#because nothing i do makes me look good everything about me is just wrong so why should i care anymore?

[lizardho]

Being at BYU after my mission was weird. Like. Bad weird. Everybody was still acting like missionaries but they had nobody to teach so it all turned into the holier-than-thou bs that missions always degenerate into over time. Just the forced establishment of some weird social hierarchy where value is based on how devout you are, with people digging and scratching and clawing their way around humanity in order to become even more devout.

And this bullshit was actively killing me. The attempts to stay Good Enough were scraping the remnants of my humanity out of my husk like a spoon scraping the last bits of watermelon from a rind - I was doing what I had always done, be Mormon, do what Mormons do, be as good a Mormon as I could be, only it was breaking me. Instead of healing me, making me whole, taking away my burdens, it was pulling the life out of me in exchange for nothing. I was just being squeezed dry of everything I had to offer and being given back shame and isolation and rejection because I didn’t do it first, or fast enough, or with a willing enough heart, or whatever the hell they could come up with.

But despite myself, because most people smarter than me AND dumber than me would have left already, I found myself trying over and over and over again to make it work with no success.

One day, I snap. I’ve had enough. I need answers. I’ve looked everywhere and done everything I could by myself, and nothing had come of it, so I went to talk to a faculty member. A teacher at the school. He taught religion classes and his lessons were powerfully and inspiringly honest, earnest, and filled with raw humanity. I figured if I could get a straight (ha) answer from anyone, it would be that guy. He wasn’t involved in the Mormon rat race. He wasn’t playing the stupid “I’m Worthier Than You” games that were so pernicious on campus. He was being real and open and vulnerable and I needed that from someone.

So I go into his office and I lay my cards on the table. I figure if I’m gonna get helped, I need to be honest. I share with him my weird feelings about dad leaving the church on my mission. About my siblings leaving the church. About my own doubts and hurts. I tell him about how hard it is to be in limbo like this without knowing what to do or where to turn. I tell him I need answers.

And he listens. And then he starts with the usual Mormon apologetics bullshit. And I say “no” because I’m done with that. That doesn’t fly with me anymore. And he sees and hears me say no and he puts a hand on mine, makes direct eye contact, and says,

“You know, you don’t have to go to church, right?”

I, being a person who was hurting, interpreted that as “if you have questions that I can’t answer you should fuck off.” I got defensive immediately and he again listened, put his hand on mine, and said,

“Not what I meant. You can stay if you want, but I want you to know you can leave too. Take a break. Give yourself time to heal. This isn’t supposed to hurt this much, and if it hurts you can take a break and come back when it feels good.”

I’m actually getting choked up just writing that out. Nobody had ever said that to me before. When I talked about my dysphoria to my parents, they said teenagers are supposed to feel like that a little bit. When I talked to people about my difficulties at church they had always told me that it was a sign that church was working. That I was doing it right. That growth was supposed to hurt, that excising the Natural Man from me was supposed to be difficult, that I was supposed to be feeling this anxious and sad and scared. I had never ever ever been told that pain and suffering were signs things were going wrong. I had actually explicitly been told by many many many many many many many many people that it was good, that the hurt and the heartache and the constant feeling of never being good enough and never being able to fit into my own skin or love myself in any meaningful way was desirable. That it was something they envied.

It’s not supposed to hurt. Some things can, and should. My parents were right that some body concerns were normal (although we later found out my specific concerns were more abnormal lmao, I got that tgirl swag). My family and friends were right that challenging myself with difficult assignments and ambitious goals was supposed to feel uncomfortable.

And at the same time, THIS was not supposed to hurt. I was not meant to have this gaping throbbing aching hole in my Me that never let up. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HURT.

I don’t know when exactly I started crying, but I was crying the whole rest of the day. It was the first time in a while I had to actually take a Valium to clam down. It wasn’t supposed to hurt.

He also told me that if it ever stopped hurting I could always come back.

I think that was the day I really left. Others might say otherwise, I still tried to make it work for a few more months after that, but the idea that it wasn’t supposed to hurt really changed me.

If any of you are reading this - there are things that are supposed to be difficult. Things that are supposed to hurt. But if your faith or your beliefs about the world or yourself leave you feeling like you’ve been hollowed out at a minor mistake or setback, if your failures and setbacks leave you feeling raw and numb frequently, if the company you keep or the places you stay leave you feeling constantly inadequate with out hope or help, then I’ll tell you the same thing that professor told me:

You can go somewhere else. You can do something else. And you can always come back when you want.

But it’s not supposed to hurt.

[just-sg]

You don't even have to do that! At the very least you don't have to start there.

You don't have to assume a positive. What you do need to do is not assume a negative. And if you can't do that, at least work on getting better at casting doubt on the negative.

"I think people DO like me and WANT to spend time with me!" - Difficult! Especially when you have evidence to the contrary. Sets yourself up for failure to apply too liberally, even, because not everyone will like you (or anyone!), and if you start out trying to assume the impossible, of course you're going to run into times it's not true, and then you accidentally trick your brain into believing it's never true. Still ideal to assume about people who have already established decent or better relationships with you, but if you can't?

"I think people DON'T like me and DON'T WANT to spend time with me." - Easy, cowardly, and frankly really mean to the people who like you! What, do you think they lie to you maliciously for fun? Do you think they're the kind of people who just pity you? Not "do you think you're the kind of person who 'deserves' that", but do you think they are the kinds of assholes who would do that? If so, look for better friends. If not, stop making mean accusations about your friends to server your own self-loathing. Also, simply an unrealistic thing to assume. Everything always being bad is just as unlikely as everything always being good.

"DO people want to spend time with me? I DON'T KNOW. I can't know what they're thinking! If they tell me directly, they could be lying, but they could not. I guess the only way to find out is to try. Sometimes this will not go well but at least I won't be assuming wrong." - Neutral, and potentially more helpful for brand new people especially, even if you should still work on getting better at assuming positives. Going in expecting disappointment is possible but not just assuming it to a point of making it self-fulfilling is a light but functional guard. If you never let yourself risk getting hurt at all, you also guarantee you'll never get any of the rewards those risks may have earned. But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can brace yourself and reduce how much it hurts IF (IF!!!) it does end up hurting, and still put yourself out there.

And lastly-

"I think people DON'T like me or what to be around me, because CLEARLY I'm so awful. Then again, if I'm really so bad, why would my judgment be the one single thing I'm amazing at? If I think other people are better than me, and some of them are saying I'm better than I think, maybe I should try trusting they know better than me and see how that goes?" - Sometimes that's where you gotta start. If you simply cannot bring yourself to see anything about yourself that isn't overtly negative, stop asking your own opinion and trust the people who like you, even if you can't believe them, even if it's only just enough to say "I guess there's a chance I could be wrong." Believe in the friends who believe in you.

assuming that people like you and want to spend time with you is crucial to making friends. unfortunately this is the hardest thing to do in the world

[unforth]

As I deepen my study with Chinese, the more I'm struck by how word meanings work. The monolingual USAdians I know or encounter online, who studied only as much as needed to get through school, really do seem to think languages are plug and play: know the word in both languages, and swap.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. There's on Chinese word, 稳当 (wĕn dang), that's really struck me for that. Because my flashcards give three translations for 稳当: reliable, secure, and stable. And in English these words are all fairly different! Clearly related but very much do not mean the same thing. How can one Chinese word mean these three different concepts? Well, of course, it doesn't. 稳当 means 稳当, some fusion of those three concepts we have words for in English but not quite any of them, that makes it appropriate to use in places where English would use any of those three. There are surely shades of meaning, and which interpretation of the meaning is most appropriate to a given context will be understood upon reading.

Now, expand this understanding - that a word doesn't mean (exact direct swap in English) but rather the word means the word, and we approximate it to the closest English equivalent we can - to *every single word in every single sentence in an entire book.*

Then translate that book.

Translation is an art, not a science, requiring tremendous verisimilitude in *both* languages, and an understanding of the story, and a deep familiarity with the culture (social, historical, linguistic, etc.) of the original work, and often knowledge of the authors intent (if possible to ascertain), and a range of other skills. Translation will always be interpretive and transformative, because (word in one language) doesn't precisely mean (word in another language). They're not "the same." If I present you a sentence with 稳当 in it, does it mean stable, reliable, or secure? Well that depends. On what? How it's being used, the surrounding context, other factors, and of course... the reader or translators interpretation.

It drives me insane when I see people present alternate translations as some kind of "gotcha" that one translator got things wrong. And don't get me wrong - of course some translations ARE just wrong, obviously if I translate 稳当 to mean "goldfish" I'm not interpreting I'm just incorrect. But beyond obvious mistakes, a world of nuance exists, and different translators can in good faith reach different conclusions on the most appropriate translation. This is WHY famous books not in English get translated repeatedly by different people, and why a reader would want to read multiple translations of the same work - to see, in different translations, some shadow of the wonderful nuance embodied by the original words that do not, and cannot, simply be swapped 1 to 1 for a perfect English translation. And this is *especially* true of a language like Chinese, which is ancient and beautiful and deeply steeped in understandings of Chinese history and literature.

Why do you think I and many others are studying Chinese for years? For me, it's all so I can read the actual books myself and get that much closer to the story, that much closer to my own interpretation. I'll never have the skills of a knowledgeable translator - this isn't my profession, it's my hobby - but I'll gleen things nonetheless and it's important to me to try.

Too many of yall disrespect those skills so much that you'll throw a sentence of a language you know nothing about into Google translate and then declare the translator Wrong (and sometimes Bad and Malicious) based on that.

稳当 means 稳当. It doesn't mean "reliable." It doesn't mean "the exact translation of 稳" plus "the exact translation of 当". It's a Chinese word with a Chinese definition that we retrofit English on to.

And the hardest part? Look, I'm still a Chinese novice. For all I fucking know, 稳当 actually MIGHT have three distinct definitions. Everything I said about it above might be wrong. I don't know enough Chinese yet to know for sure, and that's a level of nuance and understanding I'll only reach by reading more.

Multiply that by *every single word in both the original language and the language it's being translated into.*

That's what translation is.

Good luck.

[lilithofpenandbook]

Do you think that Snape, after being yelled at by McGonagall for showing her attitude and somehow the fight escalating to their past when Snape was a child, and told that if he was actually traumatised by her actions, he'd be afraid of her, not rude to her, would lock himself in his room and cry, cry, cry, because despite the fact that he fought back and screamed that he IS traumatised, that she DID hurt him by not being there, that she IS responsible for him being this way, he isn't sure? Because every single person around him tells him that he's the problem. That he's rude. That it's his fault the other party was offended. Even though he didn't mean to be rude, he was just being him, but surely he's the problem if everyone's saying it? Or maybe he's surrounded by the wrong people? Or maybe he is wrong, and he is a horrible person, he is a piece of trash, he's wrong and just stubborn?

Do you think that sometimes he doesn't even know if he's right or wrong? That he doesn't even care, all he knows is that he's so, so angry, he's in so, SO much pain, he wants to scream, he wants to cry, it all hurts and no one's coming to make it better and he can never get it out, he can never truly vocalise it because the words won't come, and he looks hysterical, insane, and selfish.

He's just tired.

[caramelkats]

ɞ𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝¡. . .

𝐅𝐭. . . 𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐑𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞, 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮 𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢

𝐓𝐰! 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲), 𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐯, 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢-𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜, 𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞, 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

❥𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈

"You know. . . If you wanted me so bad, you could've just asked. " He said, voice teasing you as he thrust his cock into you.

Your head turned as a feeling of warmth spread over your face. "H-hush Osamu," Voice low but determined as you shifted your line of sight to glare at the man.

Grinning, he grinds his hips deeper into your pelvis. His hands move almost reflexively to the strands of hair falling in your face. ". . . You look so pretty, belladonna. " Lips move to press against your own.

The bed creaked slightly with each thrust, sounds of your moans echoing throughout. Dazai's hands cups your face as he begins to pamper you with kisses, chuckling when he hears your embarrassed complaints. You should be used to it by now but in this situation you deemed it unnecessary and mocking.

Your face was twisted into a pout, as he continued to mess with you. It wasn't Dazai if he wasn't making someone a little frustrated.

"Qui—!," You were cut off as he smashed his lips directly onto your mouth, cutting off the rest of your complaints. His lips were soft, tongue Intertwining with yours. "Samu. . . Faster, please. "

At your request, he moves to press your legs a little farther up, moving to slot himself between your legs even more. "So impatient,. . .𝘣𝘶𝘵—I guess I can't deny my pretty girl"

And just as he said that, his hips met yours but this time they held more force, cock drilling into you with purpose. The unforgiving pace left you dumb, eyes widening as your nails dug into Osamu's wrist.

"Fuh—𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬!. . . Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop! " You rambled on, mind clouded from pleasure. Letting go was the only thing you could think about. Nothing more.

𝘈𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵. You were almost there you kept repeating to yourself. Everything felt as though it was it was vibrating underneath you, your head buzzing from pleasure as you tighten around him.

"There you go.. Good job..you came so pretty, I'm so proud of you, " His eyes we're crinkled at the corners as he smiles down at you.

"Now- how about a few more times, huh? . . . "

❥𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐖𝐀

Making Akutagawa angry was not an impossible task. Most days it would take a few comments of how boring he was. . . or even teasing him for his behavior. Today however all you needed were a few persistent shines of how bored you were and he was snatching you up by your hair and dragging you away into an alley.

"Stupid slut— why do you insist on bothering me. " His fingers were fisted in your hair, pulling your head back as he continues to press himself flush against you.

Eyes glossy and breaths baited, your hand covers your mouth as you fuck yourself back against him. Moans muffled. He stares at you, his eyes slits. "What's wrong?.. You were doing all that whining earlier— move your hand."

Not moving, you keep your hand pressed to your mouth. Your brows furrow and your eyes roll back as you feel him speed up. Just like that, he stops.

"I told you to move your hand. . . Did I not?" His hands release your hair, now moving to grab ahold of your wrist. Your hand is yanked away from your mouth, whimpering as he holds both of your wrist in a tight lock behind you.

"𝘔𝘮𝘮𝘮. . . I'm sorry Ryu! " Your tone is whiny, vocally begging him to keep fucking you. The amount of time passed had felt like hours but in all actuality it had been a few seconds.

He just stared down at you, mocking you. "Wait until we're finished with this mission. . . I'm not risking getting in trouble because you couldn't wait for me to fuck you. "

And with that, he let you go, sliding out of you as you stared at him wide eyed. "Hu—huh, wait, please Ryu!" He only glared at you, a warning that if you kept whining you wouldn't be getting anything after the two of you finished. Shutting up, you stood in place, lip jutting out as you waited for him to say something.

"Come on, we have to go.. You'll be fine."

[fyxestroll]

Whose Problem Is It When the Primarchs Fall in Love? Pt.2

note: posting this during class because im school is making me lose my mind :>

Unnamed Primarch #11 - Had a relationship so healthy Emps got jealous and deleted them from existence.

Angron - Theoretically it should be everyone’s problem but in practice, it’s mainly Angron’s. Like everything in his life, Angron falling in love is a tragedy; there are no good scenarios, no good endings. The Butcher’s Nails have robbed him of many things including the whirlwind of emotions that came with falling in love being replaced by pain, so much pain. There are so many what-ifs, could-have-been and should-have-beens with Angron that in another life—one kinder to him, you just know that he would love you with all of himself. 

Guilliman - He joins Jaghatai in the no-ones problem club. He handles falling in love well, there’s no unbearable pining or disastrous courting ideas. Internally, though, he hesitates from time to time because of the weight he carries on his shoulders. He dreams of retirement, of a simple life and that dream involves falling in love too but he’s far from retirement, far from that simple life. There’s always that nagging thought that his pursuit of you would have you be put into harm's way.

Mortarion - It’s his problem and it makes him miserable. When Mortarion falls in love he expects to be rejected almost immediately. He expects to be hated, to be seen as disgusting. This leads to him avoiding you because despite expecting it, he can’t bear to handle that sort of rejection. Still, he pines from a distance. If Mortarion’s feelings for you are requited then good luck its a never-ending game of hide and seek with his man. 

Magnus the Red - It’s your problem. Have you ever had that one smart classmate that goes ‘oh i didn’t review’ after getting a perfect score and its obvious they said that because they want to be praised? Well, that’s Magnus. He wants your attention and he wants your approval. Praise him, tell him how smart he is, keep up with his genius. Oh, this man can be perceived as so damn annoying and the worst part is that he doesn’t even realise it. When he falls in love, he looks for an equal in tht person.  He wants someone who can keep up with him, someone he can bounce off ideas with but he winds up expressing it in a way that unintentionally insults your intelligence. He’s like a pretentious peacock with the way he’s showing off his mastery of the warp. To have requited feelings for this man means being the most patient and understanding person in the whole galaxy.

Horus - It’s your problem. Like with Magnus you’d need a lot of patience with this man. Horus is like a big bald frat boy and when he pines his frat legion is right behind him. If the Space Wolves are singing kiss the girl the Luna Wolves are doing that with fireworks. Its endearing but so much so that it loops back to being cringe. Not even Horus’ Primarch charisma can help them on that one. Either way, whether you fall for him or not there's just this nagging feeling that something is about to go wrong at any moment.

Lorgar - Three your problems in a row lfg!!! Love for Lorgar is both spiritual happiness and guilt so when he falls in love he feels both. Worse, is that when Lorgar falls in love, he falls in LOVE. His emotions for you are intense and all-encompassing resulting in Lorgar deifying you and feeling immense guilt at what he feels as he feels that his feelings for you is him being corrupted in some way. It’s intense, it’s toxic and unless you’re into that it's your problem.

 Vulkan - He’s the president of the no-one’s-problem club. The OG in-touch with his emotions guy. The closest thing he’d have a problem with is that he looks intimidating as hell so if you aren’t close to him or don’t know him well you might be intimidated but that’s nothing a little quality time with him can’t fix! 

Corvus Corax - It’s his problem but he handles it better than most of the Primarchs on this list. He's well-adjusted enough to go with the flow but the insecurity is still there. He knows that under his skin he’s not exactly human and whether or not you are just the slightest bit aware of a Primarch’s true nature it kills him. Still, out of hypocrysy selfishness, he attempts to pursue you, hesitating every step of the way. Don’t be surprised if he ghosts you for days and then comes back badly trying to pretend like nothing happened.

Alpharius Omegon - It’s their problem (????) Alpharius and Omegon come as a packaged pair in just about anything including love, at least initially. They’re technically the same person but they’re still at their core individuals of the slightest variations so when they fall in love they need to be acknowledged as an individual by that person. It’s messy, internal and highlights the hairline cracks in the twins’ relationship. You don’t know that any of this is happening all you know is that Alpharius likes you.

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

I’ve tried to word and reword this post at least a dozen times. I’m not sure I’ll ever quite capture what Charles means to me in one attempt, but here goes:

That scene on the side of the agency where Charles is asking Edwin what would happen if death caught them was probably the moment I decided I loved him- same hat, I thought. I have racing thoughts and fears of being separated from my loved ones too. 

Same hat.

I didn’t realize what an understatement that was. 

We made it to the Devlin house episode. As Charles talked about his favorite tape being destroyed and struggled through reading the Devlin daughter’s journal, I realized his home life wasn’t as idyllic as he’d wanted us to think. He’d been walking on eggshells- I could relate to that. Sometimes I wonder if he was afraid to tell Edwin because he thought he would love him less. (Sometimes I worry in the back of my mind if I tell anyone, things I did years ago to survive would make them love me less).

My heart went out to him.

Right after that, he must have wondered if he was losing Edwin to Monty. A tiny, tiny piece of me that grew up as no-one’s-best-friend, just-the-afterthought, understood him. I wondered if it would be worse to lose a best friend, actually, than to never have one. I am okay now. But there’s a part of you that is forever worried that you did something wrong.

And next episode his fears are heightened. We see why- he’s never thought he was enough. His home life was brutal. He had friends, but they are what killed him. Nothing he ever did was “enough”, and now he’s sure he’s losing his best friend even though he did everything he could to protect him. 

There’s something about having an abusive parent that makes it hard to scrub the feeling of “never enough” off of you. It’s no one’s fault but theirs, but all I wanted to do was hold him after that. I see why Edwin tried to reach out. 

Charles has never thought he was enough, no matter how many friends or trophies he had. Of course he went into episode five thinking he was a bad person, even though he isn’t (and I’m so glad Edwin told him, with words, he was not a bad person).

Of course he ended episode six worrying he was about to lose his best friend to a boy that just tried to kill them in the woods— or a shape shifter who trapped them in a town across the sea. 

He does lose Edwin- but not to a boy. To Hell.

So Charles braves letting the night nurse look in his mind again. This moment stood out to me as a viewer- we already saw he died because he prevented a hate crime. He tells Edwin he stepped in and stopped the attack because he’s half Indian (I could go on about how much him being biracial meant to me, but I won’t here). He says he is not that different than the boy being beaten. People are right that Edwin has a strong sense of justice- but so too does Charles. Perhaps that’s why they got on so well right away.

So he rescues Edwin from Hell after persuading The Night Nurse. And as he’s rescuing Edwin from Hell, Edwin finally, finally gets to tell Charles what he wanted to say earlier. 

Sometimes people erroneously think Edwin came out to Charles here. That wasn’t quite what happened- the larger arc people often erase in this story is that Edwin Payne confessed that he loved Charles Rowland. How couldn’t you love Charles Rowland, after all of that? 

And Charles meet him as much as he could. He does love Edwin- he just needs time to figure the rest out. But they have literally forever. And honestly, they seemed like they were off to a pretty good start once they weren’t running from a giant spider made of babydoll heads. 

So, Charles, thank you for making me feel seen. Your smile is pretty convincing. I hope you have fun growing the agency with Edwin, and I hope the afterlife is kind while you figure things out together.

[kini-luv]

Hasbro needs to start making THEM appear more Other than using Arcee as their go-to Fembot which is starting to look like she's just a default/Npc and stuff, they are all great girls and deserve more attention because personally Arcee already has more than enough attention and fans to keep up with her Popularity, Im not saying Shit about her Im just Stating my Opinion and There are Some Arcee fans who already have come at me for not "supporting" Like Wtf they have their Own likes, So do I, and Arcee is a Good character but sometimes she's sorta of overated But I am not hating on her It's y'all's fault if you take it the wrong fucking way because of ur fav pink girl or some shit Ok. And In The Other OG Girls why The Fuck would you create some characters that you're not going to even Fucking use for a show or some shit I Mean Chromia ATLEAST Has some Fans Due to The comics and Cyberverse shits but The others are like as if they never existed. I barely see Firestar and Moonracer get SOME Love- And Also Lancer and greenlight? I mean what the fuck Hasbro that's their biggest problem of Making characters that have potential and then just throwing them off the boat acting as They were nothing, Atleast Elita is getting some recognition nowadays, But due to this fucked up ass shit with people calling her a bitch and stuff, They say they are TF fans and know everything and they act as if Elita was just a fucking mary sue selfish bitch and overlooked her role on the WHOLE ASS FRANCHISE, like what the fuck yall are mad anymore wtf is wrong with yall slvts

[urlocalboynoah]

THIS IS NO ONE'S REQUEST, I was just bored as hell honestly, and I seriously think Miko needs more content, especially with her guardian(s). So, here's a little something as an apology for not posting in months (I lost my password..) This is probably terrible, maybe even OOC so I apologize in advance...

This was written while listening to Teenage girl, by Cherry Glazzer. You can listen to it too while reading if you want.

¹ ❥ ☆ Mini Fic²

♰ Transformers Prime³

ˋˋ SFW ☆

Teenage girl ♡

“urrrrrrrgh. “ Miko growled, sitting lazily on the chair. She was in detention again, for two whole hours, and everyone knows that for a girl such as Miko, staying two hours in the same room, doing either homework or nothing, was impossible. As the teacher looked away for a second, she pulled out her phone, sending a text into her guardian’s comms, giggling. He didn’t have to know she was in detention…

>> Class done early. Pick up ? pls

be here in five mins <<

>> thx ur the best xx

A soft smile formed on his faceplate when he read the text.

“ Miko’s done with class. I’ll go pick her up. “

Everyone either nodded or hummed in agreement, the big mech then proceeded to transform and make his way to Miko’s school. When he finally arrived in front, she was already here. He sighed softly and unlocked the door, allowing the human to jump in. As he asked how her day went and waited for her answer, he noticed the usual behavior she would have when she was hiding something from him.

Buckling her belt and making herself comfortable, knowing the ride would miraculously take way longer than the way to school, just because Bulkhead would take all kinds of “shortcuts” that would actually make the ride longer. He loved spending time with Miko, seeing her rocking her head at the songs playing. He had her playlist of favorite songs already registered. The big mech considered her family, like a sparkling he had to take care of. He’d never admit that, though.

The young girl was now waiting for the big engine to start, which never happened. She raised an eyebrow, kind of concerned something went wrong.

“Bulk ? Is your engine broken or something ? “

“ There’s something you want to tell me, but you’re not going to. “

She huffed, taking the words as an attack. But, it was actually just that she didn’t expect him to be able to read her like an open book.

“ what ?? Do you not trust me ? You know I tell you everything ! “

“ Apparently not. Did you get in trouble ? Did someone annoy you ? Who do I need to fight ?”

She stopped him right in his tracks when she heard he was ready to get in trouble just to protect her.

“ No, no no. None of that… I’m not in trouble, and you’re not fighting anyone. Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t have already anyway ! No… It’s that, uhh… I was in detention.”

The green mech sighed. He had a sneaky feeling it was something around those lines. But as he was about to give her a gentle lecture on how she should be respectful, pay attention in class and all that usual blah-blah she probably heard hundreds of times by her host parents, he decided to do the opposite. Bulkhead remembered very well how low Miko has been feeling for the past week. She’d exhaust herself on her homeworks, even ask for help if she was struggling, and not even sneaking out of the base anymore. Very unusual Miko behavior, which gave it away to her guardian. She really did try to get better, but her past got the better of her once again. Bulkhead knew old habits die hard, and sometimes, they just came back to give you a good slap as a reminder it’s not always going to be easy. He felt like this was what was happening to the poor girl at this moment. The silence being long enough, he finally spoke up.

“ You know what ? Let’s watch your show once we’re back to base.”

Too stunned to say a word, Miko stayed silent. She was expecting him to give her a whole speech about how it can’t keep on going, or she’ll fail her whole life, so that answer definitely surprised her. She just smirked and nodded softly, feeling the heavy weight on her chest drastically making it easier to breathe. As the loud sound of the starting engine finally resonated, she heard a small melody coming out of the radio. It was calm and slow, not something she’ll usually listen to.

“Erm, Bulk, what is that song? I’m practically falling asleep ! “

“ It reminds me of you. “

Miko raised an eyebrow, surprised by that answer. It sounded like such a boring song at first. When the volume went up, she listened to the lyrics. Bulkhead opened the windows, allowing the soft breeze of air to come inside and caress the girl’s hair. She relaxed her head back on the seat, and enjoyed it.

That song wasn’t all too bad after all…

EXTRA BECAUSE IM NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS END :

Hopping off of her chair the second the bell rang, the pink haired girl grabbed her bags and left, rushing through the stairs. Bulkhead being on a mission, someone else was coming to pick her up today. Someone special. She looked at every car in the parking lot, giggling when she saw him. She ran towards the car, waving, as if he could wave back. She instantly opened the door and jumped on the passenger seat. Her smile was full of joy.

“ Hey, kid. Been a while, hasn’t it ? “

“ Wheeljack ! It has ! I didn’t expect you here, I’m so happy to see you again. “

“ By the way you almost tripped while running, I could tell.”

She softly giggled, wiggling on the seat as a sign of excitement. The engine revved and they sped up on the road back to base, Miko already imagining a ton of things they could do together.

When she heard the radio turn on, she audibly gasped, her eyes glowing bright with happiness, and her smile only growing wider. The bot looked at her in the rear mirror, giggling in satisfaction. Looks like he hit right on the middle of the target. She rocked her body from side to side, and opened the window, and obviously turning the volume of the radio all the way up.

“ TEENAGE GIRL !!! “

. . . Written by Noah . . .ᐟ ☆

[yesimwriting]

The diversity of louis is sometimes giving protective big bro and sometimes he’s a bestie. I feel he out of all people know how cruel the world can be, especially to women - ya know considering he’s able to hear the thoughts of people he and bestie reader encounter in their way. (Unrelated but know bestie reader is a stunner, I feel it in my bones ;))

I also figured out why I enjoy your writing so much: it’s the casual displays of affection & physical contact between a man and woman without making/forcing it to be romantic or sexual, like at all. It’s so refreshing to see.

Everything nowadays has underlying themes of attraction/sexuality and this is pure fluff. I love it.

i haven't been able to stop thinking about this ask since i got it.

first and foremost, thank you so much for sharing what you enjoy about my writing! part of the reason fanfic writing is fun for me is bc it's a way of looking at characters i already love and thinking about what they'd be like in a day-to-day way outside of crucial plot points.

i've also always felt more naturally inclined to settling the reader into the world of a story bc of how much i love world building, and i think friendships are a part of that. thank you for reading and enjoying :)).

omg, also unrelated but it's so cute that you consider bestie reader a stunner bc i almost made her a model/fashion girly lol.

i really love what you're saying about louis and bestie reader's dynamic. it's really important for me that it's clear that while they are so close they feel like family, there's nothing parental about their dynamic.

louis does not see bestie reader as his daughter/child, and reader does not see louis as a father/parental figure. however, his previous experiences as a father impact his relationship with her in ways he doesn't understand.

the way i see louis, he has a lot of subconscious trauma that aggravates the regret/doubt he's actively aware of. louis does not regret claudia, but i do believe he does regret not being there for her in certain ways and not protecting her. and while he doesn't see reader as claudia, being so close to a young woman that hasn't had to endure claudia's hurt, it's hard not to see what claudia could have been if he had been there for her more...or if she had never become a vampire at all.

he also feels guilty about getting to live so contently after everything that happened. if louis can 'protect' reader and prove that he's learned, then it's less wrong of him to be happy with reader bc he's doing something good.

this is why he acts like more of a 'big brother' sometimes. bestie reader and louis will be chilling and then reader will mention wanting to go to some out of control party or meeting up with an older art collector by herself and louis suddenly remembers every evil thought he's ever heard a man have...and he just can't let it go.

i see this as being maybe one of the only real points of contention in their relationship. i picture bestie reader as being in her early-to-mid 20's, and while she's definitely an adult, that label means so little to louis. he's nearly 200 yrs old and he can hear men's thoughts when he goes out with reader. he's not wrong to think that he has a greater understanding of the world than reader, or to be worried about her.

however, on reader's side of things, louis being protective is a sore subject. part of it is a freedom thing, but it's mainly bc she doesn't want to think about what she's not. she's not a vampire, she can't say she's roamed the earth for centuries, and sometimes she thinks that makes her too 'limited' for louis. the one time they got into an actual fight, it was because louis tried to imply that he wouldn't let her do something. louis was so villainously annoyed and insufferable during this time armand and daniel were struggling as much as them 😭

also, while louis does look out for bestie reader bc he wants her to be safe/happy, he's also protective bc he's already getting a limited amount of time with her. if something were to happen to her, he'd have the crash out to end all crash outs.

also, kind of a side note, but god forbid a guy makes the mental decision to act on thoughts of doing something to reader. louis is taking care of it :).

reader lowkey doesn't remember what it's like to have to worry about her safety, which is only good if she's going out with louis, which again, aggravates louis's overprotectiveness. it's a vicious cycle.

[fairytwles]

AHHHH @nataliescatorccioapologist thank you for the tag lovely!!! these were so fun to answer, i kinda rambled in most of them though lol

1. Are you team Rational or Supernatural?

personally, I would love for it to be rational. The idea that it was truly just the girls out there, with nothing supernatural going on at all makes me have chills and it makes the girls and everything that happened out there and in the present a million times more tragic.

the only thing that would sway me into thinking its supernatural is if Van's cancer gets cured.... cause like.... there's no way

2. Who is your favorite teen timeline character? Favorite adult timeline character?

for favorite teen timeline character I think I would have to go with Lottie, i see so so so much of myself in her, i adore her to pieces (jackie is SUCH a close second though)

for adult timeline, I honestly think misty, she's so silly and goofy its a nice break from everything else lol (tai is a close second)

3. What is your favorite needledrop?

"no return" playing in the background and snow falling towards the end of lottie 's mall vision with laura lee... GOD my favorite scene that entire show its so good, goosebumps.

4. What is your favorite ship?

gotta be jackienat, i love those two so much, I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers and grunge/outcast x popular girl

it also wouldn't feel right for me to not mention lottielee... those two are a VERY close second, I adore them forever

and of course taivan!!! my cutie patooties,

5. What is your favorite episode?

i honestly don't know, maybe F sharp??? I have to rewatch the series to really think about it though!!

6. Who do you want the Antler Queen to be?

GOD i have no clue.....

if it was natalie it would make her story so much more tragic

if it was lottie it would ALSO make her story so much more tragic,

i love the theory that the antler queen is the chief mourner, but i also heard a theory that the antler queen is whoever made that specific kill which i think is really interesting

I think it's probably gonna be lottie (and i lowkey want it to be lottie) but who knows!!!

7. What is your favorite scene in the entire series?

any scene with lottielee SPECIFICALLY ghost laura lee i eat those UP

also look back at question three lol

8. A theory or prediction you have about Season 3?

the girls eat coach ben OR mari alive..... i say "or mari" because of that one pic from the trailer of shauna biting mari's (?) hand.... and mari screaming in the background.....like why else would she be doing that....

9. Which character do you relate to the most, and why?

I would have to say lottie/jackie...

for lottie I relate to her because of her past.... feeling isolated and alone in your own home... parent's not being around or caring really, having your mental illness demonized by your own family.... my own parents are eerily similar to Mr.Matthews.

I also feel like lottie always tries to make a good change, she never does anything with bad intention and somehow, it gets messed up, gets taken the wrong way, she's a teensy bit shy and insecure and when she can finally express herself the way she wants to without masking or hiding she flourishes

i also relate to her on a more trivial level with fashion sense lol, her pink party scene outfit is something i have worn piece for piece.

jackie is very similar for why i relate to her, always wanting to make things better but it always getting taken the wrong way

but the one thing i relate to the most is her friendship with shauna.... I had a shauna and our friendship did not end well in the slightest... when jackie finds out about shaunas betrayal and realizes how shauna truly felt about her i related to jackie more than any other character I've ever watched in ANY show, her hurt over losing her best friend so suddenly was so heartwrenching to me because I went through that…the jackieshauna fight was a glimpse into my own fight with my ex-bestfriend (not including the fucking my ex or dying in the snow part lol) (also don't get me wrong i love shauna she just hits to close to home sometimes lol)

jackie was just trying her best, and i adore her forever for it <33

10. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of Yellowjackets?

when the season three trailer came out I was in class, it was a lecture and i sat in the back, so i watched the trailer, got the zoomies bc wtf was that trailer, got up, left class halfway through and took a couple laps around campus to calm myself down LMAO

Bonus:

11. What’s your most controversial Yellowjackets take?

i'm sorry i do not like travis.... nothing can make me like travis..... i don't care for that man in the slightest..... yeah he had a redemption or whatever but like..... i don't care..... give me my girls.... i don't mind when people do like travis, but like, he will never be for me and that is ok!

NPT: @before-it-felt-like-a-sin @jupititties @lunarzomb @passionpita-taylorsversion @madamvampie @lottiesangel @dearanhedonia @vanpalmerenthusiast

Starting a Yellowjackets tag!

I want to get my mind off of things so: If you want, answer any or all of the questions below and tag 10 people (or however many you want) who also might want to share! I would love to see what you guys have to say!

1. Are you team Rational or Supernatural?

2. Who is your favorite teen timeline character? Favorite adult timeline character?

3. What is your favorite needledrop?

4. What is your favorite ship?

5. What is your favorite episode?

6. Who do you want the Antler Queen to be?

7. What is your favorite scene in the entire series?

8. A theory or prediction you have about Season 3?

9. Which character do you relate to the most, and why?

10. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of Yellowjackets?

Bonus:

11. What’s your most controversial Yellowjackets take?

—

Here’s mine!

1. I am mostly Team Rational because I love the way this show depicts trauma but I also love seeing the supernatural side of things through the survivors’ eyes if that makes sense.

2. Natalie in the teen timeline because I love her compassion and softness underneath the front she puts on. Lottie in the adult timeline because I love her internal battle with herself and how afraid she is of her own mind. Misty is a close second in the adult timeline!

3. “Cornflake Girl” playing while Nat sees the mossy tree for the first time, Callie seeing the Adam Martin driver’s license in the barbecue, and Shauna eating Jackie’s ear. It just goes so perfectly with everything that’s going on (especially the elevated piano while Nat and Travis are scaling the mountain and the lyrics while Shauna takes the bite!)

4. LottieNat is my favorite ship I can’t help it Nat and Lottie are my favorite characters so having them together is a dream (TaiVan, JackieShauna, and TravNat are up there, too).

5. 1x09 “Doomcoming” is just amazing and captures everything I love about Yellowjackets. I love when they let the girls go batshit crazy, hoping we get more Doomcoming vibes in S3.

6. I want the Antler Queen to be Natalie because that would show a true descent for her in the Wilderness from being the most morally grounded one to the leader of the group at their most unhinged and primal. But honestly I think that Shauna might be the AQ after all���

7. I think the Jackie-eating scene is the best in the entire show. The “Climbing Up the Walls” song choice, the bacchanal feast flashes as a way of coping with the horror of what they’re doing, seeing them go fully feral for the first time, it’s such a well crafted scene.

8. I know this probably won’t happen but I’m just going to throw it out there that Cabin Daughter is alive and she will be revealed to have been Javi’s “friend”!

9. I relate to Shauna the most because I also admittedly have a bit of an obsessive/intense personality and I, too, internalize my emotions to a very unhealthy degree sometimes. I also grew up being in love with my childhood best friend who is very, very much like Jackie (and now we have been dating for 7 years!)

10. Mine is a mix of going to a Yellowjackets panel and sitting like 5 feet from the showrunners, doing everything in my power to score early screening tickets to Heretic and Companion, and pretending I was sick so I could go home early from work the day that the S3 trailer came out.

11. The male characters on this show get too much hate🫢 I like Travis, Jeff, Kevyn, and Walter (even though his introduction and storyline are rushed and forced). I don’t like them more than the female characters, but I like them nevertheless and appreciate their contributions to the plot.

No pressure tags! (I’m tagging 15 bc I feel like it) @before-it-felt-like-a-sin @baked-potatoes-rule @jackiesnats @deerest-deer @whodoesnataliehave @stilllsage @fairytwles @glitterfairy-21225 @lesbianforlottie @tr4vnat @lauraleetaylor @cassioo @natsboygirlfriend @soapyjackets @pinkkkkat @natgf123 +literally anyone else who wants to!

[mr-payjay]

watching the nickel apology scene from the great bluish bakery over and over going completely insane. i could rewrite this to actually sound like nickel.

[weezerlvr228]

hi fam !!

[longagoitwastuesday]

I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn

[seventh-district]

.

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly