#so i very casually typed
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ANYWAY I'm sorry that my alpha/omega post on main made me realize there's much worse things I've personally said. Like that one time I just said "oh do you know what vore is" to a manager at work and received the most visceral whiplash I have ever gotten from a guy. And then there was this third guy who was talking to the manager and had no idea what it meant and thankfully I don't think he cared enough to remember the word after the manager and I very openly expressed our disappointment in each other for knowing it.
We genuinely had a moment of the pointing Spiderman meme after I asked it because he was so appalled that I knew the word while /I/ felt vindicated since HE KNEW IT TOO???? then we just resigned our disappointment to being more chill.
#oops i fell in love#to be fair to me the manager learned that i used to have an mmo character named salmon king#and would jokingly go ITS THE SALMON KING when he saw me#and the story was basically i changed accounts to a character named tuna king#and in a dungeon one time with a guy i knew from hs in a skype call#one of the two random people in the dungeon started off saying he wanted to eat me#so i very casually typed#im not into vore. thanks for the offer but ill have to pass#and got yelled at on skype for being Like That so like#its fitting to also get yelled out BEFORE i even tell the story because it really is just not something you should say#but the moral of the story is i made the other player go omfg and got both player commendations in the end#so i really did just win with that reply even if my manager did groan into his hand#after i told him the story and was like no no why are you like this dont be like this#and thats a victory on its own
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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Done (heavy quotation marks) with monster Ody @evergreen292 ;)
tbh I couldn’t for the life of me pick a color palette I liked And Render it so I gave up on color. Enjoy the half assery.
Tbh I’ve just been call it Ithacan Naga, but it’s objectively it’s a mix of snake, owl/bird, and human. So 🤷.
Tbh the wings are supposed to be white/gray-brown, cause owls & Hermes, while his scales are supposed to be an oscillating scale from sea green-blue to purple-tinted gray. Uhm. Evidently that sorta didn’t happen but also did. So.
The purple/grayer scales are gonna be more around with the feathers and wings.
Those fin colors are. Too blue and too bright but I love the colors themselves so they’re staying for now.
Uhm. That’s it for now, ig. I’m sorta on a timer rn and I’m tired so <3
The writing bit with this is still in the works (😭)
#Odysseus#epic the musical#Ithacan naga au#guess that’s what we’re calling it#an Ithacan naga would deadass just be an aquatic naga#I think#the feathers and wings are cause he’s Zeus/Hermes’ kin & Athena blessed#tbh the main reason i wanted to color at all is cause I wanted easier differentiation between… everything. and actually draw the scales.#so snakes have this extra (?) bone that connects their skull & jaw which is what lets them extend it. so. ody gets that here.#resting/casual naga ody is like. 7ish ft? anything intimindation or just rising usually reaches 11-12 ft. his full length js 20 ft#naga eyes don’t have any eyelids. it looks very odd on a human (unsettling)#owl eyes don’t really have visible white scelcra#or however you spell it#nor do snakes#unsettling#maybe I’ll caption this later but hhhhh#he’s sorta supposed to be an olive sea snake and fish owl#but fuck colors rn#uhm cause he’s aquatic I suppose he does have to make up with Poseidon… uhm let’s say after everything Seidon picks up a fuss and Athena#argues back n everything and it causes a reallllly big fuss so Zeus (+ others) eventually work smth out that basically amounts to:#Don’t fuckin bother each other (intentionally)#also endgame for naga ody (he can change back and forth dw) is that he gets used to it. he doesn’t advertise it cause he’s sneaky like that#(and after he gets over the self loathing). uhmmm. yeah. It’s great cause NEREID PEN and SEA NAGA ODY#they can go on sea hunts together!!!!#ody CAN fly yes. same logic that lets Hermes fly with 2 small pairs of wings on his ankles and head.#he folds the wings when swimming and the fins fan out underwater. vice versa. his feathers are waterproof.#you can BARELY see the vauge shape of thighs/legs melting into the serpent part btw.#Ari’s art#my art#I’mma add onto this + actually type this out in a post later or smth
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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Yes yes Iruka being unimpressed with all that Kakashi does and Iruka just not caring about his reputation or fame but give me Iruka teasingly calling him "Captain" once and Kakashi getting tongue-tied flustered about it. Tripping over his feet into a pole. Rotating it in his head for weeks after for entirely normal reasons. Yanno
#naruto#kakairu#I very specific love for iruka callin kakashi 'captain' as a way to tease him#they're on a simple mission together and he keeps droppin it casually just to rile him up#his delinquent ways manifesting in a niche type of flirting that drives kakashi mad [affectionately]#[sakura has to put up with this during the timeskip and is like 'you guys are so fucking gross. ew']
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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Enecomimi Banzaiiii (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#Kabu#Larry#Gintama references lol#And translation jokes! Very fun#I like how my reaction to these two is a fairly level ''Oh I like them but it's not all That serious really'' and then my headcanons pft#They're easy to like and think about! What am I to do about that#So the headcanons lol - I like to think that since Kabu was recruited from Hoenn that he sometimes calls Pokemon by their Japanese names#Which allowed for this very fun joke :) I was So hoping that one of the Normal cats would be a basic pun on ''Neko'' and I was right hehehe#Since Gintama has been moved into my breakfast rotation - I've read enough djs not fully appreciating the context! It was time!#I've gotten the opportunity to enjoy some of the references pulled from the anime itself into the fanwork hehe <3 Nekomimi banzaiiii!#Once I heard Shinpachi call it moe* that was it I was done I could go on no longer without making the joke#*As in cute/endearing/exciting - but its homophone refers to ''burning''! Kabu is both hehe#He's so confused - isn't Eneco a Normal type? Better go ask the resident expert#As if they weren't already planning to hang out at Kabu's place haha ♪ Just going through his fanmail while Larry spectates casually#That second Kabu is probably the cutest one I've drawn so far!! Couldn't recapture for the rest of the comic that's for sure hwegh#Gotta study what does and doesn't work with his design hm hm#Larry's still much easier to draw which is clearly why he features for only two panels here lol#At least he's enjoying himself#Kabu + Cute Normal Type Pokemon = 😳 Haha ♪#You're being very subtle Larry I'm sure he won't notice your reaction at all you're holding it together great#頑張れ アオキさん
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i was gonna show you all of his outfits then i remembered he has the most boring sense of fashion in the world
#and if i showed you all his outfits i'd have to invent some lore reason why for he's always half naked or in something super tight 😔#you see he uhhhh it's symbolism for uhhh well you see uhhhh#he's not my type at all i don't know why he's bewitched me#very casually and lightly writing his character so i think yeah as i said rich dad who's had a lot of wives#his mother was a supermodel he's the only kid he had with her and his youngest child he has older half siblings#frankie was doing runway modelling in his early and mid 20s (he's 27) but he quits to join his dad's business#he's just kinda fucked around his whole life he's trying to be more serious. i guess#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims 4#frankie
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"Eiden and his companions accidentally run their carriage into two yokai wearing "maid costumes". To take responsibility and make amends, they set off to check out a maid café located in the forest—"
Girl that's just kuya and yakumo on their way back from the island
Wait ,no. Forest...
Girl that's just kuya and garu out for a walk
#these arw the best contrived circumstances for an event setup ever#im so happy#the ears and tails are gonna be posable movable and usable#uGh the yokai are creating maid cafe industries in the forest i AM liVING#the trio from mirage of scales got their outfits confiscated by the villagers and they had to go home naked#heuehhehehheheehheh#nah u know kuya wouldnt let the public see his nakie body#he'd illusionise some clothes onto himself if necessary#but for my own amusement#i will imagine them all having to wear the only thing eiden carries on him at all times#EMERGENCY MAID OUTFITS#so they all wear maid outfits on the boat ride back to land. staring contemplatively at the sea ahead#their frills ruffling in the wind.....#on another day#kuya and garu go out for a walk#and they're in maid outfits because i said so#and eiden runs them over in his gay little carriage#because this is all just a plot for kuya to embarrass rei#wait that doesnt make sense. NOTHING can embarrass rei#what was the point of me making this post??? my circumstances are not contriving very well#i just want to imagine everyone casually strolling in their maid outfits#before they suddenly get isekai-d by a carriage full of gays#what is the event called...#sweet heart attack#?#i gotta separate the sweet and heart right? do i gotta put the heart in there too? how do i type the heart...#♡#aha!#sweet♡heart attack
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It's late thinking hours and im very sleepy but hear me out, occasional possession as a love language
#crowley spn#spn#I don't think i saw it in fics? THEN AGAIN DIDNT READ MANY OF THOSE IT PROBABLY ALREADY EXISTS#but like... what's more intimate than BECOMING the person you love... literally#+ the amount of trust you must have to let someone else in. having access to a lot of sensitive informations#I'M mostly talking about demons here (aeurgshgsag Crowley) but i guess it also works for angels!#I'm talking. very casual type of possession like ya hey i want to be you and go to the supermarket idk#becoming one with someone you love... like fusions in steven universe (yes) core. DO U SEE MY POINT#its so late. ciambee rambling hours#spn angels#spn demons#not talking abt forced possession btw. like very consensual agreement because yeehaw
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how often is majimas apartment from dead souls utilized in fanart/fanfiction do we have numbers on that
#snap chats#im wondering …#its so rare you actually get to see where a chara like. Exists Casually im just curious if people remember it#ig the same can be asked about kiryu’s lil house at the start of y2 when he was first livin with haruka …#like do we remember ….. do we make stories and art using those settings … im very curious#those two places specifically just feel like so… blink-and-miss-it type of places yk what i mean#idk
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[7]
It's almost strange seeing Fai use his magic after all this time, and I can’t even enjoy it knowing what it cost
But oh how the spell he casts here also looks like an eye as it takes them into Evil Wolverine’s Evil Branding Department HQ
Like they're all being carried by the exact piece of Syaoran that he left behind (Fai's Eye) for them to use
Ohoho
Ok despite everything I do like Evil Wolverine looking completely different to normal. Evil Wolverine bleeding? Evil Wolverine almost looking scared as they show up?
WONDERFUL. Lovely sight. 10/10, only improved by Kurogane and Lava Lamp leaping into the air to attack him instantly.
#Evil Wolverine very satisfyingly out of character here at the end#But I suppose he hasnt been STABBED through the chest in previous scenes#IT LOOKS GOOD ON HIM LET'S JUST SAY THAT#Oh and the mirror looks like an eye from a distance#Just one eye - like his monocle#Liveblogging the reservoir chronicle#Tsubasa#Vol 211#Evil Wolverine#Fai#Kurogane#Lava Lamp Guy#Syaoran#LOVE that they arrive here and are attacking him in the same page#Also I don’t know if this counts as the same type of like…#Dimension Crossing Magic that is usually cast#But if it is?#That Fai can just casually dimension cross all three of them at once?#With no problems no hesitation no straining?#HIS MAGIC#It’s so beyond anything#Syaoran really was Max Level Magic Build
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i know it wasnt a serious comment but every time i look at a datv character and start thinking about their designs my blood starts boiling from the giving cosplayers a challenge comment
"The previous art director had the mindset we should make things easier for [cosplayers], which I think is a misunderstanding of cosplayers," he says. "We've seen the kind of challenges they're willing to take on, and so we've gone for, in some cases, a level of complexity and detail that I hope a lot of them are excited to rise to the challenge for." x
unrelated to my point but why are you dragging the previous games down. have you seen any of the designs you speak of mr art director. do you think merrill in da2 wasnt peak. or morrigan in origins? do you know how hard it is to make cosplay armor.
you could have just been like "hey the characters have a lot more detail than before! look at neve's hat and everyone's clothes every single inch being embroidered or otherwise patterned"
which also makes me think. was any thought put into the designs or did they just want to detailmaxx so they can brag. idk if they could have said anything that would turn me personally off more from cosplaying anyone or analyzing their outfits
#dragon age critical#please dont take me too seriously im just very petty#ive yet to this day cosplayed from da even tho ive been cosplaying for almost a decade (i know it doesnt look like it but#i do it as a casual hobby i dont aim to compete) and ive been a da fan for a long time as well#but its just. the outfits are hard man.#but now that ive discovered that foam is not the enemy... i kind of want to do something#merrill would be the most fun with her outfit but im not confident in cosplaying an elf woman in my size#which is so dumb i knoww but i dont want to feel like complete shit in my cosplay#but also... if i could make a chainmail type of fabric.... id cosplay her...#her normal outfit is cute but IMAGINE the romance outfit#that would take years to make though so maybe not#ah idk no one really has a design that speaks to me who i would feel comfy as#cole would be within my skills to make#i was going to say i would be comfortable as blackwall but he has a good strong nose so i would not look like him#oh ok ive done a very casual zevran and anders before. but for anders. i looked nothing like him bc of my face shape and felt like shit#i guess i could do hawke but thats so basic#idk! i have plenty of projects for now#but i do want to wventually coaplay a da character. just dont know who
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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Throwback to when someone referred to me as the matpat of transformers
#very few will remember this because it really happened so casually and also... almost 2 years ago now#in the era I like to refer to as this blog's prime#on a little post someone tagged me in#and I was such a champ about it. I was so normal and did not make a scene#but I think about it at least once a month#it really was so crazy. what did I even do#I still don't know if I should be offended or not. I know it was written to place me in high regards#but that somehow made it hit so much harder#it's the type of thing that happens and you gasp and talk about it in discord but it doesn't feel that crazy. and then you look back and go#I can't believe that was a real thing that was said to me#I can't believe.. if only for a moment.. that is how I exist in someone's mind#Mac mumbles#the titles I was given in 2021... the range#chill laid back guy#bug in a jar anon wants to study#uptight annoying prick#insane individual trying to pass off as a chill laid back guy#<- favourite one btw#and lastly#the matpat of transformers#what an era
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y'know, it probably feels weird for the scoundrel to admit, but they feel surprisingly comforted to be back on their ship for a change. they finally have control of the situation, they're finally around people they (vaguely) trust, they- wait a minute hold on what was that line
oh
oh no
oh no the horrors just keep getting worse and worse for them
#i dont think they're gonna be okay after All That. for a While.#fittingly i drew the merry gentleman card immediately after touching shore so there you go lmao#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#im weirdly enthralled by this line?? it's weirdly just. really effective#the implication that you've gone through All That over the course of weeks. idk. it's a little nightmare fuel#did you spend it with the mask on or off? does it even matter? do you even know?#ik days and weeks and the like in-universe dont really matter most of the time bc they dont really carry over#like a storylet will say 'over the next few weeks you do x' casually and you just accept that#but like. idk. something about it with the delight Specifically is sticking with me a lot.#how many times did you really go up and down those stairs. how long did you really spend staring into the distance.#how long were those birds screaming in your ears. how long was the naturalist screaming.#it's weirdly effective fringe horror on top of an already very good delightfully gory horror sequence#anyway. in conclusion i don't think the scoundrel is uh. Doing Good.#the delight scared the shit out of them. they arent the type to get scared easily. they were in autopilot fear mode for 99% of it.#they are putting that mask very very very far away on a shelf somewhere and desperately trying to forget it exists forever and ever now.#the end#scoundrelventures
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