#so how in the shitfuck

[whimsysalesman]

just opened up my little old lady of a computer, who lives only to serve me tv shows on my TV screen (she doesnt have the computing power for anything more hardcore, the poor dear) and discovered that within the last couple weeks microsoft snuck copilot onto my machine?? without asking??? this is the last fucking straw someone tell me how to switch to linux bc I need to change before i beat the microsoft ceo to death with a hard drive.

[fuckmeyer]

Jasper as a character is so interesting because he ends up a Confederate because he can't actually empathise with the slaves and because he simply accepts cruelty around him, and then when he becomes a vampire he literally can't ignore others suffering because it hurts him, but even decades after he becomes a Vegetarian he still can't get a hang of it partially because he still can't see humans as *people*. Idk there's smth to be said about him becoming a vampire because of his own cruelty and then being eternally in horrific pain because of said cruelty that fucks.

Jasper's whole life is a curse & i love to see it

here we have a Confederate supposedly so empathetic that he acquired a "gift"... yet not so empathetic as to recognize he was fighting for the enslavement of an entire race. despite seeing the consequences of slavery literally every day. now, the man who spent his last human days denying the humanity in others is forced to spend his immortal life being slapped in the face with their emotions. forever. hueeueueueu-

yeah, i would call that "gift" a curse, actually.

if Twilight weren't a horror story, we might see a discussion between Jasper/Bella about how immortality forces you to confront the darker side of your nature (e.g. "there will come a day when the societal beliefs imbued unto you leaves you standing on the wrong side of history"), & Jasper's journey with finding love & humanity. OR, y'know, he could've just had ONE (1) line where he says "yeah i'm not proud of my service." simply, if Twilight weren't a horror, Jasper could see the error of his ways & change for the better.

HOWEVER. Twilight vampires are "mentally frozen" when they turn, so Jasper is likely still a racist who does not regret his service. no matter how many times he is confronted with his cruelty, he won't change. meaning whatever life he chooses, his gift dooms him.

wow! eternal curse!

we see evidence of this frozen mental state in his decision to go vegetarian. he doesn't switch bc he feels bad about killing humans:

"I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them. [...] You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me." (Eclipse, Ch 13)

note the dehumanizing term "prey" & the focus on himself. he laments not that the human lives he's taking have value but that their dying moments harsh his vibe.

the irony! trapped as an empath while never possessing the ability to be an empath! CURSE CURSE C-

herein lies a bigger, juicier curse: Jasper is, himself, (hot take) enslaved in the sense that he will never know freedom, philosophically speaking, due to the choices he made in life. the series tries to paint him as a master tactician & competent leader; fanon often paints him as a free-thinking amoral black sheep. in reality, he simply obeys the commands of higher authorities & abides by their worldview regardless of how toxic it is to himself or others.

in the beginning, he had María.

he entered the Southern Vampire Wars not by his own volition but stayed because he was content not having a choice. however one feels about María, the fact of the matter is 1) as a newborn he was stronger, bigger, & faster than her & could have run away or overpowered her, 2) had the "gift" to identify emotions & could KNOW when/if she was malicious or manipulating him, & 3) could have escaped by influencing her emotions to make her disinterested in him. at any time in the 100 years they were together, he could have left. he talks about never knowing a life outside the war & discovering "options I'd never dreamed I had." ok???? run 100 miles in any direction & you would have seen a life outside of war. BOI-

instead, he took comfort in being submissive & adopting someone else's ideology. not only did it remind him of his past, but it meant he had no need to reflect on his actions or beliefs. he prefers others dictate his worldview & order him around even if it means being unhappy. he only left because he was going to be assassinated, & even then, it wasn't until someone else told him another life was possible that he "realized" another life was possible.

notably, the period where he's most free— living with Peter & Charlotte— is his rock-bottom where "the depression got worse." but, again, not because he realized the value of human life: "I was so wearied by killing [...] even mere humans."

then he meets Alice.

Alice, who has visions of being vegetarian & converts him so they can live with the Cullens. Alice, who dictates how her family should live their lives to the point where she manipulates them. Alice, who goes so far as to dress the Cullens, who orders Jasper to wait in the car while she & Bella go shopping, who Jasper refers to as "truly [...] one frightening little monster" because for all his experience she can still beat him in combat.

his eternal soulmate is authority.

despite being unhappy with his vegetarian life, as it makes him feel weak & coddled & a liability to everyone around him, he follows the lifestyle because Alice tells him to.

then there's the Volturi, another authoritative body. "We owe the Volturi for our present way of life," says acclaimed bootlicker Jasper Hale, who in the same moment shudders at the atrocities they committed, yet strangely sees no other way for a governing body to keep the peace... so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but, since Carlisle outranks the Volturi as an authoritative figure in that he more closely aligns with Jasper's new worldview, Jasper sees no problem deposing the vampiric governing body if it means his sister-in-law of like 2 months can keep her demonic spawn. so i guess we don't really owe the Volturi that much

to his credit, we see glimmers of him questioning his leaders: 1) his decision to leave Maria, 2) his considering switching diets to defeat Victoria, & 3) going against the Volturi. but, again, these decisions are all just a result of his self-preservation & submitting to the higher authority du jour.

in the end, he has the perfect storm of conditions that would allow him to escape the prison he's created, to find freedom & to love humanity unconditionally... but he won't. Jasper's ultimate curse is that regardless of whether he realizes the enslavement of his own self, he will never leave his cage because it's cozy & easy & allows him to never think for himself.

AAAANYWAY Jasper's life sucks & he's trapped in an eternal prison of his own making. lol

[happystarzarchive]

guy whos never super vocal or enthusiastic about his emotions + guy who pretty much fully bases his self worth on what others think of him = the most beautiful trainwreck of an m/m ship you have ever witnessed

[1o1percentmilk]

channeling the spirit of hatori nozomu to finish my comp sci assignments knowjng full well he doesnt know a lick of code

[lipstickontheglass1985]

you know what actually football fans who arent like nationalist shitfucks are quite awesome

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

[image id: a flag with nine stripes, the innermost stripe being thinner than the others. from middle out, they are white, peach, medium pink, dark pink, and extremely dark magenta. in the center is a simplistic drawing of a rabbit face, with white fur and dark pink lineart. both its ears are perked up. /end id]

Anxiety Disorder

.・。.・゜★・.・☆・゜・。.

Definition: An Anxiety Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by excessive and persistent feelings of fear, worry, or apprehension. These feelings can be intense, disproportionate to the actual threat, and often interfere with daily life, causing significant distress and impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

.・。.・゜★・.・☆・゜・。.

Requested by: no one

↩︎ request info

.・。.・゜★・.・☆・゜・。.

Note: inspired by this flag for the bunny!

(term coined: N/A) (flag made: 08/04/2023)

[sesmiq]

the fake princess

pairing: reincarnated male reader x yandere prince oc

fic includes: arranged marriage, cross dressing, reader's death (briefly mentioned), Dom to sub bottom male reader, rough sex, rimming 2x, gruwhdbwb will add more in the morning

note: THIS IS NOT FINISHED!! tumblr is rlly messing me up by posting my work earlier whenever i save my draft lol. feel free to read as i write the ending. reader is male! a male!! a certain character will be calling him "lady" for the plot!! i wont spoil much but please keep that in mind ;; this is messy lmao

poor you were just on the way back to your apartment after a barbeque party with your friends— until a drunk man grabbed you from the dark alley way and stabbed you in the stomach and pussied out after he realized what he did.

is this how you die? fuck, he couldve do you a favour by taking you out in one go and not run away?? loser behaviour.

you laid down in your own blood in the dimly lit alley way, your vision slowly getting blurry as your surrounding turns into a blur of colours and into nothing.

before slipping into darkness, you heard a loud voice shouting out your name. its too late, bootlicking shitfuck.

you opened your eyes by the sound of bird chipping, you stared up at the bright blue sky accompanied by someone with dark brown hair and green eyes staring back at you.

"Lady Amador.. it's time to go back to the palace. the prince is looking foward for you during lunch time."

who the fuck is lady amador, and why are they wearing a maid outfit?

sitting up, you take note of the grass underneath you instead of the rough concrete floor from earlier- are you hallucinating to the point youre in this nice garden..? huh, why are you wearing a dress, did a creep kidnapped you and dress you in one of their grandma's dresses?!

panicking, you got up towards the pond and looked into your own reflection. you still looked the same as before, you cant say the same since your hair looked much longer and the light makeup on your face.

lady amador.. prince?? garden.. holy- is that a palace behind you?! whats going on?!

before you could brainstorm any longer, the person from earlier waved their hand in front of you, catching your attention. "lady amador, its time to go. prince sebastian is looking for you."

prince sebastian? sebastian..

slowly, everything clicked to you, did you really reincarnated as one of the characters in the novel "The Villainess's Ultimate Plan!" holy shit.

you touched your face, and then looked into the pond again, that face..

the villainess younger brother?!

the one who disguised as the protagonist.. the one that planned the entire scheme to assassinate the crown prince but end up getting beheaded one day after the wedding night?!

with that information, your vision fade into black once again.

"My lady?!"

jerking awake, you hunched over, clasping a hand against your face. you slowly takes a few deep breathe, you slowly brought your hand away.

you looked to your side, the same person from earlier is standing next to you with a worried expression. not only them, a man with bright gold hair is sitting on a chair nearby reading a book.

prince fucking sebastian. the man that you're supposed to kill during you and the prince's wedding night.

he looked up from his book and walked up to you, you flinched away when he raised his hand, he stopped his action before he promptly caressing your face.

"you, please step out of Lady Penelope's room." he ordered the person (the maid maybe?), and they complied.

there was an awkward silence in the room, he was still holding your face, you looked at the side, scared to hold any eye contact with the man in front of you.

"look at me." he said in a stern voice, like a mom scolding her child.

so you did, afraid of any consequences. (since he was the same man that's willing to destroy the kingdom for your supposed sister.)

he let go of your face before sitting onto the side of the bed, his face is blank,, as if he dont care about you, but the worried tone in his voice said otherwise.

"y/n." you jumped at the name, how did he know your name- wasnt he supposed to call you by your sister's name ?! before you can say amything, he cut you off.

"..i was waiting for you at the dining table, but i got the news of you fainting in the garden right after waking up from your nap."

"..i apologize."

he leans in towards you, settling his hands onto your face once again as if to inspect for any injuries, he lets go once again when he saw no visible injuries.

"i know you prefer to be called lady amador when it comes to appearing as your sister, but a maid was here, and i have to convince people we have a medium love with each other.

especially when our wedding night is two days from now on."

what. the story already started?! no- screw that, how did he know you were pretending to be penelope?!

"how did you know im not lady penelope?" you kissed your teeth, gripping onto the comforter, subtly slapping the prince's hand away when he tried to reach for yours.

"lady penelope had sent a letter to me, personally stating about her plan, and we agreed on one term: i keep you safe and she sends me information of the war, simple.

though, i shall say, youre quite the beauty."

you were about to curse at penelope but your ears becoming warm after he said that, he chuckled before getting up of the bed.

"most married or engaged couples have monthly night together, and ours is two night from now on. we wont do anything sensual, do not worry."

"what-"

"see you tomorrow at lunch, dear." he kissed you on the forehead before walking out of your room.

for the next two days, you learnt the person at the garden is your personal maid, Andrea. apparently she found you laying on the ground at the garden (that sebastian built for you.) after you stated you were gonna take a stroll.

you also met your personal knight, William, Penelope's second love interest but was sadly killed when he defended you during your trail.

the three of you got along well, often seen having conversation near the garden or having tea party together. sebastian watched from his office and smiled at the sight of you chatting with Andrea.

william on the other hand,, have been too close to you for his liking. he nearly ripped an important paper when he saw william wiping off some biscuit crumbs from your face- why is he so touchy? Andrea couldve done that using a napkin.

he broke his pen, the black ink soaked his hand and his paper work. did you like damian better than him? why did you become flustered when the knight spoke about something?

should he get rid of him?

how troublesome.

he remembered when a butler and notify him what happened to you. he nearly tear down the entire palace when you didnt wake up for two hours he almost frown when you flinched and move away from him when he reach out to you. the way you were nervous around him,,

he slowly calmed down, reminding himself that you and his night together is tonight. he sighed, he should finish his work first then meet you tonight.

back in your chamber, Andrea and a few other maids helped you to get ready, even helping you to take a bath. you enjoyed the smell of lavender from the soapy water, an old maid massaged your body when you're just soaking inside the bathtub.

the old lady was kind enough to even offer you a drink as she tells you stories of her youth.

after that and when Andrea deemed you 'clean', began to dress you into a white night gown made with the finest silk, the strap of the grown barely hanging on your shoulder. the maid had explained that you have to wear this because 'the prince gave the gown as a gift.'

was he not shameless when his gift includes a set of lingerie?!

you fidget around with the ring, Andrea styled your hair into a loose braid, making sure you look presentable before leading you to the prince's chamber. you insisted that you walked by yourself, so she went back to the maid headquarter.

walking down the dimly lit hallway, no one is wandering except for a few knight patrolling. you soon arrived in front of his room, knocking a few time to make your presence known "sir sebastian-"

before you could finish, sebastian opened the door and grab you by the waist, dragging you into the room.

he lifts you up and carries you to the spacious bed, he gently laid you down and take a whiff of your scent before mumbled out a "you smells nice.."

you looked at him with wide eyes, he was only wearing a robe- your eyes wonders down and sees his toned body that he had clearly worked on. he noticed you and grinned, taking your hand and putting it on his chest

"like what you see?"

if you could kill him right now you would.

instead, you pushed him down the bed, him lying down on the bed and you on top.

"what if i do?

also.. i will be the one in charge tonight."

you leaned down, opening his robe hastily and take one nipple into your lips.

sebastian nearly flipped you over, but he held himself back. he moaned when you grinned onto his crotch, he lightly tugged your hair, leaning in as if asking for a kiss.

you gave him what he wanted, he softly moaned into the kiss, slowly his hand make its way towards your shorts, pulling it down your ankle before he pulls away from the kiss.

he sat up against the bed frame and settled you on his lap, he took in the sight of you wearing his gift- that he had commissioned for it to fit you, and god.

you are so pretty.

hair messy from the kissing session, the collar of the gown was low enough for him to see the lacey bra, a garter designed with silver lining tightly wrapped around your thigh and the underwear that only covered your erected cock-

he want to eat you up,,

so he did.

Sebastian was known to be a beast in bed as he was known in the battlefield,, was what the novel described him.

Unfortunately they were true to their words, his thrust was harsh and deep, creating impacts thats enough to make you cry out.

so much of being gentle?! he even ripped off your outfit, leaving you naked!

he was nice enough to eat you out earlier, even giving you to opportunity to ride his face.

sebastian continue with this harsh pace, holding one of your leg onto his shoulder while another holds your hand. his apologized multiple times while grunting, saying things likes

"im sorry- ah! youre so tight!"

"mm- if you keep moaning like that- hng! i wont be able to slow down-"

"dear.. mmh.. im sorry.. i'll take care of you later-!" im gonna kill you, you handsome bastard!!

you clung onto him on each thrust, it just feel so-! sebastian suddenly changed the position, pushing you on your knees while holding your arms at the back,

"se-sebasti- ah! wait-! mngh!" he holds your hand behind you back tightly to ground you, the position didnt help at all, you couldnt muffle your moans and his dick reach deeper than it did in the previous position.

he panted, letting go of your arms fearing that your arm is sore. he gave an apologetic kiss on your forehead before continuing .

he grunted when you tighten around him, he tried to sooth you by giving stroking your cock, but that only add to the pleasure as you cried out of overstimulation.

you felt like you were melting.

you had climax into sebastian's hand, fuck- why isnt he stopping-?! you continued to cry out before he stuff his finger with your cum into your mouth, you immediately bit onto his fingers to muffle your moans.

his climax came sooner than you expected, he twitched and came inside. he slowed down his thrust, riding out his climax before pulling out.

you panted, thinking its over,, until sebastian gripped your aas and spread them apart revealing your winking hole, dripping out his children batter.

without hesitation, he dive in as if its his last meal, slurping and eating his own cum. you moaned at this, trying to push him away but he stayed still.

"what are you-"

"round 2? gotta have heirs for the future y'know.." he said with a toothy grin, flipping you over your back and pressing you thigh until your ankle reach your chest.

"ah?!"

the knights guarding outside sebastian's chamber looked at each other then looked down, the two of them had an erection from your moaning- tone it down sometimes!

a/n: not proud with this one, will check and edit it in the morning (its 3.56 am right now) goodnight ^_^

[alexaloraetheris]

Oh boy, I feel like it's time for a post nobody will like.

We all know clothes are getting worse. Recently I found some jeans I bought in high school, and since I lost weight recently I tried them on and they fit, so I'll be wearing them once we get out of the Hell season.

But I took them and compared them to the most recent pair of jeans I bought, and... Honestly the difference in quality is so fucking stark it made me want to give up on life. The jeans I wore in high school have gone through everything. I'm talking half of Europe here, because one of our teachers was pretty big on school trips everywhere she could get the money for. They've been washed, tumbled, survived an actual car crash and they're still good.

The most recent pair I machine-washed ONCE, everything else was hand-wash only. I babied them to the max because they made my ass look like was on Instagram. Do you know what they look like now?

They're full of fixes like these. They lasted less than a year on their own. I got another decent year out of them SOLELY because I kept fixing them. And fixing them again. The crotch alone I had to fix SEVEN TIMES. I COUNTED.

And these weren't cheap jeans! C&A jeans tend to be around 40$ these days, and I got these for about 30 with a discount. I expected them to last me AT LEAST a few years, because those high school jeans? THEY'RE THE SAME FUCKING BRAND.

Considering this was the quality I was getting for nearly 40$ I figured I might as well get the same quality for 15$ and downloaded SHEIN. I didn't get jeans from them but I got some light, fluttery summer pants in the style that, honestly, I fucking love. I got three pairs for the price of one C&A jeans, and I am aware I will have to baby them even more, because out of the five pairs of pants in total I have bought on SHEIN only ONE is made of the fabric that I might be brave enough to machine wash. And with SHEIN continually getting sued for using sweatshops I probably won't be getting those pants again.

So what to do with that shitfuck situation?

I am insanely lucky my grandma knew how to sew really well and didn't mind me looking over her shoulder as long as I was quiet. I am aware that's not a skill everyone has, but quite frankly? When nobody has any money and even paying big bucks for clothes does not guarantee any kind of quality, and even fucking THRIFT STORES are full of just junk now, I think it's time to face the facts.

You need to learn how to sew.

I'm not talking about sewing your own clothes, though if you can and you have the time and patience, it's probably the best option (good luck finding decent fabric, because we can't even find THAT anymore unless you're ordering from fucking Belgium). I'm talking about fixing up seams and sewing on a patch, little repairs that make your clothes last. It might be junk, but with sewing you can make it last twice as long for the price of a spool of thread.

Now that I've pissed off everyone who is, for some reason, morally opposed to learning how to sew because it's a 'girly hobby' or 'supporting the patriarchy' (a take that left me baffled like nothing else) I'm going to piss off everyone who already knows how to sew.

I recommend getting this little guy.

It's called a stapler sewing machine, for obvious reasons. If I recall correctly, it was invented to fix clothes on the go for fashion shows and/or cosplay. It does only a chain stitch and needs to be pushed manually, but if you need to, like, hem your trousers and you don't want to spend half an hour on doing it manually (and don't already have an actual sewing machine) this is a lifesaver.

Here's a tutorial how it operates:

Now, why am I recommending this? Because it will only set you back six bucks. I got two right off the bat because I was banking on one not working (and I was right) and so I could use it for spare parts. The one in the video (Spring Come) is the one I have as well, and it's the one that actually works. I can't vouch for any unmarked ones, but the blue one works. It IS a little temperamental, but with a bit of practice it makes things so much easier.

The reason I'm not recommending an electric machine of any kind, even the one that costs 18$, is because, if you're a beginner, then an automatic sewing machine becomes a machine that exponentially speeds up the rate at which you make mistakes, and if it breaks down, good luck fixing it unless you have a dad/uncle/friend who knows his electronics. This thing can be fixed with a screwdriver, and takes the same needles as an ordinary sewing machine.

You can buy a bundle of needles just about anywhere for any price and they'll be decent as long as they're steel, but I would recommend looking for some actual better quality thread. Everywhere else, you can pinch pennies, but the thread itself is what's holding your clothes together, so this should be the part where you're looking for quality instead of price.

Alright, those of you who didn't scroll past with a derisive scoff at my take, I hope I've been helpful.

[spaghettioverdose]

🏞 somewhat-popular-blog Follow

Omg how do people on this site like communism! I read somewhere that communists eat babies!!

🐸 blood-and-heroes-88 Follow

It's true my grandfather died opposing the soviets in the war 😡

He fought for liberty and freedom

🏖 i-love-florida Follow

Communists persecuted my family for no reason

They took our home and our farm

🌅 garnetfucker93 Follow

Omg that's so fucked up what the fuck

🎇 shitfuck-opinions Follow

Communists are literally so fucking evil they literally kill you and eat your baby

☭ popular-marxist-leninist-blog Follow

Communists do not eat babies. This myth has been disproven several times including by anticommunist sources. It originated from like 3 nazi groups, two CIA agents and some weird ethnonationalist cultist.

[Several paragraphs of quotes and citations from relevant papers and articles from both communist and liberal sources and even one where the US very clearly admits to lying about communists eating babies]

🎇 shitfuck-opinions Follow

[Links to a series of articles that cite other articles that cite three nazi groups two CIA agents and one ethnonationalist cultist and also like a link to one guy with a youtube channel with 700 subscribers]

🌅 multifandom-the-blog Follow

Why do you literally love putin you tankie

💣 anarchomccarthyism Follow

YOU CANNOT HIDE THIS IN THE TAGS ASDGHGS

[Screenshot of "#clink clank here comes the tank"]

27,378 notes

[wispstalk]

Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.

Finding game:

- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.

- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.

- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!

Actually hunting:

- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.

- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.

- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.

- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.

- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.

Big game:

- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?

- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.

- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage

- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.

Small game:

- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.

- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.

- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.

Processing:

- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.

- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.

- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.

- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.

- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.

- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.

- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.

That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it

[green-alien-turdz]

Hi, I know its been a minute n I don't really like that there is like one or two posts between this n my last 'i'm still alive' post. I'm sorry. I wanted to say thank you to everyone in general, but also the mfs who said some nice ass shit to me. Sorry I said some concernin ass shit n just dipped, that was pretty fucked. I never really had people care like all the people on here, so I ain't too used to havin to be more careful with the shit I do n say.

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, concern, n care. Comin back to see all of it made my fuckin heart melt. I know I'm just some dumbass postin south park shit on tumblr, but you guys are genuinely the most amazin mfs I've ever encountered. To the people who were in my inbox askin if I was still alive, I sincerely apologize for causin any stress or concern, it's not my intention. You guys are the sweetest people, and I'm sorry for doin that. I should prolly stop bein as vocal about bein so fucked, but I also like to be honest n I like sharin this shit bcuz I know mfs be goin through the same shit n bein alone in it feels fuckin awful majority of the time.

I am not well. I am doin very bad actually. There's a chance imma be forcefully medicated in the near future. Which is weird bcuz I used to always want that, I wanted to be fixed, but now I'm not sure for like a TON of reasons. One, ion wanna be changed (in a sense). If the meds take away or dull core aspects of myself, I will lose it further than I have already. Two, my parents raised me to never trust doctors or medicine, etc. Even though I do think modern medicine is a great thing, I still have my fears bcuz of how I was raised. Three, I fear the fuck outta what I will do. I know they warn that adjustment periods n shit like that can make things worse- but I literally cannot get any worse. If I do, I know I will not come out alive. Which bleeds into reason four, which is that I know, at some point, I would try n overdose. Handin me such a quick n thoughtless way to just end it is like the worst fuckin thing they could do. But whatever. Ion even know when it's gonna happen, all I know is that ion got a choice. Like, I'm pretty sure it's a situation that, if I don't comply, imma be locked tf up.

Uhh minor update shit- my cat came back home after almost a month of bein fuckin somewhere. She came back skinny, dirty, n sick, but she is slowly recoverin n I've never been more thankful. ED is still kickin my ass, but I'm forcin myself to at least have a fuckin soup I made bcuz I can't get shit done at work if I keep faintin or gettin injured. I have little to no time to do shitfuck, but still do random shit periodically before or after work. I actually redid my dresser n made some stupid ass video about the handles that I might post to youtube if I quit bein a pussy about it.

I haven't been drawin my fanart as of late- but I do want to. Imma focus on doin the requests I have bcuz I wanna give back the best I can. You guys stick with me through thick n thin. I thank you all so much. I'm sorry I'm always MIA. So my posts for a little bit are gonna be the requests n answerin all of my inbox. Ion know how long it'll take, but hopefully it won't get borin. I genuinely love makin things. I love drawin the shit I do n people findin some sort of connection to their lives or themselves. I just want people to feel less alone, less ugly, less whatever the fuck you feel. Each n every one of ya is fuckin amazin, so please don't forget it.

Imma stfu now. But I hope you guys have a good rest of your day or night or eternity. I'll be back to postin shortly, thank you for stickin with this shit show

[happystarzarchive]

who up contemplating their place in the twomp fandom‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯

[mellowwillowy]

I NEED TO TELL A YANDERE BLOG ABOUT THIS NSFW HEADCANON I HAVE-

Imagine a yandere that bought one of those super high quality sex dolls and dresses it up as you with stolen clothes and puts a wig on to match your hair color, etc, used it constantly calling out your name, etc

Also imagine you finDING IT- oml

- ☀️anon

☀️ nonnie you beeg brained :D

ᴡʜᴏꜱᴇ ʟɪꜰᴇ-ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴏʟʟ? (ɢɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

♥ warnings — general yandere warnings, reader is a dom? and yan is a subby... doll and yan wears lingerie, degradations toward yan, sub-dom, worship - Master play, slapping and mention of sounding.

—𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓 - 𝑳𝑰𝒇𝑬 𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕, ʙʟᴜᴇ

By just dressing this silicone doll in the correct wig, outfits, and makeup and dousing it with perfume, he gets to practice all his fantasies on it. It almost looks like you now, especially with how accurately it's dressed since it is indeed your clothes that he stole. He does enjoy dressing it up with the type of outfits you wouldn't usually wear.

All is great but not the best.

Why? It's not you after all. It's just some silly expensive doll that is dressed to look like you to satiate his needs. Nonetheless, what's better than 0? 1. And that is this doll, a 1/100.

It's mostly used for menial stuffs such as a morning bed buddy, a company for breakfast and a company for when he's sat in front of the computer for a long time, alone.

But when night falls?

"Fuck–, be good." He grunts as he slams his cock into the doll, mindlessly calling out your name like some sort of prayer, eyes rolling to the back of his head. The doll is totally abused by him every night, dressed in countless themed outfits.

"Yeah, yeah, gonna cum, gonna paint you white from the inside fuck-!"

His pace grows erratic, breath raggier and tongue lolling out like a dog. He's already on cloud nine over a doll, what will it be if he's fucking the real deal instead?

"Ah- fuck, gonna cum-!"

The sound of beeping suddenly rings, cutting his panting in half as his eyes are trained toward the door.

Beep. Clack.

"Hey Blue, brought ya' the goods.... s...?"

Your eyes go up and down. Him, naked with a doll beneath him, his cock buried inside the doll, shielding your eyes from it. Hand tugging on the wig of your hairstyle and the clothes you thought you had somehow lost lying on the floor, not to mention the whole room smells like you!

"Uhh... am I supposed to... knock or ring the doorbell from now on?" You motion toward the door as you try to avert your gaze toward somewhere else. Ah yes, the framed photo of you two looks good on the cabinet.

"Wa-wait, wait, don't, I mean, stay! I mean, go-! Arghh..." Blue stutters as he pulls out, his hardened cock now on display for you to see. So he is a grower...?

"Listen, I mean, fuck, look anywhere but me!" Blush creeps into his face as he wraps the blanket around his waist, striding toward you in panic.

"I got ya' the lemonade and uh..." You fail. Your eyes are just a pair of curious souls, looking at how his bulge is seen poking through the blanket.

"... shitfuck. Never knew ya' a grower"

"This is no time for joke..."

"You want the awkwardness to die down or nah pal?"

Blue stays silent for a moment before crouching down in annoyance. He should have just chainlocked the damn door today!

"Been wondering why I've been missing some of my clothes and undies, ya' into stealing or just broke?"

His cock is supposed to be limp by now but it's not. It's twitching from your last words. What has gotten into his head?

"And that lingerie? Oo... never knew yer' a kinky one." Your foot nudges his shin before his bulging cock, giving it a rub. Blue shudders from the contact, falling backward on the butt while the blanket slips from his waist, revealing his aching cock that is leaking precum.

"Fucking masochistic aren't ya?"

You straddle him as you place the plastic bag down onto the floor, knee pressed against his bulge while your tongue licks his sweat from his face, hand slowly taking the glasses off his face, is this prescribed spectacle?

"My pretty boy."

You walk toward the bed and sit on it, your eyes trained on the naked doll, it looks almost like you, thumbs up for him for sure. You beckon him closer with your finger, and so he does.

"Would love to see you dressed in lingerie instead, come on, do a favor for me yeah doll?"

Blue gulps as he nods, slowly undressing the doll before wearing it himself, the size doesn't really fit him but it's manageable. His cock twitches every now and then as you watch his figure.

"Lovely, isn't it?"

"U-unh..."

"Did you pick this lingerie while thinking how it'll look like if it's wrapped around my body? How the color will suit me... how easy the access would be for you to just..." You sandwich his cock with your feet, rubbing it up and down, "feel me like I'm doing to you right now?"

Blue shakes as he moans out, his knees slowly turning into jellies. He needs you, to feel you all over. And so he pleads, "Please..."

You raise your eyebrows, "Please what?"

"Please... do me... yeah?"

You smack his cock with your foot, "Is that how you are supposed to talk to your Master?"

Blue gulps before kneeling down, his lip moving to your foot pressing kisses on it while occasionally licking it, "Please, Master." You try your best to bite your excitement back, eyes swirling in lust as you focus on the lovesick mutt in front of you. You'll collar him later but for now, he is your doll, yours to toy with just like how he's been toying with this doll.

"Come," You pat your thigh, "Let me feel that cheek of yours."

Blue nods and brings his face closer to yours, you can feel his breath fanning you. Your finger pokes his cheek before it turns into a palm that feels his cheek, hard. You slap him.

"Be good, else I'll fucking squeeze a pipe down your cock."

Blue shivers from the idea of sounding. That would totally feel so good, right? His cock starts leaking even more pre-cum, spoiling your thigh with the white liquid.

"Fucking mutt in heat. Why not rut yourself with my thighs?"

It only takes that for Blue to raise your legs by the ankles, his cock in between your thighs as he ruts himself in and out, panting like a dog in heat. You pinch him in response to his action, too bad you couldn't reach his nipple.

"Fucking slut." You rip the lacy lingerie as you claw him, nails digging into his hips, "Gonna fucking chew your cock off later until it's minced."

Blue's cock twitches again from your words, pace even more erratic now. "Please do so!" He is close, you can see it. But he knows better than to come before you allow him to first. "Please, please, please, lemme cum? Need one out so bad, hurts so much."

"Ah? Do I look like I care?" You scowl at him for pulling one of your legs away from him, kicking him by his shoulder, "Fucking mutt, go hold that until your balls are as good as blue and I wouldn't even care."

Blue whimpers at your words but his excitement only grows even more, it only pushes him even further from his limit.

"Please, please, please I beg you. Please..." He begs as he rubs his face against your foot, peppering it with kisses and licks, "Please let me come, just one word I'm all done, please..."

You sneer at him before kicking his face lightly, "Give me a twirl."

He twirls. "Show me how needy your cock is." He shows it to you, lifting the veil for a clearer view. "A striptease for me." He strips, eyes never leaving yours until you suddenly jerk him off, "Good boy... come on." You rub him even faster, his hip bucking toward you for a better angle, "Come, my pretty doll."

Rope of cum soils your feet not afterward, your name rings in the room as he pants, trying to grasp reality after how cum-dazed he was. You rub your spoiled feet against his pelvis, soiling it with his cum as well.

"Come," You open your arms wide for him to dive his face into your neck. You kiss his ear as you caress his hair, muttering praises at him.

"Wanna try the real deal now?"

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Had a hankerin' to see Ed get pampered and fussed over by the crew, so wrote this little scene. Bon appétit, get loved nerd

--

It happened, Ed thought, because he still wasn’t used to going without the gloves.

He’d been helping the crew run the rigging, and he’d assumed he’d be fine, estimating based on having some sort of cover on his hands, and he’d fucked up and wound up with a rope burn down his palm.

He grit his teeth and put up with it, only allowing himself to gingerly shake his hand and examine the injury once the job was done. “Shitfuck,” he mumbled to himself as he looked at the blood pooling in his palm.

“What’s that? Rope burn?” Frenchie looked at Ed’s hand over his shoulder, and then waved his hand to get Roach’s attention. “Oy! We’ve got a rope burn!”

Ed jumped a mile at a hand on his arm, and turned to see Archie pointing him to go sit down on the railing.

“No, no, that’s not-” Ed cleared his throat, instinctually stuffing his injured hand in his pocket. “It’s just a rope burn.”

“Yeah, and Jim got a rope burn last week, and they let us take care of them,” Archie said. “You think you’re tougher than them? You wanna say that to their face?”

“Guess not.” Ed allowed himself to be steered towards the railing, and his face burned when the crew gathered around to gawk at his injured hand. Olu winced sympathetically, and Pete tried to pretend he’d seen worse even as he turned a bit green.

“Might need to amputate it,” Pete said.

“Fuck no!” Ed hid his hand behind his back. “It’s barely bleeding, man.”

“Your loss,” Pete shrugged. “I could make you a really cool wooden hand. Probably cooler than Spanish Jackie’s, even.”

“I swear to God, babe,” Lucius hissed, “you’ve got to stop telling people we need to cut their limbs off.”

“Who’s got the rope burn?” That was Roach, pushing through the crowd with a bowl of water in hand and a roll of bandages tucked beneath his elbow. Ed’s face went all hot but Roach didn’t even say a fucking thing, didn’t even question that Ed deserved to be sitting there getting fussed over. “Yowch, that’s a good one. Might need to amputate.”

Ed barely had enough time to gawk open-mouthed at him, considering making a run for it, before Roach laughed playfully.

“You should’ve seen your face,” he chuckled as he held out a hand, waiting for Ed to offer his injured hand up for examination.

Ed gritted his teeth as Roach cleaned the burn with a wet cloth, accompanied by the crew hissing sympathetically.

“Why,” Ed started, before he got a little overwhelmed by everyone continuing to fuss over him like he was a sick kitten and went back to staring sheepishly at the ground.

“Because no one deserves to just sit around and be in pain when we could help,” Olu said, as if that made the most sense in the world. “Why wouldn’t we help? There’s no need for you to just go off and bleed alone somewhere.”

“I mean…” Ed watched as Roach wrapped his hand in a neat bandage. “That’s just life though, isn’t it?”

Archie grinned at him. “Not our life.”

“We’d do the same for any of us,” Frenchie told him reasonably. “Besides, we don’t want you to die, man. Who’d tell the best ghost stories then?”

“And who’d let us know when there’s a storm coming?” Olu added.

Fang smiled at him. “And who would help me fish?”

When Stede stepped out on deck to see what the commotion was about, it was to everyone still standing around Ed, reminding him how he should be sure not to get the dressing on his hand wet, or pick up anything too heavy with that hand, and to be careful to keep it clean. “What’s going on here?”

“Oh, hey, Cap,” Roach said. “Ed got a rope burn.”

Ed kind of lamely held out his injured hand, which still seemed comically disproportionate to the big deal everyone was making out of it. “It’s just a rope burn.”

“Ah.” Stede smiled at Ed’s befuddled expression. “And he’s getting the same treatment Jim got when they got a rope burn last week, I take it?”

Ed ran a finger over the bandages on his hand, only half-listening as they started in with embellishing the story (by the time they finished, Ed had apparently pushed through despite the burn for twenty full minutes, and if you looked, half the rigging was blood-stained). It actually felt a little nice to be fussed over, he thought. He could get used to it.

[edscuntyeyeshadow]

HOLY FUCKING SHITFUCK (rips out hair) HOW IS HE SO FUCKING (rolling around on the floor sobbing) HOW THE FUCK DOES HE. OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP (foaming at the mouth) UGGGHHHHHHHH THE WAY HE JUST (deceased)

[theadhddimsenion]

the three bad dads of helluva boss and how they tie into their sons respective issues.

Let's start with my boy blitz and his ratshit of a father cash! Cash seems to spealize in emotional manipulation and abuse seeing how he basically told the little impling that he would be failing his mother if he didn't do as he said and steal from stolas as well as his likely turning Barbie and fizz on him to cover up his own failure to buy proper safety measures for the circus preying on the emotionally vulnerable fizz who and his limbs blown off by someone who he had though of as a friend and the even more vulnerable Barbie who had just lost her mother and her home so it makes sense that blitz is infamously bad with emotions and refuses to be emotionally vulnerable because for them that had only ever meant that either being abused or exploited or everyone he knew and cared about being burned alive.

Now let's move on to stolas and his shitfuck of a father paimon who contrary to popular belief is NOT good at daddying! He's spealtiy is social position related abuse as he constantly uses his position to force stolas into submission we haven't seen much of him but I'm fairly certain that he pressured stolas into marrying Stella citing some vague noble rule as a threat against him and let's not forget how he basically Barely remembers stolas existence and forced him to suppress his emotions on multiple occasions so this is likely why stolas always struggles with social interaction both with his privileged status and his tendency to retreat under anyone he views as a social equal such as at Ozzie's and with Stella because she's a bitch but she is his social equal not to mention likely being on the spectrum (tbh that could apply all three of these guys).

and last but certainly the least good father let's finish this off with moxxies homophobic craps sack of a dad crimson who is the least subtle with his area of expertise being physically abuse with his constant beatings of moxxie all but garutied with Chaz the party shark was likely the only person who made him feel loved apart from his mother who crim most definitely murdered and when the glorified bowl of soup stabbed him in the back the wild stallion was likely the only person who was there for him and didn't make him feel like shit or tramumtizebhime with horror cranivals.

And with all that said blitz moxxie and stolas are all really alike in many ways, the shitty dads, the not being straight, the theatrics, the horny (moxxie is the only one who keeps it together though he can not keep his hands off his wife) the need to be liked and the trauma most of all!