#so i might be making one for her soon
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bitchthefuck1 · 4 months ago
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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manasurge · 10 months ago
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Got Mourynn's first fullbody ref done! (I mean first as in chronologically). Not much to say here, just getting some early year fullbody refs done so I can have them to start on some scenes and lore stuff (just gotta finish her Orchid outfit next since that's her main Sapling outfit before she makes her own custom one). I'm also not used to drawing this small so I messed up the face a bit, on the side there, but oh well.
Below the cut is just the line art and the transparent that I'm hoping will work properly on her Hero Panel profile on Toyhouse:
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shadowed-dancer · 23 days ago
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Friendly reminder that if you don't know who to wish for first in Natlan, it's a better idea to prioritize Citlali and Capitano (if you want them) because they're both cryo and apparently cryo characters don't get reruns anymore :)
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leviiackrman · 4 months ago
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UMETAROU NOGUCHI - Demon Slayer [full colour]
more art || character page || commissions
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @bbrocklesnar @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel
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impossible-rat-babies · 1 month ago
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also I keep doing the thing where I have an interaction. astarion disapproves. I sigh. I reload the save before the interaction. I kick him back to camp. I do the thing. I pick the lad back up.
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jeremiahthefroge · 3 months ago
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Every appearance of the red-haired menace that is early Laurence forces me to sit here and stew upon how I will fix his introduction in the rewrite. As a coping mechanism. Unfortunately since I can't remember the parts where his character isn't just harassment so I can't cook with the themes the way I'd like to. Like the way he calls Aph "my love" after she very explicitly in the text of the game tells him not to do that... bad vibes. I think I could rock with his character if he'd done the same sort of approach in hitting on Aphmau as heavily, but the moment she lays down an actual boundary, he backs way the hell off. I could even fuck with her trying to be subtle about the boundary and him not getting it and continuing to make her uncomfortable before she snaps at him and he apologizes, saying that he truly didn't mean anything by it, and he respects the boundary she lays like his life depends on it from then on out. It would create some immediate complexity in his need for explicit communication, and backs up the sort of deeper character hinting they seem to try to do when he's talking about Castor and Cadenza, this idea that he deeply cares, if being a bit pushy on accident. It would also make a good detail fueling the conflicts later on with the love triangle that can sort of prevent Laurence from looking like TOO much of a dickhead (him being unaware or misinterpreting situations, and the delicate nature of it making him uncomfortable asking questions, is a compelling reason to see somebody hurting his friends' feelings, and makes him significantly more sympathetic, opening him up for feelings of remorse and guilt).
#mcd#minecraft diaries#jeremiahs mcd notes#laurence mcd#i want autisic/adhd king laurence and im not even remotely joking#i think it would add a lot to his character to give him those struggles#if i'm recalling his character right anyways#i am still very early in the series#But i do recall vaguely there being conflicts where I was absolutely not on his side#and i had a very strong sense of justice as a kid so i imagine that i'm not making that up#but also its been 8 years so who knows#but i think he can still very much get off on the wrong foot with aph and it can still be good#i think honestly having him get off on the wrong foot and then work to make it up to her would be good as hell#bc it's a situation in which she sees him be willing to work on himself without much prompting#(aka as soon as he's told there's an issue he starts to work on it and she doesn't have to ask)#and she goes oh actually. you know what. maybe hes not a dick.#and she starts to be more comfortable around him over time#It might create this dynamic where it feels like he's always trying to catch up to her level#Always apologizing always being the wrong one#and then eventually when she does something that he can't just smile and bear#(as all friends hurt each other on accident one time or another#it is unavoidable we are but human and i believe Laurence would let a lot of things slide bc he knows how much she's had to forgive him for#And I can see as well it not going over well bc aphmau is not used to the idea of being the wrong one#and she had a reason for what she did and she gets defensive#Causing an uncomfortable moment of tension#I also think that there could be a good spot where Garroth is being more controlling as to try to protect aph and she is bothered by it#feeling in that moment very robbed of control and like he's not listening to her#and then here's laurence#who is willing to build himself anew brick by brick with her input#Like this is how I would overthink it if I wanted a true love triangle conflict introduced to the plot here
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archduke-enver-gortash · 7 months ago
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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kyngsnake · 5 months ago
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I wish I had more energy to consistently post art and interact but unfortunately. Things keep occurring
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mitamicah · 8 months ago
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Good morning - i may have done something spontaneous and stupid xD
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girls-and-honey · 8 months ago
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#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages#me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my#pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones#idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when#everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that#and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for#this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100%#myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too#and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for#networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and#then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first?#which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else#anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me#i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so)#oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like#alright that's it for now i think#gah emotions and whatnot#missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon#personal
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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 7 months ago
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bye bela :(
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magisterhego · 10 months ago
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What did you think about Behlül’s relationships with Bihter and Nihal? Did he love either of them? Did either of them love him?
I think he did actually love both of them, but in his own way. He seems to have a tendency to have a great big romance that he quickly burns out and rinse and repeat with the next person he fancies.
As to whether he was loved, I'd say yes by both, but also in a limited way. I think he's kind of like the high school crush of a girl from a very small town, where the girl wants to date someone mostly because she thinks it's exciting at that age. And so her crush toward the guy develops more out of her daily life having a very limited pool of potential boyfriends, than out of any wow moment of attraction to that guy in particular.
For Bihter, I think she would have equally fallen for a different person who was young, handsome and charming, and consistently close at hand to observe.
But I don't know if she'd have slept with anyone who was not so casual as Behlül. His cheerful lack of morals and friendly persistence surely helped a bit to remove some mental barriers in her mind. With someone less happy-go-lucky, she'd maybe just have had lovesickness and stayed at that as a 'noble' kind of compromise between cheating and withering without experiencing real love.
There is a word I can't quite translate, 'prepustiti se' (to let yourself go, to abandon yourself to a feeling/situation, can be have positive or negative connotations), which I feel works for both Bihter and Nihal's feelings to Behlül.
They were first pursued by him and they seem to have almost purposefully convinced themselves into loving him. Both were lonely and desperate in different ways.
Bihter was in an unhappy marriage, I don't think I need to elaborate too much as she herself describes it all in a self-aware way in the novel.
As to Nihal, she was frankly somewhat neglected by her family. Yes, she's otherwise "spoiled", but they made huge decisions to remove her brother, and her governess, and her kitchen buddies, and didn't even tell her until the very moment it had already happened! Extremely frustrating and scary for such an already isolated girl. She lived from day to day not knowing who she could lose next, no wonder she got all emo.
So when the situation came that everyone was suddenly eager to marry her to a guy - one she already knew and trusted and casually bantered with - I think half of the appeal would be a young girl's physical attraction to Behlül as a man, but the other half would be the idea of finally keeping someone for herself (because her family couldn't very well decide to whoosh away her husband on a whim, lol). I can see why she'd accept the situation.
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guinevereslancelot · 3 days ago
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just wrapped the first christmas present of the year ❤️
#for my friend who hates presents of course 😂#its the stupid teddy bear onesie he has magically instantly putgrown BOTH the previous times i got him one it fit him for like a week 😤#so i got it in the next two sizes up and that's that!!!!#babies grow so fast wtf never buy clothes as a present for a baby that's all i can say#but i can't accept defeat so here we go#his mom will appreciate it even tho she doesn't like getting presents tho lol#and its insane to give christmas presents before thanksgiving but for all i know this baby is gonna outgrow them both by then#i literally bought the size 9-12 months like last month#i ordered it immediately after his mom told me she THOUGHT HE WOULD BE IN THAT SIZE SOON#and it was already too toght on him when it arrived a week later 😭#so now i got size 12-18 and size 18-24 this baby's gonna be cozy this winter or else!!!#i cannot afford this btw#the original onesie was pretty cheap it was o. sale for like $17 but then i bought it twice#and the size maxed out at 9-12 months#so i had to upgrade to a toddler one and it was $22 and i got two of them again plus shipping#and i only make 14 dollars an hour and i'm lucky to work even two days a week at my new job lol#im putting off getting a second job until after i cover a coworkers maternity keave in feb tho bc then i def would be full time#for at least 6 weeks#and its possible she might decide not to come back or another aide would leave by then#so i might have an opportunity to be full time by then ir at least close to that#anyway#no money november fr 😔#just realized my tags are confusing my friend is the mom not the baby 😂#she's the one who gates receiving gifts bc she feels awkward lol#but she's broke af and can't afford clothes for her baby let alone cute ones and she loved the onesie when she fot it at her baby shower#but then the baby came a week and a half late#he was supposed to be a march baby he was born in april#and all of a sudden it was too warm for the onesie and he inly got to wear it once#so i was like ok i will get another one in the fall/winter then#but alas
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tstain-is-an-idiot · 9 months ago
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CU, except I swapped the genders and changed some minor story details
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So basically it's a more magical girl-ish version of the story instead of a normal superhero one (she still is, but just more... magical, I guess?)
#and I still need to come up with the names for half the characters!!#of course only if i ever expand apon this concept#I'm thinking of having this AU's George be named “Mona”#which (if you read the tags of the WIP for this) was originally one of the names I was going to use for Melvin#as soon as I got the idea for this AU I knew exactly what the AU Harold's hair would look like#it's kind of inspired by clawdeen from g3 of monster high#(gotta sneak my other fixations in somehow)#as for Mona's design#I know girls wear ties#but I wanted it to make sense within the context of the story#so i changed her signature accessory to a belt#lets just say the sixth graders had it worse in this version#and Cap...#a lot of details to kind of explain#(not fully idk how to do that)#so she's basically a magical girl here#a very stupid one might i add#yes she is holding a roll of toilet paper#she uses it like a ribbon baton#(she has accidentally mummified herself in it on multiple occasions)#the silver jewellery is meant to resemble the curtain rings#to work around the toupee thing i gave her some grey hairs near the top of her head#and the Krupp of this universe would wear her hair up in a bun which would hide the fact she's already going grey#i know it's not as funny as the Krupp being obviously bald under his fake hair thing#but I'm trying to adjust things where I need to in this universe#the George and Harold here still have the same questionable sense of humour too#captain underpants#george beard#harold hutchins#art
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artheresy · 9 months ago
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Part Two (Stellaron Hunters)
Like the last one with the Astral Express, I am listing my opinions on aspects of the HSR designs, including things I kinda dislike or at least would change about certain playable designs in HSR to help myself with planning some of my own designs/redesigns for future art!
And I am so excited to get onto three of my favorite designs in this game!! The Stellaron Hunters are my babies and I originally was going to include them in the AE part 1 post, but sadly exceeded some kind of limit on the post while rambling about both of the groups designs, so they get their own post! And y'know what if that gives me more room to talk about them, I am not upset!
Ofc, Disclaimer: I am not a professional character designer, I'm not saying any of my ideas for them are objectively better or improvements even, nor am I bashing any of these designs. This is just my opinion and I like most if not all of the playable designs at the moment! I just have a few thoughts regarding them.
The List part 2:
Silver Wolf: I really like her design, I think honestly the Stellaron Hunters (at least for the trio, still forming my thoughts on Sam's) are easily some of the best designed characters in HSR so far. I do think out of those three designs though, Silver Wolf might be the weakest? Not that it's bad ofc, as I just said I think they're some of the best designs, but alongside Kafka and Blade, it feels like there's more that could be done with her design. They went ham on having so many like "Haha look she's a gamer!" details on her outfit that it ends up a bit eye rolling when you keep seeing all the details. The buttons hanging from her belt, the controller garter, the pattern on the fabric hanging from her hip for no reason, the power button logos on her her belt in multiple places and the strap that hold her knife, and that's not even all of them. It's just a bit much. Yes, she's a gamer, we get that. It doesn't need to be sprinkled throughout her design this much, at least not in this way. Because the way they did it, admittedly looks a bit gimmicky since it's only visual details rather than anything more is the best way I can describe it. I would maybe give her a few more items in place of all of these little things. Give her a visible earpiece, or some other kind of hands off communication device. Give her more devices if you're gonna have her adorned with all these straps, make them useful. Though I have two (maybe three?) other bigger ideas that could either work for changing her up physically, either separately or somehow together in a design. I'm stuck between the idea of giving her comfier clothes, both to reflect her more laid back personality and also to fit more so with what she does, or giving her more of a tech wear influence in her design, especially considering PunkLorde is meant to be a cyberpunk themed place. I feel like there's a better way to reflect that influence in her design. Also I dunno about you, but when I think cyberpunk I think of Neons a bit. I’m not saying turn her whole color palette that, but I think in a few of the patterns or in little details adding tiny touches of neon would look cool and help make her pop out a bit. (Sorry this ended up rambling, when I actually draw my thoughts for her, it will come through cleaner and clearer. Overall, I really like her design still even if there's a lot of details I would preferably change.)
Kafka: Kafka is one of my favorite designs, I adore her, I adore the spider, the web, and even the butterfly motifs present in her design. Her color scheme has a sense of allure to it if that makes sense, well balanced throughout her from head to toe. If I were to change something, it would be to make her design more show-y, a little more over the top. As it stands, Himeko has a more ostentatious design than her. Which feels off to me. "Oh but she's going on missions, taking people out, and collecting Stellarons. Her practical design makes sense." Very true, but also these missions aren't merely just missions. They are performances, displays of acting according to Elio's scripts in order to obtain the results he needs for the future. Kafka, of the rest of the Stellaron Hunters we've seen so far, seems to be the one that best fits into the role of Elio's dramatic villain/anti-hero. I mean just compare her presence in the Luofu quest to like Blade also in the Luofu quests, or Sam in the Penacony ones. There is a difference in dramatics and performance. She beckons the audience's (and law enforcement's) eyes towards her, as she strings them along with her schemes and plans. She is made to be the one in the lime light, delivering monologues and putting on the best show for everybody. When we look at the few missions of the Stellaron Hunters we’ve seen so far, Kafka does fit the bill as the star of his show, his leading actor in the role of the antagonist. As such, I think Kafka could benefit from making her outfit a bit more dramatic, leaning into the role she plays even further. Especially when thinking about how playing up that dramatized version of herself would work with the facade she's hinted at putting up. I do adore it the way it is, I just think more could be done with it. Lean a bit harder in, and by nature of making her more over the top, that could lead to the potential for a more interesting silhouette depending on how it's handled. Maybe even some more elements to influence like making it more over the top could be inspired from the Kafka Stigmata in HI3rd
Blade: I can’t lie to y’all. I think his design is close to perfection. I think it’s so well done (even though the silhouette could use some work? Depending?), it’s absolutely packed with symbolism. However, aside from just some silhouette adjustments, something I would change is the emphasis of how injured he is. The injuries he feels every single day of his life, that can’t heal because of Jingliu essentially overriding the default state his body is trying to restore. It’s a big thing in his lore, so much so that it’s been mentioned multiple times including in a main companion quest and literally up front show to us face to face. That cg of him with the sword in his chest feels like somebody stuck a sword in mine every time I see it, I swear. But design wise, I feel like this point about him and his history doesn’t shine through as well, and it feels like the gravity of that time isn’t properly portrayed in his design. Like let me emphasize, Bailu’s words might suggest that the default state for some of his injuries is literally open and bleeding so... And you might think “Oh that’s funny, when he’s literally covered in bandages like his arm and chest.” Well, I’ll one up you by clarifying if you look up his jacket as he runs, you’ll see his model has bandages ALL the way down his torso!! But the thing is, this is covered by his jacket. We only see his hand bandaged and a little peek at his chest, but his face? Completely fine. The rest of his body? Perfectly covered not showing anything. If I could change his design just a bit, first off, I’m making his coat more tattered and broken. Yes he gets his coat replaced at times, but that doesn’t mean we need to always see it in pristine condition. He’s a fighter, making his coat have tears in it, leave the edges worn down, more fabric than just his red ribbons to be frayed at the ends. In those tears of his clothes, either show bandages (left up to you whether to be seen as fresh injuries covered waiting to heal or more wrapped remnants of Jingliu’s slashes) or scars on every single bit of skin that manages to peek out from that coat. And for some flavor, add some scars to his face however big or small. There’s no way I can believe Jingliu killed him hundreds of times and didn’t at least once go for a head shot. I bet that woman knows the extent of his healing like the back of her hand, I bet she could answer my question about how exactly Blade’s body would heal if his limbs were severed. If he has some part of himself not covered, it should have evidence that he was harmed there! Never let us forget that part of his lore! NEVER!!
(I promise I’m totally not insane about him, what ever could lead you to that conclusion?)
I want to say, I will eventually update this once we have more Sam lore, perhaps I’ll include Sam with the Penacony characters post to make it easier or I’ll just redo the Stellaron Hunters post and revise and revisit my ideas for these three! As it stands, I want to wait until we have more Sam lore and more things cleared up about them before I jump into talking about the armor design or things I know from leaks until it’s been confirmed or disproven so I can give better my thoughts about the design in relation to the character!! Please stay tuned, I can’t decide if I should go for Overworld Belobog first because I have more clear ideas (including a rant about one specific character) or if it’s best to go to Herta Space Station first in order to just go in order essentially. Who knows ! Well! I hole you enjoyed this, I adore the Stellaron Hunters and any time I am able to talk about them I am very happy :D
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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months ago
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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