#so i have more empathy for that than other people

[aqueerpolysocialist]

The worst bit of this actually is realising the things you can never have.

Thanks to a couple of short generational gaps and my maternal grandfather dying when I was a newborn, my maternal great granddad was one of the most important people in my life. He died when I was 17. I turn 30 this year, and even though that really is not that old, I have such a different capacity for empathy now than I did as a teenager. I never really had an appreciation for who that man was outside of his familial relation to me while he was alive. The conversations I could have had with him now, the things he could have told me... I feel that loss so much more as I get older.

Pops served in Italy during the second world war. There were a few photos of him in uniform floating around, notably one of him directing traffic as an MP in Milan I believe. He rarely talked about the war, but based on research I know he would have been part of the invasion of Sicily and seen some pretty hairy stuff before the Italians surrendered and he got to see out the war guarding PoWs and directing traffic. He never talked about it, except once to tell my brother and I that most of the German soldiers he met as PoWs were just kids, the same as he was, and glad to be done with fighting.

I think a lot about how Pops probably killed, and definitely saw people die violently around him, but the thing he felt we needed to hear from him was that by and large, people are just people, no better or worse than any other.

I think about what my mum has told me about his life. He grew up dirt poor, working a delivery job in the mornings before school to help feed his siblings despite the fact that it made him late for school every day, and he would be beaten with a cane for his lateness every day.

That when he came back from the war, he worked as a bus conductor, became a union organiser, and by the time he retired he was one of the top organisers in the midlands.

That when my mum's mum up and left when she was 5 years old, Pops and Nan welcomed their son and granddaughter back into their house and raised her, their only son's only daughter, to be fiercely strong and independent.

I wonder what he would have thought about Brexit. About Trump. What he thought about Israel and Palestine. This quiet, proud man who saved every penny he could for decades and then spent it making sure I got specialist healthcare, music lessons, and holidays, while he quietly looked after a wife developing dementia and ignored the warning signs his body must have been giving him.

This turned into a slightly different post that I intended... But I think about Pops, and how I simply didn't have the capacity to understand him when I was a child, pretty frequently. I wonder who I will be in another ten, or twenty, or forty years. What will I understand at age 60 that I cannot conceive of at 30?

the worst part of "you'll understand when you're older" is that you really do understand when you're older

[oncelerfucker]

Yes autonomy is a major theme in Severance. Yes there was a bold and beautiful statement about the autonomy of the innies, Mark S. in particular, at the end of season two. Yes it makes complete sense for Mark S. to have made the choices he did.

And also — trauma and healing from it (or a lack of healing from it) is also a major theme in Severance.

It's very common to view yourself as disconnected from yourself after trauma. Who you were before and who you are after are two "different" people. As such, a huge part of healing from trauma can be working towards seeing yourself as "whole" again. That's not to say that trauma makes one "incomplete" but that for some people beginning to recognize the "ugly" parts of their emotions as part of themself wrt healing from trauma is related to self compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Which I think lends itself to the fact that innies and outies are the same person in the sense that their personalities and emotional patterns shine through regardless of their memories. Because of that I think the way they are treated by each other (innie vs outie) is more reflective of how the characters view themselves than anything else.

For example: Dylan hates himself, but he wants to like himself. He wants to be better, he just doesn't know how (thinking about how it's very heavily implied he has ADHD or another kind of neurodivergence that contributes to the way he struggles). Dylan is uncomfortable with and self conscious about his disregulation. He idealizes the parts of him that he wants to be more like, that he wants to strive for. Of course wanting to believe a part of him that he'll never fully meet is cool is something that is true for himself regardless of if he's at home or at Lumon — he desperately wants to like himself and find something he is good at. That's why he is angry but understanding to himself regarding Gretchen. That's why he gives himself autonomy.

Dylan sees himself and goes "That's a man I may not know, but I recognize him" because he recognizes his emotions and knows who he is despite the ways he may hate it.

Mark hates himself, but he fundamentally doesn't want to change. Mark does not see himself as autonomous because for the last several years he's been the guy that a bad thing happened to who can't confront it. Grief can cause you to strip your autonomy from yourself in real life, the severance procedure is just an extremely literal way of going about it. Mark is comfortable in his suffering. He's stuck in bargaining and depression. He is a man who lives comfortably in his depression hole and only changes his tune when it is theoretically possible to get his old life back. Of course neither part of himself sees the other as an equal — he hates that guy and constantly belittles himself because of his grief. He already doesn't see himself as autonomous so why would he ever view himself that way in any other context?

Mark sees himself and goes "That's a man I refuse to know and refuse to recognize" because he cannot bring himself to recognize his own emotions and understand himself in his emotional complexities.

For some the only way to heal from your traumas is to find a compassionate lense to look at and understand yourself through.

Dylan is beginning to do that without even working towards reintegration.

Mark has completely rejected that despite forcing himself into reintegration. Mark — innie and outie — will continue to lose narratively for as long as he cannot view himself with empathy.

[dannydoesthisthing27]

Asher and Guy have got to be some of the most emotionally intelligent characters, and I think that aspect of them is overlooked a lot of the time because they're silly/joke/flirt a lot more than the other characters typically would. Of course, the majority of redacted characters are emotionally intelligent, but with the others, you're kind of expecting that with their personality being what it is.

With Asher, he is "the goofball." He's the one that can make everyone laugh, even if they're pissed off while they do. Ash thrives off of making people smile. It makes him feel good knowing that he can improve someone's mood. However, he also knows when he needs to he serious, and he is able to balance those sides of himself really well. One of my favorite examples of him being serious is during the summit. He trusts himself to make decisions for the pack, even if he's scared of what might happen as a result. Asher was the one who made 90% of the big calls for the pack during the summit because David couldn't be there in the moment. Even when it's not something as big as the summit, he can still be serious. He values Baaabe more than anything else, and he is able to see when they're struggling. I think the best example of that in particular is that first audio he had after the summit when Baabe wasn't able to sleep. I don't think he's the man to wake up easily. Once he's out, he's out. Until it comes to Baabe. He woke up, probably because he either felt them move away or he picked up on their distress. He didn't pressure them to talk. He just let them know he was there, and that alone can be comforting. Especially since in a lot of my headcannons, Baabe grew up in a house where stability was a pretty foreign concept. They never had the comfort of a support system behind them. They just had to fend for themselves and hope their home was still standing when they got home from school or work. Asher changed that. He kept them safe from everything, including their own mind. He asked how their day was and actually valued their answer. He pays attention to the way they behave, and on days he noticed they were struggling, he tries to do anything to make it better once they're home. Asher is so in tune with the people he cares about, and it's beautiful.

Guy is the character you're expecting to be comedic relief. When you go into a Guy video, you're going to be expecting references and rambling. I think that Guy is much more mature than he usually lets on, though. Prime examples being the first reverse sick comfort, the one where he and Honey decorate together, the confession, and the ones where he tries to get Honey to sleep. He is still a menace, of course, but he's genuine with everything he says to Honey in the moment. Guy shows empathy for the fact that Honey can't sleep. He shows them affection (something they've probably not had a lot of in a relaxed sense as opposed to the hot and heavy moments). He is also able to communicate when he is not doing great. When he was sick and had to reschedule his pitch meeting, he showed that he was frustrated and upset about the fact that he would probably end up missing the pitch. He also works a customer service job, so he probably has rough days pretty often. I don't think they get to him all the time, but he definitely has extistential moments that Honey tries to help with. He talks about Honey so reverently sometimes, and I still get caught off guard by it. The way he compliments them when he isn't trying to be funny feels so different. The way Guy looks at Honey like they hung the stars is only second to the way he speaks to them. On rare occasions, Honey will fall asleep first (they're usually pretending). Guy will talk about how lucky he feels to have them in his life; how greatful he is that they can see him as more than just 'the pizza guy' or 'the person who will crack a joke every 3 seconds'. He feels known when Honey listens to him because they are actually listening.

Also

I would love an audio of Guy, Ash, Angel, and Gavin, going innuendo for innuendo. Just to see who could go for the longest. As unlikely as it is to happen I think it would be entertaining

[nebulagore]

CLUSTER-B EVIL

a term for when you fall under the cluster-b disorders and are evil. this might mean that the user often participates or exhibits traits that are seen as "evil" due to their disorder (ex. having low-empathy and in turn, might have a reputation of hurting people). whether these actions are intentional or not is up to the user. however, i do not condone harming others for whatever reason and using your disorder as a cushion for your actions.

this is incredibly self-indulgent on my end due to how i acted in the past. please take this with a grain of salt as this was made to be silly. i too once was a bpd evil stereotype, so i can make this for a treat.

this term / flag was created by me, but if this was already coined, consider this an alt. flag. i'm sure i'm not the first.

note : this is a re-upload but with a more /srs description than the last. i think people with cluster-b disorders should be able to destigmatize themselves while also being able to express their more negative / "evil" traits that the public hates.

[theinheriteddutchess]

That option should come up before he ever started using his phone in public, and it's also definitely about parenting. Kid doesn't listen to his mother at all. You listen after the first reprimand or else you do get some form of punishment. That's how you're supposed to raise your kids, with boundaries and respect.

So the kids can go through life being aware of others and having some empathy. The culture now is full attention to your phone without awareness of your surroundings and for others.

No one cares if you have fun, as long as you're not bothering others. Loud music of conversations everyone can hear, or constantly on your phone in cinemas or at shows, show this person has complete disregard for the fun and comfort of others. Selfish.

The amount of times someone gets warned to turn their phone off for something and I see people using it during something anyway, is infuriating and their fun isn't more important than mine when they're ruining a show by constantly lighting up my face with their screen. They should be removed.

There should be some consequences because people and kids like this won't learn otherwise.

my unpopular opinion is that i hate tiktok because now people just publicly watch loud ass videos in public spaces with no regard for anyone else. 100% it was not this bad with youtube, it’s such a different thing with tiktok. put on headphones. you are grown.

[twig-tea]

Gelboys finale thoughts

Gelboys gave me so many emotions. It was such a raw, painful, and empathetic depiction of youth--all of these kids are constantly hurting each other mostly through being self-absorbed and unaware they're doing it rather than intentional cruelty, though there are a few moments of that too. I appreciated how the show allowed all of these characters to make mistakes and be kind of terrible to each other, and for them to have their own moments of growth. I loved so many things this show did, including exploring the confusion around friendship vs attraction, what it means to lead people on with no intention of following through, sexual exploration with emotional attachment but not necessarily an emotional commitment, letting characters have more than one love interest over time, letting guys reach for each other's dicks....and in addition to those bigger things, there are a million tiny details I loved in every scene. While I wrote to ask for help clarifying one particular plot point because it was confusing last week, overall I have loved that this show required the viewer to pay attention to details and to put things together for themselves; trust in the audience is rare these days and it is always refreshing.

That being said, there are two stumbles that I'm sitting with at the end of the show that are preventing me from cheering without reservation.

One was the choice to put the evidence of Chian's main character growth into a side story. It was critical to ep7 that we understood Chian had actually reflected on his treatment of Fou4Mod, and we only know for sure that he had because of the Charging Gel ep6 side story (I've linked to a comment on that video that includes a translation because the full context is important). It is only cute that Chian put that hat on Fou4Mod's nail because he understood that at the time it was a dick move.

The second thing was rushing Baa's emotional turn in ep7. I think we got to see Baabin start to fall for Bua, and we did see his discomfort around having those feelings while still defining himself as the man in love with Fou4Mod, but I didn't buy Baa falling out of love with Fou4Mod. He held onto those feelings for 2 years while Fou4Mod and Chian were 'talking, then for however many months while Fou4Mod and Faifa had their thing and Fou4Mod and Baa weren't even friendly....I just don't know when Baa started to realize his feelings for Fou4Mod were not actually romantic anymore, and considering how intensely he was pushing that, I needed to know when he was faking it vs when it was real for him, and I just didn't. So when he revealed that he had been pretending not to have feelings for Bua because he didn't want to piss off Fou4Mod, it felt like it came out of nowhere. And after he had been so, so cruel to Bua in the same day that he decided to confess, I needed a better confession and apology to believe in their relationship.

The part that I appreciated most about this finale was Fou4Mod and Chian learning to communicate with empathy for each other. Fou4Mod admitted that he got paranoid about not hearing from Chian because of their history, and owned that that was an overreaction, and later Chian acknowledged that they weren't going to be able to be perfect but they could be more honest with each other and be considerate of each other's feelings around their behaviour (that's what I'm reading into the "I won't always be able to text back but I'll tell you if that's the case" scene). I wish this had been left slightly more open, but I am open to these two learning to be in a relationship together.

On the Baabin and Bua side, I really loved Bua's realization that he had been terrible to Chian, after experiencing it on the other side. I don't know that we got the same level of realization from Baabin that we did from the other three. He has learned to ask for things for himself even when he's afraid it will upset his friend, but I was hoping we'd get more of a realization about how he'd become the type of person he was yelling at a few episodes ago (Chian yelling at Baa for the same thing that Baa once yelled at Bua for was a delicious parallel). I think there's a step missing for me in Baa's storyline overall in which he realizes he does not like who he's become in his quest for Fou4Mod and as a result is able to let go of that crush. Similarly, while Bua's admission that he cares more about Baa's one like than a million likes from strangers was sweet, I think I needed to sit with them as not a pseudo-influencer couple in order to believe in their romance. As it stands, I don't really believe Bua will be able to put his relationship with Baa over his need for social media validation, and i don't really believe that Baa understands how hurtful he was to Bua or has learned enough about being aware of his own behaviour to prevent it from happening again. Which is all ok, I just wish the show were more aware that that's where it left us with this couple.

Overall, this show captured the raw emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager so well; even though I could not relate to a lot of the specifics of how these teens got up to shenanigans, I could relate to the core emotions almost always. I felt the cringe and the butterflies and the shame viscerally week to week, and I think that's what I'm going to remember this show for the most.

[evermoredeluxe]

rant ahead.

seeing people villainize omark is weird to me. like yes you can absolutely be mad at him for being condescending to imark or not seeing the full humanity of innies, but to say that he’s The Evil Character and having no empathy for him is not the point. you’re obviously supposed to have empathy for the innies (and btw i totally see why imark chose 10 mins in hell with helly over choosing doing what omark would’ve done), but that doesn’t mean that you can’t feel for the outies simultaneously.

i saw someone talking about how omark is a man in his 40s and was a history professor so he should’ve known better and not gotten severed etc, and yes while i may agree that falling for a capitalist company is not the smartest move and he created imark, he didn’t do it because he wanted imark to bear his pain; he actually did it so he imark could be pain-free! mark’s life was built with gemma, in losing her he lost himself, and he was literally an alcoholic and not in his right state of mind when he got severed. this cult company literally targeted gemma and him to be their test subjects and manipulated both of them. severance is obviously a controversial procedure in society in the show, but there’s still a side of society that is not necessarily against it because no one knows what goes on down there. lumon sold the severance procedure to omark in the prettiest wrapping paper. they told him his innie would be content and this is all for work/life balance and they told him that he is a person, his innie isn’t. they didn’t tell him the implications of their lies (which they actually believe to be true) about innie’s not being real people and being sub-human. ofc a smarter version of mark may have called bullshit on it, but he was literally down in the deepest dumps known to man.

omark made a mistake and currently he is failing to see his innie with humanity, but consider that gemma means more to him than whatever self-torture he is doing. people applauding odylan for seeing idylan and giving him agency (as they should!), but ignoring that that’s another man who chose to undergo severance, and so by their logic, he is evil too. what does that say about you view odylan’s intelligence? it’s a tv show, and yes omark is imark’s antagonist in ways, and typically the audience is supposed to hate the antagonist, but consider that you can have empathy for him and root for his happiness despite the fact that he made mistakes. it’s very human of him to make bad decisions after his loss and it’s okay to be gracious towards him.

same with helena btw. i absolutely think she is evil just by the virtue of being the eagan heiress. she literally chose to undergo severance to benefit lumon and spied on innies and assaulted imark and so much other fucked up shit. despite all of that, the audience is allowed to have sympathy for her and what she has gone through life with her father and how she has never experienced love, and also how she’s been brainwashed and indoctrinated since she was a child. would love a reality where young helena grows up and unlearns all the eagan bullshit, but that’s not the reality and we’re allowed to feel for her for that.

lastly, people pick and choose to fit stuff into their narrative. hating omark, but liking milchik? im not against liking milchik because he too is a victim and faces so many microaggressions and all, but he is still on lumon’s side so how do these people justify liking him? you are allowed to sympathize with the characters because they are all victims of lumon, it’s okay and it doesn’t make you a bad watcher with no philosophical knowledge or a bad human being with no moral code.

[maxdibert]

Someone had asked me when I started considering Severus my favorite character, but I’m an idiot and accidentally deleted the message with my response, so I’m putting it here separately because I think it’s a shame, and I don’t want to seem rude. They asked me if I liked him ever since his story was revealed in the seventh book, if it was earlier than that, or if it was something that developed as a reaction to the hate the character receives. And honestly, none of those?

When I first started reading the series as a kid, Severus seemed to me like the typical asshole teacher from any children's story. I mean, in every kids’ or teen movie, show, or book, there's always an asshole teacher. There's the one who punishes the kids in The Breakfast Club, the principal in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off who chases him all over town, and Miss Finster in Recess, who spends all day trying to catch students misbehaving. Snape, in the early books, felt like just another one of those, and honestly, I never really disliked those characters—I actually found them kind of funny.

I started feeling empathy for him in the fifth book because the SWM scene really shocked me. And I’m 100% serious when I say that level of school violence is absolutely horrifying to me. That was also the scene that made me hate James Potter, and honestly, that hatred is the longest relationship I’ve ever had with a man who isn’t my father. Well, not really—I’ve had friends for longer—but it sounds good to say. And then, when I got to the seventh book and his backstory was revealed, I actually found him pretty pathetic. I won’t lie—I thought he was a total loser. My reaction was like: dude, all of this over a woman who married your bully? My opinion on Lily isn’t something I developed recently; it goes way back. It always seemed insane to me that Snape had literally sacrificed his entire life for a woman who cut him off over something that, to me, felt like nothing compared to what he endured every day. But more than that, it absolutely blew my mind that she married the person responsible for all of it. Because, honestly, if a friend of mine married my abuser, I’d beat the crap out of her. It just seemed like something only someone with incredibly low self-esteem would do, and back then, I didn’t really appreciate pathetic characters.

Years later, I reread the series, and by then, I was older, had seen more things, and understood life differently. I had also gone through a couple of pretty traumatic experiences and met people who had gotten into all sorts of trouble or came from extremely dysfunctional families, and that made me empathize a lot more. First, I started appreciating Snape’s mean girl moments throughout the books because, honestly, I relate to his way of being a total bitch when it comes to messing with people. Second, by then, I had already spent a year washing dishes, living in a shitty apartment, and getting paid next to nothing, so I understood just how exhausting life must have been for him as an adult. Honestly, the Golden Trio’s behavior was unbearable to me at times. And third, his story felt like an incredibly realistic portrayal of how someone with no resources or support clings to anything to survive—even if that means joining a terrorist group, a cult, or just getting involved with the wrong crowd. Severus Snape’s case is the case of thousands of young people in extreme vulnerability who see no other way out but to get involved in certain things, or who are so desperate for acceptance and affection that they latch onto anyone who shows them the slightest bit of attention, or who have so little that they settle for anything. They’re easy targets, which is why it’s such a common phenomenon. His behavior also seemed like a very realistic response to the trauma he carried, and his reactions made perfect sense within his context. I simply came to the conclusion that he was the most complex and three-dimensional character in the entire series, and the reason so many people hate him is precisely because he doesn’t fit into a childlike moral framework—he’s a character you understand and appreciate more as an adult. Of course, most of his haters are under 25; most of them still live with their parents, haven’t been through real hardship, and don’t understand life.

And now, it also just makes sense for me to defend him because—let’s just say I neither confirm nor deny that I see a lot of the people I work with in him. People who have made serious mistakes, who have gotten involved in horrible things, but at the end of the day, they genuinely want to change or reintegrate into society, yet they’re constantly judged and condemned despite the fact that their actions were a direct consequence of social, institutional, and systemic barriers that left them with no other options. And the fact that people ignore that reality pisses me off because, ultimately, it’s a reflection of how we’re socially conditioned to believe in a ridiculous moral binary when, in reality, everything is far more complicated. Like, yeah, Snape joined a terrorist group, but so what? He paid his dues, so what? I believe in social reintegration, and my job is literally about that—there’s nothing more to it.

[dammit-tazmuir]

Just collecting some highlights from the tags and other branches of reblogs bc they all deserve to be seen.

She's deeply self-aware, and in many ways so confident and comfortable with herself, but also aware of her struggles and short-comings in a way that frustrates her but she isn't ashamed of. She knows her psychological hangup on the replacement arm that Wasn't Perfect So She Didn't Want It was petty and stupid and she still couldn't get over it, and she hated but really deeply accepted that. When she has huge ugly reactions to the first time in the River or to RB/Herald proximity, there's no denial or covering or anything really, she lets body do what it's gonna do. About the only thing she really gets flustered about is getting caught having positive feelings lol.

She has extremely low empathy and is deeply humanized about that and I will love that about her for all of time. She cracks jokes at the worst times. ("Some people will do anything to get.... a head..." I adore her.) She's decisive and owns every decision she ever makes. At no point has she ever shown typical guilt or regret, only occasional adjacent frustration or doubt at most. At no point has she ever felt particular pity or sympathy for anyone, and she doesn't need to.

She's kind to Harrow because she likes her and is interested in forming a bond with her. She gets upset at the idea Harrow might die because she doesn't want Harrow taken from her. She's nice to Augustine because flattering him benefits her and his company is enjoyable and his skills are admirable. She can and will be kind, funny, at times charming, helpful, extremely reliable if she's committed to something, and at times do her best to be comforting and even do things that for all intents and purposes are selfless, even though it is at all times rooted in a selfish mindset. She does things for other people because she WANTS to, sometimes to a point the thing SHE wants most IS what's good for them even if there's no other benefit for her.

She's also a big dumb whiny baby sometimes in the most endearing way. She's one of the funniest characters in the series. She genuinely seems to think she's "the main character" or at least more important than most people. She is a walking pile of snark and apathy and mean jokes and unpleasantness crossed with selective but terrifying and ferocious levels of devotion and brilliance. She's a massive bitch and is entirely at peace with that and she looks like someone left stale bread and butter out in the rain, and that coexists fully with the fact that she is beautiful and loves fiercely and always understands she has room to improve.

Harrow early on begrudges knowing Ianthe has a brain, but "the heart was an open question." But later, and before that from the reader's perspective, in the Prologue, she can hear the beating of "her wet and human heart", and I think there's something evocative about the way that's phrased. She is actively trying to be mean and nasty in many instances and she also very much does do many heinous crimes, but she is always sympathetic and always feels like a very real person. And honestly if even one or two people have ever better understood and been better able to communicate with someone they knew with similar tendencies (hopefully minus the murder and cannabilism but you know) thanks to Ianthe, then all the more reason to be forever grateful she exists.

It’s “can you think of anything nice you like about Ianthe” time! I’ll go first.

She really didn’t play the game at Canaan House. She very much was like, “fuck your keys and fuck you” and did it her way. The reverse engineering plus the common sense is neat. She really is a genius. I mean, she overdoes it sometimes…. Aaaand… she did do a spot of ‘the murder’. But it was just Babs. Who even cares about Babs?

And then we can round this out by just thinking about Ianthe noticing Harrow noticing her. 👍

[aspd-culture]

Hi! Hope it’s ok to ask this, I’m a person with aspd’s exception they are also my partner whom I love dearly I wanted to know from you all if there’s any advice you all have or anything. They’re genuinely the best person I know and it took a lot of trust to get to where we are now and it was worth every second I care for them a lot and I want to be the best boyfriend I can to them

(Due to the amount of links and to avoid formatting issues, I'm going to keep this post in plain text only. I apologize for the length of it, and the length of all the posts I'll be linking here)

Hi, it's definitely okay to ask and I really appreciate you coming to someone with ASPD because damn the google searches for this suck. I've got a couple posts on this that go into better detail than I could in one post, so I'm gonna put some links in here and if you need any clarification or have any other questions, feel free as always to ask them./gen

Links & more advice below the cut:

Firstly, one of my posts where I've described what an Exception is (always a good idea to know this so that you're aware of what that means from our side):

How to support a pwASPD:

Urges/possible replacement behaviors:

What "Transactional Relationships" Means for pwASPD (useful to understand how to avoid making someone with ASPD feel unsafe around you:

This one is short but it's something I personally wish more Exceptions realized (how high a value it means we put on you). I don't show you this in any way to put pressure on you but instead to help remind you in the moments where it might not feel like the pwASPD in your life cares (because sometimes it just doesn't come across properly) that they very, very much do:

Tips for dealing with ASPD symptoms from the side of the prosocial person:

Things that can cause ASPD Flares:

And that is probably already a novella's worth of information. But some specific advice I don't know if I've gone into before:

Do yourself and the person in question two huge favors in this and learn about flat affect if they experience that & try to learn to be comfortable with it, and get used to checking in with both of your emotions vs making assumptions on them. That goes both ways, because low/no empathy is a big part of most people's ASPD so they will very likely struggle to notice your emotions, and also because pwASPD have an emotional state that is VERY much misread by prosocial empathy. A lot of pwASPD (and no prosocial I've ever met) have this true neutral emotional state that is kind of the default, and I and many other pwASPD have learned the hard way that this true neutral (not content, just not feeling any emotion at all) reads to empathy as livid. Like truly pissed the hell off. This leads to something that can cause extreme friction between a prosocial and someone with ASPD: this persistent "I feel like you're mad at me" or "I can tell something is wrong" when in fact we are not feeling anything at the moment. Ask this enough times in a row though, or try to tell us what we're feeling, and suddenly the majority of us would sure be feeling VERY ticked off. I'm not saying don't ask at all - like I said open communication of emotions is huge between a prosocial and a pwASPD - but if they say they aren't mad but your empathy (if you have typical empathy) is certain they are, believe them at face value. On the low chance they're lying (most of us won't hesitate to tell you that you've ticked us off), it's probably because it is not something they feel able to discuss at the moment, and because most of us have low/no empathy, we don't expect you to guess how we're feeling anyways. If we don't tell you, we usually get that you don't know and won't like pin that on you in the way prosocials might.

Also, obviously pwASPD are not all the same so the biggest thing is to communicate in general. Don't assume everything I've said in these posts are universal because with a personality disorder, the spectrum of symptoms is wide - that's just kind of how it is when you're dealing with a disorder that affects every aspect of someone's life, actions, emotions, and thoughts.

[lambfawnteeth]

Character Profile: Daniel Frey

(Older picture but whateva)

I will not be brief.

Mentions of SA and domestic abuse

Daniel Frey

Just gonna state the facts, then after I’ll ramble about whatever metaphors and symbolism I write into his character.

Daniel is 19, working as the nurse intern aboard the Tulpar. He’s paired with Anya, and basically acts like her assistant, doing menial tasks regarding the med bay while he completes his own course work. He took up the internship for a few reasons; to get out of the house, probably for some sort of college credit, and/or because his mother insisted it would look good in a resume. 

(Background)

I’ll put this first in order to contextualize some of his behavior. Daniel’s family life is incredibly rocky, his father being a narcissist. Daniel himself is a product of rape, his father assaulted his mother in order to trap her in a marriage, which unfortunately worked. Despite this, Daniel’s mother tried her best, being there for him when he needed, but she wasn’t without her own shortcomings. Daniel was raised with his narcissistic father and codependent mother, and in order to cope with everyday life, he took after his mother. He fawned for his father, walking on eggshells, grew hypervigilant of his mood and tone, etc., all to keep the peace in the household. Submission and obedience were carved into his bones, even as he reached adulthood, his father still ruled their house with an iron fist. Daniel joined the Tulpar crew largely to find an escape for his home life, desperate to break free from the constant cycle of abuse. Daniel is a trans man, pre-op and pre-T, so he’s aware of how he appears to others. He was named Rosalyn at birth, and raised and socialized as a woman. This identity of womanhood also weighed heavily on him as well, as you can imagine, his father didn’t have the most stable or respectful view of women, or queer people. All this being said, Daniel was raised in a very specific environment, one that cultured him into being prone to severe codependency and trauma bonding, because that’s all he knew. 

(Pre-crash)

Weeks into the flight, Daniel had finally started to open up, acting more genuine and confident. His personality is more mellow than Daisuke’s, but he has a good sense of humor, especially at inappropriate times. He’s a pretty stereotypical angsty teenager at times, sarcastic and tired, but that’s all combined with his sense of empathy and people pleasing tendencies. I.e., if you know who April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation is, he acts like her, but a bit more nice. Despite coming out of his shell, he still acts a little strangely from Curly’s pre-crash POV. Spacing out, forgetting things, flinching often , jumping in to try and appease the situation a little too quickly, but Curly being Curly, he doesn’t focus on the warning signs. Possibly the most obvious display of Daniel’s struggles from Curly’s segments would be the party scene, where Jimmy blows up and shouts at him about being laid off. While the others have their own dialogue, Daniel is completely silent, his head bowed, hands in his lap, like a child being scolded. The situation was painfully similar to thing’s he’d dealt with at home, with an angry man yelling over the dinner table. Daniel strives for praise from those around him, especially those in authority, like Curly or Anya, even Jimmy. 

(Relationships)

Curly: Being an intern, I imagine Daniel is maybe a little intimidated by him, as he is with most men older than him. However, he grows to see Curly as well intentioned, but a little ignorant. I have this idea in my head that he’s one of those people who try to be supportive to a trans person, but just end up being awkward about it. Daniel finds it funny.

Jimmy: At this point, Daniel doesn’t exactly like Jimmy that much. He gives him this weird feeling at times, he can sense there’s something about him that isn’t like the others. He can’t exactly put his finger on it now, but later he realizes it’s because Jimmy reminded him of his father, just a little bit. He’s still courteous, but definitely gives him weird looks and avoids talking to him if he looks a little too irritated at the world. This is just me projecting but tbh Jimmy gives me the vibe that he’s passively transphobic, like he’ll call Daniel by his chosen name and masculine pronouns, but only because he doesn’t want the others thinking he’s an asshole, not because he actually cares about Daniel’s feelings or identity.

Anya: He adores Anya, as a mentor and a friend. He likes being able to talk freely with her, they probably share a similar set of values and humor. There’s also the fact that she’s the only woman in a ship full of cis men, so he feels more comfortable being around her anyway. I think I can equate their relationship as a closeted highschool student and their hip English teacher that they spend lunch with. 

Daisuke: Being the two youngest members of the crew, (I think Daisuke is around his age, maybe 19-20), they’re definitely good buddies. They talk about video games and pokemon and things they miss about being on earth, like wifi. Though, I do think if they weren’t forced into proximity and isolation, like if they went to college together, they probably wouldn't really talk. They’re just parts of different crowds. Daisuke is active and outgoing, he plays sports, while Daniel would usually keep to himself on earth, the kind of guy to only really have two or three close friends and no one else.

Swansea: Again, Daniel was initially intimidated by him, a lot, and he still is, but not as much anymore. Mostly it’s because Swansea seems like a decent guy, but Daniel just has a hard time reading him, and that makes him nervous. I think Swansea would see him as (surprisingly) slightly more tolerable than Daisuke, because he’s a bit more level headed and soft spoken. 

(Post-crash)

Daniel changes drastically after the incident, and in the time skip, he’s messily chopped his hair, covered up, and has stopped wearing his binder, and has stopped taking good care of himself in general. He’s lost hope at this point, and is only really going through the motions, because the dynamic between himself, Anya, and Jimmy is the only familiar thing he can grasp onto, even if it’s far from healthy or kind. Daniel’s mellow personality shifts to timidness, depression, and an unwillingness to stand up or speak for himself. He’s grown to be massively pessimistic, acknowledging that he believes that they’re all going to die. He follows Jimmy around like a lost puppy, fawning and appeasing him to keep the tension low. When he isn’t entertaining Jimmy, he heels at Anya’s side like a guard dog, afraid to leave her alone, even losing sleep over it. He bows his head, taking Jimmy’s verbal abuse and comments, but whenever Jimmy directs it towards Anya, he leaps up to defend her, even redirecting Jimmy’s abuse onto himself. He practically begs for comfort and validation, just needing someone to tell him that he’s doing good because he’s so lost and afraid. Essentially, he regressed to the trauma responses of himself at seven years old. 

(Relationships)

Curly: Daniel holds a love hate relationship with him. He hates Curly for putting them in this situation, for not doing anything about Jimmy. Meanwhile, he also deeply understands and relates to him, given that he’s now taken up the mantle of appeasing Jimmy, stepping right in where Curly left. He will linger in the med bay at times and speak to him, just vent about everything and tell him how much he hates him, how sorry he is, how much he hates himself, and he feels guilty taking advantage of the fact that Curly can’t leave or respond or refute anything Daniel says. It’s a vicious cycle, because as much as Daniel is angry at Curly, he’s also angry at himself. They’re much more similar than either care to admit, and maybe they always have been.

Jimmy: Daniel simultaneously despises him and grasps at any bit of praise or attention he offers. Jimmy takes advantage of this. Jimmy essentially treats Daniel like a lap dog, a pet, rather than a human being. He knows he can kick him around, and Daniel will still scurry back for whatever crumbs he gives him. It makes Jimmy feel in control, powerful, important. Daniel is both lost in the toxicity of the relationship and painfully self aware of the hole he’s dug himself into. Sometimes Daniel wishes he could tear his head off, and sometimes he clings to him like a lifeline. This all stems back to Daniel’s background- Jimmy reminds him of his father, not only in his personality, but in his actions, what he did to Anya- and he simply crumpled back into the mold he was pressed into by his family. 

Anya: At times, Daniel is like velcro on her side, refusing to let her out of his sight. He’s too scared of Jimmy, too scared to let something bad happen again, especially because he projects the image of his own mother onto Anya. He feels responsible for protecting her, because of the pregnancy (to which she told him about shortly after the crash), and because of her dynamic with Jimmy, it’s like he’s defending a past version of his own mother from his father. Anya loathes the position she was put into, trying to manage herself, Curly, all while watching Daniel tear himself apart just to try and keep the ship quiet. After all, Daniel is the only other soul on the ship that understands the horror, the fear, the violation of abuse in this capacity, and she’s watching him fall right back into line.

Daisuke: Daniel has all but retracted into himself at this point, neglecting the relationship that he and Daisuke had. Daisuke notices, and it upsets him that the only person he felt like he could relate to is now pretending like he doesn’t exist. 

Swansea: Again, Daniel doesn’t pay much attention to him, or his intern. Of course, Daniel shrinks in his presence, especially given his resurfacing struggles with addiction. Swansea is probably extremely annoyed by how desperately Daniel bends over backwards for approval, especially for a man like Jimmy. Two words to describe Swansea’s feelings about Daniel at this point would be “pity” and “annoyance”. He knows what’s going on, he isn’t blind, or stupid, he simply doesn’t find it in himself to have the knowledge or motivation to fix it. 

(Death)

Daniel’s death (sorta) happens after Anya’s and before Daisuke’s. Seeing Anya’s death shook something in Daniel, broke him, and finally flipped a switch in his brain to act instead of bending infinitely. When Jimmy leaves Daisuke with Swansea, injured and bleeding out, in order to find mouthwash in an attempt to “help”, Daniel wordlessly gets up and begins to follow him. Swansea says nothing, only focusing on Daisuke, because deep down, he knew Daniel was going to do something drastic, and he wasn’t going to convince him otherwise. Daniel swipes one of the hammers from the maintenance room as he silently follows Jimmy to the cargo hold. As Jimmy roots around, Daniel corners him, confronts him, and attacks him. This ends poorly, because despite getting a hit in, Daniel is weaker and smaller than Jimmy, so Jimmy throws him off and takes the hammer. At this point, Jimmy sees Daniel as a threat, and chases after him, as Daniel runs. Daniel flees up the staircase to the upper catwalks in the cargo hold, but Jimmy catches up with him, and they tussle until Jimmy throws Daniel against one of the railings of the catwalk (which are probably damaged from the crash, if not already old and creaky). The railing pops, and leaves Daniel lying across it, halfway suspended over the massive drop to the ground. There’s a tense moment of silence, both afraid to move, but Daniel reaches out a shaky hand, silently asking for help, for Jimmy to not let him fall. Jimmy thinks about it, but he ultimately stays still, and ignores his plea. After a few more moments, Daniel shifts, the last bolt pops, and he falls to the ground. Jimmy continues on, cue the scary ass horse segment, and then finally gets his hands on the mouthwash. When he circles back on the ground floor, he comes across Daniel’s body. He’s broken and bloody, but he’s alive, his breaths wheezing and pained. Daniel snapped his spine, broke several bones, even suffering from globe luxation on his right side (eye popped out of socket from blunt force). He was paralyzed and freezing, and Jimmy delivers a speech that parallels Swansea’s speech to Daisuke before killing him. However, instead of killing Daniel, Jimmy’s idea of mercy is to leave him alive. Daniel was alive for hours, in excruciating pain, until he eventually succumbed to a mix of hypothermia and blood loss. The cargo holds of most aircrafts and ships aren’t exactly kept up to the same living standards/temperatures as the rest of the inhabited areas, and I don’t think Pony Express would shell out the money for the fuel or system to head the massive cargo hold, so it’s probably nearly freezing in there, especially since they’re in the middle of space.

(Symbolism and other rambling) 

OKAY FINALLY I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS. First starting with the big idea, Daniel’s family back home is represented in his relationship with Anya, Jimmy, and Curly. Jimmy represents his father, while both Anya and Curly represent his mother in different ways. Anya symbolizes his mother as a victim, and Curly is his mother as a guardian. As a victim, Daniel heavily empathizes with his mother, he sees himself in her suffering and isolation, it’s the part of his mother he jumped to defend. On the other hand, Daniel is furious with his mother as a guardian, as he is with Curly. His mother stayed with his father, she allowed the abuse to continue for years, decades, she prolonged the cycle, just like how Curly enabled Jimmy. He expected protection, but Curly allowed Jimmy to fester, he allowed him to get away with assaulting Anya, he allowed the very obvious signs that Jimmy was also beginning to target Daniel, grooming him to be an emotional feed, someone to fulfill his desire to feel important. Yet, again, Daniel can’t help but relate to that, being trapped by a narcissist that used him as a feed.

Going back to Jimmy, he treats Daniel almost exactly how his father used to treat him, which is why he so readily fell into that dynamic. When Daniel isn’t fawning over Jimmy, Jimmy despises how much Daniel defends Anya, seeing that relationship as Anya coercing Danny as a pawn, a hint of Jimmy not granting Daniel humanity or autonomy, just a tool, or a pet. Also the familial connection between Anya and Daniel, as well as Curly and Daniel, draws into the fact that Daniel himself was also the product of rape. Anya’s maternal role with Danny connects with her own pregnancy, and Curly representing the unborn fetus (something entirely dependent on Anya to survive), also ties to Daniel. Daniel sees himself in Curly, in the continuance of the cycle of abuse, in being a child conceived from rape. His anger towards Curly loops right back around to being a metaphorical hatred of himself, of his position in the cycle, and his existence as a rape baby. It’s solidified with the position of Jimmy as his metaphorical father, while also being Anya’s rapist. Additionally, “Rosalyn”, Daniel’s dead name, means something along the lines of “gentle” or “tender horse”. “Tender” and “gentle” are both a reference to the identity of a victim being forced on him, as well as being raised a woman, having the stereotypical gender roles of a woman forced onto him as well. The “horse” part also draws back to the horse fetus in the game being a symbol of Anya’s pregnancy, and therefore, tying Daniel again to being a child of rape. Daniel himself feels immense guilt for his own conception, he feels like he ruined his mother’s life, that he’s a walking reminder of cruelty and abuse, and therefore also uses his relationship with Jimmy as a form of punishment for himself. He feels like he needs to atone for existing, for being the outcome of something so awful, so that’s another reason why he hates himself (and Curly by that metaphorical connection) so much.

Another massive part of his symbolism is the image of a dog. His relationship with Jimmy, as described earlier, was that of a pet, a lapdog, something stupidly loyal and desperate for attention and praise. It also tells how Jimmy viewed Daniel not as a person, but as something below him, something to train and direct. He never granted Daniel autonomy or humanity, seeing his actions as either directed from Jimmy himself or Anya’s “coercion”. Then there’s also the position of Daniel being a guard dog for Anya, taking the brunt of Jimmy’s abuse (with varying success) on sheer instinct, because that’s how he was trained. 

There’s also Laika, the soviet space dog, which I’m sure many have heard the story before but I’ll explain it anyway for the sake of continuity. Laika was the first living animal to orbit the earth, but when the scientists sent her up, they never had intentions of getting her back down. She ended up dying in space after two or so orbits, the cabin of the spacecraft overheating, then plummeting back to earth, disintegrating and landing in the ocean. Daniel is tied to this concept of Laika, such as sacrificing himself for a sort of martyrdom, being sent up into space with no real plan for coming back down, since he boarded the Tulpar to escape his house, and didn’t really plan for anything else in the future. I also have the idea that, despite being tied so heavily with the idea of Laika, Curly is the one that receives the name for her (Laika was also called Curly by the scientists), because Daniel was not given the liberty to die with his own name. Those who knew him on earth will not remember him as Daniel, just like despite leaning into Laika’s symbolism, he isn’t granted the identity. 

Daniel’s whole death sequence is supposed to be a metaphor for him trying to break the cycle, to confront his trauma with his own father, but ultimately failing. A lot of Daniel’s character is connected to the concept of cycles, even in his design. The ring necklace being a circle, the ouroboros graphic on his band t-shirt he wears pre-crash, are also references to repeating cycles. That death sequence, if you think about it, is also a circle. He confronts Jimmy on the ground, is chased up the catwalks, only to fall right back down to the ground, where he started. Just like how an abusive relationship circles back around, Daniel reached out to Jimmy again as he was about to fall, about to repeat the cycle of repulsion and attraction, etc. 

In general, I guess I can say that Daniel’s story is a narrative about how refusing to confront his own trauma and fight back against it ultimately lead to him repeating it till death. Also, the concept of Daniel being paralyzed and freezing to death is another reference to his repetition of cycles, he was too cemented, “frozen”, “paralyzed” in his own trauma responses that he never changed at all. 

(More things I can’t think of where to sandwich them)

Daniel changes appearance from pre to post-crash. Covering himself with the boiler suit is a visual cue to him retreating in on himself, guarding himself, including the medical gloves. Also, the uniform doesn’t fit him, it’s too tight, a reference to the constricting feeling of having an identity that doesn’t fit him forced onto him. Also probably says something about how Pony Express did not consider him when providing the uniform.

Daniel wants to be a vet, and is taking a gap year in order to do the internship on the Tulpar.

He has cats, and often misses them.

He draws on Anya’s sticky notes in the med bay, Anya has a love-hate relationship with that habit. She likes his doodles, but she only has so many sticky notes

Daniel is only afraid of Anya when the board games come out.

He is afraid of heights.

He tried the mouthwash once, got violently ill, and then immediately wallowed in guilt over the fact that Anya had to use some medical supplies on him. He then vowed to never touch it again.

Radiohead fan. (derogatory)

I have a spotify playlist for him that is 10 hours long

OOhhh my god that took so so so long. Anyway I hope any of this made sense like even a little bit. Comments and questions appreciated if you got this far :3

Anyway, he's my single celled organism that I smash flat with a coffee mug all the time.

[utilitycaster]

But wouldn't you say that at least the fandom experience during c3 was a lot nicer than during c2? I mean, the characters all got along immediately so no room for unnecessary drama and no ship wars, I heard it was really toxic during c2 so I'm glad that c3 had none of it.

Anon, the polite answer to this that assumes you are very new to this fandom and blog and also, if I'm being honest, reality, is "No." Drama in a fandom is largely decoupled from whether the characters actually get along on screen (much like "I wish these characters would talk" is often decoupled from them actually talking and much more about whether they're talking about the thing OP wants them to talk about). More importantly, Campaign 3 had something far stupider and more unkind and insidious than ship wars, which is people harassing you for saying a ship simply wasn't very interesting. I would also say that one of the loudest voices in the area of fans who defend Campaign 3 claiming it's more toxic is specifically speaking about their very individual Twitter experience which I do not think is indicative of the larger fandom. I do think that C2 had more fans harassing the cast on Twitter, which on the one hand is far worse behavior; but it also kind of meant that the fandom on Tumblr, while not without ship warring, was somewhat quieter. I will also acknowledge that my own personal experience is heavily colored by the fact that I was new to the fandom in C2 and so did not have a significant following until late in the game, but Campaign 3 was rife with people who, as best as I can tell, serially show up to fandoms and attack whoever they perceive as popular, sometimes genuinely popular people and sometimes it's just someone who can eloquently string together meta they disagree with, and then when you hit back go "I'm just a little guy just a little birthday boy you're so MEAN." On Tumblr, at least, toxic C2 fans were easy to stop and frankly only turned post-hiatus and many of them prided themselves on not posting hate in the main tag (and quit the fandom altogether); toxic C3 fans have the tenacity and intellect of the average cockroach.

The real answer is: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what PRIMORDIAL ROCK have you been under. Even if you believe everything the serial liar I suspect you are listening to said about C2 drama how did you miss ALL of C3 drama, especially on like, my blog specifically, as an initially unwilling participant who eventually, as discussed below, decided that if these wretched stochastic parrot morons wouldn't leave me alone I may as well pull out the metaphorical shotgun and make starting shit with me as unpleasant an experience as possible.

Look, I'm not going to pull up my posts in which I've called people by name since I don't think you will care and/or will consider those unnecessary drama, despite the genuine erosion I believe they have committed towards the quality of discourse through their bigotry, and lack of intellectual rigor, empathy, or ability to criticize things through any lens other than false accusations of the Leftist Epithet Du Jour (eg: calling Delilah Briarwood a colonizer, which is simply untrue). But also, starting from barely 6 months into Campaign 3 and continuing through the end, ie, this is three years now.

I personally got hate for saying "It is valid for Imogen to be mad at Laudna for breaking the gnarlrock, and moreover, I feel like Laudna is given more leeway for her behavior than almost any other past character" to the point that someone joined Tumblr only to block me and then stalk me and post about me in the discourse tag.

That eventually came to a head when they called me out by name for replying to a response on a post I had originally made in which I said "Imogen's powers aren't a good metaphor for queerness in that her lack of control actually causes real problems for other people," a statement that a lot of Imogen and Laudna shippers and fans are still to this day throwing fits about despite it being over two years ago.

Multiple people, including people who had lost friends or relatives young and at least one cancer survivor, were sent outright death threats for saying nothing harsher "I think the story is interesting if Laudna remains dead." Now, I was only a lurker when Molly died, and I know people quit or were mad and harassed the cast on Twitter, but the worst I saw on Tumblr were people either quitting, or being weird and annoying about prioritizing Molly over the captured party members and later being kind of dismissive of Caduceus as "temporary".

I was repeatedly harassed to the point of at least two individuals making multiple alternate accounts to reblog my posts or send hate to me and just random people who had interacted with said posts for saying "I don't think Imogen and Laudna is a very good ship"; while we're at it, ship wars are something I dislike but expect in fandom, but I cannot stress how fucking wretched a subset of Im/odna shippers were to the point that to this day they look at people who created genuine content and meta for a competing ship that was always tiny in comparison and have decided it was done purely out of bitterness.

In general, there was just an utter incapacity among many C3 fans to accept "I don't care for your blorbo/ship/campaign" as a post on one's own blog. I was talking with some like-minded friends yesterday and to this day, over a month and a half after the campaign ended, actually a decent amount of people who liked Campaign 3 have almost identical criticisms (pacing, not following on a number of character centric-threads, lack of inter-character interactions, a resolution that is intriguing but was poorly set up, cutaways to other parties at inopportune times, and generally the campaign feeling like they put out all the ingredients on the table and said "here's a finished cake.") but it's fine if they say it, because they preface it with "I loved Campaign 3 and Bells Hells, but." In the end a lot of C3 fans will just attack if you don't think Bells Hells are great and the best. Again I am not naming names but there are even multiple people who openly prefer Campaign 2 by a margin but avoid this criticism simply by being like "Campaign 3 is also really really good, although [same list of criticisms I have]"; see lack of intellectual rigor and analysis. I think it's actually a very simple split: C2 is my favorite because the campaign allowed the characters so much leeway to interact and change and grow that they became my blorbos, whereas I would have liked to have liked BH more but the campaign was ill-suited for them and they didn't really talk.

At least Campaign 2 people wanted their stuff to be canon, and threw fits because it wasn't. Campaign 3 people are like BUT THE 20 HOUR SUPERCUT?????? and cannot accept that they have a canon ship that some people find dull or a blorbo some people think isn't a great person. If someone is mad about not getting something in the story, that's fandom as usual, it's irritating but it's life. Many campaign 3 fans cannot tolerate a whisper of dissent with their opinions without shitting themselves and making it everyone's problem. I know multiple people whom I followed during Campaign 2 for their meta who straight up stopped writing it because if you said anything even mildly critical of Campaign 3 you'd get hate. Campaign 2 harassment on Tumblr was something that largely ended shortly after story beats that proved one person right; Campaign 3 harassment was unending unless you either bow to the people sending it and say "I'm sorry for saying anything other than that your blorbo and ship is perfect," stop posting, or, and I'm really the only person who took this route, make it clear that you can and will hit back ten times harder.

So no: I found the Campaign 3 fandom on Tumblr specifically uniquely toxic because it fell outside of normal fandom toxicity. I think Campaign 2 toxic fans were deeply shitty, but they largely left and I think their unpleasantness is mostly confined to a fandom space and did not degrade the conversation; I think at least some Campaign 3 toxic fans are both genuinely stupid and genuinely bad people who are a negative influence on the fandom at large and I hope we recover during a hypothetical C4; I am cautiously optimistic if only because I think on the basis of mutual blocking they have largely self-selected out and will exist in their own weird echo chamber.

I will also note at this point my criticism of Campaign 3 is almost entirely untagged both as discourse and main and almost entirely either reblogs, or in response to asks such as this one. To be transparent, while I'm sure some critiques will arise as I work through my C2 rewatch I plan on keeping them again, untagged such that only followers, people who follow people who reblog such critiques (not many, I usually get mostly likes on those), and people looking at my blog specifically. I think it will taper off, particularly since a lot of C3 fans had little interest in anything else CR has done.

And finally: again speaking only for myself I'd rather have a brilliant campaign with a toxic fandom, where I can minimally participate in the fandom by reblogging posts I like and enjoy myself with a great show and a handful of likeminded fans in a discord (indeed this is kind of what I do for Veilguard), than a mediocre campaign with a delightful fandom. As demonstrated "it's eh but the people are nice" is not, for me, a defense of Campaign 3 but further condemnation of its quality, and then the people weren't even nice and were in fact in my estimation far worse than those from Campaign 2.

Anyway: I just want to put this out there but I am vanishingly unlikely to be swayed on anything by an anonymous ask. If you want to actually have a chance you better be saying what you say with your whole chest. But also, this is just. Extremely wrong, and you have a very incorrect read on what I personally value in addition to having a poor understanding of the CR fandom history on Tumblr but another problem about the C3 fandom? I got a lot of asks like this one where I cannot tell if the person is just naive to the point of not even realizing how little they know, or if they're trying to be manipulative but are exceedingly bad at it.

[slut-4-remuslupin]

Hot Take here, but as someone who’s autistic and is constantly told that I ‘need to learn to empathize’, I think that a lot* (obviously not all, because not every ND person is the same, so i’m sure that there absolutely are autistic people who do lack empathy) of autistic people who have ‘empathy problems’ actually have sympathy problems.

See, I find that a lot of neurotypical people, at least the ones in my life, use ‘empathy’ and ‘sympathy’ interchangeably, and take them to mean the exact same thing.

The biggest difference between empathy and sympathy, is that empathy is an internal feeling, and sympathy is an external one.

I absolutely can empathize with someone; I can look at someone in a tough situation and ‘put myself in their shoes’, think about how awful the situation is, how I would feel if I was put in that situation, and therefore how they must be feeling, etc, and give them grace for their actions, because it’s a hard spot to be in.

What I can’t do, or at least what I really, really struggle with, is outwardly showing that I feel bad for said person’s tough situation— I’m not in the habit of pitying people, and I have a lot of trouble faking that I do; it just feels insincere to me, and if you’re not going to mean what you say, then I don’t think you should be saying it at all. It doesn’t mean that I don’t empathize with them, because I can still completely understand what they’re going through, and how it could make someone feel without participating in the whole ‘oh what a poor soul’ bit that neurotypical people often do, and from talking with my ND friends/peers, this is the same part that they struggle with too.

So the problem isn’t necessarily that we ‘lack empathy’—in fact, i’ve found that (based on the other autistic people I know and have talked with about this) autistic people are usually** a lot more empathetic than neurotypical people. However, because we struggle to show sympathy, which is external, and neurotypical people often think of them as the same thing, that’s why people think we ‘struggle with empathy’.

**Again, I recognize that not everyone is the same, so there’s absolutely going to be people who DO struggle with empathy as well as sympathy, but just from my experience, and the experiences of those around me (mostly IRL), I think the problem is actually with showing sympathy, rather than feeling empathy. And even if you do struggle with both, that should never be something that people make you feel bad about!

“Autism doesn’t cause low empathy! In fact we’re all just hyperempathetic we’re not bad peo-“

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

There’s a few things going on with this statement.

1. Assuming that low empathy makes someone a bad person. It does not. Actions are what matter, not empathy levels.

2. Demonizing autistic people whose low/no empathy they attribute to their autism. Autism fundamentally impacts the way you interact with the world, others, and yourself. That includes empathy.

Anyway I love you people with low/no empathy this is a safe space for you <3

Signed,

A very pissed off autistic person with fluctuating empathy levels

[ennablue]

A text that i developed during Yotha and Faifa's chapters.

To much energy drinks + scattered thoughts= this

Emotional child neglect and its representation in Petfect 10 liners

Child emotional neglect is defined as the failure of one or both parents to respond adequately to the emotional needs of the child.

The mother didn't choose to stay with her other children (and the other one was taken away for the most disgusting reasons), she has kept one of them separated from the others, the father is emotionally absent for Yotha and Newton because he is still screwed by the divorce, the mother abandons Faifa even though she lives with him and then she leaves him with his father without looking back…

In short, the mother is the main cause, but the father doesn't help either. Because attitudes like the following one…

do not help your children overcome their problems/trauma. Not talking about a problem makes it even worse and that's how things explode, because no one talks about it!

Feeling invisible to their caregivers, these children learn to repress their emotions , which often results in a constant sense of rejection.

This can be seen every time Faifa hides his true emotions or when Yotha represses his love (romantically and platonically, cause he avoids making friends much more than the average introvert) and hides it behind the walls he has built.

When a child does not receive attention, quality time, acceptance or empathy, he or she may experience a deep sense of disappointment, anger, betrayal and loneliness.

Disapointment about the situation/their parents:

Just look at the false masks they are putting on at the end of this scene, how they are avoiding each others eyes because of the pain they're hidding behind their lies. Faifa lying with that fake smile and Yotha with that seemingly indifferent, but sad and lost look.

Anger + betrayal:

I always get the feeling that Yotha, despite loving his brother, at times has resented him for being the one who had left (for leaving him behind) and at other times, I think he hated him for being the one who had "taken his mother".

In that scene he does not believe that Gun is the one who has chosen to stay away from him, everything points to the fact that he believes it is Faifa's fault (as if he assumes that he is the one who “steals” the people he loves or at least, the one everyone chooses over him. Or just because when they were kids they didn't get a say in who stays with mom and who stays with dad and thought that Faifa was doing the same).

At the same time, although Faifa also loves his brother, the fact that his mother has a marked favoritism towards him also makes me believe that there are grudges towards Yotha on his part, after all, he had to destroy himself so that his brother's trauma “would be overcome” (which I don't believe, because as we can see, all the brothers should go to theraphy individually and as family).

Then, we would have Yotha's hatred towards his mother for taking his brother and returning him wounded, for leaving him behind along with Newton, for hurting his father and for breaking up all the family members (but especially Faifa's part, because the opinion that matters most to him on the matter is Faifa's, but as we know, the two brothers never talk sincerely about their wounds).

Faifa also feels the same way, as can be finally seen (because he's tired of excusing her actions) in the last chapters.

(Someane should give him permission to kick that bitch's ass!!).

By the way, another reason to hate the mother would be the fact that she'd only just met Gun and is already calling him son and paid more attention to him than she ever had to Faifa. My heart sinks when I see the poor guy's face at his mother's actions...

Bitch, how can you call yourselve a mother!?!?

Loneliness:

Yotha was living with his father and brother, but still alone. Faifa was abandoned while living with his mother and then, when he moved back, even with the others around he had no one (everyone was focused on their own pain).

This situation may result in two troubling patterns of emotional functioning (these are sometimes mixed).

1) The child may turn inward

Very negative about their life (pessimists)/themselves (low self-esteem)

Yotha:

Faifa:

Tirelessly seek love and recognition from others, where any form of appreciation or belonging may seem preferable to indifference.

On one hand we have a brother who begs for love, helping everyone and not being able to reject them (he doesn't want to make anyone feel unloved/despised, like he's been made to feel).

Furthermore, it can also be seen in his initial interactions with his mother how he also settles for crumbs of love from her.

2) The child turns his attention outward

May camouflage his insecurity with overconfident, arrogant or aggressive attitudes, using these defenses to hide his most painful feelings.

Overconfident:

Well... just every time Faifa acts this way.

Arrogant/aggresive:

Every single one of Yotha's fights and the attitude he has to keeping people away (you know, the one that makes him seem like an assasin...)

In summary, we can say that Faifa and Yotha are both one face of the same coin (child neglect) and they should tell their mother to fuck off (especially for Faifa's sake), yell at their father and tell him to get his shit together, kick Newton a little bit (cause he didn't act like a old brother), and finally, the siblings should go to individual and family therapy.

If you come this far, thank you for reading my nonsense!!

[adam-scott]

i don't necessarily want kids but i've read some people been leggit weirdos about the gemma episode like "i couldn't relate to her or feel sympathy for her bc i don't want kids"

y'all need to learn to not be cruel ??????

[theroundbartable]

@groundbreakingdot872

Arthur would never admit it out loud, but he often invented reasons to take Merlin out for a drink.

Now, he couldn't do it as much. After all, a King cannot be seen buying drinks for his servant (as he used to tell Merlin back when Uther was King and a rule he threw out the window the moment he himself had assumed the throne). But it was fine if he bought the drinks for all his knights as well, if they just weren't alone.

The first time Arthur had taken Merlin out for a drink had been a surprise on many layers. A) he had not planned to buy them drinks, but he'd lost a bet against Gwaine. B) He'd assumed Merlin was a regular at the tavern but the man couldn't drink more than a cup of wine before he was dancing on a table. And C) his final dilemma, Merlin kept complimenting him.

Okay, to be fair, not just Arthur. He was complimenting everyone. He told Gwaine about his pretty hair and Lancelot about his pretty eyes and Gwen about her perfect skin and Morgana about her make-up skills and Elyan about his empathy and Percival about his strength and Mordred - okay, Merlin had never complimented Mordred. But he'd complimented Leon's cooking skills. Which was strange, Arthur didn't even know Leon could cook.

The point was, Merlin always, always ended up complimenting Arthur, and Arthur kept melting whenever it happened. A drunk Merlin didn't know personal space, didn't have any inhibitions. He always somehow ended up sitting half in Arthur's lap, grabbing him by his chin and sparkling like crazy as he complimented Arthur to his face. It felt like Merlin were counting Arthur's freckles, the number of hair on his eyelashes, the pulsing beat of his heart. "You're beautiful" Was a sentence that paled to the look alone that Merlin gave him and still, he wouldn't stop telling Arthur how pretty he was.

Arthur shouldn't be instigating these moments as often as he did. But he couldn't help doing it. He loved Merlin that close to him, his devotion evident with every brush of their touching skin, only inches away from kissing each other.

And today, today Arthur was on it again. Downing shot after shot in order to prepare himself so he could deal with what he believed inevitable to come. Merlin was busy talking with Gwaine, but also drinking wine from time to time and Arthur could feel that moment approaching. He grew lightheaded with each drink, his mind filling with anticipation and hope and all those things he never dared to name sober.

It got later and later in the evening. People already leaving, his knights saying goodnight and Arthur was way beyond the point of tipsy while Merlin remained surprisingly formal with everyone.

It didn't dawn on Arthur until his seventh drink that Merlin must not have been drinking alcohol at all, if Arthur's vision doubled while Merlin remained static and fine.

"I think you've had enough, Arthur. We should leave. You have a tournament tomorrow, remember?"

Arthur's world focused on Merlin's lips, everything else a faint memory in his mind. "Why are you not drunk?" He slurred, surprising himself with how normal his voice sounded.

"I had water. I have a long day tomorrow and don't want to be hungover. Last time you nearly killed me for sleeping in, remember?"

"'d never kill you." Arthur responded blurrily. "Luv' ya too much for that." He closed his eyes, feeling tired all of a sudden.

"What did you say?" How had they ended up outside? The cold wind was brushing through Arthur's hair, cooling his heated skin. Merlin was grinning amusedly. It looked pretty. Merlin always looked so pretty.

"I like you better drunk." Arthur accused half heartedly, realising faintly that Merlin was the only reason why he wasn't already falling right on his face. "Like it when ya compliment me."

Merlin had stopped them, his brows furrowing. "Is that why you keep filling me up at taverns? Because I can't shut up when I'm drunk?" Pink spread adorably around his nose.

"You like my eyes." Arthur grinned at him, teasing him.

"You like it when I'm drunk because I say your eyes are pretty?" Merlin snorted, nearly overbalancing Arthur when he stumbled over nothing.

"You're pretty." Arthur said, somehow not following their conversation, revelling in Merlin's touch. "And I love you very much." He found himself laughing. It sounded ridiculous out loud. Never mind that it was true, it was weird to hear it coming from himself. It was unheard of, basically illegal.

"Arthur, are you okay?" Merlin asked, suddenly sounding worried. "You're too drunk. Gods, you'll have my head for this tomorrow." Merlin sighed and pulled Arthur forwards.

"I'm tryin' to make you kiss me. You always look like you wanna kiss me." Arthur wondered at Merlin's reddening cheeks. "Wish, ' cld tell yu. You'd look so good in a crown." The end of that conversation slurred after that.

When Arthur woke up the next day, he had no recollection of the night, only a vague image of Merlin staring at him with wide eyes that had captured the sky.

Send me a standard fanfiction trope and make me fuck it up.

I have no idea what to write, but my brain likes to do weird shit over normal stuff.