#so i got up and talked to her told her about our friend and the fact that bff was told her grandpa on her step-dad's side was about to pas

[elleluvsjurin]

losing all my innocence in the backseat

requested

synopsis: you lose your virginity in the back of a car with your gf

pairings: g!p hanni pham x chubby fem!reader

cw: smut obvs, virginity loss, lowercase intended, non idol!hanni, reader and hanni both go to uni, reader’s friends are danielle and minji

a/n: longer fic for you bb’s <3

growing up you never had relationships with anyone, let alone sexual relationships or partners. growing up you weren’t considered “pretty” amongst the other girls in your class so you were mainly ignored until you started dating hanni, your girlfriend. you met her your junior year of high school and started dating your senior year. as if fate couldn’t bring you two any closer, you both happened to apply and got accepted to the same university so of course you guys were always with each other.

everyone knew that you were a virgin, it was really obvious..unfortunately. hanni isn’t a virgin so it’s harder to communicate with her. its not that you don’t want to have sex with hanni, you trust her 100% but you never really thought deep into it, not until your friends mentioned it.

you, minji, and danielle are sitting down in a corner of the campus cafe before minji clears her throat.

“so y/n..” she starts, you perk your ears up when she calls your name. “have you had sex yet?” she asks. your face instantly heats up and danielle gasps.

“minki..she hasn’t or she wouldn’t told us, silly!” danielle beams

“uh..no, we haven’t had sex yet. we haven’t really thought about it.” you admit. danielle pinches your cheeks and smiles.

“our baby is so innocent, it’s all on your time. i don’t want you to feel like you need to rush into it or anything.” she reassured you and scolds minji.

“it was a question!” minji says

“yeah yeah.” danielle waves her hand, “ignoring” minji

“thank you danielle..and thank you too, minji. hanni and i have a midnight hangout planned tonight so we’ll see what happens.” you say, nervously thinking about your girlfriend standing nakedly in front of you.

“have fun. i love seeing the love birds!” minji says with danielle agreeing with her. the three of you bid your goodbyes and go on about your days.

hanni comes to your room so the two of you can dressed together. both of you have private rooms but most of hanni’s things are in your room. she comes in(on the contrary to her copying your key, with your permission of course).

you’re applying your makeup when you see her walk in, she grins happily and hugs you from behind.

“you look so good.” hanni comments, making you smile

“takes one to know one, hm?” you reply and she laughs.

“i guess so.” she says, moving her hair out of her face. “you almost ready?” she asks

“mmhm, I’m doing my finishing touches.” you look at her in the mirror as you’re fixing up your hair.

“stop looking at me like that.” she mumbles softly

“like what?” you say, giving her slight doe eyes. she walks away with a flushed face and you giggle, successfully making your girlfriend blush.

“come on hanni. im officially ready.” you say, getting up from your chair and you grab your purse. she watches how your dress clings onto your body, accentuating your curves.

she grabs her keys and you two walk out to her car. you sit in the passenger seat, of course and she drives. as she drives, you softly grip her thigh and she grunts.

“y/n..what is up with you today?” she says, her accent thickening.

“what are you talking about? i can’t touch my girlfriend?” you say, innocently

“you keep on teasing me.” she admits as she continues driving, her breath hitching.

“you’re delusional.” you say. hanni pulls into an empty parking lot and stops the car.

“why are we even here?” you ask and she looks over at you, fixing the glasses on her face.

“you tell me. aren’t we supposed to be stargazing?” she says, her hands resting on your thigh with her thumb purposely rubbing it in circles.

“hanni im being serious.” you say, getting anxious as its in the middle of the night and you’re two women sitting in the middle of an empty parking lot.

“shut up.” hanni cups your face and she goes in for a kiss, you accept it of course but it catches you off guard for a moment but then you melt into the kiss. the kiss gets steamy, leaving you to grab onto her shirt, her hair, anything.

you two pull away after a couple of minutes, her face is beet red and your lips are puffy. you two sit in silence for a couple of moments before you speak up.

“hanni..I think im ready to lose my virginity.” you blurt out and she looks over at you.

“what? a-are you sure?” she stutters

“yes, im sure. i trust you with my body.” you say

“you wanna do it back here?” she says, motioning to the back of the car.

“uh sure!” you say. hanni locks the car doors, leaning her seat back as far as it could go, coaxing you to do the same.

“im gonna ask one more time. are you sure about this, y/n?” she asks

“yes, hanni pham. now show me the time of my life.” you mutter. she kisses you once more before she gives you a few commands.

“take your panties off for me.” you nod your head, pulling down your panties and handing them to her. she cheekily smiles, putting your panties into her pocket.

“i want you to relax and open your legs up. can you do that for me?” she asks, sweetly

“yes.” you mumble. glad that you wore a dress for easy access. you lean back and you open your legs for her; she eyes you like you’re her prey.

“hanni..i-im insecure.” you start to feel self conscious, as this is the first time that someone has ever seen your body. you start to close your legs and she pries them back open.

“don’t be, im here. you know i love your body from head to toe. don’t you dare close up on me, let me cherish this..you. do you understand me?” she reassures you by kissing your lips. you feel a little better but still self conscious because you’re the only one “half naked” at the moment.

“y-yes, i understand.” you say.

“im going to touch you, ok? i won’t put my finger in yet.” you nod your head, listening to her speak. she quickly finds your clit, rubbing it in figure 8 motions.

“that feel good?” she asks, feeling your breath hitch

“yes..it feels really good.” you reply and she rubs your clit a bit faster. obviously you’ve done this by yourself multiple times but it feels like a whole new experience with someone doing it for you. her fingers on your clit, alone, had your head spinning.

“you’re so wet, y/n.” she whispers in your ear, she softly kisses the side of your face while she plays with your clit.

“want your fingers.” you babble to your girlfriend and she obeys your command. she easily slides one of her fingers inside of your cunt and you groan.

“relax, open up for me.” hanni mumbles as she thrusts her finger inside of you, making you moan out

“a-ah..fuck.” she continues to thrust one finger before she adds another, making you gasp.

“holy fuck.. hanni! warn me next time.” you say, not getting too upset as her fingers feel amazing inside of you.

“yes ma’am.” she mutters as she continues thrusting her long fingers in and out, hitting at that particular spot..perfectly. you start to feel a weird feeling at the bottom of your stomach, a knot.

“i-i think im gonna cum.” you whisper, but of course your girlfriend hears you

“cum for me, cum all over my fucking fingers.” hanni encourages you, pumping her fingers in and out at a quick pace.

“o-oh hanni!” your voice trembles as you start to orgasm all over her fingers, coating them in your slick cum before she pulls her fingers out, making you suck on her fingers. you suck on her finger seductively and she groans, giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“are you ready for my cock, babe?” she asks you, sincerely and you nod your head

“yes.” she opens her door, getting the backseat, waiting for you to follow and of course, you do. luckily she has an svu so you two can fit perfectly in the back.

“lay down for me.” she whispers and you comply. you lie down, your back presses up against the car door with your legs wide open, you place one leg on the car seat, near the window next to you and you place your other leg on the drivers seat where the head of the driver goes, hanni lifts your dress up over your butt.

“that’s my good girl.” she says, pulling you into a heated kiss while you cup her face. “need you..” you mumble and she smirks into the kiss. “im all yours.” she replies

hanni doesn’t bother taking her shirt off in case you two get caught so instead she unzips her pants, purposely not pulling them down all the way as there’s not enough space. hanni didn’t wear any underwear so she pulls her cock out through the zipper part of her pants. you blush at the sight of her cock, it’s not too thick but not too skinny but it’s the perfect amount of girth for you. it’s also not too long to do damage but it’s long enough to hit all of your sweet spots.

“ready?” she asks one more time. you look down at her cock as it glistens with precum, ready to be inside of you.

“yes.” you mumble. she kisses your lips as she slowly slides her length inside of you, groaning as she opens you up. your legs slightly shaking as she bottoms out inside you. your first orgasm allowed her to slide in much easier. she stays still for a moment, giving you time to adjust to her.

“God, move…need you to move.” you whimper as she slowly thrusts into you. “f-fuck.” hanni groans, feeling your walls spasm around her.

“faster hanni, fuck.” you moan out. your girlfriend thrusts a bit faster, as she doesn’t want to hurt you. she moves her hips forward and backwards inside of you at a steady pace, looking down at you.

“you look so pretty like this..h-hah~ gonna make me cum.” she whispers as she thrusts into your cunt, forcing you to clench around her from the statement.

“you feel so good inside of me, ni..” her cock twitches at the little nickname that you gave her.

she thrusts a few more times and she starts to rub your clit leaving your body to twitch.

“want you to cum all over me.” hanni mumbles as she continues to pound you out. you back arches off of the seat up under you as you start to orgasm all over her cock.

“a-ah…almost there y/n.” hanni moans, you pull her into a kiss

“mmh- cum in me, ni~” you say into the kiss before she cums inside of your cunt, filling you to the brim.

hanni kisses your forehead before she pulls out of your leaking cunt and she smiles.

“gosh just ruin my pants, why don’t ya!” she playfully exclaims

“oh shut up.” you say, getting up and pulling down your dress, shamefully.

hanni giggles, eventually giving your underwear back to her. “did i at least show you the time of your life?” she asks

“yes, can we go to my room now?” you add

“yeah. come on.” hanni says, getting into the driver’s seat after she pulls herself together, making herself look halfway decent.

the drive is a silent drive. it’s not an uncomfortable silence but a peaceful silence. just you, your girlfriend, and the night itself. hanni holds you hand while she drives, her thumb rubbing lovingly on your hand. she eventually presses your hand up to her lips, kissing it.

“you did so good tonight.” she says as she continues driving towards the dormitory that you stay in.

“thank you. you made me feel so special, i adore you.” you say, blushing as she pulls into the parking lot of the dorms.

“of course, darling.” she pinches you cheek before she gets out of her seat to open the door for you.

it’s past 1 am when you two get back to your room. you and hanni take a shared shower where you two made love…again. the two of you didn’t go to sleep until around 3 or 4 am, knowing damn well the both of you regret each other’s actions in the morning.

[sanddollarpoems]

The truth is, I started in a very different place than I am now. Perhaps I am the evidence of evolution, that a person can go from one side to the other in a matter of years. I have family and friends who still think the same way. They echo the same hurtful words. They babble the same disrespectful slogans.

Last week, while feeling scared, disappointed, and emotionally bruised, I had to explain why people like me felt like I did. I had to be the adult, take the slander, and share about why people like me who didn't agree, people who feared for their rights as a human, were angry and sad and upset.

To be fair, I grew up on the other side. I grew up listening to my dad rage against the "flaming liberals" and the "fema-nat-zees," listening to Rush Limbaugh, and conservative talk radio. And as I grew up, the information I was fed was consistent. I was surrounded by people of like minds, and it was very easy to agree. No one challenged me. No one asked me WHY I thought what I did. No one pointed out my racism, my hurtful words, or my prejudice.

I got married young to a man who enjoyed telling me how to think and what to believe. And perhaps that's when I started feeling the cracks in my belief system. I started having my own thoughts, secretly, of course. I started struggling with the things that didn't add up.

It's so easy to pick someone's motives if you don't know that person. It's so easy to "other" them if they don't fit into your tiny understanding of the world. But God has a sense of humor. He gave me a double dose of empathy and compassion. I started meeting people, and they didn't fit into my categories. I started meeting people who I couldn't make sense of. I started meeting people who I had been taught to hate. But I didn't hate them. They were just people who hoped, and loved, and lived just like me. In fact, I started seeing they were all just like me.

And then, I became the "other." With my divorce, 90% of the people I had called friends, left me. My church, who had been like a family to me, left me. I was the sinner. I was the outcast. And because I was a victim of abuse, I had been talked out of asking for child support, even though he made over three times what I did. Now, I was also the woman standing in line at the grocery store, using my EBT "food stamps." I was a "leech on society," as my dad would say.

Remember how I said God has a great sense of humor? Well, guess who were the ones to come around me and support me and love me and lift me up? That's right. It was the people who I used to "other." It was the single mom's, the LGBTQ, the "flaming liberals," the atheists, the women of color...

For the first time in my life, there was no judgment, just kindness. There were no impossible standards, no mistreatment for being different, no more expectations to conform. There was freedom.

I have since come to a place where all those things my dad used to insult people with are now true of me. And this past week, as my friend was talking about the "woke morons," I gently told her that I'm one of those.

The truth is, we're all just people. We all want safety and well-being for ourselves and our families. A lot of us want that for our communities, and some even want it for the world. Most of the people I've met on both sides are generally good-hearted people. We all have been taught to say hurtful things, to believe hurtful things, and sometimes to even do hurtful things to "others." But I believe that for most people, these are learned behaviors.

My dad used to quote the Bible and say, "believing that there's good in people is a lie. Everyone is evil if they're not a Christian." These days, I believe God made humans in his own image. And having kindness and love are the traits that everyone has inherited from him. These are the things I have seen in others. And so I continue to believe that everyone has the ability for great kindness, and if we all exercised that kindness more readily, this world will not be such a scary place for any of us. Even if we don't all agree on the politics.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

The kettle whistled on the stove and Adam used one of his many tentacles to retrieve it to pour some tea for everyone.

Lucifer was concerned about this angel coming down killing overlords, he didn't want anything to happen to Adam. Not that he couldn't handle himself but still, Luicfer loved him and wanted him safe.

Lucifer: Well, at least the hotel will be a safe place from the crazy angel.

Adam: Yeah.... At Vox's dollar.

Rosie: Sweetie what is it with you and Vox? I know a little but.

Lucifer took his hand and Adam smiled.

Adam: When I first got to Hell it was exactly that, Hell. I went through maybe dark days where many unsavory things happened to me. Vox found me and helped me. He was relatively new to Hell too but he had already made a bit of a name for himself. We were friends, good friends.

He squeezed the mug in his hand, Adam relaxed feeling Lucifer's thumb brush over the other.

Adam: If Valentino hadn't of come into the picture we might have been more than friends who the fuck knows. But that STD filled moth changed him and not for a good. We argued and it broke our friendship, he wanted more than friendship but......... After some of the things I saw him do, like the things done to me. I couldn't put up with it anymore. So I decided I would become an even stronger overlord than him.

Adam: And I almost was, keep in mind this all happened in a span of two years. Which hey, I think it pretty fucking impressive if I say so myself. Then we had that physical fight and things were never the same.

Lucifer kissed his hand: Thank you for telling me dove.

Rosie: Awww, aren't you two sweet?

Adam: Well! That's enough time wasting to talk about him. What are we to do about this angel?

Lucifer: We need to find out who it is first. I'm actually surprised no one in heaven has contacted me about this. But on the same hand I'm not.

Adam: And I was telling Rosie here that she should stay at the hotel.

Rosie waved her hand: Oh Adam, I told you I'm fine dear, honest!

Lucifer: Well, if you ever change your mind you're more than welcome.

Rosie smiled: Thank you your majesty, you're very gracious.

Lowkey want an au where Adam has Alastors' powers.

The tentacles

The eyes

The changing size

The shadows

The sass

The deal making

Him owning Husk and Nifty

The musical numbers

The radio control

The tentacles- have I mentioned that before?

The rivalry with Lucifer

Maybe he replaces Alastor entirely. No Alastor. Only Adam. It's always been Adam.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

Only Adam lol This is good! His Husk and Nifty could be Lute and Peter.

He doesn't have to smile all the time does he?

Yessss, and he plays rock instead of jazz lol And yes of course there is a rivalry lol

[that-trans-autistic-guy]

The Dream of Being in DBD as a Trans Character: Updated

i've posted the original version of this here, but im posting this revised one here bcuz i live in a country that hates me apparently and im going to plaster my story everywhere bcuz its important. people like me are important and we deserve to be seen, along with our stories.

The plot begins with a client walking in. A ghost boy, no older than eighteen, comes in and asks for their assistance. His friend, who we’ll call Roy, had moved to the UK before the ghost, we’ll call Gilbert, passed away. The two were extremely close and Gil was Roy’s only real friend. Gil’s request is that the agency finds Roy and helps him deliver a last message to his friend. It takes some discussion, but the agency agrees.

We see a teen walking through a high school, head down, headphones on and clearly on the outside (think Edwin’s scene of walking against all the other students). Some jock in a varsity jacket slaps the books out of his hands. One particular book gets kicked down the hallway or something, and the whole hallway watches him go after it. His locker has all sorts of insults scribbled onto it, multiple of which are feminine in nature. Roy just sighs as he exchanges some of his supplies.

We watch him go through classes, just glimpses of classmates glaring, throwing papers at him, etc. He doesn’t respond to it beyond a few resigned expressions and sighs. A bell rings and the hallways are flooded by people going to lunch. Enter Crystal Palace, flanked by Edwin and Charles. She asks if he has a moment to talk and he says something like, “Look, I’m just trying to go eat without getting fucked up. So if you and your ghost boyfriends could just leave me alone, that’d be great.” He walks off, leaving Crystal and the boys extremely confused.

They didn’t think he would be able to see them. Gil had said he’d never said anything about seeing ghosts.

Crystal and the boys talk to the other students about Roy, posing as new/exchange students who’d noticed something about him. None of the students are particularly nice, saying he’s weird and abnormal. They also add in statements saying things like he’s “a girl playing pretend” and other statements in that vein. It confuses the boys, especially Edwin, but it seems to click for Crystal.

She finds Roy after school, hiding in the art/band room while the hoard of students goes outside to leave. His headphones are still on and he’s on his phone, but his head whips up the second the psychic enters so he’s clearly on high alert. Crystal sits across from him and asks why he could see ghosts.

Roy explains that when he came out, his parents stopped caring. They didn’t accept him, help him transition and refused to call him by his name. When he was seventeen, his appendix burst. He’d complained for multiple days that something was very wrong with his stomach and his parents ignored it. It burst at school and he nearly died from their negligence. 

He saw his first ghost at the school, as soon as he’d returned. It was a girl who had died the previous year in an accident, still attending classes with the rest of her classmates. He even spoke to the ghost a few times, but he never brought it up to Gilbert or anyone else. His classmates already bullied him and he wasn’t eager to give them more ammunition. Even so, he’d occasionally sneak into a bathroom to talk to the rather lonely ghost girl. He knew loneliness all too well and didn’t wish it on anyone.

After the whole ordeal, his uncle asked for custody and they gave it over without protest. Once he had it, his uncle, who we’ll call Josh, immediately worked on helping him transition. Josh got him to doctors who gave him HRT and helped him legally change his name. When Josh was told he would move to England for his high paying job barely six months later, he got Roy top surgery scheduled before they left. He enrolled in his current school, which had just as much bullying as his last. 

Crystal tells him that his friend, Gilbert, had contacted them to find him and help deliver a message. Roy’s shocked and asked if he could see Gil. The three agree, saying they could arrange something for that night. They make conversation until Roy deems it safe enough for him to leave. He gives them an awkward wave on the way out.

The two friends reunite that night. It’s tearful and emotional. We learn, through conversation or flashbacks, that Gilbert had died shortly after Roy moved away in a car accident. Roy had flown out to be at his best friend’s funeral and had been inconsolable. Gil’s family had let him sit with them, basically his own family. The boys hold each other like they might fade away, resting their foreheads together.

They talk. Gil reassures him that he was okay, that he was glad Roy was still going. He’s sad that Roy hasn’t made any new friends and the boy says he’s scared of letting in the wrong people. He says that maybe he can start with the detectives and Roy agrees that maybe he can. They talk a little more, the two stating that they love each other and similar statements, and Gil’s ready to move on. The blue light appears and he smiles sadly, giving his friend one last hug. He tells Roy to look after himself, asks the agency to look after him, too. Roy is holding in a sob but tells Gilbert to go on and that he’ll see him later, yeah? Gilbert nods and goes with Death, the light disappearing. As it does, we see the ghost boys holding hands, cast in blue light, reminded of their own deep friendship and unable to imagine parting.

Roy swipes at his tears as the agency approaches. They all offer their condolences, even a hug maybe, and he accepts. He asks if what they do is helping people move on and they say that it is. He nods and says that he’d like to help them sometimes, to which they all agree. The four of them hang out for a while, letting Roy tell the stories of Gilbert he’d been aching to tell.

When Roy goes home, his uncle is still up. The teen had said he would be out with potential new friends. Josh asks if the hangout went well and immediately worries when he sees his nephew’s tears. Roy is quick to tell him it was great, better than he could have imagined. He tells his uncle that he told them about Gilbert and even got to share his memories of him. Josh gets tearful as well when Roy says that he thinks he might actually have a group of friends he could be really close to. The two hug before the camera pans back to the agency. Perhaps the boys are deep in thought, perhaps they’re talking about the case and how it made them feel. But it’s clear that whether said aloud or not, the case had hit very close to home. And it leaves them with things to think about.

I like to think Roy would make a few other appearances, in a similar way to Monty. Edwin would ask him questions about his identity and queer stuff, notebook in hand. Charles and him would mess around, playing jokes on the others. He and Crystal would commiserate over neglectful parents, helping her as she tries to rebuild her life. When Niko comes back, they’d share shows and books they each like. 

Maybe the bullying gets bad and one of the ghost boys goes with him to school, casually tripping the bullies or being silly around them while the bully is oblivious. Roy slowly makes a friend or two at school, and overall comes out of his shell bit by bit. And he can almost see Gilbert smiling from beyond.

again, im posting this bcuz despite the last election, our stories matter and so do we. queer stories matter. trans stories matter. and if you don't like it, suck it up. cuz we arent going anywhere.

[dragonydreams]

BuckTommy Fic: Stuck in the Middle With You

Title: Stuck in the Middle With You Fandom: 9-1-1 Rating: Teen Audiences And Up Pairings/Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz & Tomy Kinard Additional Tags: post-episode: s08e06 Confessions, this is not a buddie story, second chances, Eddie's a good friend, Fix-It Summary: Eddie promises Buck he'll talk to Tommy to try to get his friends back together. Word Count: 2,701 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Reamworks, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, Ryan Murphy Television, and 20th Television. Betas: Thank you to @medieshanachiefor looking this over for me. Author's Note: I'm not really sure where some of this came from. I had a line in my head and it kind of spiraled from there. Then Tommy got notions and wouldn't give them up. 

Read on AO3

They drank their beers in silence, but after a few minutes when Buck was still staring at the fireplace with that kicked puppy expression on his face, Eddie couldn't keep his rising worry in anymore.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what happened?" he asked.

Buck looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He watched Buck take in his bare face and legs. "I could ask you the same thing," Buck said, rather than answering.

"A priest told me to do something joyful," Eddie said. 'Your turn."

"A priest…? We're coming back to that." Buck takes a swig from his beer bottle. "Tommy dumped me."

Eddie nearly dropped his beer in his haste to turn to face Buck. "He what? But you just had your six month anniversary!"

"Took me by surprise, too," Buck said. "I don't think he was planning it, but as Athena would say, I went full Buck and scared him off."

Eddie winced. "What happened?"

"I asked him to move in with me," Buck admitted.

Eddie blew out a breath. "Is that how you phrased it?"

"Yeah, how else would I do it?" Buck asked, confused. 

"You didn't suggest moving in together, but for Tommy to move in with you," Eddie said.

"What difference does the phrasing make?" Buck asked, getting annoyed. He came here for comfort, not an inquisition.

"At any time while you were deciding to ask Tommy to move in, did you remember that Tommy has a house with a two car garage?" 

"I– What–" Buck's brow furrowed. "Of course I've been to Tommy's house."

"And you asked him to move in with you," Eddie said, again. 

Buck huffed in frustration. "I didn't mean my loft, literally."

"Did he know that?"

"I don't know, he was too busy breaking up with me to discuss where exactly we'd live," Buck said. "Why are you taking his side?"

"I'm not," Eddie said, holding his hands up. "I'm just trying to understand what happened."

"Did you know he used to be engaged to a woman?" Buck asked. "To Abby?"

Eddie's eyes went wide. "Not your Abby?"

"Yes, my Abby. Although I guess she was his Abby first," Buck said. "How could the two most important people I've dated been engaged to each other?"

"That is quite the coincidence," Eddie mused. "Is that what led to the idea of moving in?"

"Maybe?" Buck admitted. "Josh said all this stuff about me coming out in a post-Glee world, but he and Tommy came out in a pre-Glee world that wasn't so understanding and I wanted Tommy to know that I respected how hard it must have been for him and show him that I was all in."

"Had the two of you said I love you yet?" Eddie asked. 

"Why does everyone keep asking me that," Buck muttered. "No, but had you and Marisol said it before you asked her to move in?"

"No, we had not, and look how that turned out," Eddie said. "Our exes definitely had some big secrets."

"Yeah, but I knew about Abby before asking Tommy to move in. You didn't find out about Marisol being a nun until after," Buck pointed out.

"Almost a nun," Eddie corrected him automatically. 

Buck slumped back against the couch, draining the rest of his beer. "I went too big, too fast, didn't I?"

"You do have a tendency to act before thinking things through," Eddie agreed. 

"It's part of my charm," Buck said.

"Is it though?"

"Apparently not," Buck admitted. "I thought people liked big romantic gestures. Tommy loves all that rom-com stuff."

"Maybe, but not when it's a reaction to learning about a shared former lover," Eddie said. 

"How do I fix this?" Buck asked, tears filling his eyes. "I don't know that I am... Was… am in love with him, but I'm not ready to be without him."

"I don't know that this is something that you can walk back," Eddie said. 

"He said that while he may have been my first, he wasn't going to be my last. Did he tell you that he wasn't in this for the long haul?" Buck asked.

"We tried not to talk about you too much when we hung out," Eddie said. "But from what I could see, he was in it as much as you were." 

"Then why would he say something like that to me? Just because he's the first man I've been with doesn't mean that I want to be with other men."

"I can't speak for him, but maybe it's been his experience that when one man is just starting to date men and the other isn't, they don't usually stay together that long," Eddie said. "I'm just guessing here. You'd have to talk to him."

"Or-or you could," Buck suggested. He sat up on the couch, suddenly eager. "Yeah, can you do that? Can you go tell him that sometimes I leap before I look and I don't want this to end?"

Buck was looking at him with such sad yet hopeful eyes, that Eddie found himself saying, "Okay, fine, I'll try. Once."

Buck tackle hugged him. "Thank you. You're the best friend ever."

"I can't promise I'll change his mind," Eddie cautioned. 

"I'm not asking you to. I just need him to talk to me," Buck said, pulling back. "And now I think I need to know where your pants are."

Eddie laughed. "Yeah, um, so have you seen the movie Risky Business..."

~~*~~

Eddie stood before Tommy's front door, food offering in hand, and took a deep breath before ringing the bell.

It took a few minutes, but Tommy opened the door looking as rough as Eddie expected. 

"Had a feeling you'd need this," he said, holding up the bag containing a couple of breakfast burritos. 

"Did he send you?" Tommy asked, warily eyeing the bag of food.

"Yes, but I also wanted to see how you're doing," Eddie admitted. "I'm your friend, too."

Tommy stood back and let Eddie in before following him to the kitchen. Eddie got down a couple of plates while Tommy started making coffee.

"Should have known he'd run straight to you," Tommy muttered. "That man has been in love with you for as long as I've known him."

Eddie snorted. "No, he's not."

Tommy stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "I know he claimed he was trying to get my attention after you and I started hanging out, but I can tell you, he was most definitely not."

"He may have been trying to get my attention, but that's just the way our co-dependent friendship works sometimes. It's not because he's in love with me," Eddie protested.

"You tell yourself whatever you need to," Tommy said. 

"If he was in love with me, why would he have come to my house last night with a six-pack of beer and practically beg me to come ask you to talk to him to try to change your mind about breaking up?"

"Because you're his best friend," Tommy said.

"His straight best friend," Eddie reminded him. He idly wondered why he had to keep telling men he was straight. 

"You sure about that?" Tommy asked. "Should I kiss you and see if you have the same revelation Evan had?"

"Thanks, but I'll pass," Eddie said. "Because one, I'm not bicurious and two, I'm here on behalf of my heartbroken best friend."

Tommy poured them each a cup of coffee and they moved to the dining table. They each took a few bites before the conversation resumed.

"So, Buck's Abby was also your Abby," Eddie said. 

"It appears so. Did you know her?" Tommy asked.

Eddie shook his head. "She was before I moved to L.A. But I was there for the aftermath. Did he tell you about their breakup?"

"We didn't really get into that," Tommy admitted. "He just said she was one of his most transformative relationships, before me."

"From what I've heard, Buck slept around a lot before Abby. Bobby actually fired him his probationary year because he kept stealing engines for hookups."

Tommy choked on the bite he'd just taken. "I'm sorry, he stole fire engines to have sex? He wasn't kidding when he said he was a himbo."

Eddie nodded. "That's not the guy that I met, though. I met a guy who was living in his girlfriend's apartment even though she'd been traveling in Europe alone for months after her mom died."

"I did read about that. I sent her flowers," Tommy said.

"She basically ghosted Buck. He was staying true to her while she ran around without any real intention of coming back. She broke something in him."

"Because I broke something in her," Tommy said.

"That's not what I'm saying," Eddie said, quickly.

"Then why tell me about it?" Tommy demanded.

"To help you understand Buck. In case you haven't noticed, he has a fear of abandonment. Of not being enough," Eddie said.

"Who doesn't?" Tommy countered.

"He also tends to overcompensate when he's afraid," Eddie said.

"You're saying that he asked me to move in to his loft because he was afraid I'd leave him for a woman once he knew I used to be engaged to one?" Tommy asked, incredulously.

"No, I'm saying that between learning about Abby and something Josh said to him about how hard it was for gay people pre-Glee he wanted to show you how "in" he was in this relationship by asking you to move in."

"He's done this before? I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better."

"Did he tell you about suing the city after Bobby wouldn't let him return to work as soon as Buck wanted to after the ladder truck crushed his leg? Or asking Taylor to move in with him instead of just telling her he'd kissed Lucy back after she'd kissed him?"

"So he has done this before," Tommy said, solemnly. "Wait, Lucy Denato?"

"Or the time he tried grooming Ravi to take his place because he was convinced we all hated him after Chimney went chasing after Maddie when she left after Jee-Yun was born?"

"Or the time he thought he was cursed because he grew boils after an allergic reaction?" Tommy added.

"Exactly. He gets stuff in his head and reacts without thinking."

"And instead of talking it out, I just reacted to the words he was saying instead of talking to him about where they were coming from," Tommy said.

"Do you love him?" Eddie asked.

"Not yet, but I was close," Tommy admitted. "I didn't get into this relationship expecting love. I wasn't looking for it, but it was starting to sneak up on me."

"And that scared you," Eddie guessed.

"It did, because, as I said before, I didn't want my heart broken when you finally realized you were as in love with Evan as he is with you," Tommy said.

"I told you, I'm not," Eddie insisted. "I'm not gay, or bi."

"That's why you grew a Freddy Mercury mustache? To show how straight you are?" Tommy asked.

"Is that why the hot priest was hitting on me?" Eddie wondered aloud. 

"I'm sorry, a hot priest was hitting on you?" Tommy made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle.

"He called my mustache very handsome," Eddie said.

"So you ran home and shaved it?"

"No, I shaved it because I realized I didn't need the mask anymore," Eddie said. "And not to mask that I'm straight. That's just the truth."

Tommy held his hands up. "Okay, fine, you're straight. You have no interest in bedding Evan."

"No, I don't. I'm not a threat to your relationship."

"There is no more relationship," Tommy said.

"If you're willing to try, there still could be," Eddie said. 

"I need to think about it," Tommy said.

"That's all I'm asking," Eddie said.

~~*~~

Can we meet for coffee?"

Buck nearly fumbled his phone as he read the text when they got back to the station after a call, four days after Tommy had dumped him. He frantically looked around for Eddie.

When he spotted him on a couch he ran over to him, holding out his phone. "Eddie, Eddie, he texted."

"Are you going to respond?" Eddie teased. 

"Oh, uh, yeah, of course," Buck said, pulling his phone back.

Yes! When and where?

Tommy responded right away. 

Tomorrow morning, 10am. You know where.

The coffee shop of second chances. Third? I'll be there.

"So?" Eddie asked.

"We're meeting for coffee tomorrow when we get off shift," Buck said, his face lit up with his smile.

"That's great, man. Good luck," Eddie said.

~~*~~

Buck was sitting at an outdoor table, two cups of coffee before him. The main difference this time is that he knew he had Tommy's order right.

"I'm feeling a bit of deja vu," Tommy said as he sat down across from Buck.

"Coffee should be better this time," Buck said.

Tommy brought the cup to his lips and hummed with appreciation. "At least you didn't try to be cute and order the wrong thing knowingly."

"I'd never do that to you," Buck said, offended.

"I know," Tommy said. "I'm sorry, I know that I have no right to be snarky."

"I'm the one who got dumped," Buck pointed out. "If anyone's going to be snarky, it should be me."

"I'm sorry, Evan," Tommy said.

"So it's Evan again?" Buck snarked.

"I deserved that," Tommy said. 

"What are you sorry for?" Buck asked.

"I'm sorry that instead of talking out my concerns that you were moving too fast I pulled away completely," Tommy apologized.

"And I'm sorry if you thought that I meant I wanted you to move into the loft. I was just so excited about the idea of living together, I didn't stop to think about where it would be," Buck said.

"I guess that's something we'll both need to work on; pausing to think before saying things," Tommy said.

"S-so there's something to work on?" Buck asked, hopefully. "Are we getting back together?"

"I think we need to have some long conversations about what we're looking for in this relationship, but I'm willing to have those discussions," Tommy said.

"Me too," Buck said, eagerly.

"But first, I want to ask you something that I should have done from the beginning," Tommy said.

Buck licked his lips nervously and nodded. "Okay, ask."

"Are you in love with Eddie?"

Buck laughed, then noticed the stern look on Tommy's face. "Oh, you're serious."

"Very."

"No, I'm not in love with Eddie. He's my best friend. My soulmate, but my platonic soulmate."

"Are you sure about that? Now that you know you're bi, are your feelings for him still just platonic?" Tommy pressed.

"Totally," Buck assured him. "He's always going to be an important person in my life, but he's not the one I want to share a bed with. My turn for a serious question."

"I deserve that," Tommy said.

"Can you handle Eddie and Christopher's role in my life? I'm always going to drop everything if one of them needs me. Are you going to be okay with that? Most of my girlfriends couldn't."

"Hell, I'll probably be the one driving you," Tommy admitted. "They're both pretty special people."

"They're the best," Buck agreed. "And I think you should take Eddie to the Lakers game instead of me. I really hate basketball."

Tommy laughed. "You know, somehow I just knew Eddie was going to end up at that game."

"Can we kiss and make up now?" Buck asked. 

"God, yes," Tommy said, both of them standing and reaching for the other. 

The kiss was fairly chaste since they were in public, but their hunger for each other was clear. This was something they both desperately wanted.

"You wanna get out of here?" Buck asked, somewhat breathless.

"Come back to my place?" Tommy suggested. 

"I'm right behind you," Buck said.

"Hmm, no, I think we should be face to face," Tommy said, smirking. 

Buck's face flushed. "That's not what… I mean yes, absolutely."

Tommy kissed Buck's cheek. "I'll see you soon."

The Beginning (Again)

[x-rds]

That post about huge red flags from exes is going around and I’m like well mine requires some background reading

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[cornerihaunt]

.

[unmaskingdisability]

A rock was thrown through the window of our local trans resources office.

My trans and Disability Group was attacked by a dozen troll accounts last week talking about how trans people are into beastiality and child porn.

Troubleshooting, a coworker told me "if these are the worst things that happen this year we'll be getting off lucky"

I know he's right. And the fact that that's true terrifies me.

[wildevenusian]

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

[violentdevotion]

I had multiple dreams last night.

I had a bf </3

someone in my family got bit by a zombie </3

some guy made me explain narrative structure to him </3

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

bestie is coming home on 1st im having thoughts

[piratadelamor]

self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday

[roaringroa]

so grateful that i managed to restrain myself from properly falling in love with my friend and contained my feelings to a common crush

[kittlyns]

Coming to the realization that I'm never going to be a fun aunt to my friends' babies because I always feel like I'm losing more than I'm gaining