#so gonna en sad abt this now

[trafficpan-ic]

Well that did break me

[alebrijediscordico]

i. need. to . stop... reblogging shit or im Not gonna sleep good tonight

WHY IS 3AM

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

i haven't been able to let go of glass onion (in a bad way) bc there's just something so frustrating about it and earlier today, i was trying to explain it to my brother and i said something about it feeling like "baby(aka rian) just saw get out and wants to write an equally clever script but for some reason it's also a murder mystery" and like. i think i got there. i think my main problem is how heavy handed everything is. but it's acting like it's so subtle and cool and smarT. saying "millionaire is bad bc he's dumb, actually!" is so lazy. saying "haha influencer thinks sweatshops make sWEATpants" is lazy. whatever the fuck he was saying about duke, the "haha alt-right man lives in mama's basement and is bullied by her hahaha" is lazy ?!?!?!?

get out(as my example of an actual clever movie) was smart because when you watch a second time you're like "oh shit that's why he said he couldn't bare to let them go after his parents died. he MEANT HIS PARENTS ANd NOT THE HELP" but in glass onion, a second viewing would just be you sitting there like "that's not actually andi, that's helen." that's not clever ?!?!?!?!?

[st4r-fruitz]

for my next trick, i will explain boat boys as if youve never heard of them, but im sick and cant be botherd correcting my spelling mistakes:

boat boys forst origionated in this minhecraft server grian (their frined) amde called double life. double life is the thirud season of an on going sereies called the life series or, some poeple call it the traffic series bcuz the lifes u get go from 1-red 2-yellow green-3. anywasy so bopat boys are joel and etho(eefo). they wweere paierd in doubl;e life. on he first day they got to know eachother and they made some jokes and stuff, it was niv]ce. actuually they ar ecalled boat b hoys bcuz they went arounf the server in boats. like, on land. it was very funny. the seconf session joel made a big boat for them to live in called the "relation-shipo", (get iot, get it? nudge nudge). etho went tyo the warden and joel sount very concerned as he did so. i dont remeber much abouyt double life as ive been binging limited life for 3 months now. they died due to a trapped nether portal. the perotral had lava spilled aorunf it. it was very sad.

also inportant fact: ther forst time etho and h=joel ever in terected on the whole entire life series they were in boats. they were both riding in boats. are u joking me. THATS SO FUCKING POETOIC WTF CHBFSHVBSHJBJHVKS

onto liml li9fe. they firat saw eachorther in the forst session. etho said "oh so ur gonna make a boat with a new friend now huh?" bcuz joel and jimmy had planned to live in the water. etho was very jealous ogf this, it made me sad. then joel saw etho ina boat with a co2w and joelk saidn "CANT BELEIVE YOUVE REPLACED ME WEITH A COW EEFO!!!" and etho responded with "he keeps me company atleats" AHAHDBFBHVBHWJJVSB JKSNNOOO. anyways in session 4, etho KILLDED JOEL!?!?!?11?!?!??! it was vwery cool actually. joe, clutchedf a fall, and etho landed in huis clutch water and saidf" YOU SAVED ME. YOU SAVED ME JOEL, SO NOW I CAN KILL YOU" that was very cool of etho. even joel daid himself to etho "the fact you landed in my own water bucket trick" i thionk thats everything improtant in liml life?

then serect life. oh, secrect life. my beloved. my onbe treu savior. save me secret life, save me. so, the two sigificant events of secrect life between bgoat boys i can remeber are 1: joel and ehto hop in ab baot otghter and joel goes "we cant do tjis ehto, the fandom will go crazy" (true( then vthey go for a lottle ride untill they are fiorced to stop by a blcok in. their way and ehto goes "well tjis is where the relatiopnshoip ens" HDGBDFISBFCHBES 2: scott is talk9ng abt his task for the sessions=] which is "say i love you to three plkayers and get them to say ot back" so rheyre discussing who would say it back, andf scott goes "i love yoy " to etho and he goes "thank you?-' HAHAH ayways so one thing leadfs to another and etho is on joels front door stepo saying to joel "i loive you" and joerl responds "uhh ok eefo i know youre obbesed with me i saw u made me the thiumbnail for ur fist bvidoe but cmon ehto calm donw" and etho is sad NSJDWBHJSDCJH im sad jusbjbfdn. its alot.

and now the decked o0ut stream. (ik th9s. was before secret life SHUTUPSHGUTPU) so, jimmy askes for a kiss from joel before he does his decked oyut run. joel goes "yeah sure. on the neckk" and jim goes silent till joel goes "WAIT NO ON THE NECK- I MEANT THE CHEEK IM MEANT THE CHEEK" nd it li9ke this hwole meme for the whole event. jimmy startes sing "etho and joel, sitting in a baot" and etho goes "kissing on the neck"!!!!!GSUGDEGUSDVJ!!!!then when they are at rens ice biat thgingy joel and wehto are sitting nect to eacher in thjeor boat s and etho goes "AWH GOTTA COVER UP MY NECK " joelsays "I DONT KISS [PEOIPLES NECKS!!!" then joel scooches up to etho in his boat and joel goes "schooching up to ya etho " and etho goes "his hand slowly reaches into my hair" LIKE EHTO IS HEE WRITING A WHOLE FANFIC OKKKK ETHO I SEE YOUUU. anyways rhat was very funny.

anyways. hermitcraft. oh boy. theres a lot and i will prpbaly misss a lot too but oh well its later and im sick and tired so SUCK IT UP. ill just do dotpointrs of the things i remeber.

etho sees jols banners and really like sthem and asks j]him for trhe pattern, whoch leads to many books which may or may nboit have been signed with neck kisees.

etho makes statues of jpel them pretemds oit wasnt him. joel rrqally liukes the statues and adds thjem to the front of hios nade awith his tori gate

etho so happens to be talk9inmg abt joel and joel hears him and goes "alsways talking abyt m,e eefo"

joel and etho are talki9ng and theres a camle and etho goes "joel mjust reallt like camels ciuz they goit the loonnnggg necks" and joel syags "oh for goodness sake" (ilobve when joel says oh for goodness sakes its like one of his mottos ayt tjis poibgt it so funny )

thatys all i camn remeber i migjt add mre when i thin k of it

thanks for taking the time to read this if u did (and u even could, oops) i doubt many people will make it down this far with reading it, so congrats i guess!! you get.. nothing-

[atlaskrr]

webtoons I've read recently that i enjoy!

I finally read our walk home! its rlly sweet and i cant wait for it to come off hiatus. i instantly got hooked by the characters. i like how its a they get eo thing and not an actual rivals to lovers thing. idk it feels more special. and the characters mentalities being explored is sooo good man. im also curious on the lot abt the angel and devil + akis brother. on a side note if i were either of them id fold so quickly cause why they both so pretty. their interactions are so cute man. its soft, genuine. i like it.

peace restaurant. love it. was reading it and i was like damn fknally something that gives me what yohaji did (tho not the same obvi) it is only starting on en ver (7 free chaps iirc) and i was so hooked i ended up reading all the kr released chaps on aggregator sites. im so confused and sad bcs it stopped at chap 28 back in nov 2023. still its really good. i love the dynamic between sua, belial and nhedhuk. they are so found fam to me. like nhedhuk is obvi the younger sibling and belial is her older brother. sua is their unconventional mom. speaking of belial his development was really nice. the way his fear was all the ppl he cared abt dying (INCLUDING SUA AND NHEDHUK) im scared abt whats gonna happen with him with how 28 ended off tho 😅 i think i have a thing for op female mcs (ty bofuri) and also this is why for one of the very few times the mc is my fav chara followed closely by the 2 deuteragonists. comedy that grows plot gotta be my new fav thing. in the beginning tho i love how every time you think smth serious will happen its just another gag. anws the whole dimension ordeal is also cool.

ok this thing had me clicking from its artstyle. i think yohaji made me a comedy person cause this is a comedy as well. i continued reading the few short chaps cause it was silly and sweet. this ghost truly is just a kind and pathetic thing. the fact shes mute is also really nice as the creator actually competed twice and placed in silent manga competitions (which were really good btw. go check out volpee). when the managers were introduced i thought plot was coming but nope! but also i was even more hooked cause the design for mr. h??? love. the vibes and style is immaculate. the ghost of cloth is also really silly and has a nice design lol. there was no ep last month but its back on now! oh yeah the toy ghost is really cool as well. somehow they can still make it expressive despite its still face. the whole remote control car situation had me cackling tho lmao.

OH MY GOD PROJECT CAMELLIA HAS LIKE 6 EPS AND ONE IS A AUTHORS NOTE THING BUT DO I CARE??? NO. the pretty boy cover enticed me and im so glad it did bcs it seems so promising. the author note had stuff about their process and the future and the way they thought it through, how the 2 mcs change eo and it shows PHYSICALLY. in love. the way they plan to change the main mc throughout the story has me scared and excited. it seems like they can handle chara development well which is something i value highly as i read for charas most of the time. the art style is also really nice. if you check out the creators insta you can really see how skilled they are like the art there looks majestic (theyre a danmei fan). apparently therell also be a yuri side couple 👀 basically, the future seems bright for this webtoon.

i hust finished catching up to the tl ver of the students of illip arts high cause the en is new to webtoon just like peace restaurant. i was hooked by the unique style used for the vr game and how so yi and han sol bonded and allat. their relationship is so ough to me. dakyung is also a fun chara and for seiun idk she seems kinda pretentious. i dont like how they dealt with eppys chara either. still its early on so even though the charas besides mc seem to not have as much impact as they could it has much room to grow.

[zhongrin]

I DIDN'T WANNA MAKE A LONG REBLOG CHAIN BUT I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ABT VOICE IN CHARACTER POTRAYAL. You are talking with the self-proclaimed #1 Xiao wife right now. His EN voice is just (collapses) in a not so yay way, and plus a lot of people mischaracterizing Xiao because the VA portrays him as an emo little dude (no hate to her, I just,,, sometimes it gets too silly and it's not in my taste HAUGH)

However, his CN voice? Bye. I'm passing away.

So I get what you mean when you say JP!Zhongli is an improvement compared to EN!Zhongli. I'm guilty of always picturing HAWKMOTH FROM MIRACULOUS LADYBUG as him because of the EN voice, and it's rly not the VA's fault 😭😭😭 I've never listened to Fontaine characters in other languages yet, but I'm in love with EN cast for Fontainians! So yada yada, all in all, voices for the characters impact a lot (ex: Mika and Freminet. Similar-ish personalities, but different voices led to different reactions from fandoms.)

ANYWHO .. y'know ... There's no need to rush ... I'm sure the Duke of Meropide would chip in a good word for the Iudex, and as for the scribe, perhaps a few subtle praises ... Surely the dragons can come to the middle ground for you and you alone !!! They should know better than anyone that one of them would break no contracts nor promises, and the other would decide the cruelest punishment as he sees fit. (See Neuvilette's sad story about punishing his old friend despite him being morally right in his crime.) Power duo, I'd say, if the two were to actually join hands in protecting you (if they could get along in the first place.)

REAL. REAL. REAL. SEE YOU GET IT YOU GET IT AUAHSUDAHSDHA i love matsuoka(jp)'s portrayals for xiao a LOT. like i admire the girl voicing him because holy shit that's an amazing voice range but the direction is so 😭 his cn is so good too... that va also voices chongyun too didn't he?

wait OH no, i think for zhongli's case i love both of en and jp version equally hahahah (and cn too actually). there's just a sense of... serene calmness in his voices? and yet there's a really subtle, quiet dominance beneath it that's just. lurking there. hhhhhhhhhh i can't explain it useuahuadeuhafljs

neuvillette tho... definitely en >>>>>>> jp. and i'm saying this as a fan of kamiya hiroshi sldkfjlsd it just fits the character better imo

it's the same thing with al haitham, dear LORD his jp voice..... in that azar cutscene.... hnggggh...... don't get me wrong, nazeeh portrays him well, but his jp hits a lot more differently.

tldr always interesting to see the change of voiceover language affecting characters. sometimes it's in a bad way but sometimes it just hits so good.

and now that i'm planning to get neuvillette on his rerun i guess i'm gonna have to switch back and forth more frequently between en and jp-

......... your description is making me see this picture where they're walking with me on each sides and whenever i'm looking it's all 🧡🙂✨💙 but whenever i look away it becomes 🐉⚡️👹🌊 wait no no no non o YOU CANT ENABLE ME LIKE THIS ES OFLWEHUFHUGFHOJDLAS

[haobinist]

Ok. Wow. Boys Planet. ZB1. Many thoughts.

Very happy for our 9 shiny boys! Unfortunately there was no 12 member lineup twist, I knew it wouldn’t happen but part of me thought just maybe it could lol.

Before I discuss the lineup I just wanna say it was so nice to see all the eliminated trainees. WOONGKI BOY!! Haruto!! Seunghwan (and the banner of his own face that he brought lol)!! ollie wonka with two functioning arms!! Wang Zihao!!WUMUTI TI TI TI!! The NINE.i boys!! Chen Kuan Rui, esp his reaction to Hao’s ranking!! And everyone else as well. Boys planet truly would not have been the same magical experience without all of them, even if they weren’t performing on the final stage.

Im so sad for Keita, Jay and Park Hanbin especially. I really hope they get scooped up by wealthy, well connected companies and continue on having successful careers in the kpop industry. I’d def be there to support them! pH-1 is already joking abt working with Keita on Instagram and even tho that’s obviously not a concrete promise of anything I’d love to see something happen between Keita and H1ghr Music lol.

I’m gonna go thru member by member now, in an attempt to organize my thoughts.

1. Zhang Hao

Holy shit !? Hao P1 !? Absolute slayage. I was so surprised. Tbh, this week I was stressing about how his rank might drop because of losing filler votes, but here he is ranked #1 :D congrats to him for making history as the first foreign center in produce/planet history!

2. Sung Hanbin <3

Mother is debuting!!! Not in P1, which was a twist, but still with a very high rank. This man has a really bright future ahead of him and I’m so happy that I get to support him along the way!

3. Seok Matthew

I was genuinely concerned as to whether or not he would debut, Matthew p03 had me gagged fr I was so happy for him. He’s such a ray of sunshine and has great chemistry with literally everyone he interacts with.

4. Ricky

The SCREAM that was SCRUMPT. Would not be surprised if my neighbors had called 911 honestly. So happy for him!! Honestly, it’s between him and Zhang Hao for my bias in the group. Ricky has grown on me immensely since I started watching the show, also I think he has the best fan edits in the whole fandom like not even just ZB1, of Boys Planet contestants in general. For some reason I feel like the group name really suits him? Like if u showed me a picture of Ricky and said “he’s in a group called ZB1” that would make sense.

5. Gunwook

yet ANOTHER pleasant surprise! I obviously knew he was in the conversation but I was expecting him to be up for like 8th or 9th, esp after he dropped in the 3rd ranking. He started the show with such a tough guy image, but he’s really such a softie and I love it.

6. Kim Taerae

Main vocal slay :) can’t wait to hear more of his high notes and see his big smile onstage. Also I feel like the new dark hair really brings an edge to his image that we haven’t seen before. He might be a reverse Gunwook, seeming very soft and cute at first but actually being tougher than anticipated lol. I was nervous for him after seeing he was 11th in the interim, but clearly the voters pulled thru.

7. Kim Gyuvin

I have not been the biggest Gyuvin fan in the past, but I gotta say he’s really growing on me. He’s like a big goofy puppy dog that can dance really well. His reactions to seeing the other trainees winning (especially Yujin) were so endearing! The other day I watched his en garde fancam on loop aksjfgh he does have a very interesting captivating energy and I appreciate that.

8. Kim Jiwoong

Our hyung <3 so happy for him, he’s been through so much with his previous debut but now he’s finally done it. It’s also nice to see someone who is so clearly openly supportive of the queer community in the final lineup. Not to say that the other trainees aren’t ofc, I think they r all allies (if not queer themselves), but like, jiwoong acting in BL and being friends with Holland, the literal only out k-pop idol, is a different kind of support that I’m happy to see. Most idols tiptoe a bit more, but jiwoong actually does things that r clearly in support of us yknow.

9. Han Yujin

Our maknae :) seeing him drop so much was really surprising, for a moment I thought he wouldn’t make it tbh. I’m fairly neutral on him, I think he’s an amazing dancer and has so much potential, but if I’m being honest he wasn’t necessarily one of my picks. I’m not mad that he’s here by any means tho. I know ZB1 hasn’t even debuted yet so it’s kinda silly to be theorizing about what he’ll do after, but hes young, talented and popular enough that I think once they reach the end of the 2.5 year contract he’s gonna redebut and reach success all over again.

So, that’s it! Boys Planet is over! The lineup is announced! Zhang Hao, Sung Hanbin, Seok Matthew, Ricky, Gunwook, Taerae, Gyuvin, Jiwoong and Taerae. Our Bep1er- now officially known as ZEROBASEONE :D it feels so surreal, but I’m so excited to stan these boys.

[yuukei-yikes]

now that u mention it i kinda wish we knew more of ayataka. like is their canon dynamic even strong enough to be GIRL BESTFRIENDS!! or are we really just left with yeah theyre friends

ermmm well. yeah id say its strong enough to be like YIPPEE GIRL BEST FRIENDS but like, BARELY...

all of ayano&takane's interactions onscreen are

1. their first meeting at the festival

2. takane offscreen organizing a party for ayano and taking her to the gaming event (where she was gonna take haruka too anyway but he was busy). this is all sort of offscreen because its from haruka's pov. takane still calls to ask if shintaro had remembered ayanos bday and if he had gotten her a present (he hadn't) so even if this one is definitely really sweet, its sad that its not explored bc its not their pov and also haruka and shintaro end up being there anyway. here is also where takane mentions her and ayano are like "penpals", at least until ayano finishes her school year and entered their same school. basically to say they kept in contact after the festival and it made them close to a point where takane was organizing a party for her so.. id say they are best friends :3

3. their talk on aug15 abt supplementary lessons and then about well. haruka and shintaro (attacks them both with hammers) GET OUTTA HERE

4. this one might not count because it wasn't ayano, but takane thought it was. it's from when kano is playing ayano at school. i don't like this moment because the talk is basically takane talking and talking and talking about HARUKA and then asks ayano(kano) if she has a crush on anyone. this is such bullshit lmao and kano is also so mean to her on his pov. he's like takane wont shut the fuck up abt haruka and also she looks surprised im making ayano say she doesnt like anyone bc she probably thought id say shintaro. like he's so mean abt it lol mostly probably to make a point of how much kano hated posing as ayano but still. im really annoyed how its written anyway. just takane talking abt haruka exclusively then asking who does ayano have a crush on like GOD who wrote this (side eye)

5. the email ene sends to ayano saying they will save her

...And i dont think im forgetting any!

i think the strongest moment to be able to say YES of course theyre best friends is the whole gaming event/birthday party bit from over the dimension. i think its so sweet takane organizes ayano a party and even if annoying its cute that she checks if shintaro bought her a present bc she knew it was gonna make her happy. takane mentions ayano was acting a little :( abt no hbd from shintaro and takane felt bad for her lol which is why she calls haruka to check if shintaro remembered. like... the boys are still very involved and stuff and takane was gonna also take haruka to the event she takes ayano but. we can still count it as a good one👍

i was thinking abt this yesterday actually because im like. what kinda relationship do they have post str that is outside of the shintaro bullshit and it pisses me off bc its difficult to work around it when canon doesn't help much.

i think once ayano and shintaro's little circus is over (and soon also shintaro and takane's) takane is super delighted that her relationship with ayano can go beyond what she can do for her and her relationship. i think she probably noticed that her and ayano were almost exclusively spoke for and about shintaro being a jerk and his wellbeing and etc.

maybe ayano is also a lot like omg tell me stuff abt your relationship with haruka :3 like trying to gossip and takanes like man we arent 16 anymore we got a lot more other shit to talk abt right?? and ayanos like 😇NO IF I DONT FOCUS ALL MY TURMOIL ON MY STUPID LOVE LIFE I WILL BREAKDOWN SO HARD AND I DONT WANT TO <- in the inside. in the outside says aww but im curious if youve kissed haruka already :3 shintaro already sat 5cm closer to me than last time👍👏 and takanes like man this sucks. like now that she's older and all this shit's happened takane realises how silly it feels and is relieved when ayano and shintaro separate and ayano starts being more normal LOL

i think like mekatrio and even haruka, takane is a lot like hey. ur like not. OKAY. im here if u need me etcetc but i think ayano was still not in a position of opening up and much less to her since takane's all like 🤞 with shintaro. i think in the quartet haruka's the one she opens up to i answered an ask like that a little bit ago hehe haruaya BESTFRIENDS but with takane, ayano sees a lot of things in between and can't bring herself to cross the line. like not only how shintaro may prefer takane as a gf (wrong ayano is just insane) but takane prefers shintaro as a best friend?? ayano just overthinks so much lol. so its kind of a weird one until both of their respective messy relationships with shintaro get sorted out at least!! after that i think they're both relieved to be able to just be friends and hang out without making it into a therapy session abt relationships or reassurements abt IM NOT gonna date ur lame ass boyfriend . yknow. qjdnwkdjwk ayano admitting to takane she is jealous and takane being all aauuuggghhhh WHYYYYYY!!! ayano is very thankful that takane sticks by her side even after the ridiculous dynamic they went through

anyways. i also wish we got more exploration of their friendship bc its like WHAT is there. we know they were close but its just mentioned so we have no idea what the dynamic is like or what the hell they talked about other than boys. its pathetic

[avo-kat]

this is my diary btw so im gonna write whatever

me rambling abt music i listened to

i used to love the metal band wintersun. ive basically listened to the album wintersun thru grade 9 and 10. because back then mp3 players had little space and mine only fit that one album. i listened to it daily for hours. for two years. yeah lol

i liked venom too i guess...

oh my fav emo band was the used. love love love. it really got me thru my worst teenage depression. i just listened to the album up and down for hours singing along whenever i was alone. so much sad

i listened to green day too, just that american idiot album. i was broke af as a teen and only had a handful of albums. my moms boss actually burned me a copy of american idiot! i was sooo happy that she did that. my mom used to clean ppls homes and i went with her a few times to help her and this lady had a really nice place and a big music ...anlage (lol) station? and she had green day and stuff and i told my mom how surprised i was that a middle aged lady was so cool. my mom told her next time and she burned me some cds :D so cool

my parents were usually v dismissive of me being goth and listening to metal music so this really meant a lot

in fact, my dad once said i was a psychopath and crazy and not right in the head! haha. now im grown up and dont call him. suck it, loser. thats what u got for abusing ur kid.

anyway, what else did i listen to? i had a last.fm account and listened to a lot of music but now i can barely recall. some japanese rock artists def. some handpicked metal songs that were popular that i got from youtube.

wait does my lastfm acct still exist lol

oh indeed! found it. well one of them. i had like two or three idk. lets see. theres scrobbles from 2007, 2008 and 2014 lol

there we go!!!! lets see :D

wintersun - like i said. emilie autumn ooooh of course. still got her stuff on my phone. her songs were my main inspiration for my first ever OC.

then theres a few metal bands i remember liking but i wasnt like suuuper into them.

yes i like panic!at the disco. u may bully me.

some kpop. eisregen isnt that a racist? (i say, knowing full well a lot of metal band dudes were racist). only listened to like 3 songs of those.

kate nash, yeah, my girl! i think thats from later. all her songs are super, she first started with very tv britpop, but relatable. foundation is a perf song. and over time she released more songs but she did develop a lot musically, going a bit more rock at times. super awesome. i was at one of her concerts this year. amazing experience. i love her.

k.i.z. okay. yeah. thats a german hiphop band. their thing is satire, i guess. how should i explain it. meh. i dont listen to them anymore because i started feeling uncomfortable with how they do things. they do a lot of social commentary, but they also used a lot of slurs, in like, ironic ways. that was perf acceptable back then.

she!!!! my 8bit music era!!!! 8bit music is super cool. still have a lot of it on my phone but i dont listen to it much. it gets a bit boring over time

death cab for cutie... how could i forget. what sarah said is one of the bangers in my depression playlist.

janelle was a recent discovery.

theres some more kpop, some more metal down there. nirvana - of course. i binged them. i felt so much heartbreak when i "discovered" them and learned their background. i listened to them a lot lot.

theres daft punk, of course, some japanese artists, utada hikaru, dir en greys, mucc, gackt, malice mizer, ayumi hamasaki. all cool. yuna ito... whos that? ohh she was reira in nana. i listened to mika nakashima too!! that manga was really formative. oh she still makes music

oh damn instead of cleaning im sitting here talking abt myself

[byzzii]

i’m posting to say when i say i’m a yhb supremacist i don’t mean this imposter -w-)

[traumxrei-archive]

(Pretty sure tumblr deleted one of my asks ahdjsjdj wth tumblr.)

1) BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE. IM. LEONA BELOVED. HES SO. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AAAAAAAAA its so good. going through some family troubles rn so having mr lion, his nephew, a cat-raccoon-demon??? thing?? (seriously what even is grim), and their magic-less human’s shenanigans is nice. thank you for all of your writings.

2) OH MY GOD JADE. IM. I DONT THINK I RECOVERED FROM THE ANGST SO THANKS FOR THAT. /nm /lh im so soft for this eelman seeing him sad, it broke me 💔 (in like the best way though again your writings are spectacular. i love your characterization sm.)

Speaking of Jade actually i mentioned this in my last ask (that again i think got deleted hajfjajdh) i have this kinda ooc?? headcanon of the tweels, where i think Floyd likes Jade’s terrariums, just not the ones with mushrooms. and Jade getting floyd limited edition shoes for his collection i just ajfjakdbsk them man. (also they fight over THE dumbest stuff you’ve ever heard. you cannot convince me otherwise. /lh)

3) TSUM TSUM EVENT OH MY GOD. ITS SO STUPIDLY CUTE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LIKE I ALREADY LOVE TSUM TSUMS.. AND THEN THEY COMBINED IT WITH TWST IM,,, ITS SO CUTE?? I WANT THIS EVENT IN TWST EN SO BADLY… I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THAT FLOYD CARD HES SO ADORABLE AND FOR WHAT. I WANT TWST JP SO BADLY RN BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4) Also im really late but Kalim!!! Sunshine boy’s birthday!! Love him, hes very silly

Anyway uh im gonna head out now, have a good day trau!

-🍓

(baby it's cold outside + jade fic)

HI STRAWBERRY ANON !!

I WAS WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED BC YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AFTER BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE WHICH WAS. ODD. BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING A BREAK OR SUMN SJDFJ

1) i'm very pleased to hear you liked the newest chapter of baby it's cold outside !! and i hope your family troubles will get resolved soon, but just know that they're all giving you a big hug rn <33 (leona's begrudingly doing it after cheka dragged him and yuu pestered him but he's there too lmao)

2) JADE FIC !! I DID GIVE A WARNING ABT THE ANGST....BUT I'M ALSO NOT SORRY BC JADE CRYING GOES BRRR /J i am also a big jade enjoyer even tho i might not voice it as much, but seriously, imagining him in that scenario was just. heart crushing but also helped me kinda...get to know him a bit better ? bc now i feel like i could tell how he would react to grief n stuff, idk it's weird but yeah sjdfksjf

AND YES !! tweels being supportive abt each others' interests is also near and dear to my heart <33 i feel like floyd would like the terrariums up until jade scolds him for poking at them too much sjdkfsj (and yea it's a no for the shrooms for floyd). and ofc, jade would oNLY buy those pair of shoes if floyd happened to explicitly mention them sjfdksjfk (i hc jade has. bad fashion sense. like if he dressed himself he's gonna look like a schoolboy OR a whole ass grandpa)

3) I'M ALSO SOBBING OVER THE TSUMS,,,,THEY'RE SO CUTE AND THEY LOOK SO SQUISHY... look if i could buy twst tsums irl rn i would 100% GRAB THEM AS FAST AS I COULD !! floyd card is definitely hella cute sobs i wonder what the groovy's gonna look like :')))))

4) and yes <33 we love our sunshine otter hehe

i also hope that you're having a good day / night !! till we talk again wooo

[lovelyjasmari]

Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 12 ~ Sallie Mae Made Jamil Overblot Edition + Announcement!

About the title...yeah...its in reference to an EXTREMELY stupid ass joke found in this post...you’ll see...

I must say, even though I already read all of book 4 on my own, it’s still a fun treat reading it in EN simply for all the meme-able content the official translations offer! Since it seems like there won’t be any story updates this month, I’ve decided to continue reading book 5 on my own this weekend. There is also another reason I’m going ahead: 

Over on my blog @jasmariswonderland I’m working on a mock event story with  my twst ocs! The story takes place during the events of book 5 and is sort of a side story showing that some of my characters are up to during. So of course I need to finish reading for context but that shouldn’t take long since I don’t have to worry abt battles, twistunes or overblots. 😅

In the meantime, let’s finish up book 4! Warning: pic heavy, some swearing, some personal projection/mentions of my past, meme-ing, yelling at the Tweels and thirsting for ya’ll-already-fucking-know-who. Let’s jump in!

If we must, Jade. If we must...

WHY ARE YA’LL ALWAYS SO SUS! EVEN WHEN BEING NICE?!

LIKE YOU DID DURING THE END OF BEANFEST?! 💀

Heyyy! Shoutout to my namesake princess! Also off topic, but cyan is one of my personal favorite colors and I would love to cosplay Princess Jasmine one day when I’m thinner. 

KALIM! Don’t do it! Runnnn!

Goddamnit, now I have a new ship...😩👀💀

“Forbidden lore”... whatever Azul! Tell that to all the wonderful artists over on twst twitter! 😭

God as much as the Tweels amuse me, if I were around them as much as Azul, I’d probably have to sleep with one eye open. Doesn’t help that they’d probably eat Azul if they could. Such an odd dynamic, I love it! 💜

Awwe his chibi is doing the glasses thing! 🥺🥺🥺

Jokes aside, I REALLY wanna know Crowley’s secret. Like this man oozes with sus sauce, moreso than any of these beautiful bastards going to NRC. WHY isn’t he trying to find a way to send us home?! WHY does his school suck so hard compared to RSA?! WHY do the students hate each other?!  WHAT IS THIS FUCKING BIRD MAN DOING?! YES! DO IT JAMIL! EXPOSE CROWLEY! Yuulan would probably thank you!

Orrrrr, ya’ll can just cancel him. That works too...NOT! 😤

FUCKING JUMPSCARE!!! 🤬😭💀😩🤣

Thanks Azul, I hate it!

Intellectuals tend to be dastardly too, you know! 😤

Uhhhhh...that doesn’t look like a good sign Kalim...

THIS WILL FUCKING HAPPEN:

So...I was gonna retake this shot but I BARELY managed to defeat his first OB stage and the more I looked at this pic, the more it made me laugh for some twisted reason. To the point when I was debating weather to do his fight again just to retake it, my bf kept saying “looks like Sallie Mae made Jamil overblot...”

I know...we have an...odd sense of humor. 

Sallie Mae aside, another cool as hell overblot design. All these designs for the overblots are so cool and now I’m even more excited about seeing that Vil’s looks like. But also terrified cause I feel like his will probably be WAY more difficult than this one.

YEEEEEEETTTTTTTT

What’s hilarious about these official translations is when they do speak clear english but the localization team still translates it into something else. It was especially noticeable during the culinary crucible event and its EXTREMELY obvious here! 😭😭😭

And as always, Yuulan continues to be iconic...

Poor Kalim, this really made me sad. I really feel like he didn’t mean anything malicious. He’s just too sweet and too good for this twisted (punch me) world. 

SHUT UP YUULAN NOW IS NOT THE TIME

WHAT THE TRASH CAT SAID

Jesus fuck Jade! You’re charming but Jesus fuck! But seriously though, I respect it. With that smile, you can be certain no one would be able to find the body...

THIS IS WHY I DON’T LIKE YOU NO MORE AZUL (joking, please don’t come for me Azul stans)! Jamils gonna fucking die soon if we don’t do something and all you’re thinking abt is exploiting developing nations for a quick buck! FOR SHAME!

Aaaaand once again, we as the fans have been cheated of seeing Azul in his octopus form without having to overblot...😭

All that’s missing from this scene is for the boys and Yuulan to be in sexy red harem outfits...👀

If he can’t do it, GREAT!!!

This face is particularly creepy tho. 😳

Why am I not surprised this fucking bird man was willing to take bribes? This is probably why your school is so messed up (affectionately).

Okay! Time to get personal for a moment! Up until this point, I’ve had a certain level of sympathy for all the overblot boys and Jamil is no different. But Jamil’s sad story hit me especially hard because I was recently forced to sever ties with a group of toxic friends who, for more than  decade, were the only friends I really had. And my relationship with them was a lot like what Jamil has with Kalim. Without going into much detail, I realize in hindsight that there was a lot of uncheckhed envy on everyone’s part but especially against me. I was made to defer to another friend who, for reasons, had to be better than me at everything. What made things worse was that our other friends were pressuring me to defer to them and yet actively compared me to them every chance they got. 

One of the reasons I’ve been hesitant to continue reading book 5 is because even though I’m only a third of the way in, I can already sense that Vil has a similar dynamic with Neige as I had with this friend of mine and the parallels are even more clear to me. I hate to use this word but it’s been extremely triggering to me because these friends left me in an extremely venerable position that has only fed into my obsession with perfection and my self hatred. I have no friends at this point in my life and my creative pursuits are what bring me joy these days but one thing I’ve really appreciated and loved about Twisted Wonderland is the writing and how layered the characters are. That I can see my traumas in this story makes me feel strangely validated. I know that’s a pathetic thing to say but it’s true.

OKAY PERSONAL SHIT OVER! LETS CONTINUE!

🥺🥺🥺

Floyd, sweetie, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but please shut up before I pull out my stick again... (affectionately) 

OOF! That’s all I can say, hell, that’s all I COULD say when I first read this! 😂

Daaaaammmnnnnnnnnn this is actually pretty awesome! And true.

Awweeee, this is so sweet. You two have really grown on me since the first time we met in the prologue. We’re all officially besties and it’s awesome! Even if you two do act like airheads sometimes...

But I’d love to know what public transportation is like in this world. Are there planes? Even though brooms are a thing. I’m sure boats are a thing since most of the land are isles, but yeah, I’m curious now. 

Unlike Crowley, who DID...

And yet, you’re smiling...❤❤❤

Awwe, they were worried too! 

Oh, hi Lilia. Fancy seeing you he...LILIA?!?!

Please don’t, and for the love of god, PUT THOSE FUCKING FANGS AWAY!!! 👀

Though I wish he hadn’t vanished so quickly, I would have happily invited Malleus to our feast, Lilia too! 💚

Also, I feel for Mal probably on his knees praying to the Great Seven that we wouldn’t figure out that M.D. stood for Malleus Draconia. Since he probably couldn’t sign the card Tsunotaro without Lilia interrogating him about it. Or worse, Sebek having a hissy fit abt someone daring to call Malleus such a name. 😭

OH GOD THE RAT IS BACK

THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?! WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT MEAN?!

Oh God...OH FUCK! OHHHH FUCKKKKK! Does that mean...? Could that possibly mean?? 👀👀💙💙👀👀💙

APPLE CHILD! My sweet apple child! His birthday is coming up soon too! 💙

Where’s my stick...

NOOOOO! Don’t cry, Epel! Please don’t cry! And the “dagnabbit” is adorably funny! I wasn’t gonna pull for Epel’s birthday card but I lowkey want to just to see how EN will translate that one part of his birthday story where he completely goes into his dialect.

Anywhoo, please don’t cry, Epel! Who would dare make my sweet apple child cry?! Cause the second I find them, me and my stick are gonna...

...oh...oh...nevermind...I’ll just put this stick down and see myself out...*backs away slowly*

FUUUUUCCCKKKK! THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERE HE IS MY DARLING HANDSOME SEXY SUS-AS-FUCK HUNTER!!! 💙💙💙

Aaaannndddd, I’m back on my Rook-thirst bullshit again. Sorry Epel, you’re on your own for now. When Rook comes on screen, my better judgement leaves me out the opposite window! And with that, let me end this before I get too far in my Pomefiore flailing. Yeah...🤣🤣🤣

[sokkascroptop]

would you be mad if i asked you if you can write a zuko x y/n drabble abt their relationship before he was banished? 🥺🥺

here it is!!! we’ll call this, a traitor prequel. I know that my inbox is about to be bursting with Zuko x Y/N headcanons and love and I’m okay with that. You think Azula was soft for Y/N? Zuko was a fucking Y/N simp from day fucking one. 

Also, for reference, Ren is Y/N’s oldest brother. And gd, I wish I had thought of this idea when I first was writing traitor instead of dropping this in the middle of the series. It would have given Y/N a bigger (and easier) reason to leave the Fire Nation. 

“You’re weak on your left side.” It was the third time that night she’d pointed it out and Zuko’s frustrations with her were growing. 

“Shut up, Y/N!” Zuko came at her with a vengeance. A well aimed blow was blocked by her. Zuko crossed his other sword overtop his right one, trapping hers between them. 

“I’m just trying to be helpful,” Y/N boasted. She pulled her sword away and backed off, still en garde. She gave him a little smirk. He wasn’t really mad at her, he just didn’t like to be corrected. 

Zuko dropped his swords to his sides. “Why do you antagonize me?”

“Ooh, big word!”

“Yeah, do you know what it means?” Zuko mused.

Y/N scowled and let her own sword fall. “Of course I know what it means!” She waved the tip of her sword in his direction. “Come on let’s finish sparring.”

Zuko shook his head and fitted his swords together. “I’m done for tonight.”

“But neither of us won!”

“Not everything has to be a competition Y/N. Sometimes we can just have fun together.” Noticing Y/N’s frown he added. “I have to get up early for firebending training.”

She sheathed her sword and they walked side by side back to their rooms. Zuko didn’t say anything more and Y/N wondered if she was wrong and he really was mad at her. “I’m sorry if you thought I was being mean,” Y/N said.

“You sounded like Azula,” Zuko commented. 

“What?” Y/N stopped dead in her tracks. 

Zuko ducked his head and looked at her sheepishly. “Ever since Ty Lee and Mai left you spend all your time with Azula. It makes you say things she would say.”

“Azula’s my friend, Zuko.”

“Well so am I! But every time we’re together you treat me like she does.”

“What does that even mean?” Y/N’s voice intensified with each word. 

“You’re cold. The only difference is you still apologize afterwards. You’ll stop doing that too.” Zuko turned on his heel and walked away from her. His back was tense and he had fists gripped at his sides.

Y/N was left in the hallway to try and figure out why what he said bothered her so much. 

---

“I came to apologize for yesterday.” Zuko had his hands behind his back and his head bowed. He was in his formal armor, not the lighter training clothes they wore when they would spar. 

Y/N frowned and opened the door more, motioning for him to come inside. 

He shook his head. “Lets walk in the gardens.”

“Why?”

“Just come on.” Zuko rolled his eyes and started walking away without her, she had to jog to catch up. 

“You never apologize. Especially when you think you’re right.”

“Am I right?” Zuko raised an eyebrow. 

It was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes. “About me being like Azula? I don’t know? I also don’t know how that’s a bad thing if I was.”

Zuko didn’t answer her as they walked side by side down the steps and into the garden. He parted the leaves of the lone willow tree and motioned for Y/N to walk under them. 

The willow tree was the largest tree in the garden by far, it’s expansive branches created an oasis underneath the canopy where you couldn’t see out, but more importantly, no one could see in. It had become Zuko and Y/N’s favorite spot to hide away. They both sat at the base of the trunk and leaned against the bark, bumping their shoulders together.

“My mother and I used to sit out here every day by the pond.”

Y/N turned to look at her friend. Zuko didn’t mention his mother anymore much, and when he did there was often a hint of resentment in his voice, now it was just wistful and sad. 

“I know,” Y/N tried to think of something else to say to fill the quiet. She hadn’t known Ursa for very long, but the memories, however few and far between they were, were fond ones. “She was kind,” Y/N said finally. 

Zuko didn’t reply; that didn’t matter to Y/N. They sat in a comfortable silence watching the bees flit around and pollinate the willow blooms. If Y/N ducked her head down she could see the edge of the pond under the willow leaves and the turtle ducks swimming around. But Y/N still had one question on her mind...

“Zuko, why did you bring me out here?” He didn’t answer. In fact, he didn’t even look at her, so Y/N continued. “Surely, you didn’t drag me out here to plant one on me again?”

Y/N grinned at Zuko’s reddening cheeks. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that!” he grumbled. “And I brought you here to apologize.” 

“You apologized when you came to my door. So what is this really about?”

Zuko had a nervous energy surrounding him, he began fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “I don’t like fighting with you, Y/N. We left on a bad note last night.”

Y/N sighed. “I know you and Azula don’t get along anymore. But don’t put me in a position where I feel like I need to choose between you two.” 

“I don’t want you to have to,” Zuko said earnestly. “I found out about a war meeting tonight. I’m going to try and get in, you should come with me.”

“A war meeting? No, why would I want to go to that?” Y/N had no interest in a meeting where generals like her father talked like they were Agni’s gift to the world. She had no idea why Zuko would want to either. 

Logically, Y/N knew that Zuko was to be Fire Lord, he was the heir and eventually he was going to have to partake in things like that. But, wouldn’t he want to avoid it as long as he could? Instead of jumping right in?

“Don’t you want to see what you’ll be doing one day?”

Y/N thought hard about that question. That had never occurred to her before. She never really imagined herself as a war general before, but that didn’t mean that other people didn’t see her potential to be one, and apparently even Zuko could see her doing that. Hopefully the war would be over before she ever had to make that decision, because that was not the person she wanted to end up being.

“Not particularly,” She answered softly. 

---

Y/N waited in one of the wide hallways that filled the palace for Zuko. She didn’t want to attend a war meeting, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to know what one was like. Zuko hadn’t immediately come back, so he apparently had been let inside. 

Y/N didn’t know how much time had passed, but it was enough that she had slid down the wall and leaned her head on her bent knees. Servants had given her strange looks as they passed her carrying trays of food or laundry but they didn’t say anything to her; knowing that it would probably be better to just not ask. 

Finally, when Zuko emerged from around the corner, Y/N jumped to her feet. 

“Well? How was it?” Y/N realized her voice was much too excited for how she had been speaking about the war meetings earlier and she toned it down. “Was it everything you had imagined?”

Zuko’s face was paler than usual, and he began walking away without answering her. Y/N ran to catch up and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face her. 

“What happened, Zuko?”

He grimaced and didn’t meet her eyes, instead opting to scout out the halls, looking to see if anyone was around them. Upon not finding anyone he backed them up into a recessed doorway; his golden eyes shining in the dim light. 

“I said something at the meeting.” Zuko looked at her, shellshocked at his own actions.

Y/N grasped his arms. “What happened?!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Zuko said, but it sounded like he was speaking more to himself than he was to her. “I disrespected this general–spirits I didn’t even know his name. He said he was going to send in a troop of new recruits to fight the Earth Kingdom army. They were going to be bait, Y/N. He was going to get them all killed and I told him he couldn’t do that...” Zuko’s voice trailed off. Y/N knew there was something he wasn’t saying. 

She dug her nails into his sleeves. “Zuko, what else happened?” 

“My father. He said I have to fight in an Agni Kai for disrespecting the general,” Zuko murmured.

Y/N’s heart began to race. An Agni Kai? She stepped back letting her body sag against the wall. She shut her eyes, closing off the tears that were brimming them. She wanted to scream at Zuko for being so foolish, but her voice came out in a whisper.  “Zuko, why would you do something like that? Why couldn’t you have just kept your mouth shut.”

Apparently, Zuko was not above yelling. “I had to!” His voice echoed through the hallway. 

When Y/N cracked open an eye he was avoiding looking at her face, choosing to stare at his feet. “Why?” she rasped. In Y/N’s heart, she knew what he was going to say. They’d been friends for too long and she knew that there were few things that he would use his voice to speak out against. He was always protecting her. 

“It was the 41st division. I couldn’t–” Zuko sighed.  

“Ren.” Y/N nodded and a tear slipped down her cheek. Zuko’s face softened and he laid a hand on her shoulder but that’s not what she needed right now. She wrapped her arms around Zuko and sobbed into his shoulder. “They’re gonna kill my brother, aren’t they?”

Y/N had never feared something more in her life. Coming from a military family, she knew the risks they all took when they signed up, but it had never hit her that this could happen to her. Ren wasn’t just some faceless soldier on the front lines, this was her brother, and those generals were playing with his life like he meant nothing. 

Zuko was hesitant to hug her back, but he eventually did. “That’s why I said something. I couldn’t have you think that I was somehow in on it.”

Y/N pulled away to look at Zuko, but looking at his hopeful face made her want to cry all over again. “I would never think that. But look at what you have to do because of me now.”

Zuko furrowed his brows. “I’m going to win, Y/N.”

Y/N wished she had the same arrogant, blind optimism that Zuko had about his Agni Kai. It didn’t matter who got burned and who threw the flame that burned them because in Y/N’s eyes, neither person was going to be the winner. 

---

Y/N didn’t knock and the guards that stood outside of Zuko’s door didn’t stop her from entering. She wouldn’t have let them stop her anyways. She’d waited for a week to come and see Zuko and she was running on adrenaline and tea. The moment she had heard what happened at the Agni Kai she wanted to run to him, but no one would tell her where he was. On one hand she wished she had been there, on the other, the thought of seeing the Fire Lord burn her friend’s face turned her stomach and she was glad she hadn’t tagged along with Azula. 

He wasn’t in bed, like she expected–in fact she wasn’t even sure what she had expected anyways; Zuko lying there half-dead? 

He was sitting on the floor, cross-legged in front of the tall mirror they all had in their rooms. He looked… the same. The unmarred side of his head was facing towards her and he was just staring at himself. 

He didn’t move even though the door to his bedroom slammed shut behind her. She approached cautiously, unsure of how he was going to take her showing up without any announcement. 

She stood behind him but she had yet to look down at his face, scared for what she was going to see. Instead, she stared at her own reflection, her tearful eyes that were threatening to overflow with each blink. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Her voice broke halfway through the sentence. 

She glanced down involuntarily and stifled a gasp. Half of his face was wrapped in white bandages. What was behind those bandages, she wondered, sickly. Did he still have his eye? Could he still hear out of that ear?

Whoever had treated him had shaved his hair back leaving just his phoenix tail. It made him look older, meaner; or maybe that was just the hard expression on his face. Y/N had never seen it before. 

Y/N didn’t even realize she was sinking to her knees until they hit the cold marble floor. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to tell herself that he was real and still in front of her, because after so many sleepless nights she had convinced herself that Zuko was dead. Finally, after what seemed like ages of staring in the mirror; staring at him waiting for permission, Zuko met her eyes. Y/N surged forward and held him. Zuko clung to her arms and their sobs filled the air. 

What had she done? Zuko had stood up for her in that meeting and for that he had lost half of his face, his honor, and for what? 

“When do you leave?” she asked, her throat still thick with tears. 

“Two days,” Zuko sniffled. Y/N stared at his one gold eye in the mirror and Zuko stared back with just as much intensity. 

 “Promise me you’ll come back safe.” Y/N eyes were burning with more tears as she said it but she refused to look away. Zuko didn’t have to answer her because they already knew the answer. Y/N turned and pressed a kiss into his cheek that was still wet with tears. And they sat like that–for minutes or hours–Y/N didn’t know, with Y/N’s arms wrapped around Zuko and him leaning back into her chest. Y/N didn’t need his protection anymore–no, she was going to protect him.

[bi-dazai]

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.

[mono-dot-jpeg]

tower of mistakes [pt.2] - o. tooru & k. kyotani

summary; i had to use you to make me feel strong.

genre; angst with no happy ending, angst, sad, there is no happy here, regrets were made

word count; 1.3k

warnings; dark themes, mentions of scooter ankle [su*cide], mentions of bullying

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ part 1

a/n; so people actually want a part two of my dumbass lowkey venting with a song? litty, this is gonna be following oikawa more than it will follow y/n and kyotani so yeah. take this sequel that will never top the first part

this one will be based off the song, “my time” by bo en. the translations might not be accurate so forgive me. i know the song isn’t abt scooter ankle but it fits well with the story.

Close you eyes, you’ll be here soon.

Oikawa didn’t think much after you left the team. One less person that could ruin the team right? He thought.

At first.

He saw you in the halls once in a while. You looked so dull...almost dead. It nearly scared him. What had happened after you left? Why did you look like that now?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 minutes

As time passed by, he watched you from afar as others hurt you with words more than actions. Is this what happened even before you joined? He had wondered. He had noticed how the new manager got too close to his teammates. He can remember how you were too scared to get close to anyone. Yet, you were somewhat close to Kyotani. Why?

I really want to sleep. But I cannot.

But he realized, you saw him as a form of protection from the world. Even with how rough and rude Kyotani was, you found a safe place with him though it wasn’t much. It meant a lot to Oikawa when he noticed how you preferred the angry male over him at first but now that he looked back at it, it made sense. Kyotani kept people away, you just wanted a safe place away from others. He was that safe place.

The rumors and everything took that away from you. He took that away from you. Oikawa couldn’t imagine the pain you felt after you were forced to quit. He took away something you found safety in. The only safe place you had was taken away from you.

Goodnight.

The new manager seemed rather lazy as the days went by. Oikawa noticed it, Iwazumi noticed it, and even Kyotani noticed it. She did the bare minimum of her manager work. y/n would always do the most. Oikawa thought subconsciously. When the new manager finished the minimum of the work, she would be on her phone.

Goodnight.

y/n wouldn’t do that. He thought again. He can remember when you were so generous with helping the others. Iwazumi often had to scold you and tell you to take a break. Kyotani would even urge you to take a break. The new manager took a lot of breaks, it was questionable to the entire team if she really did her job as manager or not.

Goodnight.

Oikawa often used to find the girl snickers with others and pointing at someone. That someone was you but Oikawa never had a chance to find out.

Goodnight.

Oikawa was restless, what more did he take away from you? What more bad did he do before you went up and left without a trace? The rumors.

Goodnight, goodnight. Close your eyes and you’ll leave this dream.

He knew how bad rumors could get. He was popular after all. He can think about a few of those rumors that made you and Kyotani uncomfortable. Sometimes you were assumed to be a couple but you knew it was far from being that. 

That’s strike one.

Somebody had framed you for hurting someone. Everyone believed the rumor. Unfortunately, the team did too because all the evidence had pointed to you despite you knowing you never did it (and the mere fact that no one let you defend yourself).

That’s strike two.

You paid your way into the team. People had claimed. They thought you weren’t worthy enough to be a manager. Oikawa sometimes felt like that when it came to volleyball. He wondered how often you felt that way when you were in the team.

That’s strike three.

Goodnight, goodnight. I know that it’s hard to do.

Why couldn’t he realize it sooner? Maybe this wouldn’t have happened then. The dread that hung along every member of the team everytime your name would be uttered. People would talk about you as if you were an old friend but it was far from the truth. You were a victim. The team realized that. Fellow classmates didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. They were the cause of your demise.

Days go by. Oh, well. Moments passed, shattered glass.

The team lived with the guilt, the misery, the suffering of knowing that they could’ve done something but they didn’t. Oikawa watched the life get sucked out of the team as news of your death spread. It hit him rather hard but not as hard as it hit Kyotani. While Kyotani didn’t talk much to you, he liked your presence.

But his last words to you were, “Stop getting in my way!” He yelled at you before you got kicked off the team and that was the last time he talked to you. He regrets it now. He wished he didn’t push you away when you were only trying to care for him. His last words to you were burning in his mind. He hated it because he knew he was one of the reasons you were now gone. 

Hands of time. Where’s that chime?

He never said anything but he knew that you found a safe place with him. He was your safe place and he managed to mess it up when it was so easy to not mess it up. He knew a lot about your situation back then, he told you to ignore it. That he would take care of it. But he didn’t. That’s what made it hurt more. 

He was supposed to keep you safe. But he didn’t. 

In my head. I’ll just...I’ll just...I’ll just...I’ll just...

It was the day. More like the anniversary. It was the day you died. Oikawa swallowed the lump in his throat. It was his last year in Aoba Johsai, it would’ve been yours too. It was time to pay you a visit. The third years and second years stayed behind as the first years left the gym. There’s a dead silence. Everyone knew what was gonna happen.

The walk is short. Or maybe they were too fast. They all stood in front of the gravestone.

y/n l/n

Your name was engraved with the usual stuff that would be on a grave.

Hands of time will wring my neck. Every little moment spells regret.

Oikawa’s hands shake as he places the flowers the ground. He starts to talk as if you were still there. Still there and able to be their manager. Still there and alive. It doesn’t take long for the other to join in. They seemed to understand that Oikawa did this to cope easier. Iwazumi knew he did this every time they visited you. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t do it either.

But I don’t have to feel this way. As a voice inside my head.

“I’m sorry.”

Goodnight.

“We hurt you.”

Goodnight.

“You didn’t deserve it at all.”

Goodnight.

“I hope you will live peacefully in another life.”

Goodnight.

Kyotani was the first one to leave. He didn’t want to face you even in you were in a grave. He thought he didn’t deserve it. To see you. To even face you. That this was his fault. He walked. And walked.

Goodnight, goodnight. Close your eyes and you’ll leave this dream.

He stopped by the convenience store, walking right in to grab a drink and a snack. More specifically your favorites. It had become routine for him and you to go here and buy stuff. It was still routine for him. Maybe it was because it left so many memories for him. He didn’t wanna leave the memories. He wished he cherished them more.

Goodnight, goodnight. I know that it’s hard to do.

He arrived home, waving off his mother and father and going straight to his room. He was greeted by the corkboard that hung on his room. It was filled with memories. Memories that he wished that he was happier in. 

Goodnight, goodnight. Close your eyes and you’ll leave this dream.

Goodnight, goodnight. I know that it’s hard to do.

He sat on his bed, face buried in his hands. His shoulders trembling and before he knew it, he was crying. 

Goodnight, goodnight. Close your eyes and you’ll leave this dream.

Goodnight, goodnight. I know that it’s hard to do.

“Goodnight y/n. I wish I was there for you more.”

[autumngracy]

Things I’m hoping for in Pokemon Sword and Shield

A corgi pokemon, that evolves into some kind of pure or dual fairy type, because of the mythology behind corgis being that faeries rode them and that’s why they have a saddle pattern on their back. Maybe it could be one of those pokemon that requires a certain fairy type pokemon at the front of your party, or to be traded in exchange for it, for it to evolve!

A unicorn pokemon, because SCOTLAND!!

Some kind of sports minigame (probably we will get football but golfing would be cool too) where either you, your pokemon, or both simultaneously play together

An area with some dramatic, gothic/romantic british rocky shores, with occasional fog, where you could maybe catch spooky ghost and dark pokemon

Some kind of dragon pokemon because come on, it’s Britain, but also because WALES

Definitely some grass/rock/ground types that take inspiration from Celtic mythology

GIVE ME A NEW WOLF POKEMON (I mean there’s some kind of wolf pokemon on the logos so I have my hopes up). It would be interesting if it was or evolved into some kind of ghost type bc wolves are now extinct in Britain (but used to be they’re biggest source of nightmare fuel)

Just. Lots more fairy pokemon bc of Celtic mythology and also the Victorians obsession with them

Please god give me a kelpie pokemon. Please, Gamefreak. You do an equidae, cervidae or bovidae based pokemon practically every gen anyway!!

A Loch Ness Monster pseudolegendary would be great. This may be where Sobble’s final evolution is headed though rather than it being a legendary, idk.

Please don’t give us any weird “leprechaun” type pokemon bc. That shit is so racist and prejudiced against the Irish and Irish heathenism.

Maybe like some kind of stag pokemon like the mythic white stag type stuff, idk. It’s pretty prevalent in European and Gaelic culture but I know we have a number or deer pokemon already ...

Give me some nice moorland areas to play in Nintendo!!! Give me bogs! Give me foggy forests! Give me fields of heather you cowards!! You always have purple flower tall grass areas anyways!!

I really want them to keep having a lot of pokemon just chilling in the overworld, like not just static ones that have one type of interaction but ones that feel alive and wild. Have the noises they make in there too like in Sun and Moon!

It might be random but I do really like the idea of a cute little early route chicken pokemon

A weasel type pokemon reminiscent of stoats or pine martens! (I know Furret exists but shhh. Let me have this)

A nice long looping route that we can use to hatch eggs, and/or the kind of hot spring feature we got in SuMo that incubated eggs for us en masse

I just really need some more well-designed ghost and dark pokemon, like for real. There’s so much opportunity in them there hills

I wouldn’t be adverse to some steampunk lookin industrial revolution based pokemon so long as they don’t go the route of the Klink line. I just hate the “possessed and/or sentient object” pokemon concept ... (no offense, honedge and phantump lines. Y’all are okay in my book)

A Black Dog ghost or dark or dual type pokemon, based on all the different Black Dog/Black Shuck/Gurt Dog myths/sightings in Britain (this seems to be confirmed already via a logo in the background of the Gen 8 reveal trailer so I am HYPE)

A Dullahan pokemon (like the headless horseman) would be cool ... maybe accomplish it by having two separate pokemon—a horse that could be like a kelpie type of pokemon; a humanoid ghost type pokemon without a head, or just the misty shape of one—that require each other to evolve, either by trade or by party placement, and create a combo rider pokemon?

There’s always some spooky town/area in every game that’s like highly rumored to be haunted (or just filled with ghost pokemon which is basically the same thing I guess) and I reeeeaally want it to be modeled after Edinburgh. However I will also accept spooky misty old-growth forest for this concept, though it is not super unique. I believe the latter may already have been shown to exist in the trailer. It would be nice to at least have part of a major town/city have that haunted “blood has been spilled here and the cobblestones have no forgotten it” vibe though.

Please god give me some Celtic folk music. Please!! And if there’s a docks/harbor/shoreline area I would love some music with sea shanty vibes or something! And HARP MUSIC.

Okay but what if bagpipes are to Galar what trumpets were to Hoenn. Like how fuckin funny would that be. Holy shit

Idk actually have some interesting stories behind the geogylph rock art shown in the game trailer rather than them just being background landscape features.

A boar pokemon maybe?? I know we got a lot of pig looking pokemon but ... wild boar though ...

Bring back trainer customization but don’t do that thing where certain clothing types/colors are exclusive to the different versions and you can’t get them all even by paying exorbitant amounts bc I hate that shit so much

LET ME WEAR A KILT

I KNOW UR PROLLY GONNA PULL SOME GENDER BULLSHIT ABT IT BUT AT LEAST LET ME WEAR A MULTITUDE OF TARTAN SKIRT PATTERNS LIKE PLEASE GAMEFREAK

SPORRANS

It would be really cool if they had like. Pokemon races. Like where you could ride them in a race. Idk.

A difficulty mode for the in-game battles would be nice. Give me a challenge, man. Make the ai smarter. Idk.

I really wish it was possible to catch wild pokemon with truly randomly generated ivs like I hate knowing that anything I catch without chaining for hours will have only three or less good stats ... Don’t make me feel like I can’t ever use any of the pokemon I catch in the Wild competitively :( It makes me sad to use all these pokemon throughout the game and love them only to have them be useless in a “real” fight at the end of it all.

Definitely give me night and day transitions but also I would die to have the seasons mechanic come back