#sorry for not putting it under a readmore im on mobile

[persephinae]

.

Someone in the tags, "if I see Main Character even touch the obvious Love Interest I will chop his hand off because I'm an edgelord and I like letting everyone know my shit opinions"

Thanks for letting us know bud! *block*

[bandit-savage]

I often wonder at my own greed. I don't want money, not any more than I need to live a comfortable life. But I want love. So. Very. Badly. I want it so much it hurts. I want it like my lungs want oxygen, and I burn the same way in its absence. I have a lover already. A handsome, silly boy that I love to the ends of the earth and back. And despite our problems I'm sure he loves me the same. But for shame, he's not enough. There are others. Others I yearn for. Others I crave, in flesh and breath and soul.

And I shouldn't, oh I shouldn't.

For they love me already, in the ways that should be enough. In the way you love a sibling, in the way comrades pull each other through hell. In the way I already love them too...

God, it should be enough. Why isn't it enough? Why do I dream of their bodies pressed against mine? Why do I steal glances in the way a friend shouldn't? Why do I turn green with envy when I see the way they're already loved?

It's not fair. It's not fair to them. Why should they be desired by such a wretched, ugly thing? They are happy, loved as they should be, as they're deserved, by individuals fit to do so. What is so kindly given already is a gift, a blessing. It should be enough.

Please forgive this greedy fool. Why is it not enough?

[the-ultimate-muses]

The breeder was distant, eyes trained to the floor as his icy hand was taken into Sonia's own. He had a high pain tolerance, sure (he had to), but Gundham gave not a single twitch as his knuckles were cleaned. "No, I..." He...probably shouldn't say he can't even feel it... "It does not hurt."

A deep swallow followed a shaky breath, Gundham still unmoving despite her request. "It is not a matter of desire, but necessity. Someone aside from my mother and I should know, should the worst come." What the 'worst' was exactly wasn't said, there being far too many answers to its identity. "I am telling you now, I have made peace with this. My father is vile and cruel, however I am not the child he remembers me to be." Small and scared, yet trying to protect his mother with hands too small to cause any pain. "He...was here, had been waiting by my car. He wanted money, said my mother and I owed him for disappearing all those years ago, and I refused. A sort brawl ensued, however when he...when he slammed me against my car, its alarm began to sound, causing him to flee. After I caught my breath, I...ended up here. I cannot recall even standing from the ground, let alone walking through these halls...

"As for my hesitation towards your care, I simply...this wasn't a memory I wanted to share with you, simply from how it tends to affect others. However I...I do wish for you to know. Though, it has been some time, since I last spoke of this..." Eyes darting to Sonia for a moment, Gundham stood after removing his coat and scarf, his shirt being painfully lifted over his head as his back was turned towards her. There were many, many scars; some of which had obvious causes, with others being more difficult to discern. Most were from animals he'd cared for over the years, but upon closer inspection, there were many that were far too scattered, similar in size and depth, yet having no clear pattern where they underlied the others.

They were whipping scars.

"He...used a belt. I had dropped a glass of water, or so my mother has told me. It was the final transgression she would allow, our belongings being packed into just two suitcases before we fled in her car. We were always moving after that, or so it felt. I wonder now if it truly was because my mother was seeking better work, or if she was afraid that if we lingered, he would find us.

"I was only five, and that car would serve as our home for another six or so years. You...can discern why this isn't a tale oft told..." He didn't fear pitty, as much as it tended to irk him, but he simply didn't want to make Sonia upset, yet another person tainted by the demon. "I'm sorry that you must learn of it a whole, let alone like this. But as I said, I have made peace with it." Had he really? It...was difficult to tell at times...

Any further protest, he knew, would do no good, Gundham well aware of how stubborn Sonia was once she set her mind to something. Of course, he could break away from her easily, Sonia was strong in her own right, but Gundham had the advantage of size on his side. Part of him wanted to do just that, but another knew it would be too much of a reaction, that such a thing would garner more suspicion and worry than if he were to just go along without fuss. Besides, if he refused her help so intensely, it would no doubt make Sonia upset, maybe even feel like he didn't trust her, as was the case with most people. Sonia was different, and the fact that he went with her willingly after that first protest died as it hit the air showed as much.

Despite how numb his body felt, Gundham could tell he was shaking, the leftover emotions from his altercation, and now this starting to make themselves known. He was in this now, so he might as well keep compliant, get it over with as soon as possible. Maybe she wouldn't notice, if he did.

"The...the blood is not mine, I am almost certain." No he wasn't, still unable to feel most of his injuries, and having been unable to really take stock of them after they were acquired. "Other than my hands, that is." Or, more accuratly, his knuckles; the fair skin broken and bruised, with his left having gone unbandaged that day. He'd had a good streak going, not having to bind it. So much for that now...

"It is mostly bruising. But..." A pause as eyes that had been flickering about the room finally landed on Sonia and the pure worry on her face. It struck something in him, leaving a breath to catch in his lungs before taking a long, deep breath. Hiding it was pointless, if she didn't learn of it now, she would no doubt sometime in the future. It was best to get past it while these volitile emotions were already being felt.

"I believe...the worst of it is across my torso, or rather my back. I'm unsure, but...I...there is...something you should know, before tending to them..." It wasn't the first time she'd seen him without a shirt, he was sure, but as far as he knew, it was the first time she would be looking so closely, enough that she might realize...not all his scars could be blamed on his animals. Hell, maybe she already knew, she wasn't stupid, the story of how Grizner had marred his back believable sure, but there was no doubt someone would eventually see through the ruse. If anyone could, it was Sonia, he was sure of it.

"...How much have I told you of my father?"

[chaseprice]

hi!! hope i’m not a bother. i just came across u and i wanted to ask something,,,

basically, i joined the life is strange fandom in 2018 so i never got to experience the pre-bts era, meaning i didn’t get to experience what rachel was like to the fandom back then or see the different interpretations of her.

i did some digging and i found some fan content of her from 2015-2016 & i’m absolutely infatuated with all aspects of the fanon version of her, especially her personality & how she looked. i totally wanna embody her. also the love is strange vn was so interesting to play, i love how she was written. i’d love to know more!

i stumbled across ur blog while i was doing my digging and i saw an old long post of urs saying how bts didn’t live up to the fandoms expectations, as almost everyone perceived her differently.

sorry for all the yapping LOL but what i basically wanna ask is,,, how *exactly* did the fandom perceive rachel back then (2015-2016). what were some popular headcanons for her? things you guys even considered to be canon? what were some of your own *personal* headcanons? (can be silly, realistic,,, just anything you thought resonated with her)

do you have any favorite arts from that time period that you thought really captured her? what were your hopes for the prequel/rachels character before it was released? what did you want to see in terms of story? was rachel’s style, appearance, & personality extremely different than what you expected? what did you expect?

i assume that rachels treatment in the fandom was different then than what it is now. whether it’s better or worse, i’m not sure. i was hoping u could answer that too😞. recently i’ve just been seeing constant hatred or lack of care for her character so i’m starting to think that if bts was written differently and based on the fandom’s interpretations instead, the hate now wouldn’t be this bad.

from my digging it seems like you guys had alot of fun sculpting rachel’s character on your own, and the interpretations were probably more realistic than what decknine put together.

anyway i’m sorry for the yapping essay on this random saturday, most old lis accounts are dead & i didn’t know who else to ask☹️. just trying to relive what you guys experienced the best i can. hope i’m not bombarding you with this. thank you so much if u respond !!

hiii u def did not bother me, i am not in a position to answer all of these questions, but although it makes me feel ancient, it's cute to see so much passion for rachel and pre-BTS fandom opinion, so i'll try answer some and for the rest (art, hcs, etc.) im just gonna have to direct you to my archive* (will continue under the readmore)

*(tumblr archive is so broken on mobile so you gotta go on pc for this, but also there's so many gifs from that time so it will Definitely slow down your browser). i was insane and 17 years old so like, just excuse all of the cringe content i guess. you can click tag and filter it by either #lis #rachel amber #amberprice or whatever to try and find stuff like art. and i got into lis sept 2015 so that's like, as far back as it will go, but i was fully lisbrained from 2016 through 2018)

to be honest, in alignment with pre-bts thought lmao, rachel is whoever you want her to be. there was less of 'this is a correct objective fact about her personality/history' and more 'yeah, this is an idea the fandom really likes and has become fanon, most likely because it is a nuanced and entertaining and realistic interpretation of what we have seen of her character in lis1' which means people whose opinions conflicted with that might've be contested/laughed at/unpopular, but they weren't wrong per se. there were plenty of people i'd criticise (and ridicule) back then for implying that this teenage girl was evil, and being a teenager myself back then, i'd call them morally reprehensible and cancellable and whatever, but tbh, as an adult now, i can just see that it was simply a boring interpretation of her character informed by misogyny

i'd disagree with the notion that fandom treatment of rachel's character was better before bts, back then there were plenty of people seemingly excited to characterise her as emotionally manipulative, a cheater, deserved what she got, etc. as well, bc tbh, the story did leave room for that interpretation, but it left room for so much more as well. i feel like bts just really locked in on a certain story they wanted to tell plot-wise, and didn't choose to explore a lot of the questions fans had about rachel as a person. it's hard to turn the ambiguity of a friendship turned situationship over a period of 4 years into a playable experience for an audience - so they didn't. regardless, it got people thinking about rachel more, putting a spotlight on her, hence increased attention both positive and negative. i feel like there's just a fundamental difference between what lis1 fans enjoyed about the potential for her character and how she related with chloe and the world around her, and what deck9 wanted to portray in bts (yes they hit the astrological headcanons, the charmingness, her rebellion, the emotional conflicts... but it personally felt hollow, contrived sometimes, i suppose). but there were a lot of people who loved bts (i enjoyed a lot of parts of it!). just, in my opinion, some of those were quite different people from who loved lis1, and with that wave it brought a lot of emotional immaturity to the fandom (like... ship wars, really? that was an insane change to fandom dynamics for me lmao, but maybe i was just spoiled by surrounding myself with people whose takes i respected)

anyway i highly recommend also that if you're hungry for that kind of content, read fanfiction on AO3 by the old fans - by Mogatrat (TON of rachel centric ones there), explosionshark and tippytypewriter, chicknparm (though Cusp is written post-bts, it's informed by pre-bts characterisations), vicepoint (me hehe), def many more good ones out there those r jus my friends so they come to mind first, e.g. i liked homecoming by kriegersan back in the day, but you could def find some more by sorting the lis ao3 page by kudos and reading the older ones that are highly rated featuring rachel. and lastly, my gf wrote a beautifully worded blog post called "The Assassination of Rachel Amber by the Cowards Dontnod and Deck Nine" which gets into some of this from a media crit perspective (not about fandom) in a very eloquent way thru comparison w twin peaks and i highly recommend that

rachel hcs that def started way before bts: skater rachel, stoner rachel, punk music listener rachel (but also like, fleetwood mac cranberries cocteau twins grungy hippy stuff rachel too), rachel's parents being distant and still living in california, curvy thick rachel, things that i've accepted as canon but were def created by diff people: bri explosionshark hc'd that rachel paid for chloe's sleeve, mogatrat (i think) hc'd that rachel initially went to get her nips pierced with chloe (that's a longtime fan hc now idk who started that one) but chickened out at the last minute, i think she also hc'd that chloe made the earring for rachel which is cute too

[sunnnfish]

Due to the mental anguish I am rambling about tbhk. I WAS going to put this under a readmore but that keeps breaking the post on mobile so. Im sorry. Tons of spoilers for chapter 99. And like the whole series. You know how it is.

I feel like I need to make an itemized list because there’s so fucking much I need to talk about right now

The violence and parallels to tsukasa. I mean who can forget tsukasa prying mitsubas mouth open to feed him number 3s heart. Who knows what tsukasa’s intentions were but they weren’t necessarily bad— as we know now mitsuba needs to eat to survive plus number 3 was like a pretty big power boost that would keep him together for a longer time. So he likely just wanted mitsuba to live comfortably. BUT ALSO there’s the beginning of the chapter where tsukasa tells mitsuba to dig the heart out himself vs kou who gets it for him. Anyways. With kou here it clearly came from a similar place of wanting mitsuba to not disappear. There’s a desperation to it and fear and it’s one I personally actually know quite well. I’ve dealt with friends refusing to eat and take care of themselves and it is a violent frustrating feeling that just ends with crying after the anger fades. There’s a lot of confusion like. Why do you not care about yourself as much as I care about you. Anyways. His actions make a lot of sense to me bc I have felt and done the exact same things.

Me core ^

and THEN there’s mitsubas feelings of wanting to be fucking exorcised and going to the fucking minamoto household to do it there’s so much here hang on. Like. I think he went to the minamoto house for some sliver of hope. If he wanted to for sure disappear he probably could’ve waited it out or something better but he went to the place where, depending on who answered the door, he’d either die or be faced with fucking. Kou minamoto. And the fact the he chose to reveal himself to kou it’s like. Did you really want to disappear. Did you really. And then taking him out on a fucking date basically like. You don’t want to disappear do you. You just don’t want to be. This. He wants to be human. He wants someone who will understand him and. And. Kou so readily accepts and understands him. Even the parts he thinks are ugly or unworthy. Fuck.

AND THEN. Kous feeling of inadequacy and fearing that mitsuba trusts tsukasa more than him and connecting to the vision he saw in the red house. Whether he accepts it or not he wants mitsuba to need him. The red house showed him a mitsuba who told him that he needs kou that he wants kou to be a supernatural with him and he brushes it away knowing mitsuba would never say that to him. He tells himself that mitsuba would never trust him or want him like that but he wants it to be real and he’s still hurt when the real mitsuba won’t open up to him. And it all comes back to his overall self worth issues of wanting to be strong and dependable and worthy.

AND this is all under the context of Teru finally letting kou have some responsibility and telling him to go exorcise the low level spirit that came near their home and AaaaaAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU. KOU MINAMOTO……..

God its just. Kou minamoto cares about mitsuba so so so much and neither of them completely understand the gravity of it all. Also at this point hes said like 3 times that mitsuba is the root of all his worries. ALSO dont even get me started on the art and expressions this chapter. It’s so gorgeous like as always but. God. Also the keychains. Im gonna[blaring truck horn]

ALSO the way mitsuba says at the end like ‘you’d be lonely without me’ or whatever and kou almost looks shocked for a second like. Oh. And its like he thinks about it more and cries more because yeah, he would be lonely. He’s been lonely. Mitsuba somehow inexplicably became like his closest friend that knows everything about him and god he was lonely when mitsuba disappeared. The first time and the second. And he’s barely had time to process any of it because to everyone else around him mitsuba doesnt really. Matter. And because kou is so kind he is always putting everyone else’s problems in front of his own. The severance happens and it becomes a journey to help nene bring hanako and aoi back—next to no mention mitsuba aside from the leads to the red house, much less trying to find and save him too. The whole time theyre in the boundary to the far shore its all about hanako and nene and number 6. And there’s STILL the conversation about how to become a supernatural that he brought up with nene but noooooo we cant ever know anything about what kou wants. And like. It all comes back around this chapter because he so so selfishly wants mitsuba to live. One of the only things he lets himself want. And it aches. God. I wish i was any good or natural at prose writing because god the things i would write about minamoto kou. AND TO TOP IT OFF HES LIKE FUCKING 14 YEARS OLD…. Okay. Okay im done.

[wuffzilla]

I already disliked not putting my long ass Dream Posts under readmores, despite having a good reason, but was comforted knowing I tagged them so people could BLOCK EM.

But today I’ve been hit with the realization that blocking tags doesn’t affect the APP.

Meaning you swell peeps who follow me & use mobile have to scroll aaaaaallllllllll the way thru my rambling!

IM SO SORRY!!!!

I gotta find another solution, cause I just had to scroll thru a ridiculously LOOOOOOONG post & don’t wanna put others thru that kind of pain.

[bi-dazai]

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.

[bluntforcefem]

rai what. is twewy i am so so intrigued so here's your open invitation to paragraphpost if you like?

hiii cleo i will! try my best to explain >:•]

side note from rai who finished paragraphposting: it's a long one! i kinda ended up summarizing week one with some tangents to explain stuff, but it gets: kinda complicated storywise after week 1 in a way iiiii cant get into in text form in an ask. it's a very fun time. i very much recommend consuming this video game in some for but for now: Longpost!

twewy (full name: the world ends with you, which ends up relatively important) is a video game about a guy named neku! neku is: dead, has no memories, and is extremely. the best word for it is edgy. he doesn't want to talk to other people, he's an asshole, he kind of starts out SUPER unlikeable! we'll get there.

meanwhile, the whole "i hate talking to other people" thing kiiiinda sucks for him, because after he died he got tossed into the reaper's game, and now he's gotta find a partner or he'll Super Die Forever With No* Way Of Getting Back (or: Erasure!)

*there is a way of coming back from erasure but it's a WHOLE thing

the reaper's game is a game that takes place in shibuya, where you trade an "entry fee"—whatever is the most important to you, however concrete or abstract that might be—in order for a chance to live again. you gotta survive a WHOLE WEEK til the end! you find a partner, make a pact with them, and then you can fight the "noise" with these things called psyches.**

the reaper's game has a composer, a conductor, a producer, a game master, and normalass reapers. the first three don't really come into play until after week one, but the best summary of them is: the composer is the city's Person. if the city is Erased, the composer goes with it. they shape the city, and shape the rules of the game. the conductor is a reaper chosen by the composer to play out the games and run them. the producer is An Angel From The Higher Plane, who's job is to oversee the city and make sure things are running smoothly and that its not gonna get erased. game masters cycle out week by week, and theyre just normal reapers!

**psyches are magic abilities based on pins (actual LITERAL pins) that are special for the reaper's game. you need high imagination to be good with them! noise are just silly goofy guys that can influence the emotions and trends of shibuya. reapers are guys who are Specifically Trying To Challenge Players, and stop them from winning.

there's a lot of terminology in this game that kinda gets into the weeds! thats the basics, though, and if you forget any its kinda (hand wavey) not so important for the rest of this

so back to neku. neku makes a pact with this girl named shiki misaki, who is absolutely wonderful. she wanted to be a fashion designer before she died, and she carries around a plush cat named "mr. mew" that she uses to fight the noise. neku tries to kill her at some point! its: not a great time. its not until later in the week where they actually start to become, like, friends.

during week 1, neku and shiki meet this other pair of partners named beat and rhyme. beat is rhyme's brother, but rhyme doesn't remember him thanks to entry fees! rhyme is very sweet, and beat is, with all my love, a himbo who is kind of a punk who just wants to protect his sister! both of them died after beat tried to save rhyme, failed, and He Kind Of Feels Absolutely Awful About That One! uuunfortunately, rhyme is Erased saving beat from a big shark noise in the Game, and without a partner, you can't survive! it's a whole thing.

mr. h shows up! takes beat away, this is not the last we'll see of either of them. previously mr. h had shown up to do things like: explain the game, and stop neku from killing shiki like an idiot just because a reaper told him to, etc. he introduces the trust your partner motif. he's kinda important! i like him. he's the only responsible adult in this WHOLE video game.

so you go through the week, and you fight noise and complete missions and play tin pin slammer, and neku and shiki become friends. you find out shiki's entry fee was her physical appearance, and that she's been taking on her friend eri's appearance during the game! her self-confidence is not exactly the greatest.

so things keep going along, and neku starts aaaactually trying not to be an asshole, but it gets: a little messy. on day 7, after they beat the game master and the game, neku & shiki are told that only one of them gets to be alive again!

wuh oh.

shiki is chosen to rejoin the RG (or the alive world), and neku is given the choice, hey either become a reaper or die or play again!

so he plays again.

since he won the last game, he gets his first entry back—his memories (but some are missing!) and his entry fee for the second game is shiki herself.

Wuh Oh!

and onto week 2. there's a really good recap podcast of the game if you both like podcasts and want to hear that (called got it memorized a neo twewy recap podcast currently) and i suuuuper cant do the game justice like this, but!! but. its very fun i like it a lot and it has good writing***

***there are some less than fun spots a la "this is a game written 15 years ago" but there's surprisingly few for a game written 15 years ago. y'know how it is.

[kirkwallers]

Ok I've been saying this in a lot of tags but I'm finally gonna articulate it in a post here we go

Garrus is a character that for 2/3rds of the series is there to be guided by shepard. He always let's them guide his moral compass, then listens to their choices and then analyzes him until he understands, and comes out different on the other side

Which is why, to me, Garrus in me3 is weird because absolutely none of that paid off. For the first time in mass effect, he doesnt have two paths, and he doesnt have two versions of his character.

They try to make up for this by making him always agree with what shepard does, but usually mentions that he mightve considered the other option. My first....50 playthroughs it didnt bug me so maybe its nbd but I noticed this time and its weird because the Bioware Centrist thing theyre trying to pull off just doesnt make sense.

They assume that shepard is going to make consistent choices, and having garrus agree with those choices always gives you the illusion that hes learned, but in me1 if you paragon his ass for the whole game then steal the normandy he calls you out on it! He asks for clarification and understanding bc their actions didnt line up with their words and he wasnt cool with that.

They took 'this is a character that wants to learn and be guided by Shepard' and transformed it into 'Shepards bff and the most loyal' but I dont know if that's actually right from what we had seen before

Dont get me wrong I like garrus in me3 I think hes fun I love the bff angle and the bottle shooting but it's also just not quite right and not the right path for him because we've been shown him listening to shepard for 3 games but he doesnt seem to have internalized any of it. Instead it just seems like he has no values that he holds closely when 2 missions with shepard shouldve been enough to figure those out.

Killing sidonis or not isnt even flagged by the game bc it's just never brought up again. His personal quest in me2 acts like it's the breaking point and hes going to be changed forever regardless of what he does and it's his moment to finally choose a side and decide who he is but he just....ends up in exactly the same place making the exact same choices either way and that....feels really weird and ooc to me

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

big tw for eating habits and food stuff but!!! i am awake before noon had avocado toast with everything bagel seasoning for breakfast and now i'm having coffee with oat milk and a cigarette before i work out for like 45 minutes vs the last few years of my life it was Normal for me to drive thru mcdonald's at 3 am for a Snack of two whole entire mcchickens and to never be out of bed unless i was at work and i am feeling. very proud of myself lmao

[howdy-hd]

i am! going to get sappy for a moment if you please! because a friend of mine's post made me think of something:

thank you to everyone who has ever left kind words for me about my art or otherwise, either in my askbox or in the tags.

i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record with my all caps and my keysmashing. i just literally cannot put into words how good all of you have been for me! i love receiving your asks and i love reading your tags. seeing my art have even a little bit of a positive impact on someone is worth everything in the world to me. when someone says "your art makes me happy", i just like... cannot put into words how nice that feels.

i know i probably sound like i've got my own head up my ass, and the last thing i wanna do is come off as pompous or self-centered. i'm not exactly sure how to talk about receiving praise in a way that is completely free of that implication, so i will just say what comes to mind.

i know someone somewhere might say it's unhealthy to have parasocial relationships and notes and comments and such impact your mind in such a way. and i recognize that there's a lot of you i don't know at all beyond what i see on your blogs! but i feel like your words have really put the wind in my sails these past few weeks. i'm getting more done at work and at home and it's generally been easier to wake up in the morning lol. I feel like you all are such a positive impact on my life. i feel like i'm doing something good for someone, and that i'm competent at something, which i guess is helping me to feel like i'm able to be competent at other things.

i dunno. maybe that frame of mind is dangerous and i shouldn't rely on it too much. but whatever. i just wanted to let you all know how much i appreciate you and all the kindness i've been shown here lately. normally my blog is pretty quiet and you all have made it so much fun.

[machikuragii]

Yuchi (of course ❤), Yukeru, Akigure, Kakeru and Kimi, Machi and Rin, Machi and Tohru, Machi and Saki, Momiji and Machi, Haru and Machi, Machi and Kagura, Machi and Motoko? (I'm sorry if this is too many 😂)

Thank you for the ask, absolutely don’t worry about sending so many (I appreciate it!!) but I hope you don’t mind the long response!!

Yuchi:

- I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY

Look man, Yuchi has been my ship ever since I finished the fruba manga at the ripe old age of 12. I just love everything about it, I love that the cumulation of Yuki’s development is him reaching out and helping another that’s struggling, I love how Machi just instantly ‘gets’ Yuki and reads him like no one’s ever been able to before, I love how much effort Yuki puts in to getting to know&understand Machi in the process of helping her grow. I love the little and big ways they give to each other, I love their dorky gift exchanges, I love how frequent&how genuine their smiles are in the presence of each other. I love how Yuki gets playful and teasing exclusively around Machi, I love how effortlessly adorable Machi is when she is being bashful around Yuki, and I love how through the process of, and by being around each other, they encourage and inspire the other to grow as a person.

Yukeru: answered here. I like it, I just can’t really ship it in parallel with Yuchi because they’re such a close circle.

Akigure:

- not really my thing

The funny thing is that I genuinely like both Shigure and Akito as characters. I don’t condone what they did, of course, but I think they’re fascinating and I like seeing them around. However, their relationship and how it was executed doesn’t sit well with me. I’m basically camp “Akito needed therapy not a relationship at the end of the series”. I’m not against them getting together a while after the series ends, but I think they need time apart to sort out their personal issues, and so as it stands currently in canon, I don’t agree with the relationship.

Kakeru/Kimi:

- BROTP

Prefer them as friends/partners in crime. Personally my Kimi ship is Kimi/Momiji because of r3dmi1es.

Machi/Rin:

- hELL YES

I love Machirin so much!! Just...just think about how GOOD their interactions would be!! I can just SEE in my head Machi seeing Rin & instantly crushing on her real hard, and she’d be able to see through Rin’s frosty exterior so quickly lol. I’m not big on multishipping but I’m making an exception for these two bc their dynamic...I vibe w/ it. Would love to see more fics and stuff for these two!!

Machi/Tohru:

- BROTP

Machi and Tohru absolutely adore each other and you can’t tell me any different!! But like, not in a romantic sense.

Machi/Saki:

- I’m curious, can I know more?

Ohh, this is interesting!! I feel like they would have a really great dynamic, you have my support!!

Machi/Haru: answered here

Machi/Kagura:

- leaves me kind of indifferent?

Kind of a miss for me. I can’t see them being very close. I don’t actually know who I’d ship with Kagura, hmm.

Machi/Motoko:

- meh

I’m not fond of the way PriYuki Club treats Machi so that’s gonna be a no from me.

[vaulties]

my parents keep making fun of me for asking them to bring me food (I'm quarantined in my room and literally cannot go in the kitchen)when I'm "not moving" and "not burning calories" and?? can they please chill I'm already stupidly stressed that I'm gonna put weight on and also my blood sugar keeps plummeting to the point that I'm getting dizzy if I turn my head too fast. I only have 3 days left of quarantine but I am genuinely on the verge of tears I'm so stressed about missing uni and just. everything

[anderson-residence]

I mentioned to my mom a few days ago that the 2 year anniversary of a game I like was coming up. And today I woke up to find she bought blue cupcakes because you can't have a celebration and anniversary without cake. Today is also another anniversary. It's a hard one to think about but worth a celebration because we got over it together.

It's has been one year since my sickly father fell down the stairs and almost died. But he made it through and he gets to have a memorial day cookout with us today. One that is traditional for the family and that he missed last year because of the accident. I'm very emotional today about a lot of things ahhhha but its good. <3

Also my rp anniversary is coming up soon. June 2018 I started writing Connor and July 2018 (the 3rd to be exact) I made his stand alone blog. And since then it grew to more muses and this blog I have today!

[literaphobe]

okay the thing is... i truly believe that b99 started slipping up in season six because the cancellation, following renewal, and sudden order for five more episodes by nbc put a lot of pressure on those in the writer’s room. they had a lot on their plate, there was a lot of anticipation for this show that was saved in one day, that nbc wanted badly, and they simply didn’t have the same afforded time that they did before. so it’s only logical that they’d put out something “problematic” here and there. i believe the writers of this show are coming from a good place. they are human, they make mistakes, they make jokes about things they aren’t well-versed enough in to know it’s wrong to do so. they don’t do as much research before tackling certain topics, they likely didn’t consult the right people to know that certain plots and situations should’ve never been written in the first place.

so of course i don’t think that people should rally for this show’s cancellation or stop watching (if you feel that way however, i will not blame you). all in all, this show is trying to set a higher standard as much as they can, there is no one season of this show that doesn’t have spectacular episodes, that doesn’t make important statements, that doesn’t entertain. but that doesn’t absolve the show of anything. if they mess up, if they have the wrong take, if they make offensive, hurtful jokes, they aren’t “safe” from getting criticized just because their status quo is that they’re socially aware. one episode on racial profiling for example, does not excuse the effects of another episode that showcases a cop (a white one at that) abusing his power to get someone deported. so, what should we do as fans who care about other fans and audiences? we listen to the communities and people affected. sometimes, it truly does not matter how you, an individual, perceived certain scenes. while they need not be punished in most cases, shows have to be held accountable for their words and actions. the media has a direct influence on things that happen in our world and is not meant to be taken lightly. this includes sitcoms, such twenty minute cop comedies, so kindly do not whine about how it is ‘just a funny show’. and please, be understanding, especially when you see various fans react negatively or even somewhat violently on these platforms. there is no need to engage, you can feel free to stay away from these people temporarily or permanently if you so wish. sometimes affected communities need time to get their bearings and collect themselves before they can be at all objective or calm in their criticism moving forward. bottom line is, do not condemn these people, or accuse them of making fandom spaces a toxic/unsafe space as it is very insensitive. thank you all, hope this helps

[peachcott]

fave mobert characters? why are people horny for reigen?

reigen & teru!! shimazaki also goodpeople are horny for reigen bc, in his own words, the truth behind one’s charm is kindness.

reigen is introduced to us as a sweaty conman and a bad liar, and an all-round dumbass. he’s likeable, but not like,,, hot :”) but then this greasy fraudman comes out of leftfield w a bunch of Good Personness.

the more you watch, the more you realise that reigen isn’t just conning susceptible victims out of their money; he’s preventing gullible people from being taken advantage of by other “””psychics””” by taking their cases and actually solving their problems (just not in the way they thought they needed). 

+ there’s his relationship with mob. reigen is responsible. we see it first in the vase scene, where he deals with the pair trying to con mob. he dispatches them, and it’s a fun scene, but more importantly it exemplifies his reliability. he’s an adult, and mob can depend on him. we see it again in 7th div arc (and then latter on in world dom especially, but also [manga spoilers!! final arc])

by seperate ways, it’s pretty clear that reigen is, at heart, a good person. except for the part where he’s, uh, shamelessly exploiting this 14 yr old. so then it’s time for the arc. the depth. the growth. i could write whole essays on seperate ways, but my point amounts to this: seeing a character acknowledge and work to overcome their flaws, and then continue to improve on them for the rest of the series is exceptionally endearing!!

thats why people are horny for reigen! also bones draws him like that.