#so by god i’ll give them better
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claudia x abigail manifesto
listen okay
so claudia (iwtv) and abigail hobbs are narratively very similar right- they both doomed by the narrative, shoved into the middle of a toxic relationship that will destroy anything that comes between them. they both are daughters, forced to perform a role for far too long. they are both smart and manipulative and dangerous but somehow never the main characters, never the masters of their own fates.
however, they both are such different characters in fascinating ways- claudia revels in killing; abigail loathes it to the point that she convinces herself that she had no part in it, it scares her. claudia kills lestat; abigail agrees to help hannibal. (both acts of self preservation, but in wildly different ways) claudia sings in defiance; abigail bares her neck in obedience.
so i had a thought. what if claudia survived the théàtre des vampires. what if she came back to the states. what if the hannibal plotline took place in the 1970s rather than the 2010s. what if abigail and claudia met. what if they fell in love. what if they committed patricide. x4.
what if…
completely unrelated but my ao3 is shrike_seventeen :)
#abigail hobbs#claudia eparvier#hannibal nbc#iwtv amc#lesbians#yes i know they’re from entirely different pieces of media but i don’t care#let’s make shipping fun again#make shipping fun again 2024#my little darlings#they’re both so ethel cain coded as well#and they should kiss#do they need to go to therapy or do they just need to kill their dads?#look i may be delusional but i have a vision#they deserved better#so by god i’ll give them better#hannibal show#nbc hannibal#hannibal lecter#will graham#this is my life’s purpose#i was put on this earth for this reason#if no one likes this i’ll cry#my magnum opus
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Doomed by the narrative - Doomed by her parents
#I’m sorry for this#but I am so fucking angry at them right now#it was about Louis guilt it was about lestat fear of being alone#her turning wasn’t about her#interview with the vampire#iwtv#iwtv s2#iwtv spoilers#spoilers#iwtv s2 spoilers#claudia#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#baby I’ll give you my surname you deserve better#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#jacob anderson#sam reid#isn’t having a child the most selfish of all selfish acts#delainey hayles#armand#assad zaman#iwtv edit#iwtv gifset#tvcentral#god I’m so mad#original p.#iwtv gifsets
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You know, I feel like Kratos forgetting Calliope’s song was a wee bit harsh on the part of the writers.
I think his explanation of how he would’ve given up everything for a few moments more with his daughter, but when he met Faye, found the world worth living in again, would’ve been enough. Imo that illustrates his journey well in of itself.
To add onto that that when he found his new family, he could no longer recall Calliope’s song (played on the flute he made for her)…I dunno, it doesn’t make me think, ‘oh look at Kratos’s growth and development’ as I’m sure the writers intended. I understand the symbolism they were aiming for, but honestly it just made me sad
It’d be different if he was struggling to remember just due to the passing of time, but the fact he says he forgets it specifically after meeting Faye changes the meaning imo.
Kratos could remember his daughter’s song - presumably her favourite, that she played often, if it stuck in his memory - just because he loves her. To remember doesn’t intrinsically mean he’s haunted by it. memories of, and a love for, his Grecian family isn’t inherently negative, or something that has to be ‘let go of’ for him to progress as a character.
#like she’s his *daughter*????#I just feel he could remember the song and the message still works fine#he can reach a better place mentally. it doesn’t meant he has to give up or forget the vestiges of his Grecian family#he can still love them#their memories don’t have to be inherently a burden#and tbh i feel like it’s sometimes assumed he loves Faye and Atreus more. but like. can’t it be equal? does it have to be competitive?#all four of them are wonderful!#but anyway#in my headcannon he still remembers the song!!!#he loves that little girl so so much! I’ll die on this hill!#Kratos#god of war#he also loved Lysandra very much. as seen in the books and the game#‘No matter how many women I find. they all remind me of her’#… crying in the club rn#:(#god of war dlc#god of war ragnarok#calliope#god of war valhalla#Lysandra#god of war lysandra#god of war Ragnarök#god of war calliope
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Hey, look guys, more art-
HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]
#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
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I genuinely can’t fathom how people who have never had a problem with food (restricting AND overeating because both are serious issues) view it. Like tf do you mean you get hungry after two hours? One of my siblings is onto me because I went like 6 hours without eating but like…that was because I wasn’t hungry???? On the flip side, I’ve noticed that I just keep fucking eating when everyone else has stopped. Free breadsticks at Olive Garden? I’ll eat them until they’re gone. Need something to do at a party? I’ll get seconds even though I’m not really hungry. I was never really an emotional eater aside from a few hatred-induced binges last semester at college, but I’m definitely a bored eater. Combine that with the fact that my parents don’t cook, so the occasional meals I had with my family all together were fast food/restaurant food, AND that all other nights, I was left to rummage with no supervision through the pantry to eat processed food in front of the TV/my phone for dinner, it’s a miracle I didn’t get fatter sooner.
#Every damn day I envy 12 year old me at 5’4 (not done growing yet) and 104 pounds when my weight wasn’t a thought in my mind#Like girl I know your biggest concern rn is when the Steven Universe hiatus will end but you wasted so much potential 😭#I wish I had been like a dancer or an athlete or something in my K-12 years so that I enjoyed some form of exercise#But I was so uncoordinated and athletic from being both a premature baby and just never getting into the habit#That I felt (and still feel) rlly insecure exercising with/around people#Plus now if my sibling hears that I’m working out or want to they go into panic mode thinking I’ll get a diagnosable ed and die 🙃#Yeah I love them and all but they’re that person that had ana for like a year (giving me diagnosed PTSD in the process)#And now thinks that my disordered experience must be exactly like theirs—like if I maintain the loss of weight I genuinely needed to lose#Or god forbid ever develop an interest/willingness to work out more#It means that I have severe fucking ana that I need to be hospitalized for like they were#And I have had full blown breakdowns wishing I was as sick as they got so they had better shut their damn mouth#Sorry to spam the tags y’all#4n4rex1a#tw ana diary#4n4t1ps#4n4 thoughts#🕯️ as a 🪶
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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god bless sundrop for being the most mischaracterised guy ever
#non of you guys get him like i do#since ruin everyone is making him like 10000% sassier. and he is sassy but my god#fandoms cannot have a personality trait in moderation they gotta crank it up a million gears or give them a new one#better than pre-ruin. i’ll give you that.#sundrop#know that this take is not too serious if you are characterised sundrop this way. so be it#but i will prevail
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i finished hsmtmts. no notes i literally cried at the last episode this season was like actually the best i think.
#like i used to be a certified rina anti but i have CHANGED my ways#they were so in love and soulmates i wanted to CRY.#but s4 has what i call gotg 3 + spiderman nwh syndrome where it’s undeniably an incredible work but i cannot bring myself to watch it again#because i’ll start sobbing every time#like i can watch gotg 1 and spiderman homecoming and hsmtmts s1 over and over again no problem because they’re silly and fun!#but not s4. oh god.#i knew caswen wasn’t gonna be canon but they handled ej’s storyline so well i wanted to sob#he deserved it after the shitshow he dealt with in s3#also when he kept saying there’s so much he would’ve done different??? GIVE EJ CASWELL MORE HUGS#him and ricky’s bond was amazing as well#also. he was the first one ricky told him that he loved after he decided to start telling the people in his life he loved them. do with that#what you will.#BUT AHHHHH#this season made me love gina a lot more#it girl fr#SHE DESERVES IT ALL!!!#ngl i was scared she was gonna turn down the movie to stay with ricky but im so glad she just convinced them to film in salt lake instead#also ricky. love. what are we doing with a 1.0 in SENIOR YEAR.#his ass better be so glad he got a college acceptance#also KOURTNEY. her story#I LOVE HER#she is actually kind of me coded ngl#also the themes and messages this season in general???#felt like a deep personal attack as someone started their upperclassman high school years#also it was just very sad because like i kinda grew up with this show yk?#i remember watching it on my dad’s old desktop in seventh grade with my brother’s friend’s disney plus#sobbing#now look who is gonna be an 11th grader!#ive changed and grown so much since then and these characters have too#it was an honor to grow up with them
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What’s the appropriate way for me to respond to customers handing me religious pamphlets/cards? I’m not worried about getting fired btw.
#sorenhoots#I was considering eating the pamphlet but that isn’t fun in practice. only theory#I considered crumpling it up and throwing it in their face but that might count as like. attacking lol.#like I have so much to say. maybe I should just vent at them about how Christianity left me broken and hopeless and [redacting details].#not for their benefit. just to drag them through my incredibly painful emotions. maybe to make them suffer with me. maybe just to vent#without worrying about how my vent will impact them.#the first one took his card back when I said no. the second left his pamphlet and the TONE he used when he told me to read it. THE TONE.#was like a parent telling a toddler to eat their vegetables. ‘we’ll give it a try. it’s good for you. it’s got good stuff in it’#god I wish I had facial recognition so I could refuse to check him out next time.#the first guy has a memorable appearance so I’ll never check him out again.#but that fucking second one. ohhhhh I was so mad. I went on break and went straight to the warehouse#to break down boxes for the bailer. exercise is very regulating for me! I felt much better afterwards#BUT I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING NEXT TIME. either funny. or scathing. or rude as all hell. or anything.#anything that will let me feel like I have some control over the situation. I can’t make them take back their pamphlet… well I could. lol.#Sir do NOT leave your trash here. I am not a trash can. you can throw it away down there#where our trash can is located.#anyways another guy tipped me $2 so that was real nice
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One of the older women I sometimes sit with at the synagogue this morning apparently has ten relatives who are apparently missing. The rabbi said she thinks they might be hostages. Her mother died a month ago. The other woman I sit with always stands for the mourners Kaddish, and when I saw them last they were holding hands
#personal#i just. I don’t know how to hold the suffering of this community. In my brain. I want to convert. I feel safe and happy when I’m with them#But god if I don’t feel so young and useless talking with them these days.#I can’t even give them the understanding bc I’m a gentile. I don’t know the issues like they do. I can’t even say the prayers right#They like to tease me for mumbling my way through the hebrew prayers. It’s my Midwestern accent to them#delete later#dont rb. I just. Man.#I couldn’t stay for Torah service today. I was rattled by the prayer and I needed to do stuff today.#It feels so childish to wish for peace and it feels so hypocritical to want a world without violence when I’m such an angry person myself#But how am I supposed to feel when a woman who sent me home with a plate of brownies the night I met her bows her head in prayer for the sa#Safety of relatives in a war zone mere weeks after she finishes the mourning prayer for her mother who escaped the holocaust#I am twenty two and not even very good at it.#And every week I sit with a bunch of old women who have more scars than I’ll ever count.#I don’t know. I’m rambling because the fact that having ten relatives missing is just. Unfathomable to me.#When Ukraine got invaded we at least were able to account for my friends family with relatively less trouble. Not that it was better. I sti#Can’t read about Ukraine for more than three minutes#But I could keep the scale in check to stop the worst spirals#I want to be a pacifist. I want to make the world better. But I’m barely keeping myself from drowning just as it is.
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It is Day 1 since I stopped playing Obey Me! :’>
#aaahh this feels weird#if you previously read my vent post. then aahh the decision has been made#we shall see if this is a permanent departure or just a brief hiatus like with twst#ndidsbsjsnsis it’s just sad that i have to say goodbye to a game which previously gave me so much serotonin and laughs#on top of a nice routine during the pandemic#i still love the characters and will continue to enjoy their fan content#i just wish that solmare made better use of them and their stories#funnily enough. i do have a demon! simmy fic in my drafts which gained more bullet points after s4 so#who knows?? maybe i’ll write for that fandom again#god this feels breaking up with eleven men + giving away custody of one child sksksk#aahh anyway i shall utilize the free time which was once occupied by obm and nightbringet#no more gacha burnout at least#lezgoooooo#jessamine rambles
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HES HERE!!!!!! The chase Ver of Law is also on the way and just wait till i finish customizing him he will be beautiful 🥰🥰🥰🥰
#I glitter a ton of funkos#He’s going to be so flashy!!#My glittering is was better than the diamon funk is and I’m very bitter about it they’re a big company they could make them better#Just wait you’ll see#Unhinged hobbies#Idk guess that’s the hobby tag#It’s one piece related but not fic or art so#Just had had had to share this before proofing my Shachi content for the day#Sooo excited#wish there was a Shachi and Penguin funko 😭😭😭 oh my god is there bepo I haven’t seen him#Will have to find other figurines of them#Or make my own#I’m not the best sculptor I’ll have to give it a couple goes if I have to 😭😭😭😭#Anyway
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Oh god I just opened safari on my phone and all 241 tabs of AO3 are gone
What am I supposed to do with myself
How do I get them back
#No actually does anyone know what to do in this situation I’m freaking out a lil bit#big bit#actually going to start crying in about three minutes if I don’t figure out something#maybe just open up random fics in the meantime so I won’t see the barren wasteland of my broken dreams#will opening new tabs confine me to whatever hell this is though#where’s my blorbos#WHERE ARE MY BLORBOS#bring them back#god don’t play with me tonight#I haven’t eaten in hours and I’m one tick away from feral#do not test me against the gods tonight#I will take only one prisoner#and only so I can ask some /friendly/ questions#okay but actually I have like five followers and I hope to god one of them knows how to help#or can say oof same it gets better#I should’ve switched to Firefox months ago when bee told me too#this is karma isn’t it#listen to your best friend when he’s giving advice#or I’ll snatch your fics#can I tag this as dp x dc#I don’t think so#but that’s what a good 40ish of my tabs were#mmmmm frothing at the mouth#I never understood what the meant before#god I need to go eat some cheese or something#maybe that’ll make it better#I’d touch some grass but it’s cold#and I don’t wanna touch grass#I wanna read about my time travel some more please#I don’t know what anything is called!!
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Might just pass the fuck out actually
#it has not been a good day. the first thing i had to do today went badly and i’m not looking forward to doing the second thing#and it’s hot and my house feels like a soup and my knee is acting up so i’m essentially walking like i don’t even know what#i was going to say frankenstein’s monster but i don’t even know if he has a limp#i wish the lecture i have tonight wasn’t the FIRST one in the course. if i’d already done a couple i feel like it’d be more acceptable#for me to email the lecturer or the guidance person or somebody and be like ‘hey chief i had an absolute disaster this morning.#is it okay if i take a personal day to cry into chinese food and try to drown myself in the bath? i’ll watch the lecture tomorrow & recap’#but i haven’t established a reputation for showing up & being competent yet#ugh and i looked on the website and the cohort is exactly 8 people which… idk what i was expecting but why must it be small#if i get asked to introduce myself i’m just going to cry on camera#god i bet i do get asked. that’s going to be fucking horrible#‘i’m ellen; i don’t work anywhere because i left my first shift at my new job in tears today bc i almost fainted because my knee decided to#give out; i know enough html and css to know that this course is going to kick my ass. i’m also learning python#because my friend roped me into it. also sorry that i’m eating right now but i decided there was no way i was getting through this class#without ordering fried rice. i don’t know why i’m here. nice to meet you i guess’#i’m so hungry but i don’t want to eat anything because i want to order food. but also. do i have the mental fortitude to talk to someone#on the phone. but i don’t have the mental fortitude to cook either…… it’s a big problem#ultimately cooking would be physically harder but i would also get my food sooner. calling them would be mentally harder and i would get my#food later. ohhhhh god and i just remembered this other takeaway place that opens at 4:30 (💖) but they’re CLOSED ON MONDAYS#i guess there’s also the chinese place in the village. AND their prawn toast is better. and they open earlier and deliver super fast. 🧐#i might just order beef fried rice from them and whatever happens to me happens to me. (i have a beef intolerance lol#but they cook their chicken in a way that makes it really chewy. it won’t make me sick or anything; never has before; but it’s not the vibe.#it’s chinese food cooked by english people. that’s the problem. the prawn toast is good though)#anyway! for personal reasons i will be passing out#personal
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🧠🔫🧿
#get up get up get up#get going get going get going#get doing get doing get doing#get out get out GET OUT#SAVE YOURSELF#FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING DOES NOT EXIST IN THEIR CONTROL PRIDE MISERY ABD FAILURE#LIVE YOUR LIFE#FUCK THEM#THEY WILL ASK YOU WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING THEYLL TELL YIU TO BE QUIET YOU DID YOU DIED NOW AGAIN SPIRIT DEAD#I WILL REVIVE AND RESURRECT MYSELF THROUGH THE GUIDANCE OF GOD AND THE DESTRUCTION OF MY SPIRIT BY THOSE WHOVE CARED&LOVED ME & MY OBIDENCE#GET THEM OFF OF ME#I AM ME#I KNOW WHO I AM I KNOW WHO I COULD#BE#GET AWAY AND OFF OF ME NO COMMENTARY GIVE ME FREE#I DONT CARE ABOUT MOTHER OR FATHER OR FAMILIAL OBLIGATIONS#30 years and instead of help saving her family I wish I’d gotten thee fuck away#fuck saving those lepers those leeches I don’t even look like them my mom doesn’t even look like them#if my saving myself fails#I’ll burn their villages down while their stood in it or drain my blood of this dna and genetics#I love you mom I’m sorry you had to live so miserably I’m sorry I couldn’t make it better without signing my life away to your ways and plan#I wasn’t listened to or protected at 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 from the evil inside your people culture religion and tradition and community#at 31 32 33 34 you said I was the cause of all of it bc I didn’t listen#I listened for four years and it is only this month that I see why I was the victim of so many insidious permissible bc of country#it is bc of her blind loyalty love and survivors remorse trauma and willful ignorance and power and control and shame and optics of public#a public that prayed on her downfall and talked about her in disrespectful ways in their mother tongue in front of your only child as child#lolllllllllllll#I pray I redeem my spirit these past 4 years#I pray I save myself from this misery from this attempt at providing happiness stability saving#Godforbid I fail I pray for the courage to end my life before being forced to give it.
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Feels so weird to watch ppl celebrate the imperial core making their own lives safer while ignoring how the countries they exploit for their way of life in their backyard are actually in the middle of trying to avoid reliving their (imperial core supported and run) dictatorships lmfao
#so glad to be back in the motherland but also its like…. lol. i literally never want to go back#it feels so fake to be there when so many ppl there will actually never even give a second thought to anyone outside their own worldview#my vaguing politics is how u know im abt to go on a 25 hour trek back to the political center of the motherland#but im still like wow… so happy for you lmfao. now which of these ppl has committed to not exploiting#the countries you have been exploiting since their inception ☺️ oh..? none of them huh.#thats cool. anyways please go in this room i promise its not a saw trap.#like lmfao…. watching u guys continue to kill ur most vulnerable but im happy u feel better about yourself while they continue to kill#basically everyone else as they always have. but u dont and have never cared abt that so i’ll just stay on my mountain lmfao.#like damn im happy u think posting on tumblr and then not doing anything until the next election will save democracy#none of you actually understand anything you are talking about ☺️ but yesssss#ignore all the actual work and organizing that happens all year round to claim that anything but agreeing with you#is right wing extremism and facism lmfao. literally hope everyone [REDACTED] like god. i need to never go back lmfao. everyones the same#the political instability your country brings to mine got a 15 year old on his way to school in my province killed.#you will ignore this to make yourself feel better as the situations in the countries you have never given a scnd thought abt only gets worse#and you claim that the choice you are making is the highest level of moral superiority while you stayed silent on the actual ways to make#change before now. but like lol…. just keep ignoring it and making strawmen to argue with like u always do#and the rest of the world will have to live through the horrors as they always have to.#you know maybe she was right.#when you have to begin to experience even a fraction of the unrest our country puts others through#do not come#v.txt
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