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piko-power · 4 months ago

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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

#piko rambles #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol #I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS #Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im #I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao #But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons #-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic #-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO

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kirby-the-gorb · 7 months ago

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#kirby #kirby makes stuff #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #I knitted for many years before I learned to crochet #but I personally think crochet is waaaay better #unless I very specifically want a knitted look for something or I'm using the hand crank machine to make socks #I just don't knit anymore #cuz it hurts my hands and keeping the stitches on the needles is difficult for me #crochet only has one loop to lose at any given time and is much easier on my hands #(though still taxing)#(I finished knitting a sweater today and I'm not actually happy with it which is rare for me)#(but I don't want to bother to fix it right now cuz I'm so tired of knitting and I would need an entire extra month-of-work panel)#(but it's. wearable. so we're calling it done for now.)#(so that I can work on something else. crocheted.)#favorites

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demonbarberofbeepbeep · 8 months ago

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morning toddheads

#look he did have fun #he liked it #*walter white voice* he liked it. he was good at it #you know what i do think he loved her a little bit too #final scene is so sad #everything faaaaalllllsss apaaaart #i guess when i say i don't think sweenett is love #i do think they love each other in their ways #but the lie about lucy is so enormous #so central #to have lucy still alive and badly needing help #and have nellie continuously hide that from a man who is GRIEVING HIS WIFE #and trying to avenge her #it bothers me a lot #so i think the betrayal at her lying to him is multifold #it's not just you LIED to me #it's YOU lied to me #i thought you were on my side #all our confidences and tender moments had this lie beneath it #who are you #even #idk. i'm writing my fanfic and im in my feelings #their relatinoship is so complicated #what is love anyway #WHAT IS IS LOVE #baby don't throw me in the oven #in the oven #anymore #text post meme #sweenett

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weepylucifer · 2 years ago

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When i started disco elysium i thought, well, obviously Kim is normal and regular (I would later be proven wrong), so his clothes must be what regular cops wear in disco elysium world. But then we see other cops and they’re wearing like... black suits. Uniforms. And THEN it turns out that what Kim is actually doing is closet-cosplaying as a pilot of an airforce that doesn��t exist anymore. This is like if someone came to work in complete Civil War reenactment costume. Why does he do this? Because he just wants to i Guess

#that's why i think people overshoot a bit when they portray kim as the Ultimate Professional. he goes to work in cosplay #there's that one dialogue option where harry's like wait if cops wear uniforms why isn't kim in uniform #and the skills tell you ''he's in plainclothes VOLUNTARILY not because he lost his uniform like YOU IDIOT'' and like...#why actually did kim feel it prudent to turn up to the case in his little pilot outfit? is his cup of caring just THAT empty by that point?#is he actually deep down sorta starting to burn out on being in the rcm so he's just not bothering with the dresscode anymore?#more of my disco elysium impressions #posts by me #i mean we all Know the pilot cosplay represents his broken dreams and/or the little ways he vents his rebellious side #it's like listening to speedfreaks. it's these completely harmless little acts of nonconformism that don't ever actually bother anyone #so he gets to feel the cathartic thrill of being a little bit narsty without actually like... rebelling. (bit sad innit)#but this post isn't ABOUT that it's about him GOING TO WORK IN COSPLAY

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snixx · 1 month ago

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you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum

#literally the only prerequisites i have for someone to be my friend #like if I love you legitimately everything else is a non issue. it doesn't even occur to me to get mad #and it's not even in a “sigh i will look past this for you” way. genuinely there's very little you can do to bother me if you're my friend #ill just assume you had good intentions #because i trust that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me if you're my friend so getting angry is pointless #but i genuinely don't know how to handle it when people i care about get mad at me. it scares the shit out of me #ugh i can't explain what i mean #but god some people really just don't give a shit once they dont need me anymore huh #it's the way they go out of their way to make me feel like a helpless 13 year old who can't do anything right again #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com #i swear if you manage to lose ME as a friend 9 times out of 10 there's smth seriously wrong with you #because i virtually have no standards and will put up with everything #and am the person who cares too much in almost every relationship in my life

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animentality · 4 months ago

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people were upsetting me in the comments on one of my fanfic chapters, so I just deleted it.

i was going to write 5 chapters, but since I deleted one, and don't feel like posting the other one now, I think it's fine to just leave it as a trilogy.

man.

i'm not sure.

am I losing my touch, or is that particular fandom really touchy?

i swear I never got this much complaining when I wrote durgetash porn...

maybe it's because that's a more adult fandom.

i don't know.

feels bad, though. kinda feels bad.

#archive of our own #I'm trying to brush it off now #I felt weird about that chapter in general bc its a character that I like and all but I don't super know how to write #but I thought it turned out ok in the end #but idk #I got like two angry comments from people who didn't realize where I was going with it #and one from someone who was previously complimentary #which is kind of the final straw #my thirteenth reason #like I'm not denying yeah it was a misstep and I felt weird about it from the beginning and all #I just thought it was fine #but I feel better about the 3 first chapters #I'm not writing for that ship again #I cant do it #this sucks tho #I feel like I was just so inspired for the first three chapters and then like #this deflated me #I was gonna write more of this ship but idk #maybe I just wont bother anymore #I'm clearly better at other ships #that one is a no go

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onlyasimp4nobody · 5 days ago

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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends #can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice #and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d #idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time #one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers #you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair #makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me #it just never ends #like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't #Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't #realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm #it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing #and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things #it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday #and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that #when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty #rant

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msommers · 2 months ago

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did you mean: blorbo with eternal anger issues

[templates: 1, 2]

#ch: meredith cousland #graphic #graphic: meredith #verse: dragon age #that tag is an unorganized mess by now probs but w/e #anyway she's my babygirl <3 loml <3 #'the warden's burden' is my made up origin sidequest of mere and duncan's chat they had before she went to bed #'one road left before her' is a ref to the 'shred of blue' codex about the calling #she has a mage-templar war ref bc she would've been involved in things up until leaving for cure hunting #this isn't explicitly a sole ruler mere set but it ended up adjacent bc i didn't want to include a set romance lmao #mila n jorina were originally celia n ellana but i swapped 'em up bc they're both in mere's dao timeline to me #like mila's @ ostagar & kinloch and teen jorina's in the denerim alienage i don't make the timeline (i do) i just enforce it #the fergus gif was there as a placeholder until i found a suitable fc but at this point i'm attached so there he is idc #update: found this like a month and a half later abandoned in the drafts lmao #i was going to edit or add another images gif altogether but decided against it idc #she's cute. she's a fun little set as is #i remember being bothered by 'images' and then it's all article links but idc anymore i like it now

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skinnypaleangryperson · 8 months ago

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I can't imagine how quality my life would be if people were willing to listen to niche, incredibly strange cornered personalities. I'm such an interesting person, but people don't speak my language 98% of the time and nobody cares to unless you speak the mainstream, boring oversaturated languages that people speak with celebrity pop culture, influencers, and the so forth. The worthlessness that I feel from not being able to fit into mainstream society has made a black mark. Still, the niche incredibly strange personality persists.

I'm just a incredibly strange mentally ill, genuinely schizophrenic incredibly imaginative maladaptive daydreaming mentally ill person who cannot tell fantasy from reality, but I feel like it could have been so much more than that if society had spaces for more niche corners like us to speak.

#I'm so depressed that I promised myself I wouldn't post anymore #but looking at the four neurodivergent people that post in the tags I check even if they end up paying me #*hating me #is enough to get me going again at least for a little bit #I don't even bother with fandom anymore nor does it excite me because I've been rejected from BoJack culture in every way #but I'm still madly in love with him and have psychotic maladaptive disorders about him so it doesn't matter #so I just casually interact #assume that people are going to treat me like trash and move on #most Bojack fans are excessively neurotypical much like the characters and the people that made it #and neurotypicals absolutely despise me especially since I'm becoming increasingly more insane as I get older #just internet junk anyway so it barely matters #I learned plenty from the discord and of the cursed thing that you call a reddit group

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necrotic-nephilim · 2 months ago

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i love your fics and the ideas you describe for the ask games. i'm especially fond of your takes on the rarer pairings and i always smile when i see your posts in the ship tags <3

and don't stress too much about not posting anything, real life is important and participating in fandom should be fun, not something you have to force yourself to do. god knows fandom burnout is real, especially if you feel like people are expecting something from you. just keep doing what makes you happy :)

ghgfhgjhkjhjhg this was so sweet, thank you so much! i *love* talking about rarer rarepairs, especially if it gets other people to ship them too. the popular ships are fun and all, but i truly love spreading rarepair propaganda.

that's very reassuring, thank you <3 i've loved everything i posted here so far and have not felt pushed to post anything i haven't enjoyed, but sometimes i forget i can like. use this blog for whatever i want and not *just* headcanons/fics/mets/etc lol. and i also forget i don't have to rush myself. it's annoying to want to write and either not have time or not have the words work. i used to run a fandom blog in my teens that got very large and felt like a chore and i was so stressed about the need to perform and the numbers and all of that. like if a fic didn't do well i saw it as a personal failing and forced myself to write popular headcanons just for the numbers game. was not fun or sustainable in the long run and i think it contributed to me no longer having any taste for the ship i primarily wrote for. so for too long i treated existing in fandom like a job lol. i've mostly gotten it through to myself that this is a space for me, but i occasionally forget when i'm so caught up in all the things i want to get to for this blog. my to-write list is a mile long and i need to be bonked with a paper towel roll, i think. so it's very kind of you to say this bc the reminder is nice <3

#necrotic answerings #kindly praise #this was *so* sweet anon wtf #i'm not naming the blog i used to run #yes it still exists #and it's not hard to find if you really hunt my digital footprint tbh. i don't hide my main blog #both this blog and that blog are mentioned on my main so you could find it if you looked i'm not hiding it just also not advertising it #at my height i had about 4k followers over there #which in tumblr numbers for the ship i was writing felt like a lot to 15 yr old me #overall enjoyed it but *man*. it did get rough trying to game the system #bc generally even now when i'm writing a fic i *know* how it's going to preform #i've been surprised a couple times but typically #the combining factors of the ship's popularity and the concept's appeal to popular headcanon make it easy for me to parse out #and tbh it doesn't bother me anymore. like i know if i write say timcass or jeantim #it will not preform like jaytim will #and i'm okay with that #i write timcass bc *i* want to write timcass #so yk. i'm having fun #i just forget i can be more “low effort” on the blog too #esp bc i gained followers far quicker than i expected #i've had this blog for barely two months and i almost have 200 followers #made me shooketh i tell you.#i expected this to be yelling into some kind of void.#i wanna do something to celebrate hitting 200 but i'm unsure what #maybe i'll save it for 250 idk #anywhore.#ty anon i'm going to staple this ask to my forehead <3

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jabeur · 2 months ago

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Right, and the racism from other players is ALWAYS excused by fans. I didn't even know about that caroline photo until you brought it up, people just pretend it never happened. And Paula's photo a couple of days ago? She "apologised" and under her post there were HUNDREDS of replies from white people saying that "all was forgiven" "she didn't do anything wrong" and her acting like the victim under those replies. AND!! I was so confused this morning about WHY the crowd in Wuhan (one the most polite crowds ever) would boo Magda Linette, and look what I found on twitter https://x.com/snack_attacck/status/1843536512765288484?t=BawWaz85WH-KbgLd_8R-xA&s=19😭 like why is this shit so normalized, they bury these things so much nobody even knows about it, but god forbid a chinese woman was focused on herself during her game

of COURSE paula was acting like the victim once other white people started showering her with support and excuses for her behavior. rancid. god how hard can it be to know that we are not the ones who should accept or not her apology anyway???? are we asian? are we the ones affected by her racist behavior? no! so we need to just shut the fuck up. (i'm saying we as in me and other white people, obviously i don't know if you're white anon)

goddddd that linette thing is nasty 😭😭 i didn't know about this. bc yeah, these things are never talked about!!! usually these racist behaviors from players are brought up on twitter by someone and then if it spreads maybe people remember for 2 days and then go back to pretending nothing happened. but it's important to hold these players accountable so these shouldn't be things only discussed/shared on twitter by a few fans who care these should be widely known bc why are we letting racists get away with it so easily??

but, as you said, if a chinese woman is gasps focused on her own game as a tennis - notorious solitary sport - player.... unacceptable. bc obviously not smiling at your opponents is much worse than, say, disrespecting an entire culture or race. /s

#this world is rotten. let's fucking talk about racism. let's shame these racist assholes to the moon and back #asks #anon #it always bothers me that not using twitter anymore i miss these things often #or like if i don't follow someone specific on ig i don't see some shit #like aaaaa why aren't these things talked abt WIDELY!!! and yes i mean even tennis journalists and pundits and whatnot #it's really sickening to me that many things not related to tennis aren't considered worthy to be discussed when they're talking about #a player. bc no. i think knowing if someone is racist or homotransphobic or an abuser IS important. if i liked this player i'd rather know #that they hold values or do things that i strongly disagree with #i don't fucking care. to me it'll never just be about the sport. sport doesn't exist in a vacuum #who a person is and what they believe in matters. and i will always stand by that #so when commentators during zverev matches don't mention his dv shit not even close to trials? that's wrong. to me that's wrong #and it's double clear that it's wrong bc i watched a qinwen match after one of navarro's comments (the one during the olympics)#and the commentators talked about it! so why is that important to talk about but when a white player insults an entire race that's not?#pray tell. you might say the qinwen thing is more related to tennis eh whatever so is insulting a culture or race that your fellow players #are a part of. bc again sport doesn't exist in a vacuum they don't just hit balls and none of it has consequences on life things #whatever. idk if i explained myself well i am getting dressed while i type fifvjdvj

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jils-things · 1 month ago

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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it

#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff #in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content #but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally #im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit #whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it #it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad #i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to #feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people #i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know #i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all #being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know #Losing a friend really does something to you huh.

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soup-is-here · 1 month ago

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Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

#mouthwashing #tw addiction #tw self harm #It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist #It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed #but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools #they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse #and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself #Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both #Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic #That's unhealthy #now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore #And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety #But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking #Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction #Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD #But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did #The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do #He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool #And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again

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