#so hopefully this will help keep me going

[takeyourcyanide]

they were already incredibly suspicious to me, every last one of those supposed “professionals.” i think I’m more suspicious than I ever was now - somehow that was possible. I’m even more apprehensive, perhaps even fearful.

solidarity between people who want to take psychiatric meds to function and those who don’t.

What’s important is that we both have autonomy, informed consent and safe access to treatments we want, and to not be forced, coerced or pressured into those we don’t.

[messyoungie]

HABITS TO DROP WHEN GETTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER

➝ CREATING UNAUTHENTIC & UNINTENTIONAL GOALS

the biggest mistakes you can make when creating goals is making goals that aren’t true to you and making goals for the sake of making goals.

it can be so exciting when you decide to get your life together. I mean, of course it is! there are so many possibilities! but when you start planning, don’t just write down the goals you see circulating on social media. what works for someone else may not be what works for you. don’t make your goals and habits based on what’s trending or popular in the self improvement community.

think about what you actually need for a minute. what is actually necessary? your goals and habits aren’t here to be glamorous, they’re here to help regardless of how simple or small they are. the point of thinking up new habits is to improve your life, so be intentional with your goals. what will practicing this habit or achieving this goal give you?

when you’re first starting out, your goals don’t have to be anything too crazy or intense. for example, let’s say you want to become a pink pilates girl and get into fitness. you shouldn’t jump right into it and say your goal is to work out for 2 hours 5 times a week. let’s consider some factors first. have you been living a completely sedentary kind of lifestyle? then try looking for exercises that’ll wake up dormant muscles. your goal should then be to repeat those exercises for how ever many times a week. then you’ll work your way up from there. (it’s important we don’t harm the body, so be mindful with your fitness goals.) what about your schedule? how much time can you actually give to working out? can your body even endure working out for that long?

anyways, hopefully you see what I mean. when creating goals, it’s not about having the “aesthetic” habits and goals that you may see on tiktok or tumblr. it’s about doing what is actually good for you and what’ll help you the most with where you are now in your journey. so please put some thought into your goals and where they’ll take you. creating unauthentic and unintentional habits will also mean you’ll be less likely to keep practicing them after a few times. at the end of the day, that doesn’t help you achieve anything and you’re left with a broken promise you’ve made to yourself. which leads me to my next point…

➝ NOT KEEPING YOUR WORD WHEN IT COMES TO YOU

let me start off by saying this— if you don’t even listen to yourself, why should anyone else? (harsh, ik)

a HUGE reason as to why people have no self confidence is because they don’t listen to themselves or keep the promises they’ve made to themselves. if you have no self trust, how could you have any self confidence?

now, building discipline can definitely be a challenge so if you want to start somewhere easy, nip your false promises in the bud and stop yourself from making them. that’s what I did when I was first trying to stop this habit. when my addiction to tiktok was at its peak I would always tell myself the usual “ten more minutes and then I’ll stop scrolling.” when I wanted to stop making false promises, I knew I had no control or discipline so the only thing I could do is be real with myself. I’d cut myself off when I heard myself say “five more minutes” because I knew it wasn’t going to happen. if I wasn’t going to quit my bad habit, then the least I could do is be honest with myself.

the things that you are constantly telling yourself, whether they’re mindless or intentional, matter.

so, stop telling yourself seemingly harmless lies. unnecessary false promises that you know are false will only fill you with tension.

➝ SEEING FAILURE AS AN INVITATION TO GIVE UP

this applies to so many things.

you wanted to be consistent with your reading goals but haven’t read a chapter in a week? dont give up. don’t tell yourself that being consistent is too hard for you, that since you missed a week this habit isn’t for you. make your goal a bit easier or give yourself another chance.

you wanted to spend more time doing art but it’s not turning out how you expected? dont give up. dont give yourself the title of a “bad artist” and never pick up a pencil again. move forward, give yourself another chance.

you wanted to quit your Instagram addiction but after a couple days you went back to scrolling for hours on ig reels? Don’t give up. dont tell yourself that this addiction isn’t gonna go away, don’t go back to the bad habit because you slipped up. give yourself another chance.

I think a lot of us (myself included) tend to give up at the first sign of failure, instead of reminding ourselves to keep going. it’d be wonderful if you could get it right on the first try. if you could read ten books a month right away after not reading a book in three years. if you could watch hours worth of tutorials and sketch the perfect portrait on the first attempt. if you could uninstall instagram for good and never feel the urge to go back. that would all be so amazing, but it’s not always the reality. expect the best from yourself and do the best you can, but also give yourself some compassion. keep in mind that you won’t always do things perfectly right away and that’s one thousand percent okay. when you feel yourself slipping up on your brand new goal, don’t end it there at the first failure. allow yourself to move forward, because the only other direction to move is backwards.

[cameronsprincess]

hot cocoa with rafe “give me attention” and “that was kinda hot” fluff or smut

i like this combination🙂‍↕️

CW: fluff w a sprinkle of smut, bsf!rafe x bsf!reader, heated kissing, thigh riding, praise.

note: i’m not sure how i feel about this, hopefully y’all like it! i went the best friend route with this, hopefully that’s okay🤠

5k moodboard/blurbs m.list

“rafe!” you huff, throwing one of the small throw pillows on his bed at his face and crossing your arms over your chest.

he lowers his phone into his lap, a small smirk on his face. “what’s up, princess?”

you roll your eyes, letting out a deep breath. you’d been at his house for over an hour now, and he hasn’t paid you any attention, choosing to keep his face buried in his phone instead. he was your best friend, and you knew it wasn’t fair of you to demand attention, but he called you over, saying he’d wanted to see you, so it was only fair he paid attention to you. right?

“give me attention, or else i’m gonna go home.”

rafe locks his phone, setting it on his desk face down before standing from the chair he was in. he slowly steps toward you, sitting himself on the side of his bed, the mattress dipping from his weight.

“alright, alright. ‘m sorry, i just… i’ve been dealing with a lot, you know? i’ll be taking over my dads company soon and he’s been riding my ass harder than usual,” he pauses, his large hand gripping at your forearm and uncrossing your arms, grasping one of your hands in his. “you know i’ve missed you, princess. that’s why i called you over.”

you can’t help the blush that covers your cheeks, a small smile creeping onto your lips. you slowly intertwine your fingers with his, rubbing soothing circles around the back of his hand with your thumb. rafe’s eyes land on yours, his hand lightly squeezing yours as he gives you a small smile back.

“rafe, you know i love you, and i’m sorry your dads been riding you so hard… but why’d you call me over if you should be focusing on learning the ins and outs of the business right now? its obvious that’s where all your attention is right now, and it’s okay! i understand, i just-”

rafe’s lips land on yours, momentarily shutting you up. you melt into the kiss, heat enveloping your body as you scoot yourself closer to him. rafe was your best friend, you were just friends, but you were friends who sometimes found yourselves crossing that line that separates your friendship from your feelings. and truth be told, you were in love with rafe, but you knew he didn’t feel the same, he didn’t want to ruin what the two of you had, so you kept your mouth shut, locked away your feelings and allowed things to continue on the way they were.

rafe releases your hand, wrapping his strong arms around your waist and pulling you into his lap. he never breaks his lips from yours, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips, tangling his tongue with yours. his hands grip tightly at your ass, pulling a desperate moan from you, your hips unconsciously grinding against him.

“i wanted you here to help me take my mind off the company, i needed a distraction, and who better than you to help turn my mind off, even if just for a minute.” rafe rasps against your lips.

you laugh, running your hands over his buzzed head, your lips leaving a soft kiss to them before pushing back slightly. “what do you need? anything, i just want you to relax.”

rafe quirks a brow, the left side of his mouth titling in a sinful smirk, one that makes your heart stutter in your chest.

“you grinding on me just now was kinda hot,” he pauses, lifting you off his lap. he gently sets your feet on the ground, his fingertips pushing into the waistband of your cotton shorts, pushing until they’re down your legs. he sucks in a sharp breath seeing you aren’t wearing any panties, “fuck, princess. you come over here hoping we’d fuck or what?”

you slap his chest playfully, your eyes rolling as you tell him to shut up. he chuckles, grabbing at your hips and pulling you back onto his lap. he situates you on his thigh, his fingers digging into your hips so hard you’re sure they’ll bruise. rafe begins guiding your hips, rubbing your bare cunt against his jean covered thigh. you moan at the feel of rough denim rubbing against your aching clit, arousal dripping from your hole and soaking his jeans.

“ride my thigh, princess. get yourself off like this, that’ll make me feel better, to watch you get pleasure just like this..”

you open your mouth to speak but his lips are on yours, making anything you wanted to say die on your tongue. rafe kisses you like his life depends on it, swallowing every whimper and moan of his name that falls past your pretty lips.

you press your pussy harder into his thigh, rolling your hips and grinding against him, chasing the release he wants you to have. rafe digs his fingers into your hips harder, making you cry out into his mouth, “rafe! fuck, feels so.. so good..” you whisper against his lips.

rafe nips at your bottom lip, dragging it out with his teeth before releasing it, pressing his sweat slick forehead against yours, “i know baby, i know.. come on, be a good girl and make a mess on my thigh.”

you pick up the pace, grinding yourself against him faster, harder. your clit brushes deliciously against the rough fabric of his jeans making your pussy clench and unclench around nothing.

“rafe! ‘m so close.. gonna.. oh shit, rafe!” you cry out, heat coiling in your lower belly, clit pulsing before bright, white light clouds your vision. you fall forward, your face buried in the crook of his neck as you tremble in his hold, your orgasm rushing through you in waves.

“that’s it, princess. make a fucking mess, such a good girl f’me aren’t you?”

you press your lips against his neck, leaving soft kisses on the skin as your body continues to shake, arousal gushing from you and soaking your inner thighs and rafe’s jeans. finally, your body falls limp in his hold, your chest heaving as you try and catch your breath from the intense orgasm.

rafe kisses the top of your head, loosening his hold on your hips and pulling you from his lap. he lays you in his bed, pulling the blanket over the lower half of your body, “look at that, made such a mess on me, princess.” he kisses the top of your head, “that was kinda hot.. thank you.”

you hum in response, your eyes fluttering as you start to fall asleep, exhaustion taking over your body. “of course, you’re my best friend, i’d do anything for you.”

tagging some moots: @starkeysbabygirl @oceandriveab @rafeyscurtainbangs @rafesthroatbaby @starkeysprincess @starkeyisthelastname @rafesangelita @nemesyaaa @rafesvalentine @cherrygirlfriend @babygorewhore @bloodibambiidoll @sturnioloshacker

[chocoqtelle]

inner child pac reading

🦀 pile one,,

I know we're used to being super helpful, but it's good to help yourself too. you should always make sure you're okay first. It's important for us to be okay, even if other people don't think so. we should think so. things are gonna be okay for us. they always are. I want to do the things we like. I don't understand why you care about what people think now. I think we should try doing what we like more, even if it's embarrassing. it doesn't have to take a lot of time. it's just good to have fun sometimes. maybe you can get back into some of our old interests if you want?

it seems like this pile had to mature quickly and was overly generous in childhood. this likely led to some people pleaser habits. when the world said "be nice" and "care about others" you took it to heart, but it felt like you were the only one who did. you felt like you had to be the adult in your childhood and care for other people around you. for some of you, you may have had to care for a parental/older familiar figure or your siblings. you're used to changing your words and your personality to be more digestible and gentle because this strong fear of conflict. you were scared of people being mean to you, so you avoided making anyone mad. it was like you were always tiptoeing over eggshells. now, you don't have to, so there's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about you. you'd be doing yourself and your inner child a favor by doing what you want. it might feel wrong to be yourself, but at least try. I won't delve too much into this part, but I believe some people in this pile also dealt with being oversexualized or being hyper sexual at a young age. I think it's important to know you're more than what you can give others for this pile. please also take a break for the love of god.

🐸 pile two,,

It's hard to feel loved if nobody shows you. at the same time, i don't think I'd want to be loved. it seems weird and uncomfortable. I'm not used to it so it's scary. I still wish that someone would care at least. it feels like nobody else cares. I'm really tired of things being silent and boring all the time. I want to do something fun. I want friends but I want to be by myself. people think I'm weird, but I think they're the weird ones. they can avoid me but I wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyway. it doesn't matter if it's lonely, I don't feel less lonely around people anyway. some people think I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. i heard I look mean or I act mean sometimes, but what if that's just who I am? I don't try to be mean to people. I just don't want people to hurt me.

holy neglect trauma... there's a lot to unpack here 😓 first off, I hope you're alright. it seems like this pile never really learned how to interact with people and is probably still a bit of a people hater. this pile has had to keep strong boundaries and walls on to protect themselves from unfamiliar experiences (being spoken to positively.) if you've never experienced something, it can be scary but you have to stop thinking every little thing is gonna go wrong in your life. it's fine. separate note but I think someone's ancestors are very present here, might want to connect with them if you don't already. you can try to shut down the feelings of loneliness and pretend connection won't help but it does. you're probably not connected with your inner child or you're ashamed of yourself for some reason. trying to be cold won't undo anything or save you from the feelings you're hiding. you'll have to acknowledge them at some point. escapism and forcing ignorance wont help forever. hopefully it'll be sooner than later, but that's your choice. it's okay to be soft, btw.

🐕 pile three,,

I know what I'm talking about. I'm serious. I wish people would take me more seriously. i get good grades, I study hard, I always prove how smart I am. for some reason, people still act like I'm too young and stupid to have opinions or that what I say is just silly, especially with emotions. they act like having emotions makes you a less rational person. some people look down on me for who I am, too. it's not something I can change. whether it's gender, age, or whatever, people always want an excuse to ignore how I feel or what I have to say. I know I'm right though. I don't want us to stop expressing ourselves. I wanna share how I feel to the world.

this pile is extremely opinionated and knows how to share their emotions. this pile is for the "bossy" kids who "should have been lawyers" or "a CEO" according to every adult around them. you were emotional as a child and it was always ignored or joked off as if your feelings were invalid. this pile is definitely natural-born leaders so if you aren't/never have been aspiration-driven or "extra" this pile probably isn't yours. the most healing thing you can do for yourself at this point is speak up. continue to speak about everything. share your opinion more, it's safe now and people will actually take you seriously. be emotional, be too much, be annoying, be talkative, be over-opinionated, be everything you feel like being and don't let anyone talk you out of it. lead your life how you want to. call everything out, even if it means being weird. I definitely feel like some people in this pile had the gifted kid experience or liked to read a lot when they were younger. there's also some unresolved anger that might need to be taken care of. I think speaking up more instead of bottling feelings up will definitely help that, though. you're not stupid or weak for being emotional. just be yourself unapologetically and that's the best thing you can do for your younger self.

[evolutionsvoid]

Danger comes in all sizes in the natural world, as everything fights for survival. While it is obvious to see why larger beasts can pose a threat to others, the smaller specimens tend to be ignored. Folks tend to have a bias when it comes to evaluating the danger levels of a species, paying more attention to the titanic creatures or those with obvious weaponry. For little critters like the leontophone, the danger is not apparent and how can such a tiny thing be a problem? A foolish, and possibly deadly, mistake to make! For it is the small creatures that tend to pack some of the nastiest surprises, as they have to survive in a world of giants!

The leontophone is a creature I feel many people would see in the wild and promptly forget about. They are but a mere rodent, with the only thing standing out is their spotted coat and fancy crest of hair. Most folk would just say "oh, look at that lil fella!" and then move on, which honestly, is probably for the best. If this creature was any more exciting or cute looking, then the chances of someone trying to pick it up or play with it would go up considerably. And so would this rat's kill count.

Closer inspection of the leontophone would show barbed hairs running along its back and hidden in its crest. While they are irritating to skin and even capable of piercing hide, those alone aren't the danger tied to them. The real weapon of this rodent is the fact that it is absurdly poisonous. The leontophone doesn't make this toxin itself, rather it pulls it from the plants it feeds on. They will chew on toxic vegetation and then smear it on their body, where spongy hairs soak up the poison. The leontophone feeds on a wide variety of plants, seemingly having a taste for those with noxious defenses and toxins. As a result, they have a cocktail of poisons covering their body, and the barbed hairs help deliver it to any predator who gets too close or makes the mistake of biting them. Those who come in contact can get sick or die, depending on the dose and what plants the rodent has recently fed upon. Due to this, most predators don't mess with them, to the point where they gained this very intimidating name. It may seem absurdly dramatic, but know that this critter is not to be tangled with. Even its urine is toxic!

While outsiders may not think much about a maned rat, locals know quite well to steer clear of them. They make sure to keep the leontophone away from their homes and villages, as accidental contact with one still leads to poisoning and possibly death. Even their shed hairs or waste left behind can be dangerous, so it is best that they aren't allowed near people. That being said, while they can be seen as deadly pests, folk have found some use for them. Mainly, helping them live up to their name! Lions and other predators can be an issue when it comes to one's livestock or their own safety. Thus, the poisons of a leontophone are utilized in taking out these unwanted carnivores. They will take a dead rat and carefully burn its flesh and hair. The ash is then sprinkled onto meat, which is then set out like bait. Any meat eater that feeds on it will surely perish (regardless if they were the intended target it or not, which is where I have issues with this strategy). Live leontophone may also be used to anoint weapons with deadly poisons, often used on arrowheads. These little rats are already killers, just imagine the body count they must have if you included everyone felled by the weapons that bear their toxins!

So keep it in mind the next time you are in the region and see a funky little rat scurry through the underbrush! Watch where you walk and keep your hands to yourself! And don't eat meat that is just laying about! There is a high chance that is meant for something else! I mean, and also the fact that eating random meat left out is pretty bad in its own right. Hopefully everyone is smart enough to see that and not go "Ooooo! Free ground meat!" But as experience has told me, there is always someone out there dumb enough to prove you wrong on those assumptions. So yeah, don't eat the bait meat.

Chlora Myron

Dryad Natural Historian

[thezombieprostitute]

The Arrangement - Part 12

Summary: Jake's done a lot of things to keep his sister, and then his niece, safe from his parent's influence and manipulation. If he wants to keep them safe, he has to marry you.

Warnings: Anxiety, Bad parents and siblings, Talking about abuse. Let me know if I missed any!

Part 11 - Part 13

Series Masterlist

It had been just over a week since your wedding. You and Jake have improved your communication. He's also managed to really set himself up in the home theater where he'd spent that first night. Apparently one thing your parents got right was the massive pair of recliners specifically for that room. Jake swears they're more comfortable than most of the beds he's slept on over the years. It makes you feel better about taking the master bedroom for yourself. Clay had visited again bringing a few duffel bags of Jake's things, including his computer. The massive screen for the theater worked really well for his setup.

While you were cooking, Clay had made sure to update Jake on the status of his family. Things were working pretty well, but there were going to be a lot of paper trails to hide so that they couldn't be followed. Or at least, not followed easily. Aisha and Cougar had both caught a couple of people following his family around that were confirmed to be employed by his parents. Hopefully now that Jake had his computer he could get some better intel on the parents' finances and connections.

But you weren't privy to that update. Jake and Clay agreed it was safer to keep you in the dark about the details. Though Jake didn't doubt your sincerity, there were still too many unknowns about you.

You really didn't mind that they got quiet whenever you were near. Your mind was already at maximum anxiety with Travis, your brother, still being in the Intensive Care Unit. Your parents had been acting unusually as the week progressed and Travis didn't get better. According to the police report he'd been seen drinking heavily with friends before trying to drive home. Usually one of his friends would be the designated driver and keep everyone's keys but, somehow, Travis had gotten his keys.

And now your parents seemed to be readjusting their life plans, and yours as well. The one time you were allowed to visit the hospital you'd overheard your parents murmuring about "he can't be seen like this," "he'll be seen as weak," and other similar thoughts. It made you worried you and Jake would be even more under their scrutiny, set to even higher standards. Your breath hitched as you realized they may demand a grandchild to help change the public perception of the family to one of hope or something like that.

You and Jake were getting ready for your first public event as a couple. You're helping Jake pick out the right suit while doing your best to answer his questions about what to expect, what is appropriate conversation, how much both of you needed to talk to others before you could leave. You know you're missing things. Jake does, too. But neither of you can think of the questions to ask so you establish a silent signal for help. Jake squeezes your hand three times and you either step in or whisper some advice in his ear. It's not a great system, but it's all you can do for now.

Jake hates how he looks in all of this but he knows it's not about him or his comfort. At least he doesn't have to wear the torture device you call a dress. The thing looks impossibly tight on you. He's worried about your ability to breathe. And the stiletto heels have you warning him you'll be on his arm all night to help you keep your balance. Jake actually takes comfort in that because he really doesn't want to be left alone at this event. Probably any event, but this first one especially.

As the car pulls up Jake takes a deep breath and you attempt the same.

"We can do this, right?" He says quietly.

"I believe we can," you nod. You gently squeeze his hand in reassurance like you did that first morning with the parents.

He nods, "let's do this."

As soon as he's able Jake is out of the car and opening your door for you. The last time he did so you were scared of each other. Now you make sure to give him a small smile of thanks as he takes your hand. The elevator ride to the party is as quiet as the one you took together your wedding night, but less oppressively so. It isn't until the elevator doors open that you both put on your fake smiles. Both of you taking small comfort in the fact that neither of you is suffering alone.

After the first couple hours Jake is ready to punch someone, anyone, just so he can be forced to leave since he's not allowed out yet. He's incredibly grateful you insisted on eating a little something beforehand. The food here is barely edible and dissolves faster than cotton candy. He hates the wine? Champagne? Whatever the hell it is, he hates the taste of it but, in following your lead, he knows he has to at least sip often enough to warrant a replacement glass every 30 minutes or so. Jake was grateful to have your weight on his arm to help keep him grounded.

Especially when Charles Blackwood, a "friend" of his from high school, showed up. Charles had been nothing but a leech throughout all of high school but Jake was desperate for some kind of friendship.

"Jacob! Where have you been?" Charles holds out his hand and Jake grips it firmly.

"I've been okay, Charles. You?"

"Holy crap, you're married now? Is that why you finally came out of hiding?"

"Sort of," he admits.

He goes to introduce you but Charles stops him. "I know this lovely lady quite well," he admits. You avert your eyes. "We were engaged for some time."

"You were?"

"Didn't she tell you?" Charles smirks. "Would've been married for two years now if her parents hadn't stepped in."

"For once I'm glad they did," you interject. "You're a conman who shouldn't be here."

Charles gives a small laugh, "well look who finally grew up. Too bad you didn't pick up on what was going on before I got you into bed." Your cheeks burn with embarrassment. "How are those dolphin projects going?"

"Sharks," Jake snipes. "Her focus was on sharks."

"Ooo, nerd standing up for nerd. How cute."

"You need to leave us alone," Jake fumes. "She is my wife and I won't let you insult her."

Charles scoffs, "since when can you fight?"

"Since boot camp."

That gives Charles pause. He searches Jake's face for tells that he's lying but finds none.

"Yeah, alright," Charles concedes. "Just don't ruin this party for me. Lots of other potential targets."

As soon as he was out of hearing range you let out a breath. "I'm so sorry," your voice quavers. "I should have...I should have told you."

"Told me what? That your ex-fiance is an asshole? That's not something you need to divulge."

"No...that...that I'm not..."

Jake leans in so that you're the only one who hears him. "You're more than just your virginity status. I'm sorry your first time was with him, he doesn't seem the type to make your pleasure a priority, but I'm not upset that you've had sex before."

You take as deep a breath as you can to steady yourself. "Thank you for that."

"So, can we leave the party yet?"

You check Jake's watch, trying not to be obvious about it. "We've got at least another half hour."

"When we do get out of here, would you be up for going out for some real food?"

You chuckle, "maybe delivery? Or take out? I'm not going to be able to eat much in this dress."

"Fair. And thank you for helping me get through all of this."

"Thank you for listening to my advice," you counter.

"Always," Jake affirms.

Part 11 - Part 13

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @ashdoctor; @delicatebarness; @ellethespaceunicorn; @embarrasingmf;

@irishhappiness; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82;

@ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

.

Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[igglemouse]

Lets start this day with some big news! Our little Flora is officially too big for her crib which means she's grown some! They do grow fast, don't they? It's almost hard to keep up!

Just look at her! My little princesa! She's wiggling and cooing and happy as can be and what else is there to say? I'm soaking in the moment with her and have little else to say. I just feel so lucky and fortunate and I know I keep saying this but all my love is for her right now!

I would have played with her a little more but I think all that growing wore her out, as it tends to do, so I would let her have her nap and whip up a pizza! Pizzas are easy to make thankfully and this one will just be a regular classic pepperoni as you can't go wrong with that. I think I do make a pretty good pizza pie! That's amore!

I think the scent of pizza brings Pascal to the kitchen but when he arrives he's looking a little sad. I admit, the frown on his face makes me forget for a moment that he's been oogling models in his spare time and I can't wait to offer my emotional support.

"What's wrong?" I ask, putting aside his wandering eyes for just a moment. I bet it has something to do with futbol, usually if he's sad that is why, but I can't ignore one significant difference about him. "You umm, forget to shave?"

"That's just it, my razor broke and I might have to go out like this," he looks so disheartened even as he rubs the new beard that now adorns his face.

"You look great! In fact, I'd say keep it!"

"Well, if you say so."

I can't help but chuckle at how dramatic he's being. "You look fine either way! Actually, I think it suits you! You're a daddy now and it matures you some."

"I guess it's not so bad..." he mumbles although the frown on his face doesn't budge. I remind him that there is fresh pizza in the kitchen so if that doesn't make him feel a little better than I don't know what will.

I've decided not to bring up the model oogling just yet. Eventually, yes, but right now I just don't feel it is the right time. I've thought a lot about it last night but I want to keep those thoughts to the side, not let them consume me. He's a man. I know, that's a poor excuse, but it is also the truth. It is also the truth that really I'm still very very very much into him and that right now is enough for me to set it aside and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Instead, my mind drifts to bigger things, longer term things, another baby kind of things and maybe, hopefully, a proposal. Yeah, the big M. I can't help but wonder when it will happen or...if it will happen.

I'll be honest, I probably would've spent the rest of the night overthinking about Pascal's liking history on Simstagram but the moment I see Flora's little face it grounds me completely. She's the result of our passion and love and I won't throw that away on a whim. Feeding her, holding her, playing with her reminds me of what truly matters.

Oh! She loves to hiccup! That makes her a hiccuper? It's the most adorable thing, it's a squeaky little sound and whenever she does it she almost looks confused as if she's asking 'did I do that?' and I have to remind her to have manners! A little lady doesn't go around hiccuping at others after all!

And I love her so much that I am taking her everywhere I go in my little carrier. Thankfully, she's a quiet one and she's pretty calm about being carried around. Only wriggling and cooing here and there and hopefully taking in what will hopefully be her home for many years to come.

Oh! Also, as I'm out and about, I notice that people are recognizing me? Nothing major, a few waves and hellos along with my name "Frida!" and I can't help but wonder is it from my food stand or me new growing SimTube channel? Either way, it does feel nice to be noticed! There's even a fellow food stand chef who offered me a free hotdog but I had to decline because Flora started to whine and flail, her way of wanting to go back home I think.

Oh, and Pascal did spend time with Flora after he came back from a game. I SWEAR she was giving him the side-eye. I might have ummm vented to her about the traveling eyes of men. Not that she could understand a word I've said but maybe, just maybe, she picked up on it in my tone...or it could be she's unsure of him because she really doesn't get to see him too much, he's always working, after all.

Meanwhile, in the poorer part of town, Sara and Simón were curled up together in his humble trailer. He had called her over saying that there was something important they needed to discuss but it didn't end up being much of a conversation. Instead, he simply asked for her loyalty and her love.

She wanted to, she wanted him to be the one, Watcher how she wanted to. He could be her escape, her distraction, her addiction, her everything, how she wanted every bit of that, but she knows oft times the heart doesn't get what it wants. The brain though, the brain can be a lot more realistic with its desires.

"I know what you are," she said suddenly, the realization blowing past her like a chill breeze. Her hands roamed his chest, the tips of her fingers searching for something, reassurance, maybe? The mystery of him perhaps, the missing puzzle piece that would make this thing between them work.

"I know you'd figure it out," his reply was quiet and his voice heavy. He wasn't shocked. He wouldn't deny it or talk her out of it. He couldn't run from his past like Frida because he had become his past and now as he looked at Sara he wondered if she could ever be part of his future. If she should. The danger he could put her through..."So, what do you think?"

"I don't want this to end," she decided, the words surprising even herself. Maybe, just maybe, he was worth the risk. Love is always worth the risk...

Frida Varela - Next Episode 9.5

[ramblingautisticman]

A Gift In The Making

Chapter 1 - Decorating In November

Summary : Logan has a problem. What the fuck does he get Wade for Christmas?

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3.)

(Okay, so I'm pretty excited about this little fic! Hopefully everyone enjoys it! Not sure when the next chapter will be out, but I know the last one will be out on Christmas Day! Anyway, enjoy, and link to the A03 version in is in the title!)

--------------------------------------------------------

Logan had left Wade in bed at roughly 9am, getting up to let Mary Puppins out to pee and by the time he got back, Logan was met with Wade decorating the apartment for Christmas. In November.

They had moved in a week ago- had all their belongings still in boxes- but apparently he had found the Christmas stuff.

Music was playing softly in the background as Wade stood in the corner of the living room, hanging ornaments on a tall pine tree (that he really hoped was plastic), humming along to the whatever festive song was playing.

"You uh...you know it's not even December yet, right princess?" He asked as he stepped inside and closed the door, placing Mary down on the floor, watching as she ran over to Wade's feet.

"Peanut! Your back! And yes, I know it isn’t December yet, but who doesn't love the festive spirit? Plus, this is your first Christmas here, and our first Christmas together, so I wanted to get a head start on it! Also, I may have seen a tiktok where someone put their decorations up and I instantly needed to put our tree up." Wade rambled, kneeling down to pet Mary's head, then standing back up and walking over to Logan with a huge smile on his face.

And okay, initially he was thinking of telling Wade to take it down for atleast a few more weeks, but he looks so happy that he couldn't bring himself to do so. "Well- it looks good. I like the tinsel." He comment, kissing Wade briefly on the lips before heading into the kitchen and grabbing a soda from the fridge.

He had been sober for a good 4 months now, and Logan wasn't planning on breaking that anytime soon. Wade made it easier, helped when he had a rough day, and they kept alot of soda in the fridge so he could have something in a can. It helped, having something familiar.

"You know, you've never mentioned anything about celebrating holidays. You better celebrate Christmas- if you don't because of religious reasons or whatever, fine- but I'm keeping my decorations up. It took me years to collect all of them!" Wade's voice brought him away from his thoughts, opening the can with a small chuckle, looking up at the other.

"I'm not religious. I don't think I could be living with you- I'd be going to hell if I was." He joked, sipping on his soda before leaning against the counter behind him. "Anyway, I do like Christmas. Just- haven't celebrated in awhile. That's all. Never really had anyone to celebrate with after....everything." Logan added on quietly, looking away.

It was still hard to talk about- his X-Men and what happened to them- but he was getting better. He didn't have a panic attack when people mentioned them now, and he could bring them up himself without feeling sick, which he thought was progress.

Christmas had always been a big deal in the mansion. Mostly for the kids- the ones who didn't have anywhere else to go. The team always made sure that they got to have a christmas like any other kid- getting them each a few presents that they wanted- and showed them that they always had a family here. No matter what.

Logan had never thought about celebrating Christmas after they died, or any other event for that matter. Birthdays, Halloween, Christmas- they had all been such happy funfilled events with the whole school that they left a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he thought of them.

But here he was, a new family and a new home, people to celebrate with. It had been strange, having people to do that with.

They celebrated everything together. Birthdays, Halloween, and anything else that gave them a reason to all gather at Wade's place and eat pizza. Why wouldn't Christmas be the same?

"Well....we don't have to celebrate. If you don't want too- I don't mind. I can deal with it like the big boy I am- but I do expect you to watch some 90 Day Fiance with me as thanks to my understanding." Wade teased, hoping to lighten the mood as he moved to stand infront of Logan, gently wrapping his arms around the others neck.

Logan smiled alittle, looking back towards Wade's eyes, and placing his free hand on his waist. "No- we can celebrate. Just haven't in awhile, that's all. Makes me remeber celebrating with the team...but, I will be very happy to spend Christmas with you and your friends." He said softly, kissing Wade with a smile, slowly pulling away after a second. "Plus, you seem very excited.....and I really don't want to watch that crap again." Logan added, a smirk on his face.

"They are OUR friends Peanut. And yeah- it's always been my favourite holiday. Ever since I was a kid. It was the one day I got a break from my asshole dad, because my family would come over and he couldn't yell at me with guests there. Anyway- away from the angsty headcannons the author clearly wants to insert- do you wanna help me put the rest of the lights on the tree?" Wade asked with a kiss to Logan's cheek, moving away and towards the living room again. "Also, that show is hilarious and you should love it!"

For the rest of November, they would cuddle on the couch under the Christmas tree lights, watching reruns of Golden Girls on the TV that was surrounded by small decorations.

And as Christmas got closer and closer (and by closer and closer, Logan means 3 weeks away), Wade got to planning the big day itself, running everything past Logan as he did.

"So, Laura said she wants to come over Christmas Eve and stay the night- which I'm all for! I'm thinking we can watch movies and eat cookies and it'll be awesome!" "Do you think Al would like a new TV for Christmas?" "We need to get Mary Puppins an ugly Christmas sweater Peanut!"

It seemed never ending, but Logan could see how much this all meant to Wade, so Logan agreed with whatever his partner wanted. He didn't mind what they did, as long as their family were over. Plus, he was alittle distracted with something himself.

He didn't know what to get Wade. At all.

Logan had already gotten everyone else presents (Wade had dragged him to the mall the second week of November), with most of them being from Wade and Logan as joint gifts, but Wade was different. Wade needed something special.

This was their first Christmas together and Wade had done so much for him over this past 10 months, letting him move in with him and teaching him to love again- so Logan wanted (needed) to find a gift that showed how much he cared for him. How much he appreciated everything Wade had done.

And you'd think, well Wade likes so many things, shouldn't that be easy? And the answer would be no. No it wasn't.

Half of the things Wade liked were either kids shows, or weapons, and Logan really wasn't sure how he could get a meaningful gift that involved both bluey and a pistol.

Thankfully, after another week if thinking, he got an idea.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing my Mind over Veilguard 4/??

I think what's killing me the most is this "have your cake and eat it, too" mentality EA-as-Bioware has ushered in with this game.

To try and perfectly walk the line of giving old fans what they wanted/deserved and new fans something to just jump into was a tall fucking order given that they fired so many writers, and I personally feel like they fell way short.

Part of that, I think, comes from the fact that while it's certainly helpful to play Origins and then DA2 before you reach Inquisition (I'm speaking as someone who played the games backwards), I don't think Inquisition left off as a complete story the way the first two did. We had a world on the brink and pieces on the board that had so much personal stake in staying on it until Solas was handled. We had, whether the head devs wants to accept their failures regarding it or not, an entire Keep of previous choices that could have and should have informed the world going forward. I'm not saying it was sustainable to keep raising the stakes on those choices. I am saying, however, that with the time it took to get this game to us, more than three sanitized choices deserved to matter before Bioware closed the chapter on its strongest line of storytelling and moved on to RPG Lite. To give that up, to choose a new and uncertain fan base over an already dedicated one, is disappointing.

And to that end, even if we weren't going to get the Inquisitor again (which, at this point, I'm kind of thinking we should have, even if just for parts of it), I had near-constant exhaustion finding a shred of story that connected us to the previous games and then realizing it had been done in an unsatisfying way (hi, Dorian/Isabella/MORRIGAN).

I wouldn't have cared if this had been its own standalone game. There were parts of it I enjoyed, and I'm sure I'll be here shouting about those things too, soon enough. But the fact is that for every thing I appreciate about the game there are about ten more that make me mourn the nine years I spent eager to see what was coming next.

TLDR: You cannot show me a watered-down game that stands on the shoulders of stronger writing, plot, narrative, characters, etc. and the built world and depth of three previous games and multiple supplementary written works, and then expect me to be wholly accepting of the result. Veilguard gutted the rich body of work that came before it, threw enough bone shrapnel into the mix to keep people desperate to see a conclusion to events that had been building up for in-game years hanging on, and then discarded the rest with a casual sort of "deal with it, we're making way for the new" attitude.

Welcome to the new, I guess.

I intentionally waited a few days after finishing the game to sift through everything and not just rage-post immediately, so hopefully this comes across as relatable to those on a similar page and not as me telling you that you should hate the game too if you in fact are very happy with it. (Put another way: I'm not here to change minds, I'm here to scream into the ether)

[sunarots]

BETTER THAN REVENGE! ━━━ tooru oikawa & rintarou suna

16. breakthrough ♡

Rin leans back against his car with a lit cigarette between his lips, an arm draped around your neck to keep you close. You anxiously keep your vape as close to your mouth as possible, taking a hit whenever you feel your anxiety rise. Atsumu paces back and forth in front of the two of you, stumbling into the way of pedestrians repeatedly. He has one airpod in, listening to the instrumentals you'd pieced together.

Rin pulls the cigarette away and blows the smoke over his shoulder before looking back to you. "We got you. Just like always. Okay, babe?"

Sighing, you nod your head and flash him a weak smile. "Yeah. Okay. We got this," you repeat under your breath, leaning further into him. "Thanks."

He shrugs his shoulders and goes to speak, stopping himself when he notices the approaching couple. Atsumu stops in his tracks, resting his hands on his hips before turning to the pair of you. "Well, if it ain't Charles and Camilla. Ya wearing yer revenge dress?"

You can't help but laugh at Atsumu's comment, shielding your smile with your free hand. You turn fully to face Oikawa and Emiko, stuffing your vape in the pocket of your jeans before grasping onto Rin's hand. "Hey!" You pray your fake smile says it all, gesturing to the cafe. "Ready?"

"Yes! Let's go!" Emiko tugs on Oikawa's hand and immediately leads the way inside.

Rin stubs out the cigarette on the roof of his car before flicking it into the bin, grimacing at the thought of what’s about to happen. You follow the others towards a table hidden around the corner, Emiko instantly excusing herself and Atsumu so they could get everyone's drinks. Rather, her blocking his path to the table so he had no choice but to follow her away.

You slip into the seat opposite Oikawa, Rin falling into place by your side once again. You lean back in your seat, clasping your hands together and resting them on the table. "So, how's the show? You like the script?"

Oikawa laughs awkwardly, running a hand through his hair and slumping back in his seat. "Yeah. It's interesting. Different."

"Not too different, though," you quickly point out, moving one of your hands to grab Rin's beneath the table. "For you, anyway. Emiko's a great actress. Really smiley and bubbly, but being able to play such a messed up role is impressive. Though, you are the expert."

Rin covers her mouth with his free hand, clearing his throat and adverting his gaze from Oikawa as he sinks lower into his seat.

"Oh, well... That is the job of an actor." He leans forward in his seat, running a hand down his face. "Um, how's the album coming?"

Rin smiles, straightening up. "Oh, it's great. We have one last song to record, and then it'll be out. Hopefully soon on streaming platforms."

You nod along, enjoying watching Oikawa's face contort with distress. He looks behind you and sighs in relief, practically jumping out of his chair to assist Emiko and Atsumu with the drinks.

"What're we talking about?" Emiko asks eagerly, accepting Oikawa's hand as he helps her sit.

"Our new album. We're recording the last song tonight, and then it'll be out for streaming soon. Next week, I hope," you explain, taking a prolonged sip from your cup. "Me and Rin are working on a duet. We can't quite place a chorus or bridge that pulls it together, but I'm on the verge of a breakthrough."

"Wow. It's amazing you can predict it." Emiko gapes, tucking her hair back behind her ears. "What brings it on?"

You shrug your shoulders, Atsumu speaking for you, "Oh, she can take inspiration from anything. Especially people. She could probably write a song about ya." He grins, lightly swatting your arm as if to ask did you hear that?

"I bet she could," Oikawa retorts, clearly intended to be internal. He clears his throat and straightens up. "So, will we make a start on this script? What questions do you have about the plot?"

You shake your head. "No, I think we have the plot. You and Emiko are having problems- sorry, I don't know your characters' names. Anyway, you have problems in the marriage, she goes to all lengths to keep you together and stop you from doing all these sleazy things. That's the gist of it, right?"

Oikawa nods along slowly, clenching his jaw. “Just about, yeah.”

Atsumu runs his fingers along his jaw and sighs heavily. “Y’know, I feel like that reminds me of something. Like it’s a film I’ve seen before…”

You start to laugh at his comment, amused by his efforts of making this as uncomfortable for the couple as possible. It’s clearly working, with the way Oikawa looks like he may explode. Before Rin has a chance to add on to his jests, you grab onto his wrist with wide eyes.

“Oh my god. Rin, the song.” You turn away from Oikawa with an eager smile, full focus on your partner. “I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.”

Rin nods along as you hum the tune after, repeating your lyrics in his head. He gasps, snaps his fingers at Atsumu and looks between the two of you. “You say, I gave so many signs. I say, You never gave a warning sign.”

You clap your hands together, looking at Atsumu who’s started the voice recording before opening his notes app to write the lyrics you’ve both quoted. He nods his head, drops his phone to the table and beams at you. “We got it!”

“You’ve done jack shit,” Rin scoffs, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“We would forget if he didn’t do this,” you quickly point out, moving his hand back down to your lap and smiling over at the two sat opposite from you at the table. “I’m so sorry about that. If we didn’t do that now, we’d have forgotten it. Sometimes Atsumu comes in handy.”

“The hell do ya mean sometimes. I’m useful!”

You and Rin both fight back your smiles before exchanging a look. “Debatable.”

masterlist. previous | next

summary. as a world-famous singer, everyone knows everything about all of your relationships. namely, your renowned on-again/off-again relationship with one tooru oikawa. it’s hard not to when every song you write is about him. but no one truly knows all of the gory details of all your dirty breakups, except from the two of you. and after announcing in a drunken red-carpet interview that you never want to see his face again, everyone starts desperately searching for the truth behind your twisted relationship. and just when you think you can escape these rumours, in comes a job opportunity your band can’t turn down.

taglist (open!). @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @iaminyourfloors @rrosiitas @v3nusplanetofluv @draculauracullen @lollbecca @honeytwo @wakashudou @tojirin @makki0s @alexithemiyatic @aboutkiyoomi @hermaeusmorax @theepitomeofswag @qyoongi @esunarint @frootloopscos @kimigiri09 @sweetlyvibe @hhoneyhan @jlly1 @nizaii @mdmraz

[leapingbadger]

Are You Sure That's a Good Idea?

Beautiful gift banner by @lonewolflupe for @galactic-gift-gathering

This is for @noblelightfighter!

Happy Holidays! I hope you like it!

This is my first time doing one of these events so hopefully I'm doing it right.

Prompt: Are You Sure That's a Good Idea?

“Huntah?” Omega asked as she finished her last bite, pushing her plate away.

“Hmm,” he replied, his mouth full of Wrecker’s delicious cooking.

“I was talking to Phee today. She’s going after a new artifact. Asked me to come along and help with the data encryption…I was wondering if…maybe I could…go?” She twisted her napkin in her hands.

Hunter looked up from his plate. Omega’s large brown eyes looked up at his, expectantly, her blond hair falling in her face. He couldn’t help but still see the little girl they had taken off Kamino in those eyes, that face.

His eyes danced as he thought of every possible outcome of a mission with Phee, strategic outcomes and potential problems. But his eyes came back to their little girl, sitting across from him. Not so little anymore.

“Sure, Kid. That’s fine. Just take you bow and make sure you have your comm on at all times.”

“Thank you, Huntah,” she said, scraping back her chair, rounding the table and throwing her arms around his neck. He laughed at her enthusiasm.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Crosshair hissed as Omega danced off to her room.

“What?” Hunter asked, absorbed in cleaning up the plates littering the table.

“Omega treasure hunting with Phee…”

“She’s done it before.” Wrecker interjected with a shrug, shoveling a final, enormous bite into his mouth.

“Not alone,” Crosshair said, his eyes drifting to where Omega had disappeared.

“She’s seventeen, Crosshair. We can’t keep her at home forever.” Hunter said, amused at his brother’s overprotectiveness. He’d often been accused of it over the years. It was nice to see it in someone else.

Crosshair’s lips fell into a thin line as he scowled at his brother. “You can’t seriously be okay with this.”

“I trust Phee, Crosshair. And I trust Omega. She is more than capable of taking care of herself.”

“I trust her too,” Crosshair said, glumly. “I just don’t trust…” He seemed to be searching around for the right words but failing, “the galaxy,” he said lamely.

Hunter clapped him on the shoulder affectionately, “You know this is gunna get worse, right? What happens when she brings home a partner?” he asked with a grin.

“Don’t even joke about that,” Crosshair snapped.

Hunter laughed out loud this time. “She’ll be fine, Crosshair. She’s got this.”

[mouthpoisons]

Something I want to see a lot more of in post-canon fics is Viktor not turning back to human, and still being stuck in full Arcane Harbinger form.

The main reason is for the angst and the drama: the damage is done, and he can't go back to human. He has to navigate his newfound romantic relationship with Jayce while also coming to terms with his transformation-as well as having a LOT of Identity issues and Body Horror-related trauma. (The "mask" literally split his face open. I imagine he probably gets a lot of unpleasant sensations from that.) He also has to learn to curb his newfound Control Freak tendencies and that it's Not Okay to try to turn people into walking soulless automatons just because they were rude to Jayce. (In Viktor's defense, the guy was an asshole who no one would miss.)

Not helping is that Viktor still has some of the unsettling Arcane abilities he developed. They've been greatly weakened, but he still has a limited version of them-and it really only hammers home his lack of humanity.

(Of course, that begs the question: will Viktor come to accept his current form, or will he begin to pursue a more... Cybernetic path in order to feel like himself again? Regardless, Jayce is with him every step of the way-and he'll help in any way he can.)

oh absolutely yes i love this angle so much... i think on the whole, postcanon stuff is hitting a lot more for me if him processing what he did and that dark place he went to also means processing what happened to his body and being comforted through it by jayce (and yknow what, both of their bodies, jayce spent a whole episode in a torture nexus and has been irreperably damaged too and he hasnt really had a moment to sit with it yet). i appreciate a pure fluff magical fix-it and people are drawing such sweet art of them reemerging and vibing in different universes as essentially pre/early show versions of themselves but also theres so much potential for infinite interesting and complex thematics here and i hope people will see the value in exploring The Entire State Of It All. you guys better not forget the message that imperfection is lovable

we have no damn clue what happened to them at the end there and the options truly are limitless. a beautiful fanfic for every possible mood and every possible needed genre of catharsis is hopefully gonna come out of this and i will be Sat and Reading. i want them both to wake up in a meadow just like the one wizard viktor teleported baby jayce to. i want them cosmically entwined in space forever. i want them covered in magical scars and they have matching bad legs and shards of crystal embedded in their hands and they get to adore every inch of their mangled selves and grow old together. i want viktor remaining a cosmic horror with half his face blown off and jayce still showing him infinite unconditional adoration and care

also just insanely potent monsterfucker potential lol. jayce get the hell in there and keep telling him how beautiful he is!!!!! chop chop!!!!!!!!!!!

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 20

Notes: No more updates for this week, everyone! I’ll be away camping with my family for Thanksgiving, so no signal for me. I’ll hopefully be able to update again Friday or Saturday! Hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving/week!!! ^w^

Summary: Rouge, Sonic and Shadow come up with a plan for their next move. Sonic and Shadow share a moment after..

Chapter Select!

Link to my AO3!

Prequels: Something I’m Made For , The 30th

Start:

“Can you please give me some space, Blue?? Chaos..,” Rouge grumbles, Sonic chuckling awkwardly from his spot where he had been leaning over Rouge’s shoulder to see the tiny writing on the laptop.

“Sorry..,” he pulls back, allowing her some room to breathe. The bat sighs to herself, shaking her head in silence. These boys would be the death of her..

Her aquamarine eyes skim over the records from Shadow’s stay in the medical wing, Shadow standing behind her looking them over as well on the opposing side Sonic stands on.

There’s nothing too out of the ordinary from his time in the GUN hospital wing, but the real interesting bit was from what GUN had been recording of, not him, but his counterpart before he disappeared.

The other Shadow.

“So they had been tracking Shadow’s vitals up until he used chaos control,” Rouge explains, pointing at the readings on the screen, “And then he disappeared. The readings are off the chart, so they likely assumed he just shorted out their equipment. Little do they know, he went to a whole other dimension..”

“What are chaos readings typically like when we use chaos control with a real emerald?” Shadow questions, arms crossed as he looks down to the bat.

“Pretty damn high from what I recall, but they’re controlled. These are sporadic. Unpredictable. Like they’re—“

“Colliding with another user’s own chaos energy??” Sonic suggest with a small tilt of his head, both Rouge and Shadow blinking up at him in surprise.

“What?? I can keep up with smart talk,” Sonic huffs with a roll of his eyes before looking to Shadow, “I bet you and Shadow were using Chaos Control at the same time with artificial emeralds, and that’s what caused the convergence.”

Shadow looks at him impressed, Rouge nodding at this and looking back to the screen, “Not a bad theory. I was kinda thinking the same thing..”

“So if that’s the case, wouldn’t we just need to get them both to use chaos control at the same time again to switch them back??” Sonic asks, looking between the two.

“Not that simple. How are we suppose to get the our Shadow on board with this plan if he’s in a different world??” Rouge mutters with a frown, honestly feeling at least a little relieved that their Shadow is most likely out there somewhere now and not gone from existence altogether.

“Not to mention, it could just tear an even bigger hole between space and time,” Shadow frowns thoughtfully, twirling a finger around his chest fur as a fidget sort of thing.

Sonic’s eyes watch the finger spin with soft, white fur like he’s hypnotized.

“Well likely need some way to safely connect the two dimensions,” Rouge suggest.

Sonic blinks out of his hypnotic state, looking back to the bat, “Like a portal??”

“Yeah,” she nods, “Like a portal.”

“Hopping dimensions isn’t a completely foreign concept.. we both experienced the Time Eater, yes?? Eggman once harnessed that things power to control time and skip across it. I imagine this wouldn’t be much different,” Shadow theorizes.

“Yeah, but I don’t trust Eggman as far as I can throw him,” Sonic scoffs with a roll of his eyes, “So asking for his help is a no-go.”

“But we could break into his facility and hack into his old blueprints and concepts and such, and possibly use whatever he used back then to aid us in making our own modified one,” Shadow suggests, looking at Sonic now.

They pause a moment when they lock eyes.

Sonic giving a little, awkward smile, and Shadow smiling a bit shyly before they each look away.

“You two actually come up with some pretty decent stuff when you aren’t arguing,” Rouge comments, turning to face them now with a smirk, “Maybe our Shadow could learn a thing or two about teamwork.”

Shadow smirks at this, shrugging his shoulders, “I learned from the best. Took me awhile to get there, though.”

Sonic chuckles with a sarcastic, “A Shadow taking a while to adjust to being nice??? Shocker.”

“So I suppose we just need to wait until the other boys get here, and we can run it all by Boy Genius,” Rouge comments, crossing her arms with a sigh, “We’ll still need the chaos emeralds. Real ones.”

“Maybe we could split up into teams??” Sonic suggests with a shrug, “You and Knuckles go looking for the emeralds as the best treasure hunters among us, Shads and I could infiltrate Eggman’s base and get the plans, and Tails will be working on the portal-machine-thingy.”

Rouge smiles a bit at this, a sense of relief washing over her at finally having a somewhat decent plan to fix all of this. Shadow feels it, too.

“Sounds good, Blue. We’ll run it by them when they get here. For now, we should all probably get some rest..”

“Sleepover??” Sonic says with a little hopeful grin, Shadow chuckling quietly at the cute alternate of his boyfriend..

“Sleepover,” Rouge nods with a smirk.

Sonic grins at this, “Sweet! I’ll get snacks and we can watch a movie and see if it’s different than whatever Shads has in his world and—“

“No, no, Blue,” the bat shakes her head, standing with a yawn, “We need rest. Especially Shado—.. Shads.”

Shadow blinks at this, looking to her with a frown, “I’m not even tired. I rested earlier.”

“Doesn’t matter, you need to keep your energy up. We all do,” she explains with a shrug, moving past them now towards the stairs, “It’s gonna be a long next few days. And I, for one, don’t intend on being dead exhausted through them when I need to be thinking clearly.”

Sonic pouts at this, “Party-pooper.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna shower,” Rouge waves her hand dismissively as she walks up the stairs, seeming to be keen on finding the guest room for herself.

“First room on the left,” Sonic calls, “And there’s some extra T-shirts in the top dresser!”

He hears the door close, looking at Shadow with a small chuckle, “Guess she found it..”

Shadow smirks at this, nodding and looking back to the laptop screen with his files on it.

“..She’s right, though. We should try and sleep. It’s pretty late..,” Shadow mutters, seeing Sonic moving towards the kitchen out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m feeling snacky first, though. Gonna make me some waffles or somethin’. You want anything??”

Shadow chuckles, shaking his head as he closes the laptop and moves into the kitchen to find Sonic already pulling the box of waffles out of the freezer, “Waffles?? At.. midnight?” he asks, holding his wrist up to check the time from his watch under the cuff of his glove.

“Best time to have ‘em!” Sonic grins, pulling out the toaster.

Shadow just smiles a bit at this, watching the blue hedgehog as he maneuvers around the kitchen preparing his midnight breakfast. If he doesn’t think too hard about it, he can pretend this is his Sonic. That he’s back home.. that he doesn’t have to worry about never seeing him again.

He doesn’t let his brain go there..

He wonders how his Sonic is doing. If he’s okay, if he’s worried sick.. if he’s even realized his Shadow has been swapped for a different on yet.

He hopes the other Shadow isn’t being a dick to his boyfriend or so help him Gaia, he’ll kick his ass—

“Earth to Shads,” Sonic waves, snapping Shadow from his train of thought.

“Hm?”

“You never answered if you wanted any,” Sonic smiles at him, looking a bit worried at how vacant he just was.

“I’m alright, thank you,” he denies politely, shaking his head before sighing and moving to lean against the table behind him. Propping his tail against the wood, he crosses his arms over his chest and eyes Sonic another moment before eventually asking,

“So you excited Tails will be back in the morning??”

“Uh-yeah, duh,” the blue hedgehog snorts with a little grin at the thought, “I’ve missed the little guy.”

“I’m sure,” he replies with a little smile of his own, “My own Sonic back home is nearly inseparable from his brother.”

“Yeah, that’s us! Just me and Tails against the world in every world,” Sonic grins, sitting on the counter next to the toaster as he waits for his waffles.

“Guess so..,” Shadow smirks, his smile faltering after a moment, “…Wonder why it’s not the same with us.”

“Hm?” Sonic’s brows furrow, looking at Shadow with a tilt to his head, “What’s not the same??”

“Us. Inseparable in every world..,” Shadow explains with a little shrug, “Can’t help but wonder.. if this world is the odd one out or my own.. perhaps I was meant to be the enemy, the brooding one, the rival?? And I just-… I don’t know, got lucky??”

“That feels like a oversimplified way of putting it,” Sonic frowns, not liking the sound of Shadow’s explanation of simply being lucky, “Dude— you are where you are in your life because you got you there. Not because fate screwed up or something went wrong. You chose to be the person you are. You weren’t meant to be an asshole. You’re just you. And frankly?? I like this version of you.”

Shadow’s eyes lift to look at Sonic, a small smile on his face, “..Thanks.”

“No problemo!” Sonic grins, looking to the toaster just as his waffles pop up. Snatching them and placing them on a plate, he moves to grab some peanut butter from the cabinet. Shadow watches with an amused look as Sonic smears the peanut butter between both waffles and puts them together to eat like a sandwich.

Opening his mouth to take a bite, Sonic pauses upon noticing Shadow’s gaze being stuck on him.

“…what?”

Shadow blinks, looking away sheepishly with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, just-.. I guess I just miss Sonic.. my Sonic.”

Sonic smiles a little at that, looking at the hybrid with a sympathetic gaze, “You guys are pretty close in your world, huh??”

Shadow can’t help but chuckle at that, a very soft smile gracing his muzzle, “..You could say that.”

Sonic’s smile goes a bit sideways at that, tilting his head curiously at Shadow as he takes a bite of his peanut butter waffle sandwich.

“…Well, what are some things you and your Sonic do together??”

Shadow hums at that, looking up at the ceiling and letting his palms rest on the table behind him as he leans against them, “Hm.. well, a lot of nothing..,” he then snickers a bit breathily, “and then a lot of everything.. we never really plan what happens in our lives, it just happens.”

“Sounds exciting,” Sonic grins through a mouthful, chomping down another bite, “Just how I like it.”

“Exciting is one word for it..,” Shadow admits with a sigh, “Though, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it to settle down now and then.. but I also know you’d practically lose your mind without some sort of adventure to run off into.”

Sonic snorts, “Yeah, you got me there. If your Sonic is anything like me then he’d hate the peace and quiet..”

Shadow’s eyes shift from the ceiling to Sonic, then, tilting his head at him with a knowing little smirk, “Kinda like how you were hating all your friends being gone before I got here??”

Sonic blinks at that, looking at Shadow before looking away with a stubborn little huff, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I was fine on my own.”

“Oh come on. I saw how you were just itching with relief when you realized this was all turning into another adventure. You’ve been bored.”

“Okay— bored and wishing ill on my own world are two totally different things,” Sonic clarifies with a little frown at Shadow, sighing and looking down at his already half eaten waffle sandwich, “I don’t want shitty things to happen. It’s just.. when things get quiet, my head gets-…”

“Loud?..”

Sonic looks at Shadow at that, being a little surprised by the sympathetic and understanding look in the hybrid’s eyes..

Sonic offers a tiny and somewhat sad smile, “Yeah.. I don’t like that I’m like this.. but I don’t really know what I am without all of this chaos..”

Shadow frowns at that, brows knitting slightly, “You’re you. That’s plenty, isn’t it??”

“Is it??” Sonic chuckles breathily, no real amusement in his words, “I mean— you see all my friends here?? The second I started falling apart, they—..”

Shadow’s concern only grows as he watches Sonic have some sort of inner battle.. debating with himself on whether or not he should keep sharing with Shadow or just shut himself up.

Shadow sees it in his eyes the moment he decides.

“Sorry. It’s just been a hard few months is all,” Sonic snorts with a roll of his eyes, chomping another bite of his sweet sandwich down.

If he were back home, Shadow would already be across the room holding his Sonic. Hugging him close and kissing his head and reassuring him with soft whispers in his ear that he’s more than just a hero.. he’s a person. A being. He can’t be perfect all the time, and he can’t take people moving forward with their own lives as him not being good enough to keep them around..

But this isn’t his Sonic. It’s not his place.

Shadow sighs frustratedly at this. Why is there no one in this world who cares enough to make sure Sonic is okay???

After a moment’s hesitation, Shadow pushes himself off the table and moves across the kitchen closer to Sonic just as the hedgehog is finishing up his midnight snack, reaching without giving it near enough thought and clutching Sonic’s chin in his hand to force the hedgehog to look at him.

He’s not rough, but he’s insistent with how he holds the hero, watching as Sonic’s eyes go wide and his breath hitches for a second in surprise.

He’s got waffle crumbs on the fur around his mouth..

“You’re allowed to fall apart now and then, Hedgehog. You don’t have to be strong for everyone and expect them to read your mind when you feel weak.. Inner battles are far more challenging than ones we can see. It takes longer and deeper analysis to identify the weak spot. To defeat that voice that holds you at impossible standards and tells you you’re not worthy of people’s love and hold no value unless you’re perfect.. it’s important to remember that if you’re not expected to fight your battles alone when they’re physical, then why should you fight them alone when they’re mental??…You must ask for help now and then.”

Shadow’s voice is firm and stern, but caring. Like he’s saying all of this fully wanting Sonic to understand the weight of his words, but also wanting him to understand he’s not being scolded.. he’s being cared for.

He slowly lets go of Sonic’s chin, the hedgehog still looking up at him with parted lips and wide eyes as if he’s trying to process what’s happening.

Shadow’s thumb gently wipes the crumbs off the blue hedgehog’s muzzle around his mouth, a small smile forming at how endearingly messy this hedgehog is.. inside and out..

His eyes lift back to Sonic’s, brows knit up, “Do you understand..?”

Sonic blinks at this, swallowing hard with his cheeks lightly dusted pink, “Yeah- uh… I think I do..?”

Shadow hums at that, head tilting slightly, “Good.”

Shadow retracts his hand from Sonic’s face and takes a step back to give him some space.

“I’ll sleep in the fox’s room, if that’s alright?”

Sonic clears his throat, “Oh, uh- yeah sure, man. Whatever. Make yourself at home.”

Shadow can’t help but smirk at how painfully casual Sonic is trying to be.

“Alright, then.. goodnight, Sonic..,” Shadow moves to exit the living room, only just making it around the corner when he hears Sonic call his name.

“Shads??”

Shadow immediately backs up and looks to him, “Yes??”

Sonic looks conflicted a moment, a light blush decorating his cheeks as he looks around the room rubbing the back of his neck and tapping his foot.

Shadow stays quiet, patiently waiting with a content look on his face. No rush.

“I—“

Rouge suddenly comes flying down the stairs, dressed in only one of Sonic’s few t-shirts and some leggings, clean of all her makeup.

She practically tackles Shadow against the wall of the kitchen, Shadow grunting as his back harshly slams into the cold wall. Sonic immediately shifts into a fighting stance, glaring at Rouge with wide eyes, “What the hell, Rouge?!—“

“Shut it, Blue!” the bat hushes with a hissed whisper and warning glare at Sonic. Sonic goes quiet but his guard remains up. Shadow is glaring at her too, her hand firmly pressed over his mouth.

Shutting off the lights of the kitchen, she finally supplies an explanation, whispering into the dark as her eyes dart to the nearest window, “Someone’s outside..”

[theotherrookie]

Lucien flopped onto the chair as soon as it was within reach. Despite the questionable reasons behind his amusement, laughing did him some good after everything he had to go through. He only had to be mindful with it until his lungs would be fully healed.

To think he could have lost all this. That he would have the chance to sit together and be able to rely on each other despite their differences. Laughing at that horrible man who had almost killed him felt like the least he could do.

He took a moment to collect himself, even if a few chuckles still escaped him. "Do your best, Russell. It's usually more than enough."

"And tell your brother to have a look at these guys." Rook added, "They've clearly done some digging on us, we might as well return the favor."

And in doing so, they might avoid attracting unwanted attention that would be inevitable if Willow was to take an enthusiastic walk like she so enjoyed doing. Hopefully the cyborg wouldn't mind too much.

"At least it's easy to keep track of the occult enthusiasts. I can tell you from experience the number rarely goes up. It's usually the other way around, right before I have to work overtime."

"Good riddance."

"Yes, well, Lucien said it, not me." Rook shrugged, "And maybe we should try to avoid going out alone if we can help it, seeing as they have no trouble snatching people in the middle of the day."

"See? No names."

Lucien rolled his eyes. Was it really too much to ask for a silly little mistake like that? These people were competent but not invincible!

"So they have hit the books a few times, but clearly can't tell an entity from a manifestation." Rook said, motioning with her free hand, "I'd tell you I'm happy they can't read, but they apparently couldn't tell Russell is human. It'd be wise to keep an eye on libraries and all that."

These people were good, but not that much. Rook admittedly smiled as she listened to how Russell had managed to get away. It was honestly pretty badass.

Her smile only grew wider as her gaze trailed over to Lucien, who also had a grin of his own. One that she knew very well. "Guys, we're going to need another chair."

Because despite Russell's apologies, the fae was very pleased by what he had just heard. He was so amused by Five's pissy performance as a torturer that he burst into a villain worthy laughter. It lasted a good while until Lucien hugged his side as he started coughing.

"You did amazingly, Russell– Take my word for it."

[electrozeistyking]

"She's Gone"

This bad boy was started on the third of November, and finished on the seventh. In total, there are thirty panels (all of which were drawn separately).

A good chunk of N's dialogue near the end came to me after I did some improv to figure out what he should say. I have since dubbed it "N's Failure Monologue."