#she has made me realise so many things about love 😭 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toomiieimagiines · 7 months ago

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hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

302 notes · View notes

weirdsht · 9 months ago

Note

Hello, a cale x reader lunatic here 😭

They meet a fortune teller pre-relationship and pre-war

They're idiots

FT: you're going to have 10+ kids

Cale: uhh...

Reader: wtf is you spouting? /*Terrified

Ohn, Hong, Raon, and the wolf children: 🫂

Selective Vacuous - Cale/Reader

notes: I made it a 4+1 since I had several scenarios but didn't know how to connect them all hehe

tags: female reader, established relationship (except the first one), reader is mentioned to be a spearman, GoD priestess prophet (it'll make sense in the end), vague to mild novel spoilers

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

Buy Me Dessert

Navigation Masterlist

“You will meet someone. A male. They will mean the world to you, and will bring you both trouble and comfort.”

“Miss priestess, you’re from the church of the God of Death, right? Don’t you think things like fortunes are for the God of Fate?”

_____ listened to the priestess’ ramblings. Yes, ramblings. Because that does not make sense to the spearman in the slightest. She was already married to her spear. There’s no way someone, especially a man, will suddenly become her whole world.

It just didn’t seem possible possible.

That was why the spearman did not understand the painful feeling in her chest when she saw Cale’s plate breaking. She couldn’t understand why her heart hurt for a person she just regarded as her employer.

“Everything is going to be fine soon young master. So please hold on a little longer.”

She couldn’t understand why her hands were softly wiping the blood on the redhead’s chin. Can’t understand why the sight of her employer in pain makes her heartache when she knows he's going to be alright.

She just can’t understand it.

+~+~+~+~+~+

“You have thirteen children. Whom you all love equally despite not seeing some of them often.”

“Do you think this is an elaborate prank?”

“I’m not sure but this the second time someone from the Church of the God of Death has given me a prophecy…”

“But 13 children? Really? If they're going to try and scam us at least make it sound believable.”

“I can’t even imagine having one child. Let alone more than ten.”

_____ shivered at the thought of having that many children with her significant other Cale. Turns out their chest pains were because she was in love with the redhead.

It took a whopping 5 months for the two of them to realise their feelings.

Another 2 for them to make a move and finally get together.

While the two are already in agreement that the priestess who said that might be a swindler, a certain silver kitten has another opinion.

She thinks that there’s a misunderstanding.

The priestess didn’t say “will have” but rather said “have”, meaning they already have thirteen children. However, she didn’t say anything and opted to keep her thoughts to herself.

'I’m pretty sure that priestess was talking about us and the wolf children…'

+~+~+~+~+~+

“You are destined to be with a powerful man with a very powerful family. Someone whose family has a long history.”

What now?

Does this mean one day _____ and Cale must break up?

“The family with a long history part checks out since the Henituse family are known to guard the Forest of Darkness.”

The spearman puts her hands underneath her chin as she thinks.

“But a powerful man? You have the weakest plate in existence. A powerful family? The Henituse family is a county. Not a Marquisate or a Duchy…”

Besides her Cale grumbled.

“Have you not learned anything? Just tune it out. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard such bullshit.”

“That’s true… I guess this one bothered me a bit since they implied we’d break up.”

“We won’t”

After the reassurance, _____ and Cale went back to eating their food.

What they don’t know is that a few days later, the Henituse County will be promoted to become the Henituse Duchy.

But at that time the prophecy told to _____ is already forgotten.

+~+~+~+~+~+

“Forbidden love is ahead of you. There will be a time where your own significant other will feel uncomfortable to show you affection.”

Great now the fortune teller scammers from that stupid church are targetting Cale too.

“But we’ve had great communication since the start of our relationship.”

Cale nodded in agreement as he thought about what could “forbidden love” and “uncomfortable with affection” could mean.

Sure they weren’t the most PDA couple but they don’t shy away from showing affection towards each other. They have also had their fights but they are always quickly resolved.

“Forbidden love is also a weird thing to say… Oh my god, Cale don’t tell me you’re planning to cheat on me?!”

Cale was so flabbergasted he said his true thoughts without filter.

“What the fuck?! You’re literally the love of my life??”

The sudden confession got the two of them to shut up. Both were shocked at what the redhead said.

“...You’re the love of my life too.”

“If you love me then you would not remind me of the embarrassing thing I said not even 5 minutes ago.”

As the two laugh, the words of the priestess slowly leave their minds.

However, maybe they shouldn’t have forgotten it when Cale had to disguise himself as Naru von Ejellan, a 12-year-old kid in human years. If they did then maybe they'd understand the priestess' words...

+~+~+~+~+~+

“You troublesome punk! I knew you’re dense but I didn’t expect you to be a blockhead!”

Cale was shocked at Team Leader Lee Soo Hyuk’s irritated voice. One moment they were talking about passing on one of the team leader’s abilities then suddenly he was yelling at Cale.

“Don’t look at me like a gaping fish out of water. I did so much to help you with your love life only for you to disregard my messages!”

“What messages..?”

Cale remembered all the times a priestess from the Church of the God of Death had told them a “prophecy”.

“That was you?”

“You disrespectful punk, yes it was me.”

“Oh…”

Oh indeed

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chaotic-ravenclaw · 2 months ago

Text

UNPOPULAR (?) OPINION

(pls don't attack me for this 😭😭)

THE PERCY JACKSON SERIES WAS A PISS POOR ADAPTATION!!!

I would like to start by saying absolutely no hate on the actors!! They were perfect for their roles <3

I'm not just gonna be complaining the whole time, there were some things I did like and I do mention them as well.

1) the pacing was all off. I get that they only had 8 episodes to cram all that info and action into, but it really was WAYY too fast paced. The fight scenes didn't feel like fight scenes coz they were over in seconds, and just a lot of the info you're supposed to find out gradually or just know from context clues is outright said instead of shown and spaced out.

Also, just some of the dialogue was really cluncky and weird/unnecessary and made it very awkward to watch at times.

And then the only two long fight scenes dragged on and ended in ways that just completely disregarded a major character moment. Which leads me to no. 2

2) The arch scene. I actually really liked how they changed it to a shrine of Athena's in the show, it really showed how much Annabeth trusted her mother, and when Echidna was able to pass through anyway, the betrayal was a nice touch which really showed how much trouble they were really in.

HOWEVER!!! What I DIDN'T like, was that last fight scene with Echidna and the Chimera, which actually really upsets me coz it was our first decently lengthed fight scene. I didn't mind the fight overall, but the ending was a cop-out.

The scene in the book where he jumps out of the arch is supposed to show how much trust/faith he has in the gods and his father. He trusts that Poseidon will catch him. And yes, ik, Uncle Rick "thought it was closer" and didn't realise the river didn't go directly under the arch, but surely the fact that it wasn't closer holds that much more weight if he had jumped?

3) They completely butchered Grover, Annabeth, Sally and Gabe's characters.

Grover is supposed to be this scared but BRAVE and LOYAL satyr who loves nature and whose entire purpose is to PROTECT young demigods and find Pan (the god of the wild).

Instead, we get this guy who rats out his friend for doing something he didn't even do, AGREES WITH ARES about fucking WAR of all things (I get it was a ploy to get information but I'm still not really vibing coz it was just so out of character), and WAITS OUTSIDE till the fight is finished before running in and asking if it was over yet. And if all that wasn't bad enough, they've turned him into the exposition guy. Uncle Rick, does show don't tell mean nothing to you?? He deserved a lot better than what he got.

Annabeth in the books had so much depth and character dimension; she wanted to break free from her stereotypes (dumb blonde, girls can't fight/are weak etc); she had a lot of faith in the gods (especially her mother - I'm really glad this was shown in the show); she wanted a way to prove herself to the gods.

Instead her character is moulded down into a singular trait. 'Mean'. I personally think it's a step up from her movie counterpart's singular trait of 'girl', but they could also just do her one better and give her an actually fully fleshed out personality.

I understand that, due to her appearance, they obviously can't do the whole dumb blonde thing (which I really don't mind), but they could throw in some struggles about her race and the 'girls are weak' thing too. Obviously they'd have to be careful to handle it respectfully but it's definitely doable. Like, there are so many thing they can do with her character and all they did was make her mean.

I would have liked it to have been more obvious that she wanted to prove herself to the gods, because it's such a big reason why she chose to be part of the quest. Like, the bathroom scene should've made it more obvious that she was scoping him out to see if he was the leader of the quest she was prophesied to be in, instead of that stupid janky line about capture the flag.

I did, however, like that they got rid of her little crush on Luke, because the fandom ruined their sibling relationship because of that. (I can already see the arguments THATS gonna bring up lol). I interpreted her little crush on Luke as something similar to like when you'd have a teacher crush on primary school. A silly little crush because "they're pretty and were nice to me" kinda vibes. A platonic crush if you will ?

ANYWAYS, I'm glad they fixed that up, but I really would've liked to see her and Luke act more like siblings before he left. Like, half the confusion the first time round was coz we didn't get any proper sibling moments before (or after really) Percy came to the conclusion that Annabeth liked Luke. It just would've been a nice touch.

I also really didn't like the fight with Luke at the end (they changed WAYYYY too much) but the thing I dislike the most was that Annabeth was there. She wasn't supposed to be there. Half her struggle through the rest of the books was that she couldn't come to terms with the fact that Luke was on the Titan's side, and tried to hurt/kill them multiple times when they got in his way. It's supposed to be a slow process for her, but having her there would (realistically) speed up that process, and undermine her feelings and struggles from the books.

On another note, I didn't like how they dealt with Cerberus. It felt so unfeeling, when it was supposed to be a more emotional interaction. Annabeth loves dogs, and that was supposed to be one of the moments you learn more about her. It was supposed to be sad when they parted, but instead it was more of a "that thing is going to kill us, we need to get the fuck outta here" kind of situation.

One last thing for Annabeth coz this is getting long. The Fields of Asphodel scene was rubbish. If there had to be one of them stuck there, it should've been Grover. I truly believe he'd have the most regrets out of the three (eg. Thalia dying under his care, losing the teleportation pearl, trusting Luke, regret for ratting Percy out perhaps? Etc). But realistically they all would've planned roots. They each have regrets weighing them down. Anyways, I just thought it was stupid

Gabe is meant to be the absolute worst. He's meant to be an abusive asshole who couldn't give two shits about Sally and Percy. He's meant to be demanding and messy.

Instead we get this somewhat likeable guy whose worst crime is sitting in his chair for hours at a time. We're supposed to hate this guy, so why am I finding him kinda funny? Like yes, he's still kind of a dick, but he's not so irredeemable as he once was, and this version of him DEFINITELY doesn't deserve to be turned into a statue 😭😭

Like, miss ma'am, just divorce him, move out, turning him into a statue was so unnecessary in the show 😭😭

And I hate to say it, but the movies actually got him right.

And that leads me into Sally's character. In the books she's this brilliant woman with a heart of gold who loves her son more than anything. She married an abuser to protect her son from worse things, so he could grow up with a relatively normal childhood without fear of being hunted by monsters 24/7.

She's supposed to be a bit timid, a bit scared of Gabe because HES AN ABUSER. Sally isn't supposed to have her girlbossness yet! She hasn't gotten to the point where she can leave him (both because she's staying to protect Percy, and also because after being with someone like that for a prolonged period of time, it starts to get to you)

Side note - she's also not supposed to keep contact with Poseidon?? It kinda defeats the purpose of keeping Percy underwraps?? (I'm talking about that one flashback in the diner, it doesn't really make sense)

ANYWAYS!! Instead of some quality character development/growth, we get a character who unrealistically doesn't need it coz she isn't really a victim in the first place. They took away part of her character by taking away her trauma. The way that Sally and Gabe are portrayed really takes away from Sally, and the point that her character is at in the show doesn't make sense to her situation in the show's current timeline.

Also, the way Sally treats Percy in some of the flashbacks is fucking disgusting. THAT is NOT my Sally Jackson. My mother is emotionally/vocally abusive and neglectful, and that is exactly how she treats my neurodivergent younger brother. Maybe I'm projecting or looking into it too much, but seeing that in the show from one of my favourite characters in the books was so jarring, I almost started crying.

Because Sally is supposed to be the best mum, everyone loves her coz she's such a wonderful human being, and that's how she's been treating her son. It just makes me second guess how bad my own mum really is. Obviously everyone has their flaws, but getting angry and yelling at a child because he's scared/upset/doesn't want to do something has never been one of hers.

Alrighty, I'm gonna stop yabbering on coz I feel like this is WAYY too long, but I have a lotta thoughts and feelings about this coz PJO is my comfort fandom lol.

Please gimme any thoughts/opinions you like to share <33

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sterredem · 8 months ago

Text

Obsessed

Oscar Piastri x singer!reader

Face claim Olivia Rodrigo

Warning stalking (online), not proofread, Speling mistakes

Summary y/n is obsessed with her boyfriend’s ex.

A/n We are just gonna say that Lilly’s account is public… so that everything makes sense.

Also this may be more of a Lilly x reader the an Oscar one… it’s also a bit short… and this is probably the only fic you’ll get in a bit

Instagram

120.124 likes

F1.Gossip BREAKING NEWS: Our favourite young couple, Oscar Piastri and Lilly Zneimer has reportedly broken up! After their 4 years and a bit realation the couple found out that they where better of as friends then being together. Many hard are broken after hearing this news, but they claim that they are still friends. We wish them both the best with their careers, and we with them the best in future relationships.

View all 2.234 comments

User1 NOOOOOOOOO😭😭😭😭

User2 I don’t believe in love anymore😭😭

User3 WHYYY?!?!💔

User4 Hearts ♥️ been. Broken 💔 Too. Many. Times ⏳😭😭

User5 MY FAVROUTE COUPLE😭😭😢

User6 Why am I so upset at a couple that I don’t even know😭😭

|———————————<3—————————————|

Twitter

|———————————<3—————————————|

Time skip

Twitter

|———————————<3—————————————|

Real life

Y/n knew she was crazy. It was actually sociopathic what she was doing. She was stalking her boyfriend’s ex girlfriend.

And not stalking stalking. She was not following her in real life… just on social media.

She was just going through the girls instagram photos, looking up everything about her, wanting to know everything that there is about the girl.

Beside that she was also looking at old Twitter threads, shortly after the break up was leaking by a gossip account F1 Twitter went crazy, they loved the couple. They made comments upon comments expressing their hard break at the news, they also still make post dedicated to Lilly and her achievements. And it tore the singer apart.

And she has to admit; lily is perfect.

And that was the worst ever.

Lilly was sweet, good with kids, talented, smart, funny, gorgeous and genuine. And maybe even far better than herself.

She now knew almost everything about her: her star sign, her blood type, her family, hot what school she goes to and on what class she was in. She knows that she slept on her side of Oscar’s bed (which didn’t make her feel good). And other things that Oscar had told her, with them knowing each other and being friends while they were dating and him finding comfort in her after the break up.

And she knows it was crazy; they broke up. They don’t even speak anymore! But still, every time he says her name, Y/n can’t help but think that he mistakes herself for his ex.

So she has to admit, she is jealous.

She always knew she had some kind of a problem, but this?

She thought about Lilly 24/7. If you knew how much she thought about the girl, you’d think she was in love.

And if you’d know how much she looked at her pictures, you’d think that they were best friends.

And that was the moment she realised: she was Obsessed with Lilly Zneimer, her boyfriend’s ex.

And not obsessed in a normal way, she wasn’t just jealous of the amazing girl, no.

She had a had a whole white board dedicated to her: all the things she liked, the things she did, the clothes she white (thanks to the fan accounts), the people she hangs out with, her hobby’s, her go to food places, everything.

She was really going crazy.

Not that Oscar knew, of course he didn’t. If he did he would break up with her for her sociopathic behaviour.

After realising that, she knew there were few things she could do.

So she walked through the house to her music room, she sat down, and begin writing.

She needed to stop with the obsession, and the only way for that was music.

|———————————<3—————————————|

Instagram

Liked by LillyZneimer and 2.964.624 others

Yourusername SUPRISE! My new song ‘obsessed’ is out now! The music video will be out midnight est!!

Thank you @DanielNigro With working with me on this!

View all 264.275 comments

OscarPiastri Excuse me??

OscarPiastri Why didn’t I know?

Yourusername …suprise…?

SabrinaCarpenter AMAZING (but also…?)

GracieAbrams Another banger!!

Laufey The best song ever!

Conangray Girl, check your msg

User7 HUH??

User8 This ganre swich is INSANE! but I love the rock!

User9 Dare I say that this is about… Lilly

User10 Y/n in her stalking era

User11 Nit Lilly liking this😭😂

User12 The aesthetic😍

User13 Oscar didn’t know??

|———————————<3—————————————|

Instagram

212.543 likes

Celeberty.Gossip After recent speculations that Y/n Y/l/n’ new song ‘obsessed’ is about Lilli Zneimer (Oscar Piastri’s ex girlfriend) The pair was seen hanging out and shopping together. Is the song about someone else? Is there a sudden new friendship? What is going on?

View all 3.765 comments

User1 OMG?!

User2 the line about them being best friends?

User3 Or about them being in love??

User4 I don’t know what’s going on but I love it!

User5 They look very good (together)

User6 I ship…

|———————————<3—————————————|

No part 2… open ending!!

245 notes · View notes

markantonys · 6 days ago

Note

half forgot it was wot day but it served me well as i was able to sit down and enjoy it after work instead of bingeing the whole thing in the morning. and boy am i glad i did!!

this ep really touched me, far more than i expected given no rand, egwene, mat, and co. i've never had anything against perrin but his storyline so far has always been the least interesting to me so i'm glad he got the focus this time. marcus definitely delivered; i'm so impressed! and i love perrin a lot more now. he's kind and brave and humble and he'll always do the right thing even if it hurts. if i were from two rivers, i'd follow him anywhere.

fave moments: ugh, too many but i'll try to break it down. top tier has to go to perrin and faile's scenes; i know the show speedruns their relationship but they make it work so well! that bit where he tells her to stay behind him so she can kill the ones he misses...i might have swooned just a little. i adore how faile is ready to throw down for him at any given moment and the fact she has to tilt her head practically all the way back to look at him. they're so perfect <3

the twins taking out child valda was so freaking satisfying. a little surprised both maksim and alanna made it but not unhappy. shoutout to the women's circle for being absolute badasses as usual (and the archers, they were amazing)

aram...my boy!! i kept seeing ominous things on wotblr but it was unclear so i spent half the ep worrying he was going to be killed or be a secret darkfriend. i'm glad he survived and that the two rivers adopted him. he deserves a home!! (also happy to see ila though i was annoyed she went ahead and banished him. he's her only family and she was the only one who saw him kill the trolloc, like come on woman ): i wouldn't have said a word)

especially fascinating to me were the connections between the tuatha'an and aiel. even though they never directly interacted, you can see how they're bound by past history. capable of incredible kindness and incredible harshness because of their codes, and even though the aiel might not realise it, their reaction to death almost matches the tuatha'an's.

speaking of which, loial's death legitimately had me sobbing. i didn't realise it was going to hurt so much until i saw perrin and the others saying their goodbyes 😭 his relationship with bain and chiad and perrin was so special, and i know they'll always remember him (as will we all)

on a more shallow note, obsessed with all of dain and perrin's interactions this ep. i hope we get to see more of them in s4 (pleassee renew), the drama is just too rich - particularly bc most of it's coming from dain's end. calling perrin "two rivers" all the time even though he has to know his name by now, like i know what you are. pretty sure i caught perrin saving his life during the battle, so i'm looking forward to that and just the sheer fact of perrin's presence upsetting dain's teetering heterosexuality equilibrium in future 🤭

one ep left ): too soon! give us season 4 amazon you know you want to

nice, i'm glad that accidentally forgetting about the episode for a while led to a better viewing experience for you haha it's always a much better vibe to watch something after work and really sink into it rather than cramming it in before work! (cries in 3AM EST drop time)

i'd been curious about and unsure what to expect for this episode because, like you, perrin has always been the main character i'm least interested/invested in (actively disliked him in the books djfkgj but in the show always found him an absolute sweetheart and very likable but just not particularly interesting), so i was wondering how a perrin-only episode would hit for me, and i'm delighted to say it hit really well!! perrin is naturally such a quiet character who tries to fade into the background, so seeing him put in a situation where he has to step up and come center stage is a special thing, and marcus did an incredible job commanding the spotlight and showing off the depth of perrin's character and what makes him a hero! i've never felt as much of an understanding and appreciation of perrin's character as i do now after this episode.

perrin and faile's chemistry has been wonderful! Opposites Attract can be a hit-or-miss ship trope, but it's such a hit here because they're using it to show why the opposites complement each other and make each other better. the moment where he tells her to stay behind and kill the ones he misses just might be one of the top most romantic moments of the show so far for me haha i swooned more than a little! battle couple moments always get to me!!

the twins!!!! i wasn't expecting them to have such a (comparatively) big role this season, and it was such a delightful surprise! i really hope they'll return in future seasons too. i need to see them reunite with mat!!! they ARE set up to potentially go traveling with alanna, so fingers crossed that means the show intends to have them in s4 as well. out of all my 3x07 death predictions, valda and loial were at the very bottom of the list haha this episode really took me on some twists and turns! oh loial, i was sobbing too!!! i'm going to miss him so much, but he went out like such a hero! thinking back to his 2x08 speech about "we're all the heroes of another age's legend" and crying again!

and so true about the connections between the tuatha'an and aiel! i love how they thematically linked this storyline with rand's (aram living out lewin's story killed me dead, but he got a happier ending since he was welcomed into a new community by the two rivers <3), and i also love how they linked the tuatha'an with the aiel and showed how similar both are in their strong codes of honor and rigid adherence to their traditional way of life, even if those respective ways of life are polar opposites. and on top of that, doing this within a perrin episode and connecting that theme with the violence vs. peace theme that perrin struggles with was just chef's kiss!! in this episode we see how extreme adherence to violence and extreme adherence to peace both lead to suffering, so perrin successfully treading a middle ground of taking up arms when it's necessary but putting them down as soon as he sees an opportunity to negotiate for peace - delicious! and an excellent culmination of his character work from throughout all 3 seasons. in the s1 finale he regretted not picking up a weapon at all, in the s2 finale he regretted picking up a weapon and going too far, and in the s3 finale he managed to strike the right balance.

and finally, you are so right to rejoice in the tasty continuing arguably one-sided homoeroticism of dain and perrin hahaha the only thing better than a homoerotic rivalry is a homoerotic rivalry where one party is obsessed with it and the other party doesn't even know about it (i mean, perrin knows there's a rivalry, but he doesn't know it's homoerotic). this upcoming captivity plot point doesn't happen in the books (in that version, perrin tells the whitecloaks that he will give himself up after the battle if they come and help, but they don't come and help, so perrin doesn't have to keep that promise), so i am SO intrigued to see where they might go with it (if we get s4, please let it be so!). anyway, dain spent a whole season angrily trying to get his Crush He's Mad About Having to pay attention to him and then perrin finally went "okay, you can handcuff me and take me back to your place as your personal prisoner and spend lots of one-on-one time with me" and now dain's gay panicking because he never thought he'd get this far and doesn't know what to do about it djkfjgh

#moghraidhs #answered #wot show spoilers

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lauvieknows · 1 month ago

Text

Lauvie’s Past

(I’m not a writer btw so this is the best I could muster up💔 She’s like 14 during all of this and her brother is 7 btw.) TW: Descriptions of death, like her mom is almost decapitated 😭

Ugh, these slugs!

Its a cloudy windy fucking Tuesday and my brother keeps digging up these weird colorful slugs and tries to shove them in my face! When will he realise that I absolutely HATE them? The only reason I’m out here in the backyard with him is because mom isn’t home and he refuses to go back inside.

“Luka, how many times do I have to tell you, I DONT want to see these stupid purple.. slimy worms! They’re weird!” I frown, pushing his hand away from my face before crossing my arms, huffing.

“Shut up! You don’t understand awesomeness, that’s why.. Look, here’s a pink one!” His eyes lit up again as he picked up another one from the soil, this time without a shell. He watched in fascination as it curled up on itself, as if vulnerable.

I cringed, leaning my head back to avoid contact with the slimy thing. It’s funny, you’d think I’d be used to weird sticky stuff living in Zaun. But a human is still a human and humans are different. Luka loves bugs and slugs, I hate them.

After a while of sitting and playing with him, I eventually grew tired but also, concerned. Mom has never taken this long whenever she went somewhere. “Back in a wink!” She’d say playfully, before pressing a kiss on both of our foreheads. There was no reason for me to worry, except there was. Because no Zaunite gets to live worry free as long as those enforcers get to walk freely down here.

“Lauv, when is mom coming back?” Luka asked absentmindedly, gently petting the same pink slug he found hours ago.

“I don’t know…” I answered, gently brushing the dirt off his hair before ruffling it. It’s been hours since she left, and each minute made the pit in my stomach deepen. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I had already went inside once or twice to check if the stove was on, if the tap water was running, if any animal had gotten through our window to cause mischief. Nothing. Should I go out and look for her? Even though that’s the exact opposite of what she’d want, she couldn’t blame them. She’s been gone since lunchtime, it was almost dinner.

“Hey, wanna go look for her?” I suggested, smiling a little enthusiastically to bring my brother’s sinking spirit up. Maybe he could feel it too, that gnawing pit that ate away at your stomach, trying to warn you that something was going bad, horrible even. He nodded before grabbing my hand and standing up. It won’t be that hard, we’ll just have to check the bridge, The Last Drop, maybe further down the Lanes where her friends lived… yeah. We’ll find her.

____

We looked everywhere. The bridge. The Last Drop. We even went so far into the underground we almost got snatched by some chembarons! We looked everywhere, we saw everyone, but no Mom. She wasn’t anywhere.

“Do you think-“

“Don’t. They have no reason to. Not like they’d care, but just- Don’t say that.” I interrupted, holding his hand tighter as if that would calm the storm inside my head. We were on our way to the river, hoping, praying, that she might’ve just forgot about us and decided to enjoy the sunset, that she was finally taking time for herself. But I knew that was impossible, because no one can truly rest and breathe in this hellhole.

“We’ll find her.”

Let alone a mother.

———

The wind blew gently, kissing the men in blue uniforms as they patted eachother on the shoulder and gave eachother approving nods. They tucked their guns close to their chests before walking away with straight and proud shoulders. As if they just completed a successful mission of getting rid of a bother. Getting rid of nuisance, a criminal. A Zaunite.

Luka frowned at the sight, trying to pull me away from their direction so that we wouldn’t have to deal with interrogation because even he, a 7 year old child, knew how much of a nightmare those Enforcers could be when they wanted to.

But wouldn’t I budge.

I couldn’t move. It was as if time had stopped the moment my heartbeat did. No.. We were too late.

“No..” I whispered, slowly walking towards the grass near the river because right at the edge, close enough to be kissed by the gentle waters, was Mom.

My breath hitched, eyes widening. My grip on Lukas hand loosened as he stood behind, too scared to come forward. There was no way…

“Mom! Shit, don’t joke around like this- It’s not funny! Come on..” I tried to chuckle as I ran up to her, crouching down to try and wake her up. Tried to make the sound that I knew would’ve woke her up in an instant if she were to truly be faking it. But it wouldn’t make sense. She would’ve never done something as insensitive as pretend to die.

I kneeled down next to her body, my hands hovering over her body as if deciding where to hold first. I took a closer look at her, one that I would regret forever.

I gasped, my hands immediately retracting to cover my mouth in pure shock and terror. Her neck. The neck that was usually adorned with shiny jewels passed down from generations, soon to be passed down to me, was now scarred so deeply. Those red cuts, deep enough to expose her red flesh, so obviously made with force and struggle. She could’ve been beheaded. Her throat was slit so deeply, so inhumanly. The blood had soaked into the soil underneath, bleeding into the water beside her and dyeing her newly blonde hair a dark crimson. I placed her nearly severed head on my lap, soaking my dress instead. Her dress.

She had bullet wounds. Her long purple dress had holes with blood pooling through. She used to be so full of warmth, and they drained everything from her. As if they wanted to make sure she had no warmth left to embrace us with if she was given the chance.

“Mom… I-“ I gasped. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream and run away from her corpse in disgust and fear, but I couldn’t. Her head tipped back and more blood poured down my lap, making me let out a scream that startled my brother. It was holding on by a thread at this point.

“Why would they do this to you?..” My voice was shaky as I tried to figure out a way to hold her without breaking her. My vision was blurring with a sea of tears, but I couldn’t look away, I just slowly held her close, trying to warm my draining heart with her drained body. Console myself with her presence.

“.. Lauv?”

I froze.

Luka.

I couldn’t let him see this. I couldn’t let the monstrosity the enforcers had left my mother in taint my brother’s image of her. Atleast I was old enough to understand the true depth of this. He was just a kid.

“Luka, look away. Now.” I tried my best to sound firm, despite how shaky and weak my voice was. He must’ve gotten the hint, his small feet immediately turning to face away from her corpse.

“.. Is she okay? She’s not.. dead, is she?” He said in a small voice, fidgeting with his fingers anxiously. Oh mom, why did you have to leave now? Why not when we’re older and wiser? At least then I’d know how to handle this.

I wanted to tell him that yes, mom was gone, dead. She was never gonna come back again. We were never gonna see that fond look on her face everytime he did something to impress her. Never gonna hear her voice reassure us as the armed men raided our neighbours, telling us that that would never be us. That she would never let them take us.

But she never reassured us that they would never take her from us.

And I, just stayed quiet. Slowly running my finger over her lids to put her to rest, letting the grieving air spell it out for him instead. Maybe Janna could explain it better than I could.

———

Slowly, gently, we let her float away.

In the river that she always took us to watch, how the waves crashed against the shore, how the calming hum of the river always managed to lull Luka to sleep. But also, to play. To teach Luka how to swim, to teach me how to swim, to find the prettiest rock and to then throw it back into the water the farthest we could.

In the river that she found the most peace with.

Now, she could finally rest in peace with the waters she’d dreamed of flowing with. Free, and without worry. I had wrapped her neck up with some white cloth to make sure she’d stay intact and Luka helped me change her into a pink and yellow dress. Pink was my favourite colour and yellow was his. Now, wherever she decided to float away to, she’d still have us with her.

I held Lukas hand once again, watching with silent mourning eyes as the water pulled my mother away and felt my soul go with her. I didn’t have any tears left to cry and the boy was just.. there, his mind seemingly still in denial. He held a neon purple slug with green splotches all over it close to himself. Holding it close as if it was mom reincarnated.

Maybe that’s what the enforcers saw when they murdered my mom. The same way I’d step on those gross slugs Luka would bring home, crush them until they’re nothing but matter, they crushed her. They shot her down and sliced her throat open, playing with her corpse because we weren’t human enough to them. We were just bugs to stare at in pity. To be fascinated with, study, just to then be thrown away. But she wasn’t no bug, and they probably realised that. That’s why they went so hard on her. The state they left her in, eyes wide open and mouth gasping. Not from pain, not from shock, but from fear and grief.

Because now, her children were orphans, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

#oc lore #arcane oc #arcane #Original character #OOC: sorry for not posting in a while👅👅

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zer0brainc3lls · 8 months ago

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my safe haven tmr headcanons 🫶 (also random ones)

All of these are sweet, will make angst ones tho 🤭 Newtmas included ofc

- Thomas blushes super easily

- Brenda loves heavy metal

- newt writes to cope, just about his day and whatnot. (This is sorta canon in crank palace but i think he would continue to write if he lived)

- when Thomas & Minho get drunk together they get up to the most INSANE activities it’s not even funny

- If newt & Brenda are drunk at the same time they bet who is going to get injured first 😭

- minho LOVES Halloween. Absolutely LOVES IT. His costumes are phenomenal every year

- newt is SO GOOD with kids, the kids in the safe haven gravitate towards him and they all love him 100% (uncle newt?!?)

- Thomas on the other hand is like so bad with kids, has absolutely no idea how to talk to them 😔 the kids 100% ask him 2863382 times a day “are you uncle newts boyfriend?! :O” and he has no clue how to respond

- Minho teaches the kids curse words on accident 💀 he would like fall over or something and go “OW FUCK” and they would copy him, newt has scolded him so many times for this

- speaking of Minho and cursing, HE CURSES ALL THE TIME. THE MOUTH ON THAT MAN. It somehow gets worse when he’s drunk

- R.I.P Brenda you would’ve loved thick and crazy eyeliner

- Sonya made matching bracelets for aris and Harriet, aris accepted immediately 😭 Harriet sorta raised a brow but accepted as well but she NEVER takes it off. EVER. Aris on the other hand has lost it so many times, and freaks out every time he does

- Sonya will braid anyone and everyone’s hair. She knows so many hair styles it’s actually ridiculous 💀 she doesn’t remember learning them though. :[ (when she and newt were taken she would brush & braid the other girl’s hair like her mum taught her)

- aris slowly comes out of his shell in the safe haven, and every time he does something “bold” Sonya and Harriet silently cheer for him

- Newt and Sonya got REALLY close in the safe haven, they clicked like instantly and helped each other heal :) “she’s like a sister to me!!” “He’s like a brother to me!!” Is used OFTEN. (Little do they know.. ☹️)

- When Newt is extra pissy his accent is way heavier, and Thomas already being into his accent as is when newts mad at him.. I’ll just give you an example:

Newt *oblivious*: THOMAS WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?! YOUR SO DULL SOMETIMES I SWEAR-

Thomas *face hotter then the sun, sweat dripping down his face*: Uhm-

Minho & Gally *with popcorn*: *watching the whole thing go down while holding back tears of laughter*

- newt never practically had a favourite flower, he thought they were all equally beautiful until one day Thomas came home with a sunflower, gave it to him and said “oh this reminded me of you” let’s just say after that day sunflowers were his favourite.

- frypan immediately knew when Thomas and newt first started dating, when he realised he went up to Thomas, patted him on the back and said “so you finally got together huh? Good job man” and walked off leaving Thomas SHOCKED

- if Teresa never betrayed everyone Newt and her would’ve been BFFS. “I remember when you liked Thomas I was so mad” “I was mad at you too!!” “REALLY?!” *whilst making flower crowns*

- Newt loves to read and this is common knowledge, Brenda also loves to read & wears reading glasses and one day newt caught her and she was like “if you tell a soul I’ll kill you. Wanna read together?”

- Newt = ambivert + Thomas = ambivert

- Newt LOVES tea and Minho gives him so much shit for it 😭

- Minho would be the type of guy to carry around a speaker and blast white girl music

- karaoke night once a week or two, Brenda and Minho sing barbie girl ATLEAST ONCE every time

- Thomas is still incredibly smart, like really smart but there is never really opportunity’s to show it ☹️ but like Newt will lead him a 600 page book or something thinking he won’t finish it and like 2 days later Thomas is like “I finished it! Yeah it was really good I really liked-“ goes on a full in depth analysis

- Newt is autistic 🙏🙏 (if yall want a whole headcanon list just for this I will do it because I’m autistic myself and would love to do that lol)

I hope yall enjoyed my ramblings 🤭 I’m gonna post more but the next one will mostly be post death cure, how they cope and how everything has effected them etc etc so angst

#the maze runner #tmr #tmr newt #maze runner #tmr thomas #newtmas #newt tmr #tmr minho #tmr fandom #teresa tmr #minho tmr #tmr brenda #thomas tmr #tmr gally #tmr incorrect quotes #incorrect tmr quotes #tmr headcanon #tmr headcanons #newt the maze runner

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totally-sapphxxx · 1 month ago

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I’ve thought about making this post for years, and have rewritten it several times already.

I’ve seen so many stories of people talking about how they ‘always knew’ when it came to their sexuality. I haven’t seen as many talking about struggling to accept yourself. I think I would’ve liked to have seen those stories too when I was figuring things out. So, I’m deciding to share part my own journey, the difficulty I had and sometimes do still have accepting myself.

When I realized I was attracted to women further than just thinking they’re beautiful, I was convinced I was bi. That was then followed by the usual wondering if I was faking being bi, that I was actually straight. For the first few years I didn’t even consider that I was a lesbian.

Eventually I accepted that I’m attracted to women and that won’t change. Even then, I held onto being bi or pan. I held the hope that I could still end up marrying a man.

Coming from a conservative, brown family, being queer is that much harder. Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve been told how to ‘be better’ for my ‘future husband’, things I should learn, ways I could be a good wife to a man, etc. There’s such a large expectation on me and other women like me in brown families. I specify ‘brown families’ because, in my experience, there’s less acceptance there and sometimes more extreme responses.

Brown families are culturally more community-driven. As such, there’s a massive emphasis put on how others will see you and your family, and saving face. So, being queer would be a huge embarrassment. I know that when they find out, I’ll lose a lot of family.

As a result of all of this, I was determined to be bi. I was determined to just focus on finding a man to be with, to date and love. The fact that my romantic attraction is based on personality helped immensely. I could find a man to be happy with, I was sure.

But then came sex. The first time I saw a naked man in front of me, I got so turned off, that the shock of the realisation I wasn’t at all attracted to men physically, made me cry. Dramatic, I know, but it was really overwhelming in the moment; it felt like the whole future I’d imagined just turned to dust and fell through my fingers.

You’d think that that would’ve lead me to try accept that I’m only attracted to women… no. I spent the next few years trying to find the ‘perfect’ man. Maybe if I found one I was more emotionally attracted to, maybe if he was more physically attractive, maybe if I could tick enough boxes, I’d find a man to stay with.

It never happened. I’d dated at least three men who were, in all aspects, perfect for me. I couldn’t do it. My downfall was sex 😂😭 I just couldn’t do it. No matter how ‘perfect’ the guy was.

Alright. Okay. But I do like women, right?

Being with women was the easiest thing; a stark contrast to my difficulties with men.

So then… I’m a lesbian. No man will ‘make me straight’.

Accepting that has been so difficult. I started just flirting with women, hooking up with them, not building proper relationships… I was enjoying myself, I guess… In retrospect, I think that even though I’d finally accepted I wasn’t going to marry a man one day, I wasn’t ready to accept that I’d want to marry a woman one day. I wasn’t ready to accept the implications.

But then I met my girlfriend. She doesn’t know it, but being with her, and seeing her be so comfortably gay, seeing her unapologetically call me her girlfriend to anyone who asks, helped me so much. Being with her drove away the fears and self-loathing. I know I’ll be okay.

For the first time in my life, I’m okay with my family learning about my sexuality. For the first time in my life, I want to bring home a woman and unapologetically love her in front of my family.

It’s been a long journey, but I’m here. Finally.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share this. I think that hearing other stories of difficulty would’ve made my own journey a bit easier.

I think the writing here is a little all over the place, but this post would be much longer if I made it flow a bit better.

#post #questioning #sexuality #lesbian #bi #bisexual #pansexual #wlw

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goosewriting · 6 months ago

Note

I am a SUCKER for enemies to lovers

So hear me out, reader is part of the mantis crew as a healer and for some reason cal and them just don’t get along. at. all. And maybe like, they put their differences aside for the sake of getting the holocron first (not without some tension and snipping at each other) but after that’s over, neither of them have anything to take their mind off the other so they end up sniping at each other and getting into arguments a lot more often and eventually reader storms off after cal had said something particularly scathing and she maybe gets into trouble in some way? Like she’s not the best at fighting but then her blaster jams up and she thinks she’s done for but cal had followed her and saves her? Anyway, it all ends in a super heated kiss? Idk just a thought lol

(If you did write this, could reader be short? Like I’m 5’2” and I don’t see many fics where my height is represented? If that makes sense? And since I headcanon cal as six foot..)

Anyway sorry for the longish request! Just thought I’d drop in something lol

Have a good day/night!!

Can't Stand to be With(out) You

summary: after getting on everyone’s nerves with their bickering, Cal and reader are put in time-out to finally make up.

relationship: Cal Kestis x gn!reader

warnings: second hand embarrassment, making out

word count: 3k

A/N: to be frank, this was one of the hardest Cal fics to write. the request and idea in itself is great and i’ve been trying to come up with something since the moment you sent it in, but it’s been SO hard to find a way to convincingly portray cal like someone reader doesn't get along with because i literally love him sm i can’t imagine him ever being anything other than a sweetheart with the people he cares about 😭 so yeah i hope i did your request justice!<3 i love short!reader so please do send in some more for cal when i open reqs :’)

[all masterlists] 🪶 [star wars masterlist] 🪶 [ao3]

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Ever since the holocron was retrieved and destroyed, some deeper troubles seem to be coming to the surface amongst the Mantis crew. Or rather, between you and Cal specifically. Cere decided that the team should lie low for some time until comm chatter about them calms down again, so you currently find yourself on a moon somewhere in the Outer Rim.

Cal and you accompanied Greez to the local market to get provisions, and even in small things like these, you notice how much friction has bubbled up between you and the redhead.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re so tired of Cal’s way of going about things. The way he always goes in sabres and blasters-a-blazin’ instead of strategising a little more. That one time he literally jumped off the Mantis mid-flight on Kashyyyk? Absolutely insane.

Cal seems to think that stims or bacta will cure anything. He comes up so beat up sometimes that you’ve questioned his self-preservation instincts more than once. You give him a piece of your mind as well when he comes back to the Mantis like this, that he has to better take care of himself out there, as one day he might be so injured, he might not make it back in time for you to patch him up again.

He suggested that the solution might be to take you with him, and for a low stake reconnaissance mission he did drag you along, but you both quickly realised that that was not your strong suit. You know he probably didn’t mean to, but still, he made you feel like you were slowing him down. And you were pretty helpless against local fauna and enemies, still not completely skilled at shooting your blaster, since you had never had to use one before.

And if that didn’t make you feel pretty useless that day, then you had to swallow your pride and ask him to get some supplies from the top shelf, as you’re too short to reach. This was, unfortunately, not a rare occurrence. And while he never openly made fun of your height, this was just a reminder of yet another aspect where he was “superior” to you.

Bringing your focus back to the task at hand, you point to a basket of fruits, saying that you should get some. Meanwhile, Cal is looking at some pre-packaged food instead of fresh produce; he vouches for practicality, while you insist you should focus on nutrition. Greez rolls his eyes as you butt heads for what seems like the hundredth time today.

Merely seeing Cal’s face brings up anger in you now. Your mind trails off again as he goes on about ration bars, thinking about how insufferable he is. The way he thinks the whole weight of the galaxy resides on his shoulders; what’s up with that? He is so harsh with himself when something doesn't go as planned. And then the whole team has to deal with his sulking.

Having had enough of your antics, Greez sends you both back to camp to cool off while he takes care of the food.

“And by the time we’re back, you better be best friends!” he calls as you leave the market.

Cere is currently elsewhere with Merrin getting intel. As you’re both walking side by side in spiteful silence, Cal takes out his comlink, hitting up Cere and asking if he can join her. The gall of this guy! You shoot him an incredulous look. Cere says no, however, and in a hushed voice makes it clear that she, too, is fed up with your bickering, so you should make up already. Then she hangs up.

The whole walk back, Cal is restless and frustrated. He claims to be stuck on the moon, and he feels like they’re losing time, that he could be doing something.

You stop dead in your tracks, and he looks back at you questioningly.

“You're always going on about doing more and more. Why can’t you take a break and be happy about what you’ve already accomplished?” you blurt out, unable to hold back any more. “You’ve saved all those kids on the holocron list. In the past months, you’ve almost died so many times I’ve lost count. I understand the cause, but you’ve neglected yourself for too long. Heal and rest properly so you can still go out there to do… whatever it is you do.”

You regret your poor choice of words the moment they come out of your mouth. You didn’t mean to downplay Cal’s actions and the danger he gets himself into to save people or get intel. But at the end of the day, you don't actually know exactly what he does and how. You only see the end result in the state he comes back in.

“‘Whatever I do’?” he repeats incredulously with a scoff. “What do you think I do? I’m sorry I can’t stay inside the ship all the time playing nurse.”

Whatever intention you had of backtracking and rephrasing is thrown out the window. His words sting.

“Playing…?”

You haven't told him about the nightmares plaguing you, where you see him over and over, bleeding out, falling to his death, unable to rescue him. He dies in your arms every time.

But you’re not about to tell him that. So you storm off. Where to, doesn’t matter, you just need to get away from him.

You can hear Cal calling out to you as he tries to keep up with your hasty pace, navigating through the maze of narrow passages that make up the village. At some point, you manage to lose him after squeezing through a rather small opening in the wall, and you stop to catch your breath. Your mind is reeling, and there are so many things you want to tell him but know will get you nowhere. The team wants, needs you to make up to function properly again, and you know it. You’re aware it’s not just him but you as well who has become extremely irritable, causing the team morale to sink considerably.

Leaning back against the brick wall, you groan in frustration. Why does it always have to be you to give in, and swallow your pride and words for the sake of a moment of peace on the Mantis? It’s not fair.

As you’re mulling over this, you don’t hear the steps quickly getting closer. By the time you realise what’s happening, a bandit is standing in front of you, holding a knife in his hand. You don’t really have anything to give him, so you quickly push yourself off the wall and make a run for it. Turning around mid-run, you try to shoot at the bandit, but of course your blaster gets jammed, so you throw it at him instead. The guy easily dodges the weapon, quickly closing the distance between you two.

When he inevitably reaches you, he harshly grabs onto your arm, bringing you to a forceful stop and slamming you against the wall. There’s a blur of lights as Cal appears out of seemingly thin air, fighting off the bandit, who quickly escapes with a yelp of fear.

You shake your head at Cal’s actions, so much for “lying low”; here he is, yet again, sabre out.

“Put that thing away before someone else sees,” you reprimand him, looking around the passage, but luckily there’s no one.

Cal retracts his weapon, clipping it back to his belt, hidden under his coat. He looks around one last time to make sure the coast is clear, then turns to you with a frown, surely to scold you, but whatever he was going to say dissipates, as does his anger, his face instead morphing into worry.

”You’re bleeding,” he points out, his hand coming up to your temple. But you swat him away, hissing as you touch the wound caused by getting slammed face-first into a brick wall. You look at the blood on your fingertips accusingly, like it’s to blame for this whole situation.

You walk back to camp in silence, not without retrieving your blaster that you threw a couple streets further back. Cal follows a couple of steps behind you, and you don’t look back at him once.

When you arrive, you’re glad to see the rest of the team hasn’t come back yet. You get your things and go to the refresher to use the mirror to patch yourself up. Cal wants to help, but you swat his hand away for the second time that day. So he leaves you alone to clean your wound and apply some bacta, then you place a little gauze over it.

When you come back out, you find him sitting on his bunk, and he calls you to him, so you sit next to him, both of you surrounded by uncomfortable silence until he speaks.

”About what I said earlier–“

“Don’t,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “You’re so concerned about the entire galaxy out there that you forget the people right here with you.”

“What do you mean?” He looks at you, offended.

The sound you produce is something between a scoff and a groan of frustration, starting to turn away.

“I don’t forget about any of you!” he remarks, gently holding your shoulders to make you face him. “I couldn’t do this without you, and if anything, we’re doing this also for ourselves. Because we can, and others out there don’t have the chance to fight back.”

“Ugh!” You free yourself of his hold and stand up, pacing up and down in front of him. “You’re like, this all powerful being of legends, moving stuff with your mind, effortlessly picking your enemies off, while I'm back here, worrying about you to the point I can't sleep. All the time, but especially ever since we destroyed the holocron, you go around picking fights, going after imps without thinking of the consequences that could have for the rest of us!”

He looks at you, and you can feel your whole body shaking.

“Is that what you’re worried about?” he asks. “Nothing will happen to any of you, I’ll protect you.”

“But what if you can't!” Now you’re close to tears, sitting back down on his cot, looking up at him almost pleadingly. “What if you don’t come back?! Do you know how terrified I’ve been every time you left and I didn’t know what state you’d come back in, if at all?”

“Wha–”

This time, it’s your hands that come up to his shoulders, and you shake him back and forth lightly to emphasise your words.

“You say you’ll protect us, but who’s protecting you, Cal? I can’t go out there with you, we’ve already established that. But what if you need me? What if I can’t get to you in time? I could never forgive myself.”

“You’ve got it all wrong,” he says, taking your hands in his and giving them a reassuring squeeze. “The reason I can go out there in the first place is because I know you’re safe, and that you’ll be here when I come back.”

“That’s not sustainable at all,” you say with a huff.

“It’s worked this far, though, hasn’t it?”

There is a moment of silence as you hold each other’s gaze, and while you’ve seen his eyes a million times, for the first time you realise just how deep of a blue they hold. Were they always this beautiful?

“So all this time, you’ve been worried about me?” he asks almost shyly.

“Obviously,” you answer.

“I thought you disliked me. Some days even hated me.”

“What? No. I mean–”

He raises his brow questioningly, and as you’re trying to formulate an answer that encompasses that some days you can’t stand him but he, in fact, means so much to you, you look down at your hands still in his, and he holds onto them even tighter, as if scared that you might let go.

“I mean, I, uhm,” you stumble over your words, looking back at up him, aware of the heat spreading on your face. “We’ve been part of this crew for a while now. I guess I’ve become rather… fond of you. As a colleague, you know.”

“Colleagues, huh,” he says, and a grin spreads on his face, an adorable blush adorning his freckled cheeks. “That’s too bad, because I think I just realised I, uh, like you. A lot, actually.”

You can’t help but laugh at the timing of such a confession.

“To think that all this time we were giving each other such a hard time,” you say, shaking your head.

“Maybe it’s better that way, though.”

“How so?” you ask.

“Had I known back then, it would have been infinitely harder to leave for missions. I know it certainly will be from now on.”

“I could still join you,” you joke, and you both laugh, knowing that that’s a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.

“Absolutely not. I’m not putting you in danger,” he says, his hands momentarily letting go of yours to gingerly run up and down your arms as he looks lost in thought, cherishing this moment. Then his eyes snap back to yours as if he suddenly remembered something.

“You said earlier you're so worried that you can’t sleep?”

“Ah, well, yeah,” you say with a slight shrug, trying to brush it off. “I’ve been having some nightmares, but nothing serious.”

Cal gives you a deadpan expression.

“Yeah well, you know,” you try to come up with an explanation that holds the least amount of detail as possible. All the while, his soft caresses seem to light your whole body on fire. “You’ve come back pretty bruised at times. I was, am, scared that one day I won’t be able to patch you back up.”

“Believe it or not, I do know my limits. I wouldn't ever put myself in actual danger if I knew I was in over my head.”

“And I believe you. What I'm worried about is your ability to assess the situation.”

“Ouch,” he chuckles. “Maybe I can just see more from where I stand.”

You narrow your eyes at him.

“Do you mean through the Force, or are you actually calling me short right now?”

He grins.

“Oh, you better watch out for your kneecaps, young man, they might go missing one night!”

“Yeah? I’d like to see you try… shortie.”

“Oh, that’s it!”

You play wrestle him, and he scoots further back onto the cot, so you follow, throwing half-hearted swipes at him, until you realise that you ended up climbing on top of him.

“Ah, sorry–” you apologise, trying to lift yourself off of him, but he holds you down, bringing you closer by your hips so you’re straddling him, and he sits up with you on his lap.

“It’s not just blind arrogance, by the way,” he says, bringing his hand up to run his knuckles over your jaw. “I trust the Force and my Master’s teachings more than I trust myself. They haven't failed me yet. I'm here. I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after. So please, the last thing I want is for you to lose sleep over me.”

“I’ll try.”

Cal properly cups your face with both his hands now, and you place yours over his, leaning into his touch. Your faces start inching closer, like a magnetic force is pulling you together.

“It might help if you’re there when I fall asleep, though,” you whisper, lips ghosting over his. “Just a hypothesis.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

When he finally kisses you, it’s like all the pieces of a puzzle fall into place. Everything makes sense now; the tension between you two, which had been there from the very beginning, was and had always been attraction. Disguised as snarky comments, arguments, glares and grumbles; in the end, you’d always find yourselves together, seeking out each other’s company.

As this realisation hits you, you feel a weight being lifted from your shoulders. But there’s a different weight on you now, one that you welcome, as Cal pushes you onto your back on his cot, climbing on top of you. He kisses you with desperation, as if making up for lost time, and you pull him closer, but it’s not enough. Everything you feel, taste, and breathe is Cal, and you don’t want this moment to end. He breaks the kiss momentarily for some much-needed oxygen, and attacks your throat instead. You bring one hand to your mouth in an attempt to stop the sounds threatening to escape, but it doesn’t work, and they only spur him on. Bringing his lips back to yours, his tongue finds your own. He snakes an arm around your back, further arching into him.

Suddenly, Cal flinches in surprise and pulls back, leaning on his elbows on either side of you.

“W-what?” you ask, out of breath.

“Cere is outside,” he merely says, a violent blush going from the tip of his ears all the way down to his neck.

“How do you…?”

“She was, uh, checking in, to see if we were here,” he says, unable to look at you.

“Well, can you tell her to… wait a bit longer?” you ask, running your fingers through his copper hair. His eyes find yours again and he tilts his head to the side, a smug smile starting to spread on his lips.

“Hm… You’re cute when you’re needy,” he says.

“Shut up,” you say with no snark whatsoever, chuckling.

“Maybe we can take this somewhere else,” Cal proposes, leaving a trail of small kisses on your jaw. “There’s a pretty good spot up by the hills, it has a nice view.”

“Should we pack some dinner too?”

He takes a moment to look down at you underneath him, then smiles with hungry eyes, towering over you.

“Good idea, I’m starving.”

— — — — —

Meanwhile, outside: Cere pinching the bridge of her nose with a groan, Greez giving her a confused look, while Merrin looks strangely proud.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

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lucky-clover-gazette · 10 months ago

Text

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapters 5 & 6

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Laurent glanced at their surroundings, and said, ‘It’s the wrong terrain for an ambush.’ ‘The town isn’t,’ said Damen. For good measure, he took hold of Laurent’s horse’s bridle. ‘Consider alternatives. Can you entrust the task to someone else?’ ‘No,’ said Laurent. He said it as a calm statement of fact. Damen forced down his frustration, reminded himself that Laurent was in possession of an able mind, and that therefore his, ‘No,’ had a reason behind it other than pure stubbornness. Probably.

i love this entire passage! damen taking control of laurent's horse is great

‘This doesn’t suit me,’ he said, meaning that it didn’t suit him to wear them. ‘No. It doesn’t. You look like one of us,’ said Laurent.

well this definitely helps laurent with his evolving self-delusion and cognitive dissonance. also i like how damen's pov specifies that he is not calling himself unfit for the clothing physically, bc he's hot enough to wear anything, it's more of a figurative unfitness

‘The Prince has business away from the camp,’ said Damen. ‘He plans to return mid-morning. He wants you to captain the men as usual while he’s gone.’ ‘Whatever he needs. How many men is he taking with him?’ ‘One,’ said Damen. ‘Good luck,’ was all Jord said.

jord, immediately assuming that the one man is damen:

Vistas of endless ridiculousness opened up before him.

Laurent was considering the women. He was far from wide-eyed, but there was a certain quality to his gaze. For Laurent, Damen realised, this experience was wholly new and highly illicit. Compounding Damen’s sense of the ridiculous was the sudden acute awareness that he was accompanying the chaste Crown Prince of Vere to his first brothel. From elsewhere in the house, you could hear the sound of fucking.

damen you’ve seen the court of vere, why the fuck do you think laurent would be flustered by this. is it the heterosexuality?

You’re sitting so far away,’ said the blonde. ‘Then get up,’ said Laurent. She got up. The brunette rose too, and made for Laurent. The blonde came to sit beside Damen.

not the blonde going to damen and the brunette going to laurent 😭

‘Unlace his jacket,’ said Laurent. The blonde looked from Damen to Laurent. Damen looked at him too. Laurent had dispensed with his own woman wordlessly, perhaps with a single dismissive flick of his fingers. Elegant and relaxed, he was regarding them without urgency. It was familiar. Damen felt the moment when his pulse kicked in, remembering the love seat in the garden bower, and Laurent’s cool voice giving explicit instructions: suck it, and, tongue the slit. Damen caught the blonde’s wrist. There was not going to be a repeat performance.

“do it yourself coward”

it is interesting, to get some insight re: how damen feels about the garden scene. he seems to regard it as less of a personal violation, and more of an insult or annoyance. it might even be something he’s intentionally avoiding BECAUSE he knows how much laurent’s instruction turns him on.

the use of “performance” is interesting here, too. damen’s reactions in the garden had been real, and he knows they would be real here again. but he seems to assume that to laurent, it’s all just an act. which at this point, i think it pretty much is, although… i’m not quite sure what this specific gesture would have gotten laurent, if damen had allowed it. is it possible that laurent genuinely wanted to do damen a favor by getting him laid? or was he just “yes, and”-ing the situation on damen’s behalf, for fun?

‘The plaster’s old,’ said Damen. ‘Here.’ He took hold of the grille, and gave it a tug. Bits of plaster rained down from the edges of the window, but it wasn’t enough to detach the grille from the frame. He changed his grip, braced his stance and put his shoulder into it. On the third attempt, the whole grille came away from the window. It was surprisingly heavy. He placed it carefully on the floor. The thick carpet muffled any sound, as it had done when he had moved the chest. ‘After you,’ he said to Laurent, who was staring at him. Laurent almost looked as though he was going to speak, but then he just nodded, pulled himself through the window and dropped soundlessly into the alley behind the brothel.

another rare early instance of obvious laurent attraction. i think he is smitten by damen’s irreverent blunt efficiency, as well as the display of raw strength. seeing this, laurent might be thinking to himself, “he could have snapped me in half this whole time, but he hasn’t.” kind of foreshadowing of the “i could have done this...” line in book 3.

anyway, laurent’s attraction here seems to consist of 1) respect for damen’s competence, 2) intrigue regarding his usual restraint, and 3) physical attraction to big hot strong guy. #3 is the one i personally have the most trouble analyzing, and i’d bet laurent would be equally confused by that aspect of his own reaction. but he’s definitely feeling Something here, whether or not he’s able to understand or verbalize it. he can’t even manage to make the expected snarky comment!

‘Here. Take this,’ said Laurent when they were half the town away, tossing Damen his coin purse. ‘It’s better if we’re not recognised. And you should do up the collar on your jacket.’

when exactly do you think laurent came up with the role reversal plan? was it before or after damen ripped a metal grate off a wall with his bare hands?

whatever the case, he’s preparing for it now. damen will just have to play along.

Anyone seeing a young blond man of noble birth is going to guess it’s you.’ ‘I brought a disguise,’ said Laurent. ‘A disguise,’ said Damen.

did he only make this specific disguise plan after damen agreed to come with him? if not, was he just going to pretend to be an unaccompanied pet????

After no more than a brief, dismissive glance at Laurent, the innkeeper gave Damen his full attention, greeting him respectfully. ‘Welcome, my lord. Will you and your pet require lodgings for the evening?’

(the noise i made when i read this for the first time…)

every single uncomfortable, indulgent detail about veretian pets in book 1 justifies itself in this moment.

some disorganized thoughts:

from the moment they left, laurent knew this is where they were heading. and he intentionally did not inform damen of the role he would have to play. there might have been a slight strategic advantage to keep damen in the dark, but i also think laurent just figured it would be funny to make it a surprise. a little treat, to get himself through the horrors.

if laurent was asked to examine WHY this specific arrangement is a fun treat, he’d probably jump out of a window to escape the question. (damen, too, but for different reasons.)

like, there… really is no strategic reason for laurent to be a pet here. he could have disguised himself and damen in plenty of other ways, but laurent chose this specific bit for them both. interesting.

i'd like to think that laurent would eventually unpack this choice. i’m sure there’s plenty of fic exploring the idea of him roleplaying as a pet, relinquishing his authority, and reclaiming his sexual identity in a controlled environment. maybe he and damen can do it on purpose, without the high-stakes mission to justify the act.

craft note: this subversion is incredible, in terms of characterization, plot, romance, and sexual tension. the perfect payoff to nicaise’s earring, the focus on pets in book 1, and laurent’s affinity for “performance.”

as i begin close-reading chapter 6 of prince’s gambit, i remind myself that this is meant to be rational and eloquent literary analysis.

'I want your best room,’ said Laurent, ‘with a big bed and a private bath, and if you send up the house boy, you’ll find out the hard way that I don’t like sharing.’ He delivered the innkeeper a long, cool look. ‘He’s expensive,’ said Damen to the innkeeper, by way of apology.

And then watched as the innkeeper sized up the cost of Laurent’s clothes, and his sapphire earring—a royal gift to a favourite—and the likely cost of Laurent himself, the face, the body. Damen realised that he was about to be charged three times the going rate for everything. He decided with good humour that he didn’t mind being generous with Laurent’s coin.

i’m obsessed with how quickly damen commits to the bit with good humor. i wonder if it surprises laurent, even delights him to have such a willing scene partner

Why don’t you find us a table. Pet.’ Enjoying the moment. And the sobriquet.

“A sobriquet is a descriptive nickname, sometimes assumed, but often given by another. A sobriquet is distinct from a pseudonym in that it is typically a familiar name used in place of a real name without the need for explanation; it may become more familiar than the original name.” (Wiktionary)

damen is enjoying the sobriquiet. he is enjoying calling laurent “pet.”

craft note: i can’t do this. i don’t know. something something, role reversals and subversion. there.

Being the best table, it was occupied. Laurent emptied it with what appeared to be a glance, or a word, or the simple fact of his approach.

okay so what do we think this was. like, he’s not using his prince privileges here. he’s being perceived as essentially a very expensive prostitute. it happens quickly, it couldn’t have been a long con. what did laurent say or do, subtly enough that damen couldn’t make it out, to empty an entire table of people???

The earring was not a discreet disguise. Every man in the common room of the inn was taking the time to have a good look at Laurent. Pet. Laurent’s cool-eyed arrogance proclaimed that no one could touch him. The earring said that one man could. It transformed him from unattainable to exclusive, an elite pleasure no one here could afford.

has anyone ever drawn laurent in the “i am a luxury few can afford” sweater

But that was an illusion. Damen sat down across the table from Laurent on one of the long benches. ‘What now?’ said Damen. ‘Now we wait,’ said Laurent.

previous line “… no one could afford.” there’s a sort of double meaning here, i think, when damen says this is an illusion. what he means, consciously, is that laurent’s entire act is an illusion. but what i can imply, from the following action and dialogue, is that damen IS that one person who can touch laurent—the real laurent, behind the disguise. damen sits with him unceremoniously and speaks to him like an ally, not a pet.

their dynamic drives me fucking insaneeeeeee

Then Laurent rose and made his way around the table, sitting himself beside Damen, close as a lover. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Verisimilitude,’ said Laurent. The earring winked at him.

nothing sexier than vocab

‘I’m glad I brought you along. I wasn’t expecting to have to tear things out of walls. Do you visit brothels often?’

i ask again: was laurent planning to do the pet thing without damen???

‘Not brothels. Camp followers?’ said Laurent. And then: ‘Slaves.’ And then, after the satisfaction of a pause: ‘Akielos, the garden of delights. So you enjoy slavery in others. Just not in yourself.’

get his ass laurent

Damen shifted on the long bench, and regarded him. ‘Don’t strain yourself,’ said Laurent. ‘You talk more,’ said Damen, ‘when you’re uncomfortable.’

i love this moment so much. damen is not giving laurent the satisfaction of his attempted blindsiding. if he's going to join laurent in this, they are going to commit to the bit as equals. laurent teases damen for his discomfort and damen teases him right back.

between the brothel and this scene, damen is correcting the dynamic he and laurent shared in the court and gardens of arles. it’s not that he refuses to play the game—but now, he insists upon playing with equal advantage.

(also: “you talk more when you’re uncomfortable” is a very true observation, and they both know it! after a few chapters of laurent being a boss ass bitch, it’s good to see him slightly humbled. especially when it’s damen doing the humbling.)

‘We’ll try to entertain ourselves. Who’s that?’ said Laurent.

kid in a candy shop behavior

Laurent was watching Volo with the same expression with which he had regarded the women in the brothel.

it’s like he’s playing the sims. like he took his self-made “laurent ofvere” sim to the club in a cunty outfit and now he’s trying to figure out what kinds of entertaining Situations he can provoke.

‘All right. Give me some coin. I want to play that man at cards.’ Laurent rose, leaning his weight against the table. Damen reached for the purse, then paused. ‘Aren’t you supposed to earn gifts with service?’ Laurent said, ‘Is there something you want?’ His voice was sinuous with promise; his gaze was steady as a cat’s. Damen, who preferred not to be eviscerated, tossed Laurent the purse. Laurent caught it in one hand, and took for himself a handful of copper and silver. He tossed the purse back to Damen as he made his way across the inn floor, seating himself opposite Volo.

I LOVE THEMMMM

Charls trusted the Prince to stand firm in negotiations with the bastard Akielon King more than he trusted the Regent uncle.

charls knows what he’s talking about

The Crown Prince was camped at Nesson this very minute, on his way to the border to stand up to Akielos. He was a young man serious about his responsibilities, Charls said. Damen had to make an effort not to look over at Laurent, gambling, when he said it.

incredible writing. 10/10

Laurent took the drink and picked his way back across the room, where he put it, untouched, in front of Damen. ‘Spoils of someone else’s victory.’

thoughtful <3 like when a cat brings its owner something it’s killed <3

Damen said, ‘If you wanted a drink and an old hat that badly, you could have just bought them from him. Cheaper and quicker.’ ‘It’s the game I like,’ said Laurent.

character-defining quote! laurent takes pleasure and pride in the chaos of improvisation. if everything was made simple for him, he wouldn’t be having any fun.

laurent has spent the last seven years of his life starved for enrichment in his enclosure. but he’s not in arles anymore—still a captive prince figuratively, but he’s finally having some fun >:)

He reached over and appropriated another coin out of the purse Damen carried, then palmed it. ‘Look, I’ve learned a new trick.’ When he opened his hand, it was empty, as if by magic. A second later, the coin dropped out of his sleeve onto the floor. Laurent frowned at it. ‘Well, I don’t have it quite yet.’ ‘If the trick is making coins disappear, I think you do have it, actually.’

they’d have this interaction in literally any au. modern, role reversal, whatever. just a cringefail theater nerd and his affectionately teasing prep-jock boyfriend.

(yes, damen is a prep. i’m sorry. look inside your heart and you’ll know it to be true.)

‘What’s the food like?’ said Laurent, his eyes on the table. Damen tore off a piece of bread, and held it like a treat to a house cat. ‘Try it.’ Laurent looked at the bread, and then he looked at the men by the fire, and then he looked at Damen, a long, cool look that would have been difficult to hold if Damen had not had, by now, a great deal of practice. And then he said, ‘All right.’ It took a moment for those words to penetrate. By the time they did, Laurent had settled next to him on the long bench. Laurent straddled it, facing Damen. Laurent was really going to do it. Pets in Vere made a teasing production out of this, flirting and making love to their masters’ hands. Laurent, when Damen brought the mouthful of bread to his lips, did none of those things. He maintained an essential fastidiousness. There was almost nothing of pet and master about it at all, except that Damen felt, just for an instant, the warmth of Laurent’s breath against his fingertips. Verisimilitude, thought Damen.

Laurent ate the bread. It was like feeding a predator, the same feeling. Laurent was so close that it would be easy to wrap a hand around the back of his neck and draw him closer. He remembered the feel of Laurent’s hair, his skin, and fought the urge to press against Laurent’s lips with the pads of his fingers. It was the earring. Laurent was always so austere. The earring reframed him. It gave the appearance of a sensual side, sophisticated and subtle. But that side didn’t exist. The glint of sapphires was dangerous. As Nicaise had been dangerous. Nothing in Vere was as it seemed. Another piece of bread. Laurent’s lips brushed against his fingertips. It was brief and soft. This wasn’t what he’d intended when he picked up the bread. He had some sense that his plans had been overturned, that Laurent knew exactly what he was doing. The touch resembled the first brush of lips in the kind of sensual kiss that begins as a series of smaller kisses, and then, slowly, deepens. Damen felt his breathing change.

He reminded himself forcefully of who this was. Laurent, his captor. He made himself recall the fall of each lash on his back, but thanks to some misfiring of the brain, found himself instead in the memory of Laurent’s wet skin in the baths, the way his limbs fitted together like a hilt fitted to the blade of a balanced sword. Laurent finished the morsel, then rested a hand on Damen’s thigh, and slowly slid it upward. ‘Control yourself,’ said Laurent. And shifted in, until, facing one another on the straddled bench, they were almost chest to chest. Laurent’s hair tickled against Damen’s cheek as he brought his lips to Damen’s ear. ‘You and I are almost the last ones here,’ Laurent murmured. ‘And so?’ The next murmur slid softly into Damen’s ear, so that he felt the shape of each word, made of lips and breath. ‘And so, take me upstairs,’ said Laurent. ‘Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?’

craft… note…

i said i was going to analyze scenes like this in order to understand how they work and improve my own writing. like laurent, i take pride in committing to the bit.

overall, the eroticism here is in the improv. i’m sorry, but it’s true. "yes, and” is basically dirty talk in lamen. the long pauses, the mutual unspoken challenge, the suggestive performance… it all builds tension towards something exciting and unknown. damen and laurent’s connection, in this scene and the majority of the book, is like a string that they’re both pulling taut—and neither of them has any idea what will happen when it finally snaps.

i think it’s helpful to compare this moment with the garden scene from book 1. that erotic interaction was instructive and detached—laurent was completely in control, and ancel was there, doing something, probably. but here, damen and laurent are both actively and exclusively partaking, and encouraging each other to take it just a little bit further. they are close in a way they’ve never been before, figuratively and literally. they are exploring the space of the unfamiliar scene with good humor, mutual investment, and (from damen at least) unsubtle attraction.

if they weren’t so attracted to each other, it could truly just be an act. a performance. something they can put on to accomplish their mission, but drop as soon as it’s done. but here, i think, is when it becomes clear to damen that he and laurent can’t DO that. this territory is both unpredictable and too close for comfort, whether they’re approaching it ironically or earnestly. there’s no way for them to perform eroticism and remain instructive and detached. they are playing with fire.

damen realizes, when he feels laurent’s breath against his fingertips, that he can’t be normal about this. and he continues to think that, as i recall, for the remainder of the series.

laurent, meanwhile, will take much longer to have a similar realization, because that would mean inescapable attachment—something damen has never feared, but laurent fears more than anything else. like… emotional captivity, almost. (am i suggesting that attachment is emotional captivity? i think i am. hm, okay. anyway.)

with the way that this scene is written, we can see that things between damen and laurent are real. they’ve always been real, and they will continue to be real. the eroticism is in the improv, and we want them to continue “yes,and”-ing each other into a satisfying resolution. but, of course, the story is going to make us wait. and that just makes this scene even hotter.

from my breakdown of the book 1 garden scene:

i think what i like here, is that… yeah, it’s horny. it’s indulgent, easily the most blatant instance of kink we’ve seen so far. but it’s not really what i think frequent readers of this kink genre would expect, or even want to read—it is a subversion, with laurent completely disrupting the basic scenario that everyone else (but damen) in the scene wants to mindlessly enjoy.

how can i replicate this? set up a thing that follows expectations. don’t actually do the thing. do something significantly more insane than the expected thing. do not elaborate on the insane thing, leaving more questions than answers, and move on as if it wasn’t insane at all.

set up a thing that follows expectations = damen is playing master and laurent is playing pet. i think most people would expect damen’s archetype to exercise power over laurent’s archetype in that sort of situation, especially since he’s been denied the opportunity to assert his dominance in previous circumstances. i don’t know a lot about common dynamics in this specific kink space, but i do kind of assume that people would want to see laurent submit, both because of his characterization and physical appearance. and this would be an ideal place to indulge that expectation, characterization and plot be damned, since it can be called an act and stripped of actual consequences.

don’t actually do the thing = pacat doesn’t give an inch of her characterization to provide easy fanservice. the scene is erotic simply by suggestion, and laurent is almost entirely in charge—the instigator and the star of the show. damen, meanwhile, is physically passive and deeply confused by his own feelings and reactions. this is all consistent with their characterization in non-erotic scenes so far. they are acting here, but not as a “normal” master and pet. i don’t think they could be normal, even if they tried.

do something significantly more insane than the expected thing = check. see analysis above.

do not elaborate on the insane thing, leaving more questions than answers, and move on as if it wasn’t insane at all = check. yaoi break’s over, back to the secret mission.

The lobe of Laurent’s ear was pierced through with the ornament of his uncle’s child-lover. It suited him, in the mundane sense that it matched his colouring.

this happens during the bread scene, but i wanted it quarantined. way to harsh the vibe, damen

And there was a man of about thirty with a dark, closely trimmed beard sitting on the bed, who propelled himself off it and onto one knee when he saw Laurent. Damen sat down rather heavily on the chair by the door.

laurent launching into a clandestine business meeting while damen is still trying desperately to fight off the horny. lmao

The man drew a piece of sealed parchment from inside his jacket. Laurent took it, broke the seal, and read the contents. He read it slowly. From the glimpse Damen caught, it looked like it was written in a cipher. When he was done, he dropped the parchment into the fire, where it curled up and blacked over.

context: fuck, i don’t remember what this is. i don’t know. it doesn’t matter. like damen, i'm still thinking about the bread scene

‘I’m the type who takes a great deal of pleasure in small victories,’ Laurent said.

Laurent unpinned the earring. ‘I think we’ll be safe on the road in the morning. The men who followed us seemed more interested in finding him than harming me. They didn’t attack us when they had the chance tonight.’ And then, ‘Does that door lead to the bath?’ And then, halfway to the door, ‘Don’t worry, your services aren’t required.’

laurent drops the act so quickly. at a loss for any logical conclusion about what the fuck just happened, i think damen just decides to pretend he’s equally unaffected

i do wonder how laurent acted as soon as he shut the door and got some priavcy, though. hm.

When he was gone, Damen wordlessly picked up an armful of bedding and dumped it on the floor by the hearth. Then there was nothing to do. He went downstairs. The only patrons now remaining were Volo and the house boy, who weren’t paying any attention to anyone else. The house boy’s sand-coloured hair was a tousled mess. He went all the way outside the inn and stood for a moment; the cool night air was calming. The street was empty. The messenger was gone. It was very late. It was peaceful here. He couldn’t stay out here all night. Recalling that Laurent had eaten nothing but a few fraught mouthfuls of bread, he stopped by the kitchens on his way back upstairs and requisitioned a plate of bread and meats. When he went back into the room, Laurent had emerged from the bath and was half clothed and sitting drying his damp hair by the fire, taking up the majority of the space on Damen’s impromptu bed. ‘Here,’ said Damen, and passed him the plate.

okay, so here’s my read of this entire sequence: damen tries to get some space from his own recently-realized attraction to laurent. he remarks that it is peaceful outside, where he manages to get himself that space. and THEN he immediately tells himself to go back inside, because he can’t stay out there all night—can’t leave laurent alone for too long. he picks up food specifically for laurent on his way back up, sets things up nicely for them both, and greets him as if he never even left at all.

this is a parallel, i think, to the scene where damen abandons laurent in book 1. i just want to get that easy part of the analysis out of the way.

what i really find interesting here, is that it’s almost like… damen’s decision to accept his own attachment to laurent. he accepted his attraction to laurent during the bread scene, but attraction is a passive response. attachment is an active choice.

if attachment is emotional captivity, then this interlude is damen admitting to himself that he doesn’t want to be free. he knows what his heart wants—and unlike laurent, damen isn’t afraid to trust others with his heart. he doesn’t yet believe that laurent would treat his heart gently, which is exactly why he doesn’t give it to him. but privately, i think this is when damen finally admits to himself that his feelings are not only real, but also worth pursuing.

so he “yes, and”s the feeling, goes back inside, and fully commits to the bit, making sure that laurent is well-fed and cared for. if he’s going to do this, he might as well do it right.

‘Thank you,’ said Laurent, looking at the plate with a blink. ‘The bath is free. If you like.’

laurent’s little blink is very cute. and then he tells damen to go take a bath, so he (laurent) can privately process whatever the hell this is all supposed to mean

He told himself that this was no different from two dozen nights together inside of a warfield tent.

… but he knew that he was totally lyinggggggg

When he returned, Laurent had carefully eaten half of everything on the plate, and had placed it on the chest where Damen could get at it if he wanted it. Damen, who had eaten his fill downstairs and who didn’t think Laurent should be able to take over his bed when he had left untouched the vast comfort of his own, ignored the plate and came to stake his claim beside Laurent, on the blankets by the hearth.

head in my fucking hands. i love them so much. no thoughts, just domestic comfort. and they were roommates.

‘I thought that Volo was your contact,’ said Damen. ‘I just wanted to play him at cards,’ said Laurent.

great exchange. damen assumes that laurent does everything for a strategic reason. laurent just wanted to have fun. they’re breaking down their preconceived notions of each other, finally.

After a moment, Laurent said, ‘I don’t think I would have arrived here without your help, at least not without being followed. I am glad you came. I meant that. You were right. I’m not used to . . .’ He broke off.

from chapter 5: “You’re too used to doing everything on your own.” :’)

‘You’re in a strange mood,’ said Damen. ‘Stranger than usual.’ ‘I’d say I’m in a good mood.’ ‘A good mood.’ ‘Well, not as good a mood as Volo,’ said Laurent. ‘But the food’s decent, the fire’s warm, and no one’s tried to kill me in the last three hours. Why not?’

‘I’ve seen your court,’ Damen reminded him gently. ‘You’ve seen my uncle’s court,’ said Laurent.

excellent response for both damen and the reader to chew on

Would yours be any different? He didn’t say it. Maybe he didn’t need to know the answer. The king that Laurent would be, he was becoming with every passing day, but the future was another life. Laurent would not then be leaning back on his hands, lazily drying his hair before an inn-room fire, or climbing in and out of brothel windows. Nor would Damen.

a kingdom or this?

so far, damen has been able to tell himself that helping laurent is a way for him to help akielos—that he will leave laurent, as soon as he feels that his country is safe.

it’s going to get harder and harder for him to believe that, though, from now on. he did not just go back inside for akielos. if he had, he wouldn’t have stopped to find laurent a meal.

the lives in damen and laurent’s futures are just as real as their ruse downstairs. as in, only as real as they choose for them to be. so far, they’ve both assumed their own eventual choices, and each other’s, to be very set in stone. after this outing, i think damen at least begins to reconsider.

‘What really happened to make Kastor send you here? I know it was not a lover’s quarrel,’ said Laurent.

context reminder: he is asking this, fully knowing that damen is damianos. this definitely threatens his own cognitive dissonance. but he still asks, because he is vulnerable and relaxed.

I don’t know what I did to make him hate me as much as this. Why we couldn’t go as brothers to mourn— —our father—

i love damen as a character so much. beneath his determination to conflate niceness with goodness, is the crushing despair of knowing deep down that he can't trust people to treat him in the honorable way he treats them. he’s not angry or spiteful about this, even though he has every reason to be—just confused, and sad, and betrayed.

a younger laurent must have felt this way after his brother’s death and during his uncle’s abuse. but then came anger and spite, because he had no one to trust.

these characters were literally made for each other, like on a construction/craft level, and you can tell. it is really, really well-done.

‘My honourable barbarian. I wouldn’t have picked that as your type.’ ‘Type?’ ‘A pretty face, a devious mind and a ruthless nature.’

i love the mild anachronism of “type” here. also, lol. a rare moment of laurent not realizing his own dramatic irony, because there’s no way in hell he thinks at this point that damen genuinely likes him. also, i’m not sure if laurent sees himself as ruthless at all. he is pragmatic, but i don’t think he considers himself merciless or cruel.

‘Perhaps I . . . I knew she was ruled by her mind, not her heart. I knew she was ambitious, and, yes, at times ruthless. I admit there was something . . . attractive about it. But I never guessed that she would betray me for Kastor. That I learned too late.’ ‘Auguste was like you,’ said Laurent. ‘He had no instinct for deception; it meant he couldn’t recognise it in other people.’

i love it when my previous analysis is further reinforced by the text

And what about you?’ said Damen, after a difficult breath. ‘I have a highly developed instinct for deception.’ ‘No, I meant—’ ‘I know what you meant.’

when he’s relaxed, laurent talks like a total nerd. awkward attempts at irony, defensive self-awareness, and an obvious desire to be the most clever person in the room.

Now, after a night of earrings and brothels, he thought: Why not ask him about it? Laurent didn’t look uncomfortable.

the fact that damen has not only noticed laurent’s discomfort with the topic of sex, but is also considerate and thoughtful about it, makes my heart ache

‘I wondered,’ Damen said, carefully, ‘if you reserved your love for women.’ ‘No, I—’ Laurent sounded surprised. Then he seemed to realise that his surprise gave something fundamental away, and he looked away with a muttered breath; when he looked back at Damen there was a wry smile on his lips, but he said, steadily, ‘No.’

i’m guessing laurent’s thought process went something like this:

me, straight? lmfao i’ve had sex with a man

but that man was [redacted]. shit.

but damen doesn’t know about [redacted], so why does he assume i’m straight?

oh, i’ve got it. in my culture heterosexuality is taboo with the nobility, so damen would assume that i’m secretly straight and hiding it. dumbass. (smiles, because now he gets to call damen a dumbass)

‘It’s not my fault that no one in your country can think in a straight line,’ said Damen, frowning a touch defensively.

not the veretian homonormativity 😭

‘That isn’t why. She would have chosen him even if you’d had royal blood in your veins, even if you’d had the same blood as Kastor. You don’t understand the way a mind like that thinks. I do. If I were Jokaste and a king maker, I’d have chosen Kastor over you too.’

i’m pretty sure laurent means this as both a comfort and compliment. it also helps to reinforce his own cognitive dissonance between damen and damianos.

‘Because a king maker would always choose the weaker man. The weaker the man, the easier he is to control.’ Damen felt the shock of surprise, and looked at Laurent only to find Laurent gazing back at him without rancour. The moment stretched out. It wasn’t . . . it wasn’t what he had expected Laurent to say. As he gazed at Laurent, the words moved through him in unexpected ways, and he felt them touch something jagged-edged within him, felt them shift it a first, tiny fraction, something lodged hard and deep, that he had thought immovable. He said: ‘What makes you think Kastor is the weaker man? You don’t know him.’ ‘But I’m coming to know you,’ said Laurent.

this pulls everything between the lines of this chapter together beautifully. the mutual re-evaluation, the undeniable reality of their connection, a kingdom or this. i would love to know just how many drafts and editing passes this specific chapter went through, to achieve this degree of excellence.

also, a theme from book 1: "there is no honor in obedience."

#this one is very long #nothing but the best for my beloved bread scene <3 #jokes aside i've really proud of the analysis here #capri #sam reads capri #captive prince #prince's gambit #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #lamen

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toptophat · 7 hours ago

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

(Translation: TopHat just watched Dragons Rising S3 part 1 and she's currently very happy!!)

TopHat's Thoughts on Dragons Rising S3 part 1!!! (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!)

First things first, I had a great time watching this! I was hyped for weeks!! The fights never fails to impress me and the animation is beautiful as always. And now I'm really excited for the 2nd part, imma talk about the biggest surprise characters before the main guys

Obviously we expected Morro to show up and it seems that even when completely separated in the merged realms, he's still atoning for his actions in Possession by cultivating Wu's teachings and protecting people, which was really sweet to see, and of course his conversation with Arin was expected. I hope that after Thunderfang is defeated, Morro can actually meet the ninja again and team up with them, especially since there's a chance Wu is alive.

Pixal was definitely a welcome return, the team just didn't feel complete without her. It is kinda sad that she didn't realise how long she was trapped for but at least she's reunited with Zane and Samurai X is finally back! I really loved the way she intimidated the Freebooters, made Rapton shit his pants and everything 🤣 anyways, glad my gurl is back!

Dareth made a small cameo and it seems like he's still trying to be a ninja even after all this time! thankfully the Arrakore didn't grant that wish, and it's also nice to see my boi's efforts in restoring Djinjago are paying off, it's looking beautiful!

Now onto the main guys!!

Firstly! No, Internet, Arin was obviously not gonna be evil, he's simply being manipulated by Ras, but he's still kind to others, willing to reason with others as opposed to unnecessary violence and he even rejects some of his teachings and is still on somewhat decent terms with the ninja, especially with Sora and Lloyd, the latter of which he risks his life for in the first battle against Thunderfang. And with Jay/Rogue revealing to the others that Arin's parents are still alive, it looks like Ras was only lying to him and using his emotions against him to fulfil his own agenda.

Sora is most likely to master her spinjitzu in part 2, but it's great that she was able to have that moment to reconnect with her bestie! And it was even interesting that when they were kids, he saved her from literally being trafficked, like, holy hell, idk what else you'd call that! Hopefully the other ninja can tell her that Arin's parents are alive so she can convince him that Ras is using him. No pressure!

Frak was great this season, I may have said it before but it's nice to see some heroic serpentine for a change. Appreciate that he's also trying to get through to Arin, admitting that Ras' teachings are flawed, I feel like Arin could've gotten the same experience under better circumstances

Wyldfyre continues to be goated, it was nice seeing her get obsessed with the arcade games whilst looking for Jay with Kai and Nya, it's also pretty cool that she managed to find a cure for the decay affecting Roby (caused by one of the forbidden 5). Where would the ninja be without her? tsk tsk

Cole didn't really do much in part 1, like, I at least thought we were going to have an episode where he looks too! maybe he'll get to at least do something in part 2?

Zane, as always was my goat, I loved his solo episode with the train (really appreciated the reference in the title) although I did have one tiny pet peeve.... THAT GODDAMN SONG 😭😭😭 don't ask which one, you know exactly which one I'm talking about, how many times has that song played during his fake out deaths??? I wasn't even worried this time, I was like "oh, he's dying again" he did get that cool mech suit though! And him calling Pixal the smartest and most attractive member of the team is just... My heart 🥹!!!

"is this guy bugs? IS THIS GUY BUGS???" - Kai

I really enjoyed Kai especially when he showed his dad side saying "Did Roby break up with you? Let's kick his butt!" And also imagine spending your time and effort trying to beat your buddy's highscore only to have them take it back without even being there, it was a sweet moment but that's gotta suck 😭 bro is not hearing the end of it!

Nya, my goat!! It's great that she finally managed to find Jay, of course not as himself but it's still him! Also if there's one thing I could count on, is her and Kai's banter, even as adults you can't not banter with your siblings! Also it was kinda fun seeing her partake in a wish battle again, only this time the Djinn is on her side and not trying to marry her because she looks like his dead lover and through that marriage granting the Djinn infinite wishes causing her to get hit by a poisonous dart and die only for it to be reversed by her actual lover's wish so that only they would remember what happened!

Oh yeah speaking of which, we finally got more Jay screen time!!! Bro thought we wouldn't notice his goofy ahh, although I did love that he actually was a threat to Ras as the mercenary Rogue, it also seems that Kai was right, Jay was probably like "i sense a disturbance in the force.... DID SOMEONE JUST BEAT MY HIGHSCORE??" It's also clear that he hasn't lost his sense of humour ( guessed from his signature "Hoowah!!!" But the pun works too) also bro hasn't changed one bit 🤣 is his goodness still shattered, cus it doesn't feel like it? But I know they'll find a way to get his memory back I missed him so much 😭

La-loyd and Ras, two sides of the custody battle, it's nice to see that he isn't having those visions so frequently but it seems that he is in a lot of danger from Thunderfang who will definitely be back for revenge. So it also turns out that Ras is lying to Arin about his parents, imagine using an emotionally distressed, grieving child for your own gain 😭 that's 16/17 realms worth of fucked up!! I get that he wants his home back, but toying with a child's emotions and dependence is not it bro... Like I said, I really hope Sora is informed about this somehow, someone needs to tell Arin

The Forbidden 5, man, those fuckers were creepy!! Especially the decayer and the one made of bugs!!! Like, I have a phobia of creepy crawlies (spooders) and seeing the inside of him filled with bugs was just... ewww 🤮 I think they're either dead now or their power was slurped out by Thunderfang, either way I don't think they'll be any trouble for now, they sure were a handful though!

And finally, Mr Thunder "Source Dragon Senpai Wouldn't Notice Me" Fang, I had a feeling he wouldn't be easily finished with in part 1, so they're gonna have to give it their all in part 2! And since the Arc dragon of focus defeated him once, is his natural opposite, and is literally one of the newer Lego sets only for £85.97, we'll definitely see them in part 2!!

Moral of the story.... Don't do bugs, kids!!

Anyways, I literally watched this in one sitting hours ago, I was mad dedicated!!! But I'm glad I got to watch it! And I can't wait for part 2!! Idk if I've said this but DR is a great successor to the original series, because I feel like it's the best of both worlds, Lego obviously wouldn't get rid of the old ninja, that'd be awful for business so this is a good move! And honestly the new additions balance so well off of the ogs making a good blend of old and new.

Dragons Rising S3 Part 1 gets 100 corny lighting puns out of 1

#ninjago dragons rising #lego ninjago #ninjago arin #ninjago sora #ninjago frak #ninjago wyldfyre #ninjago zane #ninjago nya #ninjago kai #ninjago jay #ninjago rogue #ninjago lloyd #ninjago ras #ninjago pixal #ninjago morro #ninjago thunderfang #ninjago spoilers

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my-castles-crumbling · 22 days ago

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Anon Advice Asks - March 27

weird emoji anon, voicing anon (new), hypothetical question anon (new)(tw-mentions of violence), hair anon (new), concise anon (new)

weird emoji anon

OMG OMG I'M FREAKING OUT WTF HELP ME

I'm weird emoji anon

I'm actually scared though because I told one of our mutual friends that I like her and now he's just just called me and said that she's likes me???? I was not ready to think about this tonight. And he's SUPER happy probably more than me and really want me to tell her tonight over text and I said no because it's too soon and now I'm freaking out. I'm going to see if she's free in the next day or two to hang out but I'm so scared and idk how to tell her because I've never been in a relationship before 😭😭

Pls help me

Hi!

Well, this is exciting! But you still absolutely should not do anything you aren't ready for. No matter what your friend says, this is about YOU and what you're comfortable with and what you want. Are YOU ready to say something? If not, then don't! If you push yourself, it'll just end up with the relationship going nowhere. Do what you're ready for <3

__________

voicing anon

eee so im at uni rn and was just on ft to my mum but i realised when talking to her that that was the first time i'd spoken today except for speaking in class!

it's so lonely!!! like there were some girls who blatantly ignored me when i tried to join their conversation (about the lecture topic) which was so hurtfullll!

ahhh it was when voicing it to my mum i realised wait im actually kind of lonely in the week! i do a singing society which is fun and have friends there but in classes its so isolating!!

eughh anywys rant over and your blog/fics is a great escape/safe space for me so thank you for that :)

Hi!

Ugh, that's a shit feeling. Have you tried asking your friends from singing to get a meal together/study together? When i was in college, that was usually how I made new friends-eating together. Could you also look into joining other clubs? It's hard, but asking to get meals together is usually a good way because everyone has to eat lol.

I'm sending you love!

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hypothetical question anon

Okay, so totally hypnotical question bc I am a writer.

So I have a character who is crazy, like bat shit crazy.

(redacted)

So what do you think? Thanks xx

I....feel as if I'm not equipped to answer this? Like if I'm taking the question seriously...I don't think this would be considered racist. But I'm white so I'm not the best person to ask. Do you have a sensitivity reader?

Honestly, since it's a fanfic, I'd just add the appropriate tags and write what you want. And if someone comments and says it's offensive, apologize and take it down. Just make sure to tag the shit out of it because yeah.

__________

hair anon (new)

Hello! I hope you’re doing good! This is just a quick ramble since I don’t have anyone irl to talk to about this

I’m feeling really bad about my gender and stuff

I’ve been growing out my hair for years but it’s still ugly and short. And because of how curly it is, and the fact I’m black, and the fact I have so much shrinkage, I feel so terrible. I just want it to be long and nice and I try so hard to make it that way but sometimes I’m just ugly and it hurts

My hair just doesn’t look like mine. I want to cry

Hi! <3

First, I want to acknowledge here that I am white. Like translucent white. So I'm gonna try my best to answer this in a knowledgeable way, but if I say anything offensive, PLEASE call me out.

Though my hair is vastly different from yours, I understand the feeling of wishing your hair was different. It's so frustrating to try so many different things only to not get the results you want, and then to look in the mirror and get that sinking feeling. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way.

I could be giving you advice that you've already heard, but have you tried talking to/looking up people with your same gender and hair type to see what they do (on tiktok, pinterest, instagram, etc)? One thing that I've done to help affirm my gender is look up ways to style my clothes, makeup, hair, etc based on my current appearance to be more gender affirming, and it's helped a lot.

Also- and this is a scarier option but I've done it before and it's actually really exciting- Pride is coming up. If you're able to go to a Pride event, look around for people with similar hair types to you styled in ways you like and ask them what they do. I know it's scary to go up to people, but 99% of people at Pride are FABULOUS and I (an introvert) have talked to people at pride about things like that before and have learned so much. It could also be a great way to make new friends!

Last, I want to remind you that no matter what your hair looks like, no matter how you choose to wear it, or how it acts a certain day, it doesn't make you any less YOU. Your identity is valid whether or not your hair is cooperating.

I hope this helps, and again, lmk if I said anything offensive. <3

___________

concise anon

Hi Cas,

(Sorry, I feel like this will probably turn out kind of long, I'm pretty bad at being concise lol)

For context, I'm in my final year of high school (the important year that actually counts), and I've always been quite school-oriented with good grades, even if this has become harder in the past year because of mental health stuff

The rest of my friend group is really school-oriented as well, it's the main thing we talk about, especially my best friend, who's really good at being productive and has somehow managed to end up as like the only person in our grade who's actually on top of her schoolwork

And the thing is, even though I'm not bad at making 'friends', I'm really bad at making friends - as in, feeling close enough to tell them stuff, texting them and hanging out with them regularly, etc. My best friend is the only person I've had that relationship with since I started high school, and I really treasure that

The problem is though, because I'm the person she vents to about everything in her life, I get constant updates about all the schoolwork she's done and how productive she's been and how on top of everything she is and how stressed she feels for this exam because she's "only done a dozen practice essays" or whatever

And because I'm constantly feeling stressed about the fact that I find it harder to study than I used to, and I'm always beating myself up for not studying as much as I feel like I should, hearing her say that stuff to me hits all those mental health pressure points and it really, really sucks

I know I should just set boundaries, but she's much better at making friends than I am and I know there are other people she texts about her problems to, so I'm worried that telling her that will lead to distance between us, and I really like being the person she turns to when anything happens because I've never been that for anyone and I want to support her

Hi! <3

So I think the thing is, this is one of those moments that shows you if this really is a deep friendship or not. You say you can talk about deep things with this friend- now's the time to prove that. I think you need to sit her down and tell her how you're feeling: that when she tells you the work she's finished, it makes you stressed. But also tell her that setting this boundary is making you nervous, because you really treasure your friendship, and you don't want to create distance.

I know it sounds scary to be vulnerable like that, but to have a truly healthy friendship, you have to be able to talk about stuff like that. And I think if your friend cares like you say she does, she'll give you reassurance and talk about it with you.

It's okay to set boundaries and ask for reassurance. <3

#weird emoji anon #voicing anon #hypothetical question anon #hair anon #concise anon #asks #ask #ask cas

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