#so i can't make this part of my semester routine

[elprupneerg]

turns out, adjusting from your sleep schedule being Generally on a second shift track (so sleeping from roughly midnight-1am until roughly 8-9am, being able to leave the house at earliest about 9-10am) Does Not mesh well with 8am classes. and trying to get your body used to getting up and going out that early is really difficult! especially if you're not actually going out at that time, and instead just kinda sitting around the house fully dressed and breakfasted with nothing in particular to do

what kept happening is that i was able to get up at 7:30am one morning, then my body would go "oh that was stupid and we didn't do anything, tomorrow we're sleeping until 9am. maybe 10am. as a treat". which is not great! since 1) i need to be able to get up earlier than that so i could actually make it to class on time, and 2) i need to be able to get up earlier than that on a daily basis for the next several months.

so i clearly needed to get up and Do something. especially since the walk from my house to campus is now a bit of a difficult one for me. so i want to be able to practice it. so clearly i should get up, get ready, walk to campus, and check the time on when i was able to arrive so i can adjust how early i wake up the next morning. except: the building i want to practice getting to is probably closed during winter break, its Cold as Fuck, and if i get there and the building is open i get to just sit there in a boring as fuck building and do nothing until i get up the nerve to head into the cold to go home. that is gonna do the Exact Opposite of telling my body "hey its a good thing to get up and we should do this on a regular basis!"

turns out there's a coffee shop a little bit closer to my house than the building i need to go to. which doesn't give me practice at walking that full distance, but it Does give me a little treat at the end of the walk as a reward. and also, i need to take my meds with food. so if i'm physically able to make the walk to the coffee shop without meds, then order a coffee and pastry and take the meds after having walked in the cold that long, i might be able to convince my body that maybe this waking up early thing isn't so bad, and that we should keep doing this since i'm rewarded with a little treat and also less pain.

[fulltulips]

bed chem - l.dh ; part o n e

description: what happens when you finally come face to face with the one and only notorious playboy!haechan...? you can't help but wonder your bed chem with him.

pairing: lee haechan x fem reader

genres: fluff, smut, college au

warnings: alcohol and smoking mentions, pet names, kissing, vulgarities, suggestive sexual activities, drunk mentions, reader uses her/she pronouns

author's note:

hihii !! this is my first ever post... so please be nice and I hope you enjoy this ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ♡ recently i’ve been listening to short n sweet album !! and i love bed chem sooooooo much ˘͈ᵕ˘͈ so i got the idea of writing this fic !! do lmk if you guys might want a entire series of short n sweet with other members hehe

location: home

“come onnnn y/n! i promised the dreamies i would be there at the party at mark’s houseee!” renjun whined as he tugged on your cherry patterned silk pyjamas.

“okay…go then?? i don’t understand why i would have to go with you??” you lazily said as you continued watching bridgerton without sparing renjun a glance.

“because you’re my best friend? and plus the dreamies have been wanting to meet my housemate for so long!”

ever since college began a year ago, renjun was in search of a place to stay in and luckily then you were in search of a housemate.

it was awkward in the beginning to say the least…

you had never lived with a boy your entire life until college but luckily renjun was the nicest guy ever, you guys instantly clicked and became great friends.

well renjun could’ve stayed with his dreamies friends that you’ve never met but renjun claims it’s too dirty and messy to live with 6 other boys.

you wouldn’t even dare to imagine the chaos…

“okay but what’s in it for me if i go?” you sighed, finally turning over to look at renjun.

“you’ll finally step out of the house and interact like a normal social functioning human?” renjun sarcastically replied giving the most “duhh” face.

although that was sarcastic, it was true… you hadn’t stepped out of the house since the semester break had began last week.

you’ve just been lazing at home with the same routine everyday.

you woke up in the late afternoons, ate lunch, binged watch your favourite shows till midnight before you finally ate your dinner and continued watching shows till you fell asleep.

the only person you communicated in the past week was only renjun but he was always out and about.

a huge difference between the two of you…

you were definitely comfortable but upon hearing renjun’s statement made you realise just how much you’ve been living like a cavewoman…

“fine! i’ll go with you… ONLY because i cant keep living like a cavewoman…” you finally stood up from the couch and got to your room to change and get ready.

“10minutes is all you get y/n!” renjun yelled.

pfft… 10minutes? in his dreams…

20 minutes later

“y/n! YOU MUST MAKE HASTE!!” renjun yelled.

(bridgerton reference hehe)

“i’m ready!! geez calm down renjun” you walked out of your room in a sheer white babydoll dress as you finished touching up on your lip tint .

“gosh i could fly back and forth between korea and china and you still wouldn’t have finished getting ready” renjun joked erupting laughter from both of you.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚

location: mark’s house, at the party

the moment renjun and you had arrived at the party…

my oh my… you could feel the bass vibrations of the music through your ears and the ground.

it was obvious this is mark’s house.

with vibrant neon flashing lights shined and lighted up the house as the lights peeked it’s way out of the windows giving the dark neighbourhood some sort of lighting.

you couldn’t imagine how badly your eyes were gonna hurt the moment you stepped into the party.

“hey! renjun you’re finally came!” a pretty boy with the biggest grin welcomed renjun.

“i would’ve been here earlier if miss given 10 minutes didn’t take so long…” renjun complained.

man… this dude won’t ever let this slide anymore…

“oh? she’s your housemate? you didn’t tell me she’s this beautiful? hi ! i’m na jaemin nice to meet you” jaemin introduced himself with sparkles in his eyes.

warmth crept up your cheeks as you’ve never had someone directly compliment you like this.

“hi…? im y/n… nice to meet you?” you shyly greeted back feeling nervous while jaemin held the most intense eye contact with you while you were mess looking everywhere but jaemin in the eye.

“you’re so cute like a tiny bear! gosh i would keep you in my pockets if i could!!” jaemin grinned and patted your head.

you could feel even more warmth rushing up this time round.

“okay jaems i don’t need you flirting with my housemate. my house is the last place i need you to be in” renjun rolled his eyes as jaemin held his hands up as if he was surrendering.

you chuckled lightly loving their friendship banter.

“let’s go find the others they’re waiting! come on little bear” jaemin told renjun as he slung his arm around your shoulders.

although it felt weird having a arm around your shoulder with a random dude you just met… it made the party felt less taunting honestly.

squeezing pass a body of strangers was the worst feeling ever but having jaemin’s arm to guide you made you felt safer while you could smell the beer coming from jaemin’s breath.

“alright guys! meet y/n! she is renjun’s housemate” jaemin stopped in front a place with a couch and a few beanbags placed with 4 other boys there.

you shyly waved at them

“hi!! im chenle nice to finally meet you!! ya! jisung quick say hi” chenle excitedly nudged this tall guy sat beside him which you assumed to be jisung.

“hi im jisung…” he muttered

“don’t worry about jisung he’s quite shy with new people” jaemin whispered to you as he stood beside you.

“hi jisung! nice to meet you” you mustered the friendliest greeting you could give and waved at jisung which he returned.

“hi y/n ! im jeno” jeno introduced as he smiled forming crescent moons gathering attention to the beautifully placed mole beneath his eye.

“ayo wassup im mark! you can mark me in your hea-”

“ok that’s enough mark!!” everyone interrupted mark’s introduction.

“aw dude i was hoping to say it once tonight” mark sulked as he took another sip from his red cup.

you couldn’t help but laugh at their silliness.

“wait where’s haechan hyung?” jisung questioned.

“probably sucking off a girl’s face or smoking right now” renjun said like it was the most natural thing ever.

“whatever he’ll find his way back later. come sit y/n !! do you want a drink? i can get it for you”chenle said as he patted the empty seat on the couch beside you.

“oh that’s okay i can get it myself! does anyone want anything from the kitchen?” you smiled appreciating the offer from chenle before you asked the group.

everyone shook their heads with some saying thanks.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚

you squeezed past the bodies of strangers again with random turns and passes until you finally found the kitchen.

but of course… another obstacle was in your way…

like a literal obstacle.

two humans making out in-front of the fridge making it impossible to get your drink.

you coughed lightly in hopes of getting their attention…

nothing.

“excuse me…?” you softly said.

still nothing.

“uhm hi… if you could just excuse me-” you said as you tapped the guy’s shoulders.

“what?” he scoffed, rolled his eyes before he finally faced you.

‘i was in a sheer dress the day that we met’

you felt the world stopped.

the music tuned out and you could feel your breathe stolen away.

you were faced with a guy with beautiful honey skin and a pair of the softest brown eyes despite the heavy smudged eyeliner.

he had beauty marks on his face that formed constellations.

he towered over you allowing his scent to engulf you. it was mix of woody scent, alcohol and cigarettes.

he stood tall as he dressed in in a black singlet and jeans with a classic black leather jacket over his shoulders.

the girl he made out with was long gone, it was just the two of you staring at each other in the kitchen.

it was safe to say you were attracted to this man in-front of you knowing well he screamed bad news.

the longer he stood and looked at you, his eyes softened.

you stood in-front of him, doe eyed, full of innocence in your white sheer dress and your pink pouty lips.

“fuck…” he thought in his head.

the same you thought. from just his appearance you could feel wetness pooling in your pink laced thongs.

you couldn’t help but wondered what was your bed chem with him.

he was the complete opposite of you, he embodied bad news, he was dark and mysterious, like a thunderstorm.

but you were different, you were alluring, you were like a breeze in a garden on spring day, like a breath of fresh air.

“cat got your tongue love?” he finally broke the silence.

“huh..oh.. uhm i just wanted to get a drink from the fridge sir?” you stuttered as you looked down at the ground barely gathering any courage to speak up.

weirdly the endearment felt so smooth when he called you as if he has always called you in that your entire life.

he found you so adoring.

but the way you said sir, made him felt something in him stir.

“did you just call me sir?” he questioned feeling intrigued.

“well… i don’t know your name” you finally looked up at him.

“don’t go around calling any guy sir randomly love. you don’t know what it does.” he leaned forward closing the distance between both your faces as he cups your face in his rough hand.

what a hypocrite this man was calling you love…

you could smell the mix of alcohol and cigarettes in his breath, which you usually hate but somehow you didn’t mind when it was with him.

“yo hyuck! finally i found you come be my beer pong partner- oh? y/n you finally met haechan!”

‘we were both in a rush we talked for a sec’

‘your friend hit me up so we could connect’

oh… so he’s renjun’s friend… haechan… haechan… hyuck?

haechan removed his hand from your cheeks, somehow you felt sad from the loss of comforting warmth from him.

“haechan this is y/n! she’s renjun’s housemate” mark staggered his way over to you and swinging his arm across your shoulders clearly losing his senses to alcohol soon.

“alright let’s get going beer pong championship achiever” haechan rolled his eyes as he removed mark’s arm from your shoulders.

“lessgooooooo!” mark excitedly exclaimed as he exited the kitchen to the beer pong table.

“i’ll see you around love” he patted your head with a smirk on his face and left with a wink.

blush crept up to your cheeks, you could feel yourself physically feeling hotter.

you quickly got your drink from the fridge and left to sit on the couch with the rest of the dreamies.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚

but the whole night you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander towards haechan standing at the beer pong table.

with the occasional glances and winks haechan would give you was not safe for your heart.

there was no denying you found haechan attractive.

but how could it be when you just met him?

“y/n? you good? you’ve been staring at haechan?” chenle questioned.

you’ve been exposed.

“oh? no i wasn’t… i think i’m just tired i tend to usually blank out” what in the stupidest excuse.

“aite it’s time to head back stoned y/n! let’s goooo” renjun stood up from the beanbag and walked towards the door.

“whaaaaat we just met stay longer little bear!” jaemin whined with rosy cheeks and eyes that were barely focusing on you anymore.

“sorry guys it’s late i should head back now… we can hang out sometime soon again tho” you suggested with a smile on your face.

jeno smiled and gave a okay sign with his hands before he waved bye.

before you could even step out of the house, a hand grabs your wrist.

you turned to find haechan holding onto you.

“leaving so soon love?” he cocked his eyebrow as he bent down to reach your height, making both of you face to face now.

you stumbled back a little, shock from the barely existent distance between the two of you.

haechan’s hands found it’s way behind your waist supporting you from tripping. you felt your breathe hitched from the contact.

his hands were warm but the silver rings he had on gave a cold touch to your waist. you love his touch, you craved for it and wished to be held by him as long as you can.

you couldn’t help but wonder how his touch would feel all around your body, playing with your tits as his other hand fingers you making you cum all over his fingers.

and watching him lick your cum all off his fingers and your pussy.

“i bet we would have really good bed chem…” you thought to yourself.

as you looked into his eyes this time, it held softness and sincerity different from when you had first met. you could feel his hot breath against you while you were quite literally holding onto your breath.

he smelled so good, you just wanted to be around him all day but you had to remind yourself, you had just met.

“yea it’s getting late and renjun’s already waiting so…”

“before you go…” he hands you his phone with his keypad on display.

you looked at him with questions in your eyes.

“what’s your phone number love? i need to keep in contact with you don’t i?” haechan chuckles as he jokingly uses his finger to push your forehead.

he looks so good smiling, like a bright sun on a cloudy day.

“oh! you could get it from renjun tho…” you said while keying in your phone number on his phone.

“if i get it from renjun, i wouldn’t have a chance to talk to you right now don’t i? and i wouldn’t be able to give you this.”

“huh? give wha-” suddenly you felt a pair of warm lips on your forehead.

“goodnight sweet dreams love. get home safe, text me when you’re home” he smiles and ruffles your hair.

oh haechan… what are you doing to my heart…

[theshiftingwitch]

Hi again, it's the anon from a couple weeks ago. The one with the poor home life who was in a slump, despite having shifted/manifested before?

I wanted to give an update and thank you because the advice you gave me (getting out of my own way, branching out, making things fun and exciting again) has really helped me out. Since your response, I've taken some simple steps to just refresh and refocus my mindset and stop putting so much pressure on myself.

I've been using ChatGPT as a tool to just talk things out and have essentially made it my personal coach that can give advice with shifting and my general life, or be a sounding board when I just need to vent or talk about random stuff. Sort of like a journal that can reply back to you?

Using it, I've built up a new shifting routine for me to use that used meditation to induce a lucid dreaming. Also talking to it about my DRs and the power, the magic of shifting/LOA has rekindled my excitement for it AND reminded me just how powerful I am ✨

Things have really improved! I've been experiencing more mini-shifts and my dream recall is getting really good. I've even been getting into the void state much easier. Additionally I've been manifesting stuff left and right without even trying:

* Out of nowhere, I won a free diamond necklace valued at $1000 (yes really)

* Found $10 on the sidewalk, I never find free money, let alone that much.

* Received great grades for my final semester of college despite panicking all week that I'd fail and my graduation would be delayed. I got an A- for a paper I really wasn't confident in AND a B for an exam that I barely studied for, when I was barely passing the last exams for that class. And I graduated with honors, though that was a long time coming 🥱

* Caught a cold BUT I cured it in like 2 days and skipped the worst symptoms like a sore throat. (When I get sick it usually lasts twice as long and is way worse before it gets better)

* Fixed my laptop that's been having issues for the past month. Thought I'd have to replace it or get some really expensive replacement parts, instead I just had to change some settings and it took 5 minutes.

* My mental health has improved a bunch since I'm no longer letting the 3D get to me as much, I'm focused on a bright future instead of a miserable one

* My parents have been way nicer to me and more helpful lately and we haven't been fighting as much.

Also here's what I'm most proud of...

* One of my favorite YouTubers has been on hiatus for over a year, no videos, no posts, nothing (if you know, you know). So I thought a few days ago "I'm going to manifest him coming back", not seriously because it really seemed like he'd never be coming back...

Then an hour ago, I got a notification from YouTube...from his channel... because he just uploaded a return video. And funnily enough this is the thing that really got me excited (even more than the diamond necklace) because everyone was saying he'd never come back and was done with YouTube. Literally manifested this man out of his hiatus 💀

I just wanted to share my success to help motivate other people and show my appreciation to you! You didn't make all this good stuff happen for me (that was all my doing, of course), but your advice really helped me to get back on track and remember that I'm the creator of my reality 💅🏽.

Seriously, people, don't just listen to advice. Actually apply it and you will see results much faster. Thank you again!

~ J

Welcome back J!

Thank you for the update, I'm so glad things have been working out for you!

You're doing great, I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to hear more from you ❤️

I'm glad I was able to help, but like you said, you're the one who did all of this! Advice can only help as much as you're willing to follow it.

Congratulations on all of your success stories, and here is to so many more 🥂

Happy Shifting ❤️

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

if you don't have a solid night routine, you may as well throw away your whole morning routine, because the decisions you make at night are gonna to directly affect you in the morning and how you go about your day. if you binge watch netflix 'til 1am calling it your "rest time" only for you to wake up in the morning feeling tired and frustrated, it's time for you to build a night routine and stick to it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. prepare for the next day ( 📒 )

write down your to-do list for the next day. when i don't plan out my day i just end up doing nothing, because i don't even know where to start. but if you know what you have to do you don't end up procrastinating and start getting things done. also, do not overload yourself with too much things to do, you're just not going to accomplish them all, so keep it realistic.

bonus put the most important tasks on the top of your list so you're gonna accomplish them as soon as possible.

𝟮. clean you room ( 🫧 )

it really depends on when you are the most active – for example i'm a night owl and i can't even imagine cleaning my room in the morning – but yes, removing all the mess you made during the day will help you leaving it all behind and starting fresh new the next day. put your clothes away, remove books, notebooks, make-up products, trash all around and i guarantee you that you're gonna feel so much better.

𝟯. take care of your body ( 🌷 )

take a warm shower that can help you relax, do your skincare, change in your comfy clothes, basically wash away the stress and negativity of the day. last semester i would literally stay at uni for 10h straight and coming back home at 8pm after the gym, i used to take a warm shower straight after that so i could let all the negativity of the outside world slide off me.

𝟰. drink hot tea ( 🍵 )

avoid theine but treat yourself to a hot drink that helps you relax and restore your calm, also take your vitamins and give yourself those ten minutes in your personal space.

𝟱. self love and affirmations ( 💖 )

reflect on your day, write down in your diary all the things that happened, pray, meditate, do your affirmations, leave everything in the past, do not let today's disappointments, stress and frustration affect your tomorrow. the only way in which you can truly move forward is by facing the things that happened today to leave them in the past, tomorrow is a new day.

𝟲. get off your phone ( 📱 )

definitely the hardest part for me. i don't even want to explain why it's so dangerous for you to stay awake scrolling through your phone at night – blue light and whatever – so just be strong and try to get off your phone at least 1h before going to bed, use eye-protection mode after sunset and use blue glasses if you can.

bonus use only red light at night, blue light are gonna inhibit your melatonin production ( which is what makes you sleep at night ).

𝟳. go to bed on time ( 🛏️ )

do not delay your bed time in order to get more dopamine scrolling through social media or binge watching netflix. do not sacrifice your sleep in order to do more work/study ( i did it in the past and it's definitely not worthy ), prioritizing your sleep is going to reward you in the long run. trust and believe.

𝟴. 321 rule for better sleep ( 💤 )

3 hours before bed –> stop eating. it gives you enough time to digest your food so you're not going to waste energy during your sleep to digest and you're gonna wake up less tired.

2 hours before bed –> stop studying/working. you need to drag your brain out of your "fight or flight" mode in order to get deep rest at night.

1 hour before bed –> stop screen time. allow your body to produce the melatonin that it needs in order to fall asleep properly.

[my-own-walker]

hi hi can u plz do an imagine of what aftercare is like with pre-death kyle spencer?? THANK U SM

+ "could u do some pre death kyle smut fem. like obv hes a sub before he died so some cute like first time in the relationship smut. YERP TY FOR READING 😎" - anon

Superposition

note: well of course, lovelies! i could do that for ya. giving you all a twofer with this!

warnings: (unprotected) sm*t, disgusting amounts of fluff, kyle's weird music taste (toto, really?) fem!reader

+++

I met Kyle in calc. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for a class of that caliber.

To be fair, calculus is easy for some. For me, an English major, not so much. I struggled horrendously in class. My mind was not oriented in the realm of math. With dozens of papers and other writing assignments due in my other classes, it was no wonder I couldn't wrap my head around derivatives and complex analysis.

You know how college is. No assigned seats. Just vibes. On the first day of class everyone sorta just...decides where they're gonna sit for the rest of the semester.

I chose my typical seat in the back of the room. I always sat in the back row nearest to the door in every class. It was a surefire way to make sure I could escape at the end of the lesson without having to interact with anyone.

Kyle Spencer, notorious campus fratboy, was in my class. The only reason I even knew of him was because of a stunt his fraternity pulled during a party I was at. I went for the alcohol and stayed for the insane blonde boy doing pushups in the corner the whole night as part of some dumbass hazing.

He was one who was willing to do anything to impress his frat brothers. He had apparently been a human coat rack at one party, and at another, he got so belligerently drunk that he ended up asleep in the fountain outside the library -- 2 miles from the party.

I wasn't one to engage in the school's Greek activities. I went to parties to get drunk and would be home by midnight. I wasn't particularly interested in paying to have friends, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Kyle picked the seat next to me on the first day of the semester. Well actually, he didn't pick it. It was forced upon him by his tendency to be extremely late to class. The seat next to mine was literally the only one open when he arrived.

As it turns out, Kyle was impressively good at calculus. Like inhuman. Thank god he sat next to me because during tests I could just cheat off of him.

Well, that was until he caught me one day.

+

We'd had a quiz that I was hopelessly clueless on. I did my usual cheating routine, the stretch and look. But this time, Kyle's head snapped in my direction. He let out a laugh and covered his quiz with his hand.

Oh, so we're the perfect little suck-up now, are we, Spencer? I thought.

I struggled through the rest of the quiz, leaving about half of it blank before time was called. I shot a glare in Kyle's direction as I walked to the front to hand the damn thing in.

I slumped back in my seat with a huff and began to pack up my things. The class started to file out so I rushed to get out ahead of the crowd.

'Wait, wait,' Kyle called to me. I whipped around and stared him dead in the eyes, trying to set him on fire with my mind. Not only for making me fail the quiz but also now for making me late. 'If you need help on the quizzes I'll help you.'

'Yeah?' I said, attitude obvious in my tone.

'Yes. But you can't cheat,' he smirked. 'Let me tutor you.'

'What, as community service hours for your fraternity obligations?' I challenged.

'Well, yes. But also because I want to! I love math,' he grinned.

'Okay, what's my name, then? If you know it, you can tutor me,' I said, proud of myself for my attempt to stump him. There was no way he knew a nobody like me.

'Y/N,' he replied, still grinning. 'I know you.'

+

Begrudgingly I decided to meet him at the library that night to go over what I was confused about on the quiz. We went over everything and he actually broke it all down in such a helpful way. I don't think I had ever understood math clearly until Kyle explained it.

When he finished going over everything I started to pack up my things to leave.

'Whoa Y/N hold on, do you wanna go get coffee or something?' Kyle asserted, flashing his five-star smile.

'At...9 pm?' replied.

'Just, I mean like-' he stammered.

'No sure, I mean that's fine. I'll take a coffee,' I smiled.

He walked close to me through campus to the only little coffee shop that would be open at that hour. It was aptly called 'Sleepwalker Coffee Co.' They knew their audience well. College students need caffeine at all hours of the day, as we all know.

He bought. I swooned. A man who buys me coffee? A dream.

We nestled into a small booth in the corner of the place. It was unsurprisingly packed in there. Tons of students getting work done while fraying their nerves with cups of liquid energy. It was dark and plush in there. Velvet seating, dark looming bookshelves, royal purple drapes on the windows. It was my kind of place.

We talked for a while about people in our class. Just the oddballs who stood out to us. Like Turtleneck Guy, who without fail, even on the hottest days, wore a turtleneck sweater. Or Test Girl, the girl that was always first to finish any test and made a large point of running up to the front to hand it in.

'So Kyle,' I started, resolving to change the subject a bit. He looked up from his drink inquisitively. 'I have a question.'

'Go on,' he said, laughing nervously.

'You said you knew me. How?' It was the question that had been nagging at my mind all day. Ever since he made a point of saying that. I thought I was a mysterious unknown, just trying to get through college unscathed.

'Oh, damn, I don't know what I expected you to ask but it was not that. You scared me,' he laughed. 'I've known you since Freshman year. The dorms?'

'The dorms?' I asked, needing further clarification.

'Yeah, Clarence Hall? You lived on a different floor than me but I remember you. I'd always see you on Tuesdays. You'd walk in as I walked out at like...3 pm? I'd always wave,' he explained.

'I have to be so honest with you Kyle, I do not remember that,' I replied, laughing as I spoke. 'You have a really solid memory.'

'Nah, I just thought you were prett- uh- cool. Pretty cool, ya know? Made me take note of you in my mind,' he quipped, pointing to his temple.

'Oh, really?' I blushed. I was at a loss for something to say. As he looked at me with those dark brown puppy dog eyes I couldn't help but feel something I'd never felt toward him before.

+

It wasn't long before our study dates became a regular thing. Kyle helped me get a B on the next quiz, all on my own. No cheating involved. He was so proud of me, he wrapped me in a bear hug, picked me up, and spun me around.

Then, our study dates became actual dates not long after. Our first real date was at his fraternity's date party. I felt so stupid showing up in my dark makeup and knee-high Doc Martens to an event where all the girls had fake tans and tight body-con dresses. Nonetheless, he showed me off like a proud fisherman shows off his biggest catch. We danced all night long and afterward, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was also the night of our first kiss.

Kyle kept things slow with me. I wasn't used to that in a partner. He never pressured me into anything. In fact, I was the one initiating intimate contact half the time. I didn't mind. We were happy.

+

We had just taken the final for our calc class. For once, I felt confident about the work I handed in. Kyle gave me a kiss on the cheek as I got back from handing it in. It was a good feeling. I was finally free of math. I only needed one math class for my degree and bam, I finished it. And I got a boyfriend out of it. Not too shabby, Y/N.

'We need to celebrate!' Kyle declared as we walked out of the classroom into the sunlight. 'You, my dear, are a calc class success story! My crowning achievement.' He pulled me into his side and kissed me on the head as we walked.

'Thank you, Spencer. I owe ya a million,' I replied.

'Thanks for sayin' yes to my tutoring offer,' he quipped back. 'Best idea I ever had.'

We walked back to my apartment, sharing headphones and listening to Stevie Wonder songs. One of his favorite artists. My apartment was the only place he and I could get any privacy. I had a flatmate, but our rooms were on opposite ends of the place.

Kyle, upon entering my room, immediately plugged his phone into the speaker I had on my dresser. He paused for a second to select his playlist and turned around to me dramatically as the beginning of ‘Hold The Line’ by Toto played.

'You are such a dork,' I giggled, sitting on my bed.

'Baby, it's a good song and you know it,' he said, dancing toward me. He was very corny, but I needed that in a partner.

He flopped down onto the bed next to me, crossing his legs at his ankles and resting his hands on his chest. He stared up at the ceiling as he hummed along to the song.

I locked my phone and threw it onto the windowsill next to me and looked down at my boyfriend. His beautiful eyes stared blankly into space. I couldn’t help but attack him with kisses.

He leaned into them, humming in content as we made out. I swung my leg over his torso, straddling his hips as the kissing got hotter. My hands moved up to the top of his plaid button-up shirt. I hovered over the buttons and separated myself from his mouth to ask ‘okay?’

He nodded and pulled me by the back of my neck back into kissing him. I unbuttoned his top, leaving his chest exposed. I kissed him down his neck and chest, leaving hickeys as I went. Marking my property, if you will.

He moaned with each new spot that I kissed. It was delicious. A moment I never wanted to end.

The song ended. ‘Hello It’s Me’ by Todd Rundgren began to play. Our song. It was as if the universe understood what was about to happen.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked, looking at him. He opened his eyes and nodded.

‘Yeah, Y/N, I’m great,’ he sighed blissfully.

‘Is this about to happen?’ I replied. I really wanted to make sure before I started to tear more of his clothes off.

‘Yeah, I think I’m ready,’ he breathed, a look I couldn’t quite read on his face.

I started at his jeans, struggling to pull them off. We both laughed awkwardly. Once they were off, I really drank in his appearance. His nearly naked form.

I started to take off my own clothes, once again straddling Kyles hips. Except this time with a prominent bulge underneath me. Something stirred inside of me.

Before I tugged off his underwear I stopped again.

‘Okay?’ I asked, fingers under the waistband of his boxers.

‘Mhm,’ he grunted. 

He was completely naked. And so was I. A form we had never seen each other in before. He was…bigger…than I expected. Excitedly, I guided his cock into me.

‘Fuck,’ he moaned and gripped the sheets.

Gently, very gently, I began to ride him. His length seemed to go so far into me that it reached my limit. I moaned gutterally at the feeling of him. My hips moved instinctively. His hips bucked at the motion. He bit his bottom lip and grabbed my bare thighs tightly.

‘Can I?’ he breathed, beginning to sit up to switch positions.

‘Of course,’ I replied.

Still inside of me, Kyle took my place on top. He thrust even deeper into me. I almost couldn’t take it. I screwed my eyes shut and stifled a yelp. He pulled out at the sight of my discomfort, placing a hand on my cheek.

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ I panted.

‘I don’t wanna hurt you,’ he replied.

‘You won’t, I promise,’ I assured him.

He thrust into me again, with such force that I couldn’t help but yell out a bit. He kissed me as he fucked me senseless. I grabbed his shoulders to anchor myself, but accidentally raked down his back, leaving scratches with my nails.

He pulled out, panting loudly.

‘I think I’m gonna come,’ he said.

‘It’s okay, you can do it in me,’ I whispered, nodding assuringly.

He took a deep breath and entered me again. I was soaking wet. With a few more strokes he came, spilling his hot load into my cunt. He moaned loudly, throwing his head back in ecstasy.

Kyle fell back onto the bed next to me, breathing heavily. I moved my hair from my face, sweat making it stick to my forehead.

‘That- that was my first time,’ Kyle huffed. I shot up to a sitting position.

‘Wait, that was?!’ I exclaimed.

‘Yeah, oh my god,’ he sighed. ‘And it was so good.’

‘Kyle I’m sorry, I had no idea!’ I cried out, smacking his chest softly. ‘You should have told me!’

‘No I didn’t want to tell you,’ he laughed, ‘you worry too much. It wouldn’t be natural.’

‘My god Kyle, you were so good,’ I groaned, falling back onto my pillow.

‘You don’t have to say that to be nice, Y/N,’ he breathed.

‘No, I’m so serious Kyle.’

He sat up and drank me in, looking me up and down.

‘You are so beautiful,’ he said. He wrapped me up in a hug and pulled me into his chest. We intertwined our legs and he started stroking my hair. ‘Dear Prudence’ by The Beatles was playing. He starting singing along softly.

‘The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you,’ he sang, rocking me gently in his arms. ‘That’s really how I feel about you. You’re as beautiful as the bluest sky.’

My heart swelled. He was so forthright with his feelings. It was refreshing.

‘Do you wanna shower with me?’ he asked, breaking the silence. ‘I think we both need it now.’

‘Uh yeah, sure baby,’ I replied, giggling a bit. He got up and stood at the edge of the bed, holding out a hand to help me up. He followed me to the bathroom connected to my room, peppering kisses all over my shoulders as we walked. I started the water and we got in, embracing in the warmth of the water.

‘Lemme wash you,’ he mumbled, still kissing my neck and shoulders.

He massaged body wash into my skin as he continued to hum tunes to me. I looked up at him in awe. I had never been with someone so loving and caring.

We got out and changed into pajamas, nestling into my bed for the night.

‘I love you, Kyle,’ I murmured.

‘I love you more,’ he replied.

+++

I hope this was okay! I feel like I’m getting the hang of writing like this but I still need practice. Thank you both for your requests!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Any advice on finding a good routine to write while in school. I can't seem to catch a break and even when I do I want to melt into the floor and never leave. Not the ideal time to write. But I really do want to finish my writing goals for these next few months. Any ideas?

Struggling with Writing Goals During School

Here are some things you can try:

1 - Write First Thing - Try to go to bed an hour or so early, then you can get up an hour early and write first thing. This is something that works really well for some people, so it's definitely worth a try. It can actually become a really peaceful, quite, fulfilling moment of time to yourself, which turns it as much into a moment of self-care as a time to reach your writing goals.

2 - Go to School Early or Stay Late - If you're able to, try going to school early and do your writing in the school library or academic center. You could also stay late to do this if it's possible. Sometimes, having a special place to go and write, where you won't be disturbed, is all you need to make that time to write.

3 - Write Between Classes - If you're in college and have a long enough gap between classes, go to the library or find a quiet table somewhere and write. If you're in middle school or high school, while this won't help for this semester, talk to a teacher or adviser about whether or not there's a class period you could utilize next semester for writing. When I was in high school, we had an actual class you could take for credit that was essentially a study hall, so it's possible your school might offer something like that. Another option we had was teacher's aide, so it's possible a teacher would work with you and let you be their teacher aide, but really let you work on your writing during that time.

4 - Write After School, Before Going Home - If you're able to, find someplace to go after school where you can write for an hour or so before going home. This could be the library, a coffee shop, a supportive friend's house, or a nearby park. This way, you don't have the option of melting into the floor. It becomes part of your day, but you have to be good about not just spending your time scrolling through Instagram.

5 - Make It "Working from Home" - One last option to try is to treat it like working from home for an hour or two. Schedule your hours each day according to your reasonable availability, but also as close to when you get home from school as possible. Choose someplace quiet in your home where you can write free from distraction. Ask your family/housemates not to disturb you during that time. Put your cell phone on silent, keep the TV off, etc. Stay in whatever outfit you wore to school. You can take off your shoes, but keep your socks on. Treat it with the same seriousness you would if you were working remotely for a little while and expected to be on meetings at some point during the session. This can potentially prevent your brain from turning into goo and saying "okay, time to check out."

You may have to try a bunch of different things to see what works, and different things may work at different times. The key is to make sure you try, every day, even if only for a few minutes. That will help to build up the habit.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[jodiellie]

Day 5: Trying to be more consistent (in 1 thing at least-) (17/5/2024)

Health

Water intake: 970 mL

Sleep: 3:30am - 11:30am (slightly later than yesterday but not too big of a diff~)

Daily vitamin C intake ✅

Allergy meds ❌

Managed to exercise today! Had to take more breaks than the actual vid but issokie, it's only the 2nd time I've exercised in a long time afterall~

Link below for the exercise + stretching I did!

Train ABS & LEGS like Kpop Idols - 20 min Intense Burn, No Jumping, No Equipment

10 min Full Body Stretch (Daily Routine for Cool Down, Flexibility, Mobility & Relaxation) ~ Emi

Mind

Played Sky: Children of the Light with my friend again teehee <3

Played a bit of The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt too! It's been in my library collecting dust for ages since my old laptop couldn't handle the game, so am glad I got to play it after I got a better one!

Food

Lunch: Egg, cheese, and hashbrown wrap + coffee ☕

Dinner: Claypot rice with chicken + a can of coke (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

Snacks: My leftover strawberry soju birthday cake + milk heh

School/Career

Had an online replacement class today (because my lecturer said they can't make it on the actual first day of class lmao)

Asked my friend to recommend me some part time jobs to do in the mean time since I have more free time this semester :>

Chores/Tasks

Finally did my laundry after a week, phew!

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

Notes

Initially I was getting lazy and didn't want to do anything, but I haven't been doing much physical activity other than stretching so I pushed myself to do a workout! (๑>◡<๑) I'm glad I did because I feel good mentally afterwards so yippee! I've also improved slightly in my water intake, so good job me :D Also managed to do a chore that I've been putting off for a week, so am proud of myself for being able to get around to it without reminders from the people around me! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ Forgot my allergy meds tho oops~

[suns-blood]

First impressions ratings of the new (and old) songs

Overcompensate- Still a really fucking good song. out of the singles it is by far my favourite

Next Semester- not really my usual taste, however this slaps extremely well. it is THE song made for live shows.

Backslide- aaaughh.. 10/10. a close, and like a REALLY close second

Midwest Indigo- i LOVE the instrumental, however the vocals sounded weird to me at first. i'm sure i'll get used to this though, i just can't comprehened new music at the moment. i have absolutely no idea what this song is about.

Routines in the night- the chorus sounds REALLY fucking cool. obsessed with the instrumentals as always- also it sounds very top? idk how to explain it but some parts of this song are very much twenty one pilots. like yes, tyler joseph and josh dun ARE definitely the authors of these songs. also the piano at the end. FUCK

Vignette- WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. THE FUCK. HWUH??? okay first of all does not sound as top as ritn does. however- this goes so well???? what the fuck did they put in this song? heroin??? the weird ass synth riff?? i want this song tattooed on my brain

The craving- immediately not a fan of the whispering but that's my misophonia speaking not me. it sounds. different. than the single version, but maybe it's not? was the single also acoustic? nevertheless whenever they make an acoustic song a part of me dies /pos

Lavish- WHAT THE FUCK 2.0. HOW CAN THERE BE SO MANY TOP 1 SONGS IN A SINGLE ALBUM. THIS HAS NO RIGHT TO GO SO HARD. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MR TWENTY ONE PILOTS. this will absolutely get stuck in my head and i am not opposed to that. the vibes are so weird in this one. insane. also how can a mood be androgynous

Navigating- not to sound like a broken record but wHAT thE fuCK. this might be like the ONE song i ACTUALLY relate to on a level DEEPER than the mariana trench. can't wait to lose my shit over this while it's blasting on max volume. aslo who let tyler sing that well? who is responsible for that? WAIT HOLD ON THAT WAS THE SONG THEY WERE PLAYING AT THE START OF THE NEXT SEMESTER MV

Snap back- okay now i'm DEF a broken record bc WTF but also how can they keep outdoing themselves on a single album? i'm def just high on emotions rn but it usually takes a few listens to get me THIS on board. like holy shit the range this man has i am going to throw up. THE MELODIES. THE BUILDUP.

Oldies station- the song is good, don't get me wrong, however right now not LOVING this as much as i am for example vignette or lavish. wait hold on the weird distortion and instrumentals during the bridge are kinda fire tho. hold on this might just win me over. and at the end also. but OH how i wish they would've used samples from rab songs (or maybe they did and i didn't notice)

At the risk of feeling dumb- this sounds. weird. just weird. or like. unique. or unusual. BIG FAN tho. like this is incredibly catchy and OH MY GOD THE BRIDGE AND VERSE 2. I AM GOING INSANE, okay yeah this is quickly climbing the leaderboard

Paladin strait- okay okay okay so this is. this is gonna be it. nothing can prepare me for this. oh my GOD THE HARMONIES IMMEDIATELY HAVE TAKEN ME OUT I FAILED: I PERISHED. also can you guess which part of the song is my favourite. yes it's the bridge, of course it's the bridge.

the ending. okay yeah what the fuck.

final thoughts: no screaming, no sad piano song, the ending was not the hds intro, 0/10

[nebulous-rain]

Hello! My name is Moriah and I am a junior in high school. I was wondering if I might be able to get your insight on a few questions I have?

I am in my final years of high school and am starting to think about college but I have no idea what I want to pursue. I know I love art, so for a long time I have been thinking about getting an art major or going to an art school.

I’m reaching out because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR ART and I think you are a very talented artist! I have been in love with your art for so long and I am curious and wondering how you are able to fit drawing into your life?

1.) If you are going to college for art, or went to college for art, what is it like? Do you think going to school for art or having an art major is worth it?

2.) how can I fit art into my everyday life? I’m sure you have work and other things to do in your life so how do you balance it out? (I just want to know how you can draw as much as you do!)

3.) do you do art as a hobby or a career? If it is a hobby how to you balance art, work/school, and home life? If it is a career or part-time career is it an alright source of income?

Thank you so much! And sorry if these questions might seem personal. I just want to know how other artist manage to draw and create their work and still have an adult life. Thanks again, and thank you for being a huge inspiration in my life to create the art I love! Your art means so much to me!❤️❤️ ❤️

i am going to CRY this is the sweetest message ever. i'm happy you found your niche and i'm even happier that i could help inspire that!!! i'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to answer all your questions, but i'll try to squeeze in some possibilities where i fall short:

1) growing up i definitely figured i was going to end up in art school because that's what everyone told me i should go into. but as i got older in high school i was kind of panicking cuz i really didn't want to turn my hobby into a job, and i figured out that i wanted to go into education!

but that's just me- my wife is actually going to college for graphic design sometime soon because she loves what she does. if it's something you really enjoy, and that you think you can monetize while still enjoying it, then it's definitely worth it! money is important but you need to put you and your happiness first.

2) to be honest, i haven't had the time or energy to do much art lately (if you look at my post dates you can see how spread out they've been the past year)- but this entirely depends on how you manage your time and your workload. i'm horrific at time management! so that's my problem. BUT, i think sneaking in drawing time in little ways helps a lot, as i tend to sketch small panels of a potential comic or animatic on notebooks and papers while i'm listening to lectures. i've even posted ms paint doodles i've drawn during class

i always have plans for what i'd like to draw once i have the time. it's kind of motivating, but also frustrating, and it's hard to efficiently empty my brain of ideas while still keeping up with everything else. this might be something you'll have to wiggle around once you get settled into a routine each semester!

3) i really wanted art to stay as a hobby for me. the idea of drawing and creating art every day for things i wasn't inspired to do made me really nervous, because what i really wanted was to make fanart and draw my little guys all day lol

if you take anything away from this, i think the most important thing is that if you want to keep art in your life, you will. if you desire having time to make art just for yourself, you'll find time to work that into your life, one way or another- but in order to do that you absolutely need to have a positive mindset about what you're going into, and if you can't find that positivity, maybe it isn't for you

thank you for asking!!! i'm not sure if this'll be any help, but i appreciate the questions <:')

[bee-saucee]

Fanfic Writing Resolutions 2024

With the start of 2024, I wrote out some of my personal writing goals for the year and thought I would share them with you all! I don't usually make posts like this but I hope I can inspire other writers to make goals for themselves in this next year and have a greater sense of accountability for myself.

Some writing accomplishments from 2023

I learned a lot in 2023 as a fanfic writer and I'm proud of what I did! I deleted my Wattpad to start fresh with a new writing style, posted my first three fics to Ao3, applied to two zines and got accepted as a pinch hitter for one, grew my Tumblr account, started a Twitter, commissioned several artists including my current pfp for a new look, and started writing more consistently again!

This post is pretty long so here's the short list:

Create and refine a writing process to have a written process outline that makes writing simpler

Watch a video and take notes on a writing topic at least once a month centering predominantly on craft but also on storytelling

Apply to at least two zines

Post on Tumblr every other week

Build out my Twitter

Keep better track of my writing habits 

Bring fun back into the writing process

1. Create and refine a writing process to have a written process outline that makes writing simpler

When I refer to my "writing process" in this goal, I'm talking about 1) my outlining process and 2) what goes on off of the page such as how often, when, and where I'm writing.

To address the outlining portion of this goal, I plan to intentionally try out different outlining methods. My balance of plotting and pantsing is off but I can't find that balance until I just try stuff out! I want to try a lot of existing outlining methods and hopefully combine the facets that I like about various methods I've tried over the course of the year to get a mix that is tailored to me and how I like to write. I think it is also important to think out and write down the outlining methods I try so I can replicate or change my process iteratively. I've found that not having a outlining process that makes writing easy and enjoyable for me is the biggest reason why I've started and dropped so many projects this year!

Regarding the off the page process, consistency is my main goal. I just kind of squeeze in writing whenever I can or feel like it but that means that writing has often fallen off my radar. I want to set up specific times to write every day, but to be frank, I'm not sure when or how the best way for me is to write as I haven't experienced next semester's schedule or my post-college routine at all! I'm fine going with the flow on this one, but again, I've gotta be intentional about it.

2. Watch a video and take notes on a writing topic at least once a month centering predominantly on craft but also on storytelling

I've been writing stories ever since I was a kid but this year is really the first time I'm trying to do it more seriously. My public school and even college education has not fully equipped me to write creatively so I recognize that I have to learn about all of the parts of creative writing I don't know!

3. Apply to at least two zines

Contributing to zines have always been a super big dream of mine so I will keep on monitoring upcoming zines and hopefully find two I can apply for this year! Getting accepted isn't even the goal for me, I think that there is a lot to learn in the application process itself and I can't get accepted to a zine unless I try!

4. Post on Tumblr every other week

It's really important for me to build out my social media presence but I also value the lower stakes creative fun I have on Tumblr! So the goal is to write in a chill manner as I currently do for Tumblr and grow my reach at the same time! I just love making people smile with my stories.

I think the best way for me to post consistently on Tumblr is to introduce writing warm up exercises into my writing routine and share them on Tumblr. I can also use extra time that I have on breaks to stock up a bunch of Tumblr posts I can share in the future.

5. Build out my Twitter

I don't get Twitter at all and I'm not a super big fan of it but this is such a big space for the bnha fandom! I think I definitely am holding myself back particularly when it comes to zine applications by not having a Twitter presence. So I hope to not only understand twitter but post at least once a week and retweet or comment on posts at least every other day.

6. Keep better track of my writing habits 

Both when I write consistently and inconsistently, I wish that I kept better track of how I spend my writing time because it is so precious. I want to use the often limited time that I have to work on the projects I truly want/need to work on. I'm thinking that logging what I write through Google Calendar could be easy and effective, but we'll see!

7. Bring fun back into the writing process

When I've tried to focus more on "professionalism" and "writing well" I sucked all of the fun out of writing and I basically stopped for a year or two. I don't want that to happen to me again because writing is so therapeutic to me so I'm going to focus on editing less for craft and instead keep my eye on the concepts and feelings behind what I write.

Writing is so so hard but I think that fanfiction is such a beautiful and powerful form of creation. I hope that I can keep up with these goals to continue to participate in this creative process that I have come to love dearly and make more content that brings a smile to people's faces.

Thanks for reading! Check out my masterlist for more.

[beatheprincess]

My weekend was bleh -_- i was just annoyed at everything , living with 5 people sucks and constantly having to wait on everything because its already in use and my mom act like ima get a job on the spot tmrw like literally these ppl gotta look over my application !! I'm a teen girl w no experience and I'm hoping at least some professional place can give me experience (training) to get better 😭 whenever my mom tells me things I already know what to do it pisses me off because I take it as control and pressure instead of help and support. Being nitpicked at everything makes me feel like burden >:(

Another thing I have been thinking about is my bio parent, When someone you havent seen in years reach out to you at legal age it definitely impacts your life this shit is not normal and is so common in the black community; I dont think anyone truly realizes how important it is to have both bio parents in your life, I cannot call this person a man cus they aren't and I do not trust them the things they said/did they jus expect me to forget :/ and I dont want nothing to do w them ever again and it's truly ashame I can't have a good relationship w them and I'm in the process of accepting not having them in my life and moving forward, I also hold my mom accountable for her part as well and I talked to my grandma about it and she's on my side 100% and I feel like in the future this is gna be an ongoing topic , I've gone thru alot in 3 months n felt so lonely from it but I'll be okayy.(authentic segment over)

Good things that happened ! I have cute new unicorn jacket imma wear alot till I get tired of it (I love unicorns 💟) i was also able to get into littlespace and feel v comfortable about my soft aesthetics and dressing cutely ♡♡♡ I was also able to buy things I needed this weekend and wash clothes n my sunday self care routine so yay ! I hope this week is a good one and I dont feel like crap, this is my last week of fall classes for this semester so thank GOD ! >.< I hope you guys had a great weeknd and thanks to the ppl checking on me. 💜💜💜 wuv chu

[compo67]

Hi Cal! How are you doing?

Oh, anon. This is so kind of you to ask. <3

I am on the verge of okay. My father is leaving for Chile in a few days, so I will be getting a long, much-needed break from caregiving. I will be able to focus on myself and school, I won't have to drive so much, and I'll be able to stay at his place when I need alone time away from my own household.

But I will also be worried about him. If he needs something, I can't just hop into my car and drive over. And he can't just hop on a plane and fly back. I will have to just... learn how to let go a little.

More under the cut. TLDR; it's been a struggle these past few weeks.

My depression has been a lot to deal with. I'm sleeping too much and my moods are kind of all over the place. I'm also going through writer's and artists' block. Everything I try to write or draw comes out wrong. It's super frustrating and even more depressing. So I'm back to finding little pleasure in things that usually bring me joy. I have been working hard at my mental health through therapy, group therapy, and taking all my meds. Maybe with a break from caregiving, things will pick up.

I'm taking 3 classes this semester, but the school bundles it into one class--with sections in thirds. One section takes six weeks, another six, and another four. I'm in it for the long haul--I won't graduate until mid-May. I am not thrilled to be in this program (Human Resources Management), but I am very grateful that I get to go to school (it's good for my mental health) and it's way cheaper than grad school. But then again, I miss grad school a lot. I just couldn't afford it anymore. My plan is to find a good part-time job in HR, make some money, save some, and then, once I'm settled, go back to grad school and finish the second half of that degree. I really miss academic reading and writing.

And yet, I still don't want to go into the field of academia. :P

I wish I had a mentor. There's a mentor program at the local HR association near me, I'm just unsure if I should take part in it.

Chronic illness wise, I'm all right. I'm getting regular monthly infusions that have been helping my RA. My joints are loosey goosey like always, but my pain has come down from a 7-8 to a 5-6 most days. I'm so grateful for the relief. Part of that is from PT, edibles, acupuncture, a new muscle relaxer, and rest.

I'm trying to focus on going back to work. It's just kinda overwhelming to think about going back to a very structured routine, where right now I have a very flexible routine. Then I get into self-doubt, anxiety, etc. etc.

So. Overall? I think I'd average it out to: I'm okay. I'm hanging on. I wish I could write and draw more, so I could post more, but I am also trying to take the advice of many readers: rest and recharge.

I just have to trust that this will all work out in the end.

Thank you, anon. It was so cathartic to write this out. :)

[pastramimommy]

3/1/2025

I was supposed to be doing a journal entry once a month and it is now March so clearly I'm slipping. This month was very overwhelming with my first round of tests for the semester, my first immersion in Baltimore, Jacob's baby shower all while working full time and trying to date. It felt like I was getting dragged behind a bus while it was happening but everything turned out great, I did well on my tests, and I am alive. I was really feeling like I had slipped on most of my goals for myself but upon looking at them in writing, I am actually doing okay. Trying to be gentle with myself for momentarily slipping on the diet and exercise, plus I got right back on the horse immediately as tests were over. Now that I know what to expect from these classes I know what I need to do to be more efficient with studying. I am very proud of myself for being the 5-6 am riser that I’ve always aspired to be, bc I can actually get a substantial amount of work done in the morning without sacrificing too much workout time and feeling like I’m falling behind. What really has been suffering is all the little non-time sensitive things (house improvements, decorating, planning trips, etc).

Pole is going very well and I'm seeing so much progress. It has truly become a very life giving and therapeutic hobby for me. I love the studio I'm at, developing friendships with some of the people and I think I'm almost ready to get my first pair of heels!

Spirituality has taken a hit the last few months, since my morning routine has changed and I haven't made time for my morning reflection. If I can wake up even 15 minutes earlier I will have plenty of time to work this in. I literally woke up 30 minutes earlier every day last semester so I don't see why my body can't channel that energy lmao I am actively working on the church search, I've gone in person to one that I like so far, it feels much more high stakes now since I know I'll be living here for a very long time so I need to find a spot that I can actually get involved.

I’m still doing a shit job checking my budget lol idk why it’s so hard for me! I’m saving money nevertheless bc my spending habits are pretty good. But I would like to have a better idea of where I am at throughout the month. The thought of going part time soon and watching my funds dwindle is very scary but I know I’ll be okay.

As much as this job sucks for a number of reasons, I am so grateful for it and I know God gave it to me for a reason. This is 100% the experience I need to bridge myself to a more permanent job, hopefully at ucsd. I have been really working the ucsd connections at the VA and I am hopeful it will get me a solid part time gig in GI. That is all I can hope for right now.

The social life is a challenge BUT I have made a substantial effort. I've been finding fun things to do around SD and trying to get people to join me and shamelessly asking people to hang out as usual. What’s hard is that it really feels like I have to choose between dating and cultivating friendships bc in reality I get about 1 social event per week. And per usual I have a bunch of random friends but no cohesive group and idk how to (or if I want to) consolidate.

My dating approach the last few months obviously has not been working so I think I need to pivot. After Emmanuel was the first time I actually kinda felt disheartened, I’ve been extremely positive and optimistic until now. Getting my reps in by doing the apps when I’m on a break from school was great in theory lmao but I think the apps have allowed me to be so picky and takes the romance out of things. It makes me feel like I’m seeking a business deal instead of fun or romance lol but honestly I kind of am? I know it’s best for me to stop looking for the person who meets all the “requirements.” The situation with Emmanuel was evidence that you can meet all the requirements and it still doesn’t feel right. The brian situation supported this statement as well. Thinking I need to just hang out with friends, keep putting myself in new social situations and hope for the best. Idk how many times I need to hear that it usually happens when you’re not looking for it. That’s what happened with Chris! I just need to shift my perspective on dating right now and really take it to heart that it’s very possible that the right one might not check all the boxes. But which of these boxes am I willing to give up? And am I truly asking for too much?!

[elle-blogging]

If you read anything about student life, let it be this post

As someone who lost a close friend from class last year I want to tell every student I come across a few things that you need to learn in order to have a healthier life as a student or as a worker.

No one can take care of you, better than yourself. You have to ask for help if you need it. You have to listen to your own body and understand that you've reached a limit. That you can't keep crossing those limits little by little in order to achieve your goals sooner. If you keep asking more and more from your body, it's going to give out.

You are the one who has to learn your limits and be more forgiving with your body. You have to be grateful that it has brought you this far in life and given you everything it can. You have to thank every cell in your body for putting up with society's demands.

I've developed my own systems to do as many things to heal and thank my body for everything it does for me. Maybe some of them will be helpful to anyone here who is willing to read this, and who feels like this resonates with their needs.

1. Plan ahead of the semester: I always add the important dates on a google calendar and a physical calendar (writing helps memorize better)

2. ALWAYS stay up to date with assignments: it can feel a little tough to follow the classes rythm, but I find that staying up to date always helps when exam season begins. I always understand what topic is being discussed in each class because I'm not falling behind.

3. Scheduling time for selfcare too: whatever selfcare means to you, make sure you have a time set for each day, that no one can take away from you. No calls, no meetings, no work or anything. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves enough time to heal because we feel like we should be doing something else. But I noticed that I can work better when I tick things out of my "personal to-do list" like walking my dogs, playing with my cats, working out for at least 30 mins, stretching or laying my yoga mat on the floor and meditating (I stuggle a lot with quieting my mind but when I do it's like a blessing, and so energizing).

4. Distance yourself from "social media": recently I noticed my instagram algorithm is rotten and it just shows awful stuff to keep me engaged, I keep scrolling to find the content I'm looking for but the algorithm just ignores your preferences on purpose. I lose so much time doom scrolling that i lose energy to do the things that make me feel happy or like I'm doing progress.

5. Rest at night: when my friend passed away I struggled so much to sleep at night in the darkness. But at some point I started using a sleep mask to keep my eyes closed and it felt like my thoughts were only focused on what was going on in my mind and body, instead of seeing things in the darkness of my room. Being able to finally sleep has pushed me out of the worst part of grief.

6. Eat healthy: Well I gained over 10kg since I starded university and all it does is make me feel heavy and tired, I sweat a lot more and nobody wants to feel disgusting all day just to come home tired and in dire need of a shower. Also, I can barely fit in my pants. I'm still working on my weight and diet, but it's not within my financial possibilities to eat healthier foods on campus.

7. I think this is the most important, but try to learn meditation: I used to think mediation was boring and I would become some sort of weirdo if I went down that path, but all meditation does is train you to calm your mind, slow your thoughts, seeing things more clearly, working from a calmer headspace.

I still struggle to find the best time to fit all these things within my daily routine, but being consistent, especially in times of high stress, can be so life changing. It can define whether you do things as best as you can with the very little mental health you have left, or if you do them with time, and in a way you're satisfied with the results.

I don’t have a nice way to wrap this up, but if you read this far, and if you’re going through something similar, I want you to know you’re not alone. You don’t have to power through like nothing happened. Life is already tough, so be gentle with yourself. I’m trying to be, too.

[orcelito]

Working on my new routine for the semester. Since nail care is something I've grown to care about in the time since I previously kept up with playing violin, I need to be pretty consistent with it. I can't have Any amount long nails on my left hand if I want to be able to keep my finger positioning good. It's best when the fingertip is straight down. You just can't have that with long nails.

When I was younger, I kept up with that demand by biting my nails. It was a bad, bad habit that lasted for a good long while. I think it was definitely encouraged bc of the need for short nails with violin, but the true cause of it was imperfections on my nails. I found a few years back that if I keep my nails filed smoothly, then I won't be tempted to bite them, no matter what length they are.

Which brings us to now. How to not fall back on my old habit of nail biting, but make sure my nails don't get too long for violin? And the answer... is to file them every weekend.

See, I've thought up a system. I also want to keep painting my nails, bc I rly love having painted nails, and So. On Friday or Saturday, after I'm done with classes for the week, I remove the week's polish and then file the nails short again. Then on Sunday (or, in the case of this weekend, Monday)(whatever the last day is before I go back to classes), I go and paint my nails again. I want to have at least a day between filing and painting to make sure that my nails settle fine and that there aren't any extra little imperfections I need to get at. Will hopefully also reduce the chances of me picking at the sides of my fingers (have not been able to get rid of this part of the habit) for any imperfections from the polish on recently filed nails.

I'm working on the filing right now. I'm finding that it's going faster than last week, at least. Which is good news!!! I probably had more than a week's worth of nail to file last week, so it took longer. But it's not as bad with only a week's worth. I could always trim them too, and that's what I'd usually do, but they really don't grow all that much in just a week's time. Can barely even get the clippers under the nails. I just need to file them back again. Make sure they don't get the chance to actually grow out.

[studestael]

Hello! ❄️

No worries that you didn't have time to reply, it's all fine! And I'm sorry I took a bit to reply now, the past few days just got kinda busy!

Ooh, that is quite the coincidence! But then you know now exactly what I mean ☺️ I'm on the Swedish westcoast, so closer to Denmark. I've actually never been to Norway! Always been going south 😅 Did you enjoy Oslo? Was it your first time there?

I'm not gonna "cheat" and translate the word I'm unsure of so I hope I answer your question correctly (and correct me if I'm wrong, hehe). I studied French in school, step 1 and 2 from grade 6-9 and then step 3 and 4 in the gymnasium. After that I haven't used it much so I've forgotten a bit, but then I started to work as a substitute teacher and get to fill in for French teachers from time to time (actually had to take over the classes at a school for a whole semester once too!) so I've brushed up my skills a bit! But of course it's only now and then - I need to find a way to practice regularly if I'm gonna get better. I keep meaning to, but it's hard to get the routine in! My best friend in Lyon is fluent in french (she's doing her doctorate in it, dear god) but we only talk about once a month and tend to have a lot to talk about then so we stick to Swedish. (I'm trying to think of something to write in french now but can't think of anything relevant that I could form a sentence on right now...). Do you have any TV series or films in french that you'd recommend?

Oh, "I Want You" is definitely another favourite of mine! Abbey Road is so good, definitely my favourite album alongside Sgt. Pepper! I love when you manage to turn a friend on to something you love, it feels extra rewarding <3

Oh, that's so awesome! For how long have you been playing and singing? Do you do it professionally? Play in a band? Ah, multi-artist - what kind of stories do you write? I was told growing up that I was good at drawing (and both my parents are rather good), but for some reason I just never had much interest in it, I'm not sure why. These days I sometimes wish I had practiced more, cause I have so many images and scenes in my head that I want to get out but don't always have the patience to write out, and I envy those who can just pick up a pencil and make it appear on the paper! What kind of motives do you like to draw?

I write too, from time to time (these days mainly fanfic). I've been dancing since I was little, and acting as well. I love music but have never got to study it at a deeper level or learning an instrument (only the basics of piano and guitar), but I've decided it's not too late and so took a uni course in music theory during the summer. I want to take a course in piano in the spring but don't know if I'll have time. My problem is that I'm interested in so many things and have a hard time focussing on the one or two 😅 I have a bachelor in film studies but have done some practical filmmaking/media production too (I LOVE editing) and have a diploma in film acting. But the good part about diving into so many different things is that you soon notice they're all connected, and knowing many subjects on at least a basic level gives you a deeper understanding of them all! It's just annoying that you can't go super deep into AAAALL of them xD

Haha I get you, I absolutely hate typing on my phone x) I hope you have had a great trip! (Or are having, if you're still travelling!) What other places did you visit?

hiiiii no worries to you too :) i've never been to norway before! i went to finland some years ago, but never sweden though! oslo was great! especially a little further north of the city, where there are mountains and snow!! we stayed there for only a few days, i got back home this tuesday. it wasn't a relaxing trip so this week was very tiring and i'm SO relieved to finally be in weekend.

dear god, as you say ahahah. i'm aware french is a very very difficult language to learn and i'm glad i didn't get to "learn" it as foreigners have to. i take my hat off to you all who are learning french, really! as for my swedish, i only know "god dag min vän" ahah

i mainly watch american series actually but there's a short black and white cartoon series called "samuel" that's very sweet and i recommend it! i know i liked "au service de la france" that talks about secret services in france during the 50s, it's a series with a very french humor. and also the series "drôle" that talks about parisian comedy clubs and stand-up comedians, it's very well written and nice to watch. unfortunately the two last series i recommended have never been finished...

as for french movies, of course if you haven't watched "amelie" ("le fabuleux destin d'amélie poulain" in french), you should! it's sweet and fun :) it romantcizes paris a lot but it's indeed a pretty city every now and then so here you go! i also recommend the movie "les choristes", it's really nice and touching

please recommend swedish movies/series/bands to me!! i have a spotify playlist with "international" songs (it means to me songs that are in other languages than french, english, spanish and portuguese which are the more common languagues in the songs i tend to listen) and i have a few swedish songs but i want more :^)

i feel like we have so much in common ahahah! i've been playing the piano since i'm 6 and singing approximately since i'm 12. the last 4 years, i've studied jazz in a conservatory because i wanted to professionalize but i gave up cause it asked to much work and i'm too lazy i guess haha i also used to do theatre and i acted in 2 or 3 plays but not anymore. i mainly write stupid comic stories, and also i like to write in roleplay communities! yeah, same, i'm not THAT good at drawing, i like to draw but i always have to have references with me, i struggle to draw by memory or so. i worked on a project with a friend of mine and i redrew 4 album covers, including rubber soul among others :^)

who/what are your fanfictions about? if you're willing to talk about it :)

bye snowflake, see you soon!