#cause im a romantic and a flirt n it wouldve always gone somewhere
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like as soon as i wake up im hit with full force emotions and im miserable and suicidal and upset and its like how long can i bear this LOL
#vent#my house smells like cigarettes n we got no floor n im tired n sad n hurting n lonely#i actually wouldve preferred she killed me#id prefer if she hated me because then i could feel less guilty about being so angry#and that sometimes i loathe her#and its like oh well we should break up so we dont hate each other#and yet i didnt hate her or resent her but i sure do now#like no maybe it was worth it to do it now#because its better to just do it n get it out of the way so things couldnt go amy further#like we cant ever be friends again anyways#because i cant love her less and id have to to stay friends#i wouldnt be happy with being a casual long distance friend forever#and so i guess its better this way since she didnt want a future together#and this is what i get for getting attached and being hopeful#i knewwww it wouldve gone nowhere and it stayed with me for months before i gave in#we coulda never been casual friends to begin with. even before we started dating i think#cause im a romantic and a flirt n it wouldve always gone somewhere#unless she never reciprocated at all#ughh i could go on and on and i WILL later im sure
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