#now they talk to eachother daily and im lucky if they message me more than three times a year
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drsunshineee · 2 months ago
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whats worse than having only like 1-5 friends?
having only that many friends and you talk to only 1 more than once every two months!
#absolute traumadump in tags!#ive never had a friend where im as important to them as they are to me#for most of my life ive had one or none friends at any given time#attaching myself desperately to anyone who could tolerate me without constant insults#my 4 (3 now i guess) friends all have people they can turn to if they lose one to three people#i have no one#ive never had anyone that was a friend that i didnt either distance myself from so i wouldnt end up over attached#or attach myself to.#my best friend all through elementary constantly let people interrupt our conversations and i was her least favourite friend#i once briefly had a mutual bestie#who then turned around and didnt let me have other friends or acquaintences at all#i still stayed by his side! for years!!!#he kept me isolated after he moved past me even.#my support system is exclusively online at this point#i regain two friends!#now they talk to eachother daily and im lucky if they message me more than three times a year#im trying#at least one of them seemed happy to see me last time i saw them#the other hasnt even paid attention to me in one on one conversations#and all i have is them and two people i met here#and im scared its my fault#am i just a bad friend?#am i just like *him?*#am i somehow worse#i miss having more than these frienfs#even if the others threatened to hit me and constantly called me selfish at least they were there sometimes#i know people get busy but.#months where they messaged others while ignoring me?#what did i do wrong? where did i fuck up? ill fix myself ill hide myself just. please talk to me. please. its so lonely out here.
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