#so first of all I'm fine.
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#so first of all I'm fine.#second of all I don't know if that's a lie or not but like. by some stretch it's gotta be true#so it doesn't count as a lie to my code of honor.#anyway. I keep fucking losing it y'all#I.... even now on depression medication I'm still breaking down what feels like fucking daily#it's just in different ways#crying harder than I have in a while and feeling more panicked about than like I'm releasing emotion#it's more distant but for some reason it's. easier to conceptualize uh#....tw here for like self harm and suicidal thoughts don't read the rest of these if you don't wanna see that#some reason it's easier to conceptualize the idea of. cutting myself? it never felt like a possibility before#id think about it and know I'd never do it. but. now....#.....i can't help but find myself wondering if it *would* feel good. to hurt. to see my own blood#........there are so many people who's lives I've touched that would be saddened if I were gone but#it's.....harder to use that to ground myself. to pull myself away from the thoughts of just......#..........stopping#ending everything. i dunno. fuck.#....a few weeks ago I found myself wanting to roll out of the moving car and could feel myself able to#reach for the seatbelt buckle and the door handle#........im not okay and honestly I don't know if I care#sometimes I do but when I feel like this it feels impossible TO care#it feels so distant. i feel so distant. I feel so nothing and so bad at the same time#i feel so fucking ugly#so much self hatred rearing it's head where I thought I'd gotten past it#i have a therapy appointment at the end of March and I'm not sure if that's soon enough.
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Missed drawing these two too
Bonuses
#rendoc#still thinking about them a lot#always#hermitshipping#sorry for the weird empty area in the first one. It was my attempt to make it take up less of people's timelines#this art is so embarrassing lol but man I like when Doc's drawn as a big goat man I have no defense I plead the fifth#or well at least it becomes embarrassing when its. shippy#whatever Tumblr people are usually cool so here goes!!#I am 99% a fluff and hurt/comfort person. Idc how frisky these guys get in fanon all I can ever think of is fluff sorry#Also contemplated implementing Doc's accent into the dialogue but I am forever paranoid of offending someone lol#idk how to write accents etc but you guys will make it sound fine in your heads I'm sure#hermitblr#tubby art
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hewwo
#stargate sg1#stargate atlantis#neko atsume#almost cried drawing that cute little fucking tac vest on jack btw. look at him.#not in love with all of the atlantis team especially rodney and weir and tela i fuckim struggled with them#like i'm happy with how they look it's fine but short of sticking a maple leaf on rodney or something you know#it's the props#i couldn't figure out how to make who they were obvious. idk man they're cute and i know who they are I guess. felt the same with sam tbh#giving her a little math sheet felt a lil cheap but you know what it's done i'm not gonna keep workin on these the gateroom killed me dead.#also i woulda done the other sg1 members that show up later but I haven't gotten there yet in my watch-thru.#like i saw them as a kid when it was airing on tv but not yet while actually paying attention to things like the plot#my posts#my art#stargate#the sg1 one was done first so that's why i didn't end up putting a lot of detail into the planet they landed on vs how much detail#i had to keep leaving out of the fucking got dam gateroom why is there so much detail in that room hey guys what the hell is up with that r
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i recognize that simon and edwin meeting and parting in hell is narratively very good and provides closure for all. but imagine if simon had agreed to try and escape with edwin. and charles doesn't have time to really question it, because anybody who likes edwin is aces in his book and it's hell, they need to leave. (edwin, out of courtesy to their third companion, puts his plan to confess on hold until they've escaped.)
suddenly the edwin harem of "supernatural boys who all hate each other but are attracted to that negative rizz" gains another member, and at some point edwin is going to have to mention that simon was the boy who sacrificed him to hell.
the chaos. crystal's bitchy commentary. charles going from friendly smiling to clutching his cricket bat. niko's whispering "200k slow burn schoolboy rivals to lovers" with heart eyes. it'd be chef's kiss good. edwin fleeing to his books and praying that nobody, but especially not the cat king, finds him because there has been SO MUCH emotion already. hysterical.
#dead boy detectives#edwin's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard#and he's like 'this is incredibly inconvenient. we must be getting on with our investigations'#charles: is there a convenient sea monster around? that solves all my unwanted guest problems#jenny: nobody expects me to be a queer role model to them right?#jenny: because fuck you all if so#niko: i have so much manga that can do that for you#jenny: ... you know what? it's fine. i'll do it#jenny: first things first#jenny: do NOT treat niko's manga as a how to be gay guide#jenny: do NOT let her matchmake#jenny: and do NOT think that means it's fair game to be a bitchy old queen at her#edwin in the background: i would never! niko is a delight and a gift and i'm happy she's here#jenny: because unlike you free-loading fucks niko pays rent on time and in acceptable currency#simon: why are all the cats glaring at me?#crystal: i need popcorn for this#night nurse: [full scottish outrage] why are the lost children multiplying? i sent you to hell not a bloody football pitch
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!
Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*
Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!
#original#the last unicorn#tlu#peter s beagle#molly gru#schmendrick#schmendrick the magician#two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol#because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb#the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE#mostly zoro's blades from One Piece#normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and#then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU#and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele
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i'm going to pass out i never thought i needed Agatha in old money preppy clothes until i saw this
#the woman is so fine#for god's sake#she's giving gossip girl downtown abbey#also billy looking all preppy 😭#on another note: i'm sure sharon will end up so fucked up after this challenge#i bet it's their first challenge once they get into the road and i'm so excited to see it#agatha harkness#agatha all along#kathryn hahn
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Just two siblings back from the dead, hanging out, totally not using this opportunity to torment one another for the rest of time! <3
Chara Week Day 4: Flowers
[Image Description: A digital drawing of Chara and Flowey from Undertale. They're on the Surface, with grass and trees and mountains stretching out behind them. Chara has golden flowers clustered around their left eye and speckled in their hair and on their hands. They're kneeling on the ground and smiling wide, holding Flowey's flower pot in one arm. Their other hand is outstretched in front of them and holding a camera. Flowey has a red bow wrapped around his stem and stickers in the shape of hearts, stars, and smiley faces decorating his pot. He looks annoyed as Chara leans their face in close to his to take a photo. /End ID]
#chara week#chara week 2023#safeutdr#undertale#chara dreemurr#my art#flowey#undertale flowey#undertale chara#chara undertale#flowey undertale#chara#there were a lot of things I could have done with the flowers prompt but I wanted to do something more wholesome than my last post#plus this was the first thing that came to mind. flowey is a flower. and I usually draw Chara with flowers all over them post-pacifist so#it's like the golden flowers became a part of both of them after they got resurrected. ✨symbolism ✨ idk.#the stickers on Flowey's pot are courtesy of Frisk. they like decorating everything with stickers#also. sorry for giving every character I draw black nail polish. it will happen again. </3#i'm not super satisfied with the background of this one because I was pretty lazy with it and it doesn't mesh well with the foreground#buuuuut I'm fine with it because I don't want to spend more time fixing it. and it's like. fine. just not as good as it COULD be#also I'm new to writing image descriptions so if there's anything I could adjust/describe better let me know#I just thought I should try adding one when I can#🌼
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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Blood sugar levels (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#And implied Isa and Mira from offscreen but it's fine lol#Kinda sorta spoilers in the tags be warned#Man these poses were fun to draw - hand poses and body and ah <3 Fun!#This was one of those comics that came to me pretty much fully formed and then I had to do it - it was very fun which I'm very glad for!#Probably the funnest were the first - third - and fourth panels :D#The way their cloak falls around them ah pretty <3#That big spooky eye hidden under the brim of their hat <3#That one was really fun to edit too :D Writing [FAILURE] elsewhere on the page and then overlaying it :) Fun!#I wonder if Siffrin would die of starvation faster than normal due to the [redacted]#And since that would kill him it'd make him loop back - even tho it's also somewhat powered by food?#It's curious! I like it :)#I imagine his innate magic also powers it somewhat but hmmm recursive#Not that he died here anyway :) One of those fun ones before Loop spells it out for him :)#I have to wonder if All those loops we don't get to see are mundane hmm ♪ How many of them are forced out of Sif's mind so we as the player#Will just never know ♪ I suppose we'll never know! Haha#The exhaustion of having to keep his body running it's really the depression simulator#Sif :( They're gonna worry about you anyway!#It's amazing what our minds just refuse to process when we're in The Sads™ haha
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Makin our way
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#I was so scared to use any allies I didn't want anyone to die#I also didn't know what half of all my new resources did#This last portion of the game is really cool from a story standpoint and a bit frustrating from a gameplay standpoint#Had to throw our a globe of invuln immediately bc Orpheus kept getting targeted and I've never used an illithid before LMAO#Gale was off somewhere else casting firewall and generally having a bad time#But yeah I'm a resource hoarder so I just...called the hellriders when things looked bad and didn't use anyone else for these first fights#it was fine we're all fine#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#croissant adventures#tav#prince orpheus#lae'zel#hellriders#shadowheart#comics
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thinking about,,, drunk sneezes
not only the possibility of sensitivity to wine/etc itself but just. the alcohol fuzziness meaning maybe they let a sneeze creep up on them without noticing, and the lack of inhibitions meaning they let it out without any shame they may usually have..... maybe even being more dramatic than usual, louder, bending at the waist, dazed after.... accepting care they may usually deny because they are drunk and happy and vulnerable
#i'm fine i'm normal#snz kink#snz fet#alcohol tw#(???)#of course i am thinking about modern au hc because i am nothing if not a one-trick-pony rn#xl watching him go all loose and fuzzy with delight and then he starts /sneezing/#hooh boy#also tho i am having THOUGHTS about canon t/gcf 👀#iirc in japan saké is often used in purifying rituals#i'm not as familiar with chinese culture so idk if rice wine is used similarly there#but the idea of a purifying/blessed alcohol that has adverse effects on ghosts..... hello#(xl brings it home wanting to try alcohol again for nice reasons for the first time!)#(he doesn't know that it's a fancy ritual wine! what does he know!)#(they drink it together! WHOOPS! what could be happening? >D )#alright. doffs my clown hat. shutting up now. have this
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watch now on prime
#leon's assigned instagram sales pitch being the part where they talk about how boring they are and how in love he and connor are...#i'm fine it's all fine#mcdrai#leon please#the rituals are intricate#connor please#i still can't get over the gay awakening photo footage my GOD#the shot of leon watching connor at that first practice...#also so much THIGH here and the content for the foot guys#rich texts#why did tumblr nerf the qualityyyyyyy
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WIP panels
#my beloved 2013 laptop died last winter#my new one works fine but almost all my brushes/drawing programs are too old to carry over#which was so frustrating i really haven't drawn in a year!#i'm getting over it the way i got used to my tablet in the first place - drawing a comic#it will be some time till it's actually done but these panels turned out nice#and i feel like i'm finally reaching the same level of competence with the new stuff that I had with the old#my art
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i love fingon so much just. he's so good and so reckless and he loves so fiercely it makes him do the most stupid shit, and in turn no one ever quite puts him first. I'm going to eat glass
#*mine#tolkien#the silmarillion#silm#fingon#turgon and gondolin. fingolfin and his despair. maedhros and his oath. aredhel and turgon. and so on and so FORTH. and YET#god. godddd#i'm fine it's fine I just need to lie down in traffic for a hot second#not even FINGON puts fingon first. he survives the helcaraxe and goes rescue maedhros#and i don't even mean he handles it gracefully i LOVE the idea of a fingon with a bit of an edge. who jumps head-first into danger#/because/ of all this. no one quite cares all that much cleary so why should he. he just wants to feel something so he might as well do som#unhinged fucking shit. move move move then at least you don't have to think so much#just. do you GET IT#screaming crying pls ignore me#these tags are a mess but this is what my brain has been like for a week straight so. yk#just. my guy :((
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imagine if sif was having a period during the loops and didnt notice until after act 6
daily 16.5: me and my stupid blinding looney tunes gender be like
#hey i know this is personal. but fun fact: i didn't notice when i was on my first one#yeah i somehow powered through that. just oblivious as all hell. don't know how i didn't really notice what was going on#and yes i still have trouble differentiating them from stomachaches at first. so i can believe this happening#yes i saw you sent in two suggestions. yes i'm taking them as suggestions. yes i am drawing them both. can't stop me teehee#and finally yes i AM going to tag this as spoilers. it's without context but like daily 16 it's minor enough that it's fine to post#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time siffrin#isat fanart#siffrin#isat#isat siffrin#siffrin gimmick blog doodles#siffrin gimmick blog suggestions#can u tell i really like big unhinged grins :>
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