#so i guess im staying lonely | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

firewolf111 · 7 months ago

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You know, turns out I'm the same online as I am in person. Here I was thinking "Let's try something new and be my true self with people who might relate."

My true self is an antisocial hermit, I guess.

Cause I really want mutuals and an active online presence and to just meet people who I might relate to. But I'm too anxious to do what's needed. I know I have to reach out. I know i have to comment, like, reblog, follow and interact with other tumblrs and all that, but that is terrifying.

So I'm screaming into a void, pretending like people can hear me, fully knowing I'm lucky when a single random traveler stumbles upon my little hermit cave.

I guess I'm just going to keep hoping I'll get lucky even though I know I'm not. Because I'm too terrified to change my ways.

So yeah, so much for being a different person online because this is exactly why I had few real life friends.

Social anxiety sucks.

#social anxiety #anxitey #im lonely #but interacting is #too scary #so i guess im staying lonely #keeping my hermit ways #shout out to the random stranger who is reading this #if anyone is #welcome to my hermit cave #It's probably just me and you #can an extrovert come adopt me?#im a terrified introvert #and this place is scarier than i thought

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dan-whoell · 3 months ago

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i keep thinking about a phandom book club, but i have no idea how to go about organizing it or if anyone would be interested or even where to host it

alternatively is there already a phandom book club i could join? because i would love that

#tbh my first thought is TheStoryGraph bc they have group/buddy reads but idk if anyone else uses that much #there's discord (which im not super familiar with even though i have used it)#or making a separate community here #or i guess fable but i truly dont know how anything works over there #plus like... yes there's a few names i can think of who might be in but overall idk!#and i dont want to put pressure on anybody either #i am terrible at reaching out and staying in contact and all that. always have been. even though i think about people all the time #im just not very good socially and im so worried about coming across a certain way or saying the wrong thing #so more often i keep to myself and i think sometimes i come across like i dont care or standoffish or something #but that's not it. i care so much i just get scared that it's too much or in the wrong ways.#im better at hiding but i know i need to get over it. its just hard.#(and i tell myself you know..#'not feeling lonely i just like being alone' but it's less true than i like to think it is #ANYWAY feelings dump aside i think a book club would be fun. i just dont know how to go about it.#ks talks

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ianthesmells · 6 days ago

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like as soon as i wake up im hit with full force emotions and im miserable and suicidal and upset and its like how long can i bear this LOL

#vent #my house smells like cigarettes n we got no floor n im tired n sad n hurting n lonely #i actually wouldve preferred she killed me #id prefer if she hated me because then i could feel less guilty about being so angry #and that sometimes i loathe her #and its like oh well we should break up so we dont hate each other #and yet i didnt hate her or resent her but i sure do now #like no maybe it was worth it to do it now #because its better to just do it n get it out of the way so things couldnt go amy further #like we cant ever be friends again anyways #because i cant love her less and id have to to stay friends #i wouldnt be happy with being a casual long distance friend forever #and so i guess its better this way since she didnt want a future together #and this is what i get for getting attached and being hopeful #i knewwww it wouldve gone nowhere and it stayed with me for months before i gave in #we coulda never been casual friends to begin with. even before we started dating i think #cause im a romantic and a flirt n it wouldve always gone somewhere #unless she never reciprocated at all #ughh i could go on and on and i WILL later im sure

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imthatwannabeauthor · 3 months ago

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#been feeling very. idk. lonely tonight #theres truly no reason for me to #my friends are. pretty much a text away #as is my lovely partner #normally id worry about him reading this post but the last few weeks he hasnt been looking at my posts much #so im 75% confident they wont see this. and hey. maybe if he does then i'll. like. garner the attention ive been hoping for #but hoping for that make me feel not only like a dick but an abusive manipulator so my hope is he actually wont see this #hes doing stuff with family anyhow so. im hoping he'll just have a nice evening #idk i dont wanna like. drag anyone down into the pits of despair i keep finding myself in despite trying to distract myself pretty constant #idk i think im really only posting cause i feel like im all alone #and i just burned my arm on a candle flame bad enough it singed off my arm hair in a noticeable patch #and im watching the skin the area turn this soft brown color and splinter off like its head dandruff and i just. dont wanna bother anybody #ive run it under cold water btw dont worry im not like. gonna slip into hurting myself again im already so angry that i broke my fuckin #almost a year and a half clean streak back in January and kept at it until like fuckin March #but im gonna stay clean . i am GOING to stay good and clean because im already so fucking angry at myself about a lot right now #and i fuckin. do not need to add broke the stupid fucking clean streak fo hurting myself again to the list i just DONT need that on my plat #idk. im just lonely i guess. im just lonely and feeling horrifically amounts of unlovable #idk. i havent been telling people stuff recently #ive been working on trying to lose weight again recently. didnt eat nothing for 36 hours and had a hypoglycemic attack at school #and scared my fuckin friend doing it #and i havent actually told no one #cause im being GOOD #im being so good with it #im losing the weight im looking better slowly.#and that means that i should be loved again soon that means that that idk #idk #i hope no one fuckin sees this post #i just. dont know where else togo to rant about this stuff.#i wish i wasnt clean at all #i wish i didnt have time built up at all because i want to feel the faux good

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whenitgrowsbright · 5 months ago

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whats worse than having only like 1-5 friends?

having only that many friends and you talk to only 1 more than once every two months!

#absolute traumadump in tags!#ive never had a friend where im as important to them as they are to me #for most of my life ive had one or none friends at any given time #attaching myself desperately to anyone who could tolerate me without constant insults #my 4 (3 now i guess) friends all have people they can turn to if they lose one to three people #i have no one #ive never had anyone that was a friend that i didnt either distance myself from so i wouldnt end up over attached #or attach myself to.#my best friend all through elementary constantly let people interrupt our conversations and i was her least favourite friend #i once briefly had a mutual bestie #who then turned around and didnt let me have other friends or acquaintences at all #i still stayed by his side! for years!!!#he kept me isolated after he moved past me even.#my support system is exclusively online at this point #i regain two friends!#now they talk to eachother daily and im lucky if they message me more than three times a year #im trying #at least one of them seemed happy to see me last time i saw them #the other hasnt even paid attention to me in one on one conversations #and all i have is them and two people i met here #and im scared its my fault #am i just a bad friend?#am i just like *him?*#am i somehow worse #i miss having more than these frienfs #even if the others threatened to hit me and constantly called me selfish at least they were there sometimes #i know people get busy but.#months where they messaged others while ignoring me?#what did i do wrong? where did i fuck up? ill fix myself ill hide myself just. please talk to me. please. its so lonely out here.

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trashpremiium · 2 years ago

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i wish i knew how to keep friends :( making friends is… hard, but doable. if i have a reason to be near someone and they’re amenable to my Autism Beam of infodumping, i can usually make them tolerate being around me for as long as that activity lasts.

but semesters end. mutual interests fade. activities wrap up. and then those people leave. not to say i’m not thankful for however long their friendship lasted, i just wish people were more likely to want to be friends because they liked me, not because i was a body near them to spend time with.

#sometimes they stay. it’s not often but it happens #and then i’m scared for the rest of the friendship that anything could make them leave #thinking of all the friends that just… stopped replying to me the second they weren’t forced to spend time with me #i lost basically every friend i had when school went online in 2020 #with the exception of my dnd party. i’m scared that if we stop playing dnd i’ll lose them too #my call of cthulhu campaign ends… tomorrow. technically #the two other players i met through this campaign #and i really like talking to them. i have. not a ton in common with them #but i’m so scared that once we don’t have the connection of the campaign i’ll lose their friendship #i didn’t keep any friends from my dorm hall this year #i was always on the periphery #the only person i still talk to from any of my classes is my partner #i don’t think she really… gets. how lonely i am #because she has *so* many friends.#and for good reason. they’re a wonderful person that i could talk for days about #and idk what i did to even deserve her friendship much less whatever we got going on now #i just wish i could keep more connections #that i wasn’t always doomed to have to start from scratch every time something ends #but i guess it’s sort of my fault too #im too scared to overstep some unseen boundary that i don’t reach out to make a connection in the first place #anyone who stays has to be pretty stubborn lmao #zephyr talks

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teknikolor-walters · 9 months ago

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i love being such a subhuman freak i scare my mom so bad she nearly throws up

#cicadas vent tag #hi.#just had a level 4 catastrophic meltdown it was GREAT #(it was not)#my mom was just telling me all the things i tell myself about like. loneliness and friends and shit #yall know the michi lore i wont rehash it #and i got really pissed and we screamed at each other #it got so bad i ended up telling her about my suicidal ideation #and she said i was ungrateful and should go in a psych ward so like. if i disappear u know why now i guess #i als grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her which i know i shouldnt have done because she IS a good mom #but idk #i just couldnt help myself #maybe i am just like the cicaderations... nothing but a wild animal #man #ugh #and i cant even have proper suicidal ideation about it because that's part of the problem #part of why im an ungrateful ingrate #and she eneded up crying in my arms about how much i scared her which #yeah didnt impact me at all thanks mom #do love hr tho #idk #god i wish i was better #OH AND IT WAS IN PUBLIC TO #AT THE POOL I WORK AT #im speedrunning getting fired bro #and im probably never gonna get better either..... hashtag lol #ill stay lonely and friendless forever probably #FUCK!!!!!

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aroacesigma · 1 year ago

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#ramblings #honestly ive had a really terrible holiday #like summer break is supposed to be good but seeing family wasnt fun like it usually is #the cousin i usually hung out with is an asshole now who didnt even want to talk #so the fun part wasnt fun #i havent seen any of my friends all holidays . i feel like shit and i feel fucking lonely #the only people ive interacted with really are my family and thats horrible because my sister acts like a stereotypical mean girl #ive got no fucking will to leave my room or to fucking eat properly or do just about anything other than sit in my room #and now im about to go back to school . ive accomplished not even close to enough of what ive needed to #ive forgotten everything from math . my tech is probably behind . english should be finished but its not #chemistry is completley half assed #and i know i should be getting up and fixing tht but i cant i fuckign cant do anything #its probably all my fault i have to stop staying up so late im so fucking tired #i dont want to go back to school i dont feel like ive had a break even though ive done nothing all holiday #im so fucking done with this shit #vent #ask to tag #i guess

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electricpurrs · 1 year ago

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suddenly feeling really sad at 3 am after my birthday this blows

#aaaaaagghhhhh noooooooo its the soul crushing melancholic over how lonely i am again #this sucks my life is so depressing. my brother didnt even wish me a happy birthday today. i mentioned it and he just mumbled at me #my mom didnt get me anything. none of my other family members said a word either #i just stayed home all day on my computer just like i do every single day of my life #ill do the same on halloween and on christmas and on new years and whatever else #i dont know i guess i still feel like holidays should be something special #and when they arent im just reminded of how i have nothing to celebrate and nobody to celebrate with #i just feel alone all the time as i have since i was old enough to remember. lame shit

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kayzero · 1 year ago

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you know what i think i need? for zwg motivation? i need an Empassioned Discussion about some aspect of The 45 Years. i need someone who is passionate and excited about the timeloop that Sigma gets trapped in—that he traps himself in, and honestly, isn’t the whole thing a fucking bootstrap paradox?—i need someone who is excited about the three years he spends with Diana and how that’s apparently impactful enough that he builds a gynoid in her image and then programs her to love him? SigDi is bad and so are its consequences and implications, the only good thing that comes out of SigDi is Luna, who is Best Girl.

but like. i need to talk to someone about those 45 years. i need an outside opinion on the decades Sigma spends in total isolation, his only point of contact being Akane, who is Very Busy with earthbound Brother stuff and also maybe stalking Junpei? was that hc of mine based in any sort of fact or do i just like writing the most toxic junepei possible

i wanna talk to someone about some fuckin logistics. like, CLEARLY Sigma learned Biomed first in the three years he has with Diana, but what comes after that? does he start studying terraforming and agriculture so he can make a garden so beautiful Diana could enjoy it from the afterlife? does ztd show us that Diana is similarly enthralled with plant life as Luna? is Luna’s love for the B Garden organic or a result of how Sigma thinks Diana would react to his efforts?

YOU KNOW WHAT

SPEAKING OF LUNA

I Need To Talk To Someone About How Luna Is Diana-Model-Number-Sixteen.

i’m still reeling from that realization and i DMed Miss Beta with this exact same thought

uh. checking. — on July Eleventh.

and i am STILL REELING. a MONTH AND A HALF LATER.

so yeah, i’m a Vibes Vampire, i feed off of other people’s excitement and use that to fuel my imagination and thus my motivation for creative pieces.

i need to feed off of someone’s love for vlr. i need a Sigma Enjoyer.

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qumiiiquinnquin · 1 year ago

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i wish i could just enjoy group chats. im too scared to talk in them & when i do talk i delete things or just leave. i feel like it's better if i was never there. but then i crave interaction with others. so i join again and the cycle repeats. even if i was told my company and presence is appreciated i think it's all a lie and i delete things or leave either way. it's incredibly frustrating. i have joined group chats and not checked it at all to avoid those bad habits but it makes attempts at communication hard. and i delete things or leave. i hate that i always do this. "don't delete anything. don't leave" ive tried, genuinely. i hate always thinking im hated by everyone. i hate always perceiving everything as anger or annoyance towards me. even just one on one conversations i feel this way. im genuinely trying. i can't

#vent #social interaction is hard #i have these moments every so often where talking to others feels really difficult or nobody wants to talk to me. so i just stay silent but #- desire social interaction so badly. and it just makes me so indescribably depressed and lonely. i feel like i cant complain because i am #- doing this to myself by not talking to others. but how do i when i feel hated by literally everyone on the face of this earth? i dont -#- think im trying as hard as i believe i am. i have tried just not caring and talking anyways but it always cycles back to isolation. -#- for some reason lately it feels a lot harder to talk to people to the point of avoidance. i dont even like seeing people together -#- anymore when im out of the house. im just really jealous of others relationships i guess. i really dont want to leave my home -#- anymore or talk to people or make new friends or anything. of course im not committed to doing that because ive tried to cut -#- contact with everybody before but i end up feeling sad and lonely but especially guilty. but ive been thinking about it a lot.

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bbunnybirdd · 2 years ago

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i kind of feel like deleting my instagram but on another hand that's like the last window i have left to somewhat see what my old school friends are up to

#partially inspired by me giving my number to my ex best friend and asking to message me when she has time and if she still wants to talk #buut i got ghosted so i guess thats a big no #i still think when she went to study elsewhere she probably thought of me as good riddance #since id hang onto her pretty much all the time with not really having other close friends #like there were other friends but we werent as close #on another hand whenever weve rarely seen irl weve grown apart so much that i dont think re-friending is possible #this is why you dont stay up past your bed time you just get sad #i miss having a bestie god im so lonely its been 9 years #i just want someone to feel as close to me as i feel to them #i didnt think id start crying from just writing shit in tags

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coldweatherhater · 2 months ago

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i dont feel like dating like not at all lmao but i do wish i had someone i could just spend my entire day having conversations with ..