably May the Sunlight Shine on Me (rated E). I just feel like I poured a lot of myself into that fic, and I was sweating it right up until the moment I hit post because as I kept rereading and rereading it, I hated how much of myself I saw in it, and I was terrified it wouldn't be good enough to make up for the fact that I could see so much of myself in it. But now, a couple months removed from posting it, I can see that that's what makes it feel genuine and sincere, and there's beauty in that. I think that's what art is, just showing parts of our souls to each other in the hopes of forming a connection, even for a brief moment. Not to wax philosophical or anything lol.

Thank you so much for asking! <3

[questinwitchface]

To Love Is to Live - chapter 5 - now complete!

Halloween Fic Updates

So there were some fics from my Halloween Advent Event that were multichapter, and this is the post I'm going to share whenever I update one of them, because tbh I can't be bothered to make individual posts for each one, especially when there are a couple that are only three chapters. Is this going to end up being confusing? Maybe, but I'm tired, and I gotta give myself a break somewhere, so just bear with me, please. Anyway, today's update was:

Ruby Red - rated T; SamSteve, SamNat, and SamBucky (NOT SamSteveNatBucky) - chapter 2

[questinwitchface]

Chapter Fourteen - Rebuild Part 6

Break; Walk Away; Come Back; Rebuild; Stay

A SamBucky breaking up and getting back together fic

Unrated, Work in Progress

Summary: Sam and Bucky have a relationship-ending fight. Six months later, after an unforeseen event causes Sam to re-enter Bucky's life, they decide to give it another try.

Snippet:

Huge, body-shaking sobs erupt from Sam’s chest, making him feel split-open and raw. He tries to stop thinking about it. He tries his hardest to think of nothing, but trying to think of nothing is a lot like trying to hold smoke in his hands. It just doesn’t work. Sam wraps his arms around himself as if that’s enough to hold himself together and leans against the shower wall, his shoulder and side pressed against the cold tile. Bucky’s words swirl like a hurricane of hurt in Sam’s head. How could Bucky have said those things? The guilt in Sam’s stomach gnaws at him. How could Sam have said those things? Dread sits like a block of ice in his chest. How much did either of them mean it?

Read it here!

[questinwitchface]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year?

How many works did you publish this year?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

What work of yours has the most hits?

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Favorite title you used

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

What work was the quickest to write?

What work took you the longest to write?

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

What’s your longest work of the year?

What’s your shortest work of the year?

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Your favorite character to write this year?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

Which work has the most comments?

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Did you write any gifts this year?

Did you receive any gifts this year?

What’s your most common category?

What do you listen to while writing?

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

[questinwitchface]

write fanfic that three people in the world will read, because those three people are going to be fucking pleased that it exists

[questinwitchface]

Just Sam and Bucky, reluctantly going caroling.